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Throwback Friday
Throwback Friday

This week, we discovered that a Trump advisor had some interesting thoughts about ovens and Jews, and also how he loved to YOU’RE FIRED! them. (Jews. He YOU’RE FIRED! all the Jews. We assume he lets his oven continue to do its job.) But now you are scratching your head, not only because the first part of this paragraph was unreadable, but also because … which Trump advisor? How do you even narrow it down? Was it the new campaign manager and gross racist Breitbart dude, Stephen Bannon? Was it one of those crazies who keep calling to execute Hillary Clinton? Was it someone from Stormfront, from which Donald Trump keeps getting neat memes and talking points? Was it … all of them, Katie?

No, this time, it’s just Joe Schmitz, who allegedly bragged that as Inspector General of the Department of Defense, his greatest achievement was “I fired the Jews.”

Schmitz, who is a lawyer in private practice in Washington, says the allegations against him are lies. All three people who have cited the remarks, including one who testified under oath about them, have pending employment grievances with the federal government.

Daniel Meyer, a senior official within the intelligence community, described Schmitz’s remarks in his complaint file.

“His summary of his tenure’s achievement reported as ‘…I fired the Jews,’ ” wrote Meyer, a former official in the Pentagon inspector general’s office whose grievance was obtained by McClatchy. […]

“In his final days, he allegedly lectured Mr. Crane on the details of concentration camps and how the ovens were too small to kill 6 million Jews,” wrote Meyer, whose complaint is before the Merit Systems Protection Board (MSPB).

Schmitz said that Crane was the source of other false accusations against him.

He denounces and denies! He would never have said any such thing! Why do all these Jews keep making up these stories about him???

FUN FACT! Schmitz is the son of former Orange County, California, congressman John Schmitz, who was Tea Party before the Tea Party was cool; he was sort of a proto-Bob Dornan, evicted from the John Birch Society for being too nuts. Here, have a couple of John Schmitz quotes, from our alma mater, OC Weekly:

  • “I would have voted for a three-tier system—have one school that the blacks could go to, one school that all the whites could go to, and those who want to mix go to a third school.”
  • “Tonight, when I go to sleep, guys and girls, I am going to sleep very soundly.”—reacting to the state Senate’s formal reprimand of his 1982 press release titled “Senator Schmitz and His Committee Survive ‘Attack of the Bulldykes.'” Written by aide Brad Evans after Schmitz chaired an anti-abortion hearing, the release called feminist attorney Gloria Allred “a slick, butch lawyeress” and described pro-choice supporters as “a sea of hard, Jewish and (arguably) female faces.” It denounced witnesses as “imported lesbians from anti-male and pro-abortion queer groups in San Francisco and other centers of decadence.”

And my personal favorite:

  • “Jews are just like everyone else, only more so.”

I honest to god, no sarcasm, love that one a lot.

John Schmitz lost his congressional seat when it was discovered he had a secret family with Not His Wife; his daughter, Mary Kay LeTourneau, went on to have a fulfilling, happy life being married to her twelve-year-old pupil. Mazel tov!

[McClatchy]

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  • YoBunnyBunny

    So Mary Kay “Fualaau” is Joe Schmitz sister??? Wow. Learn something new everyday, don’t we?

    • Beaumarchais?

      What a gene pool, eh?

      • Blank Ron

        More like septic tank overflow.

    • Gregory Brown

      I know! Surprised me too, although it did not shock, as they all seem to share a certain … how do I say … unorthodox approach to life.

      • h4rr4r

        Certainly not kosher.

  • TJ Barke

    Damn, you have to be pretty fucking nuts to get kicked out of the JBS…

  • Ms.MLG1979

    I prefer my lesbians imported from the free-range, organic lesbian farms of Portland, OR, but to each their own.

    • TJ Barke

      Only the best.

      • Ms.MLG1979

        I have very discerning tastes.

        • SDGeoff

          That is not all you have, but I will never tell.

          • Ms.MLG1979

            You keep all my secrets, and I just adore you!

        • Gregory Brown

          Vegetarian lesbians?

          • arglebargle

            gluten free, at the very least.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, they do not eat sausage, if you catch my drift, and I think you do.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Corn fed?

    • SDGeoff

      That is where several varieties can be found.

    • limberrat

      You know, happy lesbians come from California.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      We get the ‘dikes we like’ at HD.

    • Panika MCD

      FAIR TRADE LIBULZ!!!

    • azeyote

      us oldies remember the Starflower trucking co-op out of Eugene who transported those organics to and from Portland

      • Arolpin

        I wonder if that was started by our lazy, dumb hippie neighbors (as opposed to my parents, who were hard-working, educated hippies) in Mendocino County around 1970. They had twin girls about my age, family name was Flowers and the twins were named Star Flower Flowers and Flower Star Flowers. My mom said they were always covered in dirt and eating raw onions, because that was the only thing they seemed able to grow effectively.

        • azeyote

          it was trucking organic produce from Oregon to California, and Washington during the hippie ( i was one of the hard working kind of course ) hay days of the 70’s – lots of co-ops back then – lots of stars and flowers too –

    • HogeyeGrex

      Artisanal, small batch lesbians.

    • Why am I Mr. Pink?

      I was wondering if there was a midwestern Center of Decadence anyone could point me to. San Francisco is a bit too far.

  • chiefkurtz

    My oven is way too small to bake 40 cupcakes, like I had to do for my daughter’s swim team…………at once. I did them in batches. TIFIFY.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thanksgivings must have been a hoot in that family.
    Complaining that the oven’s too small for that turkey.
    Sis bringing one of her students to dinner even though there weren’t enough bedrooms for guests….

  • I Only Like Cats

    She raped a child and then he married her…? Why? Oh my god I need to burn out my eyeballs immediately, can’t wait for them to fall out with this horribleness!

    • As a former 12 year old boy, it really wouldn’t have seemed like rape to the kid at the time.

      Edit: And by that I mean that the kid wouldn’t have known any better, she definitely should have.

      • nightmoth

        For the record, they have 2 kids and they’re still together.

        • HogeyeGrex

          But with Trump running for president, the Crazy Scale has changed its markers.

          I suspect that’s a big reason for the Trump campaign in the first place. 2020’s Republican general election pivot will be “Hey. He’s not as crazy as the last guy we put up.” Even if it’s Ted fucking Cruz.

          • nightmoth

            God, I hope not! I’m reading this horror story as “GOP accidentally creates frankenstein candidate who wrecks the lab and then they have to start over.” That’s what I’m hoping.

          • HogeyeGrex

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overton_window

            others have examined the concept of adjusting the window by the deliberate promotion of ideas outside of it, or “outer fringe” ideas, with the intention of making less fringe ideas acceptable by comparison

      • I Only Like Cats

        Yes but he grew up and married her. Why? Whyyyy?

    • nightmoth

      It was even better! Remember she got out on probation and was immediately caught getting it on in the back seat of a car with her lover boy? Then she had to go BACK to jail and finish serving and THEN they got married. Honestly, I was past being “horrified” by then. I had to laugh when they got caught in the car.

      • Bemused

        And she was pregnant with his kid while she was in prison. Nope, this wasn’t saturating the news cycle in Seattle at all (it totally was).

  • SDGeoff

    His daughter Mary Kay LeTourneau? Oh my stars and garters. I get so ensmartened every damn time I read Wonkette.

  • Blank Ron

    OT happy times: for lunch today I had a salad featuring cherry tomatoes I grew my own widdle self in the ONLY spot on the property that doesn’t get shade 3/4 of the day. It’s true, they really do taste better that way. And there’ll be enough for lunch for the rest of August too.

    • Ms.MLG1979

      They DO taste better that way. My Dad’s tomatoes are crazy good. They taste like sunshine.

      • Blank Ron

        I should try his varieties. Mine just taste like tomatoes.

        • Ms.MLG1979

          Your Canadian tomatoes just cannot compete with Real ‘Murican Tomatoes. ;) We’re Southern. Growing tomatoes is what we DO.

          • Blank Ron

            Ooh, someone from New Jersey’s gonna get on your case for that remark…

          • Ms.MLG1979

            Bring it, Yankees.

          • gedjcj

            During the winter in Seattle BC Hothouse are the only way to go. Beat the hell out of Mexican “red rocks’.

    • TJ Barke

      Home grown tomatoes are always better than store bought.

    • Crystalclear12

      you know how get more tomatoes out of the garden?
      Don’t take the salt shaker with you when you pick.

    • Silver_Witch

      Ahh nothing better than veg from your very own garden. Do you know if it takes bees to make tomatoes.

      • Blank Ron

        Dunno. Some of the few bees we’ve seen spent a lot of time around the flowers earlier this year. As an agriculturist my general technique is to dig a hole, dump in the plant and hope for the best.

        • Silver_Witch

          My way as well….just wondering why this year I go no tomatoes at all…maybe too hot.

          • Blank Ron

            Hard to know. Ours are later’n hell because of the local drought, AND the near-constant heat warnings.

      • ColumbusLib

        You can gently shake the plants when they produce flowers, which can help them pollinate.

        • Silver_Witch

          THanks ColumbusLib….super tip.

    • My tomatoes (cherry and reg’lar) are still all green, but they’re gettin’ close, so I shall soon be joining you in the “I growed this m’self” salad club!

      • Blank Ron

        Need any blue cheese dressing? I have lots.

    • OddMan
    • What a treat. I am envious.

    • gedjcj

      Good for you. I live on a north facing wooded lot under a steep bluff. There’s a lot to love, but gardening is not one of them.

  • beavertank

    …is this election cycle secretly some kind of soap opera being played out on a stage the general public can’t actually see?

    • I Only Like Cats

      I mean they haven’t died or come back so I’m assuming the soap opera portions have been split between the Trump campaign and GoT.

    • Sardonicuss

      Wait until Drumph’s SIL …Jared Kushner defends him. Juicy.

    • SDGeoff

      It won’t be long before it becomes a whole art form. It would make a great opera, Broadway musical, snuff film. The possibilities!

  • Spotts1701

    He denounces and denies! He would never have said any such thing!

    I mean his wife is Jewish!
    Okay, she’s from a Jewish family.
    I mean, her maternal grandmother was Jewish. It’s the same thing, right?

    • beavertank

      Hebrewity is, apparently, a matrilinealy inherited condition… so sort of? Maybe? I have no idea.

      • SDGeoff

        Traditionally that’s it. It’s changing in some liberal groups.

  • aureolaborealis

    I thought the preferred term was ‘bulldagger.’

    • elviouslyqueer

      No no. “Lesbyterian.”

  • SDGeoff

    It has likely rolled off his syphillitic tongue more than once. (Oops; to aureolaborealus downstairs….

  • Oblios_Cap

    Schmitz must be Trump’s Director of Minority Outreach.

    Besides, the ovens weren’t too small. Jew were shorter in the 30s and 40s.

  • aureolaborealis

    I think we have to give him some points for not using ‘Hebress.’ That clearly took some restraint on his part.

    • mancityfooty .

      that bar is so low the ants are starting to complain

  • With all of the fucking Nazis coming out of the woodwork, I’m starting to think Hydra might have infiltrated America after the War.

    • Blank Ron

      First or Second?

  • memzilla

    You know, by the woo principles of Homeopathy, we should be able to have three Minnesota lesbians swim in the headwaters of the Mississippi and turn the entire Confederacy gay.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Dr. Jill Stein is intrigued.

      • SDGeoff

        She would be.

    • SDGeoff

      This is brilliant.

    • aureolaborealis

      I believe the water has to be shaken somehow.

      • SDGeoff

        They swim very fast and splashy, those lesbians.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Shaken, not stirred?

    • therblig

      fiddle dee dee. tomorrow is another gay.

  • Gregory Brown

    The Schmitz family seems nice! As for the ovens, I don’t think he realizes that Hitler did not stuff all six million Jews in there at the same time, that there was more than one death camp, and that Jews who were worked to death at other camps were part of the total, tabulated and correlated using IBM punch card technology, supported by Hitler lover Thomas J. Watson from his NYC headquarters via Switzerland.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      He and his ilk are all A Idiot. Which gives me an inkling of hope that if they do fanagle a Trump Presidency/Dictatorship in Nov they’re probably to stoopid to figure how to do that genocide thing… Not that they won’t do damage nonetheless.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you know something about the history of the Holocaust, you know that what prompted the Vernichtungslagern was that just shooting Jews was so very inefficient. So they went to an industrial model. Mind you, they had already killed a million or so Jews the old fashioned way before the first death camp was brought online.

      • Gregory Brown

        Ah yes. Shooting Jews, even in the back of the head, not only was inefficient, it became psychologically unbearable to the executioners because the backs of heads soon became as individual and personal to the shooters as if they were face to face, and the Germans started freaking the hell out. Then they went to the gas trucks, with the exhaust pumped into the cargo compartments, and finally to full industrial murder in the gas chambers. And of course, with about a thousand total camps, millions of Jews could be simply worked to death, which also had its own category to be punched on each person’s IBM card, along with suicide and a euphemism for extermination in the big death camps. We still have some of those cards.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Fucking prick wasn’t even original.

    Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of a man is Captain Renault?
    Rick: Oh, he’s just like any other man, only more so.

    Asshole.

  • anwisok
  • Callyson

    Lawrence Wilkerson, former chief of staff during the George W. Bush administration to Secretary of State Colin Powell, said he was “very worried about what the candidate says from time to time and the nature of the people who are around him.”

    “There are many around him, and I would include Schmitz in there, who I don’t know at all,” he added. “Where do they come from?”

    A cesspool? Their parents’ basement? The seventh circle of Hell? So many possibilities…

  • Panika MCD

    and where does Daddy Schmitz think the Hispanic, Native and Asian American kids should attend classes? NONE OF THEM, KATIE!

    • beavertank

      With the black people, duh. They’re all undermensch in his philosophy.

  • Scooby

    Would it just be easier to guess whose not anti-Semitic ?

  • lucidamente

    Wonkette is just like every other mommy blog with dick jokes, only more so.

  • Callyson

    Pennsylvania Republican Rep. Tom Marino, a Trump supporter and member of the House Homeland Security and House Foreign Affairs committees, defended Trump’s advisers.

    “I have the utmost confidence in that foreign policy group,” said Marino, who attended a two-hour meeting with Trump’s foreign policy brain trust Wednesday at New York’s Trump Tower. “We just finished a meeting with 25 men and women who are experts, expert-ish in foreign policy,” Marino added.

    Expert-ish? Well, I’m totally convinced!!!

    PS: my home state deserves better, asshole…

    • bubbuhh

      Just think. Pennsylvania is one of the good states.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Expert-ish”. I think we’ve heard all we need to hear about their “expertise”.

    • therblig

      Almost at the top men. Almost at the TOP men.

    • Expert-ish means you’re well versed in the truthiness of a subject.

  • lucidamente

    Say, you know who else said the ovens were too small to kill 6 million Jews?

    • SDGeoff

      Some very stupid rotten person?

    • bubbuhh

      Well, they were too small to do the job all at once. That’s why they Nacheese had the slave labor and medical experiments and killing shifts and such.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sturmbahnfürher Pat Buchanan?

    • Blank Ron

      James Sharp?

  • Crystalclear12

    Nice family. Good values.

  • Ms.MLG1979

    If you have ever tried to justify, by denial or any other means, the extermination of human beings, you are FOUL.

    • aureolaborealis

      Hey, you are really going out on a limb there. Don’t say anything you might regret.

      • Ms.MLG1979

        Who does that? I mean, who DOES that?

        • anwisok

          Monsters. And I ain’t talking about canned clams here.

        • Spotts1701

          Sociopaths.

    • Brendan_M

      Kissinger, in 1978, saying “the government of Argentina had done an outstanding job in wiping out terrorist forces”.

      • Ms.MLG1979

        Oh, God.

  • Callyson

    Schmitz left the government to become general counsel of the parent company of the defense contractor then known as Blackwater.

    Remember them?

    Formerly known as Blackwater, the company was renamed XE Services in 2009. It was renamed Academi in 2011, after the company was acquired by a group of private investors in late 2010. The new investors instituted a board of directors and new senior management, Prince retained the rights to the name Blackwater and has no affiliation with Academi. Blackwater received widespread publicity in 2007, when a group of its employees killed 17 Iraqi civilians and injured 20 in Nisour Square, Baghdad for which four guards were convicted in a U.S. court.

    What a perfect landing ground for this asshole…

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Isn’t it about time for Blackwater to re-re-rename itself?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Thay are XE. Might I suggest XF?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Where do they get these name from????

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I don’t remember who said “Germany might have lost WWII, but the Nazis won.”, but he was right.

  • Callyson

    Former Interior Department Inspector General Earl Devaney, who served during the Clinton, Bush and Obama administrations, said he was surprised to hear Trump picked Schmitz as his adviser.

    “I was shocked,” Devaney said. “In fact, a bunch of us former inspectors general called each other when we saw the news, and we couldn’t stop laughing because it was so ridiculous that someone so odd and out of the mainstream would be selected, particularly for that position.”

    Earl, with all due respect, if you were shocked you weren’t paying attention…

  • Cindyinencinitas

    He seems nice.

  • Callyson

    Schmitz spoke to law students in March 2015 at Southern Methodist University in Dallas in a forum about communism and its impact on society.

    Renwei Chung, a student who took notes of Schmitz’s speech, said it appeared to him that Schmitz was calling Obama a communist. He described how Schmitz held up the book: “The Communist: Frank Marshall Davis – The Untold Story of Barack Obama’s Mentor” and said to the forum, “The Chinese worship Mao. They have pictures of Mao everywhere. Do you know who the second most popular person in China is? Obama. … Why is that?”

    • TJ Barke

      “Do you know who the second most popular person in China is? Obama. … Why is that?””

  • SDGeoff

    But not nice enough to make sammiches for, as far as I can tell. To cindy downthere…
    My aim is off today.

  • weejee

    Is Mary Kay now driving a pink car?

  • elviouslyqueer

    This is like the Duggars, only with acres more nutty goodness.

  • cousin itt
    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Oh hah! Given your description I thought maybe he’d crossed Putin but then I realized that was unpossible….

    • Crystalclear12

      Very humane.

  • Cindyinencinitas

    Well, for some Friday nice time, I would like to report fresh from the kick-off meeting for Doug Applegate that he is in a dead heat at this point with Issa. Even the people in the OC are turning away from the dark side.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • cousin itt

      Said Donald, “Sad how many of those people don’t know how to swim.”

      • PubOption

        If he said that, it would be the first time I’ve heard him using the dogwhistle instead of the foghorn.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Haven’t these people suffered enough already?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        In the case of Anthony Perkins (the fundie asshole) the answer is no.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Gov John Bel specifically told him not to come if he was just going to do a photo-op. Which is precisely what he’s doing even as I type.

        Mendacious publicity whore.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          His entire campaign is an exercise in publicity whoring.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          BUT TRUMP HAS TO LOOK PRESIDENTIAL!!!! HE’S PIVOTING!!! DON’T YOU GET IT?!??!?!?!?! He’s gotta do something, right???

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Governor is low energy. The state needed to class-up their tragedy.

        • Beaumarchais?

          Trump and Pence are “going to help people on the ground who are in need.” What, by pumping out basements? Hah. It’s fair to guess that not ONE (very small) finger will be lifted.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            They’ll supervise

          • Beaumarchais?

            “Hey, Jose—work harder!”

    • Blank Ron

      Trump’s new campaign manager Kellyanne Conway suggested that the visit was part of a larger effort, like his speech on Thursday, to pivot to a more presidential phase.

      “It’s also presidential today to have him and Governor Pence going to Louisiana in a decidedly nonpolitical event,” she told ABC’s Good Morning America Friday, adding that they would be “going to help people on the ground who are in need.”

      Trump.
      ‘Helping people in need.’
      Kelly, dear, have you MET the man you’re working for yet?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Trump.
        ‘Helping people in greed.’

        • Blank Ron

          For ‘people’ = ‘Trump.’

      • elviouslyqueer

        Unless this asshole is planning on sticking around for more than an hour so he can rip out carpet, remove drywall, and Shop-Vac out a shit-ton of water from one of the 40,000 affected homes, then he can go fuck the living fuck out of himself.

        • Blank Ron

          Perhaps he’s planning on flying in some Romanian contractors to do it. And he won’t charge the home owners more than double the usual rate.

          • Beaumarchais?

            He’s probably looking for buying opportunities. That’s what he said he did in disasters.

          • LA Julian

            The villain in that Harris novel about Pompeii did that! There had been a bad earthquake a few years before the eruption, and he cleaned up on it, then perished planning a second act when the big one hit.

        • LA Julian

          According to Twitter, he handed out 6 boxes of food, declared victory and left.

          https://twitter.com/xdelmar59/status/766685075622682629

          After arriving with the Secret Service version of SWAT taking point out of the plane for him…

          https://twitter.com/MicahGrimes/status/766646969582223360

  • bubbuhh

    The Schmidts and Letourneaus were members of the Republican Party Animals, the RightSwingGenitalJobs of the GOPee.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “Tonight, when I go to sleep, guys and girls, I am going to sleep very soundly.”—reacting to the state Senate’s formal reprimand of his 1982 press release titled “Senator Schmitz and His Committee Survive ‘Attack of the Bulldykes.’” Written by aide Brad Evans after Schmitz chaired an anti-abortion hearing, the release called feminist attorney Gloria Allred “a slick, butch lawyeress” and described pro-choice supporters as “a sea of hard, Jewish and (arguably) female faces.” It denounced witnesses as “imported lesbians from anti-male and pro-abortion queer groups in San Francisco and other centers of decadence.”

    JESUS EFFING CHRIST are these assholes MORONS!!! Their own bigotry targets the LGBTQ community for multiple reasons, one of them being they don’t BREED!!! Under that moronic reasoning why the fuck would they even care about abortion?!?! The cognitive dissonance in this crowd stretches even farther back than I thought!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s all cognitive dissonance, all the way down.

  • aureolaborealis

    This shit is why I support freedom of speech for the monsters and the assholes, too. “Yes, you should absolutely tell us everything you think about this matter. Speak into the microphone. Better yet, write it down and sign it.”

    • Alan

      Send it in an email, save it to the cloud.

  • anwisok

    I’m going to pick a thread of lunacy I haven’t seen brought up yet. Not only did his daughter molest a kid, then marry him when when she got out of jail, the kid rather appears to be, shall we say, non-caucasian. Thanksgiving dinner must be lots of fun!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Oh, hush! You’re not supposed to bring it up at the table. Now pass the gravy.

  • Lizzietish81

    John Birch Society was too crazy for Nixon. Let that sink in.

    So this guy is too crazy for Nixon squared

    • Paperless Tiger

      We’re talking Goldwater crazy.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Beyond Goldwater crazy. Recall that Goldwater thought the courting of the fundies would be the death of the GOP. Turns out he was right.

        • Thaumaturgist

          Sides. Barry Golds wasn’t exactly anti-Semitec. He was Jewish himself.

          • LA Julian

            He also wasn’t part of the Anti-Sex wing of the conservative movement.

          • Tovarish Z

            He was of Jewish descent. Never considered himself Jewish.

          • LA Julian

            Bigots famously don’t care about that.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    If the Jews are money grubbing cheats, why isn’t Trump in awe of them?

    • Blank Ron

      Because he’s not the one getting the money.

    • bubbuhh

      Their hands are bigger than his, all of them.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      When he talks to audiences of conservative Jews, he basically heaps praise on them for being being fellow money-giubbers and cheats.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “In his final days, he allegedly lectured Mr. Crane on the details of concentration camps and how the ovens were too small to kill 6 million Jews,” wrote Meyer, whose complaint is before the Merit Systems Protection Board (MSPB).

    …is it noon yet? Can I start drinking? Not all Jews that died from 1941 to 1945 were cremated in a fucking ovens you numb nuts moron!!! Many were simply slaughtered in ghettos, worked to death as slaves building infrastructure, died in transit to death camps and were discarded like trash or simply shot and killed and then buried in the most convenient shallow grave!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You have more knowledge of this than Schmitz does, obviously.

    • Crystalclear12

      Until this election season is over civilized drinking rules are suspended.
      That is all.
      Carry on

    • Señor Skwerl

      Mr. Crane’s rebuttal: “I was is referring to the actual size of the ovens. There’s no way you can stuff six million people into them. It’s physics!”

  • Jay Vaughn

    Any word that ends in “ess” sounds offensive. Example “Whatever bakeress made these bagels sucks.” That sounds super fucking sexist doesn’t it.

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      Unlike “editrix” which sounds righteous and cool.

  • baconzgood

    This dude sucks.

  • Thaumaturgist

    No we all fit in. Wonketeers are like everybody else too. Only even more so.

  • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

    The Aristocrats!

  • Crank Tango

    I’ll never understand these idiots that think the holocaust would have been a great idea but it didn’t actually happen.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      These are also the very same idiots who equate obamacare to slavery but also believe that The Blacks had it real good under slavery, so please stop complaining about it!… yeah… WTF???

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s cognitive dissonance all the way down, as I said earlier :)

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    If Jews are all grasping con artists who only love money and power and want to bilk everyone else out theirs why isn’t Trump a Jew? Or for that matter- the Koch brothers?

    • Señor Skwerl

      Look in the shadows, you’ll find the Jews are controlling them with their Jew-Power.

      • Blank Ron

        ‘Wonder Jew Power activate!’

      • Paperless Tiger

        I know a Jewish electrician. He controls a lot of power.

      • LA Julian

        Umberto Eco had a lot to say on the fact that for fascist or proto-fascist propaganda to work, the adversary must simultaneously be portrayed as 1) unfairly and unbelievably powerful, 2) incompetent, weak, craven, and in all other ways inferior to Us, the Underdog Victors. It’s something very noticeable once you recognize the pattern.

        http://www.nybooks.com/articles/1995/06/22/ur-fascism/

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is the con; blame the Jews for everything bad that happens that is perpetrated by the WASP elites. It was this way in Germany; German bankers and Junker industrialists were doing all the things the Jews were supposedly doing. But the Jews take the rap, because of the old prohibitions (long since abolished) against Christians being involved in finance, so Jews took up the slack.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        It’s just another game of pin the tail on the minority only it’s the oldest tail being pinned on the most often persecuted minority….

        • Villago Delenda Est

          And the rubes fall for it every single time. Who can blame the perps for using something that works every single time?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Sheesh…it’s almost like people around here have some grasp of history. What a novel concept these days…

      • LA Julian

        It’s the plot of Our Mutual Friend — which Dickens wrote after a Jewish fan calling him out on Oliver Twist — brought into the 21st century. Point out that the Bushes were bankers — crickets.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Also, Jew = communist

  • edith prickly

    Trump family values.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    So I guess W. Cleon Skoussen another deranged lunatic booted out by the JBS wasn’t the only one too insane for those fucks? Nice company you keep teh Donald.

    • LA Julian

      These Orange County Birchers were big fans of Skousen — Knott of Knott’s Berry Farm was another Skousen & Christian Capitalism fan, I just found out while researching Schmitz.

      Needless to say, the Liberal NYT said nothing of this, just that he was a great friend of the Reagans, in his obituary.

  • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

    “Too small ovens” is the weakest of all attempted arguments when it comes to Holocaust denying that I’ve ever heard

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s like they’re not even trying. The Holocaust was meticulously documented by the Nazis themselves, in stereotypical German fashion. They just didn’t get a chance to burn all the records before the end came.

      • cat cafe

        And there were those pesky skeletal survivors that they didn’t get to in time, either.

      • Gregory Brown

        We even have the IBM punch cards, with categories for Jews and how each one died. Each major camp had a bunker for the sensitive punch card machines.

    • cat cafe

      And it also carries the pleasant overtone “now, if those ovens had just been BIGGER….”

  • DainBramage

    I did not see that twist coming. At the beginning I was, “What the hell is this pic of MKL and her victim doing here?” The reveal at the end was perfect.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is Trix using her Spidey Powers to delight us all.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Show of hands for who else was jealous of that kid when you were 16.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Actually, this is the thing; most male 16 year olds would be envious of Teacher’s special pet.

      • cat cafe

        Actually, this is the thing: the kid was 12.

      • r m reddicks

        I knew a fellow once. Early age his female teacher developed a thing for him. Pretty much destroyed his self-esteem when she took it to far. I was never that “cute”.

    • Bemused

      He was a mess afterward. It was one of the cases we looked at in grad school in order to dispel the myth that boys weren’t affected in statutory rape/child molestation situations.

  • beatbort

    The tree doesn’t fall far from the nut.

    • cat cafe

      The tree doesn’t fall far from the mass grave in the Lithuanian forest, you mean.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    See this is why Holocaust denial and Nazi imagery should have been outlawed in the United States. If only we had followed suit with Germany, Donald Trump would not be the GOP nominee right now…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That pesky 1st Amendment sometimes gets in the way of things. It’s like the Dixie Swastika; you’re allowed to be loud and proud of your racism.

      • cat cafe

        Well, there are exceptions to the 1st Amendment, including hate speech, speech inciting violence, and even something called, literally “fightin’ words.” I myself have always held that these exceptions absolutely should include Nazi imagery–what more “inciting of violence” could there be?

        Gee, you know, I might have enjoyed meeting my mother’s and father’s extended family before they were liquidated, and maybe my Grandma, the one I’m named for, might NOT have had her life shortened by that whole “arbeit macht frei” fun time. (She survived, but only lived a few more years, so I never got to meet her.) Germany knew enough to do it!

        But many disagree. Mostly people whose great-grandfathers didn’t have to tell their then-fourteen-year-old sons “We hear they’re going to kill everyone in the ghetto tonight. If you can find a way out, leave. Don’t come back. Good luck.”

        I read a story somewhere about a woman, extolling the virtues of her dad who worked an honest living in a steel factory, chirping about how her mom always told her to wave to the smokestacks and “say hello to Daddy!” See, if you’re Jewish, thanks to “Nazi imagery,” waving to smokestacks and saying hello to Daddy has a whole different meaning.

      • r m reddicks

        Depending on your boss.

    • btwbfdimho

      Wait, sarcasm?

  • Portia McGonagal

    So basically Trump is six degrees of separation away from Mary Kay LeTourneau. That somehow totally fits with this whole campaign.

    • jmhm

      One, actually.

    • theblackdog

      and the possible NAMBLA donations

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I’ve read about them on the interwebs,. So it must be true.

    • Alan

      Only 2 degrees.

      • cat cafe

        One. She’s the new anti-semite’s sister.

        • Alan

          Right. Two from Trump.

  • exinkwretch

    OK, trigger warning here. If anyone talks about Mary Kay’s “affair” with her student, I am gonna go full ballistic. She’s a child molester and should be labeled as such.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, sorry, she can’t be a child molester; she’s not a male homosexual, who are the only child molesters that exist.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Or a transgender!

    • HanBarbara

      Agreed, but the entire story was bizarre. After she finished her prison sentence, and the young boy she had molested turned 18, they began dating. I believe that they eventually married. Bizarre story from a strange family. Family gatherings must be really interesting.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Two daughters, too.

        • nightmoth

          This is the family today.

  • Mavenmaven

    Schmitz is LeTorneau’s sister? Melania, be very scared.

  • Paperless Tiger

    I thought they used fire ditches.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    New Trump campaign team arrives to begin work.

    • Alan

      Haha. He’s named his transition team.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Joe The Furnace Repair Guy…

    • r m reddicks

      I thought he was a fake plumber?

  • jmhm

    And speaking of nazi apologists, that nice Milo may have made off with the proceeds of the (unregistered) “Yiannopoulos Privilege Grant” he’s been raising money for on Breitbart. Donors thought they were subsidizing
    “white men who wish to pursue their post-secondary education on equal footing with their female, queer and ethnic minority classmates”

    • Oily Messiah

      They were, Milo is headed back to school, animal house school

      • jmhm

        But what about the oppressed not-queer white men?

        • UnsaltedSinner

          They’re not Milo Yiannopouolos. Priorities!

          • jmhm

            Can’t wait til the Breitbart faithful find out that their donations aren’t deductible.

    • HanBarbara

      A scam artist? In the T Rump campaign? Whoda thunk?

      • revenant

        swindlers all the way down

    • UnsaltedSinner
    • Alan

      Well he never actually registered as a charity so if people are so fucking stupid as to send him money…. Just amazes me.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That I can absolutely agree with. Anyone who gives money to a wingnut fear merchant is just two bricks short of a complete wall.

      • jmhm

        I’m just assuming that since the fundraiser was announced by the site, the site was endorsing it as a valid fundraiser. At least, it wouldn’t amaze me if some lawyer decided that was so.

        • Alan

          That actually makes it worse. I think.

          • jmhm

            Sure. Because they’re going to spend what should have been their honeymoon in the spotlight squabbling with $10 donors over lawsuits.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          So Bannon jumped ship to the Trump campaign just before the lawsuits start flying? That’s Making American Great Again!

          • jmhm

            This is the election of the scooby villains, it really is.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Imagine: One of those guys using hate and fear in order to grift. I don’t believe it!

    • Spot Letton

      People who’ve never seen a pic of Milo (I hadn’t) should definitely go over to the Beast and take a gander. He looks like someone dressing up as a psychopath for Halloween.

      I like the Breitbartian line cited in the Beast story… “In a move certain to infuriate the left, Breitbart Tech Editor Milo Yiannopoulos has created…”

      Will they never learn? This stuff doesn’t infuriate us, it just makes us think, “Christ, what an asshole.”

      • Land Shark

      • jmhm

        Well, it’s kind of sad that these people have to be asked to help as a hostile act instead of because they want to help, but at least they’re helping (although, given how much wingnut welfare is sloshing around over there, not bloody much). At least they haven’t fucked with anyone’s good intentions.

  • parkii

    I guess (((we))) aren’t in danger of relinquishing our title of ‘Most Hate Crimes Committed Against a Religious Group in America’ any time soon.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      ups for (((we)))

  • guppy06

    his daughter, Mary Kay LeTourneau, went on to have a fulfilling, happy life being married to her twelve-year-old pupil.

    You forgot the “Samoan” (i.e. not white) part.

    • nightmoth

      Still, not black, not jew. I bet Dad has some kind of Mutiny on the Bounty fantasy about exotic Polynesians.

      • Oily Messiah

        Noble Savages or some equally disgusting diatribe

        • nightmoth

          Funny how we sentimentalize groups after we destroy them.

    • PubOption

      He’s Samoan but she’s the strange cookie.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Not mentioned above is the fun fact that poppa John Schmitz was the presidential candidate for the American Independent Party in 1972. He received 1.1 million votes nationally including 9.3% in Idaho; where is actually beat McGovern for second place in a few counties.

  • btwbfdimho

    So we cannot make jokes about Bundy’s face but furnace jokes in this context are ok?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I do not think furnace jokes are ever ok, in any context?

  • chascates

    Trump should stop using the KKK as his HR department.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I am like myself, only more so.

  • Tovarish Z

    Mr. Schmitz apparently speaks German. In that case “Nazi Rauss!”.

    • Sakonyachen

      er hat die besten Scheißhaufen auf seine Kampagne Personal

      Google translate. I am of German descent, but I went to public school.

      • Tovarish Z

        Ich verstehe was Sie haben geschreiben mit kein Google.

        • Sakonyachen

          ich bin stolz auf dich

          • Tovarish Z

            Vielendank!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I sometimes want to believe that Holocaust denial is evidence of something in the human spirit that is not evil – more like the opposite; an inability to acknowledge – even in the face of overwhelming evidence – that evil on that scale can exist.

    But this optimistic view of human nature tends to get crushed pretty quickly when Holocaust deniers turn out to be bigoted douchebags.

    • cat cafe

      And when they imply that the problem is just that the ovens weren’t big enough.

      • LesBontemps

        Clearly, Adolf Eichmann missed the opportunity to say, “We’re gonna need a bigger oven.”

      • Sakonyachen

        Is that what they have been getting at all along? I’m so dense.

    • bookish

      I’m not a holocaust denier, and I have read a lot of history about the Third Reich and fascism. One day I was at the library poking around, and I happened to pick up a rail atlas that showed the deportation of the Jews. The first thought that went through my mind was, that never happened. Even though I knew very well, at the same instant, that it did happen. Seeing the extent of the pogrom presented so graphically, in black and white, was just too much for my mind to accept without revolt.

  • georgiaburning

    He’s the son of the Orange County John Schmitz? Forget trying to get Trump to “pivot”, the RNC needs to call in a hazmat team and an exorcist. And probably Winston Wolf

    • YayConspiracy

      All I wanted to fucking hear from you: “everything is cool, I’m calling in Mr Wolf.”

    • Sakonyachen

      “Pretty please! With sugar on top! Buy a fuckin’ wig!”

      Winston Wolf to Donald Trump

  • Jamoche

    I once listened to an episode of Dave Emory where he went into Mary Kay’s family and their government connections. Yes, he’s a conspiracy theorist (but man, that voice) and I never bothered to check what parts of it were based in fact, but I’m not surprised at this.

  • kareemachan

    I wondered why that pic of Le Tourneau was there. This explains a LOT about her, but somehow, I think there’s probably more to the story, unfortunately.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You must be one of them liberals so as to believe something is not black and white, right or wrong.
      THINKER! *points and accuses*

      • kareemachan

        [shuffles feet and stares at ground]

        “Errrr…. um…. well…. yeah.”

    • Says so much that a scion of an ultra-racist family decided to pedobear an CULLUD boy.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Samoan.

  • Le Tourneau has seven (possibly 8 now) children, so there may be further generational adventure from this family.

  • 3FingerPete

    The guy is advising the Republican candidate for President of the United States. The guy is a piece of shit human being but you’ve got to admire his networking game. Do you know who else had mad networking skillz?

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      James K. Polk?

    • r m reddicks

      Howard Beale?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Russian hackers?

    • Sakonyachen

      The twins that Zuckerberg stole Facebook from?

  • Sedagive

    It’s a good thing that today’s impotent, genocidal wannabees are too damn lazy to open a book (or even watch a documentary apparently). Their fantasy reich is going to be a total bust.

    PS: The Fuhrer was a terrific dancer.

    • Gregory Brown

      Upvoted for Producers ref!

      • Grizz1y

        Well he did come from a long line of English queens.

  • BMW

    Mary Kay LeTourneau? Ok, now do Trump and Kevin Bacon.

    • JaxxonArgonaut

      What a good question.

      Trumpty was in The Associate (1996) with Austin Pendleton, who was in Starting Over (1979) with Kevin Bacon.

      Not even 2 degrees how disappointing :-(

    • Sakonyachen

      Trump was in 54 with Ryan Phillippe, Phillippe was in Way of the Gun with Juliet Lewis, Juliet Lewis was in California with Brad Pitt, Brad Pitt was in sleepers with Kevin Bacon.

      • BMW

        Trump was in 54?

        As what? A disco ball?

        • Sakonyachen

          VIP guest. So a douche bag. Common mistake, both are inanimate objects, and many clubs have disco balls and douchebags.

  • Randy Riddle

    Trump keeps finding these wackos, each one more extreme than the last, leaving me wondering who the bloody hell he’ll bring into his campaign in October.

    • Gregory Brown

      Don’t let this get around, but I hear that Trump has sent an expedition into Ukraine in search of the grave of Attila the Hun, in hopes of resurrecting him through sorcery and having him replace Bannon as campaign manager because Bannon is a softie.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Oh Lord, that Schmitz family! Again?

    One of the most curious and horrific details of of John G. Schmitz’s secret second family was the fact his infant son was severely mutilated under circumstances that were never fully explained. See the Wikipedia article under “Extramarital affair and fall-out.”

    Not mentioned in that article but something I remember vividly is that during her childhood, Schmitz’s pet name for Mary Kay was “Cake,” which seemed creepy, considering what people normally do with cake.

    • Smokahontas

      I feel dirty for upvoting this. But then, I usually feel dirty, so same same.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I felt dirty posting it but that’s what happens when you touch anything remotely touching upon the Schmitz family.

        • Smokahontas

          It’s the kind of dirty that requires you’re browser to be scrubbed with steele wool…

    • Sunnyinwyoming

      That was a very strange part of the story, and if I remember right, the little boy who was mutilated and his sister both ended up in foster care after their mother died, rather than the family caring for them. There was also a little boy in the Schmitz family, Mary Kay’s younger brother, who drowned in the family pool when she was watching him. I think Mary Kay was pretty young herself, too young to be responsible for another child in the pool. The family said that they never considered her responsible for that accident, but that’s hard to imagine given how awful they are. I can only imagine what that would do to any child.

      • kareemachan

        Holy effing shit. This is a GREAT example of why some people shouldn’t procreate.

      • malsperanza

        In fact, the wiki entry on her reads like a rejected synopsis for American Horror Story. Or that one episode of The X Files that got banned.

  • CatCope

    OH MY STARZ!!!!!!! 3 tier’d schools?? Ah, mr. shits, ah mean schmitz done fell in Prof. Peabody’s Way Back Machine & hit 1953.

  • MrCanoehead

    Wanted to link to “Mary Kay” by Jill Sobule, but no luck. You’ll have to find it yourselves, wonkarinos.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Damn, I was wondering how this was all going to link up with Mary Kay LeTourneau, and that was…unexpected.

    • jmk

      My jaw literally dropped.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        God, mine too!!! I was roughly the same age as LeTourneau’s middle-school paramour when they got caught, and due the perhaps age-inappropriate nature of my reading material at the time (why I read “Esquire” as a thirteen-year-old girl, I don’t quite know), I was mildly traumatized by the details of the whole fucked-up affair.

  • sadboy

    Boy, this one is painted in so many shades of weird that I think we may need a new electromagnetic spectrum to describe it.

    Sure explains a lot about Mary Kay LeTourneau, though.

  • Smokahontas

    Someone help me out here: what interest do
    lesbians need to have in abortion? I mean other than buying up surplus fetuses for a nice Paella?

    • bookish

      Women’s sexual attractions and behaviors tend to be more fluid than men’s. The designation lesbian may not mean much.

    • Boscoe

      …Because rapists don’t always remember to recharge the batteries in their gaydar?

  • kareemachan

    Is it just me, or does the Samoan dude look resigned, bored, kinda “whatever” in that photo?

  • The Librarian

    Dear Mr. Schmuckz – You’ve obviously never seen a concentration camp, a crematorium, nor read how Sonderkommandos pulled those tangled bodies out of the gas chambers, nor how they sometimes had to hack away at those bodies to get them to fit in the ovens. Not that you’d care anyway. What’s a few dead Jews when you can fire them instead?

  • malsperanza

    “Jews are just like everyone else, only more so.”

    Yes, this is the song of my people.

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