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No, John Boehner is probably not driving the Wonkebago to the Portland, Oregon, Drinky Thing, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Join your comrades at the Wonkette Commenter-Owned Cooperative Drinky Thing And Potluck (No Pot) next week! Because that is when your comrades Sister Artemis and WomanInAMood have decided they are seizing the means of Drinky Thing Production and throwing their own!

It is at Peninsula Park, Portland, Oregon, on Sept. 7 at 2 p.m. That is a weekday! But they will be going late, and you might as well comment in person instead of pretending to work and lurking all day anyway.

Will there be special guests? Besides John Boehner who probably never got his invite? Maybe and we’re not telling and it could happen, who knows?

donna rose monster hat

If that hat doesn’t say Portland, I don’t know what does.

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  • Callyson

    Aw, I’m jealous. Have fun, Portlanders!

  • Mpeg

    “In your Easter bonnet,
    With all the frills upon it,
    You’ll be the darlingest damsel
    In the Easter Parade”~

    — Bing Crosby, maybe. Paraphrased from memory, most definitely.

  • SullivanSt

    “No Pot” … in Oregon … and we’re supposed to believe that?

    Pshaw!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Would you believe, no more pot than usual?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Well, it is is very properly permitted thingy in a park, one of our Crown Jewel parks, by the way, and it’s the proper permitting that makes it a drinkable drinky thingy in a park, so I suspect any pottedness would be outside the proper permittedness of things. And as for artisanal, locally sourced drinky things, there’z beerz and winez, of course, but even distillerz are getting into the Portland Act…. but that could make the bike ride home harder…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Besides, all you gotta do is walk a few yards away, and not be terribly obvious by bringing a six-station hookah.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Or you could pick up an enhanced munchie, if that’s your thing.

  • SnarkOff

    Will it be an artisanal, locally sourced drinky thing? It seems like it should be, in Portland.

    • SullivanSt

      Which part of “commenter-owned cooperative” wasn’t clear? :P

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’ll bring some craft beer, sure.

  • memzilla

    We do have to thank John Boehner for allowing us to sharpen our collective claws on our first right-wing laughingstock with an orange color.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Not all orange Americans are ridiculous.”
      — Ben Grimm

      • Beanz&Berryz

        “Orange is the new black.”
        -Barack Obama

  • “Winneboehner” has a nice ring to it…

    • Mezzaluna

      Next year’s Kentucky Derby winner by my reckoning.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He drives that thing around every year campaignin’ for all the R’s running for office.

      He’s from Ohio. That’s how we roll.

  • limberrat
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Only if Johnnie B can pass the breathalyzer.

  • say wha

    With Boehner, it’s always a Drinky Thing, wherever he is.

  • I wonder if he’s camping out in Walmart parking lots…

  • cousin itt

    Boehner drives his party into ditch.

    Ditch is pissed.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      so is Boehner

  • AngryKatie

    If you could get Boehner to go to the Portland drinky thing, I’d fly to Portland for it. You know he’s a catty drunk, and I want to hear Boehner’s drunken stories.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I always figured him to be a cryer when drunk, I mean MORE of a cryer when drunk. I pity the person that ends up in the loo with Boehner giving him words of comfort as he shame barfs all the stories of the meanies at the Freedom Caucus.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        here, hold my hair…

        • AngryKatie

          heh

      • AngryKatie

        I always figured the hair trigger crying was because he’s always suppressing his rage. This is likely projection as I tend to cry when I get super angry. So drunk = rage release.

      • Logic of Color

        “Shhhhh gonna tell you sompin. awrightawright c’mere. Shhhhh. I voted for Barack. He’s a great guy really. Voted for the fucker twice. You gotta, you gotta promise — I’ll deny it. so SHHHHhhhh”
        –Boehner at Portland drinky thingy

      • SullivanSt

        Wait wait wait…

        You know how much he cries when sober?

        Talk about burying the lede! Do tell!

    • JVisconti

      Don’t count on any stories, he would just obstruct saying he doesn’t have the votes and blame Obama.

    • Yr. Gma

      Damn! Those knees are the bees!

    • Mezzaluna

      I want to go to a drinky thing with Miss Lindsay for the same reason!

      • AngryKatie

        You, me, Boehner, Lindsay… best time ever.

  • Blank Ron

    On a related topic, when the holy heck are we gonna have a Southwestern Ontario And Surrounding States drinks thingy? I’d just say the heck with it all and organise it myself, but the only decent drinking place in town closed.
    Or was there one already and I missed it because there were no comments mentioning it?

    • I get the impression that Wonktario is spaced out quite a bit, sadly.

      • The Farce Side

        True… I mean how far west are we talking? Some of us city dwellers don’t have cars.

        • Blank Ron

          I’m about 45 minutes west of London, and London is about as far as I can drive the old truck without taking out a loan for fuel.

      • Shan the Libtart

        Spaced out…heh…

    • calliecallie

      You should have come to the Detroit drinky thing. That’s almost SW Ontario.

      • Blank Ron

        That was recent, right? I’ve been without long-distance transport for a while now, annoyingly. I miss the Mazda. A LOT.

  • TheDogAteMyVote

    Can someone photoshop Trump bouncing off the windshield of that RV?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      with votes…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    You know your party is in trouble if John Boehner is the designated driver

    • AngryKatie

      Trouble, awesome… tomato, tomatoh

    • JVisconti

      Or a Thelma and Louise cliffhanger ending in a RV.

    • Mezzaluna

      Where does that leave them now that he parked the bus and got and walked home?

    • Sister Artemis

      Oh come on, he never does the driving, he has hired professionals! Bartender! another glass of vino!

  • I Only Like Cats

    We should have one in the SeaTac area too.

    • Sister Artemis

      depending on the timing, I would come to that!

  • calliecallie

    OT, but Mother Jones exposing Trump Model Management used illegal immigrants and housed them in sweatshop conditions.
    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/08/donald-trump-model-management-illegal-immigration

    • Joe Beese

      Sweaty, sexy conditions!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      must have gotten the idea from his wife…

      • SullivanSt

        Also, the entire rest of the modelling industry, pretty much, sadly.

      • Notreelyhelping

        And she briefly worked for them. Which seems…squicky.

  • Spotts1701

    Oh, look…CNN actually doing some realistic journalism-type thing.

    Trump campaign manager: rape would not happen if women were physically equal to men.

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      You mean if we had penises?

    • SullivanSt

      Jeez I thought of at least three ways that’s completely wrong in about 5 seconds even though my brain was still scrambled by the sheer indecency of it.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        no kidding

    • Redgyal

      I utterly dislike that man and hope he gets what he deserves (with votes).

      • Spotts1701

        Oh, no. This was Kellyanne Conway who said it.

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Still applies.

          • Spotts1701

            Well, you do have me there.

        • Redgyal

          I’ll go with what Lark_in_the_AM said. Misogyny by proxy.

          • Shan the Libtart

            It wouldn’t work if there weren’t so many women who also supported it.

          • SullivanSt

            Also “in January 2013”

            Guess we have a hint how she got the job now.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Rapists only rape because (and when) they can? It sounds suspiciously like a tautology. What point was she trying to make? Y’all seem offended by this, but I honestly don’t even know what she’s trying to say.

      • nightmoth

        Agree—I don’t know the point, either. If she weren’t speaking for Trump, I’d call it man-hating: as in, “all men are rapists, heterosexual marriage is institutionalized rape,” etc.

    • Jenvenda Manocide

      ….o.O

    • Mezzaluna

      Which is why men never get raped, right? The knowledge deficit of these people… Walks away shaking head and trying not to cry.

    • Courser

      That’s ghastly…

  • IknowRIGHT

    Fer realz? Imma be in Portland tomorrow! and I leave Sunday. :(

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Welcome to town…

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Soooooo jel! Have fun in beautiful Oregon and if the Wonkette Babby happens to put in an appearance, play a round of “Where’s The Lion?” for me. :-)

    • calliecallie

      Speaking of lions…someone shared this with me the other day. It is long, but very powerful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PscD6h1iNiI

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        Way cool.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Powerful does not do it justice. This needs to be on a loop in every male locker room. This cannot be spread far enough.

        There’s not enough ups for this. Thank you calliecallie.

      • thewendyb

        POETRY. Maybe it is NOT a lost art.

      • WomanInAMood

        That takes my breath away. I am so moved. Thank you.

      • Cannedclamscanner

        What they’ve all said below. Thank you.

      • Vagendajohn

        It’s hard to believe that sex trafficking doesn’t get more attention. It’s a huge tragedy and almost no one writes about it in the MSM that I know of, except Nicholas Kristof.

  • calliecallie

    I sent this info to my daughter in Portland. She didn’t go last time, but maybe she will this time. Be nice to her. She is tougher than she looks.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We’re even nice to the soft onez…

    • thewendyb

      I am a fat 60 year old hippie lesbo from So Cal so I am ULTRA SOFT.

    • WomanInAMood

      I hope she comes. If she is anything like you, it will be a pleasure to meet her.

      • calliecallie

        She is way cooler than me. Thanks, though.

  • Belasaurius

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Nightcrawler

      Sheeple is a fun word that has been ruined and co-opted by conspiracy theorists.

      • Jenvenda Manocide

        We can take it back you know.
        I am currently working on Cuck myself. I have decided that a cuck is a small vodka cup. As soon as I get that established, I will work on the sheeple.
        Whatcha want it to mean?

        • Notreelyhelping

          Uh…cucksucker?

          • dlemex

            That would be a soda straw?? But a very small cock would be a cuckette.

        • thewendyb

          It ought to mean very small cock. So when they sing they are uncucked, it means castrated tee hee

    • PubOption

      We can only assume.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I apologize in advance for not having any homebrew ready. I like Full Sail Amber; maybe I’ll get some of that.

    • Shan the Libtart

      Pft. No point in going now.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        TBH, it’s part of a nefarious plot on my part to get people to drive to Lebanon.

        • Shan the Libtart

          I would do it, but it’d take a couple of days…

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “If that hat doesn’t say Portland, I don’t know what does.”

    This does:

    http://www.planetizen.com/files/images/shutterstock_42765808%20crop.jpg

    • Jenvenda Manocide

      Huh, never realized Portland was in a valley.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        A big broad river valley. Hills on the other side of downtown are volcanic cones scattered across the valley floor. The hills farther off are the foothills of the Cascade Range. The photo is from what we all call the west hills, but are officially called the Tualatin Mountains.

        • Dutchman

          Can Sarah! and Barstool see Russia from those hills?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            No. You can see Beaverton and Tigard. Which is worse.

          • WomanInAMood

            On a clear day, you can see Gresham. Ugh.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Mount Hood in the distance, looking all iconic…

        • sw19womble

          Mmm the 26 to Madras is a lovely ride. I still have to do the 84 along the Columbia River – that’s supposed to be nice.
          The i-5 is pretty much boring and flat thru Washington all the way down to LA: it’s big broad valleys all the way down.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            My favorite Oregon drive is US 101 south from Astoria to Newport.

          • WomanInAMood

            That is so Beautiful! Except on summer weekend days, when it is the festival of motor homes.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Winter is good: the weather gets even more dynamic, there’s plenty of parking, and the locals are genuinely happy to see you!

          • WomanInAMood

            The coast is the best in winter. A bit splashier, weatherwise, but way more fun.

          • Vagendajohn

            Ever drive up to Mt. Hood “the back way”* through Estacada? Then down the Hood River river side of Hood to Hood River the city?

            * Do NOT try this in a Winnebego.

          • ZangoCrudmonger

            Take the Washington side, 14, if you aren’t in a hurry. Stop at Maryhill museum.

      • just_jim

        A river runs through it and another past it. It has to be in a valley.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I didn’t either. Portland has always been a mystery to me.

        • WomanInAMood

          Me too. And I was born here.

          • Vagendajohn

            Heh, beat me to it.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Unironically, it is actually a port. There’s a thing called Fleet Week, too. I hear it is a good time.

    • Objectifer

      Is Kyle MacLachlan still the mayor?

  • Wild Cat

    When Drunken Boehner’s in Portland, he usually bitches about the fact that there is no wine.

    • Rick Hill

      I thought that was what people bitched about after he left Portland…

  • timpundit

    Put a bird on it, everyone.

  • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

    Drat!. Ms. Disk and myself are headed for the mythical land and time zone of Montana on the 6th of September

    • rebecca

      no such place

  • Rick Hill

    Such a funny story, I know you wanna hear. Subcontracting and at this rich old guy’s home, a homebuilder who made lots of money making cheap homes and selling them for tons o’ Ameros. He’s a funny kind of guy, I don’t know if he knows I’m not quite a conservodroid but he prly suspects. So, funny kind of needling not a conservadroid guy says(this is right as Rmoney accepts the gop nomination, I didn’t say that part but it helps make it funny.Or not) ” You know I knew Boehner before he was a politician.” Mm, ok, sure. “I gave him his first campaign contribution.”
    Ok, maybe that wasn’t really funny. I know, how about this: Boehner was the speaker at OSU’s gradidiation when daughter mine finished college. Big stadium, full of families. Boehner gets up and makes a joke about how people call him all kinds of things, including Boner..Hahahah, such a funny, what a guy. So much class.

    • Vagendajohn

      The club drunk.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Yeah, and the club is completely third rate.

  • Joshua Norton

    I get the distinct feeling that Babby’s first complete sentence will be “Innkeep, another round for my friends!”

    • Rick Hill

      Is that a fail if her first sentence isn’t “Where’s my Obamaphone?”

      • Joshua Norton

        I’m sure by then it will be renamed the Hillaryphone.

    • Doug Langley

      Place yer betz on “Trump sucks!”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That, or “Hey, hurry up in there!”

    • Msgr_Vagenda

      Please! It’ll be “Hoofwanking bunglecunt!”, in an exasperated tone.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Fine, but her first words better be “vagenda of manocide.”

  • whitroth

    What *are* you doing to the Wonkette Babby? Are you airbrushing her, to make her look even cuter than she is?

    Better be careful, though – Benito Trumpolini or one of his henchmen will be attacking her for Cuteness any minute now.

    • Msgr_Vagenda

      “What’s all that cuteness hiding anyway? BENGHAZI??!!”

  • Notreelyhelping

    If you’re from out of town, make time for Powell’s Books. Seriously.

    • Sister Artemis

      Absolutely!!!

      It’s not called the City of Books for nothing

      • Sir Ergot of Rye

        City of Roses libelz. Cuz it has more women named Rose than Brooklyn and the Bronx combined or so I hear.

  • hellslittlestangel

    Hey, when did John Boehner go from corrupt, Trump-enabling obstructionist to lovable, drunken douchebag? Was there a memo I missed?

    • sw19womble

      His resignation letter.

      There is a little bit of “be careful what you wish for” in all this also, too.

    • Sister Artemis

      He like cocktails, right? or at least wine… right there, I feel some common ground growing. Also, too, not so fond of Ted Cruz and the Presumptive Nominee.

  • Tallmutha

    Welllll,there are probably drunker drivers on the roads right now.

    • Objectifer

      I’d probably be more concerned with Ole Whisky Dick driving sober.

  • Kooolest G

    you know what would make that hat say portland even more…….put a bird on it

  • WomanInAMood

    Rebecca – I love you sooooooooooohhhhh much! Thank you!

  • Me not sure

    If he’s sitting at home in his underwear, smoking an unfiltered Camel and sucking down single malts like they were water as he aimlessly surfs the Web for laughs, and he comes across this post, I feel pretty sure he’ll be there. CQ, JOHNNY, CQ!

  • LadyLaz

    Come visit Atlanta

  • WomanInAMood

    So this seems like a good place to give a few details on what the Portland Parks is good with:

    Beer and wine are cool, but it’s strictly BYOB. Imagine me sounding like Edna Mode, “No kegs!”

    Pets are fine, as long as they are on-leash, and you clean up after them.

    We will have a Weber grill, ’cause that’s fine too.

    Don’t tie anything to trees. We weren’t planning on doing that, but it cracked me up.

    If you want to smoke tobacco, please go to the sidewalk outside of the park. If you want to smoke pot, sorry. Yeah, pot is legal in Oregon, but not smoking it outside.

    This is not the park service – I am so looking forward to meeting those who can come!

    • Vagendajohn

      Wheeee!

      • WomanInAMood

        Good heavens, you’ve become a vagenda too! And we hope to see you there!

        • Vagendajohn

          If Hillary doesn’t have me killed between now and then I’ll be there.

          • WomanInAMood

            I look forward to meeting you!

          • Smokahontas

            Please, oh pleeeeze have a Donna Rose lion contest!!!

    • Smokahontas

      Where’s the live blooooog? Cuz, I’m far away and school is starting, so I will only have limited time for noncommenting… but pix or GTFO!

      • Sister Artemis

        We will try – WomanInAMood and I are currently technologically challenged, but we’ll try, honest!

        • WomanInAMood

          Oh good, you found it! Isn’t this amazing?

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    While in Portland I recommend Voodoo Doughnuts and Escape from New York Pizza.

  • I’m just up the road (Seattle environs), but I can’t goooo, dangit. Have something fresh and fruity for me, folks!

  • mailman27

    Ohhh, that damn Wonkette baby! Too effin much.

  • handyhippie65

    luv the monster hat. i will be trying to sell some of the crap, uhh, i mean the exceedingly valuable objects cluttering, uhh, enriching my home. any body need some longaberger baskets?

  • SeeTrain65

    “Keep Donna Rose Weird.”

  • Sister Artemis

    I heart you million thousand times, Editrix! You are the most awesome of Overlords ever, till the end of time.

    • WomanInAMood

      Is this cool or what?

      • *pouts* It so sucks that I am going to miss it! You could witness my supreme awkwardness around babbies (maybe, allegedly)!

        “What’s it doing?”

        “Breathing.”

        “IS THAT SOMETHING IT’S SUPPOSED TO DO?!?”

  • JCfromNC

    OK, I followed the “a girl can dream” link, and another link from there, and ended up reading about the Editrix’s (Is that a word? It seems wrong.) thrombosed hemorrhoids from when the Wonkette baby was a squirmy thing in her belly. And now I am sitting here kind of amused and squiked at the same time.

    • Sister Artemis

      Rebecca can do that to a person…

  • Longstreet63

    You are soooo gonna cry on her first day of school..

  • CripesAmighty

    Maybe not, so maybe somebody should drop him an invite. I think he’d be cracking good company. Srsly.

    • Sister Artemis

      Me too. There are some people who I find despicable politically, even sometimes ethically, who I think would none-the-less be a crack up to hang out with

      • jmk

        Weepy John and Lindsey Graham totally take the One and Two spots on that list.

  • Michael Loraine

    Go ahead and take the Boehner along for laffs, but DON’T let him drive the Wonkebago! Seriously!

  • psonicpsunspot

    Drive the Wonkebago to Connecticut. WE NEED YOU IN CONNECTICUT.

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