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Oh hi, Hillary.
Oh hi, Hillary.

Queen Hillary stepped down from her throne Friday and deigned to answer queries from journalists, everyone! Yeah, she gave a press conference, something she doesn’t do that often, we are guessing because she hates them. After speaking to a joint convention of the National Association of Black Journalists and the National Association of Hispanic Journalists, she said, “Oh hey, I will answer all your questions now, except for ones about who I murdered during breakfast, that is OFF LIMITS, PAL.” Would you believe that Tucker Carlson’s home for accidental masturbation sharts, The Daily Caller, had a problem with the presser before it even began?

dailycaller

Yeah, fuckin’ hell, Hillary, NO FAIR, when you gonna do a press conference for the National Association Of White Journalists, huh? That is what the Daily Caller would like to know, because it’s pretty much a whites-only website.

Here, have some Hillary speech and press conference:

The absolute highlight of the presser came in response to a piece of shit question from Ed O’Keefe of the Washington Post:

A majority of voters consistently say, frankly, they don’t like you, and they don’t trust you. And they say pretty much the same thing about Donald Trump. Either you or Mr. Trump will be elected president. How would you lead a nation where a majority of Americans mistrust you, and what extra responsibility might you have to show you’re up for the task.

HOLY FUCK, WaPo, what is your goddamned problem? (The same problem every other news organization has had FOR 40 YEARS in covering Hillary.) Here is her response, in all its million-word glory (it’s about an hour into the video):

Well let me start by saying, every time I have done a job, people have counted on me and trusted me. And at the convention last week, we highlighted the fights of my life, starting as a lawyer for the Children’s Defense Fund, taking on the problem of juveniles in adult jails in South Carolina, segregated “academies” — so-called — in Alabama, fighting for kids with disabilities to get an education, and all the way through the work I did as senator after 9/11, and representing all of you as Secretary of State. So there is — and I take this seriously, don’t doubt that, I take it seriously. It doesn’t make me feel good when people say those things, and I recognize that I have work to do.

But when I started running for the Senate in New York, a lot of the same things were said. I won. I worked hard for the people of New York, and I was re-elected with 67% of the vote, after I demonstrated that I would be on their side, I would fight for the people I represented.

I ran a really hard campaign against Barack Obama, as I think everybody remembers. It got a little contentious from time to time! And to my surprise, he turned around and asked me to be Secretary of State, because he trusted me. And then I served as Secretary of State, and when I left, I had a 66% approval rating.

So, ask yourselves, were 67% of the people in New York wrong? Were 66% of the American public wrong? Or maybe, just maybe, when I’m actually running for a job, there is a very real benefit to those on the other side in trying to stir up as much concern as possible. So I take it seriously, and I’m going to work my heart out, in this campaign and as president, to produce results for people, to get the economy to work for everybody, not just those at the top, to do as much as I can to help people who, as I said earlier, may not even vote for me. Because I think our country is at a crossroads election. President Obama said it extremely well, both in what his speech discussed in the convention, what his press conferences since have pointed out. This is a crossroads election. There is so much at stake.

You can look at my record of public service. You can meet people and families who were benefited by the Children’s Health Insurance Program. You can meet people who were benefited by reforming the foster care and adoption system. You can meet first responders and survivors from 9/11 who were benefited because I went to bat for them. You can meet National Guard members and their families who didn’t have healthcare unless they were deployed, before I worked with Republicans to fix that.

You can go down a long list, and we’d be happy to provide it to you, of what I have done because I believe in public service. And I am proud that I’ve had the great, great opportunity to work on behalf of giving more people a better life ever since I was right out of law school. So I’m just going to get up every day and make my case, and I think there’ll be an opportunity for a lot of people to actually hear it.

Short version: BOY, BYE!

Directly after, another journalist basically asked Hillary who her favorite black person is. OK, the exact question was what the most meaningful conversation she’s ever had with a black person was, and she said FOR REAL that she has a “crew.” She had black lady friends who were her chiefs of staff, too! Hillary proceeded to make a list of black people, and said she couldn’t pick ONE favorite conversation, come on, how is that even fair?

Other questions from journalists centered around immigration reform — that PFFFFFFFFT you hear is the white people at Daily Caller, still being fuckin’ white about everything — and Hillary outlined her plans for fixing that system. SPOILER: The first step is you have to elect Hillary Clinton, and not Donald Trump. And vote for down-ticket Democrats, so we can take back the Senate and maybe even the House. Nice, interesting discussion that you can watch if you want!

Another journalist asked Hillary about her damned emails, and she said nothing that wasn’t covered in Wonkette’s painstakingly detailed explanation of why Hillary is not rotting in jail right now, for emails, even though she is clearly guilty of “emails.”

Groan.

Anyway, enjoy your Friday afternoon Hillary press conference, or if you don’t have time, don’t worry, she’ll do another one in like six years or something, because fuck press conferences and she doesn’t like them.

[YouTube]

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  • DainBramage

    Hilz using to many big wurds. Iz confuzed…

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    “Who’s your favorite black person?”

    “AOT,K.”

    • Lascauxcaveman

      If she had come back with “Jesus,” it would have BLOWN THEIR MINDS.

      • Pickwicknext

        Or Santa!

      • Parchment Scroll

        Right now, a staffer is bringing her a printout of this comment, and she’s calling up Obama asking for permission to use the time machine and change her answer.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Not Cornel West.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        I like yours better!

  • RobKanC

    Well, if it was the Trumpster, he would have kicked the guy out and cancelled WaPo’s press credentials.. This answer is so PC. Infact, she literally killed 2 ppl with PC by the time she finished that answer. This is why we need to elect the Dumpster..

  • Jenny

    You’re not paying attention to meeeeeee! – Daily Caller

  • Lambsendbeds

    Fuck you, Tucker Carlson, right in the ear with a rusty nail.

    • Creepoman

      I believe that counts as a form of skullfucking, so technically allowed by commenting rules, even without a well placed “with votes” qualifier.

  • lucidamente

    After that answer, Ed O’Keefe had blood coming out of his whatever.

    • Ikimizi

      Is Ed O’Keefe a Black Journalist, or a Hispanic Journalist? Because his name sounds mighty white.

  • cousin itt

    speaking to a joint convention

    You meet some of the grooviest people from all over the country at joint conventions.

    • georgiaburning

      Hempcon! Coming to the Cow Palace in two weeks! I wish I had the cheetos concession

      • berkeleyfarm

        Hahaha

        I had one of those “wow things have changed” moments not long ago when one of the billboards in my neighborhood started advertising bud with the verbiage that used to be applied to very fine varietal wines (and gets used in high end food marketing a lot).

        No it’s not legal for general use here. (At the moment, I keep hearing rumblings about a ballot initiative.)

  • Bill Slider

    Richard Nixon didn’t like press conferences. Voters didn’t trust him, allegedly, but they elected him twice. Trust is a big deal. But, if they deliver, I can overlook, oh, say 30,000 Emails, a Vince Foster, or two, and Benghazi, which was not her fault. Neither was the crappy Email security in Executive branch Emails, which actually might be the real reason , that she, and at least two previous Secretary’s of State and one known DOD Secretary used their own personal systems which were at least as secure as the government’s.

    • msanthropesmr

      Amen. I don’t recall her personal server exposing the SSNs of classified field agents, unlike some other agencies I can name.
      And if you’ve ever tried to use NMCI, you know that it’s just shy of no communication.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Ms. Clinton, you suck. We’ve been saying it for nearly thirty years, and we’ve even been making up bullshit stories about nonsense allegations of your wrongdoing to prove it. What awful lies do you want to tell those who say you suck as a candidate and you are an awful human being?”

    Curious that she doesn’t do more press events.

  • Todd Tomorrow

    My name is Ed O’Keefe and I’m a total douche.

  • JMP

    Maybe Hillary Clinton doesn’t give many press conferences because the right-wing mainstream media will ask her really stupid questions about complete bullshit and discredited slander, hmm?

    • Ducksworthy

      Warning: Reheating slanders more than 3 years old will make them stink, and not in a good way.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    You’d think she’d relish questions about her hair by now.

    • mailman27

      Can we all agree these questions just aren’t cutting the mustard?

  • Brian
    • sw19womble

      Hillarysplaining.

    • thenearesthippie

      It wouldn’t matter how she answered. A lengthy response makes her evasive, a short response makes her glib.

  • Gwennie_G

    Other than Georgia, are there ANY good O’Keefes?

    • msanthropesmr

      Georgia?

    • sw19womble

      Hitler?

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      well, the beer isnt terrible

    • Gwennie_G

      Ok, I might have to re-think my Grand Unified Theory of O’Keefes. I’m still on the fence about Hitler O’Keefe, though!

    • JMP

      One of my best friends from college, who’s a professor now.

    • Blank Ron

      They used to do some decent ales. And I saw ‘On A Clear Day You Can See Forever’ at the O’Keefe Centre when it came to Toronto in 1966.

    • malsperanza

      Miles O’Keeffe was not without a certain je ne sais quois, back in the day.

      • Gwennie_G

        How much Keefe is in this movie anyway?

  • msanthropesmr
  • msanthropesmr

    So, ask yourselves, were 67% of the people in New York wrong? Were 66% of the American public wrong? Or maybe, just maybe, when I’m actually running for a job, there is a very real benefit to those on the other side in trying to stir up as much concern as possible.

    Kick ass, take names and chew bubble gum, Madam Secretary!

  • thenearesthippie

    Based on my personal survey of stories trending online today, it looks like the media are done with Trump’s insanity and are back on Hillary’s emails. Gotta do something about her rise in the polls, I guess.

    • msanthropesmr

      Actually, I don’t think he’s said anything outrageous in the last fifteen minutes. That’s the problem. I think he’s bound and gagged by Rinse Pubis.

      • Ducksworthy

        Does to chairman of the RNC cure crabs?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Quick! Somebody give Trump another medal!

      • Ducksworthy

        How about a couple of used Hero of the Soviet Union medals.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Fair and Balanced™

    • DainBramage

      We need to get them back on the “Trump is Putin’s Poodle” story.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    What the WaPo reporter really meant was, “We’ve been trying to torpedo your career and make you ugly cry in public for 30 years. Why hasn’t that worked?”

    • sw19womble

      *wanders in with dictionary definition of madness sellotaped to forehead*

      • Pickwicknext

        You might need super glue

        • sw19womble

          For huffing?

          • Pickwicknext

            That’s a given.

      • DemmeFatale

        What a wanker!
        (Damn, I miss GB!)

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “Can you explain why the entire beltway village has had a hardon for you for 25 years?”

      • msanthropesmr

        Can anyone? Her slander is such bullshit.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    The obvious fact that Hillary can speak using full and grammatically-correct sentences ought to impress a few people, particularly journalists. Sadly, it doesn’t.

    • sw19womble

      I admit I like Hillbot 3.0, but there’s still that campaign design flaw that seems built-in to the system.

      • Astraea

        The xx chromosomes that make people treat her like shit?

        • sw19womble

          For me it’s the fact that she’s a policy wonk and not a baby-kissing “career politician” (although she’s gotten a lot better at that side of things in the last eight years) but yeah I don’t get it.

        • Serai 1

          It’s the lack of yaya. Not enough sparks flying.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Do you mean the flaw that allows candidates to spend $1billion to get elected? Or do you mean the flaw that allows them to start campaigning a year before the election? I hate both of those. Personally, I like the spending and and advertising and time restrictions they have in the UK.
        http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-05-14/opinion/ct-oped-0514-british-20100514_1_campaign-spending-candidates-election-day

        • sw19womble

          Canada also, too.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      they hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. They hated her husband and it’s all that much easier for them to hate her even more

      • mailman27

        Every story, every comment begins with the “Hillary’s very untrustworthy, Hillary’s high negatives,” etc… It’s automatic. What’s less reflexive is ANY breakdown of what treachery led to all this handwringing. I honestly don’t know what she’s done that’s so horribly wrong.

    • JMP

      You’d think so, but the press just loved the upper-class twit cowboy idiot President who couldn’t speak words good and mispronunciated everything. They often seem to actively despise actual smart people.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You mean people who actually have a 3-digit IQ, which is more than you can say for most journalists??? I’d agree with that.

  • Pickwicknext

    I shall listen along while new phone shopping…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Campaigning is hard for de wimmenz….

  • cousin itt

    “You can look at my record of public service. See it? It’s right there in front of your eyes!” –Donald

    • msanthropesmr

      “Ugly buildings is not public service, Donald”

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        And even if it was, Trump would still be little more than a cut-rate Geoff Palmer.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    She didn’t even once say “Radical Islam.” Weak!

    • Vecchiojohn

      It’s Radical Islamic Terrorism, you RINO!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Oh damn! Now I’m never gonna be Senator of Texas or Arizona or Tennessee or wherever. Maybe if I deflect and suggest that we ought to kick all Muslims out of the country…

        • thenearesthippie

          I am A Idiot. You have my attention.

    • Msgr_Moment

      How many jerbs has she created? How many small businesses has she shortchanged?

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Right?! It’s like she doesn’t even care about making America great again.

      • Notreelyhelping

        She hasn’t gone bankrupt even once! How can you trust someone like that?

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          She was awful quick to release her tax returns don’t you think? What’s she trying to hide?

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        She’s kept more than a few coroners employed. Know what I’m sayin?

  • I Only Like Cats

    Good for her. Honestly she can be way too nice when it comes to people attacking her for no good reason. Also, love how she responded with “black women are part of my every day life, here are some other black people I admire” rather than the usual “I have a black friend.”

    • Vecchiojohn

      Where’s her African Americans?

      • thenearesthippie

        She referred to her “crew.” That should be good for some fake outrage.

        • bubbuhh

          The crew in question includes the First Family. Be easy to cram that outrage right back up its bunghole.

    • bubbuhh

      Some of us have more than one of every color. It’s true. I swear.

    • Ducksworthy

      Donald would have said “Bob the doorman, Oh and the guy who drives my car sometimes, Bob the Chauffeur? and also that other guy and that guy who helps Eric kill the Elephants, Bob something.”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    OT Jill Stein can go fuck herself. Her commercials- “Trump says terrible things, but Clinton is even worse”

    Thanks Obama Nader!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Apparently she’s trying to win the MSNBC demographic. That should be good for zero electoral votes.

    • Spotts1701

      *Scribbles “SHOW YOUR WORK” on Dr. Stein’s paper, returns it*

      • DainBramage

        Also, too. “Facts not in evidence.”

    • DainBramage

      Stein and Nader. TweedleDil and TweedleDo.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        at least Nader accomplished something once to give him a smidgen of credibility (still doesn’t excuse 2000), but WTF has Stein even done to be taken seriously? There are lots of Doctors and lots of Harvard grads out there but 99.9% of them don’t presume to be qualified to be POTUS based upon that criteria

        • limberrat

          She was Lexington Town Meeting Representative of Precinct 2! That’s an immediate stepping stone to President of the United States!

        • bupkus23

          I’m not sure that “consumer advocate” really carries all that much credibility per governing – certainly no more than internal medicine or community organizing…. oh, wait….

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, he saved us from the Corsair. Give him a cookie and tell him to shut up.

          • msanthropesmr

            Eh – mountain out of molehill with Corvair (corsair is something else entirely). Not substantially more dangerous than any other car at the time which was statistically proven. He is a hack.

          • bupkus23

            Yeah – where the fuck is he now, when we have millions of cars recalled every year for safety defects? Oh,yeah, that’s right, he moved on to bigger and better things

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Weird…I was thinking ‘corsair” for some reason, but I knew that wasn’t right, so I actually looked it up… then typed it anyway. Sheesh, getting old isn’t for sissies.

            And yeah, most cars were death traps at the time. I’m glad he helped reform the industry…unfortunately, being a full time scold isn’t a good qualification for president.

          • Ducksworthy

            Pirates? There were pirates?

          • PubOption

            I’m not sure that the Corsair was something else entirely, nor of its accident record.
            http://details-of-cars.com/wp-content/uploads/parser/ford-corsair-9.jpg

        • Ducksworthy

          Maybe we could arrange to have her and stabby Dr. Ben debate. Somewhere far away from the rest of us.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            some remote free range, homeopathic grain silo far, far away

    • thenearesthippie

      I do not like the word “cunt.” At all. Or I’d use it now.

      • sw19womble

        It’s a term of endearment in the UK.

      • Parchment Scroll

        How about “festering asspimple”? It’s much more negative, freeing up “cunt” to be used in a playfully aggressive manner.

    • Astraea

      It’s true. Trump has not yet made any mistakes or done anything bad as an elected official.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        neither has Stein

        • limberrat

          Maybe we need to look into her record as Town Meeting Representative!

        • JMP

          Stein and Trump do have the exact same qualifications to be President. If she somehow managed to get the Democratic nomination, that would pretty much the equivalent of Trump’s candidacy; and if that happened I probably would vote for a competent and reasonable Republican over her.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            exactly- she has zero qualifications to be POTUS beyond being the Pied Piper of various Hillary haters and anti establishment people and serving as a proxy for all the nutters

    • limberrat

      Citation Needed!

    • limberrat

      Sorry, I am saying it, her voice annoys the hell out of me. Like there is an air of condescension every time she opens her mouth!

    • Vecchiojohn

      ? Oh my name it is Jill Stein, it is Jill Stein
      (Repeat)
      Oh my name it is Jill Stein
      And you’re a pack of swine
      Oh my name it is Jill Stein it is Jill Stein ??

      Ghost Johnny Cash

    • JMP

      Fuck her anti-science wannabe spoiler bullshit. And I can’t believe how she’s actually got the money to run nationwide ads – how much do you think is coming from Republican donors?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        most of it

      • limberrat

        I want to know HOW she is.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yeah, I saw that a couple of times; I have to say that IMO a “doctor” who courts the idiots on the anti-vaxxer train is quite a lot worse than Hillary Clinton, but not as terrible as Fanta Hitler. So there you go, Jill Stein: you can come in first runner-up, and Fanta Hitler can come in second runner-up. Kudos on your “win”!

  • The Wanderer

    I think that she gave a measured and very good response to a question that would have gotten O’Keefe beaten to death if he’d asked it at a Trump presser.

    • Vecchiojohn

      So you admit Hillary is weak.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Hillz was on point during the entire press conference. But the line of questioning was fucking idiotic and almost made me stroke out!!! With the asshole asking about her likability, she should have responded:

    “This isn’t a fucking POPULARITY CONTEST you moron, this is an election for the most powerful position on the planet!!! It’s asswipes like you that got us into this situation, where a bi-polar rodeo clown on meth actually has the opportunity to get his Orange stubby little hands on enough nuclear weaponry to render this planet uninhabitable for a couple thousand years! So sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up until you can come up with a question worth my God damn time”

    And then as far as the “do you know any black people” question(my translation):

    “Are you fucking serious? No for real, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?! The President of the god damn United States nominated me as Secretary of State!!! And in case you were to busy tickling your balls 2 weeks ago, both him and his beautiful wife gave powerful speeches at the convention. Now that you asked me that question why don’t you go ahead and ask Cheeto Frankenstein the exact same one? Or better yet just review the video from the cluster fuck they call a convention. The crowd was so white I had to wear sunglasses if wanted to stare directly at the TV!!!

    • Count Awesome

      The person that asked “do know any black people?” has only seen “magic negroes” in movies and on tv.

      • jrly

        He didn’t ask that. He asked an extremely softball question that Hill could have used to talk about BLM but instead did a Romney book of women answer.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Why not ask her if she employed any Muslims too? Just to complete the derp.

    • TJ Barke

      “This isn’t a fucking POPULARITY CONTEST, this is an election for the most powerful position on the planet!!! It’s asswipes like you that got us into this situation, where bi-polar clown actually has the opportunity to get his Orange stubby little hands on enough nuclear weaponry to render this planet uninhabitable for a couple thousand years! So sit the fuck and shut the fuck up until you can come with a question worth my God damn time”
      I’d have no reservations at all about her if she said that.

      • jrly

        Actually it’s people that chose someone so unpopular to be the alternative to Cheeto Jesus that gave Cheeto Jesus a chance. Because yes, it is inddeed a popularity contest. That’s why sweaty Nixon lost to Smiling JFK.

    • KMTBERRY

      I think you could be on the short list for Hillary speechwriters. Just sayin’. What I wouldn’t give to hear her respond like that!

    • bupkus23

      Are you applying for the job of Hillary’s “Anger Translator”? “Cause she sure could use one, and these rants would do nicely…

      • JMP

        It really is awful and annoying both her and Obama have to be so careful to never openly show anger, because in American society it’s only acceptably to get angry if you’re white and male.

        • bupkus23

          Yeah – she wouldn’t want Babs Bush to roll out her rhyming dictionary again…. ( Is she still alive??? )

          • Vidajroden1

            <<l:y. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bx644a:….,….

          • Sakonyachen

            3-5 hours per day? So an average of 4 hours.

            $392 per day. At $98 per hour.

            $18,512 dollars divided by $392 is 47.2244898 days.

            July was really long this year.

          • jmhm

            Yes, and signalling like mad that she’s voting for Clinton, bizarrely enough.

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Exactly! If you’re a woman you’re a hysterical bitch, if you’re black you’re a dangerous thug. But hey, racism and sexism are dead, right?

        • Incoming Ham

          Anything else is PMS. Amiright?

        • jrly

          Lol you’re ridiculous. Conservatives love Sarah Palin for her angry bizarre rants.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yeah they would have to do my anger translations in caption form, because my face is a little to expressive. When someone says something idiotic my face twists into the “did you just say that” expression

        • bupkus23

          Actually, I think that could be a “bonus” as Anger Translator.

    • Crystalclear12

      Some of your best work!

    • Notreelyhelping

      I dunno. Sounds kind of…shrill.

    • msanthropesmr

      Rodeo Clown Libel.

    • Catstro

      I’ve been wondering who Hillary’s anger translator would be (I don’t think Obama will let her keep Luther)…AngryBlakGuy, you may be up for the task.

      • bupkus23

        Two minds, one thought!

    • laineypc

      She probably gets through these things by thinking “you moron” at the end of every sentence she says out loud.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I remember someone saying to me, of Gore, “he’s not a guy I want to have a beer with.” I was all like “you do realize you are never gonna even meet him, let alone have a beer with him, right?”

      That said, I would totes have a beer with the Obamas.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Not only them but I’d have a beer with Hillz, and she chases it with a shot of whiskey. I saw it once!

        • Billy Rubin

          If she were down with it, body shots

      • JMP

        And I always found that ridiculous since I would much, much rather have a beer with an intelligent and thoughtful guy like Al Gore than an obnoxious fratboy douchebag like Bush who I would never want to even be in the same room with. I never got the media’s insistence that Bush was likeable – no, he acted like an overgrown high school bully and asshole who would be extremely insufferable to hang out with in real life.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          …an overgrown high school bully and asshole who would be extremely insufferable to hang out with in real life.

          I suspect there are many in the media who have this in common with Bush, and therefore liked him because they are alike.

          • jmhm

            I suspect what they mean is ‘somebody it wouldn’t humiliate me in the morning if he saw me being a drunken fool the night before’

      • AngryBlakGuy

        “I want a president that I can have a beer with”

        …I always hated that fucking statement!!! The same way I don’t want to go to a bar with my boss, is the same way I don’t want to have a drink with a man who at any given moment would have to deal with a life and death crisis. Sure Obama is cool, but at the end of the day I would take the most socially awkward, dorky, introverted person on the planet if they could competently handle domestic and foreign policy.

        • Come here a minute

          Wow, wouldn’t have guessed you were such a big Tim Kaine fan!

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …well played sir.

            **slow golf clap**

    • King of America
    • SeekingBarbie

      I wish we could send this to her so she could guffaw.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I’m pretty sure I’m on enough watch lists

    • Sakonyachen

      I wish you commented more.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I wish the same. But between mini ABG & Mrs. ABG time is a bit tight. I really should just give both of them my login info so they can rage comment for me

        • Sakonyachen

          AngryBlakFamily? That sounds like a win to me. Especially if the little one is under five. Some of the youngest children’s logic makes me wonder why we bother to grow up at all.

          “Why can’t we give food to all the hungry people? Also two, cookies! Where’s my woobie!”

          Has your little one picked up your language habits? My stepdaughter has, which is adorable and horrifying since we can’t afford to homeschool.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …thankfully mini ABG hasn’t picked up all my swear word…yet.

    • CripesAmighty

      That was a masterpiece.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    I’ve read here and there that she’s not as good a speaker as Obama, but you know I’m not really sure of that these days. Damn.

    • I Only Like Cats

      People say that because sexism.

      • Ms.MLG1979

        Girls can’t talk good.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I think you’re the real sexist for pointing it out.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Do you think most of these journalists spend their time outside of press conferences drinking far more heavily than your average Wonkette commenter? Because even after I’ve had two big martinis, some of these questions still look to me less like pink elephants and more like sharply defined, unwavering bullshit.

  • anwisok

    “I’m going to work my heart out, in this campaign and as president, to produce results for people, to get the economy to work for everybody, not just those at the top, to do as much as I can to help people who, as I said earlier, may not even vote for me.”

    Well, THERE’S her problem, right there! Like anybody’s gonna believe that!

    Here. Have a puppeh.

    http://javra.eu/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Termin%C4%83-cu-prostiile-Ce-alergare-%C3%AEn-parc.jpg

    • thenearesthippie

      Who’s a good puppeh? Who’s a good puppeh? *tummyscritches*

  • Joshua Norton

    The wingnut pre-programmed spiel this election cycle is to convince everyone that Hillary Clinton is always lying while Trump is just saying things he doesn’t truly believe. And the lazy media stenographers play right into their hands every goddamned time.

  • deanbooth

    /nosnark
    A good source for the origin of Hillary hate is Bob Somerby, who has been covering it (and Gore hate) since the 90s. Surprise! — the so-called liberal journos drum up the hate as much as anyone. Here’s a recent Somerby’s post on Hillz’ supposed lie about liking the Yankees, which is still being mentioned in the NYT:
    http://dailyhowler.blogspot.com/2016/07/how-we-got-here-pundits-fight-back.html

    [Sorry, the “Hillary is untrustworthy” thing burns me up.]

  • Spurning Beer

    “Ed O’Keefe” is not a proper name for a Latino journalist.

    “Geraldo Rivera.” Now, that’s a name for a Latino journalist.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      ¿Quien es mas macho?

      • Spurning Beer

        Little known fact [attention Dok Zoom]: Rivera’s second wife was Kurt Vonnegut’s daughter Edith.

      • yyyaz

        Lloyd Bridges, it’s always Lloyd Bridges.

  • bubbuhh

    You know, at the press conferences for everyone who are members of the organizations to whom she is speaking and who as it happens may be white cuz, well, Hispanics ARE white for one thing and for another, anyone can be a member of these organizations regardless of the color of their brains so long as they pay the dues, Hillary Clinton does sometimes sound a little like Dubya. But, she doesn’t quite pull off cluelessness cuz all her words are real words and all her sentences arrive at their destination with their logic and purpose on track and intact.

    So, YAY, Hillary Clinton! Sucks to be Tucker Quarrelsome. It do. ;)

  • Astraea

    I posted this before pretty much anyone else was up this morning but it seems relevant again. She’s been answering the same questions for fucking ever.

    Hillary why don’t people trust you Bill? Hillary, why do you want to murder housewives with their own cookies?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-namImCszCk

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’d like to do some kind of search to see if there’s ever been anyone in history who has had her motives for everything from baking/not baking cookies to traveling as Secretary of State questioned as often and as hostilely as Hillary Clinton has. I’d like to, but I’m afraid my head would explode.

      • Astraea

        I can’t imagine that there has been.

        • BigBoppa

          Mary Queen of Scots perhaps. But there were very few people on Twitter back then so maybe not so much.

      • laineypc

        That it continues to animate the hostiles is really the ‘splodey part. No amount of fallure is too much for them.

    • bupkus23

      And, will you look at that – That interview came before the existence of Fix News!

  • JMP

    Hillary should have answered the question about black friends with “I have binders full of black people!”.

    • Astraea

      Alas, the press is humorless.

  • mailman27

    Just a suggestion for the press– ask serious questions and you will be taken seriously. Instead of recycling nonsense, chase nonsensical conceits down to where they began, and shit-can them as legitimate routes of inquiry. It might require a few follow up questions, and a little preparation but it would be journalism. Ask a fair question, get a fair answer.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Now, wait a cotton-pickin’ minute, here. Are you suggesting that a journalist should do journalism? Have you no decency, sir? At long last, have you no decency?

      • mailman27

        Decency… Hmmmm, what a concept. Nah, it’ll never work.

      • sw19womble

        That’s crazy talk!

  • BigBoppa

    I got into a conversation with a trumphead this afternoon. At one point he parroted the Roger Stone threat of a bloodbath if turnip loses. My comeback was that Obama will still be president and Commander in Chief for a couple of months after the election so maybe it’d be prudent to consider just whose blood would be spilled in a scenario like that. If wish I had a mic at that point because it would have been dropped.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      go ahead, give him an excuse to declare martial law and appoint himself dictator for life

      • Candy Apple

        I want that FEMA camp guard job I was promised when I signed B. Hussein’s super-secret Muslim loyalty pledge!

        • Cindyinencinitas

          He said I could bake those cakes we like for anybody who wants one!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      These fucking idiots couldn’t organize a bake sale, let alone a decent riot.

      • bupkus23

        Roger Stone was one of the organizers of the “Brooks Brothers Riot” that disrupted the 2000 election recount efforts in Florida.

        So,if the Trumpanzees are capable of taking instruction at all, who the fuck knows?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Really? Figures.

          • bupkus23

            He’s a ratfucker of loooong standing.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            He’s a creep’s creep; hence, the Nixon tattoo.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s just because they were out of the Hitler tattoos that day…

        • Ducksworthy

          I fear the banhammer too much to tell you what I think we might want to do if the violence starts.

      • Ducksworthy

        I’m sure the LaVoy Finicum Brigade represents a real threat to the Marine Corps.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Bamz go all Predatator drones on their asses.

    • Ms.MLG1979

      Tell him we don’t allow our country to be held hostage by the empty threats of frightened white boys, because we know their bullying bluster from way back.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Did you ask him who would be doing the bloodbathing? Would it be him and his ilk? Because I’m planning something almost the exact opposite of a bloodbath for when Fanta Hitler loses, and I don’t think I’m the Lone Ranger.

    • Parchment Scroll

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpaqrj7ItYM

      It’s a hell of an expense this year.

    • Vienna Woods

      What I want to know is what are the non-trumpers supposed to do in the face of that threat? Vote for trump to avoid the bloodshed? Not vote? Or, after Hillz wins by a landslide, say, “oh, Mr Trump, you can have it anyway” ?

  • Count Awesome

    Now I’ve heard everything: Hillary is just another self-hating white person.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What is it about Tucker Carlson that makes me want to grab his bow tie and twist it until his eyes are bugging out of his head?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      For me, it’s that he looks like he could be smart enough not to believe the bullshit he spews, but he spews it anyway because there’s a paycheck in it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Such a bro-hole. He’s the kind of douche that picked on the learning-disabled kids in high school.

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          He is a piece of shit for realz.

    • Candy Apple

      I couldn’t stand him wayyyyy back when he was on CNN. He’s just gotten worse.

  • Daisy

    I wouldn’t like them either, if I knew I’d be answering stupid questions the entire time.

    • Pickwicknext

      Press time is about the only time i feel bad for actors

      • Catstro

        Athletes, also too (especially Serena)

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This is a perfect, perfect illustration of the animosity of the press towards her; if she does do a press conference, they attack her like rabid dogs and try to chew through her ankles. If she doesn’t do one, they scream and yell that she won’t even do press conferences!

      • Astraea

        ANd still, O’Keefe tells her she should do it more often! Maybe get your own shit in order and do your job well first.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Well. That just shows how she lacks … Um …

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Idiocy?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I know, right! She’s just SO….uhhh…

    • Panika MCD

      that’s how I feel about it.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Just wait until you get to grad school…

  • laineypc

    Thank you, dear Evan. I love you.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    OT: The fail parade marches on. Trump resurrected the story about giving the crying baby the heave-ho. The Trump “Campaign” runs a tight ship.

    • cousin itt

      Drumpf knows how to throw a baby, I’ll give him that, goes back many generations.

      • Panika MCD

        that explains the whole liking having them around, but not wanting to provide any care.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I am in constant awe of the incredible discipline and strength of purpose the Hitler campaign shows in their pursuit of a permanent state of fail.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Q: Can you name a negro?

    A: I’m glad you asked.

    This woman’s grace under fire is truly remarkable. The media bottom feeders just can’t drag her down to their level like they do poor Trump, who can’t resist punching down. She’s emerging as the coherent voice and people seem to be digging it.

    • natoslug

      $50 says Trump’s answer to that question would be “Little Sambo.”

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        They’d have to trot Pence out the next day to name one on Donald’s behalf.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Mike Tyson.

        • weejee

          tRump’s blah bff.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            They enjoy a mutual passion for forcing themselves on women.

      • I figure it would just be “the blacks” (with whom he has a great relationship).

        • natoslug

          So his fourth wife is going to be Marinara Von Theblacks?

    • Vecchiojohn

      Next, we will have the Name a Negro portion of the debate. Mr. Trump, we’ll start with you. Mr. Trump? Mr. Trump, we are on the air, live. Sir!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Wait… I got this! Little Stevie Robinson! Wait… Shoot. *scratches head*

        • cousin itt

          Don’t say shoot!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Shit!

          • cousin itt

            Not shit, shoot!

            Wait.

            Fuck.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Why you numbskulls …. I oughta ….

          • cousin itt

            Right in the kisser!

          • Vecchiojohn

            Shut up, you. *BONK*

          • Cindyinencinitas

            To the moon!

    • jrly

      Are you serious? She was thrown softballs and outside of this echo chamber people are laughing at her. She could have just said hey I just talked to someone about the impkrtance of BLM or something. Instead she said basically”I have binders of black people”.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Us white people are old as hell, and we’re NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMO

    Wait. Us old people are as white as hell and …

    shit

    • natoslug

      Us old people smell like hell and nobody takes us anymore?

    • Sakonyachen

      Last night I was outside with my stepson, his girlfriend and another woman their age. I was trying to make a comment about how different they were than our generation and I couldn’t think of what words to say. Then I just completely forgot what I was saying. I knew I should have done more with my life before now. I’m officially old. If only I had told them to get off my lawn.

      • Vecchiojohn

        “Age and guile will always defeat youth and intelligence.”

        Well, and old man must have his delusions. It’s about all that’s left.

        ?? Raspberry, strawberry, the good wines we brew
        ?? Here’s to girls of the countryside …..

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I am so fucking over the incessant uncritical repetition of “hey, people can’t stand and don’t trust Hillary after we’ve dragged her for decades – wonder why?” It’s true, I was not a finalist in the World’s Best Miss Feminist pageant (I didn’t realize the swimsuit competition was a trick question), but I feel like I know enough to smell misogyny and sexism when someone forgets to flush.

    https://65.media.tumblr.com/37f1e275f2d05ff60610e439cae52d84/tumblr_inline_o80bkgOAky1u5vak6_500.gif

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Right? 66% approval rating as SOS, four years later she’s the most evil, incompetent traitor to ever hold the position. The big lie, oft repeated. Fuck me.

      • Vecchiojohn

        So she was Secretary of State. Big woof. Where’s her Scottish golf course? Experience matters in this job!

      • HanBarbara

        People like and respect her- until she runs for office. Then she wins, and they like and respect her again. Maybe it’s because she’s actually good at the job.

    • Ms.MLG1979

      What gets me is looking back to Bill’s first campaign for President, and the sexist attacks against her (and Chelsea) were already so constant and blatant, it horrified me. I was around 11 years old. It was so in-your-face, a child could see it. Her hair. Her clothes. Her weight. Calling Bill First Lady because he married a woman with the nerve to be more than a cookie-baking doormat. They were terrified of her then, and they have been tearing her down since.

      • cousin itt

        They were terrified of her then, and they have been tearing her down since.

        And that takes a village of idiots.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        One of the reasons I snicker when the leftier-than-thou types call her a closet Republican. Yeah, right….that’s why the wingnuts have had an organized campaign to destroy her for 25 years….because SHE’S ONE OF US!!11!

      • HanBarbara

        I remember that shitty bumper sticker you used to see on old pickup trucks “Impeach President Clinton. And Her Husband Too”. Well now it’ll be true. Suck on that, goobers.

      • Sakonyachen

        The funny thing about holding someone back is that you can’t move either. Silly Wingnuts!

        • Ms.MLG1979

          Excellent point.

      • Calling Chelsea a dog. I’m about Chelsea’s age, and I am never going to forget that. Fucking Rush. I hope someone has a camera on him on election night — I want to see him stroke out when Hillary becomes the next president. Uh, stroke out with votes.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Rush also said, shortly after President Obama was elected, that he hoped the new president would fail. I’ve never forgiven him for that. Party before country, that’s the republican brand.

        • Ms.MLG1979

          I’m the same age, too. Who talks about a kid like that??

    • Vecchiojohn

      You’re a mean sumbish, ain’tcha?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        A mean drunk, at any rate. And at this rate, I’m likely to be drunk pretty constantly until November.

        • cousin itt

          I’ll fifth that. *hic*

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Gayer AND Drunker Than Thou. I’m impressed!

    • msanthrope

      I cannot stop watching this. Curse you, I had things to do today!

    • jrly

      They dont trust her because she constantly lies about even the smallest thing. This is not even in dispute. She only lies less than trump which is not a huge victory.

  • I liked to part where she said with a straight face her black friends have tried for years to expand her taste in music.

  • Candy Apple

    Thank fuck she finally did one, I was getting tired of fielding dumb family members’ questions about WHY WON’T HILLARY HOLD A PRESS CONFERENCE, HENGHHH???!!1?

    • King of America

      “Because Donald Trump has been busy cocking up every day in new and exciting ways, and when your opponent is giving you gifts like that you sit down quietly and let him.”

      • Candy Apple

        Hillary’s non-stop murder spree really cuts into her press conference time slots.

      • bubbuhh

        How does he manage to cock any ways given his hando diminuendo?

    • phoenix00

      She needs to plan the next 4 BENGHAZHIS!!!!!!!

  • Man, I’d never have noticed how much it sucks to be a white male if it weren’t for helpful articles like those at The Daily Caller.

    • sw19womble

      I never realised how terribly oppressed I was until the fundies and the rwnjs started informing me.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I could tell I was oppressed when I turned 21 and men started buying me beers. Jeez, fellas, my dad gives me enough money to buy a beer once in a while! God!

        • sw19womble

          See! Nobody ever buys me anything! :<

          • TJ Barke

            Right? Everyone always assumes I can afford things too!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Move to Encinitas. Apparently, I’m buying everyone in town beer next time I’m there.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Well if you’re going to throw a tantrum like that, I guess I could send you a nice pair of socks.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I would gladly trade my superior earning potential, ability to look in a cop’s general direction without getting shot, and nigh irrevocable built-in advantage in all competitive fields for an Obamaphone and one of those sweet-ass Black Panther berets.

      • Sakonyachen

        You also get invited to the meeting where all the black people meet and decide what to think, say and do. It’s a totally real thing and not something made up by white people who don’t understand black solidarity.

    • Panika MCD

      you should meet my brothers.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I wouldn’t be so smug if I was that WaPo guy. Given the subscriptions numbers for his fishwrap maker employer, he will probably be glad that Hilz is POTUS and she is there to push for extension of his fucking unemployment benefits.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Lord knows they’re all out of a job the day after President Trump’s inauguration.

      • Ducksworthy

        They better hope he doesn’t apply the Pootin Solution for Pesky Journalists.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m sure her press conference for white people will be scheduled at the same time as an NFL game, when they will be forbidden by law to watch it. Such a sneak, that one.

  • anwisok
    • phoenix00

      Drive safe!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Empress Pantsuitine. LOLOLOLOLOL

    • The Wanderer

      And her deputy, Darth Tim!

  • jowgajen

    This press conference doesn’t count, there weren’t enough white people to establish quora.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Crooked Hillary, has all you libelals convinced that she is good person and did stuff when she can’t point to ONE THING@# that she did for white epople. Excpet maybe the Wall Street types, who gave her millions to scerw the workers in excnhave for lots of monies. And being a WV coal person MYSELF, I proudly can point to many cars out back paid for by clean coal the bestest energy thinhg. So, keep blowing her horny cause I say, DOnald cares about us, the working guys, not some smart ass college stupifyed types, or their blacks “friends” and latino maids. As for them Mooslin shits, I say send them back to Arabia or Libya or wherever to practice their demon based Satanistical hate “religon”. AMerica fer AMericans!!11!!! Screw you commie basterds.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Not enough umlauts.

    • J_JamesM

      Unconvincing. Troll harder.

      • Parchment Scroll

        I dunno, I like the AMerica fer AMericans!! part, but the !!11!!! thing is overused… I loved the typos.

        • msanthropesmr

          INDONESIA FOR THE INDONESIANS!

          • Jeff in the desert

            Amnesia for the Amnesians

          • Parchment Scroll

            What were we talking about again?

          • Parchment Scroll

            INDONESIA FOR THE INDIGNANT!

    • natoslug

      It’s US. Amercia, dammit!

    • MY front yard planters made from old tractor tires painted white are *classier* than YOUR front yard planters made from old tractor tires painted white!

      • yyyaz

        Where ya’ll bin lately? If you ain’t got them Shermun-Willyams ones, you ain’t got shit.

      • Panika MCD

        BASQUIAT LIBULZ!

      • Jeff in the desert

        GOt news, missy….we gots left overs from NASCAR races and put em in a circle around our fire pit where we can BBQ and enjoy ther splendidedness. Squirrel tasres betterest with a hint of smoky NASCAR rubber….

      • Mezzaluna

        Did you cut them in the prescribed fashion so the points fold outwards?
        Also unless you are using a discarded toilet as a planter and have a bath tub for your Mary on the half shell, you aren’t trying.

    • msanthropesmr

      If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a dozen times.
      POP TAKE YOUR MEDS!

      • Jeff in the desert

        Don’t call me Pops you whipper snapper!

    • Panika MCD

      because disabled kids are never considered white.

  • The Wanderer

    Enough of this political yivshish – let’s dance!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4H3CL1jCPQ

    • msanthropesmr

      ISsat the land of misfit mascots?

      • The Wanderer

        LOL
        Yes, ’tis true. It’s a furry con running in the Orlando area this weekend. Someone had a wireless speaker playing tunes, and these guys just spontaneously started dancing.

        • sw19womble

          Dancing in a furry suit, In Florida. In August.

          A tip of the cap to those brave souls!

          • The Wanderer

            During the summer, I pay homage to Dr. John Gorrie and Mr. Willis Carrier for inventing air conditioning.

        • Arolpin

          I’m just going to leave this here.
          http://brunching.com/geekhierarchy.html

          • The Wanderer

            What about a published SF author who also writes furry stories?

          • sw19womble

            You hate yourself?

          • The Wanderer

            Not as such, but I drink sparingly because it makes me a mean drunk – not directed at anyone but myself, so I usually end up in a corner, muttering darkly and frighteningly to myself.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Anne McCaffrey?

        • Parchment Scroll

          Ah, yes, the one that all the PawPets crew goes to. (Actually, I think they go to AOT,K)

          • The Wanderer

            Megaplex, according to people, started out as the PawPet Show.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Not surprised, as the PawPet crew are based out of Orlando.

  • Paperless Tiger

    They would look more honest if they just physically threw a kitchen sink at her.

    • sw19womble

      And she expertly fielded it. But they found a photo with an unflattering angle anyway.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Why can’t she just accept the Bill O’Leilly plan for ending black unemployment—slavery.

    • Panika MCD

      didn’t Fig Newton also want to put the poor kids to work as school janitors?

  • Brian

    Trump lost the state of Iowa today. The one thing everyone one in Iowa agrees on is that the Iowa Caucus is the greatest invention in the history of Democracy. So, Trump walks into a room in Iowa today and tells a crowd the he doesn’t like the Iowa Causcus. I guess tonight when he speaks in Green Bay he’s going to praise the Bears and say he hates cheese.

    • msanthropesmr

      I like cheese.

      • cousin itt

        I like it on crackers. But enough about the GOP.

      • Brian

        what right minded person doesn’t?

    • Panika MCD

      he may just eat the cheese with a fork and knife.

    • TJ Barke

      The Bears and the Vikings? Worse than Hitler.

  • msanthropesmr

    SO I guess straw cowboy hat is the new fedora.

    I don’t know these guys, but I imagine they smell like aqua velva and fail.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I thought Aqua Velva was made from distilled failure.

    • Panika MCD

      what are people doing to straw cowboy hats now?

    • weejee

      Is the suit yelling, yawning, or getting ready to hurl do to the smell?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yeah, the hipsters have latched on to that one here…a natural progression after Joey from Calexico had them all wearing the pearl-buttom short sleeve western shirts.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Oh god, not that again.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Fucked up straw cowboy hat, American Spirit hand-rolleds, PBR. Deploy the nets!

      • msanthropesmr

        God, I haven’t heard Calexico in years. Remember the Long Ryders? I always think about how far ahead of teh Alt-country curve they were.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The Long Ryders were WAY ahead of it. Calexico are still doing some really great stuff, pushing stylistic boundaries. Partial to ’em…hometown boys, REALLY good guys.

        • TJ Barke

          Wearing a red gingham dress… and army boots…

      • Sakonyachen

        Fucking hipsters, always about 2 or 3 decades behind the butch lesbians.

    • TJ Barke

      WEAR A BASEBALL CAP LIKE AN AMERICAN!!!

    • Jamoche

      Dammit, I have a straw cowboy hat! My mom bought it, and if you have to drive around in a Grand Cherokee instead of a Mini because of crutches, it’s the only way to keep the sun out of your eyes and be stylish at the same time.

      And I have a fedora! Because Matt Bomer and Haley Atwell, dammit!

      • msanthropesmr

        Well, I’d keep all that to yourself. Too late.

        • Jamoche

          Also, not a guy, so I won’t get mistaken for a douchebro :)

      • Pickwicknext

        Very, VERY few men have the charisma of Matt Bomer

  • Callyson

    So, ask yourselves, were 67% of the people in New York wrong? Were 66% of the American public wrong? Or maybe, just maybe, when I’m actually running for a job, there is a very real benefit to those on the other side in trying to stir up as much concern as possible

    Zing!

    • jrly

      Polls show that at any given time more than half of people don’t even know who the secretary of state is let alone what one does. So ya they’re wrong, at best.

      • Callyson

        And since for eight years, she was not SoS but the Senator from NYS, your point is?

        …Oh, wait, I see from you comment history that your point is to be a LWNJ troll. Never mind!

  • Panika MCD

    why does HRC not like pressers? I don’t know, Katie, could this have something to do with it?

    http://m.motherjones.com/politics/2016/08/hillary-sexism-questions-40-years-video

    • Astraea

      Jesus, that’s painful.

      • I got about 30 seconds into that, then said “fuck it. I am not watching this.” Goddamn idiots.

    • Brian

      And yet she always sits there calm and composed while the stupid question is being asked. The best parts of any of her interviews is when she breaks out into laughter. Yet she’s disingenuous.

      And now Trump is calling unhinged and unbalanced. What?

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      That really is sickening. Trevor Noah had a great segment after Elizabeth Warren endorsed Hillary and they appeared in similar blue pantsuits. He showed some asshole on Fox mocking them about it…and then showed the GOP hopefuls lined up on stage at a debate in virtually identical navy suits. The double standard is infuriating.

  • cousin itt
    • msanthropesmr

      SOmeday, I want something other than a horrific failure, named after me.

      • sw19womble

        Your real name is EU Referendum?

        • msanthropesmr

          Wait – I thought you were for Brexit?

          • sw19womble

            I also have a sense of humour ;)

          • msanthropesmr

            WEIRD!

          • sw19womble

            IKR!

    • I’m looking forward to the part of the opening ceremonies where they do a tribute to Brazil’s most famous export, the Brazilian Wax!

      • msanthropesmr

        WTF is a brazilian blowout, anyway?

        • cousin itt

          Well, see, you take the rubber hose of the hair dryer and you slip it over your

          • msanthropesmr

            AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

          • berkeleyfarm

            I was going to give a serious answer, but funny answer is funny.

      • cousin itt

        Wax on, get off.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      While typing “OT” in a comment below, it struck me that most of the comments (especially after 2 PST) have, at best, a tenuous relation to the topic of the post. I don’t know why we bother, but I appreciate the courtesy, nonetheless.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought we commie libruls were favoring Ning Zetao as the ONE.

      https://www.dramafever.com/st/news/images/b90c9e7b-aad3-4870-b0c3-5d5893905197.gif

    • Vecchiojohn

      I’m not watching. How many dead so far?

      • cousin itt

        I’ll let you know when they conduct a head count.

        • sw19womble

          They don’t start rowing in the toxic sludge until next week IIRC.

  • mackafritz

    This is why there should be no press conferences. You have to answer idiotic questions from morons and no matter what you say or how you say it, you get hammered.

  • weejee

    Supposedly, tRump will be endorsing Ryan on Friday. It’s past 7:30 out east. Did his campaign say what week, month, year, the tRump endorsement would be coming?

    • msanthropesmr

      How about never, does never work for you?

      • Vecchiojohn

        Let me get back to you on that.

    • Panika MCD

      hush now. TrumpleWiltSkins is talkin’ about how it is the divine right of poorly educated white men everywhere to throw babies around JUST LIKE IN THE LABYRINTH!!!!!

    • mackafritz

      I’m sure Ryan is on pins and needles waiting for Trumps endorsement.

      • Sakonyachen

        I’m sure he is. Only because if he gets it it will be like a stake through the heart.

    • Vecchiojohn

      I’ve heard of a month of Sundays, but ….

    • Brian

      My favorite story from this speech is that Trump is having a rally in Wisconsin in which Scott Walker, Paul Ryan, Rience Priebus, or Ron Johnson who’s in a tough senate race all have better things to do than appear with him.

      “Sorry. Donald, I always was my hair on Fridays.”

    • SayItWithWookies

      Really? Up against the biggest sporting event in four years? Wow, Trump can really bitchy when he wants to be — this little sparring match should be fun.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Sit down, Hillary, you’re not funny. Boooooo!

  • msanthropesmr

    I made fish tacos with home made flour tortillas and a slaw made from chinese cabbage, carrots, sesame and peanut oils, lime juice and peanut butter with MahiMahi marinated in lime and garlic.

    • cousin itt

      Pass samples around or GTFO.

    • Jeff in the desert

      What no taco bowls? ANd thas mEssican food….damn boy, didn’t I teach you nuthin’?

      • msanthropesmr

        Not cooking, you didn’t.
        Machining? Fixing cars? Yeah. Finances? Yeah.

        • Jeff in the desert

          You had your Ma fur that. Bean loaf, Parmsean, Eyetalin, them hard rock brownies, good eatin’ boy.

        • Jeff in the desert

          And your snark? Did I not provide a bit of snark training? How soon they forget……..

          • msanthropesmr

            Yes, and the puns. Oy, the puns. And the substitution of lyrics for popular music.

    • btwbfdimho

      I made Hamburgers a la Hemingway’s way, for whom the bell peppers toll. Papa’s Secret: the capers.

      both sides of the burgers should be crispy brown, and the middle pink and juicy.

      That line was probably worth a Nobel.
      http://www.thatericalper.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/72944416_recipe624.jpg

      • Jeff in the desert

        The Bun Also Rises

      • Markuserektus

        Just don’t shoot yerself if they don’t turn out…

      • Vecchiojohn

        Wot, no Gentleman’s Relish?

        • Sakonyachen

          Googled “Gentleman’s Relish slang”, I was not surprised.

    • I put a frozen pizza in the oven, so we’re pretty much equal on this.

      • msanthropesmr

        Dude. I can teach you how to make a homemade pizza ALMOST as fast as you can make a frozen one. Ask Jeff in the desert. It’s true.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Kenji uses flour tortillas over at Serious Eats. Pretty much identical to the way we made them (for ourselves) at a restaurant I worked at in college. I still make ’em. Takes about 10 minutes.

          • msanthropesmr

            NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

            Total sacrilege.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Trust me. Or trust Kenji.

        • berkeleyfarm

          Truth.

          If he’s near a store that sells those bags of pizza dough, it can be even faster!

        • I don’t doubt it. Shockingly, I’m not actually a bad cook, I’m just SUPER lazy when I get home from work, so it’s either leftovers of stuff I made on the weekend, something frozen and easy or BBQ (most of the time, it’s the latter, I BBQ all year round… And I’m in Canada…)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I haven’t had homemade flour tortillas since my grandmother passed away. Did you use lard?

      • msanthropesmr

        Of course.

        BEHOLD THE POWER OF LARD:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sol8T7S8sW4

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Good man. I was worried I might have to call the Mexican Tortilla Police on you.

          • msanthropesmr

            If you don’t use lard, they don’t come out right.
            I’ve got them so I can roll them so thin I can see through them.
            I’ve got the corn ones down to a science now too – less than .5mm thick…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nice. Lard is key! My nana made them super-thin like that. One of my aunties made them really thick like they do in Chihuahua…tasty, but I always liked the thin ones better. Fortunately, there are a number of real good tortillerias here, I can buy them still warm from the oven.

          • msanthropesmr

            I dig sopes, but the wife likes them thin. And I know what side my bread is buttered on.

    • ViveLaRes

      My husband is in the kitchen, where he belongs, making turkey burgers at this very moment.

      • msanthropesmr

        I’m the husband. Wife is at church, with the meatloaf I made for her to bring for the church supper, to which I thought I was invited to, but I was mistaken.

        • Toomush_Infer

          If you’d just quit saying “Fuck you” instead of “Amen”….

          • msanthropesmr

            They’re UUs, so that’d probably be all right.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Damn UU’s…..

        • ViveLaRes

          Come on over, we’ll make a turkey burger for you.

          • msanthropesmr

            I made the fish tacos.

    • sw19womble

      Nom.

    • Jamoche

      I’m pretty sure I got this pulled pork recipe from someone here, and served it to a crowd of 14 who all thought it was amazing.

      I was a bit worried because I’d never made it before and had no idea how much of the cut was bone – I had only planned for 8-10 people. Turned out, not that much; a 7-lb shoulder cut worked out fine.

    • TJ Barke

      Man, I could really go for a fish taco right now. Either the euphemistic kind or just a regular one.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Fish tacos sound good, but I already made curry paste this morning before I left for work.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I’m coming over – don’t try to stop me….

      • msanthropesmr

        I’ve got a Mahi Mahi loin, about a quart of slaw and 6 tortillas left over. A nice bottle of Rose Vinho Verde and some cheap dutch beer.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Man….

          • msanthropesmr

            Hey – if you’re in Richmond Virginia….

        • Jeff in the desert

          How come I never……

          • msanthropesmr

            I’ve made pizza and brisket for you more times than I can count, bucko.

    • Duke

      Potato sausage and beets with leeks.

      Eeeeasy.

      • TJ Barke

        Blech… There’s was nothing I hated more as a kid than potato sausage…

        • Duke

          Yummy! With lingnon jelly as I can’t get the berries anymore to make sauce.

          Wife’s out-of-town. She can’t abide beets or the sausage but me and the kid love them!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Mmmm. Leeks.

      • msanthropesmr

        I’ve got a good brisket with root veggies recipe – beets, leeks, potatoes, turnips…

    • natoslug

      I’m making a watermelon, lime and vodka whatever. Hopefully the watermelon is still good. Maybe I’ll have a cracker with it.

      • msanthropesmr

        YOU NEED PROTEIN!

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Careful, man, this is Wonkette. That ‘protein’ thing could dive into the gutter pretty quickly.

          • natoslug

            Trump’s the one who’s pro-teen. But only when they’re related.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            buh dump-dump!
            Don’t forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders, folks!

        • natoslug

          Someone ate my damned lime. So it’s watermelon, lemon, Mount Gay rum. And I’ll see if there’s any sammich meat or a salame or something in the fridge that I can toss on my cracker.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Good rum choice. I like rum that tastes like something besides rocket fuel.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      On a Friday?! Overachiever!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Leftovers and beer supplemented by a reasonable priced single-malt.
      I’ll do better at breakfast. I’m considering quiche, or maybe cheesy grits with a poached egg or two.
      Either way, there shall be bacon!

    • berkeleyfarm

      I made one of the better things to be made with honest-to-God real summer tomatoes – pasta with marinated tomatoes and goat cheese. It’s vague in quantities because that’s how I roll. You need: tomatoes, olive oil, fresh basil, soft goat cheese, pasta, and capers. I know some people hate capers so leave them out if you hate them.

      Take the tomatoes and slice them up super thinly into a bowl. I think I had the equivalent of two medium in my serving tonight but it’s something I eyeball.
      Glub some decent olive oil over them and smoosh up some garlic. Stir and let sit.
      Start your boiling water (if you are pushed for time start the water, then slice the maters) and cook your favorite pasta, about 3-4 oz per person. Original recipe had spaghetti but I use rotini, farfalle, and penne successfully.
      While the noodles are cooking, take the basil leaves and chop or chiffonade them and get the goat cheese out. I think I use about 3 oz cheese for one big bowl.

      Serving bowl – put the marinated tomatoes in and crumble the cheese up into chunks.

      When the noodles are cooked to your liking, drain them and immediately dump into the bowl. Stir vigorously so the goat cheese and tomato oil melt together and coat the noodles. Add capers. Top with some more shredded basil if you like. EAT.

      • SeekingBarbie

        Sounds yummy but I cannot like goat cheese no matter how hard I try.

  • WeaselPoo

    Hillary had the opportunity to turn the subject of ‘trust’ back on the press, and she didn’t take it. Why?
    Because she knows what she’s doing.
    She knows the press in general is at best lazy in accuracy, analysis and presentation and biased towards passing on innuendo and conjecture instead of delivering facts and reason — lead with a ‘controversy’, pack the body with accusations and bury the facts that refute the headline many paragraphs down and then ‘conclude’ with a ‘question mark’ to maintain the ‘controversy—. and she knows that certain significant press organizations function as propaganda factories for her political opponents.
    BUT though she has good reason to be tempted to push back on a press that has served more often than not as a proxy for the GOP, in this case at least she didn’t succumb to such temptation, because it would do her no good, as she well knows.
    Unlike Trump, who, even as he is quite literally a creation of the Republican-biased press, has nonetheless demonstrably declared by words and actions that the press is his enemy ( despite the estimated $2billion (?) in free campaigning air-time and supportive print coverage he’s been afforded by Fox, CNN, the NY Post and others) .
    You’d think the press , vilified by their ratings darling for several months now and unable to this past week to find any favorable angle on the insane shit Trump’s been saying lately, would at last show some decency to Hillary, and pivot to a bit of sucking-up (as it were) to pave the way for favorable access to the now most likely next President.
    But no, the old ‘access’ trope used to excuse the R to D ratio on the news shows, political shows and in print when Dubya was in power and all the while the GOP controlled Congress, is suddenly ignored even as the Democratic nominee appears ascendant and swing states are trending blue, because 20 years of bullshit bias are ingrained in the press’ DNA.

    • Vecchiojohn

      False equivalency: The leading killer of brain cells among journalists.

  • Brian

    Clinton bought $8 million in national ads during the Olympics. I can’t wait to see what new hilarious Trump ads she’ll have and the Trump twitter fits that follow.

    • Count Awesome

      Trump will go for the gold in the newly introduced “Twitter Meltdown Event”.

    • cousin itt
      • Parchment Scroll

        Would be if he were Upper Class. He’s purely a merchant class twit.

  • Sakonyachen

    You wanna know why Hillary doesn’t do press conferences? Because God hates me and I never get to see the things I like. Watching her pimpslap the RWNJ press like they owe her money(probably do for libel or slander) is almost as great as watching her own Republican “committees” and their “inquiries “.

    • Panika MCD

      but most of them are masochists, so she’d just be rewarding them.

  • Vecchiojohn

    4:50 PDT. Close enough.

  • I wouldn’t do press conferences ever if I were her (I would also be a very bad candidate for any office). I mean, holy fuck, has she ever had a press conference or interview or debate or anything involving people from the press where someone didn’t say, “hey Hillary, a lot of people hate you and don’t trust you and think you are murdering people with your emails — tell us how that makes you feel and what you intend to do about it?”

    It makes me want to scream. That is not even a legitimate question. Even if it were a legitimate question once, it’s certainly not a legitimate question 30 years and 6 million variations later. Maybe, just maybe, the continual, “hey Hillary, why does everyone hate you? How do you feel about that?” from the press contributes to people thinking they’re supposed to hate her?

    I have yet to actually see anyone say, “hey Donald, people think you’re mentally unbalanced — how does that make you feel?” Why haven’t they done that?

    • TJ Barke

      It’s that darn librul media…

      • jrly

        Ya it’s almost like they prefer actual liberals and not neo-con warhawk from the 90s mascaraing as a liberal.

        • TJ Barke

          Uh, she’s not a neo-con, she’s a neo-liberal, and whether or not they like her as a person, they support that agenda: Interventionism, favoring capital over labor but promoting social progressivism to distract from that fact, pushing free market nonsense, along with standard deep state shenanigans to install governments willing to open their countries to western corporate exploitation (although that stuff tends to happen no matter who becomes president).

    • Panika MCD

      not really. posted a Mother Jones link further down showing all the shit she’s taken from just the press for the past 37 years.

      • I saw that. And every time a reporter says “why don’t people like you? Why don’t people trust you?” they act like they’re asking some new, insightful question that will finally crack the Hillary Clinton code, or something, and not the same old, tired, basically unanswerable question that everyone before them has asked.

        It’s so dumb. She’s got a record that anyone can look at that shows very clearly what she’s all about, and it’s not that hard to figure out from there who might not like her because of what she’s all about. Maybe go ask those folks about their motivations. That would be new.

        • Panika MCD

          and they always make that, “please just punch me in the face with all the votes.” I do love it when she’s all, “CHARLIE! I love you, my husband loves you, EVERYONE loves you. so could we please not do the ‘dumb people perceive me dumbly’ question? PUHLEEEEZE?!”

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I’d like to see a journalist ask him “you keep calling Hillary ‘crooked’ and yet you’ve declared bankruptcy six times, been married three times because of your adultery problem, stiffed small business people because you’re a dick, and you lie ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! so how does that make you LESS crooked than she allegedly is?” Yet nobody ever brings up the FACT that he’s being investigated for fraud because of his “university.”

      • Yes! What the heck? He’s been sued how many times? How many settlements and judgements? Yet she’s the untrustworthy one?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Drives me CRAZY that nobody ever questions HIS trustworthiness. They talk about his incompetence, but never the fact that he’s a straight up crook. My mother thinks the two of them are equally bad, and I had to tell her “you’re out of your fucking mind.”

          • jrly

            People question his trustworthiness all the time. Using him as a bar for Hilary is setting the bar extremely low.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I hear people questioning his sanity, and fitness to be president, but rarely his trustworthiness.

        • jrly

          They’re both extremely untrustworthy.

          • Yeah. One sent some emails that affected nobody and nothing. The other one scammed vulnerable students out of their money, stiffed contractors, and and scammed investors. Totally equivalent.

      • jrly

        I don’t lie trump and don’t support him. But learn the difference between civil fraud cases and criminal. It’s embarrassing when I see people confuse then. There’s no “investigation”, it’s a civil case. Between two or more private parties.

    • jrly

      It’s not a definite question to ask a candidate with the lowest approval ratig where the first word the majority of people think of is liar about that fact? You’re ridiculous.

      • It’s a stupid question. The reason people think “liar” is because the media has spent a few decades helping the right call her a liar. Maybe if they didn’t ask the same question in every interview, not as many people would make the connection. Fact checking proves that she’s among the most honest politicians out there, so it’s not her fault people think she’s a liar.

        It’s also an intrusive, cruel question. They know it’s not going to get them any new information, but it might get them an emotional reaction that they can then dissect and trash her for. People hated Dick Cheney – did you ever see anyone ask him why his approval ratings were in the toilet? Much less ask him how he felt about it? George W.’s approval ratings were so low at the end of his term that his endorsement was a liability, but did anyone expect him to open a vein over it at a press conference? Of course not. Because these aren’t valid or informative questions. They’re just punishment. For being a Clinton, for being a woman seeking power, for several decades of not giving them the reactions they want so badly.

        Also, calling people ridiculous is kind of a dick move. You might want to work on that.

  • ViveLaRes

    I like how Hillary seems to be getting prettier every day. I’m serious. She looks so serene, confident and kind. I know it’s superficial and silly, but it gives me hope. Like she knows everything is going to be just fine.

    • The Wanderer

      Part of the reason I voted for Obama twice was his serenity. Nothing his detractors or enemies appeared to bother him, and that kind of unflappability is an excellent quality to have as a leader.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        I voted for him 4 times. Just to be thorough.

    • sw19womble

      Fro me, this is one of the key differences from Hillarybot back in 2008.
      She’s been through the meat grinder, she’s got things done and she treats these fuckaninnies with the ‘child please’ that they so often deserve.

      She’s in no way perfect, but then she doesn’t need to be up against Cheeto Jesus

    • Grandmother looks good on her. So does presidential nominee.

      I think she’s always been pretty, though. She doesn’t always photograph so well, but I think it’s because she’s got just a really expressive face. Which is weird, since she’s supposed to be this cold, calculating, liar, robot-lady, so you’d think she’d have a poker face, but she doesn’t. So candid shots can come out looking very strange because they’ll pretty much capture her mood or thoughts in the moment. When she’s happy, though, it really shines through.

      • WeaselPoo

        I ‘met” Hillary —by which I mean I was in the same room with her and about 50 other people—-at a fundraiser event in NY during the 2008 campaign. I’d contributed $1,000 and was entitled to a photo with her, but I didn’t bother claiming my official reward because my contribution wasn’t even slightly contingent on such a ‘reward’—I was a supporter of the Democratic Party, and of Hillary as being very qualified for the Dem nomination and better prepared for the Presidency at that time, than Barack Obama who I felt really needed for more years of Senate experience to toughen him up–because he was just too damn nice and appeared to me to be a bit naïve, really.
        And I’d argue, in his first two years he really was too nice, and naïve, but he toughened up just in time for 2012, toughened up but never lost his niceness nor his cool and always found perfect pitch when he was rightly pissed-off– maintaining great self control in the face of considerable mendacity and very tricky situations, whilst still being able to zing his opposition.
        In 2008 I hoped for ( and with certain practical factors involved) Hillary for 2008 to 2012, and the Obama after ( because Hillz would deserve the position but then could hand over and have a well earned break ).
        But now she’s poised to take the White House 8 years later than I’d hoped, and now I’m hoping she’ll go for two terms—unless some other Obama facsimile appears from the back benches of the DNC like Obama did.
        I’d now like Hillary to serve two terms rather than one as I wished in 2008, but with respect to the demands of the position, if she serves one term, she should still be great,, and absent another ‘Barack Obama’ , I hope Hillary will accept a second term–for her own wellbeing she should probably settle for the one term as long as there is a viable competitor for the Oval office position, but that may not happen, in which case, may she continue to a second term, for the greater good.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Whoa! Let’s just try to get her elected first, and worry about her second term in four years or so.

  • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

    I think I know why she hates press conferences…

  • BMW

    “Honky Grandma be trippin’!”
    -Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

  • The Wanderer

    There will probably not be an Olympic liveblog tonight, methinks.

    • msanthropesmr

      “Incredibly toned and tan Olympians walk around and listen to the samba”

    • 3FingerPete

      I guess this is the live blog now

      • The Wanderer

        I’m hoping for nearly-naked dancers.

    • Jeff in the desert

      When you compete in the Rio City
      You wil find it very pretty
      Just two things of which you must beware
      Don’t drink the water and don’t breathe the air…..

      • The Wanderer

        LOL

  • data_ninja

    WWWJD? (What Would White Journalists Do?)

    • Mezzaluna

      Make it about themselves?

    • msanthropesmr

      Talk to a cabdriver and extrapolate that experience to all native peoples?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Talk to their friend Juan who works at their neighborhood deli in NYC, and then make 10 gin and tonics, and then pass out, THE END?

    • Vecchiojohn

      That black guy that Robert Blake used to talk to about “the word on the street” on that insufferable cop show, what the fuck was it called, you know the one, I think what’s her name was in it. Or was it that other one, her sister? Anyway ….

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Baretta. Like the gun.

        • Vecchiojohn

          No, that’s that thing women wear in their hair sometimes.

  • 3FingerPete

    The silver men have arrived.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Tell them I’m not home.

  • msanthropesmr
  • 3FingerPete

    Who knew Brazil has an anthem?

    • msanthropesmr
      • 3FingerPete

        IF there is any place I expect to see half naked dancers tonight it would be during Brazil’s national anthem.

        • Vecchiojohn

          What channel is this giant Petri dish on again?

          • 3FingerPete

            NBC

      • Jeff in the desert

        Gilberto’s wife….

        • msanthropesmr

          Well, the last name’s a give away.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Never mind….I thought the guy Pery, wrote it….anyway, I never said that…..

    • Vecchiojohn

      I thought the anthem idea belonged to us. Sergio Mendez can suck my dick!

    • Jeff in the desert

      Allons enfants de la Patrie…..oh wait….

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Not my local NBC morning weather girl. She thinks Rio is the capital. I thought working for NBC made them experts on all things Olympic.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Rio is not the capital?
        *runs and hides*

    • berkeleyfarm

      I kind of like the Brazilian anthem.

  • msanthropesmr
  • anwisok

    Anybody else deeply appreciate that they ran a 30 minute travelogue almost without interruption, but are showing more ads than ceremony?

    • msanthropesmr

      Welcome to teh olympics?

      Biggest scam in the world – even bigger than FIFA.

      • sw19womble

        The Canadian Women’s soccerball scored the fastest goal at the Olympics ever (20 seconds) also got a fastest red card (19 minutes) and still beat the Aussies 2-0 after having to play with 10 men for 70 minutes.

        Still doing my best to not get sucked into this corrupt shitshow. It helps that regular soccerball season starts tomorrow here in the UK, which will give me something to complain/wail/get excited about instead.
        Away to Walsall! Weee!

        • msanthropesmr

          No – the athletes are not the scammers – it’s the Olympic committee. I feel for the athletes and the citizens of the cities that host this shitshow.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            That’s where I’m at: love the games, hate the Committee. And hate the idiots who do stuff like build a Winter Olympics venue slightly uphill from a beach resort.

          • sw19womble

            Absolutely – London was supposed to have a ton of investment in infrastructure but they pissed the opportunity up against the wall.
            (Unlike Vancouver who invested wisely in public transport improvements and permanent facilities)
            What happened with the Olympic Stadium is the most appalling boondoggle for a privately-owned company ever, that quite possibly eclipses any of the deals that US cities do to try and keep their (single) NFL team in town.
            https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/apr/14/west-ham-olympic-stadium-club-pay-per-season-rent

          • msanthropesmr

            When will people learn – you never ever ever ever ever get back the investment you make in keeping a spurts team in town.

          • sw19womble

            North American sports franchises are different beasts, and the stuff that happens is complete anathema to football fans in Europe, where soccerball teams – especially in the lower divisions – are ‘cherished community assets’.
            AFC Wimbledon is a fan-owned club, which means we don’t have a rich businessman who uses it as an ego-stroke. It also means we now have one of the lowest budgets in the “Third Division” (and almost no money for transfer fees) Which means that, give or take, at least half the clubs above are running at a loss – their rich boy is chucking money in every year.

            Anyway, soccerball blah blah. :)

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Well, in fairness to the billionaires who own the sportsball teams, someone gets their investment back many thousands of times over.

    • Vienna Woods

      I think I’ll just watch London 2012 again. I loved that opening ceremony.

  • msanthropesmr
  • cousin itt

    MSNBC has the yammering yam on live now. It’s the damn baby again. His brain is bouncing off the rubber walls from one non-idea to another non-plan. It’s a masturbational performance.

    • sw19womble

      Has anyone asked him why people think he can’t be trusted? Or didn’t he wear something similar eight months ago?

      • cousin itt

        He doesn’t hold press conferences; he’d rather press the flesh. Just ask Ivanka.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          HEY-OH!

    • Brian

      but he has a piece of paper with words on it! he’s on message now! “I’m not unhinged, Hillary’s he one that’s unhinged. Neener-neener-neener!!!!”

      • Vegan and Tiara

        It’s weird how Republicans freaked out over “teleprompter using Obama” but have NO problem with Trump visibly reading from an actual script.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Pivot to competency in 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . .

    • Vegan and Tiara

      He has absolutely nothing to say, so he says it repeatedly. Every time I see him I’m reminded of a character in a mob movie called “Tommy Two Times” because he says everything twice. In Donald’s case it would have to be Donny Five Times, because he just repeats himself endlessly.

      • bupkus23

        “Tommy Two Times” sounds like something out of “Johnny Dangerously”. Was he one of Danny Vermin’s henchmen?

        Jeez – I suppose it wouldn’t translate into text all that well, but someone should try channeling Donald Trump as Roman Moroni – “Fargin iceholes”, “cork-suckers”, etc.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          zomg yes. You faragin iceholes, Imma come to this sombachin country to win bigly and build da big wall around the lousey cork suckers from some other place

  • 3FingerPete

    These are the bugs that can kill you in Brazil. Very Beautiful.

    • msanthropesmr

      And, if they don’t kill you, you can ride them like a regional airliner.

  • Blank Ron

    I’d ask, ‘What is your PROBLEM, idiot fourth estate?’ but we all KNOW what the problem is.

    • msanthropesmr

      The American people, including journamalists, keep getting stupider?

  • Brian

    no one’s posted this? Fine, I’ll be the cliche.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3W6yf6c-FA

  • cousin itt

    Donald’s assessment of Ryan is that he is a “good man.” It’s always about whether someone is good or bad.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And what’s more, Ryan is not by any stretch of the imagination a “good man.”

  • 3FingerPete

    what the fuck? another commercial? now?

  • pgjack

    I’m the same age as Hillary and have followed her public career for many years. The right wing has continuously thrown mud at her but investigation after investigation – all brought on by Republicans – has found that none of the mud sticks. Let’s face it folks, Hillary is clean. People of the state of New York, people of the US, the FBI, eight Benghazi investigations, the Whitewater investigations, etc., etc. all show she is clean. Many people seem to think that the fact she has been so many times cleared of wrongdoing to be evidence of her guilt. This is nonsense. It was started decades ago by the Republican Party because they hate the Clintons for kicking Republican ass at each and every turn. Being unable to defeat the Clintons in a fair fight the GOP started and continues a constant drumbeat of lies and innuendo. I wish Americans would pay attention to what this woman has done and the fact that the right;’s investigations of her have always come up empty. She’s a good and capable woman and will make a fine President. Vote for her.

    • msanthropesmr

      Yes. That makes sense. Is backed by facts. Is true.

      Oh well, that will never work to convince voters. Can you throw in some invective?

    • sw19womble

      But that’s the problem. The mud does stick.
      When I heard Trump’s “Crooked Hillary” epithet, I thought uh-oh
      He might be scattershot with his insults, but that one does the job, unfortunately.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Only to those who already assumed so, Womble.

    • Shan the Libtart

      It’s like the doctored “PP sellz live-borned baby partz!!11!!” videos Dalieden et al put out. No matter how many times the shit has been investigated and repeatedly debunked, the fact that there are idiots who are “still investigating” somehow proves there’s something nefarious going on.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I once had an internets conversation in which some doofus wingnut did something shadey and I remarked on that and I kid you not I was jumped by at least ten people who went “There’s no law suit so it must not be illegal!!!!”

        I was all…o.O

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Any idiot SHOULD be able to figure out that there is no market for “baby parts” to begin with, but we are talking about GOP voters, and they tend to be as dumb as dirt.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But MoDo says….

    • jrly

      Great victory. Everything she has done and lies about is not technically criminal. Hurray! And now we can celebrate her becaus edges not as bad as trump. Truly a win for America.

  • The Wanderer

    There’s two things I want to see reintroduced into the Olympic games:
    1. All of the athletes must compete in the nude.
    2. Bring back the pankration, under the classic Greek rules.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Needs more Zeus.

      • The Wanderer

        The opening ceremonies will include three libations, and proper sacrifices.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          If someone doesn’t stab a Cappadocian, I’m not interested.

          • The Wanderer

            How about with sharpened fingernails during the pankration?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            As long as someone gets stabbed . . .

          • The Wanderer

            “So let it be written; so let it be done.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Yule Brenner is at the Olympics? Because mrowl.

          • Jeff in the desert

            without the “e”…..otherwise it is Santa Claus….bald Santa Claus…..

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Don’t care when he takes off his shirt. Really.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      “All of the athletes must compete in the nude.”

      Please God, not the superheavy class weightlifters…

      • The Wanderer

        Oh, okay, they get a pass.

      • Shan the Libtart

        SHUT UP I’M IN FOR THAT

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          Really? Eeeeew…you have rather…odd tastes.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Don’t judge me! I’m deprived!

  • Bad Granny

    OT: The Kitten Summer Games is on the Hallmark Channel right meow! WHY DIDN’T I KNOW THIS WAS A THING?!!

    • 3FingerPete

      How is their opening ceremony?

      • Bad Granny

        Purrfect.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Have you seen the puppy and kitten bowls that run at the same time as the Super Bowl? I’m Team Puppy!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Jesus! Fucker lies as naturally as my dog fetches a tennis ball.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Donald Trump endorses Ryan, Ayotte and McCain.

    Like Johnny Depp apologizing for dog smuggling

  • anwisok

    ANOTHER commercial? WTF?

    • The Wanderer

      Gotta pay them bills.

      • anwisok

        I don’t remember anywhere near this many commercials during an opening at any other olympics.

        • The Wanderer

          True.

    • Brian

      my feed is tsn, don’t think I’ve seen an ad yet.

      • 3FingerPete

        tsn?

        • Brian

          Canada’s ESPN. Internet streaming has so many choices.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Blerg, those USA outfits are hideous!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      USA USA USA
      True story: The guy who designed the USA outfits for this year also designed the costumes for Mars needs Women*

      *probably not actually a true story

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Eek, did he do Great Britain’s too? They are worse!

        • Shan the Libtart

          I’m picturing velour track suits in a faintly shimmery hue of lilac.

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Hehe, terry cloth or GTFO.

          • Shan the Libtart

            No, the velour ones are worse because they’re not absorbent.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They’re always hideous. Why do we continue this charade?

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Ralph Lauren, who is Jewish, has decided that the American National Costume should be something out of a hyper-WASP New England prep school. At least there are no berets this year.

  • Brian

    the olympics don’t need alphabetical order!!!!

  • 3FingerPete

    Are those guys stealing the air conditioners off the buildings?

  • Brian

    favorite song of this ceremony’s organizer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt0V0_1MS0Q

    • Msgr_Moment

      I hope that we all agree that in the Olympics Naked Bicycle Race, we ALL win.

      • Jamoche

        Except my friend who was down the street from where they shot that cover, only facing the wrong way at the critical moment.

  • btwbfdimho

    The Russian delegation was finally allowed to parade the sambadrome!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzEVNpRP74M

    • Msgr_Moment

      Vhere iz balloon of Moose and Sqvirrel?

    • Enfant Terrible

      “I think that it is clear to everyone what happens in the Fifth [Symphony]. The rejoicing is forced, created under threat, as in Boris Godunov. It’s as if someone were beating you with a stick and saying, “Your business is rejoicing, your business is rejoicing,” and you rise, shaky, and go marching off, muttering, “Our business is rejoicing, our business is rejoicing.”
      — Dmitri Shostakovich, badass composer

  • 3FingerPete

    Great contribution, Giselle!

  • CripesAmighty

    Somewhat OT, but not really: Jill Stein must be raising some bucks somewhere–she’s running wall-to-wall ‘pox on both their houses’ ads in my neck of the woods. Swear to god, if she fucks this up, somebody needs to send her for a long drive in a Corvair.

    • Enfant Terrible

      I saw an ad for Stein on MSNBC just now. I’d bet money that some rightwing PAC is helping with her advertising budget.

      • DainBramage

        I’m watching the CBUT (Canadian) coverage, so no US political ads. Comcast has this for us lucky enough to be in living in Washington state (At least the Seattle area).

    • mackafritz

      I don’t think she can. Anyone more than a half-wit wouldn’t vote for her.

      • Jeff in the desert

        We’re in trouble….

    • Shan the Libtart

      Heh. You said “pox” just now.

    • berkeleyfarm

      Are you in a swing state?

      • CripesAmighty

        Sort of–it was before outrageous gerrymandering–NC.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          NC is still considered a swing for the nationals since it is hard to gerry the mander on the nationals. Voter suppression is more for those.

          • CripesAmighty

            True. And Roy Cooper’s running a good race. New ‘raise your hands’ ad is really good. We’ll see. The NC Democratic Party could fuck up a two-car parade–first hand experience.

        • berkeleyfarm

          Triangle? I remember my visit there fondly.

          NC’s in play nationally. Looks like she wants to play spoiler.

  • Brian

    msnbc doing a piece on Team Refugee. If refugees were a country they’d be the 21st largest country in the world! 1 out of ever 113 people is a refugee.

    • efoveks

      Wow!

  • 3FingerPete

    Portuguese sounds like reverse speech to my ears.

    • Count Awesome

      If insulting foriegn langauges is acceptable now, Tagalog sounds like chickens trying to speak spanish.
      ETA: sorry in advance.

      • 3FingerPete

        No insult intended. I also have difficulty distinguishing certain shades of blue and green.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Never had a blue or green chicken…..their eggs, yes

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      [Narrows eyes] I think that’s some newfangled kind of Espanol.

    • Shan the Libtart

      Reverse Spanish, but yeah.

  • Me The People

    OT : The joy of setting up a new printer with sublimation ink. If there’s anyone here that knows why custom colour profiling is so wildly hit and miss, please let me know.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Well, it is sublime…..

      • Me The People

        Maybe, but look how pissed off Picard is about the 3 weeks and 200 of your earth dollars it cost him in paper and ink to get his printers to make colours right.

        • Jeff in the desert

          I see the problem…you’re spelling colors wrong..and do you have a color corrected monitor?

          • Me The People

            lol

            I’m using an old tee vee as a monitor, so probably no to that. That isn’t what the problem is though. Example – I sent off 2 prints of the profile charts, with 2 different paper settings selected on the printer – one matte, one semi-gloss. When printed, the charts look quite similar – except the semi-gloss one is a bit denser, as you’d expect. When the profiles come back, they give completely different results – the matte one is perfect, the semi-gloss one is just washed out purple sepia – garbage. I’ve been getting this sort of thing all along.

          • Jeff in the desert

            I completely gave up printing anthing in color because I am never satisfied with the results, and as you explain it seems complex…….and expensive.

          • Me The People

            Yep, there seems to be no logic to the results, I’m almost starting to think these professional profile guys are just sending out randomly generated profiles until one of them happens to fit. Anyway, good news is I have that one profile that works , at last, I’ll be sticking to it and using the same ink from now on!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    There are really great perks that go along with being good at sports. What a lot of people don’t realize is that there are a ton of petty humiliations that go along with it too.

    The outfits that we make our olympic teams wear are not a petty humiliation.

    • mackafritz

      It’s a grand humiliation.

  • 3FingerPete

    This must be the Brazillian version of Up With People.

    • Brian

      wait, is nbc even to the countries walking in? because it’s at least half over.

      • 3FingerPete

        We’re in the global warming part right now.

        • Brian

          so you haven’t even seen the bikes yet? i’ll stop commenting on your future.

          • 3FingerPete

            We suffer no wizards here!

  • The Wanderer
  • 3FingerPete

    This is like a Jaden Smith movie.

  • The weird thing is that somehow this type of thing inspires the…less stable to rant about how the press is in “the tank” for Hilary and that’s why Jill/Gary/BernieGrandma/the neighbors dog, Fluffy/your left nut sack isn’t winning elections (certainly not because people aren’t voting for them, that’s just conspiratorial nonsense). Because this just proves that press gives such biased favorable coverage to Clinton, see?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      40 years of ragging on everything about the woman, down to what color pant suit she is wearing and how she does her hair, and yet the media is in the tank for Hillary.
      Now…..I have had my disagreement with the Hillz (which ended when a: she adopted platform policies that I like and b: won the nomination and is not Trump) but for cryin out loud, whomever thinks the media is in the tank for Hillary is an utter ignorant fool.

    • CripesAmighty

      What doesn’t? Seems like a PSA on the quiet pleasures of stamp collecting’ll light these fuckers off like a Saturn V.

      • SHILLARY IS IN THE POCKET OF “BIG POSTAGE!” WHY ARE THE CORPORATE STOOGES OF THE PRESS NOT TELLING US THE REAL STORY?

    • anwisok

      Yes. One of my facebook friends shared this today. I didn’t respond, because . . what can you even SAY?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        You say…..for real? And then HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAH
        but I am mean so you may not want to

        • Jenny

          I say that the bitch is back! That’s the type of person I want in charge! That never gets a reply back from the poster though.

      • Treg Brown

        Feel free to borrow this. These kind of people deserve to be publically shamed and laughed at. “Clinton is a mob boss”, WTF.

      • Jamoche

        You say: OK, fine, so you want to believe she gets away with everything – and I do mean everything. Even after epic amounts of investigation. Doesn’t that mean she’s really, really good at it? Doesn’t it mean she’s someone you don’t want to cross?

        Or, you say FOAD. Either one works.

  • CripesAmighty

    Dame Judi Densch is adding some gravitas to this hokey little pageant (sorry, I hate these things–they’re always as subtle and understated as The Gong Show).

    • The Wanderer

      Jaye P. Morgan libel.

      • 3FingerPete

        Holy cow, she’s still alive!

      • Shan the Libtart

        Jesus HMS Christ! I REMEMBER THAT

        • The Wanderer

          I remember the show fondly.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      The goddamn speeches are terrible. No one wants to hear some fucking bureaucrat talk, asshole, so shut up. John Furlong, the CEO of the Vancouver Olympics, was one of the worst.

  • Me The People

    UK’s premier Nazi rag :

    “That’ll show ’em! ‘Black Lives Matter’ protesters
    chanting ‘hands up, don’t shoot’ head to east London – and barricade a
    WAITROSE lorry”

    OMG a WAITROSE lorry? Will these thoughtless fiends stop at NOTHING?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3725050/Black-lives-matter-protesters-block-road-Heathrow-airport.html

    PS this article features the phrase “so-far peaceful protesters”.

  • 3FingerPete

    Flags – national pride or mosquito precaution?

    • The Wanderer

      Air circulation.

  • malsperanza

    Yall need to click on Evan’s link to 40 years of Hillary press conferences in 3 minutes. It is … what’s the opposite of awesome? Anyway here it is, in all its revolting glory.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSYZ12LGVxw

    • Brian

      that laugh though!!!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        And her hair and wtf was she thinking matching those shoes with that bag?
        *gets stabby*

    • Major_Major_Major

      Speaking for myself, and knowing that I don’t have the temperament for public office, I would’ve come across the table and voted some motherfuckers with mean left vote, and proceeded to vote those fucknoggin in the trundle repeatedly.
      With brass knuckled votes even.

      • CripesAmighty

        Roger, Major!

      • malsperanza

        Especially Groundbreaking Glass Ceiling-Shattering Female TV Personality Baba Walters.

  • Me The People

    My wife tells me that Jessica Valenti, feminist writer and regular Guardian contributer, has gone offline because of trolls making threats against her and her 5 year old daughter.

    I don’t know to what extent her treatment from ‘readers’ on The Guardian contributed to this, – from what I heard it may have been mostly comments on other social media like twitter – but their BTL comments moderation policy sucks ass in a huge way. Most comment sections for articles on the Guardian by female writers are dominated my misogynistic fuckwads, Valenti’s were for some reason the biggest target for these assholes. Try and take these assholes on though, and more than likely it will be YOUR comment that gets deleted, not theirs. The Guardian pretends it has no clue as to what might be done to fix this. They are basically hanging their female writers out like pinatas, for the sake of increasing their click based revenue.

    I like the Guardian, it has a lot of good writers – especially the younger writers, but they need to do something about the stinking right wing mra infested cesspit that their comments have become.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      There are many places like that anymore. And they are all like, whoops, can’t do anything about the guy that says you’re a stupid bitch and he hopes you get raped, but don’t you dare tell him to fuck off or ban hammer.

      • Me The People

        Yeah, it’s like “That’s just not cricket old chap!”

        I think that’s an excuse, they just know that trolls equals clicks equals money.

        Also it’s bollocks because I would argue that good people getting mad as fuck when appropriate is one of the things that keeps society civil. Keeps the fuckers in check, if they know they might have to deal with something stronger than quiet disapproval when they spew their hate.

    • Jenny

      It really sucks for women and I have no idea why some women get it more than others. I’ve been interneting in some of the worst places since the days of AOL. You really just kind of have to get callous about it, there’s no way to “nice” out of it or reason with them. Ignoring, ridiculing, and out right trolling is the only way to go. The main take away is that these dudes can get my attention here, maybe, if they are lucky; but in the real world, ha not a chance. There’s comfort in that superiority.

  • Brian
    • Major_Major_Major

      Also, USA Women’s Rugby takes the pitch tomorrow. This is the first time women’s rugby has been in the Olympics, and we have some kick ass women playing. The US of A may not medal, but I guaran-damn-tee they will do us proud.

      • berkeleyfarm

        YAY!

        I am told by a rugby-loving friend that one of the people we have on the men’s team is Someone To Watch. I was amazed by the clip he showed me.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Carlin Isles, I imagine. He is crazy fast.

          • berkeleyfarm

            That’s him! Pure poetry in motion.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Yep, how he always manages to find an extra gear is amazing.

  • Flaming Male Dim

    sounds like the author of this spew hates being white. LOL

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      …none of us are white here, Flamin Male. We’re all ethnic here. All of us.
      Also, you should stop, drop and roll. Might help with that flaming problem.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        ETHNIC!!!

        TRUMP IS RUSHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

        DRINK!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Trump is rushing where precisely and why are you drinking to that?
          You got some issues, man. I could probably help you with that. Do you like leather?

          • CripesAmighty

            Looks like you’ve hooked a live one, Jen. Getting some nice thrashing action before Dok cuts the line.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I want to keep him. He thinks he is witty, so of course step one is to educate the fucker. Step two is to make him beg for more.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            type it with yerTits again, Gin!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I guess I will have to. Women always have to do everything for you poor, little men.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Gin*

        • Brian

          ETHNIC!!!!!!!!

          MELANIA IS SLOVINIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

          SNORT!

        • natoslug

          <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
          two
          days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
          my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
          month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
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          making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
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          ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://Youreanidiotgoatfucker.orgGetPay$98Hour…..

    • jowgajen

      Mantroll wants to play?

      • Flaming Male Dim

        you twink?

        flagged

        rofl

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          heh. Yeah you like to flag people don’t you. Yeaaahhh plant that flag HARD. hnnnnnggghhhhhh

          • Flaming Male Dim

            flagged hnnnnnnnnnnggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Flag me all you want boy toy, I like it.
            Did you do the dishes yet?

          • msanthropesmr

            I did! And made dinner!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            See? Show Dim there how it is done.

          • natoslug

            I found some focaccia, zucchini, mozzarella and pesto, so had something toasty instead of a cracker. I also finally found the lime. So guess who’s buzzed and has two thumbs? Half the world’s population, I’d guess.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            type that with yourTits, Jen!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I did.

          • Shan the Libtart

            I love you

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Love you too, Shan! type that with yourTits!

          • Shan the Libtart

            Take my name out of your rancid spunk-filled mouth.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Hi Shan!

          • Shan the Libtart

            *dabs your chin with the hem of your shirt*

            There, that’s better.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            oops… I was trying to help you. lol

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh sugar, I do not need your help lol. You need mine, desperately. You need a woman to teach you what it means to be a real man.
            I can do that for you. Easily. And it will cost only your immortal soul.
            Now…how do you feel about leather?

          • Flaming Male Dim

            good idea, Gin

            you still behind KFC?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            English, darling, I don’t speak flaming male Dim. As of yet. If I feel you are worthy of it, I may allow you to teach me the basics, but I think probably not.
            Unless …..Hablas espanol? tu-goverish po-ruskai? Parle-vu Francois?

          • berkeleyfarm

            Is this one of them thar Russian trolls I keep hearing about? Poor English and raging homophobia?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            No clue, think either drunk, or methed out, or both. Or just really…well. Dim.

          • rebecca

            careful Jen, if he flags you enough times you will be BANNED

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I only regret I have one av to give for my wonkette.

          • natoslug

            Oooooh . . . now I want to know the magic number . . .

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            42? It is 42, I know it is.

          • natoslug

            Damn. So can I flag one of its posts 42 times, or does it have to be 42 separate posts, or would it have to be 42 separate people flagging it? While I don’t mind dissent, Dim is just plain, well, dim. Salt of the earth. Simple folk. . .

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I love blazing saddles and I do not know. We could experiment?

          • natoslug

            I’ve started experimenting, as Dim is one of the saddest trolls we’ve had in a while. It’s painful to read.

          • natoslug

            <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
            two
            days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
            my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
            month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
            simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
            making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
            !tv791x:
            ➽:➽:.
            ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsEmpireGetPay$98Hour…..

          • Major_Major_Major

            Stars-n-bars!112!!!!1!!!!eleven11! Yee-fuckin’-haw

          • Flaming Male Dim

            I don’t rent trailers to twinks anymore, sorry

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Pst, you don’t rent anything to anyone, darling. Did you scrub the floor, yet? Don’t make me put the boots on. You would not like it when I put the boots on.

          • Major_Major_Major

            You prefer a big ole bear, that’s cool. We don’t judge round here.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            …well. I judge a little. On the side.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Ima go out on a limb and say old flamey gets a 7.5 on its pommel horse mount (topical cuz Olympics) but lacks the staying power to “stick” its landing.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            You are a nicer judge than I. Thus far the performance is a solid #2 from my perspective.

          • natoslug

            More of a runny #2, given its complete nonsense.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ew AND hahahahaha at the same time! All the points for you

          • Major_Major_Major

            Kill’em wid kindness. Makes them self destruct or rethink their worldview.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I just want to dress him in a sailor outfit and make him sleep in the closet.
            Is that weird?
            I feel that is probably weird.

          • Shan the Libtart
          • Major_Major_Major

            Oooooooh, ooooh, flag me also too. I’m feeling all kinds of sad

        • natoslug

          Begonias.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Impatiens

          • natoslug

            I’ve finally found a use for roommate Lori’s McLaren posts.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            ButtLube?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ooooohhhhh. You like that, huh.
            Well, I can work with that.

          • natoslug

            Cyclamens

        • natoslug

          <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
          two
          days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
          my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
          month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
          simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
          making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
          !tv791x:
          ➽:➽:.
          ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://FlamingMaleDimSucksDonkeyBalls.cumGetPay$98Hour…..

        • Shan the Libtart

          Oh! This is new. DRUNKTROLL.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            drinking early, Shan

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Careful, sweetums, I prefer my toys to have healthy livers. You may wind up with the steel clamps if you misbehave.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Go for it, Flamey.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            XOXOXOXOXOX!

          • natoslug

            <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
            two
            days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
            my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
            month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
            simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
            making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
            !tv791x:
            ➽:➽:.
            ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://FlamingMaleDimLicksGoatTaintsGetPay$98Hour…..

          • Major_Major_Major

            Considering you’ve been pounding Busch Ina can since noon, how can you say anything about a) drinking, and b) early?

          • natoslug

            The day’s wasted if you’re still sober at noon.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Power bottom sez wut?

          • Flaming Male Dim

            hate kweers, Majer? why the hate?

          • Major_Major_Major

            I’m having trouble following your logic, pendejo. Maybe it’s the spelling, the lack of punctuation, the obvious self loathing, or all of the above. Ima go with all of the above.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            He just has not yet had a woman to teach him, Major. And I assure you, there is no power in that bottom.
            Not even a little.

          • natoslug

            It’s easy — hit yourself in the forehead with a ball peen hammer a couple of times, do some meth, get a lobotomy, then huff six cans of paint. At that point, Dim almost makes sense.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Hee! Power bottom….oh, the visual….

    • Brian

      sounds like the author of this spew hates reading articles. LOL

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Author is too kind, methinks. More random key smasher.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        hate white, Billy? LOL

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          …? Is…is that in language or is your google translator broked?

        • Brian

          hate words, Dimwitty? LOL

        • natoslug

          <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
          two
          days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
          my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
          month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
          simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
          making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
          !tv791x:
          ➽:➽:.
          ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://whatthefuckareyousaying.loser?/GetPay$98Hour…..

    • Major_Major_Major

      Why is it that you dumbfucks equate equality with self hate? Are you so ashamed of the size of your penis that you think all other males are? Or is it that you realize that if everyone is equal, you won’t be able to look down on anyone else from the front steps of your single-wide?

      • jowgajen

        Trailer trash libel!

        • Jenny

          Ya know I really have a hard time watching the Trailer Park Boys. They’re much nicer and calmer than the shitty trailer parks in the states. Dang Canadians, even their white trash is nice!!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Canadians are like super nice in general. Must be all that poutine. And Justin.

          • Vienna Woods

            Once again I say, you obviously never met some of my students.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Students do not count and you know it. Teens and pres the world over are horrendously awful things beloved only to their parents and even then there are times……

          • Vienna Woods

            Well, some of their parents were pretty god-awful, also, too.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Ayep. I know it and I see it and I try really hard to not be that parent XD

      • Flaming Male Dim

        penisEnvy, Chelsea?

        • Major_Major_Major

          Punctuation envy, Donald?

          • Flaming Male Dim

            sorry, you can buy a real looking one

            lol

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            A…real looking punctuation?
            Do you even know what you are saying?

          • Major_Major_Major

            Commas are pretty easy to replicate, as are spaces. Here is an example of a comma “,” and a space” “. No need to replicate. Of course if you want to replicate a satisfied partner, can I recommend xhamster.com? Although in your trailer court you may not have the bandwidth to stream.

          • natoslug

            <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
            two
            days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
            my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
            month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
            simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
            making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
            !tv791x:
            ➽:➽:.
            ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://posterchildforneurosyphilis.hamsterfuckerGetPay$98Hour…..

          • Brian

            sorry, you can’t sell your fake ass one

            lol

        • Brian

          LOL penis LOL dicks, Cornholio? LOL

          • Shan the Libtart

            heh…heh heh heh

          • Flaming Male Dim

            funny peen?

          • Shan the Libtart

            This one is too young. I call foul.

          • Callyson

            Second time this week a troll has trotted out that line. Not sure why they are trying to revive that ancient juvenile insult…

            …oh, wait, I forgot that they are wingnuts. Never mind!

        • natoslug

          Crocosmia. YPOS

          • Flaming Male Dim

            no peen for you, slug? aaahhhh….

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Did you finish the laundry, Dim? I will warn you once only: Get your chores done or you get the hose again.

          • natoslug

            <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
            two
            days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
            my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
            month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
            simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
            making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
            !tv791x:
            ➽:➽:.
            ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://FlamingMaleDimFellatesChihuahuas.orgyGetPay$98Hour…..

    • natoslug

      <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
      two
      days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
      my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
      month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
      simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
      making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
      !tv791x:
      ➽:➽:.
      ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://hellodamnedfool.fuGetPay$98Hour…..

      • Juan de Fuca

        DAMN-IT. I had that same thought!

    • rebecca

      yes, definitely.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Your last name wouldn’t happen to be “Wit”, would it?

    • Panika MCD
  • Be Gin

    Dailey Caller folk sure are touchy! Maybe they prefer Drumpf because his bookkeepers used more red ink than black.

    Just speculating!

  • Flaming Male Dim

    Why Doesn’t Hillary Clinton Have More Press Conferences?” ~ NPR!

    • natoslug

      <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
      two
      days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
      my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
      month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
      simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
      making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
      !tv791x:
      ➽:➽:.
      ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://whythefuckareyouhereyoushouldbedirectingtrafficonanexpressway.moronGetPay$98Hour…..

      • That should be …directingtrafficonanexpresswaywithvotes.moran
        FIFY

        • natoslug

          Oops. Sometimes I forget my Wonkette spelling.

    • Brian

      “WHY” Doesn’t “Trump tell” “Any” Truths “?” ~ PWB! (People With Brains)

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Why don’t you have any friends? Is that a question you ask yourself sometimes, as you scarf down a Swanson’s “Hungry Man” dinner while watching Faux News in a stained wife beater and jockey shorts in your rundown trailer? Or maybe you still live in mom’s basement? Sad, inarticulate little troll. No one likes you, no one cares. Donald Trump wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire after the election. But you felt so proud when he talked about how he loved the “poorly educated.” Because you knew he was talking to you.
      Such a sad case. Don’t worry, when Hillary is elected she’ll try to help you and all the other redneck losers. Maybe you’ll finally be able to get a place of your own. Even find a friend…maybe learn how to do something besides spew ignorance, venom, and hatred. But probably not. Probably not…

    • anwisok

      Oh, and it upfisted itself. In public.

      • Shan the Libtart

        So crass.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        Thought so…

      • BloviateMe

      • Flaming Male Dim

        she just held a press conference this time…

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Few other times too. I know, you only watch one news source that tells you everything you know and they don’t cover things like facts and truths and so on.
          But do try to keep up, eh?

        • anwisok

          Oh, go away, you impotent little insect. I know you can’t infect me with zika or west nile, so your buzzing is nothing but a minor annoyance. Begone, before you get swatted.

        • Panika MCD
    • Panika MCD
  • Brian

    BC closed captions folks are drunk and want to go home.

    https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/761718640119078912

  • Flaming Male Dim

    “Wikileaks chief has ‘quite a lot of material’ from Hillary’s campaign and will release it in stages for maximum publicity” ~ Daily Mail UK

    “in stages!”

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Oh I hope so. Thus far, the stupid lil git has released….nothing at all.
      Makes you wonder if he has nothing at all? Since nothing has had any interest to anyone.
      OH! Btw, did you see the latest polls? Trump is losing SO BIG and to a WOMAN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH lol

    • Brian

      “Wikileaks has ‘quite a lot of material’ from Hillary’s campaign and will realise it in stages for maximum publicity” `~ Daily Mail UK LOL

      LOL “In stages!”

      And Hilary will still win in a landslide! LOL LOL LOL LOL

      YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL

      “I just came on my Trump portrait!!!!!” ~ Flaming Dimwit!

      • Juan de Fuca

        My bad – ya beat me to it. I should have scrolled up in this case.

        • Brian

          no worries, not the most original thought I’ve ever had.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        call me!

        • Brian

          call me!

    • Shan the Libtart

      I remember my first beer….

    • Me The People

      You’re whooping and hollering through gritted teeth. In November, you’ll just be hollering, LOSER.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        hate black people much?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Oh no, just orange people.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Obama?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Obama is not orange. If he looks orange to you, I suggest adjusting the color on your TV or corrective lenses.
            Trump though is a great big fat flabby small fingered ugly orange person though!
            So probably that one.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Boehner?

          • Flaming Male Dim

            WhiteIndian?

          • Major_Major_Major

            Space bar? Hint it’s the big rectangle at the bottom.of your mom’s keyboard

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            There you go, unfairly bringing size into things again.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Well, I didn’t mean to insult him, but if the xxxs glove fits.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Trump?

          • Major_Major_Major

            Snooki?

          • Major_Major_Major

            The librarian?

          • Major_Major_Major

            Your reflection due to cirrhosis?

          • Brian

            Willy Wonka?

          • Panika MCD
          • Count Awesome

            Oompa lpompas are real? How did I miss this?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Unfortunately not. It turns out that the real orange people are taller, flabbier, and have fake straw hair instead of curly green hair.
            So disappointed.

          • Count Awesome

            So real oompa loompas actually succeed at their endeavors? Good to know.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I should hope oompa loompas succeed more than Troompa Dumpkas anyway

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Is wanting somebody to go away and never annoy you again the same as.hate?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Not really. Dislike maybe?

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            I really dislike that crazy orange asshole

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Obama?

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            No, I am slightly younger, paler, and not as smooth

          • Flaming Male Dim

            smoke Kools? LOL

          • Panika MCD
          • Panika MCD
          • bubbuhh

            That’s what the “block User” button is all about. it’s over on the extreme right opposite avatar and trollname. Works a treat. Really pisses trolls off because using it means no more attention from at least one person.

            PS doesn’t work on Trump. Gotta do him in with votes.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            What kind of cat are you? You’re supposed to play with your toys until they stop moving and THEN ignore them forever after.

          • bubbuhh

            I am a big game cat. Little shits do not interest me. They are pre-ignored like most kinds of cat food.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I see. You are just keeping your claws for the wildebeasts.
            Elitist.

          • bubbuhh

            Well, I’m a cat. It goes without saying. ;)

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            My block list is full, and I get an error.

          • bubbuhh

            You need to delete old fuckheadz who are long gone to make room for new fickheadz. It’s kind of a trip down memory lane.

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          No hatred here. Certainly not for the likes of you. You aren’t nearly significant enough to hate.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Ladies and gentlemen, we have the congruence of William Faulkner and David Duke. Stream of consciousness racism, appearing tonight only before the banhammer gently caresses the poor misguided fool.

        • Me The People

          Stupid much? Hollering isn’t race-specific, although it could be I suppose in your twisted register of associations, but that’s only because you are nasty little Trumpling.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Hollerin’, as a colloquialism, is generally more associated with white rural americans, no?

          • Me The People

            That’s what I always thought too. I know Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer did their fair share!

        • Panika MCD
    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      How many of your 42 upfists are just you upfisting yourself!?! Is it painful for you, or are your hands small like Trump’s?!?!
      AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

    • CripesAmighty

      Someone tried to interest Wikileaks in some information on a little troll that calls itself Flaming Male somethingorother, but nobody cared except Child Support Enforcement and Billy’s Bail Bonds.

    • anwisok

      We really need a better class of troll around here. Last night was just tedious, and tonights’ is just drunk. Sad. Weak. Believe me – I know!

    • Callyson

      The same Wikileaks that said it had something on the big banks but then never delivered? Shaking in my boots…NOT!

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      Are you upvoting yourself? Seriously?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        He is…

    • Count Awesome

      Are they going to release Hillary’s plan to let the Donald sink his own ship with a dildo attached to a jackhammer (no lube required)?

    • Panika MCD
  • weejee

    The hamsters won’t be voting for tRump. That’s just silly.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Now Herr Doktor Professor Charles “the Hammer” Krauthammer, who is an actual real life credentialed psychiatrist, says Trump is a trainwreck. Now, I am as happy as a little girl.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/aiUVQ-pla24/hqdefault.jpg

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He is a trainwreck. He basically had to keep his stupid mouth shut, and he can’t manage to do that for more than five seconds.

      • Count Awesome

        The Donald goes from zero to unhinged in forty characters or less.

    • 3FingerPete

      I guess that officially marks a change in the wind over at Fox. They usually adopt whatever pronouncement spews from Krauthammer’s mouth. He is Fox’s old man in the cave, from whom all wisdom flows.

    • Count Awesome

      He needed a doctorate to declare what we all knew?

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.
    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Per Krauthammer: “Newt Gingrich came aboard to provide intellectual ballast.”
      Newt is “intellectual ballast”? Jesus Christ…I’d say he’s ballast all right, but not of an intellectual nature…

  • Callyson

    Got anything funny to tell us, LA Times linky?

    San Diego roadside sign hacked with profane message about Trump

    Hee hee hee…

    • Count Awesome

      The lights need to be more orange to truly capture his essence, but I do go give the hacker mad props for 140 or less characters.

      • Juan de Fuca

        I give you mad props for that comment. lol

  • Flaming Male Dim

    “She is not qualified to be President” ~ Benny Sander

    • Juan de Fuca

      Who the fuck is Benny Sander?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Cousin to Haha?

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          HA!’s twitter feed is a laff riot these days, btw.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Or, the uncle to the guy who did that Happy Gilmore movie?

      • Jeff in the desert

        One of trumps unhappy workmen who didn’t get paid.

        • Count Awesome

          They can’t all be named “Benny”.

          • Jeff in the desert

            See Trump promised to pay him if he said that about the Hillz

        • Flaming Male Dim

          Stiffed by Hellary again?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh no, she actually pays her people.
            You know who does not pay anyone anything? Trump. Odd since he is so wealthy, right? He even stiffed those little kids that sang for him.

          • vivian

            ThAT IS SOO FUNNY!! AHA HA HAHA. WHEEEW! Wow! Ahhhhhaaahahahaha! You are so smart it is like a lemon in the eyes! Maybe you went to kangaroo school to learn how to hop on words so strong! You are a master! I bet you are handsome and rich too? Will you marry my dog? She wants a McClaren P1?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Shoo. Go away. Ya bother me.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Paul Manafort? Go home, Roger Stone is waiting for you. He said you can be G. Gordon Liddy tonight, whatever the fuck that means.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        too many jalapenos gave you burningRectum

        aaahhhh hahahahahahahha

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          …personal experience, Dim? yikes.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            gave*

            read from left to right, Gin

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh I did, Dim. I did. Now if you could type from left to right, that would be great.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Again with the Mexican jokes. It’s the name, isn’t it? It throws ya’ll off?

          It happens…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Ohhhh. Was that a Mexican joke, Juan?
            I thought it was dietary advice

          • Juan de Fuca

            I thought about changing my avi name but after having so many trolls assume it’s my real name and that I’m Mexican – it’s easier to pick out who the dumb trolls are and who the racist dumb ones are. Not saying this one is racist but he doesn’t appear to be very sharp either.

            Five bucks says it’s LiberalsHateWoodCuttingBoards.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh no, very much a racist. I am willing to put money down on that one.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I thought Burning Rectum was what they renamed Burning Man after Grover Norquist went…

    • natoslug

      “Flaming Male Dim manages to lick own anus” ~ The World

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Must be the missing rib.

        • Count Awesome

          Donald would like to give Ivanka that missing rib…
          Da-dum-dump. (Remember to tip your server).

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Webb Hubbell gave it to Chelsea…

          • Major_Major_Major

            But just the tip…

      • anwisok

        Lucky bastard. If I could do that I could . .. uh, what? the mike is live? SHITSHITSHIT!!!!!

    • natoslug

      <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
      two
      days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
      my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
      month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
      simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
      making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
      !tv791x:
      ➽:➽:.
      ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://Thisisgettingoldjesusfuckingchristwhenareyougoingtogetbannedyoudonkeyfuckingtwunt.whateverGetPay$98Hour…..

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Bernie Sanders has endorsed her, so that should take a load off of Benny’s mind.

      • natoslug

        Orbital Sander hasn’t, though. He’s still miffed.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Block is being utterly abrasive about all of it. Shame.

        • anwisok

          Have we heard from Belt Sander yet?

        • Count Awesome

          Is Belt Sander the black sheep of that family?

        • Jeff in the desert

          And Emery is bored.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Illegitimi non carborundum

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Belt Sander is too drunk to care.

    • Callyson

      Got an update on that, LA Times auto-play link?

      Op-Ed:

      Bernie Sanders: I support Hillary Clinton. So should everyone who voted for me

      • Jeff in the desert

        But but but…She is not qualified to be President – Benny Hill

        • data_ninja

          Bill Clinton Sax Vs. Yakkety Sax!

          • Jeff in the desert

            Sax sax sax is that all you think about?

          • data_ninja

            Well, if I could toot my own horn, I wouldn’t be so obsessed with it! Wait a minute…

        • Count Awesome

          Is she qualified enough for him to chase around while yaketty sacks plays?

    • vivian

      Count backwards from zero to find the Dim sum.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or ask the nearest Joo

    • Brian

      “He’s not qualified to be President” ~ Current President ~ Former Director of the CIA ~ Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff ~ 16 former candidates in the 2016 Election ~ One former GOP Nominee ~ Two former GOP Presidents.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Aw pshaw, they are all just jealous of his yuge popularity and the killing he is going to make while in office, as opposed to afterward…..

        • Brian

          you mean “the killings he’s going to order.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            First up, any law that lets people sue him.
            He’s only at what, 30k suits now?

          • Jeff in the desert

            All seersucker…..if ya get my drift.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Why, I could shoot someone on 5th avenue and not lose votes. But what if he shoots a supporter?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Where do you want this killin’ done?

            Out on Highway 61

          • Brian

            Don said to Manafort kill me a son. . .

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Start with the baby, the cryin one?

          • Brian

            that’s funny, you win

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Paul said Man, you must be puttin’ me on,
            Drumpf said no, Paul said what,
            Drumpf said you can do what you want to but,
            Next time you see me comin’ you’d better run,
            Paul said where do you want this killin’ done?
            Drumpf said out on Highway 61

          • Jeff in the desert

            Isn’t that mooslim Abrahim in that song?

          • berkeleyfarm

            Shot a man in Reno just to see him die

          • Brian

            I set out running but I lost my mind
            a friend of the Donald is a friend of mine.

          • Major_Major_Major

            At this rate, motherfucker better be a sniper to hit a supporter anywhere but a deep south trailer park

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Considering that Hillary is showing a 99% likelihood of winning New York state, he probably isn’t going to hit a supporter if he shoots someone on Fifth Ave.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is because he’s lost everyone’s money. Even his own kids didn’t vote for him in NY.

        • CripesAmighty

          Keeps up like this, and he’s gonna be hard pressed for something–anything–to slap his name on to hawk on QVC at 3am.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Small sample size, ipso facto ad hominem habeas corpus nanner nanner sumpin’sumpin’

    • Pinkham’s Law

      No. She’s Qualified, fer shur.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nthlnd-LRsU

    • Major_Major_Major

      Doncha mean presnint? When yer target audience is fellow fuckwits, yoo-sing English iznit yer frennn.

    • JMP

      Somehow a highly accomplished former Senator and Secretary of state is not qualified (we know you mean it’s because she doesn’t have a penis), but a racist orange loudmouth who not only has never held any political office but has never actually worked a day in his life somehow is.

      • Major_Major_Major

        And has run multiple businesses into bankruptcies, but let’s let him run govt like a business.

  • data_ninja

    OT: Kitten Olympics! https://i.imgur.com/tCVqM8O.gifv

    • Jeff in the desert

      Did you notice the black cats are having a segregated olympics. Racists!

      • data_ninja

        I read somewhere on the internet that they can pounce faster! #NineLivesMatter

  • Flaming Male Dim

    “Hillawy spotted counting ransom pallets of Swiss Francs with Obongo”

    • Brian

      “Mispelled words in an unconected salad of nonsense Obongo, bongo, boy!”

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Pretty sure you’re Delusional.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWlUb-CaRmU

      • Me The People

        ‘Delusion’ – The new fragrance by Donald Trump.

    • vivian

      Racist dimwit says what? Never mind, no one cares! You are a six pack of CANNED CLAMS!!1!!!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        YOU MONSTER!!!!!!

        • Major_Major_Major

          Damnit Jen, great minds blahblahblah

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I never get to do the you monster post. So I HAD TO.
            Moral imperative and now I can be banned merrily knowing that I finally crossed that off my list.

            I…really need a hobby.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            We all do Jen. We all do.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            It’s Gin now, apparently.
            I am assuming that is supposed to be an insult? Of some sort? Not sure really but I am fine with it.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Well, if you’re gin, you are the Bombay Sapphire, so there’s that at least and also too.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I’d rather be vodka but hey, I ain’t too picky really.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Nothing wrong with fine gin. This asshole puts me in the mood for some Plymouth in fact.

          • SisterArtemis

            I like gin. I’d consider it a complement.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Yer flagged. Dok, git-R. Stealing my thunder and shit and what-not also too.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          X6

      • Major_Major_Major

        CANNED CLAMS!!!!1!!1. YOU MONSTER. Nope, actually spot on.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        hate clams? WTF?

        • vivian

          You know comments aren’t allowed here. Dullard.

        • vivian

          LIFE is SO confusing for a mollusk, init Jimmy?

        • Major_Major_Major

          Research and reconnaissance. Iffen yer gonna troll, do at least the minimum.

        • natoslug

          What the fuck are you doing here if you don’t know how strong our bias is against canned clams? Fucking moran, also too.

          LOL

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Your mom is on the phone for you. She says get off the Internets now, or you won’t get any ice cream. Ever. Again.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        I just disconnected your obamaphone, Juan

        aaahhh hahahahahahahahaha

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          You forgot to upfist yourself a couple of times. Out of lube? ‘Roids throbbing and swollen?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            He does like the buttlube. Said so earlier.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            I have no doubt of it. Probably eats it like ice cream with a big goddamn spoon…maybe with some chopped nuts on top.

          • John Smith

            And sprinkles.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            …rainbow sprinkles?
            Because I had to ask.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Of course

          • John Smith

            Is there another kind?

    • Callyson

      1/10 At first I thought this troll had potential amusement value, but he turns out only to be repeating the same tired lines we’ve heard before. Time to up your game!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Well, he did tell me to type with my tits. That was amusing for all of five seconds.

        • Flaming Male Dim

          do it again, Gin!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            *pats* there you go sweetums, you just keep returning to your, uhm, let us be nice and call them better moments.
            We know it is all you have.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        We’ve upped our standards

        Now up yours!

        • Flaming Male Dim

          At first…

          aaahhh hahahahahahahahaha

          • vivian

            Slowly comes the dawn…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            dunno, Vivian, pretty sure this is perpetual noctural emissions right here.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            slower for some

            or not at all…

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        I’m sure the poor thing is doing his best…how sad is that?

    • Me The People

      Thanks for reminding us what a stupid thick drunk bastard looks like. Mission accomplished, you can fuck off now.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        you crying, Meep?

        • Me The People

          You’re incapable of making anyone cry, for any reason. Which makes you a very sad boy, amirite?

    • CripesAmighty

      Really? Recycling moldy yuk yuk lines from the Daily Caller bargain bin? Surely, you can do better than..oh, wait…

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Heh, hey Cripes. What do you get when you mix a daily caller commenter with a bag of bricks?

        • John Smith

          The worst Jeopardy episode ever.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          really dumb bricks?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well, Dim bricks. But you musta heard this one before.

        • Flaming Male Dim

          you get Rachel!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            dude, that’s weak. I am embarrassed for you…

        • JMP

          Racist bricks?

        • CripesAmighty

          Concrete?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Are you asking for Oingo Boingo? OK, This seems like your style:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2LQMElLoLs

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Oh how I am going to enjoy the outraged screeching from the likes of you when Drumpf gets his fat ass stomped into giblet gravy with VOTES on November 8th.

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      I think I can guess why Trump appeals to you. There are a lot of white males in this country who want to blame other people for their failures, and no one has failed more publicly than Trump. Am I in the ballpark?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Penis envy/virility fears also too.

    • JMP

      Obongo, really. But yet wingnuts whine whenever anyone notes that a hell of a lot of the opposition to the greatest President the US has had in my lifetime is really racist.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Tucker Carlson can just fuck off and [redacted in deference to the Commenting Rules for Radicals] and then he can [further redacted in deference etc] and then [you know what goes here].

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Tell us how you *really* feel!

      • Count Awesome

        With votes too.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Twilight sparkle pony is the best pony! Also too.

      • bubbuhh

        True that….although have been known to change my mind about my particular favorite pony. I tend to enjoy the pony I’m with.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          If you can’t pony with the one you love, pony the one you’re with

          • Jeff in the desert

            I rode to the desert on a horse with no name.

          • bubbuhh

            All ponies got names. That’s why no one eatz ponies.

          • Shan the Libtart

            I would eat a pony before I would eat my cat. Or my neighbor’s dog. But I would def first eat the OTHER neighbor’s parrot or whatever it is they bring out onto the porch and let screech at all hours. Yeah, I would roast that fucker for Sunday dinner and make bird-meat salad sandwiches with the leftovers.

      • Pinkham’s Law
      • TJ Barke

        Wrong, it’s Applejack.

    • bubbuhh

      Tucker Quarrelsome is not worth much attention also too.

    • Duke

      …with his bow tie.

  • Count Awesome

    BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump has promised to replace the pledge of allegience before school with 10 “Sieg Trumps”.

  • Count Awesome

    Stealing this from “Frisky Dingo”:
    Trump’s education plan is hotter teachers so the kids will study more. Breast implants too; Double ” D”s for everyone.

  • Count Awesome

    Ughh. I don’t want a president that will only hold diplomatic negotiations with foriegn leaders that are followers on Twitter.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      On the bright side, if Trump is president and he does hold all his negotiations on the twitter, the Iranians can teach him the constitution?

      • Amy!

        Lots of people have taught him things. No evidence that he’s learned anything, though.

    • Courser

      You know, I’m kind of okay that Press Conferences aren’t Hillary’s thing. Her convention video was great because I wasn’t aware of probably half the stuff she’s done.

      Hillary’s a do-er, not a talker. It *is* a problem to one extent or another, but probably nothing that can’t be overcome. She does best on her own turf and when her turf is the White House, she’ll be fine.

      Trump runs his mouth constantly and all kinds of crazy crap comes out of that maw. When Hillary speaks, she’s got something to say.

  • Duke

    Why no live bloog of the Olys?

    I ditched the opening ceremonies after becoming disoriented and lightheaded by the streamers and bizarre Amazon emergence graphics.

    Did it get better? Was it really for stoners?

    • Count Awesome

      I didnt watch, but have a nagging feeling that asses with G-strings were under represented. Where do I bitch about this grievious misrepresentation of Rio de Janeiro?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        talk to the girl from Ipanema

        • Count Awesome

          Depends on what she is wearing.

        • bubbuhh

          Think she a great-grandma now and worried about the zika dicking of her great-grandkids, not to mention the Redeemer-sized piles of government corruption and pollution lying about.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and the fact that the beach sand is pretty toxic at this point

          • John Smith

            Whenever someone mentions Zika, my first thought is Trump found a new wife.

      • Duke

        That would have held my interest. NBC has ads to sell, too. Fail!

    • Bemused

      As a person of west-coastiness, it’s just starting for me.

    • JMP

      But the opening ceremonies just started a few minutes ago! In the Pacific time zone anyway.

      So, so many ads, it’s nothing but ads basically.

      • Duke

        Lots of Oly-themed ads. No g-string-themed ads. Sad.

  • Brian

    ooooh, the torch lighting is quite beautiful

  • Flaming Male Dim

    “Hillary cant be trusted with intelligence briefings while she’s still under FBI surveillance with more WikiHillary leaks coming”

    • Count Awesome

      Bold type does not make your assertion correct.

      • John Smith

        He takes after Lori’s friend, who is so proud of the McLaren.

    • TJ Barke

      Uh, if she was under FBI surveillance, I’d imagine that’d be the best time to give her intelligence briefings…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Annnnyday now, right?
      Annnnyday now.

      *pats* keep trying. We’re not laughing at you, really.

      (oh, and did you know, every post you make here garners ad revenue for this site? So thanks for that! Gonna be a good night!)

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      still weak…

      TRY HARDER!

    • Count Awesome

      I wonder: do Trump and Putin have dreamy phone sex about repressing society, being a demagogue and sticking it in Ivanka?

      • Flaming Male Dim

        RUSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

        DRINK!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Silly beans, you only get to use the drink line when it is NOT true.
          Not when it is.

        • Shan the Libtart

          You’re gonna be in SO much pain in the morning.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            great! what time you cumin over, Shan?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Goddamn, you’re pathetic XD lol
            Have you EVER gotten laid?

          • natoslug

            lolwutshnerfu

            beans

          • Shan the Libtart

            Soon as I pick out the right cardamom to wear!

          • CripesAmighty

            Tryin to curry favor with the troll? Fershame.

          • Shan the Libtart

            No, just trying to fennel him off.

          • natoslug

            I’d suggest a biohazard suit around this dillweed.

          • Shan the Libtart

            That’s bad. Aniseed what you did there.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Listen, we are running out of As so if you would please stop using them and get another favorite letter. And the Hs are low in stock, too.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            How bout the Z’s? Cause Dim?
            zzzzzzzzzzzzz

        • Count Awesome

          Dear Troll: I would tell you to go back under your bridge, but it is probably in such a sad state of repair that your congressperson is against improving it because it would make Obama look good.

        • Count Awesome

          You must be so lonely to play drinking games alone.

    • Brian

      I jut learned how to bold letters and I’m going to bold everything I say because my misinformation is very bold indeed

      • natoslug

        Your information is bold and moar serious if you not only bold it, but shout it. Capslock bold, and there’s no denying the troof.

        • SisterArtemis

          needz moar eksclumashun marks

    • Pinkham’s Law

      You are getting Desperate. but Not Serious.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVWWtqa9-7M

      • Flaming Male Dim

        Adam Ant is a Conservative

        • Shan the Libtart

          And a pedophile, IIRC.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            IOW, he fits right in with the rest of them

          • Count Awesome

            His penis is like a marshmallow being stuffed into a piggy bank.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            hateFags, Shan?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Pst, Pedophiles are mostly white, straight men. With families and everything.
            Say, like Trump!

          • natoslug

            <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
            two
            days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
            my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
            month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
            simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
            making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
            !tv791x:
            ➽:➽:.
            ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://YourCommentMakesNoSenseInTheCurrentContextWTFAreYouTryingToSayDumbAss?GetPay$98Hour…..

          • Jeff in the desert

            Asshole, do not presume that you can use the first names like some welcome guest. Address the people properly, respectfully, or GET THE FUCK OUT!

          • Pinkham’s Law
          • Shan the Libtart

            Alas, yes. You’ve uncovered the TRUE reason for my irrational hatred of you.

          • natoslug

            I knew you were biased against small bundles of sticks! You monster!

          • Shan the Libtart

            I am. You have discovered the true me, the pyromaniac. I am shamed.

            Can I borrow your Zippo, though?

          • Bemused

            You need a capital at the beginning of your sentence and you’ve missed a space. Please edit and turn in again.

          • natoslug

            So, right up Dim’s alley.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          If the tune fits, I’ll wear it.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Hmkdifi FBO picturesqueness ngd nxi. Now we are equally coherent.

    • Bemused

      But Hillary already knows all the things and has for years. She’s probably known all the things for decades.

    • JMP

      Hillary is not under FBI surveillance. Also if you’re giving a quote, you’re supposed to name the source; if that’s your own idiotic drivel then there’s no reason to put that in quotes (or bold for that matter).

      But we certainly should worry about what else Putin might leak to try and help get his puppet elected, even though the last one was dull and indicated no wrongdoing at all, sure we should worry about that.

    • TJ Barke

      Orange fascist implores foreign intelligence services to interfere in an American election.

  • Panika MCD

    the quality of the trolls lately has been, “ugh, read some Beckett and fail better next time.”

    • Jonny On Maui

      Truly sad and weak. I blame our crumbling infrastructure. The bridges just can’t support the type of troll that they could when they were new.

      • data_ninja

        I watched the movie Troll Hunter because someone here I think recommended it (I sort of wanted to see it a while back). Not bad, it was a fun movie for a ‘found footage’ one.

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          I liked it, but it made me motion sick. That shaky cam stuff doesn’t agree with me.

        • Jonny On Maui

          I remember that. Now I’ll have to put it on my list. Thanks!

          • Shan the Libtart

            Hi, Jonny! Been thinking about you.

            I know you don’t know me, but…just saying.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Awe Shan I know you. Thank you.

      • Panika MCD

        well if the Billy Goats Gruff would just pay their freaking tolls, this wouldn’t be a problem.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Yeah, it is like even they know they are about to get beaten, badly, so are not bothering to even try anymore.

      • bubbuhh

        But, all the Steve’s (and Dans)!!!!!

      • Jonny On Maui

        True sadists are kind to masochists…

        • Count Awesome

          Why wouldn’t they be? Give and take, take and give, [redacted].

          • John Smith

            Rinse and repeat.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      We should all try to Fail Better.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugi8Dzb24sQ

    • Count Awesome

      “No, dig upwards!” Chief Wiggum.

    • CripesAmighty

      I’d settle for improving their reading list from the strip club stall divider.

      • Count Awesome

        As I’d they can read… The only pop-up is…

  • TJ Barke

    Hey Dok! Get the banhammer. We have a sad, irritating troll.

    • Flaming Male Dim

      Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooook!

      aaahhh hahahahahahahahaha

      • TJ Barke

        Dude. Try harder. Trolls are supposed to actually piss you off. Not make you roll your eyes.

        • John Smith

          And giggle.

        • Shan the Libtart

          IK, R? I have not seen my brain AT ALL this troll session.

      • JMP

        It must really burn you that not only was a black man elected President twice, both in landslides, and then proved to be the best President this country has had in at least the last 48 years, if not the last 71. Not only that, but he is almost certainly to be succeeded by a woman who also promises to do a really good job. Finally, the reign of only white men in this country is coming to an end, and seeing the pathetic white male tears of you racist misogynist dicks just makes me smile and laugh.

        Have fun melting down in anger at America becoming a much better place!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Meh, not even interesting enough to be irritating. I got bored severa posts ago

      zzzzzzzzzzzzz

      • Major_Major_Major

        The bench sander thing was interesting. Incomprehensible, but…fuck it. It was the same old same old, just misspelled.

      • CripesAmighty

        But prompted some nice material. I nominate natoslug’s URLpoetryslam as best new shtick since Pink’s Berniebro.

        • natoslug

          I LOVE that natoslug dude! He’s so shiny!

    • Duke

      Thanks for the tip. I didn’t realize that was a troll attempt. So totally lame.

      Try bold and italics. That’ll elevate the zing.

      • TJ Barke

        Attempt being the operative term.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          What if there were umlauts, though? HUH????

          • TJ Barke

            More interesting at least…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I sorta miss TLM.
            Mostly for the free text porn. But a little for the umlauts.

          • Duke

            I’d like that.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Näw, hë wöuld stïll fück ït üp

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            (((swoon)))

      • Bemused

        They are a really pathetic troll. It’s the least effective trolling I think I’ve ever thing.

      • John Smith

        And hearts and spades and emojis.

    • jowgajen

      I have blocked it, it’s level of discourse never rose above tween playing GTA4.

      • TJ Barke

        GTA IV libel!

        • Count Awesome

          I know. At least GTA IV tried to be open ended.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ok that there? Was funny.
            You have won the intertubes tonight, please pick up your intertubes at the desk.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Good luck with that. I think last night’s troll stuck around for 9 hours before he got ban-hammered. No, that is not hyperbole. 9 hours. Dok is not playing quick response squad these days.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Hey, everyone needs a break.
        I keep reminding myself of that every time I lament Jon’s absense this cycle.

  • Flaming Male Dim

    Julian Assange; “My next leak will lead to arrest of Hillary Clinton”

    GOOD TIMES!

    • Count Awesome

      Breaking news: Trump would still fuck his daughter.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        poorly…

        • Count Awesome

          Not enough tequila, Viagra and porn…

        • bubbuhh

          Thatz why he alwayz bringz a friend.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Yeah but she would not fuck him. She has standards and prefers her men RICH.

        • Count Awesome

          She’s “jewish” too so I guess that a no go for the donald.

          • Jeff in the desert

            She would “corn” his beef….

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            She’d braise his brisket

          • Jeff in the desert

            Gefilt his fish.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            you win. Mostly because I R not cook and have no idea when it comes to names for food.
            There is meat. There is veggitables. There is the good whitish stuff that oft comes with cheese. That is all I know.

          • Jeff in the desert

            And I had a few more, like schmear his bagel. smoke his lox. pickle his beet. the rest aren’t kosher….

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Still, IMPRESSIVE.

          • Amy!

            Respect to the matzoh.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Yeah, mine always falls flat.

          • Count Awesome

            Ya’ll made me do this, but he wouldn’t Passover his own daughter. Regardless, hell will be warm come November 8th.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            you ‘toss’ salad, Jiff?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Hey fucknuts get out. Your brand of stupid transcends Trump. And if you like I’ll explain the big words to you.

        • Jeff in the desert

          But he may incest….

          • natoslug

            Just as long as she doesn’t grind his hamburger, cuz nobody wants an Ailesburger on American cheese anymore.

          • Shan the Libtart

            *gak*

        • shastakoala

          She’d unleaven his bread.

      • Jeff in the desert

        You know what Paul Newman said (Although it was in reference to his beautiful wife, Joanne Woodward) Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home….

        • Count Awesome

          And Brando paid to have the big macs and whoppers over the back fence so the personal trainer was none the wiser.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      annnnyday now. Annnnyyyday now.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Hey fucknuts, didn’t you hear me? GET THE FUCK OUT!

    • Pinkham’s Law
    • Brian

      Julian Assange; “I’m going to predict something that will never happen, because if it were true I would have already released it”

      good times

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        exiled rapist says what?

        • Brian

          “get me Mia Farrow!”

        • Count Awesome

          “Let me milk it.”?

    • JMP

      And we should take the word of a pathetic attention-hungry rapist with delusions of grandeur because…?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Desperate times call for desperate measures. Humor our little trollie, this is all he’s got

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          How would you feel if he went to meet his maker tomorrow and you did not give him this last, poor, pathetic, rather lame, little jolly?
          HUh libtard???

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            I could live with that.

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          Well this and his blow up sex doll with many, many patches…

        • natoslug

          Only if he goes “Ding Ding!”

      • Flaming Male Dim

        Willie Clinton…?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Still smarting over that one huh. He won twice in a row you know.
          So did Obama.
          Twice. In a row.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            Willie was impeached

            Hussein has been muted

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            How bout this one? Gonna erase it?

        • JMP

          Oh it’s the old bit of complete idiocy of treating a consensual affair like it’s rape. Well fuck you, asshole, those are two very, very different things.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            WILLIE!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Gonna erase this one, too?

          • Snopes Shop

            You must be a hoot in the sack.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            where’s my money?

    • TJ Barke

      Oh, yeah? That sounds neat, kiddo. Now go play outside.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        On a freeway. Wear dark clothing.

        • natoslug

          That’s one weird trick I’m not trying anytime soon.

        • Shan the Libtart

          Don’t say that. I get suicidal bicyclists like that on my roads ALL the time.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Sorry, but my feeling towards this one are decidedly uncharitable.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      A frightening thought indeed, given how the “revelations” so far have left her choking on Drumpf’s dust…oh wait.
      You are truly pathetic.

      http://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2016-election-forecast/?ex_cid=rrpromo

      • JMP

        Well we learned that some people at the DNC didn’t Bernie Sanders, and – no wait that was it. Nothing important.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        o.O Wait a minute

      • Pinkham’s Law

        UP THE IRONS!!!!!111!11!!! m/ m/
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3pF-b1tXR0

    • natoslug

      <"my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr"…..!tv791x
      two
      days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was
      my previous month's payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last
      month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it's realy the
      simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now
      making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here
      !tv791x:
      ➽:➽:.
      ➽.➽.➽.➽ http://FlamingMaleDimShouldStopDrinkingAndBathingInHisOwnUrine.ewwwwwGetPay$98Hour…..

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        lol, you’re putting in far more effort than he is

        • natoslug

          Yeah . . . my family says I need to spend time interacting with them rather than wasting time on random Interwebz assholes. Stupid family. :(

          • Pinkham’s Law

            You too?

          • Shan the Libtart

            I think you’re doing a great job.

      • Markuserektus

        Gives a new meaning to getting pissed.

      • Jeff in the desert

        A grey McLaren? damn bad taste.

        • natoslug

          Maybe David Grey’s strapped to the hood of Lori’s McLaren?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Joel Grey.

        • SisterArtemis

          what? no bold text? so unloved….

    • Juan de Fuca

      Random music video!

      https://youtu.be/0AvuweztG4Q

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Hey! I haven’t been random! Every video has been carefully chosen!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          You are a true artist.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            “True” and “good” are not the same, though.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            You are a truly good artist

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Thank you so very much, kind person! *bows*

        • Juan de Fuca

          *psst! Was snark. Play my vid, wink, wink*

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Oh, I did! Liked it, also too!

      • Markuserektus

        Nau FMD is stuck to your shoe…

      • Count Awesome

        He’s a racist sexist narcissist.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Morrissey? I’ve always known he was out there but a racist, sexist type dude? Will Google. Thanks!

          • Count Awesome

            Yes. He is a militant vegetarian that called 1.3 billion Chinese people “subhuman” because of what they eat.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            …..erm. K.
            What I never got from those people is…do they decry lions in the same way?

          • Count Awesome

            A lion does not preach how much better he is or isn’t due to diet. Morrissey is a vain piece of shit that has lost lawsuits about how he has treated people in the past as well as had humanitarioan organizations refuse do have anything to do with him. He has his panties in a bunch because he feels Britain is losing its identity and is comparable to Trump’s current rhetoric.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is what I mean. These people who preach about human diet, do they freak out that bears eat salmons? Is it only humans who eat meat who are evil because reasons?

          • Count Awesome

            I can dig what you’re saying.

          • Count Awesome

            He is actually an awful despicable human being ID you read his Wikipedia bio.

          • Juan de Fuca

            That’s a fair point and noted: never post another Morrissey video on Wonkette. For the record, I also think Ted Nugent is a despicable human being but still have one of his songs (Stranglehold) on my playlist. Because it’s a great song.

            I hope that doesn’t make me despicable to you. I’ll still sleep soundly tonight, just saying I don’t want to offend.

            *No more Morrissey on Wonkette*

            How about this video?

            https://youtu.be/j4ktYV7-0PU

          • Count Awesome

            You aren’t despicable at all: i prefer other Manchester bands that are genuine such as this: https://youtu.be/WId0WS48JgM
            Sit Down next to me!

          • Juan de Fuca

            That’s a pretty good song. Can dig it :)

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Just for you , Flaming Male asshole

      https://youtu.be/UrgpZ0fUixs

      • Count Awesome

        If the guy upstairs plays that God damn barry manilow song one more time…

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          Crank this sucker to eleven!

      • Shan the Libtart

        They play this every time Trump is getting ready to take the stage, right?

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          If they don’t, they should.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I will name my next leak after you

      then I’ll flush…

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      You remind me of someone. Someone who kept predicting that Hillary would be indicted over the email “scandal”. |Now who was that dipshit again? I can’t seem to remember…wait! I’ve got it! That’s you, isn’t it HA! ??

    • Me The People

      I hope you washed your hand after you upfisted yourself.

  • Brian

    The Bill O’Reilly sigh says it all

    https://youtu.be/GsIhFog4aJg

  • bubbuhh

    Much better than Olympics even if he iz olds.

    https://twitter.com/JohnCleese/status/761220622831812608

    • natoslug

      Darn. I was hoping the facebook post would be a comment insulting fb users and directing them back to his tweet.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Now, THAT would be meta.

    • Jeff in the desert

      I find him unfunny.

  • JMP

    Good old NBC, they keep showing about two or three minutes of opening ceremonies then five minutes of ads.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      it’s ridiculous- thank the FSM for chase play

      • Count Awesome

        They should replay the classic Miller Lite Campkng trip ad. It would get sick views on YouTube.

    • Bemused

      It’s annoying. You’d think they would at least wait for set changes.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Yep. I can’t say that I liked, or disliked, the opening ceremonies, since I didn’t get to see them. :( Was looking forward to it, also too!

    • Snopes Shop

      Gisele just ruined it for me.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Is someone deleting the dimwit’s comments or something? Or is the banhammer been lowered?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I think Dim Bulb is deleting his own, once it finally dawns on him how dumb they are

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        he is waiting for people to reply, and then as it says someone is replying, deleting then so they can’t reply.
        Pretty classic kid move. Thinks it will infuriate the libtards I guess.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Oh. Makes me sooooo mad. NOT.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Right? I am all…damn straight you should delete that stupid thing you posted XD

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’m not sure he truly appreciates how little anyone gives a fuck about him or his dumb posts…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I just want to keep him going to give Wonkette lots of money. Off his conservative dime.
            That thought amuses me so very very much.

          • Markuserektus

            He might file BK.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Well, then I guess Trump is supporting this, too. “cause I see his ads from time to time….

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Ayep :D Gives ya a chuckle don’t it?
            heh.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Lets join hands and sing Kumbiya……..

        • Me The People

          Also too, he’s giving himself tiny upfists.

          • Markuserektus

            In his anal orifice?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Awwww it is so cute!!!!! Come on, sailor suit, right?

  • Flaming Male Dim

    Dims…

    “Timmy Kaine teaching Hillawy how to lie in Spenglish”

    • Jeff in the desert

      Guess not. Fuckhead? Tim Kaine is a great guy. And you are a fucknuts.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Gonna erase this one, too? *pats* poor, sad, unloved lil Dim.

      • WomanInAMood

        Truly unloved. 170+ posts, 49 upvotes. Many of them from itself, I suspect. Sad, lonely thing.

        • Markuserektus

          I know the feeling. ‘Cept I get moar votes.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            and you’re loved, also, too

          • Markuserektus

            TY

        • TJ Barke

          Oh, he does indeed upvote himself. Classy as fuck, this one.

      • Jeff in the desert

        We should not make fun of the handicapped. Then again that insults handicapped.

      • Flaming Male Dim

        ObongoCare?

        yep

        to be erased!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          you’re pathetic.

        • Bemused

          This is your brain on racism?

          • Flaming Male Dim

            WAAAYCISM!

            RUSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            IDIOT!!! DRINK!!!!!!

          • Flaming Male Dim

            WAAYCIIIIIIIIS!

          • WomanInAMood

            You are just plain dull.

          • BrianW

            I’m changing my vote and going with Serai1 on this one. Maybe if we ignore him he will shut up. He obviously can’t stimulate himself any more, and is relying on us to do it for him. At any rate, there’s no shortage of material for DSFB, although the quality is low.

          • Bemused

            Tsk. You really need to work on your spelling as well as your grammar. Your geography could use some improvement as well.

        • TJ Barke

          Uh no, it’ll be re-labeled and then the repubs will claim it’s their own, seeing as it was originally thought up by the heritage foundation.

    • TJ Barke

      What’re you? 12? Try harder.

    • Brian

      “Mike Pence teaching Donald Tromp how not to lie in English.”

    • Bemused

      Where is Spenglish and why would you put your gardening implement there?

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Hey! I found a picture of your “girlfriend”

    • Jonny On Maui

      Dok, the only thing right about this one is the last word in its handle. No mention of this one in SFB…

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Blocked. Will no longer bother me with it’s low intellect drivel. Y’all have fun with it!

        • Jonny On Maui

          Yup. Last of that dimbulb…

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        He’s hardly a foeman worthy of our steel. Oh well, think of it as batting practice.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I was thinking more like chew toy.

          • Jonny On Maui

            for a monitor lizard…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            A very very very small monitor lizard

          • Flaming Male Dim

            more penisEnvy, Gin?

          • John Smith

            But it’s already covered with slobber.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            …that isn’t slobber.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            ewwww

        • Jonny On Maui

          Sometimes you need to check the edge, make sure it’s keen…

          • Flaming Male Dim

            DOKKKKKKK!

    • Alan

      Spanglish, moron. Can’t even get that right.

  • Snopes Shop

    Kind of loving these Olympic opening ceremonies and their low budge pride.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Sigh. Dok, if you are listening…..get rid of this doofus. It is tiring and detracting from the quality snark I enjoy here. Deflecting from the Wonkettes sniping at each other. Pleeeesseee…….

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Just click the block user thingy next to it XD For realz lol. Then you can see the snarking, but not the doofus

    • Jonny On Maui

      So say we all.

    • Snopes Shop

      Maybe he is sleeping. Just ignore it and it goes away, I promise you.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That does not, though, work for warts.
        Just an FYI.

    • Amy!

      @doktorzoom, @shypixel, @rebecca, @evan …

      Hey, guys. Come clean up the baby? It’s making a mess all over last thread of the day on a Friday evening.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Dok, who art in the cloud. Hollering be thy name. Thy Kingdom come please thy will should be done, here as it is in the cloud.

      • Jonny On Maui

        The Batsignal called Batman. Do we have a Ponysignal?

        • Jeff in the desert

          Unfortunatley, it is past its bedtime, and Dok is in Mountain Time which does not exist.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Shhh… Dok never sleeps…

        • SisterArtemis

        • shastakoala

          I could throw a pony figurine at his window if you want me to.

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      If comments were allowed we’d probably get a stray troll now and then.

  • Me The People

    “…history suggests that
    post-convention polling is remarkably stable stretching all the way into
    the final days of an election.

    It’s going to be a long, hot summer for the orange one.”

    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/aug/05/donald-trump-week-campaign-turning-point-2016-election

    • Brian

      guy on MSNBC today said no one who had the lead after the convention bounces has ever lost. so, um, things looking good.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I’ll keep holding my breath until November though XD

        • Me The People

          Yeah no complacency! On that note, I’m Scottish so can’t vote, but my wife is American (New York) and will be voting postally. She’s with Hillary of course :-) Don’t suppose you know offhand when overseas voting starts?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Already did in Russia.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I do not, never had the pleasure! Also, knowing you are Scottish makes me instantly translate all your posts into Sean Connery’s voice.
            I do not care, that voice will live forever, the end.

          • MaiaAZ

            OT: Jen, I shall be in the Manassas area of Virginia very soon. Is that a place close enough to drink with you for an hour or two?

          • Me The People

            Funnily enough Mish Baker, that is exshactly how I sound.

          • Flaming Male Dim

            don’t bother with Hillary, more WikiHillary on the way…

        • Flaming Male Dim

          you’re a genius, Gin!

          now practice saying POTUS Trump…

          • Jeff in the desert

            pottie trump?

          • SisterArtemis

            I suspect. Or a potted trump. Don’t water it too much!

          • Jeff in the desert

            like potted meat? eeewweee

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            potted clams

          • Jonny On Maui

            I can never get mine to flower…

          • TheDogAteMyVote

            spotted yams?

          • Markuserektus

          • SisterArtemis

            Wow. Even worse with green hair. Who could have imagined?

            Does kind of give him a Tom Jones ‘do, though

          • Markuserektus

            Complexion is spot on

          • Jonny On Maui

            Needs moar white raccoon eyes…

          • BrianW

            It’s not unusual….

          • Amy!

            Eh. Piss on it. Might kill that weird fungus on top.

          • John Smith

            And you practice saying FAILED TRUMP CANDIDACY.

          • TheDogAteMyVote

            Practice saying Supreme Court Justice Barack Obama.

          • TJ Barke

            You keep telling yourself that.

          • Alan

            Haha. Flaming what?

        • Markuserektus

          In re: FMD
          And you can analyze this situation
          To me it’s all just mental masturbation, huh
          ~ Sammy

      • Flaming Male Dim

        MSNBC!

        HILLAWY 2008!

        • Brian

          you’re text isn’t bold. you must not believe it.

        • JMP

          I guess the racist loser must think that misspelling our next President’s name like that is somehow clever since he keeps doing it, which means he must be even dumber than he looks.

    • Flaming Male Dim

      THE GUARDIAN!

      HILLAWY 2008!

      • Bemused

        Bored now. Blocked.

        • Me The People

          Same.

  • AnneBonny

    It’s about an hour into the 49-minute video?

    • AnneBonny

      I know that was a total Gawker comment but I actually want to know where in the video it is.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        heh nice catch XD I think it is half mark-sih? I did not run the entire thing since it eats my data though

  • Jeff in the desert

    OK guys…I am signing off. I enjoyed the snark, and the escape to a liberal haven Sleep well, y’all are the bestest.

    • WomanInAMood

      Right back at you! Sleep well.

    • Bemused

      g’night

    • John Smith

      Night. Don’t let the Trump bugs bite.

      • SnarkOff

        Build the wall!

        • John Smith

          With Trump supporters! (And votes)

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good night Jeff.

    • SnarkOff

      OK, you people suck. I’ve literally been on deadline since 7 a.m., it’s after midnight and I’m finally done. LET’S PARTY, DAMMIT!!!

      • Jonny On Maui

        bottle or bong? what’s your pleasure?

  • Me The People

    Beddy byes for me. Have a good one folks!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good night Me The People.

    • Bemused

      g’night

    • WomanInAMood

      Sleep well!

    • John Smith

      Toodles!

  • Markuserektus

    It’s 909 in da 909

    • Jonny On Maui

      It’s 420 in the 808…

      • SisterArtemis

        420 in the 541 as well – time zones are fickle things ;)

      • TJ Barke

        It’s 420 somewhere…

        • SisterArtemis

          Twice a day!

      • Markuserektus

        Dude, like always…

      • Serai 1

        It’s ALWAYS 420, dude.

        *sssst* Blue Widow. *passes*

        • Jonny On Maui

          Thank you! sssst* ::cough:: WEeeeeeeeeee!!!

    • John Smith

      It’s 12:12 in the 304, troll has been spanked, and I am an old. Night!

      • Bemused

        g’night

      • Jonny On Maui

        Good night John.

  • Alan

    Most meaningful conversation you’ve ever had with a black person? WTF?

    • SisterArtemis

      I thought that was a bit weird myself. Strange echoes … ? “A some of your best friends black people?” Really off tone.

      I think there’s probably some “meat” in the core of the question that could evoke some interesting answers, but that was a baaaaad question.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m not sure it’s ever occurred to me to categorize “meaningful conversations” (?) by race. Or gender, age, height, singing ability, etc.

      • SeekingBarbie

        Species….

        • Jonny On Maui

          Once you’ve partied with the Mad Hatter…

          • SeekingBarbie

            As a matter of fact, I possess (and wear, although not simultaneously) a vast collection of hats.

          • BadKitty904

            I *love* hats! This past weekend we went canoeing on the (very tropical) Tolomato River and I wore a pith helmet my great-uncle had worn in WWII. My bf was cracking up, saying I looked like I was searching for the headwaters of the Nile…

          • Amy!

            Is his name Nile, then?

            8-|

          • Jonny On Maui

            You know the drill BadKitty, Pics or GT…

          • BadKitty904

            I’m not sure anyone took any, but I can ask…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Please do!

          • SeekingBarbie

            Sometimes other women tell me they love my hat but don’t have the nerve to wear one because people might look at them. Sad! But we hat women nod sagely at each other from across the room.

          • BadKitty904

            “Um. That’s the POINT of wearing a hat.”

          • SeekingBarbie

            Exactly.

    • Brian

      easy answer. “That time I convinced Barry to kill bin Laden.”

      • Jonny On Maui

        That’s a good one Brian!

        • Brian

          thanks!

        • SnarkOff

          Go to bed!

          • Bemused

            Isn’t it like 6:30 PM in Hawaii?

          • Jonny On Maui

            On the mark!

          • Jonny On Maui

            But I’ve been good today…

            It’s not my bedtime yet…

            Okay, this comes in a little childs voice…

            YOU AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME!!!

      • BadKitty904

        Oh, I wish to GOD she had…

        • Jonny On Maui

          I think Brian should send that response to her site. The ‘on top of It’ folks there will deploy it for best effect…

          • BadKitty904

            A Sensible Policy for a Better America.

      • SnarkOff

        Vince Foster libel!

      • BadKitty904

        *Interviewer pauses to pick jaw up off the floor*

        • Brian

          I wish I knew who to do things like italicize or bold my text.

          • Amy!

            For italics: <em>text in italics&lt/em> : text in italics

            For bold: change ’em’ to ‘strong’ in the example above.

            I think you can also use ‘i’ (for italics) and ‘b’ (for ‘bold’) instead of ’em’ and ‘strong’, but I’m an old-school purist and XML geek, so I use what I prefer.

          • Brian

            like this?

          • Brian

            Yes, thanks!

          • SisterArtemis

            I always use “i” for italics and “b” for bold – “s” will do strikethroughs, I think. Still figuring out block quotes.

            [edit: YAY, Thanks SeekingBarbie!]

          • Amy!

            <blockquote>Quote of bloviating asshat like tonight’s troll here.</blockquote>

            Quote of bloviating asshat like tonight’s troll here.

          • Biff52

            “u” for underline, no shorthand for “blockquote”.

          • SeekingBarbie

            Italics: Put (sans spaces) around what you want italicized.
            Bold: Put around what you want bolded.
            Underlined:
            Strike-out:
            Blockquote:

          • BadKitty904

            THANK you. I’ve been on Wonkette since the Harding Administration and have *never* seen those commands posted anywheres.

          • Amy!

            It accepts most of the standard HTML5 (or 4, or even XHTML) tags. Some limitations apply (it allows more non-block tags than block tags; if it doesn’t recognize the tag it passes it through as a literal which is why folks attempting to control youtube links end up with angle-bracket soup; if you mess up and put more than one word inside a pair of < > tags, it will treat the first word as a tagname, but the remaining words will each be treated as attributes, so each will have ‘ =”” ‘ appended, which will turn your text into screaming gibberish; most importantly, if you ask some really obsessive geeks about this stuff, they’ll answer briefly and then use a parenthetical expression that runs on for yonks to add qualifications and everyone will completely lose the plot before the reach the blessed haven of that lovely, beautiful, long-awaited closing ).

          • SeekingBarbie

            I, too, once was lost….but a comrade on another site gave that to me. Paying it forward!

          • Biff52

            When I was a couple of decades younger, I was told to check the source code. People were assholes back then.

          • BadKitty904

            But that would require some idea of how these things work.

          • Amy!

            View source is hidden away on most browsers, and if you can find it, figuring out what the fuck is going on in modern script-and-ad-heavy webpages is a pain in the ass. Learn by view source just isn’t particularly effective, any more.

          • Biff52

            Yeah, it sucked then, too! But it was a lot easier when pages weren’t so “content heavy” as they like to tell me. I’ve given up on any pretense of geekitude, it’s all beyond me anymore.

          • SisterArtemis

            I don’t always have the patience for it, but I have figured out I can google that stuff. Then Disqus fucks up and doesn’t display it properly right away sometimes (that’s mostly with links) and I’ll think I’ve done it wrong. Makes it a tad more difficult to figure out when I’ve got it right.

          • MrCanoehead

            Actually and work for strikethru.

          • berkeleyfarm

            If you forget you can look up “underline in disqus” in the googles.

          • SeekingBarbie

            I copied and pasted it to a Word doc and put it on my desktop so it’s always handy.

          • berkeleyfarm

            Good plan. That will save me the trouble of looking it up myself.

    • SnarkOff

      For Trump it would be “something something my gardener something something.”

    • Bemused

      I feel like it was meant as “prove you aren’t a racist” but they’d forgotten that the President is African-American? And that she’s worked with a lot of African-American activists? And that she’s not a racist?

      • SnarkOff

        Ok, wait, WHAT???? The president is black?????

        • Bemused

          Shocking, ain’t it.

      • SeekingBarbie

        And the prez actually has meaningful conversations with her, and doesn’t just tell her to get coffee.

  • BadKitty904

    What, no one asked Hilz what her favorite color was? Didn’t America used to have a functioning free press?

    • SeekingBarbie

      Ah, for the good old days, when they sent only women reporters to interview a woman.

      • BadKitty904

        Srsly? That was a Thing? What did they do, spend the interview swapping recipes?

        • SeekingBarbie

          Used to piss off the women reporters, relegated to the society pages and soft stories, and a quick Google search indicates it is still a thing, although better than it used to be.

          • BadKitty904

            Jebus H. Who knew they were such petite flowers?

          • SeekingBarbie

            A woman’s place is in the House….the big, white one.

          • BadKitty904

            From your mouth to God’s ear…

        • berkeleyfarm

          That was totally a thing! I remember the tag end of the “women’s pages” section.

          • BadKitty904

            I honestly never knew that. Did they think women were a different species or what?

          • SeekingBarbie

            Sort of a sub-species, without the intelligence, skill and hard-hitting ability to go after Real Stories. That was when women couldn’t be granted any responsibility because hormones, until we found out that a bunch of men were apparently unable to control their sexual urges.

          • Amy!

            Buh buh buh … but that’s not hormones! That’s, that’s, that’s … virility!

            Bleah. ‘Scuse, I gotta find my wire brush for the shower.

          • BadKitty904

            I don’t know who there guys were/are, but they’ve obviously never met Southern women.

          • berkeleyfarm

            … and limited interests.

        • Biff52

          The usual first question was “Who are you wearing?”

          • BadKitty904

            Did they have Big Name Designers in the Victorian era?

          • Amy!

            Interesting question. They did by the twenties, but the extraordinary growth in textile mills happened throughout the nineteenth century. Paris was already a center for fashion in the nineteenth century. If it weren’t past one in the morning, I’d run off and find out. Maybe later.

          • SeekingBarbie

            I like to read British historical novels, that’s where I learned it.

          • SeekingBarbie

            Sort of–they were Big Name Dressmakers. They had all kinds of fabrics and pattern books from which The Ladies made selections, then went back for fittings as the garments were sewn. The best dressmakers always knew what was in vogue.

          • BadKitty904

            I’m guessing they had a forge out back, for forging hoops for their skirts?

          • SeekingBarbie

            I think they got those from a craftsman. Also, aren’t hoops more 18th century? I’m too lazy to Google right now.

      • SisterArtemis
    • Amy!

      And what is her quest?

      • TJ Barke

        And what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

        • BadKitty904

          African or European?

          • TJ Barke

            What? I don’t know that. Aaaagggggghhhhh!

          • Amy!

            ‘Ow’d you know to ask him that?

          • BadKitty904

            See?

      • BadKitty904

        Nice!

      • SeekingBarbie

        To follow that star?

        • BadKitty904

          No matter how hopeless?

          • Serai 1

            *nods* No matter how far.

    • Brian

      “Secretary Clinton, can you please tell me what sandwich you make that is Bill’s favorite?”

      • BadKitty904

        Apparently, some folks are going to need a little time to get used to this whole “Madame President” thing.

        • SeekingBarbie

          It just hit me, how great that is going to sound!

          • BadKitty904

            I’m hoping Hilz spends some time hanging around Mitch McConnell, just to make him keep saying it…

    • Panika MCD

      “Secretary Clinton, having visited the White House during your tenure as FLOTUS and I didn’t smell cat urine once on the tour. If I am to believe that Socks was real, may I inquire as to what kind of litter you used?”

      https://marciokenobi.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/white-house-first-cat-socks.jpg

  • Biff52

    I think Michael Phelps is high as fuck down in Rio, you guys.

    • BloviateMe

      “Down in Rio” seems superfluous.

    • BadKitty904

      Who could blame him? Have you SEEN some of those Cariocas?

      • btwbfdimho

        Tonga-Tanga.

    • TJ Barke

      I find it amusing that after all the bullshit over the years, about how I’ve been told that weed is the devil and will ruin your life, that a world record holding multiple gold winning olympic athlete loves him some ganja.

      • Biff52

        The most highly decorated Olympian ever! I’m surprised the IOC didn’t try to get weed reclassified as a performance enhancing drug.

      • BadKitty904

        …..

        • Jonny On Maui

          How many times do I need to try it ’til I’m bi?

          • BadKitty904

            Only one way to find out…

          • Jonny On Maui

            I guess I’ll just have to keep going until I find out…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Cripes! I’d be too!

    • BadKitty904

      <– struggling SO hard not to post Carmen Miranda videos, just because I luv Carmen Miranda…

  • SeekingBarbie

    OMG, Tonga guy!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Okay. You’re gonna have to be more specific…

      • SeekingBarbie

        Tonga delegation in the Olympics parade of nations. Tall, handsome, muscular, shirtless, oiled up, with a traditional sort of skirt thing. NIce smile, too.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Yup. That’s how they grow ’em…

        • Incoming Ham

          Jeebus. Watching folks training for intra-island outrigger competitions. I’ll be in my bunk…

  • bubbuhh

    Time for somethin scary

    • Jonny On Maui

      Something out of a bottle by the spoonful can be interesting.

      Then there’s castor oil…

      • bubbuhh

        It’s “Vitameatavegamin.” That’s also a primo clue to whom the statue was supposed to represent. Hint – It’s not Dot Warner.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Oh I know, Villago Delenda Est nailed it.

        • Serai 1

          It’s TASTY, too!

          • SisterArtemis

            And gets you wasted!

    • TJ Barke

      HOLY CHRIST!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That is, believe it or not, supposed to be Lucille Ball.

      • TJ Barke

        It is not. No matter what it is supposed to be…

      • SisterArtemis

        Oh, that is scary!

        • Jonny On Maui

          It’s like a demented Mary Poppins…

          • SisterArtemis

            After her botched facelift

      • The Witch of Endor

        Maybe in the Cthulu-verse.