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The best way to read your Sunday NYTMorning, Wonkers! That nagging feeling that is festering and driving gooseflesh up the back of your neck isn’t the leering stares of your boss penetrating the walls, it’s Peggy Noonan. Here’s some of the stories yr Wonkette may turn into dick jokes!

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  • Lizzietish81
    • BosDeploraGrl

      Lies! He is an unvetted Syrian because Drumpf said so!

      • Good_Trouble_Yall

        Well, heaven forbid Fanta Hitler could be Wrong About A Thing.

    • coozledad

      Wonder which way he’d want to influence an election?

      • The Wanderer

        I doubt that entered into his planning.

    • tehbaddr

      Reading the Gothamist piece, I can’t help but wonder if it’s an early start in the war on Christmas.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Monday Monday. Can’t trust that day….

    • Lizzietish81

      Had that song in my head last night. Mostly because Suttree chose last night to make some noise.

      This morning he’s like “I forgot, we had sex last night didn’t we?”

  • Sheepshagger

    We’re all gonna die! Panic, run in circles, burn a mosque down!

    Sorry, read to too much media.

    • dslindc

      Or turned on CNN for 12 seconds, probably.

      • Sheepshagger

        Far worse. I cruised reddit. Apparently the only sane course is Genocide. Because Muslims are too irrational.

        • DinkyBossetti

          No fair! I thought being too irrational was MY thing, as a woman!

        • BadKitty904

          A thousand monkeys hitting keys at random on keyboards for an infinite amount of time will produce Reddit.

          • Sheepshagger

            Can monkeys be racist? Is there an orangutan out there somewhere thinking about blaming Sumatran apes for taking our jobs and breeding up a horde of anchor babies?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Breeding up a bunch of fucking lemurs, they are!

          • BadKitty904

            You obviously didn’t watch the Trumpenfuhrer address the RNC?

    • coozledad

      We need to invade Afghanistan. That’ll fix it.

      Treating terrorism as a law enforcement issue only works if you don’t like to blow shit up good.

      • Sheepshagger

        I always liked the English response to the IRA which was kind of …. Meh. Another one?

        • coozledad

          Given the Republican propensity for self-shitting, i can see a similar terror organization setting up shop in the US. Mostly for money laundering, running protection rackets and dabbling in politics as a front for tax-free lucrative operations. If the Russians put up the initial cash, the Republican party would build an IRA style grift in a heartbeat.

          • Sheepshagger

            Like Apple?

  • dslindc

    That Veep bit with Jeb! as the driver was pretty damn funny.

    • Sheepshagger

      I agree. But still, he can go piss up a rope.

      • dslindc

        Definitely. I certainly wouldn’t want someone who can’t operate a hoodie to be my driver.

    • Toomush_Infer

      He’s looking at 2020…

    • BadKitty904

      Who knew Heb was smart enough to pass the driver’s license test? Unless his family just bought him a license.

      • He must have passed. Babs wouldn’t waste the cash

        • BadKitty904

          True, that.

  • memzilla

    ZING!
    .

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Jen B_VA

      George Takei, you are so beautiful <3

    • Snark Tank of Deplorables

      Yeah, then Drumpf will probably call him a furrin’ homerseckshul…

      Pfft, Mr. Sulu couldn’t even beat Arsenio Hall on Celeb Apprentice!

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, George, you sassy bitch!

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Oh, my!

  • Good_Trouble_Yall

    So, Rinse Pubes is threatening the 2020 Rep. candidates? With what, exactly? Does he really think the Republican party will still be here then? Hell, if his current candidate gets into office, the entire planet may not be here.

    • BadKitty904

      Prince Rhesus HAS to insist on GOP über alles – a.) if he doesn’t, some Repugs might Do the Right Thing and vote for what’s best for America, instead of what’s best for their Partei and its corporate owners; b.) if he doesn’t, he may be out of a job and have to actually start working for a living.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Might want to change his name if he has to really work.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Aghhhrbies is hiring!…

        • Big Boppa

          I already work at Toys hgrrrA Us

    • OneYieldRegular

      My snark battery is obviously low, but: This is thing #1 I don’t get about Trump supporters. The candidate viciously attacks every single person who disagrees with him, so what do his supporters expect he’ll do when, one day, they disagree with him? When the head of the GOP actually threatens its own candidates to lick Donald Trump’s balls OR ELSE, how can ordinary GOP voters possibly think they’ll be free from even more such threatening coercion if Trump gets elected?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Disagreeing with the President is unAmerican. Why do you hate America?

      • Good_Trouble_Yall

        Because stupid is why.

  • Toomush_Infer

    At least the Vikings beat the crap out of that smarmy Rodgers (no votes allowed)!…

    • Oblios_Cap

      Are they swarming out the fiords again?

      • Toomush_Infer

        In their new longship stadium!…

      • PubOption

        I think that a berserker is running for President.

        • Toomush_Infer

          libel….

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “Russia thinks that you should stop masturbating, and get a “real life.””

    There is something more real than that? No wonder I read this blog!

    • Toomush_Infer

      That would mean not wasting my time and invading Russia. Consequences, people!…

  • Basket of Vagendas

    Trump takes credit for ‘bomb’ call: ‘I should be a newscaster’

    Can’t argue with the man when he’s right.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      He couldn’t be any more vapid than any of the rest of them.

      • I think there’s potential for him to be stupider

        • Gayer Than Thou

          You gotta have a gimmick.

          https://youtu.be/gFRSawe33sA

        • eddi

          Take the brakes back off his vocal cords and watch the words spew.

      • SnarkOff

        He’s already got the spray tan.

    • Boscoe

      Who knew journalism was as simple as tourettes-like spewing of the first thing that comes to mind? He should start a university or something!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        He’ll fit right in on Fox, and lucky for him – they’re running short on blondes.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        “Our graduates work at Fox, CNN, Breitbart, NBC…”

    • OneYieldRegular

      No wonder Putin called him “brilliant.”

      • Basket of Vagendas

        Didn’t the word Putin use mean something more like sparkly?

        I don’t get the impression that Putin thinks well of sparkly.

    • tehbaddr

      Like a bratty kid on the playground. See I was right, I said it first!

  • Taco Treg

    “Alex Castellanos brought back “otherness” to describe Obama.”

    Pfft. Amateur. – Ann Romney

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Guess who worked on the Romney campaign?

      It’s kind of adorable that a guy who didn’t come to this country until he was six has appointed himself an authority about who’s authentically american and who’s ‘other’. Although, actually, he did that a while ago.

      https://youtu.be/KIyewCdXMzk

      • MynameisBlarney

        GAH!!!!

        That gave me flashbacks!

        • Basket of Vagendas

          He’s less well known, but this is a next-level evil guy, on a level with Rove, Ailes and Atwater. If his name was Castle, I think he would have given Rove a serious run for his money.

  • Oblios_Cap

    At least Putin’s party handily won the elections in Russia!. And with only 47% of the voters bothering to vote. Shocking!

    • The Wanderer

      47% isn’t too bad, actually. It’s about on par with us.

      • Jen B_VA

        I thought it was actually a little better than ours XD But does not Russia historically have a slightly higher better than half number? I could be misremembering

        • The Wanderer

          I dunno. When it comes to voters, I worry about us first.

          • Jen B_VA

            tbh, when it comes to voters, I just worry.

        • Suttree

          They estimate that as a percent of eligible voters, turn out was: 2000, 54.2%; in 2004 60.4%; 2008 62.3%; and 2012 57.5%. These were the same figures as given by the Center for the Study of the American Electorate.

          Pulled off the google by way of wikipedia.

          • Jen B_VA

            Oh wow, we did better than I thought!
            Yay America!

          • Suttree

            I was surprised also, too!

          • Toomush_Infer

            I was told there would be no voting…

          • Suttree

            You don’t have to do math to vote.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Apathy knows no borders.

      • Sheepshagger

        47% think they’re entitled to polonium and Chechen henhouses. They’ll never vote for Rasputin.

  • Suttree

    Argghhh you bastards and wenches!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Glenn Beck has an audience? You learn something new everyday.

    • Astraea

      I apologize for the other members of my family :(

      • Jen B_VA

        Aw :Hugs: don’t! It takes all kinds and I am sure they have lovely redeeming qualities other than listening to crapola.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          They don’t. At least, not in my family. Luckily, they don’t understand Facebook well enough to see through all my lies: “gosh, that’s weird – I don’t have any idea why you can’t see my posts and why we’re not Facebook friends anymore!”

          • Jen B_VA

            Aw come on, there has to be SOMETHING. They are good to their kids, or they donate to charity, or they took in a shelter dog.
            /determined look as I bury my head in the sand

      • Toomush_Infer

        Hey! I didn’t know we were inbred, sis!,,,,

  • Blacktop Cadence

    Isn’t it funny that so many Republicans want a daddy like Putin to make the world right, but the states they dominate are the ones with the highest pud pulling to porn in the country?

    • Jen B_VA

      I find it funnier that the ones that thing a strong armed autocrat is a good thing are often the ones who cry and complain about a nanny state.
      Because….irony.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        They adore the nanny state. Just not when it helps anyone but who they they think it should help. They’re shits like that.

      • coozledad

        Keep ’em hopped up on opiods and none of them will give a flying fuck. They’ll be too busy putting holes in the trailer with a shotgun, or in the case of my community, shooting up a sports bar or taking a goddamn pickaxe to a family member. You know- the master race.

    • Suttree

      Hey! I jerk off too! I just don’t tell people that it’s wrong to be teh ghey and then wank to it. I’m straight and deeply perverted dammit.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Jeez, dude, that’s at least three or four of us!

  • cousin itt

    “It is weird. It’s definitely weird,” said Jeremy Shapiro, research director at the European Council on Foreign Relations. “Two elements are necessary for this: He’s been incredibly insulting to allies, and they don’t think he will win. They wouldn’t do this if they thought he was going to win, because they’d have no back-up plan. They must take the view that there’s no working with Trump so they don’t have that much to lose.”

    They don’t know us very well, do they? Look, world, we are the credulous ignoramuses who gave you W. We’re just getting better at being global assholes, is all.

    • Suttree

      I’m going to assume that he is Ben Shapiro’s cousin, just with a conscience, and writing skills.

    • coozledad

      One of our voter registration volunteers was talking to a woman at one of the housing projects here in Roxboro, NC. The woman asked her “Are white people crazy?”

      I would have answered “Not just crazy. Stupid. Presumptuous. Insular. Malformed. Degenerate. Fucked beyond salvation. I know. i grew up among them, and they suck more than it is possible for most beings to comprehend.”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Twice.

    • OneYieldRegular

      VOTE.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Not to mention Trump’s not-so-thinly-veiled suggestion that his more unhinged followers take a few shots at Hillz on Friday. Yeah, that was several days ago, and he’s done so many other repulsive things since then. No rest for herr Führer, so many disgusting things to say, so little time.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Young men of the world: stop blowing shit up and hurting people when you’re Mad About A Thing. Everyone gets mad sometimes. It’s a perfectly normal emotion. Everyone doesn’t blow things up. That’s crazy and not normal.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We’re fortunate no one was killed and more weren’t injured. Once it sunk in were it was, that’s a really busy intersection. The missus was there 2 nights before.

      • SnarkOff

        Blobfish! Are you a New Yorker?

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Across the river in Weehawken. I’ve come out of that PATH station hundreds of times.

          • Suttree

            I just took the PATH at about 7 A.M. and it didn’t make any stops but Harrison and Newark. This was from WTC.

          • Mr. Blobfish

            Hmm. Sumpin is up. There’s a line of fire truck outside my building and the sidewalk is roped off.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Fuuuuuuuck, hope everything turns out copacetic

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Keep your head down.

          • Suttree

            Down by Broad and Market? I took the light rail up to the park so I didn’t go through there.

          • Mr. Blobfish

            Between McCarter and Mulberry is all closed now. I dunno. Gateway 2 about to collapse?

          • SnarkOff

            Can’t you just swim across?

    • SnarkOff

      SRSLY, do what women do: Listen to Lana Del Rey, cry, and think about how much you hate your thighs.

      • While eating ice cream to hate your thighs more

        • SnarkOff

          You’re such an asshole! [sobs; eats more Ben & Jerry’s]

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Making the world a safer place, one pint at a time…

    • Mezzavagenda

      For real, if they spent more time masturbating, they wouldn’t be so inclined to go around blowing shit up and trying to hurt people.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        It’s worked for me for my friend!

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Best of both worlds. Me, er, my friend masturbated AND blew shit up.

          • Shannanigans

            That must have been very…messy.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Best not to do it simultaneously. Or so I heard.

          • Shannanigans

            Dammit. NOW you tell me…

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            There once was a girl named Alice
            Who used dynamite for a phallus…

          • Shannanigans

            She did a neat trick
            When she lit up a stick
            That was tied to a tree for some ballast

          • pstockholm

            Oh that’s good.
            I was going with …

            She said ‘more bang for your buck
            With a TNT fuck
            Though I can see that might seem a bit callous’

          • Shannanigans

            We are so sick and wrong.

          • pstockholm

            Thank you.

          • eggsacklywright

            That’s the spirit!

          • eggsacklywright

            She lit up the fuse,
            Consulted her muse,
            And achieved orgasm sans malice.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I think it actually ends “bits of her tits in Dallas.”

    • coozledad

      I wouldn’t be surprised if the funding for this little escapade came from Putin. There are a shitload of ways Afghanistan can continue its tradition of being a proxy in a war between Russia and every fucking body else.

      • Sheepshagger

        I don’t think the funding was much beyond a dave and busters power card and couch change. There’s not a lot of juice in this one.

        • Suttree

          Slightly OT, but a roommate of mine in college was one of those swarthy Muslin types, and while we never went together, he seemed to have an affinity for the titty bars along with his Pakistani friend, He was from Qatar, and apparently didn’t feel like spreading the insane amount of wealth that he had (or letting a westerner see him act like a raging perv :)) He was an awesome roommate because he was kind and respectful and never ever there.
          Edit: And he certainly wasn’t a terrorist, he was a really nice guy and it was interesting to meet someone from the UAE.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I lived next to two Iranian guys in college in the 70’s. Mostly they just went to school and stayed home and studied because they took about 25 hours per semester. But maybe once a month they’d have some Iranian chicks over and the fur would fly!

          • Suttree

            Mmmmmm Persian women……. droooolssssss

          • Teecha

            The UAE and Qatar are separate countries. Maybe you meant the GCC?

          • Suttree

            Ooops. Thank you for the correction.

    • eddi

      They are being encouraged by old men who don’t have the balls to do the job themselves.

    • Señor Skwerl

      As an American I have nothing against blowing things up. It’s just the hurting people and property destruction that make me ragey.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Maybe ISIL needs their own version of Wonkette, but with lots of room for snark, and the beheadings have to be ‘with votes’.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Russia, worry about your own dick and I’ll worry about mine, ok?

  • shastakoala
  • Gayer Than Thou

    Well, if a certain Tyrant-in-Chief would hurry the fuck up and impose Mandatory Gay Marriage, we wouldn’t need to spend so much time masturbating.

    • Well you can pry my dildo out of my cold, dead hands

      • Gayer Than Thou

        As long as it’s your hands that it has to be pried out of.

        • It’s big enough to be two places at once!

          • Gayer Than Thou

            That’s what he said.

          • MynameisBlarney
          • Señor Skwerl

            Schrödinger’s dildo

          • The Witch of Endor

            Neither in nor out? I’m less interested in quantum physics (mechanics?) now.

          • btwbfdimho

            What about chemistry, friction and fluid dynamics?

          • The Witch of Endor

            Yeah, those are still boffo in my book. ;)

          • eggsacklywright

            At least it’s out of the Skinner box.

          • Wouldn’t be Wonkette w/o a buttsecks joke added here!

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            And There! Hence, two places at once.

          • chicken thief

            Ok, now yer just bragging.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, I almost had something witty to say to your post.
        However, due to Monday, and a severe caffeine deficit, I can’t brain today, I have the dumb.

    • Sheepshagger

      But I have dowdy taste and crappy shoes! I’m never going to be a good gay.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I realize stereotyping makes all our lives easier, but I know a couple of gay guys that are real slobs. There’s still hope for you.

        • Jen B_VA

          Gay slobs are not slobs. They are slobby Chic.
          Or so my slobby gay friend told me when I suggested he wash his tee shirts more than once every 5-6 wears.

      • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn

        It’s okay, I like sturdy guys in practical clothing.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m still waiting for him to take our gunz!

    • dluch

      i’m too busy converting to islam and getting my transgender on

    • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn

      IK,R?

  • Parchment Scroll

    Meanwhile, a medical doctor on the same team as homeopaths and anti-vaxxers says Bernie Sanders is “a team player,” but “I think he’s on the wrong team.”

    RawStory has the highlights of the Politico interview

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Blacktop Cadence

      I live just across the river from St. Louis, and I’ve seen so much of Blunt’s bullshit that I had to stop watching basic tv (not that hard, it all sucks anyway), but this is the perfect response to that smarmy asshole.

  • cousin itt
  • SnarkOff

    Can’t bring myself to look at the news today. It’ll be all wingnuts shrieking about Militant Islamic Terrorism from their shitty little suburbs in Tampa. Meanwhile we New Yorkers are calmly going on with our lives.

    • BosDeploraGrl

      I checked on a friend in New York and he bit my head off – “there’s nothing going on! everyone is ok!”. LOL.

    • Parchment Scroll

      How dare you! People were hurt, so that means we must all rise up as a nation and lash out strike back at whoever’s convenient ISIS. Even if there’s no actual connection between them and the actual bomber.

  • Beowoof14

    Republican’s fear-driven brand of politics would be “dangerous” for the whole world; and the French president has said the real estate mogul’s “excesses” provoke a “retching feeling.” – Politico

    Well their brand of politics has been dangerous here, inciting morons to take over wildlife refuges, I have been retching about Trump since I watched him come down that escalator. That the race is even close tells me that most Americans are kind of stupid and have never traveled anywhere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGKEkI8IV2o

  • Lizzietish81

    No one has posted Pirates of Penzance? For shame

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ7SVMVrick

      • Kateaux

        I got extra credit in an accounting course once upon a time by bringing in my tape of that to show the class…

        • Vienna Woods

          The accounting teacher who shared my room last year complained that there were no funny accounting films she could show the class. I filled the gap in her knowledge.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Tacoclamgenda

      I may be blind but I have a cute earring.
      LOL

  • Lizzietish81

    Though this is one of my favorite bits

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1r_KUjRRxM

    • Basket of Vagendas

      I saw that in the Park. Kevin Kline was hot like burning.

  • Basket of Vagendas

    NYC bombings are casting dark clouds and stormy seas over Talk Like A Pirate Day festivities.

    Good thing it’s a floating holiday :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXb1QqmrRNc

  • Lizzietish81

    The fact this movie is not on dvd is a crime

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAc5Z89SjH8

    • Suttree

      Yeah, we are so not watching that unless Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot happen to be present.

      • Jen B_VA

        I am the very model of a modern major general

        • Tacoclamgenda

          The best!

  • BadKitty904

    Next, the Omnipotent Kenyan Devil-Man™ will do something REALLY un-American, like, I dunno, placing a big statue in New York harbor, welcoming these huddled masses to the U.S.!!1!

    • eddi

      Maybe this one?

      • OneYieldRegular

        Putting that thing downtown was Palm Springs’ lowest moment ever, if you exclude that terrifying Sonny Bono statue that’s still there for some reason.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          There’s really a Sonny Bono statue? I’ma have to check this out.

      • BadKitty904

        Close, but it doesn’t show the GOP blowing smoke up the skirt…

      • Jen B_VA

        Wasn’t this scene supposed to be New York?

        • eddi

          Yep. From “Some Like It Hot”.

    • Can NOBODY stop this time-travelling menace?!

      • BadKitty904

        Obama Rex, Rogue Time Lord…

    • therblig

      he’s such a pussy, the statue will probably be a woman

    • Jen B_VA

      mmmm Kenyan Devil-Man…sounds kinky

      • weejee

        mmmm²

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I look forward to the unveiling of the Statue of Tyranny in NY harbor on Obama’s last day in office.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Damn…
    Shit just got real….

    http://oi67.tinypic.com/2la39qu.jpg

    • cousin itt

      When will they/he/we/us disavow the millions of Americans who enable the orange turd? Or is calling out millions of angry, ignorant Americans a bridge too far?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        The basket full of Real Americans™?

      • WeaselPoo

        wouldn’t that be the basket of Deplorables?

        • cousin itt

          The GOP has always been the party of the Big Basket.

    • Jen B_VA

      What did he say? Was he being sarcastic, just joking, only saying what people say and how will the media tell us both sides do it?

      • BadKitty904

        Let him prove one of the above in court.

        • Jen B_VA

          Apparently you have to prove your innocence now in Arizona!

        • weejee

          Don’t hold your breath.

      • TJ Barke

        Aot,k.

    • BadKitty904

      Again, why has this man not been arrested?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Because, money.

        And Caucasoidal privilege.

        • zerosumgame0005

          and male privilege as well, and as a guy I call bullshit on that!

        • calliecallie

          Caucasoidal Privilege will be the name of my klezmer folk band.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Cool! You can send the royalties to my PO box.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Heh…that reminds me…
            My friend is an English Prof and one of her former colleagues sent her a text with a quote from a students essay that has spelled “Hand-me-downs” like “Hammy Downs”.

            That is going to be the name of my next character in DDO.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I don’t expect those useless shits to do anything that might accidentally promote $hillary. I damn well expected the Secret Service to stretch that little orange bitch’s tongue out and staple it up his ass.

      ETA: Figuratively, of course.

      • MOG253

        Thanks for the visual. Ugh.

        • The Witch of Endor

          I’m severely tired of his barbaric demagoguery continuing without legal consequences. Go ahead and hate Clinton, that’s the right of any asshole with the ability to breathe and take up space in this world, but when you invite assassination and hacking by a foreign agency then you’ve become a traitor in every legal sense of which I’m aware.

          But sorry for the imagery so early on a Monday morning.

      • tehbaddr

        Brilliant!

    • chicken thief

      That Andy Borowitz is pretty funny! I thought I was aware of most of the comedians working in the US – why haven’t I heard of him?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No idea, but he is absolutely hysterical.

    • Doug Langley

      Um, bad news, looks like disavowing him isn’t going to be an option . . .

      http://www.cbsnews.com/news/rnc-chairman-reince-priebus-party-penalties-former-gop-trump-endorsement/

      • Basket of Vagendas

        That’s hysterical. Surely Reince is aware of who Hinckley’s family friends were…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Why, for the love of God, would CNN invite a crazed, alcoholic harridan like Jan Brewer on a Sunday talk show? We’re there no homeless bag ladies available in the area? What could this profound imbecile possibly add to a conversation about anything, let alone matters of national importance?

    • anon_the_great

      Because our national media is FUBAR

    • weejee

      To provide gin for Peggy Noonan?

    • chicken thief

      I do have some animal hides that need preserving. If she could weigh in on that…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        She does claim to have some experience with headless corpses in the desert.

  • Crystalclear12

    Regular monday: Oh Gawd, Monday. . .coffee.
    Election season Monday: oh Gawd, Monday . . . gin.

    • The Witch of Endor

      Please don’t tempt me.

      • Crystalclear12

        I don’t have to. Trump will have you reaching for that bottle in no time!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Fuck coffee. This is what you need.
      https://giphy.com/gifs/rocket-snail-SQgbkziuGrNxS

    • zerosumgame0005

      I have some tasty Kush if you want to stop by…medical of course!

  • Mezzavagenda

    The link doesn’t seem to be working on the Rinsed Prius treason story.

    • weejee

      Perhaps the battery shorted?

    • chicken thief

      It’s the Rinsed Prius of links, yer sayin?

  • Spotts1701

    Oh, great – Trump wants magazine publishers arrested that publish instructions on how to make explosive devices because they “incite violence”.
    So lovely he’s gotten to the “destroy the knowledge” part of the playbook – should we start the book burnings now or wait until January when it’s cold?

    • Astraea

      It just shows he has no fucking clue about how to address any of this. He just throws out ideas like it doesn’t matter what they are.

      • Jen B_VA

        They sound good to his followers. Sure, mags should not be teaching that, arrest em!
        Sig Heil!

        • Spotts1701

          Next up – calling the Chinese to see if we can borrow their internet censoring programs.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Or the Russians, who apparently are now going after content.

        • Shannanigans

          Because there’s NOTHING like that available online…

      • Mezzavagenda

        To him it doesn’t matter. He just throws shit out and if people respond favorably he runs with it. If not, he’ll deny he ever said it.

        • Grizz1y

          He will both run with it and deny he ever said it, depending on who he’s talking to.

    • MOG253

      Trains aren’t running on time yet, so we haven’t gotten to the book burning portion of the program.

    • weejee

      And when will they start coming for GP, myself, and others that were too silly as kids and got degrees in the chemistries and drag us to the FEMA camps?

      • Jen B_VA

        First day, press and educators. Second day activist and political adversaries. Chemists are day 3 with the other science witch doers.

        • Grizz1y

          You’re a day off, on day one they’ll be too busy rounding up Mexicans, illegal and otherwise.

    • cousin itt

      First, Trump came for all the Muslims
      Then, he came for all the blahs
      Then, he came for all the chemistry teachers
      Fuck us all.

      • Candy Apple

        He came for the Mexicans, also too también.

    • mml1996

      How ironic – what about high-capacity magazines then, Donnie?

    • Grizz1y
      • Zyxomma

        I’d never seen Rachel Bloom before; that was terrific. Aaarrrrggghhhhhhh.

        • Grizz1y

          Yarrr!, She actually got nominated for a Hugo for that. She’s got lots of funny songs and apparently had a show on the CW that I never saw. Shiver me timbers.

    • just_jim

      If that were within the criteria for inciting violence, then he should be arrested about 50 times.

  • weejee

    Donald Trump may have poured gasoline and fan the flames of the “birther” movement, but it was Illinois Rep. Andy Harris who started the fire.

    On Politico, Drudge Lite™, no less. Birther of a nation continues at the GOP.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Yep. Politico, where Maggie Haberman (the Times’ Clinton pool reporter who said her campaign started it on CNN last week) was working at the time.

  • Msgr_Moment

    What is that collection of thin films of cellulose those chaps are holding in their hands?

    • TJ Barke

      An analog blog.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I thought those were what is known as “books”.

        • TJ Barke

          An analog news aggregator then?

  • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn
  • Sedagive

    Every time something blows up here in NYC a sizable group of deplorables wring their hands, cry for unfocussed vengeance and fantasize about carpet bombings, suspensions of Constitutional rights and protections and internment camps. Now we have the added fun of a potential political border wall fashioned from bricks of rock-solid stupid, held together with a mortar of ignorance and dick-swinging incoherence.

    Meanwhile folks in Gotham are going about our business (including my business), waiting to find out exactly what happened, how best to deescalate the situation, and how to prevent it from happening again.

    Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick – folks really need to get out more.

    • Spotts1701

      Don’t forget screaming that the President didn’t immediately get on TV and announce he was lobbing bombs at Damascus or something. Because waiting until all the facts are in is “weak”.

    • Astraea

      Trump is helping them out by saying there’s going to be bombs all over the US.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        Notice how now that he has a building in the vicious America-hating environs of Jersey City the terrorists are all in Elizabeth.

  • Vienna Woods

    Hey those guys in the picture are true Wonkers! Reading the news and drinking at the same time!

    • Mezzavagenda

      It looks like they couldn’t sell their product, so they drank it and when confronted, pretended to be reading the paper.

    • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn

      We should all be so natty!

  • JohnBull

    Did I hear that right? Our Orange Julius Caesar is going to drop out and be a talking head on Fox?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I hope you did hear right, where did your hear it from?

    • ViveLaDeplorables

      Please be true.Please be true.Please be true.Please be true.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Hmmm. Is bull his last or middle name? Is this fishy trolling?

        • MynameisBlarney

          I’m going with, yes.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Aaarrrggg! If you are misleading us on this treasure you shall walk the plank. *Parrot squawk*. Walk the plank. Walk the plank.

  • Basket of Vagendas
    • OH canada!

    • kareemachan

      LOVE this song!

      For things like this, check out the Arrogant Worms.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        And you should try the Austin Lounge Lizards.

  • BadKitty904

    Given the Dems’ traditional talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory…ugh…
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-hillary-clinton-lost_us_57dc4bece4b04a1497b491b6?section=&amp;

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Arrrgh”, if you don’t mind. Please be respectful of Talk Like A Pirate Day.

      • Candy Apple

        Well, here’s a salty sea dog! Edit: Arrrrrrrrrrrgh.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          Aaarrrggg, Mateys. Salty sea dicks.
          FIFY

    • Spotts1701

      Stuff like this is why I don’t take the current polls too seriously. Whenever Clinton has a bad week, everyone goes into panic mode and her numbers drop. Trump has a bad week and nothing happens to his numbers because his support is galvanized.
      Some elements just have to stop being pessimistic – the sky isn’t falling yet, the castle hasn’t been sacked. So get back up and get to work, eh?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Trump’s support is ossified. Particularly their brains.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      I think you could make a pretty good case that defeat has been snatched from the jaws of victory on their behalf for much of the last fifty years.

  • Candy Apple

    I just assumed anyone whom Donald Dumbass picked as running mate would be a giant asshole. That Mike Pence is one comes as no shock at all.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Pence has just burned his bridges so badly with all the opportunistic decisions that went wrong that he didn’t have any other choices. First he signed on to be the smiling face of amnesty, and then Cantor got shanked.

      Then he gave them an anti-gay bill as Governor, and the cock barely had time to look like it was considering crowing before he pretended that he only signed it because he didn’t realize it applied to gay people.

      Trump was his last shot.

      • just_jim

        And let’s hope that this choice works as well for him as his others.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          Well, he did get his start as a wingnut radio host, so I assume that he was promised a spot at Fox.

    • lroom

      I’m pretty convinced he’s a vampire.

  • Vincent Ricola

    2016 is so bizarre. Somewhere along the line, I became a pretty big fan of hilariously awkward Jeb!

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him in my government or running any of my country’s states or businesses, but I’d be more than willing to watch a podcast that details him trying to navigate the basic life experience.

    • chicken thief

      Just imagine – if he could have lined up some big time donors early on how different things mi….

      Wait… say what?!

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Is it wrong to wish that Jeb! was the GOP candidate? I don’t think so.

        • The Witch of Endor

          Yes, yes it is. ;)

          • just_jim

            As bad a campaigner as Jeb is, he’d probably be doing far worse than Trump is, and dragging the Republican Senate and House down even worse.

            With that in mind, I’d disagree and say that a wish for a hilarious failure of a Jeb! campaign is not wrong at all.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I’d have a beer with the entitled nincompoop and I think I’d probably enjoy it. Now I’d never vote for him, but there was something appealing and vulnerable about him when he asked people to “please clap”.

  • Snark Tank of Deplorables

    I don’t have Facespacebook thingie here at work, but I did see a wonderful post by $i$ter $arah showing a couple of the Palin and/or Heath folks wearing shirts proudly proclaiming themselves “Deplorable”. The stupid, it burns!

    • Candy Apple

      It’s the first time Sarah has ever spoken truth to power!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Trump: “Someone please kill my opponent!”

    Clinton: “What the hell!”

    Media: “Hillary, stop swearing!”

    *credit where credit is due*

    https://www.balloon-juice.com/2016/09/18/ed-voters-open-thread/#comment-6009333

  • Doug Langley

    What’s with all this pirate talk? Here’s what we should be celebrating:

    http://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-cheeseburger-day-september-18/

  • Kathy S.

    In other news, Pat Buchanan whitesplains Trump supporters to the LGBT-loving plutocrats:

    http://buchanan.org/blog/last-chance-deplorables-125655

    • DainBramage

      Buchanan is another hate-filled bigot who should just go away.

      • Kathy S.

        It’s pretty clear from context that Buchanan wields “LGBT” as a slur, and “New York’s social liberals” is code for “rich Jews”.

        Try replacing “plutocratic LGBT-lovers” with “Jewish n*****-lovers” to get a good idea of exactly how awful that phrase is.

  • kareemachan

    Well, beckie-boy is full of himself today. One gets the sense that he’s gloating over the situation…

    • jmk

      The barely-controlled glee of the wingnutterati is pretty chilling to see.

      I get the distinct feeling that the only thing that would have made them happier would have been some deaths.

  • Me not sure

    Well…. according to published reports, the NYC bomber Rahim has been arrested by the authorities. This is how you deal with terrorism. Congrats to the FBI, the NYPD, and all agencies involved.

    • Bernarda Alba

      And yes it is possible to stop terrorists without blowing up wedding parties!

      • Me not sure

        “You may now kill the bride….er, kiss.”

  • Zyxomma

    The Chelsea bomber was arrested in Linden, NJ, and not killed although he shot at two police officers. I’m proud of Linden, where I lived for my Kindergarten year.

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    And this just in: Chris Christie knew all about Bridgegate all the time it was going on: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/09/20/nyregion/bridgegate-trial.html?emc=edit_na_20160919&nlid=28466900&ref=cta&_r=0&referer=

    • Bernarda Alba

      Of course he did! This is what you get when you hand the reins of power over to a person with the mentality of a spoiled two-year-old!

      • jowgajen

        So now that that worked out so well for New Jersey, why not do that for the entire nation?

      • Vagandarian the Librarian!

        No shock at all. Yet he still felt he’d better play the “uh, uh, no involvement here” card. Just like my spawn writing on the wall with lipstick. “Not me, Mom!!!!”

  • Deplorable Ron

    Sorry I’m late, everypony. Did I miss anything?

  • bookish

    NJ.com has some thoughts about the bridge closure trial and Christie’s political future.

    http://www.nj.com/opinion/index.ssf/2016/09/a_prediction_christies_political_life_ends_with_br.html

  • Well, ye scurvy dogs, I guess ye could be imagining that all me comments ARRRRR bein’ made in a pirate’s voice, if ye wish. . .

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