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beat it, poorsWonkers! There you are, just trying to read your dick jokes in peace, and some fucking thing keeps looping and crashing your browser. Or there’s a fucking poll that sounds like it was written by Steven Crowder (it probably was). Or some goddamn footer takes about a minute to appear and then a minute to close. WHY IS WONKETTE DESTROYING YOUR DICK JOKE EXPERIENCE???

Well. It is because in the past few months, advertising revenue has cratered — some of the networks we rely on have dropped their revenues by NINETY PERCENT, and others by ONE HUNDRED PERCENT (bye bye Bernie ads, bye bye!), and new ones we put in that started at like $400 a day are now, just weeks later, paying us $2, and $2 is not a good price for an ad unit for a day! — and we’re trying to make up the difference. This sucks for you, and for us! Honest, we don’t like it either!

We aren’t going to make like The Toast and go out of business, don’t worry, because then we would have to get a job, and Mama is too old and bitchy to have anyone tell her what to do anymore. But we are feeling the crunch, and that crunch is your browser, your Flash player, and your load time, not to mention your scroll.

We’ve almost gotten to the point where we’re ready to take all ads off the page and just rely on Wonkers like you, but this requires a leap of faith and we do not trust you as far as we can throw you, and frankly, we have no upper body strength even at all AND we’re terrible jumpers. (For us to meet all operating expenses and have a salary for me-and-Shy-combined of about $6,000 a month — WHICH SEEMS FAIR — you would need to quadruple your love gifts. And maybe you WOULD quadruple your love gifts! But there’s an awful lot of people who give us $5 a month, which is a reasonable monthly donation, who couldn’t do a $20 monthly donation, which is only a reasonable donation for richie rich neoliberal elites!)

All this is to say that you could give us more money if you would like, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, and have you considered our “ad-fewer subscription”? Then, the only ads that appear are the static ones under “Friends of Wonkette” in the sidebar, because those are our actual friends and Wonkers Like You, and also they’re static and won’t fuck you up none. (Remember to log in again every few days where it says “members,” or you will say “HEY, I AM PAYING $4.99 A MONTH, AND ALL OF THESE ADS ARE STILL HERE!” No! They’re not! You forgot to log in again!)

Also, if you’ve got an ad-blocker, and you’re throwing us $1 or $2 a month, we think you’re being fair, and that’s fine, so you can keep doing that.

OK, sorry to suck at you, we love you, bye bye!

BYE BYE
BYE BYE
$
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  • cousin itt

    Thanks Obama!

  • Shucky Ducky

    Okay, okay–jeez–here’s some money. Now will you please get Donna Rose those cakes she likes?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why won’t Hilz buy ads? She’s got a lot of $$ sitting around for that sort of thing.

  • memzilla

    What about blackmailing Drumpf to not post about his being Putin’s bottom?

    • cousin itt

      Well that, and his NAMBLA membership.

      • weejee

        And all the ibogaine he got from Ed Muskie.

  • natoslug

    Ad free subscription is the only way to go. Even with noscript and ABP completely off for Wonkette (except you, you fucking Wibbitz! Thank the gods of fucking you aren’t around today), I hardly ever have a browser crash.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wibbitz had to die- it was either it or me…

      • rebecca

        you guys are both wrong; now it’s just in the rail.

        • natoslug

          As long as it’s behaving, I’m good. I like my Wonkette stable. The site as well.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I had to launch my other browser w/o the filter to see it, but it’s hiding in the rail off to the side. I’m still leaving it dead on my main browser though. Miracle Max taught me the danger of mostly dead…

  • Rick Hill

    But shouldn’t the revenue from the trump spots take up the slack?

  • Callyson

    We’ve almost gotten to the point where we’re ready to take all ads off the page and just rely on Wonkers like you, but this requires a leap of faith and we do not trust you as far as we can throw you, and frankly, we have no upper body strength even at all AND we’re terrible jumpers.

    I’ve been lifting heavy lately, if that helps.

    OK. you want more concrete help? Fine–I’ll stop bitching about how “I want it in women’s size not unisex dammit!” and get the Hillary “I was born to do this” shirt.

    • Captain Kraut

      You’ll probably be glad to have that version, depending on how much you’ve been lifting.

  • exinkwretch

    Hey, maybe if you laid off on Putin for a while Manafort could steer some sweet, sweet rubles your way!

    • SDGeoff

      I read that as “rubes”.

  • Mpeg

    I just figured it was a sign of the long-awaited Derpocalypse.

  • natoslug

    GET THE TRUMP AD MUNEEZ UP FRONT!!!1!!!!!

  • natoslug

    If I had anything worth selling, I’d buy a Wonkette ad. Unfortunately, nobody wants half a decomposed skunk and a dented ’96 RAV 4 with a bad head.

    • cheetojeebus

      There is no such thing as bad head.

      • natoslug

        There is when it’s all black and leaky and covered in scuzz.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Dude, man, you should get that looked at.

          • natoslug

            My urologist was pissed when I dropped my block on the exam table.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            And here I thought he’d be bored.

          • natoslug

            Nah, he’s a total crank, so he’s easily overheated by a hard shaft. (hopes it ends here, as that was really reaching . . . )

          • Cindyinencinitas

            That was a totally balanced response. Should be blueprinted for future use. Sorry.

          • natoslug

            It’s time to put the brakes on, switch gears to something else.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oh all right.

  • Oblios_Cap

    How much for the leetle girl?

    • Mhael

      Sell them to me! SELL ME YOUR CHILDREN!

  • OddMan

    OK,OK.
    I’ll get up off my lazy butt and finally join.
    You are worth it.

  • JMP

    It really sucks how the internet ad revenues have just plummeted, so I’ve seen so many people I follow coming to rely more on donations because they just can’t make much off the ads anymore. And yes, those of you who use ad-blockers, this is your fault.

    It’s as annoying as a network deciding to cancel one of the most thoughtful and informative political comedy shows out there because it was too informative and didn’t produce moments that went viral so a bunch of people with low attention spans who would never watch the whole show would see a ninety-second clip from it on fucking social media. grr.

  • OK, I did something on the link page but I don’t know what I did. I think whatever I did will cost about 10 cans of clams a month. I’m waiting for something to happen now.

    • natoslug

      You’ll have to log in. I think it takes a few minutes/an hour for Shy to get you all set up and for you to be able to get credentials and everything. I think he’s even fixed the thing that would randomly sign me out every few days, so it’s great.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        it’s pretty good o the desktop browser, but I get regularly bumped on mobile devices

        • natoslug

          I’d have to remember my password to use ad-fewer on my tablet. And disqus fucking kills everything when I go mobile.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Disqus doesn’t play well at all on mobile browsers. My mobile chrome remembers my login credentials, I just have to do it a lot

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I fucking hate trying to post a comment on my phone. I get bumped, thrown and abused by the electric waves or whatever.

          • SDGeoff

            Young lady, you know very well that we do not post comments here. Telephonic or otherwise.
            Also as well, you are not reading this.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I’m dreaming in SDGeoff again. Sorry.

          • SDGeoff

            Good for you! Staying cool this morning?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I’m cold because my office is unnecessarily cold and they blame it on the computer but I know it’s because one person in our office is a “full grown” woman and wink wink it’s hard for her to keep cool. But it’s a gorgeous day, is it not? Are you in air conditioning?

          • SDGeoff

            Nope. I am sitting by my window and enjoying a little breeze. It is very hot in the sun, but ok otherwise. Just had a walk and got all sweaty, but it is beautiful! Finally, some genuine summer.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Don’t tell anybody, but I haven’t been in the ocean yet this summer. I know. Lame.

          • SDGeoff

            I haven’t either. I couldn’t type it any smaller.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            We suck, bro.

        • rebecca

          Shy says the cookies are set for a month if you click “remember me.” he changed it a month or two ago when I said the login period was too short.

          it bumps you off way before then?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            just tried wiping and reloading the wonket cookies from mobile in case it was caching an older version (also reset location permissions). I’ll see in about a week…

        • They are set to last a month.

          On mobile, you might have a default setting to drop cookies daily or weekly, to preserve data storage. Dunno? /sadface emoticon

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Not seeing anything in the mobile chrome settings, other than to clear. I did find a way to turn off the annoying ‘touch to search’ feature though! I’ll poke around online and see what I can find

          • Jamoche

            I know there are other websites that tell you the cookie will last “until you close your browser” – which can be quite some time on computers but whenever your device is short on memory for mobiles. This is not my area of software, but I am good at google-fu debugging; there’s a stackoverflow answer that seems to be implying one can accidentally create a cookie with an expiration date that isn’t actually “permanent”, which is what it needs to persist across browser reopens.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I think I may know what’s going on- the Google sync feature is apparently much deeper than I realized (it’s even piping passwords and some cache data back and forth)- I use Google as a conduit to keep my Android OS, IOS, Windoze and Mac OS all talking to each other. While doing clean up in my phone to suss this out, I just discovered that it’s affecting my laptop Chrome logins too. Maybe when I’m going in to clear my cache of all the midget pron from my laptop browser, it’s deleting the login cookie on my mobile browser too, forcing me to have to relogin to ad fewer

    • rebecca

      now you go log in. Oh my god you will love it SO MUCH.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Clam dip recipes in three…two…one…

    • SnarkOff

      YOU MONSTER!

    • Cannedclamscanner

      I better get busy…

  • Justno

    I tried signing up but it looks like I can only use PayPal. I would rather not have a PayPal account. Is there another way I can send you all my moneez?

    • rebecca

      you can register for an account and then send us a note saying you’re sending a check to our PO box:

      PO Box 8765
      Missoula, MT 59807

      if you do it that way, it’s easiest if you send a check that covers at least three months (or even a year).

      • SnarkOff

        Or you can dead drop the cash in a hole in the snow near a barbed-wire fence along the highway in Fargo, North Dakota. Just be sure to mark the spot with an ice scraper so they know where to find it.

        • r m reddicks

          The Cohens know where it is and will probably beat anyone to it.

    • chicken thief

      venmo is purdy easy if it is acceptable to the overlords

  • YoBunnyBunny

    And if you join, you get to be greeted “Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening DAVE” … even if your name isn’t Dave*. Neat, right???

    Fun fact on when I do shady internet biz with certain eastern european pharmaceutical outfits, I go by the nom de guerre “Dave”.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      will I dream Dave?

      • SterWonk

        ACTUALLY, both SAL 9000 (first) and HAL 9000 (last) asked Dr. Chandra if they would dream; Dr. C told SAL yes, and told HAL he didn’t know.

        • rebecca

          nerd.

          • SterWonk

            Have you met me?

            (Yes. Yes, you have: Oakland Drinky Thing 2015™)

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      All this time, I thought it was greeting me personally because my name actually is Dave. Unfair!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Today (and every other day) we are all Dave.

      • SnarkOff

        I’m sorry to hear that, Dave. You sound disappointed, Dave.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dave’s not here, man.

    • r m reddicks

      Dave? Dave?

  • tihond

    I can deal with the ads. I’d go apeshit if there were comments though.

  • cousin itt

    Dear Sir:
    I have been requested by the Wonkettia National Petroleum Company to
    contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Wonkettia National
    Petroleum Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for
    oil exploration in the sub-Wyoming region. The contracts have
    immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Wonkettia
    National Petroleum Company is desirous of oil exploration in other parts
    of the Intertubes, however, because of certain regulations of the Obama
    Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

    You assistance is requested as a non-Wyoming citizen to assist the Wonkette National Petroleum Company, and also the Central Bank of Goldman-Sachs, in moving these funds out of Wonkettia. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your Florida account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Wonkettia National Petroleum Company. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Wonkettia
    National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount.

    However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Wonkettia law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000
    in a Wonkettia bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Goldman-Sachs.

    If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful.
    We suggest that you meet with us in person in Missoula, and that during
    your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Wonkettia
    National Petroleum Company, as well as with certain officials of the
    Central Bank of Wonkettia.

    Yours truly,

    Princess Pussywhip

    • theblackdog

      I got to the end and….I really don’t want to explain to my co-workers why I am giggling. Well played.

    • r m reddicks

      Am I supposed to send you a check?

      • Naytch

        Western Union before Drumpf shuts them down…

        • r m reddicks

          Just don’t try to cash it.

  • timpundit

    The ads are annoying but worth it. Please don’t fold. I will send moar money I promise.

    • rebecca

      we will never fold. I’LL FIRE THEM ALL FIRST AND WRITE HALF A POST A DAY, AND YOU’LL LIKE IT.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I will like it. I promise. Don’t leave me.

      • dslindc

        Well ok, but only if that post has a picture of Justin Trudeau in it!

      • anwisok

        So, you’d write a post, then disemvowel it (to reduce the length, obvsly), and we’d enjoy the fun of figuring out what you were trying to say? Yeah, that could work.

        • Longstreet63

          Length is overrated. Girth is the important thing.
          Um, so I hear…
          Look, there’s no problem with my hands, I assure you.

      • Ooo, it’ll be like a serialized Dickens novel.

      • Longstreet63

        Maybe if you cut taxes, you’ll make more money…

      • Mpeg

        If it’s half a post, that could work for me. Then I’d only type in half-comments. Which I already do anyway. The other half, the funnier one, usually occurs to me much later…

      • emmelemm

        All baby pictures, all the time. So easy!

  • goonemeritus

    I was starting to get mad and then I saw Donna Rose’s picture and all my anger magically melted away.

  • JMP

    I’ve gone to some of the polls from right-wing organizations to fuck with them, but some – like one I’m getting right now from something called the “sound money defense league”, which from the name and the fact they include the two actual Presidential candidates plus Gary Johnson I’m guessing is made of Ayn Rand cultist – require an email address; and in this case also a zip code. It’s almost like they’re not really serious internet polls at all, but just phishing to add suckers to their email lists!

    And so many right-wing sites do this kind of thing; it’s like the real money online comes from betraying your readers and selling their contact information to sleazy marketers and con artists.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    hey Trix, can you ask hubby to extend the life on the login cookies for ad fewer? It’s especially brutal when they expire every few days on the mobile devices.

    • rebecca

      he says he will look at it.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        tell him thanks and wonkville misses him, also too

  • I Only Like Cats

    I honestly just wish the ads weren’t full of swimsuits when I bought mine a week ago. Someone tell them it’s too late, I’ve already got mine DX

    • I Only Like Cats

      I posted that right before I found out my swimsuit had just been delivered. Also, the ads have changed.

  • Spotts1701

    Can we get Suzanne Somers to cut an ad? Couldn’t hurt.

    • Markuserektus

      You know she’s older than Hillary…

      • Spotts1701

        Okay, maybe Katy Perry?

      • OddMan

        Some of us Wonks are older than dirt, so easy there.

      • r m reddicks

        Is she deader?

  • Markuserektus

    Mebbe you can make Wonkette an online “church,” get a government subsidy or a Trump tax break…

  • John Iwaniszek

    I’m more than happy to let our corporate overlords to foot the bill.

    • SnarkOff

      But they’re not. That’s Rebecca’s point.

  • cheetojeebus

    Commemorative coin offers. You’ll be rich! (those ancient greeks had all the fun)
    http://www.coinweek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/satyr1.jpg

    • Jenny

      Look at those cantaloupe calves

    • cousin itt

      It’s all Greek to me, heh heh.

      • cheetojeebus

        baddaboom tssshh

      • r m reddicks

        I was just roamin’ around waiting to hear that.

    • Oily Messiah

      Get your commemorative, limited issue Gold Wonkette coins. Each one is cast from 100% pure, 14k gold and contains a dick joke. Supplies are limited, so act now!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Them’s two chicks. Look at the hair.

      • Once&futureFred

        Straponus Semper Rigidi

        • cousin itt

          The foreskin is a nice touch you don’t often seen on them.

          • Once&futureFred

            The Judaean ones never had ’em, by decree..

        • Cindyinencinitas

          OMG we are bad people and we should feel bad.

          • SterWonk

            and we should feel bad.

            NEVER! :-)

      • cousin itt

        Hmm. Curious.

      • Oily Messiah

        I’m more curious why the one on the left is driving his/her stomach into the crotch of the one on the right, you know as opposed to a joint meeting of the crotch areas.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Strap-on! Drrrr!

      • OddMan

        It looks to me like the one that has the cantaloupe calves is wearing high heels. Hard to tell.

      • Mezzaluna

        Look at those thighs!

    • The Witch of Endor

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    • There’s nothing like eros in antiquity I say.

    • That’s not how you scissor with Doug. This is how you scissor with Doug.

      • Mpeg

        ehhh.. Can I be the first to *not* thank you?

    • Nockular cavity

      Porncoins! Our ancestors had the right idea.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I have a member, can I log in for free? I should get what I want when I want it I am an entitled white male!

  • SnarkOff

    Wow, that is a big business story. Why have these networks dropped their revenues so sharply? Is it going on all over Internet-land? Has this been written about anywhere? It sounds like a WSJ business story, no snark. I almost want to email you directly to see if you want me to pass along your info to some reporter friends.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      I should email them directly about taking my Trumpings professionally now that it appears according to people who are very truthful that Donald will be our next president- 50 states! All 50!

      • SnarkOff

        Now that is some fine journalism right there.

    • Robyn Pennacchia

      From what my other friends in the biz are telling me when we have our secret liberal media meetings (ie: drinks at the bar next to my apartment), it’s tough all over right now, ad wise.

      • Robin

        secret liberal media ACORN meetings.

    • JMP

      I’ve seen a lot of sites I follow online talk about how ad revenues have been goin way way down, but as far as I know there haven’t been any in-depth articles about it.

    • rebecca

      sure, if you want. it could also be that I am TERRIBLE AT BUSINESS.

      • SterWonk

        Well, you *did* drive around the country buying drinks for people you mostly don’t know… ;-)

    • Longstreet63

      Perhaps ads that crash your browser do not encourage consumers to patronize the products involved?

  • OddMan

    I want to say thanks for being so ‘transparent’ (overused word I’ll admit, but fits well here). You put it right out there for us to see, who does what, how much it costs, and you give us heartwarming stories of your lives.
    Thank you for being there for me personally, I would have a hard time dealing with the troubles of the modern world and this election if it was not for your Dick jokes and snark.

    Thanks to all who make Wonkette happen, and that includes the people that don’t comment.

    • SterWonk

      And the commenters, also too! There’s no other people I can vent my snarky spleen to.

  • dslindc

    I have been a big fan of the ad-fewer subscription! I endorse it like I do Hillary Clinton and it does not even do Benghazi with emails!

    I would like to help further by passing a tax cut for the rich so some sweet moneyz will trickle down to you, but Congress won’t return my calls. Thanks, Obama!

  • anwisok

    I understand that there is a long tradition of browser-crashing code here, and we all know how much Wonkette likes its traditions, so I figured ‘Trix & Shy were just trying to make everybody feel at home. I’ll continue using my adblocker and throwing Donna Rose’s Cute Outfit Fund $20 or so every couple of months, the way I have been. And yes, $6k/month for 2 people? No, not fair – you do good work, you should be making more than that!

    • sw19womble

      To be fair, we did buy them that RV last year. :)

      • rebecca

        you and ten years of payments ;)

        • sw19womble

          Hey, we could have really fucked you up and bought you a boat. They’re a great way to burn through money :)

    • Dartemus

      It’s three people, last time I counted.

      • anwisok

        Donna Rose probably isn’t on payroll, though.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Rebecca,

    If this fails you’ll sell it back to Ken Layne won’t you….
    :remember the morose rantings:
    NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

    • Beaumarchais?

      I call those scars on my wrists my “Ken Layne bracelets.”

      • Robin

        Poor Ken. I’m sure he thought he was doing the right thing.

        The million democrats who killed themselves sure cost us in the mid-terms though.

  • Joshua Norton

    Have you considered holding a bake sale or a car wash?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      topless carwash or GTFO!

    • SDGeoff

      Penis and boobie cakes!

      • anwisok

        Are *those*the cakes we like? Yes! Yes they are!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Jump into the RV and head for Colorado for the bake sale.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    you could always sell the place to Hulk Hogan…

    WAIT!

    • Redgyal

      Wouldn’t they have to out Evan first?

      • SDGeoff

        Evan is as out as it gets.

        • Redgyal

          Oh. I guess the joke didn’t land. I’m don’t snark well.

  • Lead Based Saint

    Maybe some ads about dick jokes.

    2 birds/1 stone

  • Villago Delenda Est

    To be fair to Rebecca, Wonkette is not the only site that has browser crashing ads. It seems that the browser ad makers have some sort of inhuman ability to crash browsers because they hire idiots who couldn’t code “Hello, World!” if their lives depended on it.

    • ViveLaRes

      There are other websites?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Oh fuck Salon slaughters my work computer let alone my ancient laptop. I won’t even try it…Huffypo is nearly as bad. Wonkette- if I’m patient and kill enough videos eventually I can get a comment or two in at home.

    • Lamashtar

      I have heard complaints about Disqus..

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Apparently every single website is now wholly dependent on browser-crashing ads. And don’t get me started on trying to view any linked article on Twitter on my smartphone. I mean, it doesn’t rise to the level of crappy gelato, BUT ALMOST!

  • ViveLaRes

    You did the unpossible and made me get back on PayPal, which I hate, but I hate ads and crashy-splody browser more, and even more than all of that I hate feeling guilty for not paying my share, so ultimately it all worked out okay.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Whatever happens, Trix…don’t sign a contract to advertise for Trump. Just. don’t. If you decide to make him pay you up front cash-in-advance and then make sure you’ve received the money, not a check and lastly- take it to a bank and make sure it’s not counterfeit.

    • Candy Apple

      I actually think it would be kind of hilarious if they did that. Why not milk Uncle Sugar for all of his caviar facecream-covered nickles?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, but the problem is Drumpf would never agree to cash up front. Because he’s planning on cheating you in the end.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “Weird! You say these are the new Tubman twenties? I guess that’s her. Huh. I just never knew she looked so white! Almost… like that Rooskie Pootie guy? Do you see it too? No? Oh well. Anyway, thanks for the money!”

  • Candy Apple

    I want to throw even more whore diamonds at you than my pathetic current amount, Wonkette, really I do, but I throw whore diamonds at other mommyblogs fighting the good fight as well, and quite honestly, I sometimes like to do a thing called eating food, and also too, so does my cat. :(

    • Joshua Norton

      Tell Soros you need a raise! We’re all on his payroll. Just ask any of Doc’s troll friends.

      • Astraea

        He needs to increase his donation to the Wonket!

        • Candy Apple

          I should get a raise from the Killary Campaign for all of the lying and shilling I do by pointing out facts and quoting Trump verbatim!

          • Astraea

            I frequently say nice things about her and link her tweets. I don’t know why I shouldn’t get at least ten cents for that!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I heard somewhere we were being paid in sexxx. What’s up with THAT?

  • Joshua Norton

    Is there a barn around there where you can put on a show and save the day?

    • Cannedclamscanner

      *furiosly waving hand* I was a theater major the first time around (stop giggling, it was the 70s and cool protest theater was happening. Oh and also too, musicals). I can help!!!

  • r m reddicks

    6000 K a month. Back to my Commodore 64! But at least my plastic gin bottle is still half full and my liver aches so I see some possibilities there for a donation.

    • rebecca

      for BOTH OF US. Which puts my salary at exactly what Robyn, Dok and Evan make, and a part-time salary for Shy. OR puts my salary at 1.4x what Robyn, Dok and Evan make, and Shy does it for free.

      SIDE EYE AT YOU.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Shy does it for free? Ooooh, that’s what she said.

        • sw19womble

          Wearing gold hot pants, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • Robin

            Did you hear people are saying he wears gold hot pants? Very important, smart people.

      • r m reddicks

        I was thinking about falling in love again but I don’t think my 806 of social security will cover it Then again I like cheap women! Maybe there’s a chance for me yet!

    • rebecca

      now I feel like I was mean to you, and I feel sad. I TAKE BACK MY SIDE EYE.

      • r m reddicks

        Not mean at all. Being broke is my own fault. Seriously! (Well there was a problem along the way.) You guys keep having fun!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Awesome! I was just reading the non-allowed comments, and my phone reloaded twice.

  • cousin itt

    “Whenever they’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Whenever they’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there . . . . I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad an’-I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when our folks eat the stuff they raise an’ live in the houses they build-why, I’ll be there.” Tom Joad

    • Msgr_Moment

      Joad?! All this time I just thought he was a choad.

  • Redgyal

    Sounds like you need to go public and raise funding from Wonkstock.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wonkstock

      don’t eat the brown comments

      • Msgr_Moment

        Don’t eat from the bag of salted dick jokes.

        • Kavefish

          That would be like the Cinnamon Challenge, Wonkette-style.

    • rebecca

      then you all could vote me out like a common Schlafly! fuck that!

      • Robin

        We’d vote in the wonk baby and enjoy her speak ‘n spell creations.

      • Cannedclamscanner

        NO No NO. No voting shares and anyone who wants to sell has to sell to a Wonketeer. Oh wait, that might essentialy be like donations, huh? But you could set it up so once you are making like 1M a yr profit then we would get like .0001% or something. (Is that much? Someone else has to do the math.)

      • Redgyal

        No Maam/Sir! I would swear my eternal loyalty to your vision of snarkiness.

  • SDGeoff

    Doing the monthly munneyz thing is good. I need all the laughs I can get anymore, and this is the place I enjoy for that. I’m happy to budget a little extra each month for some very intelligent, salacious and filthy lipped reporting.

    Also, too, do not forget that the moderators who also write, keep this a very safe place for everyone, and for that alone, I have to show respect and support. They are very busy people who work very hard cranking out all this garbage!
    And then, there’s Babby Donna Rose…sigh….
    Thank you all for your hard work. This is a great place.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Agreed and I would like to offer my sympathy to the moderators for having to read all of my idiotic shit. If there were comments, that is.

  • C’mon, people. We have to keep Donna Rose in animal costumes!

  • Beaumarchais?

    Time for a Troll Tax!

    • h4rr4r

      Tax all foreigners living in foreign countries.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        build a wall around Wonket and make Jun Hoft pay for it!

      • Captain Kraut

        Hey!

        • Cannedclamscanner

          Except Wonketteers!

  • timpundit

    OT. Anyone catch Tweety last night? I love it when he runs right over trump spokers with facts. Some trump mouthpiece attacked his old boss Carter and praised reagan, basically for getting the hostages in Iran out. Tweety started off mild but got his blood all angered up. I have a love/hate relationship with him and this was one of the times I loved him.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      Yeah I saw it. He’s still awful 103% of the time. Asks a one-million word “question”, says “your thoughts” then interrupts the smart people with a movie or sports reference. Hardball with an Actual Hardball would be better.

      • timpundit

        I know , but I like to watch him . Unless I don’t.

    • Joshua Norton

      Even when he’s right he’s annoying as hell!

    • r m reddicks

      You mean Charlie Rose? I didn’t know he had a dickname.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    When you consider the sheer volume of dick jokes, it really is a bargain.

    • sw19womble

      By dick jokes, you mean Trump articles, right?

  • Panika MCD

    OT: there’s a fire threatening on of my favorite Daddy Poetry mags (Rattle)

    http://www.sbsun.com/general-news/20160817/what-we-know-right-now-about-the-blue-cut-fire-burning-in-the-cajon-pass

    • sw19womble

      “The fire is zero percent contained.”

      Yoiks!

      • limberrat

        Yeah, it was crazy watching the footage last night and knowing several of the areas burned up and how quickly the fire moved.

        • sw19womble

          Most big fires thankfully seem to miss populated areas, but just been scanning through the photos in the links and that doesn’t look good: especially if it starts to spread out of the pass.
          Fingers crossed they get it under control before it hits the major highway/s.

          • limberrat

            Highway 15, the major thoroughfare btwn LA and Vegas is closed. Several other smaller highways that play important roles are also closed. Trust me, traffic is already screwed.

          • sw19womble

            Ah shit, yes I just read that properly now. If the fire jumps the highway, or just damages that, it looks like a big reconstruction job for a couple of years maybe?

          • limberrat

            Most of the damage according to local news have been guard rails along the road. It jumped it last year in a different spot near this area actually burning a bunch of cars and they were able to quickly fix the damage. I am hopeful that it will completely reopen within a few days.

          • sw19womble

            Memory is limited (been on it twice) but the I-15 is a major artery up/down to LA, so fingers crossed it remains a large brush fire (and gets under control soon) and there’s not more fuel nearby – i.e. forest etc.

          • limberrat

            Correct, it is a pretty massive artery. Fortunately, the I-15 is primarily large brush, but the mountains west of there is forested terrain. That is the area of biggest concern right now.

          • limberrat

            While not in a heavily populated area, there are still a ton of ranches unfortunately. It is also heading toward a resort town named Wrightwood.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        My brother-in-law says it’s “very dangerous.” He’s headed to a fire in Monterey. The ‘Soberanes” fire.

        • limberrat

          That one is scary as well.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I haven’t even heard of it yet. I can’t keep up.

          • limberrat

            Soberanes has been going since July 22nd and has burned 76000 acres. It is just so out in the boonies that it hasn’t had as much news as several down our way.
            http://cdfdata.fire.ca.gov/incidents/incidents_details_info?incident_id=1348

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Good lord. That’s terrible. Well, Bubby will put it out all by hisself! Don’t you worry!

          • Left Coast Tom

            Tell him to watch for the poison oak. It’s literally everywhere there.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Thanks!

          • Left Coast Tom

            Soberanes was also started by an abandoned illegal campfire. I’ve backpacked into the northern Ventana Wilderness area into which its burned – there’s hardly any flat terrain, it’s all vertical, and the latest is that the extensive poison oak in the area is causing big problems for the firefighters.

            There’s also one that started last weekend in the Clear Lake area that was arson and has burned 175 structures. Apparently CalFire had been investigating the, now, defendant for other fires and didn’t have enough evidence until just after this fire. There are articles about the votey things locals would like to do to the guy.

            http://kron4.com/2016/08/15/cal-fire-clayton-fire-caused-by-arson-suspect/

    • limberrat

      All I see right now looking east is a giant plume of smoke from that fire.

      • Panika MCD

        sorry to hear that. stay safe!

        • limberrat

          Thanks, fortunately the fire is still over 30 miles away from me and going away from me. I just am worried about the people affected by it.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      heard about this one on the news last night- sounds scary

  • sw19womble

    Well, well… Disqus suddenly starts playing up badly, and then a week or so later, the begging bowl miraculously appears…
    Ha, you’re not fooling me! Wonkette is in the clutches of Big Disqus!

    *makes mental note to get up to date with donations, once exchange rate stops being so crappy*

    • r m reddicks

      Should we call that Big Dicksus here?

      • Jamoche

        Biggus Dicksus?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Isn’t that the “Brexit vote induced crappiness”? :-P

  • Mhael

    Thing One: I legit didn’t even realize my AdBlock was enabled on this site; I’m glad you mentioned that thing.
    Thing Two: Editrix, I hope you appreciate this…. my AdBlock is now DISabled for Wonkette. MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYYES! MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYES!!!
    Thing Three: Worth every bit of hassle for you and the site, Editrix, but especially for those Zebra-Lion Toddlers dance videos. LONG LIVE EMPRESS DONNA ROSE!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      yup, the place lights up like a pinball arcade without adblock or ad fewer

      send the muneez, then you don’t have to feel guilty

  • Joshua Norton

    Never underestimate the power of dick jokes. After that job we all did on Trump’s logo it’s pretty obvious that with enough of them we can change the world!

  • Melindrea

    Alright, tossing some money atcha monthly, to make up for using adblocker =)

  • Longstreet63

    You are right not to trust us. We suck and are whiny titty babies.
    I blame society.

  • Duke

    Can you get those ads that are from my most recent searches on Amazon?

    I need my liniments!

  • Sedagive

    After years of selfishly lurking here and contributing no monies and no snark, I finally decided to contribute both monies and snark. I will continue to give you monies, and I hope to give you good snark, because laughing beats screaming.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      unless you’re sam Kinison, then you can do both at once

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thanks, Jill Stein!

  • Daisy

    Honestly, for me, half the problem is that my computer is close to seven years old.I can tell, because my phone handles Wonkette okay. It hates Disqus though.

    • Cannedclamscanner

      Same here. Do you all only get $ if we click or if we click do you get more$? I would be happy to click away on phone while reading on tablet.

      • Daisy

        I don’t know, although I wish I did. I’m hoping my laptop handles Wonkette better than the PC. I know it’ll handle Disqus better, because nothing is worse than my phone.

  • Joe T.

    I don’t blame you for not trusting me. Frankly, my level is self-trust is so low, I wear a condom to fap.

    • sw19womble

      You promise not to come in your hand?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Have you though of selling gold cards with your names on them? Maybe you could fool some GOPers into funding your site.

  • kindness

    While the direct pay method worked (kinda) for Andrew Sullivan I don’t think it worked great. More just barely worked. Please don’t do anything that would jeopardize the franchise. We depend on you.

    It’s funny, I saw last Thursdays episode of Larry Wilmore’s show with Ana Marie Cox and thought of Wonkette (where the panel killed and buried Hillary with just a tad too much gusto). Under Ana, this was just a simple DC spill the beans blog with dick jokes and buttsechs. It’s so much grander now. Thank you for making Wonkette even better.

    • rebecca

      what a nice thing to say, kindness! thanks!

      • kindness

        Well with this I will have to change my donation rate. So this is good for for us all. (I give an embarrassingly tiny amount now).

    • chicken thief

      IIRC, Sully also too kept some sponsored ads.

    • Robin

      Here here ole chap

    • Lamashtar

      Kinda sad about Larry. Strange that they’re axing him when there’s so much crap on their channel not worth watching.

  • Brian

    conveniently I read this with credit card in hand as I was paying other bills.

    • sw19womble

      Say, while you’re at it….

  • Duke

    Browser not supported. Visit http://www.270towin.com

  • AngryKatie

    I used to know a guy that got grant money (around $50k!) to study whether he could psychically compel fish to jump into his boat, which meant he was able to spend a summer laying in a row boat napping and thinking about fish. He caught no fish.

    The next year he got further grant money to confirm the initial findings were accurate. He insisted that you can get grant money for anything as long as you can write a convincing grant proposal.

    I wonder if there’s anything grant worthy about a mommy blog with lots of dick jokes and snarky commentors. I cannot write a convincing proposal or I’d volunteer. I tried helping a friend with hers once,it really is a special skill.

    • Kavefish

      Well, see, the grant proposal in that case would be in the form of a psychological study of the effect of living the life of snark upon a young human female child.

      In order for this study to be viable, the grant should renew for about eighteen to twenty years.

      • AngryKatie

        It could go even further: how does wonkette babby do in college, first job…

        • Kavefish

          Sounds good to me!

          Where’s the Wonkette grant writer hiding at, these days?

    • r m reddicks

      Needed more Chinese Carp and local or national news?

  • Dartemus

    I quit giving last year because I got so mad when you gave Monsanto a pass on their global monopolistic treachery (for science !) and I am a scientist who disagrees with that, but I am over that and besides I have jumped from Berning to Hillarity, and she eats big fat Monsanto hot dogs too, but I don’t even mind, because this year it is not sufficient for the Donald to be defeated…he must be crushed! In short I signed up again to Paypal to give what monthly pittance I can afford.
    Have you considered and NPR-style marathon on the Wonkette radio channel? Woops there is no Wonkette radio channel.

    • sw19womble

      Don’t worry, some of us on here still believe Monsanto to be evil fuckers.

    • rebecca

      I often disagree with Fare la Volpe on those — I am disinclined to trust All Science All the Time, like NUCLEAR’S GREAT! FORGET FUKUSHIMA! — but eh, it’s his opinion, not mine.

      • SisterArtemis

        What a concept! opinions! Yay!
        honestly, that’s part of why I come here. And, of course the dick jokes.

      • r m reddicks

        Glad you don’t bust people’s chops just because they happen to have other opinions. Not that I’m completely against the banhammer!

      • Left Coast Tom

        I would draw a clear distinction between trust of science, which as Francis Bacon described is an intellectual “engine” which has served us very well, in absolute terms, for centuries, and corporate actions based on science that may or may not be OK.

    • Robin

      The wonket dance party could become a livestream…

  • TJ Barke

    You gotta start a youtube channel and jump on that patreon train.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      sounds like a job for Evan

    • Logic of Color

      Wonkette Radio?

      • TJ Barke

        My sultry voice needs a job…

    • sw19womble

      I miss the “wooosh!”

  • Dartemus

    When’s the last time you were on Howard Stern?

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • limberrat

      Clearly this was because God was mad about the Gays or something so he decided to hit the conservatives rather than the people who allegedly deserve his wrath.

    • Daisy

      Couldn’t have happened to a nicer shitstain.

    • sw19womble

      IOKIYARN

    • Logic of Color

      It’s never a good thing when this kind of …FUCK IT this is hilarious.

      • Daisy

        I tried to feel bad, really, I did. It worked for like two seconds.

    • Señor Skwerl

      He says it is Biblical proportions. Trust me, that ain’t Biblical proportions.

      • Longstreet63

        Not enough people died for that, no, but it is Golden Corral* proportions…

        *I originally typed “Golem Corral” which would be much more interesting.

        • ahughes798

          Go to a Golden Corral in the South at 4PM(because olds have to eat by 5 PM, or something may happen)and it IS more like Golem Corral.

      • AngryKatie

        Maybe there’s special bible math for true believers.
        4.5 billion years = 6000 years.
        A flood that covers the entire earth = a flood that covers Tony Perkins house…

  • Bill Slider

    Six thousand a month? Remember where you live. You live in Liz Chaney’s ass fucking Wyoming. You need to add $1,000 more a month to your income for hazardous duty pay.

    • rebecca

      close: we live in RYAN ZINKE’S MONTANA. But! We get to look at a lake!

      • Historicat

        Rebecca – I’ve got an idea. It’s a little fuzzy still but hear me out.

        Instead of taking the Wonkette drinky thing to the losers readers, make them come drink with the Wonkette. Wonkette vacation time in beautiful Montana – complete with all the abuse, in person!

  • Arolpin

    OK, Benevolent Overlords. Your fiendish plan to kill my browser and make it impossible to Wonk-at-work (because it kills my entire computer) has worked. Just signed up for a subscription. I demand SNARK now!

  • BadKitty904

    Well, at least now we know. I tend to be much less stabby and a mite more patient when I understand why some thrice-damned technical aggravation is going on. I will lay off bitching about Discus for at least the next 15 minutes.

    That was helpful, Miz Becca – thank you.

    • rebecca

      my pleasure, Kitty. They have gotten really, REALLY bad.

  • SisterArtemis

    Thanks for the ‘splainer, Trix. I just finished paying off a long term loan, and some of that freed-up fundage will be coming Yr Wonkette’s way. But it’s nice to know anyway, in case I get poorer-er again.

    [but not all $209 of it. Sorry, Donna Rose, you’ll have to be my babby Overlord on the cheap]

  • JMP

    Coincidentally, I just got one of the most obnoxious ads – not just an ad but a scam one – ever, where I tab I had gone to a while ago suddenly switched to another that started autoplaying a recording claiming it was from Microsoft and had just detected a virus and that I need to call the number on the screen immediately or else it would take all my credit card data. And guess which site known for having the worst and most intrusive ads in the world lead to it? As a clue, it begins with an “S” and ends with an “alon”.

    • Spotts1701

      I get ads like that occasionally on my phone from C&L. Not on my desktop, or my iPad. Just on my phone.

    • rebecca

      EVERY site right now is loaded with terrible autoplay bullshit, but Salon was doing it before it was cool.

    • Invidosa

      I got a Trump ad once. . . I still see it. . . Everytime I close my eyes . . . *Shudder* . . . The horror . . . The horror . . .

  • say wha

    Wonkette needs to get herself adopted by a rich daddy

    • SisterArtemis

      Ain’t Ana Marie a bigbux-maker these days? We could appeal to better nature and love of dick jokes.

  • Shan the Libtart

    I started the monthly donate thing a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t the ads crashing my browser, it was the guilt.

    • Seeing as how this is a mommyblog, I’m certain that guilt is a perfectly acceptable motivation.

      • Shan the Libtart

        And also, I was using ABP and it seems like the notifications and things run better with it disabled for this site.

        • Since I started with the ad-fewer thing, I’ve had the ABP disabled for this site, so I don’t know. There were fewer ads in the not-ad-fewer version when I started. . .

  • Robin

    I don’t understand. Between aetna throwing a massive shit-fit about not being allowed to buy up more competitors, and ad revenue companies shorting their business partners… Isn’t the free market meant to protect us from skeevy business practices?

    Anyways, best of luck on finding new revenue streams! I assumed you were saving up to buy gawker, hence the new ads.

  • Logic of Color

    **looks down** don’t worry little buddy. They’re joking about other dicks

    • Crenando

      *mreoow* that’s the sound a sad dick makes

  • edith prickly

    Have you considered selling exotic cures for toe fungus?

  • Have you considered making ear cuffs (those are still a thing???) to Ivanka Trump? (This is hilarious, folks, and I hope the owners of the company are Wonketeere!) http://theslot.jezebel.com/ivanka-trump-tries-to-order-an-ear-cuff-gets-owned-pre-1785408860?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

    • rebecca

      isn’t that great? My college roommate Wendy works for the American Immigration Council, because my friends are all the best people ;)

  • gingerwentworth

    What? I didn’t know you had to log in to have benefits of Ad-fewer. I thought it was just automatic. What’s the rule? And what are those ways it’s possible to make money for wonkette– like I only found out about Amazon by chance. Please remember– some of us are Olds!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      login under the members tab

      • gingerwentworth

        every time? Or did I see ‘once a month?’ Thanks.
        (I’m not talking to Trey Gowdy I hope)

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Once a month (I’m looking into why my mobile doesn’t last that long) and no, even we pinheads have standards- Trey doesn’t make the cut

          • gingerwentworth

            He’s awfully patriotic about Benghazi though. As a former prosecutor, don’t you know.

          • malsperanza

            I can’t get the ad fewer to work on my phone, so I generally wait til I’m at the office and can craft lengthy, well-researched think pieces on company time. But any tips about the phone thing would be welcome.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Yeah. My phone is like NOPE BITCH all the time.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Which mobile browser?

          • malsperanza

            No clue. I just click on an icon that says “Internet.” I will try to figure that out but this shit makes me impatient really fast.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            on an android? The stock app is called “internet” (at least on Samsung phones). It still works essentially the same as my mobile Chrome. When you go to wonkette.com, look for the 9 little white squares on the header next to the website title to the left (the search magnifier is on the other side. If you click on it , it should give you a context menu that corresponds to the 7 sub headings on the regular desktop page. Just click on members tab and login. Should work the same on mobile safari for the iPhone.

      • Tina in Spokane WA

        Login whenever you start seeing ads. That’s what I do.

    • rebecca

      no, unfortunately, or we’d have to have cookies on you FOR EVER.

      sometimes people sign up for it and then cancel pretty quickly, and I always wonder if I should send them a note (“hey? did you try logging in?”) but I don’t want them to feel like I’M WATCHING THEM.

      • gingerwentworth

        You don’t have to worry about people thinking that. I even had emails with Shy P about my getting no results from Ad Fewer, but Logging In never came up. It’s tough thinking nothing works.

        • rebecca

          seriously? LOGGING IN NEVER CAME UP????

          good lord.

          • Pickwicknext

            It’s the ad-fewer “Have you tried turning it off and then on again?”

          • gingerwentworth

            Nope. We didn’t get anywhere with it. But I’ll always be true to Wonkette, even if it hurt my “shockwave’s” feelings, Wonkette’s so important to me. I don’t know what “shockwave” is anyway.

  • ShriekinViolet

    After I became a member, I lost ten pounds, suddenly learned three new languages, became almost irresistibly attractive, got five job offers for quadruple my salary, was asked by Ban Ki Moon to address the UN and solve all of its problems (unfortunately, I was busy that day, giving Michael Phelps some last-minute tips), the gray hairs on my temples returned to their previous shade, and the Pope now prays in my direction. Plus, Wonkette was way smoother.

    Totally worth it.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Damn fixed income. Fuck the cats, they can hunt. The little freeloaders…

    • Pickwicknext

      They’re plotting to kill you anyways…

      • Jonny On Maui

        I know. Once the catnip is gone they’ll have no further use for me…

        • Pickwicknext

          Well, if you keep the food in container that requires opposible thumbs could help your case

  • jowgajen

    I ponied up my $5/month ad-fewer sane people’s refuge tithe and I don’t regret it at all..

  • Alan

    Charge by the dick joke?

    • ZarinaBlue

      By the inch?

      • Crenando

        Level of flaccidity

        • Chuck

          Crap , I just upfisted 5 times on one comment, do I owe 5 bucks now?

    • Hey, Wonkette editors, I think this member is being very cocky right now.

      • Alan

        It’s not hard.

  • Peggy Ryan

    Can I pay for a year up front???

    • rebecca

      you can if you send a check! be sure to tell us in a note what your username is, etc.

  • Dartemus

    Wonkette is so much cheaper than the Los Angeles Times that is asking NINETY-NINE CENTS A DAY ON SALE and is not even as funny.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Speaking for myself, I don’t mind seeing that autoplay ad of the young blonde Polish model. (Except for how it makes me feel like a dirty old man.)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ad fewer ftw. Do it Wonkers!

  • expipiplus1

    Thanks for telling us what it takes to keep you afloat. I’m not really partial to commies, but I can bump it up to $20.

  • Doug White

    I can’t do an every month, but will continue to send the $10 whenever I can. In the meantime, can you guys not get a paying regular gig on something like ‘The Daily Show’ or ‘Last Week Tonight’? Would having your faithful wonkers bombard those shows with e-mail requests to see you be helpful?

    • MamaBrown

      I would totally support that. Wouldn’t Chris Hayes have you on his wonderful show?? I’m sure Rachel Maddow hangs out here, or at least visits. I can just picture her scrolling through the dick jokes, blushing! I will give more $$$. Just please don’t take Wonkette Baby away

    • malsperanza

      I hear The Daily Show is looking for a new anchor…

  • Shan the Libtart

    I wonder if you could put a ticker up somewhere on the site that tracks a monthly goal amount. Something like this?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that thermometer is bleeding from its wherever

      • Shan the Libtart

        I’m sure it could be modified to be more Wonk-oriented.

    • laineypc

      Needs more dick

      • Shan the Libtart

        Like I said: it could be modified….

  • Tina in Spokane WA

    Okay. I’m coming back. I’ve been giving $5 a month for a couple years. Then I signed up for the ad-free membership and dropped my regular donation. But I figured, I’m signed up o donate my Amazon purchase $$ to Wonkette, so I still give a lot of money, because I spend a lot at Amazon (I live in a rural area and hate shopping). However, now I signed up to give my Amazon donations to the local humane society. So I’m signing back up for another monthly donation and my ad-free membership. Gotta have my Wonkette. It’s the first place I check in the morning for my news.

  • Enfant Terrible

    YES! I have enrolled in a fewer-ads monthly plan! Please RUSH me your secret instructions for That One Weird Trick so I can SCORE with the ladies!

    • Lamashtar

      Here is the Secret: “Be nice to her, invite her for a neutral beverage/function, be trustworthy and stuff, suggest walking to nearby places so that you will be walking back in a twilight hour and then chat outside for too long, ACTUALLY ASK HER OUT (making it clear this is not a friend thing but a romance/attraction thing!). If she fails to respond, treat her as a friend and try a new lady. Keep trying the Secret until it works. Millions of users say its infallible!”

  • Invidosa

    So here’s the thing, I would be over-fucking-joyed to subscribe, but I don’t read through a browser, I read through my news feed (Feedly to be specific) and I’m not sure that is compatible? Anyone know? I’ll likely subscribe either way, but I’d like to know if I’ll be overjoyed, or over-fucking-joyed first

    • FreeCandyVanDriver

      This is how old I am: “I read news through my news feed (Feedly…”

      And I am all like… Wow, someone has a web-to-usenet gateway for Wonkette? Score!!

      Then I go look up what feedly does. Oh.. it’s a nonstandard rss.

      Imagine my disappointment.

      This is me with my pet albatross, from when I sailed the seas of usenet.

  • Vecchiojohn

    “I will wonk harder.”

    • Crenando

      When you wonk alone, you wonk with Hitler

      • Vecchiojohn

        ? wonk on, wonk on, with hope in your heart, and you’ll never wonk alone …..?

    • Enfant Terrible

      ♫ When you wonk through a storm, hold your head up high,
      And don’t be afraid of the dorks,
      At the end of the post there are non-existent comments,
      And the sweet silver sound of a snark,
      Wonk on through the wind,
      Wonk on through the rain,
      Though your dick jokes be toss’d and blown,
      Wonk on, wonk on, with strong drink in your craw,
      And you’ll never wonk alone,
      YOU’LL NEVER WONK ALONE. ♫

      • Vecchiojohn

        Wonkette’s Got Talent!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    So, serious question for you: my job is sort of feast-or-famine, so I tend to do the largish lump-sum thing when I can. But I can spread that out as a subscription thing if that’s an easier to manage income model for you. I don’t mind suffering through the adverts to get you the extra income, but then again if expect an expected revenue stream is better for you, I’d be keen on ad-fewer.

    • rebecca

      lump sum donations are lovely! we just feel guilty about what we’re doing to your browser.

  • Jeffrey Sanchez

    Long Live Wonkette.

    BTW can’t you get Rachel Maddow to pledge like $10K/month or something?

    • Poe’s Law

      Yeah, like any 1%er is going to do anything for anyone.

      Her “politics” are just a dodge to trick people into giving her money.

      She’s like all Americans: a Ferengi at heart.

  • pyrophilia

    *disables ad block for now*

    • rebecca

      good luck, son. good luck.

    • WomanInAMood

      So totally O/T – good to see you!

  • thenearesthippie

    So, you’re saying that annoying ads on a free website *aren’t* actually comparable to being a depression-era destitute pea picker in California?

  • So is that why there is no Dance Party post? Wahhhh…

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    What if I send you some thoughts and prayers? Would that help?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Thank God, I thought it was Russian hackers.

    • Crenando

      Is always hackers, not always Russian.

  • Crenando

    Haha bye bye Bernie ads!

  • Last Hussar

    You should definitely trust me as far as you can spit a concrete elephant. I’ll try and throw you $$$ more often, but what with Brexit a £ doesn’t buy the foreign monopoly money it used to. I’ll see what I can do, but you have to promise to spend it on the Babby and not drugs.

    • rebecca

      sorry, can’t promise that at all :(

      • Last Hussar

        But Babby!

      • Poe’s Law

        Cam you get Trump to release his tax returns and a real doctor’s evaluation?

    • Last Hussar

      This page is having about 3 ads a second blocked and over heating core one.

      • Poe’s Law

        When the warp core overheats…well, that’s the ballgame.

  • Dan Gude

    Wonkette ad format make my iPhone brain hurt till it is burning

    • Parakeetist

      It shuts off my musics!!!!1! :(

      • Vegan and Tiara

        It beat me like I was a rented mule!

  • WomanInAMood

    I just want to say that the ad-fewer subscription is awesome! For those of you that can do it, really make the effort, it’s well worth it.

    This is an unpaid testimonial (obviously) by a real customer.

    • Parakeetist

      I will give elebenty jillion dolers, once I turn in all my recyclables at the supermarket.

      • WomanInAMood

        Strangely enough, that’s what I got at the supermarket, when last I took my recyclables in. Granted, I had been saving them up for a while.

    • Poe’s Law

      You’re paid. You’re paid.

      Ponies, upvotes, doggie treats.

      I half expected you to say, “But wait, there’s more!”

  • Be Gin

    I wandered in and liked what I saw. There were in-jokes, a My Little Pony fetish and Elizabeth Warren busting out at the barricades. I still have to puzzle out many of the acronyms.

    But I just LOVE the unrelenting barrage of abuse wonkette directs at all the conservative wing-nuts. I liken it to the Russian artillery making the German Sixth Army homesick at Stalingrad!

    So pony up everyone! This kind of artillery ain’t cheap!

    • WomanInAMood

      It is a thing of wonder, the Wonkers on charge. It reminds me of the first Star Wars, and the x-fighters. I am mildly surprised that we don’t have blue team leaders and red team leaders. Has to be said, though, that we all use the force -of votes!

      • jmk

        Oooh!! Oooh!! Can I be Red Two?

        • Naytch

          Stay on target!!

    • Shan the Libtart

      “But I just LOVE the unrelenting barrage of abuse wonkette directs at all the conservative wing-nuts.”

      We also abuse each other, so….

      • handyhippie65

        what’s a little BDSM between friends…

        • Shan the Libtart

          I know, right? I’m just giving the newbie a fair warning is all.

          • handyhippie65

            how sweet. now whip’em, whip’em good!

          • Shan the Libtart

            Wait, the subscription level I signed up for did NOT say that was part of my membership duties!

          • BONUS!

          • handyhippie65

            it’s in the fine print.

          • jmk

            You clearly did not read the EULA.

        • Nothing wrong with a lil bump ‘n grind
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAXxkNaRkp8

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Brazenly Dispatched Snarky Messages?

      • malsperanza

        Oh yeah? Speak for yourself, libtard.

        • Shan the Libtart

          EXCUSE me! I am a libTART, if you please! READING COMPREHENSION HOW DOES IT WORK?!!!11!!

    • malsperanza

      Any time an acronym or an insider joke isn’t clear, just ask. Friendly Wonks will be more than happy to explain, and also probably offer you some of those cakes we like.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Listen to Be Gin, y’all. Them fascists ain’t gonna defenestrate theyselveses!

  • Jezzer

    I’m more concerned about Rebecca’s dumb, gross articles than I I am the ads. Can we replace the stuff she writes with popups for LifeAlert?

    • Can we replace your comments with something smarter? Like popups for LifeAlert?

    • Shan the Libtart

      Well, probably. How much are you willing to donate.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Quite a few of us like Rebecca’s not dumb, not gross articles. If you don’t like them, maybe you should just not read them?

      • Shan the Libtart

        Seriously. How many more icky Daily Caller trolls are we gonna get spewing random bile on articles here because they’re butthurt that the Juanita B one is closed for comments?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I never understand why people waste their time leaving comments like “I don’t like your writing.” Is she FORCING him to read her articles? I used to have an idiot poster on another board who would do that to me. I’d always ask “if you don’t like my comments, why do you read them, much less comment on them?” That’s such a mystery to me.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Right? SCROLL BUTTON. Right there on your mouse. Just move along. I do that on the FaceBorg all the time. I also “right click” to “hide all posts from” as well.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            EXACTLY!!!

          • Poe’s Law

            But you forget ‘Trix’s mind control beams

          • Tosca

            Some people think that everything has to be all about them, all the time. They consider they are entitled to a life in which all the chunks they do not personally want are filtered out for them. All entertainment outlets must only contain content they enjoy. All shops must only stock articles they would wish to purchase. Any deviation from this rule means that they are being ripped off. Your comment is taking up valuable space on THEIR website which SHOULD be dedicated to something they enjoy. It is not. This is not only unacceptable, but infuriating and something which must be brought right speedily to the attention of the management.

            You and I see difference in life as a buffet to be browsed and sampled. They see it as a hair they’ve just discovered in their food. They are sad people and should be pitied.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            That may be the best description of internet commenters that I’ve ever read.

        • Yeah you might already know this, but apparently rebecca’s post was like catnip to the Right Wing Outrage commitee who felt they found a real “Gotcha” to club ‘becca with in their petty grudge against SJW (oops I mean “concern for the victim”) so expect a major infestation coming (or did it already come and I’m late to the party once again?)

          • Shan the Libtart

            Uh huh. I witnessed the sudden influx and subsequent shutdown. I was still in the “hmm, let me think about this before I say anything” stage but apparently a lot of folks decided to storm in and start raging about it before they really read through what she wrote. I’m not sure it was all RWO people, either.

            Still, I was sad to see an article like that get closed down. Because there was a lot of interesting discussion from various different Wonkers and I was learning from it. I hope some others got something from it, too.

          • Jezzer

            Yes, everyone who found that article gross is Right Wing. Spot on.

        • Historicat

          Back when Wonkette started using Intense Debate we had a legion of Brietbart trolls. It took ages to to get the place fumigated. Ugh.

      • Jezzer

        Quite a few of you are also dumb.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I know you are, but what am I?

    • WomanInAMood

      Hello, new friend!

    • handyhippie65

      donating is like voting, if you don’t participate, you don’t get to complain.

      • Poe’s Law

        The right to participate is linked to the ability to pay?

        Kinda like the old days when the right to vote was linked to the ownership of property.

        • Shan the Libtart

          Show me where Wonkette is mentioned in the Constitution.

          • Poe’s Law

            Article XII clearly says

            “And the Wonketteriat, you will hold sacred

            “You will protect them and cherish them as beloved of the Lord

            “From each tribe a tithe shall be taken

            “A tithe of the harvest, a tithe of production, a tithe of earnings, a tithe of the offspring

            “And this tithe shall be set aside for the support of the Wonketariat

            “So long as they celebrate the Lord

            “By keeping the rituals of snaking, of sarcasm, of irony and of satire as shall be revealed to them from time to time.”

          • Shan the Libtart

            So you’re signing up for the Whore Diamond level, right?

        • handyhippie65

          not really. but it seems to me the ones who complain the most about the government, can’t seem to take the time to vote. if you’re not trying to make things better, why cry about how bad you think it sucks?

          • Poe’s Law

            It may seem…

            But have you any actual…well, evidence?

          • handyhippie65

            i base it on people i know. your mileage may vary.

          • Poe’s Law

            So..no. Got it.

    • doktorzoom

      You know, I’m pretty sure she’s not going to fire herself. Not sure what you’re hoping to accomplish apart from complaining about the flavor of the free ice cream, as BoingBoing used to call it. No one is forcing you to read Wonkette, and most of our readers seem to like it. If you’re only here to piss on the blog’s owner, you’re welcome to leave. Also, I feel obliged to let you know you’re riding Rule 5 pretty hard.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • malsperanza

        Dok, you didn’t even mention that some of us like our articles dumb and gross. Especially Article XII.

      • Chuck

        Hey Dok , he was just being Sarcastic.

  • bookish
    • Vegan and Tiara

      Dawwww…that’s so cute! Too bad I’ve already claimed full artistic control of Donna Rose’s cuteness.

      • bookish

        C’mon now, leave me some delusions…

  • Poe’s Law

    Oh fer…

    What’s it take to fund a mommy blog and recipe hub? A bajillion Ameros?

    OK…

    Evan could sell his sexxy body for easily a gazillion and a half cowrie shells.

    Doc, with his rhetoric degree, can write the Great American Potboiler for another squidtillion credits.

    Major Major Major Major has state secrets worth another bazillion Monopoly $.

    Robyn could sit on a street corner with a hat doing nothing and raise easily a quintillion and a half bars of gold pressed latinum.

    ‘Trix has a 401 worth at least four and a half gajillion quatloos.

    All that is easily enough with something left over for those skinny double lattes we love so much!

    But no,

    Yr Wonkette staff would rather squeeze the turnip that is the Wonketariat. They would prefer to continue their 1% of the 1% lifestyle. Let the poorz just die from crashes and long lag times, because who needs them! Let the middlez pay and pay until they can’t anymore (which means they’re now poorz, and who needs them!).

    ‘Trix, don’t you know,

    “Do what you love and the money will follow,”

    “From each according to his [sic ] ability; to each according to his [sic ] need,”

    “Feel the fear and do it anyway,”

    “A Fool and his [sic] money are soon parted,”

    “Eat This Book”?

    Yeah, didn’t think so.

    Weak!

  • uniquename72

    You’ll probably get lots more hits now that dozens of right wing websites are writing articles about how Wonkette thinks it’s okay if Bill Clinton is a rapist.

    It’s an effective — if morally bankrupt — income strategy.

    • Shan the Libtart

      Oh, did Daily Caller close their comments as well?

  • handyhippie65

    i understand why you have to do the crappy ad thingies. and i am sorry i had to get the ad blocker. i would ditch it in a heartbeat if i could afford a faster connection, or to give you more dirty, dirty lucre. i will still give you what i can, and implore ALL wonketteers to give, like rebecca was a tv preacher, and you were a sinner trying to buy a get out of hell free card. without her, and you guys, life in the hoosier hellscape would be a degree of magnitude worse. thanx for the laughs, and a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. viva la wonkette!

    • malsperanza

      Now there’s a thought: Rev. Ike made some good money with those prayer cloths.

  • Akat

    Ohh that explains all the Safari crapping out I’m getting. My husband was just trying to explain to me, for the hundredth time, why online media can’t get revenue like old print media used to (and why that means his old job was really 4 jobs like Ivanka Trump wants in her passionate grunt worker). I still only sort of get it. I am very happy to make ad people pay you lots, especially lots more than $2. At least until iOS craps out on me completely and I can’t load it at all :( I also plan to do a monthly contribution as soon as I have a salary again, which will be soon!

  • Don’t you date, Wonkette! How will I ever survive without the continuing saga of Lori and the 24,000 roomates she’s apparently making money off of? (Maybeshe can donate the missing proceeds.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Must be confusing to have 50-odd McLarens in the driveway, with every damn one of ’em either grey or black.

  • malsperanza

    I have the $7.99 ad-fewer thing. I can bump it to $10/month if Shy or someone can tell me how, or can just do it.

    I can probably pay more in January. Right now my excess dollars are going to Senate campaigns and some medical bills.

    • rebecca

      that’s sweet honey. you have to go to Paypal to change your amount; they won’t let us do it for you, or we could be like “oh, they said a dollar, but they *meant* a hundred.”

      • malsperanza

        I will try to figure that out.

      • malsperanza

        Bugger. It won’t let me. I’d have to cancel and start over. Will consider other options.

  • No Dance Party tonite, so I am amusing myself with some Rage Against the Machine…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4smim2MNvF8&index=7&list=PL2EbESdPFdo5Xwx2SHw0_SsayQzOqZaNZ

  • Walter Wellstone

    Whatever it is you’re doing now drains my iPhone battery in about 5 minutes and it heats it up like crazy. I’ll guess I’ll have to pony up some dough to get the ad-free version of the web site.

  • bookish

    Federal appeals court rules on medical marijuana prosecutions.

    http://fortune.com/2016/08/17/appeals-court-medical-marijuana-doj/?iid=leftrail

  • Sassamaphone

    im a poor bastard, but here, have a dollar a month.

  • Scarlttishes

    Geez alright
    But I am amazoning the fuck out of you
    Does that count?

  • Snopes Shop

    Do you promise to get rid of the new bottom of the page creeping ads that are hard to close?

    • rebecca

      no, that’s the point. we *can’t*. our ads are terrible, and getting worse, and it’s horrible and we’re ashamed, but we literally can’t and still come close to meeting our payroll, let alone a salary for ourselves.

      I’m sorry :(

      • Silver_Witch

        I heart you Rebecca….and damn now I have to pay some dough to prove it…..for all us old bitchy woman.

      • Snopes Shop

        Everything sux!!! Except for here, so I will donate some $$$$

      • our ads are terrible, and getting worse, and it’s horrible

        I suspect this is humor.

        It’s true here.
        I admire a lot of what you do, and that’s despite what the ads do to my phone. Other sites that don’t toss anywhere near as many phone-debilitating ads at me are worth avoiding.
        Past donations didn’t prevent this, and yet there has to be a solution. Subscription-only is a downer, but not as much as…

  • Gus’ human

    OK, I just went silver on the ad-less subscription, just because your funny and I think you’re MILF-Y and your kid’s totes adorbs. You’re not going to Trump me and never let me cancel, are you?

  • The great achoo

    Finally ponied up the money last night. Keep up the good work.

  • Abby Normal

    Without Adblock, this site is unreadable. Not to mention you could be putting your readers at risk from malware delivered by sketchy ads.

    Also, some of the ads are rather sexist and downright offensive.

  • WampusKat

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I will henceforth give zero dollars to any “progressive” publication still maintaining the fiction that “progressive” mouthpiece Glenn Greenwald is one of us. If your entire reason for being is an an all-out “progressive” assault on liberals at the behest of right-wing Libertarian scumbags… l

    *Like so >>>

    http://www.socialistalternative.org/2015/05/09/bernie-sanders-independent-campaign/ >>> http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2005/11/reality-of-latin-american-reaction-to.html >>> http://www.cato-unbound.org/2006/10/02/markos-moulitsas/case-libertarian-democrat

    [ Ya’ll should know better: http://www.sanders.senate.gov/koch-brothers ]

    … then from now on, don’t hold your hand out to us for donations. We the peons are on strike.

    We’re done playing:
    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/ballot_box/2000/10/ralph_the_leninist.html

    “Reminder: Liberalism Is Working, and Marxism Has Always Failed”
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/03/reminder-liberalism-is-working-marxism-failed.html

    So unless you all want to end up scraping loose rice off the stove top from last week’s dinner for future meals or prefer to sell yourselves to corporate America for ad revenue, I’d like to point that trust in “progressive” politics is at an all time low (so say we who can’t afford purity politics and/or general ratferking by “progresives'” Libertarian cohorts). You know already that I’m referring to that there “Progressive – Libertarian Alliance” cooked up by Nader (Greens) and Ron “White Power” Paul (Libertarians), much of which was done at Libertarian Glenn Greenwald’s instigation:
    http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/2007/11/dark-side-of-paul-phenomenon.html

    We didn’t sign up for this when we emptied our piggy banks on behalf of so-called progressives:
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/01/30/bernie-s-past-with-the-far-far-far-left.html

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Wouldn’t it have been easier to give $20 to Wonkette rather than creating and posting that screed? If it makes you feel better, your silliness has driven me to donate.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I’d pay more if you bring back that hot Fit Fitness guy ad from DC? MMMM

  • B0rchkins

    Alright, ‘trix, you’ve Catholic guilted me into donating. I’ll be spending my hard earned money after lurking for a bit. I like your dumb gross articles.

  • Maluhia

    Are the ads pay per click or pay per impression? Because I’ll click the shit out of them if they’re pay per click.

  • thirdeblue

    If people want to waste their money advertising on a website where they will get $0 dollars, but plenty of eye-rolls and “fuck yous”, then I approve.

  • Hutch

    If it’s any consolation, Wonkette is on my share list once I win the lottery. Winning the Powerball is also my retirement plan.

    • btwbfdimho

      Did you hack my mind?

  • CrankyHeckler

    In case anyone didn’t already know… if you use Chrome you can go to settings (the three bars in the upper-right corner), Click Settings, then “show advanced settings” at the bottom, then you’re looking for “privacy [content settings]”.Once in here, scroll down to “plugins”, and click “let me choose when to run plugin content”.

    This will apply to EVERY page on the interwebs, but it will stop a LOT of the crap that ads load (plugins) that secretly steal all of your precious memories. REMEMBER to right-click and choose “load this plugin” when you actually want one to load, or it never will. It’s very, very possible that plugins are loading behind the scenes and you would never know, and as a Certified IT Guy (TM) half of my coworkers who complain of slow PC speeds start comparing me to all sorts of super-important historical figures within days of me showing them this little trick.

    • automaticpilot

      Yes, but then does my wonkett still get paid? (Honest question.)

      • rebecca

        no.

  • Suttree

    Some of us like “older” bitchy women.

  • nhunter77018

    As a $5/mo triple platinum level member, I think it is reasonable to suggest that you pay up you cheap mother fuckers as I’m sure the management is too polite to suggest although possibly not to think. If Sullivan could support himself and his lavish lifestyle through a paid blog then surely too can wonkette first family also (too).

  • Marla

    Your site loads more god damn annoying mal and spyware than any other I visit.

  • Mr. Lambert

    Normally I don’t have any problems with ads on this site, which is why I find it pretty funny that it crashed while I was reading this article.

  • Chuck

    If someone is paying to put their polls on your website, I hope they realize that the results will be Wonky.

  • Golgafrinchan_Ark_B

    I bought a tee-shirt in July and just clicked on the ads that didn’t look like they would bite. Does that count?

  • incandenza

    Does anyone know the source of the newish polls after each article that don’t have any responses I can live with clicking on? These seem like a course on skewing poll results. Also, the results seem to come from bizarro wonkette.

  • The Librarian

    Tired of the crash and burn? I was and also, too, wanted to do my love gift part. Signed up for ad-fewer and I love it! No more gnashing of teeth and my friends say I’m a newer, betterer person.

  • Teecha

    Waaaah!

    The ads have changed- I used to get an annoying but bearable little banner across the bottom, but now!

    On payday I’m going ad fewer…

  • MongoJustPawn

    Mongo not bright but smart enough to know that Wonkette is best thing on interwebs. He is not A Idiot. He has donated some beer muny. Mongo drinks too much beer as is.

  • c_u_tech

    Wow, looks like all the texts on Wonkette is an adz now. I’d turn off the blocker but the autoplay crap is a non starter (<–see what I did there). I promise only to block those elements if you turn the text back on. (Or I could just turn off all the images which does the same thing).

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