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Hola Wonkers, you got a comfy spot to sit your rump, so you can watch the latest episode of Yay, Elizabeth Warren Ripped Donald Trump A New Bunghole? Of course you are! This one’s not a speech — she’s done that already, and she’ll do it again! It’s also not a Twitter tirade, because pffffffft Twitter. Also, she has done that before too.

This, instead, is a video she created for the commie liberals at MoveOn.org. It is a very good video! You watch it now, we will do #spoilers after that.

I have to be honest. It is hard to talk about Donald Trump. Between his ignorance, his racism, his sexism, his lies, it is actually hard to know where to start!

Is she going to beat ass on all these subjects? Naw, she’s got other shit to do. Here’s what she wants to talk about:

Today I want to focus on one lie that helps to sum up what Trump is all about — his taxes. We don’t actually know what Donald Trump pays in taxes because he is the first presidential nominee in 40 years to refuse to disclose his tax return. [Video shows clips of Republicans suggesting that he’s hiding something BIGLY.]

Look, maybe he’s just a lousy businessman who doesn’t want you to find out that he’s worth a whole lot less money than he claims.

It’s funny because we know for a fact that he is a lousy businessman, and that he’s also bad at finding dollars for his flailing campaign. It’s also funny because Hillary just came out with an ad that says the SAME DAMN THING. That, kiddos, is what’s called being On Message, and it is a thing campaigns can do when they have more than two nickels to rub together. Donald J. Trump cannot do that, awwwww.

GO ON, ELIZABETH:

The last time Donald Trump’s taxes were made public, it turned out that Donald Trump paid nothing in federal taxes. ZERO. Zero taxes before, and for all we know, he’s paying zero taxes today. And he’s proud of it. […] Trump likes being a billionaire, and he doesn’t think the rules that apply to everyone else should apply to him. But let’s be clear. Donald Trump didn’t get rich on his own.

Liz then ticks off a list of all the ways Donald Trump Didn’t Build That, along the same lines as President Obama’s famous talk about You Didn’t Build That. It’s a good and true message, because there are ALL THESE THINGS our tax dollars pay for, like police and fire and roads and the military, and if those things didn’t exist, Trump wouldn’t even be ABLE to create scammy “universities” to take people’s hard-earned moneys and roll it around between his greasy short fingers.

Liz has more shit to talk. How did Trump actually get rich?

He inherited a fortune from his father, and kept it going by scamming people, declaring bankruptcy, and skipping out on what he owed. Nurses, teachers, dock workers, they pay their fair share for the services that keep Trump’s businesses going. Programmers and engineers, small business owners, they pay their fair share …

Donald Trump thinks that supporting them is “throwing money down the drain”? I say we just throw Donald Trump down the drain! Donald Trump is a fraud, and a cheapskate, and he’s a bully.

So what do we do, Sen. Warren? Do we talk to strangers about how much Donald Trump sucks a big donkey scrotum? Yes, we do!

Speak out. Talk to the person behind you in the grocery store. Talk to the person pumping gas next to you. … Ask your Fox News-loving Republican uncle, “Why do YOU pay your taxes, and Donald Trump doesn’t?”

You have your assignment from your general, ladies and gentlemen! You all go to the Big Lots RIGHT NOW and tell everybody about Donald Trump’s tiny hands and how They Didn’t Build That, and also about his tax returns, using the script Warren provided. And try not to get beat up, because Trump supporters are pigs.

[The New Civil Rights Movement]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    The problem is that The Donald is quite the unflushable and no one wants to scoop him out.

    • Sardonicuss

      Like on Star Trek; He’s a Klingon.

      • BosGrl

        WORF LIBELZ!!

      • kindness

        I could tribble to that.

    • BadKitty904

      Finally – a job worthy of Joe the Plumber…

      • Pickwicknext

        If he were actually a plumber

        • BadKitty904

          Ya sends a fake to deplug a fake…

        • Malaclypse

          Or actually Joe

        • arglebargle

          Ya dig out the shit with the Wurzelbacher ya got.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Not only are Trump supporters pigs, they’re most likely armed.

    I hope the GOP tries to deny him the nomination. Hilarity would most definitely ensue.

  • eggsacklywright

    It’s OK to tell a lie if you have your fingers crossed. Donnie struggles to cross his short fingers, and fails.

  • Rock Drummer

    The trumpster fire either loopholed paying no taxes, didn’t earn enough to pay taxes or has his money out of IRS reach. Either way, should his returns be made public it will prove him to be a taker, a fraud or both.

    • SullivanSt

      His main assets are rental real estate – so his deductions for depreciation are likely yoooooj.

    • Logic of Color

      Or worse…not rich

  • Fly

    Cheeseus Elizabeth, let Trump at least make it through the convention.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, come now – I think we’ve earned a little light crucifixion, pre-Convention, don’t you?

  • Pickwicknext

    It’s so much fun to watch Lizzie bitch-slap Donnie all up and down the world.

  • LarryHoudini

    Okay, if he was such a shitty businessman, why is he running such a first class presidential campaign?

    • arglebargle

      It’s bigly classy.

    • BadKitty904

      Good point.

    • Joe Beese

      When he sends Christie out to fetch McDonald’s, he tells him to hoard all the ketchup packets.

      • arglebargle

        Sending Christie out to pick up the lunch order is never a good idea.

    • MarkM

      His campaign is being run just as competently as his businesses are.

    • MrBlobfish

      I think you have it backwards.

    • Playonwords

      He isn’t, he’s running a promo campaign based on shock. He did the same thing with the initial promo work for Trump U, Trump Airlines, and his other scams. It depends upon the news organisations reporting only the headlines.

      This got him attention in the short term but now the headlines are not enough and the broadcasters will start to see that a deeper examination pulls in audiences. It will get worse closer to the election when those sound bites he has been so profligate in spreading come back to bite him in the ass and his assertion that “I didn’t say that” will no longer work.

      Expect documentaries about how shitty Trump hotels actually are, more on his inability to make money from a casino, more on Trump U. Showmanship is loved but there is nothing public loves more than watching train wrecks

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    JFC. HRC yesterday and EW today. Welcome to the big leagues, Donald.

    • MrBlobfish

      He’s getting beaten up by gurls. You know he hates that.

      • kindness

        Have you seen the smirk on Donald’s wife’s face? I suspect he is beaten more than we know (or want to know).

  • Sardonicuss

    Ofcourse he is broke. Running the campaign like his horrible business. Stiffing the help, skimming 20% off the top, national campaign staff of 30? (by the way, who is going to work for him knowing he doesn’t pay the help?). Relies on free media instead of ad buys….his whole campaign is a monorail.
    Get him Lizbeth…

  • Shibusa

    Senator Warren is on the warpath.

    • shastakoala

      She squawshed Trump.

      • Oblios_Cap

        She’s making him quiver.

      • calliecallie

        It’s a little corny, but she beaned him, sister.

    • Joe Beese

      No smoke-um peace pipe!

    • Creepoman

      Pokin-Don’s-ass

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh no you di-int!

    • GeminiCricket

      Blood will be shed! Not Frumpf’s, the senator is ovulating!

    • Painter of Goats

      That was brave of her.

    • eggsacklywright

      Heap bigly.

    • eggsacklywright

      Donnie es muy tonto.

    • Playonwords

      Trouble is that scalp is a weave

  • Dr. Strangelove’s Child

    I think that Hillary should say that she will release her transcripts when Donald releases his full, unredacted income tax returns for the last 20 years. Because to be honest with you, I can’t imagine anything in those transcripts that would be worse than exposing Donald as being broke, or as liar.

  • beatbort

    NIMD, Senator Warren. Not in my drain!

    • wavicles

      Down a deep well works also.

  • GeminiCricket

    Thank God there’s no chance of a hair clog.

  • Creepoman

    What is it about being an uncle that turns us into such know-it-all, loudmouthed dicks? (speaking as an uncle myself) #notalluncles

    • SmokinGood

      That’s just a little lie we tell so we don’t have to admit in public that those assholes are even more closely related than that?

  • memzilla

    Reporting a mere $1.3 million on hand, with rival Hillary Clinton sitting on $42.5 million, Trump was mocked for running a campaign on the cheap while still claiming to be a billionaire who is self-funding.
    .

    • Joe Beese

      I enjoy the image of Hillary literally sitting on round burlap sacks with a dollar sign stenciled on them.

  • Treg.Brown

    I don’t think I could love Elizabeth Warren more. We need twenty more of her in the senate.

    • Creepoman

      99 more

      • Treg.Brown

        I like the cut of your jib. Not sure exactly what that means, but I know it’s a compliment.

        • BadKitty904

          Jib-cutters are hard to come by, these days…

          • eggsacklywright

            Maybe try Mohels-R-Us?

          • ken_kukec

            Jib, schmekel — if you can cut one, you can cut the other.

        • Creepoman

          ‘Lizbeth in every seat!

        • Gary Charound

          Nobody likes the cut of my jib. It’s too tacky.

          • Blank Ron

            Boom!

          • ken_kukec

            “I said the JIB, not main sail! … no, no don’t touch that … prepare to jibe!!”

          • Querolous

            We’re going to get pooped!

    • Relativicus

      That may be, but you should still vote to defeat Proposition 1111, which proposes to legalize the public sale of “My Little Cloney” home cloning kits.

  • baconzgood

    I said it before and I’ll say it again.

    THIS CHICK ROCKS!!!!

  • greyXstar

    OT: Little Marco has announced he’s going back on his word and running for his Senate job that he hates, two days after he voted against gun control that 90% of the country wants.

    It’s an embarrassment of riches this year!

    • Joe Beese

      It’s not that his hoped-for lucrative post-politics gig never materialized. It’s that the country needs him.

      • greyXstar

        He spent the whole week saying the country needed him. He couldn’t just sit by and watch such a terrible tragedy happen in his backyard without doing all he could to help.

        I guess in fairness, he didn’t say who he was going to help.

        • Joe Beese

          The spirits of the Orlando martyrs are crying for the justice that only Marco Rubio can give them!

    • Nounverb911

      So Norman Braman didn’t need a new car wash boy after all.

      • greyXstar

        Is he tall enough to wash cars?

    • cousin itt

      Parking cars at Mar-a-Lago not enough for him?

      • greyXstar

        Way too much work.

      • Blank Ron

        He got tired of his paycheques bouncing.

    • Logic of Color

      The Heritage guys must’ve returned his emails unopened

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, somebody’s gotta pay for his hair-plugs!

      • greyXstar

        The grift ain’t gonna grift itself!

      • GeminiCricket

        And what about all that bottled water…

        • BadKitty904

          Lil’ Marco is one hydrated hypocrite…

    • Nounverb911

      It’s still too late Lil Marco.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The alligator-bait gig at Disney World didn’t pan out?

      • shastakoala

        He has high hopes for his new line of finger extensions.

      • Gary Charound

        Alligators gotta alligate.

    • SnarkTank

      Translation: Teh Drumpfenfuhrer finally told me I’m not going to get offered a job in his Administration (HA! Like there’s going to BE one!). And work is hard, y’all. So….fuck it, I might as well just sit my ass in a Democratically controlled Senate and collect a paycheck.

      • Joe Beese

        Only Marco has no problem collecting the Senate paycheck without bothering to waste his time being physically present in it.

      • arglebargle

        He doesn’t even sit his sorry ass in the senate chamber. Will he actually get reelected? Florida gets what it deserves most of the time. See Maine, Kansas, Texas, etc.

        • greyXstar

          I’m not sure he has a chance. Especially with the gun control votes this week. Keep in mind, he lost every county in the primary except for Miami -Dade, and only because of the 50+ year old Cuban immigrants. That’s really his only support.

    • Pickwicknext

      Oooo, maybe Ted will campaign for him. It could only help

      • greyXstar

        Eww, we have enough lake scum here already.

    • Biff52

      I may have to kick some scratch Grayson’s way…

    • shaar dula

      how do these people live with themselves man? you grow up in a country that has the best mankind has to offer and all you grow up to be is a person who dances over the bodies of innocent dead people for personal gain? wtf is wrong with you man???

      • greyXstar

        Sociopaths. A whole lot of them apparently.

  • MrBlobfish

    Wacky Elizabeth Warren.

    • Biff52

      POCAHONTAS?!?!?!

  • thirdeblue

    Give it another election cycle or two and the Republican nominee will have their headquarters in the Cayman Islands.

    • Nounverb911

      Right next to Mitt’s money.

  • Msgr_Moment

    throw the yooge down the well.

  • limberrat

    Jobs Jobs Jobs! Shut up trump!

    • Paganish

      Sorry bud, Jobs is gone. But if he were still with us, I’d vote for him over Trump any day.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “Thank you very much.”

    Wow, his first honest line.

  • limberrat

    Great Again! Great Again! Great Again!

  • limberrat

    USA USA USA USA USA

  • Scooby

    Maybe Jonn Barron just paid his taxes for him.

  • Randy Riddle

    A fraud, a cheapskate and a bully walk into a bar …

    • Pickwicknext

      And sees a sign:

      Hillary 2016

    • Logic of Color

      Then he eats, shoots and leaves.

    • And the bartender says “Get the fuck out, Mr, Trump”

      • BadKitty904

        JINX! Sort’ve…

    • BadKitty904

      And the bartender says, “Good evening, Mr. Trump. About your tab…”

    • Msgr_Moment

      Sues the bar for hanging too low.

  • limberrat

    Now watch Clinton and crew literally call Donald out on all his bullshit.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Jebus, where to start? This might take all week.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That is why Hillz has so much money. She does not have to really do much op research; just wait for him to open his yap and the ads will write themselves.

    • Sardonicuss

      Starting to worry about outrage fatigue. 5 more months of attacking a screeching cartoon villain.
      By the time he reaches the “baby eating” chapter of the campaign – people may just be going “meh”?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        you underestimate the American ability to be outraged. It is a limitless vat of potential right there.

        • Sardonicuss

          Yeah, but it’s usually the other side and they are outraged about – nothing.
          He sets a new low bar every day..and then crawls under it.

          • IHaveThoughts

            I liked what Holly Walker said on The Nightly Show. “You don’t need a very high bar when you’re a snake.”

        • Pickwicknext

          How tied is this potential to the stupidity potential?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            You’d be surprised to note the Venn at this point is a big circle

      • The Wanderer

        “He’s stolen my act!”
        – The Baby-Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells

  • Relativicus

    Warren for Senate!

  • lucidamente

    Just wait till they release The Biden.

    • BadKitty904

      Unleash OHJ!!!

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Big Lots. Land of failed marketing ideas. I expect the Make America Great hats to be there soon.

    • edith prickly

      Free with a $5 purchase.

      • Amy!

        Or you know, just free, in a big bin next to the cash register.

        Take two! They’re small!

        • Blank Ron

          No, that’s the bin of Make America Great Again gloves.

    • Reddishrabbit

      That or if they can’t sell, ship them to some nation where they need charity clothing, just like the Golden State 2015-2016 championship hats.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        “We don’t want them” – Impoverished Nation

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Trump supporters might be pigs, but they are only brave in a group. Liz is suggesting we do this singly. They will cave and tuck tail every time, if it is a one on one.

    • baconzgood

      They will site opinions as facts then tell you to “look it up”. If you DO look it up its something written by the John Birch Society or another ridiculous pamphlet. But when you quote Donald verbatim the will say it was taken out of context or it is a liberal lie.

      Believe me these “trumpets” are impossible to argue with. I’ve been doing it for almost a year now. Best course of action is to make a fist and punch yourself until you can’t gear them anymore.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Au contrair, not impossible to argue with, I do it at work all the time. Well, I did, but they are very careful to now turn off Fox when I walk in, and steer the conversation into anything but politics :)
        Mostly because I think the one time I asked them “You do realize that is an utter lie and has been debunked here, here, here and here, right? You can’t tell me you actually believe this when it has been proven to be untrue, right?”

  • Msgr_Moment

    So the Bernie strategy is what Trump’s gonna go with? Seems legit.

  • theblackdog

    OT but several members of the House just staged a sit-in demanding a vote on closing the gun background check loophole and other measures. House leadership just gaveled them out of session so who knows if there will be any work gettng done by them today.

    • Pickwicknext

      How would we be able to tell the difference from all the other days?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      So you mean the House will be getting even less done? What number in real world terms is less than zero?

      • theblackdog

        Below sea level?

  • baconzgood

    I have “flushing” Donald is going to be harder than flushing your radiator. Now that he’s running for POTUS, after he gets creamed in the polls in November, he’ll be on Fox every day. And I think that’s all he really wanted.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I notice with Warren, Trump’s name-calling gift fails him. With others, he’s captured something with a grain of truth to it – Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco, etc. – but Warren he calls ‘goofy.’ With her he can’t do more than the simplest advertising principle, which is to tell the precise opposite of the truth – she’s about the least ‘goofy’ person alive.

    • baconzgood

      I encourage my kids to be “goofy”, so I don’t see it as an insult at all.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      I’m surprised he hasn’t started calling her “7-11 Liz” because when you’re a racist like Trumpus- in for a penny, in for a blob of shit.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I hear the Trump people are already preparing his Teleprompter for the debates. Wait, what?

    • Joe Beese

      Someone predicted that Trump will only risk a single debate. I hope not. The Trump-Clinton debates represent the greatest boozing opportunity I’ll have for years.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I bet he chickens out on all of them.

        • Pickwicknext

          Chicken libelz!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            sorry sorry, chicken americans. I meant I bet he bravely turns his tail and flees all of em.

          • They were forced to eat his campaign advisors, and there was much rejoicing.

          • arglebargle

            Sir Robin libelz.

          • eggsacklywright

            …turns his tail and fleas?

          • Querolous

            Flees/Fleeces. We report you deride.

      • The Wanderer

        We’ll all have alcohol poisoning by Halloween.

        • Biff52

          Speaking of, I didn’t hear him invoke reagan in his speech today. I admit, I was only paying half-hearted attention.

      • Dr. Strangelove’s Child

        If I were advising Cheeto, I’d shoot him with a Tranq gun before I ever let him get on a debate stage with Hillary.

      • cynmac

        Yeah, Obama was too timid at the first one and Mittens started imploding at the second. I say we need at least 3, but Trump will chicken out, I am certain.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Damn it, Donnie, this does not work if you don’t read what is actually there!
      You’re fired. Next!
      You did beautifully sir, it was bigly great! Now if you could just read….
      You’re fired. Next!

  • Beowoof14

    Pocohontas be scalping Trump, which would improve his hair.

  • limberrat

    So Donnie’s speech was essentially every single conspiracy theory about the Clintons ever done in the most haphazard way possible. And in many ways it bored me.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    A little OT, but ya know, if we’re all reeeally lucky and Trump’s campaign turns out to be an historical aberration, we should all be collecting all the Trump campaign paraphernalia we can. This stuff is going to be collector GOLD in about thirty or forty years. Leave it to your kids.

    • Blank Ron

      Much trueness to this. Now and again I see Nixon stuff at collectable shows, and the prices asked (and gotten) for it are astonishing.

    • arglebargle

      I so want to get a “Make America Great Again” hat but I’ll be damned if Trump gets a penny of my money.

      • cynmac

        Wait until the inventory goes to Big Lots or Overstock.

        • wavicles

          Flea markets, swap meets and yard sales come springtime.

    • Biff52

      I’m not so sure. I have some George Wallace stuff, and it ain’t worth a plug nickel.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        How much are you asking for your can of Billy Beer?

        • Biff52

          Wish I had more of them! The one I have somehow got a pinhole in it and it evaporated, but it is unopened.

        • Biff52

          Hadn’t thought about selling it. And it’s a Billy Beer can, not a can of Billy Beer. Sprung a leak and evaporated.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I was joking…I had NO idea you had a can of Billy Beer. Or a Billy Beer can. That’s pretty cool.

          • Biff52

            Weird. Disqus keeps sending me notifications on comments and replies to comments, many times duplicates. Somehow, I thought we had discussed this earlier.

            I should sell everything but my vehicles and musical instruments, simplify my life…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe. I’m an oldz…my memory isn’t what it once was. Yes, sell it all, but not the instruments, the cool cars, and the house looking at the Sierras.

          • Biff52

            I’ll probably only make enough by selling the other house to build a garage here for a car and the motorcycle.

  • Mavenmaven

    This is good news for Carly Fiorina!

  • Iron Monkey

    When I was about 8 years old I remember seeing a form 1040 that my father used to figure out his income tax. The only thing I can recall from the form itself was that some taxpayers were paying 93%–I didn’t understand marginal rates, obviously.

    Bring back 93% marginal tax rates.

    • limberrat

      Damn that Eisenhower and Nixon for taxing the rich!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Taxes were invented by China to make America less competitive. Obviously that’s what Nixon was doing over there.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Goddam commies!

  • coozledad

    I just watched Trump’s speech for awhile. He’s a liar, but the Halperins and Nagourneys and Nedra Picklers of this world will suck his dick just like they did for W. “Remarkably coherent!” they will say. “Tasty, tasty dick.”Halperin will say.

    “Do I get my bonus now?” they will say.

    If you don’t think the DC Press will eat that shit and love it, you haven’t watched them blow the Republicans for the past eight years. A significant number of them are criminally incompetent.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Some will. But the press has started calling him out. It is now cool to have one’s cred yanked by this numbnuts.
      I suspect they will not stop calling him out now, in part at least.

      • Pickwicknext

        And added bonus of having your credentials yanked, you don’t have to see Cheeto Jeebus in person anymore

        • Kavefish

          Yeah, but John Miller *still* keeps calling.

      • Sardonicuss

        If every time he appeared on t.v. (or phoned it in) they ran a scrolling chyron of his real time lies beneath the story, like CNN did a few weeks back, it would be cool. They could still get their horse race ratings, but people would be seeing that every other word out his mouth is bullshit.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I really liked when CNN did that XD They could do it for Hillz too, to be fair and blanaced and shit.
          Course, the scroll would not have nearly as much on it, but I digress.

          • Sardonicuss

            Plus the keyboard for the poor intern doing Trump would burst into flames in a short time.

          • Banrion

            They’d have to allocate a team of at least 4 interns, who would handle then in turns.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Joan McCarter’s take from Kos.

      • cynmac

        So it was the same ole, same ole bore. Thanks for posting this.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Amazing how he’s managed to pivot so quickly from a totally clueless idiot to someone who can read from a teleprompter without going offscript so much.”

    • HanBarbara

      If you listen to he guy (I can’t for very long) most of what he says is crazy, bizarre gibberish. He’s like the drunk at the end of the bar that everyone sidles away from. His speech today was still more batshit crazy gibberish. If Hillz and Liz keep up the pressure he really will come unhinged.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Lies. Pocahontas wants to talk about how I’m a liar but then she won’t talk about her lies. She’s not Indian. I’m worth billions and she’s a fake. Pathetic. Stop lying goofy Elizabeth and just tell the truth. Sad!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Trump lied. Casinos died.

      • Playonwords

        Good Tweet!

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Trump lied. Chapter 11 was tried.

  • kindness

    Good ole Professor Senator Warren…. Whatta gal. In her magnanimousness (is that even a word?) she should consider tossing his Trumpness a life preserver. Specifically, an Acme Anvil Life Jacket would be best imho.

  • Msmlg1979

    I just know Trump is going to have the most sublime, devastatingly clever shade to throw back at her. It’s not gonna sound like it came from the mouth of a white supremacist’s 7 year old. Not at all.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      As usual, he’s going to sound like RuPaul delivering lines written by Oscar Wilde*

      *correction: Ted Nugent delivering lines written by Bill the Cat.

      • Msmlg1979

        I would listen to RuPaul read a phonebook, as long as she laughs her fabulous laugh after every name.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Ack.

    • greyXstar

      I got a tenner that says he calls Warren and Hillz bitches by September.

      • Msmlg1979

        I got a Harriet Tubman 20 that says you’re exactly right.

      • Arse Grammatica

        I’m waiting for that and more and worse in interviews of delegates during the convention.

    • HanBarbara

      He will also get around to saying that Bill cheated on Hillary because she “was not a 10”.

      • Serai 1

        Amazing he hasn’t hit that yet, isn’t it?

  • greyXstar

    Technically Mitt refused to release his returns too. Yeah, we still saw what he paid, but it was just a summary of a couple of years. I’m afraid this will end up getting turned around into Goofy Warren and Crooked Hillary lying.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I flushed a Donald Trump once- my septic tank burst. It was a traumatic experience for that kid who thought I’d struck oil and tried to dance beneath the spray.

    • Playonwords

      Paraphasing, the extremely racist and sexist Blaster Bates told a story where he was demolishing the top of a sillage pit but hadn’t realised that the “floor” was just the crust on another 5 feet of shit.

      The explosives went off and the Blaster realised he was downwind and a vast cloud of shit was heading his way – he described it as having all the colours of a starling’s wing

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        So it sounds like the sillage pit did the rest of the world a favor….

      • PubOption

        If I remember correctly, the shit eventually hit an Italian POW.

        • Playonwords

          Yup, the blaster was always dodging the shit.

  • Msgr_Moment

    OT: Meanwhile, on SMOTI’s ProgressivesToday, front-page story on Cher saying that if Trump wins, she’ll “shoot [her] brains out”.

    Why are the lamestream media not on top of this?!

    • Msmlg1979

      She likes gypsies and tramps..thieves not so much, apparently.

  • calliecallie

    Does anyone else have Speaker Paul Ryan video craziness with no sound jumping up on their screen?

    • Autoplay videos? On MY Wonket?!

      • Amy!

        The wibbitz thing?

        • The Wanderer

          Wibbitz! Wibbitz good!

          • proudgrampa

            Silly Wibbitz!

          • greyXstar

            Crack that wibbitz!

        • natoslug

          Are you mocking a frog with a speech impediment?

          • Amy!

            Errrr … no?

            I had a thing this morning that was a wonkette-story-based video, on autoplay, without sound, that was ‘generated by wibbitz’ or something. I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off, but put them in my block list (because the video had my cpu up to uncomfortably warm, apart from autoplay being distracting as hell), and haven’t seen one since, so … I can’t tell if that’s what calliecallie refers to or not. If it’s the same thing, I’m in favor of killing it with painvotes.

          • lroom

            I’m having the same problem. How did you block the wibbetz thing?

          • Amy!

            Well … I’m a geek? So I work from home, where I have my own network, which has its own nameservers, where I can configure the server to claim to be authoritative for any domain in the world. I think of it as my Bigger Hammer. I use it when people put up autoplay videos, mostly, because a lot of those (for some reason) don’t get caught by ad-blockers (which I use on other sites). I’m a little disappointed that I got this one here, since I’m on the “ad-fewer” subscription.

            So … if you’re running bind, or another nameserver and can convert between bind configs to that server, I can give you the bind recipe for blocking wibbitz.com (or any other domain of similar ill-repute) with a Bigger Hammer. If this all sounds like black magic from the heart of evil … then anything I can offer prolly won’t be useful?

            Sorry for the delayed response. I had to take time out from commenting to do some work. Life is so unfair!

          • lroom

            Thanks! I have no idea what any of that means but I do appreciate the response.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Your entire non-comment there is my response these days to just about everything…

        • jmk

          Pardon me?

          I think I’m just having trouble with your accent…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Are you suggesting running the country on the Prosperity Gospel might not work?

    • Pickwicknext

      Oooooo…maybe the people who sent Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption jizz will bring forth further donations of like to the Drumpf campaign?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I bet you that is what the whole buy up the evangelical council was about. Getting donations. Not a single one of those skin flint motherfuckers is going to give him dime one without their pastors telling them to.

      • natoslug

        I much prefer the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption. They’re much more fun.

        • The Wanderer

          X Day is coming up, as I recall, so all of my sins will be taken away – and replaced with new ones.

        • Pickwicknext

          I prefer the Nattering Order of St Beryl for preference

          • RandomNameAllocated

            That’s an Armageddon I can get behind…

          • davebedini

            Extra points for obscure reference to St. Beryl. Must be a good omen. ;-)

          • Pickwicknext

            Awesome! So I will so be able to hang with Crowley, listening to The Best of Queen?

          • davebedini

            Sure, there’s plenty of room in the Bentley, and traffic is never a problem with Crowley at the wheel!

    • Ducksworthy

      Did you read the Book of Bachman gospel 2:4 Farming Foster Children for Fun and Profit and 3:19 Pray the Ghey Away for Tax Exempt Profits? Also BoB 4:26 Farming Always Loses Money, Even With the Subsidies.

  • Michael Rush

    If Elizabeth Warren has some kind of problem with Donald Trump she should just say so .

  • Suttree

    We could just make him walk around a square block in Manhattan by himself and wait for him to fall down a manhole on his own.

    • HanBarbara

      Can someone walk behind him, ring a bell and yell “shame”?

      • Suttree

        It would be a shame if shame if some old fruits and vegetables fell off of bodega stands in his way.

  • x111e7thst

    I don’t get beat up. but thanks for caring

  • OrdinaryJoe

    She must be one hell of a teacher. Everything she says is always so clear, concise, and understandable without any mumbo jumbo. I really am looking forward to what she will do in the future, not just in this campaign, but in her career as a political figure.

  • proudgrampa

    GAWD, I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!

  • Jo Mathie

    If I ever met this lady it would be very difficult for me not to glomp on her like a panda bear.

    • Biff52

      She always reminds me of how not worthy I am.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • Biff52

      Hengh?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?
        • eggsacklywright

          Reminiscent of the muted trump-et in Lot 49.

          • Rufus T. Firefly

            Don’t Ever Antagonize The Horn!

            Firefly 2016! Re-engreaten Freedonia!

        • Serai 1

          That’s GREAT. I hope it keeps getting refreshed.

        • handyhippie65

          does he really have a star on the walk of fame? that would be a good place to set off a thermite grenade. it would be a meltdown of trumpian proportions.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Where’s Jamie Hyneman when you need him…

          • handyhippie65

            he is one of my favorite hoosiers.

  • Like the message; cringe at the typography. Kerning, Elizabeth!

    • Serai 1

      I very much doubt she was in charge of visual design for that ad.

  • nightmoth

    Sharing some Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker) fun with ya’ll——-

    NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In what some are calling a sign of its desperation to raise cash, the Presidential campaign of Donald J. Trump is auctioning off New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on the popular e-commerce site eBay, campaign officials have confirmed.
    Christie, who is described on the site as being in slightly used but good condition, is believed to be the first sitting governor to ever be auctioned on the Internet.
    According to the description of Christie on eBay, the governor can perform a full range of escort duties and has “extensive experience in chauffeuring, door-opening, umbrella-holding, reflexive clapping, and soothing end-of-the-day foot massages.”
    Speaking at Trump Tower in Manhattan, the presumptive Republican nominee said that he was still considering financing his general-election campaign himself, but he added, “First I wanted to see what I could get for Chris.”
    When asked about his latest service to the Trump campaign, Christie told a reporter, “Get away from me. Just get away or I’ll hurt you.”

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      The “good condition” part is, um…questionable.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      He’ll also pick up your lunch, but you gotta toss an extra order of fries his way or he’ll pout all afternoon.

    • Jamoche

      Look, if you want me to buy a politician, I just have one question: is he gonna stay bought?

  • MKEMax

    I can’t tell if Liz Warren is angling for VP, or if she’d be slamming Trump all-day every-day because it is just the most fun for her to slap around bullies.

    • anna rampage

      Both….

  • Iam Reading

    I was told there would be no homework. WTF EW, dont you know I’m a lazy soshalyst?

  • BosGrl

    OT: This sit down strike in the house is awesome, especially since it is being led by John Lewis: http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/22/politics/john-lewis-sit-in-gun-violence/index.html

    • Ducksworthy

      Now I love John Lewis even more. What a great idea.

  • Ducksworthy

    Please save your comments regarding Mr. Trump until after he is formally nominated by the Party, when there is no going back.

  • anna rampage

    Only the small minded, limp dicked, conservatives could believe that a bombastic, cheeto hued, tiny handed, hoowanking bunglecunt, who has skipped out of paying taxes and has filed more bankruptcies than I have fillings in my head, would be a suitable candidate for the presidency…

    • Jamoche

      With a few tweaks, that would fit to the rhythms of Hamilton.

    • John Thomson

      I like the cut of your jib, madam!

  • Astraea

    Is it getting hot in here?

    • anna rampage

      I must apologize if this is in reference to my comment below, I kind of have a potty mouth that rivals that of, how would you say? A truck driver….

  • Callyson

    “Why do YOU pay your taxes, and Donald Trump doesn’t?”

    I want that bumper sticker, T-shirt, and/or hat NOW!

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    We also need to keep reminding Trump that he has tiny, tiny, tiny hands.

    Firefly 2016! Re-engreaten Freedonia!

  • Mhael

    Well… I *tried* to pay attention to Elizabeth’s words in that video, but for some reason my vision got all cloudy, Senator Warren was nearly obscured by white clouds and sparkles, and I just zoned out like Isabella does when Phineas is talking. ;)

  • Astraea

    Also too today is Liz’s birthday!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      ME TOO!

      (Wait! Am I Liz Warren?? TO THE BUNK TO FIND OUT)

  • Donkey Option

    On NPR this morning they were talking about Trump’s “new” talking points to try to attack Hillary. One of the things they mentioned was that she “enable” her husband’s infidelity. The fuck kind of universe do we live in where a guy who actively and openly cheated on his past spouses is attacking a woman for “enabling” her husband’s infidelity. Fuck this shit.

    • theblackdog

      Well ya know, it was totally Ivana’s fault he cheated on her with Marla, then it was obviously Marla’s fault he cheated on her with Melania.

  • shaar dula

    deleted

  • Panika MCD

    I thought Obama got “You didn’t build that!” from Liz. no?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htX2usfqMEs

    • timpundit

      Probably, it’s a hellava good response, I know I’ve used it in arguments. I think people really don’t know or take for granted how our tax money helped them build “that”.

      • Panika MCD

        best argument against Libertarians is to point to the nearest thoroughfare and say, “ROADS! no, look at it. ROADS!”

        • phoenix00

          Also Police
          Fire Department
          Paramedics & Ambulances
          K-12 Schools
          Sewage & Water Treatment
          the list goes on!

          • Panika MCD

            but roads are the most common surface structure that you can point to where ever you happen to encounter a Libertarian.

          • phoenix00

            True, it’s the most obvious, but all the other services, governmental and otherwise, are still no less crucial to the functioning of society on the everyday level.

          • Panika MCD

            I know that. but I’m saying when you are in an argument with a libertarian, you need something easy to point to. ROADS.

          • phoenix00

            Yeah most libbys (/libeys?) can’t see much beyond ‘point to’. Good point.

          • Rachel Book Harlot
          • phoenix00

            I’m pretty sure there’s also a bucket brigade around the other side of that house….

          • Zyxomma

            My only libertarian friend thinks all education should be private, although he and his sister went to good public schools in IN.

  • shaar dula

    I have a serious crush on EW. Its prolly all sorts of wrong. I don’t want to do any thing to her. All I want to do is be around her all the time and be her butler.

  • lroom

    O/T but I need help! Can anyone tell me how to stop this Wibbitz auto-play video on all the articles today. It’s draining my battery and breaking my internet. Please help.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Sign up for ad-free(ish) and help Wonkette stay on line.

      • BehaveYrself

        I bought the ad-blocker months ago, and I’m having auto-play blues myself.

    • cynmac

      Add an ad-blocker and give Wonkette donations. Also too, report the problem to shypixel.

  • going4baroque

    this is all well and good, and with regret at an enormously wasted opportunity, as the same approach could be levied against every obstructionist republican in the house and the senate for the past 7 years, just a little opposition research is all it would have taken

    https://youtu.be/bVNLhhNNZx4

  • TeeRaak

    Sometimes you just gotta call a
    StupidDumbEgotisticalNarcissisticArrogantCrazyComical
    BuffoonJerkClown a StupidDumbEgotisticalNarcissisticArrogantCrazyComical
    BuffoonJerkClown
    http://i.imgur.com/qxPAxgF.gif

  • Tendernob

    At this point Trump’s campaign is basically just a YouTube comments section running for president.

    • BehaveYrself

      Ima steal that, tyvm.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Beautifully said.

  • Arse Grammatica

    please: Big Lots! (without the exclamation mark it might seem boring)

  • Serai 1

    Slightly OT (or maybe not), but I found this today and thought you all might enjoy it. Since this is the only post so far that talks about The Annoying Orange, I give you…

    Find the Almighty Hair!

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/trumpmain.jpg

    • phoenix00

      The Trouble With Tribbles

      • Gleem-McShinez

        The remake of that episode, The Trouble With Trumples would require about a four to one ratio of Trumple shit to Trumple pouring out onto his head.

        • phoenix00

          I consider the Deep Space Nine episode the first remake.

          I think we’re witnessing the even more ominous second remake.

      • Serai 1

        The Trouble With Trumples!

      • Me The People

        Watched that last night! First thought I had when I saw that pic.

  • redarmyzombie

    I just had the *loveliest* mental image of Elizabeth Warren shoving Trump’s head in a toilet and drowning him (with votes!)

  • roe

    Really!!!! Faux Political Sell-Out! She is no better than Him.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Well bless your heart…

      • Leah

        I’m from Atlanta… I know you what you mean by that. :)

    • Charon_69

      Are you Sturgeon, or ‘versus Wade’?

      • roe

        Eat me

      • roe

        Sturgeon.

    • phoenix00

      Wait, a faux sell-out means she’s still political!

      • roe

        Lol good point

    • King of America

      Let me take a wild guess – she’s a sell-out for endorsing Clinton, and both parties are the same.

      • roe

        Wash, lather, rinse,repeat…

        • King of America

          OK. Donald Trump thanks you for the support.

    • handyhippie65

      you seen nice.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I am Intrigued by your creative use Of the Shift key (for to be the Making of capital letters) and Wish To subscribe to Your Newsletter.

      • roe

        Go to gofuckyourmother.com

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Thanks for the suggestion! Your mother is pretty open minded, huh?

    • JurisGal

      Let it go Scott Brown. You lost.

      • roe

        The American people lost with the choices of credible candidates. By the way Scott Brown is a piece of shit.

        • JurisGal

          “The American people lost with the choices of credible candidates.”
          You speak for everyone? I always give the side eye to comments like this & my basic and only response is: whatever.
          I will guess again: Gabriel Gomez, is that you?

  • SadDemInTex

    The problem is that the people who are supporting him think that if he is elected they won’t have to pay taxes either because he’s going to eliminate the IRS. This libetardian/aynrandian bullshit drives me berserk.

  • Par for the course for a narcissist: the rules don’t apply to him. He gets special exceptions and favors. He’s not held accountable. I’ve written about this before, check my profile for a link to my blog.

  • Zyxomma

    She didn’t even mention the THOUSANDS of times he’s showed up in the Panama Papers. Love you, Liz.

  • jazzycatmanliving

    Trump hates Females he allegedly committed 3 rapes, when rape is mentioned in the same sentence as Donald Trump 3 times this alone should disqualify him. This crap about rebooting, microwave change is denial plain and simple. America is so racist that they would even consider electing an alleged rapist to the highest office in the land.

  • H Man

    Well in hindsight, this article is an utter fail. Proven wrong on everything noted. Elizabeth Warren is an intellectual lightweight.

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