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What gives? Not one of these people is a pony.
What gives? Not one of these people is a pony.

Oh, gosh, guess nobody saw this coming: Yr Wonkette’s frankly tacky and offensive T-shirt depicting Hillary Clinton as Judith and the least sentient portion of Donald Trump as Holofernes has caused some Outrage On The Internet after being featured in a piece at Media Equalizer. (The story was also reblogged by the Stupidest Man on the Internet’s side project, Progressives Today.) They were not pleased by Shypixel’s Photoshop work, it appears:

Feel like Election 2016 could use a bit more incivility? Well, then, we’ve got the T-shirt for you!

For a mere $27.68 a pop, the overtly pro-Hillary website Wonkette is peddling anti-Trump apparel, complete with Clinton holding The Donald’s severed head.

Luckily, there’s a historical reference to hide behind here, the story of Judith and Holofernes. Whether that will keep the Secret Service at bay is anyone’s guess.

So far, so good! It would appear that the Secret Service has better things to do than to investigate t-shirts — even frankly tacky and offensive ones — based on Renaissance art. Still, the good civility-minded folks at Media Equalizer expect the federal jackboots to come no-knocking at any moment:

cropped holofernes

Huh. It seems like they may have left something out of their image there, almost as if they were deceptively editing the picture! What, oh what could it be? ENHANCE!

holofernes cropped 2

Nope, no idea.

An explanation may be in order here, since this post may well generate many, many pageviews from visitors unfamiliar with Yr Wonkette (we hope! Hi, new visitors!): “With Votes” is actually an in-joke whose origin has been lost in the annals of Google, but your Editrix informs me that after Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot in the head, some gunhumpers responded that any threats against her or her ilk — no matter how graphic — were metaphorical threats to do awful things “with votes.” Wishing outlandish things on bad people was later codified by terrible Wonkette readers in response to our Rules For Commenting Radicals, which informed those same terrible readers that we don’t tolerate comments ideating on violence:

2. No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone).

And so people started saying things like “I’d like to see [Jerk In The News] get a chainsaw enema — with votes!” It ain’t a terribly original joke, but it’s a thing that gets said here. And those thoughtful Media Equalizers’ removing it was done quite deliberately to make the image seem more like it was advocating actual violence against Donald Trump.

This is where we should clarify that we wish no harm whatsoever to Donald Trump. We hope he lives out the fullness of a natural lifespan, loses all his wealth and privilege, and dies lonely, alone, and universally despised. What’s more, we hope he someday achieves a hitherto unknown level of self-awareness that lets him see exactly what an awful excuse for a human being he is. If he were to live a long natural life plagued by crippling self-recriminations, we’d be delighted!

Also, we hope he gets a persistent (but medically benign) itch somewhere he can’t reach with his freakishly short fingers. And may his wifi continually cut out and never get fixed quite right.

For all you art lovers out there, here’s some bonus trivia: in the original 1613 painting our parody is based on, the severed head of Holofernes is a self-portrait of the artist, Cristofano Allori (1577-1621). That’s a bit of playful self-derision we’re also certain Donald Trump would never be capable of.

judith with head of holofernes

But let us move on to the important business at (short fingered vulgarian) hand: the deluge of rightwing poutrage that poured into the comments on our post announcing the t-shirts. Leading off the parade of derp was this note from “Fox Patriot X,” who doesn’t know Renaissance art from Shinola, possibly because he watches nothing but Fox News:

In a world where you can’t see anyone else holding severed heads except for Muslims, and a devout Muslim who brought prayer mat to work, prayed multiple times/day and went to Mecca twice just slaughtered dozens of innocents in Orlando, these Hillary Clinton-supporting Islamophile #RegressiveLeft-ists are actually insane with this sort of incitement.

Yep. That Judith was one fierce Muslim terrorist, for sure. Which is how she got into some versions of the Bible (those wacky Catholics and their deuterocanonical books of the Bible!)

Mr. Patriot X was so upset by the t-shirt design that he also took to the Twitters to explain how we are obviously supporters of ISIS. Featuring a graphic photo of a child holding a severed head, the tweet reads, “Here’s a nice image of Muslims for @Wonkette airheads 2add 2their “Beheading” T-shirt line.” We suppose if all you can think about is scary Muslims, everything reminds you of scary Muslims.

A couple of our instant visitors were Very Concerned about what they considered a serious threat to Mr. Trump. Joe Drager asked,

Isn’t it illegal to threaten the killing of a presidential candidate?

We’re pretty sure it is! And we’re also pretty sure this t-shirt, while tacky and offensive, is doing nothing of the sort. In a similar vein, “Goodgold” observed,

The Feds will be looking into this company.

To which one of our regular Wonkers replied, “Sounds like somebody supports big government!” Goodgold explained, “Not at all. I just know you can’t make a death threat against a presidential candidate.” To which we agree, actually. If we thought any reasonable person could look at this t-shirt transposing modern political figures into a Renaissance painting and think “This shirt advocates the murder of a human being!” we would not be selling it. However, just as nobody was ever arrested for inciting violence by yelling “Moida da bums!” at a baseball game in the 1950s, we’re reasonably certain this shirt says nothing more than “End Donald Trump — with votes.” As to the suggestion that he was reporting our little mommyblog to the Secret Service, Goodgold indicated he didn’t need to do that, because he is aware we live in a surveillance state:

Just telling you what the law says. I’m sure they have algorithms to catch these threats.

This might be our favorite line from all of them. THEY. HAVE. ALGORITHMS.

“Mia” was so upset by the shirt that she read about on a rightwing blog that she had to let us know that as of right now, she was changing her vote:

And this dem site is promoting violence. She just lost my vote. Tired of my fellow democrats

Gosh, we’re sorry about losing that vote for Hillary. Of course, a quick glance at “mia’s” Disqus history finds her complaining at another website, eight months ago, about Hillary’s upcoming “coronation.” She’s also expressed her enthusiastic support for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, so it’s quite possible she may not have been a Hillary voter at all.

Commenter “Charybdis69” very quickly sussed out that Wonkette is not a safe space for patriotic American patriots:

Scrolling down the right side-bar, I see this site collects donations with Soviet communist imagery. Sex-fetish Commies for Hillary! Seems pretty apt to me.

Egad! Our cover has been blown!

“Steven Lang” called us out on similar grounds with this devastating critique of our communist hypocrisy:

The irony is that these products are brought to you by the wonders of capitalism….if you want to buy the product(s), by all means feel free to do so and if you don’t wish to purchase any products, then phucking don’t….see how easy that works, capitalism gives the consumer the final say in the matter….I hope the Wonkette sells a shat-load of product and I hope those vendors that have products in support of T-rump sell a shat-load too!

Dang, some commies we are — you mean to say we might make some money off these things? Astonishing. Mr. Lang didn’t accuse us of advocating violence, possibly because in other comments on other sites, he’s very happy to advocate some violence his own self, only without any apparent comical intent:

  • Yes, I do want the establishment parties burned to the ground…..and any survivors hanged by the neck or shot…..
  • burn the Democrat and Republican establishment down to the ground and let’s hang or shoot any survivors…and if T-rump is the vehicle, I’m all in.
  • and don’t we also need ropes to hang POS political hacks??

He seems nice. And a tad homicidal. Shame on us for inciting him and his friends to violence.

Now, since the story of Judith and Holofernes involved Judith saving herself from rape by beheading Holofernes, we also got some very subtle jokes about how Bill Clinton is a big ol’ rapist. And others who really think rape is hilarious:

  • GuateNY: In reality, Bill would be playing the part of Holofernes. FEEL THE BERN!!!!
  • Ambush Bug: Yeah but Bill Clinton is the rapist.
  • UPDATED: If you think this “T” is funny you should have a look on you tube at that video of her getting raped! Now that is funny and great CGI work! even Bill would love it

And then there were the hilarious graphic-design replies:

  • The Halversons: New suggestion for your next Hillary T-shirt:
    huma cell
  • Feet2Fire: Disgusting. Can’t you find a decent way to make a buck?Feel sorry for any kid that might have the hard luck to be ‘connected’ to you.

    GO TRUMP! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! BUILD THAT WALL,
    AND MAYBE CATAPULT HILLARY AND HER “FANS” OVER IT…

    donald-trump-on-a-lion

    trump boxcars

    hillary plane

elephant toupeeYep, Feet2Fire (who has this genuinely impressive avatar) used the good old Donald Trump On A Lion pic to make the point that…uh. Something, we’re sure.

There were a few folks who simply seemed confused:

  • Drugbunny: This is just another reason to jail Hillary.
  • Paladin: Wonkette has joined the Minions of Moloch along with Cankles!!!
  • You_Dirty_Rat: Who knew Wonkette was a big ISIS fan. You go girl.
  • Killary Obama Hussein: Yup Hillary did take millions from terrorist countries and Huma Abedin is a terrorist so that picture is accurate! So glad that that c u n t will go to jail soon!!
  • creeper: Hey, weren’t you guys the ones who screamed to the skies when Sarah Palin put a target over Shrub? Hypocritical much?Goose, gander.

That last one is an interesting bit of selective memory, and rather insulting to both Ms. Palin and Mr. Bush. Sarah’s ad put a gunsight (or surveyor’s mark) on Gabby Giffords’ district, not on G.W. Bush’s face. Now, if Hillary Clinton actually does use ballots to literally behead Donald Trump, we are going to feel all kinds of terrible about that. DO NOT DO THAT, HILLARY!

“Maplebob” had this intriguing thought, which manages to butcher both language and political history in a single line:

In the vernacular of the triggered Millennials; You guys are literally Nazi-Stalinists. Literally.

“Maplebob” is another person with fascinating thoughts on other blogs, like these insights at the Hollywood Reporter on a story about the Rio Olympics:

I think this zika thing is all a scam. Revenge by Obama for not having Chicago host the Olympics in his final year in office. Having the Olympics in Thug Central City would have made The Lame One a little relevant in his Autumn Year.

The whole pointed-head baby thing that happened in Brazil was the result of vaccinations. […]

the Republicans know zika is an Obama revenge scam. Plus, whatever happened to the ebola money? Ebola hysteria seems to have petered out, don’t tell me they spent all that cash they raised on that fear-scam.

Intriguing. Wonder if he has a newsletter we could subscribe to?

Then there was “ljm4,” who wishes we’d have more reality-based t-shirts:

Typical BS from ignorant fluff for brains leftie. Her poor taste extends to T-shirt messages. How about a T-shirt with the 45 or so names of people the Clintons had dispatched. Or a picture of KiIIary watching the live feed from Benghazi… making sure no witnesses survived.

Any woman voting for cankles KiIIary needs their head examined.

We always take our advice on how women should vote from conspiracy theorists who mock women’s looks, that’s for sure.

In the interest of promoting civility in our political discourse, “Conservative American” noticed that Yr Editrix has a little baby. So he addressed this touching personal message directly to Donna Rose, because He Cares:

This is to the child that she gave birth to. I feel for you but always remember you are not able to pick the family you are born into. You will be able to walk away from such a bitter mother one day. Do not let her corrupt you with the leftist socialistic commie common core education. She knows not what she does. How a female is able to support Hillary Rodman Clinton who is an enabler for her rapist husband and take money from the Arab Muslims in the Middle East who have no respect for women. Who also believe women are to be owned and beaten when ever they get out of line.

Words of wisdom to be passed from anonymous weirdo on the internet to a complete stranger’s child. He seems nice, too!

Finally, the exchange that made the whole troll invasion worthwhile:

MILF

Oh, yes. Don’t forget to order your shirts before President Trump has them seized and mulched!

$
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  • Mpeg

    LOL at first I thought you’d inserted into the image the words “Dead Shit for Brains”~

  • JMP

    It’s kind of funny how so many of the trolls almost immediately jumped to throwing out hideous racism against Muslims under a post that had absolutely nothing to do with Islam. They just can’t help with the constant racism, can they?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s their nature.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And the robes. They see robes, they automatically think Murdering Muslims.

  • edith prickly

    Anyone else find that alleged Huma cell phone pic kind of hawt?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Humma humma.

  • lucidamente

    Allori was also friends with Galileo. Ted Cruz says Galileo bucked the scientific consensus of his day, so Ted Cruz is right that climate change is a hoax. Paintings by Allori are ok. QED.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I will say this. [Redacted]. And this. [Redacted].

    I think I’ve said it all with regards to these right wing assholes.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Deleted comments, condensed:
    How dare you take that nice mid-evil painting and make the victim less Joowish?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Well, you’ve gotta admit, it’s not nearly as funny as all of the memes about Nobama being a gorilla or Killary lesbeaning all over the place, but Shy’s Photoshopping skills are boffo.

  • The Wanderer

    In honor of all of those who were Banhammered before I could join in:

  • edith prickly
  • x111e7thst

    … (With Votes)

  • JustPixelz

    Obama, he’s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun. Hey Hillary. You might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.

    –Ted Nugent (currently dead or in jail, I think)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, by his own admission, he would be one or the other within a year of saying so.

      Of course, that was over four years ago…

    • edith prickly

      Sitting on a pile of his own feces for sure.

    • coozledad

      He sure solos like someone who is dead. Stiff-fingered pedo bastard.

    • Parchment Scroll

      I’d forgotten he said that. Not that he held that opinion, but that he said those exact words.

  • coozledad

    if I had photoshop skills, i’d make a t-shirt with Donald Trump kicking the Mar-a-lago water cooler’s ass.
    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/06/trump-files-donald-goes-apeshit-water-cooler

  • wide_stance_hubby

    The most horrifying thing about this controversial garment is that his large glowing head of swirling hair patches appears fully capable of living on in a disembodied state.

  • OneYieldRegular

    He who lives by the sword, dies [with votes!] by the Wonkette t-shirt.

  • Brewerofbeers

    So we decapitated the shit fer brains – with flagging?

  • Nounverb911

    If this keeps up, the Wonkette will have to hire several more full time comment deleters.
    (If comments were allowed.)

    • AntiDerpomeme

      And Editrix will be able to pay those new salaries with all of the new click revenue. Winning!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Isn’t it illegal to threaten the killing of a presidential candidate?

    You mean the one calling our only legitimately-elected President in sixteen years a traitor? Obama can’t Jade Helm these people fast enough. With votes.

  • sw19womble

    I love the sound of right-wing butthurt in the evening.

    • yyyaz

      Shit! Now I have to schlep down to the big box store for better soundproofing for the dungeon. I hate those places.

  • Nounverb911

    **

  • Parchment Scroll

    Came for the comments. Stayed for “Hillary Rodman Clinton”. Can someone please do a photoshop? I am lazy and morally bankrupt unable to realize such a vision of glorious wonder.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I’d love to take credit, but…

      • Parchment Scroll

        Time to create a dozen socks to upvote this with.

        Edit: Seriously, tho. IDK why I didn’t try googling.

      • Playonwords

        Is it me or does she look like Sinead in “Nothing Compares”?

  • Nounverb911
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I was doing decapitated self-portrait jokes before it was cool.”

    — Caravaggio

    • Michael Christian

      The painting Wonkette uses is Allori actually. Caravaggio’s was way more gruesome. I read a bio of Caravaggio a while back, that dude was a maniac. Pretty much endless drinking, fighting, gambling and screwing.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Yes, Caravaggio’s David with the Head of Goliath is dated from 1605-1610. Allori’s Judith with the Head of Holofernes is dated 1613. That was part of the joke, along with Caravaggio’s reputation for braggadocio.

        • Michael Christian

          Damn. Art nerd failure on my part in not getting the joke.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            No worries, I had to double check the dates before I posted, just to be sure. :-)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    leftist socialistic commie common core education

    Common core — brought to you by the politburo of the Gates Foundation.

    • Dutchman

      I should have known the ebil, ebil Microsoft was behind that Common Core mess.

  • schmannity

    WHY WON’T WONKETTE SAY SATIRICAL TERRORISM?!?!!

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      “SATIRICAL TERRORISM!”
      “WHY WON’T WONKETTE SAY RADICAL SATIRICAL TERRORISM?!?!!”

      • Playonwords

        Say that 3 times in front of a mirror at midnight and Jon Stewart appears behind you, slaps you upside the head and says “Magic doesn’t work!”

    • pattyp

      Because then it would have to allow comments.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh Doktor, you had me at “…the least sentient portion of Donald Trump…”

    Sir, you are a freakin’ genius, and I love you!

  • YoBunnyBunny

    “Also, we hope he gets a persistent (but medically benign) itch somewhere he can’t reach with his freakishly short fingers.”

    Pinworms, damnit!!! Let it be the pinworms.

    • edith prickly

      EEEWWWWWWWWW

    • Parchment Scroll

      Pinworms are easily treatable, tho.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Yes, they are. But they’re also easily re-infectable, too!!!! I just want him to suffer a minor nuisance for a very long time.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Guinea worms and I refuse to name the location, because ‘ewww’.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Shingles.

      • Playonwords

        You viscous (sic) bastard!!!!

        … shingles is really nasty.

  • Nounverb911

    Has the Donnie pulled Wonkette’s press credentials yet?

    • anwisok

      He refused to issue them, so no.

  • Spotts1701

    This coming from the same group that still proudly displays their “Liberal Hunting License”?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Just telling you what the law says. I’m sure they have algorithms to catch these threats.

    This might be our favorite line from all of them. THEY. HAVE. ALGORITHMS.

    ALGORITHMS. Sounds moose-limb.

    • Spotts1701

      Al Gore has rhythm? Does Tipper know?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It was their birth control method of choice.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Those guys were awesome but you missed the one who actually accused this shirt of losing votes for Hillary and the election. That little wingnut was just precious….

    • rebecca

      I liked the woman (at the original site, I think) who was writing a VERY ANGRY LETTER TO THE DNC.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Oh snap! You will soon be receiving a sternly-worded email from DWS.

        • Sardonicuss

          I was totally going to vote for Hillary, but the font on the masthead here has made me give Trump a second look.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        That’s right, DWS is totally going to come down on your for this, ‘Trix. I’d ask her “where’s my fucking funding?”

  • NotALiar

    I agree with the unscratched itch but the WiFi thing is just plain fucked up.

    • doktorzoom

      Jim Hoft is already writing an outraged post about that one.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Just make sure you send him a gift basket for all the deleted commenters…those guys were fun. Also, #paythefuckup SMOTI

      • NotALiar

        I’d comment on Hoft’s post but gateway pundit banned me.

        • Jay Vaughn

          A greater tragedy we have never known

    • marxalot

      May your new medication prevent you from drinking.
      May your wallet always be in the other pocket.
      May your shoes untie themselves.

  • JMP

    So Ebola was a fear scam run by Obama? Interesting, as I seem to recall that the fearmongering over Ebola was all done by Republicans, who seemed to just drop it it the day after the 2014 midterms for completely mysterious reasons.

    Oh and the money went to the places in West Africa where the Ebola outbreak actually was a serious health crisis, you moron.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      But, CDC money and vaccines causing microcephaly!

      • Parchment Scroll

        Also autism.

        • Playonwords

          and smallpox …

          …oh … wait.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          On top of everything else you can lay at Donald Trump’s feet, the fact that he’s an anti-vaxxer is the worst IMHO.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The germ theory of disease is a lieberal scam! Everyone knows disease is caused by evil spirits and contrails.

      • JMP

        And by vaccines of course.

  • Jay Vaughn

    It’s fuckin’ adorable how they do those “tricky” misspellings of swear words that you just know they’re super proud of coming up with. You can fucking cuss yr ass off here morans.

    • Msgr_Moment

      If their study hall teachers only knew what they were up to. I think their snickering would have given them away.

    • LarryHoudini

      What do you expect from a bunch of stupid cunts.

    • arglebargle

      Fuckin’ A

    • JMP

      I guess all the wingnut sites must censor normal words that everybody uses everyday like fuck because so many of the trolls do that; while of course allowing overt racism all over the comments.

      • Jay Vaughn

        And sexism, don’t forget sexism.

        • Blank Ron

          It ain’t what you say, it’s the way that you say it.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      You can tell they come from authoritarian sites that filter cuss words but never bigotry, misogyny, general stupidity or racism….

      • John Smith

        Breitbart libelz! 111!

  • Vincent Ricola

    Jeesh. These same people must be absolutely livid at Ted Nugent for repeatedly suggesting that real Americans shoot up our President and future lady President.

  • Callyson

    Also, we hope he gets a persistent (but medically benign) itch somewhere he can’t reach with his freakishly short fingers.

    And may the organ on which he gets that itch never function as intended ever again…

    …WITH VOTES, wingnuts, with votes.

    • SnarkTank

      And may the organ on which he gets that itch never function as intended ever again…

      …WITH VOTES, wingnuts, with votes.

      Objection! Assumes it ever worked “as intended” in the first place without evidence. Exhibit A is that creepy picture of him with Ivanka on his lap.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    That’s it. This failure to appreciate a good joke has convinced me to change my vote. Sorry, Mr. Trump, blame your no-fun followers.

  • The picture of Donald Trump on a lion with a Treason flag was a noble effort, but it’s missing an AR-15, a bald eagle perched on his shoulder, and the face of Buddy Jesus looking down from heaven saying, “You da man, Mr. Trump!”

    I call a Poe.

  • Made.In.Detroit

    Dear Conservatives,
    Yes it is only appropriate to use art from 1613 since Trump’s policies will set us back then and possibly further.

  • GeminiCricket

    Yea, Al-Gor(e)-ithm: AL Gore invented that, so it’s tainted by liberalism…

    • Msgr_Moment

      ♫ Al Gore Rhythm
      Al Gore Music
      Al Gore My girl
      Who could ask for anything more? ♫

  • Dutchman

    I gotcher algorithms right here bitches.

  • Callyson

    The Feds will be looking into this company.

    So we’ll be getting some new commenters soon. Good!

    • Fredrick Barry Ingram writes: “Hi, all… new to the site… was anyone interested in crime, drugs, or terrorism? I’m totally not a cop.”

      • JMP

        Are you sure you’re not a cop? You know that if you are then legally you have to tell us, right?

        • Curtis Ivan Allen writes: “That’s totally not true, Fred… is what I would say if I were here. Which I’m not…”

        • John Smith

          Said many a convict.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I still don’t know why any of them weren’t calling bullshit on the inaccuracy- if you attempted to pick up a severed Trump head by the hair it would slide out of the wig like a glove and you’d find yourself comically holding a hairpiece….people just miss the relevant details.

  • Parakeetist
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Awww.

    • Msgr_Moment

      All right, wingnuts. STFU or we vote the kitteh!

    • Sardonicuss

      Oh he looks innocent enough. Probably dreaming of “removing the shackles of the proletariat” …or …maybe Fancy Feast Seafood Medley.

      • schmannity

        Plotting to steal babies’ souls.

        • kareemachan

          NOT THE WONKETTE BABBY!!!!!

    • TJ Barke

  • arglebargle

    You mean you haven’t received a “cease and desist” order from Cristofano Allori yet?

  • Callyson

    I’m sure they have algorithms to catch these threats.

    Dammit, there’s a “you wingnuts have no rhythm” joke in there somewhere…

    • Nounverb911

      Is that why the Duggar’s have so many kids?

      • Cheesus Crust

        Well, it is a bit too much like dancing… and we all know what that leads to…

        Hand jobs!

    • anwisok

      The Left has all the Al Gore Rhythms?

      • TJ Barke

        If Al Gore had rhythm, the 2000s would have gone much differently.

  • anwisok

    “You guys are literally Nazi-Stalinists.” Wut?

    • beavertank

      Yeah, you know, Nazinists. Stalinzi to their friends.

      • John Smith

        Stalazis?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        As a Nazi-Stalinist, my dream is to someday reach the rank of Oberтоварищ.

        • yyyaz

          When you do, can I be appointed as courier of the Latverian diplomatic pouch? Please, please???

          • Latverian Diplomat

            How do you feel about wearing a Doombot costume?

          • yyyaz

            As long as it flatters my manly physique, I’m good.

      • SnarkTank
        • beavertank

          Sort of, but it doesn’t involve an analrapist stocking mask.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Well, I’ve been to Berlingrad. It was lovely.

      • snigsy

        Did you see the Kremlinplatz?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s a way of sanitizing the Nazi part, which they actually love. Stalin being a communist, therefore bad period, they don’t mind the totalitarian as much. Which is why we hear a lot about the “Socialist” in “National Socialist German Workers’ Party” when it was just there for marketing purposes.

    • The ignorance is hilarious, but sadly, there IS a political viewpoint which combines fascism and Stalinism – like, Hitler wasn’t pro-worker enough and Stalin didn’t kill enough Jews. It’s as bad as you think.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Bolshevism

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Position

    • malsperanza

      It made the battle of Stalingrad incredibly confusing.

  • goonemeritus

    Just to balance the scales I will no longer be voting for Trump thanks to Mia’s attitude.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    The next post will be: Wingnuts nurse their wounds and attempt to salve their butthurt: How one libtard website full of deranged furries managed to dispatch a legion of stupid.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Deranged furries?

      *sputters incoherently* *storms out*

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Perhaps they meant Free Range Furries?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Didn’t they say ferrets?

    • Msgr_Moment

      ♪ ♪ Home, home, and deranged

      • John Smith

        Where the Snark and the Sarcasm play…

        • yyyaz

          Where never are heard
          Non-commenters’ words. …

          • WomanComingHome

            And dick jokes are told every day.

    • The Wanderer

      “Deranged furries?” Say what?

      • Parchment Scroll

        What?

        I thought you were doing one of those joke setups. “Deranged furries say ‘what’?”

        • The Wanderer

          No. Isn’t “say what?” in use any more?

        • Blank Ron

          What?

        • kareemachan

          wut?

      • Playonwords

        You want to meet these people

        • The Wanderer

          I never get invited to room parties at cons. :-(

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Oh. Okay. I read that as deranged furies and thought it was rather complimentary.

    • Playonwords

      I’m not deranged!

      … and anyway my best beloved says I’m rugged, well like a rug … well like a fur rug.

    • Blank Ron

      FULL of deranged furries? I had no idea. I was starting to feel kinda lonely.

    • TJ Barke

      Hey, I just like some of the better artwork, I don’t do the fursuit thing.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Just telling you what the law says. I’m sure they have algorithms to catch these threats.

    As seen on the documentary series Person of Interest

  • Juan de Fuca

    Never explain the joke!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, bless all their hearts.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      With whipped cream and cherries on top!

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    Isn’t it illegal to suggest that a manly candidate has a tiny penis? Did the Secret Service vet Lil’ Marco?

  • Also: In case we have any non-violent pussy peaceniks here, I just made this beheading free t-shirt design: available here.

  • Callyson

    Sex-fetish Commies for Hillary!

    Weren’t they the opening act at Coachella earlier this year?

    • yyyaz

      Yeah, but they had to follow the Third-Degree Bernz, so sort of anti-climactic.

  • goonemeritus

    No one has more gravitas when it comes to lecturing on civility than a Trump supporter.

    • bubbuhh

      People with decorum Love Him. Love him. He’s Yuuuuge with the Decorum Crowd. Yuuuug!

    • Creepoman

      They have class and civility out the ass!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Jesus, which one of your knuckleheads is knocking so sternly on my door right now?

  • Scooby

    All this can be easily fixed just by changing it to a depiction of Salome.

    • Nounverb911

      I’ll have a salami on rye please.

    • BadKitty904

      Howzabout…

      • Msgr_Moment

        Best. Hamlet. Ever.

        • BadKitty904

          Lindsey Graham doesn’t usually talk about his earlier theatrical career. “I was young and needed the money,” has been his only public comment since entering Congress.

    • Would anyone believe Drumpf as a Baptist?

      • Scooby

        2 Corinthians might?

        • Blank Ron

          Which 2?

  • Callyson

    I hope the Wonkette sells a shat-load of product and I hope those vendors that have products in support of T-rump sell a shat-load too!

    That not-at-all-batshit-crazy commenter is nice to be concerned about stimulating the economy, so there’s that…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “My nephew is a Holy Terror but his birthday party was the bomb!”

    — ALGORITHM ALERT: THREAT DETECTED!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Oh man, I was one click away from posting about Our Editrix’s chestal area being, well, impressive, but experienced uncharacteristic decorum and refrained. Dayum, could I have made der shart for brains?

    • How do you think I ended up meeting her?

      • bubbuhh

        LOLz. I heard it was the drinkin.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I assumed you said “your brain is VERY attractive” and that did the trick.

        • rebecca

          I cannot tell you how many times I’ve fallen for “I like you cuz yer smart.”

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            U haz nice boobiez n’ brainz :drools:

          • rebecca

            well HI THERE! :D

          • Msgr_Moment

            I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant by “Frontal Lobes”. (I was never good at physiology.)

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Nowadays would “Not only are you smart, but your daughter is the definition of ‘squeeeee!'” do it?

          • JH Marx

            “I like you cuz yer smart.”

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        I always assumed you took someone she cared about hostage and this was the exchange….

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I have absolutely zero doubt everyone of these assholes has forwarded an email with a picture of Barack Obama with a bone in his nose or the White House with water melons on the lawn

    • Randy Riddle

      I’m sure a few are more sophisticated, thinking of themselves as “not racist”, passing around the cartoons of Obama in a turban with a vest made of dynamite strapped to his chest and holding a copy of the Quran.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Or made some comment about how nice it would be if someone were to shoot that Muslim n-bomb dead.

    • thenearesthippie

      But that stuff’s funny. You’re the racist!

    • edith prickly

      And constantly refer to his wife as Moo-chelle.

  • proudgrampa

    “The irony is that these products are brought to you by the wonders of capitalism…”

    Jeez. I don’t know anyone more capitalistic than our Editrix!

    • Parchment Scroll

      #DontExplainTheJokeAsshole

      Not you, grampa, “Steven Lang”

    • BadKitty904

      I thought we were an autonomous collective.

      • Ikimizi

        See the violence inherent in the system.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Now darling, we will always be a Vile Snark Mob. Nevar forgit!

        • BadKitty904

          You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes…

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            There’s some lovely filth over there. (Pointing to Deadbeat Donald’s supporters)

          • TJ Barke

            Oh there you go, bringing class into it again…

  • beavertank

    “Being beheaded with ballots” actually sounds like a worse way to go than death by a thousand papercuts.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I bet that would totally hurt if for no other reason than it would take forever and ever.

      • bupkus23

        Especilly during mid-term elections…

    • Blank Ron

      Hard to say. Being bludgeoned with a Diebold voting machine would definitely hurt, but it’s over quickly.

  • Callyson

    GO TRUMP! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! BUILD THAT WALL,

    AND MAYBE CATAPULT HILLARY AND HER “FANS” OVER IT…

    No need to exert the effort: if TehRump somehow manages to make it into the White House, I’m either moving to New Zealand or going into the underground resistance. In neither case will I be anywhere near you Trumpanzees FFS.

    • dshwa

      New Zealand is beautiful. But they’re very selective on immigration with their limited space

      • We haven’t got limited space. We’re the size of Colorado with a population less than 5 million. We are, sadly, very racist and suspicious of immigrants, although if you’re rich it will help.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Making thinly veiled threats and then passing them off as jokes is our thing.”

    — Conservative commentator who didn’t quite get the talking points on this one

  • Cheesus Crust

    How a female is able to support Hillary Rodman Clinton who is an enabler for her rapist husband and take money from the Arab Muslims in the Middle East who have no respect for women. Who also believe women are to be owned and beaten when ever they get out of line.

    Methinks this guy has an envy problem…

  • bubbuhh

    Wow! You folks are a corporate company! Who knew? I thought you were an internet Conspiracy To Promote Leftish Snark And Vent Rage (with votes). Sorry to hear about the cankles. All of you have cankles? Is it a sign from Insert-Your-Diety?

    Anywayz, worth noting that original painting’s cast was Allori’s mistress as Judith and his Mom as the Maid in addition to his star turn as The Head

    None of the Trumpish Goombahs noticed the YUUUGE fact that Bill was playing the Maid? Sad!

    • I noticed that too.And I took such pains to make him seem to be thinking: “That could have been me…”

      • bubbuhh

        Maybe, it you had included a tiny McDonald’s in the background someplace…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Oh man! I didn’t notice Bill there until you said something. Mea culpa, Shy. (Or is it Robert Culpa?)

  • Meccalopolis

    I would actually buy the drunkie killary shirt some troll posted, or am I missing something?

  • Suse

    How sad it is to lack a sense of humor. :-(

    • BadKitty904

      DO you think they’re aware of said lack?

      • Playonwords

        No, they’re just sad sacks

        • BadKitty904

          A blessing, really…

      • kareemachan

        I doubt it. They also don’t realize that it’s part of the Conservative Syndrome:

        lack of humor
        no empathy
        sense of entitlement
        lying disorder
        lack of morals and ethics
        advocates violence at the drop of a hat
        racism/bigotry
        misogyny
        hypocrisy up the yin-yang

        • BadKitty904

          The only I can see missing from the list is:

          bad hair

  • BadKitty904

    Well, if anyone would know ALLLL about “incivility in Election 2016″…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Sounds like “Steven Lang” has a bad case of the Trotskies.

    • The Wanderer

      So you say he’s Russian to the toilet?

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        The condition is flashing code red….

      • Thaumaturgist

        Czar of all the toilets

      • John Smith

        He’s so full of it, he’s about ready to Borscht!

    • The Wanderer

      “Dialectic Soap: You’ll feel clean and dirty at the same time!”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Bestest deleted comment not hereabouts:

    Seahawks punter Jon Ryan deleted both his Twitter and Instagram
    accounts Sunday night following a testy interaction with a fan on
    Instagram about homosexuality, according to the Seattle PI.

    Ryan’s post appeared to refer to the mass shooting Sunday at a gay
    nightclub in Orlando, the PI reports. One commenter wrote: “Where in the
    bible does it say it’s ok to be (sic) homo sexual?” Ryan responded, “…
    please unfollow me. You’re a terrible human being … please stop cheering
    for the Seahawks. We don’t want piece of (expletive) fans like you.
    Thanks.”

    Ryan’s fiancé, Sarah Colonna, confirmed in a tweet that Ryan is done with social media:

    https://twitter.com/sarahcolonna/status/742141021404856321

    • bubbuhh

      Jon Ryan is fortunate to have such a smart fiancée. It’s not a good business for him, although I appreciate his sentiment.

    • beingreleased

      “Where in the bible does it say it’s ok to be (sic) homo sexual?”

      Where in the bible does it say penguins exist? Nowhere – I’ve just proven that penguins don’t exist.

      • Playonwords

        Same for cats, emus and cubic wombat shit

        • kareemachan

          Not to mention the internets.

      • TJ Barke

        Also left out: Heliocentrism, Australia, Antarctica, any accurate descriptions of other celestial bodies in the Solar system, Kangaroos, descriptions of the function of the circulatory system, Japan, electromagnetism, etc…

        • Pi = 3, and hares chew the cud, also too.

        • Billy Rubin

          Germ theory would have been a handy nugget to include. It could have saved a lot of trouble. I guess that must have been edited out to make room for more lists of “begats”.

      • RoyalUglyDude

        IKR? The Penguins should have to return the Stan Lee Cup.

        • Blank Ron

          Excelsior!

  • Today, we are all Trix’s rack.

  • Callyson

    In the vernacular of the triggered Millennials; You guys are literally Nazi-Stalinists. Literally.

    I guess this commenter isn’t aware that the Nazis ended up fighting against Stalin in WWII…

    …what am I saying, he probably doesn’t know the difference between the two…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Jonah Goldberg assured him there would not be a quiz on this distinction.

  • Snarky

    Miss Hoft is desperately trying to keep her name relevant and in the news. What…a…drama…queen that grrrrrl is!

    • BadKitty904

      He needs to inflate a new boyfriend.

      • James

        Or new butt plug – or both!!

  • MrBlobfish

    THE ALGORITHMS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    • MarkM

      Take your logarithmic tables and get out!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Cosh, do I have to?

    • BadKitty904

      I wasn’t even aware that Al Gore HAD rhythm.

      • doktorzoom

        I knew I’d be about an hour late…

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, you were busy, what with the troll-hammering and all. Speaking o’ which, head’s up, in re: rsheat, in the current string, right now…

    • SnarkOff

      Probably from the Algorithm Section.

  • Randy Riddle

    Trump has about the same chance of achieving self-awareness as that stain on Lindsey Graham’s fainting couch.

  • Callyson

    How about a T-shirt with the 45 or so names of people the Clintons had dispatched. Or a picture of KiIIary watching the live feed from Benghazi… making sure no witnesses survived.

    ljm4 has a promising career as a fiction writer. Just don’t try comedy, pal…

    • Cheesus Crust

      Well, his line of slasher fic books didn’t take off, sooo….

  • thenearesthippie

    So does Maplebob mean “literally” literally or figuratively?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Loopy people know all about algorithms, apparently.

    • Msgr_Moment

      FOR now, perhaps, but what about the NEXT time?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        There’s nothing we can DO about it, just CONTINUE on.(*)

        (*) for the FORTRAN folks out there

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Mathletes!

    • kareemachan

      Algorithm conspiracy!!!!1!111!!!!

  • Playonwords

    Off Topic but Yay!!!!!!! Disqus has introduced comment blocking!!!!!!!

    Check this page “User Blocking is now available”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yes, I have a list of 3 already.

      • dshwa

        This comment blocked

        Hey!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Cement blocking? With votes?

    • TheGrandWaz00

      I wish they would’ve introduced private messaging instead. It would make for a better dating website.

      • TJ Barke

        Right?

      • Biff52

        Yeah.

  • proudgrampa

    As usual, I am drained after another reading of “Shit for Brains.” I need to lie down…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Can I have the rest of that ciggie?

      • proudgrampa

        *takes a drag*

        “Here you go…”

  • Callyson

    “Thanks for your concern, Conservative American, but I’m already looking forward to spending my childhood under Hillary Clinton’s presidency!”

    – Donna Rose

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I wonder if our beloved DR might have some rightward-leaning tendencies, based on her choice of interior design. She’s still way too smart to vote for an angry racist yam, though.

  • Msgr_Moment

    That rebecca character appears to be totally objectifying women. I’m glad we have all these blogsplainers to protect us from the “Arab Muslims in the Middle East who have no respect for women.”

  • goonemeritus

    How do we know that’s a severed Trump head. Isn’t it possible that Hilary is pulling on Trumps hair to prove that it isn’t a wig?

  • anwisok

    ““Maplebob” is another person with fascinating thoughts.”

    His therapist plans to pay for both kids’ college just with fees for Maple’s sessions.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Sex fetishist Commies for Hillary unite!

  • MrBlobfish

    Epidemics: How do they work?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Trump supporters don’t know how pants-demics work let alone epidemics…also, I love the cute vaccine quackery tossed in, like squirting a lemon on to the top of a succulent piece of salmon.

    • Nounverb911

      :-)

    • JMP

      Obviously it must be the wrath of a powerful vengeful invisible being with magical powers for doing something wrong.

      • The Wanderer

        God?

        • Angela Ruzzo

          My mother?

    • Playonwords

      Same way as endodemics, just a bit more obviously.

  • Blank Ron

    In other news, Media Equalizer asks FBI to open investigation on ‘alleged artist’ Cristofano Allori, believing he may also be a threat to Donald Trump.

    • BadKitty904

      I hear that that radical homosexualist, Mike Carvaggio, is also on the watch list…

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Veronese is lying around some temple getting hammered with his friends. Get a job!

        • BadKitty904

          That moocher…

  • bubbuhh

    Didn’t realize so many people could so accurately identify the probable source of the better-late-than-never deleted comments. And, be ready to thready.

    I’m humbled, totally untrumped and in awe of you Wonketeers.

  • calliecallie

    I think all of this is a media plant by editrix to generate furor and buzz about the t-shirt that we will now all have to buy in case it goes off the market. Very crafty, that editrix.

    • proudgrampa

      She is a Marketing Wizard!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Don’t fool yourself. Wonkettebabby is the brains behind the throne.

        • proudgrampa

          You may be right!

  • Rick Hill

    I love that photo for a different reason. Mrs Hill and I had wedding photos made, done in China and nowhere near the time we got married, all a ruse is what I’m saying. Anyhoo, one set(we had at least five different costume changes with th last in traditional Chinese garb) we were wearing relaxed formal wear, I was sitting in front and the photographer said something to my wife. Next thing I knew she had grabbed both my ears and pulled. The resulting shot was excellent, my startled yoinks and my sweet, sweet wife having a smile just like Hillary’s, though with a slight hint of sadistic glee. Needless to say, that was one of the shots we kept.

    • Rick Hill

      For security and continuity reasons, actual images of Rick Hill are not permitted to be posted. This, however, is the photographer we had.

  • Jay Vaughn

    I always miss the really good troll attacks.

    • Nounverb911

      This one’s stuck under a bridge so you have time to play with it….

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Is that after a fresh cleaning?

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        I didn’t know trolls wore emo hairstyles

        • Biff52

          Trolls are emo in Seattle.

  • Shibusa
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    The ALGORITHMS are contained in the same file as THE MATH Karl Rove had in 2006…

  • anwisok

    Ohgod, I just thought of something. I understand why they withheld Dear Shirt Fer Brains, but . . .does this mean they’re going to close out the Wonkette posting day with the Snakeoil Bulletin? I don’t think I could handle that.

    • rebecca

      nah, evan’s got some nice time coming atcha ;)

      • anwisok

        Thank Dog!

  • schmannity

    If only Todd Akin had not left the arena so soon. I was hoping for a Titian T-shirt, Rape Baby of Europa.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I thought he was 2 Legit 2 Quit.

      • schmannity

        Too dipshit to quit.

    • cynmac

      I thought Akin was defeated with Votes?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    They tried to patrol the internet with algorithms, but everything they tried just ended up looking at porn all day.

  • “Sex-fetish Commies” – so, like, is there a meetup group for that, or like a newsletter..?

    • BigBoppa

      Meet ups begin when Trix pools together enough dough to gas up the Wonkabago.

  • jowgajen

    Where can I buy my Sex-fetish Commie for Hillary t-shirt?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      When you find it, let me know, please.

    • Playonwords

      Get a Wonkette Cat Woman T and have the words added …

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rather wear one of those than a gun-fetish fascist for Drumpf t-shirt.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The Hillary Spy Magazine cover would be perfect for that T. Let’s get n securing those rights.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Conservatives attempted to turn the tables with their own adaptation of a classic work of art, but were unable to find a decapitation scene in any of the works of Thomas Kinkade.

  • Malmborg Implano

    I’m sorry you’ve been getting so much grief from t-shirts this election cycle.

    This is my own current favorite political image from art. It’s Henry Payne’s recreation of the opening act of the War of the Roses. The pre-Raphaelites were FIERCE.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3d/Plucking_the_Red_and_White_Roses_in_the_Old_Temple_Gardens_(1908)_by_Henry_Arthur_Payne.jpg

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Wow that guy on the right is all hoo, gurl, what the fuck am I going to do with that white mess? You know I’m doing that Diana Vreeland thing now. Such a bitch… Get my generals. This shit’s so on now.

      • rebecca

        well, if he was pre-Raphaelite, then YUP

    • Antonin Dvorak

      *Rose Drop*

    • cheetojeebus

      needs moar tiara stomping.

    • Astraea

      Gotta love the pre-Raphaelites.

      • Playonwords

        That’s what she said
        http://i.imgur.com/wao2ukX.jpg

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Is that Ophelia?

          • Playonwords

            Yup, by Millais. The poor woman who modeled for this was Elizabeth Siddal who was 19 years old. Millais had Siddal lie fully clothed in a full bathtub in his studio, It was now winter, so he placed oil lamps under the tub to warm the water, but was so intent on his work that he allowed them to go out. Siddal caught a severe cold and needed medical attention

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Thou, Sire, hath been served.” — Miss Scarlet.

    • doktorzoom

      Didn’t care for the pilot, but John de Lancie really grew into the role all right.

  • Msgr_Moment

    That grin on Hillz’ face: Is that teh moment when she joined the Moyel Chai club?

  • SnarkOff

    I’m disappointed that not once in this this entire post was there a mention of skullfucking, with votes.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Needs MOAR kittenz!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Needs MOAR chickens!

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Lunch is SERVED!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I just find it funny that Donald Trump shamelessly peddles racism, bigotry and xenophobia, advocates violence against protestors, whips his crowds into a frenzy with hate and is more vulgar than a bar full of pirate deck hands and this shirt is out-of-bounds to his supporters. My what delicate flowers they all are…not too delicate to wear a “Trump that Bitch!” t-shirt but too delicate to see such satirical BRUTALITY against an obvious honest, decent, humble, loving man….

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      without their hypocrisy, they’d have nothing

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        They’ll always have stupidity.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          they just don’t know it

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I assume the post about the storify of the Trump rally (the the the) will link back to this post?

    • Lulu Mac

      that was a horrifying read…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I wonder if GuateNY will return? He kept promising he was done, but he just can’t quit us…

    • BadKitty904

      Brokeback Blogger…

  • cheetojeebus
    • BadKitty904

      Mike was always one for giving the public what they really want…

    • timpundit

      I love Caravaggio.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I call photoshop! No head fits on like that.

    • kareemachan

      She looks like she’s concerned that she do it right.

      “Like this?”

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Home boy over there has a bag ready to go. Now what to do about these stains?

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Can we use “Sex-Fetish Commies for Hillary” as the new “Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob” at least until after the election?

    • natoslug

      It’s more of a lifestyle, maybe a touch of dream, than a fetish.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Only a slight correction, Dok. It’s a “rusty chainsaw enema of votes.”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Algorithm invented the internet…

    • bubbuhh

      Also, a fine method of birther control

    • Msgr_Moment

      ….and then promptly killed the radio star.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Algo algo what?
      Algo algo who?
      Algo algo now?

      Algo Algo Rythm!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • BadKitty904

      ♫ Algorithm, algormusic, algormyman,
      Who could ask for anything more? ♪

  • Lulu Mac

    Is that Martin Shkreli behind drunkie Hillz?

    • edith prickly

      Then I hope she was raising her left arm to elbow him in the face – with votes, of course.

    • elviouslyqueer

      He’s lulling her to sleep with the dulcet tunes of Wu Tang.

      • BadKitty904

        But she spun ’round on her sensible heel and kneed him in his Wang Chung.

  • timpundit

    It’s like you guys opened Pandora’s Box and al the world’s Stupid came rushing out….Excellent job!

    • BadKitty904

      You leave Pandora’s box outta this, bub. And all of the rest of her, too.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Does the lid match the curtains?

        • BadKitty904

          No, but it does match the towels and that little throw-rug…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, not the world’s. Just this small corner of it. Which is more than enough, thank you.

    • TJ Barke

      You mean Panderpa’s box?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    The real reason why conservative fruitcakes don’t like the shirt is because they are uncomfortable with images of powerful women wreaking vengeance on men. Do you think maybe this is why the Book of Judith was not included in the Protestant Bible?

    • bubbuhh

      I thought it was because her name had too much Ju in it…Maybe, both. Monstrous Regimentally speaking it probably hits many biblesplainers hard to so graphically encounter what the little woman might after they fall asleep.

      • retiredeng

        The religious nuts’ version of the Old Testament is riddled with holes.

        • mancityfooty .

          I heard a call in radio show this morning where a guy said that all the ghey hating stuff was in the old testament so it didn’t count.
          So, the 10 commandments don’t count, then? Ok. Good to know.

    • Antonin Dvorak
      • Angela Ruzzo

        I love your screen name. The first movement of the New World Symphony is my favorite piece of classical music.

    • Dutchman

      King James din’t play that….yo…

    • BadKitty904

      The real reason why conservative fruitcakes don’t like the shirt is because they can’t find any real issues with Wonkette to bitch and whine about. If they were bright enough to actually understand the jokes, that might be different.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I don’t think conservative fruitcakes have a sense of humor unless big trucks crashing into each other are involved.

        • BadKitty904

          And ‘splosions!

          • Sardonicuss

            Har! That blowed up real gud!

        • Cindyinencinitas

          They are partial to falling down on purpose and filling their mouths too full of food.

    • Biff52

      Guess I should take a gander at my Apocrypha before I box it up and ship it off to my nephew.

      What, you don’t think I’ve read it, do you?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I read it when I was 13 because I figured that’s where they hid all the good stories.

        • Biff52

          I never knew about it until about twenty years ago. The graphics in the old fambly bible from 1843 aren’t as cool as depicted above, and elsewhere:

          • Angela Ruzzo

            But that’s a cool picture. Slightly erotic. Judith was left-handed?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oooh! Me too!

          • Biff52

            This whole bible is filled with wood block prints.

            I’m left-handed, and I usually notice others, but she completely escaped me. Good catch!

  • RoyalUglyDude

    What is shinola anyway? Does it actually resemble shit?

    • Lulu Mac

      It was shoe polish. The original saying was “you don’t know shit from Shinola and that’s why your shoes don’t shine”…or something like that…

      • RoyalUglyDude

        Thanks! Now I know the difference.

        • Master Contrail Program

          “Son, you’re gonna be alright.”

    • GDleftyPart2

      No it’s different.
      That’s why idiots can’t tell them apart……
      Gawd I’m old, lemme tell you a thing or three about Brylcreem.

      • retiredeng

        “A little dab will do ya.”

      • Zippy W Pinhead
      • Meccalopolis

        You don’t know shit from shinola. Or ad my grandfather used to say, so and so doesn’t have enough sense to pour puss out of a boot with directions on the heel

        • GDleftyPart2

          Luckily I do in fact know the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground.

          • Meccalopolis

            Can you find it with a flashlight and a map?

          • Msgr_Moment

            Throw in a spherical mirror and you’ve got a bet.

      • Biff52

        Even before Brylcreem, we had Dixie Peach.

        • tomamitai

          When I was a wee lad I used Butch hair wax. It looked and felt like a stick deodorant, only thicker and stickier.

          • Biff52

            I had some Butch Wax, too. Gave up on product when I started surfing.

      • Sardonicuss

        “Damnit I don’t want FOP …I’m a Dapper Dan man!”

    • proudgrampa
    • bubbuhh

      be careful which you use for what

      • Msgr_Moment

        Flaming bag of shinola. Lessons learned.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Back in the horse and buggy days, either could end up on your shoes.

  • retiredeng

    The image is tastefully tasteless. And the “with votes” is reminiscent of “in bed” as a fortune cookie tag.

  • timpundit

    I’d suggest a Trump blingee contest but that may be pushing our luck.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      It would just be dicks everywhere. Sparkly dicks.

  • Joshua Norton

    Trump’s thugs are the toughest thugs. And they are the nicest thugs, too. Trump wins at everything!

    • GDleftyPart2

      Their skin is thick and luxurious too. Very thick and terrific skin, the best.

      • Msgr_Moment

        And really not-at-all short fingers. No, nothing to worry about there.

        • GDleftyPart2

          Totally masculine in the shortness and complimented by the stubbyness…

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Beautiful! Smart people are saying this. The very best people. The best. So smart. How stupid are all of you to not see it? Believe me, I’m the smartest. I have all the best words. I went to Wharton, okay? Very prestigious. Terrific school. They don’t let stupid people into Wharton. I’m rich. Very rich.

      • Lulu Mac

        STAHP! You’re scaring me!!!!

      • Sardonicuss

        You have the best words.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Check out these duds!

      • Master Contrail Program

        I’m yoogely afraid when one dons such a mask, terrific, high energy wordplay tends to bigly trump all reason.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I always say that when you use hired goons, you’re showing you care.

      • GDleftyPart2

        Hellooooo, “job creator”.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        100% American goons…not foreign made.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Blue ribbons, gold medals and Mr. Congeniality? Amazing!

  • AnOuthouse

    https://storify.com/case_face/a-trump-rally-in-greensboro-anger-in-here-is-palpa

    “Tailgating in parking lots. Vendors selling Hillary Sucks But Not Like Monica shirts. General awfulness.”

    “Big seller is a shirt that says Trump That Bitch. Everyone wearing one is being asked to pose for pictures. Big thumbs up. Big grins.”

    “Crowd calls for Berghdal to be shot, hung”

    “Father explaining Clinton let her husband have “all kinds of oral sex” to his ten year old”

    • Lulu Mac

      I’d be surprised if that poor guy doesn’t get PTSD from that experience…*shudder*

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “Guy wearing Socialism Sucks shirt and lip-syncing to Tiny Dancer. Nothing makes sense anymore.”

      • mancityfooty .

        That needs to be a t shirt.
        People who try to be funny can’t do anything like that.

    • Meccalopolis

      Knew it was bad but… Glad no one had a mister

    • SnarkTank

      Full disclosure: I kinda chuckled at that “Hillary Sucks But Not Like Monica” one.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        As did I. It is funny. Not for the reasons they think it is, but still.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Considering that Trump just came right out and suggested President Obama is a traitor, I don’t think his followers should be throwing stones.

    • Astraea

      As Rachel Maddow says, we all suddenly miss the days when Trump was talking about his penis.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Not me. I knew he’d get worse and worse and eventually go too far and screw himself.

  • natoslug

    Am I the only one here who is turned on by Judith? She can have my head any day . . .

    • GDleftyPart2

      If you asked nicely maybe she’d be nicer to you….

    • Suttree

      Lilith or gtfo!

      • natoslug

        Lilith? Fair.

      • janecita

        The Goddess is a hottie!

        • Sardonicuss

          “Okay, I realize you are probably going to rip my head and spine off when we are done but….lets get this party started!”

        • Suttree

          For those who haven’t met me IRL my name is actually Adam.So I have always had a thing for Lilith (Catholic upbringing) My last name translates to George as in St. George The Dragon Slayer. Thank the babby jeebus my parents didn’t name me Andrew.

          • Rick Hill

            Dragon slayer? That’s got to be a worse career choice than being the Tattooed Man.

          • Suttree

            It’s niche work, but it pays well.

          • Suttree

            The Illustrated Man libelz!

    • Playonwords

      But if she asks you to give head …

      • janecita

        Just say, you go first

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “I’m telling! And when the Secret Service gets home, you guys are gonna be in so much trouble!”

    Amazing how, other than threats of sexual violence, right-wing taint fleas sound just like my nieces and nephews.

    • Sardonicuss

      Ummmm ..Ima tellin! You made t-shirt.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Shhhhhhh…..

  • Suttree

    I won’t be happy until Wonkette sells me a kitten with a whip outfit for Lizzietish, two gallons of red paint, and a 6′ diameter hammer and sickle sticker!

    • anwisok

      Six foot diameter? WTH are you putting it on?

      • BadKitty904

        His zeppelin, obviously.

        • anwisok

          Is that what they’re calling it these days? It ain’t THAT big.

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, you!

          • Suttree

            I get complements!

          • anwisok

            First Prize ribbon?

          • Suttree

            Maybe a participation ribbon.

      • Suttree

        The bedroom wall obviously. That’s what the two gallons of red paint are for. I would like to turn it into a communist sex dungeon.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Well naturally, that is what one does after all.

          • Suttree

            I’ll get to it right after I plant the vegan, cage free radishes in the commons.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I do not want to know what vegan cage free radishes have to do with communal communist sex dungeons.
            I do NOT.

          • Suttree

            I get hungry afterwords!!111!!!! And me and Lizzie make yooge salads.

          • Lizzietish81

            This is true. It’s all very domestic, including the nudity

          • Suttree

            You are such a prude!

          • Tansy Geek

            I was radished by my lover in the garden.

          • Playonwords

            Leveller!

        • janecita

          Is it going to be a communal, communist sex dungeon? Asking for a friend

          • Suttree

            Of course!

          • janecita

            I’ll come over as soon as I get my new outfit

          • Suttree

            That is hawt!

          • Lizzietish81

            See that I could pull off.

        • Lizzietish81

          My landlady will not approve

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I can’t wait to see the level of shock and apoplexy wingnuts have over this one! http://www.theonion.com/article/defiant-mitch-mcconnell-holds-merrick-garlands-sev-52575

    • GDleftyPart2

      They’ll think it’s real and say it’s about time Mitch did something….

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Alas, you’re on to something there.

  • elviouslyqueer

    TFW you realize Trump’s fingers aren’t the only thing short about him.

  • Fly

    Am I a bad guy for fapping to Huma’s cell phone pics?

    • MrBlobfish

      You’re bad for a lot of reasons, but not that.

    • Lulu Mac

      Yeah, the original poster who thought we’d be offended by that one? Not so much, dahling…

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      no

  • WIDTAP

    Wait a second. Are not these deleted posters confusing the the original painting with Shypixel’s original (original in the sense of Brietbart in a Valhalla fart cloud) masterpiece. Why my interpretation of Shypixel’s Opus Magnus is that Hillary is helping a drunk Donald off the floor (with votes of course) by his hair. That you don’t happen to see drunk Donald below the neck is just modesty on the part of the artist/plagiarist to avoid showing that drunk Donald has puke all over his suit/pissed himself/soiled himself/all of the above.

  • dallasdave

    To answer the question posed by the title: because it’s the only Trumpian body part large enough to safely be removed with a swordlike object. Safety first.

  • AnOuthouse

    All this talk of capitalism is making me wonder – are the voting games/cards going to show up before November? or did the Wonkebago need new rubber?

    • rebecca

      yes! our current eta on delivery is end of july; that could change!

  • Skadi

    “Baskin-Robbins always finds out.”

    Because THEY. HAVE. ALGORITHMS.

    • Jenny

      Of delicious!

  • Jay Vaughn

    Hilary Clinton about to fucking pop Pharmadouche in the face for grabbing her ass might be my new favorite image of all time.

  • ViveLaRes

    If anyone should be offended by the picture, it’s Bill.

    • BadKitty904

      That struck me more than anything, actually…

      • elviouslyqueer

        That dress does nothing for his figure, imo.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          should have gone with blue

        • BadKitty904

          It’s not even his color. Was it On Sale?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Is it a blue dress?

          • BadKitty904

            I’ll leave you and Zippy and Monica to fight that ‘un out…

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder how many of those whiny fucktards bemoans how political correctness is ruining America…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      AOT, K.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I think “Hillary Rodman Clinton” is a drag performer, who might actually support Trump.

    • tomamitai

      Isn’t she our ambassador to North Korea?

  • Jenny

    Hey! I wanted 20 minutes of action with a bat, a bad parent, and votes and my vowels were gutted!

    This t-shirt needs a ban hammer!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    We like to think of it as a magnificent bosom.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Guy with jesus av commenting on MILF racks.
    HEAD ASPLODE

    • Master Contrail Program

      He’s overflowing with a reasonable facsimile of the very milk of humanoid kindness.

      Kind of like Lori’s roommates.

      • Bad Granny

        #FreeLori

        • vivian

          Lori not free! Lori make 98 hours/dollar on McLarens F35 Internets!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Phonetically named “penis” (or “peen-ass”)

  • doktorzoom

    Clinton’s Veep and his wife can’t dance. They have Al Gore Rythms!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, that’s baaaaaaaaad

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        srsly. Ow, my brains.

      • rebecca

        it’s like that ALL DAY in the chatcave you guys. o.O

    • Meccalopolis

      We know tipper can’t I’ll bet Al prolly could get down back in his nam days

    • BadKitty904

      He’ll be here all week, folks! Tip your veal!

      • Apologies–I should have looked first to see if anyone had already done this.

        • BadKitty904

          Great minds… :0)

    • Master Contrail Program

      You need to put a parental advisory sticker on that pun, Dok. Hell, a prenatal one wouldn’t hurt either.

      • Nockular cavity

        How ’bout a preternatural one?

        • Master Contrail Program

          Yup, it would appear that the Pun Issuer is waging a one-man war, on the vile, nasty snark-mob.

          Or does he have help?

    • Playonwords

      That’s Terrible, Dok

      • Pickwicknext

        Terribly awesome!

    • Sardonicuss

      An inconvenient truth.

    • Dok’s here all week! Enjoy the buffet!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I guess we don’t have to Tipper then.

    • mailman27

      They can’t master the steppes? I got nuttin.

  • dshwa

    The problems with my algorithms always increase exponentially.

  • elpinche

    Dat ass tho.

    • rebecca

      oh pinche, you always delight me!

  • Bad Granny

    ‘Tis but a scratch.

  • Enfant Terrible

    ♫ I got algorhythms,
    I got data,
    I got surveillance,
    Who could ask for anything more?
    Sheik Mohommad,
    I don’t mind him,
    You won’t find him,
    ‘Round my door. ♫

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Is a rack compliment with awkward sentence construction still a compliment?

  • janecita

    Republicans really have the worst sense of humor! The best thing about that picture is Bill Clinton looking like a nosy neighbor. They could have had a field day ripping on that, but no, they are too busy been unfunny!

    • Sardonicuss

      Hilz looks preggers. Or Raphaelesque…hard to tell.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Well, Hillary does mean “She who’s bosom defies gravity”

      • janecita

        She’s wearing her Joan of Arc armor under the dress.

  • Playonwords

    Are we allowed to kick DT in the Ballots?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It’s practically required for membership around here.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        There’s membership?

        • Pickwicknext

          I won’t join any club that would have me as a member

          • bseifried

            I can’t remember a club I’ve ever joined.

          • JH Marx

            AHEM!!!

        • vivian

          Is membership like the mothership but male?

  • Manhattan123

    Apparently political correctness is bad only when they can’t screech the n-word.

    • TJ Barke

      That is indeed the way they think.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Algorithm sounds kinda Arabic.

    • Enfant Terrible

      al Gorithim!

      • ahughes798

        al Gebra. < Hate him!

        • tomamitai

          But we loves us some Al Cohol!

      • tomamitai

        It must be the method of birth control he and his wife used, seeing as they had four kids.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Although he invented the internet, he didn’t realize you could get pr0n there.

          Probably coulda fappered a little more and Tippered a little less, is what I’m saying.

      • Actually named for the Persian mathematician al-Khwarezmi, fact fans.

    • WIDTAP

      It’s the Arabic numerals.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    SSSSooooooo…can we use these examples as proof that christians do not read their own bibles? Since they think Judith is all Mooslim and what not.

    • Will in Pgh

      Yeah, the only thing they “know” about the Bible is that no butt-sexing thing. They ignore the other 600-odd Mosaic laws and have certainly forgotten the whole “I give you a new commandment. Love one another.” thing. Why would you expect them to know about Judith and friends?

      • Playonwords

        And the Sabbath was always a Sunday

      • Biff52

        Buttsex is a sin, written in a book wherein snakes talk, etc.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        No cheeseburgers! I’m thinking they’re not into that.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Well, they might be Proddys, and this is in the Papist version.

    • bupkus23

      I don’t know if it’s ignorance of the bible, or ignorance of any art beyond Velvet Elvii and Jesuseses and dogs playing poker. Oh, yeah, maybe the Campbell soup cans, atho’ tghose were created by a pervert.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The only soup cans they have, have soup in therm.

  • Nockular cavity

    I want my Ebola money, damn it!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Show me yer Ebola first.

  • “It ain’t a terribly original joke, but it’s a thing that gets said here.”
    About that…ever thought about doing a glossary of commonly repeated things that get said here? Having once had to ask about the origin of “also, too”–a phrase I now use in everyday conversation–I’d love to see that.

    • Biff52

      When Newell wielded the banhammer, “also too” was a banning offense!

    • Ricky Gay

      wait til they get a load of those cakes we like. and the canned cedar clams.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        You got clams in my cedar!
        You got cedar in my musturd!

        It’s a snark mob, AND a meme factory!

    • doktorzoom

      Dominic the Intern is actually working on such a thing right now.

      • vivian

        You mean Dominic the CANNED CLAM!!11!!

        edit: oops, shoulda read down

    • rebecca

      we have tried to make every intern we’ve had put together our wonkassary; Dominic *claims* he’s doing it now.

      we’ll see, won’t we?

      • malsperanza

        I thought internships were supposed to be a learning experience, something you could put on your resume after college.

        Dominic, old chap, “Summer 2016: compiled Wonkassery” is not going to get you into Yale Law. Consider lying and saying you were doing outreach in Liberia or Fayetteville, or one of those places without Internet.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Did we do the “internet traditions” one or was that some place else?

    • HanBarbara

      Also, too, “You are a idiot” and “I’ll be in my bunk”(Long live Firefly!)

  • Florida Farmer

    “the leftist socialistic commie common core education”

    Oh, the irony.

  • Courser

    T shirt ordered on on the way!!! Another shirt I will only wear in the privacy of my apartment, but will enjoy immensely the entire time.

    • Biff52

      See, now this makes no sense to me. I don’t wear clothes at home, mostly.

      • Courser

        Hey, it’s not like I wear pants or anything…. just the shirt

        • mancityfooty .

          So like everyone else who comments here?
          I mean, a shirt is a little formal, but who am I to judge?

          • Msgr_Moment

            I only wear a shirt to hide the scars from shaving. Nipples, youch!

          • snark-lurker

            AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
            [deep breath]
            AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
            [deep breath]
            AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
            ,,,runs crying to the NBA* & gets cut, twice,,,

            *(NBA aka Naughty Boobies Angst)

  • duckshoe

    I would attend the meetings of Sex Fetish Commies for Hillary, and I don’t go out much.

    • Justno

      Every Tuesday at 8pm. According to a friend.

      • snark-lurker

        Is this stuff on the side here really clit bait? that’s what I keep hearing,

        • Justno

          We welcome penii as well.

  • JVisconti

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate that Trump’s disjoined head was not the result of blowing his top. Maytbe doing IRS math, too.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I was told there would be no math.

      • vivian

        and such as

      • Chris

        THERE’S MATH? No one told me there would be mathhhh. I have to leave now.

    • bseifried

      First thing they teach you at Robot U: always check the expiration date on the head glue.

  • chascates

    EVERYONE, repeat after me:

    Nasty. Vile. Little Snark Mob.

    • bseifried

      I’d like to join your delightful organization. Please send me an application form. Most of my ex- girlfriends would describe me as ‘nasty’, so I think I partially qualify. Also, the inside of my refrigerator is quite vile, so there’s that, too. Also.

      • Will in Pgh

        And then there’s that “little” thing… Real sorry ’bout that, pal.

        • vivian

          I believe that modifies the size of the mob. Because, as we know if we were allowed to comment, the snark itself would be absolutely tremendous,

          • Major_Major_Major

            It would be yooooge, bigly even. All hail the new snark.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “Believe me folks, there’s nothing wrong with the size of my mob.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob™

    • Barley_Brains

      NVLSM!!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Nasti Vyle Snerk Merb!

      (mind you, ilk bytes can be nastier)

    • phoenix00

      System error: brain capacity filled with RWNJ talking points.

  • laineypc

    Dearly beloved Wonkette, I thought it was tacky and offensive and too close to flying in the face in the spirit of your own commenting rules but I love you as ever, and am sorry for all the trouble that t-shirt brought you.

    • thenearesthippie

      What trouble? Many publicity! Much clicks!

    • doktorzoom

      As Rebecca says, it IS terrible. And we love it.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Is in spirit of Wonkette founder, Ivan the Dyspeptic.

    • rebecca

      I really do agree with you! when I said so, I wasn’t mocking or nothin’.

      But at the same time, I just can’t quit it.

    • mancityfooty .

      I’m not. Everyone brought those sweet, sweet page views.
      My only question is this: how are we going to keep this up when Hillary wins?
      No Bernie, no Trump…where will the trolls come from?

      • Rotisserie Teal

        I’m going out on a limb and say the bulk of them will come from former Confederate states and Alaska.

    • phoenix00

      You’re not sorry, come on…..

  • LesBontemps

    the overtly pro-Hillary website Wonkette

    I thought teh Wonket was extrovertly pro-Hillary.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I thought it was a mommy blog with recipes and dick jokes.

      • bseifried

        That’s only on Thursdays.

        • mancityfooty .

          yeah! tomorrow!

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Well, we have been a WARBLOG! too, but no one believed us.

        • The Witch of Endor

          Musta been before my time. I can only imagine the fun…..and the bodies of trolls left behind.

    • phoenix00

      After it got Berned?

    • malsperanza

      It is very weird! There are people who are pro-Hillary and not afraid to admit it!!!!

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Well, actually, the readers and front pagers have been split. Seems to be moving to Hillary now, but not uniformly.

  • The Witch of Endor

    My hand to god. I’ve never seen the word “poutrage” prior to reading this article. I can’t stop laughing.

    • bseifried

      I, of course, admiring all things Canadian (but why oh why won’t they let me live in their country full time ??!?) read that as “…the deluge of rightwing poutine that poured into the comments on…” yadda yadda etc etc. I’ve already had dinner, so I’m unclear where that misunderstanding came from. Just my never ending yearning for a new life, in a new country, with a new cuisine…? Since a chainsaw enema is clearly not on the program for tonight, I might need to instead go melt some cheese and prepare a “bad stew” or “hodgepodge” or “unappetizing mixture of various foods, usually leftovers” or however they choose to describe it.

      • The Witch of Endor

        I’m thinking you’ve never had poutine or you’d know it’s so bad you’d NEVER, EVER, joke about it. (ok, at least to me, that stuff was just nasty).

        • Land Shark

          It’s Teddy Cruz and the Poutine Posse

        • bseifried

          Maybe including ‘poutine’ in the same word jumble with ‘cuisine’ was a bit of a stretch, but I claim poetic license. When in Canada, I drink my meals.

        • phoenix00

          Sounds like you haven’t had good poutine.
          http://smokespoutinerie.com/menu/

          • The Witch of Endor

            I may have been hasty in my judgement. :)

            I’ll admit that one of my two exposures to poutine was at a Canadian fast food joint whose name escapes me (and I always confuse it with the doughnut shop). The other was a random diner. I’m willing to try another, better, version of a dish as long as it doesn’t contain mystery meat or things that move.

          • phoenix00

            The donut shop is Tim Horton’s, and their donuts are strictly get-the-job-done-but-nothing-too-special.
            The only thing that ought to move in a good poutine is the gravy migrating down thru the french fries!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Too tired to look to see how many different people re-invented the “Al Gore Rhythm” and “who could ask for anything more” jokes. Maybe I will do some actual work today after all.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Shy, Shy!!! This needs to be the next t-shirt! I could so wear this about town, and the photoshopping is done!

    • OppressedMass

      OOH! This is great! I especially love the tin-foiled Honey-Boo-Boo fleeing in terror.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That really is the perfect avatar for the whole RWNJ community.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Is ot legal to threaten to kill a Vice-Presidential candidate?

    • BosGrl

      Uh, why…?

  • shastakoala

    As tacky giver of shirts, I approve this massage.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    At least Christaphano Allori is unlikely to send you a cease and desist order.

    • shastakoala

      Crease and desist maybe?

      • rebecca

        you remember honey; Universal and the Bernie for the Future shirts. ANGRY SIDE EYE

        • shastakoala

          I remember. That was a what the hell moment.

        • Rick Hill

          You need to add just a touch of lip curl….slight snarl

        • clubseal

          Angry milf side eye, dammit.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    deuterocanonical books of the Bible!

    Deuterium is Holy water…..(Xian)#ScienceFact!

    • bseifried

      Holy water, or heavy water?… that would be an ecumenical question.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        that would be an ecumenical matter
        ftfy

        • bseifried

          Free neutrons- just doin’ the lord’s work.

          • leemoder

            Free Huey Neutrons!
            I’ll see myself out.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Higg’s Boson libulz!

      • Hijabi Rockstar

        YES.

  • Jennifer R

    You know, just when I suspect that GoG.com has the worst community, Wonkette finds some place even worse for the gators to have to lower themselves to.

    • Rick Hill

      Makes you wonder if those folks got kicked off the board for being too “out there” and had to find a place they were accepted/tolerated

    • phoenix00

      Thought process:
      “GoG? What can old game fans be so possibly stuck up about?”
      /clicks over
      ‘my forearm smells like diaper wipes’
      ……
      /quietly closes browser tab

      • Jennifer R

        It’s about the only place off of Reddit where people unironicly use SJW as a porjorative. The community gets gatory enough I’ve stopped buying stuff from GoG.

        • phoenix00

          Damn. GoG does good stuff too. At least I know to stay out of the forums from now on.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, like watching the actual staff say Hatred was never coming to GoG because neo Nazis have no place in society was nice. Only then all the regular posters bitched about censorship. Because 15 year old kids and 50 year old computer nerds have really good ideas.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        A community of dudebros whose social development stalled at age 13?
        You pretty much have to expect the worst.

  • Cinder Biscuits

    hi, i’m new. i just found this website because of gov’t al goreithms.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Al has rhythm? But Tipper was the one in a band!

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Did she print the lyrics on the outside of the album jacket?

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          I dunno. We should ask the Zappa Family Trust; they’d probably know.

    • Rick Hill

      You just follow the melting glaciers and you’re here.

    • phoenix00

      Yes you follow them tubes and they lead you here!

  • bubbuhh

    Senator Murphy’s Filibuster To Force Gun Control Debate is still going strong after 7 hours. Many other Democrat senators vow to pitch in.

  • Swampay

    Wingnutistan thinks threats of violence against a president or presidential candidate is shocking. Noted.

    • phoenix00

      Unless against a Democrat, then it’s political correctenss

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        It’s expected.

  • “a devout Muslim who brought prayer mat to
    work, prayed multiple times/day and went to Mecca twice just slaughtered
    dozens of innocents in Orlando” – where do they get this nonsense from? Every other source I’ve read apart from this bozo’s imagination says that Mateen wasn’t a practicing Muslim at all. Hateful jackasses just make up their own facts if the existing ones don’t get them off.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      It’s true if you really, really want it to be.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Same place they get lines like, “He was born in Afghan.”

      • Rotisserie Teal

        As opposed to being born in Dalmation or Labrador?

        • phoenix00

          CANINE LIBELZ

      • Morrigan In Oregon

        oh,Trump already walked that back, said he meant to say he was born ON a afghan, pretty blue and white thing his gramma crocheted up.

        • The Wanderer

          Blue and white? He was born on an Israeli flag?

          • Morrigan In Oregon

            er. . yellow, blue and YELLOW I meant, like the flag of Trump’s ancestors, Sweden!

    • Rick Hill

      Hey! Great idea! Could we get the Wonkfactory churning out some prayer mats with Obama laughing in front of the twin towers? Great gift idea for your drunken uncle, make the holidays an event to remember.

      • Great idea! You’d have to blur out Barry’s face, though, because depiction of living creatures is haraam.

    • I AM R U

      …who also drank alcohol… Yes. Sounds devout, right?

  • TootsStansbury

    Isn’t leaving out the “With Votes” part sort of like leaving out “The Aristocrats!” part?

  • Be Gin

    Hmmm. Metaphorically speaking I think this shirt is great for mopping up the blood in my basement playroom.

    Yours truly,

    Ted Nugent

    • The Wanderer

      Unless it’s blood play, you’re doing it wrong.

  • malsperanza

    Sometimes you have to go with the classics.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    HILLARY IS GOING TO GET INDICTED!!!!1

    For dumping toxic waste (when she tosses the head in the trash bin)

  • handyhippie65

    well, i agree with the last comment. the rest…not so much. but, what do i know?

  • Be Gin

    The loose change in my house bought one of these shirts. Bang! Cash in hand to Wonkette! Keep em’ coming (ha ha)

    Now I am going out to sell my ass to local businessmen so I can buy a dozen more! Don’t worry! I insist on condoms or there is a $50 upcharge! Ain’t capitalism SWEET?!!?

  • malsperanza

    Those Christians! Always so upset with gory imagery! You’d never catch one of them ideating violence, now would you?

    Mind you, this Allori fellow was merely ripping off the master. He seems to have combined two of Caravaggio’s most famous excercises in perverse Christian gore Christian devotional paintings: “David with the Head of Goliath” and “Judith Beheading Holofernes.” Here, ‘shoppers: go to town with the Turnip memes.

    (Fun side fact: the face of Goliath is the artist’s self-portrait. Lively fellow, that Caravaggio. Killed a chap during a tennis game one time.)

    • Pierre_de_Fermat
      • malsperanza

        Very good. I feel Judith would be the sort to drink her beer from the bottle, though.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          “I don’t always cut off someone’s head, but when I do, I like to follow it with the great taste of Holofernes”

  • Rick Hill

    That shirt may sell well but it hasn’t arrived until it’s been banned from a high school in Alabama.

  • phoenix00

    Unf if I had money I would buy t-shirt. But I would also buy Doug Demuro’s book, but I don’t have money so that’s one thing off my chest.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Doug!
      I actually saw a Nissa JellyBean 9000-Whatever-Whatever CrossCabriolet the other day at work, and immediately thought of him and his hilarious videos!

      • phoenix00

        Somebody BOUGHT one /shudders

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          It’s one of those cars where I can’t fathom who is less sane: the person who designed it, or the person who bought one.

  • Relativicus

    I think you went a little far with that crack about Trump’s wifi. Fun is fun, but come on, man…

    • bseifried

      Wifi is fair game.

      Waifu, on the other hand, is right the fuck out. Except on Thursdays, as mentioned below.

      Rules are rules.

      • bupkus23
        • bseifried

          Freakin’ unholy mother of god……..

          I’m sure that this violates the Geneva Convention, the FCC’s rules against obscene and seizure inducing content, the Hyde Amendment (maybe), and the Inverse Square Law of Wave Propagation. It also gave me Hashimoto’s Disease.

          My lawyer will be in touch.

  • Enfant Terrible

    A clever photoshop-ist could do something with Salome and John the Baptist, but that would be really, really wrong…

  • Enfant Terrible

    OWN it, girl!

    • phoenix00

      umm, uhh, VERIFICATION NEEDED

      • Enfant Terrible

        Should we deliver it to your bunk?

        • phoenix00

          It’s not delivery, it’s delissio!

  • J.Bo

    “In the vernacular of the triggered Millennials; You guys are literally Nazi-Stalinists. Literally.”

    Maplebob, in the vernacular of cheeto-fingered couch slugs, I don’t think ANY of those words mean what you think they mean.

    • I AM R U

      LITERALLY!!!!

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        NAZI!

        • I AM R U

          NAZI-STALANIST-FACIST-MAO-COMMIE!!!

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Those are the worst!

    • LastWord

      Try “narcissistic juveniles” who hang out at a dorky site called Wonkette and ‘self-congratulate’ themselves 24/7 in a group j***-off…

      LOL.

      • Msgr_Moment

        You came in here to watch the jerkoff? Does your mama know you’re too spineless to spell jerkoff, Mr. Jerkoff? I thought I told her last night.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        you….can’t type Jerk off at your site? Your site sucks.

  • cynmac

    OT – Drumpf was in Atlanta on Tuesday and flippantly said, “Ask the Gays who their friend is Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?” #AskTheGays has been trending on Twitter all day. You can only guess at the answers, coming in from worldwide. *giggles*
    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/06/donald-trump-flippantly-says-askthegays-only-to-get-roasted-on-twitter/

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Who could have seen that backfiring on him? Don’t all raise your hands at once.

    • berkeleyfarm

      Oh that’s where that comes from. (A gay friend of mine answered the question on FB, and now I know the context.)

  • MilwaukeeKent

    I don’t mind being a member of a nasty, vile little snark mob, but I draw the line at being a Minion of Moloch.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      How much does he pay his minions? Asking for a friend.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Minion wage!

  • LadyLaz

    Best thing I’ve read at 3 am.

  • Angie Cornwell
    • The Wanderer

      Harlot! Jezebel! Tramp!

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Lori seems to have a lot of room mates. And they contact Our Wonkette. Is there a message encoded in what they send out? I think it revolves around this “McLaren”. Is this all code for Scotttish independence? Whiskey? Aye, there’s dark work here.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Angie, darling, please wink twice in rapid succession if you think you’re in danger.

  • WampusKat

    Oh my gursh, ya’ll have gone and triggered the Trumpster Dumpsters, poor frail neo-Nazis:

    https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2016/05/06/right-wing-extremists-hail-ascension-%E2%80%98emperor-trump%E2%80%99-gop-nominee

  • Iron Monkey

    Using the epithet “shit for brains” to describe the deleted commentors is an insult to shit.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    “2. No wishing or ideating on physical
    threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping
    for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone). ”

    I’m sort of proud that it was my comment about machinegunning Free Republic users that lead to that rule. Rebecca knew who I was when I met her in SF.

    She’s lovely, btw, in case you HADN’T GUESSED.

  • I AM R U

    “Egad! Our cover has been blown!”

    Pretty much my response when people remark that I’m gay XD

    This entire piece made me cackle loudly. My dog is scared, the cat back away, and my partner wanted to know if I was watching people get knocked out by their gun’s recoil. Thank you, Wonkette, for your snark.

  • Is it wrong that I find the picture of Clinton from Abedin’s phone just a little, okay, a lot, stimulating?

    • Sakonyachen

      Unusual? yes. Wrong? No.

      If you had to ask that question, you haven’t clicked on the wrong porn link yet. When you do, you will know what wrong is.

  • Thom

    “One satirical t-shirt is a tragedy. Threatening an entire sexual orientation, or race is just normal statistical stuff though, Jeff.” – Stalin, in conversation with Jeff.

  • DinkyBossetti

    “Sex-fetish Commies for Hillary” I’m waiting for this to show up on a t-shirt in the Wonkette Bazaar now.

    • i’m just looking for the sex-fetish Commies. Are they on Craig’s List? Is there a Yelp review? A website?

    • Invidosa

      I would buy the SHIT outta that one!

  • TeeRaak

    Seriously, can an old White woman get a head anymore…
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/l4KieBrGOpzpR2d1K/200w_d.gif

  • Longstreet63

    TOP algorithms…

    • MausFeet

      The smartest, most luxurious alogrithms.

  • Lamashtar

    …I never heard the word ‘cankles’ before this election.

  • MrCanoehead

    Judging by the original painting, the next episode of Jessica Jones is gonna rock!

  • LastWord

    HEY WONKS!

    Pretty dang tacky to ban a commenter so they cannot respond when you take their material and mock it.

    Cowards!

    –Hope you get slammed for copyright infringement!

    P.S.

    Can’t you find a decent way to make a buck?Feel sorry for any kid that might have the hard luck to be ‘connected’ to you, Ms. “Pretty Head.”

    BTW, you do NOT have permission to reproduce that avatar; suggest you LOSE IT pronto.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Somebody hurt your feefees, dude?

    • I’m sorry, have you met the internet?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Have you not read the Stormfront Style Manual?

        Always cite your sources!!!

    • anwisok

      Oh, you ARE funny! Whatever makes you think Wonkette needs permission to reproduce an avatar which was freely shared on the site?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Gonna sue, lil boy? Will your brief also be in bold?
      Also, thank you for both your click revenue, and telling us precisely which dingbat you were ^.^

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      What is this guy yammering about? He posted offensive material to a nasty, vile little snark mob site, one that has an explicit column “Dear Shit fer Brains” and has had this for years. And he’s banned? He’s surprised? I suppose when you’re 14 years old, this stuff is new to you, but still …

    • doktorzoom

      Hi! By posting a comment on our blog, you have in effect given us permission to quote it for the purpose of editorializing on what you wrote. The Electronic Frontier Foundation has this to say about that:

      If a reader comments on my blog, does she license the rights to me?

      When a person enters comments on a blog for the purpose of public display, he is probably giving an implied license at least for that display and the incidental copying that goes along with it. If you want to make things clearer, you can add a Creative Commons license to your blog’s comment post page and a statement that by posting comments, writers agree to license them under it.

      That’s a good idea; we’ll add such a statement. Now, I’d note that I am not a lawyer, but it would appear there’s some wiggle room in that “probably giving an implied license” stuff. So if you genuinely believe we have violated copyright, you are welcome to hire an attorney and pursue the matter.

      However, before you do that, I’d also suggest you read up on Fair Use, which allows the reproduction of both words and images for the purpose of commentary or criticism of those words and images, which is exactly the use we were making. Of materials posted to our site with an implied license for use, no less.

      So feel free to spend whatever you want to hire an attorney and go after us; since you’re not making any profits off your amusing commentary or your little beTrumped elephant avatar, you haven’t actually suffered any damages, and it’s likely the most you’d “win” would be our removing the images from our post.

      In any case, thanks for your amusing bluster!

      • If Bold McWhineypants actually goes through with it, it’ll be the most intense legal battle since the harrowing case of Rubber vs. Glue.

  • GEMoore

    If Judith/Hillary has caused this much shock and indignation, maybe Jael/Hillary driving a stake (made of votes) through Sisera/Trump’s head would be a good follow-up.

    http://www.artbible.info/art/large/727.html

    • Msgr_Moment

      That’s what they mean by pegging?!?

      • GEMoore

        I don’t know, but they should.

  • devo-T

    “This might be our favorite line from all of them. THEY. HAVE. ALGORITHMS.”

    This might be my favorite line of all time.

  • Er…what are these people so worked up about? Given their usual postings elsewhere, you’d think “tacky and offensive” would make Wonkette more popular among them.

  • Max Benser

    Hillary Clinton: The Bible is ‘the biggest influence on my thinking’
    Rob Schwarzwalder, senior vice president at Family Research Council, told LifeSiteNews that he wished Mrs. Clinton consistently allowed the Bible to shape her worldview. “Mrs. Clinton is right that the Bible is a source of ‘wisdom, comfort and encouragement.’ However, it is also God’s revelation of Himself in Jesus Christ and of His unchanging moral commands regarding the way we live our lives and the values we should espouse,” he said. “We can hope and pray that Mrs. Clinton will recognize the latter, even as she affirms the former.”

    • Arguman

      Family Research Council is not a credible organization

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