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Morning Wonkaroos! We hope you’re well-rested, because we got shit to talk about! Here’s some of the stories yr Wonkette may be pixelating sometime today!

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  • dslindc

    Alec Baldwin did a pretty hilarious job as Trump on SNL.

  • beingreleased

    Eight former crew members recalled that he repeatedly made lewd comments about a camerawoman he said had a nice rear, comparing her beauty to that of his daughter, Ivanka.

    He compared her to Ivanka — that’s the highest praise for a woman he knows.

  • bookish
    • Oblios_Cap

      Hope she didn’t take any checks.

      • revenant

        Wouldn’t it be a crying shame if she got stiffed, after her sterling work to destroy representative government in U.S. Amercia by installing her simian, prehensile boss in the White House

        • PubOption

          It seems that she is being paid with OPM, so she’s probably OK.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Her journey to Trump’s inner circle was circuitous, but profitable.

      “Circuitous, But Profitable” is really the motto of all who make it to Trump’s Inner Circle.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Trump ordered his ‘bots to say he was a GENIUS to pay no income tax. That’s good news for the 47% that Republicans said were leeches for not paying taxes. They have been promoted to GENIUS.

    • mackafritz

      Does this mean Trump is a taker?

      • Oblios_Cap

        taker, thief. semantics.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Trump’s former accountant, Jack Mitnick, worked for a small firm specializing in the taxes of wealthy real estate
      investors and developers. It was Mitnick, not Trump, who mastered the tax law and used it to avoid taxes. Mitnick even told the Times
      reporters that Trump had little interest in understanding the tricks
      that Mitnick used to save him so much money. He just signed where he
      was supposed to sign and that was it.

      http://www.electoral-vote.com/evp2016/Pres/Maps/Oct03.html#item-1

      • mackafritz

        Yeah, I don’t know why people think Trump is a genius. He doesn’t do his own taxes.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          That would require paying attention to one thing more than 5-10 minutes. Unpossible for a Trump.

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        Well see he hired the best people so clearly he is the real genius.

        • data_ninja

          Just like Steve Jobs! /sarcasm

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Trump has more important things on hi s mind: https://goo.gl/images/sOCzlG

        • Oblios_Cap

          Nice!

        • PubOption

          “About a 9. A nose job and some hair dye should get her in Ivanka’s league.”

  • revenant

    is Hair Drumpff still taking donations of piss? I have some i’m not using for anything.

    • beatbort

      I’m saving mine up for his grave

      • Deplorable Ron

        That’s gonna be one long line-up.

      • revenant

        no worries- my sources tell me that it’s a renewable resource

        • Good_Trouble_Yall

          Especially at three o’clock in the morning.

    • Creepoman

      Todd Starnes would like to have a word with you.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Someone decorated Trump’s Yuge, cassy hotel with some sloganeering? I’ll bet he doesn’t pay them for that beautification project.

  • Lizzietish81

    DUCK!

  • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

    MMMM Nature nuggets.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hmmm. “Rage-aholic Man-Toddler” is trending. I simply must rush to check out who that is about because I have no idea – says no one anywhere on our planet.

    • SeeTrain65

      And again, no credit to Quinn Cummings for “Giant Toddler.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    GYYYYYYYYYINA!!!!!!!!

    • mml1996

      HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEE ‘GYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYINNAA

  • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

    What do the candidates plan to do to ensure that Kim Kardashian is safe roaming the streets of Paris?!??!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Invade Iraq

    • Oblios_Cap

      Lock her and Kanye up in a FEMA camp? That would be doing the country a real service.

      • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

        Apparently there are already holes appearing in that story. Not that anybody would ever fake a heist of fancy jewelry to collect the insurance rubles because they were in heavy debt or anything…

  • shastakoala

    Duck Olympics. I give those dismounts a perfect 10!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    My Favorite Facebook Idiot spent the weekend rhapsodizing about the boundless charity of the Trump Foundation, and howling about how the Clinton Foundation is a “slush fund” where 90% of the profits go into Bill/Hill’s pockets.

    This is a person who is legally allowed to operate a motor vehicle, be on the streets at night, and own a firearm. And vote.

    • SeeTrain65

      All at the same time.

      • beatbort

        Yes, but can he walk and chew gum at the same time?

        • SeeTrain65

          Don’t confuse him.

  • Joshua Norton

    ** SIREN **
    .
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d58e4b887272d5e29861d23b668db11703eda04d72926de82fd82c5ee7e3d24d.jpg

    It’s like none of them are even remotely aware that Y chromosome DNA testing is an actual thing.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I dunno – that guy looks a lot like Hillary. Wait – how does this work?

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      I thought that was Obama’s son/brother/father/lover!?? I dunno you know how “those people” all look alike.

      • data_ninja

        Stock photo models?

    • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

      Nice try, but that’s an Elvis sneer, not a Bubba sneer. Better luck next time.

    • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

      Welp that did it. I cannot vote for Hillary because as a wife she should have hunted down the bastard and fed him to her offspring.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      And we wander why these fuckwits live in a fabricated reality. Well reality is going to absolutely bitch slap these assholes on November 8.

  • So, we’re going to get another email leaked that will be nothing special, but that the right-wing loons will hype up as proof that Hilz personally offed Vince Foster while plotting BENGHAZII!!11! and selling baby parts on the international baby part market?

    Oh no, please, anything but that…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      BREAKING NEWS! Leaked Hillary emails show campaign didn’t take Sanders voters 100% seriously, strategized ways to defeat Sanders, but shared many fundamental concerns with his supporters.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        INPEACH!11!!!

        • mml1996

          IMBEACH HERRRRRRRR!

      • Longstreet63

        Apparently, she flatly refused to let the man win!

      • Astraea

        I’m rethinking my vote now. Sanders was never dismissive of his opponents.

    • Amy!

      Do you suppose that Assange is inside his embassy refuge grinding his teeth because he got scooped on the February video thing?

  • beatbort

    I want Alec Baldwin to do all of Trump’s presidential appearances from here on out. He’s more Trump than Trump.

  • beingreleased

    Let’s put this in perspective: In 1995, Trump declared a loss of $916,000,000. That’s $2,500,000 a day, $100,000 a hour, $1700 a minute, or $30 a second every single second of the year. [edit: I screwed up my calculation of how much he lost a second. It is a lot.]

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Trump was told there would be no math.

      • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

        He leaves that to his Jews.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Tough job, as they also have to keep their eyes on The Blacks.

    • mml1996

      Lets be honest though, that 48 cents a minute number would’ve gone sharply up since the beginning of his campaign!

      And that’s fucking amazing..

      • beingreleased

        I completely typed the last bit wrong the first time. He lost $30 a second in 1995.

        • Me not sure

          MATH,…. who knew it would ever come on handy?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I read elsewhere this morning that Assange has cancelled his big performance of Don’t Cry For Me, Hill’ry Clinton, citing “exhaustion” and “Killary might kill me while I make the announcement.”

    • mml1996

      She obviously threatened to slice his teeny manhood up if he did..

      Obviously

    • Bernarda Alba

      Maybe someone pointed out to him that trying to sabotage the campaign of the first female American presidential candidate isn’t the best move as he’s about to be extradited on multiple counts of sexual assault.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’d heard he was going to make his announcement from a balcony (which, WTF? have they cut off his internet?), and I wonder if the local authorities decided that would constitute “leaving” the embassy in a way that would allow them to arrest him.

        • PubOption

          That would depend on the property deeds and ‘the area thereon coloured pink’.

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      There’s getting to be a pretty long list of people I’d just as soon never hear from again, and that weaselly little fucker’s definitely on it. Rather near the top, actually.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        that rapist weaselly little fucker? Let’s make sure everyone knows he’s a fucking rapist.

  • Oblios_Cap

    m I the only one who found Trump’s boast about how he knew so much about the tax code to be total bullshit? People like him hire tax accountants to know all that so they don’t have top deal with it.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It saves him time. Trump knows the most about all the things, but if he did all of the things, he wouldn’t have time to tweet about how good his brain is.

    • Trump is so stupid that I doubt he can figure out which way to hold a newspaper.

  • janecita

    Trump doesn’t pay taxes, but none of his racist minions care. He is “smart” a “genius” for using every loop hole in our crappy taxing system, they only wish that they could do the same!

    • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

      I wish I had thought of the whole ‘losing $900M to save tax money’ dodge. Brilliant!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’m pretty sure I’ve lost $900 million. At any rate, I can’t find it, so that’s the same thing, right?

        • Shangenda of Shanocide

          Exactly! “WTF? I just had it right here a minute ago!!”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I hate it when that happens.

          • Toomush_Infer

            And don’t call me Shirley…

          • janecita

            Right in this $15,000 Chanel bag! Wtf, the bag is also gone!

        • janecita

          Finders keeepers!

          • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

            Why would I want his pants?

          • janecita

            What pants?

        • Longstreet63

          Did you check your other pants?

          • Gayer Than Thou

            What are these “pants” you refer to?

        • Me not sure

          Who hasn’t lost $3 million a day in a boom year?

          • Doug Langley

            It was just in the sock drawer yesterday.

          • It’s behind the couch. It’s always behind the couch.

          • Me not sure

            “I asked Miss Housekeeping to starch and iron those socks….WAIT A MINUTE!”

          • Doug Langley

            “Do these bulging pockets make me look fat?”

          • Me not sure

            Phat? PHUCK YEAH!

    • SeeTrain65

      Because they’re all so certain they’re getting screwed.

      • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

        If they donated to Trump, they are.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s just like Goebbels, except the derpy version.

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      A: “Grr, I’m so mad that my taxes are so high!!”
      B: “But if somebody else was paying their fair share, you’d pay less.”
      A: “Why would anybody pay more taxes? Donald smart!”

    • subatomic

      Like all poor and middle class republicans they are just one lucky break from joining the 1 percenters. This fantasy is what keeps them following an ideology against their own interests. Well, that and cognitive disonance.

      • janecita

        They don’t realize, or don’t want to accept, that they have more in common with the struggling black family down the street, that they do with a man like Trump.

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      If only someone could get them to understand that he is freeloading on their backs. What do they think pays for the roads he uses? the police who protect his investments? the Secret Service men who literally have his back? the airports he bitches about because they’re not all gold-plated? SMH

      • janecita

        They are too stupid to understand that.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        yup, the Clinton campaign needs to just call him the freeloader that he is.

    • Rick Hill

      One of them interviewed said “That’s his past, I don’t care what he did.” they didn’t get the chance to continue and let us know their feelings on the Clintons and:
      Whitewater
      Foster
      Clinton foundation
      Bengahzi
      Emails……

    • SeekingBarbie

      Trump is a genius? Do they really think he is a tax specialist who actually does his own taxes? Or studies and stays up-to-date on the latest tax laws and rulings? That is a full-time job. His complex, sprawling web of businesses would require a firm of tax attorneys, and if he doesn’t have one, he’s A Idiot.

  • data_ninja

    Am I the only moran here that didn’t know ducks have nests inside trees, like other birds sometimes do? Cuz seriously, this has been some sort of revelation to me. I didn’t believe it at first, and was about to call fowl.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Yes.

    • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

      You can look it up on the web, but there are lots of quacks out there.

      • SeeTrain65

        That takes a lot of pluck.

        Stop me before I pun again!

        • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

          Naw, it was a pheasant plucking.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        People who write those stories are all quacks.

      • Me not sure

        Is it in the footnotes?

        • vivian

          Yeah, the web footnotes.

    • SeeTrain65

      That’s a feather in your cap.

    • SeeTrain65

      Humor like this brings me down.

    • bookish

      Raises hand sheepishly.

    • Bernarda Alba

      I’ve never seen a duck in a tree and I live in an area that’s packed with ducks and trees. However, with all the foxes and coyotes around it would make sense not to nest on the ground.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s eider one or the other.

      • Me not sure

        I’ll never teal.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You’re going to Rouen it for the rest of us.

          • Me not sure

            I’m just dispicable.

    • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

      Oh hell son, ducks in trees and on roofs are a common thing round these parts. The wood ducks love to nest in trees,

      http://www.birdinginformation.com/wp-content/gallery/wood-duck/wood-duck-pair-1.jpg

      • data_ninja

        I used to visit this one duck pond in the metroparks a lot as a kid. Sometimes there would be baby ducks, but I just assumed that a nearby nest was close to the water, cuz ducks. But yeah, natural predators and all that (as someone mentioned) it makes sense that they’d be elevated.

        In summary: I should probably go outside and visit nature more.

        • Good_Trouble_Yall

          I lived in a house with a pond in the back yard and there were always ducks. The mama duck would hatch, say, 8 ducklings, and turtles and local cats would get, usually, half or more. This inside-a-tree hatchery is a damn good idea!

          • data_ninja

            Wait, turtles ate the baby ducks??

          • Good_Trouble_Yall

            Yes, unfortunately, the evil fuckers would swim up under a baby and seize it, yank it underwater, and . . . well, let’s just say we had a bounty on the heads of any snapping turtles we saw.

          • data_ninja
          • Suttree

            I hope you made soup out of them.

          • Amy!

            To make the best soup, you have to mock the turtles first. “Think that’s a shell? Hell, Mitch McConnell has a thicker skin than that!”

      • Deplorable Ron

        Which makes sense. But what about the ducks that aren’t made of wood? https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/24/02/74/240274041f4048c122be6a5629f1a689.jpg

      • In Chicago, only ducks we get are in relation to gun fire.

        *rim shot*

    • Lizzietish81

      Clearly you don’t watch as many nature programs as I do

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plmQt2_8rmY

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I watch a lot of art films. Is that the same thing?

        • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

          They can be. “Mating Season XXVII: Art of the Hump” was really good.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I love how the one duckling is all “Yeah, I don’t know about this jumping shit,” and the one behind it just shoves it out.

        • SeekingBarbie

          Also the duckling who decides going under a log is the easier alternative to scaling it.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          That’s pretty much how my one time sky diving event happened. The door of the plane was opened and I went, “AHHHHHHHHH, NONONOON….”

      • Nope, but I’m all about finding REPUTABLE places for cute, fuzzy things for Nice Times.

      • SeekingBarbie

        I love nature shows. I must be a tree-hugging liberal.

    • Me not sure

      Clearly quack science.

      • bookish

        My gob, don’t you punsters ever sleep?

        • Doug Langley

          We never duck the issue.

      • Olds Philosopher

        If there were two Mergansers, that would be paradoxical.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Cool Facts
      Young Common Mergansers leave their nest hole within a day or so of hatching. The flightless chicks leap from the nest entrance and tumble to the forest floor. The mother protects the chicks, but they catch all of their own food. They start by diving for aquatic insects and switch over to fish at about 12 days old.

    • bubbuhh

      Duckz do all the itz everywhere. They are very free spirited. Thatz what I heard between the lines when mamz read to me The Tale of Jemima Puddle-Duck waybackwhen I could still almost ride a largish ducky

    • Megransers and wood ducks do this; I’m sure there are others.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      And here I thought they wore sailor suits and hung out with kinda boring mice.

  • PubOption

    If the Missouri rape/roofie allegation is true, it would be the first scandal of this Cocktober.

    • And what about anytime the giant bag of dicks that is the Republican party openes its collective mouth?

  • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

    Trump pledges to replace Constitution with the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. http://newsthump.com/2016/08/06/donald-trump-pledges-to-replace-constitution-with-the-ferengi-rules-of-acquisition/

  • Me not sure

    WONKETTE SCOOP! It’s beginning to look like Wonkette was right when Editrix fingered Marla Maples (did I say that right?) as the tax form leaker.

  • bubbuhh

    Also too Donald (He don’t mind if we call him Donald, right?) started the weekend sayin that he would not necessarily accept the results of the presidential election if he wasn’t the winner, reversing what he said just four days earlier that he would “absolutely” respect them. CUZ NO LOSER HE!

    Also too also Donald pretty sure Hillary Clinton held down the wimmenz Bill cheated on her with. If elected she would be ENABLER-IN-CHIEF!
    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/sep/30/trump-clinton-support-election-winner-debate-interview

    • Ryan Denniston

      What’s he going to do, sue his way to victory? How’s that worked for him so far?

      • Astraea

        That sounds great for the economy. The stock market loves uncertainty.

    • Ryan Denniston

      From the article:

      ““I don’t talk about it,” Trump said. “I wasn’t president of the United
      States. I don’t talk about it. When you think of the fact that he was
      impeached, the country was in turmoil, turmoil, absolute turmoil. He
      lied with Monica Lewinsky and paid a massive penalty.””

      Funny how he doesn’t want to talk about Marla Maples while raising Lewinski. Also, I don’t remember being in turmoil about Clinton’s BJ.

      • TundraGrifter

        I recall Ole Newt pulling himself from the adulterous bed of his girlfriend to prosecute President Clinton.

        Does that count?

      • bubbuhh

        There was turmoil cuz half a dozen GOPees in the House had to admit they were fucking their help, too. As a result the GOPees went through 2-3 prospective House Speakers before finding one who wuzn’t a known sport fucker at the time. That would be Dennis Hastert, you know him. He turned out to be a life long child molester.

        • Amy!

          GOP: Family Values.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        In those days, I was single. If a woman came into my office then and stuck one of my cigars in her hoohaw, there would be some fucking occurring in the very near future.

        • The DeplorableDemmeVagenda

          I remember my brother thinking that was an ingenious idea.

    • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

      November 9. The Epic Tantrump begins!

      And the United States becomes the meanest poop pants booger face country ever. He hates us!

      https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2ubLwH4xVPY/VQcHmmIfO0I/AAAAAAAABWc/I0IWSaLKSy4/w1200-h630-p-nu/toddlertantrumstore.jpg

    • artem1s

      Donnie understands that he doesn’t personally get to certify the election, right?

      • bubbuhh

        I believe he thinks his right to do that is part of the 2nd Amendment.

  • therblig

    from the WP article on trumpy’s rant: “an examination of a decades-old adult film that briefly featured Trump fully clothed.”

    finally, something to be thankful for in this world of horrors.

    • Ryan Denniston

      There’s only one porn star in this election!

    • bubbuhh

      Donald (He don’t mind if we call him Donald, right?) several times spoke to Howard Stern with Trump and whichever wife/GF at the time being naked on the phone lines.

      • therblig

        …and breakfast is history…

    • TundraGrifter

      If Chump ever made a sex tape it would feature him with the one person in the world he truly loves.

      Himself. Doing his own thing.

      “Hands Solo” would be his porn name. Or, perhaps, “Tiny Hands Solo.”

      • Good_Trouble_Yall

        See, this is why we love you. “Hands Solo.” Giggle-snort!

        • TundraGrifter

          You are too kind. It’s just a shame Wonkette doesn’t allow comments – otherwise I’d happily share with others.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Drumpf would be a real life “Bucky Larson” if he had gone into porn.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Hands Solo, Jr.

    • phoenix00

      “Hey give me credit for that. I kept my clothes on!”
      – Trump

  • coozledad

    I mailed my piss to try and get some snazzle snacks, but Todd Starnes was working in the snazzle mailroom that day…

  • Bernarda Alba

    In other news, HBO is continuing its tradition as a leader in rapertainment by including rape scenes in its new “Westworld” series. One more show I’ll be avoiding, sigh.

    Note to producers: I will not watch anything featuring rape or killing animals. I’m not that thrilled with killing humans, actually.

    http://io9.gizmodo.com/something-to-think-about-before-writing-that-edgy-rap-1705586415

    • Gayer Than Thou

      OMG, I turned on the TV in my hotel room this weekend in time to see some scene of some woman getting abducted, and I was all – Hollywood, can you just not?

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah, really. There are too many folks who look at this as though, if it’s not a “how to” then it’s something that happens daily in a civilized society so whatyagonnado?.

    • Astraea

      I’m so sick of it. Even when it’s not rape, it’s some kind of coerced sex or the women are basically there to please the men. It’s just exhausting.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        What? Wait, they’re not?

    • Marceline

      That’s how I’ve gotten with cop shows. I’m tired of watching TV cops violate the civil rights of everyone they encounter and having it presented as heroic.

  • bubbuhh
  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    With tRump going off the rails this weekend, I have to ask: did somebody sell him the extra-bad cocaine, or the really good shit? Seriously, though, he’s as deranged as his fan-club of rabid reality-impaired nutters. It’s concerning that a loony could get so close to a world-ruining position of power.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I’ve got some Drain-O he can have. No charge.

  • Deplorable Ron

    This doesn’t seem too awful. Hardly any excuses to drink at all.

  • Good_Trouble_Yall

    Everything I’ve read and seen about Fanta Hitler this weekend suggests that losing the debate is a thing he’s privately understood, although he keeps lying and pretending he won, and that it has completely unhinged him. He’s gone even more whack-a-doodle than he already was. Dunning-Kruger will keep the Trumpanzees from changing their “minds” about voting for him, but the normal folks are surely starting to see what we’ve been seeing all along – Dangerous Delusional Donnie.

    • Rick Hill

      This is what I’ve hoped for, as he loses support he doubles down on the things that have worked before. Batshit crazy plays well in the sticks but he’s in the big league now.

    • orygoon

      Hillz has all the top specialists in Narcissistic Personality Disorder on her payroll, it would seem, and it’s working well.

    • artem1s

      maybe he figures if the staff is busy putting out fires they won’t have time to make him prep for the next one?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Nothing happened at TrumpCo this weekend, did it?

    • Rick Hill

      Penn. rally where he went off the rails and then decided to jump in a swamp and splash around

      • phoenix00

        So day ending in ‘ay’. Gotcha.

        • Rick Hill

          Pretty much

  • Rick Hill

    Think about one thing. Look at the support trump is getting. If it had been any other candidate, even Cruz, it’s likely they might be headed to a WH victory. Trump is still a possibility but that is getting much less a reality as he keeps opening his pie hole.

    • therblig

      especially when it’s cow pies that keep coming out

      • Rick Hill

        Even his supporters are starting to notice it tastes like shit

    • bubbuhh

      Is it true Donald sold the piss to athletes who needed drug free piss?

      • Doug Langley

        I hear a lot of people are saying that.

        • Rick Hill

          It can’t not be true, then

          • Doug Langley

            And it’s on the Internet!

          • Rick Hill

            That’s where I read it so I can affirm

      • Rick Hill

        He paid homeless people for it too. Funny story, though. Heard about one fellow in the Navy, took his test but he scooped some water from the urinal(at sea they use ocean water for that) Tests came back, they told hi he was dead due to the level of salt in his system

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      I have thought about that a time or two. With the Clinton Smear Machine in full roar, if there’d been a sane – okay, mostly-sane – politician on the other side, they’d probably be ahead. Scary to think that the thing that’s likely to keep the Supreme Court from turning into a rubber stamp for every bad idea a Republican can come up with is a screaming racist cantaloupe.

      • Rick Hill

        Which is, unfortunately, what I thought in the primaries. People have been hating Hillary for decades and are ready for a chance to do “something” about it.

        • nightmoth

          Yes. I’m damned sick and tired of lukewarm lefties telling me, “Look, I hate Hillary, but—“

  • Me not sure

    If Trump wanted some of my piss he wouldn’t have to ask twice, ….unless he was on fire.

  • CripesAmighty
  • Vienna Woods

    Sigh. I hate having to choose a shingle colour.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Thanks for the SNL clip. Our local affiliate decided to play an old episode rather than risk offending some knuckle-walking, gun-humping RWNJs.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Seriously? What a bunch of craven assholes.

      • Marion in Savannah

        You bet they are. The Savannah Daily Disappointment runs Doonesbury, smaller than all the other cartoons, on the editorial page. And Savannah is one of the more relatively sane areas of the state.

        • Doug Langley

          But I thought Trudeau got an agreement many years ago that papers had to print the strip at top size?

          • Marion in Savannah

            I doubt that he subscribes to the Savannah Daily Disappointment, and there was some mention that I seem to recall of it having to be sized to fit their editorial page. They refuse to put it in with the rest of the comic strips because, you know, POLITICAL (read liberal — you can bet your last nickel that if Trudeau were a rightist he’d be on the funny pages with all the rest of the comix).

          • Jamoche

            Let me guess – that Mallard cartoon (can’t be bothered to google) that is verboten at the Comics Curmudgeon is right there on the main page.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Not much has changed has it? Well, considering where…

          During my stay in the lovely state of Georgia, close to Savannah, “Soap” came out on the TV machine nation wide. Except where we lived. Wasn’t aired. Don’t know if it ever was shown…

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      Damn. That’s some bullshit right there. I live in an area that’s as red as a baboon’s butt and the local affiliate played it. Guess they’re not as worried about hurt fee-fees as they could be!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Is there enough stupid left for this first full week of Cocktober? Wait and see….

  • Apple Scruff

    Does anyone know how much talking heads/ surrogates get paid for appearances? Cause one of Drumpf’s main morans Boris Epshteyn is being a moran again on TV and I can’t imagine he signed on with the campaign just to make a complete fool of himself.

    • Rick Hill

      “…I can’t imagine he signed on with the campaign to make a complete fool of himself.”
      That’s actually one of two requirements. The other being able to ignore reality completely and to lie convincingly as you turn the conversation to HIllary.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Publicly making a complete fool of himself is a free bonus that comes with hiring Boris as a surrogate.

    • AngryKatie

      I maybe Vlad is picking up the bill. That, or he’s so grateful that someone besides his mom is paying attention to him that he’s doing it for free.

  • Rick Hill

    Anyone want to bet that trump has all his people sign, as part of their contract, that they will return all salaries if he loses?

    • Bernarda Alba

      lol, you mean he’s actually paying salaries?

  • Bernarda Alba

    Here for your viewing pleasure is Petersborough, Ontario’s own Theatre on King’s version of “The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q6ZQr_K7V8&spfreload=10

  • Crystalclear12

    I see lots of drinking opportunities!

  • Land Shark with a Vagenda

    Stone tweeted early Sunday morning, “Wednesday@HillaryClinton is done. #Wikileaks.”

    https://youtu.be/pc4IFIXcDcs

    • Marceline

      Why not just drop it now and deflect from Donald’s epic meltdown? Why the suspense?

      • Shangenda of Shanocide

        click-click-click….

      • Astraea

        Every time they do this it’s to drum up media attention and then it’s a dud, but the media has been captured and it’s a thing becuase people are talking about it.
        Do you think the media has learned their lesson from the Birther press conference of doom? I’m not holding my breath but I’d love to be proven wrong.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Hey, maybe the media will get a tour of Trump’s newest, soon to be bankrupt, hotel.

    • Beowoof14

      I saw this morning the leaks aren’t coming. Poor Julian, hiding out in an embassy in London. He hasn’t yet figured out that the rest of the world as figured out he is a lying asshole.

    • Astraea

      It really is a wolf this time! I swear!

    • phoenix00

      Ahh Rocky & Bullwinkle. The memories.

  • nightmoth

    You left out the most important news of all: Kim Kardashian was in Paris for Fashion Week and got robbed of 10 million in jewels. I’m hoping one of the thieves is a fan of Robin Hood.

    • Rick Hill

      10 million
      cough*insurance scheme*cough

      • Astraea

        I’d be surprised if she actually owned any of it.

      • Shangenda of Shanocide

        That was my first thought, too. But then someone pointed out it’s Fashion Week and she was probably wearing loaned jewelry from various designers.

        • Land Shark with a Vagenda

          That’s the typical way here in NY during fashion week. You see armored cars all over the place near the big shows.

  • rosenbomb

    A bunch of Trumpanzees have been commenting on the video of the SNL skit. I love the ones calling the video “bias” instead of biased.

    • Shangenda of Shanocide

      Where?

      • rosenbomb

        Whoops! I’ll edit that. I meant on Youtube, not here.

    • Jen B_VA

      All your bias is belonging to us

  • From the WaPo piece, “He also repeatedly complained about having a ‘bum mic’ at the first presidential debate …”

    This makes it really clear, Donald J Trump really does speak out of his ass.

  • julienne58

    The WP speech article is a must read, although you’ll need to stop for air when you hit this:
    “You’re unsuspecting,” Trump said. “Right now, you say to your wife: ‘Let’s go to a movie after Trump.’ But you won’t do that because you’ll be so high and so excited that no movie is going to satisfy you. Okay? No movie. You know why? Honestly? Because they don’t make movies like they used to — is that right?”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7319625774c1638a913ca4620729c738030a149c833faac37105b9293423d1b4.gif

    • ‘Cause going to a Trump rally is such a family friendly date where you can call for lynching during your nu-Nuremberg style rally.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hey, Donnie, not every movie is Twilight!

    • The DeplorableDemmeVagenda

      Is he using the word “movie” as a substitute for “sexytime” so that this quote can be published everywhere?
      Crazy as a fox.
      (OK, a crazy fox.)

      • julienne58

        “No movie will satisfy you.” OK, now my breakfast is coming up.

  • Barley_Brains

    Baby mergansers. Too fucking cute.

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    Alec Baldwin as Trump was a winner! The only time I’ll ever say Trump and winner in the same sentence.

  • kareemachan

    About his speech, I loved this part:

    ‘Trump demeaned and mocked Sanders himself, saying that he has “a much bigger movement than Bernie Sanders ever had”’

    I guess everything IS YUUUUGER with trumpette – even his BM’s.

  • kareemachan

    And on Moore’s suspension, he said:

    “This was a politically motivated effort by radical homosexual and
    transgender groups to remove me as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court
    because of outspoken opposition to their immoral agenda.”

    Who knew he was a SCOTUS? (Yeah, I know what he meant, but he made himself sound SO much more than he is/was, and consiratorial, to boot.

    • beavertank

      Moore’s statement dates himself so badly, no one says “radical” anymore, he was clearly the victim of bitchin’ homosexual and transgender groups.

  • Jen B_VA

    I wonder if PBS realized the visual there, calling a show “Nature Nuggets” and starring baby ducklings.
    Course I might have been the only one to think “Fried or baked?”

  • bookish
    • in the name of the moon

      Mr Moon, with his advanced degrees in journalism and stuffs, also says they are cool. It’s the person who leaked them that gets busted. Unless, of course, it was Ms Maples.

  • malsperanza

    Mother Jones has helpfully dredged up a lot of comments from Turnip expressing his outrage that some people do not pay any taxes. (Hint: because they are too poor.) OUTRAGE.

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/10/donald-trump-taxes-50-percent-Americans-dont-pay

  • malsperanza

    Aaaand some happy news from Florida: the anti-Castro Cuban vote has officially, er, “retired to Florida,” as the euphemism has it.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/03/us/hispanic-voters-florida-republicans.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&smid=nytpolitics&smtyp=cur&_r=0

    • phoenix00

      It’s like repeatedly insulting them, threatening to kick them out of the country, and walling off one of their homelands is an A++ way to lose votes!

      Like whoa.

  • AJ Milne

    Hee hee hee hee (gasp)…

    NY AG would like the Trump ‘Foundation’ to please file the returns charities soliciting donations do…

    … within 15 days.

    (Back to the oxygen tent for me, then.)

  • SadDemInTex

    I just weep for joy when I see the human and humane magnificence that is LeBron James.

  • Lordpnut

    Eeee

  • Mike Steele

    Okay, everyone…you can exhale. Wikileak’s “October Surprise” bombshell is that, some years back, HRC sais of Assange, “Can we just drone this guy?”. A jest, no doubt, and certainly no worse than Trump’s thinly-veiled 2nd amendment “suggestions”. jackass Julian heightened the suspense by delaying this announcement, citing security’s threats to his safety. This’ll have the RWNJs all a-flutter, though I seem to recall they originally branded him a traitor.

  • Zyxomma

    Very cute ducks. Did you miss me yesterday? I was in shul to bring in 5777, and on the upper west side for Tashlich.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Oh is it the end of Tuesday and I’m just tuning into the Monday Wonkagenda?

    YES! Because I moved last Friday, and I’m just now coming up for air. Hello again Wonkers!

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