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Ain’t no hurricane gonna blow Rush down.

Hurricane Matthew is a big, scary storm, and it is bearing down on Florida. Zombie-faced Florida Gov. Rick Scott is telling people to evacuate, saying this storm “is going to kill people.” So we imagine Rush Limbaugh, a Florida resident, is doing all his hurricane preparations right now. He’s likely digging ginormous holes in the ground for all his Oxycontin and Viagra, so it’s safe from BIG WIND, and we bet he’s also doing his best to board up his house so Obama’s frothing hordes of lesbian farmers don’t pull up in tractors and steal it from him while he’s gone.

But Rush is also dispensing some wisdom to America in advance of the storm, and it is that hurricanes are a big liberal lie, just like global warming:

This has been a serious storm from the get-go, and I have perfected being able to analyze how hurricanes are reported.

Is it something about fresh-faced weather guys and gals standing in waders in the middle of the storm while palm trees are blown to bits, so Ethel in Nebraska has a visual aid to understand WTF a “hurricane” is? NO, it is something different:

I’ve become an expert in spotting the politics in hurricane tracking and hurricane forecasting. And by that I mean people that work at the — the National Hurricane Center is part of the National Weather Service, which is part of the Commerce Department, which is part of the Obama administration, which by definition has been tainted just like the DOJ has.

Follow the bouncing wingnut! Hurricanes are connected to the National Weather Service, which is connected to Obama, who is a Muslin from Kenya who hates America, right? Obviously ISIS made Hurricane Matthew, in its dad’s garage!

And we know — in fact …. Obama is telling — Obama is actually telling people that global warming, that climate change is having a very profound impact on the war on Syria. The war in Syria.

Droughts. Insane droughts, which are happening more and more because of climate change. It’s not that complicated, but it’s probably above Rush’s pay grade.

It’s tactically absurd, and there’s now a story from the Pew Center for people in the press showing that a majority of Americans do not believe the consensus of scientists predicting that there is climate change.

Wonder why an impressionable majority of Americans doesn’t “believe in” climate change, when ALL REAL SCIENTISTS agree on it. It’s almost as if those idiot Americans are being influenced by ignorant-ass opinions from dickholes like Rush Limbaugh. HMMMM.

Well, the left doesn’t like that, so they keep ramming it down our throats. So with hurricane tracking and hurricane forecasting, I’ve been able to spot where I think they might be playing games because it’s in the interests of the left to have destructive hurricanes because then they can blame it on climate change, which they can continue desperately continue trying to sell.

WE LOVE HURRICANES. We get naked and jump up and down and frolic around because WHEEEEEEE! We just know that, while the big storm batters Florida, a Rush Limbaugh devotee is huddled in his Motel 6 in inland Georgia, crying chunky tears, because he thinks maybe the liberals have been right all along. When, sobbing, he utters the words, “climate change is real I guess,” all left-leaning voters spontaneously jizz on each other, because our wicked plan is coming to fruition.

What, you didn’t get invited to the big exciting hurricane jizz party?

The problem for them is after Hurricane Katrina. Remember, Al Gore goes out there, and all these people start saying this is just the beginning. And this is just, I mean, tip of the iceberg. We’re going to have these kind of hurricanes every year — numerous hurricanes, and they’re going to be more destructive than Katrina, and it’s all because we’ve got climate change. And what happened? We had 11 years of no hurricanes — 11 straight years of no major hurricanes striking land in the United States, which just bores a hole right through the whole climate change argument.

Actually

So over the recent past, five or six years, whenever there has been a hurricane, I think I’ve been able to spot when they try to make it look like it might hit a population center because they want people to think this way: Hurricane reported. Ah, must be climate change! They want that thought process. And one of the ways you can bring that about is to try to convince people that a given hurricane that may pop up is aiming right for a major population center. It’s kind of like UFOs. You know, UFOs never land where there are smart people. UFOs always land in trailer parks and places.

Bet Rush Limbaugh’s listeners mail him lots of UFO snapshots.

You ever notice that? UFOs land in swamps. They land out where nobody lives. They don’t go to MIT. They don’t go to Harvard. Well, a hurricane hitting a swamp is worthless to the global warming crowd. A hurricane has to hit a population center. Well, this hurricane there has been no politics. This is a serious bad storm.

Wait, it’s a “serious bad storm” and yet liberals aren’t doing “politics” to it? We must be off our game. There’s always next time, though, except there won’t be a next time because Al Gore is fat.

(Florida Wonkers, we do hope you are evacuating right now, even though we are liberals who love hurricane destruction because it helps our agenda.)

[Media Matters]

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  • Vienna Woods

    Who?

  • mml1996

    WRONG, RUSH

    IZZ BECAUSE GOD HATES FAGS.

  • JVisconti

    Fear not Rush, with Hurricane Matthew, we are just 2 letters away from Hurricane Oxycontin.

    • Historicat

      But will we get to Hurricane Rentboy?

  • Nounverb911

    The good news is that Mar-A-Lago is directly in the path of the hurricane… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/09092b4e59ec582ffb59cd6deb69600b14348f3ffd0bca129329eabe5da732b8.jpg

    • jmk

      The bad news is that Mar-A-Lago is not all that far from El Dad’s humble abode…which he has filled with veggies, nuts, water, and books with which he intends to hunker down for the duration of the storm.

      • Nounverb911

        Mine are about 10 miles away also, too.

        • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

          Wishing safe hunkering for all parents.

          • jmk

            Indeed.

        • jmk

          I hope they’re all stocked up and safe. Apparently, gas, bread, milk, and water are all now impossible to get.

          • Deplorable Ron

            And that was BEFORE the storm began.

      • Dr.Zoidberg

        Oh, I hope your dad will be ok.

        • jmk

          Thank you – he’s pretty good with storms. Stays put, prepares judiciously, doesn’t freak during the worst, deals very calmly with the aftermath. As long as he has books, he’s good.

          He’s got a full tank of gas, also too, so if he needs to get out, he will.

      • Creepoman

        Maybe Drumpf’s wall of hot air will force the hurricane back to sea.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well, if it comes to the worst-case scenario, at least the goober Fla. looters won’t be interested in veggies, nuts, and books.

        • jmk

          The fierce mother and daughter duo who moved in to his late third and best wife’s old condo next door adore him, and would fight dragons to defend him, so I’m not worried one tiny bit about that.

          Also too, the dude works out daily and is pretty danged fit for a 77 year old, and, if nothing else, his gift of gab will talk them out of plundering his veggies.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Good to hear…and nice about the books. That said, I hope Jesus chooses not to punish homosexuals too badly and the storm isn’t a devastating one.

      • Good_Trouble_Yall

        You needn’t worry. Hillary has this hurricane targeted like a laser right on just the one specific spot.
        (on a serious note, best wishes for everyone’s safety)

    • DC Madman

      Trump only put up $2800 in his cash when he bought it. Someone else will be the loser.

      • Nounverb911

        Trump bought it from the Feds, so America is the loser….

      • Celtic_Gnome

        But you know who’s name’s on the beneficiary line of the insurance policy. The Trump Foundation pays all the premiums.

    • Ergoetal

      Please make sure you save the prettiest women! The others, not so much.

      Thanks and Best Wishes for the storm,
      DJT

  • Ezio

    What is it with right-wingers acting so smug when natural disasters happen?

    • JVisconti

      FEMA-phobia?

    • akita96th

      Yeah those right wingers have no problems holding out their hands for tax dollars so they can rebuild them beach mansions when Hillarys made to order hurricane destroys the bastions of conservative theology…..They can always find exceptions for getting help from tax payers but only when it effects them everyone else can fin for themselves.

  • goonemeritus

    It is regrettable that fat people tend to float rather than sink.

    • PortageeJoe

      Like turds in a septic tank.

      • ibwilliamsi

        The bigger the turd, the higher in the tank. That explains Rush & Zimmerman at the top of the tank which we call “Florida”.

        Speaking of Zimmerman, why hasn’t he endorsed Trump yet? It wouldn’t be a “surprise”, per se, but it is October.

    • Creepoman

      Bring things to a boil and the scum always rises to the top.

  • DC Madman

    I’m not sure we can pry that ‘gays cause hurricanes’ thing out of Pat Robertson’s cold dying hands.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    What the fuck did I just read? When did Rush slip over into tin-foil-hat territory?

    • Nounverb911
    • jmk

      Seems to me that Rush has lived his whole life in tin-foil-hat territory.

      • Nounverb911

        Rush went to college on an ‘ALCOA’ scholarship.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      No shit. I used to listen to him back in, like, the early 90s, and he was certainly a RWer, but he wasn’t a full blown conspiracy theorist. WTF, Rush? WTF? You don’t have to compete with Infowars, ok?

    • akita96th

      Rush makes his money pissing off liberals and making the conservatives pat him on the back…He is an entertainer for the stupids ..pays good…..Thats why he does it….I dont think he actually believes the bile he preaches ..He sits back and laughs at it…Then he uses his free time to think up more outrageous shit to say to get liberals back to yelling at him and conservatives praising him….Me I just dont pay attention to the idiot fku tard he is a phony.

  • Joe Beese

    Now that he’s on to us, there’s no reason to hide any more.

    Go, storm! Kill! Kill!

  • Nounverb911
  • tehbaddr

    Again with the throat cramming, you’re supposed to sip Hurricanes through a straw dumb ass!

  • PubOption

    11 years with no hurricanes? Let’s see what Rush was spouting in 2012.
    http://www.politico.com/story/2012/11/limbaugh-media-ignoring-sandy-impact-083419

    • SmokinGood

      Doesn’t count. Because Reasons. And snowballs.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait a second. I thought Hurricane Matthew was Hillary’s cunning plan to wipe out Mar-a-Lago.

    • msanthropesmr

      I thought it was cause God hates tacky.

    • Deplorable Ron

      No, Trump is Hillary’s cunning plan to wipe out Mar-a-Lago.

  • ibwilliamsi

    I’m pretty sure that there are a few people in Florida that no one but their ex-wives and other creditors wouldn’t miss, cough, cough, Rush Limbaugh & George Zimmerman, cough…

  • SmokinGood

    Winter Is Coming Libtards. WHERE IS YOUR HURRICANE GOD NOW?

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Damnit, I thought God’s wrath because of the homo buttsech was the reason for hurricanes, but now I find it was a tool of liberals all along? Or is God a secret liberal? Crap, theology is complicated.

  • Ricky Gay

    “ramming it down our throats” – always with the ramming. They oughta just relax the larynx and shut up already.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rather than trying to make sense of that mess, Imma just leave this here:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/220f674cbc127fd18ecc9bff0aa91bc2d67026531cef1903f2b079408a8f1355.png

    • The Wanderer

      Yay for Brolly Bunny!

      • theCryptofishist

        appropriate for the hurricane.

  • The Wanderer

    I was so disappointed when the alleged pederast and HIllbilly Heroin aficionado (allegedly!) didn’t move to Costa Rica. I even offered to help him move.

  • Señor ThatMexicanKing

    It’s kind of like UFOs. You know, UFOs never land where there are smart people. UFOs always land in trailer parks and places.

    #1) Thanks to you there are a hell of a lot of poor, ignorant people in this country.
    #2) Aliens know humans are dangerous beasts and avoid population centers.
    #3) Smart people still enslave and dissect aliens to learn how we can best defeat them in the inevitable upcoming interstellar war.

  • Nounverb911
    • LesBontemps

      and always appropriate.

  • TJ Barke

    How does his brain manage to keep him breathing?

    • Deplorable Ron

      Habit. Rush knows ALL about habits.

  • cousin itt

    Rush: “See you people, the eye of a hurricane is like its anus and its liberals who love a good, tight Dominican eye wall.”

  • Gosala the kitten zombie

    Latest forecast from NHC has Matthew skittering up the coast and then circling back So we may be having this discussion all over again next Tuesday.

    http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at4+shtml/094542.shtml?5-daynl#contents

    • Antonin Dvorak

      With any luck it will weaken significantly when it shoots out to the Atlantic.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Then it will get over the Gulf Stream and re-intensify.

      • Gosala the kitten zombie

        That will depend on the upper level sheer.

        Still, we can hope

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I don’t have time to read this. I gotta go conjure up a tornado to prove a point to some jackass in Tulsa.

  • cleanfront

    Damn it.
    Rush got to the third chapter of the Saul Alinsky Playbook.
    After the hurricane the lesbian farmers take over.
    Fresh Lesbian Fruit will then be in every public school!
    Somebody get him more Oxy so he doesn’t read more!

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “You know, UFOs never land where there are smart people. UFOs always land in trailer parks and places.”

    Dude, who do you think your listening base is?

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    It’s kind of like UFOs. You know, UFOs never land where there are smart people. UFOs always land in trailer parks and places.

    Which raises the question – why are aliens subjecting your Dittoheads to anal probes?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Answer: Because they know better than Rushbo where those Dittoheads have their brains? (Too obvious? Sorry)

  • FlownOver

    Blowhard is blowing. Hard.

  • mancityfooty

    “What, you didn’t get invited to the big exciting hurricane jizz party?”

    No, but I’m coming anyway.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I thought he’d sworn off the hillbilly heroin?

  • bubbuhh

    I was gonna list the “Florida” named storms for the past 10 years, but there were too damn many.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Florida_hurricanes_(2000%E2%80%93present)

    This year, for instance, there have been 3, not counting Matthew, including Tropical Storm Julia, the first ever named storm to form over land (AKA Florida) on record.

    • AngryKatie

      Nothing to see here, everything is normal, this has always happened, natural cycle, grrbledrbble….

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Why do stupid people not believe in global warming? Here is an example of a deniers mindset – and Bill Nye’s wonderful response…

    https://youtu.be/RWW2z-yAQpQ

  • Nounverb911

    BTW. Has ‘Governor’ Rick Scott evacuated yet?

    • bubbuhh

      He’s too busy writing oxycontin type prescriptions for the legislature to evacuate.

    • AnOuthouse

      every morning like clock work. He’s very regular.

      • shastakoala

        Too bad he doesn’t get out of bed first.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Why would he have to? Vampires can’t drown.

    • grindstone

      Eh, I know you’re being facetious, but Tallahassee isn’t in the path, so likely not. We on the west coast will only start to worry when this thing loops around, joins up with tropical storm Nicole, and backhands us.

  • Belasaurius

    maybe I don’t take enough painkillers cause I had to read that like 9 times to follow his “logic”. I do like the bit about lesbian farmers, though.

  • glennisw

    Always with the “ramming it down our throats”. He really digs that.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      If listening to right-wing rhetoric has taught me anything, it’s that they have a massive fixation with oral rape. And that Freud was right.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      You know it! I went to dinner in a non-southern state and they brought me some kind of brown water with no sugar in it! SWEET TEA IS THE ONLY REAL TEA1 I had to ram my tea agenda down the restaurant’s throat.

    • Meccalopolis

      It’s throat rammin’ time!

  • limberrat

    This Hurricane HAD to be named Matthew. Dammit!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I assume hurricane limberrat would be equally vexatious to you…

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Don’t worry. After “Matthew” will come “Mark,” “Luke,” and “Duck!”

  • akita96th

    And Rick Scott will be the first one to ask for federal dollars to rebuild the damage…..Now Rick we cant be wasting them pesky old tax dollars fixing up things in your state when you have all these boostrapers living there….Show us how real americans deal with disasters…Pull your selves up and fix things with out using tax dollars….COME on show us how…

  • cousin itt

    And why are there no himmicanes? A hurricane named Matthew. Storm gender is under atrack, you people!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Back when they first added male names to the female ones, in the late 70’s (I’m dating myself again), the first few were labeled “himmicanes”.

      • Shangenda of Shanocide

        Etymology! What the hell IS it?!

        • mancityfooty

          the study of insects?

  • zerosumgame0005

    actually back in the late 70’s when I was going to college in mid-Minnesota I lived across from a park with lots of big trees, and combined with warm summer rains I would do this thing. I would take off all my clothes then cross the street to the park and wait for cars to come by when lightening would flash. I would then pose like I was throwing the thunderbolts :) never caused a crash but a LOT of startled drivers LOL! yes I was a real dick as a kid!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Can someone remind me again just what it is about global warming that engenders angry fits of hysterical delusion in wingnuts?

    • Belasaurius

      they want Jesus to destroy the world instead of us doing it.

    • cousin itt

      Carbon cult?

    • jmk

      Don’t you DARE tell them they can’t exploit shit to extinction!!! Gawd gave the Earth to people to do whatever the fuck they want with it, and if it starts to get wrecked, that’s just his plan and you and your LIEBRUL regulations can’t stop that!!! And why do you hate gawd??

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Maybe you’re right. I do know that God created Arches and Canyonlands National Parks so that His favored children would have a nice place to destroy with ATVs and to deface ancient satanic petroglyphs, so there’s that.

    • TJ Barke

      They think it’s a conspiracy to implement the new world order and exterminate undesirables.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Deplorable!

        • TJ Barke

          They all believe environmentalism is some sort of anti christian cult.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Anyone who tries to restrict their God-given right to do shit like this is the enemy.

      https://youtu.be/gd5p7k0qCl4

      This is ‘Murica, dammit!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        But Volkswagen say it passes the emission tests.

  • proudgrampa

    I always think that top picture looks like someone rammed something up Rush’ butt.

    • Tony Alexander

      hannity’s tongue!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So, situation normal?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Thank you, my latest Rentboy!”

  • AnOuthouse

    Rush thinks people who report UFO’s are nobodies who live by swamps. That’s pretty condescending of him. I hope Mathew crushes his richy-rich, elitist, smarty pants mansion.

    • theCryptofishist

      “Royal Palm” street. Nothing Nouveau Riche about that.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I love hurricanes because of all the sweet, sweet money the gov’t hands out afterwards.

  • Paperless Tiger

    UFOs always land in trailer parks and places Scotland.

  • Tony Alexander

    i wish no man or woman ill will, however, since rush is neither; fuck him!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    A hurricane, to paraphrase Thurston Howell III, is just a “big bag of wind”.

    You know, like Flush Limbaugh.

  • RobKanC

    Just what I have been saying for years now. Obama is in cahoots with the Illuminati and they have been using Chem trails to offer sacrifice to Zeus and Jupiter who churns out hurricanes like this. It’s all one huge conspiracy to take down the Christian god and discredit Christ.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Some of his supposed “followers” are doing their damnedest.

      Jesus wept.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You missed the Elders of Zion. No wingnut Bingo! for you.

      • RobKanC

        no. I did not. They only come in the next stage when they will send the seas to drown the coastal cities.

  • OddMan

    Holy shit Rush, you are really stretching for a topic today. One must really work hard to make weather a political topic.
    “Wind is coming out of the North today.” “God damned Yankees.”
    “It’s gonna get hot tomorrow.” “Fucking Immigrants from Central America.”
    “It’s gonna get cold tomorrow.” “Assholes from Canada”

    “Hurricane may hit Florida.” “Democrats!”

    FFS

  • Indiepalin

    Will impeachment hearings for Hurricane Mathew be next?

  • beatbort

    I read through this whole thing, wanting to understand, really wanting to understand.
    But now I have a raging headache and must go take some Advil.

    • LesBontemps

      Take the Oxy if you want to understand Rush.

      • AngryKatie

        Take the Oxy after hitting yourself in the head with a hammer a dozen or so times.

    • Nockular cavity

      Seriously. He makes as much sense as Trump at this point.

  • LesBontemps

    You know, UFOs never land where there are smart people. UFOs always land in trailer parks and places.

    Careful there, Rush; that’s your audience demographic.

    • clairence

      proudly ignorant. it was a compliment

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Next Rush will be telling Nevadans how to pronounce “Nevada.”

  • exinkwretch

    I always expected that Rush would be marginalized someday. Never in my wildest dreams would it be because there would legions of pundits that were even bigger whack jobs.

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Rush misses the halcyon days when people actually listened to him, when his bloviating mattered. He has to take more Oxy every day, to dull the pain of his increasing irrelevance – not to mention the pain in his hips, ankles and knees, destroyed from carting all his avoirdupois around for decades. And now herricane Hillary is about to sweep through. It’s not easy being Rush…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Q. How is a hurricane just like a redneck divorce?

    A. Somebody always loses a mobile home.

    • therblig

      i laughed and upfisted, but must defend the beautiful, intelligent, and compassionate ms. blig, who grew up in a house trailer. i think it depends on where they’re parked.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I know, and sometimes I feel like a dick for making jokes like this. One of my best friends and musical pals lives in a trailer…albeit it one he has transformed over to the years into quite the palace.

        • therblig

          whenever blig jr uses the “R-word”, we remind him that half of his dna came from northwestern PA. his response usually never gets beyond, “yeah, but…”

  • Taco Treg

    “I’ve become an expert in spotting the politics in hurricane tracking and hurricane forecasting. And by that I mean people that work at the — the National Hurricane Center is part of the National Weather Service, which is part of the Commerce Department, which is part of the Obama administration, which by definition has been tainted just like the DOJ has.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6dfabe8f57146a9b3a581e998503af794582a8b837642b0192ac48d56e7fa05d.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, E=MC2 doesn’t affect the bottom lines of those in the fossil fuel industry.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’m firmly on the side of E. MC2 is a liberal plot.

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      E=MC2 is so far over the heads of the kinds of chumps who deny climate change it is nothing but a whooshing sound.

      • theCryptofishist

        Actually, they like it ’cause

        ATOM BOMBS! ‘MERCA!

    • Snark Tank of Deplorables

      With all due respect to Dr. Tyson (or is it Dr. DeGrasse Tyson?), people do choose sides over other issues. Like, f’rinstance, evolution. And whether we’ve really sent men to the moon. (FTR, it’s real, and yes, respectively.)

  • clairence

    All mockery aside, how the heck does the East coast vote when it’s been devastated by at least one significant hurricane?

  • DainBramage

    Hey Rush, like gravity and evolution, climate change doesn’t give a shit about your belief.

    • ez

      Gravity groans and Evolution just sighs when ever they get together and the topic of Rush comes up.

  • Michael Smith

    Wow, I thought he would argue that the hurricane is because Obama is soft on terror and refuses to call terrorism terrorism.

    Missed opportunity.

    • Land Shark with a Vagenda

      Check his Twatter later today …. I’m sure Trumplethinskin will do us proud! ‘Murrika! Fuck yeah!

  • AngryKatie

    The only way his argument works is if liberals are somehow causing a historically unprecedented storm to form and then scrape off all of FL’s eastern coast so we can prove a point.

    Rush, If we could control the weather, trust me, we’d use our super powers more intelligently than that. It’s conservatives that behave like unfocused toddlers when they want something.

  • Me not sure

    I hear that Rush has a mansion in Palm Beach. Maybe this is all liberal-caused weather manipulation, after all. Hunker down, Rush.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wait, he’s saying there are smart people at Harvard and MIT?? INPEACH!!11!1!!

  • arglebargle

    I read the to 50 comments and no one blamed the gays yet. C’mon people.

    • tihond

      They’re more to blame for the soil.

    • Big Boppa

      Someone on Shoebat’s home for insane gerbils has posted that today but I can’t locate where I read it and I won’t go to the actual Shoebat site because I just had a shower.

  • shastakoala

    If Trump becomes president (not!) he won’t allow hurricanes. He doesn’t look good in wind storms.

  • DainBramage

    Is there a conspiracy theory yet about us libtards launching weather control satellites, so we can warm the Earth? Seems like a logical next step in the madness.

    • Big Boppa

      Chemtrails. The all purpose conspiracy theory.

  • Okay, we confess. Michelle Obama is really Storm.

    • tihond

      While Trump is Sturm.

      • therblig

        or Professor oXy

      • Kooolest G

        I think trump is actually strom, as in thurmond, as in trump is using thurmond’s platform from when he ran for president in 48.

      • TakingAmes

        Und drang.

  • MississippiLefty

    “We’re going to have these kind of hurricanes every year — numerous hurricanes, and they’re going to be more destructive than Katrina, and it’s all because we’ve got climate change. And what happened? We had 11 years of no hurricanes — 11 straight years of no major hurricanes striking land in the United States, which just bores a hole right through the whole climate change argument.”

    11 year? Um, Hurricane Sandy? I think that was a pretty big one…

    He is not, I hate to say it, entirely wrong, in the sense that the link between climate change and hurricanes has been overstated by the lay press. It’s actually: climate change makes the water warmer which makes better conditions for hurricanes. No one (except deniers) doubts that. But it’s way too complicated a system to say climate change = bigger hurricanes, and nobody said there would be “numerous hurricanes” that would be “more destructive than Katrina” every year.

    Moreover, one of the major factors in whether hurricanes are “destructive” and how destructive is coastal development, which is not about the climate as such. If the 1926 hurricane that hit Miami hit today, the devastation it would cause would make Katrina look mild. That said, coastal developers ignore climate change at everyone’s peril.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Statistics and probabilistic forecasting, how does that work? There is a 100% probability that Rush is a fucking moron, with no uncertainty

  • Big Boppa

    …big exciting hurricane jizz party

    Must be theme of next Wonkabago meet-up. Make it so.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I’d like to vote that motherfucker right in the dick. Rush, you fuckstick, do you recall Sandy? I bet Governor Type-two Diabeetus remembers that one..
    tl;dr Rush==Fuck that guy

  • Wild Cat

    I’m of the firm belief that science should be rationed to the Left and leeches and water sticks should be rationed to the Right. (Sorry, Limbaugh, no Viagra or Oxy for you, but your medicine man may have some rhino-horn for you next time you take a sex trip to the DR.)

    • theCryptofishist

      I hope that’s rhino horn in name only.
      Not enough rhinos.
      *sad face*

  • chortlingdingo

    What is the far right’s obsessions with throat cramming?!

    • Wild Cat

      With Limbaugh, it’s usually anal cramming. I think he was molested by his father.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Ew.

  • cheetojeebus

    A large apple, about a gallon of olive oil and a whole bush of rosemary. The problem is keeping the fire low and cooking for a long time, Else it’ll taste like crap and be as tough as an old shoe. Take your time and it’ll be passable. Should feed about 50 maybe 60 people. The craklin’s will keep the dogs happy.

  • beingreleased

    Luckily this hurricane has a male-name so that people will take it seriously:
    Female-named hurricanes kill more than male hurricanes because people don’t respect them, study finds
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2014/06/02/female-named-hurricanes-kill-more-than-male-because-people-dont-respect-them-study-finds/

    On the other hand, my name is Matthew and no one takes me seriously.

    • Last Hussar

      My middle name is Matt, which is apt, because if you lay me right to start with you can walk all over me for years.

  • tihond

    Do you think Trump is getting his playdoh trucks ready?

  • rocktonsam

    has mush brought the cabana boys from the storm yet?

    • theCryptofishist

      Servant class. they can stay outside.

  • Callyson

    This man believes that liberals have found a way to create hurricanes.

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be head-desking in the corner…

    • HAARP – know what I’m sayin’

    • Paganish

      The aim on this technology requires calibration

  • Crystalclear12

    Checks mailbox. . still no invite.
    Damn Democrats can’t organise anything.

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s a phone tree. Let me guess, you got rid of the land line.

  • hendenburg2

    Silly Rush Limbaugh, we can’t cheer for the hurricane to kill anyone.

    After all, it’s Hurricane Matthew, not Hurricane Votes

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    Lessee, first, climate change was a scam perpetrated by greedy & unethical researchers, who possess omerta to make the mafia envious. Then it was the Chinese. Now it’s “the left?” I guess our highest goal is to have everyone drive zero-carbon cars & are willing to mount a huge scam to gain that? Dang, we’re good. I’m buying Tesla stock.

  • chascates

    Lucky for Rush shit floats.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, yes we liberals sure want hurricanes to kill everyone. That’s why out
    congresscritters are always trying to keep government spending on science and regulations to the barest minimum levels.

  • Adventure49

    If the forecasts are correct, Rush Limbaugh’s house on the beach in Palm Beach will likely be under water by this time tomorrow.

  • Bemused

    Wait. I thought it was the evangelicals that love Hurricanes because they are just God’s way of pointing out and punishing the sinful, right? Maybe the sinful are really living in the swamps and the National Weather Services is just pretending they are in the cities? IDK. It’s hard to keep up with the conspiracy theories, especially when they contradict each other.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m sure the Sky Daddy is just itching to smite something, right??? …what with all our gaysexualisms and interracial gendersexes that us godless liberals are shoving down throats…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        *pants heavily, fans himself*
        Did it just get really hot in here?

  • Keep safe all

  • baconzgood

    What the fuck is he talking about? Can someone translate that from wing nut to English for me?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      He’s trying to say that the National Weather Service hypes-up hurricane forecasts as part of the nefarious liberal plot to convince people to not burn fossil fuels in comically-large trucks that are decorated with Confederate Loser flags.

      • baconzgood

        I still don’t follow you on this one.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Gosh, and I took two years of Deranged Gibberish back in high school…

          A bit of help, anybody?

      • Scot Fourowls

        So true, Kiri, about much of Rush’s audience who drive the gas-guzzling huuuge trucks usually occupied by one dude and bearing a Confederate Loser flag in the rural parts of the deep south red states. Nobody who hasn’t experienced it first hand could believe it’s the same US as, say, LA, NYC, Miami, Minneapolis, Chicago, Des Moines, Austin, Atlanta, or even a western red-state city like Phoenix. There’s a casual racism still reminiscent of the 19th century in the rural south. Not only backlash post-slavery against African-Americans and refusal to face white complicity even by non-slave-owners, but the virtual genocide against the Cherokee indigenous people alongside white male conscription of “squaws” and the forced production of mixed race children. (And no, to all “good ole boys,” when people of color mention that white supremacist people like y’all are casually racist about people of color, that doesn’t make us racist for talking about it).

        It’s a short step from denying racism to denying the reality of climate change that might stop the huuuuge gas-guzzling trucks from rolling for the warped fun of waving those Confederate flags in everybody else’s faces.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Okay, I was just going off on a tangent for comedic purposes, but you raise an interesting point about the overall denial of reality that is exhibited by some of our fellow citizens.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    We make fun, but the damage these people do to the body politic is criminal.

  • jesuswasablack
    • Bigby

      Kind of interesting that on Google Maps, that address is a bank and a law firm.

      • Amalga

        Probably his mailing address; c/o his lawyers.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    One of my more “conspiratorially-minded” FB friends posted that what she sees on her weather app on her phone doesn’t show ANY hurricane like she sees on the teevee. Someone pointed out that there are different layer overlays you can add (wind speed, precipitation, RADAR). The others are all on about how this looks like it is HAARP-related.

  • Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe that wishing that his house (and only his) is destroyed by the storm violates the rules for commenting radicals.

    • phoenix00

      With votes. See there, all within the rules.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “What, you didn’t get invited to the big exciting hurricane jizz party?”

    I got my invite, but all my output is being packaged up in juice boxes as part of the nefarious liberal plot to turn kids gay.

  • The Witch of Endor

    “(Florida Wonkers, we do hope you are evacuating right now, even though we are liberals who love hurricane destruction because it helps our agenda.)”

    I’d like to echo this thought. Please, everyone in the path of the hurricane, be safe.

  • theCryptofishist

    Shouldn’t there be a sign outside the broadcast studio–You must be this SMRT to enter?

  • edith prickly

    What the fuck is he even talking about? I don’t speak Advanced Wingnut.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I think maybe something about Climate Change is a hoax so there are no hurricanes but Liberals want us some climate change damage so we made this one out of hot air and bad intentions.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    I hope EVERYONE is OK in the Southeast. And I would remind them that God sends his messages in ways we need to be aware. In this case, a little reminder about that racist, fascist support of the orange one is kinda sinful.

    • phoenix00

      … that makes god a fascist racist! What a deplorable!

  • Deplorable Ron

    Rush, dear, just climb back into the dumpster your career has been occupying lately, okay? You are WAY past your best-before date.

    • phoenix00

      Implying he as “best” at any point in history

  • AJ Milne

    Jes’ sayin’, I don’t judge…

    … yeah, if I woke up discovered I were Rush Limbaugh, I’d probably need oxies too.

    (As to what the hell he thinks he’s saying this time, can’t help ya/don’t even.)

  • TakingAmes

    I’m confused. Does reporting on a hurricane make it hit population centers? Do liberals have a weather machine, like China? I can’t follow his argument.

  • It’s always “ramming it down our throats” with these people. . . It’s like they have some sort of strange obsession, or something.

  • janecita
  • SpaceCaptainWarlock

    Rush’s job is to come up with rationalizations for things and whacky theories that the fat, old white people that listen to him can use to feel better about being terrible people.

  • Beulah

    We had 11 years of no hurricanes — 11 straight years of no major hurricanes striking land in the United States, which just bores a hole right through the whole climate change argument.

    Um…
    New York was severely affected by Hurricane Sandy in 2012…

    At least 53 people died in New York as a result of the storm. Thousands of homes and an estimated 250,000 vehicles were destroyed during the storm, and the economic losses across New York were estimated to be at least $18 billion.

    • BrianW

      Yeah, but it hit New York City, which is known to be liberal. Yes, it also hit New Jersey, but EVERYONE knows that Chris Christie isn’t really a conservative anyway. Hey, rationalization is easy!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Math is for commies.

    • Mezzaluna

      Also Hurricane Irene made a mess out of the middle of Vermont and killed 4 people in 2011.

    • Jen B_VA

      There has in fact been a damaging hurricane every year. Some more some less, but this is a thing that happens every friggin year.

    • pixeloid

      Rush doesn’t seem to understand that the United States is only a small part of the planet. The rest of the world is getting plenty of hurricanes/typhoons/cyclones.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    So substitute “terrorist attack” for “hurricane” and you pretty much have the game plan of the Agent Orange campaign.

  • whitroth

    Please, please, if there’s any justice in the Universe, let Matthew take out the big fat cheese.

  • Relativicus

    Me, I’m just waiting for Matthew to finish up and head out to sea so I can hear which state’s devastation is worthy of FEMA funds and which state’s devastation we don’t have the money for.

  • Candy Apple

    Stand by your convictions, Rush, and shelter in place. With votes.

  • lovelydestruction

    “It’s tactically absurd” or technically absurd …maybe tacitly, Rush, you ignorant hole.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I actually WAS invited to the Leftist Climate Change Jizzathon, but I had plans already. Thanks, though guys, I hope it’s fun!

    • phoenix00

      I came I came!

  • CATMAN

    I guess Rush will get to find out how hurricane proof his beachfront mansion in Palm Beach really is now that there will be a real world test

    • Beowoof14

      And his radio studio is just down the road, hopefully it won’t suffer to much damage.

  • whitroth

    Time, I guess, to plug an old book of a sitting Senator (Franken), who wrote Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot.

  • Mezzaluna

    Can NOAA please “lose” (by lose i mean intentionally take out of orbit) one of its satellites on Rush’s house? For science of course. This bozo gets more repulsive and idiotic every time I see him.

  • Lindas1st

    “big wind”

    ISWYDT

  • Mezzaluna

    I thought the real reason liberals were liars and hypocrites about global warming was that Al Gore still drives a car and uses airplanes.

  • MAZS

    What I do know is that representatives of Northern States (read, liberals) will approve emergency relief for their Southern brethren—unlike what happens when the roles are reversed.

  • Gentle Robot

    How many fucking coastal swamps are there?

  • William R. Mosby

    His house is right on the beach in Palm Beach. For the next few hours, anyway.

    • m3bosha

      That was my thought. And isn’t Trump’s Mar – whatever just down the street? OMG! Total liberal weather control conspiracy! Takin out two turds with one storm. HA!

  • JParkerSD46

    No hurricanes in 11 years. Thanks, Obama.

  • Poly_Ester

    Is Rush hunkered down in Palm Beach or on 5th Ave, NYC?

  • Jen B_VA

    Jesus fuck, he has gone from insanely annoying to fucking dangerous now.
    Fuck you, Rush, preying on these idiots to make a buck, putting people directly in harm’s way. FUCK YOU

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Poor Rushbo. Desperately treading water in the pool of crazy where he used to be King. Alex Jones, Steve Bannon, they’ve sucked up all the oxygen because they’re on the internetz where all the kids are. The kids don’t listen to AM talk radio. That’s the world of the Social Security crowd and, well, they’re dying. Fast in some cases.

    • Mike Steele

      RWNJ gabfest playing in background: “Whatya listening to?” “Local curmudgeon station.

  • pixeloid

    “WE LOVE HURRICANES. We get naked and jump up and down and frolic around because WHEEEEEEE!”

    To be fair, I kind of do that. I don’t get fully naked, but when a typhoon comes, instead of fighting it, I head out in river pants and sandals. Makes a simple trip to the convenience store an adventure!

  • pixeloid
    • And that’s why the sea is salty! All the gay jizz that gets washed around after the cruises… and the angel tears.

  • Jack

    I found this story by reading Raw Story where it was linked. Maybe CNN will start using Wonkette as a source in the near future? Real News for real people, what a concept!

  • WTF did Rush Limbaugh say? Did any of that have any meaning? Is he really asking why UFO’s don’t land on the hurricane watchers in the middle of a hurricane or was it that UFO’s cause hurricanes when they land? Or maybe he meant that hurricanes are aimed by the Pope at population centers so liberals can sell the advertising rights? What?

    • JCfromNC

      I’m not entirely sure, but I think he’s saying hurricanes are sent by aliens and controlled by liberals to only hit major population centers because the Chinese are trying to fake evidence for global warming?

      Oh, and he snuck something in about how his listeners from trailer parks are all stoopids, but it’s okay because he’s pretty sure they’re not bright enough to connect the dots.

      ETA: Oh, wait — the Chinese thing is Drumpf’s. I guess for Limpballs it’s Gore that’s faking the evidence.

      • Al Gore’s Chinese UFO’s are creating hurricanes at the behest of liberals so that they can destroy America, hunh? Who woulda thunk? Thanks for clearing that up for me. You speak Limbaugh real good.

  • Tokays_don’t_blink

    If “the liberals” really wanted the hurricane to kill err’body, we’d just stop forecasting and tracking storms.

    Go away Limbaugh, you bloated bloviating sack of bile.

  • Poly_Ester

    This make Pat Robertson’s claim that he prayed a hurricane away from Virginia look sane.

  • CarolinaStewPie

    I’ll bring the Cherry Jello filled supersquirters to the Hurricane Jizz party! Who’s bringing the Giant Rush shaped pinata filled with oxycontin and underage Latino boys?

  • Mike Steele

    Why Rushbo, you portly old scamp, you… misleading your devoted fanbase who know full well that nature’s little anomalies are created by an omniscient, omnipresent vindictive force – other than yourself – in order to purge the earth of infidels. Hell’s bells, boy, don’t you know anything???

  • Mike Steele

    BTW, Rush… Palm Beach was essentially spared. god just called; he wants his ‘talent’ back.

  • meanlawyermom

    I am in the path of Matthew, but was luckily spared. My neighbors not so much. It is heartbreaking and anyone using it for political fodder is disgusting. I still remember tuning in to talk radio the day Katrina hit New Orleans, trying to get news from any source, and unfortunately being subjected to Neal Boortz’s radio show. I will never forget hearing Neal Boortz bloviating about how this storm was nothing because the pictures showed nothing was a problem. His producer or someone told him the pics were stills and then he said, well, whatever, it shows it’s nothing. They are all wimps.

    I already had plans to travel to Texas with a friend to see my relatives, which we did, days after Katrina’s landfall. Everyone I met was horrified about the Katrina devastation, no matter what our political party was, and wanted to help every adult, child, or baby we saw who were affected.

    Anyone who detracts from major storm warnings for political reasons is horrible. Anyone who implies victims were at fault is in the basket of deplorables.

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