Wonkers! There you are, just trying to read your dick jokes in peace, and some fucking thing keeps looping and crashing your browser. Or there’s a fucking poll that sounds like it was written by Steven Crowder (it probably was). Or some goddamn footer takes about a minute to appear and then a minute to close. WHY IS WONKETTE DESTROYING YOUR DICK JOKE EXPERIENCE???
Well. It is because in the past few months, advertising revenue has cratered — some of the networks we rely on have dropped their revenues by NINETY PERCENT, and others by ONE HUNDRED PERCENT (bye bye Bernie ads, bye bye!), and new ones we put in that started at like $400 a day are now, just weeks later, paying us $2, and $2 is not a good price for an ad unit for a day! — and we’re trying to make up the difference. This sucks for you, and for us! Honest, we don’t like it either!
We aren’t going to make like The Toast and go out of business, don’t worry, because then we would have to get a job, and Mama is too old and bitchy to have anyone tell her what to do anymore. But we are feeling the crunch, and that crunch is your browser, your Flash player, and your load time, not to mention your scroll.
We’ve almost gotten to the point where we’re ready to take all ads off the page and just rely on Wonkers like you, but this requires a leap of faith and we do not trust you as far as we can throw you, and frankly, we have no upper body strength even at all AND we’re terrible jumpers. (For us to meet all operating expenses and have a salary for me-and-Shy-combined of about $6,000 a month — WHICH SEEMS FAIR — you would need to quadruple your love gifts. And maybe you WOULD quadruple your love gifts! But there’s an awful lot of people who give us $5 a month, which is a reasonable monthly donation, who couldn’t do a $20 monthly donation, which is only a reasonable donation for richie rich neoliberal elites!)
All this is to say that you could give us more money if you would like, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, and have you considered our “ad-fewer subscription”? Then, the only ads that appear are the static ones under “Friends of Wonkette” in the sidebar, because those are our actual friends and Wonkers Like You, and also they’re static and won’t fuck you up none. (Remember to log in again every few days where it says “members,” or you will say “HEY, I AM PAYING $4.99 A MONTH, AND ALL OF THESE ADS ARE STILL HERE!” No! They’re not! You forgot to log in again!)
Also, if you’ve got an ad-blocker, and you’re throwing us $1 or $2 a month, we think you’re being fair, and that’s fine, so you can keep doing that.
OK, sorry to suck at you, we love you, bye bye!