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Not even second best nope
Not even second best nope

Hi, Wonkers! So we are in the “Pennsyltucky” part of Pennsylvania right now, which is ABSOLUTELY beautiful. In fact, during the day, it is one of the nicest drives ever. However, when it gets dark, at least for us (and maybe you are different from us, which is in fact illegal), those curvy lines and the semi trucks with the SO BRIGHT lights and the fact that it is sooooo damned dark, are a recipe for going ZZZZZ at the wheel. So we made the responsible choice to pull over for another hotel (ka-ching!) on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. And because we were looking for the fastest thing possible, we ended up at the Best Western in Breezewood, Pennsylvania, which is a town that probably wouldn’t thrive in any way whatsoever if it weren’t for the turnpike.

So, off to our room we went, pleased with the very basic accommodations. We were only noticing a little bit that we paid the same thing for a Hilton property in Ohio last week, and got amazing Hilton bedding and a nicer room and more perks … WHATEVER, LET’S JUST SLEEP. And because we were very tired, we admit we did not actually look to see what check-out time was, and just figured it was noon.

The knock at the door comes at 11:26 AM. We are in our underwear and look like homemade hell warmed over with cream and sugar and top. There is a very mean lady who apparently cannot bear to start a conversation in a friendly way, acting like she is our fucking fourth grade teacher. “You were supposed to check out at 11.” (SCOWL) “I’m so sorry, I’m traveling, and I admit I didn’t look when I collapsed into bed last night, I will be out as soon as possible!” (Another scowl from mean lady.)

So like bunny rabbit, we get ready and get out of there. At the front desk, we reiterate that we are SO SORRY, we are on the road covering both of the conventions, we are VERY tired, the trip has been kind of one bump in the road after another … and so on. Her reply: “I ended up having to charge you a late fee!”

HAVING to. She HAD to. Again, we apologized to her dank, scowling face. And because we kind of felt like poking at her a little bit, we mentioned that the WiFi didn’t work on any of our three devices, and as we are again, traveling to cover political conventions, we sort of need WiFi, so maybe you might give us our late fee back to say sorry for how much you suck.

No dice. We told her to have a nice day. She did not return the favor.

We’d call Best Western to complain, but our receipt says they are all independently owned, which means Emperor PooFace of Central Pennsylvania’s mom probably is the owner.

MORAL OF STORY: When you are tired and looking for a hotel on the side of the road, just look for a fucking Hilton property.

(Reminder: Philly Wonkers, we are comin’ atcha for a drinky thing on Sunday at 5 PM, Independence Beer Garden! See you there!)

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