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It wasn’t long ago when Wells Fargo purged its payrolls of industrious retail bankers who opened up unauthorized accounts for their customers. Following government investigations, Wells Fargo, which totally didn’t know about any of this, they swear, fired thousands of culpable employees and forked over $185 million in fines to state and federal governments.

Next this you know: Consumer Protection Warrior Princess Elizabeth Warren is straight up blasting Wells Fargo CEO Jack Stumpf on Capitol Hill.

“You should resign. You should give back the money you took while this scam was going on and you should be criminally investigated,” Warren told Stumpf, a man who could drown a bellhop in a bathtub of discarded debit cards and never see a day in prison.

Warren was particularly pissed Wells Fargo pushed its (inn Stumpf’s words) “well-paid” bankers making $30,000-$60,000 annually to meet unrealistic internal sales goals by preying on people who didn’t need that home equity loan. The primary goal? To sell each customer at least eight financial products, whether they needed them or not.

“This just isn’t right,” Warren said. “You squeezed employees to the breaking point” to drive up the stock price and your compensation, she said, referencing the bank’s fierce drive to “cross-sell” or make customers open up multiple accounts. “You went on television to blame thousands of $12-an-hour” workers.

Senator Warren goes all populist on the Creators and next thing you know, the decent Wells Fargo employees get some interesting ideas. Two class action lawsuits — federal and state — against their terrible employer are moving forward.

The [suit] was filed in Los Angeles last week by former Wells Fargo workers who say that while their colleagues created unauthorized accounts to meet cross-selling quotas, they were penalized or terminated for refusing to do the same.

In the end, the real victims here are not the terminated employees, the honest employees, or the customers who incurred fees for accounts they didn’t want. The victim is CEO Stumpf. Stumpf forfeited $2.8 million dollars in salary and was also Stumpf’d out of $41 million in unvested securities, leaving the embattled executive with a paltry $247 million in Wells Fargo stock.

So Wonkette, why are you still piling on Wells Fargo? Aren’t there other bad corporate actors at whom we can direct our righteous Lib-dignation?? Sure. But you know what? Fuck Wells Fargo.

Wells Fargo will pay $24 million to settle claims that it screwed over our service men and women. Specifically, the bank will pay $4.1 million to settle Justice Department charges that it seized 413 cars owned by service members without a court order, a violation of federal law. Whooooops!

Here’s what they did — and be sure that no upper level executives condoned or tacitly approved this decade-long behavior, or otherwise fluffed those responsible with bonuses. The only bucks that will stop with Strumpf and company are gigantic balloon payments when they’re forced to step down for PR purposes.

The Justice Department said the illegal repossessions took place from 2008 to 2015. The first complaint came from an Army National Guardsman in North Carolina who said the bank seized his car while he was preparing to deploy to Afghanistan. Wells Fargo then auctioned his car and tried to collect a balance of $10,000 from his family, the Justice Department said.

Sounds like a Hollywood ending, only the exact opposite. The bank was fined $20 million more for breaking additional rules designed to protect military families! This includes a failure to cap their interest rates at 6%. According to the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, those violations began in 2006. But I’m sure they would’ve eventually gotten around to discovering this and doing the right thing.

Say what you want about Wells Fargo preying on military members, but I bet it stands for the National Anthem at football games. Heck, the Corporate Person probably sponsors it. And isn’t that what’s most important?

With all this bad news for Wells Fargo, will mounting outrage cause a gigantic overhaul in behavior? Is it possible we’ll be looking at the elusive criminal charges for white collar thieves?! Nahhhhh…

Because never fear, Wall Street: your loose-skinned whitest knight is here to help and obstruct that dastardly Elizabeth Warren and her evil Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

Last week, Republicans on the House Financial Services Committee approved a bill designed to hamstring the CFPB. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who is married to Wells Fargo board member Elaine Chao, is attempting to push a bill with similar terms through the Senate.

Always on the right side.

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  • msanthropesmr
  • msanthropesmr

    Redacted in entirety.

  • memzilla

    Your first clue about Wells Fargo is that they have their getaway vehicle right on the logo.
    .
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8747f913699d671294b76f58bd683a2a3dd726a23fe2e7bd911c699dec85368b.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      These days they’re less like a stagecoach, more like the bandits.

    • DT

      That made me laugh way too hard. Good job, kind sir and/n/or madame.

    • kareemachan

      WF bought out a bank that my father had an account with. We went to the bank to make sure that everything transferred correctly and were assured it was. We were also cheerfully assured that the new WF checks would get to my father within a week so as to not disrupt his bill-paying.

      Two months and multiple overdrawn fees later, I went back with him (he had health issues and I lived a ferry-ride and five hour drive away) to the same bank, and sat down with the bank manager. He denied that we had ordered new checks, that they were required to deal with accounts that were transferred from the old bank to theirs, and that we were the ones who had fucked up. I pulled out the paperwork and the overdrawn notices and made them give us cashier’s checks for all the transactions that had been screwed up because of them. It was like pulling teeth. It was…. satisfying.

      And then my father closed his account and walked across the street to open an account with a rival.

      You couldn’t get me to do ANYTHING with WF to this day.

      • revenant

        why did you have to wait for the new checks? WF ate Wachovia, and i went on using my old checks for years afterwards- nobody made a peep, because the account number remained the same.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s also a clue that the robber baron rules of the 1800s still apply.

  • Shoto

    “…leaving the embattled executive with a paltry $247 million in Wells Fargo stock…”

    Outrage! How can he even afford to put food on the table?

    • msanthropesmr

      Or on your family for that matter

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      I heard he’s been making do with ossetra caviar instead of beluga. I don’t know he can stand it!

    • theCryptofishist

      Or on his family?

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Who(R)es

  • memzilla

    That bandage? I assume that John Stumpf sprained his paw from a badly-timed dive into his Scrooge McDuck pile of bullion, gold coins, and customer lootings.

    • yyyaz

      Or RSI from continually grabbing at all the munniez.

  • Wow…Wells Fargo really has changed:

    https://youtu.be/g8LHlJSBkg0

    • Quercus

      Ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Callyson
    • Nounverb911

      Trump certainly has gotten fatter since he made his cameo.

      https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/782271841377329152

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        SO presidential…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The only porn that counts is the stuff falsely attributed to you. Anything you were actually in is irrelevant. (See also, Alicia Machado).

        • revenant

          if you are D.J. Drumpff, and thus immune to all the rules we lesser mortals must abide by

  • exinkwretch

    Fun quiz for Ms. Chao: Which is worse, boning Turtle or carrying water for the greedy, evil fuckers at Wells Fargo?

    • Belasaurius

      clearly the boning, hands fuckin down

    • gene108

      It’s Secretary Chao! She was Bush, Jr ‘s Sec of Labor (and still married to Senator Turtle).

      There are no possible conflicts of interest in that marriage. Just good humble couple from the hills and hollers of Kentucky.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They ran the potential conflict of interest past Clarence Thomas and he said it was fine. Case closed.

        • yyyaz

          Well, that is all the lulz certainly passes the sniff test.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      So, do Melania Trump, Elaine Chao, and Andrea Mitchell ever get together and swap stories, exchange tips on feigning headaches, or whatever?

  • Swampay

    Somehow this makes me think of all those lovely berny-ites who wouldn’t sully their dainty white gloved hands to vote for someone as corrupt as Ms Clinton, who’s just not pure enough for them. As compared, for example, to ANY fucking republican out there, much less the Donald.

    It’s like telling a kid he can have beef stew or a pile of rotting fish heads for dinner. Kid says “I want ice cream!” Well, you say, that’s not a choice. Kid’s favorite tv hero says “Take the beef stew, there’s no ice cream available” Kid says “It’s ice cream or nothing!” Problem is (ok, this analogy is nearing the breaking point) if the kid doesn’t choose someone WILL choose for them, and might choose the pile of rotting fish heads.

  • SnarkOff

    The solution to Wall Street greed is totally to elect a corrupt, non-income-tax-paying businessman as president.

    • nightmoth

      The BernieSis in my town wailed at me last week: But Hillary is in bed with Waall Streeet! I don’t know whooo to vote for! Sob!

      • Swampay

        ikr!?!? Clinton is too corrupt, let’s let Trump win! I don’t get it.

  • SnarkOff

    The Sprained Wrist of the Free Market

    • Yes…wrist injuries from the “Free Market”…that’s what the kids are calling it

    • theCryptofishist

      Endorsing all those checks…

  • Loki1001

    Funny chow Republican “tough on crime” and “law and order” rhetoric vanishes when it comes to white collar crime.

    • Land Shark with a Vagenda

      Funny how Republican “tough on crime” and “law and order” rhetoric vanishes when it comes to white collar crime their big campaign donors.

      FTFY

    • That’s not crime! That’s just white people doing biznez!

      – Republicans

  • Nounverb911

    “Corporations are people too, also”
    –Mittens Romney

    “If corporations are people too, why aren’t they in prison the same way people are too?”
    –American Consumers

    • Belasaurius

      I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.

      • edith prickly

        Upfisted with votes.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They’re trying – just ask Planned Parenthood.

  • BMW
  • Belasaurius

    I’m losing my ability to make comments that won’t get banhammered by Dok because ALL of the these fucking douchecanoes deserve…………..sdfkjasdl;kksdjl;dfjg;mcvadf;m asdlfjasdl;fkjasdfjasl FUCK

    • Nounverb911

      Make them secret.

  • TJ Barke
    • willi0000000

      only if we start fighting back.

      [ until then it’s technically a slaughter ]

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This is the same Mitch McConnell who said that despite a two page letter from Bamz stating why the Saudi lawsuit thingy was bad, that Bamz never told the Senate the Saudi lawsuit thingy was bad.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Well, to be fair, he was probably in his shell during the discussion.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Or enjoying a tasty head of cabbage. He LOVES cabbage!

        • Blacktop Cadence

          I found it. He was, ah, accosting a shoe.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfRieg1p81o

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Asked about the incident later, Yertl said: “Well gawrsh! That shoe was CLEARLY begging for it!”

          • kareemachan

            “…and the shoe didn’t have any aspirin between its aglets!”

          • Aleppo Ron

            Extra upfist for ‘aglets.’

          • Me not sure

            “I.. uh…uh…love… uh…uh… it …uh… when ..you wear LACE!!!…ahhhhhrrrr!

          • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

            LEATHERneck and LACEs!

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Hillary’s chances of winning went up another percent since yesterday. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea3748bb3619c9df278f52b0b6d971bb8e19fb0fc53ea78171b7da1a8af20d49.png

    • Belasaurius

      must be why Donnie is starting to hedge on his pledge to support the outcome

    • Amy!

      Trump’s got a newish ad out, a couple days ago, that starts with Hillz wondering why she’s not fifty points ahead.

      In that model, she’s fifty points ahead.

  • TundraGrifter

    In the late 19th Century, Black Bart robbed Wells Fargo.

    We’re now well into the 21st Century, and Wells Fargo is robbing its customers.

    Is this a great country or what?

    • nightmoth

      Like Woody Guthrie told us, and Bob Dylan reminded us: Some men will rob you with a six-gun, and some with a fountain pen.

      • TundraGrifter

        Black Bart always used a shotgun. He said it was never loaded.

        Looks like the Wells Fargo fountain pen is always full of ink.

  • BloviateMe

    I can’t believe the banks are still trying this stuff, after the hell we put Jamie Dimon through for his malfeasance.

    Oh.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      How IS that private beach in Aruba, Jamie?

      Dimon: *taking Mai Tai from lissome serving wench in halter top* “It’s hell, just hell!”

  • Steve Heronemus

    Let’s not forget Wells Fargo’s $55 million fine for discriminating against people with disabilities and $3.5 million fine for student loan fraud. Other than that they are definitely not a criminal enterprise.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      But, that’s just business!

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Bidness is bidness…the Rethugs just want to be able to “wet their beak a little.”

        • yyyaz

          I rather liked the way that it worked out for Don Fanucci’s wet beak.

  • Scooby

    Did Liz Warren bite him on the hand before the hearing?

    • Me not sure

      That’s there, on advice of counsel, to prevent him from reflexively flipping off the entire committee. “SEE YA SUCKERS!”

      • Scooby

        I never took the oath my had was stuck in that position.

    • BloviateMe

      That’s funny. When I watch her at these things, I fantasize about her marching over to her victim, in a rage, unhinging her jaw, and slowly swallowing them whole, like a snake of awesomeness.

      Then I think I should probably go get some fresh air.

    • Astraea

      She’s actually a werewolf and she attacked him one evening in the light of the full moon.

      • Amy!

        I’d be happy to buy her a piña colada down at Trader Vic’s.

    • Painter of Deplorables

      She seems more the type to smack him on it with a ruler while admonishing him to “let this be a lesson – I want you to apologize right now!“.

      • Scooby

        I can see you went to Catholic school.

        • Painter of Deplorables

          I did indeed.

    • therblig

      sure make a joke about it. money counting injuries can be very painful.

      • Aleppo Ron

        Especially when you stop at 25 cents because that’s all the money you have.

  • But by all means, let’s refight the primaries.

    • revenant

      because priorities

      • Sure. I mean, we already agree McConnell and co are assholes. Clearly the best way to get rid of them is to fight amongst ourselves about which non-asshole on our side is the bestest.

    • Rick Hill

      Wait, I gotta change back into my primary fightin clothes.

      • You got the blood stains out?

        • Rick Hill

          Nah it was swea…er, yeh. Blood. Tough fight.You should see the other guy

        • Me not sure

          There were actually worse bodily effluents than that tossed around.

  • btwbfdimho

    Identity theft, scary? Well, Wells Fargo Fargos created institutional identity theft…nothing worse than that.

    Speaking of whiches, the banking system makes more than $30 billion in annual overdraft fees.
    $30b taken from people who had no money at all!
    Pitchforks please.
    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-07-31/banks-face-hit-on-30-billion-in-overdraft-fees-from-cfpb-rules

  • TheDogAteMyVote

    Wells Fargo meets Fargo. Mr. Stumpf was going crazy down there at the lake…http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/shark1053.com/files/2014/01/fargo-wood-chipper.gif

    • BloviateMe

      So he angrily says, “Oh I get it, so you think I’m some kinda crazy jerk for askin’!” only he doesn’t use the word “jerk.”
      And then he calls me a jerk, and says that the last guy who thought he was a jerk is dead now. So I don’t say nothin’ and he says, “What do ya think about that?” So I says, “Well, that don’t sound like too good a deal for him, then.”

      • TheDogAteMyVote

        ♥ ♥ ♥

      • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

        “So, that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money? There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well. I just don’t understand it.” — Senator Professor Warren

  • Mike Steele

    Watched Stumpf hearings on C-SPAN and marveled at image of how orange jumpsuit would complement his patrician visage. Stumpf/Drumpf

  • DainBramage

    This is one reason why we need control of the Senate so badly. Unleash the Warren!

    • willi0000000

      *kraken runs screaming and crying from the Warren*

  • nightmoth

    I’ve deleted it: otherwise, I’d let ya’ll read the sweetest little apology letter from Jack Stumpf that I got in my email box. He said he had a fine upstanding company and his bad old employees who carried on bad things without his knowing about it were BAD and he’d fired them. Poor Mr. Banker! What more do we want from him?

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Jail time?

      • nightmoth

        works for me!

        • FlownOver

          I was thinking more along the lines of… [Banhammer hovers overhead]… nothing. Never mind. Goddamn it!

    • DainBramage

      Ha! A few months back I got a similar apology letter from VW for selling me a diesel Jetta that spews all that smog pollution.
      They can hang go to their nearest hell.

    • Rick Hill

      “We fired the bad employees and kept the honest ones. Wait. strike that, reverse it”

      • Rick Hill

        “AND I took the time to have my secretary send out this email.”

    • yyyaz

      A RICO prosecution, disincorporation, fines equal to their last 3 years of profits, a public auction of all assets, prison for the brass and the board and a huge payout to the employees who were fired would be a good start.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Harsh, but fair.

        Actually…not harsh at all. Well deserved.

    • revenant

      restitution, jail time for whoever approved the policies in question, apologies, and really punitive fines, not petty cash

    • Bitter Scribe

      Ah, the Sgt. Schulz defense. Remember how well that worked for Chris Christie?

    • SayItWithWookies

      “After a thorough investigation, we found that our bank most certainly did not institute fraud as corporate policy — responsibility lies solely with the 5,300 bad actors who simultaneously and independently determined to commit exact same type of financial crime right under our very noses. If we’re guilty of anything, it’s of being too trusting, really.

      Cordially,

      The Assholes at Wells Fargo”

  • Msgr_Aleppo_Moment

    O-ho the Wells Fargo asshole is a-testifyin’, hey,
    Just think of the shit we’ll see!
    O-ho the Wells Farthead asshole is a-testifyin’, hey,
    Why couldn’t they let us be?

    They fucked us up the ass with the recession
    They sold us new accounts we never knew
    They tried to slip one by Miss LIzzie Warren.
    But she tore em a new one. Now we sue!

    O-ho the Wells Fargo asshole is a-testifyin’, hey,
    Just think of the shit we’ll see!
    O-ho the Wells Farthead asshole is a-testifyin’, hey,
    Why couldn’t they let us be?

    • zerosumgame0005

      sung to the tune of “Oklahoma”?

  • Will he send the money by Pony-up Express?

  • Bitter Scribe

    But by all means, let’s parse and agonize and wring our hands over whether Hillary Clinton said something mean about millennials during the primary. Because that’s what’s really important, not trivia like whether shitty legislation like hamstringing the CFPB will get signed by a President Trump.

    • Astraea

      I can’t believe she’s the kind of politician who would talk about why her opponent and his supporters are wrong. I’m rethinking my whole life right now.

      • zerosumgame0005

        *snicker*

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Now, a very great man once said,
    That some people rob you with a fountain pen.
    It don’t take too long to find out,
    just what he was talkin’ about,

    The use computers now, of course…but the basics are the same.

    • Aleppo Ron

      If you wanna rob a bank you must be aware
      You gotta use the computer upstairs
      – Big Audio Dynamite, The Bottom Line

  • tehbaddr

    He should have both his hands smashed to bits with a ball and peen hammer of regulations and oversight.

    • zerosumgame0005

      I’d VOTE for that!

    • Swampgas_Man

      To say NOTHING of what should happen to his balls and peen!

  • Rasilom

    This is why I use a credit union. The members own it and its board answer to us. Lower fees and excellent service. As for Smells Fartgo.. they had to pay me $14k as part of yet a different class action suite they settled. They were not informing customers about the lowest interest rate home refinance options avalible that they qualified for. Fuck comertial banks and Smells Fartgo in particular.

    • yyyaz

      My wife’s CU won’t even cash their checks without the sorry excuse of “7 days to clear.” Guess no one remembers the Keating Five — looking at you, Walnutz — anymore.

      • zerosumgame0005

        mine is very modern, after all it only really takes seconds to verify funds and place a hold so they deposit them right away.

      • zerosumgame0005

        the whole 7-10 days thing is to supposedly get the check to a central bank and process, something from the 30’s. but these days it is all done on PC’s so it is almost instant in reality. plus if you can deposit on your phone they never really get the check anyway, just an image

      • Rasilom

        Never had that problem at mine. I can deposit a check 2 min before closing and the funds are imediatly avalible. Even on a Sunday, yeah I said Sunday try that a Smells Fartgo. Also if I have a check drawn on a Wells account and walk into a Wells branch to cash it those fuckers at Wells charge me $10 to cash it. WTF commercial banks are a fucking joke. People need to realize that they are For Profit companies and do not have their customers best interest at heart, only the share holders. And just cause you have and account does not make you a share holder at one of those banks, it make you a target.

  • TheDogAteMyVote

    Remember when we used to have Captains of Industry in this country? Now all we have are Fuckers of Finance. From your first student loan to your first car loan to your home loan to your next car loan to your credit card debts to your home equity line of credit to your parent’s plus loan to the reverse mortgage to the $120K/year nursing home that sucks up the the last dime of your ‘estate’, it’s nothing but a hamster wheel of debt repayment for the majority of the nation. And somehow the banks just can’t turn a profit by simply paying .00001% to you for the opportunity to loan out your money to others at 30%, and they need to break the law to churn out bigger dividends to their stockholders.
    But they are truly, truly sorry they had to do that.
    .
    Oh, and why is Bernie Madoff the only financial fucker sitting in jail? Because he ripped off wealthy people, and that simply cannot stand.

    • tehbaddr

      All the upfists! Let’s get the pitchforks and torches!

      • And votes …

      • Grizz1y

        Things have been getting worse for quite awhile but the two worst things were allowing consumer banks to also be investment banks, and permitting banks to operate nationally instead of as separate corporations in each state.
        Bottom line the big banks need to get AT&Ted.

        • kbbaldwin2

          Wouldn’t mind a lot seeing AT&T get AT&Ted also.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, captains of industry were all pretty terrible garbage humans too, that built their fortunes and industries off the death, suffering and desperation of the working class.

      • Sandrasloveland3

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !dh363f:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dh363f:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash643TopExpertsGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!dh363f:….,……

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          McLarens or GTFO!

      • Normamperson3

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ch493f:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ch493f:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash783TopOceanGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ch493f:….,……

    • kbbaldwin2

      At least Iceland put their bankers in jail.

  • Cranky Man

    Wells Fargo charges a $5 fee to cash a check, written on a wells Fargo account, if you don’t have a wells Fargo account. This means a maid who makes $200 per week is paying Wells Fargo to reach in a drawer and pull out a few pieces of paper. To be clear, the motel has a wells Fargo account, writes a check for $200. The maid hand delivers the check to Wells Fargo, and gets $195 back. That chaps my hide.

    • yyyaz

      But, but the minimum wage clerk will give you the third degree regarding why you don’t have an account such helpful advice on opening your very own account.

      • Señor Carlos Magnifiko

        And let’s not forget the savings accounts that charge you $15 per month and pay you .000001 APR. Almost competes with selling drugs!

        • Sakonyachen

          Nah. Selling drugs still has a couple of ethics left.

      • Cranky Man

        Well, they’re mostly ladies from Mexico that don’t have access to the US banking system.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It used to be routine that there was no fee for cashing a check at the issuing bank. This was considered good business. I guess, like many common sense consumer-friendly policies of the past, it should be the law, ’cause the MBAs ain’t gonna do it voluntarily.

      • Jamoche

        Back before the dawn of the Internet, I had a $10 shareware app. People sent me paper checks from all over the world, and Wells Fargo decided one day to charge $5 to deposit foreign checks.

        I switched to a credit union.

      • Cranky Man

        That the phrase I couldn’t remember, issuing bank. I confronted the branch manager at Xmas tree show in their lobby. Besides causing heart palpitations in my wife, I got him to admit it was wrong. Didn’t change anything. But, after I told the motel owner what was what, she insisted that her maids would not have to pay the fee, or she would change banks.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Mitch McConnell’s turtle-themed powers are not impressive, but he still manages to qualify for the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants by actions like this.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I believe that I read that the IBEM (International Brotherhood of Evil Mutants) rejected McConnell’s application for membership, saying that while they were evil and mutant creatures there is a limit to which even they will not descend. They added that “The turtle can go fuck himself. We don’t want him.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Evil idealists are still idealists, man. We got a code.”

      • Bad Horse has ruled The Turtle will never be welcome in the ELE

        • Be Gin

          Is that Pony stuff?

          ELE? Help an old man out Pickwicknext.

          Thanks.

    • mailman27

      When it comes to enabling white collar crime, it’s turtles all the way down.

    • Be Gin

      Mitch? Are you kidding?

      You have a lot of brass to suggest that we would have anything to do with this loser!

      Watch your step brother. You might wake up tomorrow in a house with no nails!

      –Magneto

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Yeah, we’re very exclusive.”
        — Toad

  • CJTX
  • gene108

    It’s not a crime, if it help’s a company’s bottom line – Republican philosophy, in rhyme

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Writing the Republican Platform in doggerel makes it lots easier to remember.”
      — Paul Ryan

  • He’s not always right, but when he is….

    https://youtu.be/oEsP4_1ImUI

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Burns: “This is an attempt to destroy my character.”

      How does one go about destroying something non-existent?

    • JerryRich

      Black Christians really enjoy church, but they know who the charlatans are.

  • Mitch McConnell, isn’t he that turtle-head that blamed BAMZ!!! for making him put a oopsie law into effect allowing anyone with a grievance against the U.S. to sue us?

  • “Stumpf forfeited $2.8 million dollars in salary”

    This is like Mrs. Dash demanding I turn over the coins I found in the sofa.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      No Starbucks on the way to work for YOU today, mister!

      • mancitydeplorables

        how much in coins do you think there is in a couch?
        most of my couches, you’d be lucky to buy something at a vending machine.

        or were you talking Stumpf?
        in that case,

        https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/30/a5/2c/30a52c9a87df8651d8d1a719c273766c.jpg

        • kbbaldwin2

          Had reason to look in the crevices of the couch today. Found a cookbook, several recipes for Mai Tias, a computer back-up drive, the hard drive from my old computer, an order of checks from the credit union, and $.60 cents. But not the pocket knife I was looking for.

    • mailman27

      That could spice up the conversation. (i am so sorry…:)

  • “seized 413 cars”

    The whole thing blows my mind, but this is close to home. I work in the repo department of a large bank (don’t hate me. I do my job with care and compassion.) The minute an account is assigned for repossession, we start the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) checks. and we continue checking every 14 days until the unit is picked up (or the loan is brought current) and then 5 days after that. It’s tedious and boring, but the last thing we want to do is pick up a vehicle of someone in the service. It’s.against.the.law.

    We’re a much smaller bank than WF…how the fuck could they have missed this? This isn’t like aggressive (and ultimately, illegal) cross-selling…this is a clear violation of the law.

    • Agnes Featherbottom

      WF is simply Too Big to Give a Fuck.

      • data_ninja

        WF = We’re out of Fucks ?

        • phoenix00

          WF = “We Fuck servicepeople”

          • revenant

            WF = We Fuck everybody.

      • calliecallie

        WF = Whatha Fuck are these extra account I’m getting charged for?

        • Sakonyachen

          WF = What Fines?

    • ViveLaRes

      I work for a big bank too (don’t hate me, I work in the part that helps non-profit organizations). My team has no contact with servicemembers, but we are required to take SCRA training several times a year, just in case. There is no way that I or any other employee of the bank could NOT know the rules, how serious they are, and where to refer a servicemember. In nearly 40 years, I’ve never known a manager or employee who would dream of violating this law. Everyone I work with thinks the law is a fine idea. WF’s SCRA violations, like it’s massive account fraud, HAD to be systemic and systematic.

    • Serai 1

      Wells Fargo has ALWAYS been a shitty bank. I left them in 1983 because they were a ripoff then.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Too true. At one point they eated the bank we did business with. We lasted about 6 months and then fled, taking our pittances with us. Ghastly, simply ghastly bank.

      • kbbaldwin2

        When I first started with Wells Fargo (just out of the navy in ’66) I discovered that the local branch could clear a check to m,y landlady in less than a day, but it took three days to credit my account with a CASH deposit. I wasn’t with them for long before going to a tiny local bank.

  • geoffalnutt

    The turtly turtle is turtling terribly.

    • Swampgas_Man

      “Am I not turtely enough for the Turtle Club?”

    • phoenix00

      “Eeeeeeyup!”
      – Jon Stewart

    • Panika MCD
  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Speaking of slimy, unaccountable corporate leeches:

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconnor/2014/04/15/report-walmart-workers-cost-taxpayers-6-2-billion-in-public-assistance/#219b37717cd8

    Remind me how that “makers and takers” thing goes again? I haz confused…

    • mancitydeplorables

      I think there’s a documentary somewhere called “the high cost of low prices”.
      I haven’t watched it yet, I haven’t been in much of a mood to be that outraged.
      And on this peaceful Saturday, that’s as far as I want to go.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        I haven’t watched it either, but I’ve heard of it.

        Fuck Walmart

        • zerosumgame0005

          they alone cost us billions every year from them under-paying employee’s and the services they need that tax-payers provide them.

          • Iam Reading

            Yup, and I bet most wonkers and wonkette don’t shop there. Never have, never will. But at least I get to subsisize a family that destroyed countless local markets while not providing livable wages.

          • lroom

            Sorry but sometimes I have to shop there. I is a poor.

          • Swampgas_Man

            I is a Poor too, but I is Poor with Dignity.

          • revenant

            me too- no Mallwart or any other non-Union chain, except maybe H-Mart (Korean grocery chain, formerly Han Ah Reum)

          • ahughes798

            I shop at the local Jewel/Osco, which has unions. If there were more than me and Mr. 798, I would shop at Costco. OT, but they have the BEST store boughten pesto I’ve ever had. Very, very close to home made. It’s in a big jar for $7.99. Kirkland Basil Pesto.

          • subatomic

            Yep, Mrs. Subatomic and I refuse to ever shop at Walmart, while my rightwing sister, who decries the “takers”, shops there regularly.

            Edit: I should note that both of us can financially afford to make this choice.

      • TundraGrifter

        “Walmart: The High Cost of Low Price” is a 2005 documentary film by director Robert Greenwald. The film presents a negative picture of Walmart’s business practices through interviews with former employees, small business owners, and footage of Walmart executives. Greenwald also uses statistics interspersed between interview footage, to provide an objective analysis of the effects Walmart has on individuals and communities.

        Just one of the excellent Brave New Film documentaries.

  • DainBramage

    Lesson – Everyone who can, transfer your pennies and nickels to a Credit Union.

    • Iam Reading

      Excellent advice. Credit Union member for 30 years.

      • (((cynmac)))

        Me, too. I fired Citibank, Bank of America and American Express, back in 2008. No credit cards, which hurts sometimes, but what my dad said was “cash talks and bullshit walks”.

        • sw19tacotruck

          I can’t talk for rules south of the border, but Vancity in Canada were absolutely brilliant about navigating a way for me to get a VISA credit card (start off with a prepaid for a year, then when they could see I hadn’t turned into a Idiot when I crossed the Atlantic, took the training wheels off and steadily bumped up my limit).
          Truth be told, I pay off every month (yes cash is king!), and only really use it to increase my credit score, but you have to play the game – and them’s the rules.

          • (((cynmac)))

            I could do that too but I have been able to pay my bills and my credit score is nearly 700. What hurts is a foreclosure on a rental property in 2011. Won’t be off my record until August 2018. So I’ll probably go with the prepaid credit with my credit union in 2017, as prep.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Not only are they better with your money – they don’t live for their major stockholders and they loan money locally. How come they can’t make house loans?….

      • DainBramage

        Hmmm… My CU, Boeing Employees’ Credit Union (open to everyone, at least here in Washington state) does home loans.

      • revenant

        MECU does, but it’s in Baltimore, and you have to have some connection, however tenuous, to government employment in either the city or county.

      • (((cynmac)))

        I’m with Associated Credit Union and it’s open to everyone. Every mortgage I have had since 1989, I have gotten from them. They won’t do loans unless you live in the house. No mortgages on rental property.

        They also are part of a network of credit unions. Like if I need Saturday banking but can’t get to their Saturday bank, I can do my business at the Delta Community Bank down the street. I have been able to use my ATM card overseas because they are part of those networks too. I can use the Presto machines at Publix and with the Pulse network, I am charged NO FEES!

    • Serai 1

      Yep. Did that a few years back. No desire ever to put my money anywhere else.

    • ahughes798

      I bank at a local bank that has 2 branches. One in this town, and one in the town due east. I figger as long as my pittance is not in a major bank, I’m doing my duty to the “buy local” squad.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Full disclosure: in my youth, I used to work for a bank. Ten years ago, when they finally gave up any pretense at giving a fuck about customers, I literally walked out of my branch and stormed into my local building society (UK version of a Credit Union) and started moving everything – checking account, savings, credit card, the lot.
      So glad I did.
      In Canada, I made the mistake of opening an account with a bank (CIBC) and after literally driving hundreds of thousands of dollars through them, they did the same to me. Horrific customer service. I’m now with Vancity – a credit union, locally based lots of initiatives and green credentials. So much help and assistance to get a credit card and start building up my credit score on this side of the Atlantic, etc…
      Nowadays, there is almost no difference between banks and credit unions/building societies for one’s standard banking needs. Apart from the light years difference in customer service, and the not fucking you over.

    • Marion in Savannah

      We deal with a small local bank, and their customer service is stellar — to the point where the customer service head drove out to our house because someone had forgotten to get Mr. Marion in Savannah’s signature on a form.

  • Iam Reading

    Can’t McConnell please hurry up and kick the bucket of votes? He outlived his usefulness by the end of his first trimester.

    • Serai 1

      The day that man shuffles off this mortal coil, I will dance a happy dance.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Always the turtle with the girdle…

  • ViveLaRes

    Looks like Stumpfy tried to grab too much from the Invisible Hand.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Conflict of Interest is only for Little People.

  • WeaselPoo

    Ah yes Elaine Chao, who (quote from her own website);

    “As the first U. S. Secretary of Labor in the 21st century, […] focused on improving the competitiveness of America’s workforce by restructuring department programs to empower workers and modernizing regulations to respond to the realities of the 21st century workplace. Under her leadership, the U.S. Department of Labor achieved record results in protecting the health, safety, wages, and retirement security of the nation’s workforce”….

    I suppose that’s one way to look at the largest housing crash since 1929, the record foreclosures, the record bankruptcies due to medical costs, the collapse of two of the three US auto manufacturers, the bankrupting of Bear Stearns, AIG, Citibank, Wells Fargo, the consequent crash of the DJIA, the immediate 44% devaluation of 401k’s, the loss of 8 million jobs in 8 months and the maintenance of an already inadequate minimum wage whilst CEO’s posted record remuneration, but I can’t help thinking Ms Chao’s self described accomplishments are utter bullshit.

    ..

    • revenant

      can’t think why she isn’t at the top of the Reptilian ticket, or at least VP, can you?

      • Tosca

        She has nasty vagina parts.

        • sw19tacotruck

          Her sammiches are substandard.

          • H0mer0

            [possible fat shaming remark removed by non commenter]

    • Steely_Fan

      Sure enough her term: January 29, 2001 – January 20, 2009, was just long enough to see the bottom drop out. I dunno how much responsibility she bears for the recession, but her glib gloss over it brings to mind that river in Africa. Plus, she’s married to McTurtle! I mean, I know they say love is strange, but sheesh.

      “A-yup.” -Mitch McTurtle

      • WeaselPoo

        Not responsible for the recession of course, but she said and did nothing to even acknowledge the inadequacies of the minimum wage even before the great recession, she said and did nothing regarding the union busting efforts of teabagger governors like Scott Walker and Le Paige (and others), said and did nothing about elected teabaggers trying to institute further hurdles for welfare qualification, said and did nothing about Republican states stonewalling or undermining the implementation of ACA and its provisions, said and did nothing in support of the auto industry bailout, said or did nothing about illegal foreclosures, said or did nothing about the banks predatory practices regarding veterans, said or did nothing about pay-day lenders’ usury, said or did nothing about the cost of daycare for working mothers, said or did nothing about the BP Deep Horizon event (which killed 20 something workers) or Blankenship’s disregard for miner safety (workers killed in pursuit of profit) and so on .

        Chao did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for “the health, safety, wages, and retirement security of the nation’s workforce”…. she didn’t even show up on TV to simply lie or misdirect about anything pertaining to “worker health, safety, wages and retirement security” ( ok, maybe three TV appearances as I can recollect, that were utterly non-specific).

        Elaine Chao, Secretary for Labor, did as close to NOTHING as anyone can get.

        • akita96th

          Republicans always telling us we dont need mim wage of 15hr..because ….This is hard on business trying to make a profit….Yet CEOs making miliions and millions while a company is run into the ground and shown to be fradulent and doing illegal deals and scaming the public is ok by them…They would pass laws making these scams legal and letting the CEOs keep pocketing the goodies….Republicans are such frauds and liars…They are the scheming crooked cons….Every republican lawmaker has a for sale sign pasted on their back.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Wells Fargo — Because Ripping You Off Legally Just Stopped Being a Challenge.”

  • Panika MCD

    for a second there, I gestalted “This just isn’t right” into “This just in!” and I would love for Warren to do something like, “This just in: you’re a sniveling little rich kid who thinks that you’re the victim when you get timeout for kicking sand into the lunches of the kids that are getting subsidized meals and may not get one at home AKA an ASSHOLE!”

  • (((cynmac)))
    • revenant

      Youtube has the whole episode from last night. Just watched it, and Maher really did a great job. Yes, he can be a godawful dick, but not on this particular show. If you haven’t seen it, make time for it soon, you’ll be glad you did.

      • andyshelt

        Well, I watched the whole show a few hours ago and I have to respectfully disagree with you.

        There was one outburst from Maher when he said “I must f*cking stop you!” when he himself wanted to make a specific point.

        Other than that though, throughout the whole show he failed to control RWNJ Stephen Moore from continually interrupting and talking over the other guests and basically preventing them from putting forward their points.

        It was obvious that the other guests on the panel became increasingly irritated with Moore as the evening wore on and it simply descended into an unintelligible screaming match due to the Trump like antics of the odious Moore.

        Maher should really have intervened more forcefully at a number of points and told Moore if he didn’t stop interrupting the other guests he would be thrown out.

        • proudgrampa

          Moore was odious long before he ever became associated with Trump. He’s just a natural jerk.

        • akita96th

          Maher was just letting him show the world how crazy the Trump Clown train is….He proved it….

    • Astraea

      I don’t enjoy Bill Maher very often, but that was satisfying.

      Let me read the facts from the Census. Bureau.

      Are any of those words to big for you, asshole? Can you listen for TWO MINUTES?

  • pgjack

    The GOP, “Making America Great Again – for bankers”.

    • sw19tacotruck

      aka “Making Shareholder Value Great Again”

      • Sakonyachen

        Owning stock in something you have never laid a finger on is the American dream. Money making more money is totally how an economy moves forward. Fuck all those employees, they don’t move the economy with their spending of all their paycheck.

        • sw19roadtrip

          I have had unending cyclic arguments with apologists for this armchair capitalism – “But a company has to maximise profit at every turn, it’s in its articles of association.”… “If people didn’t invest, the company couldn’t expand and employ more people.”
          Second-hand sharedealing is such bullshit.

          • Sakonyachen

            I love that bullshit argument. The investment puts companies in a situation where they have to reduce employment to attract shareholders. Larger companies sell off pieces of their business to remain in the shareholders’ good graces. How does any of this sound like creating employment to the apologist? I can only imagine if I sold part of my business, I wouldn’t be hiring a bunch of new people for jobs that aren’t there.

          • sw19roadtrip

            Absofuckinglutely. “Maximising profits” is a (neo)classic misdirection, absolving business owners of any part in the social contract (see Trumpkins’ glee at their ‘hero’ scamming the system). See also ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’. Yes, if you want to strip it right down to the only priority being to make the owner(s) as rich as possible, then great, but this is the reef where neoliberals/neoclassical economics ultimately and so spectacularly flounders.
            The concept of a Social Contract is conveniently ignored, or even blatantly pushed aside, because, somehow, “the market will correct everything”. The market doesn’t have a soul. It doesn’t care about individuals. It’s magical thinking and naivety on an enormous scale.
            It’s why monetarism/neoliberalism – as are most political-economic concepts – are great in theory, but in practice, it doesn’t allow for selfish greedy assholes… in fact it rewards them.
            Sorry, rant over! :)

          • Sakonyachen

            No need to apologize. That was a good rant.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What really frosts me is that all these fines to “punish” the bank are paid out of the shareholders’ equity. The guilty fuckers are only out their 0.01% share of the fine.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who is married to Wells Fargo board member Elaine Chao, is attempting to push a bill with similar terms through the Senate.

    Mitch, you didn’t get to where you are by being stupid. You think nobody’s going to call you out on your conflict of interest?

    • Jen B_VA

      You’d be surprised. See, it is a conflict of interest when someone talks to someone at the Clinton Foundation and then asks the State Dept for something (and does not get it) but being married to a Bank Lady while pushing laws about said bank is perfectly OK!!! (so long as there is an R after your name).

      • dshwa

        What Mitch is up to isn’t half as egregious Clarence Thomas making rulings on cases involving his wife’s company and cases her firm submitted briefs on.

      • eastcoastlib

        The bestest wingnuttery in this genre goes to RedState for making huge a deal about the leader of Bahrain making a donation to the Clinton Foundation and then getting a face to face with SecDef Clinton. Now Bahrain hosts the Fifth Fleet, the tip of our sword in the Persian Gulf. It seems plausible to me that maybe that might get you a little face time with the Secretary of State.

    • JoeChristmas

      haha, you libs never get it. There was no conflict of interest between Cheney and Halliburton either.

    • Duke

      “I’m outraged at your suggestion.”

      etc.

  • Ryan Denniston

    But but but! Warren hurt their fee fees. Surely that counts for something?!?

    • Be Gin

      Is there any evidence that he has any feelings?

      • Marion in Savannah

        I’m sure he has feelings of superiority and entitlement. Others? Not so much.

    • Querolous

      “hurt their fee fees.” Wait, are you saying that they are charging fees on fees?

      • wavicles

        Yes and yes.

  • Fartknocker

    As an old guy who has watching members of the House and Senate make it a point to support big banks while fucking over the working class, I think it’s important that the most repugnant fuck in the financial arena is former Senator Phill Gramm from Texas. Turtle boy is going need to work much harder if he wants to fuck up the system.

    What really pisses me of is why is this level of conflict of interest even allowed. Mrs. Turtle Boy is directly influencing legislation. I hope HRC takes this issue on with a priority in her first 100 days.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/17/business/economy/17gramm.html?_r=0

  • Be Gin

    “…a man who could drown a bellhop in a bathtub of discarded debit cards and never see a day in prison…”

    All five judges hold up cards with 10.

    Perfect stick on the landing.

  • bookish
  • Zyxomma

    If you haven’t done so already, move your money to a credit union!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Or a small local bank. Although they’re harder and harder to find now.

  • McConnell is, without question, one of the worst human beings in all of Washington. I despise him.

  • freakishlystrong

    Sadly, the people that will be helped by the CFPB are voting for whomever has an (R) after their name. And thank you again, KY for Mitch Fucking McConnell at the federal level. And, you’re welcome for that affordable health care, idiots.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      But they’re going to make America great again by…wait for it…more tax cuts for the rich!

      The fact that these suckers believe an asshole who manufactures his own shit in China is going to bring jobs back to America is laughable.

    • kbbaldwin2

      I’m still angry with Alison Lundergan Grimes for blowing that election.

  • Sandrasloveland3

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !dh363f:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dh363f:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash643TopExpertsGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!dh363f:….,…….

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, at least you got away from Lori.

      • Stulexington

        or maybe she replaced Lori.

        • WeaselPoo

          I have an awful feeling what’s left of Lori may now be in the crankcase of that Land Rover Range Rover.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Now I bet you’re glad that Wells Fargo canned your lazy ass for not selling customers EIGHT products they didn’t want.

    • BosDeploraGrl

      I would think you’d get more than 97$ per hour! working at Sandra’s Love Land.

    • WampusKat

      Flagged for spam.

      FYI: Work at home scams are about the only “work at home opportunities” available, so congrats on scamming people who need to put food on the table.

      Oh, and get a decent job. Hep wanted signs are popping up all over the place.

  • WampusKat

    “Wells Fargo purged its payrolls of industrious retail bankers”

    Um, no, Wells Fargo purged a bunch of $10 per hour temp workers that they pulled in off the street. This is standard practice at the bank: hire unskilled labor and “train” them to do Wells Fargo’s dirty work.

    How do I know this? I used to be one of them. I quit back in 2004 of sheer disgust.

    Had you actually listened to Elizabeth Warren (not just the parts you wanted to hear) you would have heard her say the same at the Wells Fargo hearing:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJhkX74D10M

    • BosDeploraGrl

      I think you’ve missed the sarcasm of “industrious retail bankers”?

  • snark-lurker

    “Lib-dignation”
    see also these real words:
    1 “Lib-ation”
    2 “Lib-ertine”
    C “Lib-ido”
    my wittow bwain went there (1 — C) anticipatin dirty talk time Big Pout!

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    That Mitch McConnell has a big, bad case of conflict of interest.

    • Incoming Ham

      That seems to be more common than it should be. See also: Clarence Thomas et. al.

  • Normamperson3

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ch493f:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !ch493f:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash783TopOceanGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ch493f:….,…….

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