SHARE
AWWWWWW YEAH
AWWWWWW YEAH

BREAKING PALIN NEWS, PRAISE JESUS AND PASS THE MOOSE CHILI! Just this week, we said to no one in particular in the Sekrit Wonket Chatcave that we were very worried about Bristol Palin, as she had not seen fit to “go to work” at her blog in over a month. Was she dead? Nah, girl, she’s been busy FUCKIN’ and forgot to pay her Comcast bill! (Allegedly!) (On both things!)

Tell us the best news ever, Entertainment Tonight, so that we may congratulate the recently deflowered Alaskan princess:

The 25-year-old daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin married her on-again, off-again beau, Dakota Meyer, ET exclusively confirmed on Wednesday.

“Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be,” Palin and Meyer told ET. “We are so happy to share with loved ones the wonderful news that we got married!”

Hooray for Bristol! She and Dakota are on their honeymoon, and that’s why she hasn’t gone to “blog work” lately! She and Dakota are off in the hinterlands somewhere like “YOLO!” and “I ain’t got no panties on!” (Literally.)

SNAP POLL: How many months along do we think Bristol is? No, for real, this is a legitimate journalism question!

Let’s do some back of the napkin math here. We found out Bristol’s original wedding to Mr. Dakota was canceled in May of 2015. We learned one month later that her womb basket had been visitedeth by the Lord sometime before Bristol ‘n’ Dakota went splitsies. Their infant daughter, Sailor Grace Eggnog Palin-Meyer, IV, Esq., was born this past Christmas, which means Dakota spermed unto her sometime around the Ides of March. (BEWARE.)

If we assume Bristol took a few months off to drink Boone’s Farm and casually raise her newest child, and note that, as per Entertainment Tonight, Bristol ‘n’ Dakota started posting happy Instagram pics together again around the end of March of this year, we think we can safely assume that they got back together  … around the Ides of March again. (FUCKING BEWARE, BRISTOL, WE SAID BEWARE.)

And knowing what Bristol knows about how babies are made (not shit), we can assume they banged antlers that week and she is closing out her first trimester. (ALLEGEDLY.)

ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU LUCKY KIDS! We hope you got it right this time and this is a good thing, genuinely.

Because we were worried last year, when we found out that Dakota suffers from PTSD, not that that is automatically disqualifying in any way whatsoever. But we got a lil’ bit more worried when we saw an Instagram picture of Dakota with a baby, and also a gun just lying out on the table where somebody, like for instance a baby, could get its hands on it. Hope it wasn’t loaded!

AND we know what the Palin family has been going through this year, with the news that eldest Palin son Track, who also suffers from PTSD, drunkenly beated up his girlfriend. (SIDENOTE: There’s a story out there that Jordan Loewe, Track’s ex-girlfriend and victim, is pregnant with his baby. Which could mean they are back together. Which would be bad. We hope it’s not true, but the Political Gates blog has a pretty fuckin’ good track record when it comes to the Palins. So it might be true.)

Anyway. For Bristol’s sake, and for Sailor Grace Eggnog Snapple’s sake, and for Bristol’s other child’s sake (not to mention for Sarah’s sake, because the Lord gived her a hard year last year!), we hope Bristol and Dakota are healthy and happy and have made a good decision, and that the latest ultrasound of the new baby looks A-OK, if such a thing exists, not that we’re saying it does.

But if it does, may we suggest Bug-Spray, Flea-Dip, and Pollen as good possible baby names? We are just saying.

[ET via People]

 

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • No one

    Does this mean Sara is running for VP?

    • therblig

      as sure as todd bought a sniper rifle and a gross of trump targets

      • FlownOver

        Todd doesn’t care who she “endorses,” so long as the rubes’ cabbage keeps coming in.

  • TJ Barke

    Jesus Christ, Barstool, just get out of the public eye. Go and live your thoroughly white trash life in whatever it is you regard as happiness.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    This is good news. Now she can stop being abstinent.

    • AlasAnAss

      And can thus focus a bit better on her political analysis at that blog of hers.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Especially since David French said he wasn’t running for President, so her ghostblogger won’t have a conflict of interest.

    • memzilla

      “Abstinence makes the tart go wander.” — Dorothy Parker

      • SeeTrain65

        “Two hillbillies marrying makes gentle reader want to fwow up.”

  • anna rampage

    Don’t pop the champagne quite yet, it will soon come out that she’s expecting her third child and is due in 5 months….

    • AlasAnAss

      If so, I think plenty’s already popped.*

      *I’m talking about Gunsy McHaveaGunBaby popping soldier-solder into Bristol’s tundra.

      • MushroomsforKittens

        Of course Gunsy rolls right over immediately afterward like a harbor seal. Bristol Intuit-ively knows that when a man pops his soldier-soldier he needs to saw some lumber, but she wonders if he’s maybe he’s just not into eating moss. It is a Trudeau-ism that moose men aren’t into that. A mommabear snows these things.

        ETA: this post is seriously lacking in poutine and hockey. I’m drinking–I’ll leave the rest of the heavy lifting to my fellow non-commenters.

        • AlasAnAss

          That’s just . . . it’s . . .

    • MushroomsforKittens

      Our hopes for Squibb Bristol Meyer have not died!

      • anna rampage

        Oh, I and here I thought they were going to name their next Badger Trucknuts Oscar Meyer…

        • MushroomsforKittens

          Well of course, if it’s a boy.

          ETA: Squibb is more of a girl’s name.

  • Treg.Brown

    Molotov to the happy newlyweds!

    I’m sure they’ll approach marriage with the same steadfast commitment and calm, clear-headed maturity that they’ve demonstrated with all their past endeavors.

    *Clink*

  • goonemeritus

    I really need to write a macro to post Mazel Tov to Bristol engagement and reproductive news stories.

  • sw19womble

    Yep, I now officially DNGAF and will dump Barstool in with the Duggars of articles not to bother reading – unless actual hypocrisy rears its ugly head again, of course!

    • FlownOver

      I.e., unless the week has seven days.

  • orygoon

    I never really thought about it, but I guess one of the world’s easiest jobs is writing scripts for soap operas.

  • GDleftyPart2

    4 months along is my guess.
    Good for her finally gettin’ hitched.

  • The Wanderer

    Long life and many divinely inspired whatevers!

  • jmhm

    Except the last we heard of the happy couple was when he had to go to court to see the kid because she unilaterally moved out of state and tried to limit visitation to four hours? So this all sounds like it’s not going to get messy at all.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Bristol Meyer……

    • hendenburg2

      They should name the baby (not that it exists) Squibb!

      (Big Pharma humor FTW!)

      • calliecallie

        I heard when he proposed he was downright Eliquis.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Dammit – THAT’S MY JOKE.

    • GDleftyPart2

      You can Squibb away now…..

    • netanil

      Bristol Meyer Squirts

  • AnOuthouse

    I assume she gets to move out of her parents’ house now. Double wide or single wide?

  • PsycWench

    Two snowbillies unite to make more snowbillies. God help us all.

  • IHaveThoughts

    Alright, what’s the over/under on them making it to five years?

    • FlownOver

      I’m more interested in the odds on five-to-ten for one or the other of them. Prolly her.

  • SDGeoff

    I still think they should name the babby, Derp.

  • Vienna Woods

    Holy crap she’s got a tight grip on his arm there.

    • Blank Ron

      Desperation has a way of getting the adrenaline pumping.

  • Spurning Beer

    We should assume the bride wore the traditional camo gown.

    • Halfton81

      And the groom in a sleeveless Carhart tux, naturally.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    It’s like that movie Idiocracy coming true so much of the time these days.

  • mailman27

    I would never lie in these non-existent pages, but i truly thought that yr Wonkette had fabricated (for the LULZ) the name “Track” Palin. Imagine my surprise. That’s really is his name???

    • idiotboy

      Such a Pilgrim you are. The tooth fairy and easter bunny ARE fabrications. No one could make up the Palins.

      • Blank Ron

        I dunno. Ever read the unbowdlerised Brothers Grimm stuff?

  • fawkedifiknow

    Sleep tight and don’t let the Zika skeeter bite.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Eh, they’re both dumb assholes so…it’s like an event horizon?

  • Jeff in the desert

    There is even some things that God can not do…..”honest woman” hahahahahah……….sincere Trump…. :-P ………..hahahaha

  • Creepoman

    PTSD meets STD

    • SeeTrain65

      Favored drink at the wedding cash bar? STP.

      • SecludedCompound

        Also, favored band!

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Just name the coming wee one where y’all made it:

    Comfort Inn.

    • therblig

      middle name – “Behind the Dumpster”

    • FlownOver

      Irony 101: in the back of the SUV, so – Denali!

  • limberrat

    Well, who is paying alimony and child support when they divorce?

    • FlownOver

      NOT,K. Let the kid(s) grift for him/her/themself.

      • GDleftyPart2

        RNC, K?

  • Kevin Morin

    Come to Alaska. Drink. Fuck. Shiver. Maybe shoot a big animal.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    I hope it all works out for these two crazy kids.

    I actually do.

    Too bad Dakota’s mother in law wants to fuck him, however.

    • Beowoof14

      Oh if only there was still Penthouse letters Dakota would be able to write an awesome contribution.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      “Mrs. Palin, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”

      Firefly 2016! Re-engreaten Freedonia!

      • therblig

        one word…rubbers

        • cousin itt

          one word…grift

  • Mavenmaven

    I just know this is going to end in a story which will contain the phrase “it is not fair to politicize gun violence”

  • Joe Beese

    The chest tattoo reads (translated from Latin): “Grifting ain’t easy, but it’s necessary.”

    • cousin itt

      Attributed to Griftius of Antioch, mother of Biggus Dickus.

  • NoMore Moose

    We finally got a roofie in that boy’s drink. Thank the Lord. Jesus was getting tired with all those immaculate conceptions. Now also to Dakota or whatever his name is has money to pay child support. Jesus was big on bread and fish. I mean a girl needs to live, you know.

  • Lady Bug

    A preemptive welcome to Trump Moose Palin!

  • weejee

    How much trash can a trailer trash trash if a trailer trash could trash trash?

    • ViveLaRes

      AOT, K

  • memzilla

    Other suggested Palin babby names: Boones, Bartles, Jaymes, Zima, Skyy, Georgi, Svedka, Ciroc, Wyborowa, and Spodeeodee.

    • therblig

      or for a girl, Ethyl

      • cousin itt

        Or maybe Hi-Test.

    • Msgr_Moment

      No love for Mad Dog Palin?

    • Blank Ron

      Bombardier, Polaris, Arctic Cat. Never Yamaha, that’s Japanese.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Zika?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Will they stay married long enough for Meyer to get elected? Will his drinking and PTSD result in an arrest? Whose baby is she carrying? All the answers are coming this season on One Life to Grift.

  • jviscont1

    As a baby name, Sewards Folly, has both a regional and familial context.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Molotov, or moseleum or moosealhambra, whateves you crazy kids.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Dakota, you had your chance to escape…

    • idiotboy

      They are in love. It’s for real.

      • Blank Ron

        Enh, that’s just the rohypnol talking.

  • wurman

    As an old-time, old-school Marine it makes me sad to see this young man insert himself within that dysfunctional collection of Wasilla hill-billies. More counseling might have saved Meyers from such a sorry situation.

    • Jennifer R

      If ever there was proof of a traumatic brain injury.

    • cousin itt

      see this young man insert himself within that dysfunctional collection of Wasilla hill-billies.

      Dakota did the whole family?

      • Amy!

        Just the women. Wouldn’t’ve been polite to refuse.

        • cousin itt

          Yeah, ok, I get that. Happens to me all the time.

      • wurman

        That would be gross. Rumors abide, however.

  • Mpeg

    Lessee…
    T-r-ack
    T-r-ig
    T-r-ipp

    You know what else starts with “T-R-…”?

    • therblig

      Trhitler?

    • Msmlg1979

      Trollop?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Tranny in the bathroom?

      • therblig

        not enough room – you gotta do that shit in the kitchen

        • MsAnthropesMr

          THAT’S NOT A TRANNY – THATS A LONG BLOCK!

          SHeesh,

          THIS IS A TRANSMISSION IN A BATHROOM

          • cousin itt

            I’m sorry but that’s just so weird, like a meat grinder weird.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Probably should pass a law against it.

          • Courser

            Yeah, that’s kind of disturbing.

            But it is a “Tranny in the bathroom” Jeebus, now I have that turn stuck my head!

          • Blank Ron

            Bonus upfist for the transfer case!

      • Courser

        Oh man, that reminded me of a 80’s song from MTV. It was *something* “in a bathroom” and it was a very punk-type song. Well, as punk as MTV got in those days. Anybody know the song I’m referring to?

        Crap, I probably should have posted this in the Dance Party thread.

        • Arolpin

          Mirror in the Bathroom by The English Beat. (They are just The Beat in the UK.)

          • Courser

            Yes, of course! We need to resurrect that song with new lyrics.

            Trannies in the Bathroom
            And I don’t care
            Trannies in the Bathroom
            Granny’s Scared.

            I don’t know, you guys are genuis with this stuff. Me, not so much.

        • PubOption

          This was likely not it, but it is Palinesque. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DPF_pWIy3w

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Truck nuts?

    • harryeagar

      Troggs, who recorded “Wild Thing.” I see where you’re going

    • Msgr_Moment

      Tr-r-r-boom D. A.

    • calliecallie

      Treason?

    • Msmlg1979

      Trump is the real Daddy?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Dumbass?

      Sorry, first thing that came to mind.

      • SnarkOff

        Hey, it still starts with a TR.

    • SnarkOff

      TRy not to fuck it up too soon, you crazy newlyweds?

    • cousin itt

      Roosevelt?

    • FlownOver

      Trd?

    • Courser

      TRash

  • therblig

    “on again, off again” – “ups and downs”

    i’ll be in my bunk.

  • Msmlg1979

    They’ll probably name it Mount McKinley, and then President Political Correctness Run Amok Hussein Obama will change it to Denali.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Which is a dyslexic river in Egypt.

  • bubbuhh

    Bristol now has mirakular flower regrowin powers? Well, Allayoopya dingbat jugs and wear no britches! So, Bristol revirginated and got married 2. And, she is waitin for the third times the charm in the babby sweepstakes. Maybe, Bristol can marry Levi 2 and have truly well packed bedroom.

  • idiotboy

    So, who is going to start the wonkette baby pool? I’m too lazy but my bet is 10/15/16.

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    As a care rear womin workin in a bbizzy dental orifice whereevr does Bristol find time for goin to North Dakota to caucus for Bernie and get shagged?

    • Msgr_Moment

      That weren’t the ‘cauc’ she were a-chasin’

  • Jennifer R

    I give the relationship four more months.

  • calliecallie

    Todd crashed his snow machine also too. Don’t forget about that.

    • therblig

      not the yogurt truck?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Is this thread an open one? Like Bristol?

    • therblig

      do you see anyone abstaining?

      • SnarkOff

        I feel dirty and already regret commenting. Does that count?

        • therblig

          it’s better if you feel dirty and try to make money off the suckers.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Be sure to see a doctor if there’s a rash.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    At least she has her spiritual virginity back! Praise jebus! What a gift for her husband!

  • SnarkOff

    I’m absolutely sure these two will have a long and happy marriage.

  • PortTaiLand

    I hope things don’t go South, Dakota. You might have to Fargo some of your privacy marrying into that family. All that prying can give a guy Deadwood which sends your eventual divorce straight to Rapid City. I hope the Grand Forks you’ve had in the past are worth the pain, though you might have to Washburn your Dickinson afterwards. Next time, consider carefully before before the Steele and Cannon Ball come out.

    (with thanks to Google maps)

    • Msgr_Moment

      There are no words. (nor placenames left)

      • PortTaiLand

        Winner!
        Though it didn’t seem to apply here.

    • Msgr_Moment

      FAR! Go North, Dakota!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      You have no Pierre.

      • therblig

        gmta

      • PortTaiLand

        She could have been doing horizontal Rugby with Stanley, or against a Wall with Mitchell. We’ll have to take it on Faith.

        • Cecilia Moorer

          “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!tl1043ur

          two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !tl1043u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBrightGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!tl1043o….,….

    • therblig

      at least she didn’t do it with Pierre

      • PortTaiLand

        That we know of.

      • PubOption

        I’m trying to imagine a Palin baby with a French name.

        • PortTaiLand

          Freedom Palin?

        • julienne58

          Yasmin Pellagra Frog? My French ain’t too good.

    • mailman27

      Don’t bogart that pun, my friend! Not many leftovers.

  • Ellen D.

    She’s really got a death grip on his bicep there, I mean, that’s gonna leave a mark.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Bristol: I got you! Dakota…you’re never leaving!

      Dakota: bitch, you left me!!!

      Bristol: oh that’s right! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      Dakota: man, im a stupid dick.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I thought Dakota was a girls name? Like Moon Unit.

    • bubbuhh

      It depends on which Dakota, North or South.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i thought both were women.

        • bubbuhh

          Not since their naughty bits got all fracked up.

      • SeeTrain65

        Dodge.

    • SnarkOff

      I thought it was a Native American name that means “Trailer Trash Redneck.”

  • harryeagar

    It would be pretty damn ironic if Trump loses the election only because Sarah is unavailable to stump for him because Todd or whatever-the-hell his name is got drunk and smashed up his snowmobile seriously but not fatally so she had to take time off from traveling around the country from bar to bar to nurse him. It would make me believe that there is a god but that he has subbed out his duties to G. Carlin in heaven.

  • Blackest Noobs

    she is. pregnant that is. and this time we can’t diss on her. this is what Bristol Palin’s do…it’s on a genetic level…her mum quits things, like jobs…Bristol has that same quitting gene…we CANNOT BLAME HER!!!!

    but this dipshit….holy dumb fuckity fuck….he was scott-free….no harm, no foul ( other than not getting to hang out with your kid for more than an hour?!?)…but you were free of her and then you go and stick your dick in her.

    DUMB DUMB DUMB.

    • Jenny

      Pretty win win. She finally is a Mrs and he ain’t got no child support payments.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but if he worn a condom none of this mightve mattered.
        but then again,she is the spokesperson for abstinence. so there’s that.
        as you can tell, she does a smash up awesome job at that too.

        • Jenny

          But that’s thinking with a brain!!

  • RobKanC

    I was gonna snark, but this is about Palins, I guess that in itself is a snark.

    • Blank Ron

      The Palins ARE kinda self-mocking.

  • Rick Wagner

    So is David French’s wife Nancy (who he says has been threatened by the Trump campaign) still ghost blogging for Bristol?

    • bubbuhh

      Mebbe, Nancy went on the honeymoon, too. And, that’s why there no blogs on the intertubes.

  • Marceline

    She became a *married* woman. Not even God could make her an honest one.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Eggnog Snapple

    IJTUALIMM…

  • Occam’s 8 ball

    boy – Shinji girl – Rei

  • GDleftyPart2

    It’s true love, she done got hitched to him even after Obama touched him and thanked him.
    Thanks Obama.

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    Pleeze Gawd let Bristol sign a contract with TLC to push out a baby every ten months and prove to those Duggar Truckers that drinking while carryin ain’t no big thang.

  • Jenny

    Posted in the other thread but again a toast to the bride and groom!

    https://youtu.be/JPMzRAqrv9o

  • anon_the_great

    What happened to the whore diamond Mr. Meyers was suing Bristol for?

    • SeeTrain65

      He married her.

      • Blank Ron

        Heyo!

  • ViveLaRes

    I don’t have a single fuck to give about a Palin. But I would like to say Fuck Comcast.

    • FlownOver

      As so many have said before. Might as well be their slogan.

      • Pickwicknext

        That would imply they listen to their customers

        • SeeTrain65

          No wonder they want to bed down with Time Warner. They cover each others’ ears.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Palins.
    Don’t let ’em smash bars or drive them old trucks.
    Let ’em not snow mobile when they get sloshed
    Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be Palins.
    ‘Cos they’ll never stay home, knocked up by a bone.
    Even with someone they love.

  • Joshua Norton

    Palins don’t really suffer from PTSD, they’re more like carriers of it.

  • bubbuhh

    Eggnog Scrapple Lithium is an babby name for for the right parents.

  • cousin itt

    eldest Palin son Track, who also suffers from PTSD

    Anyone would acquire PTSD from growing up with Sarah. Hell, just being around these yahoos was enough to get Dakota to see a shrink.

    • Be Gin

      See a shrink?

      He better see a lawyer first because if he doesn’t he is liable to end up signing a prenuptial agreement where he has to PAY her to get a divorce.

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    Bristol came from Wasilla AK AK
    grifted her way across the USA
    plucked her eyebrows on the way
    shaved her legs, then she was a virgin — said
    Hey Dakota, take a walk on the with child side
    Hey Kota, give a grizz a with child ride
    And the Inuits go… Oooo…a Oooo…a Oooo

  • say wha

    Did not know that Bass Pro Shop had a bridal registry.

    • MsAnthropesMr
    • idiotboy

      I refuse to look it up, but guarantee they do.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        They don’t! The person on pinterest says so!

    • cousin itt

      They do weddings reel good.

      • data_ninja

        Those things are usually hard to tackle.

    • PortTaiLand

      Can we assume Dakota has his own rod?

    • Blank Ron

      True story: the housemate’s second marriage was held on the dock at the trailer camp where they kept their fishing boat – they used to be on the pro fishing tour. Made the paper and everything.

  • SeeTrain65

    There is a lovely little MRA troll infesting the Stanford rape defender story. All available, please, go have at it while you still can.

    http://wonkette.com/602723/brock-turner-leslie-rasmussen-good-english

    • natoslug

      My trollerance level is at an all-time low today, so hopefully Dok’ll give it a good wack with the banhammer. It’s not even a very original troll.

    • dshwa

      No thanks, I tangled with a die hard Bernie bro yesterday, so I’ve had my troll fill for a while.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The wedding was a low-key ceremony, with the happy couple arriving in a safety-orange stretch Hummer, officiated by an Elvis impersonator. After the ceremony, the wedding party drove to the dump to shoot rats, and ended with a drunken brawl at midnight.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      My kinda wedding.

      • cousin itt

        My Big Drunk Redneck Wedding

      • idiotboy

        Check, Check, Check, and Check again. Inadequate we are, I am paled by their exceptionalism. Life should be this good.
        OK back to balancing the checkbook.

        • data_ninja

          Ooh! Checkbook would be a great name for their kid! He could grow up to be an accountant. If they wanted him to be a lawyer, they could name him Warrant.

    • PortTaiLand

      In other words, Tuesday.

  • HereKitty

    Wow, Alaska DNA testing is really slow, huh?

    • cousin itt

      Well, that’s what happens when your genetic ladder is missing a few hundred rungs.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Well, it goes by dog sled and this year they had no snow.

  • natoslug

    What world needs is love, sweet love . . .

    • bubbuhh

      What some worlds need is condoms and the will to use them.

      • natoslug

        Condoms, a vasectomy, and a 100 yard restraining order.

        • Courser

          She’s probably too irresponsible to take birth control pills correctly, but an IUD would fix that baby-maker up right.

  • bubbuhh
    • idiotboy

      That was really funny, remember funny? Trying to.

      • bubbuhh

        Lookit the lede pitcher of th’artihul. If the Bristols let go of the bicep, she gonna fall right over. Dakota won’t even notice cuz they both assworthy dronc dronc dronc.

    • TheGrandWaz00
    • shastakoala

      One of my all time favorite movies. Her insides were a rocky place.

  • elpinche

    Two months .

  • TJ Barke

    So is everybody hanging out in here instead of the dance party?

    • Jenny

      Possible

    • natoslug

      Trump didn’t totally implode today, so I lost the Total Trump Meltdown pool and am too sad to dance.

      • TJ Barke

        Someone probably hid his phone.

        • Pickwicknext

          Hopefully not in Ivanka’s bra…..and i hate myself now

          • TJ Barke

            Crosses the line…

          • Pickwicknext

            Danced over it gleefully more like

          • Msgr_Moment

            What are these lines of which you speak?

      • Jenny

        Why so sad?

        • natoslug

          The lack of a Trump meltdown. That, and I was actually mowing the lawn, so maybe I was too yardworky to dance.

          • Jenny

            Ah well that’s better than most causes of sadness!

  • Jenny

    PSA Mosquito AIDS is getting out of hand. Extra reason to make him cover it up.

    • SnarkOff

      ???

      • Jenny

        The Zika virus man! New cases keep popping up in Texas.

        Diseases of the sexually transmitted kind always seem to fuck women over the worst, and silently. Sure it causes problems with unborn kids, but what else does it do? I do not want another avenue for mosquito aids!

        • Courser

          Oh, it can only give adults Guianne Barre syndrome. Yes, I got part of that wrong, but it’s the bad thing that’s very close to that.

          And that is bad. It can fuck up adults plenty, but not everyone.

          • Jenny

            Yeah fuck all that noise!

  • cousin itt

    Alaska. Come for the women. Don’t stay. Just run.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      The odds are good, but the goods are odd!

  • bubbuhh

    Crystal Dilithium Djuwanna is also a fine name for a Palin babby

    • disraeli56

      I’m partial to Tundra Space Time Continuum

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Bristol voted with her vagina too!

    • cousin itt

      And that’s not just lip service, she’s all in.

    • H0mer0

      I misread that as “vetted with her vagina”

  • dshwa

    April sperm showers bring December full bloom babbys. Or something like that.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      A good March blow can help avoid all that…

  • dslindc

    I will guess 3 months along and that there are 2 loaded firearms out, unsecured in the bedroom. Where do I validate my scratcher ticket for this wager?

    • dshwa

      At the Boone’s Farm.

  • dslindc

    Maybe she went to the Planned Parenthood to get tested and some birth control so as to be a responsible sexy time-having adult? LOL, J/K! It is Bristol we’re talking about here.

    • I Only Like Cats

      She could get a birth control shot and pretend it’s for acne or something (I get mine this weekend!)

      • H0mer0

        depo provera doesn’t help acne; supposedly it makes it worse.

        • Bad Granny

          You saw the bit where she said pretend, right? Since cats uses depo, she probably knows what it’s for.

          • H0mer0

            [Cats don’t get acne!
            Yes, but Bristols do so that draws rings around your theory!]
            The implant is an option as is an IUD (she’d be a great candidate)

  • chascates

    Mama Grisly didn’t announce anything on her ShoutyFace or twatter, maybe she didn’t approve of the merger.

    • anon_the_great

      Sister Sarah don’t give two moose poops about her whore daughter

      • Jukesgrrl

        She’s not a whore, she’s a hypocrite.

    • Jenny

      She was cut out of the pay day.

  • She and Dakota are off in the hinterlands somewhere like “YOLO!” and “I ain’t got no panties on!” (Literally.)

    “And now, fellow wedding goers, please join me in welcoming Todd and Bristol to the floor for a very special father-daughter dance!”

    https://youtu.be/owMV7NjtsBY

  • CTOH

    Brisket Got Hitched! Coming to a Theatre near you…

    • Jukesgrrl

      Theatre? I thought y’all watched that stuff at home on your computers after the spouse went to sleep.

    • One of those theaters with individual booths?

    • bupkus23

      Why did that title remind me of “Freddy Got Fingered”???

  • CTOH

    Look at that death grip she’s got on his arm. No word from Mama Grizz?

  • Jonny On Maui

    Hey! Old timers! Anybody have a clue about bidenator? Am I blind? Haven’t seen him for a while…

    • Sardonicuss

      He’s the Hair something with the Trump avatar.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Okay. Now I feel not just stupid but extra special stupid…

        • Sardonicuss

          It’s pretty cool actually. Some times he is direct quote Drump and sometimes normal. I admire his artistic integrity…and stuff.

          • TJ Barke

            You spend a long enough time staring into the abyss, eventually the abyss stares back into you.

        • Pickwicknext

          Hey jonny! Is your house all assembled now?

          • Jonny On Maui

            They’re putting the pieces together now. We didn’t get up there today.

          • Pickwicknext

            Ms On Maui doing Ok still? I send you two good thoughts and hugs!

          • Jonny On Maui

            She’s been better… ::hugs::

          • TJ Barke

            Oh noes, did I miss some drama? Everything alright down on the homestead?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ms. On Maui is losing lung function, some sort of rejection issue that they’re working on figuring out. Has happened before.

            Isn’t fun for her any time it happens. It’s like flipping a switch on the ability to do things.

          • TJ Barke

            Wishing you guys the best of luck.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thank you.

    • Jenny

      Hairstyle, or hair strike Alpha or something like that.

      • Sardonicuss

        Thank you. Apparently, I have the memory of an Alzheimer afflicted fruit fly.
        I blame the drugs and alcyhol….

        • Suse

          What happened to Steverino? He was a regular.

          • Sardonicuss

            I am a very long time lurker / commenter of many differnt nom de rudes….but don’t know where that one went.

      • Figured that was him(?), the Trump impressions are way too good…

    • cousin itt

      OHJB is just a big softie, unless he’s alone with Jill.

      Vice President Joe Biden urged patience Wednesday when asked whether Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders should get out of the presidential race now that Hillary Clinton has become the presumptive Democratic nominee.

      “I think that’s his call,” Biden said while leaving the Senate chamber. “It’s clear we know who the nominee is going to be. I think we should be a little graceful and give him the opportunity to decide on his own.” http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/08/politics/biden-on-sanders-we-should-be-a-little-graceful/index.html

  • shastakoala

    Grace Eggnog is her second child? So with three you get Eggroll.

    • H0mer0

      Hot and sour, baby!

    • SeeTrain65

      One from Column A, one from Column B …

  • I Only Like Cats

    PTSD is never automatically disqualifying but it makes relationships that much more stressful (I can say that because I’m the one with PTSD in mine).

    • Villago Delenda Est

      PTSD just adds an extra something to a relationship, because it manifests itself in different ways in different individuals, and can be pretty unpredictable.

      I wish you the best of good fortune in wrestling with yours.

  • I’ll bet Bristol had a lovely denim wedding dress.

    • shastakoala

      With red, white and blue flip flops.

      • I Only Like Cats

        She wore shoes?

        • shastakoala

          I guess you’re right. That would mean it was a winter wedding.

          • H0mer0

            A nice day for a white wedding

        • Skadi

          In fairness, I know a few people of my parents’ generation who got married shoeless, and occasionally on top of a mountain for some reason.

          • JH Marx

            or beach

    • Bad Granny

      Camo or GTFO.

      • shastakoala

        Camp mesh netting would make for a lovely veil.

        • Treg.Brown

          Genius…

          • shastakoala

            I think I’m gonna cry. Dabs eyes.

          • Me not sure

            Plus, keeps skeeters from the fetus.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I thought the veil was supposed to symbolize virginity…?

        • Courser

          Naw… a cheap-ass Coughlin’s Mosquito Head net.

          Full disclosure: I have one but the bugs in CO really aren’t that bad. Usually.

    • beavertank

      I would have guessed sweatpants, old and worn t-shirt, and flipflops with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. You’re a lot nicer than I am.

    • TheBoatDude

      Bedazzled, yes…

  • beavertank

    Ah yes, little Flea-Dip Palin. The gem of the Palin family.

  • John Smith

    Dakota (the driver of the truck of the same name, not the states) realized that with Hillz as POTUS, Sarah’s grift level is about to rise exponentially. I assume nailin’ Palin beats working.

    And Oscar! Gotta name the kid Oscar.

    • 451 Byrnes

      Or Metro-Goldwyn

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I knew everything I had to know about Dakota from your lead photo. People who have text tattooed on their chests are either 1) arrogant, controlling narcissists or 2) morons or 3) got drunk once too often and let someone talk them into doing this, or 4) religious fanatics, or in this case it was probably #1, #2 and #3 combined. I added #4 because I once knew a young woman who had an entire bible verse tattooed on her chest. She said it helped her “spread the Gospel.” It certainly inspired a lot of men to look closely at her chest.

    • Skadi

      They move in mysterious ways their wonders to perform.

    • Jenny

      My sister has some emo punk lyric on her chest. She is a moron.

      • TheBoatDude

        Doesn’t emo and punk sort of cancel each other out?

        • Jenny

          Well it’s AFI. They were punk once, but then they got extra extra emo when Davey Havok fucked up his vocal range.

    • fredoandme

      “…she has eyes that men adore so,
      and a torso, even more so….”

    • TheBoatDude

      And God said “Men come forth, and check out this rack!”

    • WhyFelicia

      Or they’re Ani DiFranco.

    • Me not sure

      “A permanent reminder of a temporary feeling.”
      Jimmy Buffett

    • TJ Barke

      She does know that tattoos are a sin, right?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well she was a fundamentalist evangelical Christian from Louisiana, which means she only reads the parts of the Bible she agrees with. At least, I assumed she could read, which was a big assumption.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Occasionally also 5) doing gay porn.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Really? That’s outside my personal experience, but I always like to learn new things. I will add that to my list.

  • diogenez

    Does this mean that Bristol squats in the bushes to pee instead of squatting in the street?

    • H0mer0

      Is a bear Catholic?

      • anon_the_great

        Is a beer Catholic?

      • Steely_Fan

        Do bears sleep in the woods?

  • malsperanza

    That reminds me : whatever happened to the Palins? Anybody know?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Wonketeerioids, this is lovely, wonderful, life-affirming news. We make babbies nao!

    • Jenny

      Stop trying to make babehs with everyone!!!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I’ll try the dance thread then.

        • Jenny

          There’s probably plenty of bad decisions being made there. You’re going to have much better luck!

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m having a sad disqus day on the dance thread. Think we’ve overloaded. I left so as to not add to the problem.

            Then again it could just be on my end…

  • Walter Wellstone

    I think Sarah’s publicist told them there’s no way in hell Drumpf is going to consider Sarah for VP if Barstool has another immaculate conception especially after letting the world know she and Dakota got back together. I say she’s due by Christmas and I bet the marriage will last until Drumpf picks his running mate if he picks someone other than Sarah or until after the election if he picks Sarah.

  • 451 Byrnes

    Other baby name suggestions:
    Tinker
    Tailor
    Soldier

    • shastakoala

      I thought those were the fathers.

      • 451 Byrnes

        Just add Jr.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Beggarman is already taken, in that family.

    • Trumpet
      Mellophone
      Trombone
      Euphonium
      Tuba

    • Fly

      needs moar gun parts.

    • Beulah

      Well, Squibb of course.

    • AlasAnAss

      LeCarrelibelz!#@!#@!

  • Rick Hill

    I’ve never heard this guy’s blog mentioned ’round here. He lives in Alaska and has a close acquaintanceship with people who’ve had run ins with the Palins, in particular Levi’s sister.
    http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/ He sure did a lot of checking in to the famous “Wild Ride” or whatever the fck Sarah’s flight to Alaska to deliver her bayubee was called. Haven’t read his stuff for a while but he’s still there.

    • OddMan

      I am a big fan of The Immoral Minority blog and have been reading it for years. Also written by a smart woman. Double plus good.

      • Rick Hill

        Gryph is a dude, pretty sure about that.

        • OddMan

          Don’t know how I got that confused. You are correct.

    • Zyxomma

      I love Gryphen’s blog. Found it through The Mudflats.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    That tattoo on his chest says “No Ragrets” in Latin.

    • 451 Byrnes
      • Vegan and Tiara

        Particularly apropos since he’s marrying Bristol. Although eventually the “no” will be a strike through.

        • Courser

          They can probably make a rose or something out of it.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ever see “Bad Ink”?

      • Does that mean Bristol has…

        http://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bc9cxCrIEAA5v30.png

        • TJ Barke

          Classy as fuck.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Something Teh Donald would call “classy”, fer sure!

          • SecludedCompound

            But still somehow hot. I was raised in the sticks.

          • TJ Barke

            Tattooed chicks are hot.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Bristol needs one that says “No Rugrats”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        That’s would be as close as she got to contraception.

    • Little Lulu

      So that’s what “Desenex est menstrualis” means! Thanks!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I guess he straightened out that minor “married to somebody else” problem.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and she straightened out the “fucked some other guy” problem

  • Bemused

    No snark, I sincerely hope the two of them settle down an live very quiet lives in which Bristol never again gives bad advice to teenagers.

    • bupkus23

      Especially her own ( who wants another generation of these idjits? )….

  • EcoNutts

    Baby name: Moose Burgers Van Palin

    • Me not sure

      Zika Skeeter Palin?… holy shit, I just realized she is now Bristol Meyer. There has got to be a way to leverage that into an endorsement deal. $$$

      • Courser

        Oh great, now you’ve got her pushing drugs??? That’d actually be some kind of awesome.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Dakota, you do realize that when you marry, you marry the family.

    Firefly 2016! Re-engreaten Freedonia!

    • Me not sure

      Sylvania will not stand idly by. This means war!

    • SeeTrain65

      Come up here, you two. I want to scare the Cabinet.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    At this rate, Bristol will have a quiverfull in no time.

    • Barley_Brains

      Ew.

  • Fly

    Those crazy kids. Literally, those crazy fucking kids .

    • Me not sure

      Literally crazy, literally fucking.

  • bubbuhh

    Pelvis moves in mysterious ways its wonders to perform.

    This babby brought to y’all by Bristol Meyer.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Can they wrap all them Palins in human condoms? I swear someone sneezes near them and they are pregnant or impregnated. Are they trying to start their own town? Bears. We need more bears. Like Revenant bears.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Wishing the Meyer/Palins love and happiness and please don’t ever bother us again.

    • M H

      Oh god – I read “Meyer/Palins” as some sort of disorder that would show up in the DSM-V.

  • Barley_Brains

    I propose Anal Leakage, Mucousy Discharge, and Bill/Billomena as possible handles for the puking, mewling bundle of joy.

  • AlasAnAss

    This story is filed under Culture in the Wonkette Archives. Bristol Palin (any Palin, really), and culture. This is as close as it gets.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I think it might be ‘culture’ as in something growing in a Petri dish.

  • God made her on honest woman? Nah…just like God can’t make a rock bigger than he can carry, there ain’t nothing that will make this chick honest. See Satan for terms and conditions.

    • Awesome Man

      There is actually a scenario wherein I could consider Bristol to be somewhat honest.

      That scenario involves her going on a free national speaking tour to denounce abstinence education, and apologizing for the damage she had done perpetuating outdated ways of looking at human sexuality.

      That scenario is about as likely as the Browns winning the next ten Super Bowls in a row. During a strike.

      • bupkus23

        About as likely as Bristol understanding all those multi-syllabic words!

  • Tendernob

    I could see the wedding from my house in Russia!

    • limberrat

      In soviet Russia, Palin invades you!

      • TJ Barke

        It’s not an invasion when you’re invited.

    • Awesome Man

      I have a vast variety of sources that I got my news about the wedding. But I can’t name any. Sorry, Katie.

  • smr06va

    Dakota, besides suffering from PTSD, must also be suffering from TBI…………..only someone whose cognitive processes are damaged would marry into that family………….

  • vivian

    Howzabout naming the baby Zika?

    • smr06va

      That’s going to go viral…………

      • vivian

        Maybe, but something about it bugs me…

    • nmmagyar

      “Did someone say Zima?” – B. Palin

    • Beaumarchais?

      This family is immune; if they had a Zika baby, no one could tell the difference.

  • Ryan Denniston

    How about lamp? I like lamp!

    • Serai 1

      Oyster! I’ve always thought that would be a neat name! (And for “neat”, read “bugfuck insane”.)

  • Tio_Doidinho

    He looks….beefy. Like those boys they grow on hydroponic farms in the Midwest.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He has nothing to do other than work out, shill for a “tactical holster” company, and knock up virgins.

      • smr06va

        Barstool is no virgin…………

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          But, abstinence only . . .

          • kaw143

            But, abstinence only . . .

            …gets you pregnant, every time.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Leave Bristol alone!!!! Your just jealous haterz who can’t even get pregnant on the first try!!!! No class losersa nd fagz all of you!!! Unlike you, Bristol doens’t even half to try to get pregnant, losers!!!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      She married a dude with a neck tattoo, and I think it is supposed to be latin and the font is most certainly gothic.
      At this point it is not so much hate as worry.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Is contemptuous apathy a thing? I think that’s what I’ve got.

        • TJ Barke

          I heard that.

        • JH Marx

          It is now.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Wonder if the next babby will be named Ranger.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Probably not. Dakota’s a Marine. Raider perhaps.

      • Jenny

        Squib Jarhead Palin Meyer.

      • limberrat

        Ronald Lee Ermey Meyer?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I know he is a Marine. Hence why the first one is Sailor.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Is she trying to collect the whole set?

  • WhyFelicia

    Oh, I thought you were going to suggest Bug Spray, Flea-dip, and Bug Spray for birth control methods.

  • SC

    I agree. There will be another kid immediately. He looks like a redneck on steroids.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You know, kids, now that you’re hitched, yeah, technically you can fuck like bunnies. But I would recommend…highly, that you pace yourself on the baby making part of fucking by using contraception, because let’s face it, Dakota’s MoH stipend is only going to go so far in feeding, clothing, and housing two kids, let alone three, unless you have some steady income from someplace else.

      • TJ Barke

        They’ll get wingnut welfare, I’m sure.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Momma cancelled failing internets show, money was drying up, let go from Fox and whoa, wedding cancelled!
    Now, Momma back touring, money flowing back in, and surprise, wedding!
    Hypothesis: This is still all about the grift.

    • Jenny

      So did they run off and elope? Nothing wrong with that, but I imagine a real shindig would be weird after the cancellation wedding, the tabloid sniping, and custody battle. If I was Dakota’s family I’d be like heeeeeeell no, get your baby, and get away from these people.

      • Amalga

        That picture background kind of looks like Hale Koa Resort in Waikiki so maybe they did elope. The timing makes me think he may have needed to actually get divorced from his first wife once the public eye was on him. I think he will fit right in with that clan.

        • Jenny

          That was my thought too. He was still married and oops I forgot! Bristol was so mad he ruined her plans!1!! Then she drug his ass through the mud for a kid she knew was his. So classy. That’s going to be a great marriage!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It is ALWAYS about the grift with that family

      • pstockholm

        Now I can’t get out of my head, “I’m all about that grift, ’bout that grift, no trouble …. my mamma she told me “don’t worry about your size” …

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    OT

    UPDATED8 HOURS AGO
    A co-founder of Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, the Arizona-based anti-illegal immigration militia group, was found guilty Wednesday of sexual molestation and giving obscene material to a minor. Chris Simcox, 55, was accused of molesting two girls aged 5 and 6. During the trial, Simcox, a former grade school teacher, represented himself. He faces up to life behind bars.

    • TJ Barke

      Couldn’t happen to a nicer sociopath.

    • Spotts1701

      Oh, he go bye bye for a long time

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      those fuckwits have been polluting Southern AZ for years. This asshole can go join drug dealer and murderer Shawna Forde to rot in prison for the rest of his life. Or he can do the right thing and join his buddy and co-founder of the Minutemen, murderer J.T Ready in hell by taking the coward’s way out like J.T. did and sucking the barrel of one of his guns…

    • limberrat

      My eldest girl is almost 4…Fuck him and I hope he is given the appropriate treatment child molesters are given in prison. I also hope a big Hispanic guy is the one to do it to this racist, just for that little bit of irony.

      • obamafone

        With votes, please.

    • sw19womble

      *insert banhammer-free comment here*

      • Jonny On Maui

        Smile and sweetly whisper, “Karma’s coming!”

    • Odd Jørgensen

      “represented himself”

      Of course he did, wouldn`t be a real militiaman if not….

    • SeeTrain65

      Nice work, Chris. Next time read the part that ends “fool for a client.”

  • lucidamente

    Will they all be moving into the White House when Sarah becomes Vice-President?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Lots of space for their double-wide on the lawn of TWH.

  • limberrat

    OT, but iCarly is being…well Carly. I have to say her arrogance and blindness to her own failures is pretty damn funny.

    “Last night, Hillary clinched the Democratic presidential nomination. And the political establishment and the liberal media could barely contain their glee about the “historic” nature of Hillary’s win.

    I’m proud to be a woman. But I also know gender is not an accomplishment.

    Hillary Clinton can’t run on her record: a quarter-century of failure, incompetence and corruption. The only way she can win is by playing the gender card.

    That’s why Hillary’s top allies have wasted zero time in bullying women into voting for Hillary Clinton:

    Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told a rally that there’s a “special place in hell” for women who don’t support Hillary Clinton.
    And liberal feminist Gloria Steinem said women who don’t back Hillary are simply too shallow to have their opinions taken seriously.
    Newsflash, Mrs. Clinton: women will not be so easily fooled. The American people will not be so easily fooled.
    When I became the first woman to run a major corporation, I wanted to
    talk about how we were going to fix problems, take on the bureaucracy,
    and create more opportunities. Not about whether or not my going to work
    each morning was “historic.”
    As anyone who’s ever held a job knows: it doesn’t matter who you are. It matters if you can be trusted to do the job you’re hired to do.
    Hillary Clinton cannot be trusted, and she cannot do the job of President of the United States. And it’s up to us to make sure she never gets the chance.”

    • Spotts1701

      When I became the first woman to run a major corporation, I wanted to talk about how we were going to fix problems, take on the bureaucracy, and create more opportunities. Not about whether or not my going to work each morning was “historic.”

      Well, it was historic. In the same way the Hindenburg was historic, anyways…

      • Zyxomma

        “When I became the first woman to run a major corporation INTO THE GROUND, I fucked over all the little people and got away with fucktons of money.” iCarly

      • Msgr_Moment

        The spellchecker must not have “histrionic” in its repertoire.

    • Jenny

      Booohooo nobody bought my vagina card!

      • kaw143

        I wouldn’t touch her vagina card with your* dick.

        Because, I CARE, MAN!

        *for the sake of snark, we are assuming that “Jenny” is also, too, a masculine name, like “Sue”.

        • Odd Jørgensen

          As in “I`m suing you for everything you and your grandkids will ever earn in 8 lifetimes!” masculine?

      • cousin itt

        I’d punch that.

    • TJ Barke

      “it doesn’t matter who you are. It matters if you can be trusted to do the job you’re hired to do.”
      This part is essentially correct. Unfortunately she’s too dumb to realize it applies to her.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The HP board had some disagreements with whether you could be trusted to do the job, Carly. Which is why they drove a dumptruck full of money up to your house to get you to go the fuck away.

        • kaw143

          Oh, but it’s totally okay, because Steve Jobs told her so.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The American people will not be so easily fooled.

      It’s true- they’ll see right through iCarly’s bullshit

    • kaw143

      Says the ever-trustworthy, totally accomplished woman who didn’t manage to become the first woman ever nominated for President.

    • cousin itt

      Donald does not want you for VP. HE wants a real MAN. What do you not get?

      • limberrat

        Besides, you were already Cruz’s VP for a day and did what you do best. Lay people off.

    • SeeTrain65

      This from a woman who’s primary “accomplishment” was the deportation of 40,000 jobs from HP.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The neck tattoo is all wrong. Semper fidelis, numbskull…

    • limberrat

      What in the hell does it say?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Something-inex est mens-something, which isn’t “Semper Fi” in any way shape or form.

        (Semper Fidelis being the motto of the Marine Corps)

        • limberrat

          I have a couple uncles and a former manager who were Marines. I had one of the uncles take me on a 3 hour walk when I was in high school to try to convince me to join. Oh trust me, I am very familiar with Semper Fi.

        • SeeTrain65

          If he were smart it would be Sominex. Anything that came from Barstool’s mouth I’d desperately want to sleep through.

      • TJ Barke

        According to someone downthread it said “no regrets” Which is ironic for a neck tattoo.

        • limberrat

          Well that’s ironic now that he is in the Palin family.

        • That’s a joke from a movie. Also, it’s No Ragrets.

        • bupkus23

          Geez – I was gonna post an image of a “No Regerts” tattoo that I had seen, but when I searched for the image, I saw so many different misspellings that I had to wonder “Is this a thing?”

          The good thing about a Latin tattoo is that very few people can tell if it’s misspelled.

    • kaw143

      You know, that isn’t actually a neck tattoo. That would be his chest. Kinda’ hard to tell, since he seems to have no neck, so I’ma give you a pass on that one.

      YES, I’m very magnanimous. Thank you for noticing.

      [/educationtroll]

    • Jenny

      Vesti nex est meus vita. Your death is my life. DEEEEEEEP.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I thought it was nix est mensa: This numskull is not in Mensa.

        • Jenny

          I’m not sure I want “I’m a murderer” tattooed on my chest. There’s already teardrop tattoos for that! Both would be a turn off, I think.

  • cgthegeek

    The only moral premarital sex that results in my child(ren) being born out of wedlock is my premarital sex that results in my child(ren) being born out of wedlock!

    • TJ Barke

      Well yeah! When it happens to me I’m a victim of circumstance. When it happens to all those other girls it’s because they’re slutty whores!

  • limberrat

    OT but I found the best meltdown on my facespace page from a family member who bleeds Sanders and I just had to share:

    I find it extremely difficult to believe they didn’t break even when
    you take into consideration that Bernie had 60,000 people attend his
    Oakland rally…… And there were 6,000 in Santa Cruz, and the
    thousands in SF… It’s just hard to believe.

    • kaw143

      Yes, because the size of one’s rallies is far more important than the number of people who actually vote.

      I dunno. It’s almost as if Bernie really energized people to go to these bitchin’ parties with their friends. …And then, somehow, didn’t manage to explain that boring shit was somehow involved, too.

      • limberrat

        A bunch of youth voters not bothering to show up to vote…that NEVER happens!

        • Zen Diesel

          Watch how fast they abandon him when he endorses Clinton.

          • limberrat

            Entering the trash heap of history with Ron Paul, Huey Long, George McGovern, Wendell Willkie, etc….

          • Zen Diesel

            I had a lot of respect for him in the beginning, but when he mentioned that Obama’s presidency was a failure, I started to become skeptical. You can’t win the democratic nomination by dissing the current democratic President. Then when he bought on Cornel West and Killer Mike as a surrogate to bring in the black vote, I knew he was clueless.

          • sw19womble

            See also 2010 and 2014 midterms.

          • bupkus23

            If they then vote for Hillary in the general, would that still be abandoning Bernie?

    • Zen Diesel

      Huge rallies don’t always turn into votes. I have witness amazing disconnect from reality with a few diehard Bernie supporters today. They still think he is going to be the nominee because that mythical Hillary indictment is coming soon.

    • Bemused

      There are tens of millions of people here. 60,000 isn’t even 1%

      • limberrat

        Funny thing is that actual estimates put the rally at 25-30k which is still basically nothing. What is also unknown is how many attended multiple rallies or how many went to experience history with zero intention of voting for him.

        • Bemused

          Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me if a lot of people went either just to be with their friends or just to see the show.

          • bupkus23

            “…or just to see the show.”

            I’ve heard that a lot – and going to any kinda of political rally just strikes me as one of the least entertaining things to do. Stay home and beat off. if you’re so easily entertained…

    • kaw143

      Huh. The Grateful Dead inspired legions to follow them from show to show, drawing huge, enthusiastic crowds. Yet, Jerry Garcia was never elected President. PROOF THAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS RIGGED THE RULES! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

      …Okay, sleep off the buzz AND THEN WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Do they understand that the rallys don’t count?

      • cousin itt

        1 rally w/20,000 = One extended life. Or, whateverthefuck computer games are these days.

    • sw19womble

      Bernie got 1.5m to Hillary’s 1.95m. It’s not like he got completely ‘schlonged’ at Little Marco levels.

  • kaw143

    O/T: The show I’m watching onna TV just warned me that is has “strong language”.

    What the hell is “strong language”? I mean, has the language been working out? Does it consist of the BEST WORDS?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Strong language = fortified wine…

      • Suttree

        I thought, fortified wine= Bristol having another babby

        • Jonny On Maui

          That is a logical flow…

      • Major_Major_Major

        Strong language==Fortified whine, also too

    • cousin itt

      Just the mention of “President Trump” was enough to knock me for six.

    • sw19womble

      Yooge language. The best. High energy! Those PG words are so weak. Sad. All my words will be the strongest. Make America Swear Again!

    • cousin itt

      Words. Strong like bullshit. But enough about Trump.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Hay Fever Palin? If it`s a boy?

    • data_ninja

      Tammy Flu if it’s a girl then.

  • cousin itt

    Double-Wide Palin if twins.

    • data_ninja

      Pretty sure Smith and Wesson would be twins.

  • DerrickWildcat

    He seems like an ok guy. maybe he’ll rub off on her.

    • cousin itt

      Should have swallowed.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I hope he knocks some sense into her. One thing is to give up on this abstinence crap and start advising women to take care of themselves by using contraception if they decide to be sexually active.

    • Awesome Man

      Replace off with out and you got it.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I always enjoy a love story with a happy ending.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Trailer trash with perfect teeth.

    • Pickwicknext

      Thanks floridation!

      • bupkus23

        That word looks more like “brain damage” than “dental hygiene”.

  • Cecilia Moorer

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!tl1043ur

    two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !tl1043u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBrightGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!tl1043o….,…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Thank you for spamming my post the other day. It tickled. I did go to the doctor after. He said you should get checked right away…

      • Msgr_Moment

        Uh oh. I think we all should.

    • DerrickWildcat

      Hi, you are new here. Where’s Robyn?

    • SeeTrain65

      Your roommate Lori is a fucking liar. And she gets around. You’re the 378th roommate she’s had in the last two months.

      • sw19womble

        Times are tough in the Playboy Mansion….

    • Awesome Man

      Fuck Lori. Lori sucks.

    • sw19womble

      Needs.moar..!!Punctuation

    • chicken thief

      Sometimes Moorer is lesser.

    • therblig

      i’m guessing lori’s stand on abstinence is similar to bristol’s?

    • limberrat

      Are we sure Lori isn’t in a death cult or a cannibal and this is every new roommate’s cry for help? Why do Lori’s friends keep misspelling? Does this say “Help, I am in the old saw mill and am being held hostage! If you click the link I will provide my coordinates”?

  • Jonny On Maui

    Military people are a different kind of people that come from all over and are just like everyone else except military people are the only people that can rip on other military people without looking like complete assholes. It’s part of being military people. The anchor clankers rip on the squids, paras rip on legs, flyboys and marines are fair game. I met a lot of folk in my time of service from all the services, yes, even the sailors that only go ankle deep, our Coast Guard friends. There was one thing that I observed over time and that was this;

    In the early all volunteer military the majority of the volunteers were from the lower 10% of humanity in terms of smarts. There were a lot of ‘enlist or jail’ guys in my training units. There were a lot of guys that hadn’t paid attention ever in school. There are always exceptions. The intelligence groupings went something like this; At the top of the lower 10% are the Air Force folk at the top 20%. Following are the Navy and Coast Guard making up the next 50%, followed by the Army taking the next to last 20%. The bottom 10% are your Marines. Again, my own observation, YMMV.

    All of this just to point out Bristol always choose from the bottom shelf…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I knew a few Marine officers in my time, and the impressed me as being good guys. But I had little to no contact with Marine enlisted. Also met some SEALs once, they were impressive in a number of ways.

      • AKLynne

        What I remember when they visited Juneau on their ships for 4th of July weekends were that the Marines got drunk and picked fights; the sailors got drunk and picked up girls. I can also attest to the fact that the Seals were impressive in a number of ways. Was lucky enough to go scuba diving with a couple of them. Made me look like an (obvious) amateur by comparison.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Scuba diving? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

          • AKLynne

            No, really…putting on scuba gear, wetsuit, weights, and going swimming under the sea in Alaska. I wouldn’t kid ya, Jen.

      • chicken thief

        I was an enlisted Marine for 20 years. I respectfully disagree with IQ level portion of Jonny’s take. Sure there are some that aren’t so bright, but there are plenty at the high end of the scale also too. And while a good portion came from the bottom half of the economic ladder there were plenty of exceptions to that as well. For example, a Pfc from the Ozarks once told me that he joined the Marines for the free underwear and boots and I believed him.

        I agree that SEALS, who I was fortunate enough to train with a little in Panama City, FL, and all of the other special units of any branch – Rangers, Recon, etc, are impressive in many ways. Completing the training for any of those units requires a mental discipline and toughness, as well as the physical endurance, that few people possess.

        The old joke is: anyone can be a civilian – you have to pass a test to join the military. But there is truth to the joke – I’d say the average IQ and physical fitness level is higher in the military than a cross section of America because the low ends are lopped off.

      • Jonny On Maui

        The Marine officers and NCOs had their heads together. The enlisted, not so much.

        Seals are in a different class. They’re the exception to just about every rule.

    • Playonwords

      I had a mate who was a British Redcap. He was on patrol in Hamburg on a night when there were Royal Navy Jacks, US Navy, US Marines, British Marines and some British Paras all on leave at once (this was back in the 70s).

      Redcaps and Shore Patrol of both navies took one look at the mayhem in the bar concerned and went “No WAY!” Luckily (?) RAF Whitecaps showed up with their dogs and went “Coo-el” or more likely as it was told to me “Mongo Kill,” or possibly “Gruh Ugg Urgle” and went in.

      It wasn’t pretty …

  • Ghenghis McCann

    ‘her on-again, off-again beau.’ Presumably as in ‘She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer’

    • cousin itt

      Will you be here all week?

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Try the veal.

        • Frank Underboob

          Fuck! – You beat me to it!

  • Playonwords

    OT Good-ish news
    Founder of “Minute Man Civil Defense” found guilty of child molestation.
    From the Arizona Star

    A Maricopa County Superior Court jury on Wednesday found former “border-vigilante” leader Chris Simcox guilty of two counts of child molestation and one count of furnishing obscene material to a minor.
    /snip
    Simcox faces a sentence of between 10 and 24 years in prison for each of the molestation convictions

    I recall this case from the first reports back in 2013. What I had not caught were the ages of this predators victims, 5 and 6 (FIVE and SIX!!!) and there were at least 2 other similarly aged girls molested by this pedophile.

    The downside is that he was acquitted of the more serious charges that would have seen him in prison for life and he was found only found guilty of molesting the 5 yo.

    H/T to Kat commenting on “We Hunted the Mammoth”

    • SeeTrain65

      Also mentioned down thread.

      • Playonwords

        Damn, ninja’d again

        • SeeTrain65

          S’alright. It deserves to be mentioned often.

          • sw19womble

            Especially to social conservatives: hey, fucking little kids is wrong!

    • The Wanderer
  • freakishlystrong

    All she needs to do now is get elected Mayor of some shitty little meth-lab town in Alaska and she can be Tom Cotton’s pick in 2020, Just like Momma!

  • trevorpyle

    Well, that settles it. Sarah Palin is going to be Trump’s VP pick. The marriage ties up THAT loose end.

    • Lizzietish81

      I think you’re onto something. Sarah realizes that THE reason she lost is because her daughter was unmarried.

      Now she’s married, that problem is solved.

      • Suttree

        But will Track start a successful business making Billy Palin Beer?

        • Microbrews ARE all the rage these days, but I’m not sure the distinct flavour of moose urine will be that much of a selling point…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            It is cute you think that is moose.

          • Suttree

            Wet spot in the middle of the street libelz!!!

          • Doesn’t Budweiser (or AMERICA!) have a trademark on using human urine in beer? Or does that only count with the “beer” in question is 100% human urine?

  • Frank Underboob

    SNAP POLL: How many months along do we think Bristol is? No, for real, this is a legitimate journalism question!

    Logically, she should be far enough along to pop out another abstinence-babby in time for xmas.

    • chicken thief

      Blessed Gift Palin!

      • nmmagyar

        Blessed Grift Palin

      • bozilingus

        Hanukkah Harry Palin

  • AKLynne

    Pollin Paiin…add whatever his last name is. I love it!

  • Many thanks for linking to our blog, we really appreciate it!

    Track Palin’s and Jordan Loewe’s baby is a boy, by the way, and yes, they are back together again. :-)

    • chicken thief

      The one they had or the one she is carrying now? Does he have any guns to play with? If not, do you know if they are registered at the Wasilla Pawn and Rifle Emporium?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I’d want to know more if the prenup says specifically no chasing around with loaded weapons.

        • Suttree

          That would be a deal breaker.

      • The child Jordan is carrying now. This will be their first baby.

        For more details, please visit the “Mug-Shot Saloon” in Wasilla. It is located just next to Sarah Palin’s house, and Track is a regular customer there. :-)

        • Pickwicknext

          Can one see Russia from there? If not, I am not interested

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            Please don’t throw darts at Russia from the saloon. We need those for tournament play this weekend.

        • chicken thief

          Jordan? And Track….. I see ‘Nike’ as a good fit for boy baby name!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Jordan? Never heard of him.

      • AnOuthouse

        She works at the Wasilla Lowe’s store.

    • Oh, and Sarah Palin is STILL not the biological mother of Trig.

      But who cares, LOL! :-)

    • Walter Wellstone

      What’s the boy’s name? Is it something dull, like Michael?

  • geoffalnutt

    “an honest woman…”? No, she’s honestly a woman, alright. She just needs to stop being one so hard.

    • Rowen

      Oh, she takes care of herself
      She can wait if she wants
      She’s ahead of her time
      Oh, and she never gives out
      And she never gives in
      She just changes her mind

  • Ninja0980

    So anyone want to make bets on how long they’ll last?
    I have six months tops.

    • Jenny

      I’ll give em 18 months.

  • Rowen

    What’s with these people and dumb ass names?

    • nmmagyar

      I’ll accept any of these stupid names so long as there is never another Brittney/Brittany/Brittni

    • eddi

      Dipping into the Bible for inspiration. It is a magic ritual (but don’t tell them) for all answers to hard questions. You open the book at random and poke a pin inthe page without looking. Any word or phrase in the vicinity is the solution.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        So how did they come up with Meadow Muffin?

        • eddi

          Translation error? Overly free interpretation? Using a racing form?

      • Rowen

        So, they did they same thing that 90s bands did with the dictionary.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Ehem…

          In Blair Jackson’s book on the Dead, Garcia is quoted as saying:
          “One day we were over at Phil’s house…He had a big dictionary. I opened it and there was ‘Grateful Dead’, those words juxtaposed. It was one of those moments, you know, like everything else went blank, diffuse, just sort of oozed away, and there was GRATEFUL DEAD in big, black letters edged all around in gold, man, blasting out at me, such a stunning combination. So I said, ‘How about Grateful Dead?’ And that was it.”

        • eddi

          I remember a scene in one of the original Planet of the Apes movies where they used a dictionary that way to name the ape character Caesar. Any book with lots of words will do the trick.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The kind of books that no Palin will ever read?

  • h4rr4r

    Trying to figure out that tattoo, so far best guess is “vestri nex est meus vita”?

    “Your death is my life” is not a classy thing to have tattooed on you.

    • Relativicus

      It’s much nicer if you translate it as “My life, your death.”

      • bupkus23

        Still sounds psychopathic – especially as a “permanent” tattoo

        • pstockholm

          That’s cause you haven’t read the matching “we got ’em when we were both wasted” tattoo on Bristol. Together they make perfect sense.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Hers says “Come and take them (my wine coolers).”

      • h4rr4r

        I see you had bryan translate that.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      down below, it is said it is something like no regrets.
      Dig the gothic font to it

      • nmmagyar

        Reminds me of a certain Reich not so long ago that was very fond of that font (and tattoos)

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Mmmmmm….it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • nmmagyar

            Blonde, nationalistic, &ct. A fair comparison, methinks

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Seriously, that font is basically unreadable by any German less than about 90 years old. My parents had a hundred year old letter from the old county and sent it to us to see what it said. Nobody could read it except my wife’s grandmother (90+ at the time).

          • Tovarish Z

            Hitler was actually the one who eliminated that classic old font. He wanted “english” print so that it would be easier for the conquered people to learn German.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            Sure he said that, but then he imposed Comic Sans on all the “lesser” races. It was a cruel regime.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            One more idea of his that didn’t work. I say this from experience.

      • Relativicus
      • pstockholm

        That strikes me more as Faux Shire font or Cheap “Pub” font.

      • h4rr4r

        I looked it up, I was correct. I read it on the internet so it has to be true.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Probably sounds better while you are still in the Girine Corps.

  • Relativicus

    In my experience, marriages that arise from volatile relationships are usually the best marriages. Also in my experience, rat poison gives a nice oaky flavor to barbecued ribs, quicklime is good for the skin, and a good way to meet new friends is to quickly approach a parked presidential motorcade while reaching into your sport coat.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    OT but annoyed. Going to work, get behind a tractor, figure I might be a little late so I do the right thing and call the boss.
    Says boss “Oh well, I didn’t have you on the schedule today anyway so don’t come in” Mind, I have been doing Thursdays every week for years now and of course the new schedule came out yesterday and yes I should have called to check but still. Annoyed.
    I can’t help but think this stems from doing the right thing and letting her know I was interviewing (because it takes fucking forever to get new people in, so I wanted to be nice and give her a heads up).
    Moral of the story: Don’t do the right thing? Can that be right?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      No good deed goes unpunished.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Muttergrumble. I did hear it through the grapevine that the one I interviewed with was interested. But I ain’t gettin my hopes up, yet.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          :-)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I know, I can’t help but get a little hope up XD

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Alaska Grifta Pollens would mock you for such things, but then again she’d quit long before the 2nd interview.

          • vivian

            I’ll get my hopes up for you instead, so you don’t have to worry about jinxing it.

      • Relativicus

        That is actually my work motto.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Hope you’re not the boss…

          • Relativicus

            Nope, but I have discretion and, no lie, any time I try to use that discretion to the benefit of someone, it comes back to bite me in the ass. Maybe not immediately, or tomorrow, but eventually it all comes back around. And each time after, I look for a spot on my ass that has no bite marks, and do it all over again.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I will say that sometimes it’s just random, but then again, there are a boatload of people out there who just really can’t tell when somebody is trying to do them a simple favor.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Ooh, new jerb prospect? Bon chance!

      Also, too, I’m confused about the tractor. Don’t you live in the city? I thought that stuff only happened in farm country, like where I live. But then I forgot about road work, so never mind…

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Sometimes the Bubbas (Dieters) around here simply cannot stop themselves from takin’ the tractor to town. I particularly appreciate it when they leave mud and poop all over the street.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Oh, they wouldn’t dare get an ultrasound, cause that could lead to the temptation of choice. Bristol just gestates quietly (but very publicly) for three or four months (depends on when we caught her) and borns her “joy,” so Sarah can be a sister-Grandma again.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am going to ask, and probably regret asking, but what about an ultrasound leads to any choice? I thought it was more to check on the health of the fetus and make sure it is getting everything it needs/ has no problems/ catches early problems that they can fix in the womb?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        See how wrong you can be. Ultrasound is so she can dump it if it happens to bear an uncanny resemblance to any of her male family members.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          That is certainly a use I never even considered before XD I am humbly awed, and now educated that much more.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Anti-Choice lawmakers in State Legislatures and D.C. don’t like women’s healthcare for this exact reason, they think any kind of informed intelligence on the welfare of the baby would give them ‘pause’ to proceeding with the pregnancy. They do it to DC residents and put strings on foreign aid on anything that could possibly lead to abortion, they are slowly doing this in most States until SCOTUS steps in and finally slaps these unconstitutional law-making attempts down. So yes, the cost of the mother’s and fetus health comes at a cost, so long as it ends in birth.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Some way, somehow, $arah is behind this. If I have any sympathy at all for Barstool, it is because she lives under the thumb of such an incredibly mean, calculating, ruthless Machiavellian mother.

  • Jamsie

    My wedding present to the happy couple is a bladder infection.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Some wedding music from Urethra Franklin?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Gladys Knight and the Paps, also too

        • pstockholm

          Sly and the Kidney Stones

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            This is a fuckton more fun than dealing with the Bernie Bros.

          • dshwa

            What isn’t?

      • Jamsie

        that’s a good one!

  • dshwa

    I just noticed that she looks like she’s got the “don’t run away from me” grip around his arm. I give them 6 months and babby #2, which she will then spite name “Airman.”

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      LOL!

    • TheBoatDude

      Goose

  • Major_Major_Major

    The wee babby is gonna be named Judeo Christian Values Meyer-Palin. If they select my submission do I get a prize?

    • dshwa

      A lifetime subscription to the Sarah Palin channel.

      • Major_Major_Major

        My lifetime, or the lifetime of the channel? There is a significant time difference.

        • dshwa

          Details, details

    • pstockholm

      Cmon admit it – you’re the one that got “RSS Boaty McBoatface” rolling in that other contest.

  • FlownOver

    True for certain – and very narrow – values of “honest,” approaching null set.

  • MrBlobfish

    Now, let’s never speak of them again.

  • Vodka is a food group

    Guess we cant refer to her anymore by her given name…..Barstool

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Good name for the kid, Barstow.

  • Anita Ledford

    I vote for the babby name Oscar!

    • GarColga

      Looks like we have a weiner!

  • mardam422

    For crissakes! It’s like Barstool goes into estrus once every Spring and has to pop something in or out (or first one, then the other) of her Alaskan bush region.

    • tehbaddr

      Barstool goes into heat, babies come out. You can’t explain that!

  • Tommmcatt

    Spork! Clem! Cooter! Widget! Screed! Pong!

    The names just write themselves!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Call me an agnostic but I have a hard time believing that even an omnipotent God could make an honest woman or, for that matter, an honest anything of any Palin.

  • tehbaddr

    Sailor Grace Eggnog Palin-Meyer, IV, Snapple, Tikki Tikki Tembo, Pip Peri Pembo, Esq. is at the bottom of the well!

    • blondeiq

      Walla Walla Bing Bang Well? Do tell.

      • Jessica Neubauer

        In point of fact (Ahem) Tikki Tikki Tembo, No Sa Rembo, Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Peri Pembo

      • tehbaddr

        Ooh Eeh Ooh Aah Aah Palin would make a lot of sense. The sound coming from the tent, after wine coolers are consumed.

  • Little Cow married a man with past glories and no prospects – all to ensure a better future for her calves. The downward spiral: Shiny medals, sperms that can swim, solid but unvetted resume, and active addiction.

    Syphilis and Erick Erickson sent the nicest damn RSVPs.

  • At the corner, turn left

    I live for the day when any and all Palins are no longer a thing. Just seeing the name causes any number of brain cells to cease functioning.

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    I don’t think she’s pregnant – yet. I think it’s all opportunity-based. Love does not fit into this equation. This is A Contract, a money-making venture. Hell, knowing Sarah, they’ve already formed an LLC for it. Track is no longer available to play the part of the hard-bodied, warrior son. From now on, D. Meyer will be playing that part. When he’s sober.

    It helps tremendously that neither D or B are very particular, or cautious, with what – or who – they’ll fall into bed with. And they’re well aware there’s always antibiotics if needed.

    I think a nightly flea-dip would do both of them wonders… and yes, Jordan Loewe was at the Palin / Heath tribe’s “Mother’s Day 2016” fest. No word yet if anyone duked it out.
    .

    • Mintie

      In all seriousness, I wonder if the rumors of a custody lawsuit have anything to do with their renewed interest in one another.

  • Johnnymoreno

    While Dakota’s physical courage is of truly heroic proportions, his decision making skills are a little stunted.
    I’ve always suspected a correlation between these two modes.

    • Mintie

      Navy wants doers, not thinkers. That’s how they get shit done.

  • jjdaddyo

    Why do I keep thinking of this….

    • Mintie

      Oh, man, and you just know there’s going to be that one aunt who’s memorized the whole thing, and her conversation regularly goes something like: “So Mara’s daughter Sharon–George and Lynette Gracer’s daughter who married Michael–his mother was a Sandley, and her first husband is actually Cousin Aaron’s step-uncle twice removed . . .”

  • Jus_Wonderin

    “Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be,”

    hahahahaha

  • janecita

    Is her name now Bristol Meyer? May I suggest Squibb as the new spawn’s name

  • Whollyholeyholy

    Where do you suppose these people honeymoon? The Poconos?

  • Iam Reading

    Will they stay together until she delivers?

  • beatbort

    My life is full of ups and downs, Bristol. YOUR life is, apparently, filled with ins and outs.

  • FelineMama

    GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!! Are we going to have to suffer to b’s new life on a DAILY basis? Dakota, ever hear that saying “selling your soul to the devil” ?

    • tehbaddr

      He got in line for the long grift instead of the short gain.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So, I guess this means the snowbilly mafia got to Dakota about the child support issue, and this is the only way left open for him to hop on the gravy train?

  • FelineMama

    I’m not in to “god’s” works, but I’m almost sure ‘Honesty’ has nothing to do with this!!

Previous articleUh Oh, Rednecks Gotta Stomp Their Dixie Chicks CDs To Death Again. Your Weekly Dance Party!
Next articleOh Whoops We Just Forced You To Buy This Shirt Of Hillary Clinton Cutting Off Trump’s Head