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Donald Trump is having Thoughts again, which can never be a good thing. In a meeting with “top social conservative evangelical Christian leaders” Tuesday, Trump wondered out loud about Hillary Clinton’s relationship with the Almighty, Whom Donald Trump happens to know is totally on his side, because why else would God have created an entire world for Donald Trump to live in? He’s simply a concerned person of faith who thinks the Bible is one terrific book, according to what he’s heard. But this Hillary Clinton, her religious faith is a total mystery to Donald Trump, and he warned the gathered evangelicals, “we don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”

How true this is! Now, we could look at her Wikipedia entry (or every single story published about Trump’s comments) and see she’s a Methodist, or says she is. But that tells us nothing about what’s really in her heart, as Trump explained:

“Now, she’s been in the public eye for years and years, and yet there’s no — there’s nothing out there,” Trump said. “There’s like nothing out there. It’s going to be an extension of Obama but it’s going to be worse, because with Obama you had your guard up. With Hillary you don’t, and it’s going to be worse.”

It’s so true. And her birth certificate. What about that? Do we actually know anything about this stranger who simply appeared out of nowhere and started pretending she was fit to Walk With The Lord like Donald Trump does? Does she ever eat the little cracker and drink the little wine? She probably engages in some highly suspect religious rituals, like asking God for forgiveness, which is not something Trump has ever found necessary, as he also explained last summer:

“I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”

He’s a busy Deity. Why bother Him?

Trump’s meeting with the hugest classiest evangelicals — he’s very big with evangelicals, or at least with evangelical leaders, who almost certainly recognize a fellow con man when they see one — was supposed to be closed to the press, but one of the “faith leaders” at the get-together, E.W. Jackson — misidentified by the Hill as “E.W. Webb” (no, wrong washed-up Virginia politician!) — posted a brief video clip to Twitter. Lord only knows what other wonderful things Trump said that we’ll never find out about.

Trump went on to explain that while, yes, it’s nice to pray for everyone, God really isn’t into your stupid politically correct prayers, and no one should waste their time on prayers for leaders who are bad, like anyone who isn’t putting America First. You trying to piss off God? Here’s the whole sad church buffet of word salad, which future generations may someday study as the weirdest statement on faith and politics of Tuesday June 21, 2016:

“People were saying, some of the people were saying, ‘Let’s pray for our leaders,’” Trump said.

“I said, ‘Well, you can pray for your leaders’ — and I agree with that, pray for everyone — but what you really have to do is pray to get everybody out to vote for one specific person.

“And we can’t be, again, politically correct and say we pray for all of our leaders, because all of your leaders are selling Christianity down the tubes, selling the evangelicals down the tubes,” Trump said. “And it’s a very, very, very, very bad thing that’s happening.”

Stop praying for those people. They’re very, very, very, very bad people. And if Jesus had come to Earth to help the very bad people, Donald Trump is sure someone would have mentioned it somewhere.

Trump didn’t manage to make similar stupid religious attacks work when he tried them against Ben Carson (who imploded quite nicely without any help, thanks), but Carson had to go and refuse to debate faith with Trump. We have a feeling that Hillary Clinton may not respond directly, but we know for a fact she has plenty of supporters who know a thing or two about the “whatsoever you do for the least of these” parts of the Bible, and they’re unlikely to stay quiet. Just ask those Two Corinthians over there.

[The Hill]

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  • LesBontemps

    Donald Trump is having Thoughts again, which can never be a good thing.

    Whaddaya mean?? It’s a GREAT thing — for comedy!

    • Swampgas_Man

      But– but, he might sprain something!

      • Callyson

        His brain will be fine–it is well-rested.

        OTOH, your concern about his big mouth is well warranted…

    • Msgr_Moment

      This is good news for Busey.

  • SmokinGood
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    It’s not like she taught Sunday School long before she became a politician or anything- it’s just so unknowable…

  • limberrat

    Yay!!! We get more Trump!

  • Callyson
  • Roadstergal
    • Playonwords

      W-T-F did I just watch

      • jmhm

        Steven Colbert is not a fan of folks masses and liturgical dance.

        • Caepan

          Geez, even at a polka mass, they know enough not to dance!

          • WomanInAMood

            I could enjoy a polka mass – nothing says Christianity like lederhosen.

  • limberrat

    I don’t have a problem! I can stop at any time!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5zjVUZA7rY

    • nightmoth

      Yes, I’m sure he does love Oreos.

  • Lurkbot

    That’s “down the river”, not “down the tubes”, you imbecilic cretin! Clichés, how do they work? Arghhh!!

    • FauxAntocles

      Fool me once, won’t get fooled again!

    • jmhm

      He’s trying to say that the evangelical establishment has transitioned to internet marketing. As you know, it’s a series of tubes.

    • Brendan_M

      Same difference. Different strokes for the beat of his own drum.

    • LesBontemps

      Don’t reign on his parade!

      • Msgr_Moment

        He’s such a pre-Madonna.

        • Iron Monkey

          My wife just asked “OK what’s so funny?”

    • Playonwords

      He’s trying to sound biblical.

    • Msmlg1979

      Luckily, there are other candidates in the sea!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      What a waste it is to lose one’s mind.

    • Caepan

      He ain’t the sharpest light bulb in the drawer!

  • Callyson

    but what you really have to do is pray to get everybody out to vote for one specific person

    I do this at least once a day, but I’ll happily repeat myself:

    Dear God,

    Please get Americans to get out and vote for Hillary in November.

    Thank you and Amen,

    Callyson

    • limberrat

      Do you know if they are responding to that libelous tweet?

      • Callyson

        Which one? You’ll have to be more specific since Trump’s people send so many of those.

        • limberrat
          • Roadstergal

            Mirror, mirror…

          • Juan de Fuca

            Wasn’t he going to deliver some “monumental” speech about that and failed to deliver, once again? You promised us the speech Donald. Give us the speech!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            That is his idea of a speech, I guess. Maybe not so yooooge, but still classy as fuck.

          • limberrat

            Yeah, he was supposed to be yesterday. I thought it was over her anger issues?

          • Juan de Fuca

            I heard him say something about “the speech” including her anger issues, how she personally benefitted financially from the Clinton Foundation and how she also used her position as Secretary of State to get rich. Can’t wait to hear this one…

          • limberrat

            I have a suspicion this is a speech that is never actually going to occur.

          • Callyson

            Oh, for fuck’s sake.

            “Well, since I’ve released my tax returns, people can see for themselves whether that is true or not. Meanwhile, Donald still refuses to release his!”

            – Hillary

          • SterWonk

            <mic drop>

    • Justno

      You are nicer than I. My prayer is “Dear God, please welcome Donald Trump into your loving embrace. Today. Amen.”

  • WIDTAP

    “And we can’t be, again, politically correct and say we pray for all of our leaders, because all of your leaders are selling Christianity down the tubes, selling the evangelicals down the tubes”

    So as Donald Christ would say, “Pray only for those who need it least.”

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Yessir! Whenever I want some good theological instruction I always go Trump because he has the bestest theology there is. His theology is yooouge, he tells me. Theologizing is his best thing ever because he tells me he gives instructions to god and god listens to him. After all, god is into real estate investment.

    • LesBontemps

      I heard He bought two buildings in Red Hook last year.

  • elviouslyqueer

  • Lefty Frizzell

    This is getting Jeb-level painful.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Worse because I eventually pitied Jeb.

  • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

    It would be super cool if Trump could speak above a first grade level at least once.

    • Iam Reading

      A billionaire with the English vocabulary of a 6 year old, Guatemalan field worker.

      • Playonwords

        Deport him! (Just not here)

      • bobbert

        “billionaire”

    • thenearesthippie

      IKR? He’s got all the best words! Why doesn’t he use them?

    • SterWonk

      I’m seriously starting to wonder if he can speak above a (what did the study say? sixth-grade?) level. Like, maybe during the course of being born into a ridiculously rich family, and inheriting a fortune, and poorly investing it so it’s not as much as it would have been had he just put it in an index fund, he just never had to learn how to express complex thoughts.

  • Creepoman

    Trump proving once again that the evangelical vote has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with who will do the most to fuck over gays and women.

    • Spotts1701

      What? And lose his audience?

      • Creepoman

        They love him!

  • Treg.Brown

    That’s the problem with religion being something you self-identify as without concrete proof (other than attendance). Maybe their should be some sort of test that we as a nation could give to be sure they’re telling the truth.

    • FauxAntocles

      Torture is the most reliable way to get to the truth, I’m told.

      • Treg.Brown

        Would that include the iron maiden? I won’t support your idea unless I’m assured the iron maiden will be used.

        • FauxAntocles

          I’m certain that can be arranged.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Let’s put her in a lion’s den and see if she gets eaten!

          • Aquaria

            Can’t we put Radioactive Velveeta in there instead?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            So that’s what’s on teh Donald’s head! Thanks for clearing that up!

          • Aquaria

            I feel relatively certain that they are still available in the dusty and moldy basements of some old cathedrals in Europe.

        • anwisok
        • SterWonk

          Obligatory Bill & Ted: “Iron Maden? Excellent!! [Air guitar]

    • Oneofthebobs

      Make ’em eat a ham sammich!

      • Aquaria

        This may not work on secular or Reform Jews.

        We’re Ninjas that way!

    • SnarkTank

      What else floats? Besides a duck, of course.

      • Treg.Brown

        very small rocks…

      • Callyson

        That thing on Trump’s head?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Build a bridge out of her!

    • JustPixelz

      Religion is a life-style choice.

  • MrBlobfish

    Huh?

  • Callyson

    “Trump said, “we don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”

    I’m not surprised that among your campaign’s other flaws, it doesn’t know how to conduct basic opposition research, Donald…

  • Msgr_Moment

    It’s like with sportsball. We’ll know which of these two candidates is more religious in November, when God picks the winner.

    • Callyson
      • limberrat

        That explains a lot why the NBA handed that series to them…

        • Iron Monkey

          The fix was in for Hillary.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Pity. I’m used to feasting on Cleveland tears.

        • Iam Reading

          So, you are a glutton!

        • limberrat

          As did I.

        • Callyson

          It’s OK, the new NFL season will be starting in just a few months.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oh goodie. I get to watch the Chargers lose most every Sunday until February.

          • Callyson

            Christ, I hope the Chargers stay in San Diego. LA has got a team now: no need to be greedy FFS!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Let’s see whose team loses the best.

          • HolidayinCambodia

            And it’s originally a team from Cleveland! (ETA: Los Angeles’ team.)

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Oh gawd – c’mon, let us savor the title for a few minutes at least, before you start pulling us back down to reality!?

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        “You’re welcome.” – LeBron James, Big contributor to the Obama campaigns and to the DNC.

      • BJW

        But they aren’t the ONLY ones to win, according to the article. It means Democrats ONLY win when the Eastern Conference wins. Bush and Detroit Pistons both won, 2004. Now I haz the sadz. (Unless this is an indication that 2004 was a crooked election.)

  • Joe Beese

    And if Jesus had come to Earth to help the very bad people, Donald Trump is sure someone would have mentioned it somewhere.

    C.S. Lewis wrote: “When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you’d been the only man in the world.”

    Speaking as someone way outside the faith: that’s the radical, almost unassimilable thing about Christianity. Put bluntly: Christ suffered crucifixion to redeem Donald Trump’s sins.

    Man, that’s commitment.

    • FauxAntocles

      And he’s hogging all the bandwidth…

    • Playonwords

      In modern Bibles Matthew 19:25-26 goes like this

      25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

      But early copies of the text have extra words included at the end of verse 26

      “…with God all things are possible except saving that bastard Trump, he’s just beyond redemption

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Jedi say no one is beyond redemption.

        The Jedi never met Donald Drumpf

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Anybody else suspect Obama’s really an atheist but knows perfectly well he would never have been president if he had said so?

    • Iam Reading

      Fuck to the yes!

    • thenearesthippie

      Wouldn’t surprise me a bit. Also too, I’ve always suspected he was in favor of marriage equality back in 2008, but realized he couldn’t be black and pro gay rights and still get elected.

      • I Only Like Cats

        I got that same feel from Hillary (but I was too young to what was going on.)

    • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

      Not so much an atheist, but in line with the majority: Dunno what made me, but not gonna kid myself. And Sunday mornings are for sleeping in.

    • Playonwords

      Actually, after the death of Rev. Pinckney, he gave the Eulogy and I had the very distinct impression his faith is real.
      https://youtu.be/RK7tYOVd0Hs

      • Lefty Frizzell

        I know what you mean, but he just seems so rational otherwise…

        Like his vocals BTW – he should do something with that, post-presidency.

      • WomanInAMood

        Well, his stated affiliation is to UCC, one of the most liberal churches out there. That denomination has been doing gay marriage for years. If anything, he was behind the curve on his denomination. They’re a good group of people. Honest.

    • Aquaria

      No, I don’t.

  • Callyson

    And while I didn’t think that new, dignified, more Presidential decorum was going to last very long, I was worried that Trump would be able to carry it off for a few days. I need not have worried!

  • MrBlobfish

    No. Really. What the fuck did he just say? What’s his point?

    • Aquaria

      He doesn’t need one. He constantly carries his around on top of his head.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
  • Spotts1701

    “Yes, we know nothing about Hillary Clinton.”
    Said someone who has been marooned on a desert island in the South Pacific since 1990.

    • WomanInAMood

      Kiribati libelz!

  • Crystalclear12

    Gawddddddd! November seems soooooo far away!!

    • Treg.Brown

      That’s because it’s a two year election cycle.Feels like we’re always being politician-ed to.

      • Crystalclear12

        No rest. Must rest.

        • Callyson

          If you’re in a safely blue state, you can take a nap. If you’re in a swing state, I’ll send some Adderall.

          • Crystalclear12

            I’m in Missouri?. Will take anything you are willing send!

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            I’m in Cleveland, and I feel your pain.

          • Crystalclear12

            So, Cleveland. Going on vacation in July.or do you like the crazy?

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            College visits with my daughter, well out of town. :-)

          • Callyson

            OUCH…well, I can send congrats for keeping Claire McCaskill. And a case of wine maybe…

          • Suttree

            If you’re in a red state you can probably find some meth pretty easily.

  • nightmoth

    “With Obama you knew to have your guard up, with Hillary you don’t have your guard up–” Whut? Why izzat, do tell? Hhmmm. What could it be?
    Also “pray to get out the vote”—Way ahead of you on that one, Donnie—since God helps those who help themselves, I’m getting out there and registering “minority” voters as hard as I can. But hey, you just keep on praying that ignorant old white men will drag themselves to the polls and vote for you. Then suck it up in November and say your loss is God’s will.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      HE’S BLACK!!!!!!!!! DANGER!!!!!!!!!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that dog whistle was positively deafening..

    • Aquaria

      And pray that the old white guy death rate doesn’t accelerate, which it will soon be doing at a breakneck pace.

  • Msmlg1979

    In a country that is supposed to have separation of church and state, discussion of Hillary Clinton’s religious practices have no place in the Presidential election. Suck on the Establishment Clause, Dumbfuck.

    • SecludedCompound

      Now if we could only enforce that at the pulpit via some sort of tax law….

  • Ezio

    Again, when Pope Francis says Trump isn’t a Christian because of his conduct, Trump says he is being ‘judged’. Then he turns around and questions other people’s faith too.

    Irony, thy name is Trump.

  • Joe Beese

    Two Corinthians walk into a bar…

    • Skwerl King

      A leather bar?

    • ViveLaRes

      ….where they run into Three Johns….

      • FauxAntocles

        They can’t do that – you can’t have 2/3 of a person sitting on a toilet!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Fifth columnists!

    • Iron Monkey

      the bartender said, “We don’t get many leather daddies in here,”

    • SnarkTank

      “Diametrically opposed foes….I wanna be in the room where it happens!”

    • shastakoala

      From the land of Cordoba.

      • LesBontemps

        Jesus Chrysler!

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          “….drives a Dodge/Drives it on the wages of siiiiiiin!”
          — Screaming Blue Messiahs

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I thought I’d never have to hear the name Ewwwww Jackson ever again. Oh well.

  • Skwerl King

    I think if I do something wrong

    I don’t think Donald could ever think such a thought.

    • Blank Ron

      It was accompanied by a REALLY big wink.

  • andyshelt

    Are “little crackers” a euphemism for the communion wafer or just the voting demographic that the Trump campaign is aiming to win over.

    • Msgr_Moment

      That would largely be round crackers.

      • mouldy crackers.

      • Ezio

        Square crackers would also work in this case.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Holding out for hexagon crackers.

        • shastakoala

          Pentagram crackers .

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Yes.

  • BearGHAZI

    I WISH she were a secret lesbianist snake worshipper but I’ll vote for her anyway

  • JMP

    How can Real Christians trust Hillary Clinton’s faith when she’s not constantly blathering on about it, and claiming that it somehow makes her superior to everyone else, not to mention trying to oppress anyone who does not share her faith like True Christians must do?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How can Real Christians trust anyone that takes Matthew 6:5 seriously?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Speaking of Drumpf- the Draper Sterling mystery deepens. Turns out the business (which was founded a month before the payments from the campaign) is actually a house belonging to someone named Jon Adkins. There is zero information regarding what this company even does or how it earned its money, though there is another Draper Sterling listing amongst a Missouri ethics complaint against the SuperPAC Patriots For America, where they were paid for “business consulting” after also being founded a month before receiving the money.

    Adkins doesn’t list Draper Sterling as his business, he is a partner in a company called Dynamic Solutions LLC and a co-founder of XenoTherapeutics Inc (along with someone named Paul Holzer, who happened to also be the chief of staff for the Brenner campaign in MO that is involved with the ethics charge). XenoTherapeutics Inc apparently does xenotransplantation, or interspecies transplantations. It’s becoming increasingly clear where that $35,000 went- to pay for the procedure to put that creature on Teh Donald’s head…

    • Joe Beese

      Human-animal hybrids! The Republicans tried to warn us!

      • I thought that was david ickey’s line?

      • Playonwords

        Ant their T-Party members they no all about trying to breed human animal hybrids

      • Treg.Brown

        Warning, warning…

      • Msgr_Moment

        No, XENO-technology would mean….

        • Suttree

          What the Weyland-Yutani Corporation found on LV-223.

    • limberrat

      Where’d Dr. Moreau go!

    • MrBlobfish

      My guess is Lewandowski was scamming the scammer.

      • bobbert

        Yup.

    • TJ Barke

      Is this some weird viral marketing for a reboot of the X-Files?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        If it is, they’re doing it wrong. All the associated websites in this mystery went dark since last night’s financials were released

        • SisterArtemis

          Well, THAT’S interesting!

  • Joe Beese

    Does Hillary worship Satan and work tirelessly to bring about his evil dominion? I don’t know. People are asking questions.

    • Down with the demiurge!

    • jmhm

      I’m just saying, it took a fair amount of sinnerliness for Norman Vincent Peale, America’s most famous prosperity preacher, to kick a multi-millionaire out of his church for picking women up in the pews.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Don’t be silly! Roger Stone’s working for Turnip.

    • Playonwords

      Betcha that the Hillary Haters say so …

    • Treg.Brown

      Why else would I vote for her?

      • Msmlg1979

        Exactly. I only voted for Obama because they said he was the Antichrist, and that turned out to be untrue. Don’t disappoint me, Hillz!

    • Callyson

      Trump is the ultimate JAQ-off.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I hear she floats!

      • Candy Apple

        Like a duck!

  • FlownOver

    “The evangelicals.”
    “The blacks.”
    “The Jews.”
    “The poorly educated.”

    The only individual he ever encountered was in the mirror. Everyone else is just Drumpfenproletariat.

  • MrBlobfish

    Yep. It’s all Lewandowski’s fault.

  • I Only Like Cats

    The Constitution, how does it work? (Ask a fifth grader, pretty sure they know)

  • Bitter Scribe

    “And it’s a very, very, very, very bad thing that’s happening.”

    This guy is a child. Seriously, I’ve known five-year-olds who make more sense.

    • FauxAntocles

      He has a word-count minimum to reach.

      • Caepan

        That’s why I always use, “Screw Flanders!”

    • Suttree

      Fucking eloquence, how does it work?

  • Juan de Fuca

    “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” – Mark Twain (could’ve been Abe Lincoln)

    • Swampgas_Man

      I thought it was Thurber.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Are you implying that Trump is Mittyesque? ISWYDT.

        • Swampgas_Man

          Change that “M” to an “SH”, and . . . .

    • say wha

      That is a damn good idea.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donald, I hate to tell you this, but the “prosperity gospel” is outright, naked heresy.

    • Ezio

      I mean even Jesus himself said, “a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth”. So you wonder where prosperity preachers are getting their info from.

      • Callyson

        Their rich contributors, who have a self-serving reason for promoting that idea?

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Their preachers, who are quite happy with being the exemplars of what religious-based grift “prosperity gospel” can do.

      • FauxAntocles

        The other guy…

      • Msgr_Moment

        The cameltoe in the eye of the needle?

        • Bear OmNomNom

          That’s somewhere in Song of Solomon, right?

          • Meccalopolis

            Pretty good softcore born that S of S

      • Mathew G. Smith

        Which version of the Bible are you quoting? I don’t recall Jesus having a lisp like that.

        • Ezio

          It’s from King James. I just googled the verse and that was the first the came up so…

          • Mathew G. Smith

            Ok that explaineth it.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Parseltongue.

      • Aquaria

        Funny, only seconds after their leader floated up to the sky, the early christers were obsessed enough about money that they were willing to commit double-murder for the stuff:

        https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+5:1-11

      • Aquaria

        The prosperity gospel peddlers base their claims on these verses:

        “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” — Matthew 7:11

        “For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” — Matthew 25:14-30

        “And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife,
        or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.” — Mark 10:29-30

        “For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” — Mark 11:23-24

        “And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.”– Luke 12:29-31

        “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.” John 15:7-8

        Gee, what a surprise that the emo punk deity frequently talked out of both sides of his mouth!

      • Zhu Bajie

        Satan or their own desires.

    • Candy Apple

      The early church, set up by a resurrected Jesus (so you know it was legit) demanded that all members sell everything they owned, place the money in the common pool, and withdraw it as anyone had need. That’s COMMUNISM, wingnuts! Infiltrating your own precious Bibles!

      https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+4:32

    • Zhu Bajie

      Yes, it was Satan who offered wealth and power to Jesus, and was turned down.

      • Blank Ron

        I’m sure that in his place Donnie would have gone for it, and demanded a contract in writing.

  • Scooby

    Why does he even bother? Just go and say “I’ll fuck over the Mexicans and gays” and he can be home in time to watch Shark Tank.

  • chascates

    How much does Christianity sell for? Because you’re a sucker if you buy into it and it doesn’t seem to be good for much.

    • Msmlg1979

      And can someone please hurry and take it off our hands?

    • Callyson

      Well, that’s if you buy into the fundie version of it. There are progressive Christians out there–not nearly as many as I’d like to see, but they do exist.

      • Ezio

        *Waves hello*

      • ViveLaRes

        I’m a liberal, a socialist and a Christian. I don’t know how the other kind of “Christians” got it so wrong but I suspect money is involved.

        • Bear OmNomNom

          When Jesus overturned the money-changers’ tables, they took it as an opportunity to scramble for coins…

        • Aquaria

          How do you know they got it wrong?

          How do you know YOU don’t have it wrong?

          That’s the problem with religion. Everyone thinks their interpretation of the religion is correct and that it’s everyone else who has it wrong, and there’s nothing based in reality to settle the matter at all.

      • Meccalopolis

        Sure, it’s called the black church

    • SnarkOff

      I think it’s a few pieces of silver.

    • limberrat

      They get you when you are young and hope you don’t catch onto the bullshit.

  • Msmlg1979

    Trump is upset Christianity is “being sold down the tubes” because he thinks he IS God.

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t think god needs viagra.
      (Impotence joke)

      • Msmlg1979

        Gasp! Who’s the monster now?! ;)

  • Iron Monkey

    because all of your leaders are selling Christianity down the tubes, selling the evangelicals down the tubes,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7XrL-lMxxQ

  • Aquaria

    He’s not fooling anyone. His only religion is himself.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hey, I gotta tell ya, I’ve served God and I’ve served Mammon, and I gotta tell ya, Mammon’s got a lot more dough, and babes, and fun.

    • TJ Barke

      I’m sure there’s plenty of rubes being fooled.

    • Candy Apple

      Like any narcissist.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Say do you know who ELSE made a religion out of their leader?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s not fooling anyone with functioning critical thinking skills.

      Which leaves out the jeebofascists.

  • Suse
    • elviouslyqueer

      Talk about a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

      • Suse

        And that’s just Bachmann!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Scum and villainy libelz”

        — Mos Eisley Brotherhood of Thugs, Spaceport Workers and Cantina Musicians Local 32

        • bobbert

          I have granted George Lucas a lot of slack over the years, because of the cantina scene.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mos Eisley is depressed right now.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      She can also advise him about the right way to commit campaign finance fraud- she’s an old pro at it

      • Blank Ron

        I dunno, he seems to have a natural talent for it already.

    • FauxAntocles

      What, no one from Westboro? This is outrageous!!

      • alpacapunchbowl

        This is one event I would actually like to see them show up at. Just imagine the shitstorm that would ensue.

    • JVisconti

      Creflo Dollar couldn’t make it with the jet still on order and all.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      He’s mammon, mammon… Mammon in the name of the Lord
      He’s mammon, mammon… and he hopes you like mammon, too!

  • SnarkOff

    This reminds me that I totally forgot to start drinking a couple of hours ago.

    • Suse

      Catch up!

      • Callyson

        I have to drive in a little while, but I’ll meet up with you later!

        • Suse

          I’ll mix up some cocktails and put out the little crackers.

          • Jeff in the desert

            G&T, and water crackers with lox and a schmear of cream cheese. And those cool round ice cubes…..thx

          • Suse

            Just bought some G&T yesterday. Have to run out for the rest.

          • Jeff in the desert

            No problemo, I’ll bring the good stuff, belly lox (not that smoked Norwegian stuff, yuck)

          • Suse

            I’m a Norwegian and I’ll thank you not to libel its smoked seafood products.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Sorry…..I prefer the brined only and then squished Jewish stuff. Smoking is a whole different animal….so am I disinvited? :-(

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I’ve got Kahlua, vodka and milk…

          • Jeff in the desert

            Is that drink called White Privilege?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Just as the Dude intended.

          • Suttree

            Will it tie the whole buzz together?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Of course! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

          • Suse

            I have a crazy sounding recipe that is so good. These go down very smoothly. You will have to spend the night wherever you are after drinking a few. Dump 1 large can frozen lemonade in blender, add 1 can whole milk, and 1 can vodka. Throw in a few ice cubes and blend until frothy. Drink.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            That does sound good. If the sun ever comes out again I’ll try it.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Ooh yum. Similar to my fave summer drink, limoncello slushies. Like a slurpie for grown-ups!

          • Suse

            How do you make them – just limoncello & ice?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I do limoncello with lemonade, and enough ice to make it slush. The ratio of limoncello to lemonade invariably goes up after you’ve had a few, and they go down real easy. Pro tip: Try to use a limoncello that is vodka-based as opposed to grain alcohol (Everclear) based. Unless you’re into pain in the morning. So very similar to yours, just sans milk!

          • Aquaria

            That sounds like frozen buttermilk

          • Playonwords

            They’ve got you on Milk and Alcohol???
            https://youtu.be/A3gVzE2YxWw

          • Suse

            Nah – just messin’ with ya.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Thanks…I am making chili (I know it is sacrilege to spell it with an “i” in New Mexico) Jeff’s (in the desert) chili. It involves beans, chiles, jalapenos, CORN ( no dissing here), smoked turkey, tomato sauce, mushrooms, and various other things thrown in….and it is never the same twice.

          • Suse

            Sounds delish. Do you use dried beans?

          • Jeff in the desert

            No. Canned ones…but that is a thought. I have been trying to up my game with cooking. Been smoking meats, and changing up the pizza sauce (I make great pizza, make pizza great again) but dried beans…..hmmm…..

          • Suse

            Get Rancho Gordo heirloom beans. http://www.ranchogordo.com/ They’re so easy if you have a a pressure or slow cooker. Those dried beans in the supermarkets are old and yucky. RG beans have so much flavor.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            Pressure cooker is Doubleplusgood. Beans have never been creamier, hummus never tasted better, and now it’s really inexpensive to make our own crunchy baked spicy chickpea snacks. Also far to easy to eat them….

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Bring it on, Pops.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Hey, you’ve had it….

          • MsAnthropesMr

            But no corn bread, right?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Sigh…..

          • Suse

            You don’t like cornbread?

          • MsAnthropesMr

            No, I like corn bread. Just poking at Jeff, who I’ve known for 46 years…..

          • Suse

            ;-) I made cornbread once when my husband’s parents came for dinner. They made fun of it and wouldn’t eat it because it’s poor people’s food (i.e., blah people). They were not exactly wealthy or even cultured, but sure were bigots. Plus she was a lousy cook. Hubs loves my cornbread.

          • Jeff in the desert

            We know lousy cooks eh, MsAnthropesMr!!!!

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Yes we do.
            Biscuits like hockey pucks and cornbread like sandpaper.

          • Suse

            Buttermilk is the key to both.

          • Jeff in the desert

            He knows. Fortunately the gene for cooking skipped a generation or two….

          • Blank Ron

            Cornbread is one of life’s finer little pleasures. The g/f makes it from time to time. Must remember to twist her arm when I’m visiting next month

          • Jeff in the desert

            Actually, flour tortillas….

          • Candy Apple

            I like the way you roll, Jeff.

          • Panika MCD

            don’t forget the canned clams.

          • Suse

            Definitely!

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          Save me a seat at the bar – it’s been a 3 margarita day.

    • JustPixelz

      Pro tip: Don’t stop. That way you don’t have to remember to start.

    • Aquaria

      I started mainlining Manischewitz and methadone ages ago.

      It’s the only way I can stay sane through this election year.

  • Constant Gardener

    Clinton talks about her faith a lot and is obviously sincere. It’s my one gripe about our next president. http://atheism.about.com/od/hillaryclintonreligion/a/ClintonReligion.htm

  • Suttree

    Good gawd! I know more about religion than this asshole, and I was suspect about the whole Jesus thing when I found out about the easter bunny and Santa. I want to see his long form first communion certificate!

  • Suse

    Just saw Drumpf is being sued for raping a 13 year old. Is this something new? Can’t keep track of his evil doings.

    • Callyson

      The story just came out today. Pretty ugly stuff if true. The statute of limitations was years ago: her lawyers are appealing. Unless others come forward, I’ll be surprised if anything comes out of this, which sucks if the story is correct. Ick…

    • Malmborg Implano

      This ain’t Hillary’s first time at the rodeo.

      • Suse

        You think she’s behind this, huh?

  • Iron Monkey

    If Donald Trump is so eager to have a religious test required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.then he should get the fuck over to Iran.

  • Rick Hill

    “He’s a busy Deity. Why bother Him?”
    It would be redundant, anyway. we all know Donald is his favorite so Gawd’s already on it.

    • Panika MCD

      but Ted Cruz is the messiah, so I hope that Drumpf is at least praying to Poppa Cruz for that one.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I could buy a self-description of “theist” I guess, but I can’t believe that any representative who has spent time traveling the world and doing deals with other national and religious leaders could come away with any notion that there is a god who cares in the slightest what we do or say, particularly what we do or say in his name.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I eat the little crackers…”
    — Donald Trump

    “Normal-sized crackers! Everything of my body is normal-sized.”
    — Jesus

    • Nyumbu

      Drink the wine and chew the wafer. . . two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate!

      • Playonwords

        Fiddle with your rosaries

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Bow your head with great respect and
          genuflect genuflect genuflect!

        • Nyumbu

          genuflect, genuflect, genuflect.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Upfist for Tom Lehrer!!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      We know what small hands imply — so what in the blue hell would stigmata mean?

      • Blank Ron

        He’s stiffed his manicurist once too often?

    • Panika MCD

      they have to give Drumpf little crackers, he can’t wrap his tiny fingers around the normal sized ones.

  • Vecciojohn LLC
  • limberrat

    Now what Donnie? Are you going to question where she was born? I would love to see how you spin that one.

    • Scooby

      Benghazi birth?

    • Bear OmNomNom

      I’m going with parthenogenesis. If Barrybamz can be from Kenya, there’s no reason Hillz can’t be from Saul Alinsky’s forehead.

  • blukazoo

    I’m sure he went to church regularly between all the hookers and gambling. Isn’t there a chapel in each of his casinos?

    • Panika MCD

      you mean the casinos he’s not allowed to run? probably right next to the drive through divorce window.

    • Msgr_Moment

      No need. There’s a book in the nightstand.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Karl Rove strategy #3: Accuse your opponent of your own weakness.

    • JustPixelz

      Technically that is Rove strategy #1-≈

    • Playonwords

      As I said, projecting like an IMAX

      • Randy Riddle

        Projecting like a NASA trailer full of laser beams bouncing off the moon.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Donald said the Bible was his favorite book, the only one better than “The Art of the Deal.” I know for a fact there is another book he also likes a lot: The Bankruptcy Code.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Oh yeah? What’s his favorite chapter?

      • Playonwords

        10 or perhaps 12 somewhere in that region

      • Ezio

        “Chapter 1 of course, where it begins. That’s where all the good books begin.”

      • JustPixelz

        AOTK

      • limberrat

        It’s personal so stop asking.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10qbt0LHmvE

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I can. Matthew 6:5.

          • MissNomer

            John 11:35

          • Msgr_Moment

            Jesus facepalmed.

        • MarkM

          “Isn’t there something in there about a man lying down with his daughter and putting a bun in her oven? Or a blow job…maybe it was a blow job…”

          • WIDTAP

            You’re thinking Noah.

      • Walter Wellstone

        All of them, Katie.

      • Chapter 11.

    • shastakoala

      I don’t think useing the bible as a paper weight means you’re christian.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      I saw that Movie. Had Tom Hanks in it. Terrible.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s been known to peruse Mein Kampf.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Hey, he saw the movie. The one with the chariots and the guy from Planet of the Apes. All the guys along the road get crucified at the end, start shouting. Terrible, terrible. Good movie, though it’s no Planet of the Apes.

  • Candy Apple

    I’m gonna quote it again just for you, Trumpkins, since you probably didn’t read it because it’s not in Two Corinthians. I want you to remember this when Hillary becomes Madam President and you don’t:

    Romans 13:1-2 — Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

  • JD Mulvey

    When Hillary had her closed-door, no-social-media event with all the celebs, there wasn’t any social media about it.

    Then Donald had his own no-social-media event with a bunch of evangelicals, within twenty minutes there’s video online.

    Trump should know by now: Never trust a Christian.

    • Callyson

      Well, don’t trust the fundie ones at least.

  • Thorn Spike

    It’s a good thing there’s no religious test for POTUS, because Yam-hole would fail miserably.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Donald Trump’s concept of what god looks like is oddly familiar- a screaming carrot goblin with the carcass of a decomposing meerkat strapped to his head and a vagina mouth.

    • Panika MCD

      it’s an anus mouth.

      • Msgr_Moment

        ‘Taint.

  • Constant Gardener

    Not so sure Jesus is into Trump.

    • JD Mulvey

      Jesus is so low-energy.

      • Suse

        He shoulda whooped ass on those Romans. Weak, very weak.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I like deities who don’t get crucified, ok?

      • Notreelyhelping

        You can’t get anything done when you’re spending all your time forgiving everyone.

    • Callyson

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “I only like saviors that weren’t crucified!”

      -Donald Trump, sooner or later.

      • ViveLaRes

        Brilliant.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Such clear words. I have the best words. People are being politically correct in what they say and who they pray to. They should be praying to me because then they vote for me and I win. This is a good thing. Terrific thing. Believe me. Crooked Hillary is selling the country out to ISIS. She’s a Muslim from Kenya. A lesbian. Evangelicals are getting sold out to Mexico and China. This is a thing that is happening and is bad. Bad, terrible and really, really, really bad. Don’t pray for your leaders or anyone else. Pray to me for me. We’re going to do great things. Believe me. Great, wonderful things.

    • Ezio

      I actually read this entire paragraph in Donald Trump’s voice.

      Do you have any mouthwash?

    • Randy Riddle

      How do you do this? I think too logically to assemble Trumpspeak like that.

  • Hilz is a Methodist alright, she will methodically take Trump out behind the political wood pile and methodically proceed to hand him his big floppy ass on Chris Christie’s favorite platter.

    • Panika MCD

      but it’s so much more fun when she does it in public. leave the behind the shed beatings of Drumpf to Paul Ryan.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Charles Wesley had all the good hymns*.

      *Other than Isaac Watts, obvs.

  • Panika MCD

    I’ve never heard of the THOUGHTS N’ PRAYERS™ GOTV method before, but I fully endorse Drumpf trying it.

  • Callyson

    And this is right on time for the talk I am attending tonight, about “How does democracy survive demogaugery?” Some pointy-headed professors of the classics offer their ideas here for anyone who is starting to worry…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Take your worry beads.

  • Randy Riddle

    Methodist? Sounds Muslimy to me.

  • bubbuhh

    Maybe, Trunip does have a religious kink.

    California woman’s rape lawsuit against Donald Trump resurfaces in New York court
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/rape-lawsuit-donald-trump-resurfaces-new-york-court-article-1.2681196

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I like Christianity. Classy religion. Really fantastic. I’ve eaten the little crackers and the book is just tremendous. The first part, I like. Really just great, that first part. The second part, a little slow, but the part where the Romans and Jews execute that Hispanic fellow, the gardner, really very good stuff there.

    • Joe Beese

      No one is more religious than me, OK? I worship bigly.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I have the best prayers.

  • Joe Beese

    O/T: Trump’s favorite Mexican judge sided with the brew fascists today and said MillerCoors can continue pretending that Blue Moon is “craft beer”.

    And that is some bullshit.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      *clutches chest* wait, there’s another entry into the craft beer segment and it’s not a microbrew? Wait til the kids at every bar in San Diego hear about this! Cuz it isn’t hard enough to pick one now.

      • Joe Beese

        When in doubt, go for ABV.

        • anwisok

          That’s why I drink 100 proof vodka.

          • beingreleased

            100 proof? That’s half not-alcohol.

          • Joe Beese

            In John Sayles’ under-rated Sunshine State, Timothy Hutton and Edie Falco meet in a bar.

            Hutton: What are you drinking?
            Falco: Tequila. Shots.
            Hutton: Whoa.
            Falco: I figure, you’re gonna drink, why fuck around.

        • Msgr_Moment

          He’s in the keg with Big Brew.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I’m really picky about my beer. If I’m not drinking Stone, I’ve recently found Latitude 33. It’s really good and it has blood orange in it, but it’s higher in alcohol so I have to be careful.

        • Meccalopolis

          Genne bock is still available in my neck of the woods

    • lucidamente

      Well, he is from Indiana.

    • jmhm

      Likewise O/T, Fat Tire Ale is available on the east coast now.

      • therblig

        got a six in the fridge right now

  • MarkM

    Well, I’m an atheist, but if I weren’t…let’s just say, to paraphrase Grouch Marx, that I would not want to be included in any club which accepts Donald Trump as a member.

  • lucidamente

    And Jesus said “Blessed are the sweaty real estate guys from Queens, for they shall inherit their daddies’ millions.”

  • Call Me Al

    Don’t trust those Methodists. They get sprinkled and not dunked.

    • Gary Charound

      Methodist waterboarding never produces actionable intelligence

  • Shibusa
  • Sardonicuss

    “I like the Bible chapter where the prophets in the desert summon those giant worms. Then they corner the market on myhrr, or francinsense….or spice or something. Good business guys those profits!” – Rabbi Trumph

    • therblig

      he IS the quiznos hat rack!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “I drink my little wine and eat my little cracker”, Donald Trump trying to describe the ritual of Communion.

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/28/politics/donald-trump-church-member/
    Republican
    presidential candidate Donald Trump told reporters Thursday that he
    attends a church in Manhattan, but the church released a statement
    saying the real estate developer is not an “active member.”
    “I am Presbyterian Protestant. I go to Marble Collegiate Church,” he told reporters in Greenville, S.C.

    • JD Mulvey

      He should have made a contribution to a church that would agree to say he was a member.

      Then he could bill the bribe back to the campaign.

    • jmhm

      OMG such lies. Norman Vincent Peale kicked him out of Marble Collegiate after it went public that he was hooking up with Marla Maples at church, and he’s certainly not eligible to receive communion if he was Catholic (which few people from klan families are).

    • Callyson

      “Hey, I said I ‘go to’ that church. I didn’t say how often I go. One time in ten years counts!!!”

      – The Donald

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I haven’t been to Church for anything but a wedding in over 30 years, and I know it’s not 2 Corinthians, and I know what Communion is.

  • Zhu Bajie

    So Trump is born again now? When will he get filled with the Spirit and start speaking in tongues? Then he claim every wild hair is a message from G0d!

    • JD Mulvey

      He saw Jesus in a Taco Bowl.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        bag of cheetos

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I think that is Pentecostal .

      • Msgr_Moment

        Pentecostal.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Before my paternal grandfather’s funeral, his sister’s family was at the body viewing, and one of them started rambling in “tongues”.

          I had never heard such a thing, and I was a kid, and she freaked me the fuck out.

    • Suse

      He already speaks in tongues (3rd grade level tongues).

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      people who think Trump is “born again” were “born yesterday”/

    • Msgr_Moment

      Washed in the blood of Mammon.

      • Nockular cavity

        Or Manson, whatever.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I thought Trump was selling his Christianity to the Rubes – not down the tubes.

  • Vin God giffs you a swastika he opens a vindow…and den you remember…dere iss no God.
    Red (Kate Mulgrew) in ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

    • sadboy

      It’s a shame what happened to Captain Janeway after she got back from the Delta Quadrant.

  • Paperless Tiger

    You just never know about those Sunday School teachers. Are they Christian or what? We just don’t have enough information.

    • therblig

      how can they be true christians if they insist on working on sundays?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    It’s a weird world.

    Donald Trump is not even remotely good at faking being a Christian. There’s no way he was ever indoctrinated and speaks the way he does about issues of faith and Christianity, and I doubt crazy eyes one-L Michele Bachmann or crazy Dobson are going to be able to coach him either.

    Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is a very liberal Methodist who attends church regularly, but she doesn’t usually talk about faith unless speaking to faith groups or if she’s in, you know, Church, or if she’s asked a direct question about her faith.

    And we’re having this conversation?

    • JD Mulvey

      On the bright side, I don’t think there’s any danger of President Trump imposing Sharia law on us.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        No, he will just try to sue us for talking smack about him.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Sharia? Is she Melania’s younger replacement?

    • Spotts1701

      Yep. Just like Donald Trump, who has been sued more times than most of us could count, and is documented as a known dead-beat and welcher, is out there pounding the podium about “Crooked Hillary”.
      There is no more irony. There is only Zuul.

    • Smokahontas

      Yup. It’s a contest to see who is better at pleasing the totally real, invisible, unknowable, omnipotent daddy figure. Very very very very pertinent.

    • Electric Ukulele Land

      Just because something is demonstrably untrue is no reason not to believe it.

  • Callyson

    Tell me, CNN link that was first posted here by DoILookAmused2u ? (thanks honey!), what more should we know about this story?

    Televangelist Paula White is hosting a meeting with Trump and other evangelical leaders in New York City in September, according to the Wall Street Journal.

    And Trump previously appeared on White’s television show “Paula White Today” on the Word Network.

    White was part of 2007 Senate investigation into abuses of nonprofit status by several megachurch pastors and televangelists. The investigation ended in 2011 with no penalties or findings of wrongdoing.

    Like attracts like, I see…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He needs to learn to talk like them if he wants to try that grift:

      “You need to dig deep in those pockets and shaaaake haaands with Gaaawwwd! It ain’t no big thing; it’s a small thing. How are you gonna feel on Judgement Day if you check your checkbook and see you spent more on your poodle than the Prince of Peace?”.

    • limberrat

      Kenneth Copeland is another who was under investigation as well and is on that list.

  • handyhippie65

    the government should not care about any religion one way of another. it should treat them all the same. with indifference.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    They had their guard up about Obama and the Sekrit Muslin still slipped by. #theyretrickythatway

  • Astraea

    When asked what religious leaders he would consult, Trump responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good soul and I’ve judged a lot of people.”

    • Callyson

      Well, the last six words of that quote are true at least.

    • Spotts1701

      Yeah – judged their looks, their weight, their bank balance…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Many, many tickle a parson.

  • Callyson

    Enlighten us, NYT linky, on what actual professional comedians think about the comic value of Trump’s candidacy?

    So what do actual insult comedians make of his insults?

    The comedians and rhetorical wizards I talked to compared Mr. Trump’s sense of humor to that of a teenage boy sitting at the back of the classroom, insulting the teacher when her back is turned — playing Bart Simpson to an uptight, politically correct Edna Krabappel…

    But most of the comedians I talked to were very clear in saying he’s not actually a funny guy — not on purpose, at least.

    “It’s the difference between a drunk uncle telling a knock-knock joke about Mexicans at Thanksgiving versus Mark Twain,” Mr. Joyce said. “One of them is being funny on purpose, and the other one is just an arrogant baboon.”

    tl;dr: Comedians to Trump–STFU.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      I’ve heard this quote attributed to Terry Gilliam: Comedy is when the funny person doesn’t know he’s being funny.

  • bubbuhh

    Did NYC just dodge another ammosexual bullet because of a cracked windshield?

    http://abcnews.go.com/US/car-guns-stopped-holland-tunnel-york-police/story?id=40018921

    • BosGrl

      This is sad though, because he lost his daughter.

      • bubbuhh

        Yes, he’s a bit nutso because his daughter accidentally OD’d and that’s sad. It would have been sadder, however, if he decided to shoot up (in the gunz sense, not the drugs sense) random “low-lifes” in his persona of Ammosexual Avenger.

      • SnarkOff

        Fucking Father of the Year.

      • janecita

        Funny though, his daughter OD’d but he had heroin in the truck.

        • Biff52

          I didn’t read that in the article, only in the comments. I saw in a different article that there was marijuana in the truck, though.

          • janecita

            They mentioned the heroin on the local Spanish news.

    • Astraea

      Wow, that is just the vehicle you want when you don’t want to attract too much attention.

      • bubbuhh

        Yowsa!!!

      • Spotts1701

        That’s an actual vehicle and not a Hot Wheels toy?

        • Astraea

          omg what if it is? You’ve found the clue that this was a false flag operation! Someone alert Alex Jones!

        • bubbuhh

          Eyeblindingly real. It’s all over the news beams now. No doubt it will be an ammosexual action figure accessory in a few weeks

        • Jenny

          Umm my son has like 800 hotwheels, I bet I could find one that looks a lot like that.

    • janecita

      Fucking Pennsylvania and their shitty gun laws.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Emmaus. Relieved to be part of the 70s-80s PA Diaspora.

        • janecita

          Is that town in the Lehigh Valley?

          • Msgr_Moment

            Yeah. That’s where his shooting range is.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      two law enforcement officials told ABC News there does not appear to be a link to terrorism.

      IOW the name Cramsey doesn’t sound very Muslin…

      • bubbuhh

        Because thatz the important thing. Mass murders that got the terrorizms are much scarier than mass murders done by kookoo nutso ammosexuals. ;)

  • King of America
    • efoveks

      You gotta love it. :)

      • King of America

        He’s absolutely incapable of not responding, so this ought to be funny.

    • Callyson

      Two of Donald Trump’s keenest critics in Scotland have hoisted Mexican flags next to his Aberdeenshire golf course to show “solidarity” with the Mexican people during his visit later this week.

      http://media2.giphy.com/media/IeLOBZb7ZdQ1G/giphy.gif

      • King of America

        I know Trump is low-hanging fruit, but there’s nobody on this Earth who more deserves being relentlessly trolled.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Low-hanging fruit? He’s a fucking piñata.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No wonder all the Messicans love him!

      • efoveks

        Calyson, you are amazing. I don’t think there is a single situation for which you don’t have a meme. As always, bravo!

        • Callyson

          • Biff52

            Now you’re just showing off.

          • Callyson

      • Suse

        Is that the course he bullied his way into building in an ecologically fragile area?

        • Callyson
          • Suse

            Of course it is. What a silly question.

      • berkeleyfarm

        ♫Alza la bandera
        La bandera mejicana♫

  • Sardonicuss

    Whew. That was a lot of bad Trump news for one day. Well, at least the Olympics are finally starting off with a bang! Oh no….
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/brazil-jaguar-olympics_us_5769a0a9e4b09926ce5ce33e?section=

    • limberrat

      Hey London? Can you get your stadiums ready to go?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They were just never the same after Ford bought them…

      • Sardonicuss

        Those Jags. Always leaking oil..or something.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          positively dangerous around an open flame. At least it was a quick death, unlike what’ll happen to a bunch of the swimmers once they succumb to one of the superbugs floating around in that water

      • Sardonicuss

        Seriously though..what a wholesale clusterfuck the thing is! The metaphors for “horrible mistake” just happen every day.

    • TJ Barke

      Ffs…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Yes, but how do you pronounce it?

      • Sardonicuss

        Clusterfuck?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          2016, the year of the clusterfuck

          • Sardonicuss

            As years go, we can also accept “Fubar”.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            We sure surpassed Snafu, anyway

  • SeanT1001
    • Callyson

      Several commenters here have, as has Wonkville. Given the problem with the statute of limitations, I’ll be surprised if much comes out of this unless others come forward. Which sucks if this story is true, sadly…

      • Jeff in the desert

        But if she had the dress……

    • Jeff in the desert

      It may be a #stoptrump thing. Discredit him enough to have to disallow him at the convention…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Yeah. Disgusting if true, but given the number of things that demonstrably stink to high heaven about this guy….

      • Sardonicuss

        I have absolutely no problem believing it, or that he would threaten her as well. The descriptions his ex gave about the day his hair transplant went bad are pretty horrifying.

    • Astraea

      You know, I’ve been thinking that what this election year really needs is a reason to debate whether or not an accusation of rape is true.

      • Smokahontas

        Prolly didn’t keep her aspirin between her knees like a real lady.

  • TJ Barke

    Any pics of him wrapped in a flag? Because we’ve got one of him holding a bible, and you remember what Sinclair Lewis said about fascism…

    • sosuume

      Well, here’s one of him hugging the flag — would that count??

      • TJ Barke

        WTF? Hugging the flag, an idiot’s idea of something a patriot would do.

        • sosuume

          Yah.

        • limberrat

          No, this is an idiots idea:

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I’ll take that idiot over our locals with the snake flags and confed rags anyday.

          • Meccalopolis

            All American Asshole

        • Sardonicuss

          Well, he is doing something to that flag…not sure if hugging. Whats the word, oh yeah “humping”. Thats it!

      • bubbuhh

        Sort of….kinky. Real moments captured in video or film are always the most perverted.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I bet he is really blowing his nose on it, or wiping off the kiss someone just gave him.

      • therblig

        does he have a star spangled boner?

        • sosuume

          A small one.

      • ken_kukec

        Haven’t seen a hug that insincere since he took the stage with Mooselini.

      • Swampgas_Man

        He’s just wiping his mouth.

      • Blank Ron

        Wow, The Donald can make even everyday vexillophila seem creepy.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Not sure if it’s shopped, but people are saying that it’s legit.

    • ken_kukec

      It can’t happen here … unless … ?

  • Marceline

    Out of all his father’s sperm it’s hard to believe that Donald was the fastest.

    • SnarkOff

      George W. Bush libel!

    • efoveks

      Then again, it was packing light.

    • Suse

      Maybe not the fastest but definitely the yooogest.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Maybe it was a very very very very old batch.

    • Joe Beese

      Not the fastest. The squirmiest.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The others kept ramming the wrong wall.

      • ken_kukec

        Dumb! We need sperm that ram the right wall!

        Make Fred Trump’s sperm great again!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Maybe he was the last one from the first ‘gasm, the one when Fred withdrew.

    • Biff52

      Probably killed all the others.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        ate em. These beings cannibalize their competition. It is not enough to simply kill. One must consume the enemy, and obliterate any record that they ever existed.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Only a good sperm with a gun…

          • ken_kukec

            There were sperm firing back in the opposite direction. It was a beautiful thing.

        • Biff52

          Every sperm is sacred,
          every sperm is great…

    • ken_kukec

      He hired some lesser sperm to tote him up the fallopian tube on a royal barge.
      Like Caesar meeting Cleopatra along the Nile.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    The poorly educated and the evangelicals love Trump, but I repeat myself.

    • Suse

      Just saw a comment that called Drumpf’s religious fans the “moral moronity.” I like that.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Moriarity?

      • cynmac

        There was a woman at a recent rally with a sign that said “Silent Minority”. Yeah, work on that silent thing. You’re not doing it right.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        I prefer the mega moral morons because then spell check doesn’t tan my hide and it sounds like a Japanese super cartoon which is funny.

        • Parchment Scroll

          ~MEGA MORAL MORONS! Heeeeen-SHIN!~

  • Spotts1701

    OT: Oh, look…Steve King (R-Cornfed) decided he wasn’t getting any attention. So he’s throwing a tantrum over the Tubman Twenty.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Racist shitstain behaves like a racist shitstain.

      Film at 11.

    • Parchment Scroll

      Have we considered that maybe he doesn’t have a problem with the Tubman $20, and he’s really planning on a post-political career in counterfeiting? This bill would prevent any updates to counterfeit prevention measures due to the poor wording.

      Also, it would result in a bill with the phrase “the any reserve note or coin” in it.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am sure it is absolutely racism, because of who it is, but that might be another perk to being a dick.

        • Parchment Scroll

          Yeah, but hasn’t the Tubman $20 been designed already?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ayep, and his stunt will fail, and he knows it will fail, but he’s gonna do it anyway because wink wink dog whistle.
            Only thing is, he is pandering to the wrong base there. Cause Iwegians are really not fucking into that so long as they git their farm subsidies. Dipshit.

          • Parchment Scroll

            All of that sounds right.

            Well, except…

            “Iwegians”? Forgive me. The only thing I know for sure about Iowa is that it’s where the pornfields are

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Totally, Iwegians ^.^

  • Jenny

    So O/T but what’s with the kid in Vegas who tried to take a cop’s gun to shoot Drumph?? How has Drumph not turned that into a 24/7 story?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Because everyone loves him so ipso facto, that nutjob does not exist.

      • Jenny

        I wonder how many republicans were like dammit there went our last chance!?!
        >_<

    • Spotts1701

      Insufficient level of pigmentation and/or not foreign enough. Therefore, “mentally ill” dude instead of “OMG scary terrorist”.

    • bubbuhh

      Poor nutso kid was British and not muslin. Kid couldn’t even figure how to go to Wal-Mart to buy a gun. What kind of foreign terrorist is he?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        amazing how we ignore the white ones

      • Msgr_Moment

        Kid needed to go to a range to learn how to shoot. Sad. Weak.

    • Msgr_Moment

      There’s a poor child over at Progressives Today who is shocked, shocked, that we are not shocked, shocked by this, all of which proves our hypocrisy.

      Also, too. Look at how much the press talks about the 200 people shot and killed this past week, since Orlando.

      • Jenny

        I dunno why would we be shocked? 1) Guns 2) America 3) Guns in America 4) Most of us were alive when someone actually tried and or succeeded at killing a president.

        • cynmac

          Yep, I was 18 months old when JFK was killed, 6 when RFK and MLK were killed, 17 when Elvis was- oh, no he died on a toilet, in my 20’s when Reagan was shot, in my 30’s when John Lennon was killed. So it’s been a while for the young’uns. But then they’ve had Columbine, et al. so I think we are even.

          • ken_kukec

            “Elvis was- oh, no he died on a toilet” … do you have any idea how naïve that sounds?

            Like Kay telling Michael Corleone that senators and presidents don’t have men killed.

          • cynmac

            Man, the guy was a drug addict, had opiate constipation and died trying to squeeze out a deuce. Racist motherfucker. ETA – insult is for Elvis, not you KK.

          • The Wanderer

            I was 2 when JFK got capped, and 6 during the Death Year (1968).

          • berkeleyfarm

            I turned 7 about a week after Bobby Kennedy’s death. Don’t remember JFK, although I do remember my then babby brother.

        • TJ Barke

          Nope. Unless 9/11 counts.

        • Parchment Scroll

          I remember Reagan getting shot, at least.

        • ken_kukec

          There’s been a plot, an attempt, or a successful assassination of 11 of our last 13 presidents. Everybody but Truman and LBJ.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Shocked that a deluded fool got too into the rhetoric and went violent?
        Why would that shock us? We’ve been saying it is the logical conclusion for a year now.

      • Parchment Scroll

        Oh my god I just found all your old snark on that thread and it’s beautiful. I am tearing up.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Awwww, thanks. I got way too much time on my hands today. Or rather, I better make it up tomorrow.

          • Parchment Scroll

            I think my favorite is “well done, patriot”. :D

      • Astraea

        What is hypocritical about not being shocked by yet more gun violence?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Oh, because obvs we would be screaming if someone shot at one of ours, i.e. a commie liberal.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            But no one shot at anyone. And last I checked we did all soundly mock him everywhich way. So…..
            idk, sounds like your poster is a dumb.

          • Msgr_Moment

            The whole site is, but then it’s the SMOTI’s site.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            oohhhh. Well, that makes sense then.

          • cat cafe

            Made me look, and then I was totally unable to resist fully chiming in, especially on the the FUCKING ASSHOLE threatening to dox our Rebecca and shitting on the WONKETTE BABY! Guys, you have to go over there. DICKHEADS and the worst LIARS OVER THERE! Also too I have to get back to work, or, turn in my comment history as my project, good idea?

          • cynmac

            Link please. I am not going searching.

      • TJ Barke

        My shocked reflex has been worn to nothing because of all of the previous shocking.

    • cynmac

      He’s English too and isn’t Drumpf going over there this week? OHJB is in Ireland and Drumpf canceled going there. Lucky Irish – they like Biden, he added time to the front of the trip to go his ancestral village and hangout before the Official parts of his trip.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Something something false profits (or, well, prophets, ed.) something something serve two masters something something the smiting should be any day now. Annnnyyyday now.

    • ken_kukec

      “false profits” — those are what’s promised to the Trump U students (or “marks” as the Donald refers to them).

  • david spikes

    They wake up on Sunday morning. Melania say how about breakfast. The Donald says sure,let’s do that wine and crackers place-nah, the crackers are always to little. The worst, sad, very sad.

    • Suttree

      The lines are always so long too!

      • berkeleyfarm

        I laughed, even though most Presbyterian churches do pew delivery during communion.

        • Suttree

          I’ve never been to one, I was raised Catholic. I was always happiest at communion time because it meant we were about to get out of there!

  • sadboy

    Nice Stalinist pivot. If they will not fight for Trumpism, perhaps they will fight for Holy Trump.

  • Jenny

    Super way O/T! My ex’s grandfather is coming into town so instead of my ex taking them for the one day a month visit, he’s actually taking them a whole weekend.

    WHAT DO I EVEN DO WITH MYSELF?????

    I’m taking suggestions.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You got a whole weekend to yourself????
      I suggest copious amounts of sex, partnered or self, an over indulgence in every flick you like the best, and probably sleeping in late.
      Or, you know, something cerebral like…..

      • Jenny

        I still have my obnoxious brother in my house so meeeeh on the hot sexy weekend.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          damn.
          Well, cerebral can be nice, too.

          • Jenny

            I do like it when my ex gets external pressure to act like a decent father. It’s the only time I get unexpected downtime.

          • Smokahontas

            As long as he’s putting on the act for the sake of someone other than his children, eh?
            …minihontas has one of those DNA donors. He’s so charming I refer to him as Fucko for short.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Because his full name is Fuckohontas?
            Fuckohonto?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            de Fuca was taken.
            *runs and hides*

          • Smokahontas

            Oh no! We Hontases are a proud line of decent smartasses, he just caught me before my Tubes were tied!

          • Jenny

            Yup exactly like that. Grandpa gets the show (grandpa knows how he is and is just happy to see his great grand babies) New girlfriends also get the show. The one person who doesn’t get the grand act is his mother, they are two peas in a pod. Calling her grandma is the worst thing ever!

          • Smokahontas

            Adulting is a skill some folks never cotton to. Fortunately, you get the satisfaction of knowing with absolute certainty that you’re the better human. Small consolation, I know, but it’s the little things sometimes. BTW, TWINS??!?!!?? You some kind of hero, I say!!

          • cynmac

            Huh, my second ex is “Numbnutz”.

          • Smokahontas

            That’s got a nice ring to it :-)

            But I like to think I got the nutz when my lawyer wiped the floor with them and handed them to.me in a Dixie cup.

          • cynmac

            That is about to happen as I foreclose on the marital property.

          • Smokahontas

            I’ll lend you the lucky Dixie cup.

        • TJ Barke

          Hot sexy weekend at someone else’s house?

          • Jenny

            Possible!

          • TJ Barke

            Don’t rub it in, or do, whatever you’re into.

      • Msgr_Moment

        You forgot chocolate!

        • Jenny

          Pfft Jolly Ranchers! I’m weird like that.

    • say wha

      Just call 867-5309

      • Jenny

        That guy always sounds so creepy though!

    • TJ Barke

      Get trashed.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      When in doubt there’s always sex…

    • cynmac

      Yeah, the MRAs have no clue, do they? Girls don’t want to date you because you are icky and they don’t want to get stuck with your spawn.

      My kid-free weekends were drinking wine, going to bookstores for long browses, sleeping late, going to movies and later, going to small music clubs for live shows. It took me a while to work up to that, but I met the BF four years ago at a show.

      True story – My ex would take the babe one weekend a month and his mom, while she was living, would do about one weekend every six weeks. This lasted from age 5 to 9, when his mom died and then he would do the every other weekend. He finally took her for a whole summer when she was 15 and kept her through the end of HS. But by then he was cohabitating with his now wife, so that was cool. Just never the door or make it hard for him to see the kid.

      • Jenny

        I really don’t know what happened to my ex. At the beginning he was a loving attentive type dad. Then he just fucking fell off. Didn’t want anything to do with our twins, nothing to do with me. He pretty much lived his own life in our house. Staying out partying and the lot. Just being a constant kid.

        He still lives that life, but now he has to give me a check for me to do with what I want. Which is the only thing that REALLY REALLY pisses him off. Not that I blow it on designer clothes or anything but he misses not having control of what I spent money on.

        He’s got another kid on the way with some tinder hook up! My kids are excited because yay little brother but knowing the women he dates, I’m kind of concerned for this kid.

        • Smokahontas

          Be happy that new babby will have decent sibs to look up to. Also your twins will have someone to annoy them endlessly at visits! Win win!

          • Jenny

            My daughter isn’t thrilled. I’m afraid she’s too much like me, opinionated and judgey of all the shortcomings. When I asked her how she felt about it, she shrugged and said whatever, I don’t really know what to think yet.

            My son does have my mouth and is pretty blunt when he is mad, but he usually tries to see the best in people. Even his dad. So he’s excited and can’t wait to be a big brother. We picked out a little onesie for the new baby that says “greatest little brother ever.”

            I don’t really know what my ex is planning to do. He wasn’t into the baby thing, especially waking up at night. He only knew this young lady for a night. She doesn’t have a job and is still in college. So hopefully she has decent parents because my ex is way worse off than when I left him morally, emotionally, and financially, so he won’t be much help.

          • Smokahontas

            Nice job with the babby present! I wish there were parenting merit badges, cause you’re gonna end up an eagle scout! Hats off to you, fine Wonker, we’ll done!

          • Jenny

            I have half brothers and sisters all over and I never really knew them other than brief encounters. One I know is in jail for robbery and agg. assault, and his younger brother according to Facebook is still gang banging. The rest, no clue.

            I don’t want my kids to be alienated like that. Their only real grandparent is the great grand dad coming to visit. My parents are wrecks, and the ex’s parents are different type of wrecks. So they don’t see either on a regular basis. It would be nice for them to have someone else to be close with. We will just have to see.

          • Smokahontas

            Growing into a rational, compassionate, reasonable person requires exposure to the opposite, IMHO.However difficult it is to see our kids put out in the world, it’s this world, so we know they’ll get plenty of opportunities for exposure. ALL the kids in your village are lucky to have you! Some sportsball coach said that you can tell if someone needs encouragement if they’re breathing…i refer to that thought regularly :-)

        • cynmac

          Get to know her. I already knew Stepmom but I really did hold out my hand to her and to my stepson’s mom when the kids were younger and livng with me. When they became teens and went to live there, it was seamless because the lines of communication were clear. And it’s great that they call him “baby brother”. My stepson has half brothers and sisters and I always included them in the funtimes also too. Guys will never make this stuff happen, but are usually happy when it does.
          True Story, my ex still paid the child support to me, even when the babe went to live with him. Because he knew I was saving a college fund.

      • Smokahontas

        Solid advice to be the bigger person. I make sure cards are sent to all the fam, on time even! 11 years in and I still hold my nose and let minihontas pick out a father’s day card every year, and mail it out with only a little extra spit on the envelope :-)

    • Smokahontas

      Whatever you do AVOID LAUNDRY!!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      WHAT or WHOM?

    • Bill Slider

      Call a good female friend who agrees to go along, then freak the fuck out of your brother. Pretend you are two madly in love lesbians who enjoy a lot of physical contact. Act like you normally act madly in love with this woman and sort of forget your brother is even in the house. With luck, he will find an excuse to leave and never take refuge in your home again.

      • cynmac

        Unless he is one of those MRAs that finds lesbians haut! Like two women will just decide one day to invite him into a 3-some and he doesn’t have to worry about dick, and I mean dick coming his way.

        • Jenny

          I did find The Game in a box of all his shit in the garage. Why he has that I don’t know, he was an attractive dude in his younger years.

  • cynmac

    And he’s losing in Utah. Are the Mormons truer Christians? The Mormons and the liberal Christians have horseshoe’d and the Evangelicals are “fluid” in their beliefs. Shocked I am, shocked.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Was it in 2 Corinthians where it says “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone”?

  • Bill Slider

    Once The Donald convinces his flock Hillary is a Muslim, where will he next turn? Let me guess, Hilary is a Mexican.

    • TJ Barke

      Rodham? Sounds vaguely furrin…

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Rodham sounds joosh. JooshMooslim!!!!!

        • Jeff in the desert

          It was Rodamvitz. They added the h and dropped the vitz to Anglicize it.

          Edit: And the first name was Halal…

          • Smokahontas

            Al Robhamvitz.

          • cat cafe

            OR….. was it “Hillel”?

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Oh please. “Clintonista” is a TOTALLY Spanish surname.

    • Ezio

      Are his supporters even capable of knowing Muslims can be different races?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They sure know some of em come in blah! I read alllllll about their blind hatred of Mohammad Ali when he passed on, for being the wrong sky daddy lover.

        • cynmac

          Past blind hatred or remaining blind hatred? Because even some blah people were upset about the Farrakan links. But when Muhammad Ali cut ties with The Nation, things changed. Malcolm X was cutting ties when they killed him. I always wondered what his later life would have been like, as a more moderate man.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I was just remarking on the specific supporters of Heir Drumpf (past and remaining) but that is a good point. I wonder why people freak out so much over other people’s choice of prayer reciever? They almost act as if it is a personal offense that not everyone believes as they do.
            As for Malcom, I do not know.That is certainly worth a think, however. He was one hell of a human, agree with him or not.

          • cynmac

            The Nation is a cult, that calls itself Muslim. The founder, Elijah Muhammad was into the little girls and when both Muhammad Ali and Malcolm X found out, they were livid. Muhammad Ali quit The Nation and found the larger community of Muslims. Malcolm X went on Hajj and came back to expose the scandal and rest control. Allegedly, Farrakhan had him killed. All of this opened blah people’s eyes and why Malcolm is studied now, almost as much as MLK in our communities by the younguns.

          • Justno

            Malcolm X was seriously great and sadly more appreciated in retrospect.

          • Blank Ron

            That is in fact what they believe. See, if you believe in a different god, or worship the same god but in a different way, they get uncomfortable because deep inside they are asking, ‘what if I am WRONG?’ So they double down on the othering, HARD, to reassure themselves that they’re the ones who are right.

      • Justno

        Is Indonesia a thing? /s

        • Ezio

          Or Albania

    • therblig

      a dirty muzlican!

  • ken_kukec

    “People tell me all the time they can’t believe how much God loves me; they’ve never seen anybody get loved by God this much before. Unbelievable.

    “Where’s my God? Is He here? Sitting over there? There’s my God! Come on, stand up! Tell everybody how much you love Trump!

    “Is He great? Do we love our God, or what?”

    • cat cafe

      And God said to me, “Let there be light, bigly!”

  • Suse

    Drumpf is such a downer. I’m sick to death of him. Here, have a nice photo of last night’s sunset in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco…

    • Jeff in the desert

      Smoke on the waaaater….a fire in the sky….

      • Suse

        Most of the bay area looked like this last night. Spectacular.

    • The Wanderer

      Beautiful.

    • cat cafe

      Wow! Best friend lived there years ago when people could afford it…. now, niece who Married Well has a lovely house there with her hubby and, I must admit, insanely cute little boy. Gorgeous!

      • Suse

        My niece took the photo. She and her wife live on Church St. They want to get the hell out of SF and move to NM.

    • Biff52

      I spent a lot of my youth on Collingwood and 18th St there.

  • NotMamaDolemite

    Maybe he’ll figure out a way to do some reconn. How anyone sleeps with this man, I have no idea.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Lots of booze, lots of thinking about the vacay house with the hot pool boy/girl

  • CJTX

    Speaking of the almighty (smooth seque, right?) – good news!

    “Sweet justice: Anti-gay Pastor who celebrated Orlando shootings is getting booted from his building”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/06/sweet-justice-anti-gay-pastor-who-celebrated-orlando-shootings-is-getting-booted-from-his-building/

    • TJ Barke

      More fuel for the persecution complex fire.

      • CJTX

        Hey, we’re so alike dude. I was thinking “how can this be legal”. Then I read the story, and the owners are “choosing” not to reup the lease. Luckily Republican-conservative-right-wing policies have made sure landlords got a TON of power (remember the whole, anti-discrimination policies are going to mean you have to let gays lease your garage apartment argument – which isn’t true FWIW).

        • berkeleyfarm

          Yeah, all seems legal and above board, and they’re happy to waive any contractual early departure penalties to get them out earlier.

    • Suse

      Saw that! Hope he gets struck by lightning for being so hateful (with votes – sigh…)

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Wait, do you have to add the with votes to even acts of God?
        Cause if so, I have some mass editing to do, probably.

        • Smokahontas

          I heard that god’s a super delegate, so votes don’t count anyway.

        • Suse

          I added it just in case. ;-)

    • The Wanderer

      Another triumph from the Department of Diverse Tactics (formerly the Directorate of Dirty Tricks).

    • cynmac

      Ohhhh, consequences!

    • anwisok

      Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

  • bubbuhh
    • Justno

      Yup. She totally wants him now.

      • Biff52

        I’ve heard weird shit goes on in The Villages, but this? kinda takes the cake!

        • Justno

          She just needed to be persuaded.

    • Msgr_Moment

      No Hump Day NOW.

      • TJ Barke

        When you’re in a healthy relationship, every day is hump day.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Uh oh.

  • Mavenmaven

    I have complete faith in Trump’s insanity.

  • CJTX

    OT HOLY FUCK (I haven’t even read the article yet, and I know that anybody can file a lawsuit and claim something happened, but HOLY FUCK!)

    “Donald Trump accused of raping 13-year-old in federal lawsuit”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/06/donald-trump-accused-of-raping-13-year-old-in-federal-lawsuit/

    • The Wanderer

      Hmm. Sounds a tad piscine, but let’s see where it goes.

      • CJTX

        I genuinely don’t know – even I find this hard to believe, even for Trump. But other folks have been accused of this kind of crime, so who really knows. But yeah, piscine sounds about right (and thanks W – I had to look it up!)

    • kaw143

      This one has been making lotsa rounds, today. It isn’t getting much traction in the mainstream media, possibly for the very reason you mention.

      BUT, I can’t help but wonder just how loudly this sort of thing would have been proclaimed from the mountaintops had a similar lawsuit been filed in 2007 with a certain Kenyan usurper as the defendant?

      • CJTX

        Or even Bill Clinton – isn’t this Epstein fellow mentioned in that article the same one that Bill C. has been guilt-by-association-ed for the same thing? (Sorry, studying for test tomorrow, I think you know I make no sense during test time).

        • cynmac

          Yeah, Monica was over 21 and not underage.

          • CJTX

            No no no, there was another rumor going around. It had to do with some high faultin’ dude (I think it was this Epstein fellow) who organized sex parties at home and abroad. Apparently because Bill knew (whoever it was), people were “Just Asking” if he took part. Can’t remember where I saw it, don’t care, too lazy to look it up. ;)

          • Biff52

            Yeah. Apparently, his name was on a passenger manifest of Epstein’s jet, or something.

          • CJTX

            Right, that sounds familiar. As I said above, it’s test time again, so I’m mentally CHECKED OUT. Back to the definitions…

          • cynmac

            Sorry, I meant to insinuate that Bill and Donald were Eskimo Brothers. And that so far, all of Bill’s known dalliances were with women, not girls.

          • CJTX

            I didn’t say they were right, or even rational, just that people were saying it. Is hot our there in Hot-lanta? We’re getting up to above 100 here in the desert and it’s brutal, but it’s a dry heat. ;)

          • cynmac

            Nope. We’re having normal weather for once.

  • Astraea

    Meanwhile, amid the clusterfuck, articles like this just start looking desperate: “Yes, Bernie Has Leverage—Deal With It”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Leverage to do what?

      • Astraea

        Revolutionize the Democratic Party, of course. Or maybe just remind us he’s still out there running.

      • Sheepshagger

        Take over the world pinky!

        • Justno

          That’s what we’ll do today, Brain.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I think they mean the box set of the TV show. Which was not that bad, and had 7 of 9 and I think some canadians on it.

      • Parchment Scroll

        He has all the Leverage, on Netflix!

  • I don’t know what’s worse: the public supposing to believe the Evangelical actually listen to Trump and taking him seriously…or the Evangelicals actually listening to Trump and taking him seriously.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He promises to make it easier for conmen. Of course they are listening to him.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        DING DING DING DING DING

  • Callyson

    Sort of OT, but…

    Tell me, LA Times link, is there anything to that book from the former Secret Service agent that portrays Hillary as uncontrollable and erratic?

    Ex-colleagues say former Secret Service officer’s book attacking Hillary Clinton rings untrue

    “There is no place for any self-moralizing narratives, particularly those with an underlying motive,” the board of directors of the Assn. of Former Agents of the U.S. Secret Service wrote in a statement Tuesday.

    The public condemnation of the book was an extraordinary move by the group, which has largely remained out of the political fray since its founding in the 1970s.

    Critics of the book, “Crisis in Character,” have noted that Byrne, who served as a uniformed Secret Service officer, the lowest level of security at the White House, would not have had the close access to the Clintons that protective agents do.

    tl;dr: another Hillary hater is full of BS FFS.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      lolz, lowest level of security.
      He was the fucking cat box cleaner, wasn’t he

      • Justno

        Pretty much. The closest he would have ever been would be glimpsing either Clinton passing through a walkway.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I just love how his fellow service folk felt inclined to point out that he was the lowest level of security.
          That was an absolute slap in the face, and probably a kick to the nads for funsies.

          • Justno

            Yeah, I grinned at this. He really thought nobody would call him on this. Holy cow!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            will make the anual picknick very awks.
            Sooo erm…you betrayed everything we stand for to make a quick buck off the conservative grift train. Hot dog?

          • Justno

            Lol!

          • Sheepshagger

            “he only got a wooden gun!”

          • Msgr_Moment

            That was an absolute slap in the face, and probably a kick to the nads for funsies

            Business before pleasure.

        • cynmac

          Or maybe walking down a hallway, if he had stayed long enough to be more senior. But not within the 100 feet security circle.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Like a Secret Service agent would ever knock off from the hookers and blow long enough to change the cat litter….

        • The Wanderer

          They have their priorities, after all.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe I should apply for a job there.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Socks ordered Vince Foster killed.

        • Smokahontas

          Never trust a cat!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Get outta my haid, Smokahontas!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            What do you call a cat in a dryer?
            Fluffy.
            What do you call a cat that gets lost in a dryer?
            Socks.

          • Smokahontas

            You got me on the snork there! I rarely enjoy good clean humor :-)
            Orange you pleased with yourself?

          • Smokahontas

            You got minihontas with the lolz too! And a retort: How do kittens stay up to date?
            The mews.

            Don’t forget to tip your waitress, folks!

    • Astraea

      Stale, recycled misogyny. Opportunistic, also too.

    • cynmac

      This is the book that Drumpf has been waiting for. The one that he was referencing on Breitfart. The retired secret service guys are saying that at best, this guy is repeating rumors and innuendo, because not only did he not have access, but he wasn’t there long enough to have witnessed all that he said he did, firsthand.

      • Biff52

        That won’t matter to the people that buy the book, though. They won’t read the book, just buy it.

        • cynmac

          Oh, fer shur. I didn’t say anything about anyone actually reading the book, just that the people who should know reviewed it and said, “Nope”.

  • Callyson

    Oh, and just in case anyone thought this was just an aberration on the way to a more Presidential decorum by Trump…um, no

    • limberrat

      I thought she was crooked?

      • Spotts1701

        Lying and crooked. Trump is trying to expand his vocabulary a little.

        • Markuserektus

          He’s up to multiple syllables!

        • Biff52

          Must mean she lies, crookedly.

        • sw19womble

          Gilding the lily.

          Fuck knows where this will lead us over the next four months… after all, we know how much Trump loves gilding.

          • Suttree

            I call bullshit. Gilding takes too long and is too expensive. Electroplated tin is probably what everything he has ever touched is made of.

          • cynmac

            Electroplating, are you smoking crack? Gold spray paint purchased from Walmart, made in China.

      • Astraea

        Pretty sure she’s straight, but someone should ask Huma….

    • Spotts1701

      How will they distinguish this site from every other right-wing nutball site that has reprinted every Hillary Clinton “conspiracy” the same way for the last 25 years?

      • kaw143

        This one will have the hooogest lies. Just tremendous. Also, too, it will have the best hair.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Bet it will have many various links to buy Trump! Stuff.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Are you referring to lyingcrookedKILLary.com?

        • Callyson

          I’m surprised they didn’t roll with $hillary.

          • Justno

            Or Killary.

          • Blank Ron

            $ is a protected character, I believe.

    • Sheepshagger

      Well that has dignity written all over it.

    • Msgr_Moment
    • Notreelyhelping

      The worst! Lyin’ AND crooked! (Who are his web advisers? A couple of middle school boys?)

      • Msgr_Moment

        They left out LesbianCommunistAssassin.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hillary’s selling Christianity down the tubes? Shit, and I didn’t even know there was a plantation at the end of the subway line.

  • Serai 1

    You know, this idiot is getting really boring.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Which one? Trump or Issa?

      • Callyson

        All of them, Katie.

  • Callyson

    Do you have yet another amusing election story for us, different LA Times link?

    Some prominent California Trump backers have buyer’s remorse

    Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Vista) said he’d like to “redo” the entire primary process without Trump as a candidate. Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Alpine), one of the first members of the House to back Trump, warned of an attempt to block Trump as the Republican Party’s presidential nominee and of potential violence at the GOP national convention in July.

    You’re stuck with him now!

    • Msgr_Moment

      So Issa wants to “burn it down”?

      • sw19womble

        Then claim on the insurance.

    • The Wanderer

      Aw. Too fucking bad. You created him; you own him.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I’d like for Darrell Issa to move the fuck out of Vista.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The albatross is around your neck, not on the telly, assholes.

  • I am quite happy if no candidate believes in any form of invisible sky demon. It would make for better candidates.

    • Serai 1

      Yeah, that Jimmy Carter was such a useless asshole. * eyeroll *

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Naw, come on now.
        Does not mean he was an ass, just he mighta been better.

        • Smokahontas

          For all his foibles I sure as hell admire what he’s done post presidency… if he drank I’d have a drink with him even! I’m no jeebus, but I can forgive a good person for being religious!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I know lots of good religious sorts :) Just as I know many not religious sorts :) Tis not the religion that makes someone good or bad, tis the shoving that religion on everyone else (or lack of doing so) I think.

          • Smokahontas

            Who are you not to judge? The Dahli Freakin Llama? Oh, wait. Nevermind.

          • cynmac

            Chances are he’d go to the bar with you, drink coca-cola or juice and have a wonderful time.

          • Smokahontas

            IKR? He’s probably a good tipper too.
            What a dick.

          • Justno

            No doubt. From everything I’ve heard and read he is an amazing human being.

        • Serai 1

          I’m sorry, I can’t even with a statement like that. I’m seriously sick of this RELIGION IS EVIL MAKES EVERYTHING BAD utter and complete bullshit.

      • Justno

        I don’t care what their personal religious beliefs are or lack thereof. I do object to the unofficial but very real requirement to profess some strain of Christianity.

        It is de facto exclusion and forces people to lie to get elected. Changing this requires electability.

        And here we are.

        • cynmac

          My Congressman is the only Buddhist in Congress. Or maybe the first? Whatever – my county is the most diverse in the state of Georgia, what with all the refugees who come here, due to RIISA, the bestest relocation services group evah.

          • Justno

            Where in Georgia? I’ve spent a good amount of time there but mainly Augusta, Atlanta, and Cairo.

            This may sound odd but I like Cairo best. The people are so lovely I can totally ignore politics. My mom and her husband retired there. Me and my step siblings will be the clueless owners of 20 acres in rural Georgia in the not too distant future.

          • cynmac

            Dekalb County, just East of the city. Tiny slivers are in City of Atlanta. Cay-ro is cool. There are a lot of “liberal rednecks”, they just lay low in Red state.

          • Justno

            I like it there so much I’m thinking about moving to Thomasville. It depends.

        • Serai 1

          That’s not what you said, dude. Own it.

          • Justno

            Huh?

      • Jimmy is a good man. He doesn’t need some invisible guidance counselor to do the right thing.

        • Serai 1

          Wow. I’m constantly amazed by the incredible arrogance of some folks. Just… wow.

  • Lamashtar

    Hillary’s making a speech in my state tomorrow. I’m gonna drive up there. My spouse says they won’t let me bring a bag inside. Other people insist I take water and food. Is this true? Can I only carry stuff in my hands? Will a house size US flag be okay to wave?

    • Astraea

      I wish I had known she was going to be in Columbus today, I would have taken the day off to see her.

      • Lamashtar

        Yeah, I was lucky to notice the Event in my state when I went to volunteer online.

    • cynmac

      I’ve been through the Secret Service line for Hillz and this is how it goes. You can bring your purse, and it will be searched and you will have to allow inspection of any electronics. I was live blogging so I had a bag of devices and they all had to be inspected. The lines will be long and the event will not start on time, so have something to eat and drink but you will have to dispose of before you enter.
      No flags, no signs at the event I was at, but it was a Rachel Maddow taping in SC before the primary and they didn’t want the TV cameras obscured. CNN had a whole setup outside and that’s where the uncredentialed folks hung out. My favorite memory was Rand Paul being interviewed on CNN with the entire backdrop full of Bernie supporters. #winning.

    • Callyson

      Can’t say for sure, but when I saw her here they recommended not bringing a bag, to speed up the security screening (expect airport-level security, including going through a metal detector.) Bring water to drink while in line, but know that you probably won’t be allowed to bring it into the venue: ditto for food. I honestly do not know about the flag, but I wouldn’t risk it TBH.

      Most of all: get there early! EARLY! Did I mention get there early?

      I was in line (not parked at the event, IN LINE) for two hours at the event I went to (I got there at 10:15 for what was billed as a 10:30 start, and I knew it would start closer to noon.) For the event where I volunteered, there were people in line for THREE hours, and I’m not sure they made it inside. You can do things on your smartphone, but you might also want to bring a book or magazine or something so you don’t use up your battery before you can snap photos!

      Have fun and tell us all about it when you get back!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        The lines are hysterical- people line up for hours hoping and waiting to get in, all jostling and trying to pull rank on everyone else. It’s like groupies fighting to be closest to the stage door when the rock star heads to their limo. I actually take a perverse delight in tormenting them, as sometimes I have to exit the venue and it might be quickest coming back in the civilian door instead of heading around back. If looks could kill, I’d be dead a thousand times over as I walk right past the entire line snaking blocks away from the venue to the front where all the wannabe VIPs are.

        “You can’t do that! Do you know I am? I’m the assistant deputy precinct chairman in the fourteenth legislative district and heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed and the holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, blah blah blah…”

        “And I’m the guy with the State Dept issued All Access pass. Now get out of the way while the Secret Service agent I’ve been working with for the past 10-12 hours lets me back in and we both chuckle at you when the door is closed”

        On a more serious note, leave everything you can at home, plan on chucking that food and drink before you go in because they usually don’t allow them. Don’t bring flags or signs or anything big enough to obstruct anyone’s view. It’s rude to the people behind you and the beltway press are assholes about it (they’re assholes about everything- they even treat local press like shit, which is why I go out of my way to treat local press well. The local peeps are the ones I see regularly and there’s mutual respect, unlike the beltway clowns who’ve convinced themselves that the fact that they cover famous and important people for a living somehow makes them important too)

        • Lamashtar

          But I wanna wave something! I don’t have a yard sign yet. :(

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            you can try, but don’t take anything you’re real attached to because that choice of tossing it or going back to your car then the back of the lone kinda sucks. Call the local dem HQ, I’m sure they’ve got a rules list

    • sw19womble

      You have a US flag that’s the size of a house?

      • Lamashtar

        :) Nah, just for sticking in the holder on outside of door.

        • sw19womble

          Phew! I had flashbacks to weird malls and places like the giant one that’s visible as you pass by Redding CA on the 101.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s just 101 you dirty foreigner. “the 101” gotta be fucking kidding me…

          • sw19womble

            Oops, actually it’s on (the) i5 or, “The Eye” as locals call it. :p

          • Biff52

            I never understood it, myself. I lived in SoCal for a few years and nobody attached “the” to any highways back then. Now it’s all like this:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4347ZE0NQM

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Chaffetz just introduced a bill to disarm Bureau of Land Management officers.

    This is how they respond to “disarm folks on terrorist watch list”.

    They want to disarm folks who enforce the laws so that terrorists can kill them more easily.

    • The Wanderer

      Sure! Terrists gotta have their guns!

    • Astraea

      I was looking for a news story on this and fell through the looking glass: “Militia from all over the nation came to the ranch to support Mr. Bundy in his standoff with the BLM — and for that, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid labeled them “domestic terrorists,” various media reported.
      The BLM finally backed off and left — but not before a shocked nation expressed outrage at the government’s armed stance against a man who, at the root, was guilty of not paying a bill”

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I like how that conveniently leaves out the armed thugs threatening to kill the armed officers who had them out-gunned and were preventing them from just doing their jobs.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Or the shocked nation expressing outrage that they fucking backed off and did not rope these assholes up sooner.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            You can almost see the tiny gears and mainspring working in his little misshapen head: “Oh yeah, you want to disarm terrorists do you? Well, let’s disarm LEOs and make them sitting ducks for folks who are convinced the Government is gunna take away their gunses”.

          • Justno

            That’s how I remember it. As in: Dude, you had a decade to pay for grass for your damn cows.

            Then those cows appeared to be neglected. As if his theory of responsible ranching was to just let them do whatever, eat whatever, and go wherever with minimal effort on his part. To most people that’s the opposite of raising cattle.

            It would be like me arming my block because the city had the audacity to tell me to stop letting my dog poop all over the damn place.

          • Biff52

            Free Cows on the Land, or maybe CGTOW?

          • WomanInAMood

            All the upvotes! Most cattle ranchers would never treat their animals like this. They actually have plans for making sure that the cows have enough to eat. Fuck the lazy Bundy half-wits, they’re just lazy, shitty ranchers who don’t care.

          • Justno

            Exactly. I don’t know the specific regulations, if any, but in my admittedly uneducated opinion it looked like abuse, or neglect at a minimum.

          • WomanInAMood

            Very much so. I am not a rancher, but I have had the great privilege of meeting many through work. These folks belong to a cooperative, and to join, they all have to work towards “sustainabilty”, a word that we all hate, but that fairly describes the goals. These people work very hard to a) make sure that the cows have a good life, and b)that land will continue to sustain their way of life. We don’t agree on much, but this is a goal we can all support. It chaps my damn hide when fuckwits like the Bundys’ conflate this with their loser ways. For what it’s worth, it pisses off the responsible ranchers out there even more. They have a lot more to lose.

          • Justno

            Agreed. The ranchers I know in Florida and Kansas did not want to be associated with those people.

          • cynmac

            RINOs – Ranchers In Name Only!

          • cynmac

            OT – Our most egregious dog pooper moved and is selling her condo! Yeah! Yay!

          • Justno

            Lol!

            In real life you’re not far off. My ex retained custody in New Braunfels when I moved to Turkey then Austin. He had to find the poor guy a new home after realizing dogs really do require some level of commitment.

          • In retrospect, I enjoyed the slow-play on this one.

          • Justno

            The Bundys are the western/free range version of MOVE.

            I’m guessing you’ll understand this reference.

          • cynmac

            Well, yeah. After Waco and Ruby Ridge, the Feds aren’t going to step into it with Loonies until everything has been checked out throughly.

        • Astraea

          They were just innocent tax evaders minding their own business!

        • cynmac

          Or all the mess, mayhem and vandalism that the Sovereign Citizens leave/left in their wake, everywhere they go.

          • HanBarbara

            Every time a judge has one of these people in the courtroom, they probably wish for an eject button.

          • Smokahontas

            I’m thinking more of a trap door…

          • cynmac

            Wily Coyote boomerang style.

          • WomanInAMood

            Every time a judge has one of these people in the courtroom, an angel loses its wings.

          • cynmac

            Angel Gabriel Libelz!!11!
            Every time they go to jail, an angel gets its wings.

          • WomanInAMood

            Stupid innocent until proved guilty. *scuffs dirt* “You were right, I was wrong.” *scuffs dirt again*

      • Biff52

        Law enforcement officers are armed, people! What do they think we are, England?

    • Callyson

      Oh, for fuck’s sake.

      • OT, but I can’t say these words out loud without thinking I owe you royalties now. So… Thanks?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Pay the fuck up, deadbeat.

          I keed, I keed.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Blamethrower is Jim Hoft?

            [[[[THUD]]]]

          • Msgr_Moment

            Do I need to add snark hashtags now? Sheesh.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            well, I’ve never actually seen the two of them together… I’m not saying, but some other people are saying…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Heaven forefend sovcit terrorists are at any disadvantage

      • Courser

        My thought exactly.

    • Jenny

      So he wants to take guns from law enforcement? That should go well.

      • sw19womble

        And give them to people partying in nightclubs?

        • Justno

          While restricting alcohol sales.

          • Smokahontas

            Cuz that’s been so effective, historically.

            *Why yes, I will have another!*

          • sw19womble

            Gives a whole new meaning to “let’s have another round”

          • Smokahontas

            Shots are on me!

            Oh, wait. Come on guys, it’s just a saying!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Stop doing what you do to make a living and turn your place of business into an impromptu free fire zone- yeah, that’s gonna be appealing as all hell to bar owners

          • Justno

            Some people in Florida and Texas make a good living doing this.

            I wish I didn’t know this.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Cool, but if a law enforcement officer walks into a bar, then can the officer have a gun?

    • Suse

      Chaffetz is that Planned Parenthood Witch Finder General with the punchable face. Is that a prerequisite to be an asshole Rethug – possessing such a face?

      • Biff52

        That describes a lot of them, might need to narrow it down a bit.

      • Steely_Fan

        Bigly.

    • Spotts1701

      Great plan – let’s disarm the people that most western Republicans consider Public Enemy No. 1. That’ll go well when some unarmed BLM dude stumbles on illegal poaching on federal land.

  • Poly_Ester

    The “but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.” clause in Article VI only applies to Donald, obviously.

  • cat cafe

    WITH OBAMA YOU HAD YOUR GUARD UP SAY WHAT????

    • TJ Barke

      The dog whistle is strong with this one.

    • Msgr_Moment

      IDK, whenever the vulgar talking yam opens his mouth, my hands go directly to my wallet pocket.

      • cynmac

        Gee, my vag dries up.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Here, have an onion.

          • cynmac

            Uh, my eyes are up here.

    • You know how “those people” are, you gotta be alert.

  • Joshua Norton

    all of your leaders are selling Christianity down the tubes, selling the evangelicals down the tubes

    Most of those “leaders” don’t even know what those “little crackers” are! Can you believe it?

    • sw19womble

      As opposed to selling Christianity all over the tubes?

      • Smokahontas

        And here I always though we were flushing it down the pipes. The more you know!

  • Marla

    Donald, what does “2” Corinthians have to say about this?

    • Nounverb911

      2 Corinthians walk into a bar…

      • mancityfooty .

        “ouch”

        • BloviateMe

          Or, “Ouch,” “ouch,” as it were, so forth, and further on.

        • berkeleyfarm

          Church lady approved joke! I might be able to polish it up for my evangelical relatives.

    • SeeTrain65

      “The first Corinthian stands the hair up, the second shaves it clean.”
      OR
      “Don’t know, but four out of five dentists surveyed …”

    • They’re great Corinthians, the best! Both of them! Bigly!

  • Jgb979
    • sw19womble

      Any port in a storm.

    • mancityfooty .

      This would be more agreeable than a Trump presidency.

    • Not much worse than the actual Bible, at least the old testament part…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Ah, Leviathan. I knew Him well, Horatio. An Elder god of infinite jest.

    • Serai 1

      Great CTHULHU says:

      HAH. TRUMP ONLY WISHES I’D APPEAR ON HIS BOOK.
      HE COULDN’T PAY ME ENOUGH EVEN FOR A BLURB.
      THOUGH I WOULD CRUNCH HIM FOR A SNACK.

      HE IS A PUNY EXCUSE FOR A SENTIENT BEING.
      PROBABLY’D GIVE ME A STOMACH ACHE.

      • Biff52

        Eat him last! Eat him last!

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    So any bets on how crazy the speech he gives tomorrow is? HRC has been beating him up, so will he have a detailed set of policy rebuttals?

    • Astraea

      Co-authored by Alex Jones and That Secret Service Guy.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        But detailed, right?

    • Policy rebuttals? Well, I suppose if blowing raspberries and saying “I’m rubber, you’re glue” is policy…

      • Smokahontas

        I think that more procedure than policy, but potato potahto, eh?

    • Spotts1701

      Probably repeat that he’s “worth” $10billion and if he’s such a bad businessman, why do people want to still do business with him?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That is actually a really good friggin question.

      • RobKanC

        That’s part of his grift. You would think that after bankrupting numerous ppl he would have trouble running anything.

      • cynmac

        They don’t. He’s not building anything any more. He’s allowing people to license using his name. Like George Foreman grills. He bit off more than he can chew with Trump University tho. The RNC and being Prezdent was also not supposed to be this serious either. He’s going down.

    • Smokahontas

      Meh, he won’t bring policy to a battle of wits with some dame who can’t even bleed out of her wherever anymore.

      • WomanInAMood

        He’said the kinda guy would bring a spork to a (butter) knife fight. But it would be the best spork!

        • Smokahontas

          An awesome spork! Really great! I mean like the best spork! Terrific!

    • WomanInAMood

      Hahahahahahahahaha!!!……

      Owch, I think I just pulled something….abdominal….

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Well … it *could*happen …
        nah ….

  • JVisconti

    My grifter-meter tells me that tax avoidance was the topic of conversation between debating how many Corinthians you need to approach to find a good tax attorney.

    • HanBarbara

      That and a few gays and abortionplexes, although he just told the gays he was their best friend.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • cynmac

      Followed and Re-tweeted.

  • Nounverb911
    • Andre

      Hillz has gotten really good at the Twitter stomp. Poor, poor Debtridden Donnie.

  • Joshua Norton
    • Jenny

      But he says he loves the jesus crackers! So he’s forgiven, you mean heathen!

    • Zango LeHoonery

      See, he get’s things right twice a day!

    • folderol

      This is a man that cannot get enough of himself. He doesn’t need a Whitehouse, he needs a house of mirrors.

      • Jon Sussex

        The two framed copies of the Forum cover really ties the room together.

        • Joshua Norton

          They came with the frame.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Yeah, I banged her, but it was a really deep religious experience.”

      • RobKanC

        it was big, tremendous. Ivanka might be better, but he wouldn’t know that because she is his daughter. Otherwise he would totally do her.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Evangelical lady? You don’t say! From the utterly dead eyes, I assumed maybe professional tax consultant or civil servant.

      • Jenny

        Oh god, I am both those things! ARE MY EYES DEAD?!?!

        • Andre

          I’ve been looking for the right moment to bring it up, but now that you mention it.

          • Jenny

            Don’t talk to me until you’re wearing significantly shorter shorts!!

          • Andre

            Challenge accepted

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I am one of those myself. It ain’t the one that requires the maths.
          *knows dead eyes*

          • Jenny

            Maybe eye drops will help! Or retirement.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            New job would certainly help XD working on that!
            Ever read Dead Souls? I go to work and think of that book now. Mind, I’ve never been to Siberia, so…..

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Apparently former Playmate of the Month (October 1987) Brandi Brandt was never a porn star but she is in prison in Australia:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandi_Brandt

  • RobKanC

    Maybe he should consult the second Corinthians about this. Also aren’t we praying every time a mass shooting happens that it shouldn’t happening again. Clearly praying doesn’t do d*ck.

    • Joshua Norton

      It’s pronounced Two Corinthians!!! Haven’t you been paying attention?

      • RobKanC

        Lol.. Clearly I am not. I thought it was the other way around. That book is like 2 millenia old, give me a break.

        • Andre

          No worries, it takes some getting used to us. But with the exception of that Andre feller, the folks are A-Ok. I’d keep an eye on Jen, also too

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That Jen feller ain’t right in the head. Allegedly.

          • RobKanC

            What do you mean time to getting used to us. I have been a regular for like 2 months now. I think. But I usually zone in and out cos I have ADHD.

          • Andre

            I’m still getting used to us also too.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Pssssst! I think we’ve been infiltrated.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You can say dick here. And willie and cock. But never, ever, penis.

      • RobKanC

        I would imagine penis is fine. its vagina, that must not be named.

        • WomanInAMood

          And cunt is right out.

          • RobKanC

            yep. pretty much. Won’t someone think of the children?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            How do you think I wound up with 2 of em?
            Fucking cunt.
            See? It works. Cerebral (word for the day)

          • snark-lurker

            u guys makin snuker big sads cuz we likes all the wurds plus clit n slit n vulva n mound nbox n n n…

          • proudgrampa

            Hey! This is a family blog!!!

          • phoenix00

            a fellow non-commenter gave me a hard time for ‘twat’

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Twat? I cunt hear you. I have an inner ear infucktion.

            I think I’ve perma regressed to middle school. Dear lord, does this mean I have to redo the 8th grade?????

          • TJ Barke

            I dunno, that was the last year of school I actually enjoyed.

          • Biff52

            7th for me, and only parts of it.

          • anwisok

            But, if you can take your finely tuned snark skillz with you, NOBODY will ever pick on you!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Problem pinks, I haz no snark skillz, finely tuned or otherwise XD

          • anwisok

            You must not read your non-comments.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            oh heavens no. Why would I wanna read that derivitive drivel? 90% of it is Python or Adams and the remaining 10% is usually something about cats, or husband, or kids.

          • phoenix00

            Yeah I had a hard time figuring that one out too.

          • Andre

            Gods damnit, I should have scrolled down. That’s it, Jen, ima gon’ throw some serious shade your way. Or not, who knows.

          • proudgrampa

            You reminded me of my grandson who, when he was VERY young and still learning to talk, liked to eat with Colonel Sanders and always wanted to eat at “Fuckee Fried Chicken!”

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            heh – you said “hard time”

          • phoenix00

            ISWYDT or YSWIDT? Can’t decide.

          • Andre

            Twat was their problem with it. Some people just cunt get sarcasm.

          • phoenix00

            ISWYDT

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Jeezuuzz is this guy a moran.

  • Pickwicknext

    So…what have I missed? I fell into another Rachel Maddow hole a few posts back. Is it make fun of Drumpf o’clock again?

    • cynmac

      I started drinking, so yeah. While I am binging The Good Wife, Season 7. And monitoring the funtimes here.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Funny story, a couple of Christmases back, my Mom had an aneurysm like four or five days before the holiday. Luckily, they caught it just in time and she’s absolutely fine. (Seriously, that was right up there with the time I was stalked by a mountain lion on my list of “scary-ass life experiences”.)
        Anyway, her Christmas present from my Dad was the first five seasons of “The Good Wife” and he had to drive down to Stanford to pick her up after her release from the hospital, so I volunteered to wrap the DVDs for him. Being a horrible person with a horrible sense of humor, I knew Mom would be woozy and confused by all her meds, so I dutifully wrapped each Good Wife DVD individually, then wrapped them as one aggregate set, then wrapped it all again.
        Mom came home, we handed her the present, and she unwrapped it, got confused, unwrapped it, got confused, so-on and so-forth.

        Long story short, I’m going to hell.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I love this story XD That is something I would have done.
          And have done. Once or twice.

          • Pickwicknext

            Or all the times?

        • Biff52

          She named you Algernop, she had it coming.

        • cynmac

          No, it’s a great story that I’m sure your mom laffs now.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            She does. And I’m damned glad that she is able to do so.

            Leaving the procedure, we didn’t know if we’d get “her” back, and Dad, my sister and I were terrified.
            She woke up, and within a few minutes replied to a nurse’s question with a Mel Brooks quote. We knew that she’d be fine.

        • Andre

          I hope you used duct tape also too. Not that I would ever do that, but….

        • WomanInAMood

          Honestly, any time I see a post that starts ” Funny story…my Mom had an aneurysm….” I tread a bit carefully. Glad to hear she’s OK. After all, who doesn’t find themselves doing awful things when really stressed?

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Thank you.

        • TJ Barke

          It’s okay, we all are.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            At least I’ll be with all my internet friends!

          • proudgrampa

            But it will be at 300 baud.

        • proudgrampa

          You are a Bad boy. Bad!!!

          Funny as hell, but BADD!!!!

        • Robin

          Sometimes being reminded everything is normal again is the best gift to someone who had a massive health scare. If you were hellbound before, she appreciated you not wrapping her in bubble wrap :)

    • TJ Barke

      When is it not?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      It’s Yooge o’ Clock somewhere.

  • cynmac

    Ok, so the story on Corey the ex-campaign manager is that Ivanka had him fired. I bet Ivanka is the one who leaves the echo chamber to advise her dad. A little too late for the message to get through, as we see from the Donald continuing to be The Donald.

    • Joshua Norton

      Getting fired from the Trump campaign is like getting kicked off the Titanic.

      • Andre

        A fate to good for Corey “The Eternal Roid Rage of the Thoughtless Mind” Lewandowski. That turdnibbler should go down in the same ball of fiery humiliation as the rest of the Orange shirts.

      • eddi

        As it’s going down at this point. The suction will pull careers under with it.

    • WomanInAMood

      Just a wild theory, but maybe he creeped the hell out of her?

      • Bitter Scribe

        I think what really frosted her is that he tried to plant negative news stories about her husband.

        • cynmac

          Ding ding ding – we have a winner.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          why the fuck would he even do that?

          • Pickwicknext

            Steroids? Tiny penis?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            She told him no?

          • proudgrampa

            Hey, Pickwick! Are you starting to get the feeling that we’re all in a Jasper Fforde novel?

          • cynmac

            Nope. A Ronld Dahl novel. The Phantom Toolbooth.

          • Pickwicknext

            I wish! Art school riots are WAY better than fascist bigot riots. And I want the Gravitube to be real more than over the counter cloning kits

          • proudgrampa

            I just want some toast.

            Cheers!

          • Pickwicknext

            Nutritious, delicious toast. Strenth. Joy. Nutrition. This comment brought to you by the Toast Marketing Board

          • Robin

            I’m just glad he’s no longer a cop.

          • Robin

            Power struggle. Sociopaths gonna sociopath.

          • cynmac

            Yeah, Drumpf has the nerve to give the son-in-law work to do, like he was a real Son of Drumpf.

    • Robin

      From what I remember, her and chelsea are friends, but had to put it on hold for appearances. She’s not as idiotic as her brothers it seems. I really feel bad for her sometimes…. but then I remember there was an Osborne daughter who refused to be on their show and go “yep, you all have choices”.

      • cynmac

        Aimee Osbourne. Said Fuck No. I don’t feel bad for Ivanka. We all have to do things we don’t want to for family. It’s her dad. I understand. Although I did have to tell my dad to Kiss My Ass back in January.

  • Vodka is a food group

    He just hired Crazy Eyes Bachmann for his “EvanGenital Advisory Board”…. because the grifters like FRC, AFA and Todd “Potato Head” Starnes are not convinced he’s hatin enough on the Gheys!….

    With Crazy Eyes and her husband “Ladybird”… Donny thinks he’s got the religiously grifted in his pocket

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It is as if all the grifters got together and plotted how to utterly fleece the RNC.
      Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch really

    • Biff52
      • Jen_Baker_VA

        For a minute there, I thought you had pics of Evan Genitals.

        • Biff52

          This band kicks serious ass at their live shows.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            My wifi just switched over for the month so I am listening :D Thanks for that!

  • Courser

    Ah Trumpsterfire, the eternal pre-teen self-involved fucknozzle.

    It’s like he’s saying not to pray for Hillary because she’s yucky. Seriously, that’s about as much sense as that jumble of words makes.

  • bubbuhh

    After careful consideration, here’s the perfect Trump Campaign Anthem

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQe9B_VBVqM

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      TV dinner by the pool
      watch your brother grow a beard…

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Why if she were my daughter I’d…
        What would you do Donny?

        Imma stop right there!

  • Skadi

    Trump wondered out loud about Hillary Clinton’s relationship with the Almighty, Whom Donald Trump happens to know is totally on his side, because why else would God have created an entire world for Donald Trump to live in?

    Don Marquis, prophetic as usual:

    i met a toad
    the other day by the name
    of warty bliggens
    he was sitting under
    a toadstool
    feeling contented
    he explained that when the cosmos
    was created
    that toadstool was especially
    planned for this personal
    shelter from sun and rain
    thought out and prepared
    for him…

    https://www.mun.ca/biology/scarr/warty_bliggens_the_toad.html

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1UdvXnEF4Ns/Vb-5OpPdU7I/AAAAAAAAzig/gmCbjSTI8SQ/s1600/1064045174_ba2c9d3458.jpg

  • Fly

    Trump has the evangelical Christians at the Stockholm syndrome level of delusion.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      pft. They know precisely what they are getting. A con man, just like them.
      Stripe knows stripe.

      • Andre

        Bloviating fibgasms lurvs each other lots.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup, professional courtesy amongst the grifters

        • WomanInAMood

          Do you think they get a discount?

          • eddi

            From Trump? (snicker) He charges suckers like them double. And makes them like it.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and they steal it from their congregation, so it’s all good

          • WomanInAMood

            It really is the circle of life, no?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Hakuna Contata

          • Enfant Terrible

            Someone has to pay retail.

      • Biff52

        My evangelical niece has pretty much STFU about Drumpf, after “prayerfully” considering whether to support a serial divorcee such as him. Pretty sure she’ll abstain from the presidential ballot, but still vote for all the other repubs. I would tell her to just stay home, but that would make me like them.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          True nuff. It IS tempting, but I have to keep reminding myself not to urge that. That is wrong. That is not good. Should not do that XD
          so tempting tho

          • Justno

            Same thing with my my voting age child and nephews. I have to psyche myself up a day in advance to keep myself from getting shouty and weird.

            So far I’m proud of my self restraint in trying to tell them to think versus what to think. I am by no means a perfect or even great mom but so far I’ve raised two children and two nephews to be non Trump voters. I like to think that counts for something.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    How does one sell something “down the tubes”?
    You’re mixing up your idioms, Drumpf.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      ask Ted Stevens

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He’s like a stopped clock: Just won’t hunt.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        He’s getting too big for his penny earned.

        • Master Contrail Program

          What does that have to do with a bird in the hand, saving nine?

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            All that glitters is not Greek to him.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Like a long-tailed cat, getting the grease.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Are we talking about Bernie’s bird and Drumpf’s tiny hand?

          • Master Contrail Program

            Is this on the final?

          • SayItWithWookies

            Let he who has killed two birds cast the first stone.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Well, it seems like the upper hand is on the other foot.

            That one was courtesy of my roomie/best friend.

          • SayItWithWookies

            That’s what I call making a silk purse out of stone soup.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It is far easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle, than a horse of a different color.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            And the devil can use the Internet to get a good deal on a hotel room.

          • TJ Barke

            Idle hands are worth two in the bush.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            If they’re in the bush they’re not idle.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Glad I’m not the only pervert here…

          • TJ Barke

            Thank you Vecciojohn, that was the joke.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            You’re welcome. Happy to help.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It is not the laws of man we must abide, but Rule 34.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Two in the bush is worth a pound of prevention.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Looks like the chickens have come home, to get the monkey off their backs.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Unhand that bird!

        • 451 Byrnes

          It’s half of one, six dozen of another with him.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            It’s definitely a taste of his own ace in the hole.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Ewwww — probably like a good Trump steak.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            All is fair in love and frighteningly overcooked steaks.

        • SayItWithWookies

          He’s closing the barn door after the train left the station.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            This is just adding fuel to the thumbs.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Well if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, there’s fire.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Actions do speak louder than a stitch in time.

          • TJ Barke

            There’s more than one way the bear skins you.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Someone’s been watching “The Revanant”, eh?

          • TJ Barke

            No, The Big Lebowski.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Love. That. Movie.
            Have you seen the latest Cohen Brothers film, Hail Caesar? It’s fantastic!

          • TJ Barke

            Not yet. Read an interesting Eileen Jones review of it though. https://www.jacobinmag.com/2016/03/hail-caesar-coen-brothers-marx-clooney/

          • cynmac

            My favorite Cohn bros movie is “Raising Arizona”, then “Oh, Brother, Where Art Thee?”, then “The Great Lebowski”, then “Fargo”.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            All great choices. I just love how even a pointless farce, like Lebowski, can be character-driven and interesting.

          • Pickwicknext

            Jeebus, i actively disliked that one. And I liked Burn After Reading

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Fair enough. It kind of dragged in places, I have to admit.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Just as you can’t make a decent omelette without Greeks bearing gifts.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Birds of a feather often find a stranger in the Alps.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Birds without feathers shouldn’t throw stones.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Calm before the seat of one’s pants.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            We’re in the eye of the candycane now.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            When the fat’s in the fire, the ducks get going!

          • cynmac

            Calluses on the thumbs.

          • TheGrandWaz00

            You can lead a gift horse to water, but you can’t look in its mouth.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Now that’s a brand new horse of a different ilk.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          As well hanged for a penny as a goat in hand.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        It’s the watched clock that never boils.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Even a rolling stone is right twice a day.

          • Master Contrail Program

            In land of the blind, the one-eyed man gathers no moss.

          • Parchment Scroll

            He who laughs last is king.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Victorious warriors want in one hand and shit in another, then go to war. While defeated warriors see which fills up first.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            That’s just brilliant.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            A rolling scone gathers no jam.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            If it’s not one thing, it’s people in glass houses.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      It’s a series of tubes that lead to the river, down which one is traditionally sold, I believe.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        You mean like internet-tubes?

        • Biff52

          No, that is a series of dump trucks.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Drumpf Trucks?

          • Biff52

            D’oh, of course!

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Inner tubes.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Oh, like when they charge $15, to have your picture taken on a log flume ride?

      • Logic of Color

        very welly put

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Bigly of you to say.

      • Andre

        A penny saved is pound foolish.

      • proudgrampa

        The grass is always greener on this side of the tracks.

        • Robin

          Often times the greener grass is fed by bullshit.

        • Master Contrail Program

          When a one-legged man lies down with dogs, the pigs like it.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            The cat’s got Donald’s basket.

          • TJ Barke

            Don’t count your chickens before the cows come home to roost.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Dropping like humble pie.

          • TJ Barke

            You’ll catch more flies with honey than wishes in one hand.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            He has eyes on the back of his fish to fry.

          • Master Contrail Program

            A lie travels ’round the world, before dipping it’s pen in the company ink.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Elvis has left the drastic measures.

          • Master Contrail Program

            The King is dead, in an ass-kicking contest.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          The bluebird of happiness, however, is generally found in the backyard of your more affluent neighbors.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Haven’t you and I metaphor? You simile familiar.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Don’t cross the streams before you get to the other side

    • TheGrandWaz00

      People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

    • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… You can’t get fooled again.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Even a broken clock is right once a day.

      • Be Gin

        The wisdom of the Texas Shrub is always funny.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Going to see a man about an Apalca.

  • going4baroque

    might she be a mummer?
    https://youtu.be/qxTpvA-pUG0

  • Jenny

    I just confused my brother’s music with the sound of my washing machine with an unbalanced load. OLDZ!

    • cynmac

      Nope. Good taste.

      • Fly

        I would have to hear the unbalanced load first before I could judge that.

        • cynmac

          No, she has good taste. I can imagine what her brother is listening to, sumtin sumtin wit too much bass.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            He’s all about that bass.

      • Jenny

        He only listens to trance music. It is very annoying. Then he gets millennial hipster about it, how no one knows how awesome it is, or if someone knows about it, then they don’t REALLY know about it maaaaaaan. He was into it way before they were, back when it was real.

        http://i.imgur.com/3kFUfoj.gif

        • cynmac

          I would have guessed dubstep, but trance? Yeah, I can see that being annoying and sounding like a dryer misfire.

          • Jenny

            Some dubstep is tolerable, and I love trap, and a lot more mainstream electronic but I just can’t like his trance music. It could be his attitude about it but mostly because it’s literally the same song for 6 hours.

            I took my siblings to Tiesto and DeadMau5, my sister and I had a good time laughing at the youngs wandering around looking for molly. My brother bitched the ENTIRE TIME! THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!! It was too crowded. Too many punks ruining it. Not enough drops in the set. Too main stream, sold out.

            SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE FREE CONCERT BECAUSE YOUR SISTER BOUGHT YOU A TICKET!

          • TJ Barke

            Why are you so mainstream Jenny, gawd!?

          • Jenny

            BECAUSE!

            My son has been watching this guy on youtube who uses a song from my youth that I LOVED. So now, I run up to him and do this dance and sing this song. It is evidently the most hilarious thing ever.

            https://youtu.be/IHHZUARkZ8A

          • TJ Barke

            Talk about a fivehead…

          • Jenny

            That’s not the point! The dance is the point!

          • TJ Barke

            I’m white, I can’t dance.

          • Justno

            You are in Austin, right?

            I need to ask you something. Seriously, I’m a clueless old.

          • Jenny

            O_O

            I’m not sure I’m much help, I can’t tell the difference between machinery and music!

          • Justno

            It’s not music related. I could either ask my 18 year old daughter or wander around 6th St. I’m not willing to do either of those things.

            Um, this is awkward, but basically I need to know how to buy stuff.

            Apparently everyone but me can buy weed in Austin.

            Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like a total idiot, but I’ve been told it’s safer than benzos.

          • Robin

            Ask you friendly local bartender.

          • Pickwicknext

            My fridge and bottle opener say hi!

          • Robin

            Hahaha, I’m the same way lately, but I try to get out and be social twice a week at least. Mostly I grab the camera and go wander to a new bar. I don’t know if that’s what my doctor meant when she said be more active, but that was my take.

          • Justno

            That’s a good suggestion but I don’t know any. At 47 hanging out in bars isn’t cute anymore.

            I haven’t lived here long and at my age I hardly blend in.

          • Robin

            Understood! welcome to austin anyways!

          • Justno

            Thanks! It’s an adjustment. The sum of my post college experience is suburban housewife. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I escaped New Braunfels post divorce.

            I didn’t realize how sad that was until the HEB guy I’m friendly with said, “Oh, sweetie” three days ago.

          • Robin

            You’ll do great! Tons of great people here!

          • Justno

            There are! I don’t know why it feels so difficult now. For some reason I was much more confident in Izmir.

          • Robin

            I’m not sure what izmir is haha.

          • Justno

            It’s a city in Turkey. Sorry, I posted without thinking.

          • Robin

            At least he didn’t bless your heart!

          • Jenny

            You’d be surprised who is roaming around 6th street or Rainey street. But bars around Lakeway, Lago Vista, and Westlake are more affluent and older than the crowds downtown.

          • Justno

            Thanks! I don’t know any of those places but I think a friend will.

            It’ll be me and a retired CPA. I’m not sure there’s a more awkward couple.

            The only other suggestion I got was to ask middle school kids in my neighborhood. Seriously. I’m sure my daughter would help and she lives here but that is 112 kinds of problematic.

          • Jenny

            You could maybe try an advocacy group like NORML or even meet up might have a cannabis advocate group or 420 fun time group.

            My mother just always seemed to straight up ask people, either they say yes, or eww no. And she’d go about her way.

          • Justno

            That’s a great suggestion. I didn’t know those were options.

            I finally asked here because I’m fighting PTSD and getting desperate. There are no good options.

          • Jenny

            I looked at Norml’s website, they meet at a reggae club on 6th street the first Wednesday of every month. If that isn’t a good place then I don’t know what is! They’re also looking for people with PTSD to help advocate. So it could be a good fit.

          • Justno

            Wow! Thanks!

          • Justno

            Your mother?!

            My mom: “Justno, we do not those types of things.”

            Me: : “Yes Ma’am, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

          • Jenny

            My parents are prolific drug users. They’ve mellowed to just weed now, but literally anything that would get them high was consumed.

            My mom would light up as soon as she got out of bed, which meant us kids reeked of weed when we got to school. A teacher pulled us to the principal once where they called my mom asking why we smelled like weed. My mother was between her morning bowl and her midday bowl so she was a literal monster during that time, so I was bracing myself for the raving lunatic mother to arrive.

            Not only did she berate the school administrators, but she accused the teacher of being the real pot head for knowing the smell. I’m pretty sure the school was like this bitch is too mean to be a pothead, and it was never mentioned again.

          • Justno

            Oh wow. My dad was a violent drunk but he was very, very good at being charming when he thought he should. After a meeting in high school one of the nuns pulled me aside to tell me how lucky I was to have such an amazing father. I think I said, “Oh. OK.”

          • Jonny On Maui

            Never put a minor in a position to procur drugs. Period.

          • Justno

            Dear God no! The person who suggested it was making fun of me by pointing out that I’m more clueless than an average 12 year old.

          • Jonny On Maui

            By the FSM please check out the laws regarding cannabis in your area especially local and state. Austin, Texas, right? According to my Cannabis Pocket Reference Texas has a mandatory minumum sentence for possession. Risk vs. Reward. Take a trip to Colorado and stay safe.

          • Justno

            You’re right about that being the safest option.

          • AlasAnAss

            Feeling for you, even based on the little you’ve disclosed here. True story.

          • Justno

            Thanks. I’ve been waiting for Texas to decriminalize but I’m not willing to wait anymore.

            I’m also aware that as a white middle aged female in a city like Austin it’s not likely I’d ever have a law enforcement issue.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Believe me Justno I know where you’re at. I use medical cannabis to control nerve pain. Ms. On Maui uses it for digestive issues.

            Whatever you do, stay safe out there

          • Jenny

            Also too, Eeyore’s birthday party in April has a lot of smoking and brownie sharing. As do most of the festivals. Even if you don’t get in, there are a ton of party spots for the big ones, which will most certainly have someone who has something.

          • Justno

            I heard about that!

          • JH Marx

            2 days after I moved, learned my neighbor was a musician, no problem.

          • Justno

            My neighbor has Alzheimer’s. I help his wife care for him but it’s not helpful in this situation. I live in Austin but it’s a very quiet neighborhood of white collar families. There isn’t a graceful way to transition from discussing PTA or soccer to “Dude, hook me up.”

          • Jenny

            I don’t smoke so I don’t have a lot of connections, but my ex seems to always have a stash. I know he acquires through current and former roommates but where they get it is anyone’s guess. >_< Maybe local smoke shops near campus will have some info?

            My brother managed to procure multiple type of drugs within 5 minutes of arriving in Austin so I am guessing he knows the right lingo.

          • Justno

            Christ I’m so lame.

          • JH Marx

            ’74 my brother’s on a corner, couple pulls up asks where they can get some dope. He says try whathisname. They score, get busted tell everything!
            My brother gets arrested for conspiracy to possess narcotics.

          • Jenny

            Also too Skrillex’s Devils Den scared my ex out of bed. I’d give all the monies to go back in time and capture that moment on tape.

            https://youtu.be/OGNHLc4FWwA?t=29s

          • Jonny On Maui

            Out of bed? Please scrape me off the ceiling.

            Sounds very like the chemical leak alarm at the salt mines…

          • cynmac

            I’m not touching that link. But thanks for sharing.

        • Juan de Fuca

          So he’s like a Grateful Dead fan?

          *ducks*

          • Andre

            Or Bob Dylan. I guess I will lay low for a day or so.

          • Juan de Fuca

            We could always use the old “My account was jacked!” excuse?

          • Be Gin

            That would make us no better than Republicans.

            No! I say if you dig it it is bitchin’ and there is no shame in saying so!

          • Juan de Fuca

            Agreed! No shame night at Wonkette! This song was good dammit.

            https://youtu.be/4fndeDfaWCg

    • Robin

      My dad used to call my music growing up “washing machine music”. Maybe I calmed down, or he got cooler, but he likes most of it now haha.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Tub thumping

        • Robin

          My dad was a chumbawumba fan… he also had great taste, they’re not mutually exclusive, or so I’ve discovered growing up.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            funny thing is- that expression is slang for a politician jumping in front of an issue because it’s popular

          • Robin

            Haha thinking back I’m sure I heard that before, but i couldn’t have recalled it.

            If there’s one person who taught me to listen and think to all sides, but never turn your back on your own beliefs, it was my dad.

            Makes me laugh a little knowing that nugget now :)

          • Biff52

            Ask a washtub bassist about that.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            lol, I know several

          • Biff52

            Thought you might, I know a few myself.

    • Justno

      Heh. I remember when my daughter asked me what an album is.

      And then I slogged through an explanation of the Ramones and the Dead Milkmen.

      *sigh*

      • Be Gin

        *sigh*

        • Justno

          Welcome to my world! It can be fun here, I swear!

      • TJ Barke

        The Ramones? Fucking posers.

        • Justno

          *shrugs*

          They seemed cool to my 1988 self.

    • sw19womble

      It’s got a good beat!

    • Master Contrail Program

      That’s how I felt, the first time I walked into the college bar by my work and heard dubstep.

      “Wtf? This is just noise!”

      Coincidentally? It was a few days after my 35th birthday. So, I guess there really is something to that coveted 18-34 year-old male demographic after all. Pop culture has largely been a mystery to me ever since.

      • Biff52

        Disco did that to me.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Amen. That’s when I turned the radio off. Never turned it back on.

          • Biff52

            I found a different genre to listen to.

    • Master Contrail Program

      NOW! That’s What I Call Fabric! Vol. 374 – No Delicates

  • Enfant Terrible

    Deadbeat Don is borrowing from Karl Rove’s playbook. Too bad he didn’t read it first. Wait, let me walk that back. He read it with the same level of understanding that he read the Bible.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Or the matchbook cover from one of his failed casinos

    • cynmac

      Or Trump Magazine (RIP).

    • Robin

      The difference is in the way information is disseminated now. You don’t have a dozen or two gatekeepers any more. Plus there are some democrats who have figured out how to fire up the masses. Bernie deserves credit for that at least.

  • Fly

    Trump reminds the evangelicals of cheeseus.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Cheetoh Jesus. Who came up with that gem?

      • Justno

        It might have been Jezebel. There’s a great post of everything they’ve used to describe Trump.

      • Odd Jørgensen

        It was a republican, of all things. Don`t remember whatshisname.
        edit: Rick Wilson.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          oohhh right, that twitter dude! Wonkette did a post on it I think

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Rick Wilson

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          I watch Rick on teevee every chance I get. Some of these days he’s going to go postal talking about Trump and want to see what kind of splatter patterns it makes.

        • WomanInAMood

          There was some bitterness. Good.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Like that dude. Not his politics but his sarcasm.

      • cheetojeebus

        Aged to perfection since 2007.

    • WomanInAMood

      Stop! Cheese is a good and beautiful thing! Stop! Taleggio is the best! I could cry.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Cheese is to cheetoes as filet mignon is to hampster poop.

        • Jeff in the desert

          When Rand Paul (George and Ringo) eliminates the FDA, they will be legal equivalents.

          • Master Contrail Program

            The FDA is dead and I am the walrus.

          • The Wanderer

            Who’s the egg man, then?

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Don’t cry for me? Asiago …??

  • Astraea

    Rachel Maddow calling trump’s campaign a con tonight and talking about why the Republican Party is so vulnerable to it.

    • Andre

      Let me guess, it’s because the GOP base is so educated, tolerant, and inclusive. Or the opposite, who can tell the difference, amirite Bernie-bros?

      • Astraea

        Because wing nut welfare gives former candidates jobs. So the end up with a bunch of people who campaign just to promote themselves

        • jmhm

          Thank you. This is also a theory I hold.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It’s pretty much an immutable law at this point.

      • Robin

        I didn’t watch it, but if it didn’t mention the narrative of paranoia and fear since the civil rights movement it missed the point.

    • Beulah

      It worked well for Palin too.

  • cynmac

    Move On just posted a video of Elizabeth Warren gutting Trump on the tax issue. Got it in email and it points to FB. It’s not on Move On’s youtube channel yet. Enjoy!
    https://www.facebook.com/moveon/videos/10153533408700493/

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      yay! Thanks!

    • Robin

      I’m so happy there’s someone like Lizzie in the political arena this time around. After watching Kerry get swift boated while i wasnt able to vote. (thank goodness michigan went for him still) I just wished someone, anyone would stand up and fight for what’s right, I feel a lot more safe knowing lies aren’t going unchecked this time around.

      • cynmac

        Amen, sister.

      • sw19womble

        Warren should be the standard, and people like DWS should be the outlier, for the Democrat side.

        • Robin

          There’s times when a mealy mouthed blue dog is the best you can get, like some districts in the bible belt. I know this. But going to bat for payday lenders is about as bad as you can get. That should be something the republicans are embarrassed to admit to backing, not something a democrat does.

          • TJ Barke

            Fucking A, right?

      • Be Gin

        Speaking as an Old I share your opinion about how Kerry failed. I saw it slipping away as each day passed and he did not come out roaring like a lion!

        It is an old lesson that is taught on the playgrounds throughout the world…if you lay yourself down, someone is going to use you for a doormat.

        • Robin

          It’s still painful reading your comment, because Dean was written off completely because of one roar.

          • Biff52

            Picked up by one selective microphone.

          • Be Gin

            I never understood that. Drumpf excuses criminals because they are “passionate”. Yet the press crucified Howard Dean over a bit of exuberance.

            And Trumpf still walks the earth for now.

          • Robin

            Dean was one of the really good ones.

    • Andre

      I’ll be in my bunk

    • georgiaburning

      Follow you anywhere, sis

    • WomanInAMood

      I could happily watch this over a decade over. Damn, but isn’t it beautiful to watch the Democrats grow a spine?

      • Jonny On Maui

        And it’s the ladies showing the way…

        • Pickwicknext

          Lady balls are the stronger balls

        • Msgr_Moment

          I saw side-by-side pix of Hillz and Liz on the screen yesterday and said to no one in particular, “The Blonde Bombers”. Seriously, this is better than watching Roller Derby.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Goddamn PROFESSOR!!!!!!!!!! She took that to the streets!!!

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    You can always tell when Hillary’s landed a punch — the desperation to win the news cycle by saying something outrageous becomes palpable.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      so, hourly anymore?

      • WomanInAMood

        By the second. So now I have the Jeopardy song stuck in my head. Thanks. I’m not bitter.

        • Pickwicknext

          I am. But it’s because Jeopardy isn’t taking Canadians anymore.

          • Biff52

            Trebek’s Canadian himself!

          • Master Contrail Program

            That wasn’t phrased in the form of a question though.

          • Pickwicknext

            Dual citizen, but still! I wanna be the next Ken Jennings, but with bigger boobs

          • WomanInAMood

            Way to set the bar kinda low.

          • Pickwicknext

            True. But i am too tired to come up with anything better. I woke up at 430 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep

          • WomanInAMood

            I wish that I had anything wittier to say than that sucks. I don’t.

          • Pickwicknext

            My wit has curled up into a ball in a corner of my brain. And i have to get up in the morning so I can go buy more tea before work.

          • WomanInAMood

            Tea? Well, that proves you are Canadian. God, I hate it when my brain curls up into a ball. Usually of the nerf variety.

          • Pickwicknext

            Well, it’s a speciality tea that is an herbal stimulant caffiene substitue called “electric lemonade”. It makes delicious iced tea

          • Jonny On Maui

            Is the source plant material stated? I’m fond of natural plant/fungus pharmacopeia…

          • Pickwicknext

            It’s a Brazillian Green Mate base with a bunch of berries and lemon stuff.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thanks!

          • Pickwicknext

            I get it from a Canadian company that does have stores in the US (not Tim Horton’s)

          • Jonny On Maui

            I may try to actually grow the plant. The climate where I am is perfect for it.

          • Pickwicknext

            Ahh…i am still attempting to keep my mom’s garden alive. I refer to that tea stuff as “tea that makes my brain go ding!”

          • WomanInAMood

            As long as it’s delicious, you are a winner. Hell, you are a winner anyway.

        • Biff52
  • Jeff in the desert

    Lawrence Welk, with a modern spiritual…..(btw, wait til the end if ya don’t believe me…)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8tdmaEhMHE

    • WomanInAMood

      Fun fact! Lawrence Welk, born in North Dakota, was a native German speaker. He didn’t start learning English until his teens. Wow, is this random or what?

      • Jeff in the desert

        Damn, SOB foreigner kraut Nazi guy. My Grandma would have turned him RIGHT OFF!!!!!

        • WomanInAMood

          It kind of worries me that I know this. And that I still remember watching the Lawrence Welk show on Saturday nights with my grandparents. Especially the episode where Colonel Sanders was on! And danced with his wife! And we were awestruck! It was the best!

          • Jeff in the desert

            ‘S OK….I would be chicken myself to dance on Lawrence Welk….

          • Andre

            Many, many years later, I went to a pops concert or some such, and the played forever blowing bubbles, complete with bubble machine. Totally awesome, bittersweet, and weird as fuck flashback.

          • Justno

            You just made me smile! It’s odd how at the time I thought it was the WORST but now I’d give anything to dance with my Grandpop.

          • Andre

            Yup, I could picture the grandparents living room when I closed my eyes. My sister and I hated having to suffer through that show, but we both lit up they played it. Funny how that happens.

          • Justno

            Me, too! Me and my grandparents and Lawrence Welk are among my best memories.

    • kindness

      That’s an omg video. I remember listening to that song on the radio as a kid, but to see that they sang it on Lawrence Welk? Ill be damned.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Not a clue…

      • Robin

        I was born in ’81, and there was nothing better than finding subversive lyrics in old songs growing up.

        Now most of the conspiracies were heard in the 90’S for me. So oh shit, did so many of the ones people told me growing up get disproven as the Internet grew.

        • Justno

          Born in ’81? You youngster!

          • Robin

            Just a pup! I only got citizenship in 2011 so I’ve been flexing my voting muscle since then. Decided to help turn texas blue. :)

          • WomanInAMood

            Yay! Welcome, and good for you! Sorry about the Texas thing, though.

          • Robin

            I live in austin, it’s all good :) and I like political discourse, so I’m well seated in my element.

          • WomanInAMood

            Oddly enough, my mother and I are planning a road trip there this fall. In a Suburu. With Oregon plates. And Obama bumper stickers. Because we are idiots. We like to live on the edge.

          • Robin

            You better be careful in west texas. Just kidding it’s mostly hispanic, you’ll be fine :)

            And you’ll love austin. Make sure to get recommendations before you head here, there’s so much good stuff to do!

          • Justno

            You will totally fit in here.

          • Justno

            Yay!

    • JH Marx

      REALLYYY!!!!?????
      welk called it a modern spiritual!!!!
      WTF has happened to the world????

  • Robin

    As much as I’m not at all offended by being called a girl, and I’m a little worried about being doxxed when I shout at assholes on my local news comment sections. I’m no longer an enigma. I’m now a guy with a lone star box on my head.

    • Justno

      Holy crap what happened? I missed something.

      • Robin

        Well sometimes you need a hit the pinata and don’t want to wait until the blindfold is available.

      • Robin

        I had locked down my disqus because there are crazy people in local comment sections. But I figured Id drop the veil and show my true self… lone star man. The most enigmatic of marvel superheros.

        • Justno

          Crazy people in local comment sections?! How surreal! (Unless it’s New Braunfels, then it’s “meh”).

          Lone star man? That sounds suspiciously familiar.

          • Robin

            Kxan isn’t even that bad. I ventured into some waco news comment sections before and realized I’m not equipped for that kind of crazy.

            Still would rather be mostly anonymous online haha.

            And I’m mostly harmless, as Douglas Adams would say.

          • Justno

            Me, too. I can’t deal with the Waco level of crazy.

            I’m more cautious online than I used to be.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Are the cans or bottles still in it?

      • Robin

        There were many in my belly. It was my sister’s graduation from college and I’d been back from Saudi Arabia for about 5 days.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Oh, good. I was worried. You can make an attractive hat from their boxes……with that lone star and all. It ain’t a Stetson but hey…..

          • Robin

            Am I MTGOW’ing wrong? Should I not be wearing this hat?

          • Robin

            Damnit. MGTOW’ing. Thanks obama.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Yeah, I don’t wear no Stetson but I’m willin’ to bet son
            That I’m a big a Texan as you are
            ‘Cause there’s a girl in her bare feet sleep on the back seat
            And that trunk is full of Pearl and Lone Star

          • WomanInAMood

            Might I suggest that attractive women who are looking for men with money always find hats more attractive if said hats are made from tin foil. Pro tip.

            I am concerned that spellcheck hath decided that “pro” always means “protection”.

          • Robin

            Haha, I heard the newest chem-trail formulas penetrate tinfoil!

            And ugh, spellchecker is always trying to perpetuate sexism.

          • cynmac

            Again, because it never gets old.

          • cynmac

            Again, because it never gets old. Really.

  • Be Gin

    The Desperation is strong with this one! Soon he will be able to harness it to the energy of his downward spiral into defeat…and then we will have a new Death Star!

    –Darth ‘Tard

  • Robin

    Plus, have a great song

    https://youtu.be/eNJyY2sKkWc

  • Beulah

    “Just ask those Two Corinthians over there.”

    They’re the ones who make the leather, right?

    • Jeff in the desert

      Khan says they do!

      Edit: The seats lasted longer than the rest of the car…

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        The K-class starship was one of refined luxury!

    • Msgr_Moment

      “You’re with me, Corinthian.” — Chris Berman. Allegedly.

  • Enfant Terrible

    ♫ Oh, the preacher, he’s a dodger, yes, a well-known dodger,
    Oh, the preacher, he’s a dodger, yes, and I’m a dodger, too.
    He’ll preach the gospel and tell you of your crimes,
    But look out, boys, he’s a-dodgin’ for your dimes.
    Yes, we’re all dodgin’,
    Dodgin’, dodgin’, dodgin’,
    Oh, we’re all dodgin’ on our way through the world. ♫
    — Campaign song, 1884

  • Jonny On Maui

    So I know I’m not the only soul bringing in our, um, misguided, yes misguided friends from the right wing cold. May I share this bit of data with my brothers and sisters;

    Be careful how hard you push. Overdose is a possibility. I sent my RWNJBFF the Ms. Warren video. Seems Ms. RWNJBFF has been watching Hillary ads at home, just waiting for hubby. (I know her too. She’s doing this with a smile. An evil smile, but a smile none the less.)

    So I almost tipped my RWNJBFF back to the dark side. I calmed him down talking down ticket. He thinks there’s a chance the Rs can put a stop to the Ds in CA. “Oh! Really? You think so?” My poor bff, I miss him so…

    • Robin

      There’s a lot of them taking inventory right now I think. It’s going to get tighter too I think. Eventually trump is going to get reigned in (if for no other reason than cable news needs this to be a horse race).

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        You mean there’s members of the media he hasn’t completely pissed off yet?

        • cynmac

          Oh, yeah. Fox News and Newsmax for starters. They were complaining about Anderson Cooper’s treatment of that poor, poor FL AG. How unfair. And he’s a ghey too?

          • Andre

            And Breitbart/Drudge have perma-hard for him.

    • Justno

      There, there, (pat, pat). It’ll be OK. 2017 will come before you know it and then we can tolerate our benighted friends and family once more.

      In the meantime maybe we could benefit from a support group?

      • Robin

        Alanon for sufferers of conservative family members?

        I’m lucky, I have a bernie bro brother in California who claims he’ll never vote for hillary (your state is still voting for hillary, sorry man) and a particularly militant feminist sister who will vote hillary but told me nothing has got better for women in 100 years.

        Love them both to death, but I’ve stopped talking politics with either of them for the moment.

        • Andre

          Just to give you a bit of perspective, during Caribou Barbies debut, my family voted: Romney, Romney, Huckabee, Huckabee, Walnuts and B.Barry Bamz. Not even a single one for Huntsman. Guess who is the odd man out at Thanksgiving?

          • Robin

            Do you have some rehearsed racist uncle soundbites incase you need to be thankful of something?

          • Andre

            I just give a pregnant pause, then say ” I voted for Obama”, then revel in the uncomfortable silence that follows.

          • Justno

            You are way braver than I. Kudos.

          • Robin

            I wouldn’t be able to help myself (because I’m a bit of a dick at times) and I’d quote luke and say do unto others.

          • Andre

            Honestly, I don’t know how I became a libtard. The fam is mostly right of center, and my folks are more knee jerk repubs (at least mom, pops is the conspiracy theory drunkle-step dad is moderate repub). I guess the lone atheist is the one what took jaysus’ teachings to heart.

          • Robin

            Most atheists I know embrace the best of socialistic religion and are turned off by the bigotry and anger.

          • Justno

            Same here.

            Except for one lefty my family thinks I went crazy. Seriously. They discuss my mental health.

            I just let them think it because it’s easier than arguing. In the end I love them (mostly) and they love me (mostly). Overall our political discussions go amazingly well. We can disagree, even forcefully, and still have a lovely time afterwards.

            What is more painful for me is not having the same respect for some family members. I’ll always love them and recognize and admire their awesome qualities but something about our disagreements feel like a loss somehow.

            Yeah, I know it’s part of growing up and being an adult but it’s still uncomfortable. I choose to navigate cautiously rather than insult the people I love. It would be different if they were my age. I have no problem calling my cousins dumbasses. But my aunts/uncles/etc are nearing 70, supported me when I didn’t deserve it, and are otherwise incredible human beings. For these reasons I’m ok with not being entirely forthright with them.

            In almost all other situations I’d be appalled by my dishonesty.

          • cynmac

            Yeah, only people who knew me as a child or are under/over a certain age are allowed to call me Cindy. I am Aunt Cindy to my nieces and nephews. Every one else has to call me Cynthia, tyvm.

          • Juan de Fuca

            It boggles my mind how the GOP and most Republicans never supported Huntsman. It’s like watching a horror movie and screaming at the teevee – choose the other door! Not that one! You won’t live choosing that one!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Huntsman had his issues, but he was in that zone of respectable opposition- someone who you may not agree with on every issue, but he wasn’t batshitcrazy or a two-bit con artist

          • Justno

            I already decided to be out of the country this Thanksgiving. I’ll do my nephew’s wedding in October because there’s no way I’d miss it but at my age I figure I’ve earned the right to skip town.

            I’m not a total ass, I’ll call and send some kind of appropriate basket or whatever.

        • Justno

          Same here. I’m already practicing non-argumentative responses for a family wedding in October.

          My favorite uncle, who has never been to Texas, tried to convince me he knows all about the impact of Mexican immigration on Texas. He also told me all about Syrian refugees in Turkey. Even though I lived there last year and he’s never been there he’s convinced I have no idea what is *really* going on.

          I love him dearly, but damn. I don’t want to have that conversation again.

          • Robin

            Just keep this mantra rolling through your head “bless his heart, he knows no better”.

            And remove the am/fm button on his radio when he’s not looking.

          • AlasAnAss

            I would love to know how you parry such conversation thrusts. Where I live that skill is essential.

          • Justno

            Here you go. These have worked for me so far:

            “You could be right, I’ll be sure to look that up.”

            “I can only comment on what I’ve seen, it’s possible my experience isn’t typical.”

            “It’s a complicated issue, in a perfect world there is an obvious solution.”

            These are generic enough to work in most conversations. The tricky part was coming up with responses polite enough but without being patronizing.

          • AlasAnAss

            I think I see what my problem has been. Too much reliance on “That’s fucking idiotic, you know.”

            Which, upon reflection, is less a parry than an artillery barrage.

          • Justno

            Common rookie error. It reminds me of my “Jesus Christ how do you believe that shit?” faux pas of ’92.

          • AlasAnAss

            I’ve been saying that, though, since I was, uh, 4 years old. This might be less a rookie mistake, then, than a way of life.

          • cynmac

            When my bully-ish Dad gets his gander up, I say, “I’d rather not.” It flummoxes him because he forgets that I am an adult and I have a choice. His child but not A child.

          • Justno

            I like that! I’m going to add “I’d rather not.” to my repertoire if you don’t mind.

            It wouldn’t stop my dad but it will help with other people.

          • AlasAnAss

            And if you want to be all literary about it, phrase it as “I would prefer not to.”

            #Bartleby’em

    • cynmac

      Yeah, I didn’t share it with any of the BernieBros directly. It is public on my own timeline but not shared any more broadly. Some of my friends that follow me will pick it up and share it themselves.
      Right now, I am having a beef with my little brother and another friend over the 2nd Amendment over a political cartoon that I posted last week after Orlando. Good times, good times.

      • kaw143

        Lemme think. You didn’t post something that might actually suggest that some sort of “control” might be needed when it comes to owning something that can kill other people dead, did you? What next? A LICENCE to DRIVE a CAR?

        • cynmac

          I said that and I mentioned “well trained militia” and they countered with “government tranny”. And then my brother brought up Prohibition and the Drug War – “see the government is not always right”. To which I countered drunk drivers and rehab v. prisons, but what about my right to pursuit of happiness. It’s not the government shooting up elementary schools and discos. Control your fools.
          And that’s where I left it. Cuz who needs it when you have beer and a good movie?

          • WomanInAMood

            I’m more of a wine person, but you are speaking the truth. “Best in Show” for me tonight! If I can pull myself away from here, that is.

          • AlasAnAss

            No, really. He has two left feet.

            Cookie, she has everything, and everyone, else.

          • WomanInAMood

            You know, I always was the best waitress.

          • AlasAnAss

            You have to admire a waitress with a commitment to great service.

            BUT WHERE IS BUSY BEE???!!!

          • WomanInAMood

            I don’t know. The hotel manager was no help at all. This is why I love small dogs.

          • AlasAnAss

            Parker Posey had actual braces put on her teeth for that role. Yup.

          • WomanInAMood

            I not only love that movie to distraction, but I must confess that I have seen the directors’ comments. Parker Posey is a god.

          • AlasAnAss

            . . . I have nothing to add to that.

            THE DELETED SCENE WITH THE BEACH BALL SHED SHOULD HAVE SURVIVED THE FINAL CUT.

          • WomanInAMood

            THE SCENE WITH THE HAIRDRESSER DISCUSSING HOW HIS BUSINESS TOOK OFF SHOULD ALSO BE IN THE DAMN MOVIE.

          • AlasAnAss

            THE MOTHERFUCKING SHAMPOOCINO YOU SAY? I CONCUR. HEARTILY EVEN.

          • WomanInAMood

            I WANT A SHAMPOOCINO! RIGHT NOW!

          • AlasAnAss

            Some good servicing of your own, huh?

          • WomanInAMood

            ARE WE REALLY HAVING TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS? Sorry, I’ll stop yelling now.

          • AlasAnAss

            Why stop now? We’ve been yelly pretty much all along tonight.

          • WomanInAMood

            True. But only when much beloved scenes from “Best in Show” THAT SHOULD BE IN THE DAMN MOVIE come up. Otherwise we have both been the Platonic ideal of reasonableness. Drop us into the Dead Breitbart page, and we would seem like sweet innocents, rambling along a country road filled with daffodils and robins. With the occasional unicorn.

          • AlasAnAss

            Why are the daffodils in the middle of the road? Is this even a road? Sounds more like a meadow.

            I DON’T EVEN LIKE MEADOWS.

          • WomanInAMood

            I DON’T LIKE SPAM!

            Sorry, I panicked.

          • AlasAnAss

            Not even free range meadow spam? God, so picky.

            Just breathe slowly and deeply into this bag. Remember, Parker doesn’t panic–she was playing a character when the Busy Bee-related eruption occurred. Just be like Parker.

          • WomanInAMood

            I’ll try. Honestly, my favorite scene with her is in Guffman. The one where she’s fanning the fire over that sad little chicken wing on the Weber and saying ” I can always go back to the Dairy Queen. I’ll always have a home at the DQ.”

            I may have mentioned this, but Parker Posey is a god.

          • AlasAnAss

            Fanning it with a folded up paper plate. A genius bit of prop work.

            Her VC Andrews-esque audition is hilarious and chilling. And the way she smiles when Corky tells her she “has the part,” is so, so endearing.

            “BULGING RIVER” SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE MOVIE FOR FUCK’S SAKE

          • WomanInAMood

            WHY DON’T MORE PEOPLE KNOW THE NAME OF THE LADY WHO PLAYED THE DAMN PIANO FOR THE TRY-OUT SCENES AND REHEARSALS? SHE WAS A REAL SMALL TOWN PIANO LADY, AND SHE’S AWESOME! And no, I can’t remember her name either.

            Hate to say it, but I need to go to bed very soon.

          • AlasAnAss

            I am also a small town piano lady. An innocent one.

            Go to bed, WomanInAMood! Take your mood(s) and hie thee to bed.

          • WomanInAMood

            Fine. I’ll do that. And now, out of habit, *air kiss*

          • AlasAnAss
          • WomanInAMood

            Breathe, my friend, just sleep well. And stop muttering, for fucks’ sake. It’s endearing, and yet ever so mildly annoying.

          • AlasAnAss

            *wet smacky kiss*

          • AlasAnAss

            And I’m done, by the way. All muttered out. Spent, totally spent.

          • AlasAnAss

            And you admit that I can at least seem innocent!

          • WomanInAMood

            Did I mention that I can be very convincing?

          • AlasAnAss

            Go ahead. Convince me.

          • WomanInAMood

            I did mention that I lie, as well.

          • AlasAnAss

            Also, too, how’s the mood tonight? Anything growlful?

          • WomanInAMood

            Oddly enough, bubbly. I mourn my former name, but I am feeling a bit cheerful about this one. It’s so…….enigmatic. Moods, well, they can be anything. Not that I would know from bitter personal experience.

          • AlasAnAss

            A riddle, wrapped in mystery, inside an enigma, even.

            My guess, and it’s only a guess, is that you’ve ridden lots of emotional waves and plunged into some deep troughs. But here you are anyway, right? Slinging snark and quoting the good stuff like a poseyesque goddess. Lucky us. Lucky, lucky us.

          • WomanInAMood

            I have long been admired for my serene countenance. Nay, my almost goddess like ability to rise above life’s difficulties. And the fact that I lie. Convincingly.

          • AlasAnAss

            I believe that. What else could I do? You’re just that convincing.

          • kaw143

            Actually, Prohibition was completely, entirely and absolutely a grass-roots, populist decision. The people demanded it. All federal taxes at the time were derived from liquor sales. All of them. The people demanded prohibition, and literally, actually accepted the IRS as the price.

            That wasn’t a case of government being wrong. That was a case of the people being wrong.

          • cynmac

            I know that and you know that, but that wasn’t the point. Can’t argue point of fact. Gotta keep it simple. When they want to argue 2nd Amendment, but they haven’t read the 2nd Amendment, it’s enough to just stay on that one point. When they want to drag other unrelated historical like stuff in, just keep pulling it back to 2nd Amendment.

          • AlasAnAss

            I like what Lincoln said about wrestling with pigs: It just leaves you muddy and the pig happy.

          • Justno

            Seatbelts infringe my dog given right as a ‘Murican to fly through the windshield and I refuse to wear a motorcycle helmet because personal liberty! And I need ‘splody fireworks!

            *yawn*

            I remember these arguments. The republic survived. I feel confident in predicting the republic will survive without unfettered access to high capacity magazines, restrictions on gun ownership by people likely to have very poor impulse control, and the gun show loophole.

  • 3FingerPete

    But Trump is Presbyterian, which with their gay clergy might just as well be Unitarians in the eyes of Evangelicals.

    • WomanInAMood

      Trump is Presbyterian? He couldn’t even spell Presbyterian. I suspect that he uses the word so rarely, that his spellcheck would constantly bring it up as pescitarian. Ergo facto, Trump is an eater of fish. And that thing on his head is a rare form of algae. QED.

      • Robin

        Never go full beck!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          speaking of Beck, it sure is funny how he gets a pass for his stochastic terrorism. Wasn’t it just a couple weeks or so ago that Beck got suspended from Sirius because he and a guest were laughing it up about Drumpf getting assassinated? Can you imagine the shitstorm from the MSM if you replaced the name Glenn Beck with BLM or OWS in this scenario and someone actually did try to assassinate him?

      • cynmac

        True story, I was driving my kid and we passed a Presbyterian church. My kid asks, “Mom, what is a Prophylactic?” And I did a spit take before I countered with “where did you see that?” “On that church sign, back there.” “Oh, you mean Presbyterian?” “Yeah”
        So that’s how I see Trump having that same conversation. Probably thought that was the church of condoms. Pass the plate.

      • Biff52

        Are you saying he’s a fish? Maybe a gay fish, like Kanye?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Clown fish.

          • Pickwicknext

            Clown fish are better than that. Nemo told me so

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • Juan de Fuca

      ♬Here I go again, on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known…♬

      • Fun trivia fact: in the original 1982 version of that song, the next line was “like a hobo, I was born to walk alone”. In the 1987 version, they changed it to “drifter” because “hobo” sounded too much like “homo”. And this from a hair-metal band, with all the mousse and eyeliner.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Ooooooh! Mr. Fancy Pants has one of those portable computers. Well, la-di-da!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • kaw143

      So? Explain.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Read the Twitter thread

        • kaw143

          Oh, I see. I am an old, and I did not realize that was a thing I could do by going clicky.

    • cynmac

      I read the thread and that was okay. But I like this one from politico comments better:
      “So here we have Trump, the self-vaunted businessman, failing to understand that a political campaing (sic) is a business with a specific set of time limits and financial needs. So, he can’t manage his money, and he can’t manage his staff, and he can’t put together an organization. How the Hell is he going to manage the country???”

      • Andre

        He just has to tell it like it is, avoid being politically correct, and that shit will work itself out, yo. What’s yer point, commie ‘Murka hater?

      • Juan de Fuca

        From a project management POV (sounds like he works in the industry), the Twitter feed was very good. That politico comment also too.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          They are both rather pointed summaries of everything wrong with Team Drumpf…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This guy is exactly right- Drumpf is just a typical flim flam real estate developer running his BS on the GOP. I’ve seen enough of his type and heard the BS far too often that the red flags go off and the hackles go up the moment I hear one start their routine. I’m absolutely amazed that people actually fall for this nonsense. It really is no different than listening to some junkie pitch his latest get rich quick scheme that somehow involves the rubes fronting him a bunch of drugs- but everything will be great, you’ll see! it’ll be Yoooge! We’ll make big money!

    • The Wanderer

      “I got some lovely swampland to sell you!”

  • Dr. Strangelove’s Child

    She is SO gone fuck him up in the debates, IF he makes it that far.

  • kaw143

    GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

    It’s Tuesday.

    THAT MEANS I FUCKING HAVE TO WORK, TOMORROW!

    Life is so unfair! Where’s my Obamaphone, and my ObamaMoney? PROMISES WERE MADE!

    • Pickwicknext

      What the fuck is a day off?

      • kaw143

        Shaddup, you commie Socialist!

        • Pickwicknext

          Single payer health care baby! Only sexier words are, “go ahead & buy more books. I’ll build you more shelves”

          • kaw143

            True story: when I moved to the Pacific Northwest, the bulk of my boxes (HUSH!) contained books. The good lady wife built a hallway-long set of shelves to hold them all. Heartbubbles.

            …We’re still working on a good way to store the visual media and record albums and stuff. But the books are totally taken care of.

          • WomanInAMood

            Aaaaawwwwwww….you just made me smile. A person with the correct priorities, and a good lady wife with equally correct priorities. Aaaaaaaaawwwwww.

          • kaw143

            Well, to be honest, the next largest series of boxes was the visual media. I have TONS of RCA Selectavision CED discs, and laserdiscs, also, too. This should give you a good idea of JUST HOW MANY BOOKS I HAVE.

            Also, for those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, here’s a nice British guy talking about the CED system:

            https://youtu.be/0LrPe0rwXOU

          • WomanInAMood

            I’m ‘merican. Second doesn’t count.

          • kaw143

            Actually, the CED system is considered the last American technology. RCA had it in development for decades. The technology was audacious, for the time in which it was developed. But, by the time they actually introduced the system to market, the 80s couldn’t be bothered.

          • Robin

            I work with a guy who was at Texas instruments in the late 60’s and 70’s. The things they said would never work is mind blowing.

          • kaw143

            I’ve known some of those guys, as well.

          • Robin

            Does she have a sister?

          • kaw143

            She does. Married, though.

          • Andre

            I used that line on Ms.Major/Andrea. It works. Plus, you get a wicked smart person to spend your days with.

          • Robin

            “Oh they only have a joint, let’s go find a real criminal” is a pretty sex thing to hear too. Windsor cops are alright.

          • TJ Barke

            I never said anything about more books…

          • kaw143

            Say it. Say, “More books.” You know you want to.

          • Pickwicknext

            Too late. Badkitty was encouraging me the other night. 3 more are enroute to my place from dark corners of the interwebz

        • Andre

          Pickwick is from Canadia, not sure they know what de facto indentured servitude is. But we got ALL THE GUNZ, so we win!!!1!!!1!!!!4!6!

          • Pickwicknext

            That’s a nice White House ya got there. Be a shame if anything happened to it. Again

          • kaw143

            HEY! THAT ONLY HAPPENED THE ONE TIME! And we’ve got PLENTY of good guys with guns, THIS TIME!

          • Pickwicknext

            I think your good guys with guns have all the aiming skills of the Imperial clone army

          • Juan de Fuca

            You gave me a new t-shirt idea!

            I shot expert for damn near 20 years and don’t even own a lousy AR-15 to show for it

            I’ll show myself out. Literally, this time. Too tired for ya’ll – night :)

          • kaw143

            ‘night!

          • Andre

            I shot a jammed, jacked up 1911 rechambered to .22 officially, that counts for something, right?

          • Andre

            Don’t make me go Ticonderoga (part1) on ya

          • kaw143

            I have a Tigonderoga pencil. Does that count?

          • Andre

            Dixon Ticonderoga #2 are the next best pencils after Faber Castells

          • kaw143

            I think I love you.

          • Andre

            If you are willing to cave over something as important as a pencil, what’s next? You can accept a TI85 over an HP50?

          • kaw143

            No. There are some lines that aren’t meant to be crossed.

          • Msgr_Moment

            “Knowledge is good.”

          • Robin

            <—- british. Brings up war of 1812 at least once a month.

        • Robin

          She obvs. Doesn’t know that work will set her free.

          • TJ Barke

            Only if you work for yourself. #dumpthebossesoffyourback

    • Robin

      Well you’re obviously not a Muslim socialist immigrant.

    • The Wanderer

      I owe
      I owe
      So off to work I go . . .

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • kaw143

      Looks classy.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        website under construction- way to hit the ground running, Donnie

        • kaw143

          404: CORRUPTION NOT FOUND.

          • Andre

            Is there such a thing as stack underflow?

    • Biff52

      Yeah, not texting “trump” to anyone, thanks.

      • kaw143

        You are clearly not interested in WINNING.

        • Biff52

          I swear, I’ve gotten to the point I want to change my number and block everyone. I don’t answer any numbers I don’t recognize anymore. Luckily, no campaigns have texted me, and I’d like to keep it that way.

      • Msgr_Moment

        What happens if you text “drumpf” to that number, or “failure”?

    • cynmac

      Yeah, that’s Weak. Sad.

    • Andre

      So I texted the number, and all I got was undirevted ragegasms. Money well predictably spent.

      • cynmac

        You are brave. I do not want. It’ll be worse than Twitter.

    • The Wanderer

      I honestly think I could shit a better website.

  • Joshua Norton

    OK. Kristol is just fucking with us now!

    https://twitter.com/BillKristol/status/745248749773938688

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      well, now we know that ain’t happening…

      • I name Bill Kristol “Donny Don’t”. As in “Don’t do what Donny Don’t does recommends”.

    • cynmac

      Oh, my. Senility?

      • Playonwords

        No, RESS – Republican Elder Statesman Syndrome.

        Sufferers exhibit signs of confusion, deteriorating memory and a childish belief in fairy stories such as “Ronnie Won the War” or “Bad Ollie North was Good”

    • kaw143

      So Bil Kristol is an Underpants Gnome?

      • cynmac

        Could be. Could be. If he had previously said that Mittens would win, wouldn’t that be Mormon Magic Underpants Gnome.

    • Robin

      Has he been right once in the past 10 years?

      • kaw143

        Oh, he’s been right for much longer than ten years. Correct for zero of them.

        • Robin

          I’d give you a hug, but pedants give me a boner.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        I’ll wager there have been times when he’s said “I need to take a dump” and been entirely spot on.

        • Robin

          The issue is he keeps missing the toilet and depositing it in the submit for publication trough.

    • MarkM

      Well, now we KNOW the Rethugs are doomed…

    • Said it elsewhere, but repeating: if the GOP somehow dump Trump pre-convention, that means that the primaries meant diddly-squat. Won’t that have huge consequences for future primaries? Perhaps shake the entire concept – along with all the people who were angry about various screw-ups and alleged fixes in the Dem primaries?

      • kaw143

        Nah. Totally different. Somehow.

      • cynmac

        I think the least fuckery thing they could do is change the first ballot to allow the delegates to vote for whoever they want, unpledged. That’s the least. The delegates can still vote, as they were elected to do, but they are unbound. Then the primary voters can be mad at the delegates.

        • “change the first ballot to allow the delegates to vote for whoever they want, unpledged” – rotting corpse of Reagan/Cruz 2016 it is!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            the funny thing is- as slimy as he is, Cruz is way too smart to get anywhere near this clusterfuck. Whoever it touches will be tainted forever with the stench of a loser and he wants to ride to the rescue in 2020 as the “real conservative”, because republicans are absolute suckers for that nonsense.

          • King of America

            You’d think! But you’d be wrong – Cruz has been quietly trying (with some success) to get delegates to support his candidacy. Odds are, if the voting goes to personal preference, he’d win.

          • Msgr_Moment

            The “Sweet 16” showed again and again that they were in way over their head. Why else do you think they were always called the “Derp Bench”?

          • The Wanderer

            The GOP version of the Seldon Plan didn’t take into account the sudden and inexplicable rise of The Mule.

          • Msgr_Moment

            My thoughts exactly. Fucking mutants.

    • bubbuhh

      #SnortinTooMuchKristol

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Say Billy, how’s that third party candidacy coming along? Not really hearing much about it lately…

    • The Wanderer
    • Msgr_Moment

      That ticket would have to be Jeebus and Zombie Reagan.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    THIS is how you put out a website, Deadbeat Don…

    http://www.artofthesteal.biz/

    • kaw143

      Wow. My nipples explode with delight!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that’s why I have to laugh at the people who said Hillz wouldn’t be able to deal with Drumpf and his unconventional BS. He’s been spouting off about “Crooked Hillary” for how long now? But he’s too stupid and unorganized to even lock down the website and have content ready. meanwhile she comes out with “art of the steal” which is far more clever to anyone but the knuckle draggers, and it’s loaded for bear with content that is simply devastating to him, along with sign-ups and decent web design and all the other things you’d expect from a professional organization. It really is a case of Shut the fuck up Donnie, you’re out of your element.

        • Treg.Brown

          “Shut the fuck up Donnie, you’re out of your element.”

          Brilliant. Totally summed it nicely. Thanks.

      • WomanInAMood

        And my hovercraft is full of eels.

        • MarkM

          I will not buy this record candidate, it is scratched crooked…

    • Callyson

      HA! Bookmarked, thanks!

    • cynmac

      I signed up for their newsletter. You get a thank-you email and everything.

    • The Wanderer

      Now that’s some tasty stuff. Warms the cockles of my heart.

  • ltmcdies

    I find it kind of “amazing” that whoever …whatever is running Trump’s campaign would go back to….”Pssst….we don’t know if Hilz is a real Christian” thing when it didn’t work against Barack TWICE.

    It’s like they don’t know “the definition of stupid is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result” …. it’s not just some internet meme… it’s an accurate description of “stupid”

  • Playonwords

    I’ve just posted this little screed in the comments over on “Crooks and Liars.” I’d be interested in hearing the Wonketariate’s opinion of my closing comparisson – Donald Trump is very like Robert Maxwell.

    The idea that Donald will put in his own money to bail out the RNC is dependent upon Donald having enough liquidity to do so, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t.

    Trump’s claims of wealth are based on his own estimates of his “worth” and these estimates are, pretty much, bullshit. His property portfolio is seems to be mortgaged to the hilt and overvalued as he ignores depreciation (except when dodging taxes). His share portfolio (as far as can be judged) much smaller and, again, already heavily leveraged.

    However the vast bulk of Trump’s claimed “worth” lies in his claims regarding the brand value of the Trump name and the associated brands, such as “Miss Universe,” “The Apprentice,” the Doral and Royal Turnberry (the last 2 both golf). Raising money on the basis of “brand value” is pretty much impossible as it is utterly intangible and, in Trump’s case, dependent on the man himself still being alive and unindicted.

    There have been estimates of the Donald’s worth (including brand value) by banks and investment advisors; these estimate vary wildly but seem to put Donald’s worth round the $750 million to $2 bn mark. Note again that this is “worth” not cash or concrete assets. Personally I find it difficult to conceive of Donald being able to mobilse more than $2 or $3 million cash – and that would take him a couple of months and be a one time only cash injection.

    All in all Donald reminds me of another bombastic millionaire who liked to play at being a politician – that person being the infamous “Bouncing Czech,” Robert Maxwell.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      Absolutely reminds me of RM – have you read the Tom Bower biog? though RM was notorious with his female members of staff and I don’t get that vibe from DT. However, the big question, does Trump have a yacht?

  • OneDemin EOr

    As a Washington Post writer said today, Trump is doing everything he can to sink his own campaign. The writer also revealed that last fall, Salman Rushdie commented that Trump was running only to get Hillary elected.
    So there’s that.

    • Playonwords

      The Hillary Haters have been saying that for weeks. When I mentioned it in comments here. One person pointed out that if Hillary was that much of an evil mastermind she would already be President …

      • King of America

        That person was maybe me? I earnestly think if someone is capable of orchestrating both sides of an election campaign years in advance, anticipating every possible event and allowing for it in their plans, it’s a pretty great resume for the most powerful political position in the world.

        • The Wanderer

          My question is this: If the theory is true and Clinton has managed to orchestrate this, is Trump in on it? Or is he too stupid to know he’s being played?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I’d ask how she got me to hate her when she ran against Obama, yet love her this year.

          • King of America

            ALL PART OF THE PLAN™

          • King of America

            Both could be true! But obviously the second scenario is more likely.

        • Playonwords

          It was indeed – but you too are part of the conspiracy.

    • jmhm

      I bought three copies of his terrible, terrible book to thank my local book stores for carrying it depite the death fatwa. I think I’ve paid enough attention to what he has to say for one lifetime.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Was not a great read, was it?

        • jmhm

          Oh, my [your deity/construct of choice here], it was not a great read. It was arch and grotesque and leaden. I tried to finish it. It was too dire.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Leaden. Perfect description. Elowen Dowen, indeed.

      • The Wanderer

        Despite the Ayatollah So Zany’s fatwa, I found it a rather grinding read. Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore was better.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Would be funny to watch Trump debate while hooked up to a lie detector… Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. and Bzzzt.

    • The Wanderer

      I’d have the lie detector hooked up to a shock collar.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        My thoughts exactly. Although Trump is such a pathological liar that not much would register false.

    • BosGrl

      He truly believes his lies, though. He’d pass.

    • cousin itt

      With votes.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        220 votes. Or 221, whatever it takes.

    • Playonwords

      I started thinking (which as my Best Beloved says is usually a mistake on my part)

      What if you repeated the Milgram experiment with Trump on the voltage control …

    • therblig

      “hey chief, we need another barrel of ink for this thing!”

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Poverty Don just wonderin’

  • cousin itt

    because why else would God have created an entire world for Donald Trump to live in?

    Paragraph, chapter and verse.

    • cynmac

      Old Testament, Book of Donald, Chapter nth, verse nth.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Zaphod?

  • cynmac

    For those of you who are still up, there is a lively and intelligent conversation going on in an Orlando thread at RawStory. It revolves around one of the guys that have come forward as one of the shooter’s “friends with benefits” aka fuckbuddy. He was interviewed under heavy makeup and voice distortion on Univision. Link is provided, if you want to read or participate – it’s Disqus.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/06/former-lover-orlando-shooter-targeted-pulse-because-thats-where-he-was-hurt-the-most/comments/#disqus

  • cousin itt

    The single scariest thing I have ever heard Teh Donald utter is this: “I said, ‘Well, you can pray for your leaders’ — and I agree with that, pray for everyone — but what you really have to do is pray to get everybody out to vote for one specific person.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/284281-trump-questions-clintons-religion

    • Msgr_Moment

      Well, as long as he isn’t using “vote” in the wonketian sense of the term.

  • cousin itt

    Meanwhile, 1LM makes news or shits in the woods or bastes the chicken: “What Philip’s story is telling us is that we’re going down the wrong road,” Bachmann said. “Innocent Americans have gotten killed by following this false fantasy delusional view of Islam, that Islam has nothing to do with terrorism. … Not all Muslims believe it, but this radical ideology is subscribed to by people who continue to carry out these terrorist attacks.” http://www.wnd.com/2016/06/bachmann-orlando-is-wake-up-call-of-all-wake-up-calls/

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Like that insular bitch has ever been to a Muslim country or community.

      Meanwhile, back at the (loving, Christian) ranch, we get this: Pastor Roger Jimenez has a pastor buddy down in Texas whose name is Donnie Romero… [He says] terrible things and like most narcissists, he must blame everybody else for making him think and feel these terrible things… [He says] that he agrees with Pastor Jimenez’s homophobia “100 percent.”

      “These 50 sodomites are all perverts and pedophiles, and they are the scum of the earth, and the earth is a little bit better place now,” Romero said in his sermon. “And I’ll take it a step further, because I heard on the news today, that there are still several dozen of these queers in ICU and intensive care. And I will pray to God like I did this morning, I will do it tonight, I’ll pray that God will finish the job that that man started, and he will end their life, and by tomorrow morning they will all be burning in hell, just like the rest of them, so that they don’t get any more opportunity to go out and hurt little children.”

      http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/6/20/1540657/-Texas-pastor-says-LGBT-are-scum-of-the-earth-and-that-he-s-praying-for-Orlando-survivors-deaths?detail=email&link_id=6&can_id=5ce92a022054ac0afd3d5577616d3431&source=email-ivana-trump-kept-hitlers-speeches-at-bedside&email_referrer=ivana-trump-kept-hitlers-speeches-at-bedside&email_subject=ivana-trump-kept-hitlers-speeches-at-bedside

      • Vienna Woods

        Didn’t she go on that bizarre congressional visit to Egypt a few years ago? All I remember about it was that it was incredibly tone-deaf and one of the men extolled the virtues of the Bible to his hosts.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          I guess being there and being there are two different things…

      • The Wanderer

        I want to ask her when her husband’s going to come out of the closet.
        Which reminds me: A ‘beard’ is the wife a closeted gay man takes to hide his sexual preference. How does one describe it the other way round?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Well, a beard is considered to look manly (Sorry, Conchita), so how about ‘sexy negligee’?

          • The Wanderer

            I like it.

          • Msgr_Moment

            …as in Bill Clinton is Hillary’s sexy negligee?

        • Playonwords

          Some people use merkin but the lesbians I know use beard as in a false beard or disguise.

    • The Wanderer

      One might say the same thing about extreme Christian fundamentalism.

      • therblig

        might? must.

  • dshwa

    There’s a gunnut troll on the British parliament thread from last week if anyone is bored and wants to play before he gets the banhammer of the pony gods.

    • Astraea

      I haven’t even had my first cup of coffee yet.

      • dshwa

        I just finished night shift, so I’m also too tired to play. That’s why I let everyone else know in case they wanted a crack. I just want brinner and a nap.

        • Astraea

          Sleep well!

    • Parchment Scroll

      Oh boy, this’ll be fun.

      • dshwa

        Maybe. He made the knives could kill as many people as a gun did argument at me, which sounded just as stupid this time as it did the first time I heard it.

        • Astraea

          I suppose if the killer were not Omar Mateen but in fact a fictional super villain he could have a valid point.

          • bubbuhh

            What we all need are Buffy’s pocket crossbows. Or, maybe, Buffy.

          • Astraea

            I’ll take Buffy!

          • bubbuhh

            Wouldn’t we all. :-Զ

        • bubbuhh

          Pocket AB-Throwerman. Automatic Blade thrower from Ronco. It tosses tiny knives that look a lot like bullets as fast as you can twang its twiggler.

          Yours for just 4 payments of 199.95 plus s/h.

          • dshwa

            That sounds like something Wile E. Coyote got to catch the Roadrunner with.

          • The Wanderer

            And up getting perforated.

          • bubbuhh

            I’m sure a lot of Ron Popeil’s stuff was conceived while watching Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons.

          • Suttree

            It punctures arteries, it fractures bones, it kills yourself or your own family members, or even strangers dead on the spot!

          • Msgr_Moment

            You had me at twiggler.

    • jmhm

      OK, that was cathartic.

    • Suttree

      I fell asleep and woke up at two A.M., and Dok had already banhammered three trolls on one of the Trump threads before I got to play. :(

    • Playonwords

      2 gun nut trolls – but really dumb gun nut trolls one of whom is probably a fascist.