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'Dear Mr. Trump. We at the NFL urge you not to get in our way.' There, that should do it
‘Dear Mr. Trump. We at the NFL urge you not to get in our way.’ There, that should do it

Donald Trump didn’t just spend the weekend beating up on the family of a war hero, oh, heavens no! The man is a master of multi-weaseling, as he demonstrated in his Sunday interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC’s “This Week,” when he complained that two of the three debates would conflict with NFL f’ball games.

“I’ll tell you what I don’t like,” Trump said. “It’s against two NFL games. I got a letter from the NFL saying, ‘This is ridiculous.'”

“I don’t think we should be against the NFL,” he went on. “I don’t know how the dates are picked.” Here’s the part you will find astonishing: The NFL denied Sunday that they’d sent Trump any such letter:

NFL debate tweet

Imagine that.

Trump had earlier sent a tweet blaming Hillary Clinton for picking nights for debates that would interfere with f’ball games, because that’s exactly the kind of monster she is:

trump debate NFL tweet

Not that stupid dumb details would ever matter to Trump, but the actual debate schedules for the general election were set by the nonpartisan Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD), not Hillary Clinton, although Trump may think they work for the Clintons since everyone is out to get him and steal his magic bag. The Commission issued a statement Sunday explaining that they were not in the tank for Hillary against Trump, seeing as how the process of picking debate dates was in progress well before the party primaries were decided:

The Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) started working more than 18 months ago to identify religious and federal holidays, baseball league playoff games, NFL games, and other events in order to select the best nights for the 2016 debates…It is impossible to avoid all sporting events, and there have been nights on which debates and games occurred in most election cycles. A debate has never been rescheduled as a result.

For what it’s worth, the three presidential debate dates were announced in September 2015, while the NFL set its 2016 schedule in April. Damn, that Hillary and her minions are crafty.

The presidential debates are slated for Sept. 26 at New York’s Hofstra University, Oct. 9 at Washington University in St. Louis and Oct. 19 at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. The vice-presidential debate is set for Oct. 4 at Longwood University in Virginia.

The CPD made it clear the debates wouldn’t be rescheduled, and also noted that presidential debates are a tad bit rarer than f’ball games, and even dared to hint they may be of greater import, although they avoided stating such a treasonous opinion openly:

As a point of reference, in a four-year period, there are four general election debates (three presidential and one vice presidential), and approximately 1,000 NFL games […]

The CPD selects the debate dates a year in advance in order for the television networks to have maximum lead time and predictability in scheduling these extremely important civic education forums. The CPD believes the dates for the 2016 debates will serve the American public well.

Politico points out that this is hardly the first time presidential debates and f’ball games overlapped; in 2012, http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/03/sport/debate-big-games/ of the presidential debates had various sportsball games competing with them, and yet the Republic somehow managed to select a Chief Executive. The scheduling conflicts were among the few factors that Mitt Romney didn’t blame his 2012 loss on, in fact.

Talking Points Memo editor Josh Marshall speculates Trump may open a second front in the debate avoidance strategy by insisting that it’s unfair to only have him and Hillary Clinton debating, because after all it would be better to include the Green party’s Jill Stein and Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. Besides, fighting about debates — and then petulantly walking away — would be far more to his advantage:

Characterologically, Trump needs tension and drama. Fresh out of the conventions, he now needs to create a drama out of the debates. Like a bad seed kid, he can’t help picking fights. He needs tension both to satisfy inner needs and to deal with other people. But even if he eventually agrees to participate in one or more of the debates, he will try mightily to force some change or break some dishes in order to assert dominance over the process. He’ll insist someone needs to be included, some part of the format has to change, some location isn’t sufficient. The substance will always be secondary to the need to impose his will. His initial volley making the non-sensical claim that Hillary Clinton scheduled the debates during football games is just the beginning.

Besides, how can he possibly participate in a debate when the IRS won’t let him release his income taxes?

[CBS News / Politico / TPM]

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  • twinkie223

    Don’t boo, vote.

    • The Wanderer

      Brilliant!

      • Creepoman

        North Carolina just made it practically impossible for baby stoats to vote.

        • The Wanderer

          Yes, those nasty Jim Stoat laws.

        • NellCote71

          Much less keeping them from using public restrooms.

  • Scooby

    Next Trump will be saying he can’t debate because he is starting quarterback in both games.

    • Groundloop

      And then he’ll weasel out of that because of the “bone spurs”.

    • Why am I Mr. Pink?

      “The NFL, and really, this is going to be a huge deal; some of the teams have contacted me about starting at quarterback. Look, they know they’d get the biggest ratings in the history of sports. Everyone’s saying that. The FCC has promised them the ratings would be so huge they would break their meters. So I really have to decide what’s best for Putin’s country.”

      • Whale Chowder

        Damn, I’d watch, just to see him get pounded.

  • memzilla

    Drumpf wants to take the country back to the glorious 1950s, back when we had a simple answer for people with Drumpf’s condition:
    .

    • The Wanderer

      Electroshock therapy? Lobotomy?

    • Hutch

      Senile agitation? I thought that’s what Viagra was for.

      • FlemmishSpy

        Penile.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I took thorazine once thinking it was a recreational drug. Fell asleep standing up in a bar holding a beer. Didn’t spill a drop.

  • BadKitty904

    Where’s Anonymous when we need ’em? I’d love to see if Vlad’s Bitch™ has been practicing for the debates or has any debate plan at all.

    Though it’s admittedly something of a moot point – unless TraitorTrump actually pulls a shiv on Hilz, the “Liebrul” Media will say he won…

    • HazooToo

      He wilL BLAME “crooked hillary” and say it’s retaliation for siccing the russians on her. OT: it’s good to see it’s not just me having slow discus problems typing today.

      • BadKitty904

        “Today”?

        • Skeptical_thinker

          This!!1!1!!!

  • anna rampage

    Trump’s sacrifice of the day;

    He spilled a little bit of his greasy taco bowl on his tie, so he’ll be going without a tie today….

  • Spotts1701

    The presidential debates are slated for Sept. 26 at New York’s Hofstra University, Oct. 9 at Washington University in St. Louis and Oct. 19 at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas.

    “Terrible locations. They should be where the common people are. I want them at Madison Square Garden, Scottrade Center and the MGM Grand Garden Arena or I’m not going!” – Donald J. Trump (coward, bully, cad and thief)

    • The Wanderer

      He’s related to Dan Backslide!?!?

    • SnarkTank

      I think Hillary should counter that with insisting that one of the debates be held at the Trump Taj Mahal so everyone could see how beautiful run down and yuuuuuge skanky it is now.

    • beatbort

      Or what about the Donald J. Trump Auditorium at Trump University?
      Unfair! Sad!

    • Vecchiojohn

      What about Trump’s golf course in Scotland? Didn’t Lincoln and Douglas hold a series of debates there?

    • Historicat

      You call those terrible? The VP debate is going to be held in Farmville!

      http://www.longwood.edu/

  • Oneofthebobs

    Reminds me of Tanya Harding’s loose shoelace.

  • Lizzietish81

    He should be glad, the average Trumper will be too busy watching football to see him cry when Hillary eviscerates him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqv_xwS5Syc

    And yes PLEASE get Jill Stein on that stage, let her babble her nonsense and Hillary pat her on the head saying “Honey, you just gotta shut up”

  • TJ Barke

    Damn Obama and his time machine!

    • Rock Drummer

      Hillary’s gotta a flux capacitor in her pants suit. That’s how she rigged the debates.

      • Shan the Libtart

        That sounds really dirty to me this morning.

        • Hutch

          The bunk’s still being hosed out after this weekend. You’ll have to wait about an hour.

      • geoffalnutt

        That’s some high tech cankle she’s got goin’ on there!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I thought she was just happy to see me.

      • tehbaddr

        I believe you are incorrect sir, Hillz has an oscillation overthruster!

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m curious about this Trump guy. He seems a little odd. I wonder if there is any source of news about him anywhere?

    • limberrat

      I mean, he’s just so mysterious!

      • Señor Skwerl King

        I’ve been checking all the model railroader clubs and find nothing about him!

    • Logic of Color

      He can be shy and reclusive, but he’s been known to tweet whenever the media tosses out a shiny object.

  • Rock Drummer

    I don’t suppose it’s possible that we can have just one day without having to discuss trump and his puss spewing orange face. Every time I read or hear what this shit muffin has done or said just makes me want to puke. I’m done with this asshole!

    • Vecchiojohn

      Yes, but is this asshole done with us?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I have been sick of him since, oh, about August 2015, but there’s no escape. Unless you check yourself into some kind of monastery, but even then I’d check to be sure they didn’t have cable.

    • Duke

      While I have serious beliefs and aspirations for the good people of our country and the world, I also find politics to be a fine spectator sport. Trump has clearly brought some pro wrestling to the game.

      He’s a villain! Boo him! (And vote.)

    • A puss spewing orange face makes you go “Kittens!!!!”

      It’s the pus spewing ones you have to watch

    • Thaumaturgist

      Rick Santorum. Dude.

  • FauxAntocles

    Drama Queen

    • Thorn Spike

      In his dreams. He wouldn’t last a minute against a true Queen.

      • Lizzietish81

        Freddy Mercury would tear him up wouldn’t he?

  • TJ Barke

    Was that a felix the cat reference?

  • Señor Skwerl King

    Toddler want’s what now?

  • Duke

    This article is unfortunately accurate: he just wants to complain and force changes.

    Being opposite football just means his core constituency will be holding beer and watching TV while ignoring “news.” Aren’t they already? Like right this moment?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Why dear sir, I am quite sure that America’s knuckle draggers are all about watching televised debates.

      • therblig

        well, now that downton abbey is over.

  • mackafritz

    Why stop with Jill Stein and Gary Johnson? Let’s have every candidate debate. From the communist party to the constitution party.

    • Duke

      Won’t there be an undercard debate?

      Those were fun.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Or we could let all the losing candidates join the debate, for “balance.” Or something.

    • cmd

      I think we had about 16 presidential candidates on the ballot in Florida last time.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      as long as we include Vermin Supreme

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        And Deez Nutz

  • goonemeritus

    What the problem, I see it as more having a debate and sportsball game on the same night as just more opportunity to watch a guy get the crap knocked out of him.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Lying liar is lying. Fuck it, it’s not even a surprise anymore.

    • TJ Barke

      Must be a day of the week.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Only those that end in Y.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I saw an article from a lawyer who was hired by Trump to deal with the New Jersey bureaucracy about a shopping plaza Trump wanted to build in the 80’s. The thing about Trump is that he lies. Constantly.

  • Shan the Libtart

    “For what it’s worth, the three presidential debate dates were announced in September 2015, while the NFL set its 2016 schedule in April. Damn, that Hillary and her minions are crafty.”

    Just like God planted dinosaur fossils as a test of Faith.

    • limberrat

      Just like the Grand Canyon is proof of the Flood.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I want to ask how, but then I remember that my brain would probably try to strangle itself to purge of the information once granted.
        So I am not going to ask how.

        • limberrat

          The theory made my brain hurt back in the days when I went to church.

    • therblig

      And time traveling obama planted that fake birth announcementsin the honolulu newspaper.

    • NellCote71

      Killary must have used Michelle’s forward-backward time machine, the one what stole Melania’s speech.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m still geeking over Joyce Beatty stealing Melania’s dress.

    • No – S*t*n put them in the rocks when God’s back was turned

      • Shan the Libtart

        Dammit. I always forget about Satin.

        • Creepoman

          Was he the dictator after Lenin?

          • Shan the Libtart

            Yeah, and after that one was Paul McCarthy.

          • Querolous

            No, after Linen.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Trump has lost his debate was th Khizr Kahn? How is he supposed to debate Hillz?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The latest is that asshole Roger Stone pushing the idjit conspiracy theory that the Khans are Muslin Brotherhood- I shit you not. These assholes are actually going there…

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        That should help.

      • Spotts1701

        It’s Roger Stone. I’d be shocked if he didn’t behave like a scum-sucking bottom feeder.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          worse yet, it’s from the tinfoil hat fuckers at Shoebat

  • Crystalclear12

    Sportsball more important than choosing president.
    Huh, did not know that.

    • Vecchiojohn

      What are you, some kind of Muslim or something?

      • Crystalclear12

        No,Democrat. I don’t do organized politics or religion.
        Well, organized anything really.

        • Vecchiojohn

          I’m captain of the panic police myself. Pleased to meet you.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Not just football, baseball also too as this little thing going on in October called the World Series

    • Duke

      There are only two days a year without pro team sports on TV. Both are in July.

    • Logic of Color

      Heh. “world”.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    So once again Donny flaps his lips and either flat out lies or exposes that he has no idea how any of this works (has to be one or the other) and his adoring fans get right on the conspiracy theories?

  • beatbort

    Trump Lackey: Uh, Mr. Trump, sire, er, sir…refusing to debate a woman is not, uh, seen as…well, that is, our focus groups have told us…it’s just not very manly.
    Trump: Focus on this, punk! (he pretends his index finger is a handgun).
    Trump Lackey: Since the debates will be running simultaneously with a football game, maybe you could wear a nice gold helmet, with our signature Trump Pense logo on the sides.
    Trump: You’re fired!

  • Vecchiojohn
    • Parchment Scroll

      I honestly don’t remember the episode in question, but doesn’t Cartman generally get away with shit in the end? Or is that overridden by Wendy being right?

      • Vecchiojohn

        Cartman tries to weasel out of fighting her, but she keeps after him relentlessly until he is forced to fight. I won’t spoil the ending.

    • artem1s

      oh wow, hadn’t seen that one, but yea, I can see it.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I think my favorite part of this is how he started off trying to pin this on Hillary, because of course he did, then when that wouldn’t fly he blamed the NFL, then when that didn’t fly he pretended the NFL was on his side. What’s next? ISIS set the debate schedule?

    • beatbort

      NATO set the debate schedule!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Actually, it was a bipartisan committee consisting of NATO and ISIS.

        • puipui

          Seems legit!

    • limberrat

      Something tragic is going to occur the month before hand. I can’t debate!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        bone spurs

        • Duke

          Yeah, but which foot?

          • Amy!

            No, see, he has five bone spurs on each hand.

      • Spurning Beer

        hair cramp

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Agenda 21 obvs

    • tehbaddr

      The Machine Elves.

  • Creepoman

    OK repubs – I kinda get that an outsider, someone who is “not a politician” might seem like an attractive alternative. But usually a candidate like this would come with some, any, other redeeming quality. I’ve abbreviated my list below:
    1. Not a politician
    2. Not a successful businessman
    3. Not a decent human being
    4. Not honest, smart, or courageous
    The only thing that he does well, and the only thing I can see as a qualification in the RWNJ universe is that he really, really pisses off democrats.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      That is all they want. Someone to stick it to the Democrats because they failed at trying to destroy Obama.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      5. No military experience

      • therblig

        6. Married a maximum of 2 times (the St. Ronnie exception)

      • Rock Drummer

        6. Orangutan ass hair

        • Creepoman

          Orangutan scrotum hairs beg to differ.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            But, he can peel a banana with his feet!

          • Querolous

            Rumor has it that his toes are longer than his fingers, so yeah.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      “The only thing that he does well, and the only thing I can see as a qualification in the RWNJ universe is that he really, really pisses off democrats.”

      Another positive for Trump to the Rethug base is that he is not “politically correct”. In other words, he says all of the racist, hateful, discriminatory bullshit that these people say all the time, but doesn’t walk it back. The usual run of Rethug politicians pander to the overt racists, and will push for policies and regulations that screw over minorities, but they won’t publicly say the things these people say and think all the time – or if they do they apologize and try to make excuses. Trump says it, is proud of it and says it again. The assholes love him for it.

      • Creepoman

        I saw somewhere else, some Trump supporter holding up a sign that said “I’m a Trump Supporter and I’m Not an Idiot.” In my estimation, being an idiot is the most generous reason I can think of to be a Trump supporter – take your pick: idiot, asshole, racist, misogynist, anarchist, Putin.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      Every lynch mob needs protective moral coloration: the pastor or the sheriff or some other authority figure standing up front, willing to spew out mantras and encouragements and to reassure the mob that giving in to their brutality and blood lust is not disgusting and hateful and awful, but is actually the right thing to do, fine and righteous in God’s eyes. Trump is that guy. No code: no dog whistles: he’s out and out telling them lynchings are good.

      The Southern pattern was for people to join the mob, then afterwards stand around proudly posing beside the burned, shattered, tortured corpse–grinning for the cameras, even holding up the baby for a family shot before heading over to the picnic tables to see what the ladies done brought to eat–but subsequently to spend the next two generations insisting that was NOT Great-Grandpa in that picture there, no matter what it looks like: Great-Grandpa always got along with the coloreds just fine.

  • Painter of Goats

    Trump really takes this “all publicity is good publicity” thing to heart. Unfortunately.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      A lawyer who worked for him in the 80’s said that the reporting on his apartment ran from a five-room to a twenty-room place. He asked Trump how many rooms his apartment in Trump Tower actually had, and he said, “As many as the press says there is.”

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Is the implication that voters who would choose a football game over a presidential debate are leaning toward Hillary but could be swayed by what happens in a debate?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Yeah seems a weird thing to complain about, you know?

      • Biff52

        Right? NFL and NASCAR fans are totally in the bag for Hillary!

        • data_ninja

          NASCAR races do favor left turns

    • Shan the Libtart

      I don’t think he’s capable of making that many connections in a row.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You’d think they’d be solidly in the Trump camp.

    • Ima Witstüp

      Fifteen yard penalty; thinking with your brain.

  • Indiepalin

    I notice that none of the debates are scheduled to air opposite Ellen.

  • Spurning Beer

    Actually, weaseling out of things is important. It’s what separates us from the animals. Except the weasels.

    • Spurning Beer

      “You have made your bed, and now you must weasel out of it.”

  • Painter of Goats

    You would think Donald would want all the debates scheduled during football games so fewer people would get to see him schooled by Hillary.

    • AlasAnAss

      The “thinking” part of your observation is why it evaded Mr. Trump.

    • JH Marx

      It’s drumpf’s fans that will skip the debate for football.

  • calliecallie

    I am an oldz, and even I know how to set the Tivo or DVR or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

  • Relativicus

    Even in the primaries, “the night on which the debate was scheduled” criticism was dumb. Especially in the age of the DVR. If you’re a person who truly wants to see a debate, and not just have a complaint to shout about on the Internet, then you make arrangements to watch it. You’re an adult and it’s not on anyone to fix a schedule around the plans of 400 million Americans.

    Here’s another reason it’s a dumb argument: it doesn’t matter what night it’s scheduled, people will watch, or they won’t. My locale has things called annual meetings. They’re usually scheduled during the week, and often run until 11am. Attendance is generally poor. Excuses range from “it’s a work night,” “I have family things to deal with,” and “I’m just too tired at the end of the day.” So, the call goes out to change the schedule and the meetings are scheduled for the weekend. You’ll be surprised to learn that attendance remained poor. Excuses then became “it’s my weekend,” “I have family things to do,” and “I’m not spending my Saturday at that meeting.”

    So now the question is, “why can’t we have it during the week?”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Also, YouTube. With the exception of last Wednesday and Thursday during the DNC, I haven’t watched anything “live”. And it’s not like the 24-hour news (and sports) shows won’t be instant-replaying everything that happened all day, everyday for the next week.

  • ArgieBargie

    “Look, if Trump beat Master Debater Ted Cruz during the primaries, he can beat Hillary, right?!”
    — Average Trumpkin/NFL fan

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Stupid punt.

  • jesuswasablack

    “I got a letter from the NFL saying, ‘This is ridiculous.’””

    Why would that statement lead you to believe Trump got a letter from the NFL, that is ridiculous, I mean he didn’t say “I got a letter from the NFL”? I loved this dandy from VP-Pence: “Captain Khan gave his life to defend our country in the global war on terror. Due to the disastrous decisions of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, a once stable Middle East has now been overrun by ISIS”! Yeah everything was great before Obama, the middle east was peaceful and tranquil, the economy was wonderful, money was growing on trees!

    http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/4b9656677f8b9aac2a270200-506-253/euro-shock-and-awe-will-create-huge-short-squeeze-followed-by-air-pocket-and-market-collapse.jpg

    • jmhm

      A once-stable Middle East that Mike Pence voted to invade with great prejudice. Which is OK, because Trump supported that too, at the time.

  • freakishlystrong

    Can’t we just get OHJB to laugh his ass off at him like he did Ryan? That really is the only appropriate response to this ridiculous candidate.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    So, you know how I wasn’t able to watch all of the DNC speeches because France is in a time zone nearly as mythical as Mountain Time and everything important was on after midnight here? The weird thing is that I was able to call upon magical technology that enabled me to get caught up the next morning. If only, if only there was some way to use this magic to delay the viewing of other important events…

    • Biff52

      I have some magick buttons that enable me to either fast-forward or delete altogether any and all sportsball tournaments.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        But they don’t work when it’s foggy or you’re out of beer.

  • Callyson

    “I don’t know how the dates are picked.”

    That didn’t stop you from blaming Hillary and the Democrats, though, did it?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Someone needs to make a montage of all the times he says “I don’t know”
      AFTER making a fool of himself.

    • limberrat

      It’s just as mysterious as magnets.

      • Creepoman

        Or the tides. With the going in and the going out. No explainin’ it.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Mr. Trump, why do you talk about shit you know nothing about all the time?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        If he stopped talking about shit he knew nothing about, there would immediately be an uncharacteristic silence from Donald Trump.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Hillary could have fun with him. “Well, thank you, Donald, for your uninformed opinion…”

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Hillary will have fun with him – if he ever appears on a debate stage with her.

        • revenant

          a consummation devoutly to be wished

    • jmhm

      But here’s the thing – the week after his convention bounce was so bad that he had to waste the Russia thing, the n-word thing, Melania’s breasts and the convention non-event on a news cycle when everyone was resting from the emotional overload of the conventions and not paying attention.

  • Nounverb911

    “Donald Trump didn’t just spend the weekend beating up on the family of a war hero”
    He also spent part of the weekend autographing copies of the Sunday NY Post cover with Milania’s “pipick” showing.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It won’t be so much a debate, but more like a conversation between Hilary and the moderator.

    • Nounverb911

      And Clint Eastwood’s empty chair?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      And yet somehow the media will STILL yammer about how well Trump did.

      • Amy!

        Low expectations. He’ll certainly do better than anyone expects. It would be nearly impossible to do worse.

      • beavertank

        At this point as long as he doesn’t actually whip his little nubbin out on stage and start doing a tiny helicopter he’ll be topping his previous debate performances, and really, that’s all that counts.

      • NellCote71

        No, Trump will yammer about well he did.

    • AngryKatie

      With a cranky toddler acting out and trying to get attention. Assuming the Donald attends, of course.

  • limberrat

    All I hope is that Gary Johnson keeps sucking votes from Trump. Otherwise, fuck Gary Johnson and his “strategy” to prevent anyone from getting 270 electoral votes and forcing it to go to the House.

    • beavertank

      I keep seeing promoted posts from Gary Johnson on facebook touting himself as “the best choice” for Sanders supporters.

      I laugh, but I’m also a bit sad, because I know there are going to be more than a few Sanders supporters dumb enough to just buy his line without realizing that libertarians are just about antipodal to most of Sanders major proposals.

      • limberrat

        What is sad is Gary’s economic policy is the antithesis of Bernie’s economic policy. But there are those few Bernie supporters who love him because of his liberal social policies.

        • beavertank

          “Free college and universal healthcare are of utmost importance to me, so I’m going to vote for Gary Johnson because he opposes both of those things.”

          • limberrat

            And he won’t challenge wall street, that is soooo Bernie!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Yes, anybody dumb enough to think the Dems and GOP are “OMG! The same!!! Booo!!!” is probably dumb enough to think all 3rd-party candidates are the same, too, because “Teh Establishment!! Wall Street!!! Argggghhh!!!”

  • BearGHAZI

    Donald Trump can’t win unless you LET him win. Why do you hate America, Wonkette?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    While I’m certainly glad that Hillary used Obama’s time machine to fuck with Trump over the debate schedule, I wish she’d consulted with me first, because I can think of better uses.

  • beavertank

    Clinton is clearly just continuing the time traveling policies of Obama as a way of going back in time to screw stuff up for the GOP.

    It’s time we elect someone who respects time’s arrow, damnit.

  • The Wanderer

    Deer Debait Peepul,
    Pleez ekscuse Donald from being in yur debaits. Donald has a cold.
    Signed, Donald’s Mother.

    • jmhm

      There’s a reason he went to military boarding school.

    • Nounverb911

      “John Miller” is Donald’s mother?

    • formerChild

      This mother?

  • kindness

    Trump would try to weasel out of a Debate with Hillary even if it was on Fox. ‘There’s too much blood coming out of their whatevers!’

    • RS07

      plural whatevers, in this case

  • Callyson

    The substance will always be secondary to the need to impose his will.

    And since that changes on the hour, those of you who think he really will finagle a way to get out of doing the debates at all just might be right…

    • Vecchiojohn

      Like Oliver Herford’s wife, he has a whim of iron.

    • You have just given a name the film that Trump want’s to be made about him, The Triumph of the Will …

  • Ryan Denniston

    Jimminy crickey. Local high school on Friday, college on Saturday, NFL on Sunday, Monday, and Thursday. Plus, most of us work. When should they schedule them?

    • mackafritz

      That’s the idea. Never.

    • anna rampage

      Tuesdays @ 10:30am?

    • Señor Skwerl King

      Not to mention I have a pottery class on Wednesday nights and my Terrorist Baking-Recruiting Club meeting on Tuesday

      • Shibusa

        A Pinch of This, a Daesh of That…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Baking Bad

      • Gary Charound

        Some baking club. They always burn the hot cross buns.

        • LesBontemps

          It’s legit if it’s “flambee.”

        • Founder member Alfred the Great

  • baconzgood

    So wait, is he saying he doesn’t want the NFL to lose ratings or is he saying that the American public is too stupid to watch the debates over a football game?

    Either way this will be fun to watch when finally has someone say “no Don, we are not changing the rules because you want us to”. It’s almost like something a president might have to face in office.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Wait, you haven’t even seen the demands in the rider his lawyer are drafting yet!

  • limberrat

    Why does Trump care about the NFL? He specifically was an owner in the USFL specifically to stick it to the NFL!

  • Hutch

    Trump deconstructed:

  • AngryKatie

    I initially read that he spent the weekend “beating off on the family” rather than the more sane, but equally likely “beating up on the family.”

    • Hutch

      “Beating off on the family….” Eww.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I dunno, Squeaky Fromme was pretty hot in her day.

  • TeeRaak

    Shorter Trump: BOO HOO HOO!

    My supporters would rather watch NFL football than hear me yammering on about NOTHING!!1!1!
    http://www.jta.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/trump-football-web.jpeg

    • Callyson

      Oh HELL no with Trump and the black and gold. Steeler Nation deserves better!

      • SnarkTank

        Aww, there’s Sophie!! Gotta love Sophie!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        So, these assmunches think that a team with six super bowl wins deserve a snatch-headed man-wart with SIX BANKRUPTCIES???? WTF, peeple????

  • Portia McGonagal

    If only people were capable of making a choice or recording one or the other. But unfortunately Americans seem to be incapable of multi-tasking.

  • Callyson

    OT alert: lefter-than-thou troll in the Green Party canvasser story. Look for username PH.

    • Hutch

      Pronouced “foo.”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Somehow, I’m not surprised. I knew as soon as I saw the post that there would be a metric shittone of angry non-comments. But click revenue for Wonkette is ok by me, especially on old threads that I won’t much be visiting any longer.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Over there bombing the rubble, eh? Fuk em

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    That picture of Trump up top reminds me of something…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump will send surrogates to the debates he doesn’t want to attend.

    • Nounverb911

      Melania?

      • Astraea

        I’m okay with this. At least she’d be easier to watch.

        • jmhm

          Really? I think it’s kind of tragic that a nice-looking middle aged woman had to carve herself up to be ‘attractive’ enough for Donald Trump.

      • Portia McGonagal

        And she can use transcripts from the ’12 and ’08 GOP candidates. Easy peasy!

  • Astraea

    You mean it’s not true when he says the lurkers are supporting him in emails?

    • jmhm

      Trump’s supporters are very sensitive people. They don’t like conflict.

      • zerosumgame0005

        hell, they can’t SPELL conflict!

        • natoslug

          They’re overtaxed trying to spell “spell.” Of those that can, half then worry that you’re going to turn them into a newt.

      • BadKitty904

        Many of them are also imaginary.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    What a coincidence. I think I saw an animal from the weasel family during a hike this weekend. Of course, the weasel seemed less weaselly than Trump.

    • BadKitty904

      Did it attack your military record? What did it say when you asked it for its tax returns?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        True to its other form, it just slunk away to its hiding place…

        • BadKitty904

          Now, if the two-legged one would just do the same – permanently…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I bet he does sometime after early November…

          • BadKitty904

            I wish I were as confident.

        • “The Weeseles are the beasts that will not be blamed”, (after the Goulston Street Graffito they are actually quite cute.

          Please remember also that weasels have a cousin in the Mustelid family – called the wolverine.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            …called the wolverine…. which I understand to be a bit of a badass? and possibly threatened?

          • Sadly you are right. Intelligent enough to raid the trap lines so trappers put a bounty out on them and they’ve had a bad press ever since.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Personal computers are better than phones at animal identification. I think the animal I saw was a marten. Technically in the weasel family, but not a weasel itself, unlike Trump.

      • Biff52

        Martens are a far more rare sighting than a common trump.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Trump’s lawyers will probably send a rider to the CPD demanding Trump Water in the dressing rooms and letting Mr. Trump write all the questions he will be asked.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      And write the answers too.

  • Logic of Color

    I’m not clear how having this during a football game is an advantage to Hillary. So “fewer people will see it”? Wouldn’t he want that?

    • BadKitty904

      A smart sociopath would. But Drumpf…?

      • jmhm

        Because he doesn’t want politics nerds. He wants football fans.

        • BadKitty904

          Good point. DeadbeatDonnie’s base would be athletic supporters.

          • You’re implying they’re unwashed jock straps, aren’t you?

          • BadKitty904

            Why, I’m shocked! SHOCKED, I say!!! And flabbergasted!

  • TheGrandWaz00

    NFL fans will only have 478 other opportunities to watch a regular season game this year. Sad.

    • jmhm

      Unless they DVR the debate.

      • natoslug

        Why would they need to DVR something they’ll never get around to watching?

        • jmhm

          You couldn’t tear me away from the TV. I genuinely believe if we get around to the 2100s, the last-century round-ups are going to have a prominent place for this election.

          • LesBontemps

            Will probably be remembered as the last opportunity the country (and perhaps the human race) had to stave off its own destruction.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            Hopefully, the commentary will be along the lines of: “2016 was the year the American people stood on the edge of a precipice. Fortunately, they did not step over the edge,”

  • zerosumgame0005

    same way the DNC debate times and dates were set up months before the whining about them started, with the same excuse

    • jmhm

      I really don’t think that he quite gets that the standards for a candidate that the press wants to do well are a little different.

      This is where we’re fortunate to have Clinton, who understands that better than anyone on earth, probably.

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    I don’t see what the issue is anyway. As has been pointed out by so many people, here and elsewhere, one can PVR the debate and watch it later at your leisure. Not only that, you can switch between the two programs during the broadcast. If you happen to be getting tired of watching a man being knocked down, beaten, bloodied and humiliated you can just watch the football game for a while.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s not like I’ve ever seen people exactly line up to watch ANY Presidential debate…

    • Creepoman

      Some of us are old and can barely figure out how to turn on the picture tube, let alone change the channel. That is what we have kids for.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        Or grandkids.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Shut down the government, it’s an NFL game for Chrissake!

    • Jenny

      Seriously the NFL is becoming an all week thing. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Thursday. Sometimes Fridays. Ugh!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    which games are in conflict?

    • BadKitty904

      Some sort of “ball” game, apparently.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is this an admission from Trump that he doesn’t have the balls?

        • BadKitty904

          Yes. Yes, it is.

  • tehbaddr

    Crooked Hillary has big sportsball in her Pocket! The Commission on Presidential Debates has out for tRump! Wut, none of these are true? But but BEHNGAZI!!111!!11!!!

  • exinkwretch

    Amazing how Donnie continually lies through his teeth and then is blindsided when he is challenged. I suspect it’s because he’s spent his life surrounded by toadies who never dares question a word he says. He expects the press corps and public to do the same. Or he is just fucking crazy.

    • Rick Hill

      Why not both?

  • Joshua Norton

    Hell, I called that weeks ago. Those clown car cattle calls they put on earlier were the verbal equivalent of a pie fight more than any sort of “debate”. No way can he put on a convincing performance facing a real candidate.

    • Biff52

      I still can’t understand how his opponents let this clown win. It was like the Redcoats vs the Bluecoats, with the Reds marching in formation while the Blues hid behind rocks and trees and wiped them out. Except in this case, trump is in blue. Hopefully, Hillary has learned how to fight him unconventionally. IF it ever happens, and I’m still unconvinced there will be any debates.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I bet Hillary has moves she’s just itching to bust out at just the right moment. Moves that will coldcock Drumpf and his crappy team.

  • WeaselPoo

    I’m expecting one of Trump’s debate demands will be that Debbie Wasserman Schultz has to step down from the DNC.

  • Me not sure

    “Did I say the NFL? I meant the FLN……What?….They’re now the Cooking Channel? Well then, …them.”

  • Rick Hill

    And Hillary gets a boost by keeping people from watching…how? What may have happened was no one got to hear Bernie but she wants people to see her and trump. It will be like a Nascar race, everyone wants to see how badly trump will crash and bern….

    • HanBarbara

      And to produce the 30,000 emails that the FBI already has

  • blondeiq

    Is there no issue too small for this whiny-ass titty baby to complain about? Too many brown M&Ms in his candy dish? Single-ply toilet paper in the Quicken Loans Arena rest rooms?

    • LesBontemps

      Wait, is this a trick question?

    • Why not white M&Ms?????????

      Racism!!!11!1!1111!!

  • Rick Hill

    When will trump demand that Hillary be limited to answering with mute gestures and sign language while he has five minutes for his answers, giving him time to explain how perfect he is and how Hillary is REALLY crooked. As well as a lifeline, call a friend and poll the audience.

    • Doug Langley

      And just how, pray tell, can Trump call a friend when he doesn’t have any?

  • The Librarian

    Just heard a Trump spokesfiend on the
    radio. When asked if he was comfortable about Trump’s remarks on the Khan family, fiend tried to deflect it onto soon to be Madame President. Wouldn’t answer the question: “Benghazi, argle bargle, immigration, jiggery pokery, refreshing candor. Nothing to see here……”

    • Steely_Fan

      I just turned off MSNBC b/c some retired Admiral Drumpf surrogate was blaming the rules of engagement in Iraq for the death of the Khan’s son, then deflecting the fuck out of Tamron Hall’s astute observation that it was George W. Bush that sent him there in the first place. Yeesh! These assholes have no shame.

      • Spotts1701

        The rules of engagement? As in “No, you can’t just indiscriminately open fire on anyone?”

        • Steely_Fan

          Pretty much.

  • HanBarbara

    I knew he was going to weasel out of the debates- the way he’ll do it is set a bunch of conditions that nobody can or will meet. It won’t fly with the General Election audience. Crappy as the debates are, most people consider them to be part job interview/part entertainment.
    While his core cultists will support him no matter what he does, it will help reinforce his image as a spoiled man baby with everyone else.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Whiny little bitch; always complaining that he’s being treated unfairly. It gets old so fast.

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, great. Another option. I thought my fantasy was to have enough people attend a trump rally to get a loud chant of “Man up!” going. Now I don’t know if it should be that or “whiny little bitch”

      • Steely_Fan

        Obvs y’all aren’t Bill Maher fans; he suggested #whinylittlebitch over a month ago iirc.

        • Walter Wellstone

          That’s why I’m using the term.

        • tehbaddr

          He works it into every monologue.

      • Whale Chowder

        Why not both?

        “Man up! (beat, beat)
        Whiny little bitch!”
        (repeat)

        • Rick Hill

          Woah….I am in awe….I wonder what it would take? Two hundred people or so…maybe more if possible but it would work.

  • tehbaddr

    Whiny little bitch! When has a nominee for the presidency ever refused to partake in a debate? Sad, weak, pathetic. low energy, really just the worst, believe me on this.

    • Spotts1701

      Jimmy Carter refused to debate Ronald Reagan in 1980 because Reagan wouldn’t debate if John Anderson wasn’t included, and Carter wouldn’t debate if he was. The first debate ended up being Anderson vs. Reagan (the League of Women Voters was going to include an empty chair to represent Carter’s refusal to attend until they vociferously protested). The second debate and the VP debate were canceled, and only the third debate was between the two main nominees.

      • tehbaddr

        So it was all started by a Republican wanting to change the debate format.

  • vivian

    Does anyone else find it odd that Trump always talks about all the letters he receives?
    Has he heard of the internet?

    • Astraea

      He prefers couriers, I hear.

      • vivian

        Exactly. This guy’s understanding of technology tops out at around 1911.

        • therblig

          how will we have a ticker tape parade for his victory if we don’t start saving up our ticker tapes?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        He plans to bring back the Pony Express.
        “Make America Great Again!”©

        • Nockular cavity

          And see? Obama said he wasn’t going to keep the Army supplied in horses, didn’t he? He’s weakening America!

      • therblig

        “letters of transit”, those are still a thing, right?

    • Beowoof14

      I was wondering about responses to his tweets, dingleberry easily makes the the 140 character limit.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Also too, why can’t he produce a hard copy if he has gotten a letter?

  • DemmeFatale

    Drumpfy should just relax.
    His supporters have already decided that he’s won the debates anyway.

  • Beowoof14

    Weaseling out is a Trump strategy for so much of the campaign.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Brave, brave, Sir Robin Trump

  • mardam422

    Trump’s right! I mean, how is he going to manage his fantasy team if he can’t watch the games?

    • Creepoman

      Wish he was in my league – his line-up, featuring Broadway Joe at QB and nothing but white dudes for the rest, might be the only sure win I get all season.

      • SnarkTank

        He wanted to get Tim Tebow at QB, but Tebow refused, and said it was just a rumor.

  • Jenny

    I hope he gets no concessions. The first time he pulled this crap everyone was all like see, he’s a deal maker, extreme business man he can negotiate anything!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    So, now the press can ask Trump to show the NFL letter

    • snigsy

      IF they do, he’ll say it was a deleted email.

      • Odd Jørgensen

        And blame Hillary.

  • BadKitty904

    Are we certain that Drumpf supporters even know what a “debate” is?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Pretty sure they think that is what they do to hentai in their mom’s basement/doublewide.

      • vivian

        …only if they’ve mastered it.

      • BadKitty904

        Ew.

    • Spotts1701

      Debate? Isn’t that what you put on dehook to catch defish?

      • BadKitty904

        Heyooooooooooooooooooooooo…

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      They think it’s a bunch of assholes standing on a stage insulting one another and talking about how big their dicks are.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, if this were a Republican “debate”…

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          That’s why this confuses them. “Ugh, you mean there would be a gross girl up there? All emotional and bleeding out of her wherever?”

          • BadKitty904

            Aren’t cootie-shots covered by Obamacare?

      • janecita

        To be totally fair, Hillary’s nonexistent dick is still way bigger than theirs.

    • janecita

      Ewwww!!!!

  • Vincent Ricola

    I knew he’d pull this bullshit the minute he pulled out of the Iowa debate and the fucking useless press giggled while split-screening his fraud “for the troops” event. Trump would get demolished – both with and without votes – by Hillary and he knows it, no way he debates, he’ll crybaby deflect his way out of it.

  • limberrat

    Asking questions to Donald Trump is just unfair, just sad.

  • Look Closer

    FFS. The election commission set the debate schedule in September 2015. 7 months before the NFL set their schedule!

  • julienne58

    HAHAHAHA! Called it 3 days ago! Although I didn’t foresee handegg as the excuse.

    • Parchment Scroll

      No one could have foreseen that. None of us are as bigly smart as Drumpf, who has all the best words and the yoogest debate strategies from only the best strategy teachers to come out of Drumpf U.

      • Major_Major_Major

        The old Drumpf University Masters of Business Administration and Sales Strategies, the perfect acronym for all grads:
        Cletus J. Goatlick, D.U.M.B.A.S.S.

  • vivian

    This is all a smoke screen. Everyone knows
    Trump is a Master Debater.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Trump is a Master Debater.

      • vivian

        Bingo

  • DerrickWildcat

    Football.

    • therblig

      “political football” – look for this cliche to fill out your election bingo card.

      • DerrickWildcat

        Well, the old, “Chess Game” doesn’t apply here. Trump thrives in a rugby scrum.

  • Debbies are like snowflakes

    oh, my gawd, he is just ridiculous. And not-smart. I wonder if any of his supporters will ever wake up & see that?

    • therblig

      since they are not-even-as-not-smart, i doubt it.

  • iamnotascientist

    That TPM piece was pretty good. The only response Clinton should give to trump’s demands is “no” “no” “no”. Mano et Womano. The anti-vaxxer and the anarchist can go “debate” themselves…

    • The Wanderer

      Johnson should be told that he’ll get a seat at the table when the Libs get above 1% of the vote. Stein should be told that she gets a seat when she returns to this reality.

      • iamnotascientist

        Ha! So you mean “never”…

  • Major_Major_Major

    Hey, hey , hey, the letter he received was from the National Front League w.r.t. the Aryan Superman Bowl games.

    • Pickwicknext

      So, something even more boring than football? Or even golf?

      • Major_Major_Major

        On par with NASCAR, same fanbase too.

        • “He’s making a left turn, wow and another left turn, and another left turn . . .”

        • weejee

          And NASCAR is almost always with the turn left. Why doesn’t that ever catch on with their average fan’s politics?

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I only watch Trump for the crashes.

      • Daisy

        There’s something more boring than golf?

        • limberrat

          Hey, PLAYING golf is fun…until you realize you suck and hit a ball into a crowd of people and then start throwing golf clubs everywhere in front of all of your friends and family…..wait I went off track didn’t I?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I said the “f” word in front of my grandfather. I play golf.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          If you pay attention to golf, occasionally you’ll see the unexpected. Like the time a bunch of sheep wandered onto the green. First one sheep, then two sheep… three sheep… *yawn* …four… *snore*

      • limberrat

        Baseball in person?

        • Spotts1701

          Oh, now we gonna throw down.

      • If anyone suggests Cricket I will post a full length video of Joe Root’s magnificent double hundred

        • Doug Langley

          I love the scene in My Hero where Janet tries explaining cricket to George:

          “Okay, he’s hit the ball, that’s Over.”
          “Thank God!”
          “No, that’s the end of the Over, we have more to play.”
          “My god! How long does this game take?”
          “All day. Championship matches take three days.”
          “Now I know you’re joking, Janet! No game this boring could possibly you’re serious aren’t you??”

          • Old joke

            You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out. When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

            When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

          • Doug Langley

            STOP! I’LL CONFESS!!

  • JVisconti

    Maybe Donald feels that he is needed to suit up and backup Drew Brees or whoever.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      He is not fit to carry Drew Barrymore’s jock strap. Wait… Well, you know what I mean. Go sports team! Make the points and win the thing!

  • BadKitty904
  • ltmcdies

    what a totally non surprising, utter predictable attempt to get out yet one more demonstration of how unqualified for the office of president (dog catcher, janitor) Herr Trump is.

  • snigsy

    Just think, there’s a few more months of escalating Trump rage and petulance. I suspect that they’re going to be like watching a smoldering volcano: we’re in the early stages of Trump’s outrageous lies and accusations and by October it should be a yooge lava flow and then kaboom!

  • therblig

    if trumpy refuses to debate, maybe ted “nothin’ to lose” cruz will offer to debate hillary on behalf of the gop.

    • artem1s

      even better, I think the MSM should demand Donnie send whoever he imagines his CEO is going to be. You know, the guy who is actually be running the not fun stuff while Donnie is off doing the fun Presidenting stuff.

      • Jamoche

        He did say his VP would be in charge of “foreign and domestic policies”.

  • FlownOver

    He’s evolved, from whiny little bitch to whiny little coward.

    OT: the Disqus Keyboard Delay™ is back.

    • The Wanderer

      Oh, poopie.

    • limberrat

      wll crp ths fuking scks

    • BadKitty904

      I swear to God, wouldn’t tin-cans and string be more efficient and effective?

      • Daisy

        Yes.

    • Master Contrail Program

      It’s actually an improvement for me today. Disqus has been stalling and perpetually loading when I hit load more comments.

      So Wonkers, feel free to add another theoretical upvote to all of your fun, funny, imaginative, informative, and ribald comments. You deserve the best, but you’ll have to settle for Disqus.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump is the kind of guy who’d send a steak back because one tiny corner isn’t cooked perfectly just to be a dick and to show the restaurant who’s boss.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      He likes his steak well done. That alone should disqualify him from holding office.

      • BadKitty904

        I actually agree with that.

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          Bad kitty!!

          • BadKitty904

            I meant the disqualifying! Have you ever had an overcooked mouse? It’s disgusting.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Ah, my favorite steak order: “Filet Mignon, butterflied, and well-done.”

        What the hell is the point then? You might as well go to Sonny’s.

        Growing up, I knew it was a cereal or saltines night when my neighbor barbecued burgers. This guy would use a half bottle of lighter fluid and then immediately put the meat on the grill, then cook to a crisp.

        Barry burgers may have been fine if you were rip -snortin’ drunk off peppermint schnapps and Canadian Mist, not so much for those of us who had yet to wage a multi-front war against our livers, tastebuds, and neurons though. Shudder.

        • He probably wants the Steak Tartare well done …

    • The Wanderer

      That one tiny corner would have to be as blackened and dead as the rest of the steak. He demands that his steaks be immolated.

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’d demand a replacement steak, free drinks for the rest of the night and insist it all be comped because of his “inconvenience”.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Hey, that restaurant needs to learn who’s boss and if they didn’t want to comp Trump they shouldn’t have been open when he arrived.

    • Spotts1701

      Right, if he weren’t rich he’d be one of “those” twits Pinkham gets e-mails about.

      • Jamoche

        Being rich wouldn’t stop him – today’s Pinkham is about celebrity customers, both the assholes and the awesome ones.

    • Doug Langley

      And then run out without paying the check.

  • WeaselPoo

    Next excuse will be Trump demanding a swimsuit portion of the debate

    • Will Melania “borrow” Michelle’s swimsuit?

    • DEAR GROD! Trump in a mankini …

      You evil bastard, there is not enough brain bleach in the world …

      • Doug Langley

        You think that’s bad, for a fleeting moment I thought of Hillary.

  • iamnotascientist

    I don’t have a problem so much with dicks. Weasely dicks like trump make me clench my fists and get mad. For every child who is getting bullied, this man should give them courage. Bullies are all mouth, one or two punches, and then they fucking run and cry as soon as someone starts throwing punches back.

  • janecita
    • BadKitty904

      Hey, why not? Beats addressing the issues or answering media questions.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    My weasels come prepared!

    • The Wanderer

      Sweater Weasels!

  • BadKitty904
  • JVisconti

    Socially responsible milk carton producers could put out the word that Donald’s tax returns are missing.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Fox News was all in a lather over DWS joining Hillary’s campaign showing how ‘rigged’ everything is to Bernie supporters. While I sympathize with Bernie supporters and DWS was a singularly terrible DNC head I want to add two things: 1) If any Bernie supporter actually watches or is persuaded by Fox News they weren’t really a Bernie supporter and 2) since DWS has been a long time Hillary backer and was awful abrasive about Obama in 2008 as well she is a proven commodity and is a capable hire. None of this is problematic by the way….it’s not like she’s a foreign country hacking Democratic emails on behalf of Trump.

    • Spotts1701

      And she’s been given an “honorary” position. Which usually means “You get to say you have this position, and you can speak your piece. But I am free to ignore you.”

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        So in other words, she’s like Trump’s campaign manager or advisory board…or wife. But not Ivanka, he listens to Ivanka because she has a purty mouth.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          He gets valuable insights from his daughter. Don’t believe me? Grab her hips and have a listen for yourself.

        • PubOption

          Plus, honorary implies that they won’t be paid.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Umm, dude, Obama made DWS DNC chair.

      She was appointed by Obama.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        As part of his arrangement with Hillary. Take a trip down memory lane if you don’t believe me!

      • janecita

        He is right, it was an arrangement with Hillary.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          She was appointed in 2011?

    • Plus an “Honorary Chairman” is a job title without a job

    • laineypc

      I have a genuine dyed-in-the-wool leftie peacenik but conspiracy-infected Bernie supporter and she is now using Breitbart articles on her FB feed.

  • chortlingdingo

    While I agree that third party candidates shouldn’t be excluded from the presidential debates, I could see Trump throwing a tantrum to get them included and then just not bother to show up.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      All the third party candidates have to do is exceed the 15% threshold. Get busy, Johnson and Stein!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Pro-tip: just winning the anti-vaxxer vote and people who 3D-print guns will not be enough!

    • laineypc

      Trump will have a “cold” and send Pence in his place. Just like he is planning to do presidenting.

  • anon_the_great

    The fascist yam already walked out of a debate and it was bigly doubleplus good for him. Why not run that play again?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      He can’t….Megyn Kelly and/or Rachel Maddow will not be present so Velveeta can’t get all pretexty and storm off.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Oh God, I’d love to see him get hammered in the first debate, storm off, and cancel the remaining debates. That would be like…lighting a Cuban cohiba and pouring a glass of single-malt. While sitting on a veranda overlooking tropical seas.

    • The Wanderer

      Because the last time he was jerking the chains of a bunch of also-rans, might-have-beens and never-weres. This one’s for all the marbles, against a woman who’s better than the entire GOP primary field was.

      • artem1s

        he was also leading at the time and the losers were trying to play catch the Donnie. not so much this time.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Here’s how the twitterverse will treat this:

    “Wattsamatta, Donnie? Afraid a GIRL will beat you?”

    “Donnie won’t shake hands with her because her hands are bigger than his!”

    “So, Donnie, what is it? You got no scrote?”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      No way, he’d never respond to base Twitter insults and tweet back his own mean responses. Or wait, the opposite of that.

  • janecita

    Why is Melania’s butt naked picture on the cover of The New York Post? I thought that rag had endorsed Trump.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Probably his idea. He was hoping it would distract ppl from all his fuck ups over the weekend

      • janecita

        So fucked up, humiliating his wife like that.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          Next week’s issue is Bill in the Buff, I guess? Turnabout is fair play, and all that.

          • janecita

            That’s disgusting! He should just hire a surrogate, I vote for this guy.

          • celtic_buddha

            Oh hell yeah!

          • BadKitty904

            A Sensible Policy for a Better America.

        • jmhm

          His wife was OK with taking those pictures, and it wasn’t her latest naked photo shoot. He had her do one for a european magazine last time he was floating a political campaign.

          I feel kind of bad for their kid.

          • janecita

            I feel bad for the kid also. I agree, she was obviously OK with taking the pictures, I just find it humiliating, that he uses her pictures to deflect attention from his horrible comments.

          • I Only Like Cats

            It’s going to gross him out when he sees them in a few years but it’s her body, more power to her for being so comfortable with herself (and landing modeling jobs, back when she still worked). Using her pictures for political campaigns is squicky though. Really, really squicky.

          • jmhm

            and using them as a pretext for attacking Heidi Cruz is the kind of patriarchal alpha male shit I thought we were at least pretending we were past.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          No kidding

    • BadKitty904

      My guess was she’s modelling the Empress’ new clothes.

      • janecita

        It’s still way better than the Emperor modeling his new clothes.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I thought we were discussing the Emperor’s new debate strategy, but then we got distracted.

          • Doug Langley

            To be fair, it probably is his debate strategy.

        • BadKitty904

          Look, I’m trying to eat my lunch here, OK?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      I need proof before I can decide…

      • janecita

        Go look then:-)

        • Hairstrike Alpha

          That was your cue to give me a link…eh, it’s the New York Post.

          • janecita
          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Well I will need to do some more research on this later…

          • Doug Langley

            In your bunk?

    • Miss Mnemosyne

      Gives him a chance to show how much of a feminist ally he is by talking about her comfort with her body and his coolness with her adult decisions to do what she wants.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yup, that must be it. It would never be to appeal to 14 year old boys. Never.

        • artem1s

          YOOOOGE voting block, gonna bring billions of new 14 year old voters to the polls!

    • DodgeDixie&Descartes

      I believe they are intended to harden the resolve of Trump’s mostly male voters.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        The message is clear. Trumps supporters must stand tall and thrust themselves into the political establishment.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “I would totally have! But I accidentally watched an Alicia Keys video, and my T-levels were driven below Scott Adams levels. So that’s why … it’s … like that.”

          –Humper for Trump

    • Vincent Ricola

      Wowsers. Racier than I imagined.

      • janecita

        Right? Cinemax material.

    • Skadi

      They are trying to justify their decision.

    • Gentle Robot

      They’re trying to prove that Clinton supporters hate women

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Probably to make people like me, who are only peripherally aware that the New York Post is a thing, try to find the cover.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Found it.

    • Rick Hill

      She’s got that “I sold my soul for wealth….I have done things you wouldn’t imagine…” look.

      • janecita

        Republicans are so fucking hypocritical! Always criticizing Michelle Obama’s sleeveless dresses, but Melania looks like the poster sex worker, for Amsterdam’s red light district and you don’t hear a single comment about it.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        That’s been photoshopped, you can tell by the nipxels!

    • Boscoe

      Hahahaha Silly naive Janecita, the Post only endorses PROFIT. ;P

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Hillary is a big ol’ meanie and plays like a girl. No wonder Donnie is too afraid to meet her on the playing field. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/93d74d9206b994557d3494ef749d64b320f65fb604eec81510d7afa9047add75.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is so stolen…

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        No kidding. I’m going to Melania’s Speech the shit out of that cartoon.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          Hahaha! Thanks, glad you guys like it. Appropriate away!

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      I love the Trump face…that is spectacular.

    • Master Contrail Program

      The Grating Pumpkin would probably be better served getting psychiatric advice from her for 5 cents.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        “Grating Pumpkin” is excellent!

    • Banquo’s Ghost

      Hoping I can use this the day after the election.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Think of how surprising it will be to our Chinese, Mexican, and Scotlandish enemies when we elect a president with no known positions on anything except “Edinyj, moguchij Sovetskij Soiuz!” It’s important to keep the rest of the world guessing.

  • LesBontemps

    “I am the best debater. Believe me. But the debate commission has been very nasty and very unfair to me, and these debates are rigged. It would be very unfair to have any debate under these conditions, until Crooked Hillary admits that she should be in jail for murdering those emails in Benghazi so the terrorists can take our guns under sharia law.”

    • Bigby

      Save this for when he sues you for pre-emptive plagiarism after he says exactly this in his Opening Statement.

  • Hardly Ideal

    By the gods… I leave home for a few days, and look what happens.

    • handyhippie65

      never got out of the boat.

  • artem1s

    Donnie should be praying that the NFL moves the Super Bowl to the night of the first debate. If he is very, very lucky, the stars will align and sports organizers and TV schedulers will move the Super Bowl; game 7 of the Series (Cubs vs. Indians featuring Harry Caray and the ’48 Indians resurrected in their prime); the opening and closing of the Summer and Winter Olympics (featuring a full replays of the Miracle on Ice, Mary Lou Retton’s gold winning performance, and Tonya Harding kneecapping Nancy Kerrigan); the finals of the World Cup; a commercial free replay of the M*A*S*H finale; and the live coverage of the resurrection of Jeebus. Then no one will witness his weak, sad, pathetic, low energy performance.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Hey, if the Indians can get the ’48 team, at least let us have Ernie Banks back.

    • laineypc

      No matter what he does on stage or how he performs, his supporters will think it’s just terrific. The less policy he talks, the better.

      • Gregory Brown

        What his supporters think doesn’t matter. It’s the astonished horror and disgust with which he will be viewed by sane voters that matters.

  • PaulG

    So this is how you negotiate? This is how the great Trump gets what he wants? He should get some tips from the guy who wrote “Art of the Deal” oh wait, they’re not talking.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqw0Gz9GahM

  • smitallica

    Does he really not realize that more people watching him gaffing and lying his way through these debates would actually work FOR the Democrats?

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      No.
      SATSQ…

    • Boscoe

      Of course he does, do you think the “NFL conflict” is REALLY the issue?

  • sockpuppet

    Il douche is taking advice from the weasel on his head.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I can’t believe he would wuss out on this.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Oh, I can.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      He has to know Hillary would slice him up on policy. But he has no coherent policies; certainly nothing he could explain. If he goes the “crooked hillary” route of name calling, she can just cite his absurd, bizarre, insulting tweets and talk about those. At some point, he goes crazy and *really* says stuff. That’s when the party has to decide what they do. I predict booze and lots of it.

  • Jamoche

    We’re probably seeing what it was like to be a Trump employee. Someone brings him a proposal he doesn’t like? He doesn’t say so, he blames it on Janice from Accounting not approving, so everyone hates her instead of the real target.

    This is why she no longer gives a fuck.

  • chascates

    He’ll probably throw one of those non-fundraising fundraisers instead of showing up to a debate.

    • Boscoe

      Hey, the veterans were paid in “exposure”!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “My huzzbant raist 6 Brazilian Dollars for dah Vetenerians of The United States Military!”

      “(Whispered) of Crimea”

  • AngryKatie

    I would love it if someone could film his debate prep.
    That’s reality TV I really would watch.

    • Gentle Robot

      If they filmed it, his staff is going to leak it

      • Cindyinencinitas

        He’ll probably try to hire the Mormons who took care of Howard Hughes to work the event so there will be no shenanigans by someone manning the pupu platter.

    • Boscoe

      Right, watching Trump with eyes painted on his eyelids to hide the fact he’s asleep while “the best experts, really great” attempt to tutor him…

  • Droogs

    Hillary’s all like, “Let Trump pick the nights, and see if he shows up.”

    • bookish

      What a great idea.

  • ViveLaRes

    Does “Characterologically” mean “Since he’s a douche?”

  • ViveLaRes

    The VFW is royally pissed off at the Trumpus. Will he apologize now or will he try to twitter-bludgeon Grandpa and Uncle Henry too?

    • LydiasParrot

      I vote for twitter-bludgeon. I don’t think his brain knows how to apologize.

  • Johnnymoreno

    Trump will just throw water around the stage, call Hillary names, and talk about his dick. Works like a charm.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m beginning to think that Joe Meatloaf and the rest of Middle America are finding that schtick has passed its expiration date and is becoming rancid.

      • jmk

        My beloved has observed that Drumpf’s behavior to the grieving Khan family is not sitting well with Joe Average Voter, and said it would be poetic if that’s what sent Drumpf into his downward spiral.

        • BadKitty904

          “Ya know, Erlene, he really is an asshole.”

          • jmk

            “That’s what I’ve been telling you, Clayton!”

          • BadKitty904

            lol

      • handyhippie65

        not in indiana.

  • If Trump were really planning on being there, he would have demanded the NFL reschedule around Him. However, since Melania hasn’t a thing to wear, they won’t be there.

  • Poly_Ester

    I can’t wait for this letter from Trump.

    A Message to my Early Supporters

    Dear Losers:

    You are too dumb to support me, you’re FIRED!

    [Signed] Donald J Trump

  • whitroth

    You’re not being fair to weasels!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Why isn’t the media covering the fact that this is Radical Shitweasel Errorism?!

      #NOTALLWEASELS

  • boyblue123

    Im looking forward to the debates: Hillary vs Gary Johnson, since Trump will be a no-show

  • whitroth

    Actually, I’ve got a suggestion for someone for Hillary to prep with, to do Il Douche – Stephen Colbert, in persona….

    • Karen Marie

      I read the other day that Comedy Central put the kibosh on Stephen doing “Stephen Colbert,” because they own the rights to the character. It’s a shame he didn’t have Letterman’s lawyer draft the agreement for the Colbert Report. Letterman learned a lot after he lost a piles of stuff he’d been doing on his NBC show and was barred from continuing those running jokes at CBS.

      • doktorzoom

        Except now he’s interviewing that character’s identical twin cousin, “Stephen Colbert,” who is a completely different character.

        • HooverVilles

          Yes, I saw that. I hope that continues. Also the word has been revived as the werd. Brilliant! Go Stephan#

          And of course,
          GOTV! Make Trump the biglyest/yuuuugest LOSER of all time.

  • thenearesthippie

    Trump is setting the table for accusations of a rigged election if he loses in November.

    TA: Disqus doesn’t want to let me post the link, I guess.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I have been saying for months that Donald would do everything he can to weasel out of the debates. I’d claim some sort of brilliant prognostication except that Donald Trump is incredibly predictable.

    Look for him to demand millions in speaking fees, just like Crooked Hillary, as a condition of participation.

    • boyblue123

      Republican debates for Trump were easy because he could hide in a field of 10 other people and just name call occasionally. Donald has to weasel out of the debates now that the spotlight will be on him for an entire hour

      • beavertank

        He had the additional benefit of everyone on stage being a hateful bigoted shitbag but only he could openly say it, the rest of them were stuck with coded language.

        Except for Ben Carson who was asleep before the opening statements were over.

        • boyblue123

          haha

    • Last Hussar

      Don’t tell me – EMAIL BENGHAZI!

  • Michael Loraine

    How about “take it or leave it, Drumpf!” You don’t like the arrangement? Don’t go!

    You won’t be missed.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    GO WAY!

    DEBATIN’

  • URQ196

    When does this iniquitous pile of shit not lie or exaggerate?

    • handyhippie65

      the same time all kids are angels, while they sleep.

  • Maybe this is crazy, but I kind of feel like there are not many people who consider both presidential debates and sports ball games to be such must watch TV that they’ll have trouble deciding between them. And for those people, TiVo, DVRs, You Tube, and even switching back and forth between channels are all legitimate solutions.

    • SeeTrain65

      Grazie.

  • Iam Reading

    Huh, so the bully is a coward and afraid of a fair fight with a girl. Not manly, not bigly, not yoooge.

  • Poly_Ester

    I guess that Donald’s supporters will just have to choose between an NFL (preseason) game and Donald debating Hillary or is that the game is more important to Donald than the debate?

  • Krombopulous Pichael

    i dont understand this..
    football doesnt follow a calendar by date numbers, it just is every sunday monday and thursday from Sept to Jan. so it doesnt matter what year it is, they dont change based on some lunar calendar or something ?! you should schedule the events for another night when they are held in the fall.

  • Delu

    Boycott the debates then Trump like you did once before, c’mon, we know you want to.

  • Maybe

    If Trump thinks he can avoid a confrontation with Clinton be not debating he needs to think again. Think of the fun she and her crew would have calling him a coward in a hundred clever ways. Probably even on Twitter.

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