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Still makes us LOL
Still makes us LOL

Oh look, it is Friday afternoon! Shall we write a nice happy thing about how Donald Trump’s campaign is clogging up the shitter so hard no man-made plunger may be able to fix it, and how Hillary’s just come out with a bunch of GREAT new ads about what a fuck-up he is? Oh, there are other stories out there. Ted Cruz jacked off to the phrase “Radical Islamic Terrorism” on the Senate floor for twenty minutes on Thursday. Scott Baio crept out of his sad-ass cocoon to call Obama a terrorist sympathizer on the Fox Business Network, and whined about how Hollywood is mean to him because he loves Donald Trump. (Hollywood is mean to Scott Baio because he is a bad actor whose career is not necessary.)

But fuck all that noise. These ads are DELICIOUS. To begin, we have Hillary responding to Donald Trump’s very hilarious belief that he is the TRUEST friend to the homosexuals, because he will bomb the Muslims to death. How does this ad respond? Oh, it just shows him saying a bunch of things about how he is against marriage equality and would nominate Supreme Court justices who would overturn it. Hillary is so dirty, using Trump’s own words against him!

Our next ad commemorates June 16, 2015, the fateful day Trump decided to announce his campaign for the presidency. Hillary’s response — has it really only been a year? Because it feels like Trump has been making our collective American ass itch for WAY longer than that. This ad, also too, uses a bunch of Trump’s words against him, because holy shit, what else needs to be said?

You are eager for more goodness from the Hillary Clinton Emailghazi Emporium Of Advertising, we can tell. And you are also saying, “Hey, is that lady good at anything BESIDES playing ping-pong with Donald Trump’s little balls?” She is glad you asked! Here is an ad called “Always,” which is about all the work Hillary has done on behalf of children for decades. What did Donald Trump do for the children besides chit-chat about his baby daughter’s future tits?

And here is an ad called “Quiet Moments,” and it’s also about The Kids. (Bet you thought it was about the “quiet moments” she had when she was doing Benghazi all by herself at home alone. WRONG!)

With all that niceness, we probably need to cleanse ourselves with something real mean. Oh, look, here is an ad NOT from Hillary’s campaign, but from a silly super PAC called Americans Against Insecure Billionaires with Tiny Hands, about how Donald Trump’s hands are so super tiny, like can he even pick the phone for that 3 AM phone call, or is it too heavy? If he wanted to bomb the shit out of ISIS, could he even push the red button, or would he have to get Melania to help him?

And finally, because Father’s Day is Sunday, the Florida Democrats have made a bunch of vintage ’50s-style ads about what a horrendous, woman-hating pig Trump is, but they are all framed as Father’s Day “advice” from Trump, on how to keep your little lady in line and whatnot. Here is the first of the series, and if you want to watch the rest, click on this link.

Weren’t those all so very nice? Now you may all go have a nice weekend, filled with good cheer, because Hillary is going to CREAM Trump’s ass in this election, oh my god.

[Hillary Clinton Facebook]

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  • Indiepalin

    Scott Baio is best remembered for playing a doctor disguised as a fax machine on Diagnosis Murder.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or as the punchline to the joke about what Chachi means in Korean…

      • The Wanderer

        I’m going to guess it means a certain part of a man’s anatomy.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          yup

      • FlownOver

        Mark the date. Not often anyone around here implies “dick” instead of just saying it.

    • WomanComingHome

      Joanie libelz!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      How good was his bedside toner?

    • PubOption

      Bugsy Malone libelz.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Am I alone in thinking that Bugsy Malone is a distinctly creepy movie?

    • Doug Langley

      Just the fax, ma’am.

  • Callyson

    Here is an ad called “Always,” which is about all the work Hillary has done on behalf of children for decades.

    Are you listening, millennial who I overheard saying “What has she ever done for anyone?” during the primary?

    • The Wanderer

      He’s probably listening to newly-pressed vinyl LPs.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Bloody Romans…

      • BadKitty904

        I see what you did there.

      • Skadi

        Hillaria eunt domus?

        • aureolaborealis

          “These people … the Hillary … go house?”

        • pstockholm

          Senatus Hillariusque Democraticus

          • chimichanga

            About tucking tempus

        • chimichanga

          About fucking tempus

      • pstockholm

        – Look at that aqueduct. It’s a ruin!
        – Nothing a little aqueduct tape won’t fix.

        • jmhm

          Why a duck?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    playing ping-pong with Donald Drumpf’s little balls?

    Don’t tell Malkin…

  • Callyson
    • Mr. Lambert

      My reaction exactly.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’m happy to see the Clinton team hitting the ground running. Shut this asshole up right from the get-go. And yes Bernie, either help or get out of the way.

    • The Wanderer

      Yes, yes, yes to all of this. Start savagely beating (rhetorically, of course) the living shit out of The Yam, with no letup, in all fifty states, right up to noon on Election Day.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Yup, no mercy for Cheeto Jeebus. Bury that SOB, then dig up his corpse and piss on it and set it on fire

        (with votes, obv)

        • BadKitty904

          For starters…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that should hold us over until the piano finishes its descent from the top of the building and the Mack Truck gets there

        • FlownOver

          Don’t forget to bury the ashes. That (some calcium) would be the only good thing he ever did for the Earth.

      • BadKitty904

        Amen. This is NO TIME FOR DEM COMPLANCENCY. There is no margin too big by which to beat the kapok out of this tyrant-tyro.

    • AlasAnAss

      Punch hard and keep punching hard. So hard that every fucking Republican has a bloody nose.* And then keep punching.

      *OF VOTES. Fine, Jesus, I said “of votes.”

  • Callyson

    And finally, because Father’s Day is Sunday, the Florida Democrats have made a bunch of vintage ’50s-style ads about what a horrendous, woman-hating pig Trump is

    http://33.media.tumblr.com/5ec945170533b29b543c774b139b477e/tumblr_mpscaf11Gh1rsin77o10_r1_500.gif

    • BadKitty904

      Ahem. *Florida* Dems, folks. FLORIDA Dems!!!

      • Playonwords

        #not_all_Floridians

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Now do something about Rick Scott, FLORIDA Dems.

        • Tansy Geek

          It’s sad that White Nose syndrome has devastated bats throughout the Northeast but not in the Florida Governor’s mansion.

          • BadKitty904

            Are you interested in bats, too?

            <– card-carrying member of Bat Conservation International

          • Tansy Geek

            I was very pleased and a little surprised when the husband fish mentioned he’d seen one near the house the last couple of evenings. The local population is reportedly very badly effected by the fungus. I will go forth and throw money at this Bat Conservation group. The importance of bats is much underappreciated. Also they are bizarrely adorable

          • BadKitty904

            They’re a great group and work very hard to protect bat populations while raising bat-awareness. Yes, that sounds a little odd, but bats are essential to food production (pollination, etc.) and eat TONS (literally) of mosquitoes.

          • snigsy

            I bought a bat house and, if the weather stays fine, will be putting it up this weekend. Any tips for the best places? (I’m thinking the side of my garage.)

          • BadKitty904

            Ha! BatConIntl to the rescue – they’ve posted everything you need to know about locating and installing your new bat-house(s): https://www.batcon.org/pdfs/bathouses/InstallingYourBatHousebuilding.pdf

          • snigsy

            Thank you, BadKitty! [scratches behind your ears]

          • H0mer0
          • Blank Ron

            I believe putting it under stately Wayne Manor is traditional.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          In defense of Rick Scott, at least Florida is the new home of Yale University, ummm, not so much.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Well, Governor Reno, they have to do something right every now and then, don’t they?

      • BadKitty904

        Hey, fuck all y’all (in the friendliest possible sense).

        I’m PROUD my party is helping Hilz save the Republic!!!

      • Callyson

        OK, fine, maybe I’ll make that visit to Miami to check out the fitness scene in South Beach and the Cuban restaurants after all! ;-)

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Typical Crooked Hillary! So unfair! How dare she use quotes and recordings of him against him!

    http://cdn2.business2community.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Look-at-Me-Roar-So-Cute-433×600.jpg

    • Markuserektus

      Cucked again

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Recording devices have a well known liberal bias.

      • chimichanga

        Truth as well. Big upfists

    • thenearesthippie

      “My fingers are THIS big!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Not enough upfists for this!

  • BadKitty904

    Good. After this past week, I could use some warm cockles.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

      • BadKitty904

        ONE of the things, yes.

      • Querolous

        Also mussels (alive-alive-o)

  • wide_stance_hubby

    He’s going to win so hugely big and great again, he’ll break the sound barrier with his winningness!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He’s tired of winning, he’s won so much, quite frankly.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        It’s the burden of the greats, that.

      • Tallmutha

        Bingo! That right there will be reason he gives for dropping out in October. “I’ve won enough. I’m sick of it, I have to be honest.”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Scott Baio crept out of his sad-ass cocoon to call Obama a terrorist sympathizer on the Fox Business Network, and whined about how Hollywood is mean to him because he loves Donald Trump.

    “I want Charles in Charge of DHS.”
    — Donald Trump

    “Charles was a character I played. My name is Scott.”
    — Scott Baio

    “You can call me ‘Buddy’ if there’s a paying job in it. I could really use the work.”
    — Willie Aames

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Hey, someone has to protect Tara from the sharks…

      • sw19womble

        Josie and the other Pussycat libels!!!!!

    • FlownOver

      Eugene Levy had it covered:

      “Is it ‘Bay-o’ or ‘By-o’?”

      And the answer is every bit as important as this has-been’s political opinions.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Daylight come and me wanna go home!

  • I’m going to have a great weekend, ’cause I used lieu time at work to take 4 days off and I’m sitting by a lake drinking beer. I hope the rest of my Wonkers are having similar luck :)

    • Msmlg1979

      Nice! That’s what I did last Saturday. Enjoy yourself.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I will be dining tonight at Anthony’s on the San Diego Embarcadero for my dad’s 89th birthday!

        • Msmlg1979

          That is great! Happy birthday to him!

          • BadKitty904

            Hear, hear! And many more!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Happy birthday Cindy’s dad!

    • Vienna Woods

      I have only 9 days of work left until retirement so I can handle only 2 days off. Enjoy. Not sure where you are in canuckistan but it’s going to be fucking hot here in sw ontario

      • I’m in Bobcaygeon, Ontario for the weekend. Right on the water. It’s nice having parents who have saved over two long careers so they were able to retire up here!

        • Blank Ron

          You’re in ‘Caygeon? My parents’ cottage was about an hour east of there, by aluminum boat. Lovely area. Tons of fish.

        • Vienna Woods

          Well now I’ve got that song running through my head.

      • sincarne

        It’s a scorcher, eh? Is this what our summer’s going to be like? Practically snowing one weekend, and 30’s next?

    • GDleftyPart2

      Working late.
      Ferret Top in town tomorrow.
      118-120 forecast for Sunday.
      Enjoy the lake and the beers amigo!!!!

    • BadKitty904

      Me and will be taking part in the Westboro blockade in Orlando this weekend, to allow our friends to bury their murdered children in peace. Not quite as pleasant, perhaps, but I’m betting it will be exciting!

      • jmhm

        Are there any of those left? I thought all his kids cut off the miserable child-molesting old excrescence.

        • BadKitty904

          They’ve been going on since Wednesday, when the funerals began.

          • jmhm

            That sucks beyond the telling of it. Thanks for stepping up.

      • Definitely a much more noble use of your time. I doff my chapeau to you, BadKitty.

        • BadKitty904

          And I’m delighted that it sounds like you’re going to have a really pleasant weekend. Good deal!

          • I would absolutely love to join you BadKitty, I do have the excuse that I’m about 2,200 KMs away.

      • Astraea

        How is your brother doing?

        • BadKitty904

          He’s bearing up, thank you. Jeff said yesterday that he never expected to attend three funerals in one week – “it’s a weird feeling.” He’s also happy I’ll be there tomorrow to tie his tie properly – he’s never really gotten the knack…

          • Astraea

            Glad to hear it. Stay safe this weekend!

          • BadKitty904

            Aw, it’ll be a doddle. Those guys are all hot air. ‘Sides, Joaquin will be with me and he’s a tank.

      • AlasAnAss

        Good on yer both. God’s work, that.*

        *Not intended to be a factual statement.

      • SadDemInTex

        We love you Badkitty!

        • BadKitty904

          xo!

    • deanbooth

      Do you collect “lieu time” by not going to the lieu? Sweet!

      • Well, as a guy with a beard and long hair, they were confused at my work and they simply won’t let me go into either bathroom.

    • Blank Ron

      Launching mid-power rockets Saturday, hiding from the damned heat for the following three days. I am never gonna get the Studebaker ready in time.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Mid power rockets mean different things to different people, anything from ‘larger than a bottle’ to ‘smaller than a trident’…

        Single or multistage? Suborbital? MIRVed?

        • Blank Ron

          Bigger than Estes, but not big enough to reach the stratosphere. 21 to 160 N-sec. total impulse. Can’t fly more than that out of the field, sadly, but we have hopes.

          • Jonny On Maui

            The ex salt mines hosted a rocket club. Every year they went somewhere big, flat and empty to launch the multistage ones they built. Twas a blast in more ways than one…

          • Blank Ron

            Great fun, innit?
            And now my picture of Hawaii is different – I wouldn’t have believed there was ANYWHERE in the islands that could be considered ‘big, flat and empty.’

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m sorry, this was before we made the move to the island. IMS the club met at De Anza Jr. College in the SF bay area. For the big stuff they went somewhere in SoCal.

          • Blank Ron

            Ah, gotcha.

  • mancityfooty .

    That tiny hands thing…truly made me laugh.

    • WomanComingHome

      It’s brilliant. Best. PAC. Name. Ever.

  • Msmlg1979

    Hillary Clinton deserves a better class of punching bag.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’ll take the (hopefully) easy win.

      I’m nearing the end of Perlstein’s Before the Storm and one of the things I learned was that if Goldwater hadn’t been such shitty campaigner, it would not have been a landslide to say the least. There were plenty of racists available to vote for him, he was just terrible at basic campaign stuff like know your audience when you give a speech, and don’t let your buddies run your campaign.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Thank goodness. My parents, for reasons they couldn’t explain even now, were Goldwater Republicans. When I’d say, WTF, they’d pretend they can’t hear me but I know they could because they’d blush.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Yeah, we dodged a bullet that year, for sure.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            How’s the book? I have eleventy books on my summer reading list but there’s always room for one more. . . .

          • Latverian Diplomat

            It’s good, but very long. Perlstein has been criticized for going on a bit. I never lost interest though.

            And it’s a good antidote to the “conservatives used to be more reasonable” trope. They’ve always been crazy bigots.

        • Thaumaturgist

          Hillz can’t hear you either. So your parents don have to feel so bad.

    • BadKitty904

      I’d be perfectly happy with her beating the beejesus out of this one.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I could sit here and watch that all day. I’ve watched it, as Beetlejuice said about The Exorcist, sixty-seven times and it just keeps getting funnier!

      • Blank Ron

        ‘Puny Republican.’

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Bruce Banner has many lines, but the Hulk, only that one.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Let’s not tempt fate, IYKWIMAITTYD.

  • bubbuhh

    Possibly Trunip is going to go a another way on Campaign Ads. Let loose the love with no hands and excellent hair.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug_iluxQ1IQ

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Does baconz approve? We must know!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Best line ever in a TV advertisement: “I. CAN’T. READ.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    I really appreciate the “beginning of every Pixar movie” music Hillary and the DNC keep using for these tRump ads. Upbeat, fun, I can dance to it. 5 stars.

  • WomanComingHome

    I liked all of these. How cool is it to see the Dems coming out swinging – with votes!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I wish I could see them. :( I just get “sorry, video not available” messages.

      • WomanComingHome

        That sucks! The direct Hillary ones are really good. And whoever the genius is behind the tiny hands is – well I nominate them for a MacArthur grant – because it’s genius.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I can probably see them on Hillary’s own site. Just haven’t done it yet.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It’s either genius or calipers.

    • eddi

      “Use your words” They’re doing it right.

  • MrBlobfish

    I felt a stirring in my loins when watching that.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      That’s why so many broads fall for Donald Trump because he’s so sexy. It’s true. Everyone wants to date him. Actresses call up out of the blue. Jennifer Lawrence! Called Yesterday. Said she wanted to feel a real man. Of course she’s not a 10 so I, he said no. Sad. I know Donald well and he’s someone, look he trusts me. I’ve been all over to different firms. He’s a tremendous guy. Best guy in the world. No I am not Donald Trump, what are you talking about?
      – John Miller

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You’re starting to frighten me.

        • WomanComingHome

          That was exactly my reaction too.

        • Parchment Scroll

          He’s either really really good or he’s actually Trump which means he’s horrifically good at pretending to hate himself…

          Or he’s Trump and really does hate himself.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    We shall beat him on the oceans . . . we shall beat him on the interwebs . . . we shall beat him on the twitters . . . we shall open up a tin of whoop-ass on him . . .
    -with apologies to Sir Winston

    • eddi

      Just think of what Churchill would say about him. An expert orator used to handing the opposition their own ass.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      It’s Ok. Since Ann Coulter has started calling Trump speeches “Churchillian,” his name won’t have any value.

      • WomanComingHome

        No! Really?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I assume she is referring Winnie when he was drunk and senile.

        • jmhm

          Or young and molesting his corpsman.

  • Steven Posey

    kind of bummed he keeps falling, I just wanted to usher in nuclear armageddon

  • Spotts1701

    Give him another broadside! By the time it’s over, I want his campaign to be splinters!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Father’s day advice? Don’t try to slip Ivanka the tongue while she’s sitting on your lap…Melania doesn’t like it folks. Believe me.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Mmmm. Creamy Trump ass.

    • I’m Trying to eat and drink beer over here!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Gawd I hate you right now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Is that like creamed corn?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        kind of like being juked with a baby octopus

      • Msgr_Moment

        Creamy cracker corn. But I don’t care.

      • gallbladder

        I was thinking more along the lines of creamed turnip or butternut squash soup.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      ew! I ain’t eating that!!!!!!

    • sw19womble

      EW!

  • Msgr_Moment

    I don’t get why the Wonket is snarking at Trump for supporting the “LBGT community”. Nonheteronormative dyslexics need love too!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I used to drive a LBGTO

      Three deuces and a four-speed…

      • Msgr_Moment

        Are they still touring?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      He loves the BLT’s, in fact Trump could for one in a taco bowl right now!

      • Maree Martin

        All along he meant taco bowl when he was talking about that wall to keep all the Mexican where it belonged.

      • Msgr_Moment

        “If you love BLTs so much, why don’t you marry one?”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I would marry a BLT except that I can’t eat tomatoes or toast anymore. Goddam diabetes. I blame Obama.

    • sw19womble

      Trump hates asexuals! What a bastard!

    • BeachBum

      Wasn’t he the prez after Kennedy ? T for Texas ?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    More news to tickle your cockles! Donnie may have lost Paul Ryan.

    He’s telling Rs to “vote their conscience:”
    http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/17/politics/paul-ryan-donald-trump-conscience/

    And says he may sue Trump if he enacts a ban on Muslim immigration:
    http://www.politicususa.com/2016/06/17/paul-ryan-threatens-sue-donald-trump-gop-ship-continues-sink.html

    Splinter, GOP! Splinter some more!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      NOOOOOO!!!! I want Trumpf to take down Ryan along with him!
      Stick with your first instincts, Paul! Hang on to that win-at-all-costs, fuck-the-country mentality! Come on – be a soulless shitweasel for JUST A LITTLE LONGER! It’s almost over.

      • Vincent Ricola

        We only needed a couple more weeks! Too soon!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          “She canna take much more, Cap’n! She’s givin’ it all she’s got!”

          • eddi

            He has a lot of groups and individuals to insult yet. Teachers, PTSD sufferers, people who vaccinate their kids, NASA, the FBI for failing to arrest Hillary (that’s a two-fer), the Benghazi committee ditto…

          • greyXstar

            At least three of those are guarantees. Maybe by August.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Oh, but he’s not withdrawing his endorsement, so the Ds can still tie them together – while also beating him up for flip-flopping and being indecisive!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Mmmmm, tasty! That makes me hungry for some mayonnaise on white bread with celery sticks on the side. (it’s what I imagine Ryan’s mom always put in his lunchbox)

          • MausFeet

            And maybe a slice of American Style Cheese Food too.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ryan’s lunch box. Yeah right. Like he got to keep that. You know bullies flattened it the first day…

          • jmhm

            Well, since their daddies worked for his family, sadly probably not.

        • jmhm

          Only given how few people actually ticket split, isn’t he more or less telling his voters to give the Democrats back at least two branches of Government and a big hand up at redistricting time?

    • GDleftyPart2

      Now we just have to find some (R)’s that have a conscience left….

      • Blank Ron

        <crickets>

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’m bringing my RWNJBFF closer and closer to the light. Actually, Donnie’s doing most of the work…

        RWNJBFF has said wife has told him to fuck off, she’s votin’ for Hillz…

        • Msgr_Moment

          You have my sympathy and gratitude for your proselytizing work.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Doin’ it long distance too!

        • Beaumarchais?

          Fuck off in the Lysistrata sense? Cuz that worked once, could work again…

          • Jonny On Maui

            No, more in a “This ain’t a total R house any more!”

            Poor guy’s entire world is changing. He’ll survive. He’s an evolver…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Drumpf is flaming out too soon!

      • eddi

        I trust him to keep doing what he’s doing for the rest of the year. He may start repeating himself (ha-ha) but his worshipers won’t care.

        • Parchment Scroll

          …or notice.

      • Parchment Scroll

        I really hope nobody surfaces to take his place at the last minute. I want this vote to be as much of a curb stomp as possible.

        • Callyson

          I know. I’m holding my breath until the GOP convention is over.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Agree. GOP would be hard-pressed, and his followers would be livid, but …

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Livid? These guys are all about 2nd Amendment remedies.

            Anybody who attempts to replace Der Trumpenfuhrer is going to need 360 degree protection now and forever.

            I’m not in favor of it but that’s the deal.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            So he would have to be in on it. He’d contract an illness that prevented him from continuing and his good friend (whoever) would carry on in his place. There would probably also be some Ameros involved. GOP still crashes and burns in Nov, but maybe not as badly.
            The only thing …
            The only thing …
            These guys couldn’t organize a two-car funeral. This might be a bridge too far …

          • jmhm

            I’ve been thinking about that, and it’s the only way for them to salvage this situation. Only but we’re talking about a very rich, very stupid man who’s surrounded himself with the orts and leavings of Republican politics (even Manafort, who nobody else chose to use this cycle or last), and all of them have an intense vested interest in his staying in the race.

            They’re all going to turn on him eventually, but for now everyone inside his bubble has every incentive to keep him paranoid and butthurt. I can’t picture a paranoid, butthurt Donald Trump playing along as long as there’s one person in that conference room making chicken noises behind their hand.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Bobby Jindal? Scott Walker? Jeb “Please Clap” Bush?

          So many saviors, only one party.

        • Msgr_Moment

          You mean, the Derp Bench(TM)?

    • Thaumaturgist

      A Reoblican with a conscience. What a novel idea.

      • eddi

        That’s not a conscience, that’s pure survival instinct. Throwing Trump to the wolves. And praying the RNC can salvage the downticket.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Leadership!

          • eddi

            “Which way did they go ? How fast were they moving? How many were there ? I have to know because I’m their leader!”

    • Callyson

      And says he may sue Trump if he enacts a ban on Muslim immigration

      Seriously?

      (reads link)

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I NO, RITE??????

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Wait. wait!

      He just said that he endorsed Trump. Now he doesn’t or he does and he is also suing him? Paul, Paul, Paul, at least put on your baseball cap front side front. (Or not, like I give a flying fuck.)

      • jmhm

        If only there was a way to stop a presidential candidate from being able to carry out his unamerican plans for the country before the election without asking an unelected judge to overrule the will of the voters afterwards.

      • Doug Langley

        It’s Schroedinger’s Endorsement. Maybe he’s for him, and maybe he isn’t.

  • chascates

    And will we see Cheeto Jesus crash and burn even before the convention?

    • Notreelyhelping

      No, no, NO! We have to see that convention!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        You misspelled “Knife Fight”

    • cheetojeebus

      I resent that moniker!!

      • Parchment Scroll

        Forgive us, O Cheesy One, and bear our thanks to Chester on High.

      • chascates

        Cheeto Jesus… A New Meme is Created
        Republican Consultant Rick Wilson Lays Waste To Donald Trump
        http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/6/16/1539585/-Cheeto-Jesus-A-New-Meme-is-Created-Republican-Consultant-Rick-Wilson-Lays-Waste-To-Donald-Trump

        • cheetojeebus

          Oh christ, that sux. I mean I love his take down, but I’m fond of my username-had it for nearly a decade…

          • chascates

            You might want to trademark it.

          • cheetojeebus

            Ha! Hopefully it will get drowned in the shear number of epitaphs he’s garnered. And I suppose it actually is apropos.

          • chascates

            As I’ve mentioned before my favorite is ‘orange-tufted howler monkey’.

          • cheetojeebus

            I understand they have tiny little hands.

          • Tiria

            Beavis Hitler
            Shart Golem
            Constipated Mango

          • cynmac

            Trumplethinskin

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Please no. He has to be confirmed as the nominee.

  • beatbort

    Trump is drowning…throw him an anvil that looks like a life preserver.

    • eddi

      Throw him the anvil and tell him it’s a flotation device. He will believe you if you paint it gold.

      • Will in Pgh

        Hell, just paint it gold; you won’t have to tell him anything to get hIm to grab at it (with his short, vulgar fingers).

        • Callyson

          I’ve been saying this to everyone back in my hometown:

          Let me know if you need backup help for the GOTV drive. The way things are going, I may be able to help Nevada (Arizona if things really go well) Dems, but I am not about to let TehRump win in Western PA FFS!

    • JohnC44

      Sorry, not in the budget without matching cost cutting measures. Run the f***er over with an aircraft carrier. Don’t forget, the first time you go over him is a warning…only when you back it up entirely and empty the raw holding tanks in your wake can you say this mission is accomplished.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Nice touch with the holding tanks…

  • GDleftyPart2

    The orange jackass is in town tomorrow and our gubner Ducey hasn’t firmed up whether he’ll make it or not….
    Oh he’ll make the Goldwater House on Camelback mountain fundraiser but his spokeshole says he may have to fly up north again because of a fire.
    Smart money here is saying Ducey started the fire near Show Low as his diversionary tactic….

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He’s in The Woodlands, TX tonight.

      • cheetojeebus

        The Woodlands, The only one of Johnson’s Great Society New Towns projects, drowned in the bathtub of Nixon’s admin it came to be a Tony exurb instead of affordable housing for lower income Americans.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          No. Is yuppies

    • Objectifer

      The surviving Goldwater’s no longer own the house and are not involved. Barry’s widow says she’s voting for Hillz.

      • Lamashtar

        It warmed my bitter heart when the widow said Barry Goldwater would have been horrified by Trump.

  • Serai 1

    Well I can’t see the first three vids at all, just white space. What kind of player are they on?

    • TJ Barke

      Embedded utube. Or the bottom 3 are.

      • Serai 1

        I can see the Youtube ones just fine. The first three aren’t showing up, though.

    • Parchment Scroll

      The first three are embedded Facebook vids.

      • Serai 1

        Christ, I hate those things. The only browser they’ll work on for me is IE.

    • sw19womble

      Hmm now some youtube clips are disappearing into white space for me too. :/

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      I did not see them in Firefox, but did in Chrome; you may want to try an alternate browser.

  • beatbort

    All that photo of Trump in his office is missing is one of those gag gift shop plaques that reads “THIMK”.

    • TJ Barke

      Or one that says plan ahead:

  • TJ Barke
    • Callyson

      That was awesome! I am just glad my boss wasn’t around to hear my copious laughter…

    • WomanComingHome

      That was great. Honestly, I was afraid it would be that Japanese glitter pony and pink tank thing.

  • Parchment Scroll

    Oh my god. I loved every one of these, except that I watched the Florida Dems “Father’s Day” ads in rapid succession and then I threw up in my mouth a little. I really want [insert horrific event here] Drumph [graphic details] with votes.

    • WomanComingHome

      I only watched the first one. That bad, huh?

      • Parchment Scroll

        Let me transcribe the “advice” parts of each one (including the one you watched, for other people):

        1) Be a dutiful wife: “When I come home and dinner’s not ready, I go through the roof!”
        2) Only date attractive people: “It doesn’t matter what they write, as long as they’ve got a beautiful piece of a$$.”
        3) Be resilient: “You’ve got to treat women like $#!+.”
        4) Be as uninvolved with your children as possible: “I don’t do anything to take care of them: I supply funds, and the women take care of the kids!”

        • WomanComingHome

          You know, I think I’ll watch them, but not today. I’m feeling a faint sense of cheerfulness and hope after this bitch-daddy of a week, and I’d kinda like to stay here for a while. Thanks so much for the heads’ up!

          • idiotboy

            Go to Hullabaloo and watch 8th grade speech. You will smile all weekend

          • WomanComingHome

            I saw that last night, and may watch it again. That kid is fantastic! Just thinking about it is making me smile. Thanks.

        • eddi

          Truly a man’s man. (Huralph)

        • Jamoche

          Thank you for taking that hit for those of us who were too squeamish to click :)

          • Parchment Scroll

            I actually recommend watching one of them, just so you can see the glorious picture of the Little Yam that Couldn’t.

    • Callyson

      I really want [insert horrific event here] Drumph [graphic details] with votes.

      1. [the voters to hand a fifty-state loss to]

      2. [by an historic and humiliating margin]

      • Parchment Scroll

        Absolutely 100% this!

  • Frank The Rat

    Whenever I see Cheeto Jesus waving his hands while talking, particularly the slashing motion I’m reminded of Ian McNeice (Bert Large on “Doc Martin”) as the town crier/announcer on the great HBO/BBC/RAI production, “Rome”. Check out the youtube machine and see if he’s channeling McNeice.

    • cheetojeebus

      wait what?

    • Vienna Woods

      I love that guy

    • Serai 1

      That guy was AWESOME. I loved how he declaimed commercials as well as the news. “Real bread for real Romans!” (I first saw McNeice in the RSC’s production of Nicholas Nickleby, where he played Wackford Squeers Jr, among other things.)

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      “Bert Large”. Oh, that dry Brit sense of humor…

  • Randy Riddle

    The best part of that first ad is that he can’t even say “LGBT” correctly.

    • Callyson

      “LB…”

      Maybe he thought he was ordering a porno on pay-per-view instead of giving a political speech.

      • Pickwicknext

        He does get distracted easil….squirrel!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Did he think he was endorsing LBJ?

        • Parchment Scroll

          Pretty sure it ain’t the other way around.

  • Arthur Gane

    Only if Americans actually turn out to vote.

    • Callyson

      This GOTV volunteer is ready and willing to do her part. I hope I’ll be in the Sun Belt (cough Nevada cough maybe Arizona if things go well) but if I need to back up my hometown peeps and freeze my ass off in Pittsburgh, I’m on my way!

    • JohnC44

      Exactly why I keep trying to petition for free beer and buffalo wings at poll sites. I’d vote anyway, but I’d like free beer.

  • Apple Scruff

    I really thought I’d just want to hide til November, but if the ads from here on out are all this entertaining, I may just make it through in one piece.

    • SDGeoff

      I can’t wait to see what is next.

      • Serai 1

        That’s up to Donny, looks like.

        • Parchment Scroll

          “I saw the dem… the florida people… the democrat people. I saw their ads about Father’s Day advice, and I just want to say that I’m suing — going to sue them — for just billions. Also, I am a great father. Just the best. I was asking my daughter, Ivanka – she’s just so beautiful, absolutely a 10 and I would totally do her if that were a thing that isn’t creepy and awful.”

          • WomanComingHome

            Is there some sort of virus that is striking the Wonkettes? There are far too many talented Trump impersonators here – it can only be an illness. Should we call the CDC?

          • Parchment Scroll

            I do much better at dialogue than descriptive prose. I grew up surrounded by people from all over the country and learned to pick up their speech patterns when talking to them. As we moved into the information age and I began connecting with people from around the world, I got better at this — it’s embarrassing when people think you’re making fun of them even though it happens unconsciously. Anyway, it means I pay a lot of attention to people’s word choices, and Drumph, well, he doesn’t choose words very well.

            Yes. It presents a severe threat to public health.

          • WomanComingHome

            I will grant you that Trump is not exactly the most difficult target. I did not mean to make fun of your communication style, it’s just that it seems every thread has a delightful poster pop up with a very good Trump impression. Unsettlingly good. It’s making me a mite bit jumpy. It’s like having an incontinent, but well-loved elderly dog – you never know what you’re your going to find lying on the floor. It makes one very careful of where one walks.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Oh, he’s an easy target. I think my personal favorite sometime impersonator is Hairstrike Alpha. :D

          • WomanComingHome

            No question, HA is a god. Should we start our Rent-a-Trump business, HA will have premium pricing. Because s/he’s huge. The best.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Easy target? Why, he’s yooooooooooooge!

          • Parchment Scroll

            I have only the best impersonators. You know why? I use such great words – only the best words. People love my words. A word with TRUMP on it, that’s… you know that’s a quality word.

          • JohnC44

            I think we may have something here. Just imagine the money we could make renting out these impersonators for children’s birthday parties, bar/bat mitzvahs, Sweet 16s (guard your daughters) and other events. Let’s be job creators!

          • WomanComingHome

            I think that if we go with that, we should be careful to have a strict age policy – no little kids – it would give the little darlings nightmares, and possibly a long term aversion to cheese.

          • AlasAnAss

            I’ll have theirs if they don’t want it. Do they want it? I’ll take that cheese. Can I have that cheese? I want that cheese, gimme the fucking cheese!

          • WomanComingHome

            You would only ruin it with bologna, miracle whip and white bread.

          • AlasAnAss

            Somebody sure seemed to want it last night.

            What? Oh, I mean the sandwich. Sorry. Wanted a sandwich.

          • WomanComingHome

            Well, maybe. The cheese, I mean. And honestly, is Velveeta really cheese?

          • AlasAnAss

            . . . It’s like you’ve turned into a monster right in front of my . . . well, not my eyes. Hold on, let me think.

          • WomanComingHome

            I am not a monster! Here, have some off-brand french onion potato chips!

          • AlasAnAss

            Say something nice about Velveeta.

          • WomanComingHome

            It’s not flammable. And when very drunk, while watching sports, I have been known to mix it with canned Ro-tel chilis, melt it all up, and eat it with generic brand tortilla chips, and fall asleep on the couch.

          • AlasAnAss

            Oh yeah. That dip is better than many things that make you want to take a nap right after.

          • WomanComingHome

            That dip is my Secret Shame.

          • AlasAnAss

            Not no more it’s not.

          • AlasAnAss

            It’s actually extremely flammable, though.

          • WomanComingHome

            Flammable like wet wood, or flammable like kerosene?

          • AlasAnAss

            Like off-brand kerosene and me saying “Now watch this.”

          • WomanComingHome

            The “Now watch this” part is…..intriguing.

          • AlasAnAss

            The ER staff will be . . . intrigued. “Why does he keep asking for intravenous bolonga?”

          • WomanComingHome

            “Intravenous Bologna” would be a great name for a early nineties metal tribute band.

            And you might be more successful if you asked for lime Kool-Aid.

          • Doug Langley

            Flammable like margarine . . .

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-9Wt3Xe3A4

          • WomanComingHome

            Holy shit! I watched up to the part where the truck caught on fire, and this strengthens my resolve to avoid tunnels. Somehow, I’d never thought that they even have margarine in continental Europe.

          • Doug Langley

            In the last part, they mention steps that will be taken with new tunnels to avoid deaths from fire.

          • Gary Charound

            Velveeta gives me just the right balance between cushioning and arch support.

          • AlasAnAss

            See, WomanComingHome? See how easy it is to say nice things about Velveeta?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            It has more character than Paul Ryan.

          • leemoder

            She has a nice personality.

          • Jonny On Maui

            No, it’s not.

          • WomanComingHome

            Your wisdom is that of the ages.

          • Jonny On Maui

            “Hey Ms. On Maui, come’re, there’s something you should read…”

          • Doug Langley

            My family practically lived on Velveeta when I was growing up.

            Come to think of it, that would explain a lot . . .

          • Donald the Great

            I know. Let me tell you I know a thing or two about being a job creator. I’ve created hun– thousands of jobs. I helped break the glass ceiling in construction. We put in a new plexiglass ceiling. So much safer. Great. Just great.

          • Doug Langley

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Trump. Too easy. Crooked Hillary, Pocahontas. Great again.

          • Callyson

            (something something) They’re treating me very unfairly (something something)

          • Parchment Scroll

            What, do you mean the FAILING New York Times? FAILING New York Times lied about me in that hit piece article. So unfair.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Weak.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Fuck. I did forget “weak”.

          • greyXstar

            And sad. You forgot sad. Pitiful!

          • Doug Langley

            It’s highly contagious. We should be quarantined.

  • Serai 1

    CREAM Trump’s ass

    Okay, could we not put those words together ever again, like ever, because I WANT TO SLEEP TONIGHT OMG.

  • bumfug

    It’s looking like the only suspense in the upcoming election is how long
    it’s going to be before one of Trump’s dimwitted redneck (redundant,
    sorry!) followers kills someone because they think Donald would want
    that. This is going to be a complete rout befitting the miserable ass-weasel that is Donald Trump and the biggest pity is that sociopathy will keep him from experiencing his full measure of shame and humiliation at being rejected and mocked by the vast majority of the American people. This sort of epic failure would in a just society see him
    reviled and spat upon wherever he went until impoverished, he’d be left
    with no means of support and would at best find work in a traveling
    carnival, inviting yokels to dunk him in a tank of fetid water with a
    well-aimed baseball flung at a battered metal target. I imagine him
    shuffling back to his tawdry living quarters, old, tired and dripping
    with foul moisture as he gets close enough to hear the grunts and moans
    of Melania, lying on the floor of their trailer, locked in a passionate
    embrace, held tight by the scaly, red arms of his fellow sideshow freak,
    Billy the Lobster Boy. This election is going to be great.

    • LOL. Seriously. Someone has got to dress up as a lobster and go to Trump rallies.

    • Jamoche

      “This sort of epic failure would in a just society see him reviled and spat upon wherever he went until impoverished”

      To the pain (with votes)?

  • Land Shark

  • Callyson

    OK, caption contest for photo below:

    • Callyson

      I’ll be that person and start:

      “Look, Donald, my hands are bigger than yours are!”

      • Donald the Great

        First of all let me just say my hands are not so small. You, you just. I have normal person sized hands. Second, and this is important, I. I have. Where is your long form hand certificate?

    • Gary Charound

      “I can personally attest to Michele Fiore’s qualifications!”

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Ooooh. That one’s brilliant.

      • janecita

        Yours is my favorite:-)

    • Parchment Scroll

      “Donald Trump has THIS MANY votes!”

    • mancityfooty .

      RAWWWR!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I surrender.

    • Jonny On Maui

      My hands are THIS big!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Top this, Donny!

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      He’s playing peek-a-boo:
      *Hides face*
      “Where’s my Plan for a Better America?”
      *reveals face*
      “There it is!”
      *hides face*
      “Where’s my Plan for a Better America?”
      *reveals face*
      “There it is!”

      For reference: http://wonkette.com/602672/lets-delve-into-paul-ryans-fabulously-detailed-plan-for-a-better-america

    • janecita

      See, I’m not sitting around with my thumbs up my ass!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Antler Dance: you’re doing it wrong.

    • janecita

      Jazz Hands!!

    • phoenix00
    • SayItWithWookies

      “When I was a young boy, I met Ayn Rand.”

    • katz

      He’s miming Donald Trump’s wall.

    • Doug Langley

      “I’m Keanu Reeves! Watch me stop these bullets!”

    • MissNomer

      ,,,

  • JoeChristmas

    Ted Cruz jacked off…for twenty minutes

    Weekend officially ruined. Tx Evan.

  • Callyson

    Tell me, NYT linky, what excuse does The Donald have for his poor showing in the polls?

    Donald Trump, Seeing Himself Behind in Polls, Says He Hasn’t ‘Started Yet’

    “I’m four down in one poll, three and a half in another that just came out,
    and I haven’t started yet,” Mr. Trump, the presumptive Republican
    presidential nominee, said in a phone interview on Thursday night, a
    thought he volunteered as he dismissed concerns from Senate Republicans
    that he may be a drag on their candidacies in the fall.

    “And I have tremendous Republican support,” Mr. Trump said. “Unfortunately
    they never talk about that, they talk about the few rebels.”

    And he suggested that senators who were lagging in polls themselves had troubles long before he became the nominee.

    “Certain of these senators you’re talking about are not doing well,” Mr. Trump said, referring to a group who are being aided by former President George W. Bush with fund-raising.

    “Then, if they lose they’ll pin it on Donald Trump,” he said. “But I don’t let that happen easily.”

    OK,. my fear that Trump would manufacture some excuse to withdraw from the race and give the Reeps to nominate someone else is beginning to subside. His ego will save the day!

    • WomanComingHome

      He hasn’t started yet…. *pause*….. HE HASN’T STARTED YET?!?!? What in the name of holy hell has he been doing? So this is going to get ………uglier?

      • Parchment Scroll

        “Don’t give me ‘losing’! As John Paul Ringo said, ‘We have not yet begun to lose!'”

        • WomanComingHome

          I voted for Dukakis. You don’t know losing!

          • janecita

            That’s nothing, I voted for for Barbara Buono in the 2013 NJ gubernatorial election. Not even her parents knew who the fuck she was.

          • AlasAnAss

            Mondale/Ferraro . . .

          • WomanComingHome

            That one broke my heart. I was just too young to vote in that one, and I LOATHED Reagan (Pox Be Upon His Name).

          • AlasAnAss

            Both he and Thatcher died too easily. There, I said it.

          • WomanComingHome

            And I raise my glass. Fuck them both in hell.

          • AlasAnAss

            Listen to this one sometime when you want to fire up that hate a bit.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t4-zDem1Sk

          • WomanComingHome

            I hit the link, almost pressed play, and then thought, nah. After this not-so-super week, I don’t need a rage stroke. Completely O/T, but how do you set up links? The Disqus, she is enigmatic, and I haven’the been able to find instructions. (Although I did finally find quotation marks.)

          • AlasAnAss

            I thought you were just using the ones I gave you.

            I just cut/paste video links into the box here. You can insert pictures by clicking on the picture icon in the bottom left corner.

            And, yes, give yourself a break tonight on the Thatcher Hate. Do something nice for yourself, whether it involves off brand french onion chips or no.

          • WomanComingHome

            No, I wrapped the ones you gave me in a pretty piece of lace, and slept with them under my pillow. My grandmother used to say that was how I could dream about punctuation marks in my future.

          • AlasAnAss

            Which punctuation mark give you the best dreams? The graceful curve of the parenthesis? The long, straight line of the exclamation point?

          • WomanComingHome

            There is something almost tantric about the ampersand. With many curves, and a straight line right through the middle. There is something about it that is….intriguing.

          • AlasAnAss

            Oh? That’s worthy of further explanation, he thinks.

            Then there’s the lingering, almost trace of the question until it ends, finally, right there, at a single point.

          • WomanComingHome

            It’s so round, and then becomes firm and determined. With a bit coming out at the end.

          • AlasAnAss

            How you put that, it’s, well, it’s . . . something more than intriguing.

          • WomanComingHome

            It’s just so exciting, punctuation. There are the equals sign, the plus sign, the backslash, the pound sign, the up arrow, and of course the exclamation mark! Who couldn’t love ……punctuation?

          • AlasAnAss

            Where would we be without the comma? Sometimes you need to slow, a little, before picking up again. Or the forward slash–sometimes you must simply have another angle. The tilde. Up and down and up and it seems, doesn’t it, to suggest that undulation goes on and on, invisibly.

          • WomanComingHome

            Of course, timing is everything. It’s not a bad thing to really examine the percentage symbol , and the division symbol, examine them closely. Of course, that could take a while.

          • AlasAnAss

            And this:

            @

            Of course, we’re not really talking about punctuation marks by now. Symbols, we’ve moved on to them. But sometimes you just go where you go.

          • WomanComingHome

            I’m certainly open to suggestion.

          • AlasAnAss

            About . . . ? Punctuation? Cheese? Punctuation made from cheese? Cheesy punctuation?

            Isn’t it obvious, in any case, that Swiss is the most punctuated of all the cheeses?

          • WomanComingHome

            Emmenthal is the most punctuated of all cheeses. Tonight, I am at one with my Emmenthal friends. This is not a sentence I ever thought I would say.

          • AlasAnAss

            I stand corrected. And bow to your greater cheese knowledge. Feel free to suggest anything else you need me to know about your cheesing or punctuating preferences.

          • WomanComingHome

            I have learned so much in our discussion. Punctuation is so much more interesting now, and far more enjoyable. I’m about to go to bed, and my little packet of quotation marks that are carefully enveloped in lace, well, they’ll give me great pleasure. Sleep well!

          • AlasAnAss

            *kiss of air*

          • WomanComingHome

            *air kiss* to you!

          • Jamoche

            Just paste in the link, no embed code. Disqus embeds automatically but chokes on embed codes (*software-engineer eyeroll*). You may have to reload the page before it shows up.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Dig em up and try again

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Trumpy is used to suing people into submission. So before the 85th lawsuit, he hasn’t started yet. It works differently in the real world, pal.

      • Amy!

        He thinks he’s going to whip out a series of attack ads on Hillary, and talk them up at rallies as each one starts, and that everyone will applaud and cheer, awed by his perspicacity (except he wouldn’t use that word, he’d say “bigly love my smartness”).

        Hillary’s been the target of better-prepared attacks for something over thirty years. He’s a moran, A Idiot, and is going to loose.

        (it hurt me to write ‘loose’ there; to salve my wounded feelings, I’m gonna claim that it means he’s gonna try to loose the dogs of war, only to discover that they’re yappy little lap dogs with fake diamond collars)

        • WomanComingHome

          That’sounds a really good analysis of how he thinks. He really is an ultra-maroon, isn’t he? I should let you know that I am the proud owner of a yappy little dog. No sparklies.

        • Doug Langley

          You remind me of the one student who really didn’t like me and sent an email to my boss demanding that I “loose” my job. He also misspelled my name. Needless to say, boss dropped the message in the circular file.

      • Beaumarchais?

        He hasn’t been fund-raising, so he’s GOT NO MONEY, the cheap-ass phony “billionaire.”

        The Kochs are out, Shelly Adelson will only go so far, the RNC is shrugging their shoulders—this mess might collapse in a pile of unpaid bills, to no one’s surprise.

        • WomanComingHome

          Well, at least he’s consistant.

        • Lamashtar

          The RNC is going to declare bankruptcy….::wild laughter::

    • Spotts1701

      Sure he hasn’t started yet…never mind the RNC is hemorrhaging donors, there’s a not-so-secret insurrection being plotted, and Republican Senators flee whenever a question about their nominee is asked. He can still win!

      (no, no he can’t)

      • Msgr_Moment

        …plus that any sort of insurrection will piss off that sizable chunk of the GOP that voted Trump in the primaries and real screw over the party in November.

    • elpinche

      WOOAAAAAAAOOOAWW!!

      • Kavefish

        “it’s a… nice day for a…
        Trump Spanking!”

    • cynmac

      Fuck Trump. He had a five week head start on Hillary, as the presumptive candidate and he blew it. Just as the RNC feared he would.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    “We came. We saw. He lost. HaHaHa”

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Callyson

      Saw this. Dammit, Debbie, you could have prevented this just by scheduling the debates in reasonable time slots and not kowtowing to the scummy payday lenders. Sure, you would still have had your critics, but you would have had the chance to redeem yourself this November at least. /sadface

      • AlasAnAss

        Why a sadface? I’m genuinely curious why you would want her to stick around?

        • Callyson

          I heard her speak once and she seemed cool then. IDK WTF happened to change that FFS.

          Oh well, as long as Elizabeth stays on the up and up I’ll be fine.

          • WomanComingHome

            I could be wrong, but isn’t this SOP? The same thing happened to Dean in’08, when Bamz started putting his own people in.

          • Callyson

            True, but IIRC there were people who were pissed at Dean because of his fifty state strategy. People who felt we left potential victories on the table in Ohio and the like in order to try to get more states in unlikely deep-red states.

          • WomanComingHome

            Didn’t Bernie just call for a fifty state stategy? Do you think that if he gets pissy about this at the convention, this could be a problem?

          • Callyson

            Wait, what?

            (Googles)

            Oh fuck:

            The Democratic Party needs a 50-state strategy. We may not win in every state tomorrow, but we will never win unless we recruit good candidates, and develop organizations that compete effectively in the future. We must provide resources to those states which have so long been ignored.

            Yeah, let’s take advice about strategy from the candidate who did so well in the primaries in the South!

            I mean, seriously, as a long-term plan of course Sanders is right. But if he’s referring to 2016–yeah, no. Fight for the seats we have the best chance of winning, and if they are disproportionately in blue and purple states, so be it. First get the Senate (and the House if we get ultra-lucky), then think about how to expand the majority TYVM.

          • WomanComingHome

            Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Of course a fifty state policy would totally make sense, if they start it immediately, in an organized way, after the presidential election. But now? Same brilliant tactical thinking that we have come to expect from Bernie.

          • Callyson

            No need to apologize–I like to stay on top of things. Eventually we need to do something along the lines of what he’s suggesting, but turning the South around will take years (decades?) FFS.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Sooner in some places. VA is a swing state, NC looks to be on the road to that. GA is next. Some this is demographics (the majority minority stuff), but a combination of inept/ideological GOP rule is also hitting (a few more rural hospitals closing gets the attention of even the hard core anti-Obamacare folks). In many of these places the old Democratic party essentially collapsed and is being rebuilt. It takes time. But, as said, may be coming along faster than we expect. Yes, some will be Blue Dogs, but I’d rather have some blue dogs and control of the House, than have neither.

          • WomanComingHome

            Ineptitude by the Republicans and demographics help, no question there. But if the Democrats want to make solid inroads, there needs to be a solid support system. And that requires a knowledge of local laws, cunning, and organization. Something that Bernie, for all his lovely ideals, has shown himself conspicuously lacking in – or at least hiring people who have those qualities. That’s why I do feel a little shudder when I hear him call for this approach. Frankly, that’s a bigger fear to me than the Bros. He’ll want to be out tilting at goddammed windmills, and split the party’s resources.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Well, that’s a good point. I assume FL is a swing state already and there is a quote somewhere about Hillary wanting to flip TX. I doubt she is expecting it this year, but that suggests both long- and short-term planning. The Democratic Party in many of these places is being slowly rebuilt. It’s pretty robust in Atlanta, but not so much in other parts of the state and that is just an example. I’d like to have a real plan developed, not based on a presidential election (although, THB, the party in GA did some good recruiting in 2014 but got clobbered by the Teahadists. ) As far as I can tell, there was no expectation of the collapse at the national level; the campaigns they were planning were for 2018. Bill is probably the Democrats wild card in the south.

          • WomanComingHome

            I completely agree that if there is to be any kind of success in building the Dems in these red party states, it needs to start from something other than presidential elections. School boards, water commissioners, mayors, etc. Basically what the religious right did. And those folks need support. Kind words and high ideals are lovely, but if you can’t pass along accurate information to your potential voters, then they don’t actually mean anything.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Bernie is not the one to be running any GOTV programs, he sucks at the ground game. He relied on star power and movement politics, he doesn’t seem to know anything about nuts and bolts base building.

          • elpinche

            Y’all are just making me learn shit tonight. Had to go look-up 50-state strategy ,etc. And Im HIGH!

          • AlasAnAss

            I think it depends on what part of the South you’re referring–Oh, I see Pete of the Fermat down there below me has covered this. I’d also add Florida and Texas to the discussion, the latter particularly because of demographic shifts.

          • cynmac

            Some states like NC, FL and GA are ready but need redistricting. Winning 2016 and 2020 and regaining the majority in the House and/or Senate and forming bipartisan panels to draw the lines all need to happen. The demographic changes will happen regardless.

          • LadyLaz

            I agree. Atlanta and Savanah are very blue. And that is where most of the population is.

          • cynmac

            We actually have 4, FOUR Islands of Blue since 2012 – Atlanta, Savannah, Athens and Albany. Albany actually went for Bernie. Gov. Nathan “Raw” Deal knows that the days are numbered. Johnny Isakson knows that the days are numbered. Perdue is dumb as a box of rocks and don’t know. Most of the legislature don’t know but some are savvy enough to listen to the Black Caucus and to the Gov. I’ve been going to the legislature for the past three years and every year the dumasses get louder, like that will stem the tide.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Tom Crawford, who writes about GA Politics, has story here (sub required) about Sen Perdue’s gospel quot’n “wish” for PBO. Turns out, he thinks he’s VP material! I’m hopin’ Sen David can get on the Titanic before it leaves the dock.

          • cynmac

            Oh my!

          • LadyLaz

            True enough. I am squished next to athens, and it is very blue as well.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Technically, part of why he lost was because he didn’t follow his own advice and didn’t contest the south. It also might not be a bad time to go after all 50 states considering how many normally red states might be in play for the first time in a long time thanks to Drumpf.

          • Just saying

            He contested the hell out of the South with money and staff. Lost its not the same as not contested.

          • DT

            Yes, but she is (was) Hillary’s own people.

          • WomanComingHome

            Hills doesn’t seem to have a problem with distancing herself now. Interesting.

          • janecita

            Maybe this is the one thing that will make Bernie finally endorse her. They had a meeting this week.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Probably because every single person in DC is screaming at her to do so

          • Lamashtar

            DWS retains her title. She will not be humiliated. That would be Hillary standing up for her.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            She will be eased out with all due decorum so no hurt fee fees, but she’s done

          • DT

            No, it’s not. No one can strip that title from her; she’s been duly elected to the position.

          • Lamashtar

            Except DWS was implying that she would remain past the point when its traditional for someone else to take over.

          • DT

            … Ok?

          • MissNomer

            You are not wrong.

      • Charon_69

        I think it goes deeper than that, the DNC record on down ballot wins is, to be polite, atrocious, and she’s been determining where resources get allocated. Keeping the WH is great but as we’ve seen there’s a bigger picture

        • Callyson

          Well, yeah, you’re probably right. We have got to turn that situation around, stat!

    • janecita

      I hope that she loses her primary to that sexy college professor. Tbh, I would be very happy if I never saw her again.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Tiny Hands PAC! YES!

  • 3FingerPete

    I normally follow Frankie Muniz’ political lead.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Remember when Poppy Bush went at Dukakis for a month before the convention with Willie Horton? Dukakis never recovered. Let’s hope Hillary does it to Donny, while he has no ads ups (and no money to pay for them).

    • Parchment Scroll

      The only thing I remember about that election itself is a comedian talking about the way the Bush campaign pronounced their names: “Would you rather vote for Michael DUKAKHITHSH*spittle*?! Or George Buuuushhhhhh?” But then I was young.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        All I remember was that SNL skit where Lovitz as Dukakis turns to the camera after Dana’s GB says a dumb and goes “Can you believe I am losing to this guy?”

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Not gonna do it! Wouldn’t be prudent!

  • feministing

    i can’t believe that tiny hands ad is real lol which states are running it??

    • Parchment Scroll

      Currently DC – you’d have to ask the people behind it if it’s running elsewhere.

  • ExpatGirl

    I know Trump is Satan’s spawn sent to bring our complete and total destruction but GOD DAMN he is fun to laugh at.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It is always fun to laugh at egotistical big shots who get their comeuppance. ALWAYS.

    • Personally I think Ted Cruz fit the antichrist position better. Trump’s just the village idiot.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The beautiful thing about The Donald is that he got where he is by saying any damn thing that sprang to mind. To him, that’s the formula for success — and he’s not about to mess with it now. Which means that he’ll be the leading provider for his own opposition’s commercials for the next five months.

    • obamafone

      I don’t think that Donald Trump’s going to be the candidate in November. Sounds crazy, I know. There may be only a 5% chance today but this things coming on like a freight train. It’s going to happen fast.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        There is more than some thought this might be so. Josh Marshall won’t say it, but he has been pointing out inconsistencies for a couple of weeks now. His most recent:
        http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/under-the-hood
        is about the size if the campaign staff: 30. For 50 states.

        • obamafone

          I read Josh’s article and I realize now that I’m probably wrong. Even if someone else was chosen (Rafalca!) it’s too late for such a candidate to build a campaign organization without having started long ago. In other words there’s no alternative except disaster, chaos, and dissolution of the Repubs. They must be s***ting themselves in private.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            That’s a step up. For decades now, they’ve been shitting themselves in public.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            I agree: there isn’t enough time, this group is incapable of acting, there is no “plausible successor”, and there would be no path that led the successor to victory. And then there’s the candidate himself: he may have started this just as a summer sort of thing, but now he has won the nomination. And beaten (badly) the GOP establishment and the silly “deep bench” (when I am old and near death, all anyone will have to do is mention “Remember in the election of 2016 how the GOP had this ‘deep bench’?” and I’ll revive). He wants to win this. Even if good sense says to get out.

          • Doug Langley

            As opposed to Hillary, who started a year ago building her Mission Impossible team. Her campaign is so far ahead the Republicans should just concede right now.

    • expipiplus1

      He’s the ideal opponent for the Democrats – an uncontrolled and uncontrollable loudmouthed jerkface not-a-real-Republican. The GOP’s primary goal now will be to save the Senate so they can at least delay the SCOTUS transition to a liberal majority. They may try to draft Bernie next month. According to the DNC he’s not really one of them, and he has a solid track record of being able to handle HRC. He has stated that his priority is to prevent Trump from achieving the White House, rather than helping HRC get there. A Bernie GOP candidacy would do it. Of course, it might involve a few policy tweaks, but no biggie if ‘win at any price’ is really what they want. Also scopalamine and LSD in the water supply at the convention.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        “Also scopalamine and LSD in the water supply at the convention.”

        I see you got some early.

  • Comments_Usually_Suck

    Fat chance that this going work against the powerful Donald. His secret weapons: the gays, the hispanics and the blacks. He’s unstoppable.

    • Msgr_Moment

      You forgot the ladies.

  • Frank Underboob

    “is going to CREAM Trump’s ass in this election”
    That’s actually a mental image I really could’ve done without.

    • The Wanderer

      (shudders)

    • Donald the Great

      It’s really more of a medicinal ointment.

  • “Hollywood is mean to Scott Baio because he is a bad actor whose career is not necessary.”

    ZAPPED libel! See you in court, wonkette! #wheresmythieldough

    • Jo Mathie

      Does he even have a career at this point?

      • JD Mulvey

        In five months he can apply for Reince’s job.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Settle down Terry

  • obamafone

    By the way, for the Republican convention in Cleveland: cleveland-steamer.com is still available!

  • obamafone

    First to use #cheetojesus on Wonkette!!!!!! Congratulate me! I am awesome! I am Yuuuuuge! I contain multitudes!!

    • cheetojeebus

      Ahem…

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Yeah, fuck him.

      • obamafone

        We can divide the world between us.

    • Gregory Brown

      He is the Velveeta Raccoon.

    • obamafone

      Agent Orange!

    • kareemachan

      I think they have exorcisms for that….

  • guppy06

    Dear Florida Democrats:

    If the picture sputters, the sound is supposed to sputter too. Not that anybody outside of rich families had home movies that included sound to begin with!

    YES I’M OLD!

    (Don’t get me started on the sound effects dubbed in by the Hitler Channel.)

  • Wemedge

    Yeah he’s an idiot but the Jacksonians are coming out of the woodwork and are going pancake the odious HRC and put him over the top. They think the MSM is corrupt and believe all leftists are lyin’ quasi-commie bastards. They’re not listening to you. This is a good time for all you atheists/agnostics out there to start praying.

    • Last Hussar

      Poe or troll?

      • Parchment Scroll

        I’m gonna go with troll. Not incendiary enough for a Poe.

    • Delu

      You sound like one of them.

      Do they think Trump is stupid too?

      • Blackest Noobs

        he is, a Trump supporter….even thinks Trump is Andrew Jackson.

        sorry man, but Trump too much a fuckin coward to be a “Andrew Jackson.”

        You do know Andrew Jackson was a veteran….Trump is a weenie.

    • CripesAmighty

      New Pinkham shtick?

    • Nockular cavity

      But the Jacksonians haven’t gotten their shit together since Michael died. LaToyah and Tito can’t run things by their damned selves.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Victoria Jackson libulzzz!!111!1eleveny-one!!11

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Four and a half more months of Hillary using nothing more than Donny the Dickhead’s own words in commercials. And you are not smart enough to connect those dots without GPS. You guys are so fucked…

  • Comments_Usually_Suck

    Trump is a modern day hero. He wants to liberate and save us little people from the laws and regulations like he has avoided. He wants true freedom in the name of himself. Trump knows freedom and he wants to share it. He will set us free just hop aboard. Screw taxes….screw laws. Man’s best friend to the gays…to the blacks…to the hispanics (but not the mexicans). Woof Trump Woof.

  • Last Hussar

    Dear Americans
    Stop talking down Mr Trump. Treat him with respect. What sort of small minded short sighted country are you? Attacking him makes no sense. You need people united around presidential candidates.
    Until AFTER the convention. I mean, you wouldn’t want him to be forced out and replaced by someone who has a chance would you?

    • LadyLaz

      I would be shocked if they went the nuclear option.

      • obamafone

        .

      • WomanComingHome

        Now that W is helping out, I believe that’s the “nucular option”.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        You misspelled “nockular cavity”

    • Treg.Brown

      “Until AFTER the convention. I mean, you wouldn’t want him to be forced out and replaced by someone who has a chance would you?”

      I’m not sure who that would be. The deep bench and Mittens have all proved to be losers. Sad.*

      *Hysterical.

      • obamafone

        Rafalca! He’s rested and ready!!!!!!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Rafalca/Seamus 2016. Prancing and Evacuating to Victory!

    • JD Mulvey

      We have zero to fear in ridiculing Trump immediately. I’d love nothing more than the “establishment” nutjobs going to war against the upstart Trump nutjobs. It would be an epic battle of nutjobbery, and the chance of them pushing out a reasonable human being as their nominee seems pretty minimal.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Americans Against Insecure Billionaires with Tiny Hands”

    Wow, that’s really a thing. The Onion ought to sue, satire replaces reality.

    • Delu

      That IS reality nowadays.

      You can’t satirize Trump and his Trumpians because doing so would be describing them in reality.

      • Parchment Scroll

        He’s Poe’s Law made manifest as a person. Thought he would have been named Edgar, but nope: Donald.

        • Mission Drifter

          I thought we agreed that he’s a YouTube comments section come to life?

      • thewendyb

        You cannot shame the shameless or expose an exhibitionist.

  • The Wanderer

    I only read The Onion for the horoscopes now.

    • BosGrl

      That sounds like a Steven Wright joke.

      • The Wanderer

        No, it’s a true statement, made by me. The Onion’s horoscopes are hilarious.

        • My all-time favorite: “Little did you know that not observing Lou Rawl’s birthday would have such dire consequences.”

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      American Voices or GTFO.
      (admittedly not always funny, but when they hit, I have to apologize to folks in adjacent offices)

    • Frank Lee

      I read the Onion so I can learn next weeks news today.

  • shaar dula

    trump ftw. these ads fit him like a glove from the children’s section. as always trump has the best fit.

  • Msgr_Moment

    OT, but it’s been a long week for Florida Man (okay, and Florida Tourist, too).

  • Msgr_Moment

    ….

    • The Wanderer

      Excellent bumper sticker.

  • LadyLaz

    Haha ayah crying. That snark is masterful! !

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “Ted Cruz jacked off to the phrase “Radical Islamic Terrorism””

    Jilled off, I’d believe.

    • The Wanderer

      Rubbed one in.

  • thewendyb

    Oh, ‘Becca! Don’t you see? The country picked Bamz, TWICE. Mitt the shit was 20 times the candidate Drumph could ever be. We could have, WOULD HAVE, elected Bernie Sanders, a lifelong lefty, easily. We could run Adalai Stevenson and a ham sandwich, And WIN, because Drumph. Exit polling (for Dems only, GOP stats are spot on) off by more than 2% indicate malarkey at work.
    Exit polling in California off by 10-23%. Says not me, STANFORD. The University.
    Socialism within the grasp of working Americans, traded for Corporatocracy in order to block Fascism. Sad day for us.

    • JD Mulvey

      The University, really? I assumed you meant the Stanford Taco Stand.

      • efoveks

        You know, there is a mall there, and while I don’t think there’s a taco stand, the Peninsula Creamery serves up some mean ice cream concoctions! :-)

    • Jonny On Maui

      You didn’t go off Bernie cold turkey did you?

      • Daisy

        Also, from what I understand, isn’t exit polling super unreliable, to the point where other countries don’t even allow it? I don’t think Ireland conducts it, at least, from what I remember about the marriage referendum.

        • snark-lurker

          You guys… When exit pols are off from the “official” count, How do we know which one is closer to the truth? Paper trails are hopscotch, computers do get hacked, and Why would a corrupt guvmunt allow any light (from exit poling) into the darkened booths?

          OTOH, What plausible reasons can you offer for people lying about how they voted? I can just imagine how you will respond but don’t let us put words in your fingertips.

        • Tiria

          Exit polling has quite a few sample biases, most notably an enthusiasm gap and oversampling of people with enough free time to stand there and talk to an interviewer, rather than having to get to work or their kids or a doctor appointment.

          They have similar issues as caucuses, in other words, which is probably why Bernie did a little better in them than actual vote tallies show.

          • Daisy

            Yeah, that was about what I was thinking, but I just wanted to make sure of what the particular biases were. Better to ask, and all!

    • snark-lurker

      How can exit polling be off the mark?
      Some, like you, believe that most people tell the truth when polled after voting, ergo sumthin fishee iz goin on in thar.

      Others believe people lie after voting, ergo….um uh, lemme think on that, uh, uh. Reasons! Reason! There must be…there ARE Reasons why people lie about how they voted! That’s also too gotta be why somany cuntrys don’t allow it! Cause it’s naughty and illegal to lie to pollsters. Can’s have that!

      • Kooolest G

        I think it’s a lot easier to exit poll in Iowa and New Hampshire where there’s only a few thousand people voting in a primary. It’s harder in California where there’s millions of people voting in a state that’s got 3 big cities in it

        • snark-lurker

          I agree, there is the matter of scale. Also too, there’s that one (dishonest) polling method to cherry-pick for a specific demographic [with intent] to skew to a false result. Whether Iowa or Wyoming or California, we can not know anything without having confidence that the polling was comprehensive.
          –The point I was trying to make is a question: How can anyone discard exit poll results without addressing the method?
          That is all.

    • Msgr_Moment

      What Socialist Congress was Bernie going to get to pass his agenda? Nice try, though.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Yeah, I asked a Bernie Bro how Sanders would pass his agenda with a Republican Congress after he won. The correct answer is “Obama was extremely moderate and tried to pass common sense legislation, with massive resistance from moron Republicans, so Bernie’s promise of free college was just pie in the sky.”

        • efoveks

          Executive order, perhaps?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Sure, why not?

    • ryp

      There were no California exit polls, and a paper written by a Stanford student is not Stanford. US exit polls are used to measure demographic data, not top line results, they are longer surveys with low response rates compared to international exit polls.

      More marginally informed nonsense from diehard Sanders supporters.

    • kareemachan

      Judy B, is that you? In disguise? With catses?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The funny thing is that there is nothing in these ads that the GOP establishment could not have used against Trump, except that they agree with him up and down the line but just wish he were less obvious about it.

    Tax cheating? Sure.

    Racial hatred? Why not?

    Muslin-phobia? Goody-goody!

    Just give it a “human face” and they’re all for it.

    • JD Mulvey

      Exactly. The Republicans who criticized him engaged –and are still engaging –in all that farcical “Is he a true conservative” jabberjawing.

      Answer: Yes, he’s as principle-free as the rest of you people. He may not come from your particular tribe of RWNJs, but he’s undeniably one of you, 100%.

  • JD Mulvey

    I love how they seem to have turned up the orange in those videos of Trump.

    • Frank Lee

      BINGO! There is nothing that conservatives disagree with Drumpf on, they just hate that he says these things out loud in plain English. They whisper these things when they think they are alone (Mitts “47% bomb) and the dog whistle the exact things Drumpf just comes out and says. He is their baby, yes he is ugly, yes he is brain damaged, yes he is a sociopath but that is the conservative DNA breeding true in thier baby.

    • disillusioned

      Really it should be Killary wearing the orange (jump suit).

  • Christopher Boscarino
    • Donald the Great

      These kids are smart, some of them. I particularly like that Lucas kid. Smart. Good kid. Gonna go places. Not a loser like those other kids. Weak. Who are you anyway? You’re a brat on the YouTube. I’m, I’ll admit it, I am filthy rich. It comes from being a successful businessman. I’ve started so many successful businesses. All the successful businesses. I don’t like losers. Some of these kids are losers. Weak. Pitiful. I like that Lucas kid though. Snappy dresser, smart hairstyle, smart kid.

    • JD Mulvey

      “Can he not win please?”

  • Paperless Tiger

    Lotta fish in that barrel.

  • Zyxomma

    Sure, as long as every Democrat and Independent V-O-T-E-S!! I vote in every (D) primary and every general, every year, as I have since 1972 when I turned 18 in time to vote against Nixon. It’s really important, people. VOTE!!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I have missed exactly one election in 40+ years. That one had no federal, state, county or city contest and the only contest was over somebody who would be an alternate delegate to the school board. And yet, when I realized that I had forgotten about it, I felt horribly guilty and have never forgotten it.

      So, for sure, I will vote in this one unless I drop dead in the interval.

      • Zyxomma

        :) XD ;) This is why I love Wonkette. Nothing like an engaged citizenry.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      That was the year I turned 18 too. I had a Nixon bumper sticker.

      Inside my toilet seat.

  • Hijabi Rockstar

    Slightly OT, but I’m doing a summer course with a bunch of younger students, and they keep telling me that Bernie won the popular vote.

    But… Didn’t Hillary get more votes? Am I crazy? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Well, you see he’s more popular with them so…

      It’s the kids on the pills. My guess is Ritalin…

    • katz

      Translating Bernie Bro to English, they mean he got more Facebook likes.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      The votes are weighted? Some count as “1”, some as “less than 1”, some as “more than 1”? So each vote is not “1”, it is w1 … heck, I got nuth’n.

    • disillusioned

      he gets to learn firsthand about sharing the wealth. Isn’t karma grand?

  • Carriednolan2
  • At the corner, turn left

    Um, the first three are just big white spots for me. Can anyone post links to them? Arigatō.

    • Parchment Scroll

      I’ll try to find them somewhere other than Facebook.

      So far, I’ve found the first one
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bn_P2gUz2A

      • At the corner, turn left

        Bowing in thanks from the other side of the world. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/98d631710cc74f4cc55dc18699d66b08de80b612d3836c7da4ca40892e208a00.gif Is not being a Facebook person the reason I get these big white spaces?

        • Parchment Scroll

          Probably.

        • Don’t think so, I’m not on Facebook and can access all three.

          • At the corner, turn left

            Hmm. Browser problem? (Firefox) Simply not available in Japan? It wouldn’t be the first for that. I sometimes get “Content not accessible in your country.” Donald Trump has invaded my computer? Ewww.

        • JeffWest

          Ad blocker on?

          • At the corner, turn left

            BINGO! Ghostery was blocking Facebook plug-ins. I’ve allowed for Wonkette only, and voilà, blank white spaces are filled with desired content. I now bow in thanks in your general direction. (See above)

  • SeanT1001

    Just by broad numbers, Trump will lose.
    He’s alienated half the population of the US (or the world, since they keep putting him on TV) in women. The only women that will vote for him hate themselves as much as they hate him.
    He’s alienated blacks (“the” blacks), Mexicans (“the” Mexicans), Jews (you get the idea), Muslims, LGBTQRSTUVWXY and Z (approximately 15% of the population there), New York state and city, Sanders supporters (although, the media did a pretty damn fine job of that themselves- there are still votes in California that have not been counted) nearly all Democrats, most Republicans, Libertarians, Socialists, the military (which historically has voted Democrat) and a group I’m going to call “other” which involves secularists, atheists, agnostics (the A-Listers, who have been alienated by the government in the past and figures it’s going to be status quo with Trump. A non-Trump government might give us a chance, while a Trump one definitely would not. Also, we aren’t idiots…), and anyone else I can’t think of right now… oh, wait! Americans in general.
    That surely has to be close to 85% of US population, leaving some outliers: people under 18 years of age, felons, religious bigots, racists, white supremacists, skinheads, women with no self-respect, Tennessee, old people (you’re never too old to do something completely fucking stupid), anarchists (do they vote, you reckon?), idiots, in general, and comedians.
    Let’s hear it for the numbers!
    Hopefully, I’m not underestimating the second list…

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Forty five percent of the voting populace is going to pull the lever for that moron. Hard to believe, but it’s true. I always said my mother would vote for whatever monkey the GOP nominated, but even she can’t stomach Trump or Cruz.

  • doloresjwhobrey

    Donald Trump’s blatant bigotry, sexism, and lack of actual policies (or sense) speak directly to huge chunks of the Republican voter base. The idea that they can act and say the most vile, racist things and have it supported by a Presidential candidate is something they’ve always dreamed of!

    He proposes the solutions that Conservatives love. It doesn’t matter WHAT the problem is and it doesn’t matter IF there is a problem at all. Here is what the hayseeds believe Trump is going to do.:

    1. Destroy the federal government as we know it.

    2. Get rid of a bunch of brown people.

    3. Get rid of Obamacare and watch the poor die. My previously unaffordable insurance is down to $85/month. My car insurance, from Insurance Panda, is now just $25/month. Under Trump, healthcare will be $500/month or more.

    4. Make the lives of poor kids, the sick, and the elderly worse than they already are.

    5. Drop a bunch of bombs on some colored people in some country somewhere.

    6. Cut taxes on the rich.

    Perhaps whether he becomes president or not it shows the insidious and deceptive figures and ideology that lurks within the Republican party and within the right of the political spectrum itself. As through just saying controversial statement after controversial statement, and insulting and alienating half of the American populace and horrifying most of the world Trump is winning huge support in the Republican primaries, and exposes the party for the decaying mess of far right lunacy that it is. Shocking times to live in, I would be ashamed to have voted for Trump.

  • timpundit

    In short, Trump is the direct result of Obama’s presidency.

    Once again, especially from Democrats, thanks Obama!

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Adam Silverman, one of the front-pagers at Balloon-Juice, made this observation, which seems disturbingly accurate:
    … I think the biggest concern is he’s brought a lot of ideas, and the
    people who hold them, back from the right most fringe where they’d been
    pushed and facilitated their entry/reentry back into the mainstream.
    That is going to be a legacy problem that is going to take a long time
    to resolve.

  • MissNomer
    • JeffWest

      This is the single most persuasive commercial I’ve ever seen for anyone or anything.

      • disillusioned

        Yes, it’s just like the shit can calling the kettle black.

  • Charles Wolf

    All the Right-Wingers, and all the White Men
    Will never put Trumpty together again.

  • mardam422

    These are great. I haven’t had my heart-cockles warmed for awhile. Bit of a dry spell, I guess.

  • Michael Rush

    For months i was trying to remember where I had seen Trump’s hair before …

    https://s31.postimg.org/yes3ec8ij/flying_monkey_oz_trump_hair.png

  • JeffWest

    I yearn for the upcoming debate moment when HRC pulls out a stack of papers and says, “The Washington Post was kind enough to provide me with twenty years’ worth of your income tax returns, Donald…”

  • Ryker

    you suck =no values or integrity if you support cunt Hillary

    • dxyseilc

      And never forget it! We all know people with values and integrity support Tr… Tr….. they support Tru….

      Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Seriously, though, you’re joking, right?

      • merl1

        i almost fell for that one too.

    • jmk

      Well, that was well-reasoned and insightful…at least, that’s as well-reasoned and insightful as the Drumpfenproletariat can get.

  • At the corner, turn left

    The Orange One is a big topic of conversation here on Planet Japan.
    How Trump fares in Japan’s tabloids

  • disillusioned

    She’s a cunt, plain and simple. Cuntkles ?

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