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pita

Two things in the world are true, and only two:

  1. Jenna Bush-Hager, daughter of Dubya, granddaughter of Poppy, still does “journalism” for the NBC “Today Show” thingie sometimes.
  2. This really hot guy named Pita Taufatofua was the Olympic flag-bearer for Tonga during the Rio opening ceremonies, and he brokeded the entire united states of the internet, with his glistening body.

Because these things are true, and because Jenna is in Rio covering the Olympics, there was a moment on the television Monday that probably made Laura Bush and Barbara Bush and maybe even the boy Bushes super J that they couldn’t switch places with Jenna like RIGHT NOW.

Enjoy the following journalism segment, where Jenna, Natalie Morales, Hoda Kotb and Al Roker take turns dipping their paws in vats of sexxx oil and rubbing it all over Pita The Hot Tongan.

SPOILER ALERT: Al Roker actually did not violate the hot piece of man meat with his fingers.

SPOILER ALERT AGAIN: Hoda and Jenna totally hand-banged the man, on live TV.

hodajenna

hodajenna2

hodajenna3

hodajenna4

hodajenna5

Jenna REALLY got into it, as you can see, while Al Roker stood in the background wondering how this is his life.

jenna1

jenna2

jenna3

You might be thinking, did poor Natalie Morales stand over on the side the whole time and have to lather her own body with oil, because she was too far away to reach into the nice man’s underthings and grab at stuff? Yes:

natalie

But it was OK because later, she and Jenna got their picture made with Pita, and Hoda was nowhere to be found:

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Hussies, all of them. Including the boy, who totally knows how fine he is.

[Towleroad]

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  • dslindc

    Where do I apply for this job?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Practice. It’ll be an official Olympic sport in four years.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    A Tongan in the hand is worth two in the Bush.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      ^^^ All hail!

    • borninatrailer

      Thread is fucking over.

    • eddi

      Shut down the Internet. It’s done for the day.

  • “Why is this odd?” he said. “Do women not rub your body with oil everywhere you go?”

  • Joe Beese

    Having women rub oil on your cut pecs and abs is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it does lose its novelty after a while.

    Yes, I’m speaking from experience.

    No more questions!

    • Shan the Libtart

      No questions? How about pictures?

    • Justno

      We lady Wonkers demand pics.

  • Robin

    Another example of the Bush family being weak kneed and feckless around brown people.

  • freakishlystrong

    Always dreamed of sailing in Tonga. Now, I shall dream harder.

    • Whale Chowder

      I’ve actually done that. Tonga is a very poor country, having managed to avoid being colonized (something they’re justly proud of) and thus not having a first-world country to provide assistance. They are wonderful people though, just don’t expect dudes like this on every corner. Great sailing throughout the islands though.

      Fiji, on the other hand, is full of spectacular specimens of manhood (and I say this as an incorrigible cis-het man).

  • Msgr_Moment

    But it was OK because later, she and Jenna got their picture made with Pita, and Hoda was nowhere to be found:

    All true Wonkettes know where Hoda went.

    • Joe Beese

      The bunk.

    • Bureaucrap

      “Hiking the Appalachian Trail”?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hell, she already looked about three bedspins into it….

    • calliecallie

      Truth, I think she went to the bar.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I would have gone to my bunk, but I got high.

  • Crystalclear12

    Excellent journalism, Evan. We need more high quality articles like this!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Where’s the Justin Trudeau photobomb?!?!!! Why can’t we have our Happy Time?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      IK, R? I’m old and straight and I still wanna see it.

  • Joshua Norton

    Pita Taufatofua

    Sounds like a sandwich you can get at a Greek deli.

    • Me not sure

      Does it come with feta? I like it a little runny.

      • OneYieldRegular

        It comes with lots of olive oil.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Oh, Popeye!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …hey Jenna, it looks like you missed a nipple!

  • Mpeg

    Can the next segment have teh ladiez applying suction cups to Michael Phelps’ and Alex Naddour’s overexerted musculatures… with audible coo’s of “There, there..”

  • ManchuCandidate

    He’s probably already cast in Magic Mike 3: I’m Too Sexy For My Abs.

  • Joshua Norton

    Dude’s heading for a serious case of moobs when he gets older. Mark my words.

    • Sadly, I resemble that remark.

      • TheBoatDude

        Me too, but I bypassed that shockingly hot and fit phase of my life…

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Give it time. Soon your eyes won’t be good enough to see what you look like in a mirror.

  • arglebargle

    Jenna is the most bangable Bush. That is all.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      The only one.

      • arglebargle

        I almost did an edit to change it to that, but I could do Barbara Jr. in a pinch.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          If you had to? If you REALLY had to? LOL.

    • FlownOver

      Can I borrow your ball gag?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I’m sure she got that job the old fashioned way – hard work, and being the most qualified for the job.

      • DodgeDixie&Descartes

        In fairness, cuz this is like a newz site that doesn’t allow comments I think we can safely say that she’s about as qualified as Chelsea Clinton — both distinguished graduates of the Maria Shriver School for Media Excellence.

        • Spurning Beer

          What do you mean? They both have B.A. degrees in History from Stanford, M.P.H. degrees from Columbia, and D.Phil. degrees from Oxford in International Relations, don’t they?

    • janecita

      Please, she is a younger version of her grandma!

      • arglebargle

        The key word being younger. By a couple of generations.

  • John Iwaniszek

    Take it from me. Sexual harassment by women occurs, and the women who do it are ugly, old, and gross.

    • Shan the Libtart

      What? None of the guys *I* work with ever complain. They’re just like “Steve, show me on the dollie where the bad lady said to touch yourself.”

    • Mezzaluna

      Hey, my dollar bills are just a crisp as anyone else’s.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Thanks, ladies. Perhaps a bit lower with the oil?

  • Ricky Gay

    “right down there, please rub that samoa!”

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Watch out for the Krakatoa.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Careful there – those hands are going a little bit too far east of Java, if you know what I mean.

    • Some found this exciting but I found it a bit bora bora.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Samoa the same?…

        • Msgr_Moment

          Mmmm…. Sammich Islands.

  • Lizzietish81

    Christ, his eyes are begging for help

    • Toomush_Infer

      Sexual harassment has taken a turn to the Hudaside…

    • nothingisamiss

      And yet I wouldn’t stop…..

    • janecita

      He looks so scared, poor dude!

      • Doug Langley

        He’s seen that look a hundred times.

    • Mezzaluna

      The MST3K episode with Law Giver Days when Pearl gets a present…

  • FlownOver

    Eagerly anticipating the next issue of the Columbia Journalism Review with its lead article: “Pecs or Abs? We Grope, You Decide.”

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/jimgeraghty/status/762989020406226944
    Clinton needs to get out in front of this asshole ASAP and tell him to go to hell.

  • Blender_415

    Somewhere, in a dark and scary place, Roger Ailes is sitting, naked, watching this on a loop and thinking… “they used to HAVE to do that for me.”

    Going to bleach my brain now.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I’m still traumatized by reading that article on Roger sexually harassing that mentally ill woman. Uggghh… thinking of him saying “dance for me” really turns my stomach.

      • Doug Langley

        I was on C&L commenting that Alies had been accused of pretty awful exploitation. One commenter begged me to tell all. I gave the link and warned “Get the barf bag out.” He came back and said “You’re (barf) right (retch)”.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I’m not kidding, I was GENUINELY traumatized, and I’ve got a pretty strong stomach. Thinking about him naked with a human woman was really more than I could take!

    • chicken thief

      Except Doocey and Kilmeade, who did it willingly.

  • borninatrailer

    Haha, that guy and I are supposedly the same gender of the same species!

    • natoslug

      I’m in a second pupa stage. One of these days, I’m going to burst forth as a beautiful butterfly. Or maybe a horsefly. Either way, I GET WINGS, DAMMIT!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Choose butterfly if you can. It’s my experience that houseflies get squashed with shoes and rolled-up newspapers, while butterflies get their pictures on the internets.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I guess this is what NBC marketing exec John Miller meant when he said “More women watch the Games than men, and for the women, they’re less interested in the result and more interested in the journey.” For the record, I, too, am interested in that oily journey.

    • I Only Like Cats

      This at least explains why he looked like he took a bath in the oil at the opening. It was a sponge bath.

      • nmmagyar

        Can you apply oil with your tongue on a morning show?

    • Msgr_Moment

      John Miller? I think you meant John Barron.

    • Vecchiojohn

      An oily journey of a thousand miles begins with one oily step.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “Fox and Friends” will be oiling up Newt Gingrich in the next hour.

    • llamaspit

      “We’re gonna need another vat of oil”.

    • eddi

      With used axle grease one hopes.

    • natoslug

      Thanks. I was looking for an excuse not to eat for the rest of the day.

    • Grizz1y

      Stupid “Fox and Fiends” don’t you know that you’re supposed to Tar and Feather ol Neuticle, not oil and tickle him.

    • Robin

      Why did you DO that?

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Way to kill the mood. I hope an architeuthis makes sushi out of you.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Now lets not say anything we’re going to regret.

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          I regret nothing. Watch out for this guy.

          • Mr. Blobfish

            There’s a lot of creepy critters down there.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That’s okay. I never wanted to eat or have sex again anyway.

  • chiefkurtz

    I told my wife the Today show is like a table at a high school cafeteria. She agreed, and said that’s why she watches it.

  • janecita

    She looks a lot like her grandmother, face and body.

  • beatbort

    That’s creepy in so many ways that I can’t even…
    Several generations ago, the Bush ladies were probably doing similar things at a slave auction in New Orleans.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      A decade ago they were doing it with some secret service dudes.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “What do those oily Tongan boys have south of the equator that we don’t have?”

    • eddi

      Charm, good looks, abs of steel… need I go on or are you thoroughly depressed for the day?

      • natoslug

        Nah. I have beer and a Costco bag of caramel/cheese popcorn, so I don’t need any of the rest of that stuff. (sobs)

        • eddi

          I’m hear ya bro.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      YOOOGE… tracts of land.

  • JVisconti

    looks like NBC is embracing Trans Pacific Partnerships after all.

  • natoslug

    Fondling Olympiads (Olympians? Athletey peoples in the Olympics? Potatoe?) is a Bush family tradition. https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/bush-tap-ass.jpg

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      She could have done us all a favor and spiked his head.

      • nmmagyar

        With votes?

  • ClarkJoe

    Why is Jenna Bush in Rio but not Leslie Jones? That’s why NBC sucks.

  • I Only Like Cats

    He looks so nervous. That’s adorable, in the puppy kind of way. (Note that I think all awkward cute guys are just like puppies and I have the weirdest desire to pat their head slightly condescendingly)

    • eddi

      About the fourth picture down “COLD hands!”

  • I have a pretty good idea why this article only has 70 comments after nearly an hour.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Also too all the bunks are full.

    • eddi

      Between the ones drooling on their keyboard and shorting it out and the ones just staring in awe and/or jealousy, I’m surprised there are that many. Age and cynicism immunizes me.

    • Vecchiojohn

      I just woke up. What’s your excuse?

  • cleanfront

    My keen psychic abilities tell me we will never see Sasha nor Malia fondling the athletes on TV during the 2020 Olympics while Hillary heads into her second term.

    • eddi

      Hillary will take care of that detail on her own. Executive privilege you know.

  • Nockular cavity

    All the bunks. ALL OF THEM!

  • Longstreet63

    It’s like looking in a mirror!
    Witha picture of that guy taped to it.

    • eddi

      ?…

  • Beowoof14

    Panty change the NBC Sports set.

    • Vecchiojohn

      I think they wear Depends, so no biggie.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Can we pretty please watch them give this guy a Tonga-bath?

    I’m sorry. I’ll leave.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Has anyone said Tonga-Tonga yet ?

      • btwbfdimho

        Tanga-Tonga?

  • Vecchiojohn

    Evan, this is pure self-indulgence.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    And I always used to assume that “well-oiled” was just another euphemism for drunk.

  • Bill Slider

    Next time, turn down the exciting RNC and DNC presidential candidate coverage and offer to carry this guy’s luggage.

  • Vecchiojohn

    I don’t know if this guy speaks English or not, but he now knows what “cougar” means.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      I think he likes the big cats.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Pita’s Twitter feed shows how absolutely fine this man from Tonga truly is.

  • chascates

    I’m so glad it’s the Dubya-like twin who’s in the public eye rather than the Laura-like, sensible one.

    • nmmagyar

      Is it wrong that I still think of her a “Not Jenna”?

  • 1: Hoda Kotb can rub oil on me any time she wants. (Unlikely, but still)
    2: Question for any Brits reading this–have any of the papers over there run a picture of this guy with the caption “TauftatoPHOAH!”?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Not that I’m aware of. We’ve only had this one. The usual two guys in speedos hugging each other.

      • proudgrampa

        I am really sick and tired of these naked people hugging each other…

        YOU CRAZY KIDS! GET OUTTA MY POOL!

  • Bill Slider

    What, no link to Expedia.com for special deals on airline reservations and hotel rooms to this South Pacific paradise. Did this guy say on which one of Tonga’s 45 inhabited islands he lives, by chance?

  • btwbfdimho

    What if, instead? Never mind.

  • Blackest Noobs

    that was weird but nowhere near as degrading as the way we treat women.

    like for instance this current election….pretty much the only reason anyone would even consider voting for that vile piece of shit Trump is because he is not a woman.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Let’s just get this out of the way- yes I’d do all three of them.

    • nmmagyar

      Hoda? Really?

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Okay she’s a bit strange looking, you’re right…I didn’t watch the clip until now. You know she’s beautiful in her own way but not so much my taste.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Pfft I’ve got better abs than that….

    • btwbfdimho

      And I spent the whole summer covered with cocoa butter and almost nobody noticed…

  • bubbuhh

    Whoa! That one skindrunk lady on the right has much larger hands than Trump.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    According to Wiki ‘In the course of his career he has experienced, by one account, “six
    broken bones, three torn ligaments, three months in a wheelchair, a year
    and a half on crutches and hundreds of hours of physiotherapy”.’ That was before those ladies met him. Looking forward to the update.

    • nmmagyar

      What color ribbon do we wear for ‘”Friction Burn Awareness”?

  • Jonny On Maui

    I’ve only been on the island a little over a year. Have I gotten this jaded this quickly?

    I get that the guy’s hot and applying oil can be fun, but this is normal beach behavior you can see every day. Is it really that big a deal?

    • Shan the Libtart

      Yes, when you’re at least 1000 miles from a proper beach…

      • Jonny On Maui

        Hmmm… Oil applying beach parties for the heartland. I’ll need a trailer of sand and some folk curious about the mainland who wanna make some dollars and are okay with Jennas oiling ’em up.

        I’ll be rich!

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        There aren’t any lakes in Kansas? I know spatially the place would make me insane by its lack of mountains and its weird love for complete asshole Republicans but really there’s nowhere for a ginger to stretch out and get her tan on?

        • Shan the Libtart

          Probably, but lake beaches just aren’t the same as ocean beaches. Also, there would be other PEOPLE there…

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            I’m afraid I’ll have to examine the photographic evidence before I agree on whether or not your sunbathing in a bikini is a good idea.

          • Shan the Libtart

            I wouldn’t even sunbathe in a burqua.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Very modest….I mean, I know the sun is difficult for gingers and hell I’m Irish enough that I burn pretty easily if I’m not careful but you don’t need to insult yourself. I’m sure you look good. Also, did you turn Muslin? Because if so Deportin’ Donald is going to need to know why you are here!

          • Shan the Libtart

            Oh, no. I’m not modest at all, Moozlim OR insulting myself. I just burn like bacon in a hot skillet.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Yeah I hear you. When I was 13 I went to this waterpark with my cousin and by the time it was like 5 o’clock I was sunburned so badly that it took like two weeks and loads of aloe vera lotion before I was okay. Worst part of all is my ‘tan’ peeled right off leaving my shoulders and back looking like the inside of a banana. I didn’t even get a tan out of it….but since I’ve spent so much time working out to get into shape I figure I should at least get some color on my body so I am going to get some sun but just be very careful when I do it.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Sounds like my story. I went with my GF and her brothers to a waterpark when I was about the same age. It didn’t cross my mind to bring any sunscreen, because I was a dumb teen. And because my GF and her brothers were very dark-skinned Mexican kids, they didn’t have any, either. I was pretty much looked like a Hiroshma victim for weeks so I’ve been VERY careful since then.

            And with my kids. My son is a milky-white blonde and my daughter is a freckly ginger like me. I still have half a dozen bottles of sunscreen from the days when the used to go swimming. That’s partly because whichever “responsible adult” they were with (including their dad, who’s a goddman soulless ginger himself) wouldn’t correctly apply or re-apply it even though I always emphasized the need. But they always home fried and eventually just stopped agreeing to go swimming outdoors.

            Bonus: My son quit going first because his dad used to take him to his new wife’s brother’s pool and the ratfucking BIL used to fat-shame him because he was a pudgy middle-schooler.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Shit-tard BIL…

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Your brother in law seems nice! My brother was picked on so much for being husky as a kid that he went nutso anorexic for a while. Mine was the other way- I was as skinny as a rail and wanted to gain weight so I did. See? This is why we need to build the wall, Messicans tricking unsuspecting gingers into being burned to a crisp at waterparks! TRUMP! TRUMP!
            Yeah I wonder what SPF I’m going to need….I’m not going to lie I’m pretty white.

          • Shan the Libtart

            He’s not my BIL, he’s my XH’s new wife’s brother. I’ve never met him, or he’d be missing his last four teeth.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Ah, well if you did that what teeth would the meth have to claim? You were thinking of others there, very considerate.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Wait a second…hold the phone. You’re telling me there are Mexicans in KANSAS? Alright Shan, I call bullshit on that…

          • Shan the Libtart

            Well, I lived in KCMO at the time, so…

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Oh, so you had to live in another state to find Mexicans, now that I can believe. Because I totally had my challenge button pressed, I was going to make you provide citations and an annotated bibliography….

        • Angela Ruzzo

          We don’t have genuine beaches in the Midwest. Any lake that has a sandy beach has had the sand trucked in, and the beach is artificial. There are no ocean breezes or the cooling sound of surf, or bar boys who bring cold beer to your beach chair. At our lakes, in the summer, it is 103 degrees and 98% humidity and alcohol is usually banned, and the only sound is the cicadas and the frogs. It’s just not the same thing. If I want a beach, I go to Cancun. They sunbathe naked and play topless volleyball in Cancun – they don’t have that in Kansas, and I don’t think they ever will.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Plus, fishermen and people on jet-skis.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, and speed boats on the bigger lakes.

    • timpundit

      You may be right. The only way to tell tho is to change places with me for a bit, so I can try it and get all jaded (IN MY PANTS), too.

    • anna rampage

      I thought it was more common to have someone put sunscreen on the areas that you cannot reach…

      unless you’re hanging at Little Makena?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Oh no. I still resemble a beached white whale…

        • anna rampage

          I’ve seen all body types represented at little Makena… Just saying….

          • Jonny On Maui

            It’s not the body type, it’s the whiteness. I’ve got to expose very carefully less I go completely cooked lobster. It’s getting there, a slow process.

            The sun really cooks here.

          • anna rampage

            That is true! I live in the Pacific Northwest, and while I do tan pretty easily, the first few times in the sun each season is a little tenuous…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Start slow, a little bit every day.

            I’ll lose the tractor arms some day…

          • Shan the Libtart

            I gave up on that decades ago.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It is in the Midwestern US, where I live. No beaches here. Whenever I see a man with a glistening naked chest, he is always a construction worker and covered with tattoos and is often missing some of his teeth.

  • Callyson

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  • chicken thief

    This is goofier than the obsession with The Naked Cowboy, who is, despite the moniker, not naked.

  • proudgrampa
  • Hardly Ideal

    …huh. I was trying to find a picture of a studly manga husbando for a “to each their own” comment. But along the way, I got a random image of glasses of oil with a watermark for “condomdepot dot com” across the bottom.

    Are… what are you trying to tell me, Google?

  • SisterArtemis

    finally yesterday’s references to glistening Tongan butts are making sense…

  • nmmagyar

    He’s not hideous, but he has 300 extra teeth.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Correction: He is everything.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    OK, let’s look at this from a different angle. If the hot flag bearer had been a woman covered with body oil, and all the male journalists had caressed her glistening naked skin in public, they would have been accused of several nasty things. Not that I blame the journalists one bit for wanting to touch him, because he is a very hot guy, but was this not, perhaps, a tad unprofessional?

    • Thank-you. I was about to post a similar comment. I know it is all meant in good fun, but I think that if a 19-20 female athlete in say a grass skirt and bra top and 30ish male commentators trying to rub oil on her and being flirty it would have come off as pretty damn creepy.
      If you switch genders and it becomes creepy, it probably wasn’t okay in the original version either. I can live with making a few joking comments, but this really seemed to go too far.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Definitely too far. I realize that I am old, and that the standards of 60 years ago no longer apply, but when I see journalists behaving like this I ask myself “What would Walter Cronkite say?”

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Pass the baby oil?

      • Shan the Libtart

        My son has been accosted by random young women, even in groups, who think it’s perfectly okay to get up in his personal space and touch him and/or his possessions (he wears interesting jewelry). He’s ridiculously handsome (if I do say so myself) and looks like Thor with a ginger beard. He has complained to me about it before, and I agreed that it’s no more right for a gang of women to do that to him just because he’s a 6’5″ dude than it would be for a guy or guys to do that to a woman. I did point out to him that when women are the objects of that kind of attention, we’re not just creeped out and annoyed like he was, we’re almost always terrified. But still, in his case, I reassured him it was wrong that they should do something to him that they know, as women, would completely freak them out if the tables were turned.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And too, in slight contrast, traveling with a young 20-something daughter and her friend, with the two of them eyeing and commenting on the guys on the beach, I went soft-parent and told them that if the two of them were guys commenting on women like that I’d be giving them full on Hell about objectifying people… I thought of it as an implied parental lesson…

          • Shan the Libtart

            That’s good. When I was growing up, my biological dad was a bit of an ass and used to make comments about women RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. So I thought it was just a “normal” thing to do. Didn’t make me self conscious AT all, right?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Damn… It just shouldn’t be that hard to be good, kind and decent to kidz… of all ages… It’s hard to see how people treat some kidz… almost like the supposed grown-ups aren’t any more emotionally mature than the kidz… and they might not be… not realizing that the guiding notion “someone here needz to be the grown-up” relates to more than just age… or size…

          • Shan the Libtart

            Kinda sure that’s why my mom divorced him. I love him to bits now (I didn’t see him from the time I was 10 until I was 18) but he’s still pretty much just a doofus. And still kind of a sexist ass, unfortunately, and doesn’t understand why. But he’s 70 so I’m pretty sure that’s not going to change.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            It’s good to find the good to love in us doofi… sexismz and all… and that’s alot easier if there aren’t major mean streakz mixed in

          • Shan the Libtart

            Oh, he’s a big orange teddy bear. No mean in him anywhere.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            That’s great… and great to be back in each otherz livez…

          • Shan the Libtart

            And his grandkids. Which he still insists he is too young to have. Because I’m too young to have any kids myself.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Oh my… I AM looking forward to grandkids…. But I’m way too young for that too, and too so are the daughterz

          • SecludedCompound

            I feel like it’s a little bit of the old “hey, you guys got to do this for a long time, so eff it,we get our shot now that the victorian morals are out the door, and you cant tell us no” kind of thing. But yeah, it’s pretty ethically suspect, especially in a professional situation like this. Hopefully mutual respect will be the order of the day at some not too distant point.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          While objectification is wrong in all cases, he’ll reap a lot of benefits in life from being a tall and ridiculously handsome man that his homelier brethren can only dream of.

          • Shan the Libtart

            According to a text he sent me the other day, it’s not doing him any good with the ladies right now. He accidentally texted me when he meant to message someone else, so I said: “Good job it wasn’t a dick pic. I’d have to kill BOTH of us.” His reply: “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m abstaining until marriage. I have the biggest support group in town: all of the girls that live here!”

            Awww…poor boy!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            With a sense of humor, too

          • Shan the Libtart

            It’s the only reason I’ve let him live as long as I have.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            And well plus also too, he’s been bigger than you for awhile…

        • Skadi

          For what it’s worth, I learned the hard way in college that being openly lesbian or bisexual means you’re held to the exact same standards as men in this arena. If it would come across as pervy for a man to say, it will make you look like a dangerous creeper too. The subtraction of the “male threat” factor is compensated for by addition of the “lesbo ick” factor.

          So, if you’re a woman who’s known to like women, do not get in other women’s personal space or touch them anywhere in any way WITHOUT EXPLICIT PERMISSION. Don’t let your gaze linger too long on another woman’s boobs. Stare straight ahead when in changing rooms. And for gods’ sake, don’t make any off-color jokes.

          It almost (almost) made me sympathetic, against my will, to guys accused of creepy behavior, because it’s just so damn exhausting remembering all of the things you’re not supposed to do.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Jesus, I had no idea. I’ve been around plenty of lesbians and never had even the remotest creep-dar set off. Either they’re a lot better at trying not to, or I was oblivious to it because they weren’t men and I felt like I could switch off the ever-present “is this a potential predator?” question and just relax for a while. It’s one of the reasons I always go to female OBGYNs. I don’t even CARE if it’s a lesbian rummaging around down there, I still feel more comfortable. My “lesbo ick factor” was pretty much non-existent to begin with, I guess. It’s even smaller since my daughter came out.

          • Skadi

            In my experience, few things are more miserable than being part of a female community who you’ve alienated by not appropriately controlling yourself. Due to my inexperience and lack of couth, I angered and offended my teammates, and had to quit because no one wanted to share a hotel room, bathroom or locker room with me. I didn’t realize that my behavior and remarks qualified as sexual harassment because it made them feel uncomfortable and unsafe…but I should have.

            If I was forced to change clothes in front of a male friend, I’d be more comfortable with him looking the other way, not openly staring like a boor or making quips. If I and a friend were touching one another in a friendly, non-sexual way, I wouldn’t appreciate a joke about threesomes. I was thoughtless and heedless and suffered the consequences. The memory is still painful to me, and so I imagine that other women of my persuasion have also learned, early on, that if they want to enjoy the reassurance of an all-female environment they must always remember not to act like men.

          • Shan the Libtart

            I still don’t understand. I’m a cis-het female who’s been around many lesbians (including my hair stylist and her wife) making many off-color jokes. I’ve never felt unsafe around lesbians. Ever.

  • DL

    All over my facebook feed: “UGH GOD THE COMMENTS ABOUT THE WOMEN OLYMPIANS ARE DISGUSTING!! THEY ARE NOT OBJECTS!!”
    24 hours later: “OH MAN LOOK AT THIS GUY AND LETS MAKE 100 POSTS ABOUT THE BIKINI AREA ON THIS MALE SWIM TEAM AMIRITE???”

    Nice.

  • SecludedCompound

    LOL, Jenna Bush looks hilarious as the inevitable suburban botox-wraith we all knew she would become.

  • ThatDale

    Speaking as old straight white male, I have to say that when Mr. Taufatotua sailed onto the screen I found myself drooling a bit. I’m sure it was the oil.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Imagine the mopping up this old gay man had to do.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Jenna has certainly come a long way from partying half-naked with a fake ID.

  • Stein Olsen
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