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see this pic and raise you one giuliani

9/11 turns fifteen this weekend. In honor of this occasion, a Florida Walmart wants you to celebrate the tragedy’s Quinceanera with cases of Coca-Cola sugar water. Here’s our “synergy” of the week:

coke-tweet

In an attempt to honor a local firefighters’ organization and push a shitload of discount product, the Coca-Cola supplier received permission from the Panama City Walmart’s store manager to go hard with the patriotic display. People were not pleased.

After online mobs reacted with criticism, Walmart and Coca-Cola both apologized for the display and orchestrated an inside job to bring down the cases. Why? This exhibit is probably the most appropriately American tribute. Never Forget that our former cheerleader-in-chief told Americans to respond to the terrorist attacks by going to Disney World. Never Forget how he asked us to respond to a fledgling economy and never ending wars by “going shopping.” Why is everyone forgetting that the appropriate way to commemorate a horrific event and honor lives lost is rampant and irresponsible consumerism?

We call on Walmart to rebuild these Freedom Displays and we’ll take 1 tower of Coke Zeros.

Wells Fargo customers *might* want to check their account details

In 2008, all of the big financial institutions learned their lessons, expressed contrition, and received their bailouts. It was a new era. Wall Street banks would be chill. Wall Street bros would be polite to panhandlers and not try to fuck all of the cocktail waitresses. Anyway, we assume that’s what happened. So color us shocked that Comrade Warren’s Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and state agencies fined Wells Fargo $185 million dollars after discovering that Wells Fargo employees secretly issued a bunch of new accounts and credit cards without customers’ consent. But maybe it was an accident when they created fake email accounts to open online accounts for customers who didn’t ask for them.

In all, Wells Fargo employees opened roughly 1.5 million bank accounts and applied for 565,000 credit cards that may not have been authorized by customers, the regulators said in a news conference.

As for Wells Fargo, the Corporate Person totally didn’t know about this. In response, the bank fired the few 5,300 bad apples who committed these acts. Thankfully, the underfunded government agencies were able to discover the fraud as the country’s third largest bank undoubtedly didn’t have the resources to prevent or discover the widespread malfeasance.

How would the bank know their people were stealing from customers? Were they supposed to believe Jenny Q. Account-Holder who called out the bank for inappropriate fees and the receipt of debit cards she didn’t want? Or listen to Johnny J. Customer who complained about relentless debt collectors hassling him about accounts he didn’t recognize? What do those two even know about banking? Why couldn’t they know their place and ignore or misidentify these fees like good banking consumers. Let the professional service providers provide their professional services.

Wells Fargo is famous for its culture of cross-selling products to customers — routinely asking, say, a checking account holder if she would like to take out a credit card. Regulators said the bank’s employees had been motivated to open the unauthorized accounts by compensation policies that rewarded them for opening new accounts; many current and former Wells employees told regulators they had felt extreme pressure to open as many accounts as possible[…]A bank spokeswoman declined to say whether any senior executives had been reprimanded or fired in the scandal.

Wells Fargo totally didn’t encourage this practice since it was probably just a couple hundred rogue Mister Managers and their underlings. Again, everyone is rushing to villainize the bankers and we don’t like it. The problem is that the average customer doesn’t know that he needs these extra accounts and additional credit cards. It’s not about the fees and the commission. It’s about drawing upon their savvy expertise. Instead, we’re discouraging a hallmark corporate person worth almost $2 trillion from doing its patriotic duty on behalf of uninformed customers. And we’re going to put these people in jail for a little bit of fraud??? Oh wait, no one is going to jail? They were just stealing “money” from “people.” Maybe next time hahaha. Luckily, this fine will deter future misdeeds.

Stock of Wells Fargo […] rose 13 cents on Thursday, to $49.90 a share.

Lesson learned!

[CNET / NYT]

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  • TJ Barke

    Classy as fuck.

  • Treg Brown

    #AllCokeMatters

    • TJ Barke

      Cocaine is a helluva drug.

  • pgjack

    Don’t worry, Donald, who really understands the system better than anyone, will fix all this on his first day in office.

  • cousin itt

    The first three thousand cokes are free.

  • memzilla

    A bank spokeswoman declined to say whether any senior executives had been reprimanded or fired in the scandal.

    *raises hand and waves madly*
    OOO OOO TEACHER! PICK ME PICK ME I KNOW THIS ONE!!

    • handyhippie65

      NOT,K

  • SnarkOff

    Fuck Walmart. Fuck Coca-Cola. Fuck Wells Fargo. You fucking corporate fuckers.

    • SeekingBarbie

      Fuck-All Kitty strikes again:

  • Parchment Scroll

    Okay, that Wells Fargo story was worse than I thought, and I thought it was going to be absolutely awful. Congratulations, Wells Fargo! You’re worse than I thought a bank could be!

    • SnarkOff

      Wells Fargo: Number One in Lowering the Bar Even Lower! Woo-hooo!

      • Parchment Scroll

        Of course, now we’re punishing success by fining them.

    • kareemachan

      But..but..but.. banks should be deregulated, right?

      • Parchment Scroll

        Who knows finances better?

    • Blank Ron

      You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
      – Wells Fargo

      • Parchment Scroll

        Sadly, probably accurate.

    • Arolpin

      That explains why my Wells Fargo banker called me in for a meeting recently. I was exceedingly pissed about an overdraft fee (because they took 5 days to accept a fucking bank transfer) and an ATM fee (because they sent me a new ATM card and cancelled my old one immediately and didn’t tell me) so I went to meet with him. He agreed to credit me for the fees if I took out a new credit card. I guess I can go talk to him now and cancel the card. I would close my account except that I’ve had it for 21 years (and 5 bank mergers) and I’m too lazy to figure out all the automatic payments ti s to the account.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    That uptick of thirteen cents is the We Put It Behind Us Bounce.

  • SDGeoff

    These tasteless displays are seen at holiday time everywhere, not just Panama City. Even 7-11 stores do it. Disgusting.

    • SnarkOff

      Just a small correction…9/11 not a holiday in any sense of the word.

      • SDGeoff

        Just a small response. I didn’t say it was.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I hate to imagine what they have planned for Pearl Harbor Day.

  • Iron Monkey

    the country’s third largest bank undoubtedly didn’t have the resources to prevent or discover the widespread malfeasance

    They really don’t. preventing this kind of activity adds nothing to the bottom line–it detracts from it since people who would otherwise be opening fraudulent accounts for existing customers are stuck investigating those who already have.

    That’s capitalism.

  • bubbuhh

    Coke sells fizzy water with and without coloring and with and without sweetener as their premium priced flagship product. Wla-Mart sells products made mostly in foreign sweatshops while pretending it sells stuff mostly made in the USA. Both cororate assholes have long histories of racism and sexism. Both companies are proud to turn their workforces into Trump supporting proles. Fuck ’em.

    • handyhippie65

      i wouldn’t fuck either of them on a dare. i like my dick too much.

  • DainBramage

    When large corporations steal from their customers, it’s called increasing shareholder value.

    • Señor Skwerl

      All hail the God of Shareholder Value!

      • handyhippie65

        with golf ball sized hail.

    • malsperanza

      Ditto when they fire people and outsource their jobs overseas. Romney explained very clearly in 2012 that this builds the economy. Why don’t people understand?

      • DainBramage

        We lowly peons are too stupid to understand these financial matters. Plus, life is so hard when your billionaire frenemies have more money than you do! Their car elevator is nicer than yours.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Since Wells Fargo is a Corporate Person, can I marry it?

    • DainBramage

      Then get a divorce and take half.

      • Señor Skwerl

        What? No, we LOVE each other.

        (Until the value goes to three trillion, then there’s too much in between us.)

    • Ikimizi

      It’s just not into you. But you can arrange a hostile takeover.

    • OddMan

      Sure you can marry Wells Fargo™®©.
      But you have to pay for the wedding, and Ms. or Mr. (you pick) Fargo requires only the most expensive and lavish weddings.
      But they will loan you the money for a small fee and only charge interest when you breath.

  • DainBramage

    I sure am glad my money is in a credit union.

    • handyhippie65

      my mattress never opens the pullout couch.

  • handyhippie65

    florida strikes again! ‘murica’s wang shows once again, it is not the head to think with.

  • JMP

    Can we go back to September 11 just being a normal day sometime soon please?

    • TJ Barke

      Why do you hate america?

    • Blank Ron

      Umm, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…
      – some guy from 2525 AD

      • If man is still alive!

        • mtn_philosoph

          Everything you think, do and say is in the pill you took today.

  • Iron Monkey

    The Wells Fargo deal–throw apples and corn in front some hungry pigs, then be surprised when the pigs eat all the yummy produce. Send some of pigs to the butcher, explain how this will never happen again then load up with more apples and corn.

    • OddMan

      Nice use of an animal metaphor Mr. Iron. Explains the problem well, and you get to call out greedy people as pigs.
      ✩✩✩✩

    • mtn_philosoph

      All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

  • bubbuhh

    “I pledge allegiance to the line of the Corporate World in America, and to the profit for which it stands, each profit center its own law, with value for board members all.”

    That’s real New World Order talking.

    • jowgajen

      It’s the same old world order, we just pay attention when they get too grabby.

  • cousin itt

    I have 5300 pitchforks that aren’t doing anything right now.

    • SDGeoff

      My garage is filled to the rafters with torches.

      • shastakoala

        I have a bunch of cobble stone pavers just laying around.

        • SDGeoff

          Ooo! Pavers! Mmmm…

          • Shan

            I have a whole street full of bricks in front of my house.

          • malsperanza

            I could find a use for those sabots I stopped wearing.

          • Querolous

            I know where there is a parking-lot full of tumbrils.

    • Panika MCD

      ummm….why?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Greeeeaaat, now we’ll have 9/11 Soda Truthers like Alex Jones who will blame Pepsi and Target for causing the twin Coke Towers to collapse.

    • Catstro

      Jet fuel doesn’t melt aluminum cans!

    • Shoto

      Did anyone check “Building 7” for Coke / Mentos charges? That’s the key…

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Where is the bottom on all this?
    Answer: there is no bottom.
    https://youtu.be/2ZmM-2gj5Gc

    • SnarkOff

      OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. Please tell me this isn’t real. So horrifying.

      • bubbuhh

        The Miracle Mattress Store closed its doors “indefinitely” after discovering that there is such a thing as too much publicity.

      • Catstro

        It’s real. The owner apologized right before throwing his employees (who apparently made it without consulting with him) under the bus.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          The chick who snidely says they’ll remember is his fucking daughter. I hope they go out of business.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wow. I love America (wipes tear from eye).

    • redarmyzombie

      ljdrnhsdcgnfnvscmmc

      Sorry, I just had to physically lift my jaw from my keyboard after watching that…

    • Lancelot Link

      What disgusting thing will they do next – a Memorial Day sale?

  • Shoto

    To be fair, Preznit George Duh-Byuh Bush did encourage US Americans to display their post-9/11 patriotism by going shopping.

    What kind of corporate moran thinks up this shit? Jeezuz.

    • Blank Ron

      AOT,K

  • Ikimizi

    It may be totally inappropriate, but I really want to smash a shopping cart into that display.

  • Mike Steele

    Walmart makes my head hurt; Wells Fargo makes it explode. Stayed home last night, but still get the hangover? USA!USA!

    • Rick Hill

      Mrs Hill wanted to visit Wally world for years, I always said “No. You really don’t.” Well, we wound up going and the odors coming from all the cheap plastics and vinyls…she never wanted to go back.

      • OddMan

        My better 2/3 and I have only been once. We were visiting Kentucky and had been tasting fine Bourbon at a friends house, we had been tasting for a while, and decided to go to the nearest Wal-Mart for fun. ヅ
        It was the People of Wal-Mart on nuclear steroids. And I do remember that plastic smell.
        Holy fucking shit, that was so weird we sobered up right away and had to leave and find more Bourbon.

        Apologies to anyone who lives in Kentucky. It’s a beautiful state.

        • eddi

          Walmart brings down down the tone of any place they occupy.

        • I Only Like Cats

          The state is beautiful. The people are not (I lived in Louisville for a time).

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          It is a beautiful state, filled with WalFarts and the kinds of people who frequent them.

    • Toomush_Infer

      In Mexico City, Walmarts is the upscale shopping center. Just sayin’…

  • Me personally, I think the screaming destruction of the mattress towers was the most suitable 9-11 tribute

  • I Only Like Cats

    I’ve had an online account with Wells Fargo since I signed up for a bank account and I haven’t had any problems (so far).

    • jowgajen

      I have several business accounts with them with no issue. But this will have been at the branch level and they would pick easier targets.

  • Tacotruckjohn

    Fining big banks doesn’t work. Jail time for bank officials does.

    • handyhippie65

      if only…

    • TJ Barke

      How about we nationalize all the banks?

      • handyhippie65

        like the republicans would be any better. they are the ones who run them now.

      • Tacotruckjohn

        Or just change key parts of the regulatory scheme that limit credit unions from competing with banks on a truly level playing field. This is especially true in the area of mortgages, where credit unions are often unable to serve customers due to restrictive laws that apply to credit unions but not other lenders. You may not be able to use a credit union to acquire a house, but you don’t have to pay banks’ higher fees for basic banking services and credit cards.

        • Mezzavagenda

          Also bring back Glass-Steagall and separate investment from banking.

          • ViveLaRes

            This is absolutely essential, and it needs to be done soon.

      • malsperanza

        Because that has worked so well in the past? Massive regulation would do the job too. Like the kind we used to have between 1930 and 1990.

        • TJ Barke

          When did we nationalize the banks before?

          • malsperanza

            Weirdly enough, there are also other nations with banking systems.

          • Shan

            Wait. Bank of America is NOT a national bank?

    • msanthropesmr

      Mojo Nixon Sez: I hate banks!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMehSfTmnbY

  • bubbuhh

    Bring back the spirit of Teddy Roosevelt. He wasn’t perfect, but he had a clue about the essential amorality of corporations and their management.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Could you imagine him going off on the Republicans? Because I could. I am amused.

      • TJ Barke

        He’d make Donnie piss his pants.

        • SDGeoff

          Donnie wouldn’t understand a word.

          • eddi

            He could read Teddy’s body language though.

          • I Only Like Cats

            It’d be like the Obama-Putin picture.

          • SDGeoff

            Lots to see!

    • (((Gosala)))

      I am dee-lighted by this bully non-comment.

    • Mezzavagenda

      I’m sure there’s a dick joke about carrying a big stick in here somewhere.

      • Lancelot Link

        You can’t carry a big stick with stubby little fingers

  • Headpants

    The scary part about all of the 9/11 sales? Its just the tip of the iceberg, sort of like testing the waters to see how far companies (and “morans”) can push it. Give it 5 more years and adverts like what walmart and that damn mattress store did will be acceptable norms b/c everyone will be bitching about how the pricing of the commemorative T-shirts for all the 9/11 concerts is too much…

    • SayItWithWookies

      What really irks me is when July 4th is barely over and already you start seeing the 9/11 decorations going up.

      • Shan

        This is why I’m glad I don’t go places.

      • Señor Skwerl

        9/11 decorations? What are we supposed to be celebrating?

        • Blank Ron

          The permanent state of war between America and the Scary Brown People.

    • Querolous
  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s amazing how many terrible people existed at the lower echelons of Wells-Fargo’s organization without anybody higher up apparently instructing them to commit such widespread fraud. Like Spielberg fans said after Jaws (edit:) was nominated for Best Picture — apparently this movie directed itself.

    • Mpeg

      I cannot upfist this. I loved Jaws.

      *rereads Wookies’ post*

      Oh FFS, Best PICTURE? I’d say that movie nominated itself!

  • Belasaurius

    And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free/
    To display merchandise that will shock all who see

    • Callyson

      And I’d gladly stand in the checkout line and use my card to pay.
      ‘Cause how quickly we forget what counts God help the U.S.A.

      • SDGeoff

        Ladies and gentlemen! Wonkette’s own Rogers and Hammerstein!

      • eddi

        Wipes away a tear (of laughter). That was just perfect. Both of you.

        • SeekingBarbie

          Call and Response. Love it!

      • Arolpin

        I was in Navy boot camp right when this song was huge. I had to go to church the first couple Sundays, and they sand this fucking simulation of a song as a fucking hymn. Luckily my (piece of shit, bitter, evil, medically-kicked-out-of-the-SEALS) company commander was an atheist and gave us the option of buying the Sunday paper and reading it instead. (I was very confused when the paper was all about the fall of the Berlin Wall, but I least I didn’t have to listen to Lee fucking Greenwood.

  • Steven

    DRINK COKE 9/11

    verb + noun + 9/11

    • Mezzavagenda

      Rudy, is that you? And are you drunk?

  • Callyson

    As a former Wells Fargo customer, I just want to say that credit unions rock!

    • SDGeoff

      They are even nicer when you’ve come over from B of A!!

    • Ducksworthy

      I’d also like to thank Wells Fargo for the millions they have spent (lobbying+fines) proving there is a need for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

    • natoslug

      I keep meaning to transfer the rest of my Chase accounts over to my credit union. The only thing stopping me is laziness.

      • Callyson

        I finally got off my lazy ass two years ago. You won’t regret it.

        • natoslug

          The one advantage Chase has is that they have a branch right off the plaza here, across from all of the bars in town. For the credit union, I’d have to be sober enough to drive three miles.

      • malsperanza

        If I could find one in NYC, land of Killer Megabanks … all our little savings banks got wiped out by the repeal of interstate banking rules. Thanks, Clinton (Bill)!

      • Toomush_Infer

        That, and the 2% on stuff I buy, if I pay up at the end of the month and cost them money…

    • Catstro

      The only thing I dislike about my credit union is the online banking—it takes forever for transactions to post. Other than that, A++

  • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

    AMERIKA, FUCK YEAH!!!!1!!!
    (anybody got a splooge towel to lend? asking for a friend)

    • Gayer Than Thou

      You can just have it. No need to return it.

    • Arolpin

      At least that’s a catchy song. And has some musical value.

  • Mpeg

    okay okay before I assert my disdain for this publicity stunt of Wal-Mart’s: does “Coke Ground Zero” have zero calories, or zero caffeine? Asking for a friend~

    • Belasaurius

      Zero taste

    • SayItWithWookies

      The best part about Coke Ground Zero is that when it gives you indigestion, you get mad at Pepsi.

    • Astraea

      Zero calories

    • Callyson

      Not zero water, that’s for sure:

      Coca-Cola Co.’s bottling factories use a little over a gallon of water to make a 2-liter bottle of soda. But that figure surges to as high as 132 gallons of water per 2-liter bottle of soda if you add the water used to grow ingredients such as sugar cane, according to an estimate provided to the company by the World Wildlife Fund.

      Time to stop drinking Jameson and Diet Coke, I guess…

      • Shan

        Get a whisky you don’t have to disguise the taste of and just drink it neat!

      • malsperanza

        The only thing to drink with Jamesons is a beer back.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Try Jameson instead of rye in a Manahattan. Yummy.

      • Blank Ron

        Since when did they switch from high fructose corn syrup to sugar cane?

        • Querolous

          Mexican Coke. Available at some Costco locations.

  • Picabo

    Deplorable.

  • (((Gosala)))

    God bless America Ferenginar!

  • malsperanza

    Somebody worked really hard on that Coke display. Extra points for artistry.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I agree. I think it is very clever, and I don’t really see why people complained. It’s not any more “tacky” than some memorials I’ve seen.

      • eddi

        [insert “too soon?” meme here] It is harder to let go of tragedy these days since the media milks it forever.

      • malsperanza

        It’s horrible, grotesquely offensive, and incredibly tacky. But someone poured their heart and talent into it.

        • eddi

          And what their opinion might have been, we will never know. The boss said “do it” and lo, it was done.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Is it worse than this t-shirt I saw someone wearing in Atlanta? I don’t think so.

          • malsperanza

            Yeah, you win.

          • BackDoorMan

            … overheard at a bar in NYC on the day of the ‘anniversary’…
            “Where was I on 9/11? Out getting bombed… and then I collapsed.”
            Yeah, hardly anyone laughed.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    OT – gawdfuckingdamnit, Hillary just stepped on a rake. She described half of Trump’s supporters as a “basket of deplorables”, which is true enough, but gawdfuckingdamnit, it’s just bad form to be attacking *voters*. Her entire statement is actually pretty good, but Trump and his surrogates will have a field day with this. For full picture, here be linky:

    https://www.balloon-juice.com/2016/09/10/saturday-morning-open-thread-basket-of-deplorables/

    • TJ Barke

      Le sigh.

    • msanthropesmr

      Except, the thing is, half of his supporters ARE a basket of deplorables – the ONLY reason they’re voting for him is he’s a misogynist, racist pig-fucker. With bad hair.

      • msanthropesmr
        • eddi

          “This is America — you shouldn’t be different from us.”
          That right there says it all. Now and forever the nature of the racist ugly American laid bare for all to see.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s the problem with skin color. This stupid bitch is white, and I am white, so people can look at us and think we are “the same,” but we are as different as can be, which is exactly why racism is stupid.

        • Callyson

          Prosecutors even alleged that she tried knocking over the stroller that contained a 15-month-old baby.

          • msanthropesmr

            That baby had the Sharia.

          • eddi

            I don’t normally advocate violence. And I don’t want to violate the rules.

          • eddi

            This one too.

        • redarmyzombie

          Emirjeta Xhelili? With a name like that, she really doesn’t have nearly as much room to complain about people being different as she thinks she does…

          • Shan

            I was thinking that as well.

        • FlownOver

          She seems is nice fucking wacko.

      • natoslug

        I prefer Patton Oswalt’s #Backskinofdeplorables . . . https://twitter.com/pattonoswalt/status/774650086898831360

        • Catstro

          I understand why he took a break from the world. It’s very sad, and I know he hasn’t fully healed (or if that’s a thing that’s possible, even), but I’m so glad he’s working again.

        • Mezzavagenda

          So, Rob Lifeld does tattoos now?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I dunno…is it a bad move for her to point out that Trump has the Nazi/Klan vote?

      • eddi

        She is keeping her base awake. Reminding us of the consequences of missing this election for whatever reason one could come up with.

    • cousin itt

      Donald Trump on Friday told a packed crowd that Democratic rival Hillary Clinton could “shoot somebody” and not be prosecuted, in an attack that echoed a boast the businessman once made about himself.

      “She could walk into this arena right now and shoot somebody with 20,000 people watching,” Trump hypothesized, miming a gun with his fingers. “Right smack in the middle of the heart, and she wouldn’t be prosecuted, okay? That’s what happened. That is what’s happened to our country.”

      Now, which statement will get the most attention? That will be the tell.

      http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/trump-clinton-could-shoot-someone-not-get-prosecuted-n645966

      • Mezzavagenda

        Unfortunately it will all on Clinton because Trump is just being Trump (barf) and nobody hates being told they are deplorable more than deplorable people.

    • natoslug

      Yes, she should be more dignified, like Trump, who last year tweeted about how all the assholes and losers would be voting for him.

      • msanthropesmr

        They are! It’s true!

        • Astraea

          The only truth Trump ever spoke?

          • eddi

            A Republican broken clock. Right once a day. Or once only in this case.

    • Astraea

      Obama survived “clinging to their guns and religion.” I think this will be similar. Some people will be all bent out of shape, but they probably weren’t voting for her under any circumstances. And this can actually prompt a look at realfacts like the surveys that show 65% of his supporters believe Obama is a sekrit Muslin and 30% of them are actual fact white supremacists/uncommitted white supremacists.
      https://thinkprogress.org/is-hillary-clinton-right-about-trump-supporters-this-is-what-the-polling-data-says-2b37625a1df3#.y05gagcdy

      • Ezio

        Yes, President Obama. The sektrit Muslim who goes to church and celebrates Christmas and eats pork products.

        *rolls eyes are RWNJ’s*

    • Pinkham’s Law

      SOMEBODY needs to point it out, and the press sure as hell isn’t. They have, however, been doing better on forcing Trump’s spokespeople to actually confront some of the accusations against him. I’d hate to be Kellyanne trying to make Hill look bad for that statement!

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        “SOMEBODY needs to point it out,”

        That’s a job for her surrogates, or for us. When she does it, she gets accused of punching down.

    • Tiaras&tweetybirds

      She’s fucked if she apologises.Apologies don’t influence anyone.This isn’t a gaffe tbh.She also said this in an interview earlier.But this can be problematic. if not played right.If her campaign people can play this smartly,she can use it to her advantage.She should hold another press conference quickly.There,when she is asked about the comment,she should cite examples:kkk,birthers,breitbart etc.She should remind everyone about her altright speech in short concise form & double down on these people being in the basket of deplorables.Then the trump campaign will get defensive.Make conway & co defend the racist bullshit on national tv.

      • Toomush_Infer

        No defense like a good offense is a usual Trump move – the press should be used to it by now. Matt Lauer would give her a pass…

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        I don’t think she will apologize. She’ll try to clarify instead. I’m not sure that will help.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Telling the truth is to be avoided. Might hurt someone’s fee fees. Might be bad “optics” according to the vermin of the Village.

      • eddi

        Clinton will never get on their good side anyway. Why not hold them up a the horrible example they are.

        • vivian

          Because it echoes RMoneybot’s 47%…

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            Exactly.

          • eddi

            Except for being true.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Yeah, but please be mindful of how the press has treated Hillary up to now. They are going to hang on to the shiny object that is “basket of deplorables” more fiercely than Gollum hung on to The Precious for, multiple news cycles. I don’t think this will change the election result, but it might affect the final score. And dammit, I want Hillary to run up the score against Trump.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought it was quite the fun play on the idiom “going to Hell in a handbasket”. and, to be fair, some of Trumples most ardent supporters are not voters because they are not even citizens of the USA.

      • eddi

        The Russian vote is one of Trump’s keys to victory.

    • jowgajen

      Mistake one: referring to behaviors in a way that can be willfully interpreted as referring to people.

      Mistake two: using words with more than two syllables.

      Mistake three: telling it like it is instead of pretending to tell it like it is.

    • Valkyrie

      Honestly, I think it’s intentional and savvy. She’s taking a page from Trump. The media is trained on her now, instead of Trump, who was monopolizing it. Trump and Con-Way are ludicrously tweeting their moral high ground, but what Hillary said is pretty much accurate (“irredeemable” at least in the sense they won’t change their minds–they still say Obama is a Muslim, Kenyan traitor).

      Plus, who doesn’t love the way it feels in the mouth: “Basket of Deplorables.” It’s so much better than anything Drumpf can string together. Even Frank Luntz–who is professing to think it’s a gaffe–commented on the phrasing. He’s jealous.

  • msanthropesmr

    Remind me what happened on 9/11 again?

    • TJ Barke

      Obama put c4 in the twin towers and used holograms to make it look like airplanes crashed into them.

    • vivian

      I watch people decide whether to burn to death or jump.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        That was truly horror, wasn’t it? Still gives me the shudders.

    • cousin itt

      The Normans invaded England?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        The Beatles invaded North America?

        • eddi

          Yeah, yeah, yeah.

      • Panika MCD

        nah, they didn’t write down any dates until September 25 and, in any case, they celebrate that one with the crowing of William the Bastard on Christmas. and that’s why we have candy canes.

    • Doug Langley

      Obama did something really awful. Under orders from Hillary. I saw it on the internet.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I thought he got his orders from Mossad? What a fool I’ve been!

    • Nockular cavity

      Allende was deposed in a fascist coup (really).

    • atheistinatacotruck

      George W. Bush had an “interesting day.”

    • Panika MCD

      Shrub read a book to school children in Florida. that’s where they went wrong with the display: they should have included children’s books.

    • Blank Ron

      I went horseback riding with the family.
      Really. It had already been booked, and we all figured it was a good way of dealing with things. The world is a little better place when observed from the back of a horse.

  • eddi

    Of course it was tasteless. It involved Florida and Walmart in the same sentence.

  • natoslug

    If nobody flies an r/c plane into that display tomorrow, I will be highly disappointed.

  • I Only Like Cats

    The new project I’m on requires a lot of research into restaurants and I’m starting to think I may need to stay on this project just to buy the food this project makes me want.

  • LarryHoudini

    Coca Cola? I would have gone with box cutters. If you’re gonna do it, I say go all in.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Wells Fargo isn’t commemorating 9/11? Why do they hate America?

    • Mezzavagenda

      They’re working on something for 2018 to honor the tenth anniversary of the economy collapsing.

      • Señor Skwerl

        Could it be another bailout?

      • Catstro

        Reason # 1 a Trump presidency scares the shit out of me. The economic implications are terrifying. Wells Fargo fucked us so hard. The regulations on overdraft protection are what got us out of the shit (don’t know if anyone else went through that, but basically instead of your debit card getting declined, they would cover it and charge an overdraft fee of $35; there was a lag with your charges, so it would look like you had enough money, but unless you kept like, a checkbook ledger it was easy to get fucked—we ended up $1200 in the hole for a series of ~$5 charges; I still feel embarrassed about it).We barely survived the first time (I mean that literally, my husband spent some real time contemplating suicide and I don’t know how I avoided killing myself accidentally because I was mixing psych meds with booze and getting blackout drunk every night for like, 6 months). We’re both muuuuuuuuch healthier, and I don’t think we would end up in a bad place mentally again, but it gives me bad, bad memories. So bad.

        • eddi

          I have said elsewhere. Dealing with bureaucracies can go Kafka without warning. Add them screwing with your money and it’s a perfect nightmare.

        • Mezzavagenda

          Holy shit. I’m sorry that happened but you’re right,they make it so easy to hang yourself and then grab your feet too. I’m glad things are better now.

          • Catstro

            Thanks. Our life isn’t perfect, and our finances are still kind of fucked (damn student loans, though he’s paid his off and we’re not nearly as bad off as a whole lot of other people), but we made it out alive with our marriage intact, and we kept our house. And once we realized we really were going to be ok (and with the blessing of my psychiatrist, who was ready for me to start a family like, 3 years before *I* was ready), we had a kid, which is the best thing we’ve ever done. The best.

            And, while our daughter is amazing and looks unbearably cute in a shark costume, she’s not quite ready to rule the post-apocalyptic wasteland with Queen Babby, so maybe not having another global financial collapse right now would be good.

          • jowgajen

            Coming out alive with your marriage intact is what winning looks like. Having a kid is doubling down!

        • HanBarbara

          It’s easy to do, and through no fault of your own. I once signed a contract with a car transportation company to deduct money from my debit card at a date the car was picked up and date the car was delivered. Instead, they deducted it all at once. The crook’s excuse was “well the money was there”.
          Resulted in overdraft charges I could ill afford. Fortunately I was dealing with a credit union who removed most of them when I showed them the contract.
          And by the way, our country sucks so much in some ways, that people are to the point where they have to consider suicide over bank overdraft charges.
          Glad you are better.

        • Shan

          I went through some overdraft fee crap with BoA before the regulations changed. Their policy used to be that all the debits and credits for the day would post at the same time, but the credits would post LAST. So even if you thought you had money in your account (I got my pay via direct deposit), it wasn’t really there yet. At least that’s how I think they explained it to me when I went in to ask WTF was going on with the multiple $35 fees. It was pretty stressful for a newly-single mom with not much money, but at least it didn’t put me that close to the ledge. I’m sorry it got that bad for you.

          • Catstro

            To be fair, we both have underlying mental illnesses that make dealing with this shit harder. And job stress for him (his company suffered massive layoffs pretty much every quarter; every 3 months for 3 years we held our breath). Mental illnesses in check now, thank god.

          • Dee Andee

            I getcha there, I have Asperger’s and really do not like having to deal with the money stuff when it goes wonky. I’m more of the hide head under pillow and hope it goes away if you stop looking at it type. Though I have gotten better in my old age.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I am celebrating 2018 by paying off my mortgage early and never borrowing money from anyone again as long as I live.

        • Anna_in_pdx

          Just bought a house for the first time, am hoping to type this when I retire, sigh

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You will. And what fun it will be.

  • Painter of Taco Trucks

    I retired from Wells Fargo and this problem was well known to those of us who dealt with customers ethically. (And believe it or not we all went through sales ethics training every year.) There is a lot of pressure to make sales. There were some nice rewards, too. Like trips to Las Vegas and bonuses. Things that people scraping by on a teller’s salary couldn’t afford for themselves. But like everything else in life there were cheaters who did pretty much anything to make a sale. Forging signatures, issuing debit cards without permission, you name it. And many got caught. I remember when they fired 8 people from a branch in one day, including the branch manager. And the rest of us cheered because we had known for months that they were cheating. Even the district manager was eventually fired. I am not really defending Wells Fargo and I think their policies encouraged already dishonest people to cheat. Most managers and employees did play by the rules but as usual the bad apples made everyone else look bad too.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      What would have happened to you if you had reported the people you knew were cheating?

      • eddi

        At a guess ignored at best, threatened with being fired or actually fired for not being “cooperative” at worst.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          That’s what I thought. It was the same at my last job.

      • Painter of Deplorables

        Actually we did report them. And our manager took it to upper management. Months later people were fired. I don’t know what the process was or why it took so long to see results, but they did listen.

  • Thaumaturgist

    O t: it’s a Saturday. I was bored. Went over to RedState where I learned that if The Donald becomes president, the Navy is going to execute Michigans. http://www.redstate.com/leon_h_wolf/2016/09/07/donald-trump-president-navy-will-begin-executing-michigans-video/

    • TJ Barke

      • eddi

        You can say that again. Trump’s brain and mouth keep jumping the tracks.

    • cousin itt

      He’s so dumb. It’s “Michiganders.”

      • Señor Skwerl
        • eddi

          My eccentric great-granduncle Joel. He was a henhouse guard at Longleat.

        • The Wanderer

          The first production still from Zootopia 2?

          • eddi

            “Nick! Put your pants back on.”

          • The Wanderer

            LOL

    • Nockular cavity

      Oy, what a Michigas.

    • Panika MCD

      Operation Execute Michigans coming to a Michigan town near you for union outreach….?

    • Painter of Deplorables

      OH Noes! Our new grandbabby is is a Michigan.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Our current Michigans are holding the Great Lakes hostage, and I, personally, am holding onto the Mackinaw Bridge for insurance purposes….

    • HanBarbara

      Red State is one of the sites where people generally write in complete sentences and use spelling and punctuation properly. If they are saying that, the nuts and raisins in the rest of the basket of deplorables must really be losing it.

      • Arolpin

        RedState has become the last right-wing refuge for the NeverTrumps. They appear to even be backing off the “Killery is a Kriminal” posts. They may be about to go through a LGF-like transformation. There will need to be a place for the small number of sane republicans after Drumpf destroys their party.

  • Brian

    so how exactly is joking about the Coke monstrosity by using 9/11 imagery any better? Can we not do that, please?

    • DT

      No. Gallows humor is how most of us cope. The display is craven capitalism.

      • Brian

        I don’t get the sense that anyone here is coping, they’re trying to get laughs by being “clever.”

        • DT

          Then your sense is wrong. It happens to the best of us.

  • Panika MCD

    I do prefer local banks and credit unions, but Prima Momma hasn’t decided whether she wants to live in Austin or Fairbanks yet. thankfully for us, since we’ve been pulling together all the paperwork there is nothing shady about her Wells Fargo account. the only thing she didn’t remember was something that I did remember (a loan taken out for home improvements that she spent mostly on QVC because: OLD PEOPLE LOVE QVC). good thing she no longer remembers how to work a phone or remote.

    • Mezzavagenda

      Oh dear. My mom had discovered auctions recently. Fortunately she goes to New Hampshire with her sister so nothing too alarming has made it back yet. She’s been talking about grandfather clocks though.

      • Panika MCD

        she once got these weird scooters (I guess she thought we were all still 10 years old) and they’ve turned into a family joke because every time Alien Brother has a birthday, anniversary or other big life event, Prima Momma is all, “I have just the thing. you want a scooter, don’t you?!” the other truly odd one was two large bottles of spray tanner. I have olive skin, she doesn’t tan, neither do Prima Brother or Alien Brother and Alien Sister-in-Law has that porcelain skin thing going.

      • Catstro

        My parents, sister, and brother-in-law go nuts for auctions. And my crazy great-uncle, who has bought such items as a 50 gallon drum of yellow paint that they use to paint lines on the road; a helicopter motor (which, fair enough, he used—to pump out his waterbed mattress) and cases of Amtrack napkins. I straight up get panic attacks when they tell me about their finds, because it results in so goddamn much clutter and wasted money.

        • DT

          To be fair, I now want nothing more in life than a 50 gallon drum of yellow road paint.

          • Shan

            So you can do this?

          • DT

            Honestly I haven’t thought about it. I just have a burning desire and a likelihood of making a mess.

      • HanBarbara

        Auctions, and especially EBay can be addicting. I wanted one classic Nikon film camera. Somehow I ended up with 5 cameras from different eras, including 2 cameras that use 110 film (Which the major companies stopped selling in 2009- only one company that I know of still makes it)
        But they were all so cheap! And I “won” them!

        • Courser

          All I ended up with was a bunch of X-Files cards for a game I never played or even understood. Also had no one to play with. I let them go with a storage unit I walked away from.

        • Mezzavagenda

          I had a Barbie problem for a while when I discovered eBay. That and Lord of the Rings Action figures. The cellar is full of them.

          • HanBarbara

            Totally get it. When my daughter was little I REALLY wanted the Queen Elizabeth Barbie. Then If I could find a Mary Queen of Scots Barbie, I could reenact the…oh, never mind…

          • Mezzavagenda

            I have Marie Antionette if that helps. And she came with a really weird story involving scams, Neo-Egyptian God worshippers and an ugly suicide. For real. And the seller was from Florida, because of course he was.

          • HanBarbara

            Oh that’s just too funny. “Marie Antoinette, complete with guillotine and head of Princesse de Lamballe on a stick”. That poor woman.

      • HanBarbara

        Ok I’m an inveterate time waster so I went to eBay and looked up what people were actually paying for Franklin Mint plates. (Plus what a great excuse not to do chores and run errands)
        They don’t seem to fetch a lot of money, except for John Wayne, Elvis, and The Three Stooges. Animals and holiday plates not so much. People were paying quite a lot for the FM dolls, if your parents had any of those.

    • nightmoth

      My sweet parents got suckered by Franklin Mint. Newly minted coins, “collectible” plates, you name it. Now they’re mine, all mine, and I’m hoping to recover a fraction of their cost.

      • Panika MCD

        the closest thing we ever got to the Franklin Mint were some special issue coins we got at the Bureau of Printing and Engraving in DC. don’t know what happened to the coins, but after having been told how rare star bills are, we got one as change. which made everyone who had been on the tour super stoked. because we were all nerds.

      • HanBarbara

        I’m afraid that they are right up there with Beanie Babies. But EBay might be a good place to look if you’d like to get some idea of what people are actually willing to pay.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Wallow.

    I hate it. Celebration of fear and hatred.

  • Panika MCD

    am I the only one surprised that Patriot Day has yet to be fully capitalized upon at this point? where are the red tag sales? where are the buy 2 get one free sales on picnic items?

    • Master Contrail Program

      The inevitable $9.11 markdowns on yellow ribbon car magnets will be a nice touch.

    • eddi

      Ten more years.

      • SayItWithWookies

        That’s so many Friedman Units away.

  • Master Contrail Program

    It warms my cold, dark heart to know the “RePatriot Day Your Thirst” Promotion was at the Panama City Walmart. After living there for five years I’m actually stunned the display wasn’t made out of Budweiser, Busch, Natty Ice, and Natty Light 30-packs.

  • Liam

    O/T woohoo got myself banned from breitbart

    • eddi

      Nicely done.

    • Master Contrail Program

      That’s what you get for using spellcheck, pinko.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Welcome to the club!

    • The Wanderer

      Have a chocolate-filled Twinkie!

      • msanthropesmr

        Is ther esuch a thing? DEar god ? Is there such a thing?

        • jowgajen

          His name is Milo something.

          • The Wanderer

            You have made me giggle. Thank you.

        • The Wanderer

          Yes, there is.

          • msanthropesmr

            To the 7-11!

          • sw19tacotruck

            Too Soon!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Thank you for your service.

    • Vagenda Shark

      • The Wanderer

        Gasp! The coveted Order of the Snark!

    • Blank Ron

      Achievement unlocked!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Wells Fargo bought my mortgage 7 years ago. I get a credit card offer from them about once a month since then, even though I have twice asked them to stop it.

    If Corporations are Persons, then is there an IQ test for them, the same as there are for real flesh-and-blood persons? If so, WF gets a negative score.

    As far as I can tell, all banks are run by assholes. Two years ago my payday changed from the first of the month to the 10th of the month, and I tried to get WF to change the payment date for my mortgage to the 10th of the month, and they said I would have to refinance the loan, which would have cost $2000. This is bullshit. All contracts can have their minor details changed if both parties to the contract agree, so they can do this if they want to, they just don’t want to. Well, the house will be paid off in a year, and then I will send them some dead flowers and a Fuck You card.

    • eddi

      Dead gopher.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Great idea, but can I mail a dead gopher through USPS?

        • DT

          No, bodily fluids.

          • jowgajen

            Freeze it and put it in double ziploc baggies. Works fine.

          • Vagenda Shark

            … and you know this, how?

        • eddi

          Harlan Ellison did. Be sure to seal the package so the smell won’t be noticed until it is opened. Mark it “Personal” so some poor secretary doesn’t get accidentally fragged.

        • Shan

          Nope, the Feds will get you for hazardous materials or something like that.

      • Vagenda Shark

        I prefer opossums. Much more odiferous.

        • The Wanderer
          • eddi

            Love it.

          • Vagenda Shark

            Haven’t heard that in years!

          • Shan

            Me, neither! We used to sing it on road trips all the time! Because, Kansas.

          • Vagenda Shark

            Us, too. But without the Kansas.

          • Shan

            But I’ll take driving through a cloud of skunk spray over following a rendering truck for miles. Whooo, boy….

          • Blank Ron

            Some years back a local farmer had a slight accident with a trailer full of liquid chicken manure. For about two hundred yards. On a hill. The car stank for a week, and we were among the lucky ones.

          • eddi

            Remember this one from last month?
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25Xkk__lnCI

          • eddi

            Or a smokey diesel. I can hold my breath long enough to escape the skunk.

    • Dee Andee

      Wells Fargo had my student loans. They hounded me mercilessly each month when I didn’t have enough money to pay. I told them I could pay $350, but not $700, but they didn’t care–what they really wanted to do was keep jacking up the interest and penalties. When the government took over the loan process to help me out (not to pay the loan, but to work with me, which Wells Fartgo would not), WF made sure to tack on an extra $2K to the loan amount for “penalties and fees” before they let it go.

      They also have a habit of paying the largest bills first, hoping that you run out of money when it gets to the smaller ones so they can slap a shitload of overdraft fees onto that as well, then berate you for being “irresponsible” when you complain about how they just ate an entire paycheck of yours.

      Complete fucking jerks. And it looks like they treat their employees just as badly, if they push them into committing fraud in order to reach their “quotas” and keep their jobs.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        But aren’t all the big banks like this? Is WF really WORSE than the rest of them?

  • Master Contrail Program

    WHY R TEH TOWERS MADE FROM COKE ZERO?!?!21?!?

    ASPARTAME CAN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS!!!!!111!1

    • cousin itt

      Do you have any idea how hot flaming corn syrup is?

      Nuclear.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Is that an invitation?

  • Astraea

    A YouGov/Economist poll in January asked respondents if they approved or disapproved of “the executive order that freed all slaves in the states that were in rebellion against the federal government.”

    That executive order is better known as the Emancipation Proclamation. Thirteen percent of respondents — and “nearly 20 percent of Trump supporters,” the Times reports, compared with 5 percent of Marco Rubio’s — said they disapproved of it.

    • eddi

      Well,of course they did.

    • Duke

      It’s kind of a long, confusing sentence. It’s not in 3rd-grade English, either, so especially hard for some people. Still, freeing the slaves was “politically correct” and will get knowing opposition from some people.

      • msanthropesmr

        Yeah. Most of them stopped listening at “freed all slaves” and decided it was bad.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I’d bet half of them stopped at “executive order” and assumed it was something Obama had done; since they’ve been brainwashed to assume every thing he does is evil and that no other president ever issued an executive order, they automatically responded negatively. Good little Pavlov’s dogs that they are.

  • vivian

    Guys, I know I should have a sense of humor about this, as with all things. But
    I’ve got memories I can’t erase and they are not happy ones.

    Not once has this nation taken a moment of introspection to ask ourselves WHY it happened and what we might have done to inspire people to such horrendous action. We have learned nothing from it and thus ensured, sadly, that it will happen again.

    Sorry to be a bummer but I can’t get to the funny on this one.

    • eddi

      A lot of people here probably agree with you. Laughing to hold back the darkness is how we cope sometimes.

      • Vagenda Shark

        Living close to NY, there are a lot of people who have direct involvement near us: family, friends, and acquaintances of first responders and those in the buildings. Many choose not to commemorate that day, and I understand it completely. I find the more maudlin stuff pretty upsetting. This was not Pearl Harbor.

        What galls me personally is those who seek to make a tragedy fodder for whatever idea they’re pushing.

      • The Wanderer

        I have friends who lost friends and lovers that day. On an anniversary of it they started picking my nerd brain about what sort of Star Trek tech could have prevented it.
        You do whatever you can to cope with the horror.

    • Master Contrail Program

      It’s understandable, and I agree with the sentiment. Call it gallows humor, whistling past the graveyard, I’d rather laugh than cry.

      For better or worse this day, the few lessons we may have learned, and our reactions as individuals and collectively are microcosms of what makes us human.

      • vivian

        I hear you. I’m a total hypocrite on this one. I’m the first to make a dark joke. That’s the weird thing about what we do here, and I’m no different, because I agree, if we can’t laugh we’re fucked. It’s just that on this one, I’m fucked.

        • Master Contrail Program

          As evidenced by the action at the top of the thread, “You do you” seems to be the watchwords on the topic. I only know of 9/11 from a Tampa-area perspective, I can only imagine it is much more personal to a New Yorker.

          Great minds may think along the same lines, that doesn’t mean they think the same thoughts or have the same feelings, memories or experiences.

          You do you in your own way, and I look forward to more of your dark humor on a matter that isn’t as personal.

          And people will condemn or condone as they may.

    • Shibusa

      Too many Americans still believe that terrorists “hate us for our freedom.” Uh no. They hate us for our foreign policy. Any person fool enough to say this out loud in public in the wake of 9/11 was immediately attacked for “blaming America.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    For tasteless use of 9/11 to sell stuff, absolutely nothing can top this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afDC_BI1IFA

    • eddi

      At least not until next year.

    • Callyson

      Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • The Wanderer

      Am I wrong for laughing?

      • eddi

        No. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen… this morning. But the day is young.

        • The Wanderer

          Thank you. Sometimes I have to check with others to see if I’m being inappropriate. My sense of humor is what some might call “twisted.”

          • sw19tacotruck

            *quietly removes ‘how many 9/11 survivors does it take to change a lightbulb’ joke from ziploc bag again*

          • eddi

            My own frequently verges on cynical to macabre. So you might want to wait until some others check in.

          • JH Marx

            I say mine is warped.

    • Brian

      for tasteless 9/11 jokes people just need to read this comments section. (not this comment, but so many.) Very disappointed that the Wonkettes are on the same wavelength as Coke and Wal-Mart marketing teams.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Not all of us.

        • eddi

          We are mocking the marketers not 9-11. Their tone-deaf tastelessness demands response.

        • Brian

          no, for sure, but more than I would have thought.

    • Vagenda 21 (Royal Ugly Dude)

      Somebody told me about this earlier today. I didn’t believe it was real.

  • The Wanderer

    The Coca-Cola display would have been more inappropriate if someone had taken two jet planes from the toy department and hung them up, pointing at the towers of twelve-packs.

    I’m surprised at the lack of imagination. None of these idiots thought to swing for the fences when it came to insensitivity.

    • Master Contrail Program

      There’s a McDonalds inside that Wal-Mart, there’s a McDonalds catty cornered in that Wal-Mart parking lot.

      Panama City is not a town known for its big thoughts and cosmopolitan sensibilities.

      • The Wanderer

        I was on my way south on US 231 on Labor Day, and I had just gone past Dobb’s Barbecue (praise Bob!) when I saw this massive traffic jam headed north. Obviously Alabamans headed back from PCB.
        I will guess that Panama City’s collective IQ went up after they left.

        • Master Contrail Program

          Hmm. I’m not sure about that. I know Floridians like to blame tourists for all the state’s ills, especially near the border, but tourists didn’t build a strip club named Tan Fannies in the town’s historic district.

          Introspection is hard sometimes.

          • The Wanderer

            “Tan Fannies!?” Wow.
            Just. Wow.

          • Master Contrail Program

            I lived two blocks away, every bad strip club cliche was present and improved(YMMV) upon there.

            In my early 20s I was something of a bad strip club afficianado and Panama City had several that kept the whole Porky’s vibe going well into the new millennium.

            Ahh, Bambi’s Dollhouse the strip club next to a paper mill that managed to smell worse on the inside……..

            Precious candy-coated memories, and mammaries also, too.

          • The Wanderer

            I stopped going to Mons Venus and 2001 in Tampa because the police kept raiding the places in an effort to force Joe Redner out of the business. They failed miserably,

          • Master Contrail Program

            Good ol’ Joe. One of God’s own prototypes. I miss his mayoral candidacies and public access show where he’d belligerently curse out everyone who called in. His son’s microbrewery is doing quite well though.

          • The Wanderer

            I think people called in to get cussed out. He’s a rare one, he is.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It’s like being in the front row of a Gallagher show if you’re into watermelon facials.

          • The Wanderer

            LOL

          • I visited a friend who lived south of Miami back around 1990, and what I remember about the trip from the airport down US 1 to his place was it was “strip bar, liquor store, gun shop, strip bar, gun shop, liquor store, strip bar…” for 20 miles.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Yep. It’s not quite as prevalent, but Florida is one of the few places I’ve seen with titty bars, sex shops, and day care centers in the same strip mall.

            Sure takes the edge off of Christmas shopping, Itellyouwhut.

    • Panika MCD

      they could haved even used children’s books for the plane thing!

  • nightmoth

    The good news here is that people protested and the display came down. Too soon, obviously. Wait for the 20th anniversary and try again. Every single other “sacred” observance in this country is secularized into a consumer orgy, why not this one?

    • The Wanderer

      Quite right.

    • Catstro

      Once a day is used as an excuse for a mattress sale (which MY GOD that mattress ad), it’s a done deal.

    • Duke

      I’m envisioning…

      “9/11 Car Sale! Everything priced to go at 9.11% below dealer cost! American Flag with every purchase!”

  • Astraea

    When does Full Frontal With Samantha Bee come back on? I became dependent on her to get through this madness.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Hopefully she’s busy hiring Larry Willmore, now that he’s unemployed.

    • DainBramage

      Good news! There’s a new episode of Full Frontal this Monday, 9/12.

  • h4rr4r

    Not being afraid is the correct response to terrorism.

    • The Wanderer

      Exactly. The chief objective of terrorism is to terrify; if you’re not afraid, they lost by expending that effort for nothing.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      classic John (Leverage) Rogers

      “Wait, Aren’t You Scared?”

      Errr, no. And if you are, you frankly should be a little goddam embarrassed.

      No false bravado and it’s not that I don’t take terrorism seriously. I do, which I why I voted for the guy who believed in securing our ports and fighting terrorism with criminal investigation methods — which is, if we may remind everybody, how this particular plot was busted.

      I am just not going to wet my pants every time some guys get arrested in a terror plot. I will do my best to stay informed. I will support the necessary law enforcement agencies. I will take whatever reasonable precautions seem, um, reasonable. But I will not be terrorized. I assume that the terror-ists would like me to be terror-ized, as that is what is says on their nametag, rather than, say, wanting me to surrender to ennui or negative body image, and they’re just coming the long way around.

      Osama Bin Laden got everything on his Christmas list after 9/11 — US out of Saudi Arabia; the greatest military in the world over-extended, pinned down and distracted; the greatest proponent of democracy suddenly alienated from its allies; a US culture verily eager to destroy freedoms that little scumfuck could never even dream to touch himself — I would like to deny him the last little check on the clipboard, i.e. constant terror. I panic, they win. To coin a phrase, Osama Bin Laden can suck my insouciance…

    • sw19tacotruck

      WAKE UP SHEEPLE THEY DON’T WANT YOU NOT TO BE AFRAID! THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK WHEN IT’S REALLY THE OPPOSITE!

      • Panika MCD

        technically, bin Laden wanted us to spend ourselves into the dirt and we almost did.

        • tomamitai

          Also, too, they wanted us to respond disproportionately, providing lots of “collateral damage” to endorse their narrative that “The West” is full of barbaric Muslim hating “crusaders” and help enlist more jihadists for their “holy war”. We did a pretty good job of that, too.

  • OT: Happy Fun Time with Wolves!

    Photos from visiting the babby wolfies on Oatland Island this morning.

    The pale female is their foster mom Luna. She loves them SO MUCH.

    • One more!

      Right after one of the babbys sauntered over and plopped down right next to me inside the ‘Observation Cabin’ to whisper all his wolfish knowledge in my ear a group of loud kids burst into the room howling and barking and clomping on the wooden floor while dad recorded every Precious Moment. That’s the look my face makes when that happens…

    • The Wanderer

      (squees)

    • Panika MCD

      given the rest of the subject matter, this is where my mind immediately jumped:

      http://wikireedia.net/wikireedia/images/9/90/Romulus_remus.jpg

      • The Wanderer

        Yay! Romanes eunt domus!

  • azeyote

    either it’s like some inventions that make themselves known to multiple people at the same time – not – or it’s like bundling subprime mortgages – sometimes they have to pay a fraction of the rip – sometimes they even pay it themselves – words like respectable, honest, trustworthy, and banker do not belong in the same sentence –

  • msanthropesmr
    • Blank Ron

      The Reptards are gonna spin this one so hard. If they ever figure out what she said.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Holy cow, the Washington Post is pushing back

      One key difference between the two is that Romney’s comment might have alienated potential supporters. As FactCheck.org noted at the time, many people who don’t pay federal income tax are retirees, who tend to tilt Republican. And many GOP voters either don’t pay federal income tax because they don’t make enough money and/or are also at least partially reliant on government programs.

      Romney said he was talking about Obama supporters, but many real and potential Romney supporters might have heard his comments and seen themselves in them.

      Clinton’s comments, in contrast, are clearly about people who were already voting for her opponent, as The Fix’s Philip Bump notes. Her comments might serve to rile them up and make them more passionate about voting and helping Trump, but they weren’t going to vote for Clinton anyway.

      • Catstro

        Someone downthread likened this to Obama’s “guns and religion” comment, which I think is a much better comparison.

        • Astraea

          I feel so smart now :)

      • Astraea

        Thank goodness. There’s a huge difference between insulting voters because they aren’t wealthy and insulting people who choose to be bigots.

        • sw19tacotruck

          Hmm, I thought they liked a candidate who was “keeping it real” and avoiding all that political correctness?

          • The Wanderer

            They like it fine – just as long as it’s not directed at them.

          • eddi

            Political correctness does not include calling these special snowflakes bigoted assholes. That’s just being factual. Like when they say colored = inferior.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Political correctness is calling white nationalists who want to round up millions of people because of their parentage “deplorable”.

            What they SHOULD be called are “The Execrable Shit-Gibbons of Genocidal Impulses” (no offense to shit or our simian pals).

    • Duke

      Hillz gave them the sound bite. The actual meaning was half of people at Trump rallies but that got distorted in half of Trump voters.

  • Blank Ron

    The temptation to fly a model plane from the toy section into those towers would have been hard to resist.

    … too soon?

    • The Wanderer

      My first joke about 9/11 was that afternoon, about 2 PM.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        trufax:

        We were sitting in the blood donation center in the Citicorp Center (it took about six hours to get in, and we all cringed in unison when the jets flew by).

        Some random kid started foaming at the mouth in the recovery room about bombing the Palestinians. I asked him why, and he said that he heard on the radio that a Palestinian group was taking credit. I told him that it was easy to take credit anonymously, and I asked him if I called in to a radio show and took credit, would he be OK with them bombing New York?

        A woman across the room said “Could you tell them you’re from Staten Island?”

        • The Wanderer

          That’s excellent comedic timing on that woman’s part!

          • Basket of Vagendas

            The whole room howled. I think the kid even cracked a smile.

            Our phlebotomist lost her cousin.

          • The Wanderer

            That afternoon, a local TV news thing featured a still showing the plane just before it struck WTC 2. My brain immediately captioned it, “McDonald’s today announced that their new Fly-In windows concept will need more work . . . “

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I saw the plane fly into the tower and expected it to fly out the other side trailing farm animals and straw, like when Porky Pig or Bugs Bunny flew through barns. I didn’t think it was funny, but that’s what went through my head. Ridiculous.

          • The Wanderer

            Amazing what your brain/imagination will do to ‘rewrite’ what your eyes are telling you.

          • Vienna Woods

            The smoke as the towers fell looked like Sideshow Bob’s hair. I hated noticing that.

          • eddi

            Evil incarnate. Don’t ever change.

        • Panika MCD

          I thought for a long time it had to be another RWNJ because of the OK City bombing. they spent weeks saying OK City had to be a fundamentalist group from the Middle East and it turned out to be a white guy. it seemed highly plausible that someone else was just taking the credit for an act of domestic terrorism.

          • The Wanderer

            I was talking to my Dad and watching CNN when the OKC bombing happened, and he adamantly refused to consider that it might be someone other than the PLO or some other Arab group. I kept patiently explaining that (at that time), foreigners would automatically think of Washington, NYC, Miami, LA, etc. as targets – not Oklahoma City.
            When Timmeh was arrested, my Dad just glowered at me. “Don’t say ‘I told you so,'” he growled.

      • Parchment Scroll

        Mine was as the news came in, albeit not strictly on purpose — a roommate woke me up, saying “someone blew up the World Trade Center” and I just blinked at him and said “again?!

        • The Wanderer

          LOL
          Well, yes, 1993. A coworker told me that a plane had hit the WTC, and I immediately recalled that a USAAF bomber had hit the Empire State Building back in 1945. So it was at least plausible as an accident.
          As soon as #2 hit, I concluded that it was enemy action.

          • roberteye

            Yes that was my presumption at first – and I’m guessing most everybody’s. But obviously the second go made it plainly deliberate. Adding to the general conspiracy, they sure did get the culprits’ names quickly, clarifying they were ME terrorists and not Timothy McVeigh / Bundy types. In the aftermath of the OKC bombing, it was PRESUMED it was a ME terrorist plot and people (mainly politicians as it was pre-Fox but not pre-Fascist) were running with that presumption quickly. Imagine the disappointment.

        • Panika MCD
          • The Wanderer

            You can still see the pockmarks left by the shrapnel.

          • Panika MCD

            I still feel sorry for that horse even if it was destined for the glue factory.

          • The Wanderer

            Eeyup.

    • Brian

      yes, it’s gross.

      • sw19tacotruck

        *quietly puts ‘how many 9/11 survivors does it take to change a lightbulb’ joke back in ziploc bag*

        • Brian

          grosser

          • sw19tacotruck

            cheer up. or simply move along. peace out.

          • Brian

            or you could not be an asshole

          • roberteye

            My vote

          • Shan

            People cope in different ways. Some need humor to get them through, some need straight-up anger or grief, and some need all of those but at different times. If this is the wrong type of group reaction at the wrong time for you, maybe you should take sw19’s advice after all.

          • Brian

            look, I know, yet once someone expresses that they are disturbed by the humor the answer is not to tell them to “cheer up and move along.” That was the asshole part.

          • Shan

            Fair enough. But what’s everyone here supposed to do in reaction to your post? Apologize? Stop posting? Delete everything? Be sadder instead? I didn’t know anything about your background until Jonny mentioned it just now, and maybe neither did sw19. Perhaps we’d have been less collectively asshole-y if we’d known WHY you were calling posters gross.

          • Brian

            you could just not respond to me.

          • Shan

            I included myself in the collective assholery so I was trying to apologize.

          • Brian

            that was not an apology and I don’t want one. You don’t need to. People tell their jokes, I express my displeasure. There’s no reason to respond directly to me with more jokes. That’s trolling.

          • Brian

            look how am I supposed to know not to tell a woman to smile, or say that the girl deserved to be raped; and aren’t we allowed to make rape jokes? Perhaps the world would be better if every woman who’d been raped had it tattooed on their forehead so people didn’t make rape jokes.

            did I go too far?

          • Jonny On Maui

            If memory serves, and these days who knows, Brian is from New York. Sometimes location matters as much as time…

          • Brian

            you are correct, my view last night.

      • malsperanza

        ..

      • Blank Ron

        I’m gross. And damned proud of it too.

        • Brian

          congrats, innocent people died, but at least you got a laugh. You should be proud, obviously you’s accomplished nothing else in your life.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Just got home from a short vacation and am watching the CNN thing on 9/11. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s a must see – or not, depending on how you look back on things. A videographer followed the fire crews around during the attacks and the courage showed by the fire departments is unbelievable. Some people, even some of us on the left, don’t understand the nuance between showing respect for courageous acts and going overboard into blind nationalism and jingoism. A person can be respectful without going overboard about it. Those firefighters were/are heros in my book. The people who lost their lives that day…I don’t wanna go out like that. It’s sad and it’s okay as a progressive to look back one fucking time every year and pay respect.

            The “fucking thing” was wasn’t frustration directed at you but some of our other so-called “progressives” who went after you for offering a different viewpoint. That wasn’t cool, especially not in this instance. FWIW. I’m extending my own break as well. See ya down the road, Brian.

    • Panika MCD

      I was in London for the second set of bombings in 2005. it was only 2 weeks after the first set of Tube and bus bombings and they already had jokes about it.

      • The Wanderer

        I was impressed with the sang-froid displayed by Londoners in 2005. One guy, blood streaming from a gash on his forehead, stopped to give an interview before walking off to the ambulance.

        • Shan

          They’re a little bit more accustomed to being bombed.

          • The Wanderer

            True. IRA bombings, binge drinking teens in hoodies (wrong type of bombed?), naughty terrorist types, etc.

          • Shan

            Well, and there was that whole WWII thing.

          • The Wanderer

            That, too, of course. I was going with more recent because intervening generations, etc.

          • Shan

            Yeah. I was married to a Brit and lived over there off and on for a good while and it still seems like even the newer generations are very much more cognizant of their own history than we are in the US.

          • The Wanderer

            They’re not afraid of their history, where we seem to be.

          • Panika MCD

            my friend’s husband (now ex–) at the time worked for the government (somewhere in the finance ministry?) and they just locked the doors and didn’t tell the employees anything.

          • Shan

            Holy crap! I’d be furious!

          • Panika MCD

            they seemed pretty happy that the outside world was blocked from them so they could get their jobs done.

          • Shan

            I would have been upset because I’d want to know if my people were safe.

          • Panika MCD

            NOT ON GOVERNMENT TIME! but, to be fair, the dead were still dead and the living still living.

          • mancityfooty .

            there was a county around stonehenge that was celebrating 750 years in 2004.
            I came back to a town celebrating 150

          • Shan

            Yeah. There are people there who have furniture older than our country.

          • mancityfooty .

            I’ve been in pubs older than the USA

          • BadKitty904

            The Olde Cheshire Cheese!

            Yesterday, I looked in at the Garrick at lunchtime, took one glance of loathing at the mob, and went off to lunch by myself at the Cheshire Cheese.” ~ P. G. Wodehouse

          • The Wanderer

            But what about the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

          • BadKitty904

            I’m sticking with…

          • Arolpin

            Fraunces Tavern in NYC is older than the USA.

          • BadKitty904

            We had our 451st anniversary commemoration just this week, in fact.

          • eddi

            That is because they are taught their history.

          • BadKitty904

            As I recall, Boudica didn’t care for the place, either. Perhaps she wasn’t fond of pie and mash.

          • The Wanderer

            She just didn’t like the Romans.

          • BadKitty904

            I’m not a fan of pointy shoes and Vespas, myownself, but you don’t see me sacking and burning cities because of it.

          • The Wanderer

            Being a descendant of naughty Goths and Teutons, there are times when I want to sack and burn cities with a mob of 100,000 ravening horsemen at my back. Ah, good times.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Goth? No. Visigoth? Big fan of their work…

          • The Wanderer

            Alaric was a good sort.

          • eddi

            He did like his pepper.

          • Jonny On Maui

            A fine roll model!

          • BadKitty904

            As a descendant of Scots, with ancestors named (I’m not kidding) “Gillean of the Battleaxe” and “Red Hector of the Battles“, I can fully sympathize. The Emperor Hadrian knew exactly what he was doing with his little building project.

          • The Wanderer

            The toll booths and customs houses did a thriving business.

          • BadKitty904

            “Do ye no ken, mon, how much loose change it takes to invade Mercia?!“

          • mancityfooty .

            well, we don’t see it
            doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen
            or burn in your mind

          • BadKitty904

          • mancityfooty .

            not a big fan of gravy

          • BadKitty904

            But…but…but it makes your coat shiny!

          • mancityfooty .

            yours maybe
            I like my meat juicy, not drowned.

            wait…no..that’s not good at all

          • BadKitty904

            Dude, “wording”…

          • mancityfooty .
          • mancityfooty .

            that’s why there weren’t any trash cans at railroad stations.

          • Shan

            SO much free-flowing trash as a consequence…ugh…

          • mancityfooty .

            Ireland’s stations were nice, no trash at all

          • The Wanderer

            That recalled a post 9/11 story from Australia. A tourist heard a buzzing noise coming from a trash can at a busy airport (Brisbane, I think). The place was evacuated, schedules disrupted, etc.
            Turns out that it was a discarded vibrator that accidentally switched on when the user ditched it.

          • Shan

            Why would…?

            …nevermind

          • The Wanderer

            I guess the user didn’t want to be embarrassed at having to tell Customs why it was with them.
            A guy taking his mother back to Iran caused a scene in Chicago when a cylindrical object showed up on X-rays. Rather than shame his mother, he said it was a bomb.
            It was actually a penis pump.

          • Shan

            Oh, I remember the stories about that guy…

        • Panika MCD

          just remember this history of London being bombed. I did go to a pub a couple nights later and they had photos from WWII on the wall of where the pub had been bombed into rubble and rebuilt on the same spot.

          • The Wanderer

            Resilience. Londoners have been through shit, and don’t scare worth a damn.

          • BadKitty904

            Ask Hitler.

        • BadKitty904

          “Bad form, wot?”

    • Basket of Vagendas

      A stringer from a major metropolitan newspaper chastised a group of us on line for the blood center for not taking it seriously enough.

      • Blank Ron

        Weird. It strikes me as the sort of thing it would be impossible to take seriously.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          Well, when you share a very small space with a weekday population of more people than live in all but seven states, it’s hard to maintain earnest unless it’s weaponized. But then, I was also raised to ask tourists if I could help them find things.

  • Duke

    “In honor of 9/11, we’re upgrading our buy one, get one to buy 9, get 11!”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE IDEAS. Thank you.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Clearly Sprite is the least patriotic of the Coke beverages. In fact, that packaging looks downright muslim-y.”

    • eddi

      It ain’t easy being green.

  • Wild Cat

    The remnants of 3,000 humans are in my lungs. I wasn’t a “hero.” Just a resident of the area. I, like many others, have WTC “cough.”

    Fuck these fucking capitalists and fascist pant-shitters. Seriously.

    • The Wanderer

      I was appalled when the EPA boss and local govt swore black, blue and puce that the air was safe to breathe. I’m not much of a polymath, but even I know that breathing that dust wasn’t good for your health.
      I hope you’re doing okay.

      • Wild Cat

        I’m fine, thanks. I was working on 33rd Street. The worst part was commuting daily by the smoking remnants. Coughs developed over weeks. It was worse for the first responders.

        Giuliani convinced Meg Whitman to lie about the environmental conditions, if I recall.

        • The Wanderer

          I knew he was a disgusting bastard before 9/11, and his shenanigans afterward only confirmed it.

          • Wild Cat

            Yup. Everyone on this board knows I’m that fucker’s nemesis. He’s a loathsome monster and like his candidate, the son of a mobster.

          • BadKitty904

            He’d have to clean up his act and really try just to rate as a contemptible human being.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          Christie Todd Whitman. Moderate Republican fig leaf for Bush, former Jersey governor of the lace curtain variety.

          • Wild Cat

            Right. Thanks for the correction. She and her husband put two goats on their property in NJ so they could get massive tax write-offs.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Still, there appears to be some downside limit to what she’s willing to stoop to

            Gov. Chris Christie’s endorsement of Donald Trump is giving many people in New Jersey indigestion, but none more than former Gov. Christie Whitman, a Republican who has watched in horror as her party drifted rightward for the last decade…

            First, she says she’s planning to vote for Hillary Clinton if Trump gets the nod. She’s keeping her options open, in case we find out something new and horrible about Hillary. But that’s her plan now:

            “You’ll see a lot of Republicans do that,” Whitman told me. “We don’t want to. But I know I won’t vote for Trump.”

            The real juice came when I asked her about Christie’s move:

            “I am ashamed that Christie would endorse anyone who has employed the kind of hate mongering and racism that Trump has,” she said. “I would have thought being from a diverse state would have given him more awareness and compassion.”

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Remeber if we dont do mindless consumerism, the Terrorists win. Also they will win if they spawn camp and use the AMP to snipe. (Some Counterstrike humor there)

    • TJ Barke

      N00bs.

  • ViveLaRes

    While the 5,000+ rank-and-file Wells Fargo employees deserve to be fired and prosecuted to the fullest extent, somewhere in the steaming bowels of that organization is a group of national and regional “sales executives” (or some other grandiose title) that should do serious jail time and pay hefty fines from their personal funds derived from the “bonuses” they undoubtedly got from these practices. I hope they are shitting bricks right now, waiting for the noose to tighten around their own pencil necks.

    • eddi

      The scapegoats have been driven into the desert. The execs are officially sinless now. They did their job. ?

  • arglebargle

    There’s this teevee ad, also too…
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/911-mattress-commercial_us_57d24ecee4b06a74c9f40c65?section=&

    Apologies if already posted.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Oh, sorry, I’ve been running back and forth canning summer vegetables and I totally missed that you got that first.

      • arglebargle

        The important thing is not who posted it first, but that it gets posted so fellow Wonkers can see it and mock them mercilessly.

        • The Wanderer

          This.

      • arglebargle

        And why is it called canning? Shouldn’t it be called jarring?

        • Basket of Vagendas

          You know, funnily enough, the kid and I just has this conversation, and we can’t figure it out, because (Jacob Bronowski told me) the system was designed to use champagne bottles.

  • Basket of Vagendas

    OK, Florida. That was tacky. But Texas still wins.

    https://youtu.be/2ZmM-2gj5Gc

    • arglebargle

      Great minds with time to waste on the intertubes think alike on lazy saturday afternoon.

      • The Wanderer

        Yep, lazy is le mot juste. I’ve been taking a break from mowing my yard for the past 90 minutes or so. That’s what I get for deciding to check out the non-comments on Wonkette.

        • arglebargle

          I’m taking a 24 hour break today. To effing hot and humid. I’m having my first bloody mary with this seasons canned tomato juice while watching sportsballers Pitt kick some Ped State butt.

          • The Wanderer

            Did they win? I’m settling in to watch Florida put the bite on Kaintuckeh. I’ll finish the front yard before supper.
            Maybe.

          • arglebargle

            42-31 Pitt with 6:30 to go. A bit too early to get sanctimonious.
            ETA; enough time left for a second Bloody though.

          • The Wanderer

            After living close enough to the Tampa Bay Tampons to have them monopolize the TV news, I know that 6:30 to play is plenty of time to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Always worked for the Rams when they were in LA…

          • arglebargle

            With a new era (of frustration?) beginning tomorrow.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Nope! Sportsball was let go upon retirement. Surprisingly, I don’t miss it a bit.

          • arglebargle

            I watch less every year. This is the first college game I’ve watched start to finish in a couple years. Since I quit fantasy football (a SMRT decision) a few years ago I just watch the Stillers. Going to the game on Christmas day this year. That’s always a good time.

          • The Wanderer

            I are an Raiders fan, and have been since Madden was their coach. They start against Nawlins tomorrow.

          • mancityfooty .

            meanwhile KU is getting their collective asses handed to them
            *waits for basketball*

          • The Wanderer

            Game hasn’t started yet.

          • mancityfooty .

            28-7 against Ohio Bobcats
            they’re losing at the half

          • mancityfooty .

            Kansas, sorry

    • Jonny On Maui

      That was amazingly tacky.

    • BadKitty904

      Psht. That’s “just another day” in Panama City.

  • Mezzavagenda

    OT but sadly relevent to dealing with trolls.
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/09/the-sandy-hook-hoax.html
    Father of a Sandy Hook victim discovers the way to shut trolls up is unfortunately to be as big of a troll as they are.

    • The Wanderer

      Very sad.

      • beatbort

        There is a special place in hell, even deeper than the one for Trump, for the people who harass the parents of children killed in Sandy Hook school. I’ve personally witnessed Sandy Hook parents being booed and shouted down by gun nuts at a government hearing in Hartford. After that, it took me a while not to become a complete misanthrope.

        • Mezzavagenda

          I probably would have lost it and got arrested for taking a swing at someone. They are worst and sadly as Vlad in the article points out, the only way to bring them up short is to be as big an asshole. Although I love his gluing th rubber ducks to cars after rubbing them on his balls. Crude but amusing. Even that just makes them more likely to believe their own bullshit. Hopefully they’ll just do it on their own time, quietly.

          • beatbort

            When I see particularly loathsome gun-humping bumperstickers festooning a gy-normous suburban hearse-like SUV, I keep little blank stickers in my car with “I Have A Small Penis” written on them and place them next to the most offensive sticker.
            Hey, you gotta take a stand somewhere

          • Jonny On Maui

            Best bumper sticker I’ve seen here yet, on the back of a small toyota;

            “Nice truck. Sorry about your penis.”

          • Vagenda Shark

            I could use those on the Teslas and Maseratis in the train station parking lot.

          • Arolpin

            But Teslas actually showed that electric cars can be cool. And I find myself lusting over the Quarttoporte at the end of the block. (If I can’t find a Ford dealer to let me order a Focus RS for MSRP soon I may start pricing used Maseratis, because 911 Turbo prices are insane.).

  • Hutch

    I guess it wouldn’t be a good idea to send The Deplorables to the 9/11 Anniversary:

    • The Wanderer

      The Deplorables are not a very good thrash metal band.

      • Mezzavagenda

        But they do make good brownies?

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      #notalllizardpeople

    • Panika MCD

      someone needs to make me a “The Depilated” meme with Bruce Willis, Vladamir Putin and a blad Trumple. STAT!

  • Mezzavagenda

    Nice time from corporate kraken Starbucks. You can a get a high calorie but tasty doggie treat for your hounds.
    http://cbs4indy.com/2016/09/10/police-dog-rolls-through-starbucks-drive-thru-with-a-treat/

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “He’s treated as family and he’s a good boy.” Who’sagoodboy? Whoooooo’sagoodboy? Yassos’agoodboy! Yesheisheis!

      • Vagenda Shark

        So you’re a Trump handler?

        • Jonny On Maui

          Not without one of these…

        • Pinkham’s Law

          MOO-oomm! Vagenda’s calling me bad names! Make her stop!

          • Vagenda Shark

            HER???!??

            I should be so lucky.

  • BadKitty904

    For those of you who aren’t blessed by having been born in or by having moved to the Land of Flowers, Panama City is where we send stuff that us Florida natives think is too weird. Them folks is…unusual.

    • Jonny On Maui

      My in-laws live there. I concur.

      • BadKitty904

        See?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Emerald Coast. Emerald City. Either way, the best advice is to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

      • The Wanderer

        So . . . no gloryholes?

        • Master Contrail Program

          Plenty of those, but no sneeze guards.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            So, that was an astonishingly disturbing mental image.

          • Master Contrail Program

            I guess I’ve found my niche.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Like, my husband just Takei-style oh myed.

          • The Wanderer

            Hee! I can hear his voice in my head.

          • The Wanderer

            No sneeze guards at the gloryholes? That’s just plain unhygienic!

          • Master Contrail Program

            Not even at the Glory Hole Country Kitchen Buffet & Christian Bookstore in historic St. Andrews.

            Take a left at Tan Fannies.

          • eddi

            My argle just bargled.?

          • The Wanderer

            (snorts beer on himself)

          • Mezzavagenda

            Is the Porn Shack still out in the corn field, down the road from Mike’s House of Lugs?
            Mike’s House of Lugs. We got all your palookas, lunks, goons and lugs.
            Got a sofa you need moved or smashed? A guy what owes you some dough? Come on down to Mike’s and walk away happy.
            And ladies, next month we’re sponsoring an event at the Porn Shack with plenty of hunks, studs and well hung dudes. Rent by the day or the hour.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Will my hour be pro-rated?

          • Mezzavagenda

            As an employee or a customer?

          • Master Contrail Program

            Not only the president, but also a client.

          • Panika MCD

            that’s a gloryhole of a different color!

            https://media.giphy.com/media/n0u6OIWSwHwWc/giphy.gif

          • The Wanderer

            [REDACTED]

          • Master Contrail Program

            Yeah but everyone gets in to see the Wizzers, yes way, yes how.

          • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

            Handlebar moustache. Say no more.

          • The Wanderer

            The Womb Broom!

          • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

            One weird trick for tackling crabs.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Fucking hipsters.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought that’s why you had a Jupiter…?

      • Master Contrail Program

        By Jove, I think you’ve got it!

  • Mezzavagenda

    I just lifted this from Tumblr, because kittehs.

    http://fancykraken.tumblr.com/image/150221325151
    Do I need to add a hash tag #notallcats ?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Looters? Not a single one of those pretty kitties had a lute…

    • eddi

      That put a grin on my face.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      If a beer truck crashes, please don’t publish my pic.

    • BadKitty904

      I remember one vet describing milk as “Nature’s most obvious cat food”…

      • Mezzavagenda

        My evil fluffy one is a sucker for ice cream. He is unstoppable once he smells it.

        • BadKitty904

          Does he scream for it? We all do, you know.

          • Mezzavagenda

            Hell to the yes! Now if only I can figure out how to record and load video on this thing.

          • BadKitty904

            Yes, please.

  • Fartknocker

    I know Hillary, when elected, has a lot of things on her plate. But it would sure warm my heart to see some heavy enforcement against these banks, especially Wells Fargo:

    https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/former-wells-fargo-branch-manager-and-two-others-charged-laundering-proceeds-trademark-scam

    And I would also have my own goal and that is if 5,400 employees are fired, the executives who approved the bonuses of the fired employees are brought to the US Court House for sanctioning these violations and taken to trial. Even if they get felony probation it’s good because the fuckers are so tainted that they probably lose their jobs and probably won’t get hired in the banking industry.

    • The Wanderer

      One of the few instances where I’m perfectly cool about the death penalty and writs of attainder.

      • eddi

        I’ll settle for the stocks or a ducking stool.

        • The Wanderer

          Hmm, upon reflection, yeah me too. Provided the ducking stool is over water chilled to 55 degrees F.

          • Mezzavagenda

            Or a nice vat of salad dressing.

          • The Wanderer

            Vinaigrette, or Ranch?

          • Mezzavagenda

            Thousand Island. I hate that shit except for on Ruebens and its pretty acidic.

          • The Wanderer

            I just hit upon it – Durian Vinaigrette.

          • eddi

            My nose hairs just ignited.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      Gonna need to crank the amps on those cattleprods votes.

  • beatbort

    I was wondering why I kept getting bills from Wells Fargo under the name Santos L. Halper. [apologies to Bart Simpson]

    • Doug Langley

      Me too, but mine are addressed to Hugh Jass. Hey, ANYONE KNOW HUGH JASS???

  • Señor Skwerl

    Killary just trolled “I regret saying half..”

    • Señor Skwerl

      It’s brilliant. Because to us, it means “all”. To the undecided, it means “some”

      • Astraea

        And she didn’t apologize for calling racists racist.

    • The Wanderer

      “I know more than half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
      – Bilbo Baggins

      • DainBramage

        Bilbo sure could troll his fellow hobbits.

        • The Wanderer

          Some of them deserved it.

          • DainBramage

            Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is not amused!

          • The Wanderer

            Lotho wasn’t either.

          • DainBramage

            Lotho learned to live with it. Sure, she was a dragon in public, but word around the Shire was that she was a balrog in the sack.

          • The Wanderer

            Lotho was her son, iirc.

          • DainBramage

            Oops. Otho was the father. I’m so embarrassed. Thanks.

          • Astraea

            Would you say about half of them?

    • Basket of Vagendas

      As well she should, because Breitbart has 11 million discrete visitors a month, they keep telling us, and he got 13 million primary votes.

  • beatbort

    Where are the 9/11 Wal-Mart Truthers when you need them?

    • Panika MCD

      preparing for Jade Helm 16. duh.

  • Incoming Ham

    What the ever-loving fuck people. I know WalMart targets the lowest common denominator, but even they are going to take offense to this.

    • Brian

      you’re not supposed to be offended. You’re supposed to use it as inspiration to make equally distasteful jokes.

  • Treg Brown

    OT but Hiilz commented on her “deplorables” statement, but didn’t apologize (yay!)

    “Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton on Saturday said she regretted saying “half” of Republican rival Donald Trump’s supporters belonged in a “basket of deplorables,” but made no apologies for calling out “prejudice and paranoia” among Trump’s campaign and supporters.

    “Last night I was ‘grossly generalistic,’ and that’s never a good idea. I regret saying ‘half’ – that was wrong,” Clinton said in a statement, the day after comments at a fundraiser in New York.

    But “Trump has built his campaign largely on prejudice and paranoia,” she said, adding: “I won’t stop calling out bigotry and racist rhetoric in this campaign.”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/09/hillary-clinton-i-regret-using-half-when-talking-about-trumps-basket-of-deplorables/

    ETA: Should have scrolled down before posting. Señor Skwerl covered this nicely.

    • The Wanderer

      Good for her! I do have a minor issue with ‘generalistic,’ but all in all she’s sticking to her guns. Makes me respect her a bit more.

      • I Only Like Cats

        At this point I have too much respect for her, I have no idea what to do with it all (and I came into this election with the vestiges of sexism, conservatism, and CDS that I’ve been exposed to all my life… thankfully my case wasn’t intelligence fatal).

    • Ducksworthy

      So 3/4?

      • arglebargle

        HA!

      • Dee Andee

        Oh dude, I said that too, but after you. Bad me. Still, great minds…

      • Shibusa

        “More like 9/11.” ~ Rudy Giuliani

      • Treg Brown

        At least!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I like Hillary Clinton. She says out loud what everybody’s thinking.

      • Dee Andee

        I’ve heard that someplace before…oh yeah! Oh wait.

    • Serai 1

      She should have said “plenty”. Covers all the bases, but vague enough you can’t really be called on it.

      • sw19tacotruck

        Plenty is also the number of times people should have said “many” instead of “most”….

      • Dee Andee

        She might regret not saying “three-fourths.” It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • taco truck vagenda

      Isn’t “The Deplorables” a movie starring a bunch of used-up republicans?

      • Doug Langley

        Kevin Costner played a government agent who went around smashing up black churches cuz Sean Connery told him “That’s the Chicago way”. Or, something like that.

      • DemmeVagenda

        If it’s not, it should be.

  • Laffing Crow

    I was in Walmart yesterday (yeah I know, but it’s the only game in my small town), and was witness to a complete Patriot meltdown. This guy comes wheeling his cart down the aisle and it’s obvious that he’s got a bad mad on. He stops about half-way down, throws his hands up and says, “I don’t know what that guy was smokin’, there’s no flags here!” I told him that maybe they were an aisle of two over, that I had seen them somewhere in this general vicinity before but couldn’t remember the exact aisle. He turns and stomps off angrily around the corner. Less than a minute later, I hear him grousing his way up to the front of the store. He comes back with an associate in tow and she explains to him that they were only carrying the small handheld flags now and didn’t have any flagpole sized flags. Oh boy, it was on.

    He screams and I mean, screams, loud enough to drown out all the constantly crying babies, “9-11 IS TWO DAYS AWAY!!!! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” The associate calmly says, “Well sir, it wasn’t my decision, management makes those decisions.” “WHERE IS THE MANAGER? YOU GET HIM HERE RIGHT NOW, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO ANSWER FOR THIS!” She says that the manager is most likely in his office and that she would be happy to take him over there. They start walking toward the front and this guy is just loudly venting the whole way there, HEADS WERE GONNA ROLLLLL! All the rest of us customers are doing the arched eyebrow, side-eye glance, with smirk and head shake at one another. Do not separate a Patriot from the flag that represents the government they hate so much. They get really pissy.

    • The Wanderer

      “And I have to tell you, folks, I don’t really believe very much in my
      country either. I don’t get all choked up about yellow ribbons and
      American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the
      symbol-minded.”

      – George Carlin

      • Laffing Crow

        Carlin was always so spot on. And you’ve got to love, “I leave them to the symbol-minded.” Brilliant.

    • DainBramage

      So, the uber-patriot waits until 2 days before 9-11 to get a flag? Sounds like his failure to think ahead was the real problem.

      • Laffing Crow

        That’s what my son said when I told him about it. A true Patriot should always be prepared for a flag emergency.

        • DainBramage

        • Señor Skwerl

          I think I own three US flags. One large enough it can double as a bedspread.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Hoarder! I only have one – which I need to turn over to the boy scouts, or something, for proper disposal, as it is too worn for display.

      • sw19tacotruck

        Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Patriotism.

      • OneYieldRegular

        I’m mighty curious to know what he did with all the ones he bought for the last fifteen 9/11 anniversaries.

    • Brian

      if they were smart they’d have a “Trade in your Confederate Flag for an American Flag and get half off” sale.

      • Laffing Crow

        Around here that might bankrupt them. This is just one of the many southern pride displays that I have to drive past every time I go into town.

        • BadKitty904

          I see a teeny cross at the bottom of said flags. Why has it not been burned? Or is that a grave, marking the final resting place of Common Sense?

          • Laffing Crow

            I think that’s the final resting place of the person they shot with the cannon. Click on the pic, if you can’t see the cannon.

          • BadKitty904

            What is that just to the left of the cannon? A pelican?

          • Mezzavagenda

            One of those garden geese statues from years ago that you were supposed to dress up in seasonal costumes. They had a Klan one and a Santa one but they were in the wash.

          • BadKitty904

            So, this photo is some kind of coded message or what?

        • JoeChristmas

          Needs moar swastika flags.

        • mancityfooty .

          I’ve lived in Tennessee.
          I feel your pain

        • Señor Skwerl

          That flag would be hauled down and “adulterated” with stenciled “I am a racist traitor” and rehung if it were in my neighborhood.

        • SnarkOff

          How funny would it be to scale those flagpoles and hang the Puerto Rican flag, the rainbow flag, and a skull-and-crossbones?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        All of the sudden it just hit me that I AM one of those people that work in finance in a skyscraper downtown. Downtown Raleigh, to be sure… but still, it’s an odd confluence of being the actual target of middle eastern terrorists, while at the same time realizing that they actually have a point. There is a massive bomb trade imbalance between the US and the middle east. We’re a mass exporter.

    • I Only Like Cats

      At first I read that as “rolls up in his wheelchair” and had some sympathy. Correcting the picture in my head has made me a lot less forgiving.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Clearly this was a….. FALSE FLAG OPERATION!

      I’ll get my coat.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Remember to close the door behind you

        • sw19tacotruck

          *blub*

          • Blackest Noobs

            and to think, that’s just a 1/16th scale model of the “real” Pikachu!

            Pocket Monsters, my flipping ass!

          • Myrabwiggins2

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj313d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !mj313d:
            ➽➽
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          • Vernicegghalusha1

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ri497f:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ri497f:
            ➽➽
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    • BadKitty904

      The Invisible Middle Finger of the Market…

    • Astraea

      Wow, I hope they still had some bald eagles.

      • BadKitty904

        There’s ALWAYS room for bald eagles!

        • Blackest Noobs

          it’s not as if the eagle didn’t warn him; watch the eagle and his beak, it’s hard to hear but the eagle is saying fuck off in eaglenese.

          • BadKitty904

            American bald eagles are know for their natural aversion to small hands.

          • Mezzavagenda

            They mistake them for mice trying to get into their nests.

        • DemmeVagenda

          I will never get enough of this!

          • BadKitty904

            Symbol-of-American-Liberty has had enough of your short-fingered fascist bullshit, Donski…

        • revenant

          that one, and the “Drumpf struck by lightning” one are my favorite things on all the interwebs, they cannot be repeated too many times

          • BadKitty904

            I’m still getting amazing mileage out of:

        • folderol

          That bald eagle needed a comb-over.

    • btwbfdimho
      • TJ Barke

        The internet is a weird place…

        • Jonny On Maui

          Sometimes reality tops it. The farmers market was a parade of different this morning.

          • Mezzavagenda

            We met a pleasantly, chemically influenced Bernie Forever dude last week.
            A friend had just given him a pair of Bernie 2016 socks and he was so proud of them.

      • Shan

        That reminds me of when I went to Vegas last summer….

        • Jonny On Maui

          I’d say. “Tell us more” but I know…

          • Shan

            Just this. I was hiding in the company-sponsored cabana most of the time trying to get drunk enough to forget everything I was seeing…

          • Mezzavagenda

            I wish I had picture of the teenage boy I saw in the grocery store parking lot. He was pulling up his tank top to show his friends something on his torso, and I did not know, until that moment, one’s butt crack could continue well up one’s spine above the actual buttocks.

      • Mezzavagenda

        Sorry. I can’t stop staring at his thighs.

        • Jonny On Maui

          The heels really help to define them…

        • Laffing Crow

          Fortunately, I’m never going to forget ’em.

      • BadKitty904

        Say, remember us talking about Panama City just a bit ago…?

      • mancityfooty .

        stop posting my vacay pics!

      • The Wanderer

        I have the weirdest feelings in mine loins right now.

      • Señor Skwerl

        Not another Matt Lauer picture!!!!

      • folderol

        I could have lived the rest of my life without that image.

    • BadKitty904

      She should’ve just told him, “I’m sorry, sir, the Chinese don’t make American flags in that size any more.”

      • Basket of Vagendas

        or “Our suppliers stopped making them without fringe.”

      • Laffing Crow

        Fuck! I’m getting a cramp, you guys are making me laugh so hard.

    • doktorzoom

      Flagpole-sized flags are more of a Home Despot thing.

      • Laffing Crow

        Yeah, but you gotta go one town over for that. I guess that’s why he was so pissy. 44 miles round trip.

        • Doug Langley

          A real patriot would make the sacrifice.

        • doktorzoom

          Ah. And he assumes that even though he lives in the Rurals, he nonetheless has no need to account for that.

        • mtn_philosoph

          In this part of the country, a store that is 22 miles away is “right in the neighborhood.” I drive further than that for grocery shopping.

          The nearest Lowe’s is 75 miles away (one-way). The Home Despot is (one-way) 95 miles from here. People here do make such trips on the regular (including me). Just a fact of life out on the edge of civilization. (Which can be reached even here in the L48 and east of the Mississippi.)

          But srsly Patriot-Guy, a situation like this is why the Almighty gave us Amazon Prime.

      • I Am Helpy

        This is the worst joke you have ever made. I am deeply impressed.

    • JoeChristmas

      Weren’t they right behind the Halloween display?

    • Blackest Noobs

      “it’s not worth, it’s the investment
      that keeps us tied up in all these strings
      we draw lines and stand behind them
      that’s why flags are such ugly things”
      -the fugazi

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYeNyYGTSjU

      • mancityfooty .

        mucho upfist
        I love that song and album
        “pride no longer has definition
        everybody wears it it always fits”

      • mancityfooty .

        my first fugazi album and I saw them that year in KC

    • Gregory Brown

      You sure tied up that anecdote with a nice big bow. Major upvote.

      • Laffing Crow

        Thanks, that really means a lot to me. I always have trouble finishing.

    • WomanInAMood

      Ah, retail. Where people can let loose their anger on anybody near them. Upset about the price of milk? Scream at the person stocking it. Not happy about a product being discontinued? Be a an asshole to your cashier. Because the people wearing aprons and name tags are obviously the folks who made that call.

    • folderol

      Every Day Bellow Crises!

    • shaar dula

      You have to buy a separate flag for every occasion? I did not know that. I have one flag that I fly proudly every day.

    • Snopes Shop

      Write this as a short story. This is some George Saunders shit.

    • You weren’t at least a little worried that he was going to produce a gun and start shooting?

  • Jonny On Maui

    OT: Try as I might I can’t seem to find out when the season opens for the culling of loud drunken golfing douchebros. I could bag the legal limit in minutes today…

    • Vagenda Shark

      The season is closed until they lose their colorful shorts plumage.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Neon green polo shirt, green and grey plaid shorts, white socks and golf shoes with lots and lots of PWF (pasty white flesh).

        My eyes are bleeding…

        • Vagenda Shark

          Tranquilizer darts, a good scope, and a steady hand.

          • Jonny On Maui

            If I was doing catch and release. This needs a culling or they’ll over-run the environment.

            I’m going to need something belt fed…

          • Vagenda Shark

            You could always go with the “Free Beer” truck! C’mon in!

            Slam the doors and drive out of state.

          • Jonny On Maui

            You mean into the ocean. That’ll work too…

          • Vagenda Shark

            It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • Parchment Scroll

            I think Jonny on Maui driving out of state might end differently than you envision.

          • Vagenda Shark

            No, it ends exactly how I envisioned.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Carry on, then.

          • sw19tacotruck

            ..still a better love story than Twilight?

          • TJ Barke

            Or some loud speakers and an extended middle finger.

          • Jonny On Maui

            i was just turning on the music box and getting ready to have fun with the remote!

            What do you think, power chord just as the downswing starts?

          • TJ Barke

            It’s your journey.

          • Vagenda Shark

            I understand that “Don’t Fear the Reaper” work well ….

          • Shan

            DO IT SO WE CAN WATCH

          • mancityfooty .

            does this count as phrasing?

          • Jonny On Maui

            What? I’ve almost got the lights set up…

          • Shan

            I will admit that I chose poorly…

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m not going to post the link if you’re not going to click it. ;-)

          • Shan

            I’m sure SOMEONE would click on it.

          • Mezzavagenda

            I don’t really know why but Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack might be nice.

          • sw19tacotruck
          • WomanInAMood

            I’ve had good results with Wagner.

            https://youtu.be/GGU1P6lBW6Q

            This might also work.

            https://youtu.be/UHP49lJEkiM

          • Jonny On Maui

            OMG! The second one’s going on a loop set to 11!

          • DemmeVagenda

            Bagpipes are always fun!

          • Jonny On Maui

            I like bagpipes!

        • Mezzavagenda

          Can you trap them with iced tea and lemonade laced with diuretics? Groundskeepers do not care for urinating on their nicely kept greens.

    • mancityfooty .

      year round
      just make sure to hide the evidence
      do you have a boat?
      Know someone with a pig farm?

    • Mezzavagenda

      Can you hide in the bushes a lob balls at them? Even if you don’t hit them it will confuse them them. And you can always just smile and apologize that you didn’t see them and would they mind if you play through. And then, whack another one from the opposite direction.

    • idiotboy

      We are overrun with douches returning from Burning Man. A lot of white kids with signs asking for money cause they are hungry. With the obligatory guitar of course. Somehow they were able to afford to pay the entrance fee.

      • DemmeVagenda

        Burning Man. Hmmm…
        My daughter loves it!
        She has been to 6 in Nevada, and 3 (Midburn) in Israel.
        Every pic she sends, seems to be about showing your tits, (including the parties surrounding it).
        Is Burning Man just a super secret plot to get girls to expose themselves?
        Friends of ours just got back, and while they went to the communal sauna, gave a hard pass to the place where you get a shower, but have to “wash” another person.
        *eyeroll*
        (I know, I know. Get off my lawn.)

  • Me not sure

    The day that we, as God fearing Americans, can’t be as tasteless and as tacky as our Constitution allows, is the day that the terrorists win.

    • The Wanderer

      Tasteless and tacky are protected under the First Amendment.

      • Me not sure

        …and let’s not even get into bat-shit crazy.

      • I Only Like Cats

        First Amendment also protects my right to condemn them all socially.

        • Vagenda Shark

          And fart in their general direction.

          • The Wanderer

            And wave your private parts at their aunties?

          • Gregory Brown

            Only their maiden aunties!

          • The Wanderer

            They’d certainly be more appreciative, I think.

          • Vagenda Shark

            And if they come back, they will be taunted again.

      • sw19tacotruck

        Are they like the new hipster Ren & Stimpy?

        • Jonny On Maui

          In the name of whatever you hold holy please tell me that is not a thing.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Welp, they brought back The Powerpuff Girls….

          • Jonny On Maui

            *whimper*

          • BosGrl

            Actually it’s not bad.

    • atheistinatacotruck

      Tasteless, tacky and ultimately futile gestures are our specialties.

    • Brian

      some Wonketteers are taking full advantage of the “tasteless and tacky” clause. So, no worries if you were afraid decent people weren’t capable of sinking to low depths.

      • Me not sure

        FOR FREEDOM!

    • BadKitty904

      We do seem to have a remarkable, innate gift for that sort of thing.

      Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public” … to paraphrase H. L. Mencken

  • doktorzoom

    On the topic of 9/11 and the 15 years since, I just finished listening to Radiolab’s 2014 (? guys don’t date their podcasts?) show “60 words,” about how the authorization for use of military force written days after 9/11 has morphed and grown to cover everything from Gitmo through drone strikes in Yemen. It’s absolutely incredible listening. Go, listen. And also go read the 2014 Buzzfeed story by Gregory Johnson it’s adapted from — episode was a coproduction with Johnson and Buzzfeed.

    • JoeChristmas

      it’s all legal Mr. Cheney.

    • Me not sure

      Kinda OT, Dok, but everyone needs to read Matt Taibbi’s new RS piece, “How Trump Lost His Mojo”. It’s one of his best.

      • Vagenda Shark

        “Pierson tried to stay composed and brave her way through the rest of the segment, but it was like watching a kitten try to crawl out of a wood-chipper.”

        • The Wanderer

          Bwahahahaha! Great mental image there.

        • Me not sure

          Best line in the piece!

      • Basket of Vagendas

        Has our progressive media princeling decided Trump is in some way worthy of being voted against?

    • WomanInAMood

      Radiolab is very good as a rule.

    • The Wanderer

      Give people an inch, and they’ll take a foot. Soon you won’t have a leg to stand on.
      Kidding aside, I was appalled when the Congress abdicated their Constitutional responsibility to declare war.

    • idiotboy

      I just listened this morning, made me cry.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Maybe Porsche (parent VW) in another stroke of total disregard for rules and taste can make a memorial 911 edition with red white and blue trim and charge in excess of $200K for it.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      And put it on sale tomorrow at 9:11AM…

    • btwbfdimho

      Never forget Janis Joplin.

    • Arolpin

      I’m not sure that $200k is enough for a special edition 911. I think that the 911 GT3 already starts at $176k. Maybe the base model would start at $200k, but you would need the Twin-Towers Dual-Clutch PDK transmission for another $25k, the Pentagon (5-spoke) Fuchs wheels for another $25k, and the Lets Roll interior package for $15k. (Because Porsche pricing is insane.)

  • JoeChristmas

    Merry 9/11 to all my Wonkette friends!

    • BosGrl

      Well since the store displays are up, I guess it’s OK a day early.

      • The Wanderer

        My local Evil Empire outlet has had Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations out since before Labor Day.

        • Jonny On Maui

          This pissed me off so much I’ve decided to change all the holidays back to how they started. I’m only celebrating lunar and solar events now. I’ll have the calendar ready real soon…

          • Shan

            Ooh, we Wonkette gals can send you LOADS of information to add to your lunar calendar!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thanks anyway! Some things are burned into memory… ;-)

          • Shan

            I meant…

            …nevermind

          • Catstro

            Just ask Mike Pence

        • BosGrl

          I don’t even want to see Halloween yet. If I see Christmas I might have to vomit red and green in the aisle.

          • The Wanderer

            If I recall, I work on the 31st, so no candy for the kiddies.

          • BosGrl

            OH NO!

          • Vienna Woods

            One of the best things about living right out in the country- no more Halloween!

          • The Wanderer

            Do you cavort skyclad out in the fields?

          • Vienna Woods

            It has been known to happen at the full moon, around the vegetable garden, during a drought. Mr VW is more of a sky-clad guy than me, though.

    • Doug Langley

      So when does the plane fly in the window and give me presents?

  • I Only Like Cats

    Has anyone posted this yet? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G94j3LBmf-o

  • Joshua Norton

    That Coke display was just wrong. So wrong. Everyone knows that Pepsi is the drink that “Hits the spot”.

    Too soon?

    • Brian

      You would do great working for Coke or Wal-Mart marketing team. Well done!

  • Parakeetist

    Wells Fuckers made me pay an overdraft fee after a guy stole money from me. They gave me back what he took from the balance, but not the overdraft he left behind. Fuck them with a lawnmower. Of votes.

    • BosGrl

      WTF. Can you do anything more about it?

      • Parakeetist

        Sadly, no. Not enough for an attorney.

        • BosGrl

          Damn, I’m sorry.

          • Parakeetist

            Thanks though.

        • Sheepshagger

          Can’t Lizzie Warrens outfit help?

    • btwbfdimho

      The banking system makes more than $30 billion per year in overdraft fees.
      Quite a lot of money taken from people who had…no money at all…
      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/29/overdraft-fees_n_2980946.html

  • Gregory Brown

    Terrorist attacks always go better with COKE !!

    • Doug Langley

      It’s the Real Thing.

  • Brian

    What’s worse: soulless corporations exploiting 9/11 to make money, or people who claim outrage at that but still use 9/11 to get laughs and upvotes? As soon as you make a joke using 9/11 references, you are no better than Coke or Wal-Mart.

    • I Only Like Cats

      “You can’t kill that sociopath who killed countless families! That’ll make you just like him! Even though he’s already escaped from prison five times and we can’t get him to stop killing people and he’s been trying to kill you the last six years!”

    • Joshua Norton

      Too late. Rabid wingnuts and 911 conspiracy theorists have already make a pitiful joke out of it.

    • pstockholm

      Endorses the idea of America invading Iraq in 2003 (or was that a different Brian?), but expresses outrage at tasteless 9/11 humor. Your priorities might be a bit skewed. In case you forgot, here are some details on some other victims of 9/11: “A dossier released by Iraq Body Count, a project of the U.K. non-governmental non-violent and disarmament organization Oxford Research Group, attributed approximately 6,616 civilian deaths to the actions of U.S.-led forces during the “invasion phase”, including the shock-and-awe bombing campaign on Baghdad.” There are things more tasteless than 9/11 jokes.

      • Brian

        I did not endorse the invasion of Iraq, I said if they were going to do it, it could have come to some good if it had been done competently. Also I think if you’re expressing outrage about a Coke marketing plan the exploits 9/11, making jokes that evoke 9/11 is hypocritical.

        • BosGrl

          Blessed are the cheesemakers.

        • pstockholm

          Oh, “shock and awe” was very competently executed. That was not part of later mismanagement of the occupation. Not sure what you think a competent invasion would look like, there is massive death involved, always. Including civilians. Maybe especially civilians.

          • sw19tacotruck

            “Collateral damage” please.

          • pstockholm

            In fact not just collateral, premeditated and intentionally terroristic, lest we forget (shock and awe, Wikipedia): “Although Ullman and Wade claim that the need to “[m]inimize civilian casualties, loss of life, and collateral damage”
            is a “political sensitivity [which needs] to be understood up front”,
            their doctrine of rapid dominance requires the capability to disrupt
            “means of communication, transportation, food production, water supply, and other aspects of infrastructure”,and, in practice, “the appropriate balance of Shock and Awe must cause … the threat and fear of action that may shut down all or part of the adversary’s society or render his ability to fight useless short of complete physical destruction.”
            Using as an example a theoretical invasion of Iraq 20 years after Operation Desert Storm,the authors claimed, “Shutting the country down would entail both the physical destruction of appropriate infrastructure and the shutdown and
            control of the flow of all vital information and associated commerce so rapidly as to achieve a level of national shock akin to the effect that dropping nuclear weapons on Hiroshima and Nagasaki had on the Japanese.”

          • sw19tacotruck
    • Sheepshagger
  • Mr. Blobfish

    As soon as the 9/11 decorations come down, the Halloween decorations go up. It gets earlier each year. Before ya know it, War on Christmas will be here.

    • Sheepshagger

      You almost want to keep a bloody shirt around at all times just to be efficient.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Happy Holidays and Season’s Greetings = Sharia law!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “We will never forget 9/11. We think that was the day we had a fantastic promotion on TAB, but we’re not entirely sure because of all that stuff that was on the news all day, whatever that was.” – Walmart & Coca-Cola

  • The Wanderer

    Christ on a fucking barstool:

    NYC woman attacking Muslim women and babies

    • Parakeetist

      Ay ay ay ay.

      • The Wanderer

        Extra irony points for the assailant’s name.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Even better – she’s an immigrant herself. From Albania.

          • NellCote71

            Albanian? No irony there.

          • revenant

            Albania is majority Muslim. Add to that the fact that all the peoples of the Balkans are world-class grudge carriers, and this sort of thing is no surprise. Even the Croats and Serbs tend to think the Albanians carry the whole family feud thing a little too far.

          • The Wanderer

            I thought she might be – last name starts with ‘Xh.’

    • taco truck vagenda

      Yeah. I’m sure crazy violent asshole bigot will absolutely abide by an order of protection.

    • BosGrl

      “This is America, you’re not supposed to be different from us”. Um, ok, don’t lump me in with you, please. I am not one of your “us”.

      What is the BFD about this and why do people get so enraged by women covering their hair?

      • Rick Hill

        This is trump’s America

        • BosGrl

          Oh – wouldn’t it be great if a Muslim woman tried to pull that fox fur off Trump’s head? Except I would worry for her safety, but a girl can dream…

    • Jen B_VA

      Lone wolf. Has to be.

      • dshwa

        Just like every other lone wolf in the pack

        • Jen B_VA

          Lots of lone wolfs hang out together and think the precise same things as each other. Funny how that works.

    • Basket of Vagendas

      The eastern european community in south Brooklyn can be a bit unique.

  • mancityfooty .

    I was in Knoxville. I had been at work since 5. I was working on a rubber gasket mold. 4’X9′ of 1″ thick steel trying to indicate a cut about 1/64″ deep. A few people had radios and once it started, everyone just went and crowded around.
    It was hard to believe. Thinking things like seating capacity and the number of casualties. No one considered the buildings would fall.
    We left around 10. I kept looking at the sky, but no planes at all. Being so close to Atlanta, Knoxille was as much flyover as Kansas.
    I got to the house I was living at with a girl and her parents.
    The dad was ex air force and a hawk. We were watching tv in the living room. Since we left work early, “they’ve already won” and he wanted to turn the middle east into glass.
    I went downstairs.

    • The Wanderer

      A guy at work started saying that we should nuke Mecca; failing that, start bombing. I pointed out that New York is not the holy city of any religion (money not excepted), whereas Mecca is, and that we must be deliberate – find specifically who did this, and kill them.

    • Shan

      I was in Seattle working for a construction management company. When I got there, everybody who had NOT managed to hear the news already and toddled obliviously in to the office was bunched up in a conference room watching the footage on TV. I’d just had my daughter two months previously and was a hormonal basket case already. When the first tower went down, I started sobbing and gushing milk so I had do leave the room.

      The first coherent thought I had after I pulled myself together and came back to join everyone else, who by that time had formed a “prayer circle”, was: “Fuck. Someone is going to get bombed back into the stone ages now.”

      • Dee Andee

        Same here, on the first thought thing. That after sitting with the potential in-laws in front of their TV for a couple of hours, listening to potential FIL saying they were going to “get the bastards” who did this. I escaped with the potential husband to the coffee shop where it was more of the same from the other customers. I was just thinking, ‘why doesn’t anyone feel grief-stricken? Is it the “American way” to respond with threats to everything?’ Not even a thought to spare for the people dying right now as we sip our lattes, just fevered revenge fantasies? I voiced as much. Potential husband looked at me like he was humoring me.

        Potential family did not become family, as they were all a bunch of ring-wing assholes following 9/11. They probably were before, but politics hadn’t mattered to them much before then, from my experience.

        • Shan

          Yeah. I lit a huge candle that lives on my front porch when Bin Laden was killed. Because…lots of sad things it represented to me that I won’t go into right now.

          I’m sorry it took something as monumentally awful as 9/11 to dislodge you from the potential family situation, but…you know the rest, I’m sure.

          • Dee Andee

            Strangely enough, considering this article, it was that, combined with potential husband’s proclivity for running our shared Wells Fargo checking account into the red every month, and then blaming me for it, to do it–though it was the fact that I had no money to leave (for that reason) that I was stuck far longer than I wished to be.

            The best part was that I DID get away. For that I am grateful.

          • Shan

            Yeah. Exes are the suck. The one who STILL owes me money from a year ago just asked me this morning if he could borrow some more. Faaaaack….

          • Dee Andee

            Holy shit, that’s some gall!

          • Shan

            He still needs a mommy since his original one died and I quit in protest.

            MAKE FUN OF ME AND MY COLOR CODED FINANCIAL SPREADSHEETS NOW, MUFUKKA!

            Pft.

          • WomanInAMood

            May I join you?

            BUDGETS ARE NOT SOME WIERD HOBBY THE LITTLE LADY ENJOYS!

            That was lovely.

          • Shan

            Yes, it was. I’d suggest a hug now but I don’t like hugs (although I’d hug you anyway for saying that).

          • WomanInAMood

            Then we shall hug in a purely verbal way. *hugs*

          • WomanInAMood

            My ex-husband still owes me thousands. Occasionally he will throw me some money. My pained smile has become very practiced.

          • Shan

            Yeah, when I was getting divorced my friends were all like GO THROUGH THE COURTS and I said, nah, we have an arrangement we both think is equitable. Because I didn’t want the court to bankrupt the guy.

            And then he got remarried…

          • WomanInAMood

            Well that sucks. I got it all written into the divorce, and I could theoretically take him to court. But I pick my battles. No sense suing a man who won’t pay the money. He does his best, which really isn’t impressive.

          • Shan

            I didn’t do the court thing because I didn’t want them to adjust it to an amount that would force him to live in poverty. I didn’t hate the guy and want to destroy him, I just couldn’t be married to him any more. Also, what good would that do our kids?

        • dshwa

          Someone asked me, since my announced religion was Buddhism at the time, how I felt about the wars since I had to be a pacifist as a Buddhist. My answer was I understood the human impulse for justice, but that what invariably happens is vengeance dressed in a justice costume. I also talked about how history had shown violence to rarely really be a good long term solution, particularly when it involved The West and that area of the world, and that our wars were more likely to cause more problems than they solved. It wasn’t a popular response. And no, I haven’t revisited it to say “I told you so.”

        • Mezzavagenda

          Anger is easier than compassion when you feel vulnerable.

          • Shan

            So much this. Trump’s campaign platform right here.

      • Rick Hill

        I had the radio off, listening to cd’s. Beautiful morning, walked out to the courtyard with the dogs. Guy across the way I know came over and told me. First thing I told him was “Well, guess the Taliban’s not going to keep Bin Laden safe, now.”

        • dshwa

          I knew immediately we’d be invading Afghanistan. It never crossed my mind we wouldn’t. I was also certain we’d invade Iraq too at some point. I knew the Bush family history with Saddam, and was certain the Shrub would take the opportunity to drum up support to go get him.

          • Rick Hill

            I never followed any politics closely, I read the daily paper, front to back(used to be a fair, middle of the road viewpoint) back then. But when the election was going on I speculated to my friends that Bush was teh kind of guy who got even. He got even with Ann Richards for publicly insulting his father, he was running against Gore as a proxy for Clinton beating his dad. I said the next in line was Hussein, though I honestly did not think there was a viable way for him to actually go to war with Iraq, considering the immense effort it took to build the previous coalition to fight.

          • Arolpin

            I was living in NYC and been unemployed since the start-up I was working for failed. I had spent the previous 3 months sitting in the community garden reading the NYTimes during the double-park dance every morning. (In NYC they have street cleaning, which means no parking for several hours on one side of the street. In residential neighborhoods people just double-park and leave their cell phone number on the dash until after the street sweeper completes that block.). I immediately know that it was Al Queda, and that the Taliban had to give him up or the US would invade. There was never a thought about Iraq from anyone I spoke with.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        I told the kid they did it because they thought God liked them better than other people, and people who think that are stupid.

      • Astraea

        I was working in a department store, in the jewelry department, and the mall didn’t close. It was very strange. Obviously we only had one or two people come by in the entire store all day and that just because they felt like they needed to go out and do something normal.

        • Shan

          They sent us home. But I had to get a ride with someone because Seattle shut the city bus system down. And, IIRC, the airport. The skies and streets were eerily quiet so later that day (or the next?) when I heard what was obviously military aircraft zooming by overhead, I panicked and considered hunkering down in the basement. What good that would have done, I don’t know. I’m from Kansas, so I’m used to hiding in the basement when I’m scared.

          • Rick Hill

            Here in Dayton, around six, there was a plane that took off from Wright Patt and broke the sound barrier. I knew that there was absolutely no chance at all of any type of attack but, yeah, I was out on the street with everyone else, worried and concerned.
            After that, though, sat on the couch the rest of the night watching over and over again, waiting for anything new. I was also a lot more empathetic then, not just in a sympathetic way but in a sensing kind of thing. I couldn’t stop shedding a tear at what had happened. Of course, the same thing happened later but it was because of what our country did to the people of Iraq….
            (Shedding tears is what manly men do. Bush taught us that, as he showed us his “human” side but wouldn’t call it crying)

    • dshwa

      I was at work, even though I wasn’t scheduled. The front store manager came to back the pharmacy and told us the first plane had hit. I made it to his office just before the second plane hit. I suspected Osama’s involvement right from the start and said as much. The manager had no clue who he was or why he (or anyone else) would attack us in general or the WTC in particular. At least he wasn’t all bomb them to the stone ages, so small plus.

    • I was in my college journalism class room for the first full week of the program. That was a rough day. We were sent out to help cover reaction in Ottawa’s downtown

    • Jen B_VA

      I was in the middle of a field in South Dakota. Crew cheif walks up and says someone just flew a plane into a tower in new york, so our boss won’t be able to be here for another few days.
      Then walked off and we went back to work, trying to get our radios to work (they would not).
      Had no idea until we got back to the hotel.

      • Dee Andee

        Damn, I’ll bet we were within a couple hundred miles of each other that day–I was in Pierre.

        • Jen B_VA

          Can’t remember the name of the town. One hotel, one gas station, though we did drive past a pig slaughtering place to get there.
          I’ll ask hubs when he wakes up if he remembers the name of the place ^.^

        • Jen B_VA

          Second reply: Correctionville was the name of the town. Oddly appropriate in hind sight

          • Dee Andee

            I tried to look that up and I can’t find it, although, there is one in Iowa, which really, the fields aren’t much different.

            Correctionville. Sheesus, who would think that was a good town name? Creeps, probably. People who wear bread bags on their feet!

          • Jen B_VA

            Right? We might have been working in Iowa and just hoteling in SD, too, but I thought we were in SD. Remember going up around the corner of Iowa where that Falls was (whichever one is there, with the pig pens and the train) and then hugging the border heading north. There was like….nothing there. Kept getting turned around because there was so very little to orient yourself to, other than the sun, and it was over cast so that was sort of a bust.

          • Dee Andee

            Sioux Falls, lol. Falls Park with the Morrell packing plant just up the way. Very familiar with that area. And yep, just outside the city there are miles and miles of not much. Pretty, rolling green fields of not much. :D

          • Jen B_VA

            That sounds right. We were north of that a bit XD Just miles of…nadda. Nice digging tho, those loess hills were so soft and just melted through the screen

    • BosGrl

      I was making scrambled eggs for my two little girls on the morning of 9/11. My apartment was very close to Logan Airport and I used to watch the planes taxiing from my kitchen window. While the kids and I were starting our day, Mohammed Atta was in one of those planes preparing to end the day, permanently, for thousands of others, a direct straight line from him to my children. I will never forget that.

      • Shan

        Have you talked to your girls about it?

        • BosGrl

          Yes, but not until they were older. Compared to some of the others here, it’s not much of a story but it does haunt me.

          • Shan

            I just wondered. Mine were small when 9/11 happened and it was really difficult explaining my post-Bin Laden killing candle-lighting to them. And other things.

          • BosGrl

            That was a tough conversation even when they were older. I know my older daughter (who is 20 now) has seen the “live” footage from 9/11 on CNN. There really is no good way to approach it, at any age, without scaring the crap out of them.

    • Objectifer

      I was working nights at the time so I was still in bed in the mythical Mountain Time Zone. I first became aware that something was up when my crazy neighbor started firing a shotgun in the air screaming “We’re at war!”

      Prescient, that one.

      • Shan

        Holy shit, really?

        • Objectifer

          Yup. Cops came and took him away, he was back home by dinner.

  • Sheepshagger

    Has anyone tested the debris for aspartame and thermite? And the official story on that case of Sprite is laughable.

  • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

    Sorry that’s a creative display. Lego coke blocks.

  • Well, did they at leas knock it down with drones or model air planes? Too soon?

    • WomanInAMood

      Yes.

      • I’m sorry, then. I’m watching the coverage on MSNBC since the hotel bar closed. I’m feeling pretty down about the whole thing, again.

    • Sheepshagger

      It was an inside job.

    • btwbfdimho

      Flight #72 Virgin Airlines?

      • jowgajen

        I do not want to laugh, why you make me laugh?

        • sw19tacotruck

          Ohhh…. now I get it! I am a slow womble/tacotruck sometimes.

  • Mr. Lambert

    If you can’t trust your bank and soda manufacturer, who can you trust?

    I guess I can trust my dog.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Your dog just stole the bacon out of your fridge.

      • Mr. Lambert

        She chowed down half of a honey baked ham once without even knocking it off the kitchen counter.

        No, I can’t trust her.

  • mancityfooty .

    conspiracy theory?
    I love Sick Of It All
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sick_of_It_All
    They do political stuff in their songs.
    I ordered a vhs tape of theirs, new for 2000.
    This was a video on it:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv6_69AHHls
    watch to the end.
    (the dragon is their logo)
    http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0256/7951/collections/SOIA_compact.jpg?v=1388632523

  • Shibusa
    • Mezzavagenda

      It looks like a giant pack of off brand cigarettes.

      • BosGrl

        If you peel off the gold foil, it’s just candy cigarettes. Not the good chocolate kind, the crappy sugar kind.

        • Mezzavagenda

          That taste like chalk? I remember those. Yeah, that’s Trump all over. Gold covering and a chalky flavor to cover the emptiness.

  • folderol

    O-ho the Wells Fargo Bandits are a-comin’ down the street
    Oh please not another fee!
    O-ho the Wells Fargo Bandits are a-comin’ down the street,
    I wish, I wish I knew what they charged me!

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Music Man!

      • Dee Andee

        Being in love used to be my favorite dream…oh yes!
        I’ve been in love more than anybody else has…I guess!

        :D

      • Last musical i was involoved with in highschool (not because they stopped doing musicals. I just graduated)

        • Dee Andee

          My last was “Brigadoon.” I would have loved to do “The Music Man.”

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Bye Bye Birdie.

        • DemmeVagenda

          Mine was either Pajama Game (Yay!) or The Boyfriend (Blech!).
          Actually, though, they were all topped when my daughter played Sheila in “A Chorus Line.”

  • Brian

    Okay, guess I’ll avoid Wonkette for the next few days while you all get your insensitive 9/11 jokes out of your system. I look forward to returning to a site that makes rape jokes, sexist jokes, racist jokes, and jokes about how victims of mass murder were really actors. Oh, wait, until just now I didn’t know Wonkette was merging with Breitbart.

    Good times.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Have a good sleep and see you on the other side. :)

    • BosGrl

      We make jokes because the whole fucking thing is so horrible, so mind numbingly evil even 15 years out, some of us need to release tension that even after all this time makes you want to curl up in the corner and sob.

      • Dee Andee

        This has been explained to him–numerous times. He gives no fucks, apparently.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      just wait until tomorrow and see if they do the children’s treasure trove of awful 9/11 art

    • taco truck vagenda

      Yup, absolutely no difference between Wonkette and Breitbart. I’m always getting them confused, like I always confuse Hillary and Trump. Both sides do it!

      • Basket of Vagendas

        forget it, Jake.

    • Sheepshagger

      Get back to ya glasshouse you delicate flower.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      I’m with BosGrl – the jokes are whistling in the graveyard. A defense mechanism.
      Also, too, conspiracy theories must be mocked, rather than show any concern that the idiots who believe them can persuade anybody else to believe them.

      • sw19tacotruck

        I wasn’t going to do it, but fuck it, sorry Brian, it’s my puckish nature:

        Ground Zero – real tower taste with 0 calories.

        *grabs hazmat suit and flees*

        • Mezzavagenda

          You’re a bad,bad man and you know it. Head shakes and finger wags all around.

          • sw19tacotruck

            I am on Satan’s Naughty List now for sure.

          • Mezzavagenda

            Like you weren’t t already. I’m on there again too. This week it was for comparing one of my coworkers to a gif of a nodding walrus someone posted on Womkette.

          • Jen B_VA

            One of my fav profs in collage used to say we were all roasters.
            I always quite liked that.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Womble, you know you ain’t right

        • Juan de Fuca

          That’s about as classy as a Matthew Sheppard/fence joke! Isn’t it? Which is the point that Brian seemed to be trying to make. BTW, aren’t you the same sw19womble who threw a hissy fit and left in a huff over people here critizing the Brexit thing? People here gave you the benefit of the doubt and and tried to see things from your perspective, IIRC.

          Learn some empathy.

          • sw19tacotruck

            LOL! If you look at all my responses, I made it clear I would answer actual questions directed to me, which I continued to do – I just avoided responding to the hive mind “Brexit is terrible because reasons and now the Brits will all die of starvation and purdah” statements of factoid. But sure, if it fits your narrative, I had some sort of hissy fit. :)
            Not like you’re being precious about anything…. oh, wait ;) xoxo

          • Juan de Fuca

            It was a lil’ bit of a hissy fit ;-) It’s all good though. We all have our boundaries and things we call bullshit on – I know that I do. For the record, my own definition of “whistling past the graveyard” or “gallows” humor was probably shaped by a fellow American Army troop sticking a cigarette in the mouth of a dead Iraqi soldier along the highway of death in Kuwait back in ’91 and having someone take a picture of him. We were coming back from Basra, Iraq, to KKMC in Saudi Arabia. I thought that guy was a douche bag for pulling that. His excuse was trying to make fun of the moment. Gallows humor? Or maybe some jokes are just in bad taste, aren’t they? It’s like those strange as fuck sex jokes like the “Donkey Punch” one. How is that even funny? I digress, but seriously – how is that joke funny? I’m preaching. I’ll stop.

            It’s all good mate. :)

    • Astraea

      I can’t say I understand why this in particular is bothering you. People joke here about all kinds of terrible things, including rape, murder, and all the other terrible news. I haven’t seen any jokes that mock the victims which is where tasteless IMO becomes offensive.

      I do hope you have a good rest of your weekend.

      • Brian

        I will explain to you, because I know you and I have similar sensibilities. First, it bothers me because people are presumably expressing displeasure over using 9/11 for marketing by making 9/11 jokes. That seems hypocritical to me. Second, I would have given up on this a long time ago except someone commented on my disapproval by telling a joke and then telling me to cheer up and move along. So, someone attacking me for being annoyed by 9/11 jokes seemed different. That’s all.

        • sw19tacotruck

          So, if someone tells you a sad story, then suggests you be miserable and stay, you’ll leave?
          Look, this is a trigger issue for you, I get it. There are some articles I simply will walk in, take one look and then turn around and walk out. Moral scolding never works – and certainly in this place. But hey, nobody can tell you what to do, so do what thou will. Cool beans.

          • Jen B_VA

            Pretty much that. You be you is the best thing one can say really.
            Though I will point out that my eyes rolled right through my head like they do every time someone posts to tell people how they are not going to post any more so there.

          • vivian

            Um, I think for some of us the issue might go deeper than that.
            There is a difference in my mind between mocking a Bundy, Cosby, Trump or Duggar for the stupid shit they’ve done. THey’ve made themselves fair game. The people in the towers just went to work. They died because they went to work. Maybe it’s as simple as proximity. Living in the city and living through it is one whole Hell of a lot different than hearing it on the Nightly News along with the baseball scores, weather report and tonight’s winning lottery numbers…

          • Jen B_VA

            I do not disagree with you, or Brian. I also don’t make 9/11 jokes. I won’t, however, get behind a foot stomping this -place- is -as bad- as -Breitbart -and- they- wil-l start-telling -rape -jokes- next so I am going- to -have -to- go-home post.

          • vivian

            Yeah, I hear you there. Pretty easy to get all hotted up and go a little too far on this one…

          • Jen B_VA

            True that. On everything really.
            I recall once posting something about someone being insane and I got a scold all up in my business about how I should not label the insane or some such. At first I thought they were kidding so I responded flippant, as one does, but noooooo…they were serious.
            That was about the time I decided I had enough internets for the evening XD
            Point being, you don’t really know what will set off any given indidvidual because you don’t know any given individual’s life story, really. Unless you know them personally I mean. Best thing to do if someone scolds I feel is to either just let em scold, or apologize and move it along rapidly. And if you reply flippant thinking they are joking and they are not joking, then for sure apologize and maybe run fast also, too.

          • Shan

            Ehhh…I tried pretty much all that and still got called a troll, so…

          • Jen B_VA

            Sometimes you can’t win for tryin, Shan, there is always that too.
            Sometimes some people just refuse to accept that people can and do make mistakes, even if they were not exactly mistakes for them personally.

          • Shan

            Apparently, calling myself an asshole wasn’t a good enough apology.

          • Jen B_VA

            Oh heck no. And then of course there are some who will just turn everything around and make it all about them no matter what and refuse to accept anything but an absolute tongue bath.
            At which point you just shrug and walk away methinks.

          • WomanInAMood

            FWIW, I don’t think you’re an asshole. And this afternoon went a little sideways, didn’t it?

          • Shan

            Thanks. And this afternoon did go a bit weird. I didn’t know the poster’s history or why he was saying what he did. All I saw was “eww, gross” and tried to deal with the information I had at hand, which wasn’t much until Jonny chimed in.

            Eh, it’s not the first time I’ve been called an asshole for not being a mind-reader. Probably won’t be the last.

          • Shan

            Thank you.

          • Señor Skwerl

            As do I. For example picking on the “will not date feminist” guy’s looks, I see as body shaming. The turd had provided enough of a target to criticize, not need to get petty on his looks.

          • Jen B_VA

            Whereas I think it is fair game because said guys are usually the ones saying what women should look like.

          • Shan

            I agree with you there.

        • Astraea

          I think some of the responses to you have been rude and uncalled for. But I think it’s also a little unfair to scold all of Wonket and suggest that all the jokes are motivated by scoring points instead of perfectly human responses to tragedy, and not meant to trivialize. But I’ve also had to just walk away from some threads for similar reasons, when I just couldn’t deal with some of the responses.

          Sometimes a little break is good for us. Take care.

          • Señor Skwerl

            I agree with Astraea, a break might be good. Personally I find “Patriot Day” to be offensive. We should practice remembrance, not cheap retail gimmicks.

          • Brian

            I did not intend to scold the entire wonkette. I said more than once that it was only some posters. but they are aggressive and vocal, so it’s best for me that I avoid them.

          • People are generally terrible.

          • DemmeVagenda

            Yeah, in 2008, I had to avoid anything that mentioned Hillary in the headline, and nervously scanned the text if she wasn’t in it.
            I love me some Hillz, and after awhile, I couldn’t bear to see the latest new slurs. (Wasn’t as bad this year, cause I didn’t feel so alone.)
            Some topics, (say, Ann Coulter) could NEVER have anything in them to offend me, but some, where commenters say “Chris Christie is SOOOOOOO fat, etc.” make me sad.
            But that’s just me…

        • DemmeVagenda

          But Brian, you compared us to Breitbart.
          That, my friend, is troll-like, ridiculous, and you know it.

          You don’t hear me joking, but you also don’t hear me applying my standards and rubrics to others.

          (BTW, my husband walked home from the rubble. His boss was killed in the WTC attending a conference for him. His colleague was also killed, his family would not stop looking for him, and it was heartbreaking. I don’t want to play the “9/11 means a lot to me because…” game, but please Brian, live and let live. We all deal with things in different ways.)

          • Brian

            absolutely, it is way worse to compare a liberal website to racist website than it is to make jokes about events that caused the deaths of innocent civilians. Live and let live. People have the right to make those jokes, no one has the right to say they are shit jokes.

          • sw19tacotruck

            But you weren’t talking about the quality at the start, were you? So now IMHO you’re starting to be a teensy bit disingenuous.
            I thought we could hold the “let’s agree to disagree” line, especially with others adding their thoughts, but hey….. hands up, shrug, walking away from this descent into fuck knows what you’re trying to make it about now.
            Peace out.

          • Brian

            I’m happy to agree to disagree. But people keep responding to me and insulting me because I think the jokes aren’t right. And, yeah, I’m an asshole who can’t help but respond.

          • Jen B_VA

            Me too ^.^ The lil bar says 1 new comment below and I am like Pavlov’s dog, I swear.

          • WomanInAMood

            I’ve seen a wide spectrum of responses to your posts, many sympathetic. And yeah, I see responses, and I go running.

          • WomanInAMood

            Are you ok, dude?

          • DemmeVagenda

            Please,
            Take a deep breath.
            Go outside.
            Stop reading anything on the internet.
            It’s OK.

      • Vagenda Shark

        I have to say that the line between tasteless and offensive is a moving target. What bothers Brian probably wouldn’t bother me. I’m from the NY area, and so offensive 9/11 crap has been a staple for 15 years. I’m numb to it. Others aren’t.

        But that’s Brian’s definition, and he’s entitled to it. If he’s uncomfortable, then he can step away from the vile little snark mob for a while

    • Left Coast Tom

      Well, aren’t you a special little flower!

      • vivian

        Maybe if you were NYTom instead of Left Coast Tom this wouldn’t seem clueless, but I’m sorry, it just does.

    • WomanInAMood

      You posted that picture from your window. Fuck. Just, fuck. I understand that some of the 911 jokes are pretty damn offensive. I am finding them pretty damn offensive myself. You have been around long enough to know that rape jokes are not cool here. And making fun of sexiest, racists assholes is fine. You are a good person, and a funny, intelligent person.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        I used to go watch the towers being built as a kid, and I was watching from the middle of 5th Avenue when the second one fell. I had to pass food across a police barricade to my dad, who lived below Houston, and who was on oxygen til he died because he believed the administration he voted for. I watched Iran show more concern for our losses than the midwest did. And I walked through completely empty streets in Manhattan when my city was shut down so that same administration, which tried to cut off recovery funds, decided to campaign on the ashes of our dead.

        And I will say whatever. the. fuck. I. want. about. it.

        • WomanInAMood

          As well you should. I don’t want to see us eat our own innards, we are better than that. You want to post things? You totally have that right. And I have the right not to like it. Fortunately, we both have the intelligence to not make this into some idiotic fight.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            It was more of a general observation, really.

            The Bush administration pretending to go to war on our behalf and breaking the world? Not funny. New Yorkers being gillnetted by the police and held without lawyers or charges while the delegates rode to and from their convention in armored prison busses so they wouldn’t get New Yorker cooties? Not funny. My dad wheezing at my kid’s graduation because it wasn’t safe to use oxygen around the restaurant’s candles? Less amusing than you’d think. Not being able to look towards my birthplace and the birthplace of both my parents and one of my grandparents every anniversary so I wouldn’t have to see the towers of light? Really, really not funny.

            Being concern trolled by Brian about seemliness? Has its humorous aspects.

          • WomanInAMood

            I’m honestly not sure how to respond. You have both been here for a while. And you are both good people. I live in Portland, and can’t imagine what it was like.

            Our shared loathing for Shrub, however, is something we can completely agree on. I am a woman who knit a scarf that says “Impeach Bush”.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            There isn’t really *a* new yorker thing. Call it an new yorker thing.

            And we can certainly agree to hate Bush :)

        • Dee Andee

          I had a friend who was on holiday in Egypt when it happened. He told me he was so incredibly moved by the many Egyptians who, thinking he was American (he is German), came forward to tell him how sorry they were for what happened to us.

          We had so much goodwill in so many unlikely places at that time, and Bush happily pissed it all away.

          I’m so sorry about your Dad. :(

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Thanks. It was really painful for him to be wrong about that. More than the breathing, I think.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            I flew to London the next week. They were really kind.

        • taco truck vagenda

          As far as I’m concerned, none of the 9/11 jokes made here can be nearly as offensive as the immediate politicization of the tragedy.

          • vivian

            To me it’s more like a choice between being kicked in the balls for the 97th time or being asked to eat really crappy food. The jokes are the kick, the crappy meal is what I’ve come to expect from politicians.

      • Brian

        I admit, I didn’t think being anti-9/11 jokes was a controversial view. Turns out I was very wrong.

        • sw19tacotruck

          Learning new stuff is cool.

        • vivian

          Hey man, just so you know, you’re not alone on this one…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Regardless of what we may think none of us is alone ever.

            That reads far creepier than I intended…

          • WomanInAMood

            But it was meant in a nice way.

          • Jen B_VA

            ~sings~ Everybreath you take…..

          • Shan

            But I do like it that Sting came out with what he called the antidote to that song:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSGl3d4KOMk

          • Jen B_VA

            I admit I still like Every breath you take, also. The melody I mean, not so much the creepy stalker lyrics.

          • Shan

            Yeah. I am a huge Sting fan. Wasn’t so much into the Police (much to the sadness of a boy who once tried to lure me in with Police music, which I didn’t figure out until years later because I’m slow. Also the same with the whole mix tape phenomenon. DAFUQ?)

          • Jen B_VA

            Confession: I like making mix tapes, even now. Except they are mixed CDs on account that I no longer have a tape deck.
            Setting a mood and then following it, or diviating it, with music is one of my many joys in life. Speaking of, been a year since my last one, I should do another

          • Arolpin

            I tried to explain a mix-tape to my 10-year-old twins today. They have seen CDs but had no idea what a cassette tape was. It went downhill from there. God forbid I try to explain how my parents and I actually talked to a patent attorney about a calculator that worked in minutes-hours-seconds for creating perfect-length mix tapes.

          • Jen B_VA

            COMMITTED.
            Also <3 I could have totally used that.
            Admission: When I do mix CDs I often hold to the 90 minute format because reasons

          • BosGrl

            That’s awesome.

          • Shan

            Today’s “mix tapes” are on Spotify. My daughter’s is amazing and I want to listen to it all the time but I an never get it right.

          • sw19tacotruck

            ALL HAIL CEILING CAT!

          • Jen B_VA

            I had a cat who used to get up in the drop ceiling, when I was a kid. You’d be in your room jammin or reading or whatever and then WHAM. Ceiling cat would land on your head.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Man, WTF is your problem? You’ve posted more than a dozen times hectoring everyone about how “insensitive” they are. Yes, avoid Wonkette, by all means. If you’re so goddamned sensitive, go to the supermarket and get a rash walking past a shelf of canned seafood.

      • sw19tacotruck

        CLAMS???!?!!!!? YOU MONSTER!!!!!!

      • Basket of Vagendas

      • vivian

        Yeah, well for those of us who had to step over charred remains, maybe the laughs don’t come so easily…

        I think a little patience and understanding might go a long way here…

        • Mezzavagenda

          Forgive us please. We didn’t have the direct experience that you did and it is hard to even imagine what you saw or felt.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          And maybe that’s how some of us who did that cope.

          • vivian

            I can still smell it. That is seared into my brain forever.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Yep. You had to have been there.

          • vivian

            Hats off to you for your ability to roll with the punches. I’m one of those weirdos who still cringes when the weather brings the flight pattern over the city. Fuck sakes! Do they have to fly them so goddamn low? I still wince. 15 years and I still wince. Guess I gotta work on that resilience thing…

          • Basket of Vagendas

            I was on line outside the Citicorp Center – which was evacuated as a terrorist target – waiting to give blood for a lot of the day. They told us all the planes were grounded. Then the F18s flew over. I think it burnt out a section of my adrenal system.

            Then the subways reopened and I was back home in a south asian neighborhood full of people hiding because they thought armed mobs were coming for them.

            The only disrespect is using it as a stick to beat people with, I think.

            But then, when I told dad he was going to have to meet me at the barricade because the cops weren’t letting anyone below Houston without an ID showing a downtown address, he said “It’s about goddamn time.” So, it runs in the family, I guess.

          • vivian

            I very much respect that. Especially your point about using it as a stick to beat people with. I just wish I could get back to how I felt about America, Life, and myself on 9/10/01.

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Yeah, me too. I voted that morning. It was so nice and normal…

        • Apple Scruff

          I was there too and I remember the smell, the dead silence on the subways, the heart-breaking ‘Have You Seen?” signs all over the city. I avoid 9/11 coverage every single year. But some people, like comedian Pete Davidson who lost his dad that day, can cope while telling jokes. I’m not going to judge or tell people how to feel.

          Except Rudy Giulian because he’s a dick.

          • Shan

            But some people, like comedian Pete Davidson who lost his dad that day, can cope while telling jokes. I’m not going to judge or tell people how to feel.

            Thank you.

          • Jen B_VA

            Mel Brooks says the same thing. He was one of the GIs who liberated one of the camps and the only way he can deal with it, he says, is to endlessly mock, belittle, make fun of and otherwise bring down with jokes.

    • Shibusa
      • Jen B_VA

        Kittens make EVERYTHING better!

    • Mezzavagenda

      Please don’t be that way. Not everyone can carry sorrow and horror the same way. You are an intelligent person that has contributed much to many a post. Please be accepting of other ways of dealing with tragedy. I painted my face with ashes and dirt on the Samhain night of 2001. I prayed sincerely then for the first time and last time in many years. We don’t honor the dead by not living as ourselves, even if ourselves are flippant and cynical.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I hope you are able,one day, to make peace with the ghosts of that day, which obviously still linger in your mind. It wasn’t anything like as personal for me as it was for you, but I understand why you have not been able to put that anger and pain to bed.

    • Jonny On Maui

      For some tragedy + time = comedy. For some the past happened yesterday. I’m not about to pile on Brian, I have too much respect for you. May I offer $0.02?

      There are articles posted here that I will not touch. The reasons are my own. You may want to develop a similar filter.. Peace brother.

      • vivian

        As ever, well stated JoM.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Are you familiar with satire sir?

      • sw19tacotruck

        Are those the flute-playing goats?

      • Brian

        when several people you know die in a terrorist attack, please tell me what you think of satire of the attack. Which, seriously? There has been no satire, it’s just been the laziest most obvious jokes.

        • Ryan Denniston

          I will have you know sir that we take pride in being craftsmen and craftswomen when it comes to our jokes.

  • folderol

    Those 3000 sacrificed their lives for the glory of capitali$m. What greater honor can we bestow than that of buying a can of Coke?

    • sw19tacotruck

      With a side order of Freedom Fries.

    • Mezzavagenda

      Pour out some good liquor and light up smoking materials of your choice, in the ancient fashion of offering to the beloved dead.

    • Panika MCD

      isn’t that what we already do for the millions who died for this country over its history on Memorial Day?

    • phoenix00

      Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Cyber Monday/etc vs Native Americans.

      I rest my case.

      • Jen B_VA

        mmm. I figured capitalism won the first time I saw an easter display about what you should buy your kids to commemorate the horrific torture, death, and ressurrection of your lord and savior.
        I was like 4. Still liked to dye the eggs tho….

        • phoenix00

          “Bread and red wine ought to do it. Maaaaybe a couple of fish if you’re REALLY feeling spendy”
          – Jesus H. Christ

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    Well, I was going to say Happy Tasteless Advertising Day: Coke, Wal-Mart, tacky mattress store. But also a big shout out to Wells Fargo and Ms. Dookhan for being major chumps.

    • I Only Like Cats

      She was released a couple months back. Big shout out to tumblr because I probably would have never seen it otherwise. I don’t think it spent much time on the news.

      • Vagandarian the Librarian!

        I remember the story, but didn’t hear the aftermath. Thanks for posting.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    If they’d start making Metha-Cola then I might actually buy the shit.

  • mary5920

    Did y’all see the mattress commercial? I sort of feel sorry for those folks, even though they were amazingly clueless. Sounds like they got so much hate mail they had to close their store. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZmM-2gj5Gc

    • folderol

      Boss: “You know, that ad agency’s last ad was a flop. I’ve fired them. This time, I want you guys to come up with an ad. I’ll give you a budget of $100. You can’t possibly do any worse.”

    • feministing

      no way this can’t be real. i need receipts on the actual store because i cannot believe people could be this gross and this stupid. this is trolling. it has to be. tell me it is.

      • mary5920

        True, it’s bad. I feel they aren’t bad people–just seriously impaired, judgment wise.

        • zerosumgame0005

          well, Texas after all…

          • mary5920

            Yes, Texas, where Bush junior resides–the one who had the absolutely worst response to 9/11 of anybody. I wonder how many of the mattress company haters supported his invasions?

      • zerosumgame0005

        wish I could…

    • ViveLaRes

      Wow. The mattress commercial was real. People really are that stupid. Of course anyone with a cursory knowledge of the Trump scampaign already knows that the stupid is rampant.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      You might as well have a sale on nails on Easter.

  • cheetojeebus

    o/t watched “California Suite” last night again. Bill Cosby at one point speaking of annoying patient Richard Pryor. “I’ll give him so many sleeping pills he won’t be able to lift his arm.”

    • BosGrl

      I can’t even look at him anymore.

      • cheetojeebus

        Yeah, I actually skipped over the rest of that segment of the film.

  • Shibusa

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/109/629/ec3.jpg
    Donald J. Trump: Make America Gulp Again!

    • dxyseilc

      That didn’t really happen, right? Even Trump’s not that dumb. Of course, I’ve said that before….

      [google search]

      Jesus Christ.

      • ViveLaRes

        [another Wonker performs same exact google search] It’s twue! It’s twue!

        • sw19tacotruck

          I know it’s hard to keep up with all the batshit/racist/dumbfuck things this orange shitstain has come up with.
          And he’s still polling at 40+%
          Go figure.

          • Jen B_VA

            Romney was “polling” at whatever too. It was real close. A total horse race. All the pundits (except Nate Silver, who was mocked for his efforts) said so.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Yeah, but Romney was your average, bland Republibot. Trump is a lying, scheming, self-absorbed, deranged psychopath.
            I mean…. right?

          • Jen B_VA

            Oh no doubt right. It is terrifying to me that we are this close, and all of that, whereas if it were Romney I would not be terrified, just disgruntled.

          • ViveLaRes

            Seriously. I spend almost as much time on Snopes trying to figure out “Did Trump really say that???” as I do on Wonkette. And that’s saying something.

      • Treg Brown

        Wait. He SAID that?? For real??

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        IIRC, Wonkette jumped on that shit, too. And the un-allowed comments were many and rich.
        Good times.

  • Mezzavagenda

    I was thinking that the kids in the mattress ad were only 9 or 10 maybe when 9/11 happened. It’s just another distant historical event to them, devoid of context unless they were touched by it somehow.

    • Jen B_VA

      My son is of the first graduating class (20/20) that was born after 9/11.

    • BosGrl

      I don’t think I’ve ever seen a commercial that used Pearl Harbor as the basis for a mattress sale… or any kind of satire about it at all.

      • Mezzavagenda

        True. But that event is too distant for most people to have a direct impact and has a context, presumably in their formal education. And while it’s not advertising, there’s a cinematic and TV tradition of comedy about war. 1941 springs to mind about Pearl Harbor and Hogan’s Heroes about that historical laugh fest of being in POW camps.

        • Jen B_VA

          Nazis were so lovable and silly, unless they wore black uniforms, then they were just silly.
          ^ learned from Hogan’s Heroes.
          In comparison, McHale’s Navy was almost straight up documentary.

        • BosGrl

          That’s true. And HH used actors who had actually been victims of the Nazis. I remember reading that those actors enjoyed playing stupid Nazis.

          Edit: Also, I don’t think the mattress store should have had to close down, just take their lumps, like the Wal-Mart. People who call in death threats over something like this are the same kind who go to Wal-Mart and get angry that there aren’t giant flags for sale.

          • Mezzavagenda

            I didn’t know that. Neat!

          • Jen B_VA

            A lot of ex German Jews after the war hit hollywood up and the only jobs they could get were playing the Nazis.
            I read that because of that, many of them either went with the unredeeming evil character, or, like Mel Brooks, decided just to mock em right out.

          • WomanInAMood

            Check out the biographies of many of the actors in “Casablanca”.

          • Jen B_VA

            I think that might be where I first heard of that, some Doc on PBS about Casablanca

          • Basket of Vagendas

            Werner Klemperer’s dad was a conducter and composer in Germany and got out with Hitler snapping at his heels. The guy who played LeBeau was actually in Buchenwald, if you can wrap your mind around that. The rest of his family was sent to Auschwitz and died.

          • Jen B_VA

            I did not know that :/ How depressing

        • Lambsendbeds

          My parents never censored our reading materials, TV or movies with the exception of Hogan’s Heroes. My father flat out refused to let us watch it because he didn’t want us to get the impression that there was anything funny about WW2 or that the Nazis were amusing idiots. Being little kids at the time we thought he was making a big deal out of nothing. I didn’t want to watch it because I thought it was stupid and not too funny. I think we were both right.

          • Mezzavagenda

            Weirdly, my grandmother and I had that same dynamic over Happy Days. But without the Nazis.

          • sw19tacotruck

            That show really jumped the shark when the Fonz… erm…. jumped that shark.

          • bookish

            My parents would not let me watch The Nuremberg Trials. There were a couple books they refused to purchase for me, but I remember reading anything I wanted. Fair enough. They had a right to spend their money as they saw fit, and there were some people and ideas they didn’t wish to support.

          • Jen B_VA

            I wonder about that. My oldest is now in HS and we are in a pretty rural county where there is still unspoken, but there, seggregation and he is pretty dang pale. He is also an introvert and a bit socially awk which is generally a prime target for douchecanoes.
            And I keep wondering…when does he start chumming with racists? How will he react? Will be begin reading Ayn Rand? Will he really understand it? Do I deny him the right to read it?
            I think I just need to trust that I have raised him and he will find his own path through it all, and hope he will turn to me (or at least, google) when questions rise, but it is nerve wracking.
            I will however put my foot down on purchasing said tripe with my money. He wants to do it with his, that is on him.

          • bookish

            I still remember my mother’s arguments about the books I mentioned, and I now understand her arguments. Just keep talking to your son. You never know what will stick. Probably a lot more than you thought would stick, as he matures.

            Speaking of socially awkward. I saw an interview with Jon Benet Ramsey’s brother, Blake, now all grown up. He is painfully inappropriate, a software engineer, and often works from home. Why wouldn’t he be a mess? I feel sorry for Blake. I have my own theories about JBR murder, which reflect my own prejudices and are entirely worthless, so I won’t go into them here.

          • Jen B_VA

            Pretty much. I have decided that I need to trust him. See, I am a mutt, but the lads are less so being that all my mutt parts are fractions and their father has none of em at all. There will be things they experience and are exposed to that I never did, (simply because you don’t walk up to a browner person and start talking about them darkies stealing your jerbs and wiminz and such) so I am hoping they don’t fall into the acceptance sway and do the right thing always, even if it is their friends being dicks? idk if that even makes sense-as I said, I have no basis for comparison and never was a dude, so I can never be completely sure I’ve got the right ground work laid out ahead of time, as it were.

            *actually had a woman ask me if my youngest was mine once, and when I said yes, she registered surprise. Her next question was where did he get his red hair from then? Some people….*

            As for JBR, I don’t have any theories, but it is very sad the poor thing never seems to have had a childhood at all :/ I also loathe that entire kiddie pageant thing.

          • bookish

            A young man that I think of as my nephew, was orphaned and raised by two friends who are a lesbian couple. One of the couple is his actual biological aunt, and the family is Philipino. The other woman is Mexican and Scottish by descent. Lots of social challenges there in our rednecky area, but he sailed through, because he was surrounded by love.

            Also, too, kid was a band geek with good kids for friends who were also geeks. I think that helped.

          • Jen B_VA

            You give me hope <3 I will still worry of course, because mom and because catholic raised and because mom, but I do try to not get too….weird about it XD

          • bookish

            Good luck with your son. I’ve never had children, but I think parenting must be the hardest job in the world.

          • Jen B_VA

            Eh? I have heard that and while it is nerve wracking from time to time, if you are concerned about doing a good job, it is not rocket science.
            Love em, feed em, clothe em, try to show them by example word and deed, and then let them go. Oh, and don’t do their homework for them because seriously people, wtf

          • bookish

            I had a cocker spaniel I was neurotic over, so maybe that has something to do with it? Was Science Diet good enough for your kids?

          • Jen B_VA

            ROFL I dunno, I probably should have tried that XD
            My one takes after his dad. Very wirey, looks too thin. My other takes after me- stocky and plushy in all the places.
            It looks as if I starve the one and over feed the other, whereas the reverse is true; my skinny one eats non stop, my chubby monkey eats normal sensible meals.
            Although skinny boy had his shirt off the other day and he had friggin pecs. Not boy chest, but PECS. With like lines and definition and stuff like a full growed man. Was even a few hairs.
            DO NOT LIKE.

          • Dee Andee

            Mine comes to visit tomorrow, to celebrate his birthday (which was the 7th) on which he turned 30. FOX News watching, gun-nut Dad, liberal af Aspie Mom, parents split when he was nine, some school, some home-schooling (b/c rural SD schools suck ass if you have any special needs, and he was dyslexic), and together we raised a liberal, sometimes gun-toting geek who asked Dad to PLEASE shut off the Faux News when he was visiting, thank you so much. He has loads of friends and a fun life. Not really an ounce of ambition in the guy, but he’s happy. I figure we did all right. :)

            And you’re right about letting them go. I think it’s important to make sure your adult kids know you respect them enough to butt out, and let do what they want with their own lives, even if there are some mistakes. Though advice, if asked for, is cool. ;)

          • DemmeVagenda

            My dad also hated the show and the premise.
            He was disgusted at the idea of it.
            (And we lived in Germany at the time. He must have been disgusted a lot.)

  • dshwa

    Will they set up a coke zero memorial at the site?

    • TheBoatDude

      Oh…you’re good!

  • btwbfdimho

    Inspirational Quotes by Donna Rose.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      She is wise beyond her years.

    • Dee Andee

      God, look at her. Wasn’t she just born? I mean, c’mon!

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      I always heard it as “working here is like peeing yourself in a warm suit: I have a warm feeling, but nobody notices.”

  • taco truck vagenda

    A while back, I received a small inheritance. I put most of it in my 401k, etc., and decided to use the rest of it for various home improvement projects. So I went to Wells Fargo to open a separate checking account for the home improving money. I was subjected to a really hard sell to open a savings account, too. I explained that I was planning to spend the money I wanted to deposit, so a savings account would be pointless. I finally had to threaten to take my money elsewhere to get the salesperson to back off. Now I’m wondering if I have a credit card out there I don’t know about. . . .

    • Shan

      Do one of those free credit reports per year things if you’re worried. It should show up there.

    • BosGrl

      As long as it’s not being used by some unknown person, having an open credit card with no balance is actually good for your credit (I’ve been trying to improve mine and that’s what Credit Karma says).

      • Shan

        I think that might be right. It reduces your percentage used of available credit, which in turn boosts your credit score. The only bad thing is if the credit card company ran your SSN. It shows up as a hard ding request on your report (unlike “pre-approved offers”) which reduces your score like reported late payments will.

        • BosGrl

          Yes, mine is only fair because of the hard pulls from my car loan. Now I’m trying to avoid applications and pay off, but not close, my remaining cards. I’ve finally learned my lesson and live off cash now. Credit is a racket unless you’re a Romney or a Trump and it doesn’t matter.

    • Señor Skwerl

      But you earn .000000009% APR! for only $15/mo!

    • Jen B_VA

      I am thinking it is time to a: Scrub my credit report and b:join a credit union.

    • ViveLaRes

      You should be able to go to your local Wells Fargo branch and have them pull up a list of accounts issued in your name and SSN. I work for a bank (NOT Wells Fargo) and this is probably one of the best times in history to be asking ANY bank to show you what you’re on the hook for. But I would also follow Shan’s advice and pull a free credit report. If there is any credit account in your name, it will show up there. We should all do that annually.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    If they’d put up a 9/11-Benghazi Edition display up with Hillary for Prison t-shirts nobody would have batted an eyelash.

  • I Am Helpy

    Haven’t been around for a couple of days. Has anyone mentioned that Stein seems to be a 9/11 Truther now?

    https://twitter.com/aseitzwald/status/774369334886035457

    • BosGrl

      Oh Lord… well maybe she’ll pull some of the conspiracy theorists from the Trump side…

      • Jen B_VA

        that horseshoe is starting to resemble a circle anymore.

        • I Am Helpy

          That is a really great description.

    • Astraea

      Well, shit. Of course she is.

      I wish these people were more focused on demanding justice for getting us into an unjustified and disastrous war because of 9/11, but that seems too grounded in reality for them. Easier to rail against something that some deep, repressed part of your brain knows is absurd than to invest yourself in true injustices that will never be made right.

      • Jen B_VA

        It’s easier because it was one event, versus a long protracted series of events.

      • I Am Helpy

        We need to expose children at an early age to a series of small, weak conspiracy theories – e.g. the Hollow Earth – and point out how & why they are ridiculous bullshit. Then they’ll hopefully be inoculated against the increasingly larger and more dangerous ones as they grow older.

        … This started out as a vaccine joke but now I think I’m kinda right?

        • Jen B_VA

          You are very right. And I explain every and all conspiracy theory to my kids that they bring home from school.
          With google searches and all.
          As a result, the two of them are remarkably low bullshit tollerance, for young boys.
          Though that lead to a call from a teacher because oldest spawn told off a creationist and was told to respect other people’s beliefs to which he retorted “Even when they believe something that is total bull shit?”
          Loved that conference.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Oh dear. Having smart kids must be both a blessing and a curse.

          • snark-lurker

            oh boy

          • Basket of Vagendas

            It’s sort of like having a fox strapped to the vitals of your ego, but in a good way… ?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            errrr . .. Interesting way to describe it.

          • Jen B_VA

            Kids’ll do that to you

          • sw19tacotruck

            I sellotaped a weasel to a hobo’s gall bladder once.

          • The Wanderer
          • Basket of Vagendas

            Just, they’re at least as smart as you are, they have 24/7 access, and there’s not a lot about you they haven’t figured out, whether during their my parents are a microcosm of the world phase or the later invigorating let’s figure out all the ways my parents got it wrong phase. Which they need to do, but wow it’s no fun.

          • DemmeVagenda

            But between those two phases is the “Wow! My parents are people!” phase.
            I remember thinking: OMG! My mom is a fussy eater!

          • Jen B_VA

            It is a curse. It is a decided horrible curse and I do understand why so many parents do not want their children to learn other stuff because dear lord the things they bring home…..

          • sw19tacotruck

            ….you mean, like young girls with psychic abilities?

          • Jen B_VA

            I am very glad I will not get to live through teenaged girl drama, first hand.
            I am doubly glad I will never have to live through teenaged girl pyschic drama.

          • Shan

            I’ve lived through both teenaged girl and teenaged boy stuff and can tell you that the teenaged boy was much worse. So my pitiful anecdotal data says that it’s not all about the genes.

          • Jen B_VA

            Yeah but your daughter sounds like she kicks ass XD
            I grew up with 3 other sisters. All of them are a wee bit older than I, and all 3 were teens at the same time.
            Course, observation as a minor may have skewed things but I am sooooo very glad I am not going to have to deal with that. I can handle almost everything, but drama llama pity me parties drive me absolutely batshit.
            *note: the unwarrented ones. Warrented ones are another story.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Pfft. How are your kids ever going to rescue their friend from The Upside Down with the aid of a young girl with psychic abilities, with that sort of attitude?

          • DemmeVagenda

            When our daughter was in the 3rd grade, we were called in for a conference, as her “outrageous” behavior (organizing the kids and starting some kind of petition against a (long forgotten) policy at recess) had to be STOPPED! We nodded and listened politely, then high-fived each other when we left.
            We were so proud of her.

          • Jen B_VA

            That is so awesome XD

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            Wooooohoooooooo!

        • doktorzoom

          When I was about 14, a science teacher showed Nova’s 1976 debunking of the “Bermuda Triangle” hokum, and it turned me into a fine old skeptic. Found it in the public library to show Kid Zoom when he had a 4th grade unit on “unsolved mysteries” — bigfoot, UFOs and the like — and also sorta wanted to give the teacher a piece of my mind about doing pseudoscience in class.

          Edit: Was surprised, years later, to find it was a remake of a BBC program — same interviews & footage and even script, but with an American voiceover.

        • SeekingBarbie

          You mean (gasp!) Critical Thinking Skills! The Texas GOP is agin it.

      • Mezzavagenda

        Explain away the horror with the least likely theory and you don’t have to deal with the tragedy of the actual consequences.

      • snark-lurker

        sadly, Osama was the only crimer, r.e. 9 /11 & [all! that followed!] who got what he/sheRice deserved…all the fuckers got away with all of it
        the end

    • vivian

      She probably thinks it happened in Buffalo. What a coarse, opportunistic, crass soul she appears to be.

      • TJ Barke

        These days it’s probably more like frustrated desperation.

      • sw19tacotruck

        I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but your Greens are fucking batshit baby-eating dingo crazy.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        I wouldn’t mind seeing the information about the Saudi involvement they weren’t allowed to use, but I think Occam’s razor suggests that a lazy, incurious President allowing religiose buffoons enabled by the oligarchs who funded them to succeed with what should have been an easily-averted attack to save money on counterterrorism accounts for at least a fair amount.

        Of course, setting up Giuliani’s command bunker, with its large fuel supply, in a known terrorist target so he could use it as a pied a terre for nooners didn’t help.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I hear Hillary’s email server is connected somehow. I wonder if it’s in collusion with Obama’s time machine.

    • doktorzoom

      I dunno, that phrasing could also mean that she wants a report that’s tougher on Bush administration intelligence failures. Or our Good Friends The Saudis.

      Said Dok, optimistically.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Well if nothing else, isn’t it fair that 9/11 be subject to as many inquiries as Benghazi? Trey Gowdy is all over it I am sure.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Hell, while we’re at it, let’s open up inquiries into Pearl Harbor. And maybe the invasion of Kuwait.

          • Ryan Denniston

            Also too Grenada. To think that no surf boards were involved, I mean, that’s just a bridge too far.

          • sw19tacotruck

            Grenadee don’t surf!

          • Ryan Denniston

            Grenadiers?

          • sw19tacotruck

            Dammit. :)

        • msanthropesmr

          Well, since Obama was president on 9/11, we should have a larger inquiry

      • I Am Helpy

        As with vaccines, she’s either a believer or cynically pandering to believers. The careful phrasing makes me suspect the latter.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Definitely the latter.

      • I Am Helpy

        Also I’d extend her a lot more credit if she hadn’t selected an actual anti-Semitic conspiracy nut as her running mate.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        I’d like more details about the redacted Saudi information. I’m just kind of fascinated that this issue is only of concern to her now. I vaguely recall that the incident took place somewhat earlier than her last presidential campaign.

      • msanthropesmr

        Wow. LIberals truly are optimists.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Good luck. All they’ll get is a replay of the orgy of evidence. A magical burnt passport flutters down to erase all doubt. Aha! Saudi Cessna pilots with box-cutters! Case closed.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      You know what other high-level commission produced a report containing so many omissions and distortions?

      • The Wanderer

        The Reichstag Fire Commission Report?

    • The Wanderer

      Yeah, like that’s a pressing and timely issue.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Woot! Sportsball time! GO COCKS!

    • Duke

      Playing Oregon?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Mississippi State. We’re strongly favored to win, so we’ll probably lose badly. It’s traditional, at this point. Big teams like Alabama? We probably win. Little teams that we should crush? We just nope our way outta the game.

    • sw19tacotruck

      Who are the biggest cocks this season, then?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        University of South Carolina. Of course.

        • sw19tacotruck

          Yay! Let me just dust off my flaming torch and pitchfork!

      • cousin itt

        But are they game?

  • Astraea

    A little feel good
    https://youtu.be/uGI8Od22WM4

    • Ryan Denniston

      Why am I suddenly thinking of all of the fat humans on the spaceship in Wall-E all of a sudden?

      • Jen B_VA

        Cats would totally be the fat humans on the spaceship in Wall-E if they could be

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Jealous. Our roomba and the cat hate each other.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Who says cats don’t contribute anything ?

      • sw19tacotruck

        The IRS?

      • Astraea

        Dogs?

      • msanthropesmr

        Me. I say that. Directly to my cat Jupiter. At least three times a day.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Does your cat respond? Knowing my cat, I would say, “go fuck yourself.”

    • DemmeVagenda

      Love the yawn!

    • SeekingBarbie

      I like that someone thought making a special Roomba cart complete with sign for their cat and then recording it would be a fun way to use their time.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Jen B_VA

      Isn’t that the same thing the other side says whenever called out on whatever dipshit racist bull they are pulling lately?
      Not sure I am utterly comfortable with that XD

      • Pinkham’s Law

        The other side admits that they used a higher than appropriate number as hyperbole, then argues facts and points out documentary evidence to support their basic position? When did they start?

        • Jen B_VA

          Did they start? Since we are stealing their things like patriotism and whatever else they are claiming, are they now stealing the lefty tact if backing stuff up with fact?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Not that I’ve seen. *still snickering at Hillary stealing Ronnie Raygun away from them at the convention* *giggle*

          • Jen B_VA

            I keep trying to steal cuck, just to fuck with the alt righters.
            I say it is a small cup for drinking vodka from.
            If I repeat it often enough it will become em-memed and they will be so sad

            *working on pajama boy also, too, because yum potential.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The essential point of why Hillary’s “basket of deplorables” is different from Romney’s 47% (or whoever else’s nonsense it’s going to be compared to) is that Trump actively cultivates voters with racist, anti-government, xenophobic, paranoid viewpoints.

      It’s not like Trump voters like his policies and just by chance a certain percentage happen to be racist — he solicited xenophobes from day one; and birthers and racists and oligarchs for years before that. He sought deplorable and he got it.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Twitter was ablaze about her comment, but I don’t see it doing her one iota of harm. Who cares about the feelings of his supporters? Her supporters know it’s true, and the undecideds are clueless enough that their eventual decisions are more likely to depend on whether it’s raining on November 8th.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          For the serious voter who wants to make a good decision but can’t bother with the year and a half race and is just tuning in, this is more likely to help her than hurt her. They’ll hear this and go, “WTF? What’s she talking about?” And they’ll go to find out, and when they do . . . they aren’t going to like what they see.

          I hope.

          • Jen B_VA

            Agreed. Also, I think it won’t matter really because by this point, anyone claiming to be undecided is probably just lying to feel special.
            Because…honestly. Either you are pro-serial philanderer who cheats on his taxes, contracts and everything else while sucking up to religious scolds and neo nazis while demonizing the opposition’s supporters constantly, or you are pro-professional politician who has been embroiled in more scandals than anyone, ever, and had none of them ever stick who at least makes the attempt to note that her opposition’s supporters (half of them anyway) have valid reasons for their fear and anger.
            Those are your choices, America!

          • Basket of Vagendas

            I think she’s too smart not to know how it would be taken. I also think she just forced the press to cover Trump’s bad people problem for a whole weekend when they would have been talking about his pivot and the polls or her e-mails instead.

          • Jen B_VA

            True there, too. Because if they do not cover it and only cover what she said, they can hardly claim the whole both sides do it fair thing they keep pretending to.

      • msanthropesmr

        Exactly.

        The 47% included retirees and other for who Rmoney was a possible choice. The people who support Trump are horrible people, and that can’t be stated often enough. And I don’t think it an exaggeration to say that 50% of Trump *supporters* are horrible.

        • starfanglednut

          I think it’s way higher that 50%.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Oh Wal-Mart…

    • Alan

      In South Alabama….

  • CJTX

    OT: one of the Wonketeers turned me on to the twitter account of a Texas justice…he’s pretty fun. Behold:

    https://twitter.com/justicewillett/status/774604011940884481

    • Jen B_VA

      gigglesnort

    • Ryan Denniston

      Vagendas of manicde, are they playing?

      • CJTX

        On the main stage.

  • RobKanC

    Wells Fargo is a fine example of capitalism. *gets on a stage coach and rides into the sunset*

    • Ryan Denniston

      Hopefully Butch Cassidy and Sundance can blow it up with a bomb to free all of the money. Unless the annoying UP guy objects.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Walmart is aware there wasn’t an American flag standing as a backdrop to the real WTC, right?

    • Tacotruckjohn

      Thanks for the deposits, suckers.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Ha! Not in Florida! One would think a state whose primary industries are tourism and agriculture would be big on environmental polic……..Bwahahahaha!

        Had you going there, huh? See, the tip-off was “One would think” and “Florida” in the same comment.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          With Voldemort as governor, districts that look like Nagini, a decidedly phallic State Office Building and a House mostly full of Death Eaters…..

          Thinking and public service aren’t big priorities in the Sunshine State.

    • BosGrl

      As if there isn’t someone, somewhere, looking to change the sky to the Red, White and Blue.

  • zerosumgame0005
    • Pinkham’s Law

      It’s a WalMart, so : Imma go with Yes?

  • BosGrl

    OT: Bob Newhart marathon on Decades. No politics involved. :)

    • Basket of Vagendas

      Classic or New Bob?

      • BosGrl

        Classic!

        • Basket of Vagendas

          Yay!!!!!!

      • Courser

        I was pretty Meh about the New Bob Newhart show, but ‘My brother Daryl & my other brother Daryl’ was a classic in my social circle for years. And then there was the ‘Pokey’ episode that fucking slayed me for YEARS. To this day, if someone uses the word ‘pokey’ I’m as likely as not to dissolve into giggles, if not outright guffaws.

        • Jen B_VA

          …….pokey……
          *waits*

          • Courser

            The guys decide that they want to capture their wild & crazy youth by going tobogganing. I didn’t know they had places to do that in New England, but whatever. So the guys get to pick their toboggan for their fearless plunge down the track, hill, whatever. The guy says he’s got ‘Lightning’ & ‘Flash’. The guys kinda look at each other (they’re really chicken after talking big). Bob asks if the guy has any others. Guy says, ‘Well, there’s Pokey’. Bob looks at the guys, blinks (as he does), and timidly asks why it’s called Pokey. The guy replies, ‘… well… someone lost an eye…’

            My retelling doesn’t do it justice. The timing and expressions on their faces were perfection. It’s kind of a slow burn kinda joke, so when the penny finally drops, I just completely lost it.

          • Jen B_VA

            lol I have seen the episode, I was saying pokey to you to see if you would dissolve into giggling guffaws. Because you admitted to a word that does that to you so of course I had to try that out.
            Also: You did it justice XD

          • Courser

            LOL, I certainly did while reliving the episode through storytelling!

          • Jen B_VA

            That entire cast was the straight man, playing to the straight man XD That is why it worked so well

        • Basket of Vagendas

          Also too the adrift yuppie couple was pretty priceless.

      • starfanglednut

        Oh, the original Bob Newhart show was hysterical! I miss that show. Also, Suzanne Pleshette was my first indication I might be queer. When I saw her boobs rising beneath the bedspread while she was lying next to Bob, I got a tingly feeling in my 11 year-old wherever.

        • Basket of Vagendas

          She was awfully pretty. I liked the movie where she was James Garner’s tough broad love interest.

  • Jgb979

    As if jet fuel would even burn aspartame..

    #Coke Zero truther

  • Me not sure

    Still not as big a fuck up as “New Coke”.

    • Master Contrail Program

      The Cola truthers still claim New Coke was an elaborate backdoor way of replacing cane sugar with high-fructose corn syrup in the original formula.

      Loose Change won’t even buy you a 12 ounce can anymore, regardless.

      • Jen B_VA

        I am hoping this is snark, but in case it is not, I find myself unable to work up a modicum of surprise that there are cola truthers.

        • Master Contrail Program

          Every good conspiracy has a ring of believability to it Jen…………

          Snarkspiracies also, too.

    • The Wanderer

      Crystal Pepsi has returned.

  • WomanInAMood

    I wasn’t going to do this. Too obvious. But fuck it….

    https://youtu.be/g8LHlJSBkg0

    • Barley_Brains

      Leave it to Opie to provide perspective in these troubled times.

      • BosGrl

        He was so damned cute.

      • Beaumarchais?

        He’s well on his way to having the longest film career of anyone ever.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Yes, it is. First thing that came to my mind….

      • WomanInAMood

        Obviously, you have a very fine mind indeed.

    • Shan

      Who else played hopscotch like that?

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        Bank of America

        • Basket of Vagendas

          hee.

  • cousin itt

    c.i.: Hello yes, Wells Fargo. I appreciate the new card but you spelled my name wrong.

    W.F.: Sorry about that, hope you like your one million dollar limit.

    c.i.: And I didn’t even have to ask for it! My name is spelled Reince Priebus

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Wells: Oh, we thought you were Regis Philbin…

  • Courser

    I was at a Denver area Walmart earlier today. No 9-11 display, but the Halloween costumes are out!

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Lowe’s had Halloween decorations out last week. I had a confuz, since it’s still hot and humid where I live.

      • CJTX

        It was 91 down here in the desert yesterday. That’s a bit warm for September (the billboard at hte local yuppy mall-garden said it was 101 – which would have been really bad).

      • Vienna Woods

        Oh heavens, the dollar stores around here have Halloween stuff out before the end of july.

    • cousin itt

      I was at a Denver area Target just now. Same. But, Columbus Day happens first. I am puzzled why there are no blankets for sale.

      • Shan

        Oh, bad…

        Good, but baaaaad….

        • cousin itt

          It’s good to be bad.

      • Master Contrail Program

        As we part the mists of time, we return to the far-flung year of 2010 or 2011 when SomeEcards ruled social media, to unearth this bit of antiquity:

      • TJ Barke

        Chris was a bit more brutal about his depopulating.

        • Jen B_VA

          mmm. What is their sale on manacles and axes then?

      • Courser

        Smallpox blankets are on backorder.

    • I Only Like Cats

      I’m looking for a costume (because that’s another thing my job made me want) and I found a thing like “oh women say they can’t get anything but a sexy costume? Look at these!” Mostly stupid, but some were either really high quality ($200+ because I recognize cosplay when I see it!), actually still really revealing, for not adults, or men’s costumes. All. Of. Them. That guy is still a virgin, clearly.

      • Jen B_VA

        Women know. If they don’t want to be the Sexxxy_ they make their own costume.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Yeah, that post pissed me off though. He did say something about making your own and I got so mad I nearly broke Commenting Rules through the computer screen. I wanted to at least scream at him, “FINE! YOU MAKE YOUR OWN COSTUME TOO! FOREEEEVEEEER!”

          • Jen B_VA

            :huggles: I feel that so very very much.

          • I Only Like Cats

            Halloween is only good for skinny women who can afford a costume over $50 that isn’t sexy, or women who want to look sexy.

          • Jen B_VA

            Fuck em, cut holes in a sheet and go as a ghost.
            Although this year I soooooooooo very much want to go in a housecoat with curlers in my hair. Then when people chuckle, go “what costume?”
            Why yes, I do enjoy messing with people’s heads.

          • Courser

            I once wore a grey sweater, grey sweatpants and a grey towel tucked into my pants as a tail. I think I did something with my hair to look like ears, kinda. I was a mouse. Def on the cheap!

          • Shan

            Do it. Stuff a pillow up your housecoat and go as the ghost of Phyllis Schaffley Never-Was.

            A friend of mine told me that when PS went to go give a speech at KU, a bunch of dudes dressed up that way, barefoot even, and sat in the front row like that in protest.

          • CJTX

            Ah, a conceptual costume. I was broke and procrastinating on the one year i got invited to a halloween party. I put on a suit and went as the rich successful man I always wanted to be. Nobody thought I was very clever, but at the gas station some dude did hold the door open for me and another called me sir.

          • Shan

            I get that all the time.

          • The Wanderer

            Long ago when I was a wee Peripatetic, I dressed up for Halloween in my best suit and took my Dad’s briefcase with me. When asked, I said I was trick-or-treating as an insurance salesman.

          • Shan

            Oh.

        • Jamoche

          Because girls are just soooo good at sewing, don’cha know.

          • Jen B_VA

            I suck at it myself XD But I am REALLY good a thrift storing for costume bits!

          • cousin itt

            One year I wore my grandfather’s 1940s silk pj’s I inherited. Then I added some whiskers and ears and went as the cat’s pajamas.

          • The Wanderer

            Next year you could go as the bee’s knees?

          • bookish

            I’ve taken four sewing classes. Still terrible. The last time I sewed the wrong seams together. I give up.

      • Dee Andee

        September and October were my best months back when I made the historic costume. Lots of pirates, mostly.

        • I Only Like Cats

          If I could sew or afford a plus sized nonsexy costume I’d enjoy dressing up but the chances of that happening?

          • Catstro

            I guess it depends on what you want to go as, but I hate sewing, am plus sized, haven’t wanted a sexxxxy costume in about 20 years, and I’ve had some great costumes. I start with regular clothes (if your town has a club wear store, there is much plus sized costuming potential) and lots of hot glue. Sooooooo much hot glue. My favorites are “the good kind of mermaid” (with the fish parts on top and the lady parts on the bottom), and the time I was pregnant at Halloween and went as a zombie with a zombie baby bursting out of my abdomen. And the time I went as my eccentric great-grandma, that costume killed.

            Putting in extra work sucks if you don’t enjoy it, and it’s fucking bullshit that you have to do it in the first place, though.

          • Dee Andee

            Hot glue is the awesomest.

          • bookish

            A friend made a Bride of Frankenstein dress out of old yellowed lace curtains. A lot of it was just draped and tied, like a toga. It was great.

          • Dee Andee

            Oooh, cool idea!

          • Catstro

            Hot glue and Epsom salts are the two components of my hillbilly home repair and first aid kit.

          • Dee Andee

            I spent most of my life sewing costumes. It could be really frustrating, for many reasons. Alterations were even worse. I hate hate hate doing alterations.

            I am hoping though, to get better and not be disabled any more, and then
            I want to sew custom-made Regency gowns for women. I love the Regency
            period.

            If it were me in your situation, I’d get one of those little sets of costume pieces, depending on what you want to be. You know, like, kitty ears and a tail, or something like that. Then you can wear whatever clothes you want to as the main pieces, covering whatever you want to cover. Draw on some whiskers and viola! Dressed. :)

          • bookish

            One year I bought a tacky black and orange house dress at Salvation Army, attached a plastic ball and chain to my ankle, and put a tattoo on my arm that said Born to Raise Kids.

    • Master Contrail Program

      If only someone could do a year-long time lapse photo of those two aisles by the garden department of the nation’s thousands of Wal-Marts.

      Methinks the “War on Christmas” types would have one less leg to stand on.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    You know who the real victim here is? Wells Fargo!

    Also, too, if you think $185 million is a big fine, They made $5 billion in the second quarter, so don’t weep for them. Note that they didn’t make $5 billion in a year, they made it in a quarter, so they’re on track for $20 billion in profits this year.

    • Jen B_VA

      My husband and I are going to be switching. Because fuck those guys.
      They started going down hill when they bought out near everyone else in 08. Real shadey shit, suddenly more fees, etc.
      meh.

      • Basket of Vagendas

        I swear by Amalgamated.

        ETA here.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Apex Banking and Explosives is also a good choice.

          • Jen B_VA

            Think we are going with a credit union XD We both may or may not work for a certain bunch of jack booted thugs and there are credit unions for that sort of thing.

          • cousin itt

            ACME Banks are blowing up!

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            Beep beep!

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Chase closed one of my accounts down, during the recession. I’d never been late since it was an automatic withdrawal. They were just scared, so they cut the account off, and it showed me having a maxed out credit card, which totally screwed my credit. They later sent me an apology, because Governor Cuomo made them, but they never reinstated the account to its full balance. Bank of America is shady as shit, too. They all blow. I wish I’d declared bankruptcy during the recession, just to fuck them like they did to me (and millions of other people).

        Oh, and Ted Cruz wants to get rid of the Consumer Fraud Protection Bureau, because of reasons.

        • Jen B_VA

          Of course he does!

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          My wife and I went through the same thing, though we never got an apology. We just went ahead and switched banks and got a new credit card. Now we are getting mail almost everyday from WF asking us to come back! Fat chance. We’re with a local credit union now and have the credit card balance paid off every month with online bill pay. I realize that not everyone can afford to do this, but it has saved us tons of money….and we don’t have to deal with WF anymore. Lesson learned for us.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I wish I could have walked away from Chase, but my life was unraveling quickly, and my money was literally flying away.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            My sympathies. I hope things are better now for you. Hopefully, Hillary will be elected, the down ticket races will follow, and we will all have better lives.

      • Beaumarchais?

        I cannot recommend credit unions highly enough.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      I thought Donald J. Trump was the real victim here. Am I mistaken?

      • Dee Andee

        He’s made sacrifices!!!!1111!!!

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        They’re both the real victims here, and now you’ve fallen into my trap and revealed that you’re the real RACIST here!!!!!!

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Awwwwwww. We should feel bad for the poor, bullied White Supremacists.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Or we could point and laugh.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        That would be appropriate, I think.

    • BosGrl

      I was just reading that. What a tool.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Allofasudden, “political correctness” is a good thing again?

      • I Only Like Cats

        Only when *their* feelings get hurt.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Remember that everything is okay if you’re a Republican!

      • Basket of Vagendas

        The world is a safe space. Didn’t you know?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Aww. There’s a stormfront on their widdle fee-fees!

    • Astraea
    • Parchment Scroll

      “Those godawful fucking [INSERT RACIAL SLUR HERE] are what’s wrong with this fucking country!”
      “That’s a terrible thing to say!”
      “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?” *runs off crying*

    • Jen B_VA

      Giggle: Comment from there, where it is allowed I guess:
      Most of the BS that the right claims the left is doing is simply them assuming that the left will employ the same tactics that they do. They know that they will abuse the left and deface the property of those on the left, so they assume that the left will do the same of the right.

      I was wondering what the phone calls are like.
      Caller 1: “Hey, some libratard called me a bigot. Can I press charges?”
      Caller 2: “I was keeping our country Christian by telling some dirty, camel jockey, Muslims to go the f*ck home and some socialist d*ck started recording me on his cellphone.”
      Caller 3: “I was burning a Cross in my yard and some communist, hippie c*nt called the cops because I had a couple cans of gas beside the Cross. I got a f*cking ticket for $600 dollars because of it. I can’t pay that sh*t since the only income I have is my disability check. Do you think I have a civil suit because the cops violated my religious freedom?”
      Caller 4: “I started a fight with this little liberal f*ggot and he totally cheated and put me in the hospital. I don’t have insurance to pay for it and I have been charged with a hate crime. Do you think the Liberty Counsel will take my case?”
      etc…..

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Yes. They had some AWESOME comments!

    • The Wanderer
  • cousin itt

    I humbly present as Tribute to The 9/11 Games, District NYC’s own, Donald J. Trump.

    May the odds be never in his favor.

  • chascates

    When the Rich rob the Poor it’s called Business.
    When the Poor fight back it’s called Violence.

    • TJ Barke

      Terrorism.

    • dxyseilc

      When the rich abuse the system and take advantage of the poor, it’s capitalism, it’s the free market.
      When the poor try to survive and make a living for themselves it’s wealth redistribution, welfare, socialism.

  • Jen B_VA

    In our endless series, it must be a day that ends in Y:
    TLC reality star and Christian ™ arrested for child rape. Not molestation. Rape.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/09/dad-from-tlcs-conservative-christian-willis-family-series-arrested-for-child-rape/
    Way to go, again, TLC.

    • I Only Like Cats

      That’s disgusting.

    • Joshua Norton

      I just immediately assume that all those overly preachy, Quiverful family values, holier than thou types are really kid diddling fucktards. It just saves time, and I haven’t been wrong for years and years.

      • I Only Like Cats

        I wish I had known that as a child. It would have saved me a lot of problems.

        • Jen B_VA

          :hugs:

      • bookish

        A woman I worked with, who had many years experience working in state hospitals with the criminally mentally ill, told me “all perverts will claim to be Christian, but not all Christians are perverts.”

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      Touching Little Children, whoever came up with that was right on the button. Srsly, whoever is running TLC either has the worst judgement in the world or they’re as big a perverts as they’re putting on the air.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Actually the person who made it wanted only high quality shows to air that were instructive that’s why it technically stands for “the learning channel”

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        Not mutually exclusive concepts. “Why can’t they be both?” America asks.

    • Parchment Scroll

      For a channel called The Learning Channel, they don’t seem to be doing a lot of learning.

      • Shan

        Exactly.

        When reached for comment about Willis’ arrest, a spokesperson for TLC said, “We are shocked to hear this news.”

        • Jen B_VA

          They also said they cancelled the show for low ratings- which I doubt.
          Ten bucks said they cancelled the show when they heard this was impending

          • Shan

            Why does all this shit have to wait to be exposed and called to a halt because ratings and profits suffer instead of actual human beings?

            Never mind, don’t answer.

          • TJ Barke

            Well you sort of answered yourself.

          • Shan

            I know. Hazard of hanging around this place.

          • Just don’t do it outloud too often. Other people start suggesting involuntary psych holds when you do…

          • revenant

            knowing stuff is uncomfortable, much of the time. but then, how happy are most of the ignorant adults we make fun of here? they usually seem even more miserable than we are, if only because they substitute blind hatred for understanding.

          • Shan

            Yeah. Maybe they get so mad because NOT knowing stuff is easier.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Those Lascivious Christians

      • Jamoche

        I was just wondering what that stood for these days.

      • TJ Barke

        They sure seem to fail god’s tests a lot.

    • I want the happy news Jen! I need something cheer me up as i go into a deranged subtitled movie (5/5 for the day!)

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I. I don’t think I want to click that right now. Maybe tomorrow.

    • cousin itt

      “I’m Jada, I’m Jaeger, I’m Joy, I’m Jamie, I’m Julie, I’m Jazz, I’m Jedi, I’m Jack, I’m Jet, I’m Jen, I’m Jair, I’m Jess, I’m Brenda, and I’m Toby. And we are the Willis Clan!”

      JarJar and Jameson could not be reached for comment.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      The reality of this TV show was that he was having all these kids so he’d have somebody to fuck. Donald “I’d probably be dating her if she wasn’t my daughter” Trump, approves.

  • Joshua Norton

    TLC puts a constant parade of low rent scumbags on their channel and then act all shocked when they TURN OUT to be actual scumbags!
    .

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    John Hinckley is free after 35 years in a mental hospital:
    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/09/10/john_hinckley_who_tried_to_assassinate_ronald_reagan_leaves_mental_hospital.html

    I wonder what the world would be like if Hinckley had been a better shot? Would the GOP have become the insane party that it is today, or would there be a totally different party in its place?

    • Joshua Norton

      Reagan would have been declared a saint much sooner.

      • TJ Barke

        A martyr even.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Without undoing decades of work though.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Reagan was shot 69 days into his presidency, GHWB would have been POTUS, and he was a much more traditional politician who actually dealt in the realm of reality. GHWB called Reaganomics “voodoo economics” so we wouldn’t have had such a love affair with tax cuts as we had with Reagan.

          • I Only Like Cats

            I have actually defended GHWB because he was a dumb Republican sure, but he lived in the physical realm so I feel like he should still get presidential respect.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I’ve defended him too – compared to Reagan and his own dumb son, he was practically a saint. At least he figured out that you pay for shit with taxes, and you don’t get higher taxes by cutting taxes on the people with the most money.

          • Suse

            I thought it was hilarious that he’d never been in grocery store, or so “they” said.

          • revenant

            have you forgotten The Council On Competitiveness? this body, chaired by the one and only J. Danforth Quayle, essentially sold the Federal government’s regulatory powers to big businesses quite openly. Okay, he was a marginally less disastrous motherfucker than either Reagan or his own son, but his record is still damning. And don’t forget that he was much more involved in Iran-Contra than his boss, if only because he could handle matters of detail in a way that Reagan was quite incapable of doing.

          • I Only Like Cats

            I’m too young to remember any of those things. But I have heard of them, sort of.

          • revenant

            he continued the voodoo when he was in charge- he also pushed deregulation hard, and is only known for raising taxes because he made that stupid pledge not to in the heat of a political campaign. Reagan could and did get away with raising taxes much more than GHWB, because he didn’t promise not to, and Reagan could charm people in a way his successor never could.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            GHWB had a total lack of charisma, but I don’t think he was as much of an idiot as Reagan was. His lack of charisma might have shifted more people into the arms of Democrats. Personally, I think we’d all be better off if Hinckley had been a better shot (don’t banhammer me DOK!!!!!). It’s always killed me with irony that John Lennon’s shooter was so successful.

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            This is incorrect. Alexander Haig was in charge. I like your new name, tho.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        I don’t know about that. He wasn’t all that popular when he was actually president, and if he’d been shot and killed, I think he might have been more or less forgotten since JH shot him fairly early on in his presidency (69 days). Let’s face it, Reagan was no JFK, and Nancy was no Jackie.

        • Joshua Norton

          9/10ths of the stuff they praise him for now is either imaginary or exaggerated.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            But he balanced the budget, and tore down the Berlin Wall!!!! Why do you hate America, hippie?

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            He doubled the fed budget deficit in his first term then doubled it again in his second.

        • revenant

          yes, but what would George H.W. Bush have done with the Presidency, had he inherited it near 8 years earlier? He had run against “voodoo economics” during the primaries, but that seems to have been nothing but a tactic, because nothing he ever did once he succeeded Reagan was not strictly orthodox voodoo. Would he have pushed as hard for missiles in Europe and Star Wars, brought us so close to the brink before doing an about face and pushing for nuclear disarmament? Would he have pushed the campaign to destroy all Unions as hard?

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I definitely don’t think Bush was as nutty as Reagan was. I think he still had some grasp on reality. I don’t really remember much about Bush’s presidency, and that’s a GOOD thing when you’re talking about a Republican. When I think of Reagan, or Bush 2: The Financial Reckoning, all I remember are corruption scandals, and financial pain.

    • Suse

      I read he’s going to live with his mother, but she’s very old. Is there going to be anyone keeping an eye on him?

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        If you follow the link there’s a list of conditions that he has to abide by. He’s being monitored pretty closely.

        • Suse

          I was too lazy to go there, but I’ll do that.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Saturday night RecipeHub post:

    CUMIN GRILLED CHICKEN TITS

    This one’s so quick and easy, I’m not even gonna have time to give you shit during it.

    Intoxication level: It’s grilling. 8 beers sounds about right.

    WHAT YOU NEED:
    cooking spray.
    4 skinless, boneless chicken tits.
    2 teaspoons Olive Oil
    1 teaspoon ground Cumin
    1/2 teaspoon Salt
    1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper.

    A grill. Tongs or some such thing, unless you have fucking asbestos hands. A plate for the raw chicken, and another for the cooked chicken. A knife.

    WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED:

    Turn the grill to medium-high heat. The grill. You should already be medium high.

    Rub the tits with olive oil. (oh yeah, baby. Enjoy it, you perv)

    Combine the Cumin, Salt and Pepper and rub THEM all over the tits. (Admit it. You’re having fun, you disgusting creature.)

    Spray the titties with the non-stick spray. (OOOOOOhhh, yeah! Lookit how shiny they are. Just . . . go hit your bunk, we’ll wait. WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU CUM BACK!!!!!)

    Throw them damn tits on the grill and cook for about 5 minutes per si, untill they’ve got those sexxxxie grill marks on them and they’re cooked through.

    Slice in 1/2 inch slices and put them on a plate – maybe serve them over coleslaw, if you know what tastes good. Or whatever.

    Stick it in the mouth part of your face. You’ll like it.

    Unless you don’t love America. You DO love America, DON’T YOU?!?!??!?!??!?!

    • What are the options for the recipie if i do not love America? Do i also slather in maple syrup? Whilst staring at pictures of JT?

      • Dee Andee

        Damn, that sounds good too!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Give me 15 minutes.

      • Suse

        I received some smoked maple syrup last Christmas – OMG!!1!!!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        For those who hate America, I suggest:
        Persian Beef Stew

        Intoxication level. Well, it’s stew. It takes a while, so pace yourself. You don’t want to be tearfully singing protest songs till AFTER dinner.

        WHAT YOU NEED!
        3 tablespoons olive oil, divided (2 tbsp. and 1 tbsp.)
        1⁄2 large onion, chopped
        1 lb lean stewing beef, cubed
        2 teaspoons ground cumin
        2 teaspoons ground turmeric
        1⁄2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
        2 1⁄2 cups water
        5 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
        3 tablespoons snipped chives
        1 (15 ounce) can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
        1 lemon, juice of
        1 tablespoon flour
        salt and black pepper

        Knives, cutting boards, measuring spoons/cups, normal kitchen shit, FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOUR DAMN SELF!

        WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED:

        In a large saucepan saute the onion in two tablespoons of the olive oil until golden. Not translucent. Not brown. “Golden.”

        Throw in the beef and brown the FUCK outta that shit.

        Add the cumin, turmeric and cinnamon; cook for one minute, or whatever, stirring, then add water and bring to a boil.

        Turn that shit down to low and simmer, covered, for 45 minutes, stirring occasionally. Or more. Not like I give a shit. 18 Goddamn hours, if that’s what you want, but you’ll have fucking mush. And it’ll suck. So, something around 45 minutes.

        Heat remaining one tablespoon of oil in a small frying pan and saute parsley and chives about 2 minutes; add this mixture to the beef. Well. Aren’t we all twee and shit. Sauteed parsley and chives. *eyeroll* ( but, seriously – do it. It really makes a difference)

        Also too add the drained and rinsed kidney beans and lemon juice.
        Season with salt and pepper.

        Stir in one tablespoon flour whisked with a bit of hot water to thicken the stew a little; simmer uncovered for another 30 minutes, until meat is wonderfully tender; serve with rice.

        Enjoy while denouncing American Imperialism.

        • bookish

          Nom nom.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            I DO NOT Post recipes I haven’t tried. You can trust this recipe. It WILL be a success!

          • Shan

            But did you make anyone cry? That’s the real test.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            No. People tend to LIKE my food.

          • Shan

            I didn’t mean when they ate your food, I meant when they followed your recipes!

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Ah! I can only hope.

    • Suse

      I love cumin. I accidentally put it in oatmeal that one time (I mistook it for the cardamom) and it was pretty damn tasty with the brown sugar, butter, and golden raisins.

      • bookish

        Indian restaurants sometimes serve farina or malto-meal on their buffets. They serve it plain though, like grits.

        • Suse

          I’ve had the rice pudding with cardamom and pistachios, but haven’t seen the farina. I could eat Indian and/or Italian food every day.

          • bookish

            Indian is my favorite. Unfortunately it doesn’t like me back any more.

          • Ooo! Like me and dairy!

  • Suse

    Bigly OT, but have any of you ever been to San Miguel Allende in Mexico? I want to go there, although I will probably not be allowed if the Flaming Orange Asshole becomes POTUS (shudder).

  • bookish

    I’ve been waiting for a recipes thread.

    Yesterday I made a huge pot of spaghetti sauce to freeze.

    Ground beef and mild Italian sausage
    Whatever kind of canned tomato stuff is in the cupboard
    Onion
    Enough garlic to fumigate the house
    Herbs
    Olive oil
    Red pepper flakes
    A handful of semi- sweet chocolate chips
    Cook for six or seven hours at lowest possible simmer, until it smells done and smoky.

    Anybody else have any spaghetti sauce tricks to share?

    • Suse

      Red wine and chopped bacon.

      • bookish

        MMmmm.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Sounds good, what’s for dessert?

        • bookish

          The traditional ice cream sammiches.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      One of my late friends used to put his sausage in a food processor so you didn’t have big chunks. He was going to give me his secret, delicious, Italian, family recipe right before he died. I was heartbroken that he passed away, and that he took his delicious recipe to the grave with him.

      • Suse

        Darn!

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          He made the best spaghetti sauce I’ve ever had. Also, too, he was the sweetest man on the planet. His wife cried every day for the past year. I really didn’t think she’d be able to go on, they’d been married over 50 years, and she was just devastated.

          • Suse

            That’s so sad. :-(

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I still think about him a lot, and miss him so much. One of the things I liked about him was that he was wealthy, but a socialist. You’d never hear him bitch about paying taxes, he was happy to support poor people. I hate funerals because I’m embarrassed to cry in public, but at his funeral there were plenty of people sobbing.

          • Suse

            I’m sorry you lost your good friend. When I think about evil people who are still taking up space on the planet, while good people die too soon, I want to punch someone.

    • Catstro

      I use the Marcella Hazan sauce recipe a lot these days because it’s 3 ingredients (and virtually no prep or tending to on the stove) to perfection. Big can of tomatoes; one onion, halved; and 5 tbs of butter.

      • bookish

        Yum. I love the simple olive oil, garlic dressing for spaghetti.

      • Suse

        I’ve made that and it’s wonderful. I added a can of tuna in olive oil to the mix and it was a huge hit.

        • Catstro

          I sometimes add turkey meatballs—not beef, though, it makes it too heavy.

    • Suse

      Marcella Hazan or Mario Batali’s recipes for bolognese sauce are delicious.

      • bookish

        I will look them up, thanks.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I WORSHIP Mario Batali! Almost as much as I worship Alton Brown.

        • Barley_Brains

          AB is God.

        • The altar of Alton is a delightful a d mischievious place to worship!

    • Beaumarchais?

      Yes—a squirt of anchovy paste, or minced anchovies, or a dash of fish sauce. You can’t taste the fish, but it adds that edge of umami.

      • bookish

        I like ingredients that just give the undertone that you can’t really taste, but miss if it isn’t there. That’s what the chocolate does in my, well, mish mash. But I like it.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Wonderful addition.

      • revenant

        can you suggest which fish sauce to get? I have a good Korean grocery in the area, but the choices are overwhelming, not to mention illegible (Korean, Thai, Japanese, Vietnamese) and i wind up too frustrated to get anything at all.

        • Suse

          “3 Crabs” brand is recommended by my Vietnamese friend.

        • Beaumarchais?

          My store doesn’t have a big selection; I’m using A Taste Of Thai, but have bought Roland’s before. Look at the ingredients: some are basically just anchovy juice; others add lime and flavors like ginger that you would probably add later, plus thickeners—those can used in larger amounts, like a real sauce. With the anchovy juice varieties, you’re not adding much at all—like 1/4 to 1/2 tsp. If you can’t read the label, look at how wide the mouth is and how watery it is. Wide mouth/thick, it’s a sauce; thin top/watery it’s something you add a dash of. Both keep a long time in the fridge.

    • cmd

      Chocolate chips, interesting. I have thrown them into apple pie and it’s been a hit.

      • bookish

        There used to be a restaurant called Vincent’s Spaghetti in Pomona, CA. Rumor was they added the chocolate, so I tried it. Cuts the bright acid taste of the tomatoes and gives a nice finish. Use less than you think you need. After you know how dark you like it, you can tell by the color of the sauce without tasting.

    • CJTX

      Nice call on the red pepper flakes. I even top my spaghetti with those when eating….course I like things spicy. (Apologies if that sounds saucy. Okay pardon that derivative pun too. Lord, I’m a mess).

    • revenant

      chocolate chips?
      chacun, i suppose, but…really?

      • bookish

        Semi-sweet, not too many. Try it.

      • Suse

        Chocolate is an ingredient in Mexican mole sauces, so I imagine it would be pretty good in anything with tomatoes, garlic, and onions.

    • Panika MCD

      I often stir in some homemade mayo after I’ve reheated it.

      ingredients:

      1 large egg
      1 cup olive oil (DO NOT use any of the Virgin or Extra Virgin crap. it makes it bitter. I usually use light. don’t know what it is about the more popular pressing that makes it bitter. it just does.)
      1/2 cup lemon juice or so (ours is usually 4 bottle squeezes so I’m guessing)
      4-5 cloves garlic (or as much as you want, really)
      2 TBSP Dijon mustard
      TBSP Italian seasoning
      some hot sauce (however hot you want it. I do 4-6 shakes of Cholula)
      dash of salt (or MSG for those of us who don’t really care and want the flavor enhanced)

      in a food processor (or blender, though food processor is better), chop up garlic. add egg, lemon juice, mustard, seasoning, hot sauce and flavor enhancer of your choosing. pulse a few times and then leave on at lowest setting. drizzle in olive oil SLOWLY (if you do it too quickly it doesn’t emulsify properly). add extra seasonings to taste.

      this can be put on toast, mixed in with creamed spinach, used as regular mayo or, as I do, mixed in with spaghetti sauce.

      • bookish

        Good info on the olive oil. I did not know that.

        • Amalga

          There’s lots of different kinds of olive oil; some are fruity and mild and some more peppery tasting (or bitter) but it is the olive itself and not the pressing that makes the taste. Use a nice mild flavored oil to make a mayo or aioli and use an extra virgin to lightly dress a salad or drizzle on pasta.

        • Panika MCD

          it might work alright with a different recipe. mayo is basically an egg, an oil and an acid. lots of the store bought ones used vinegar for the acid, so you might be able to get away with EVOO in one of those. you can pretty much add whatever you want.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I make a nice puttanesca sauce (well, *I* like it), but I’ll be damned if I can remember the measurements. I just wing it with these ingredients:

      Olive oil
      Anchovy fillets
      Purple onion, chopped
      Grape tomatoes, halved
      Greek olives, halved
      Capers
      Fresh basil leaves, torn
      Garlic, minced
      Red wine
      Tomato sauce
      Red pepper flakes
      Black pepper

      Simmer the onion until tender.
      Add the garlic and simmer for 2 minutes more.
      Add the anchovies and simmer until dissolved. (Most recipes call for 3 or 4 fillets. I just dump in the whole 4-ounce jar. Mrs. Grammarian *adores* anchovies.)
      Add the grape tomatoes, greek olives, capers. Simmer.
      Add the red wine and tomato sauce. (Yeah, canned tomato sauce is a shortcut. I’m hungry.) Simmer. There should be some reduction.
      Add red pepper flakes. Don’t overdo it!
      Add pepper gradually. Taste until you find your sweet spot.
      Add the basil leaves just before you’re done cooking. The leaves will cook as the sauce rests.
      You’ll note that I did not mention salt. I don’t add salt to my food because blood pressure. Do the same with salt as you did with pepper. Go for that sweet spot.
      Cook pasta according to the instructions on the box. What? You make your own pasta? What are you doing, cooking with canned tomato sauce, you poser?

    • Beaumarchais?

      Another idea—a dollop of creme fraiche (or sour cream). It gives a nice smooth mouth-feel, which might be what Panika is doing with the mayonnaise downstream.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I love it when I share a recipe and it prompts others to share theirs. *warm fuzzies*

    • Valkyrie

      What do the chocolate chips do for the taste? Sounds intriguing.

      Edit: I just needed to scroll for my answer!

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    “Still, that didn’t stop many from making the connection, including Breitbart, which blared in a headline: “Hillary Clinton’s 47% Moment: Calls Trump Supporters ‘Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, Xenophobic, Islamophobic.’ ” ”

    Trump’s supporters shrug, and say “so what if I hate the blacks and Mooslems?”

    • Joshua Norton

      Yeah, no. Rmoney was badmouthing the whole country. Hillz was just talking about Trumpkins. And I think she showed amazing self control not to say ALL of them were like that. Which would have been closer to the truth.

      • DesertedPictures

        She jyst expressed regret over saying ‘half’.

        • Beaumarchais?

          And was suitably vague about whether it was high or low. Zing!

          • revenant

            pushback against Traitor Don’s recent attempts to look less threatening to the mush-head middle by going to Mexico and Detroit- got to keep him tied firmly to the White Supremacist revolutionaries. the Muddle is basically pretty racist, but they are embarrassed about it and don’t want to be associated with the Klan

          • Valkyrie

            Good point. I don’t think it was a gaffe, and this only reinforces it for me. Trump was everywhere, looking dominant–if traitorous, idiotic, and hypocritical, but dominant. Now Hillary has the attention and isn’t really backing down.

        • bookish

          Serious? Ha!

        • eddi

          And just left it hanging there? What a wicked rhymes with “bitch” she is. ?

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Not only was she only talking about Trumptrolls, but she was telling the TRUTH, and even most Republicans don’t deny that a good portion of his followers ARE deplorable.

    • Catstro

      The alt-right’s “we love him bigly because he’s finally SAYING what we’ve all been THINKING” mentality? Well, now I know how that feels. Thanks, Hillary!

      Fuck the high road. Been taking it my whole life and the only thing it’s given me is a vague, smug sense of superiority.

      *am talking a tough game but am a little nervous about fallout and whatnot*

      • bookish

        Yesterday when I first saw the quote, I thought it was a bad step for Hilz. Then I thought, screw it.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        We’re all a little nervous.

    • bookish
      • I