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Oh, THAT's where Malaysia is
See, now you know where the South China Sea is

So, what are the Foreigns up to this morning, aside from getting exercise outside by catching all the Pokémons? Oh, just defying international court decisions like a common George W. Bush, OK, fine, wait, what?

Turns out that earlier today (in weird, foreign time-travel today), the Permanent Court of Arbitration (PCA) at The Hague ruled that China’s claims to islands in the South China Sea are some bullshit, and that in fact some of the Spratly Islands within 200 miles of the coast of the Philippines are, in fact, Philippine territory.

This is a Big Fucking Deal, as Old Handsome Joe Biden would say, because China believes that 90 percent of the South China Sea (the part north of the red dotty line above) should be its exclusive economic territory, with all the fishing and oil-drilling rights thereunto appertaining. China has been turning sand bars and coral reefs into full-sized military bases complete with airfields and missile batteries to back up this assertion, including some of the islands the tribunal says rightly belong to the Republic of the Philippines.

The Philippines sued in the World Court over this, like a bunch of UN blue beret globalists, and now here we are. The tribunal said the generally accepted norms apply. Countries can control exclusive economic zones within 200 miles of their coastlines (the blue dotty lines), and can completely control waters within 12 miles of shore. But dumping sand on a coral reef does not turn it into sovereign territory, especially when it’s located 500 miles from your mainland.

Not surprisingly, the People’s Republic of China does not care for the PCA’s legal theory, which is based on the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS), a UN treaty that took effect in 1994. China bases its claims on history, which is a bit like the U.S. claiming exclusive fishing and oil rights off the coast of Mexico because we whupped their army in 1846.

Chinese President Xi Jinping immediately issued a statement rejecting the ruling’s validity, saying that basically Justice Marshall may enforce his ruling if he can. Also, the pope and what army?

Wipers of other people's bottoms!
Official Chinese response

So what does this all mean, on a scale of Kardashian divorce to Dallas police sniper? That’s hard to predict, although it’s safe to say China and the Philippines won’t immediately start shooting over it, no matter how tough the new Philippine president is. China has a large, modern navy to go along with its fortified islands, and the Philippines has little more than a coast guard.

The U.S. Navy, which compares roughly to the Chinese People’s Liberation Army Navy as the PLAN compares to its neighbors’s combined fleets, has been conducting “freedom of the seas” drive-bys within 12 miles of China’s artificial islands, to drive home the U.S. contention that these are international waters that China may not control. The American interest in all this is the fact that $5 trillion worth of seaborne trade passes through the South China Sea, trade essential to the U.S. economy no matter what Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders think.

The Obama administration has been working to create naval cooperation in Southeast Asia, tying together Vietnam, Malaysia, the Philippines and Japan as those most affected by China’s bullying, and also enlisting Australia, Indonesia and other affected parties. This is likely to further irritate China in the same way that NATO expansion causes Vladimir Putin to rattle sabers and secretly invade his neighbors.

So expect lots of diplomatic posturing, proposed sanctions, dick-waving, etc. And hope that nobody elects A Idiot to run American foreign policy.

[Time, Sydney Morning Herald, Xinhua]

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  • Nounverb911
    • msanthropesmr

      Nah, he’ll just default on the bonds.

  • Callyson

    So what does this all mean, on a scale of Kardashian divorce to Dallas police sniper?

    That the American people will come to their senses and realize we need a grown-up in the White House?

    What? I have to have some hope, and it’s too early to start drinking here…

    • msanthropesmr

      Never too early. Iron City FTW.

    • memzilla

      Needz moar training!

    • zerosumgame0005

      never too early for wake and bake!

    • OddMan

      Early enough for a B and B here.
      Bourbon and black coffee, hot.

    • bobbert

      Ah, I just realized that I’m sixteen hours ahead of you, comment-wise. It WAS too early.

  • calliecallie

    Pfft. Aren’t all those bases and islands and things going to be underwater in a few decades anyway?

  • Scooby

    臭的屁世界法庭

    • Señor Skwerl King

      Space Invaders!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I’ll have the dried sauté string beans.

      • Hutch

        Avoid the Fried Horse Crap with Child Sauce at all costs!

    • Querolous

      Tribunal mondial de prout malodorant?

      • Scooby

        Bien sur!

  • memzilla

    Unfortunately, all the Chinese will have to do is point out that a certain Rethuglican codswalloping twitwicket also ignored UN rulings in pursuit of a fucked-up foreign policy to get oil.

    • Rock Drummer

      ……codswalloping twitwicket…..

      I’m not sure what that is. Is it contagious? Will crab cream get rid of it?

      • Suttree

        Better use a flamethrower just to be sure.

    • TJ Barke

      I wonder what might have happened if all the money spent on gulf war II had been funneled into fusion research.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Or even K-12 education. With enough left over for free college for about the next six generations.

        • Groundloop

          And maybe medical care and other assistance for 9/11 first responders.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        W would have dropped some sort of fusion bomb on Baghdad.

        • TJ Barke

          We’ve already got some of those.

          • JohnC44

            Ah that Teller-Ulam design is so 1950s…time for antimatter weapons…1 kg of regular matter yields 40 megatons of energy equivalent in the form of a mini gamma ray burst when annihialiated with antimatter.

          • Lamashtar

            My rightwing instincts prefer the weapons that destroy the people but leave the property reusable.

          • JohnC44

            Perfectly evil and truly glorious!

            As a 1990s cartoon villian, I am greatly interested in this. I have a doofus bionic man, a quasi-sentient dog, and a precocious young child allegedly related to said bionic man on which to try this out.

            Send plans to my lair at once! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a885e4626dee2b37058c08aa298092e0e91898f954e4d0863110310c7434e503.jpg

      • bobbert

        To be fair, it would mean that practical fusion power was fifty years away.

        {Practical fusion power is ALWAYS fifty years away}

  • Señor Skwerl King

    As an American I struggle to understand this and how it fits into the Game of Thrones.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Really. It’s too complicated. I mean, like why do there have to be so many different kinds of foreigners?

      • Suttree

        They are predominately white though, so there’s that.

      • And some of them don’t even speak ‘murikin. How rude of them.

      • Ruhe

        Genesis 11: 1-9

    • Lizzietish81

      It involves Dany burning a ton of shit.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s tough, because we haven’t really been to the Jade Sea in the books or on TV. I’m also having a hard time understanding what a Free City like Braavos needs to Brexit from.

  • Suttree

    So when do the republicans start screeching about the evil PCA and the U.N. and their overreach?

  • TheDogAteMyVote

    Is there going to be an international incident? Because the $300,000 deposit on my Trump Towers Spratly Islands luxury condo is non-refundable….

    • bobbert

      Yes. Yes it is.

  • Well, I’d like to hope that everyone recognizes that going to war (even without nuclear weapons) would pretty much mutually wreck both China’s and America’s economy and settle this pissing match like rational adults.

  • Spotts1701

    Yeah, China’s not going to get into a shooting war over a bunch of islands covered in bird crap. They may not like it, and they’ll be pissed as hell about it, but they know there’s too much money to be made to start firing at nations that have Mutual-defense treaties with the U.S.

    • pstockholm

      They don’t need to start a war to force Philippines and Vietnamese forces off the islands. Unlikely the US would go to war to stop an occupation of the islands and a few sunk destroyers. They will impose sanctions, the world economy will tank slightly (from a very sluggish base, so noone will notice), the Chinese will make some kind of concession (but not on principle, never on principle), and after a number of years everyone will continue as before, only with a few more Chinese facts on the ground.
      The denouement (a limited nuclear war between the US and China is as likely as anything else) we leave to our grandchildren along with all the other crap. Sorry grandkids. We’re going to be known as “the shittiest generation”.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        whatta ya mean going to be known as? I was lead to believe we had that sucker in the bag

  • Steven M. Harries

    Psssst…Filipinos: You can get even by sending your “nurses” to China to work in their hospitals. China will surrender in a fortnight.

  • Why would they want to stirr up their biggest trading partner? I though the whole purpose of the TPP (other then wiping some elitist a$$) was so we would avoid crapburgers like this. Secondly, why would they even care about offshore drilling, there is a huge suppository sitting in Mainland China – not to mention the cost of drilling on land is like 500,000,000,000x cheaper.

    • Lazy Media

      China has nothing to do with the TPP. And the reason they’re pushing their claims to the South China Sea is 11 billion barrels of oil reserves.

      • anwisok

        And also control of one of the busiest shipping routes in the world, too,maybe?

        • pstockholm

          And also prestige, precedent, principle.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I have been following this entire cluster fuck for some time now. So I will give everyone a brief recap from what I have absorbed:

    -China is pulling a power play for one of the most traveled sea routes in the world. This waterway has been increasingly more important with the amount of money they have invested in African raw materials.

    -This is also a power play on regional competitors such as the Philippenes, Malaysia and Vietnam. They want to “put them in their place”. They want to flex their muscles regionally so that Hong Kong doesn’t get any fancy ideas about “sovereignty”

    -This is one of the reasons that President Obama is “supporting” some of the horrible TPP agreements. Because it would mean both Maylasia and Vietnam would become closer allies and less susceptible to Chinese blackmail or coercion.

    • SadDemInTex

      Crap…but there are things in TPP that have to be changed. Corporations being able to sue governments for having regulations (in place) that would interfere with “future profit”. We are already having trouble with that…fracking companies overturning citizen votes, water bottling companies pumping water in drought ridden areas to sell elsewhere. I find this a very worrisome situation.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Yeah, using this situation to sell TPP is debatable.

        • TJ Barke

          Putting it mildly.

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …I’m not trying to “sell” anyone on TPP. It has some truly fucked up provisions in it. But unfortunately politics is a “give and take”, meaning we get some things we like and some things don’t like. The only thing that gives me any hope about TPP is that treaties are often revised after enactment, as long as we keep progressives in the house, senate, SCOTUS and White House we can look forward to possibly cutting the garbage out. Until then I can settle for not allowing China to dominate all of its neighbors and turning them into slave states

          • Ruth Sampson

            <<o. ✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤:::::::!bw915p:….,.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I never said I liked the TPP. Honestly I lean more towards blocking it. However I do also see where it’s beneficial in “certain” areas.

        • SadDemInTex

          No matter what kind of treaty we put in place all I can see is what got everyone involved in WWI and WWII. Eventually two bullies will fight.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …I’m on the fence when it comes to that hypothesis as well:

            -There was an article that I read somewhere that essentially said, once a society gets to a certain male to female proportion(+Male vs. -Female) the probability of war is inevitable by statistics(I’m furiously googling as we speak). And from what my understanding is China has reached this point with the idiotic enforcement of their birth quota, which has driven the massive abortions of female fetuses.

            -The Chinese government and elites no longer consist of “purist”. Many are corrupt and driven solely by money. They know a war with the U.S. would impact them negatively since China is the largest holder of U.S. debt.

            My opinion is China probably will engage a country in their region in a war. Just to flex muscle at the U.S./Home and “balance out” the male to female ratio

          • SadDemInTex

            Interesting hypothesis. Testosterone is what destroys the earth…no wonder.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            There are several frightening, dangerous consequences of an imbalanced sex ratio. High ratios of males make it easier for women to marry, but harder for men.[58] In parts of China and India, there is a 12–15% excess of young men. These men will remain single and will be unable to have families, in societies where marriage is regarded as virtually universal and social status and acceptance depend, in large part, on being married and creating a new family. Analyses of how sex ratio imbalances affect personal consumption and intra-household distribution were pioneered by Gary Becker, Shoshana Grossbard-Shechtman,[59][60] and Marcia Guttentag and Paul Secord.[61] High ratios of males have a positive effect on marital fertility and women’s share of household consumption and negative effects on non-marital cohabitation and fertility and women’s labor supply. It has been shown that variation in sex ratio over time is inversely related to married women’s labor supply in the U.S.[62][63]

            An additional problem is that many of these men are of low socioeconomic class with limited education. When there is a shortage of women in the marriage market, the women can “marry up,” inevitably leaving the least desirable men with no marriage prospects. In many communities today, there are growing numbers of young men who come from lower classes who are marginalized because of lack of family prospects and the fact that they have little outlet for sexual energy. There is evidence that this situation will lead to increased levels of antisocial behavior and violence and will ultimately present a threat to the stability and security of society.[64]

            …eventually I think it was a documentary and not an article but here is an excerpt from Wiki. Worth a read!

          • SadDemInTex

            Interesting…I’m not sure I totally buy it. The devastation of WWI (where the ratio of men to women went way down…the interwar years can be called the “spinster” years there were so many women in Europe who never married because the men they would have married died in the war) did not seem to change the lead up to WWII. I think that there is serious social disruption in a society that is so imbalanced but these societies are fucked up because they ALREADY value men so far above women that they abort on gender alone. Sure women can “marry up” but the cost is still the same…men are more valued and more important than women. Also, one of the main reasons the male is valued so much is that he is responsible for taking care of the parents when they are old. When a woman marries in a society like that she becomes part of her husband’s family and is released from taking care of her parents (and, many times, is not even allowed to spend family resources taking care of her parents).

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …honestly I can agree. WWI into 2 was an extreme “outlier”. A country that is fairly prosperous(prior to 1915, with some issues) deciding to essentially go H.A.M. on everyone in their nearest vicinity. The documentary I watched went back centuries to analyze why nations with fairly good relationships all of a sudden decided “war” was the answer. I’m not saying it’s 100% but as a male(I’m not sure what you are sex) I can think of some of the dumb shit a bunch of high school football players sitting around a campfire can come up with. Then add in the fact that you know their aren’t enough women for you to get married to?! Now add in a government that wants to distract from its utter incompetence

            ETA:
            Women are not “gifted” to men. I was simply channeling my inner 16 year old.

            #BlessedBeTheGoddess

          • SadDemInTex

            The monarchists will be pissed about this but my theory (and it belongs to me ?) is that all those scions of Victoria (Especially the Kaiser) got all jealous of the $$$$ the British Empire was raking in during the 19th century and the $$$$ the British Royals had at their disposal (and all the sycophants of such Kings) they were mad as hell they were not the monarch of all the power and glory that all they could think about was “how can I be as rich and as powerful as my dumbass cousin Bertie?” and but for his parents “It Could Be Me”! I think of King Leopold of Belgium and how he pillaged and murdered and exploited the Congo because he wanted to be the richest monarch in Europe. They just wanted to all wanted to be the country that raped and pillaged the world as “wonderfully” as the Brits did.

          • Whale Chowder

            Clearly, we need a porn equivalent of Voice of America beaming videos into China stat!

          • Little Lulu

            Wilhelm Reich thought so. I don’t have the quote in front of me, but it was his belief that men were more inclined to make war because they had unfulfilling orgasms. War becomes a substitute for having a good come. I’m guessing that Trump gets testosterone shots or uses a gel or whatever the hell it is that men do once their testosterone levels flatline; but testosterone alone won’t guarantee that he’ll have glorious orgasms, especially since Melania refuses to wear the Ivanka mask. So, vote Hillary – Huma will keep her happy, bringing peace to the world! Glory!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Interesting thought; if someone declares war on you, can you ignore that you owe them money?
            For if so, I need to provoke a few people into declaring war on me….

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …hell, Germany did it!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            weeeelllll technically speaking, Germany only owed monies because the French were total fuckwaffles at Versailles. It is not like they had borrowed money before the war.
            I often wonder what would happen if we had gotten into I sooner, so that Wilson had more clout and was able to push harder to make the treat of Versaillse less horrific for the Germans. We might never had had the rise of the nazis or WWII. As a peace loving nogoodnik as I am, it is uncomfy to suggest that one time it would have been probably better if we had gone to war sooner.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …yeah, honestly this would have been the first time in history the “Bush Doctrine” could have worked

          • unrelatedwaffle

            The only things I can find on sex ratio and war are about the ratio AFTER war has happened. I am curious which article you read. Not that I don’t think men love war a little too much, but the ratio itself causing war sounds a little woo woo to me.

            I did, however, find this, which found a correlation (not causation! sez your friendly neighborhood social scientist) between sex ratio and domestic violent crime (uptick mostly attributable to family conflicts) http://ccr.sagepub.com/content/34/3/264.short

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …I’m pretty sure it was a documentary and not an article now that I think about it. I’m still trying to hunt it down as we speak. If and when I find it, I will post it

    • ManchuCandidate

      The problem for China is the PLAN is still pretty impotent against more experienced Western Navies. Still better than it was in the 90s (when I wrote an UNpublished novel about what if it became a hot mess), but pretty weak.

      Oh, and fuck the TPP.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yes, I know “land fortresses” mean jack shit in today’s modern age of JDAM’s and drones! But the Chinese government is just one level below N.Korea when it comes to verbal garbage and 5 levels above when it comes to military ability. They want to project strength in every action they make. They are skirting the finest of edges on Esclusive Economic Zone rules to essentially dominate the entire S.China sea. YES!!! the TPP is a steaming pile of horse shit with a cupcake on top, but don’t let the “perfect” be the enemy of the GOOD MEHHH.

  • cousin itt

    China needs to take a Spratly fall for their antics.

    I’ll see myself out.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those wacky yellow folks! Always building islands in waters that aren’t theirs.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      We’ve all heard of making a mountain out of a molehill, but this goes one step further.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Had the Court decided in our favor, we would, of course, be adamant about its legitimacy.”
    — China

  • Hutch

  • Oblios_Cap

    So I expect we’ll be seeing the black helicopters, carrying the blue-helmeted UN troops, begin invading China any hour now to enforce that decision, right? At least that’s what would happen here in the US if certain voices on the right are to be believed.

    (spoiler – they’re not)

  • Boy, them orry-entle types sure love them some fish, huh?

  • ManchuCandidate

    You know who else had a co-prosperity sphere in the Pacific?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Michael Crichton?

      • TJ Barke

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      Joel Osteen?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Mandarin?

    • Hutch

      大東亞共榮圏?

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      Mitzi Gaynor?

    • Creepoman

      Annette Funicello?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        needs moar skippy

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Lo Pan?

    • bseifried

      Pia Zadora?

  • Msmlg1979

    Actual candidate for POTUS Donald Trump just hopes well-to-do white men can still easily purchase females from all countries involved.

    • Mavenmaven

      He has Orange, not Yellow, fever.

      • phoenix00

        You know what they say about complementary colors

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I bet Putin would know what to do.”
    — Donald Trump

    • artem1s

      I’m sure he’ll be on the twits any second now telling the world how he’s gonna take back the Philippines and make America Imperial again and F*ck China too.

  • Paperless Tiger

    It is difficult to determine the amount of oil and natural gas in the South China Sea because of under-exploration and territorial disputes. – EIA.

    Probably due for some seismic testing. This means war!

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      The Koch brothers would probably just love to start fracking there.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Historically”, China has this interesting concept that the entire world belongs to them, as they’re the center of the universe.

  • Mavenmaven

    Of course there’s a Month Python animated segment that is exactly relevant, but I’m not going to be the one posting it…

  • Beowoof14

    So China has been made an economic powerhouse by our wise Wall Street overlords and now China thinks it can run stuff. Okay Wall Street your move, oh wait you don’t have one.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      It was kinda bound to be that way after the use of the crackdown on Tiananmen protesters to turn China into the world’s sweatshop.

  • baconzgood

    Them crazy Asian Super Military and Economic powers like China, and Japan with their lust for islands in the Pacific rim.

    Well at least nothing ever horrible ever happened in a China and Japanese war in the last 700 years. Except that one thing… or those 4 others…or that 15 others before that.

    But you can be damn sure that America can stop a genocide in the Western Pacific now. Like we did in Rwanda or Serbia, or In El Salvador, or Iraq, or Chile.

    • TJ Barke

      Or Indonesia under Suharto…

      • baconzgood

        Or the Philippines (who we destroyed with bonds and over speculation)….in fact didn’t we rob form the “Asian Tiger” economies? I remember reading that in the Wall Street Journal (late August 1989)

  • HazooToo

    Okay, so I’m kind of looking for clarification here. Are China and Russia basically trying to expand their borders with all their recent shit-stirring? And how bad is this likely to get?

    • TJ Barke

      They wanna get into the US’s imperial/neocolonialism game. They’re totes jelly.

      • pstockholm

        In their terms it’s slowly expanding the cultural sinosphere to eventually encompass pesky barbarians. And keep the surprising robust and actually dangerous western barbarians far away from the Homeland, and squabbling amongst themselves. If we all learned Chinese and applied for a tributary but loose association with the Empire, sorry, People’s Republic, they would be cool with that.
        They think they are immune to the laws of strategic power balance, and uniquely wise in the ways of statecraft and the Great Game. History will rap their knuckles, just like everyone else’s.

    • Lazy Media

      It could get really terrible on a local basis, as it already has done in Ukraine. On a global basis, it’s not likely to get worse than the occasional “oops” ship mining/torpedoing.

    • eddi

      Nothing distracts the proles like a good Sitzkreig. Both economies are sucking fumes and dealing with unhappy people.

    • In China’s case, it’s about expanding influence and projecting superpower status. Though I’m sure they’d keep a fortified reef or two if the world let’s them.

      In Putin’s case, frozen conflicts keep his enemies in disarray, his nationalists at home fist pumping and his economic mismanagement out of the spotlight. It also, in ukraine’s case, effectively stopped any progress towards joining the EU / pivoting to Europe. I actually don’t he really wants to administer (say) Crimea. It’s much better for him to have an unstable neighbor next door.

      • HazooToo

        Okay, thank you! This seems like middling on the danger scale. Potential to get bad if mismanaged, but not intentionally world-threatening. Still creepy as fuck.

    • phoenix00

      Yes. Some are suspecting it’s for undersea oil and other resources.

  • Jeff in the desert

    OK!!! We are taking Mexico! (Solves most of the immigration problem, anyway.)

    • Jeff in the desert

      Let El Chapo loose on ISIS.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        Hmm. Would ISIS admire him for his dislike of the US, or be disgusted at his pork consumption?

        • Jeff in the desert

          Well, I am thinking in exchange for freedom and exclusive rights to the middle east market, he gets them so drugged out peace and love prevail. And we make the breakout look authentic and bankroll him and his thugs into say…Syria.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Hey, I am disgusted with pork consumption. Uh, except bacon. And chicharones….

  • limberrat
    • TJ Barke

      Putting it mildly.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      In a tweet now deleted….

      why do these fucksticks always do that? Post stupid assed shit and then delete it, but still go on to say they were RIGHT anyhow so there!
      Why not just leave it up? Fucking chicken shit cowards.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      If ever there were a perfect candidate for Person Who Belongs In China’s Gulags, Tomi Lahren is it.

  • Jeff in the desert

    OT: May Joe Paterno rot in his fucking grave. And the fucking NCAA retake back the wins and fine another billion dollars. Assholes, slimes…..shits….etc

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2016/07/12/joe-paterno-knew-of-jerry-sandusky-abuse-in-1976-per-testimony-in-newly-unsealed-records/

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Time to build him another statue.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        Preferably one that the world’s decent people can skull-fuck.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          I think I’d prefer something involving pure violence – I Iike sex too much to ruin it with justice. Something involving blunt force – that I could get behind.

          With votes, or something. Shut up, he’s dead.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      What a shock (not so much.)

  • pstockholm

    Reefer madness.

  • Bitter Scribe
  • Thaumaturgist

    Can we wave The Donald’s Dick at them? Would that do it?

    • Pickwicknext

      No one would be able to see it, so, like the dick, very little

  • sw19womble

    Welp, letting China take Tibet and Taiwan neville-chamberlain style doesn’t seem to have satisfied them. Said nobody with half a brain.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    But if the US and China went to war with each other, who would make all that junk that real ‘Muricans buy in Wal-Mart?

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Well, we certainly wouldn’t quit buying their shit. I mean war is one thing, but commerce is commerce!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Vietnam is on line 2

  • CJTX

    Heh, who knew Joe Scarborough had a shoal in Asia?

    • The Wanderer

      He’s shallow enough to BE a shoal.

  • Metadude

    Major, just so ya know, we Olds like to do our own Monty Python riffs.

  • Recipriversexclusons

    X4.Major, SIR! (Yeah, whatever…)
    Thank you for your efforts to bring this international
    concern to our Wonkette. This article only scratches the surface of what’s
    going on within the ASIAN political/diplomatic region. The circumstances reach
    FAR BEYOND the Philippines.

    The results of the recent Nihon elections clearly reflect
    our ally’s concern over China’s “flexing of their political/military
    muscle”. I hope there is an effort to observe the changes that will take
    place to the Japanese Constitution here, in the USA.

    I’ve been trying to follow this for about three plus years
    and the only way I could do so was by reaching out to multiple foreign news
    sources. I hope your readers (and/or Wonkette’s) will express an interest
    beyond the borders of the U.S. in an effort to view what is of concern beyond
    the radius of our “gated communities”…

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Yup. We’re going to be looking at the S. China Sea and parts of Africa as the next next trouble spots soon. Remember when it was just the Balkans (it was never just the Balkans)?

      At least we don’t live in any of those ‘theres’.

  • Vote Third Party

    China is out of it’s fucking mind. Their proposed exclusive economic zone literally hits the shore of Malaysia, Brunei, and the Philippines on the other side of the sea.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Wait a minute. You’re saying we have to actually care about stupid arguments between groups of non-caucasians who are not American? I don’t think so.

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