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Oh Terrible Ones, how sorry I am to have been overwrought at you yesterday, but everything was awful! I was thousands of dollars short to pay Dok and Evan — and mama keeps her ducks in a row and would NEVER NOT PAY SOMEONE I AM NOT DONALD TRUMP — and that’s even after laying off our good, funny Robyn, what even the fuck, and I was internalizing my Failure Shames all fucking weekend, even in old growth national parks, which is really where one should go when one has a thousand-pound block of quiet dread on one’s shoulders. Except then you are like, “oh this is nice. Welp, 6 p.m., guess I will go to sleep and ignore my family for the next 14 hours of xanatos or thanatos or whichever is the sweet relief of death, I forget.”

I was only *pretending* to smile
I was only *pretending* to smile
But I knew I would ask you, and you would come through. There were giant checks and tiny checks, the usual suspects stepping up to give us more and bigger, and a lot of new names. Sorry to prodigal son at you (one of the most unfair, shittiest Bible stories, I think we all agree!), but the new names meant the most. As I said yesterday, we know the few hundred of you who regularly comment, and the roughly 2000 of you who send money each month. I see your names in my Paypal. But I knew there were another 900,000 of you who drift through each month, a post or two at a time, and not all of you were sent by a batcall from whichever gunhumper site you do your drooling at.

WELCOME TO THE CULT, RECRUITS. Just kidding. OR AM I? I’m not.

I know you want to know how you did yesterday! As of this morning, it looks like $18,000 and change in one-time donations and I don’t know, maybe a thousand dollars each in recurring donations and monthly ad-fewer subscriptions? Don’t make me do Excel functions this early in the morning, Excel is counterintuitive and terrible. It’s the Google Apps of spreadsheets, except that all the other ones are worse.

So yes! Payroll made, this month and next! (Not counting for me. Too depressing!) And yet you know what’s coming: yes, at our current rate, we’ll still need more.

Don’t be a hero — don’t send us anything you can’t afford, and don’t send us anything if you’re poorer than we are. We are not Mike Huckabee up in here, selling diabetes cures fashioned of cinnamon to any sad housebound Hoverounder whose wallet he can Bad Jesus Touch.

Now about the money you did send! I won’t lie and say I was as excited for a dollar donation as I was when I saw with my greedy eyeballs several of you sent a thousand or more. (But I was equally touched. Does that make sense? Yes shut up of course it does.) Those of you who sent us a thousand, let it be known, can endow a blogging chair of your choice, because we are just like that nice young punchy faced man with the money and the voting.

Just as we had the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oilspill Blogging and Coalmine Funstravaganzas, and The Fartknocker Report: Fartknocker Presents The Sarah Palin Channel, Presented by Fartknocker, we may soon have a This Lady Chair for Library Studies and Homeschooling Catastrophes, or a This Other Dude Chair for Stuff in the Butt! Be in touch with me or I’ll be in touch with you, let us make some blogging chairs happen.

Hmmm, let’s see, is there anything else? Well, I love you even though you’re the worst, and vice-versa I’m sure!

Here, have a baby, pictures of which are the purest tokens of love between a blogger and her loves:

Imagine there is a funny wizard quote here.
Imagine there is a funny wizard quote here.

OK we love you bye bye.

$
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  • Tin Kitty

    No, *you* have something in your eye, apparently, because it started leaking a little bit after reading this…. I’m not sentimental at all about how a tribe of snarky liberal misfits and occasional misanthropes came together to help a friend in need. Nope, you’re thinking of you.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      How’d you find my Valentine’s card???

  • Bad Scooter

    YAY! ❤️

  • MynameisBlarney

    Damn.
    I wish I wasn’t so friggin broke right now.
    There are ways to throw cash moneys at this site and its tenders later I assume.

    • FlownOver

      We Lucky Few will try to hold the fort, Blarney. I ‘spect you’ll do what you can, when you can.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’m prolly gonna join this site.
        In the next week or 2.
        Mebbe even sooner.

  • memzilla

    YAAAAAAAAAAY!

    .

    http://bit.ly/1WEOaaF

  • FauxAntocles

    Donna Rose will slay the dragon!

  • AndyC316

    Can we get a, “GO TEAM!”? No? Oh… nevermind then

    • Arolpin

      How about a GOAT ME!?

      • Tacosinencinitas

        MEAT GO!

        • FlownOver

          TO GAME!

      • Wes Grogan

        Goatse?

        • mailman27

          Good God, NO!!

        • ahughes798

          Hella NOPE!

      • AndyC316

        At Em Go!!

  • proudgrampa

    WE LOVE YOU!

  • dslindc

    That is good to hear! Good job, everyone!

  • bookish

    Great news. Thank you all, beloved wonkers everywhere. We need our community now more than ever.

  • Candy Apple

    YAY Trixie!! Also, that sweater-wearing babby is darling.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I’m new here so I can’t say that I love you just yet.
    But I do think you’re kinda alright…for a soshulist cawmie librul.

  • cousin itt

    Fuck the Mona Lisa, that’s a smile for the ages.

  • Rick Hill

    That’s good to hear. I couldn’t help out but I’ll do the second next best thing. I’ll post something someone else made! (Don’t that just make yer little liberal heart go pitter pat?) I mentioned this and AntiDerp went ahead and made it. Now all I gotta do is get a twitter machine and find out where to buy a “make it go viral” app. Suggestions?

    • MynameisBlarney

      GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

      • Rick Hill

        Ik,r? It’s bEAUTIFUL!!

        • Jen B_VA

          Sure, sure,
          In much the same way digging one’s own eyeball out with a pine cone is beautiful.

          • Rick Hill

            A picture is worth a thousand words

          • FlownOver

            In this case, “motherfucker” X 1000

        • MynameisBlarney

          If, by beautiful, you actually mean so ungodly hideous it makes the little babbeh jebus cry, then yes.

          • Rick Hill

            I asked someone to make it in honor of horrific 9-11 art. Now, AnitiDerpomeme has brought it to life. Now we just sit back and wait for donald to act like a little prissy bitch and Wham! pull this out and make him cry.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Your jib, I like the cut of it.

          • Rick Hill

            We also have a plan to let some of the air out of his limo’s tires so they don’t get the optimum mpg.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Savages!

          • Rick Hill
          • Tacosinencinitas

            Cunning!

          • Jen B_VA

            Say, did you see the article earlier of how Hillary better take back the mean thing she said?

          • Rick Hill

            Yeah, missed that boat. Another will be along in an hour or so…

          • Amy!

            You need to catch the next pro-Trump troll that shows up, and give him this gift to show your deep appreciation of his visit to our nasty vile little snark mob.

  • I wish I could recruit businesses to advertise here, but I’m in the Arts and we are stupid about muneez. I think GQ should advertise on this sight their new, delicious, Keith Olbermann videos! And HRC should pony up, too. Just sayin’, but I’m a musician and that means I have no business sense whatsoever.

    • Wes Grogan

      You’re not stupid with the muneez. It’s not your fault that Americans don’t accept “Exposure Dollars.”

      • MamaBrown

        As my brother, who spent many years tech-ing in the Boston music scene, is fond of saying, “people DIE of exposure”

        • Wes Grogan

          So, so damn true.

  • Wes Grogan

    So glad to hear the sun was a bit brighter for you when it rose this morning. Dark times can suck major ass-age (hyphenated so as to accidentally avoid saying “Assange” three times), but you provide us with a wonderful website and we love you. I’m enjoying the heck out of my Ad-Fewer subscription today and look forward to enjoying it for months and months to come! I wish I could do more for you and yours, and Evan and Doc and *sniff* Robyn, but it is good to hear that others came through in a super embiggened way!

    So says me, the man with the most creative user name on Wonkette. :)

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” obvs.

  • Crystalclear12

    It is my belief, with that sweater, she is obviously holding a sonic screwdriver.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Hurray! I’m glad the immediate crisis was met with great resolve by the Wonketeers! You guys rock!

  • Tacosinencinitas

    How refreshing! It’s a brand new day and tomorrow will also be too as well. Money pours in, snark pours out. You can’t explain it. Now you don’t have to show the babby how to use her Stick of Generosity.

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      I thought that was her Deplorables-poking stick. Live and learn.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    I couldn’t do much whatwith only being a substitute teacher (But I come equipped with a full teaching license), closeted translady who just dropped some cash for voice therapy, but I did drop some fundage for a reoccurring.

    Downside is I now feel obligated to post, so you all gotta listen to my shit.

    • Wes Grogan

      Sigh.. I fear this is just a burden we shall have to learn to bear. :)

    • Substitute?

      Yes, my name is Mike Okitches, and I always sit here.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        You make your jokes, but I already pink slipped one kid. He got up on a back desk and ran across the entire back row like an idiot.

        • That was probably me.

          • Blacktop Cadence

            Ha! What’s really funny is this is the same place I student taught at in the spring. I had this kid when he was a freshman, and he was a little turd then too.

          • No, really. I got in SO much trouble in school.

            In High School, I set records for absences, but was passing all my classes. They made new rules, just because of me.

          • Tacosinencinitas

            Well done, sir! Graduation was on Thursday and I found out I was graduating on that Tuesday. With a 3.3 GPA. Suck it, PE teacher!

          • Paganish

            “SLYPixel!” :D

          • Jen B_VA

            I am shocked and surprised.
            No, wait, what is the opposite of shocked and surprised? That

        • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

          Um… that was the regular teacher.

        • Jan_in_the_pan

          I substitute taught a middle school math class that deeply regretted acting like shitheads once they found out I was friends with their teacher. Life lessons were learned that day.

          • aureolaborealis

            I subbed at a high school, where the worst student I had to deal with was the daughter of one of the women I worked with when I eventually landed a regular job. She, too, could be an asshole. One day in the office, after a morning of listening to her shit, I said, “You know, Debbie*, of all the shitty students I had to deal with during my time subbing, your daughter was the absolute worst.” She instantly went from cocky to panicked, and actually put hands up to try to physically shush me from saying any more.

            * Not her real name.**

            ** Yes, it is.

          • Vienna Woods

            I just retired from teaching. The one thing I would NEVER do is substitute teaching. I cannot even contemplate it, even though the muneez is good.

          • aureolaborealis

            I probably would never do it again, unless I was desperate. I did have some fun in some classes (higher math, music), but usually it was miserable. One high school couldn’t be bothered to give me access to staff/faculty bathrooms, which doesn’t seem too bad in theory, but caused me to refuse all subsequent calls from them. I eventually became a sort of informal building sub at a charter school that had a reputation for causing subs to run screaming before they finished their first day. (I suspect there was a racial component to this reputation.) They were amazed that I was willing to come back, and I didn’t think the atmosphere was bad, so that was where I ended my run. Other than the friends I still have among the teachers at that school, the biggest plus was getting a feel for all the schools in the district, which helped with home-buying decisions later on when I had kids. It also helped me decide not to go into teaching (both my parents were teachers). I saw how even veteran teachers were treated by administration and concluded that it was not a good time to be new to the profession. Still, those summers …

      • MynameisBlarney

        Oh for fucks sake.
        For a couple of seconds there I was like, “WTF kinda last name is Okitches?!?!”

        A bit slow on the uptake today…
        I needs moar coffees.

      • arglebargle
        • Gayer Than Thou

          Amanda Huggenkiss FTW.

          • arglebargle

            Adolph Oliver Busch, for the rest of us.

          • FlownOver

            Dee Plouribal here.

      • julienne58

        my new disqus name: Anita Mann or Helen Bedd?

    • Jen B_VA

      But we like listing to people’s shit.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        I did gather that, so I’ll throw my own in. :-D

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’m OK with listing to people’s shit, as long as we don’t capsize in it.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Lady, we been waitin’ for your shit. We pre-love your shit. Have at us.

    • arglebargle

      When you figure out how to leave a comment please let us know the secret.

    • Wes Grogan

      Fun story, but in North Korea they require people to donate their own shit. Here, at least, it’s optional!

  • Wes Grogan

    Babby quote: Give me the muneez and no one haz to get the hurts!

  • JoeChristmas

    The check’s in the mail — no srsly.

    • Jen B_VA

      heh here I was gonna post that XD
      Should have it by Friday, Trix :* And every month until I figure the pay pal thing out and get on a monthly like a good neoliberal shill tree hugging refugee loving commie socialist elitist libtard

  • memzilla

    I’m going to lobby my congresspeople and see if a subscription to Wonkette can be covered under the Mental Health Care provision of Obamacare. I can’t be the only one who’d go crazy if you weren’t here for us, Editrix & Company.

  • AnOuthouse

    If some of us are nuts, and Wonkette interacts positively with our meds, can you register as a 501c charity? Does that help in any way? You could deduct anything Donna Rose touches and the camera you take the pictures with.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Hullo, non-profit person here. I have a small consulting firm (aka I am self-unemployed) that specializes in np start ups (I am heavily committed to poverty). Trix, there is a way to do this. It involves business infrastructure and reporting (no not the kind the Trump Fdn does), but if you can handle making money through internet ads, np mgt should be a snap. SERIOUSLY contact me if you think you might want to look into it.

      • Steven Tyler PJs

        As a former employee of a CPA firm focused on nonprofit audits, I agree with this statement. Nonprofits do not mean that you do not make money, they mean that you do things for reasons other than money and stick to the rules of the people (and government entities) who give you money.

      • malsperanza

        One of these days, the NYT is going to go this route. If they can get their damn owners to fuck the fuck off. It’s what will save newspapers.

    • Well, if the ad revenue keeps dropping, we’ll be a non-profit…

      • weejee

        Can we talk web page tonight? We both kinda dropped the ball on that.

    • Berkeleybear94

      Seconding what House of the Blue Lights says, you can go 501(c)(3) with a lot of endeavors. Journalism in the public interest is absolutely one of them – and I’d think Wonkette would qualify. It just may not change much, since income tax burdens are not the most pressing issue when you are struggling with meeting payroll.

      • Big Puppy

        But, you can qualify for grants. Getting funding definitely takes effort, but it can really pay off.

  • bookish

    Dude. Don’t be Hillary Clinton. Speak up BEFORE you fall over. Jeesh, do I have to do everything around here?

    • FlownOver

      Yes. Yes, you do. Everything except comment.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    I am several thousands of dollars in credit card debt (helping elderly parents with medical bills due to COPD, a brain hemorrhage, and end-stage liver failure will do that) and worry each month that my bill payments will finally be more than I take home (thanks, Wyoming, for having an economy so tightly tied to oil and gas that even moderate fluctuations in prices sends the budget into free-fall) and thus I have no moneys to give. Even though Wonkette is the place I go for great political coverage and awesome commenters who aren’t allowed to comment.

    BUT! I swear to Cthulhu that, as soon as I become a famous author I will be throwing so much money at you you’ll think you’re a stripper.

    • I Only Like Cats

      That’s what I keep telling myself too. (I’m not the one with credit card debt, future Mr. Cats is, on my behalf.)

    • bookish

      Prayers for you and your family.

      • Dr.Zoidberg

        Thank you. I mean, all things considered my parents and I don’t have it as bad as hundreds of thousands of people around the world do. We have a roof over our head, a car to get places, and food to eat.

        Just once in a while I’d like to win the damn lottery, that’s all.

        • Jen B_VA

          If I ever won the lotto I am totes buying Wonkette. Well, throwing all the money at it so they put my name real big above it.
          Wonkette, Brought to you by the Jen of the Holy Order of the Vagenda of Manocide has a nice ring to it, right?

          • Dr.Zoidberg

            I support this idea one million percent!

          • Wes Grogan

            More like Va-Jen-da, amirite?

          • OneYieldRegular

            “Brought to you by the Jen of the Holy Order of the Vagenda of Manocide” will have to be in screaming, 1950’s b-horror-film-style 36-pt. font.

          • berkeleyfarm

            As we used to say on the Usenet …

            SUBSCRIBE!!!1!

    • Big Puppy

      When I didn’t have a car and relied on others for rides, I swore that when I did have a car, I’d happily give rides to whoever needed them.

      Same thing here. There was a time when I was oh-so-broke and juggling the bills. Now it’s my turn to give you rides.

  • NerdWithNoName

    Speaking of Bible stories, I see Donna Rose has a coat of many colors. If she has any brothers (or half bros) tell her to watch out!

    • therblig

      Esau what you did there.

  • OddMan

    Walk cutely and carry a small stick.

    Good news.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Editrix,
    If you haven’t read Amanda Palmer’s book, I highly recommend it.

    http://digboston.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/ARTS_Amanda_Palmer.jpg

  • elviouslyqueer

    This Other Dude Chair for Stuff in the Butt!

    I think Bad Kitty, Lit_Fag, poorgradstudent, and all my fellow “Doing Stuff in the Butt” aficionados should get together and endow the living shit out of this chair.

    • Jen B_VA

      hhhmmm what about people you would not normally suspect of being into that sort of thing?
      I just wanna get to tell people I am part of the Chair for Stuff in the Butt.

      • Berkeleybear94

        But which part? Are you a leg, the cushion – perhaps an arm rest?

        • A basket of Big Boppas

          I would think that the chair for doing stuff in the butt would only have a seat and no other parts.

          • MynameisBlarney

            So….basically a plank then?

          • elviouslyqueer

            Splinters!

          • MynameisBlarney

            LOL

          • ahughes798

            Emerald Ass Borers!

        • elviouslyqueer

          The part that vibrates. Duh.

        • FlownOver

          An antimacassar, perhaps?

          [Anyone still doubt I am An Old?]

          • JH Marx

            Not me.

          • Berkeleybear94

            Lovely. Truly. Although we also would have accepted plastic sheeting that only comes off for company (ie never).

    • Gayer Than Thou

      What am I, chopped liver in the butt?

      • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

        I still love ya. And chopped liver? No. I’m thinking of another organ.

    • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

      Thanks for the hat tip, honey (formerly LIT-Fag here). I am so down with this idea. Let’s allmeet at my place in the hot tub and discuss. Enter through the back door.

  • TeeRaak

    Remember, nudity is always appropriate when its one zillion degrees out…
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/iougWTRgypBXa/200w_d.gif

    • Rick Hill

      You’re going to need some qualifiers to go with that statement

      • MynameisBlarney

        DAMMITALLTOHELL Rick!

        Tha fuck?!?!

        • Rick Hill

          Nudity is not always appropriate. Remember that, boys and girls, broad sweeping statements will bite you in the sensibilities

        • Rick Hill

          Also, something like this is like changing a diaper. You don’t pay too much attention to what you’re doing because, Ewwww.

      • FauxAntocles

        Is that Christie?

        • Rick Hill

          Ok, this tasteless post just got ugly

  • therblig
  • The Deplorable Ms. MLG

    I can’t believe you like money, too!

    • We should hang out…

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        But not right now, baitin and ow my balls is on.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Well I better get back to work if I’m going to rebalance my budget and send you guys more whore diamonds. Keep us updated, don’t wait until the last minute!

  • Redgyal

    Wait. We can buy guest writing spots on the Wonkette? I’d pay for that. “RedGyal’s Opinion of the Day”.
    Also, I’d pay for special content not just ad-free. Like maybe have serious posts written by Wonkette alumni that only subscribers can read. I’ve always wanted to see an Open Thread on here so we can talk off topic with other regulars.

    • The last thread of the day is pretty much the de facto open thread up in this bitch.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Dunno why OT–after a suitable delay, of course–is such a big thing. Dick jokes is dick jokes…

    • Wes Grogan

      Not a big fan of the concept of subscriber-only content, personally.. There are people who can’t pay through no fault of their own, and to exclude them just seems like it would be counter to what I see Wonkette as meaning. Obviously, I have no vote in the matter, but while guest writing spots (after approval by the Editrix) would be great, I would, personally, draw the line on exclusive content.

      • rebecca

        agree. no special sections for richies.

        FUCK YOU RICHIES. I EAT YOU.

        • Wes Grogan

          Truly is it said that Steven Tyler said it best when he declared, “Eat the rich to thy fill.”

          Or something like that.

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Sadly, over the years, Josh Marshall’s (formerly little) place has begun to retreat into a walled garden for those who can afford it. Even the comments.

        • FlownOver

          Thank you!

      • Redgyal

        Good point. Just making suggestions.

    • Berkeleybear94

      I know I’d happily contribute (content if not money). We’ve got quite a few readers with advanced degrees/serious experience in different fields (including a couple of the regulars who jumped from commenting to working for the site like Dok and Shy) who could conceivably answer questions/address different angles. Sort of like a Qora community with more snark and less obnoxious humble bragging about having a high IQ.

      But I don’t know how much of the money the site goes through is a function of hosting and infrastructure that more content actually might increase – so there might be a good reason not to do that.

      • Redgyal

        Yes, Quora is a special place. I go there mainly to see the answer to hard questions like “We’re you ever considered more beautiful in another culture than your own?”

        Would adding content really increase infrastructure costs? I’m a little ignorant in that area. It was just an idea.

      • FlownOver

        I’d humblebrag about having a high IQ except I don’t.

      • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

        I have a (currently useless) degree in aviation, so I’d be happy to contribute by channeling CNN and do all the “What really happened to MH370?” type stories 24/7, complete with rotating hologrammy Boeing 777 models and shit.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Buying guest writing spots is an interesting idea. I can see at least one potential problem with it, though. You’d have to set the cost bar pretty high, or Wonkette will be drowning in guest-posts and have no time/space for actual Wonkette writer content. This would create a rather Republican situation of allowing wealthier commenters – even if they’re well-meaning – to dominate and control the discourse.

      Or maybe not? There might be some easy safeguards against this, or maybe it isn’t as big a danger as I’m thinking.

      • Redgyal

        I think they can come up with something.

        • Jen B_VA

          They could raffle it
          Meant that with a :D
          That is legit a fun idea. Must pass criteria but otherwise, 10 bucks for a raffle ticket! Something. Idk money

          • Redgyal

            That could work. I was just thinking that regulars would like to have a chance to do a full length “I’m Mad About a Thing” type post for giggles. Or not. If they are actually made about something. But more for the humor.

  • Hrmm… the poll above the comments just asked me if I think Hillary uses a body double, and yet none of the possible answers were “Are you some kinda moron?” I don’t think they’re going to get appropriate results when leaving out the correct answer.

    • lroom

      42% believe she does!?! WTF!

      • Jen B_VA

        It’s a conservative App polling thing XD Some of the questions are HILARIOUS.
        Do you think Trump will win? Yes By a lot, Yes but a LOT! Indifferent Unsure

  • Lance Thrustwell

    My current fiscal situation doesn’t allow me to do the recurring dealie, or to give very much, but I think I will be able to give something just about every time you – or one of your fiendish minions, peace be upon them – ask directly, Rebecca. Don’t be shy, for I am clueless.

    I appreciate what you-all do so much. I’ll go to the monthly contrib model as soon as I can, scout’s honor.

  • MaiaAZ

    This is one of the many reasons I hate being A Poor. I am sorry. I did turn off my ad-blocker, though. Does that actually do anything?

    • Wes Grogan

      If they are paid for views, then yes it would help a little bit, I would imagine. Please don’t feel bad for being poor, though. I worked at a Taco Bell for two years just so that I could have a guaranteed meal every day and being without insurance cost me ten teeth and bad health. So many of us have learned to get by with what we do or do not have.

      I’ve been fortunate enough to end up on the other side, married to a wonderful woman, no longer wondering where my next meal comes from, and a doctor and dentist who genuinely care about getting me healthier. I hope the same comes to you, but in the meantime let those of us with a little more help so that you don’t have to.

      • thewendyb

        I too know what it is to be a poor. So now that I have lost my Dad but gained an inheritance, albeit tiny, I have cast caution to the winds and SUBSCRIBED. I AM SO AWESOME.

        • Wes Grogan

          Sorry for the loss of your father.. I went through that a few years ago and it sucked.. but supporting the press (even the snarkiest of press) is always a good way to remember someone!

          • thewendyb

            Except as a staunch Republican? He would hate that. But I loved ‘ve my Wonkette, she is the future, my Dad the past. I think sometimes he got the third cancer on purpose because had he lived, he would have HAD to vote for ANYONE but Drumph, and THAT would have killed him too!

      • Cannedclamscanner

        You go guy. I am guessing that training for the tacobago is no longer necessary and glad for that!

    • sw19tacotruck

      I was poor and young and nonviolent protestily idealistic once.
      Now I am comfortable and pudgy and middle-agedily cynically idealistic.
      So I chucked in some extra this time, because that’s how communal thinking is supposed to work.
      Give later, whenever and in whatever small ways, but when you can afford it.

  • arglebargle

    Well I didn’t even chip in any extra yet. I will next paycheck. Pinky swear. Are you really doing the name on the Wonkabago? Cuz that might induce me to give up the fancy cigars for a month or so.

  • Ed Itable

    I figger with all the free porn I’ve been cadging, the least I could do was throw some surplus whore dollars your way.

    • Wes Grogan

      Oh, sure, don’t throw any of the free porn at us. No, we all hate seeing free porn. No, no, I wouldn’t look at your porn even if you asked me. O_o

      • Ed Itable

        Here you go ( . )( . )

        • Logic of Color

          NSFW!!!! NFSW!!! NWSF!!!!

        • sw19tacotruck

          Is it Trump and Pence standing side by side?

        • TJ Barke

          That’s H4W7.

        • DinkyBossetti

          You promised you wouldn’t show that to anyone. Now all of Wonkette knows what my boobs look like!

  • Zyxomma

    I have interviews with recruiters tomorrow. I hope to be working for money again soon, and when I do, I’ll help my Wonkette friends.

    • Jen B_VA

      Yay! Good luck, Zyx, hope you get the gigs! ALL OF THEM

      • Zyxomma

        Thanks so much, Jen.

      • Wes Grogan

        Is a group of gigs referred to as a giggle?

    • ahughes798

      Best of Luck! Go get ’em!

  • chascates

    LONG LIVE WONKETTE!!!

    • Wes Grogan

      Viva la Wonkette!

  • Taco Brown

    You have my monies your Majesty. I wish it could have been more but I’m back in school full time and don’t have much money. I wish I could pay in tacos.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Idea! Turn the Wonkette RV into a taco truck and park it on every corner!

      • Taco Brown

        I can help. I have weekends off and my own hairnet!

        • sw19tacotruck

          I can’t drive, or cook, but I can eat any left over produce at the end of each day.

          • Taco Brown

            I have my mom’s old Subaru and can pick you up! And yes, she is!

        • Wes Grogan

          You could be like that hustler in the pool hall with his own cue. You step into the taco truck, and pull out a leather-bound case. Slowly cracking it open, you smile as you pull out your own, custom-made and gold-lined hairnet. Your waiting crowd gasps and prepares for a taco feast.

          • Taco Brown

            The cut of your jib? I like it.

      • Shibusa
    • rebecca

      I would FUCKIN ACCEPT.

      • anna rampage

        If you ever want to put together a Wonkette Cookbook as a income generating mechanism, I’d be happy to contribute a handful my favorite recipes…

        • MynameisBlarney
          • anna rampage

            The axe would be handy to clear trees for more tomato plants!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Indeed.
            Because there’s no such thing as too many tomatoes.

          • anna rampage

            Yes indeed!

            I put about about 7 gallons of tomato sauce so far this year, and have been eating fresh tomatoes everyday since mid july.

            I’m sad though as the plants are starting to wither, and the fruits are starting to become sparse…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, it’s that time of year for ‘maters, innit?

          • anna rampage

            It is, I’m overwintering beets, carrots & a bunch of hearty greens, but nothing beats a garden fresh tomato…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Gimme a fresh ‘mater a bit of salt & pepper with some fresh bread with a touch of mayo, and I’m a happy man.

          • anna rampage

            Yes indeed!

          • Vienna Woods

            I’ve been dehydrating mine and then blenderising them into powder. Will report back what happens when rehydrated, possible with good, rich home-made chicken stock. I’m thinking magic!

          • anna rampage

            That’s actually a great way to use them, though might I suggest not powdering them until you’re ready to use them.

            (1) you can trim them into little bits instead, and use them like sundried tomatoes, giving dishes nice bright chewy bits of flavor

            (2), The flavors will not oxidize as quickly if you leave them whole.

          • Vienna Woods

            I also, too have 2 quarts of dried tomatoes in olive oil. The powder is being stored in the freezer until use. I’m looking for a sort of instant paste once reconstituted.

          • Wes Grogan

            Ah, the classic axe. Never an inappropriate gift!

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s so versatile.

          • ahughes798

            I bought an antique axe at a yard sale. It was made by hand, the whole thing. The handle was painted blue. So I named it Babe. Babe the Blue Axe.

          • Wes Grogan

            Ouch!! Got me right in the pun bone with that one! Hehe

        • Jonny On Maui

          That was offered a while back, don’t know why it wasn’t accepted…

          I’d gladly contribute to a Wonkette Cookbook, buy one too…

        • Wes Grogan

          I’ve got a killer PB&J recipe!

      • Rick Hill

        You’d need a truck, too or a heavy renovation of the Wonkebago

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nay verily, Rick.

          She needs her own Tardis.

          • Rick Hill

            Becca is the new Dr.?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well…I guess, if she wants to….but I was just thinking about how much taco storage a Tardis would have vs. a Wonkebago.

          • Rick Hill

            There is that but not much vending capabilities. She should be able to corner the taco market, too, once trump drives all the messicans out of Ireland.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I see you’ve read the prophecies.

          • Rick Hill

            ‘Ware the year,
            comes 20 and 12!!

  • Steven Tyler PJs

    Oh WOW the feeling of Fewer Ads is unbelievable. Plus supporting journalism.

    • malsperanza

      Well, “journalism,” anyway.

      But yeah, Fewer Ads also means Less Crashing.

      • jowgajen

        And you can even Wonkette on your mobile device with comfort.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Have I mentioned lately how homey this place feels to me?

    *puts dirty sock feet on coffee table and scratches nut sack*

    Ayup…

    Just like home.

    • Wes Grogan

      Ahhhh

    • Sister Artemis

      Goddammit Blarney! I’ve TOLD you about the coffee table! And put the toilet lid down next time! Three words: Wet. Kitty. Prints.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Shit! Sorry! I’m not used to being around people!

  • Groundloop

    May I present, Donna Rose the Enchantress:

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Cannedclamscanner

        Spewed on my phone. I happily go off to refill my cocktail glass

    • Wes Grogan

      This. So many, many times this. It would explain the Editrix being so tired. Raising a little enchantress would have to be tiring.

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    I was a lurker for a while, so happy to give moneyz to you now. I really feel I get my ? worth of laffs and poutrage, and babby pics. Thanks so much for all you do.

  • thewendyb

    Tell Donna Rose that her Commie Mommie (Oh yes) is forever to receive my monthly monies. Now put Laguna Beach on schedule for a Drive Through before I no longer have a place you can plug into!!

  • I’m so very happy to read that y’all got moar moneys! In my altruistic perversion, I am thankful y’all will publish through next month since this is the only thing that keeps me sane during this election season.

  • arcessita

    I signed up for ad-fewer, which I’d been meaning to do. It went great, except for the part where I finished and couldn’t find a login button anywhere. I did eventually find a link in my email, but maybe the login should be in the nav somewhere?

    Also you guys are awesome and I’m so relieved more bums than just me came through.

    • mackafritz

      See the Members tab up top.

      • rebecca

        we REALLY need to put them in the same place.

        • Wes Grogan

          You know what they call a website that doesn’t need any other changes or improvements? A unicorn. :)

      • arcessita

        Oooooooh. Thank you!

  • TheGrandWaz00

    These guys are doing fuck-all sitting around my house, except for that Jefferson guy, haven’t seen him in decades. So I’ll wrap them up in a plain envelope, send them your way, and see if you can get anything out them.
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/64/USDnotes.png/252px-USDnotes.png

  • Mpeg

    I have located my checkbook. Just need to locate the mailing address. Meanwhile here is a cheer:

    ♪ “Editrix, Editrix,
    Ready-like-spaghetti-trix,
    Warmer than fresh breaditrix,
    Topped with buttery spread-itrix!
    Won’t put up with *meh* ‘ditrix,
    Better red than dead-itrix;
    If you go in debt-itrix,
    Us wonks will pull you ahead-itrix!” ♫

    • Dg Hacket

      Great little ditty there. Love the itrix part

  • malsperanza

    But longer term: if ad-supported websites are not a realistic model for most projects, maybe the conversion to a subscription is in the offing …

    • I’d rather subscribe to Wonkette than the NY Times or most other news sites, that’s for damn sure.

  • calliecallie

    Is that babby really Gandalf the Rainbow?

    • mackafritz

      Just what I was thinking. She’s like a rainbow.

      • Jukesgrrl

        She’s Like A Rainbow is a fun old Rolling Stones song inspired by Arthur Lee and featuring a lovely piano solo by the late, great Nicky Hopkins. But for our babby, we would have to include lyrics like “Have you seen her dressed as a giraffe,” “Have you seen her dressed as a lion,” etc., etc.

        Have you seen her dressed in blue?
        See the sky in front of you
        And her face is like a sail
        Speck of white so fair and pale
        Have you seen a lady fairer?

        She comes in colors ev’rywhere;
        She combs her hair
        She’s like a rainbow
        Coming, colors in the air
        Oh, everywhere
        She comes in colors

        Have you seen her all in gold?
        Like a queen in days of old
        She shoots colors all around
        Like a sunset going down
        Have you seen a lady fairer?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    We are not Mike Huckabee up in here, selling diabetes cures fashioned of cinnamon to any sad housebound Hoverounder whose wallet he can Bad Jesus Touch.
    Why the hell not? Only don’t do cinnamon – even the fake “cinnamon” that you mostly get in the grocery store is kind of expensive, and expensive supplies are bad news for profit margins.

    • Wes Grogan

      Cumen, maybe?

      • AngryKatie

        I keep seeing people pontificating about the benefits of turmeric of late…

        • Basket of Vagendas

          I vote turmeric. It’s totally cheap, and our grocery service is even selling the unprocessed roots now.

          • AngryKatie

            Mine too now that you mention it.

          • Vagendadentacohontas

            Go for the roots. I heard about a recall from one of the big cheap labels a short while back due to high levels of lead content. Apparently, spices are regulated differently that foodstuffs and they use a variety of fillers, and I don’t know about you, but after a heavy metal meal I feel really bloated.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            We have a south asian market, and shaved turmeric root was part of their whole masala mix, and wow, it’s powerful. I had no idea.

        • Rick Hill

          Don’t be stingy when you use your spice weasel, great benefits there, too.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Bam!

        • berkeleyfarm

          I credit curcurmin (part of the “active” stuff in turmeric) for being able to do formerly-simple things like get off the floor again. Anti-inflammatories for the win.

          It’s pretty well-scienced but as with anything of this sort you need to do some basic research on dosage, manufacturers, that sort of thing as there has been quite a bandwagon.

          • Jukesgrrl

            Same here. It’s part of my regimen to defeat inflammation. I also wrap my arthritic fingers in Salon Pas strips before I go to bed. Big packages of them are pretty cheap at Costco. I haven’t had any additional deformities of my knuckles since I started doing that.

          • AngryKatie

            My mom takes it for her arthritis, and also says it’s helped her a lot. I was thinking more of the people I keep coming across that claim it can cure cancer, diabetes, etc.

        • FlownOver

          Y’all gonna wind up hearing from Fare la Volpe.

      • Cannedclamscanner

        Are you making a dick joke?

  • Joe Beese

    Everyone feel good now.

  • Rick Hill

    Not to try to be all trumpy and start shifting the blame but have you noticed that the Ameros Wonkette takes in has fallen in direct proportion to the amount of upfists the Editrix gives out? Not sure if there’s a real correlation=causation but it wouldn’t hurt to run an experiment and be a little more generous with the fisting. We promise not to tell, Shy, either. Or do, if that’s what he’s into…

  • Sedagive

    I’m in non-profit museum world, where all we do is provide pointless things like culture, and beauty, and intellectual stimulation, and strange artifacts. We’re poor, all the time, year in and year out. We scramble to make payroll and rent and everyone feels awful, always. All we do is ask the public, constantly, to give us money if they love us. It’s a horrible thing, but that’s the lot of many folks who do good deeds, without grift or malice. I feel your pain.

    Thank you for helping us to laugh instead of throwing our electronic devices out the window and holing up in the Redwood Forest with our vegan MREs and our slingshots. That’s certainly worth a T-shirt (or two).

    • Sister Artemis

      Eleventh thousand upfists

      I’m a shameless small time capitalist now, but was in non-profits for years. Know your pain and joy.

      • Sedagive

        I have one foot in both worlds at the moment (I’ve been running my own business for decades). For all the stresses of being one’s own boss (and never really having a day off), I’ll take it over the painful drudgery of non-profit world any day.

        Pain and joy indeed.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Recurring under my meatspace name, because oddly enough even though I’m president of my very own country, I can’t get a credit card.

    • Rick Hill

      Sovereign citizen for dummies has a chapter covering that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Written in crayon.
        Block lettering,,,on those big pieces of paper we learned to write on in 2nd grade.

      • Rufus T. Firefly

        Too bad I am not an idiot.

        • Rick Hill

          Being a dummy is different than being a idiot, fool.

          (Just riffing, no offense)

    • NerdWithNoName

      Hail, Hail, Freedonia, land of the brave and free

      • Rick Hill

        But then, we’ve always been at war with Freedonia…

  • Lance Thrustwell

    There is a newsblog called Newsbusters, which is a sort of bizarro-world RWNJ-version of Wonkette that some of you might be familiar with. It gets maybe half the comments per story that Wonkette gets. How the hell is that piece of inedible Web fungus keeping afloat?

    • JohnE_o

      Koch funding?

    • Shibusa

      Newsbusters prolly has a Sugar-Daddy, like Breitfart does.

    • Jen B_VA

      they don’t pay their people.
      It is the conservative model!

      • Taco Brown

        Paid in EXPOSURE! *

        *Please reference those 3 little patriot girls that Trump backhanded.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    You are so lucky Andrew Sullivan quit blogging, freeing up all the donation monies.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      We are all so lucky Andrew Sullivan quit blogging.

    • Sedagive

      I’ll never forget his epic meltdown during the Obama/Rmoney debates. He might never have survived the current political apocalypticlusterfuck.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        He was supposed to be blogging the whole mess for Intelligencer, but he only showed up for the convention, had the vapors, decided he had to support Hillary, and disappeared.

  • YetAnotherRebecca

    Count me as another lurker-for-years who just signed up for an ad-fewer subscription. Here, other Rebecca – please have my moniez every month and keep providing the snark that I so desperately need to stay sane! Thank you bloggers and most of you (not-allowed) commentors who keep me company every day on the train to and from work.

  • Rick Hill

    Is there another way to be helping? Do all these ads cough up more if we click on them instead of ignoring them? I can get my dog to do that all day long if I set it up, right. Asking for any who may not be as intertube savvy as myself…

    • AngryKatie

      I asked this yesterday and this was ‘trix’s response:
      well, you’re not supposed to just frenziedly click on things. (click fraud jail PFFT.) but yes, the sponsored posts (like the one at the bottom of posts) and those dumb girls in tank tops do pay from clicks, not just seeing them.

      • Axomamma

        I’m always afraid of catching some disease by clicking on ads. Should I not be such a pussy?

        • AngryKatie

          Most everything I’ve clicked on has been a long rambling audio that ends with a pitch to buy something. I think that’s the one weird trick. If you make someone listen to a 10 minute pitch, they’re more likely to buy whatever nonsense you’re selling.

          The Infinity Jars are interesting. If I had a billion dollars I could see using them for my spices.

          • Axomamma

            Hahahaha — you made me look. I never heard of them. Yes, a billion dollars would be necessary. I guess maybe, as my sacrifice to maintain the existence of Wonketry, I’ll try clicking now and again.

            P.S. If you wind up with a billion dollars, will you promise to adopt me? I can cook.

          • AngryKatie

            Deal. You can help me move all of my spices to $34 EACH apothecary jars.

          • Axomamma

            No problem! I’ll even bring my own turmeric.

        • Rick Hill

          Use these, for ultimate protection from viruses on the web

        • Doug Langley

          Hillary clicked on ads and look what happened to her.

  • Beetletheknee

    Deadbeat chronic lurker, now ad-fewer subscriber. Even went so far as to whitelist Wonkette in the ad blockers on the phone and computer, so I’ll remember to re-log in when my phone has a seizure loading the page. (And so you don’t lose money somehow? Not sure if I actually accomplished anything but smugness by whitelisting the site.) Sorry it took so long to get around to giving you my money. I swear I always had a good reason for not doing so before!

  • Astraea

    I have spent a significant time lately setting up a massive Excel spreadsheet with multiple tabs and I’ve individually edited formulas in approximately ONE GAJILLION cells. So I am in complete agreement about this god forsaken software.

    An ad-fewer subscription, however, makes life EASIER AND FUNNER! GET ONE TODAY!

  • KuXiaoBuDe

    I turned off my AdBlocker. The site is so ugly with ads, which you know, but the content is still funny and smart and apt and I feel less shitty about reading your stuff regularly.
    I also bought a onesie and a t-shirt. I know it’s not an endowed chair, but it’s what we can afford.

  • Oily Messiah

    Ad-fewer membership looks great! Glad to support this site, since its basically better than any MSM site. When I can afford to, maybe I’ll get a sick Clinton shirt.

  • MynameisBlarney

    *sighs*

    Guess I might as well cancel my sub with that useless dating site and sign up here.

    Who’da thunk it would be so difficult to find a godless heathen librul dom/sub versatile bbw punk rock feminist hippy Marxist that also likes long walks on the beach, PDA’s and dogs?

    • Rick Hill

      She met her soulmate five minutes before you bought the subscription.

      • MynameisBlarney
        • Rick Hill

          My motherinlaw said that. They visited and we were all shopping for a purse for my wife(literally, this was the third year we’ve been on a quest for her purse.) After the fourth store with my wife giving an examination to every one that caught her eye she said they made the perfect purse for you but someone bought it fifteen minutes ago.(also funny because of how long my wife scrutinized each bag.)

          • laineypc

            I have the same problem with rugs.

    • anna rampage

      OK Cupid is free (or at least used to be), and was a great site for meeting up with all the local heathens, at least in my area…

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks, but I’m givin’ up.

        I think I’m in the wrong region of the US to find my kindred spirit.

        South Florida is just all wrong for me.

        • lroom

          If Wonkette could have some drinky things for us southerners maybe you’ll get lucky.

        • kareemachan

          This begs the question: who is S Florida *right* for?

          • Jamoche

            Florida Man!

          • revenant

            Skink

          • MynameisBlarney

            Oh, and Skunk-Apes.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Mosquitoes, giant centipedes, scorpions and big-ass palmetto bugs.

          • Doug Langley

            You’re right. That’s a terrible dating service.

        • AngryKatie

          There’s hope.
          I met mine in South Florida. It was the mutual hatred of most everyone else there that drew us together.

        • PUAAN

          You think it’s bad there, try NORTH Florida.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Oddly enough…that’s where that stupid dating site tells me most of my matches are. lol

    • DinkyBossetti

      I’ve heard Wonkette can also be a dating site, so maybe your money is better spent here.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’m seriously not even tryin to do that here.
        Though, I agree, my cashy moneys would be put to better use here.

    • Jen B_VA

      Snark aside, I know of 3 couples who met right here at Yr Wonkette.
      Someone suggested the editrix et al open up a dating site to accompany the recipes and dick jokes. Still think it a good plan

      • MynameisBlarney

        Interesting…
        There must a shared loathing of Jimmy Buffett to start with.

        • I meet all of your requirements but one, with the added bonus of possible green card marriage to Canuckistan if everything goes tits-up (and not the fun way) in Nov

          • MynameisBlarney

            Go on.

          • My twitter is in my disqus profile and there is a picture of me posted there from friday night (i am the one who is not Robbie Amell)

          • MynameisBlarney

            Who’s Robbie Amell?

          • Cousin of Stephen, attractive young Canadian actor type person

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ah…
            I’m so far out of the loop these days.

        • Catstro

          Goddamn it, my husband bought an Elmo movie for our daughter this morning *without previewing it* (Cardinal fucking sin), and now I’m stuck listening to Jimmy Buffett singing “Carribean Amphibian” in that terrible island accent he does. I guess it’s good that she’s learning what an amphibian is, but AT WHAT COST? I will disappear it eventually…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Oh…I feel so bad for you!
            That’s GOTTA be torture!

          • Catstro

            Luckily the Kenny Loggins song is bad enough that she asks for something else when that comes on, so let that sink in. I think I can get rid of it without too much fuss.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, at least she can’t stand Loggins, lol

          • Cannedclamscanner

            Hey, it could be Barney.

      • (((JustPixelz)))

        Don’t forget how Wonket Babby met her parents through wonket.

        • Rick Hill

          It must have been fated

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      I am all those things except liking dogs. So close. Well … good luck to ya.

  • Belasaurius

    wait, we can endow a chair? Looks under couch for change

    • kareemachan

      If I don’t have much money, can I endow a stepstool?

      Joking aside, I have to wait until the 20th to give to the cause because of an unexpected expense last week. And yeah, it has to do with our outdoor kitchen….

      • sw19tacotruck

        Dammit, all the hipsters will want an outdoor kitchen now!

        • Taco Treg

          I don’t even want an indoor kitchen.

      • Parchment Scroll

        Clearly I missed a story.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      make is a well-endowed chair.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Some chairs are more endowed than others.

        • Spurning Beer

          …with inalienable rights.

        • (((JustPixelz)))

          How might one meet such a chair? (asking for a friend)

          • MynameisBlarney

            I think one has to get close to a tenured professor…or something…

          • Jon Sussex

            Don’t let Clint near it.

    • cheetojeebus
  • Parchment Scroll

    Excel is counterintuitive and terrible.

    This is a truism, old as time — or at least old as MS Office.

    • Bad Scooter

      Bring back Mr. Paperclip to help Wonkette do spreadsheet munneyz!

      • Parchment Scroll

        “Hey! It looks like you’re trying to raise money for payroll. Would you like some help with that?”
        [Embezzle Money From Trump Charity] [Steal From Cancer Research Fund] [Cancel]

        Well, let’s cancel out of that… [Alt]-[C] OH FUCK NO. I SAID CANCEL! CANCEL!

        Clippy, you’re the worst.

  • Dg Hacket

    Just heard on the radio show a guy suggesting Hillary get checked out for being poisoned

    • Rick Hill

      You know she’s just being poisoned for the attention and sympathy

    • Relativicus

      The thought crossed my mind, but I am much too proud to admit it out loud.

    • MynameisBlarney
      • AngryKatie

        This was my thought process when I saw this last night:
        1) that’s crazy
        2) Putin though…
        3) Wait, he’s THAT guy?
        4) holy shit, could someone have poisoned Clinton?
        5) this is how Alex Jones happened

        • laineypc

          Why should the right have all the fun conspiracy theories?

    • anna rampage

      It wouldn’t surprise me one bit seeing that Putin is anti Clinton, and that Huma, her closet aide is part of the Muslim Brotherhood which is pro Putin…

      Add to that the chemtrial Ben Ghazi, WhiterWater Foster conspiracy, and that you’ve never see Bill Clinton, and the leader of the martian rebellion in the same place at the same time, and this could be very feasible indeed…

      • Rick Hill

        Amature. You forgot to add that it’s Obama poisoning her so he can seize power as dictator

        • anna rampage

          Anna hangs head in shame….

          • Rick Hill

            ‘s ok. You’re a cat, you only know world domination, you’re not at Obama’s level of universal conquest.

      • Sister Artemis

        Wait just one goddammed minute! Whitewalkered Foster?

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      Who’s left to poison her? According to top RSNJ detectives, she’s already murdered everyone.

      • Rick Hill

        She’s so devious, she poisoned herself

    • parkii

      Not just a guy, Bennett Omalu has been saying it. He’s the doctor who discovered CTE in deceased NFL players, the one they made a Will Smith movie about. I thought it sounded crazy until I saw that he’s the one who put it out there, the guy is super legit.

      • Shan

        Enh. You don’t think they did bloodwork when she got her pneumonia diagnosis last Friday?

        • parkii

          Sure, but probably not to test for poison! I’m not saying it’s probable, just that he knows what he’s doing and is not a crazy person, so it definitely gave me pause.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Does this mean you’re not going to lay Robynn off, ‘Trix?

    • sw19tacotruck

      I hope not, but them I’m not the one paying the bills.

      Oh wait, or are we now? I’m confused.

      Anyway, it’s the editrix’s job, and why she gets paid the (theoretical) big buxs. She’s got to think about next month and the month after that too – but I hope Robyn gets picked up for some piecework and freelancing.

  • Axomamma

    Wizard quote? Babby looks like she’s pooping. Very cute even so. I’m so glad you’re feeling a little better, Rebecca, and that the lights will remain on for at least the foreseeable future.

  • h4rr4r

    You should do this as a regular thing, like just a running total of how much you need vs how much you have and stretch goals. Like 3 months ahead of budget, less ads for all. 6 months out, free hats.

    • Cannedclamscanner

      With one of those big thermometers that keep adding red too.

      • msanthropesmr

        No, it would have to be a dick getting more and more erect to stay with the theme here.

        • Cannedclamscanner

          Head slap! Of course to both of you

      • h4rr4r

        It should be a dick though, and then when it gets full …..

  • DustBowlBlues

    Measly as the money I could afford to give was, the DNC must have hacked my paypal account because my in-basket is full of, “Hey! How ’bout us?” emails.

    Thanks a lot, my wonket.

  • YayConspiracy

    Long live the dick jokes!

    • I am not sure i can get the phrase “dick jokes” into the metre of “God Save the Queen”

      • Spurning Beer

        ♫ Dick jokes are jolly good
        Tokens of brotherhood;
        Sisterhood, too ♫

        • The Witch of Endor

          Commenting’s not allowed
          though good snark makes us proud…

      • YayConspiracy

        You have to rhythmically elongate it, then it’ll fit.

        • jmk

          He he he you said “elongate.”

      • TheGrandWaz00

        ♪ God save the Queen
        And her dick joke regime ♪

        You probably didn’t mean the Sex Pistols version, did you?

      • Flitworth

        Try Yellow Rose of Texas…

        • CT_Katie

          Thankyouverymuch, now I have that damn song in my head.

          Hoping to pay back the earworm favor, I’ll leave you with this: Did you know each and every one of Emily Dickinson’s poems can be sung to The Yellow Rose of Texas? It’s true!

          Because I could not stop for death
          He kindly stopped for meeee
          The carriage held but just ourselves
          And immortalityyyyy

      • Jennaratrix

        What about if you make dick jokes a diphthong?

        I have no idea how you’d do that. I just wanted to say diphthong. DIPHTHONG.

        • Cannedclamscanner

          Did you mean dickthong?

          • Tacosinencinitas

            You mean Speedo?

          • Jennaratrix

            OBVIOUSLY I did. Dammit. (Nicely done.)

    • MynameisBlarney
    • (((JustPixelz)))

      hee hee. you said “long”.

      • YayConspiracy

        It’s a hard knock life.

        I’ll show myself out.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Penis.

          • Vienna Woods

            Balls.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Taint.

  • Duke

    I gotta warn ya. When I child grasps a stick they will strike their parents. It’s just the way sticks were intended.

    • dansezlajavanaise

      wouldn’t want donna rose to spare the rod.

  • I hope to see some of that scrumptious Hermine Big WIndy Dick OT show up on the ol’ check at the end of this week and I’ll send what I can your way, O Fearless Leaderatrix.

    Here’s my new BEST FRIEND the ADORABLE babby wolf to look at again in the meantime:

    • thewendyb

      Magnificent animal.

    • Rick Hill

      This cat’s been hanging around and I’ve tried making friends but its mean as heck. Maybe if I get some Friskies…

      • Cannedclamscanner

        They live cat food. The dry stuff helps keep their teeth nicely sharpened

        • bruce_webb

          Also not good to see these ‘kitties’ around in day time. Like the bandit faced ‘doggies’ and the Pepe le Pew types they are more at home knocking over your garbage cans and terrorizing your other pets between midnight and 4AM.
          As they say “Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun”. Yeah and rabid possums and skunks. Who oddly are not as lovable as they seem in old Pogo cartoons.

      • msanthropesmr

        I, for one, think possums are adorbs.

        • Jeffocaster in the desert

          Ting chased a little one in the yard and it played….yes it did…..possum.

  • Catstro

    I just found out that I’m paying for two magazine subscriptions that I thought I had cancelled, so I’m going to increase the amount of my monthly subscription once I get that sorted. I took a break from everything (including yr wonkette) when mom and dad were fighting (aka the Democratic primaries), but I realized I’ve been hanging out here a lot since the conventions, so I’m ponying up.

  • Beowoof14

    This is such good news. This is my sanity spot.

  • Courser

    I’m so glad you’re feeling better and maybe a bit happier. I can truly empathize with the shitty, shitty feeling.

  • Jennaratrix

    Ohmygosh, FINE, I’ll sign up already, GAWD BECKY.

    Just kidding. I’ve been reading and not-commenting here for a while and being a bad girl using AdBlock; so I signed up for ad fewer. I’m happy to help; we were in a bad bad bad place in 2008, got ourselves out, and are managing nicely. About time I paid it forward.

  • Stulexington

    I count right now as poorer, but I did shut off the adblocker long enough to do some clicky help. I’d leave it off for the site but there’s an obnoxious energizer ad that seizes my screen every time it refreshes.

  • Dolmance

    Kid looks pensive.

    • Nounverb911

      Expensive.
      –FIFY

    • Jonny On Maui

      The last pic for some unknown reason that I should probably seek therapy for the first words in my head were “Winston Churchill”…

    • Doug Langley

      She just discovered Harry Potter’s magic wand. She’s thinking “Tomorrow the world . . .”

  • Lee Hillhouse

    I am now a monthly five bucks giver. I will do more when I can. Life/politics would be awful without you guys.

  • Lee Hillhouse

    I nearly forgot. Thanks for the pictures of DR. That always cheers me up.

  • BosDeploraGrl

    As soon as either unemployment or the severance I was promised ends up in my checking account, I will up my monthly contribution. Someone said the other day that the non-comment section of this site is like a neighborhood bar and that was a perfect description.

  • phoenix00

    Does this mean Robyn is unfired? Defired? AWESOME IF TRUE!

    • Jukesgrrl

      I don’t think so, unless there are some big checks in the snail mail. Why don’t we hit up the Trump Family Foundation? That could be fun.

      • phoenix00

        Interesting thought but that vat may also be clean and dry

        • Tacosinencinitas

          Why don’t we have hacker minions doing our bidding? I kid.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m so happy to hear this got worked out. I dropped a snail mail check yesterday (I keep my irl identity as separate as possible from my online id… the paranoia is real) and I’m fine with the regular old titty ad splattered view that I’ve grown to love, so I want nothing in return.

    Just please keep the site up and running. I’ve lurked and posted at random since the olden days of 2006 and I don’t know what I’d be in a world without Wonkette. I already lost David Bowie and Prince and my favorite uncle and my dog this year, so I can’t handle anymore change.

    • thewendyb

      Hey! I NEVER get titties splattered in MY ads! Why not?

      • Vincent Ricola

        I’m on android, I always get titties, even if my pro-weenier browser history doesn’t support the theory that I’m interested in seeing them.

    • Jukesgrrl

      You are right, this year has sucked in so many ways. My sincere sympathy for your personal losses. (I share your public ones and would add Alan Rickman, I loved him so.) Take care, post more often, and never forget that paranoia is just common sense these days.

  • Callyson

    Glad the crisis has passed. If/when my finances get better I can up my monthly contribution. I do not know how the hell I would get through this election without my daily visits to Wonkette!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I stand in awe of the Gold Club Wonkers who made the $1000 contributions…and feel somewhat chagrined at my own extremely modest donation. So hey, if any of you have ANOTHER thousand you’re not using right now…

    • msanthropesmr

      You’d just use it for guitars and stuf.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Moi?!?

        • msanthropesmr

          I got a commission for what I am terming a “Super Champ” 8 watt Single ended 6L6 10″ speaker one knob amp. I’ll post pics when it’s done.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Please do…love to see it.

          • msanthropesmr

            The amp part should be done this weekend. If I can get the desk that I am making out of my shop, then I can start on the cabinet for this thing.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Sounds like you need a bigger shop, but then again, who doesn’t? My rule of thumb with shop space is, no matter how much room you have, you will fill it up with shit.

          • msanthropesmr

            Yeah. It’s 20×20 and it has to have ALL my shit in there, including the auto repair stuff, two motorcycles, and a Bink’s explosion proof spray booth. It’s tight. And frustrating.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I had to move to a smaller shop about a year ago…1000 sq. ft. My “spray booth” is now out back behind the shop early on Sat. and Sunday mornings while the neighborhood tweakers are taking a break.

          • anna rampage

            I bit the bullet several years back and converted my 18 x 18 garage into a full wood shop.

            It’s still too small to do really large projects, but gives me enough space to get by.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Am SO jealous.

          • The “horizontal surface syndrome”. I know it well.

          • I’d like to see the desk, too.

          • anna rampage

            Do you do passive cross over design by chance?

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            Can a pentode be triode strapped? Of course he can! (for monies….)

          • anna rampage

            I do not mind paying monies….

            I’ve been pondering making a small line of custom speakers for Hi-Fi stereos for a while now, but the cross over design is a little over my head… I mean beyond the basic coil and cap designs…

            Phase alignment is beyond me, that’s for sure!

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            I have a preamp he designed…sounds good even on 78s with the wrong (slightly wrong) response curve. Amazing new 78 cart from Ortofon.

          • msanthropesmr

            I can.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Ooh! Can you do/suggest a sound system for a (electric) sauna?
            It has some old tiny speakers in it, but I CBA to find an amplifier and DIY it. I thought of sticking a car amp (boombox for the trunk) under the seating, but then I got bored because wireless would be nice etc…..
            I’d spend so much time in my sauna in the cosy cottage, with a decent sound system. The iphone’s okay, but meh, tinny.

          • aureolaborealis

            Bel Canto PL-1A universal disc player, Revolver Rebel Turntable with Goldring Elan cartridge, Denon TU 1500 PD tuner, Sony dual-cassette deck, Bel Canto Pre3 2-channel analog preamplifier and (2) Bel Canto e.One Series VBS1 Virtual Battery Supplies, Leema Acoustics Hydra II 500wpc monoblocks, and Tetra 606 speakers. DSPeaker Anti-Mode 2.0 Dual Core Audio Processor, Shunyata Research and Bel Canto ICs and power cables, and Shunyata Research Hydra II and Radio Shack H81791 power conditioners.

            Then just throw a tarp over the whole thing to keep the moisture out.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Sounds like a plan!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Or a $40 Target boombox.

          • sw19tacotruck

            I actually picked up a spare logitech computer surround sound speaker system for $10 Canadian from the local thrift store and thought about putting it in the sauna. But that would be overkill (it’s only a 6×4 foot ‘double’). Hooking it up to the tv seems the more sensible option.
            Like I said, it’s really tricking it up just for the sake of it.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            That’s a plan?!? It seems like a report on ideas for wall building or an invasion. Seriously, is that like 5 different suggestions? Whatever, it’s impressive. To think I’ve been looking for a speaker for my tablet at the dollar store.

    • BadKitty904

      A thousand DOLLARS??? I don’t think I own a thousand of anything. Other than books.

      • starfanglednut

        Not a thousand mouse toys? I will buy you some mouse toys.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, if we checked under the couch, maybe.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I might have a thousand books. Money and space being considerations, I am now mostly a serious library guy. A friend of mine sent me a book about the Silk Road last week, in thanks for caring for her dog. Dense read…so nice not to have that 3-week sword hanging over my head.

        • BadKitty904

          Money isn’t too much of a consideration, thanks to BookFinder, the bibliophile’s friend (I rarely buy new books), but *space* IS an issue. My bf has begun to make pointed comments and I’ve begun to order books in secret.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You know-and forgive me-but when you start buying books secretly, hiding them from others, and sneaking in a read when you think no one is noticing, well, it might be time for an intervention. “I’m BadKitty904, and I’m a bookaholic”.

          • BadKitty904

            Sadly enough, the similarities have occurred to me. Bookoholism (or bibliophilia) runs in my family.

            But I NEED them, I tells ya! I NEED ALL OF THEM!!!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I know *sigh*. When I was but a wee lad, our local librarian-with the classic rhinestone glasses and tight bun-that MY MOTHER introduced me to, handed me a book and said, “the first one’s free, kid”. I was doomed from that moment.

          • BadKitty904

            Check out the story of Sir Thomas Phillipps, if you haven’t already – surely the most spectacular example of bibilomania (vs. bibliophilia) in recent history. Following Phillipps’ death in 1872, his grandson began to sell off Phillipps’ immense personal library in 1885. The sale of Phillipps’ collection lasted 121 years, the final lot of books being sold by Christie’s in 2006.

  • msanthropesmr

    Yay – I like your appeals a lot more than NPRs.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Better dick jokes also too.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      You all could show some tired old British Telly Sitcoms. Rising squalor, The Goof Life, Keeping up appearances with pneumonia……..

      • Doug Langley

        My Hemorrhoids . . .

        • msanthropesmr
          • CrowMeris

            Jeeeez, I haven’t even THOUGHT of FZ & The Mothers in a couple of decades. Thanks!

          • Doug Langley
          • msanthropesmr

            So, is that parody? OR real? I’m so confused.

          • Doug Langley

            Parody. Funniest superhero parody ever. Viewers might recognize Ardal O’Hanlon as the dimwitted priest from Father Ted. His character here is just as dumb.

            “Our relationship is based on complete trust and honesty. For example, last night when I couldn’t perform in bed, you honestly said it was your fault for not pleasing me enough.”

            “Um, George, don’t you think I might have been lying to help your confidence?”

            “Oh, Janet. If I believed that, I’d fly off to the sun’s core and incinerate myself.”

            “Obviously I wasn’t lying.”

  • msanthropesmr

    My new job is great. But I can no longer comment during the day. ANd I feel less amusing. Something about dealing with big piles of data.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Big piles of….data…. :-P

      • Shan

        Poop. I think he means poop.

        • Doug Langley

          To an IT guy, they’re pretty much the same thing.

          • Shan

            Ooh, that reminds me…I gotta email mine…

          • Doug Langley

            I’ve heard of low cost colonoscopies, but that takes the cake.

          • Shan

            Ahhhhahahahaha!

            I’m not that close with my IT guy.

          • TJ Barke

            Not yet…

    • berkeleyfarm

      I am not able to do much during the day myself (weaning myself off). I am with you on the “feeling less amusing” part as I am about to deep dive into … a federal compliance initiative.

      • Wow. Excitement abounds for you

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Not even 10 minutes ago I was ‘splaing to my neighbor what it’s like getting and dealing with federal monies and attending regulations. I believe l saw tears forming and attempts to yawn stifle
        I feel for you big time.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Don’t leave the Datas in piles, Doctor Soong worked very hard on those!

  • tangofoxtrot

    I can barely get by without the Nightly Show during the most racist campaign since before George Wallace got himself second amended by some loony. Do NOT make me go thru the sexist darkness of a Trump/Pence top ticket without my favorite mommy blog and all the “he’s such a dick” jokes. DO NOT DO IT.

  • Clay Denton

    Although I enjoy all you contributors, I Find Doc Zoom to be the most postable for my not very bright conservative friends. Maybe it’s just the former teacher in me.

  • Pneumoniajohn

    Well done, wonketariat!

    ? So come brothers and sisters
    For the struggle carries on
    The Wonkernationale
    Unites us wonks in song
    So comrades come rally
    For this is the time and place
    The Wonkette ideal
    Unites the Wonker race
    ??

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    I’ve been thinking of ways to raise money all day for Wonkette, and all I could think of was suggesting to Rebecca that there’s a man in New York, who’s a very powerful, well connected media man, with lots and lots of money. Apparently he will give money to pretty young ladies if they dance for him. Who’s willing to dance for Roger?

  • Hmm. It just occurred to me that all those quarters I’ve been getting every month for laundry are just piling up.

  • Pneumoniajohn

    OT and all that, but I’ve been out all day. Is Hillary dead yet?

    • sw19tacotruck

      Yep. The campaign’s on their fourth body double this week. If Putin would just stop poisoning them!

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Sorry. Read down but clearly not carefully.

        • sw19tacotruck

          Great minds/reverse stalking!

    • anna rampage

      She’s died 4 times since 9/11 and I hear they’re getting low on the blood of the small conservative children that they’ve been using to revive her…

      • BadKitty904

        Some day, she’ll beat Cheney record.

    • TJ Barke
      • BadKitty904

        Sub-creatures! Hilz the Hilzerian, Hilz the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come! Choose the form of the Destructor! Choose and perish!

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Not yet; poison is such a slow way to go.

    • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn

      She’s only mostly dead!

      • BadKitty904

        She’s not foolin’ anyone, ya know…

  • LadyLaz

    <3

  • Be Gin

    NPR? No I don’t laugh at NPR.

    PBS? I dropped watching the box 20 years ago.

    Wonkette? I laugh at things on Wonkette. Stories, comments and graphics. I laugh everyday at something on Wonkette.

    Even the My Little Pony thing makes me laugh!

    It’s worth every cent to have something to laugh at.

  • Brian

    Just remember, we fully expect you to use our money to buy a 6 ft portrait of the Wonkette Baby!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Gold plated or GTFO!

      • mtn_philosoph

        No way. Thou shalt meet thy payroll. That’s the 11th Commandment.

  • Pat_Pending

    I send 5 bucks a month and I’ve been out of work since January. Prior to that temp gig I was out of work since November 2013. Husband works, or you’d be getting air kisses. Looking forward to sending more someday soon.

  • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

    SORRY BUT EXCEL IS LIFE!

    • BloviateMe

      You sound like my boss, and I reflexively screamed “fuck off and die!”

      So, uhhh, sorry about the fuck offing, and dying and stuff.

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        AM I YOUR BOSS? IT IS POSSIBLE I AM YOUR BOSS!

        Seriously though, I live in excel. At home, at work. On my phone. It’s always there like a trusty dildo!

        • sw19tacotruck

          Much better than a rusty dildo. But I don’t judge!

        • BloviateMe

          Say lady, that’s a LOOONNNGGG column you got there. Wanna see the girth of my row?

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            My dildos feature a lot of functions?!

          • mtn_philosoph

            Do you have a PivotTable?

          • BloviateMe

            Lubed and ready to pivot.

          • CJTX

            You guys are hilarious. #DirtyExcelJokes

        • cousin itt

          Center spreadsheet or gtfo.

        • Sister Artemis

          I have never before thought of Excel as a trusty dildo, but it all makes sense now…

    • mtn_philosoph

      OpenOffice Calc is the wind beneath your wings.

    • CJTX

      Heh, it was when I was getting my cert. Course it means Microsoft has bestowed on me the title of “Expert” – strictly speaking. ;)

    • BloviateMe

      In all honestly, my first experience with a spreadsheet was in Physics lab using Lotus 1-2-3.

      That thing sucked,

      Excel is fairly intuitive for basic stuff.

    • TJ Barke

      Excel is suicide rendered as a computer program.

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        Killing me softly with line charts. If that isn’t a song, it should be!

      • Pat_Pending

        But it’s suicide that pays. Also, staring fixedly at the screen sometimes keeps assholes away from your desk.

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          This. I learned excel in the 8th grade (1992-1993 ish) and being a kid figured it was something all the adults knew. By the time I was a junior I was doing all kinds of random shit in excel for school, for the PTA, booster clubs. Some of them even paid!

          Then I hit up a temp service after high school and took some skills tests. What! You’re good with excel?! Kids these days! Here are some fortune 500 companies to work for.

          Plus working with excel rarely felt like work. Working with people, well that’s another story!

    • Brian

      I knew basically nothing about computers when I got a temp job in a finance dept in the early 90’s. And the company had just switched from Lotus to Excel. And all of these very experienced people couldn’t figure out Excel at all. And in about a month I became the Excel and Access expert. And that’s how a Creative Writing/Religion major who didn’t take one math class in college ended up with a career working entirely with numbers and analytics.

      Excel is totally intuitive to me, I love it!

      • BloviateMe

        Nice! I took six days of Access classes like 8 years ago, and after not using it for years, used that bad boy to put together a scheduling program for engineering/manufacturing/shipping/invoicing our entire plant now depends on.

        It’s a pretty powerful tool, for those of us who don’t know dick about programming.

        • Brian

          I haven’t used Access in a long time. I’m not sure I could use it today. But for years I really did love it. Used for things both professional and personal.

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          Sadly we never have an IT budget so Access gets used a lot. I rarely touch the system built for us (in like 1991) because it is so outdated. We have to do just about everything in excel and access. YAAAAY!!!

          • BloviateMe

            Gads yes, our company invested craploads into a POS system, so I had IT put together an SQL I dump into Access, and then we can actually use the data without entering it seven god damn times for every transaction. Plus the reports! No more of the two hours every Tuesday putting together sales forecasts. It’s push button shit. I do loves me some Access.

      • Pat_Pending

        I kind of like it too. I could play with tables all day and they don’t even have to be numbers.

    • Pat_Pending

      Pivot tables for everyone!

  • terryk

    For an example of how *not* to beg for money to stave off disaster, I bring you Joseph Farah trying to save WorldNetDaily from an “existential threat.” Farah couldn’t be bothered to lay out any of his expenditures and instead blamed it on Obama destroying the economy, and not at all on how he employs a bunch of discredited birthers and sells weird things like biblically based diet plans (which is apparently a thing) and Russian gas masks:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-krepel/worldnetdaily-begs-for-mo_b_10266714.html?

    He also claims he got a good response to his begging, but he’s a known liar.

    • BadKitty904

      The Party of “Fiscal Responsibility,” ladies and gentlemen…

  • CJTX
  • BloviateMe

    So Editrix, how much to have “King Regent,” or “Ayatollah of Snarkolah” or some such appear after my name?

    Let’s dicker.

    • Historicat

      Selling titles is a time-honored strategy of kings and despots. Come on Rebecca, let’s talk prices here.

  • cousin itt

    Rachel just revealed a Newsweek story for tomorrow that calls into question how the Trump Organization has a complex web of global relationships including with criminal elements although the Organization itself has not apparently done anything illegal. The author suggests that Trump will have to sever all ties with all of his business interests in order not to be the most compromised president in history.

    What’s most remarkable to me is that this story has not been out there long before now. I get that it’s important to detail and document the web but that Donald has been able to go on for so long without being publicly questioned, especially during the primaries, is astonishing.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Too busy talking about the Clinton Foundation using funds from wealthy donors to do insidious things like alleviate AIDS and malaria in Africa. String her up!

    • Brian

      I posted here last week wondering why this hasn’t been examined, since he doesn’t even need to step away from his company if he doesn’t want to. So, I’m going to take credit for this.

      not that it will really change anything, cause Hillary is still dying.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Thank God Trump has the most stupendously excellent health of any human being that has ever existed on the planet.

        • Brian

          and he’s going on Dr. Oz to talk about it. In a “no holds barred” interview in which he will talk about only the parts of his health he wants to discuss.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Please either shoot me beforehand or wake me up well after that shitshow is over.

          • Señor Skwerl

            We better tune in because we have no idea what they will report.

          • cousin itt

            Donald reports, Donald decides.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’d love to see Zombie Teddy Roosevelt kick Trump’s fat ass up and down 5th Avenue.

          • cousin itt
          • BadKitty904

            Well, it’s a start.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh hellz yeah!

          • BadKitty904

            Dr. Oz? What, Dr, Nick was busy?

          • Sakonyachen

            Doc McStuffins?

          • Historicat

            You know Trump doesn’t go near those people; they’re all dangerous thugs!

    • BadKitty904

      “Horrifying” is the word I’d use…

    • Sakonyachen

      The GOP screams partisan whenever anyone questions anything they ever do. I doubt they would dare do it during a primary. Dems could point out that they talked about it so not partisan. Not that they wouldn’t scream partisan attack liberal media email Benghazi transpottyrapists fetus sales anyway.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Did anyone other than me notice that Trump’s audience is dwindling?

    • TJ Barke

      The deplorables are driving away all the decents.

      • Sakonyachen

        Deplorables=The people on stage?

    • BerkeleyMan

      I only like? and coffee.

    • cousin itt

      It’s a grave problem for him. Demographics is a bitch.

    • BadKitty904

      The new Fall season of their favorite TV shows is coming up before long…

  • Panika MCD

    OT: will be back in a bit with lessons from the TX lege, but first:

    after 10 hours the final TX Sen HHS interim hearing ended strong with a tinfoil hat on. dude alleged that FDC was probably lead (TROJAN HORSE!) and that the FDA was trying to poison us with it by putting it in M&Ms in addition to killing us with fluoride and chem trails. the chair cut him off and was all, “you know who you should really talk to about all this? you should talk to TCEQ. I WILL GIVE YOU THEIR PHONE NUMBER!” which is probably the best dismissal of a crazy person I’ve seen in a while at the legislative level. especially since TCEQ isn’t doing its job anyway, so they might as well get innundated with the GUANOS!

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      I’m actually surprised they cut him off, instead of saying REALLY??? OMG OBAMA IS EVIL!!

      • Panika MCD

        Obama is but a pawn the the ILLUMINATI CHEMTRAILS LEAD IN THE M&MS PLOT!

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          THANKS BEYONCE!

          • Panika MCD

            SHE HATH BEEN IN CAHOOTS WITH CANNED RASPUTIN CLAMS! BURN HER!

    • BloviateMe

      They were fine as TCE, don’t know why you have to add “Questioning,” I mean, who isn’t?

      • Panika MCD

        Texas Commission on Environmental Quality.

        • BloviateMe

          But of course it is. I sometimes forget myself.
          A tip o’ the hat.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            The name is a misnomer. They have a few good engineers and stuff but they mostly fuck stuff up and ignore the environment. Also they throw a lot of parties. Or so I have been told.

    • CJTX

      Gets a little raucous down there on the floor in Austin, don’t it?

      • Panika MCD

        always end on a high note so that everyone will forget how you refused to do anything because Congress won’t do anything either.

        • CJTX

          I actually got to celebrate sine die one year when I work at the Capitol. I have a feeling the real movers and shakers have a fantastic time.

          • Panika MCD

            I know I do. TLS gets to do all the things.

  • Brian

    Trump announces he’s going to Flint tomorrow. Flint’s Mayor, who is currently in DC, says she’s never heard from anyone in Trump campaign. Trump says he’s going to tour water treatment plant. Mayors response is that the people at the plant are busy and can’t afford distraction of an unannounced visit.

    So, Flint to Trump, “Fuck off!”

    • BadKitty904

      Here’s hoping they arrest him for trespassing.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Would that end his campaign?

        • BadKitty904

          It might slow it down.

  • Kiri the Deplorable Unicorn

    Dear Editrix: I have sent you $25. Please use it to buy food for your dogs so they don’t eat the baby.

    • cousin itt

      Love to eat them babbies
      Babbies what I love to eat

      -with apologies to B. Kliban

    • BadKitty904

      I thought that was dingoes.

  • I Only Like Cats

    So after seeing a PCH commercial, I asked future Mr. Cats what I could do with 7,000/wk for the rest of my life (without generating more money) other than giving to charity and he has been staring at me for some time now trying to think of something.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Two chicks at the same time.

      https://youtu.be/fiuZIno6KPA

    • Suttree

      I could dress up in a furry cat suit and sleep on your floor for $1,000 a week. Booze is extra.

      • BadKitty904

        Ahem.

      • Pat_Pending

        What about hair balls?

        • Suttree

          I can cough up some phlegm!

    • Axomamma

      I’d move to the beach and hire a cook, a maid and a hairdresser.

  • CJTX

    I hereby present you with the Most Terrible Person of….well the last 5 minutes.
    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/rep-ted-yoho-boasts-personally-stopping-boat-cuban-refugees-reaching-america

    “I have a friend I know that’s in the Coast Guard that picked (a boatload of cubans-CJ) up and they said that was the was the maddest group of immigrants they’ve ever picked up,” he said. “And I can imagine, you’re a mile and a half from land and I snatched it away from them, I’m sure that’s what they think.” He then boasted that he had saved taxpayer money that would’ve been spent on the refugees.

    • BloviateMe

      Awful human being, right there. How do these people sleep at night?

      • TJ Barke

        Like babies. Selfish, smug, vindictive babies.

        • BadKitty904

          Spiteful, evil, hateful babies. Vile, amoral, venal babies…

          • BloviateMe

            Glistening, veiny…….shit, I ventured off track.

      • BadKitty904

        At night? I just assumed they lie still in their coffins until sunset.

    • Panika MCD

      still not as crazy as the woman from Elijah Rising I had to listen to 2 years ago.

  • It’s great that you’ve got the next two months covered, but what about for the long term? What do we gotta do to make this ship afloat?

    • TJ Barke

      They should really get a Patreon account…

      • BloviateMe

        My Patreonus is a dung beetle.

        Sucks, I wanted an eagle.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Maybe wonkette should affiliate with an online liquor store. The debates are coming up. Gotta get stocked up!

      • Sister Artemis

        Also too popcorn!

      • Axomamma

        Oh, totally! TOTALLY! WONKERONI LIQUORS! ALL DAY ALL NIGHT ALL WEEK (don’t forget to tip the veal).

    • BadKitty904

      I know, everybody – let’s put on a SHOW!!! My Dad has an old barn we can use!

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    How do I say this delicately? Rebecca, you’re doing capitalism wrong. VERY wrong. Why can’t you be more like the CEO of Wells Fargo?

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/09/wells-fargo-ceo-blames-employees-for-fraud.html

    This job creator has the stones required to gallantly throw his employees under the bus for the massive fraud that Wells Fargo committed. Now that’s capitalism!

    • I Only Like Cats

      She’s doing being a dirty liberal commie socialist perfectly though.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, they did give Robyn the axe, that’s pretty capitalisty.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        To soon. I’m very sad to see Robyn leave. And it’s not “they”, these are fucking people.

        • TJ Barke

          Oh me too. Robyn was awesome.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            “is”

          • TJ Barke

            That depends on the definition of “is”.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Yes, but Rebecca did that out of necessity and with sadness. She should have been cackling maniacally.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    OK, wonketteroos sleep well. I is around back in the AM.

    • Shan

      G’night!

  • Brian

    Wonkette at least has some Brass in Pocket.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASQSTjgf7zs

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    You guys are the fucking best. Not a cumhurdle or an assnozzle amongst you!

    Forza wonkete!

    • BadKitty904

      We may, however, have some closeted Vermicious Knids…

      • We may have the occasional hoofwanking bunglecunt also…

        • BadKitty904

          That would explain the chicken-wire around the snozzberry bushes.

        • Barley_Brains

          Seen any moistened bints larking about?

    • Shan

      Wait, what is this cumhurdrle?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        An orgasm obstacle, like Sean hannity.

        • Shan

          Oh. I guess I didn’t make the connection because I’ve never had sex with Sean Hannity.

          Now that you mention the term, it sounds more like “MAKE SURE THE BEDROOM DOOR IS SHUT AND LOCKED AND FOR GOD’S SAKE WOULD YOU STOP BARKING YOU’LL WAKE THE KIDS AND OMG WAIT I FORGOT TO TURN ON THE CROCKPOT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE FOR DINNER SHIT THE PHONE IS RINGING WHAT DOES YOUR MOM WANT NOW?”

  • Shan

    OT: How you know you’re a complete and total introvert of the most wretched sort? I just got asked out for a thing that’s THREE WEEKS from now and said no.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, go on and go. Carpe thing!

    • TJ Barke

      “How you know you’re a complete and total introvert of the most wretched sort?”
      You don’t talk to people IRL unless it’s absolutely necessary.
      You repeatedly try to hype yourself up to go out and do something, and then still don’t do it.
      You agonize about your inability to approach the cute girl that works across the street.
      The inability to pursue your own life goals and you just drift along in the area you’ve found yourself.
      Constant low grade misery.

      • Shan

        Pretty much.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Is he a creepy dude? Because that’s allowed.

      • Shan

        He’s not creepy, he’s…very nice, bills himself as an INTJ (like me) but still keeps initiating TALKING to me. But I think he’s also a conservative so that’s the thing that skeeves me out the most. Because I’m pretty sure he KNOWS I’m a screeching libtard. Whaaat?

        • TJ Barke

          Yeah, well, you’re a redhead.

          • BadKitty904
          • BadKitty904

            (And yes, I’ll delete this before I go to bed.)

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Damn, son. Yer a youngin. I had no idea!

          • BloviateMe

            Wow, yeah he is. He can probably sleep all night without having to get up to pee.

            The bastard.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Can probably name the top three on the billboard chart.

          • Shan

            Hee! I’m not even a guy and I have to do that!

          • Jonny On Maui

            At a certain point Age doesn’t give a damn about gender…

          • Jen B_VA

            I used to be able to go 8 hours without peeing, because field work and sorry, I do not need fire ants there.
            Now I am lucky if I get 2 hours.
            wtf.

          • Shan

            I get insomnia for 2-3 hours every night no matter what the bathroom situation is. Something wakes me up and pft,, that’s it for a while….

          • Jen B_VA

            I hate it when you have insomnia and you are just drifting off and that is when your bladder is all…nang man…and you lay there trying to explain to it that you are just drifting off, but then you feel a sneeze coming on and know if you do not move right now you will need to get up and change sheets, so you move, only you are now old so not half as spry as you wish you were and the toilet is precisely 3 centimeters too far away.

            Edit: This may be another one of those “It is just you, Jen” things.

          • Jonny On Maui

            It’s not.

          • Shan

            Kegels. I’m just sayin….

          • Jen B_VA

            I do those XD That is why I can last 2 hours.
            Spawn #1 reaaallllyyy did a hell of a number on my body.

          • Shan

            Damn kids. Who’d have ’em?

            Guess I’ve been lucky with all that business, except for all my girlfriends hating me.

          • TJ Barke

            Who’s that creepy bastard?
            Well, you’re prettier than me. Like Treg. Damn pretty boys.

          • BadKitty904

            That creepy bastard is my human form – a REDHEAD.

          • BadKitty904

            Even if that were true, I’m also a runt – 5’5″. These things balance out.

          • TJ Barke

            6’1″ >:P

          • BadKitty904

            I don’t know if I would actually kill to be that tall. But I’d prolly do some maiming.

          • Jonny On Maui

            You’ll still get reminded every day that the world is built for 5’8″

          • BadKitty904

            I can’t even…

          • Shan

            My kitchen is very old and makes me wish I were only 5’2″

          • Jonny On Maui

            The kitchen I’m using now is almost a galley kitchen, I can almost touch every spot from one location.

            Less about 6 to 7 inches, it’s maddening and I want to remodel starting with explosives…

          • Shan

            Yeah, I know the feeling but I’ve figured I’d probably have better luck with an electrical fire as far as insurance goes. My house is 100 years old and the wiring probably isn’t much younger.

          • Jonny On Maui

            There simply isn’t enough storage and anyone who designs cabinets where the bottom shelf does not slide out should be hung in the sun in a gibbet until their bones bleach.

            I do feel strongly about this…

          • Shan

            Good god, no. I have so much storage in my house as far as foodstuffs and pantry items go, it’s crazy. The problem is where to store clothes. The bedroom closets are insanely small. And none of us have that much clothing. And I still have to start clearing it out, because moving…ugh.

          • Jonny On Maui

            There’s plenty of storage in the new place, it was set up for that. I just can’t wait to get there. Yup. Moving. For. The. Last. Time!

          • TJ Barke

            Meh, where I live, it seems pretty average. So it doesn’t make me feel special.

          • BadKitty904

            I suspect smaller mass functions better in hot climates.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            !!!! You are so young!

          • BadKitty904

            How old am I s’posed to be?

          • Jonny On Maui

            You would think your physical age would be close to the age of your soul…

          • TJ Barke

            So 1100?

          • BadKitty904

            That doesn’t apply to anyone in my family.

          • Historicat

            Everyone knows redheads don’t have souls.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            I assume every commenter except Shan & TJ are 50 year old dudes.

          • Jen B_VA

            Snuffle. I am not a 50 year old dude.
            Or AM I???? *shifty eyes*

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            I’m totally old and my balls hit my knees. That’s how old I am!

          • Jen B_VA

            I am so old, when they find hominid bones they ask me if I knew ’em

          • BloviateMe

            I ky my right knee, then my left knee, and then really focus on my we-knee.

          • Shan

            You only got the dude part wrong.

          • John Smith

            I got polyps in my colon older than you.

          • Jen B_VA

            Both gross AND funny. I give you all the points and will shamelessly steel that sometime.

          • Jonny On Maui

            That photo should come with a parental permission slip…

          • BadKitty904

            *sigh*

          • BadKitty904

            Jeebus, people, I’m *27*!!! What, y’all want to see my long-form birth-certificate???

          • BloviateMe

            How long is it?

          • BadKitty904

            I’m a redhead. Some stereotypes are based on fact.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Whippersnapper!

            edit: that’s not fair, the spawn’s 28 so….

            Nope! Whippersnapper!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I’m just fuckin with you. Love your comments.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            It’s the belieber hair cut.

          • BadKitty904

            My brother and I both have like 9 cowlicks. It’s more like the struck-by-lightening haircut.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            Who do you think you are? Goku?!

          • TJ Barke

            Dated reference much?

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            Dragonball z still plays on Nickelodeon tyvm! It’s just altered with less screaming.

          • TJ Barke

            So less good, then.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            More get to the point. Kids with their adhd and piano lessons ain’t got time for screaming aliens flashing yellow for two hours.

          • TJ Barke

            Back in my day we had time to wait for the spirit bomb to charge…

          • Jen B_VA

            My 14 year old tells me all about the dragon ballz of Z whatevers. Apparently one of them has a son who has a son now?
            K then!

          • TJ Barke

            Shit is long. Goes on forever.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            Yeah eventually that happens. It warps into the future, with dragonball gt.

            I can’t believe i owned all that shit once upon a time. My kids found my slippers with a floaty dragonball in it and they were like really mom???

            That’s ok. Their dad used to dub Linkin Park into DBZ fight scenes…

          • TJ Barke

            AMV’s we’ve all been there…

          • Jen B_VA

            All right, that is cool and I wish I had thought of that.

          • BadKitty904

            BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!! My cousin Lakey has always said that me and Jeffsy have “anime hair”.

          • Shan

            NOPE I TAKE IT ALL BACK

            This fucker told me just now, after I very politely declined his offer for a date, that I should be grateful because he’s willing to drive hours out of his way to take me to dinner and also wonders how else do I meet people as a single mom? Plus, we’re both INTJ’s so that should work out and also he likes the things I say online so I should appreciate that compliment as well.

            THIS IS WHY I DON’T DATE GODDAMMIT!

          • TJ Barke

            Oooh. Bummer.

          • Jen B_VA

            uhhh…yeah he sounds less INTJ and more oh I bet she would be easy prey.
            Cause that shit is NOT nice.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            Yeah fuck that shit. Just tell him you have a dick. Then send him a rando dick pick.

          • Shan

            Nah, just gonna say no thanks and block him. I can tell he’s the type who if I try to have a discussion about it, he’s just going to try to argue. After I said no thanks to the date, I already got “I accept your answer” which was immediately followed by a bunch of bullshit where he did NOT accept it, so…no.

          • Jen B_VA

            uhm. Well, at least being introverted saved you this time? idk. Trying to spin that silver lining and it keeps turning into lead. This be awfulness.
            :hugs:

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            He sounds charming.

          • Shan

            He was interesting. I’m kind of wary of charming at this point so that would have put me right off. Anyway. It’s done.

            Pft.

          • BadKitty904

            In an evil, manipulative sorta way.

          • Brian

            here’s a pro tip from the imaginary Middle-aged, White, Straight, Male Caucus: Men are Dicks and should be avoided at all cost.

          • Jen B_VA

            Awww not all of them! My husband and lads are ok….most of the time. The blokes round about here seem to get that they are not the only part of the equation, also, too.
            :huggles:
            Just gonna hug everyone tonight.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Doing good work Jen!

          • Jen B_VA

            Imma hugger. Someday I will give all you people my germs.
            It is my Life Quest I think.

            *note I do not actually just hug random strangers, especially those with personal boundary issues.

          • Brian

            A brief caucus votes to amend statement in that, men are dicks when dealing with women who reject them or most people who disagree with them.

          • Jen B_VA

            AH. I respectfully withdraw my objection and accept the wisdom of the nobel gentlemen from New York.
            Cause that is truth there. Though I will mention as an aside that sometimes women do not handle rejection so well themselves.
            http://imagesmtv-a.akamaihd.net/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Kill-Bill-1449543154.gif?quality=.8&height=209&width=500

          • Brian

            Best Movie Eva!!!

          • Jen B_VA

            I love Uma. I do not care. I love her and I would absolutely be a lesbian farmer with her. Or Sophia.
            Either Sophia, not gonna lie.

          • Brian

            I used to see her in the neighborhood a lot until she split with Ethan Hawk. But see her father as he participates at many events at the Buddhist Center nearby. My wife’s father knows him well, but I haven’t had a chance to meet him yet.

          • Jen B_VA

            I do not know much about family and such. I only remember certain names if they stick in my head (true for actors AND musical groups-I remember all the lyrics of every song I ever heard but if you ask me, who did this? I am all…uhm….the Gogos? My husband loves to play that game with me)

          • Brian

            Her father is a pretty renowned expert in Tibetan Buddhism. He’s a Professor at Columbia.

          • Jen B_VA

            That really does explain so very much XD I will have to check him out. I might even know of him, and just never connected the family.

          • CJTX

            Passed her and Ethan Hawke in Santa Monica once a long time ago. I remember her being very tall (and him very small)

          • TJ Barke

            Rejection hurts.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Yes, but can you identify where and why?

          • TJ Barke

            No, because I don’t even put myself in the situation where it could be an outcome. This is why I’m always single. Always.

          • Jen B_VA

            :snuggle:

          • Jonny On Maui

            So everything you know about rejection is theoretical?

          • TJ Barke

            No, it’s happened before. But that was a long time ago.

          • CJTX

            Me too buddy – although on the rare occasion it’s worth the terror.

          • Shan

            Thanks. I’m not a hugger, normally, but I bet yours would be worth it.

          • Jen B_VA

            Totally worth it. I give the BEST hugs. Plush and comfy and no awks patting and crud. I learned it from my chillins

          • Shan

            I told him nicely “thanks but no thanks but as an introvert I appreciate the effort it took to ask”

            His response?

            “I accept your answer but…”

            (multiple arguments about why I was wrong)

            Nope. Blocked.

          • BadKitty904
          • Shan

            Exactly. FFFFTTTT!!!!!

          • CJTX

            I literally laughed out loud. Behold the wonketeers when one of us has been wronged.

          • BadKitty904

            Pretty apt, I must agree.

          • BadKitty904

            Ooooooooooooooh, no, no NOOO. “I should be grateful“??????

            What’s this fuckhead’s phone number? Give it to me! He and I are going to have a conversation he is NOT going to enjoy.

          • Jen B_VA

            That line there made every bone in my body try to leap through the monitor and go hunting. Which annoyed my skin to no end.

          • BadKitty904

            I will kick his ass up around his ears so’s he can wear it as a hat!

          • Jen B_VA

            I will let you because you are young and I am no longer that flexible.

          • BadKitty904

            It would be MY pleasure.

          • Jen B_VA

            I sort of like the idea of having a resident kick asser, what to kick the asses that deserve being kicked.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s a dirty job, but, in instances like this, I’d be HAPPY to do it.

          • CJTX

            You’re from Virginia – it’s spelled: huntin’
            especially in this context.

          • Jen B_VA

            yeah but I am a newbie. Only been living here 10 years.

          • Shan

            Thanks, but I just blocked it all.

          • CJTX

            Aye – I spent 20 minutes listening to classmates talk about all the problems stemming from their respective divorces and child custody battles. Oy vey.

          • Shan

            But were they unconsciously negging you in order to get you to go out on a date with them?! Pfah!

          • Jen B_VA

            Do people do that? o.O
            You know, I think I am going to stop yelling at hubs for rearranging the cupboards. In retrospect, it does not take that much time to put em back to rights.

          • Shan

            I guess THIS guy did. And honestly, I don’t even think he was aware of it. That’s why I blocked him. I don’t have the energy to explain why and how much of an asshole he was for basically telling me that I should go out with him because he was pretty much my only chance. That’s real attractive, right? I love the thought of going on a date with the last man on the planet who will consider me.

          • Jen B_VA

            Yeah, that was the bit that I was marveling over too. Remember Chorus line when the one lady was singing about her father telling her mother he was probably her last chance?
            Reminded me of that :hugs:
            Fuck em. There are MUCH better fish in the sea for sure, if such is even a thing you feel like going after.

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            And that’s exactly what I’d tell him. Arsehole.

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          They’re not all crazy, not all like the ones we run into on wonkettes!

          Some are mostly normal and just pick a title and stance and go with it. Maybe being a libtard does it for him?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            And sometimes a wide stance.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            They actually are all crazy. Some of them just hide it better.

  • BadKitty904

    If self-martyring Repugs can make great wads of cash off of GoFundMe and their ilk, why can’t Wonkette? Surely some eccentric billionaire would pony (get it?) up a few hundred-thousand to preserve America’s oldest Snarkatariat.

    • TJ Barke

      Patreon.

      • BadKitty904

        Two words: Pancake. Breakfasts.

        • TJ Barke

          Too carb heavy.

          • BadKitty904

            Why do you hate Wonkette?

          • TJ Barke

            I don’t, it’s the only place I regularly interact with what I assume are other human beings and hopefully not sophisticated spam bots. Sometimes it almost seems like I have friends.

          • BadKitty904

            I regularly interact with what I assume are other human beings

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/08c0ee0f3f8e62746cc923b7fadb2e9415b6792509ee1e09d1491e08af9398ed.jpg

          • TJ Barke

            Sorry, but you just revealed your human form a moment ago.

          • BadKitty904

            My “human form”. That doesn’t doesn’t mean it’s my true incarnation.

          • TJ Barke

            So you’re a werecat? No wonder you’re so short…

          • BadKitty904

            I prefer to think of myself as “fun-sized,” thank you VERY much. Unlike my 6’2″ bf, who basically has snow mantling his summit.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s all relative.

          • BadKitty904

            It is. Most of his relatives are gigantic. Most of mine are petite.

          • Jen B_VA

            That’s an inuendo, right? I feel like that is an inuendo

          • BadKitty904

            Yes. Yes, it is.

          • Jen B_VA

            yay! I am learning ^.^
            Now I get to go to google and find out what it means. Though that sounds like work so I will probably just make something up in my head instead.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Whoa…easy there, son. Real friends are gonna cost ya’.

          • TJ Barke

            That’s why I said almost.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Whew!!

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          A popular thing now seems to be:
          Homecoming mums
          Dance/cheer clinics
          Pet vaccination and spays.

          • BadKitty904

            No bake sales?

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            Nah, not unless it’s at the 500 vendor craft fair some of these schools put on.

            Oh and football and baseball teams sell out of mulch and compost. Capitalism is second language in Texas!

          • John Smith

            Canned Clam Pot Pie?

          • TJ Barke

            Free the clams! Go commando!

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Nope. Not allowed to have bake sales anymore. They “open up our organization to liability should someone fall ill due to undisclosed allergens or unsanitary home-produced products (food poisoning).” That is an exact quote from our fucking lawyers. They suck all the fun out of everything.

  • Brian

    Lawrence O’Donnell is giving Maureen Dowd airtime. Time to turn him off.

    • Axomamma

      I did. She’s only slightly less annoying than what’s her name what got “accidentally” roasted.

  • Being serious for a moment, are there any business folk who are also Wonketeers, who could offer advice/business model suggestions to Our Wonkette Overlords? I wish HRC would do some ad buys here.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      From a tech and ad side, yes. I’ll be emailing editrix soon.

    • Jen B_VA

      Maybe she could look into an endowment from Clinton Foundation?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        That’s not as crazy as it sounds. Start a 501c (4) and channel the money.

        • Jen B_VA

          Well, I know that ORGs can’t do stuff for politicos, but I am not sure about snarky mommy blogs and recipe hubs with dick jokes

          • Sister Artemis

            WonkPAC?

          • Jen B_VA

            Needs a fun wonkette acronym. Like….erm…. Diligently Involved Commie wonKers PAC.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Are you mad?

            We just call it “BUTTSECHS”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Give me two years and I could run the joint completely into the ground. How does a musician make a million dollars? Well, you start with two million, then…

      • Oh hell, I’m a musician too, and I could go thru 2 million in less than a year!

    • CJTX

      I’m good at dem dere spreadsheets. If that’s helpful…somehow.

  • Verena Block

    So, I was one of those awful cheap people who do the free reads. Then I read your sad post about doing away with Robyn, who is one of my townspeople. With a tear in my eye, I signed up for a cheap monthly subscription, in the hopes that poor Robyn will be able to afford some tacos. If she comes north to Andersonville, I’ll take her out for a coffee and a liberal scone.

  • Brian

    Colin Powell’s emails have been hacked. He calls Trump a national disgrace, and the birther movement racist. But where’s the email that Hillary laughed about email Benghazi?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      So hope this is true….

      • Brian

        it is, he’s confirmed it.

  • Brian

    Obama gets crowd to bend their knees, bop behind him so they don’t faint. His speech in Philly today was fantastic. He obviously loves campaigning.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4q8il7tI00

    • Panika MCD

      my friend’s son was best man at her wedding and he locked his knees during the ceremony. the second the new couple was leaving the altar, he dropped like a ton of bricks.

      • Jen B_VA

        That’s the very first thing they taught us in Karate class. Bend your knees.
        2 years later they are still yelling at me to bend my knees. I told em tonight that I am now one of the olds and they only bend when they want to.

  • Brian
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Saw clips of Obama just fucking ROCKING the house in Philly today. Seriously going to miss this blah man.

  • Gregory Brown

    I can see where Donna Rose gets her eyes, and yes, her attitude toward life. Thank you for taking on the arduous work here, which, as a longtime editor, I know very well. You rule.

  • fauxpinky

    I’m sorry I cannot contribute right now, but I’m between gigs at the moment and all my cash is tied up in keeping the dumpy, rural ‘Chez Pinky’ over my head. But as soon as I’m on my feet again…I’m going to need some ad-free content to start with. And a bit extra, hopefully. Hang on, crew…we needs our Wonkette!

    • CJTX

      I’d like to copy and paste what this commentor said. I felt soooooooooooo bad reading Rebecca’s follow up article today – but I qualify in that tiny bit about how “can’t afford it”. I figure if wonkette is EVER worse off than I am, they’ll get some much deserved bucks.

      At the moment though, I’m wayyy worse thank Wonkette (i am adroit at alluring alliteration).

      • Jen B_VA

        :snugs: A few found themselves able to do more than a five or ten spot, so it’s all good, you’re good for it. Just study hard, CJ! you will have to start splaining law stuffies

        • CJTX

          Thanks dude – I was just thinking of kicking in a symbolic $5. It just seems so….pathetic (of me). And NO! I can’t explain law stuff…they hammer hammer hammer us – rightly – that we can’t be given no legal advice or opinion. ;)
          BTW – got back first assignment – 100. :D Granted EVERYONE got a’s but my paper had nothing but six or seven nice clean check marks from the instructor.

          • Jen B_VA

            Nice, congrats! And no, 5 is not pathetic- if 2000 did just 5, that is like a lot of dollars! More than Eleventy!

          • I was still told that only Trix had to do math

  • Panika MCD

    OT: so what did Panika learn about TX healthcare beyond the FDA putting lead in M&Ms in the TX Sen HHS interim hearing?

    1. new minted HHSC Commissioner Charles Smith still has that new car smell! and says, “SRSLY GUYS, who doesn’t mix up MedicAID and MediCARE all the goddamned time?! both sides duet!”

    2. HMA has estimated that Texas would only net $358 million for accepting Medicaid expansion which is about 4% of the Medicaid budget. (ignore for a moment that the HMA analysis is totally HORSE APPLES!) Sen. Schwertner (chair of the committee and a doctor person IRL) thinks this is a BAD DEAL and will TOTES NOT SETTLE! this is hilarious because a) the net gain he’s referring to is only from hospital care and not all the other services covered by Medicaid and b) because we are an oil state and are facing a shortfall (though we are still BETTER THAN oKLaHoMa! AND ALSO TOO SaD DaKoTa!), to cope with said budget shortfall we are asking all agencies which recieve GR funding to VERY KINDLY find 4% in cost reductions, Medicaid gets bookoo GR buckaroo-eros, and so that 4% reduction is looking like a VERY NICE THING TO HAPPEN and would continue in years when the Saudis aren’t fucking with the price of oil.

    3. Sen. “No Relation” Perry had a smart and that’s not a common occurance for him so give him a hand! oh, you want to know how? he noticed that TX banks overtime for CPS caseworkers and those caseworkers do not receive any of that overtime pay until 2 weeks after they say, “FUCK YOU! I QUIT!” he feels that this incentivizes people to do exactly that and closed with a pointed, “Common sense has left the building!” all the hands and laughs for him because otherwise he’s usually pretty worthless and has been known to get all stalkery to former campaign workers. but today he did a good.

    4. newlyish DFPS Commissioner Hank Whitman (who does not have a new car smell because he used to run the TX Rangers and so he kinda smells like old leather) has a public service announcement: Big Boys DO SO CRY! and he is a Big Boy who cries! sometimes with CPS caseworkers who are sad about life and how shitty CPS is. he also thinks you guys should quit pretending like he’s cleaning up Judge Specia’s mess because Judge Specia is a great guy (he is) and they never gave him enough funding.

    5. in most states, if an MCO recovers wrongly disbursed Medicaid funds, they get to keep it. in most states, if the OIG recovers wrongly disbursed Medicaid funds, then, because the MCO has to cooperate, the two groups split it equally. in TX, if the OIG recovers wrongly disbursed Medicaid funds, all of the funds go back to the MCO. chew on that for a minute, taxpayers.

    6. Sen. Van Taylor used his “FU” powers for good. it turns out that part of the problem with getting kids who enter the CPS system their physical and mental healthcare screenings within 30 days is because the MCO (Superior) is required to make sure that they are getting an appointment on time (which 90% are), but they aren’t required to do any followup as to whether they actually make it to the appointment (only 62% are). he was all, “your job is to make sure kids DON’T DIE. not that they got an appointment and its someone else’s job to make sure they don’t die.” to which Sen. Uresti added a fine, “CPS IS EVERYONE’S PROBLEM!” because it really is.

    7. Commissioner Smith said the Healthy Texas Women Program could help you find a doctor OR provider. kinda putting up front that not all providers have medical staff. that was a glorious Freudian slip that one!

    8. Lesly French talked about how NICE LIKE the Heatlhy Texas Women Program (preceded by the Texas Women’s Healthcare Program which was preceded by the Women’s Healthcare Program) is! (though it still doesn’t know WTF is going on with the maternal mortality rate (just that it spiked in 2011 and has been trending down since then *fingers crossed*). but Ms. French says we are now covering as many ladies as it was back in the dark days of 2010 before the massive budget cuts in 2011. then Sen. Rodriguez is all, “FUNNY THAT YOU MENTION IT BECAUSE: you are covering 57 thousand women now, but I have numbers from 2010 (212 thousand) and 2012 (86 thousand) and 2014 (63 thousand)! maybe you should think in terms of women served instead of providers because WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS a place that can take on 5 HTWP patients is NOT the same thing as PP and neither is a dentist’s office. if you don’t mind explaining why there have been a total of 0 HIV screenings in Harris Co. since you kicked PP Gulf Coast out of the HIV screening, prevention and treatment program, that would be also to very good.”

    9. and then we got to Heidi’s Group (that BS guilt women about the ‘bortions club that got the 2nd largest grant in the program despite having 0 medical staff). apparently they were already approved as a Medicaid provider despite having 0 medical staff because they, wait for it: CONTRACT. (which is a dirty word around the Pink Dome parts and makes up the 40% of state services which are not fit for public viewing so they tell them to PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, but not a burka.) and, no, we are not allowed to review those subcontracts to make sure they are with real doctor people like Sen. Schwertner (who can’t decide whether he hates ‘bortions or rising Medicaid costs more). and why can’t we see them? PROPRIETARY INFORMATION. which is why contracts are so fucking dirty to begin with. so the lovely people who learned their medicine from the Holey Babel and [PROPRIETARY INFORMATION] Institutes of Health get their $1.7 million whether we like it or not.

    and then it was time for public testimony. I will spare us all from that.

    • Shan

      Oh, I could have done with this about 4 hours ago but I can’t cope right now. Can I save it for tomorrow, hm?

      • Panika MCD

        you could, but tomorrow I’m going to be sitting through HHSC Transition Oversight which is about how we are consolidating all of our Article II (healthcare) agencies under the most dysfunctional one! and John Colyandro who is not supposed to be near any political money for at least another 6 years per his plea deal will be special guesting it!

        if they end early I will take on whatevs someone else has flaked on.

        • Jen B_VA

          Panika: Making sense of the Texas lege

          You should run for office on that platform

          • Panika MCD

            I would rather get the lobbyists to lobby for another raise for me.

          • Jen B_VA

            Heh, how do you get the Texas lege to pucker up? Mention it is time for your raise.
            I like that.

          • Panika MCD

            well, I’m paid by a private company that is paid by lobbyists and state agencies. the legislators have to live with the video and the House and Senate journals which are not as detailed. I mean, they’re public. you can look at them. they are sad times if you want to learn anything about what happened.

          • Jen B_VA

            This depresses me so very much. BUT hey, it got you a job that I assume pays ok (though could pay better just saying) so at least there is that.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s fun as long as you pretend it’s a sitcom. which I do. a lot.

          • CJTX

            I may have to do that with the law offices – except so much of the subject matter is very awful.
            ETA: Meaning, I don’t want to make jokes about awful things. I’m a bum and a loser, but not scumbag.

          • Panika MCD

            but if it’s not real…pretend it’s not real or you will die.

          • CJTX

            Gotta be honest, this is the thing weighing most on me about the future. I would love love love to do something noble – like the instructor who paralegal’s for the DA’s SVU unit (basically) but I don’t think I could take it.

          • Jen B_VA

            You’d be surprised what you can take if you can make a difference. My mom went back to school to be a nurse (at 42, with 7 kids, because insane) went into geriatrics. She would hold people’s hands as they died, pray with them, sing with them, comfort them when their familys dump them on the hospital (Christmas eve is BIG for that- there is always something wrong enough to warrant a night’s observation). I asked her how she could handle all that death and dying and she just sorta went all: I don’t know. I feel someone should.

          • CJTX

            Aye, i can see drawing strength from others. Of course I could also see my oft-repeated line borrowed from the Red Cross (“You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself”).
            Such is the curse of the empath – I see the truth in both statements.

          • Jen B_VA

            No doubt that. I know my limits; I would go insane. I still marvel at her stregnth.

          • CJTX

            That’s a great point – gotta know your limits.

            I decided recently I might want to work going after deceptive trade practices, frauds, consumer protection type stuff. I think I could do that and enjoy it and still be proud of it. (It’s shit money though, I imagine)

          • Shan

            Wow. She’s the type of person who was able to be there when my step-dad passed when he was in hospice. It’s a calling, that’s all I can say. My mom and sister and I were there as long as we could be over those 3-4 brief but interminable days, whenever we could, but ultimately…the hospice staff were the ones who were there in the end because we were exhausted and had to go home at some point.

            So, bless your mom and people like her.

          • Jen B_VA

            Right? She was crackers- absolutely and diagnosed with so many things, stemming from years of trauma as a child- but she just would shove it down and do for others. I get a hangnail and whine.
            Hospice nurses are the most wonderful people in the world. They are there for the patient AND the family. When hubby’s mom passed, we were not married yet, but I had done the vigil, reading and hand holding too, to give the actual family a break (we were close-ish though obviously not AS close as the relatives were to her). When she died, everyone sort of closed ranks and I was obviously odd man out, so I went outside so as not to intrude, you know. The hospice nurse took a few minutes to come and find me just to check on me. I’ll never forget that.

          • Shan

            Yeah. I felt like I was the odd one out and I hung back because, well…he was my step-dad and my mom was his wife of 30+ years and my (half) sister was his daughter. But the staff didn’t know that, which wasn’t their fault. We were only there for a few days. So.

            Ima go leak-face for a bit now.

            Meantime, bless your mom again. And you.

          • Jen B_VA

            You too, Shan. For real, and a rare moment where I will not attempt to be silly when expressing myself, but you are a wonderful person and I am so very glad to know you, even if just online.

          • Shan

            Cheers, Jen. You’re lovely as well.

            I don’t really believe in “just” online anymore, though. But then maybe that’s an introvert thing.

          • Jen B_VA

            True enough. I bet you people know more about me than most my RL aquaintences. Excepting the hubby of course.
            I just don’t like to open to people? But online it is easy, because I am a big V and no one can missread my body language or ask me why I am sporting Scarlet Ohara curls today.

          • CJTX

            P.S. That’s freakin’ amazing. I was thinking that the first time I read it- but I’m so self-involved I forgot to mention it.

          • Panika MCD

            you know what Judge Karen Sage got to do between being elected in April 2010 and being installed (we don’t inaugurate judges, we plug them in) in January of 2011? she got to handle juvenile sex offenders for the Travis County DA’s office. you do not want to do that.

      • Panika MCD

        also too: the committee didn’t even end until 3 hours and 49 minutes ago and Prima Momma needed some pizza!

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Still amused at the oil shit. We still rely on it way too much but hey let’s get rid of franchise tax too! Ugh.

      Agencies are just now hiring and staffing again. Most are just getting over the salary freezes. More cuts when they’re already cut. What needs to go are the over priced vendors and consultants.

      • Panika MCD

        that’s on Thursday’s Sen Fi agenda. I’m guessing it’s going to be the same as the hearing last year: yes, we should do something about how the franchise tax is charged in years that are swimmingly as well as years that are sinkingly for individual businesses which isn’t terribly cool (and we did make steps to change that). no, we will not be getting rid of the franchise tax altogether. deal. with it.

    • Jen B_VA

      Wonder how those Texas taxpayers feel about all this privitization and such what and so on and dear lord.

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        Lol Texas. Can’t read gudz.

      • Panika MCD

        Texas taxpayers don’t sit through budget hearings so they don’t know that when the state gives you a tax cut that you should put it in quotes because it really means that they’re offloading more services on the county who will have to raise your taxes to cover those services.

        • Jen B_VA

          Ugh. just. UGH. And then the weasels can go We lowered taxes! And the actual people get hurt WORSE.
          GREEAAAHHHHHHHHH *may need new keyboard*

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Ohio Repugs do this too – it’s why Kasich has been able to claim that he’s balanced the budget – just don’t ask the counties and municipalities how they made up the difference.

  • pending

    I have to say, since I’ve been living abroad I’ve been reading Wonkette on the daily as the only bearable way to keep up on what’s happening. If the call hadn’t gone out, I probably never would have taken the plunge to subscribe– and not because I couldn’t, just because I am a cheap bastard.

    Now that I finally have ad-fewer, there’s no going back. It is beautiful.

  • Ricky Gay
    • Jen B_VA

      yay drinky thing pictures!!!!

      • Ricky Gay

        all great folks!

        • Jen B_VA

          Of course! I R Jelly, Ricky. I missed my drinky thing with a brokey car so I am living vicariously through you cool cats ^.^ Thanks for the pic!

  • Callyson
  • Callyson

    Grrr:

    STUDY: Cable News Devotes 13 Times As Much Coverage To Clinton Health As Trump Foundation

    Cable news networks spent less than an hour in total on September 12 discussing a new investigative report about how Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump retooled his charitable foundation to “spend other people’s money.” By contrast, they devoted more than 13 and a half hours of their airtime that day to covering Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton’s health.

    The system is rigged against Trump, eh?

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Love, too, how the tax return issue is barely asked about (and the spokesjerks are allowed to get away with throwing a hissy and changing the subject), but 30 more ho-hum emails!!!11!!1!! and the press’s butthurt over not having as many chances to ask HRC about those 30 emails are at the top of the news feed. Soooooooooo sick of this.

    • Jen B_VA

      Not just cable news. Friggin PBS decided to do a story about the Trump Charity whoops, but first they had to remind everyone that there was speculation about the Clinton Foundation! Without mentioning of course that they found, once again, nada about it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Don’t get me started. FUCK! Too late.

        • WomanInAMood

          Breathe! Then rant.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I always forget the “breathing” part. I thought you were supposed to be on vacation. Would you like me to ruin that for you with my ill humor?

          • Jen B_VA

            Road trip story time????

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hear, hear!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Yes! Yes! Tell us a story!!

          • Jen B_VA

            Not me, Woman in a Mood, she is on the road trip XD

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You don’t get off the hook that easily, missy!

          • Jen B_VA

            heh I could tell you the True Story of the time I broke international law and got a pat down search by a mounty? (Or well, Canadian Border agent. Cute, too).

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yes! You have the best stories. Tell me the one again about the time you were arrested for running an illegal booze joint!

          • Jen B_VA

            MEH. That is what they called it. We called it “apartment” Stupid LCB.
            That reminds me, I should check on that sometime and see if my record really was expunged.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The Man, eh? Jen, you remind me of an old friend of mine. Great gal…unfortunately, she has 3 ex-husbands and is currently doing four years in prison.

          • Jen B_VA

            HA I beat her! I have one husband and no jail time.
            BEAT THAT.
            no…wait……

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ve never gotten the full story from the friend in question. I believe it was some sort of check kiting scheme. Of course, if you ask her what she did, the reply is “nuthin'”.

          • Jen B_VA

            Ohhhhh. Well I’d not do a scam because I would feel very badly for having scammed people. Though I do admit to dreaming up ways to grift the wingnuts and send their donation monies to like Wonkette and PP.
            For the larfs
            In my case, I really didn’t do anything XD Wasn’t even my apartment. Just hanging with some friends who turned their apartment into a bar look-alike when the LCB came in pretending they were Alumni. All we had was a six pack of sam Adams and a tiny bit of vermouth. So Alumni, I was like sure guys, here, cheers! And they insisted on paying.
            Should have realized right then and there. No one is cheaper than the fucks who went to my school. But alas.
            Anywho, they kept insisting and finally put it into the big glass at the end of the counter.
            Five minutes later we were “raided” 4 bottles of sam adams and the vermouth were confiscated, and then they claimed another friend of mine-who had walked in after the raid, had been there drinking underaged the entire time

            Edit: I will admit that the big glass did say”tip you cheap fuckers” upon it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I love this story…ridding the streets of violent offenders. Would’ve loved to see the looks on fellow detainees when someone asked, “what’re you in for, kid?”.
            .
            .
            .

          • Jen B_VA

            Litterin
            Turns out the whole thing was a set up to try to get us to turn in the keg parties.
            My fellow detainee and I were like…dude. Anthro majors. How many keggers do you think we get invited to?
            Though happy ending: After it all went down, we were minor celebrities and did get invited to all of the keggers.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Had I known, I would have tried to ingratiate myself with the anthro crowd back in the day. But even they made fun of philosophy majors.

            Thank God you aren’t blah. Could’ve had a much worse ending.

          • Jen B_VA

            I am actually a mutt, but I got more white than anything so I look somewhat hispanic, according to this hispanic guy who thinks I am puerto rican.
            Far as I know that is one thing we cannot claim…

            Awww Anthro majors don’t make fun of philosophy majors! Least, we didn’t. the Phil majors had the good pot.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I didn’t even have good weed.

            I’m the opposite…actually half hispanic and don’t look it, other than being relatively dark complected. My Mexican uncles were, like 6’5″ tall, oddly enough. I got their genes.

          • CJTX

            “what’d you get”

            “Well, i had to pay $50 and pick up the garbarge”. I love that the TX mom introduced me to that…and young too.

          • And now I’m imagining Jen plucking a guitar and sangin’, “And there I was, on the bench.”

          • CJTX

            “smokin’ cigarettes and playing with the pencils”.

            Every line of that is a classic. Gonna fire it up on iTunes right now.

          • The movie is a classic, as well. I highly recommend seeking it out, if you haven’t seen it already. Mrs. 143 and I used to watch it every Thanksgiving, until some old friends of ours moved to Portland a few years back. Now, we spend Thanksgiving with them instead of Arlo and Arthur Penn.

          • CJTX

            I saw parts of it on youtube. Maybe it’s cause I first heard this as a kid or still regularly listen to the album version – but I don’t like the movie version. To each their own though. Maybe I didn’t see the really good part of the movie.

          • You kinda have to sit down and watch the whole thing. It is much more than a film of the song. Guthrie is often a supporting character in what is, essentially, his movie. And what was a lark about the late sixties on vinyl becomes an elegy for the decade. That kind of thing will either appeal, or it won’t…

          • Your true stories have been refreshingly full of cute boys, lately.

          • Jonny On Maui

            The order is important!

            How are you this evening WomanInAMood?

          • WomanInAMood

            I am alive, Jonny. Considering that when my mother drives, bats out of hell seem comparatively placid, that is no small thing. And how are you?

          • Jonny On Maui

            It seems I’m doing much better than you! I pray that you are finally having a end of day glass of wine or 4?

          • WomanInAMood

            God I wish. But at the moment I am in Twin Falls, Idaho, in a thunderstorm, with no interest in even thinking about getting back into that bloody car to forage for booze. In my starry-eyed innocence, I assume that we would pass a grocery store or something, where I could purchase some wine. Because sometimes I are a idiot.

          • Jen B_VA

            Yikes. Blue laws or just not much there?
            Also, I am so digging that your mom is driving. I do not know why but that is awesome to me right now.

          • WomanInAMood

            You do not have to ride with her. She gets a little excited. I always go into a position that I think of as “crash mode”. Legs braced, right hand clutching to the handle above the door. I try never to startle her, and use my most pleasant voice to communicate important information. For example, “You do realize you’re going 95?” or “Why are you fiddling with the stereo while we are passing this nice, friendly triple-trailer?” or “you are aware that your turn signal is still on?” These are all true, people! I also keep my eyes firmly on the road ahead, as I feel strongly that one person in the car should.

            Once, years ago, I took another road trip with her, and gave her the loving nickname “The Scourge of 101”. I must update that.

          • Jen B_VA

            I love your mom so very very much right now XD

          • WomanInAMood

            I love my mom very much, too. And tomorrow I will wrestle the keys out of her hands.

          • Jen B_VA

            You made me snort my drink XD Which is just water so my sinuses are ok with it.
            :huggles:
            Edit: For real legit, get a note pad and jot down the journy as it occurs to you. This stuff could be some serious gold.
            Edit the second: Maybe not whore diamond gold, but more memento gold.

          • Hey, you never can tell. Add a shaving kit full of drugs, and that was how Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas started.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Don’t tense up. You’ll get hurt worse in the crash.

            “The Manic Mom of the Motorways”?

          • WomanInAMood

            Intellectually, I know that. But, geesh, it ain’t easy. The rest of the trip should be a little less insane. Because we will actually stop and do fun things. And get off the damned interstate after Salt Lake. Which is sounding like a mighty wierd place, btw.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Oh my dear! Did you leave without packing along the necessary supplies? Well, I’ll bet you won’t do that again!

          • WomanInAMood

            You better believe it. We are headed for Utah tomorrow. But not until I find a store.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Umm… Yeah. Doesn’t Utah have like the weirdest liquor laws?

          • WomanInAMood

            Mormons. Oh, hell, maybe I should lay in a supply of coffee, too.

          • Jonny On Maui

            There you go! Laying in survival necessities!

          • So far, you are taking the same route I took to drive up here. Twin Falls was the stop before Portland. Very strange little city, I thought.

          • WomanInAMood

            We got here in a thunderstorm, after dark, so at this point all I know is that I haven’t found a grocery store. And apparently there is a bridge here where people parachute off. Hmmmm….that is pretty different.

          • That sounds like…..fun?

          • cousin itt

            Captain Kirk dying in “Star Trek: Generations” libel.

          • Sister Artemis

            I find breathing while ranting prevents that embarrassing choking thing…

  • BadKitty904

    Alright, you ageist bastids, the Big Cat says it’s an early day tomorrow, so time for kitties to trundle along to bed. Y’all mind you behave, you hear?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0884a6551ed0600717b601eb1ad5b6e58a9de1e10fc28e9ed0a5993d63e1254e.jpg

    • Jen B_VA

      Do we HAVE to behave? Because…well. Reasons.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, as long as the Fire Dept. isn’t called…

        • Jen B_VA
          • Panika MCD

            yeah, but what if these guys show up instead without their dog?

            http://www.mccookgazette.com/photos/22/48/63/2248630-L.jpg

          • Jen B_VA

            Aw, couple cuties in there and I’d love to hang with some lady fire persons and get their stories ^^

          • Shan

            Oh, that’s funny. I live about 4 blocks from the local fire station. Every time I drive by (which is a lot) I rubberneck toward the doors thinking I’m going to get an eyeful of that. But I never do….

          • Jen B_VA

            My local station is volunteer. It is every so much paler and not at all like that pic. More like Panikas. But they are good guys, for local yahoos.

          • CJTX

            Saw a really cute gal while working a Red Cross gig. She was this super thin gal, maybe 18 or 19 – but she was wearing all those big bulky firefighter clothes and hauling hose with the best of ’em.

          • Is it good for them to be all oiled up like that? I mean, what if there’s a fire?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good night BadKitty.

  • Brian
  • Callyson
    • CJTX

      somebody needs to post that 3-facepalm meme for that load of rhetorical excrement.

    • Jen B_VA

      LOLZZZZZZZZZ

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      I find their lack of self-awareness disturbing.

      • Sister Artemis

        Was I supposed to hear that in Darth Vader’s “Wise Jedi” voice?

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Complete with heavy breathing, since my allergies are being atrocious today.

  • Ikimizi
    • TJ Barke

      It’s a race to determine which gender can be made obsolete first!

    • Jonny On Maui

      “That exploding sound you hear are heads at the Conservative Center for…”

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      We’re all waiting to see, if you will pardon the pun, if it can be reproduced.

      • Jen B_VA

        Eh, least it isn’t a clone of another pun.

        • TJ Barke

          Guys, this is serious, quit cloning around.

          • Jen B_VA

            Aw shucks, TJ, I was just copying what Lark was doing.
            Forgotted that puns were fruitful and multiplied.

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Actually, if it works, it really will make conservative heads explode, because now two men will be able to have offspring biologically related to both partners.

          • Ikimizi

            Exactly. Or two women.

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Fused eggs are already a thing – it’s called parthenogenesis, but it is exceedingly rare in humans and involves fusing two eggs from a single woman. There have been experiments done attempting to fuse two unrelated eggs. They failed, but this was some time ago, when we knew much less about manipulating gametes. I’m guessing it won’t be long before someone tries it again.

    • Dusting is abortions!

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        They’ll soon be demanding that we give our dust bunnies a proper burial.

        • Brian

          Dust Bunnies, Easter Bunnies; think about it! The Illuminati works in ridiculous ways!

          • Jen B_VA

            Here comes Peter Cotton tail, hoppin down the Fillopian trail
            hippity hoppity babby on its way

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Imagine the silent and tiny screams from the casualties of exfoliation – O the humanity!

    • Jen B_VA

      So, we really are just dust in the wind, dude?

      • Ikimizi

        I don’t know about that, but I’m thinking that being Brad and Angelina’s maid could be a very lucrative business.

  • Brian
    • Lark_in_the_AM

      But Dance Party Night is tomorrow and I haven’t put on my make-up and heels.

    • CJTX

      GREAT tune.

  • BloviateMe

    When’s the orgy? I got my best finger waxed and everything.

  • Sheket Bevaka Shut The Hell Up

    I have a (small) monthly thing going, but I bought someone coffee today, and she paid me back, and she paid me more than I spent. I give the extra to babby.

  • Brian
    • CJTX

      Does that song qualify as an oldie yet? On that day, I’m moving to an island.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I resemble that remark!

        • CJTX

          Heh, I loved oldies growing up. But when the songs of my high school years start getting called oldies, I think I might just give up hope.

          • Jonny On Maui

            It all ended for me the day Led Zeppelin was used in Cadillac commercials…

          • BrianW

            Already been there and done that. It sucks.

  • Dee Andee

    I wish I could help. :( I really wanted to. But I broke a tooth and SD medicaid will not pay for a crown and I have to pay for it myself on $753 a month, so yeah, shit. I am glad others could help though!

  • Ok! I am happy the wonkette hath been saved! I love you all still, but i have another four movie day tomorrow. (Beauties of the Night, Deepwater Horizon, River of my Dreams, and Prevenge). Ok. I love you. Buh-bye!

    • Shan

      Sweet dreams!

    • Jen B_VA

      OOOHHH can’t wait to hear aoubt those! Night Picky, have fun!

  • Brian

    fine no one else wants to dance tonight. I don’t care.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG1NrQYXjLU

    • Shan

      I like Billy Idol in a way that I don’t think I should really have to explain, so I won’t.

      • Brian

        I only like Billy Idol in one specific way

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE9lpNZoIXo

        • Shan

          Ha! I miss so many Jossverses….

          • Brian

            got to buy him a drink earlier this year, highlight of the year.

          • Shan

            And you’re just going to leave that there?!

          • Brian

            it’s not much of a story. I was at my local bar (the bar in my building) and he was there meeting with some woman. I did not interrupt them. I just indicated to my bartender that I wanted to pay for his drinks. After a couple hours they left bartender told him I had hid bill, he thanked me, I thanked him and I got charged for one drink. It’s good to have a local bartender.

          • Shan

            Very kind and classy of you!

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    ‘Night All – I’ve got to get my teenagers up at too-fucking-early o’clock and I’m already past my bedtime. Sweet dreams of a Clinton landslide with accompanying Senate and House coattails to you, Wonketteers!

    • BloviateMe

      Don’t forget, only 103 days to war on Christmas.

      Good night, comrade.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good night Lark_in_the_AM.

  • So, now I get to play a new game called “What Horrible Stories Would I Make Wonkette Write If I Had $1,000 To Give Them?”

    “Oh, God, KAW Is Making Us Watch Duck Dynasty And Do A Weekly Recap Because He Is A Horrible, Horrible Man”?

    “KAW Forces Dok To Write Slash Fiction Starring Famous Political Figures Because OH, GOD, MY EYES! This Week: Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley. Next Week: Henry Kissinger and Leonid Breshnev”?

    SO MANY POSSIBILITIES!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Evan likes the ponies too.”

  • Brian

    Ah, How much would it cost me to chair Fake Drunk Histories and write those stories for free?

    • CJTX

      Love that show.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Wow MSNBC is snarling with real teeth tonight.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Brian’s been holding his own with the tunes tonight, this has been rattling around in the brainpan for a while…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcN93sj17DU

  • Brian

    Thanks, Jonny, for giving me something to play off of. And It was Alright.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArRexgJ41NQ

  • Nick.Trite

    I sent just a little, I wish I could afford to do more :( You guys brighten my day every day

    • Brian

      I really don’t like Pete Townsend (for unknown reasons) but this is really good!

  • https://youtu.be/UiZg82R89Qc

    Skeptical horn players seem skeptical.

  • WomanInAMood

    Good night, everybody. Tomorrow, I promise I’ll have more to say than just bitching about my mom’s driving. Honest!

    • Oh, no. It’s fun! Bitch away! But, you know, stay safe.

    • Dee Andee

      Crap, I missed all the driving bitching! That’s what I get for doing laundry and trying to listen to every Earth Wind & Fire song on YouTube today (I failed).

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good night WomanInAMood.

      Take posession of the car keys…

    • Sister Artemis

      Good night! and yes, take over the wheelhouse and stock up on the wine before you hit the hay tomorrow night. Sweet dreams!

  • crazymonkeylady

    Oh no. I forgot to send Wonkette all my moneys NOW. Not one dick joke will be read until I pay up.

  • Brian

    one last one, for fun!

    I pulled that glass across his neck
    As fine as any blade,
    And I felt his blood run fast and hot
    Around me where I laid.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nugXkgd_-84

  • Sister Artemis

    I almost wish it had been a little gloomier in Portland, so that we could have seen the Babby in all her stripey-sweater glory. Looking fine!

  • King Beauregard

    “Don’t be a hero — don’t send us anything you can’t afford, and don’t send us anything if you’re poorer than we are.”

    This is something honest organizations say. Televangelists don’t. Neither did Bernie.

    • Dee Andee

      Yeah…that was sweet of her to say, since I’m poor. For now. Sick of living on disability though, I’m working on getting back to doing some work! Woot.

      • BadKitty904

        That’s the spirit! :0)

    • Dee Andee

      Televangelists tell you to go get a job to give them money, even if you’re 80 freaking years old.

    • Brian

      don’t be a fool with your life!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX-JeV37Uqw

  • cousin itt

    Can’t sleep. Visited rabbit hole. Fuck.

    Each year, The Eric Trump Foundation hosts several golf tournaments across the country to benefit St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital at our exclusive Trump Golf Clubs in Los Angeles, New York, Washington, D.C., and Miami. Our main fundraiser is held every September at Trump National Golf Club, Westchester, NY,and raises nearly $2 million dollars for St. Jude in one evening. Past hosts have included Jimmy Fallon, Bret Michaels, Lisa Lampanelli and John Rich.
    The Foundation has also raised nearly $500,000 from a permanent Charitybuzz online auction, which regularly offers such items as “Spend the Entire Day with President Bill Clinton” and “Sit in Derek Jeter’s Personal Seats at a New York Yankees Game and Meet the Future Hall of Famer.” All items are 100% donated for auction.
    https://www.erictrumpfoundation.com/welcome

    Oh, and Our new Executive Director, Paige Scardigli, has been with The Eric Trump Foundation as a full-time volunteer and Executive Committee Member since its inception in 2006. She is a fellow classmate and longtime friend of Eric Trump from Georgetown University.
    Paige brings over 10 years of institutional and high-net worth fundraising experience to the Foundation, having most recently served as Vice President of Business Development at Monarch Alternative Capital LP, a $5 billion distressed debt hedge fund.

    Fuck.

    • Dee Andee

      They raised it, but did they GIVE it? Gotta wonder if Eric took another ‘life tip’ from daddy about that.

      • cousin itt

        Eric is nothing more than an 18th century twit whose inbred German ancestry wins him accolades in the NY Dog Show.

        • Dee Andee

          Upvoted, even though I’m sort of German inbred too. lol

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            My brother’s wife grew up in the GDR. She detests that pointless yam shart.

          • Dee Andee

            I’m serious though, about the inbred part. I discovered it when I did the family genealogy. It’s like this:

            sister brother
            I I
            my grandpa my great-grandpa
            I I
            my dad my grandpa
            I I
            my mom
            I
            me

            So, my parents are either first cousins twice removed or second cousins once removed, I can never keep it straight. My running joke now is that I know why I am so weird. ;)

            ETA: Oh crap, it won’t line up right. Oh well.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Weird is good. Embrace it! We love ya!

          • Dee Andee

            Love you too! :D

          • cousin itt

            Me as well. I am obliquely referencing the English aristocracy here. As if they were all that English, which, as an ethnic group is rather messy proposition. See also, Blackadder 3 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092324/

          • Dee Andee

            LOL, Blackadder rules!

            Seriously though, there is probably some of that in everyone’s background. Doing the genealogy really brought that home. Turned out my late ex-husband and I had a common ancestor 11 generations back as well (English, go figure, lol). I won’t even get into all the weird marriages even further back.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Pffft, I’m Angle and Norman and Viking. That’s from 1000 years ago. “English” means nothing.

            The point I’m trying to make is that who fucking cares? We’re all African really.

          • Dee Andee

            I enjoyed doing the genealogy, but my son and I said all along that one’s ancestry does not make the man, so to speak.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            and it’s true. I grew up in England being an English type. We’ve not been invaded since 1066, so we’re all cousinfuckers anyway. But there’s a lot of different blood in there.

            Then you go back another 500 years.

            And another. (WAI HELO ROMANS)

            And another.

            And another etc etc ad nauseam.

            We’re all the fucking same.

          • cousin itt

            Let us also appreciate your colonial acquisitions.

            Say no more!

          • Dee Andee

            Nudge, nudge wink wink, say no more

          • Dee Andee

            Exactly! Once I went waaaay back, I found we’re descended from all the Irish kings (who were actually Vikings), and the Merovingians, who married the daughters of Roman senators, and so on, back and back. We’re all blended.

          • cousin itt

            We are all Lucy.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            We’re all LUCA

          • cousin itt

            I see you are a pro-karyote voter.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            DOWN WITH EUKARYOTES! BUILD A WALL!

          • cousin itt

            If only our cells had walls!

          • Dee Andee

            You guys.

          • cousin itt

            Dear Scientific American, you’re not going to believe my story.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            “I was on a dick-joke blog, and”

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I don’t trust those mitochondria coming in and taking our jerbs.

          • You wall is semi-permeable. Sad. Weak.

          • My name is Luka. And it’s not your business, anyway!

          • Sister Artemis

            do you live on the 2nd floor?

          • Yes. I think you’ve seen me before.

          • cousin itt

            Can I be Central African Republicese, even if our country is melting down and the international media don’t give a damn?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Go for it! I’m thinking of going for cloud forest gorilla at this point.

          • Good chance of African if a member of your family has Bristol or London ancestry. Not to forget the Gaels and the Brythonic Celts or the Slavic input (Saxons had close links to pre-Catholic Poland)

          • H0mer0

            even the Vicious Chicken of Bristol that so tormented Brave Sir Robin?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Oh. Oh.

      I shall shut up now because otherwise I shall break the fucking rules.

      Damn.

      • H0mer0

        there are rules about fucking?(I mean other than mutual consent and both parties being of age)

    • Jen B_VA

      Why, because Bill helps raise money for Saint Jude?

  • Celtic_GnomePlorable

    An endowed chair for Stuff in the Butt.

    Man, I wish I had a thousand bucks burning a hole in my pocket.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I really want that one

  • Suttree

    If you lived closer I would come over and chop kindling because I’m broke. It doesn’t have a monetary value, but a love value!

    • Dee Andee

      I’d mend their clothes and shit, but out here, one state over is like, fuck the farm. O.o

      • Suttree

        I don’t know how you guys cross states! The northeast we can cross 4 of them in 3 hours.

        • Dee Andee

          To get to Rebecca I’d have to drive bout 16 hours, I think. From one state to the next.

          • Suttree

            I have done a lot of driving. I used to make the trip from New Orleans to Maine. And with a second driver we got the time down to 27 hours. Approximately 1700? miles.

          • Dee Andee

            Dayum! I am impressed!

          • Suttree

            I drove by myself from NJ to NOLA once in 23 hours. With a horrendous stop about 50 miles from that damn Waffle House somewhere in Virginia!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Nowt wrong with afful house.

            But that’s a hell of a drive.

          • FukuiSanYesOta
          • Suttree

            Every NOLA to Maine run I made was in a Jeep. Nothing fancy! Jeeps do not like 95 mph!

          • FukuiSanYesOta
          • Suttree

            My Jersey to NOLA run was in a 95 Dodge Dakota 4×4 extra cab with all of my belongings loaded to the top of the color matched cap on the bed. It was a POS I bought for $500 and did some minor fixin’ to. :)

          • Suttree

            You are going to make me watch Cannonball Run again. And then the Gumball Run.

          • Sister Artemis
          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Pffft, Lambo 400 QV.

            Oh wait, I was a young teenage boy once and remember this scene distinctly. Multiple times. Multiple. Times.

          • Sister Artemis

            Still ain’t got nothin on my two favorite long-legged beauties:
            https://youtu.be/hnHBO9FY4Ic

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Frankly, I don’t get how so-called “straight” birds don’t get a ladyboner over that.

          • Hubba hubba, gabba gabba hey!

          • Suttree

            And Smokey and the Bandit! mreow!

          • Dee Andee

            LOL, men. *shakes head, smiling*

          • Suttree

            Fuck that! My co-driver for the run was a woman!

          • Dee Andee

            I was referring to the story of the three guys who crossed country in 28 hours.

            ETA: More about the SPEED thing. I’m an old gramma on the road because I like to look at stuff.

          • Dee Andee

            Speaking of old gramma, I’m off to bed! Laterz! :D

          • Suttree

            G’night

          • sw19tacotruck

            As a biker, I much prefer the twisty windy get-your-knee-down stuff to boring straight lines.
            For one thing, your butt hurts after an hour. Then there’s the leg cramps…

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            We yam what we is. Or something.

          • Suttree

            Places to go, people to see!

          • cousin itt

            MInes’s the car that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

          • But can you use a door?

          • Suttree

            Only for vomit and throwing beer cans out.

          • Are Kessel Runs like Montezuma’s Revenge?

          • Toomush_Infer

            Mine has a sign over the passenger side: No Dancing While the Freeway is in Progress….no one ever listens…

  • Hillary works really hard, AND THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM! IMPEECH!

    Okay, it isn’t THAT bad, but the implication is definitely that Hillary will make herself dead because she is too dedicated.

    …She really just can’t get a break from these fuckers, can she?

    • Sister Artemis

      Never has the phrase “can’t win for losing” been more appropo

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        She’s completely finished for all indented porpoises.

        • Sister Artemis

          Surely they will deplort her soon….

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            She’s certificateable and unfist for offal.

    • Jen B_VA

      HA I called this one too. I said just last night that now that the press is starting to go “dang, man, she had pneumonia and still went to all those things? TUFF!” that the right would start troll concerning XD
      lolz

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      Nein. Totaler Krieg.

    • dshwa

      Well what else do you expect from the party that made a fratboy turned failed businessman with the attention span of a gnat and a guy with the actual mental capacity of a rutabaga President? The idea that being President might actually entail hard work is completely foreign to them.

  • Sister Artemis

    For all of you feeling bad that you can’t kick into the wonka-finance-mega-empire…FIRST of all, the Editrix herself said knock that shit off. If you can’t afford it, don’t try.

    Second of all, if you can’t contribute munneezz, contribute thought, contribute energy, post here, share here AND there when you can, and just generally be a part of the whole shebang. To each according to their need, from each according to their ability, and all that jazz. Or in a more woo fashion: be here now!

    • All my people, right here, right now, d’you know what she means?

      https://youtu.be/jyJU2136ym4

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        And don’t post Oasis videos.

        • Hey! They are the best videos, ever. Just ask Noel Gallagher!

          Actually, my favorite review of this album was from a friend who wrote, “It’s a very good album. If they could have managed to cut ten minutes of feedback, it would have been a great album.”

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I’m messing with you.

          • I had me a feeling. But, the review is definitely worth posting, because it’s so true.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Yes, this. Sister Artemis is far more eloquent than me.

      Even if there’s no cash to be spared, just be yourself in the non-commenting. Every view is moneh, especially if you have adblocked turned off.

    • Suttree

      Why don’t I know a nice woman like you? Oh wait, Wonkette introduced me to one. She gives me presents too! :) I love Lizzitish! I believe my bases are covered?

  • mfp

    i joined for ad free (finally)…it says ‘good morning dave’ up at the main logo–who is dave? i’m not dave…dave?…DAAA-aaave!…dammit

    • Whatever you do, don’t ask to have the pod bay doors opened.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Shy! Shy to the white courtesy phone please!

        Oh, I’m sorry Dave. I can’t do that.

      • The Witch of Endor

        I just noticed your .nym and I’m literally guffawing as I type. I keep hearing it being sung by John Denver. LOL!

        • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

          Too be fair, either part of Vagenda is almost heaven.

        • I had several different variations come to me yesterday. My favorite was one letter too long. This one was my second favorite. And yes, to be sung by John Denver.

      • mfp

        ?daaay-zee, daaay-zeee–give me your answer dooo…

    • Suttree

      Dave’s not here man.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Has to be said.

        • Suttree

          Who? What? Where am I?!!!!

    • Basket of Vagendas
  • SCK

    Okay lady we love you bye bye

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Now let’s get back to “Fuck you Donald Trump!”

  • Basket of Vagendas

    jhc

    There were multiple reports of violence between protestors and Trump supporters on Tuesday night at a Trump rally in Asheville, North Carolina.

    Outside the rally, a 69-year-old protestor, Shirley Teter was punched in the face and knocked to the ground, falling over her oxygen tank before being taken to the hospital.

    Teter said she has been protesting all her life but never experienced anything like this.

    “Whenever groups of them would start chanting ‘Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!’” Teter said in an interview with local news station WLOS, “I would chant back, ‘Dump! Dump! Dump! Dump!’ It was kind of comical.”

    But when she told one Trump supporter that he had better learn Russian, he punched her in the face: “He stopped in his tracks, and he turned around and just cold-cocked me.”

    During the rally, when the scuffle erupted in the balcony, Donald Trump took a break from his speech to address the violence: “Is there anywhere in American more fun to be than a Trump rally?”

    • Astraea

      Fuck him so hard for what he’s doing to our country.

      • Jen B_VA

        They’re trying to intimidate us all the while whining that they are the victims.
        Sounds so. Very. Familiar.

        • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

          “Boo hoo. Lyin’ Hillary called my supporters names!”

        • Suttree

          What is the substitute for the Reichstag at this time and place? Trump Tower? I wouldn’t be surprised if he burned it down for the insurance money plus votes.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        And yet there are people who want to hand the nuclear codes to someone who would cheerfully throw himself the biggest viking funeral in history to take the rest of us with him.

        • Astraea

          He tells everyone he’ll blow Iran’s boats out of the waters for posturing and then says Clinton is unfit because she’s trigger happy.

          It’s disgusting. Republicans have been hypocrites for a long time about this stuff, but this is like blatant hypocrisy in ONE STATEMENT. And millions of people just eat it up.

          • Jen B_VA

            The millions eat it up because when the liberal media reports it, they make sure to remind people of whatever conspiracy theory he is invoking.

          • Suttree

            And tell it as it happens to be true.

          • Suttree

            Fucking liberal media!

        • Toomush_Infer

          He’s no Viking….

          • Basket of Vagendas

            No, he’s a classic example of why hybrid vigor is a good idea, like not a few of his supporters. All the same, I think he would be totally down with a little human race suttee.

    • Suttree

      And holy fuck. I heard and saw a picture of two white men and one had been punched. Fuck these people are DEPLORABLE!

      • sw19tacotruck

        WHITE LIVES MATTER!

      • Basket cases

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      “The safest place on Earth is at a Trump rally.” — Trump

      Of course, at a Trump rally he is pretty damn safe. It may be the Secret Service detail.

      • Suttree

        The safest place on earth for white racists is at a klan Trump rally.
        -ftfy

      • Basket of Vagendas

        You know, the rest of the city a Trump rally is in is probably fairly safe.

      • Toomush_Infer

        The Tin Drum libel…

        • H0mer0

          [I read the book and saw the movie ~30 years ago, and I don’t get it.] :(

    • H0mer0

      WTF! Hitting a woman?On supplemental oxygen? Good on her, she can joke about it.

  • OK, My guilt feelings are over for a while. I has donated!!!!

    Damn you for being so enjoyable, please feel free to spend it on food.

    • Suttree

      Well, for the babby at least. :)

  • Jen B_VA

    lolz Colin Powell was hacked and most the press was like he said Trump is a national disgrace! And Fox is all “Colin told mean Hillz not to scapegoat him!”
    One of these things is not like the other

    • Suttree

      When I was a kid I wanted to be a journalist. I would rather whore myself down by the river at this point, seeing as what the national media has turned into.

      • You could do both – become a Faux “News” journalist

        • Suttree

          I would rather have an honest job. I’ll only do one.

          • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

            Me too. I’ll stick with prostitution.

      • Make sure you’re living in a van when you doing your river whoring

        • Suttree

          I’m classy! What? Was I supposed to do it against a tree (without being in love with the person that is)?

        • Suttree

          And I already have a Canadian theme song for it!

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      It’s a testament to Hillz’ character that she didn’t scapegoat him, either.

      • sw19tacotruck

        Stupid Democrats, playing fair and being reasonable and everything.

        • Suttree

          I’m fucking tired of it! But that’s what we do. We are nice and try to make things better. As much as I want to strangle these fuckers….I will put a smile on my face and try to help the mouthbreathers too.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      He slays me. She keeps tripping into these character minefields indeed. Like, remember when she was a young officer and she turbocharged her military career by covering up the massacre at My Lai? Oh, wait…

      • JH Marx, Resister

        There’s a bridge in New Haven, CT named the “Pearl Harbor Memorial Bridge.”
        Before moving to Vegas, I tried to figure out how to rename it, “The My Lai Memorial Bridge.”

  • Astraea

    Trump is going to visit Flint. Haven’t they suffered enough?

    • Suttree

      I thought he was supposed to go there weeks ago? But then pussied out. Also, too make him drink some water.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Who’s he going to blame for it tho?

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Are there enough white folks in Flint for a Trump rally? Because I can’t believe even Trump is stupid enough to stand in front of people who were charged the highest water rates in the country to poison their children by a Republican and ask them what they have to lose. And we haven’t seen that video yet…

      • Suttree

        The surrounding area is full of white racists. I’m sure he will be just fine. ID’s at the door, if you are actually from Flint and your melanin is too high GTFO.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          still…

          FLINT, MI — The progress yielded by workers who occupied a Flint Fisher Body plant nearly 80 years ago in a fight to get collective bargaining is at stake in the upcoming presidential election, speakers at a Labor Day ceremony in Flint said.

          At Sitdowners Memorial Park on Monday morning, speakers including union leaders and U.S. Rep. Dan Kildee, D-Flint Township, said the same courageous spirit of those in the Sit-Down Strike of 1936-37 is needed to thwart Donald Trump and keep secure those fought-for labor rights.

          Rather than a return to the post-war prosperity of the ’50s and ’60s — as pointed to in Trump’s campaign slogan “Make America Great Again” — the Republican presidential hopeful spells a return to the labor abuses of the early 20th century, Kildee said.

          “He wants to take us back to the ’20s when all the wealth was in the hands of the few,” he said.

          • Suttree

            So the person I know that lives 20 miles south of there will probably be there waving a banner. She’s a relatively nice person, but selfish as all get out. This is the mythical non-white Trump voter. I know one!

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Oh, I’m pretty sure I know more than one. I work in a diverse-but-conservative industry. Do you know what she thinks is in it for her?

          • Suttree

            Hell no! She is yet another person (I have dated a few women like this) that hangs onto conservatism because their families said it was the right way. Their families may have been rich at some point but these individuals are no longer even middle class. Yet they hang onto the ideas of their fathers that everything will be better with a fucking republican. Never mind that collecting food stamps is a no-no for the blahs, it’s my right you fuckers! Ugh don’t get me started on the republicans that I have dated. Up front-great loving humorous people, down deep selfish fucks that would sell you down the road for a hot dog.

          • Toomush_Infer

            Respect Donald’s Authoritah!…Suck his balls!…

          • (((Gosala)))

            Never let family get in the way of opportunity.

            Rule of Acquisition, number 6

      • sw19tacotruck

        The trouble is, his supporters are stupid enough.

      • Astraea

        He’s going to tour the city, apparently. He wanted to visit the water plant but the Mayor said Thanks, but no thanks. She’s a Clinton supporter and also too, the Trump campaign sprung this on her without warning or coordination.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          I just… don’t know what he’s getting at here. These peoples’ children were poisoned by a Republican. Who does he rail against?

          • Astraea

            Clinton, somehow, probably. I guess we’ll see what new depths he can sink to.

          • SnarkOff

            Obama, obviously.

    • Rick Hill

      He must believe that he has a chance there. Michigan is solidly blue.

    • SnarkOff

      Jesus. Those poor people. Must be something in the water.

  • KJB

    Foreign lurker who has been shamed into donating by your post!

    • The Wanderer

      We welcome you, Foreign Lurker!

      • KJB

        Thank you! I really needed somewhere to lurk after our Brexshit decision…

    • BadKitty904

      Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,
      Fremde, etranger, stranger!
      Gluklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
      Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay!

      • KJB

        Thank you, merci, tanvaad!

  • SPG138

    I pitched in some Aussie deniros. 50 of ours gets about 1.50 U.S. 1.50 gets at least a smoke and a pancake right?

    • BadKitty904

      And a hearty handshake!

  • Suttree

    Is Donna Rose about to spear a white walker? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • BadKitty904

    <– irrationally happy this A.M.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LdIL5WCso8

    • Suttree

      I hate you you fucker! :)

      • Basket of Vagendas
      • BadKitty904

        Tut! Pshaw, even. I’ll admit that, after the morning run, I’m sometimes still high on adrenaline, but it’s still a LOVELY day!

        • Suttree

          Yay! I feel like I have been run over by a truck and my meds don’t work. But you guys and gals make me smile all the same!

          • Suttree
          • BadKitty904

            Oh, dear. “Meds don’t work”? :0( Perhaps a call to your doctor…?

          • Suttree

            They only give me NSAIDS and muscle relaxers. No dopey stuff. I don’t like taking opiates (I used to take a lot) but sometimes you need them. Rubbing booze on my back only helps so much.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, I hope you’re feline better soon. Let us know, please, if we need to call a purramedic…

          • Suttree

            Teehee! My hedgehog, mouse, and lobster will have to do until this weekend when I can get to Lizzietish’s and have kitty cuddle with me. Oh a lizzie too also.

    • The Wanderer

      Hee! I woke up to Bark at the Moon.

    • Lizzietish81
    • Shan
  • Apple Scruff

    So according to The Twitter, there is new info about the #DNCLeak but the media is so corrupt, they aren’t reporting on it. Anyone know what’s going on?

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Offhand, I’d say that their nasty little dump of personal information didn’t take over the news cycle and they’re having a tantrum.

      • Apple Scruff

        It seems like there were maybe some doofus decisions made (emailing new passwords, personal info exposed) but nothing that suggests corruption or illegal acts.

        If these people are SO MAD, maybe they should look at the media who just cover their own candidate Trump 24/7.

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

    • Rick Hill

      We have to have some scandal to take attention from the fact that a president trump would have business interests around the world which would dictate national policy and be open to global bribery

      • Apple Scruff

        Right. There is a Newsweek article about Trump’s finances coming out today that’s supposedly really BAD! SO BAD!

        • Rick Hill

          His whole position on S Korea’s nuclear independance is guided by his holdings/interests in a S Korean nuclear energy company. Trump actually looks at the presidency as a means to make billions

      • BadKitty904

        “…and be open to invite global bribery.”

        • Rick Hill

          M̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶a̶t̶
          Make me an an offer…

    • Banrion

      It’s not that greens WON’T take corporate money, but they DON’T because no one is offering.

  • BadKitty904

    And here’s another lil’ ray o’ sunshine this A.M. – maybe somebody’s finally starting to catch on…

    NEWSWEEK BOMBSHELL: TRUMP’S ‘PAY TO PLAY’ PRESIDENCY – ‘The Most Conflicted President’ Ever…
    http://www.newsweek.com/2016/09/23/donald-trump-foreign-business-deals-national-security-498081.html

    • BosDeploraGrl

      I am not surprised at any of this but again, the Trump voters don’t care. They don’t care what happens in other countries as long as it doesn’t affect their lives.

      • Jukesgrrl

        And if it does, they look the other way. As in, “It’s snowing. There’s no such thing as global warming!”

  • SnarkOff

    The word you are looking for meaning “the sweet relief of death” is Xanax.

  • Suttree

    Hey guys, OT but does anyone remember exactly what they called that encyclopedia of american vernacular that came out a few years ago? Its like 13 volumes and has been worked on for decades.

    • Beautiful Soup

      Is it the Dictionary of American Regional English? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dictionary_of_American_Regional_English

      • Suttree

        OMG I love you! I had tried looking up everything but regional. Thank you so much for fixing that part of my brain today!

        • Beautiful Soup

          You’re welcome! I can’t resist a Google mission.

    • Biff52

      Back in the early part of the last century, there was a dictionary of vituperous verse. I wish I could find it, it was hilarious.

  • Greg Mulka

    Wonkette’s like NPR/PBS except more honest and with better swears.

  • OppressedMass

    I threw down a few $ because “internalizing my Failure Shames [….] when one has a thousand-pound block of quiet dread on one’s shoulders” was just such a perfect description of MY shitty weekend. Thanks, Rebecca!

  • B James Harder

    Gods, I wish I could send you some $$$s (even if they are of the Queen Elizabeth II £££ variety). I visit every day because yours is the very best place for snarky, twisted, laugh-out-loud shit about the nooz. Also, Evan is gawjuss! So, until I’m employed again and can afford to go ad-free, I’ve white-listed Wonkette on my ad-blocker and will suffer through one-and-a-half hour loading time per page (!) for J̶e̶s̶u̶s̶ your sake. Amen.

  • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

    This site has kept me sane through all the bullshit for the last few years. I don’t comment much but I greatly admire this nasty vile snark mob. It’s time I kicked in and donated every month. It’s WAY cheaper than therapy.

  • Raan

    “[…]don’t send us anything if you’re poorer than we are.”

    Allow me to quote Avi Avidan from a text to his son. “You are not the boss of me, love you.”

  • mimar

    Oh that intrepid Dona Rose exploring the lake shore. I am not nervous, however, for she will be soon be rescued by the her flying zebra. Hooray for super animals!

  • AllieQuinn

    Jeez…I don’t read the Wonkette for a week and all hell breaks loose…

    I just sent over my monies. I have a small monthly set up already, but I’ll try to remember to throw some bigger ones over when I can. I have a cousin in journalism, so I’ve always had a content budget for stuff I read frequently. She’d probably kick my ass otherwise.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Yeah. You go away on vacation and WTF happens? However, said vacation has put some “encumbrances”, so will be a little bit before I can do anything. *Hate* to lose Robyn, but would hate to not have Our Wonkette on the intertubes. Take care, Rebecca. You’re doing a great job.

  • hvdv

    Feel free to put my tiny donation towards an aluminum foil handshake for Robyn.

  • Roman Elazar

    I don’t know how I’d get through your over-long stress inducing American elections without Wonkette’s dick jokes.

    Sincerely,

    Some guy in Canada City

  • Mike Cassi

    Used to give and buy goodies – drinking coffee from my Warren/wonkette mug as I write this – but no longer. When the Sanders posts went from meaningful sarcasm about his errors to Clinton-style attack ads, and the posts on that lying, corrupt, faux-progressive, war-mongering, welfare-destroying, for-and-now-against universal healthcare austerian – for whom I am stuck voting – went to full hagiography, I gave up on you.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Yet, yer still here reading … and free to opinionate.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      lying, corrupt, faux-progressive, war-mongering, welfare-destroying

      Sources? What country has she proposed to go to war with? Where are the bribes? Me thinks you have been swayed by bad swashbucklers with an agenda.

  • Sassamaphone

    Gawd, I’m so gay for you wonkette, of course you can have more money.

  • mml1996

    I’m quite sad about Robyn leaving, though. Please bring her back sometime – I got muneez!

  • I am sorry that I am a freeloader who can only afford to pay you in half-witted banter.

  • mille262

    So sorry to take the food out of wonkette baby’s mouth by using add blocker. I sent a bunch of cash so you can put the food back in there.

  • Silver_Witch

    Heart you Wonkette! Sorry I can’t send more…would of course and should I win the Lottery you are #2 on the list (well maybe #3, my dog needs a new collar). Hang in there and glad there are folks who can send large checks (would love to be one of those – i.e., see winning lottery comment)

  • spends2much

    Christ, if I can somehow stand to give the NYFuckingTimes a few bucks each month, I should certainly be doing it for Wonkette, too. They induce rage strokes, you relieve them.
    I will have to wait until my next pay cycle, when I throw the minimum onto my crushing Visa debt, but I promise it will come.
    (I make pretty good money but never seem to have any. I do have lots of vacation photos, though…)

    • Dolmance

      I’d rather give money to my ex wife than to the NYTimes. And if a judge ordered me to pay her alimony, I think I’d defect to Iran or something. Jesus, I’d rather be broke and homeless than send her money.

      Goddamnit, those blacks in the White House live better than I do.

  • Dolmance

    I’m going back into Heroin Futures. If I’m not discriminated against too badly for getting older, I’ll begin sending monthly donations.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      I’m thinking all the smart money is moving to khat futures.

  • Yr. Gma

    That child is a bone fide angel.

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