Oh HI, Philadelphia. We are sitting at the Starbucks because DING DING DING, the very lovely people at the Sprint store next door hooked us up hard with a brand new Obamaphone that actually works, instead of a broken one that doesn’t even play the common games of “Pokemon Go” and “Grindr.” Also, the new phone has a fancier camera, so look forward to ALL the sexxxy pictures from the DNC, where people will be way nicer to us, because “libtard.”
Anyway, our point, as if we ever have one, is that we are doing a drinky thing on SUNDAY in Philadelphia at like FIVE PM (5:00). It will be at the Independence Beer Garden at 100 S Independence Mall West, Philadelphia, PA 19106. Use your Waze app to find it, or you could even call your mama and she if she got crunk there before and remembers where it is. Up to you!
So come on, sit a spell, and let yr Wonkette buy you some beers ‘n’ stuff (WITHIN REASON, because we are not buying MILLION AMERO BEERS, if those are on the menu).
We will be the ones in the Wonkette Hillary-tastic “I Was Born To Do This” t-shirt, which you should buy if you haven’t already.
Byeeeeee, getting on the road now. Or in a little while. Something, we do not even know.