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Oh HI, Philadelphia. We are sitting at the Starbucks because DING DING DING, the very lovely people at the Sprint store next door hooked us up hard with a brand new Obamaphone that actually works, instead of a broken one that doesn’t even play the common games of “Pokemon Go” and “Grindr.” Also, the new phone has a fancier camera, so look forward to ALL the sexxxy pictures from the DNC, where people will be way nicer to us, because “libtard.”

Anyway, our point, as if we ever have one, is that we are doing a drinky thing on SUNDAY in Philadelphia at like FIVE PM (5:00). It will be at the Independence Beer Garden at 100 S Independence Mall West, Philadelphia, PA 19106. Use your Waze app to find it, or you could even call your mama and she if she got crunk there before and remembers where it is. Up to you!

So come on, sit a spell, and let yr Wonkette buy you some beers ‘n’ stuff (WITHIN REASON, because we are not buying MILLION AMERO BEERS, if those are on the menu).

We will be the ones in the Wonkette Hillary-tastic “I Was Born To Do This” t-shirt, which you should buy if you haven’t already.

Byeeeeee, getting on the road now. Or in a little while. Something, we do not even know.

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  • Msgr_Moment

    All right, you left the RNC convention with bullet holes on your chassis. You will definitely leave the DNC shindig with lipstick on it?

    • anwisok

      Figuratively, perhaps. Literally? Probably not.

      • SeekingBarbie

        If I was there I would definitely kiss those bullet hole owies

  • The Wanderer

    It’s a schande, but I can’t get to Philly for the Phracas. Hoist a foaming tankard for me!

  • Ricky Gay

    now go get some brotherly love!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Going directly from the RNC hate orgy to the DNC “we love everybody, even those women and minorities” fest can cause whiplash. Be careful out there.

  • TJ Barke

    Why won’t they come out with public wormhole travel? Thanks Obama…

    • BadKitty904

      IKR? What the hell is NASA doing with all those billions, anyways?

      • mailman27

        Faking moonwalks, of course.

  • bubbuhh

    Hope you folks brought lots of Tee shirts to sell.

  • Ezio

    I don’t like beer but I’m sure we can split a Philly cheesesteak.

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t talk about cheese steaks. I haven’t eaten anything that good and calorie dense for months…

  • BadKitty904

    Democratic beers! FOR FREEDOMS AND LIBETY!!1!

    Just don’t get shot at this time, OK?

  • bubbuhh

    OT It continues

    Suspects on the run after Munich shooting kills six

    • Malmborg Implano

      Hope it’s not that damn Baader-Meinhof gang again.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Got my T, but won’t be able to get the B, because stuck in C.

  • Ilgattomorte

    I’ll be helping to set up a campaign office this weekend a little north of Center City, but I’m hoping to get by for an hour or so to buy a few beers. Hope to see you there!

  • Dutchman

    Have fun, enjoy Philthadelphia! Ms. Dutchman and I always have so much fun there.

  • Jenny

    Did anyone admit to being one of the wonkers in Ohio?

    • data_ninja

      I think there were only a couple of us commenters, the rest were just big fans (or wonk fan relatives). I could be totally wrong about this, as I usually can be with things.

      • Jenny

        Wonk groupies???

  • JMP

    Hey that’s right near where I used to work! It must be new. Now I’m wishing I was still in Philly and could join in!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I wantz wonketeer drinks in Portland sometime… but we’ll never have an XNC because we’re blue and in a far away time zone that does exist, but doesn’t work for live national nighttime things.

    • AngryKatie

      The west coast is always screwed. Even when things actually happen here they get broadcast for East coast time.

      Think about how poor Johnny feels all the way in Maui.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Ya… But Bamz is from there, so they’ve got that…

      • BadKitty904

        Psht. Try bein’ way Down Here in the lower-right corner. Next to the Bermuda Triangle.

        • AngryKatie

          Are you Atlantic time? I used to have to travel to a place in that zone for work. It always messed me up.

          • BadKitty904

            Plain ol’ EST, fortunately. At least Florida has that much goin’ on.

          • Master Contrail Program

            I lived in Panama City for five of my Florida years, about 40 miles into the Central time zone. Even during the summer solstice, the sun stayed out until about 8:15. It was quite a shock when we first moved there, my house was on the corner of a school bus stop. I’m woken up at 5:30 am by the sound of school children, and see that the sun’s already up.

            The sun would start setting around 3 o’clock in December, hell of a thing in the Sunshine State. On the bright side, if you enjoyed playing fast and risky on New Year’s Eve, I suppose you could Auld Lang Syne it twice. Though even the 18-23 year-old edition of me was never that much of a daredevil.

          • bruce_webb

            Though now you know the answer to a famous trivia question: Which Atlantic Coast State has portions only one hour from which Pacific Coast State? Because Panama City is on Central and parts of Eastern Oregon are on Mountain (Boise ID) time. Or as Jimmy Buffet sings “Changes in Latitudes Changes in Longitudes” (okay JB doesn’t actually sing that line)

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            I thought you had to be in Canada for that to work.

          • AngryKatie

            ??? I was in Nova Scotia, so I know that part of Canada is.
            But maybe some of the Caribbean Islands?

          • H0mer0

            did you see the total eclipse of the sun there?

          • AngryKatie

            No, unfortunately wasn’t there for that.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Puerto Rico is in the Atlantic time zone.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Yes, his misfortune is great indeed.

  • Msmlg1979

    My (gay) best friend just offered to give a lady $3 she was short on groceries. She began screaming at him, called 911, and told them there was a man offering her money for sex. In the middle of a packed grocery store. She was asked to leave, while my friend, the cashier, everybody else and their Mama, stood in shock, mouths hanging open. The police did not respond. The moral of this story? Don’t buy these shady Wonketeers beers, because apparently no good deed goes unpunished today. After this, I couldn’t even be shocked at the David Duke article.

    • bupkus23

      When she left, did she take her $3 worth of groceries with her?

      She probably considers that a “win”.

      • Msmlg1979

        Left with nothing, apparently. Oh. My. Gawd. I’m scared to pick up pizza later now. What if I hand the cashier money, and get arrested?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Good thing you’re white or… *shudders*

    • TJ Barke

      • Msmlg1979

        That’s been the look on my face since he barreled in the office, begging for a hug and yelling.

    • Malmborg Implano

      Your friend is fantastic.

      • Msmlg1979

        I think so!

        • Donarcyr1

          <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!be485p:….,….

    • Jenny

      Wow. I’ve paid for rando people’s groceries for like 20x that amount. No one has ever accused me of offering money for sex, and worse no one has ever offered me weed or other drugs in return! What a world!!!

  • Malmborg Implano

    But it’s hot as hell in Philadelphia!

    • BadKitty904

      Someone ought to oooopen up a window!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    If I fly up can I hit on Evan???

  • BadKitty904

    Watch out for Hessians!

  • URQ196

    So who is watching Lula?

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Does Roger Ailes have gout? He seems to wobble when he walks.

    • bubbuhh

      Swollen balls

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Schweddy balls?

    • Uncooked hamburger in his underpants.

    • Jamsie

      who the hell cares?

  • idiotboy

    Not to paint it with too broad of a brush but I have a lot of relatives in Philly, one is a cop (he is my age so most likely collecting pension and disability do not get me started on that subject).
    They are/were the most racist motherfuckers I have ever met. The last time I saw them was 1974 for the funeral of my grandmother (in CA). I was 15 and hated them all instantly
    Never been to Philly, so I do not know if they represent a large portion of the educated white trash.
    If I sound bitter today it is only because I am bitter.

    • Spoken with the tenderness only a bitter person could convey.

    • Justno

      You’re not entirely wrong. I was raised there. The cops tend to be the most racist but, in general, there are sections where people are significantly less racist. I have to mention that Philly cops can be way awesome, too.

      Aside from the racism it is a tough town in many ways and in a weird way we’re kind of proud of that–not of the racism (at least among the normals).

      • Apple Scruff

        Agree. I grew up in the Philly burbs, but spent my 20s/early 30s in NYC. I moved back to Philly 7 years ago and within a few months, I had three people make anti-Semitic comments to me (not knowing that I am Jewish). I was kind of shocked with how segregated and racist the city is. I’m planning on moving back to the NY area by the end of the year.

        • Justno

          Some rowhousers believe they have an inalieble right to protect their property values by any means necessary. Otherwise sane people still do this shit.

  • Serai 1

    So I guess this is the place to ask – is anyone planning to be in Washington for the inauguration? I’m really really wanting to go. Anyone thought about that?

    • Reddishrabbit

      I wonder if they will have room at Trump DC?

  • Citizen Sissy

    Yay! Looking forward to meeting kindred spirits Sunday. Kielbasa is on menu; therefore a first-rate place.

    If anyone fancies a dairy chaser to his/her beers, Franklin Fountain, which elevates ice cream to a near-religious experience, is within walking distance. Ginger ice cream with hot fudge? Oh, yes.

    • chapka

      YES FRANKLIN FOUNTAIN YES YES YES. Moved away from Philly (born and raised) a year ago and I still miss FF. I could murder a Mount Vesuvius and a Japanese Thirst Quencher phosphate.

    • Justno

      Goddamn I’m so homesick right now. I’d sell my firstborn for some fresh kielbasa, scrapple, cheesesteaks and hoagies.

  • Suttree

    Sorry Evan, while I do happen to live in a far away New Jersey land (which would be close enough to hit Pilly), I already have a neked Wonketteer in the bed right now.She needs me to rub up on her right now.

  • Jamsie

    See you there Evan. Can’t wait to meet you and other Wonketters!

  • DinkyBossetti

    Aw, man! We are already attending another event in the burbs tomorrow at 6, so we won’t be able to make it.

  • chapka

    Philly tips from a slightly homesick Philly kid now living in Seattle:

    Franklin Fountain (already mentioned).

    Rangoon Burmese restaurant, near the convention center. Get the Thousand Layer Bread.

    Brauhaus Schmitz on South Street if you like German beer, German food, and German beer.

  • Donarcyr1

    <<o. ★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★✫★:::::::!be485p:….,…

  • Apple Scruff

    I can’t make it to the drinky thingy, but I plan on coming into the city to check out the heavy clambakes this week so keep us posted on your whereabouts while in town!

  • Akat

    Soo I want to know how the drinky thing was so I can live vicariously through the Internet which is all the 3 month old babby I for some reason created to take over my life will allow me to do. Why do I live in the Philly burbs if I couldn’t take my one chance to meet wonketeers.

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