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Not even second best nope
Not even second best nope

Hi, Wonkers! So we are in the “Pennsyltucky” part of Pennsylvania right now, which is ABSOLUTELY beautiful. In fact, during the day, it is one of the nicest drives ever. However, when it gets dark, at least for us (and maybe you are different from us, which is in fact illegal), those curvy lines and the semi trucks with the SO BRIGHT lights and the fact that it is sooooo damned dark, are a recipe for going ZZZZZ at the wheel. So we made the responsible choice to pull over for another hotel (ka-ching!) on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. And because we were looking for the fastest thing possible, we ended up at the Best Western in Breezewood, Pennsylvania, which is a town that probably wouldn’t thrive in any way whatsoever if it weren’t for the turnpike.

So, off to our room we went, pleased with the very basic accommodations. We were only noticing a little bit that we paid the same thing for a Hilton property in Ohio last week, and got amazing Hilton bedding and a nicer room and more perks … WHATEVER, LET’S JUST SLEEP. And because we were very tired, we admit we did not actually look to see what check-out time was, and just figured it was noon.

The knock at the door comes at 11:26 AM. We are in our underwear and look like homemade hell warmed over with cream and sugar and top. There is a very mean lady who apparently cannot bear to start a conversation in a friendly way, acting like she is our fucking fourth grade teacher. “You were supposed to check out at 11.” (SCOWL) “I’m so sorry, I’m traveling, and I admit I didn’t look when I collapsed into bed last night, I will be out as soon as possible!” (Another scowl from mean lady.)

So like bunny rabbit, we get ready and get out of there. At the front desk, we reiterate that we are SO SORRY, we are on the road covering both of the conventions, we are VERY tired, the trip has been kind of one bump in the road after another … and so on. Her reply: “I ended up having to charge you a late fee!”

HAVING to. She HAD to. Again, we apologized to her dank, scowling face. And because we kind of felt like poking at her a little bit, we mentioned that the WiFi didn’t work on any of our three devices, and as we are again, traveling to cover political conventions, we sort of need WiFi, so maybe you might give us our late fee back to say sorry for how much you suck.

No dice. We told her to have a nice day. She did not return the favor.

We’d call Best Western to complain, but our receipt says they are all independently owned, which means Emperor PooFace of Central Pennsylvania’s mom probably is the owner.

MORAL OF STORY: When you are tired and looking for a hotel on the side of the road, just look for a fucking Hilton property.

(Reminder: Philly Wonkers, we are comin’ atcha for a drinky thing on Sunday at 5 PM, Independence Beer Garden! See you there!)

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  • malsperanza

    I always go for the independent motels owned by (for some reason I cannot figure out) families from the Indian subcontinent named Patel. You know: those old motels with the little cabins and everything kind of damp and a retrofitted AC unit that rattles, and no free breakfast bar.

    Sometimes they feel like a scene from a Hitchcock movie is about to happen, but more often you end up chatting with the family and they give you homemade pakoras and samosas and you have a great conversation about the next election.

    Well, once, anyhow.

  • Nounverb911

    Sorry about your travel troubles, I feel your pain, (in one seven year stretch I spent 1500 plus nights in hotels).

    Maybe this will cheer you up.

    https://youtu.be/ln3wAdRAim4

    • M.E. Lawrence

      After this past nightmarish week, seeing our First Lady and hearing her sing Stevie is so lovely. She is a refreshing soul. I know that BHO isn’t allowed a third term (effing unfair!), but why can’t we keep Michelle? She could mentor the Clintons.

    • Ricky Gay

      I love my FLOTUS!

    • frrolfe

      As a furriner, I have to say Michelle is the most beautiful, sophisticated and charming Flotus since Jackie O. (No offence to Hillary Who has so many admirable qualities).Let’s see Trump post photos of Melania compared to Michelle.
      ETA: You can’t buy class.

  • baconzgood

    My sorries. I hate when my fellow citizens are shits. But Baconz is from PA and I’m nice.

    And Breezewood is a strange place.

  • JD Mulvey

    Last time I was in that area, I bedded down alongside the river like a common hobo. It was lovely. I also got no wifi.

    • Rick Hill

      Your wifi was cheaper, though

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Traveling out west with Ms. Gnome and her service dog, we never had any problems at the second-rate chains like Super 8. No question about the dog, and the wifi always worked.

  • memzilla

    In between Pittsburgh and Fluffya — it’s Alabama.

    • baconzgood

      That’s why I rarely leave the Pittsburgh city limits.

  • therblig

    Please don’t judge PA, even Pennsyltucky, by the sad little truck stop towns. Even from the Tpke or route 80, you can see it’s a beautiful state. And i swear i’m not saying that because i fell in love with and married a Pennsylvania girl who got an “A” in Riflery.

  • Sardonicuss

    After several years spending 280 nights a year on the road. Comfort Suites or Holiday Inn Express for the low to mid. Raddison for the higher end. All cheaper once you learn the “tricks”.

    • ohwelp

      “Tricks” like don’t go on the road 280 nights a year?

      • Sardonicuss

        Tricks like getting paid for it.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          no point in doing it otherwise…

        • Painter of Goats

          So you get paid for turning tricks.

          • Nounverb911

            You have a magic act?

          • Painter of Goats

            I’ve been known to work some magic.

          • Sardonicuss

            Sure why not? Why do you do it for free?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            so begins the negotiation…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I am so glad that I almost always get booked at the same hotel as our clients- they rarely choose anything less than the best for themselves

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “They’re not tricks, Michael, they’re illusions”

      • Sardonicuss

        “We’re gonna wait till after lunch for the tricks.

    • Biff52

      I used to travel for a state agency, three nights a week year round. Our limits didn’t afford me many high-end experiences in either food or lodging, without dipping heavily into my own money. Did you know that, in Mojave California, there is both a “Best” and a “Western”, but no “Best Western”? This was one of those instances where I spent my own money and drove on my own time the twenty or so miles to Tehachapi.

      • Sardonicuss

        I worked a long time for a company that had a pretty generous per diem and a co. visa. Early on they told me, just spend the money to stay someplace nice…because they had just had someone killed in an armed robbery on a trip trying to scam the per diem by staying someplace cheap.
        After about two months on the road, I was tired one night and checked into a motel in a not great part of a town down south. As I was coming back from getting some junk food, a guy ambushes me by my door on the second floor with a pistol. I had a wad of ones in my pocket from the store, which I threw over the balcony and the guy takes off to get them…I get into my room.
        After that, I pretty much pre-booked everything with a locked interior entrance…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Number nine will surprise you!

    • Frank The Rat

      Holiday Inn Express for the pancake making conveyor belt! We stayed at one at Mrs. Rat’s 50th high school reunion and that pancake dealy sold me. Quite often we find “real” B&Bs which in a lot of cases have cost less and been super nice.

      I’ve used airbnb overseas but never in the US though.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Ah, Northern Hospitality at its finest!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Captialism doesn’t thrive by letting slackers off the hook on late fees.”
    — Milton Friedman

    • Vecchiojohn

      “You snooze, you lose.” – St. Paul’s Letter to the Philadelphians

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I thought that was from Melania Drumpf’s letter to the ingrates in the projects?

  • ohwelp

    Was she a fatty? Bet she was a fatty.

    • Callyson

      Yeah, speaking as a person who was formerly overweight, I can say with authority that fat-shaming does nothing but expose the person who engages in it as an asshole…

      • ohwelp

        So, the entire Wonketteriate when a story comes out about Chris Christie?

        • Callyson

          Speak for yourself…personally, I am over the Chris Christie fat jokes and don’t indulge, and I happen to know that other Wonkers agree on that point.

          • ohwelp

            Chris Christie Swallows Marco Rubio And His Pride, Endorses Donald Trump

            2016 Presidential Election Kaili Joy Gray

            You must hate Kaili as she fat shames right in the story titles and then heavily (yuk yuk) throughout the story. Your elective and hypocritical snark has no power here.

            http://wonkette.com/599129/chris-christie-swallows-marco-rubio-and-his-pride-endorses-donald-trump

          • Callyson

            Gee, a Wonker who thinks for herself and likes some stories more than others. What a concept!

          • ohwelp

            Your white knight act is so convenient. How about speaking up when the rest of the commenters are indulging in a fat shamey ho-down? Say, a Chris Christie story or any other time the Wonkette makes fun of people’s looks or smells or anything else. This is a snark site bitch!! Not to mention Miranda Priestly would be the first to call someone out for being fat.

          • Callyson

            Yeah, I’m really not interested in being lectured on how I should stand up against fat-shaming by a person who indulged in fat-shaming TYVM.

            PS: Reply if you like, but I’m done here.

          • ohwelp

            Try huffpo. More your speed. Buncha fatties there. Also, you got owned.

          • JD Mulvey

            It’s not Callyson who should seek a new online home.

          • Biff52

            Hey, he has 15 comments in his locked down history!

          • ohwelp

            Yet I understand this place better than you.

          • JD Mulvey

            You understand all the things.

          • ohwelp

            Democrats and Republicans disagree on almost everything. The one thing they have in common is loling at fattys. Hell, even Independents agree on that. Why would you want to take that from us? See, in this premise the Fattys are Jesus. They bear(grr) our sins (insults) to prevent civil war. Or, they are our thinkers and this is Minority Report. I’ll get back to you I have a lot of free time.

          • Callyson

            LOL, our troll has a lot of free time. Why does that fail to surprise me?

          • jmhm

            Except not, since ‘hur hur fat chick’ is not amusing snark.

          • ohwelp

            It is for the authors of this site. Wow, cognitive dissonance.

          • JD Mulvey

            Kalli’s been gone for many months, which I’m sure you know because you clearly understand it all about this site.

          • ohwelp

            Holy crap. You and the few making this argument really have nothing. Sad!

            Trump Snatches Oreos From Chris Christie’s Slavering Maw

            2016 Presidential Election Dominic Gwinn

            Want more? Point is this is a snark site. No one is safe. Nor should they be.

          • BeachBum

            We could make a good argument if we wanted to but I, for one, will not waste a beautiful day jousting at windmills.

          • ohwelp

            Exactly. Why fight when you you can visit a friendly more soothing site like weightwatchers.com -snark

          • ohwelp

            She was let go for not making enough fat jokes.

          • jmhm

            Aw, Snarky, you missed me :)

          • bupkus23

            Uh – you “understand” this place?

            That bit alone exposes you as a troll…

          • Callyson

            Good afternoon ShyPixel–I hate to bother you after the loss of your dad (sending an internet hug your way) but you might want to keep an eye on this tedious troll. I say hi to Rebecca and Donna Rose!

          • ohwelp

            “Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob” – It’s in the title of the site you are currently on. If you were looking for Sesame Street, you’ve made a wrong turn.

          • JD Mulvey

            Did I just get owned too?

            Now I am so sad I’m going to go drown my sorrow in a tuna fish sandwich.

          • ohwelp

            I look forward to seeing your voice on the front of the politically correct lines the next time Wonkette makes fun of a fatty.

          • JD Mulvey

            Can I just make fun of you instead?

          • ohwelp

            It would be a start. It is after all what this site is about. Less whiny bitches and more shit throwing.

          • JD Mulvey

            (FYI: We’ve already begun.)

          • jmhm

            inorite? How politically correct. How are you supposed to effect lulz?

          • Señor Skwerl King

            I am always a bit uneasy about the fat jokes.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I have to admit, while I’ve backslid with Christie a couple times, I don’t really feel comfortable with the fat jokes- they’re way too cheap and easy and not exactly nice

          • Biff52

            Everyone has their buttons. I know I have mine, but I don’t insist everyone not in my situation stop with the insults.

          • jmhm

            Do you not see a distinction, even if it’s one I don’t find compelling, between “Hey, look, that person who is overweight is overweight” and “Hey, that story about the asshole? You know what would be even funnier? If they wuz fat, because fat people suck”?

          • Biff52

            Yet many of the same people who complain about the fat jokes (which I do not make) are fairly tone-deaf when it comes to hidden medical issues such as ostomies, incontinence, big hands/small hands, etc. I don’t know if thicker skin or more inclusivity is the answer, but I lean toward thicker skin. Otherwise, I’d never leave the house, and I certainly wouldn’t find this joint so hilarious!

          • JD Mulvey

            Sheesh… playing the small-handed card again? You people need to just get over it!

          • HogeyeGrex

            They can play, but shuffling is kind of tough.

          • jmhm

            I don’t know that small hands is a thing as much as Trump appearing to think it’s a thing is a thing?

            I haven’t seen most of those jokes. Me, I’m a little tired of hearing that people of low moral character have vaginas on their faces. Still, I would lean toward respecting someone I know saying what their comfort level is and not a troll sock account opening with their weakest material and then playing the PC card.

          • JD Mulvey

            I did slip up when I said that Ivanka Trump’s makeup made her look like Alice Cooper –but I LiKE Alice Cooper, so it wasn’t really an insult.

          • ohwelp

            It’s ok. This is a snark site where you’re free to make such comments. It’s expected.

          • JD Mulvey

            If you had half the understanding you claim, you’d know that what’s expected is that comments be funny. Perhaps you could try that.

          • ohwelp

            I still bet she was a fatty. Cuz fatty does as fatty do amiright!?!?!?

          • Jamoche

            Very few parts of your appearance are as under your control as makeup, though.

          • HogeyeGrex

            I’m a bit fat about the uneasy jokes.

  • 25 clams headed wonkettes way for Evan’s bed bug treatments.

    • Vienna Woods

      I hope they’re not canned clams!

      • The Wanderer

        MONSTER!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        He’s RichNWhite, not A MONSTER!!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “They should never have taken us off the Gold and Fresh Seafood standard.”
        — Milton Friedman

      • You mean to tell me there are uncanned clams?

    • Smokahontas

      Cedarcide is the best stuff out there for any of the biting insects, and you can get it right on the interwebs!

  • OddMan

    Did you at least see the ‘famous’ Jacksons Mill Covered Bridge? And your accommodation is listed as one of the 5 best places to stay in Breezewood, so there is that.
    Happy trails, my friend.

  • Callyson

    Ouch…I should have thought of telling you just to stay in Pittsburgh (the western part of non-Pennsyltucky.)

  • baconzgood

    Stop in Amish country and punch somebody…believe me it will make you feel better.

    • Iam Reading

      Use the beard as a handle to pull them into the punch. So much more effective.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just be careful not to pick one of the mafia guys

      • Vecchiojohn

        Also, be sure to steal their hats. They think God punishes them for losing their hats.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Why would you stop and punch anyone, much less an Amish who won’t fight back?

      • baconzgood

        Same reason people meditate.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters.

    • Vecchiojohn

      So the Good Book tells us.

    • tehbaddr

      Meat’s meat and man’s gotta eat!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    If you don’t expect repeat business, is there any reason not to install “Free WiFi” signs but not actual WiFi. Not making any accusations here, of course. :-)

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      they’d be sorry if I were there. I’d be on the phone to the front desk within minutes and I wouldn’t stop until I had my WiFi or a discount

    • Biff52

      I think the sign actually read “wifi free.”

      • Count Awesome

        Sounds like one of those old Jim Crow literacy tests

      • Msgr_Moment

        Or my favorite, “Fine for Fishing”.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Does Wonkette offer R&R after they send you on these ordeals?

  • Painter of Goats

    Are you sure this wasn’t a Trump property?

    • Nounverb911

      Not enough bed bugs….

  • jmhm

    Swing by DuBois on your way to Philadelphia and eat at Luigis. Awesome red sauce food.

    • Catmomma

      Or Firehouse Pizza where sometimes there’s a large man in a kilt!

      • jmhm

        Oh, I’ll have to try that next time we drive to MI.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Did this woman look a lot like the lady who got her wedding dress stolen in the Dan Aykroyd/Tom Hanks Dragnet?

  • Astraea

    OT

    Hillary right now: “One of Tim’s first cases was a Pro Bono case for a woman who was denied housing because she was African American.”

    “So while Tim was helping people, Donald Trump was denying housing to African Americans.”

    • The Wanderer

      Ow!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ZING!

    • Callyson

      Zing!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      gotta say I’m already getting tired of the whinging from the Bros® about Kaine. I get that he doesn’t seem that exciting at first compared to a Liz or Bernie (that was NEVER going to happen), but the libtard tears about her being a sellout who picked a boring white guy centrist are already getting old…

      • Astraea

        Yeah in previous elections it wouldn’t be so irksome, but we can’t let Trump win.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Guy gets an F rating from the NRA and openly taunts them, has spent his life helping the poorz and shows the perfect example of what pro choice really is about by being a Catholic who personally is against abortion, yet consistently supports other people’s right to choose differently and has a 100% rating from NARAL. Yet to the green tea party purists, Hillz didn’t cater specifically and exclusively to them with her VP choice, so they’re going to whine and snivel like a bunch of WATBs

          • msanthropesmr

            And, as I said in an earlier thread, the dude is a real Mensch. I met him at a wedding for which to attend he had to take time during his campaign for governor. He is a good person.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            the more I learn about him, the better I feel. I admit, my initial feelings were “meh”, but I’m warming up to him.

          • msanthropesmr

            He seriously passed off the tobacco lobby also too.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that’s right- first tobacco state to enact some sort of smoking ban, IIRC

          • msanthropesmr

            His father in law was a Republican governor of Virginia who took on the Byrd regime, sent his kids to predominantly black inner city Schools in an direct fuck you to massive resistance and who told me that the architect of the southern strategy should have had his ass kicked. Direct quote.

          • Daisy

            Same, although looking at the speaker list for the convention made me happy enough. I’m so excited about the Dem convention, honestly. I am glad that everything I’ve heard about him is positive, for sure.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            100 thumbs up for “green tea party”…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            can’t claim credit for that one- I forget where I first heard it

        • YourMom

          Can you believe we are still hearing: better to vote for Trump. I can only surmise brain damage has occurred or I’m listening to a paid GOP troll.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Bros all need to find a shark to jump over, because they’ve jumped the shark in the metaphorical sense already.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        If you’re still kvetching about the Dems, and not doing everything you can to defeat Trumpenfuhrer after the shitshow this past week, you’re a Republican no matter what your voter registration shows.

        • DemmeFatale

          Time to demonize Trump instead of Hillary.
          A real Dem would know this.
          The primary is OVER!
          Fight the REAL enemy!

          • Donarcyr1

            <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!be483p:….,…..K..

          • Doradolsen

            <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!!be985p:….,…

      • malsperanza

        The whinging was inevitable. It is what those guys live for and they are too fucking lazy to notice that despite being a white man from the South, Kaine

        ~Is the first VP candidate in US history to have a background as a Civil Rights lawyer

        ~Has a 100% rating from Planned Parenthood

        ~Stands up to the NRA

        The whinging from 10 or 11 million centrist voters if Clinton had chosen some ardent lefty like my own Congresscrittur Jerry Nadler would have been way more serious.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          no shit- these clowns can be as self absorbed as the teatards… “Why isn’t everything about me?”

        • Iron Monkey

          “Left-Wing” Communism: an Infantile Disorder

      • Apple Scruff

        Anyone who’s whining about Liz Warren doesn’t know shit about the Senate. Or Liz Warren herself, who probably didn’t want to be VP. She has more power in the Senate.

        • theCryptofishist

          And can do us more good in the Senate. We need people on the banking committee who aren’t owned by the banks.

          • fergawdssakes

            Since they’ll continue to have the prime couch in the Oval Office

        • Daisy

          I actually always got uncomfortable when people were trying to draft her, because it didn’t seem like she wanted it, or really an executive position. Maybe a cabinet position, but President or VP. Of course, YMMV.

          • Apple Scruff

            I think without her being attached to the ticket, it gives her more freedom to spar with Trump on Twitter (he’s brought up “Pocahontas” over there at least once today… god his thin-skin never ceases to amaze me).

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            he’s so fucking easy to troll

          • YourMom

            I know…how much fun is that?????

      • thenearesthippie

        A boring white guy centrist is exactly who Hillary needs to absorb some of her shrieking harpy lady cooties and thus make her more attractive (or at least less unattractive) to boring white guy centrist voters who would poop their pants if a flaming socialist like Liz or Bernie were on the ticket.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I truly don’t get why the libtard wing doesn’t understand that (I lied, I do get it, they’re being self absorbed and their confirmation bias makes them think that the whole world is as liberal as their circle of friends)

      • DemmeFatale

        I’m sick up and fed with the whinging about everything.
        Especially the ass kissing the entitled brats are demanding for their votes.
        Well, bros, here is your answer.

    • Mystery_Poster

      Maybe trump was the one he sued. Wouldn’t that be a weird coincidence.

      • Frank The Rat

        Especially if the judge had been a Messican or Blah.

    • Oneofthebobs

      Sounds so much prettier than what I heard last week. Inviting people to join instead of bashing them. Imagine that.

  • The Wanderer

    The worst experience I ever had at a Best Western was in Jackson, TN. Yep, bedbugs.

  • weejee

    Evan ya’ should pulled into Nazareth.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      feeling bout half past dead…

      • weejee

        Caught Mavis Staples out here last summer. She still has some pipes.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’ve done sound for her a few times- she’s actually a family friend with one of the guys that used to work for us

        • Mpeg

          She’s beautiful in this! Had never really seen/ heard the Maples outfit before.

        • AnOuthouse

          Saw her 2 weeks ago open for Dylan. She’s awesome and the reason we went. Bob was the bonus. He does the Sinatra stuff well.

    • AnOuthouse

      My sister lives there. It seems nice.

  • Callyson

    We’d call Best Western to complain, but our receipt says they are all independently owned, which means Emperor PooFace of Central Pennsylvania’s mom probably is the owner.

    If it’s a franchise, the franchisor might have some standards it expects its franchisees to uphold, so it’s worth a shot if you’re still inclined.

    • Iam Reading

      Franchise partner here (home care), you are absolutely correct. The brand is everything and is not to be tarnished by petty tyrants.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        oh yeah, corporate will come down on you like a ton of bricks if you fuck with “the brand”

    • Daisy

      Almost certainly. Particularly with hotels.

  • Biff52

    I got my money back for broken wifi at a hotel in Mobile, back when you actually had to pay extra for wifi. That was the closest thing to hospitality I found in that fucking state. Mississippi was friendlier. I will never return to the dirty south, and I feel for any wonkers who live there, by choice or circumstance.

    • The Wanderer

      I drive up to the Memphis area every year around Labor Day, and stop partway there at Conway, Alabama. I stay at the same hotel and have never had a problem (knock wood). Friendly staff, clean room, and a nice pool.

      • Sardonicuss

        I used to stay there all the time. There is a regional bbq place right across from the hotel I stayed at…that was awesome. Best ribs evah..

        • The Wanderer

          I’ll look for it this time around. Down near Montgomery there’s a Dobb’s Barbecue, which always makes me say “Praise ‘Bob!'”

          • Sardonicuss

            The name is escaping me. Their “specialty” was actually a blooming onion..which I never had because..eww. They only had locations in Conway and Little Rock. Damnit. Now i want ribs.
            ^ Just realize you were talking about Alabama and not Arkansas. Never mind.

          • SayItWithWookies

            I simply have to question the expertise — or taste — of any restaurant whose biggest point of pride is that they can fry a whole onion.

          • Sardonicuss

            Yes, the thought of a battered, deep fried anything is kind of nauseating and an onion treated that way is really hoark inducing.
            The person that drug me there kept insisting I get it, because it was their “specialty”. I refused, asked the waitress what was “really” good. She said, “get the ribs, they will blow your mind.”
            She got a big tip.

          • The Wanderer

            S’okay, no problem.

    • TiniestMiss

      Meh. Biff52, lots’o us Southern Wonkers feel the same way about Points North. We will bless your heart for you not knowing any better and call it a day.

      • Señor Skwerl King

        In Minnesota, we refund the money and call the towing service to get your car out of the lake. How did your car get in the lake? Can’t really say we know. Things like that just kinda happen.

        • theCryptofishist

          With 10,000 lakes, it’s hard to find a solid place to park your car.

        • Biff52

          Now that Garrison Keillor has finally retired for good this time, we may never know.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Mighty Caucasian of ya, Ma’am.

      • John Smith

        I live in the middle (WV), and we give both sides the side-eye!

      • thenearesthippie

        We in California can’t be bothered to acknowledge any of you.

    • Amalga

      The Philadelphia Airport Marriott charges $14-$18/day for guest room Internet as of 4 months ago when I was last there! At least you can go to the bar and get free WiFi with your G&T.

  • Mystery_Poster

    I’d still complain to the corporate office. Even though they might be indepdently owned, they still must be tied to the Best Western somehow. Indepdendent or not, all Best Westerns will be judged based on your experience with this one.

  • Belasaurius

    I’m going to Gettysburg in a few weeks, now I have an ominous feeling

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Beware of Pickett’s Overcharge.

      • Count Awesome

        Is that anything like bullshit run?

      • Sardonicuss

        Only at the wrong Address.

    • BeachBum

      This is a GREAT time to go to go there. You will love it. Although I did notice some diehard Rebs there.

      • BosGrl

        Real people or ghosts?

        • BeachBum

          Hard to tell, prolly both.

      • malsperanza

        Weird, I was told they died quite easily, what with the whole mechanized warfare thing.

      • YourMom

        I try to ignore the neo-Rebs. They’re pretty obnoxious.

    • malsperanza

      I found Gettysburg unexpectedly moving, but I went there in the fall, when the place was not crawling with bus tours and reenactors.

      I recommend Garry Wills’s book “Lincoln at Gettysburg” for reading before you go.

    • Malmborg Implano

      It’s haunted as fuck.

  • shastakoala

    So Kim Davis got a new job?

    • The Wanderer

      Probably made Davis look like a supermodel.

  • Belasaurius

    is this her?

  • Biff52

    Mexican Tim is speaking! In Mexican! To the Sea Mexicans in Miami!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Sea Mexicans”? Do you mean the Banana Boat people?

      • Biff52

        The older ones are definitely Banana Boat Republicans.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          DAY-O!

    • Vecchiojohn

      I don’t Sea Mexicans, only Sea people.

      • msanthropesmr

        Sea men?

      • SayItWithWookies

        The Sea People? Uh-oh — they seriously fucked up the Bronze Age Mediterranean. You know Jericho and Ai and all the other cities Joshua and Aaron and the early Hebrews laid waste to? They were already ruins by the time Moses led them to Canaan — the Sea Peoples had gotten there first and had actually done all the destroying.

  • Astraea

    Hillary: Don’t let the smile fool you. Behind it is a spine of steel. Just ask the NRA!

    • Msgr_Moment

      I think she was seduced by his sexy arched eyebrow.

  • BosGrl

    I am getting super paranoid about hotels, especially their cleanliness. I am not overly worried about germs in general, but the jizz and blood and pee of strangers anywhere near my face… ‘scuse me, BRB

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I take my own pillow. It’s the only way I can sleep. At a bare minimum, if I’m flying – a pillowcase.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      never, ever turn on a blacklight

    • OddMan

      If you want to have fun get one of these battery powered ultra-violet flashlights, “Handheld Blacklight Stain, Urine & Scorpion Detectors”. ($12)
      Then you can check out your room to see just how much ‘stuff’ is on the bedding, walls, floor, ceiling, etc. Extra bonus, finds those pesky scorpions that are hiding all around the room.
      UV Sight® #1 Handheld Blacklight Stain, Urine & Scorpion Detector Torch at Amazon.
      Or maybe not, and listen to Mr. Zippy.

    • Last Hussar

      jizz and blood and pee of strangers anywhere near my face.

      Ah – a Saturday night out then

    • malsperanza

      Bedbugs. Ugh.

    • VforV, I’m with Her!

      In most places, I practically wear a hazmat suit pulling the bedspread off and throwing it into a corner.

    • Jenny

      I seem to be spending every other weekend in hotels (the boyfriend can’t sit still and is a major points whore). I’ve tried not to think about that then again I’m a mess making stranger!

    • TheBoatDude

      Whatever you do, don’t touch the remote…or put it in your ass (because someone else already has)..

      • Borosilicate

        Gaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

  • Oneofthebobs

    Sounds like she is inviting Republicans to join, instead of bashing them. Sounds a lot prettier than what I heard last week.

  • malsperanza

    OK, time for the Philly restaurant recs. In case you manage to get the hell out of the Convention Center at all. I have had to work that convention center for conferences. Most of my favorite places in Philly are too far from there, but here are a couple that are within shooting walking distance and are decent.

    Nine Ting (Korean BBQ)
    926 Race St

    There’s a good banh mi shop called QT, right on 10th St. just south of Arch

    Caribou Cafe (small bistro, some quiet tables upstairs)
    1126 Walnut St @ 12th St.

    And of course you will be right by Reading Terminal Market, which will be a zoo, but the food stands are really good nonetheless, especially the chowder place.

    • Nounverb911

      “I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
      –W. C. Fields

      • malsperanza

        Back when it was a stodgy lockjaw WASP city. It is now one of my favorite cities–not just in the US, but period. Amazing music, theater, crazy politics. And the food is spectacular.

    • Señor Skwerl King

      Upfist on Nine Ting and Reading.

    • jmhm

      also too the italian subs.

    • gene108

      Thought the convention venue was at the Wells Fargo Center and not the Convention Center. Center City locales might be a hard commute from the Wells Fargo Center, if constrained for time.

      • malsperanza

        OH CRAP, I think you’re right. FUCK, there is literally nothing decent to eat there. Nothing.

    • VforV, I’m with Her!

      Is Bindi still there? Man, we thought that was awesome.

    • YourMom

      To be avoided: much hype is made about the battle of the Philly Cheesesteaks on diagonally opposed corners. I’ve forgotten the names of the two establishments, but one of them is plastered with signs stating things like: “English only” “We won’t serve you if you don’t speak English.” The competing restaurant did not have the xenophobic signage, but its cheesesteak sandwiches were only slightly less shitty than the place with the offensive signs. Just looked it up…one is Pat’s..one is Geno’s. Neither are great and Geno’s is downright racist. At least it was when we visited in 2013.

      • malsperanza

        In any case, cheesesteaks are what you eat if you don’t realize that Philly has just about the best ethnic food in the nation.

        And also if you are into myocardial infarctions.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Ate at Pat’s, once. Wasn’t impressed enough to need to go back. Glad I missed Geno’s, if that sort of bullshit is all over it.

  • Señor Skwerl King

    Now I remember why I camp and sleep in rest stops.

    (And not for the ghey sex of the 1990s either.)

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Gay sex has changed since the 1990’s? Why wasn’t I told of this? I’m sucking and fucking like HW was still in office.

  • Iam Reading

    Dispute the charge with your credit card company. It will seal some time from her and piss her off. People like this become completely unglued when challenged or inconvenienced.

  • Nounverb911

    ..

    • Malmborg Implano

      Word.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      She listens? Pfffft! Drumpf wants people who listen to him, so he can tell them what they think. Listens? Sad. Weak. Lame.

    • ahughes798

      She listens, all right. Just not to middle class and poor Americans. She’s got big ears for everybody else.

      • Lamashtar

        Wow, that’s hateful. Are you from the Republican Party?

        • ahughes798

          No. Just a disappointed, life-long Democrat.

  • LibreV

    She sounds like a cross between Nurse Diesel and Miss Gulch. Did she mention anything about your dog or withholding a fruit cup?

  • shastakoala

    You know it’s a bad hotel when even the towels are too gross to steal.

  • Catmomma

    As a native Pennsyltuckian may I apologize for the rude hotel lady. The Turnpike is a great shortcut across the state but doesn’t compare to the rest of out lovely state. Although right now it feels like the surface of the sun in the middle of the state. Looking forward to your take on the Democratic circus. (I voted for Bernie!)

    • Apple Scruff

      We’re under a Heat Dome (that’s my favorite new weather thing!). It’s going to be steamy down in the city this week. Good luck, DNC!

    • Gregory Brown

      I must say, though, that some years back we drove into McAdoo, looking for a place to eat, and hastily drove right back out. Deliverance ain’t in it.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Middle of the state? I grew up in ‘Tuna. Where yinz from?

      • Gregory Brown

        Altoona, home of the famous railroad Horseshoe Curve!

        • Msgr_Moment

          The Mountain City, the Keystone City of the Keystone State. The very one!

        • ahughes798

          Is that the place where robbers have gotten into Amtrak trains and robbed the passengers?

      • Catmomma

        Clearfield. A place I once said could be transplanted to the middle of Kentucky and most of the people wouldn’t know the difference.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Holy shit. I was born in Clearfield Hospital while my family was living in Shawville. We moved to Warriors Mark, then Altoona, where I mostly grew up.

  • Apple Scruff

    Don’t most hotels sort of allow for accidental lateness? I’m sure the Best Western in Breezytucky Pennsyltucky wasn’t exactly desperate for rooms that they needed you out ASAP.

    I’d still try to talk to the manager or someone at corporate.

  • Fartknocker

    Sorry Evan about your experience – but – in the future, a quick search of the Google Oracle revealed that Breezewood has 10 miles of abandoned interstate road. When a town celebrates an abandoned turnpike, it’s best to load up on caffeine.

  • Biff52

    I’m liking this Tim Kaine fellow. He talks good.

    • JD Mulvey

      He does. He actually reminds me of Bill when he speaks –He’s got that knack for explaining a position in easy-to-understand language. Maybe better than Hills.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    Put out a Tweet that includes #BestWesternSucks and you’ll surprised how quickly Corporate gets in touch with you. Really.

  • Jamsie

    It sounds like you ended up in Breezwood. I’m so sorry Evan, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You should have just kept going until you hit Harrisburg.

  • OneDemin EOr

    Yeah, we discovered on a road trip last year that not all Best Westerns are Best. I just *had* to stop at Crater of Diamonds state park in Arkansas (don’t ask why, we were on our way back to Oregon from the East Coast, so anyway), and ended up staying in one in Hope, just down the street from Bill’s birthplace.
    On any of the above? Don’t bother, don’t bother, and don’t bother.
    Rest of the trip was great, though!

  • Gregory Brown

    I know Breezewood from way back in the day, and I can assure one and all that if the turnpike did not go through there we would not have any Breezewood to kick around. Breezewood literally consists of gas stations and motels.

  • SayItWithWookies

    My sweetie and I were staying at a hotel in eastern Virginia and as I was checking out I mentioned we were going to look around town for a few hours. She said “Oh just leave your stuff here and check out at two — no late fee.” Of course this was not a chain hotel or anywhere near an interstate, either.

    • sw19womble

      Local motels are the best. I ended up arriving late night in a small town in Utah (near the Capitol Reef National Park), The receptionist couldn’t be more helpful – and even got me a bunch of grapes and snacks out of the fridge for me as everything was closed. She also made sure that ‘breakfast’ was open an extra hour the following morning.
      Top service!

  • sw19womble

    As a seasoned roadtripper, I’m surprised you got a shitty Best Western (third choice for me, behind the cheap and cheerful Motel 6 and Super 8). They’re usually solid and dependable and extremely polite and helpful (especially local info and suggestions) but hey, mean-mouthed asshole with a little gold mine. Whatchagonnado?
    Definitely complain to Best Western HQ. The word filters through, regardless of ‘ownership’ of the hotels individually. It’s got their name over the front – trust me, they want to protect that!

    • Jenny

      I stayed in a shitty Best Western once, in the middle of no where Texas on a trip from Dallas to Arizona. I’m pretty sure the room was on fire once, there were serious smoke burns and smells in the room. Alas the nearest lodging was another three hours away and sundown is a hell of a scary thing in Texas so smoke room it was.

      • sw19womble

        Yikes!

      • CJTX

        Heh, I bet I can guess the town in 3 guesses…lol.

    • llamaspit

      If Newt Gingrich is a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like, then Best Western Motels are a stupid person’s idea of what a nice motel looks like. They peaked in 1965 and haven’t improved since.

    • heusedsarcasm

      To second this: A good friend was in management at a nearby Best Western. In recent times especially, Corporate has been coming down like holy hell on people that bear the “Best Western” name from treating their guests like this, and also if their cleanliness/maintenance standards aren’t up to snuff (to say nothing about the dead Wi-Fi.)

      I’d encourage you to rat this particular Best Western out to corporate. Rude cleaning staff, petty little “late fees,” and non-functional Wi-Fi are the kind of shit that alienate return customers. With any luck (and I’m sure you’re not the only one who has received such bad service from that location) they’ll get themselves delisted and the skinflint owners of that particular hotel will get a lesson in “Free Market economics.”

  • wry6read

    Breezewood is a compound noun in Pennsyltuckian that refers to a porno blow job. Next time check with Rick Santorum before you make reservations.

  • Snicker Haha

    Y’all should go back in there with an AK-15 (your little friend) and demand a full refund. You can do that in Penny, cantcha? Place is probably run by a bunch of foreigners anyway. If they don’t offer any shoo-fly pie, that’s a dead giveaway. Demand to see their green cards or you’ll call ICE and own the whole damn thing, kit and kaboodle. Then you won’t have to go to these conventions or write your life-choking blog to support yourselves. Just have to wait til the next knucklehead rolls off the interstate and it’s “Mama, wes gonna have steak tonight!”

  • Fun fact: Yr Wonkette intern spent many a summer in Wafordsburg, just south of Breezewood, and encourages you to see the Potomac because it’s purdy.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      that Kain’t be… the Potomac is actually in Washington…

      • sw19womble

        “I can see the Potomac from my front porch” libels!

      • Bill Slider

        And Maryland, and Pennsylvania, and maybe even Canada.

        • Gregory Brown

          And West By God Virginia. Harpers Ferry.

  • bubbuhh

    Y’all in a part uv the worl whur wimmenz think menz shud run thingz like kickin bad travlers outa bed. Summa the wimmenz who end up havin to get up n work outside the houze r purty pizzed at the worl cuz aint what they signed on for.

    Peel yore eyez n keep movin.

  • Shibusa

    Seeking out a Hilton is really the inn thing to do.

    • VforV, I’m with Her!

      We’ve had nothing but good experiences with Holiday Inn Express, too. Although they’re no Hilton.

      • mailman27

        Truly. They run a clean shiny ship.

      • georgiaburning

        This. The wi-if works, rooms are clean and the free breakfast has decent coffee and something edible (though the microwaved eggs are disgusting). You save $20 and half an hour right there. Plus the locals they hire are happy to tip you off to good dinner and drinky places in the area, if some exist.

  • bubbuhh

    If you ever need to do that agin, take I-81 even to Philly (via the Northeast extension). A wee bit less sociologically scenic.

    • YourMom

      Ha…I’ve traveled n/s on both sides of the Susquehanna.. and you’ll lose count of the Nazi…er…Confederate flags on the east side… and see wayyyyyy too many porn shops on the west side (and more Confederate flags.) I’ve always been tempted to steal one, cut it into small squares and use it to wipe my ass.

  • zerosumgame0005

    When I was a kid my dad was in the wonderful world of hotel management so we moved at least once a year (it was crazy for my sister and brother and me always being new kid in class). He was a trouble-shooter for the Western Hills chain and would swoop in on motels losing money, turn them around or close them and then move again. so I know hotels and motels and sadly she is typical of hotels in small towns only being supported because it is in the middle of nowhere and the only choice people have.

  • Jenny

    I bet if you asked nicely enough she would have told how Trump was going to make america great again by getting rid of all those lazy liberals who overstay their check out time.

    Also Marriot isn’t awful either.

    • ahughes798

      Hampton Inn. A bit expensive, but what you eat at the full breakfast makes up for the extra $20. And the rooms are nice.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      There’s a hotel chain I like, when I can’t find anything else better: Ritz-Carlton.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Well, la-di-da. The new King of Memphis can’t sleep all day at a hotel.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I lol’d.

    • sw19womble

      Princess, surely?

  • ez

    Breezewood, where hope goes to die.

    Dad ez had a ‘cabin’ about an hour north and west of Breezewood. It took about 2 hours to reach the Big BZ from DC ‘burbs (Montgomery County) by which time if it was any kind of road trip a bathroom would be dearly needed. Getting off at Breezewood wasn’t too bad-until it was too late to turn around.

    Getting back on the interstate was like doing the Pennsylvania Slow Crawl. F that town and that traffic with a burnt pine cone.

    • YourMom

      yeah..and MoCo kind of spoils us for many locations!

      • ez

        Moved to West Virginia in the mid 70’s and have spent 6 of the past 10 or so years (so far) living in London. No offense to Twinbrook but MoCo fails in comparison.

  • AnOuthouse

    Was FOX blaring in the lobby? It was last time I stayed in Pennsyltucky.

  • Msgr_Moment

    There is a very mean lady who apparently cannot bear to start a conversation in a friendly way, acting like she is our fucking fourth grade teacher

    Don’t piss off Mrs. Sandusky. She’s dealing with issues right now.

  • Malmborg Implano

    It’s the German influence. Cuntiest people on earth. I can say that because I’m part German.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      My father was raised by his Aunt and Uncle, both immigrants from Deutschland. He said the only way they could teach you anything was to beat it into you. I’m glad he somewhat broke the tradition, my mother knew what a wooden spoon was for though…

    • ahughes798

      Half German here, and I revel in my cuntiness. It’s a feature, not a bug.

      • cat cafe

        Part German, part Russian here, so I brood. But cuntily.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        I take exception to that. Full-blooded German, and I’m one of the nicest undead monsters you would ever want to meet.
        Except for wanting to eat your warm, squishy brains of course…

    • A few days ago, I mentioned in the comments (which are not allowed!!) that central PA is the most unfriendly place I’ve ever been*. Evan’s encounter with Nurse Ratchet-in-her-retirement-years is the perfect example of just how awful the people can be.

      I live in NC now, where even the post office employees are friendly. I didn’t even know how to react the first time I went into a post office down here and the person at the window looked me in the eye and said hello, all friendly-like.

  • sw19womble

    Kaine’s speech was pretty good. More human than anything at the GOP Convention (not that it’s hard), folksy and he trod over a lot of the cheering and his timing was a bit off- but good to hear him speak some spanish. I think he’ll help connect with voters and the middle. I’m not sure about hardcore progressives, but I think they can warm to him, if not HRC.

    • merl1

      did you watch it in a hotel? maybe that explains your comment on this thread which has nothing to do with any speech.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        The shrooms just kicked in.

      • jmhm

        Seriously, what is it today with people who just got here calling out regulars? Is the porch light on?

        What explains it is that if somone wants to introduce a new topic of discussion they do it in the active thread.

        • AlasAnAss

          But OH NOES there’s no OT indicator from sw19womble. Internet horrors abound and everyone’s sad and scared now.

          • jmhm

            Ah. Well, you know, I’m new here myself, so I don’t know about all the fox passes.

        • Dawn Abraham

          Shit, I’ve been reading wonkette comments for 2 months now. What the hell is the active thread? I thought we were all just sitting around in a group.

          Seriously, is there another thread?

        • merl1

          I’ve been here a while if you mean me. And yes OT comments bug the hell out me.

      • Serai 1

        Who died and made you Hall Monitor?

      • Jamoche

        What comment? Comments are not allowed here, therefore they can never go off-topic.

    • jmhm

      He seems nice. I watched gavel to gavel coverage this week and I’m due for some nice.

    • YourMom

      Speaking Espanol really pissed off the conservatives. Some hag who looked angry as if she’d been yanked out of bed only to take the walk of shame into the studio was on CNN making snide comparisons to Dora the Explorer. Sheesh.

      • Daisy

        *To conservative lady* I LIKED Dora the Explorer. It made sure I learned a few (very) basic Spanish words and phrases. You know, something other than “puta” which is the extent of my mom’s.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Cheer up, Evan. Took me twenty two years to escape.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Whut, you didn’t notice the line of customers stretching practically back to the off-ramp just waiting for a room at the world-reknowned Best Western Breezewood while you dallied like a civilized human being? From what I understand you have to make reservations at least five years in advance. It’s likely you only lucked into a room last night because someone on that list unexpectedly died in the interim. Maybe Michael Jackson.
    That innkeep is a Goddamned Nazi.

    • bobbert

      So, like season tickets to Lambeau?

      • MilwaukeeKent

        At least, or tickets to “Hamilton”.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Rip the hotel a one-star hole on Trip Advisor. It may not mean much, but you’ll feel great!

  • Bill Slider

    Your first mistake was Breezewood, PA, even more so than Best Western. It is well known for heavy fog at night, effectively turning into should I continue driving even though I can’t see the damn road, or get a room? As for I-70 through Pennsylvania, it should be restricted to 16 wheelers only.

    • Gregory Brown

      I believe the more common arrangement is 18 wheels, but you’re right about Breezewood.

    • John Wills

      Thought it was, from the looks of the traffic

  • Beaumarchais?

    Tim Kaine is impressive! A natural speaker, which I hope rubs off on Hillary. When he got his digs in at the republicans, it wasn’t in a mean way, but a funny, smart way. I can see him contributing a lot to both the campaign and the administration.

    • bookish

      Hillz is whip smart and I think she’ll be a fine president, but she’s really not a people person. Kaine will be an asset personally and professionally.

  • Me not sure

    Well at least you didn’t get a bullet in your bumper. So there’s that.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    You first clue that it was going to be a bad place to stay was the soft banjo music in the background.

    • SnarkOff

      And the corpse of Norman Bates’s mom in the upstairs bedroom.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        At least she’d be quiet…and she wouldn’t hurt a fly.

        It’s sad, when a mother has to speak the words that condemn her own son. But I couldn’t allow them to believe that I would commit murder. They’ll put him away now, as I should have years ago. He was always bad, and in the end he intended to tell them I killed those girls and that man… as if I could do anything but just sit and stare, like one of his stuffed birds. They know I can’t move a finger, and I won’t. I’ll just sit here and be quiet, just in case they do… suspect me. They’re probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I’m not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching… they’ll see. They’ll see and they’ll know, and they’ll say, “Why, she wouldn’t even harm a fly…”

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Pull into the parking lot of a First Baptist Church and ask for directions to the Second Baptist Church.

  • snark-lurker

    ay-welp ear’s Snurks 2 scents werth…

    [what we said here was so pure boring (even to Snurk) that a SELF DELETE was required (by law) before even posting it AND a slight reflection caused a revelation: Snurk is one BORING POS]

  • CJTX

    Evan, evan, evan – buddy! Look up on the internet the Penn. dept of transportation. Look for rest stop locations and see if they’re staffed with security. Leaving Florida I spent a few hours sleeping at a rest stop with a security guard (after those killings at FL rest stops back in the 90’s). There’s also some iPhone apps that truckers use to locate rest stops…now that you have your iPhone back.

    Also, Super 8’s are not bad. They’re not nice, but they’re pretty typically not bad.

    Also those curvy dark roads sound ilke I-35 in North Florida. Or the last 3 hours on the western approach to Austin.

    Good luck, drive safe!

    • Aquaria

      There is no I-35 in North Florida. I-35 runs from Laredo to Minnesota. Did you mean I-75 or I-95?

      I’ve also driven I-35 from Laredo to Wichita. The scariest parts of that highway are when the eastern trunk tries to find its way around Downtown Dallas, the San Antonio-Austin corridor (every trip is taking your life into your hands) and then when it hits San Antonio and starts having unnatural hookups with I-10, I-37, I-410 and US 281.

      • CJTX

        Sorry, I meant I-95. I always forget, “Never comment before coffee”. thanks.

        • YourMom

          I-95 can be a hellish experience at almost any point depending on the hour of the day— overpopulated with angry, aggressive drivers.

          • CJTX

            Especially down south – that Miami to Palm beach and back trip is frickin’ gridlock during the day and frickin’ terrifying late night when the racers are out.

      • CJTX

        Yeah, I mixed I-35 up cause I used to live in Austin too…and Chicago…and LA.

      • Werewolf

        I live in Austin and avoid I-35 like the plague if possible.

  • Drew Hart

    Just complain to the credit card company. I am sure with the Platinum American Express that Editrix gives you, you will get a better response from them.

    • John Wills

      You can always contest the charge. Even if you lose, you will have cost them time and money cuz some salaried employee will have to look up your record and document the charge If that sounds petty and vengeful, it is.

      • david green

        I got nothing against petty and vengeful.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Checkout at 11? Do I look like a morning person to you?

  • HolidayinCambodia

    Yeah, fuck Breezewood. Twenty-five years ago, we changed our route out to Cleveland so that instead of taking the Turnpike all the way out through Pennsylvania, we would split off at Harrisburg and go up 322 to 80. It added about 15 minutes to the eight-hour trip, but 322 and 80 are so much nicer than the Turnpike, are toll-free, and have many more exits with reasonable accommodations. Plus, there was that DQ in Milroy where we always stopped.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Traveler’s rule of thumb. Always avoid the Worst Western. Pull off at a truck stop and sleep in your car if you have no other choice. Your car will be more comfortable and most likely cleaner.

  • JohnBull

    You were much too nice to the hotel wench. My “I’m sorry” limit is about 2 when it comes to dealing with strangers. Once they start screaming back, I let ’em have it. Often curses and accusations of incest follow. It’s not like you’re going to see them again.

    • Dawn Abraham

      I’ve been working counters for ages. It’s a job that causes sane people to go slightly nuts sometimes. I wish more customers would look me in the eye and say drop dead if I’m being an ass; that would be tit-for-tat. It’s the phony decorum on both sides of the counter that causes a lot of these problems.

  • JoeChristmas

    Breezewood: the only place on the whole Interstate System where you a forced to pull off the highway to go through a town. How some corrupt little officials were able to swing this back in the 50-60’s is beyond me. Having been through there probably a hundred times I try to avoid gassing up there or getting Starbuck’s.

    • Zhu Bajie

      Connections with bigger corrupt officials of the Dennis Hastert sort.

    • DutchS

      When they were building I-80 across Nevada, the bypasses around the towns were the last things built. I bet most of the system was that way.

  • idiotboy

    My grandfather worked on the Pennsylvania turnpike in the 1930’s. They would be at work camps for months at a time. At one they were able to get great water from an old well next to an abandoned shack off in the woods a bit. They used the well for weeks, ate lunch there. One day someone saw some movement in the shack. Turned out there was a large family living there who were afraid of these men, the family lived in the 18th century, not even the 19th.
    Also, when one left a dollar on a certain stump in those same woods, a gallon of moonshine would magically appear. No one ever saw the magician.
    Granddad was mostly hillbilly himself but was a math savant with a third grade education. He counted cards in Vegas after moving out West and bought a new car every year.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      76, they started construction in the 30’s and it hasn’t ended yet.

      • Jeff in the desert

        The first and worst toll road in America.

    • DutchS

      Back in 1997 I took US 23 down across the eastern end of KY. Beautiful divided highway, signs for McDonalds. Also Hatfield-McCoy country. You just knew you went back a year in time for every yard off the highway.

  • Kevin Morin

    You obviously haven’t been paying attention to horror movies.

    • sw19womble

      Hey, I watched most of the RNC Convention I’ll have you know.

      • PLAINTOM

        I just thought it was a SNL skit gone terribly wrong .

      • jqheywood

        You poor dear…

  • sherman

    Why complain about the price or late fee? If I had a George Soros credit card like you do, I’d have just flown to begin with. Some people are just looking for a reason to complain.

    • RepubAnon

      Or pulled a Bruce Wayne, and purchased the motel…

    • phoenix00

      These are Wonkette credit cards they’re playing with here. The credit limit is much, MUCH lower.

  • iamnotascientist

    Always call to complain. And write an email. They might be independently owned, but corporate still has them by the balls. And don’t forget to Yelp the fuckers and whatever else you have to do. I travelled alla time…You fuck with my stay?! Nuh uh…

    Two words. Fuh – Kers…

    • YourMom

      Travel Advisor likes reviews, too. :-)

  • Aquaria

    What is it with Best Western and their creepy desk clerks? It was the best option available in a certain North Texas town when I had to be in that dump for my son’s wedding. The hotel was actually acceptable enough in amenities and cleanliness, etc.

    But the desk clerk we dealt with most often literally looked like she could have played the sister of the banjo kid from Deliverance.

    • Alan

      My kids know that if they get married in Texas their dad won’t be there.

  • proudgrampa

    Call and complain to corporate. Those franchises still answer to them. I bet you will get a refund of any late fee.

    Franchisees can be assholes.

    • Serai 1

      Absolutely. ALWAYS call them on this kind of behavior, and not just hotels. This kind of person will not behave decently unless she’s forced. If you don’t speak up, she’ll just keep being a nasty bitch.

    • ExpatGirl

      Writing a post about the experience on the bestest blog in the whole wide world is even better than calling corporate! If only this site allowed comments we could all pile on about how much the Best Western in Breezewood, PA, sucks.

      • what is wrong with you? you NEVER stay at the best western in breezewood PA.

        • ExpatGirl

          If the world became overrun with Dementors and the Best Western in Breezewood PA was the only spot in America with enough magical power to keep them at bay, I STILL would’t stay there.

  • cat cafe

    Marriott properties are much nicer, Evan, esp. Marriott Courtyards, and I don’t think they’re that much different price-wise. I agree with others downthread saying to call or write corporate to complain. Almost all hotels/motels will let you stay later than 11am–most people check out earlier so they have plenty of rooms for cleaning staff to start with and it’s not a problem. Wait, here’s the problem… their CEO is “David Kong”….so… KING KONG is running Best Western!!! Run! Run! #notatallracist

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Pretty sure you can’t charge a late fee unless they are there for an hour over checkout time. Least, that is what my old place was told.

    • MrCanoehead

      Not Donkey Kong?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    graaahhhhh why did you take 76 XD And Breezewood of all places. It is the meanest most unfriendly town in all of Pennsyltucky.
    Oh well, for everyone else contemplating going through all of PA, take 80 if you are north, or skirt to 70 in MD if you are south. You are welcome.

    • Jennifer R

      I once made the mistake of NOT using the turnpike and instead driving straight through Penn and NY to get from Richmond to Toronto. Only time I’ve ever seen public roads with a speed limit of 10MPH.

  • cheetojeebus

    I’ve stayed in this dump of which you speak and also too they should rename it Bleak house.

  • Frank The Rat

    “no free breakfast bar.” Bad coffee and Wonder Bread libelzzz!

    • sw19womble

      Bad Coffee and Wonderbread could be the Secret Service’s codenames for Trump and Pence.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Scroogy-doo and crappy-doo.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I SO want to know what the SS code name is for Trump

        • PLAINTOM

          I am certain the the secret service members assigned to cover Trump are very explicit in saying the entire name of their organization and never use initials. ;)

        • SisterArtemis

          LIttle shit? Blowhard? Doufus breath?

        • Frank Underboob

          Hamster?

        • King of America

          Shitbird One

        • Constipated Mango?

        • The Wanderer

          Meathead.
          As in “Dead from the neck up. Meat. Head.”

      • PLAINTOM

        Please, everyone knows it’s whining tangerine.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Breezewood town of motels…..they won’t make a exchange there because it would tank the economy.

  • kindness

    I think a Yelp review is in order.

  • Be Gin

    You are fortunate to still be alive to type your piece! Her son, Norman, has been known to be a little more strict about that “late fee”.

  • Manhattan123

    I too had a terrible day. They cut our bottomless bloody mary brunch off after 3 hours on the UES. Apparently bottomless doesn’t mean what it used to. Thanks, DeBlasio

    • Joshua Norton

      Obviously it meant you should have been drinking without any pants!

  • natoslug

    I’m not saying that this is something that could have been solved with a gallon of gas and a match, but this is something that could have been solved with a gallon of gas and a match.

    • phoenix00

      Only a gallon?

      • natoslug

        One gallon is my standard offering for tech issues when client care calls me for support. Not sure how much fuel is called for when dealing with customer relations/asshotel management.

        • phoenix00

          More than one gallon. That’s all I know.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Listen you slacker libtard, after taking a 2 hour shower, then holding up our hourly business in the rooms, you posted that social media stuff about the rednecks in Breezewood. I’ll bet you are headed for that Godless Democratic shit storm on Philly. We rural Pennsytuckians think you should pray, clean your guns, and thank god that Trump, the law and order prez will clean up this country of you ignorant commies.

    • Shan the Libtart

      When do we get to have sex?

      • Jeff in the desert

        Exactly my point! Everything with you people is sex sex sex. It is ungodly, it is unnatural, it is…..look just move along. Try some Sodom City down the road…..

        • Shan the Libtart

          My Google Maps isn’t showing that.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            It’s been renamed “Piller o’ Salt.”

          • Jeff in the desert

            Right there between Gomorrah and San Francisco.

          • phoenix00

            Flyover state. Sounds about right.

          • Alan

            Try Climax. Only a couple hour drive from Hell.

          • Ranina

            But a couple of states up and over – in Michigan.

      • Charles I

        Well if continue east on the turnpike, get off in Lancaster County you can find Intercourse, Blue Ball and Paradise. And some great baked goods.

        • Zyxomma

          Beaver Falls, also, too. And it’s Blue Balls, not Ball.

          • eka

            don’t forget bird-in-hand!

  • orygoon

    My hotel experience is not extensive. But a couple of weeks ago, returning from Montreal, a flight was delayed and I was too late to Vancouver to get the Portland flight. They put me in the airport Fairmont. Sweet! (At the zero-to-me price…)

    • phoenix00

      The Fairmont YVR is very nice. The Westin Wall Centre is also very nice.

      (Can confirm, live <10 mins away from both)

      • orygoon

        Drinky opp lost, too bad! Also, I could have shown off that YOOGE bathtub. That was not a bathtub for desert places.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    From the wikipedia entry for Breezewood, PA:
    “The community which became known as Breezewood has a long history of serving cross-country travelers.”
    You’re lucky to get out of there alive, Evan — they’re cannibals!

    • Jeff in the desert

      From the cookbook, To Serve Mankind.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I had the absolute worst meal of my life in Breezewood. Watered-down orangeade, a burger made from scraps of cardboard, served by a cook who looked like he just escaped from an institution for the criminally insane.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Oh yeah, Bobbie. The Cracker Barrel hired him as a sous chef.

  • SadDemInTex

    I am feeling really good about Tim. Let’s get this party started!

  • SisterArtemis

    Sounds like a job for “yelp reviews”

  • I had a similar experience in Port Jervis NY. :::shudder:::

  • Joshua Norton

    La Brea motel in Hollywood. Stayed there once. Black mold was obviously considered more of a feature than a health threat.

  • Jennifer R

    One of my college teachers (no masters I’m not calling you professor) who was from the greater pennsyltucky area liked to brag about how he had buried guns in his yard and tossed out a bunch of buckshot all around the yard to confound feds looking for guns. Also the first day of class he took time to explain how his name was Dutch and not Arab.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Are you trying to tell us that the Hotel Pennsyltucky is the opposite of the Hotel California?

    • King of America

      You can check out any time you like,
      but you have to pay late fees

  • Wookie Monster

    Breezewood? That’s in what I call the “Fuck-all” part of Pennsylvania between Pittsburgh and Harrisburg. Because there’s fuck-all there.

    • Ranina

      My experience is that it’s “Truck-All” – only reason for existence is to provide one Yooooge truck stop at some yooooge interchanges.

      • Wookie Monster

        True. If people didn’t need to stop and take a piss, placed like Breezewood would never exist.

        • Ranina

          And they are Nice!

  • URQ196

    On topic here, my son has been buying contenelle tp, horrible product, it never tears on the seams, it always ends up 1/2 and a sheet, not enough to wipe or 3 and a half, yes made by the Koch brothers, I have some Northern quilted triple plush coming to wipe my Trumpanzee area, I am looking forward to the change back to my normal tp to wipe my Trumpanzee. Happy Saturday!

  • smr06va

    “Are we there yet?”……………………..

  • boll ocks

    best Western is garbage, can confirm

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Same quality as Motel 6.

      Just more expensive.

      • david green

        Sad! When the wife and I were first married, the Best Westerns were fairly nice. Yes, that was a long, long time ago.

  • svejk

    breezewood is famous for its place in the following oft-repeated set of directions: “to get to america from washington DC, go north to breezewood and turn left.”

  • King of America

    Also OT – Arpaio is finally getting in trouble for stalking “investigating” the Judge presiding over his case:

    http://www.12news.com/mb/news/arpaio-plea-to-avoid-criminal-charges-fails-to-sway-judge/280025311

    Notably, he’s trying to throw Zullo under the bus by blaming all the misconduct and perjury on him (somehow).

    • Axomamma

      Yay!

  • Donarcyr1

    <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!be483p:….,…..K.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      I honestly believe “it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.”

    • Mahousu

      Donarcyr1, you were supposed to avoid the brown acid.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Donacyr1 is an asshole and still owes me 184 dollars for bailing her out of jail in 1989 for yet ANOTHER drunken driving charge. I shouldn’t have let it pass in 1996 (with the statute of limitations and all) but I was a Christian then. Forigve me. Fact is sh estill owes me $$$.

  • guppy06

    Having a job where I end up exploring several chain hotels within a single ZIP code, I can concur that “Best Western” is neither, to the point where I wonder if the building needs to be inspected. What they save on “deck” (just step out your front door… oh, were you looking for a private balcony?) furniture at Big Lots they spend on keeping the selection of Jesus books for sale in the lobby well stocked (“Jesus is my structural engineer!”).

    Can’t agree on the Hilton plug, though. A bit too pretentious for my tastes. Staff can be a little creepy. Not Chick-Fil-A employees creepy, but a little.

    The local Holiday Inn and Choice properties are nice without trying to upsell you an overpriced bottle of wine.

    • UncleNine

      I got a mold allergy attack after staying in a Holiday Inn Express last month. The A/C probably hadn’t been cleaned since the building went up. None of these “downscale” roadside properties are being taken care of or being inspected, or being overseen by “corporate.” The vast majority of them just stink on ice.

  • Jukesgrrl

    I read every one of the eleventy kajillion comments herein and I can’t believe no one has yet schooled young Evan on the historic importance of Breezewood as it relates to his experience. Hunter S. Thompson, people! Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, the 1972 classic which was possibly the height of Gonzo journalism. Thompson was trailing George McGovern in his quest for the presidency and the campaign trail took Thompson to Breezewood. His description of the Town of Motels is as acerbic as things he wrote about the hated Richard Nixon. And the place hasn’t changed a bit since then. I know that because I’m one of the oldz and a native of Western Pennsylvania.

    So you see, Evan, no matter how bad a time you were having you were walking on hallowed ground trod by the great Raoul Duke.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    The only thing I don’t like about Hilton is the shitload of emails I get urging me to rate my experience etc. after staying there. I was told there would be no test.

    • Axomamma

      Your mistake is giving them your email address.

      • Oblios_Cap

        or at least your real one.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Customer service is a lost art, unless you’re staying at the Four Seasons.

  • SDGeoff

    Yup. I always stay at a Hilton. Plus you can eat all the scrambled eggs and bacon you want at their faboo breakfast buffets!

  • dslindc

    Is our hotel proprietors learning? Apparently not.

  • Aquaria

    I don’t really hotel-shop by chain, even though I have the big rewards programs–Hilton, Marriott and Starwood (Sheraton). They all have their ups and downs. Hilton has the best properties and their amenities are always excellent, but my experience has been that Marriott is more consistent with their customer service.

    That being said, when I have to travel on the cheap, I try to find a Hindu-run business in small towns, because I know I can haggle with them. Back in the 90s, I got an $85/night room for $30 because that’s all I had in my pocket that night, and I was going to walk out and risk driving home on rapidly icing over roads instead of finding an ATM. The Hindu clerk looked at the sleet falling, did the calculation that I was probably going to be the only room she’d book the rest of the night, and said “Deal.”

    It wasn’t a spectacular room, but it was the best $30 room I ever stayed in.

    • UncleNine

      My experience (and I have a -lot- of it) is just the opposite. You cannot haggle with these people. I have -never- gotten an “$85 room for $30.” The person at the desk doesn’t have the authority (or any interest) in lowering the price. And the “Patel” run road-side motels very nearly -always- have something(s) -seriously- wrong with them, beginning with cleanliness and maintenance. I avoid them to the max.

  • Anyone else see the “sponsored” content advertising Best Western and smile knowingly to yourself?

    • bumfug

      Funny, I did see that but after I clicked on this article, when I went back to the main page there was a different ad there.

  • Tubby Mousetrouser

    Feel for those of us Democrats who live in the “Alabama” part of the state, which is everything not Philadelphia or Pittsburgh. All. My. Life.

    OTOH, I have to say that the Best Western in the castle district of Budapest ain’t bad. Not a Hilton by any stretch, but acceptable. Also inexpensive and convenient, if you don’t mind a little walking.

    • UncleNine

      Best Westerns outside the US are usually okay, sometimes excellent. It’s only the ones INSIDE the US that are generally crap. There are 7 or 8 or 9 other ‘national brands’ that have also become crap. Something like 80% of the “no-services” roadside hotels in the US are now owned by people from India. They picked this industry because it doesn’t require -any- skill and nearly all the jobs in a small road-side motel can be done by a family. Those work items or maintenance items that cannot be done by the family, very often DO NOT get done. In other words, the place is a dump.

      These people are also unbelievably parsimonious and don’t spend a dime they don’t absolutely have to.

      I plan ahead. I try -very- hard to stay in the other 20%. But they’re hard to find. It’s hard to compete with these -very- low cost producers, with children and grandpa doing the work. And spending no money on even important items–like cleanliness. Check it out.

  • Mavenmaven

    I spent several incredibly horrible years in central PA and I will never go back there again under any circumstances if I can help it. All the inbreeding of the deep south but without the charm.

  • SpideySenser

    Best Western in Saratoga, NY – stayed there 25 years go and they shut off the water at noon time for repairs, understandable most people were out and about tourists. We were getting ready for our (elope) wedding. GGGRRRRR!

  • Spot Letton

    Is Breezewood even a town? I thought it was just a giant rest stop.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I usually fill up the gas tank and take a piss when I get off the turnpike there … and keep on moving south.

  • AlanInSF

    I got stuck in Breezewood when I was in college, coming back to DC from Cleveland. The bus pulled out without us, late at night. I found another bus headed to DC, only had like $20 or so toward the $60 or so it would have cost for both of our tickets…driver took our cash and said to meet him at the ticket counter when we arrived in DC and settle up with our credit card. Remarkably, we actually thought he would show up at the ticket counter, but of course he didn’t. This was a life lesson.

  • Kgprophet

    Don’t even get me started on the Best Western in Appleton Wisconsin. (seriously)

  • UncleNine

    Like every business in the country (and beyond) the hotel industry is desperate to increase revenue without adding any additional value (cost) to the product. In fact, a combination of increased prices and lower costs are the only things modern business models can ever think of. Cut costs, increase prices. So, the “late fee” adds no value, and the smaller number of cleaning ladies lowers costs.

    Consumers must be very wary of this business behavior. A bigger box, with less product in it. Fewer ounces of potato chips for a higher price. LESS OR BOGUS INGREDIENTS IN —THE MEDICINE— FOR HUGE PROFITS. Always be vigilent: THE “MARKET” WILL -NOT- PROTECT YOU.

    Also, to be VERY politically incorrect, something like 80% of roadside, no-service motels are now owned by somebody named “Patel.” By immigrants from India. True. Look it up in Fortune/Forbes. The desk clerk might be a “white” college student, but the owner is Indian. And believe me, from -very- much personal experience, these people are unbelievably parsimonious. They don’t spend a nickel they don’t have to. (Don’t sit on the toilet.) And they believe regulations are something to get around. They come from one of -the- most corrupt countries on the planet, and they do not have hobbies, or take vacations.

  • Doradolsen

    <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!!be985p:….,..

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