Queen Hillary stepped down from her throne Friday and deigned to answer queries from journalists, everyone! Yeah, she gave a press conference, something she doesn’t do that often, we are guessing because she hates them. After speaking to a joint convention of the National Association of Black Journalists and the National Association of Hispanic Journalists, she said, “Oh hey, I will answer all your questions now, except for ones about who I murdered during breakfast, that is OFF LIMITS, PAL.” Would you believe that Tucker Carlson’s home for accidental masturbation sharts, The Daily Caller, had a problem with the presser before it even began?
Yeah, fuckin’ hell, Hillary, NO FAIR, when you gonna do a press conference for the National Association Of White Journalists, huh? That is what the Daily Caller would like to know, because it’s pretty much a whites-only website.
Here, have some Hillary speech and press conference:
A majority of voters consistently say, frankly, they don’t like you, and they don’t trust you. And they say pretty much the same thing about Donald Trump. Either you or Mr. Trump will be elected president. How would you lead a nation where a majority of Americans mistrust you, and what extra responsibility might you have to show you’re up for the task.
HOLY FUCK, WaPo, what is your goddamned problem? (The same problem every other news organization has had FOR 40 YEARS in covering Hillary.) Here is her response, in all its million-word glory (it’s about an hour into the video):
Well let me start by saying, every time I have done a job, people have counted on me and trusted me. And at the convention last week, we highlighted the fights of my life, starting as a lawyer for the Children’s Defense Fund, taking on the problem of juveniles in adult jails in South Carolina, segregated “academies” — so-called — in Alabama, fighting for kids with disabilities to get an education, and all the way through the work I did as senator after 9/11, and representing all of you as Secretary of State. So there is — and I take this seriously, don’t doubt that, I take it seriously. It doesn’t make me feel good when people say those things, and I recognize that I have work to do.
But when I started running for the Senate in New York, a lot of the same things were said. I won. I worked hard for the people of New York, and I was re-elected with 67% of the vote, after I demonstrated that I would be on their side, I would fight for the people I represented.
I ran a really hard campaign against Barack Obama, as I think everybody remembers. It got a little contentious from time to time! And to my surprise, he turned around and asked me to be Secretary of State, because he trusted me. And then I served as Secretary of State, and when I left, I had a 66% approval rating.
So, ask yourselves, were 67% of the people in New York wrong? Were 66% of the American public wrong? Or maybe, just maybe, when I’m actually running for a job, there is a very real benefit to those on the other side in trying to stir up as much concern as possible. So I take it seriously, and I’m going to work my heart out, in this campaign and as president, to produce results for people, to get the economy to work for everybody, not just those at the top, to do as much as I can to help people who, as I said earlier, may not even vote for me. Because I think our country is at a crossroads election. President Obama said it extremely well, both in what his speech discussed in the convention, what his press conferences since have pointed out. This is a crossroads election. There is so much at stake.
You can look at my record of public service. You can meet people and families who were benefited by the Children’s Health Insurance Program. You can meet people who were benefited by reforming the foster care and adoption system. You can meet first responders and survivors from 9/11 who were benefited because I went to bat for them. You can meet National Guard members and their families who didn’t have healthcare unless they were deployed, before I worked with Republicans to fix that.
You can go down a long list, and we’d be happy to provide it to you, of what I have done because I believe in public service. And I am proud that I’ve had the great, great opportunity to work on behalf of giving more people a better life ever since I was right out of law school. So I’m just going to get up every day and make my case, and I think there’ll be an opportunity for a lot of people to actually hear it.
Short version: BOY, BYE!
Directly after, another journalist basically asked Hillary who her favorite black person is. OK, the exact question was what the most meaningful conversation she’s ever had with a black person was, and she said FOR REAL that she has a “crew.” She had black lady friends who were her chiefs of staff, too! Hillary proceeded to make a list of black people, and said she couldn’t pick ONE favorite conversation, come on, how is that even fair?
Other questions from journalists centered around immigration reform — that PFFFFFFFFT you hear is the white people at Daily Caller, still being fuckin’ white about everything — and Hillary outlined her plans for fixing that system. SPOILER: The first step is you have to elect Hillary Clinton, and not Donald Trump. And vote for down-ticket Democrats, so we can take back the Senate and maybe even the House. Nice, interesting discussion that you can watch if you want!
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Anyway, enjoy your Friday afternoon Hillary press conference, or if you don’t have time, don’t worry, she’ll do another one in like six years or something, because fuck press conferences and she doesn’t like them.