Did your Wonkette get to Philly safely? Did we endure the personal hell that is Pennsyltucky Best Western “motels” and stuff? YES! And we are all up inside Philly now, except for how we aren’t there at all. We are at Fort Dix, the joint Army/Navy/Air Force/Sparkle Motion base in New Jersey. Our friend Thom — you know Thom and his husband Ijpe, the gay marriage plaintiffs better known as Bonkers and Yip-Yap, yeah? — has informed us there are several parts of the base, and we are specifically on the “Dix” part because HAW HAW HAW that’s where we always are, buncha queers that we are.
Here is some Bernie Or Bust Volkswagen at one of those weirdo turnpike service areas in Pennsylvania:
And here is a guy in Philly, who is selling very “funny condoms.” They are FIVE DOLLARS for one “funny condom,” and that’s kind of ‘spensive, isn’t it? Especially when Planned Parenthood was handing out condoms with #TrumpFacts on them for NO DOLLARS in Cleveland? Meh, whatever, if your boner needs to get wrapped and you are in Philly, buy one with a Trump slogan on it, for your penis. FIVE DOLLARS.
Did you know Philadelphia has many “murals” that feature “art”? This is a true thing, and they are very beautiful. Here, feast your eyes on some murals:
OK you are probably wanting to know about the Drinky Thing with the Wonky Things (you people), so here are some pics of that.
There was Wonker “Craig,” playing the Jenga:
There were Brent (sp?) and Laurie (sp?) viewing the Jenga from the other side:
There was Thom! He is our sidekick for part of this week, and he is looking very stern and #SeriousFace right here. (He has a website where he sells art! It is right here!)
There was this amazing toy that Wonker “Chris” brought for our dog Lula, who is back in Memphis, having probably completely forgotten who we are at this point. (As always, if you are in these pictures and are a commenter, SPEAK UP and identify yourself with your Wonket name!)
Here is the whole table, at least at one point. There is also a Maureen and a Matt in this picture! All good parties have at least one of each of those things.
And this is a selfie of yr Wonkette with Chris, the one who brought the present for Lula Dog. It is a very good selfie of both of us!
BY THE WAY, our mom wanted us to tell you all that it is very sweet to bring gifts for Lula Dog, but mama notes that she just turned 67-many-years-old on Saturday, and none of you would even GET to read our half-drunk ramblings if she hadn’t birthed us, so PLZ SHOWER HER WITH GIFTS TOO. She notes that she is not choosy, just likes presents.
Anyway, we will be back in Philly Monday for revelry and parties and axing Nancy Pelosi if she wants to gossip with us, but for now we are at Fort “Dix,” watching Parker Posey movies, because obviously that is what you do. (Did we mention we are writing this Sunday night? That, sugarlumps, is the magic of the internet!)
We’ll bring you a XXX NSFW update, as soon as we have one.