SHARE
For self defense only, of course
For self defense only, of course

In addition to all those cool AR-15 and AK-47 semiautomatic rifles the Bunditarian Funtimes Freedumb Militia were toting around the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, it turns out that one patriot among them attempted to bring in something a little heavier: A fully automatic military-grade .50 caliber machine gun. Michael R. Emry, an Idaho militia loon who called himself an “embedded journalist” during the armed occupation of the wildlife refuge, did his best to try to bring in the illegal military weapon, but was unable to, thanks to the all the law enforcement keeping an eye on the area, according to Assistant U.S. Attorney Nathan Lichvarcik.

Emry was arrested in John Day [Oregon] in early May after FBI agents found the machine gun — identified by agents as an M2 Browning — in a travel trailer serving as his home. The 54-year-old acknowledged that he stole it from a Boise dealer and ground off the serial numbers, Lichvarcik said. He said Emry was trying to sell the gun.

This is not your carry-around-slung-over-your-shoulder bangstick. This is the sort of thing you mount on a tripod or, if you’re building a Somali “technical,” on a mount in the back of a pickup:

M2 browning

Lichvarcik said the belt-fed gun is “capable of killing a person from over a mile away, taking out the engine block of a vehicle, shooting through a brick wall.” Under federal law, civilians can only own one of these bona fide military weapons after an extensive licensing process, including approval from the ATF, getting a signature from local law enforcement, passing a background check including submitting a photograph and fingerprints to the ATF, registering the weapon, and getting ATF permission before moving it across state lines.

He seems nice
He seems nice

Or you could take Mr. Emry’s approach: Steal one from a firearms dealer and then make it even more illegal by filing off all the identifying numbers. It really cuts down on the red tape. Emry had been staying with the Bunditos in the early days of the occupation, doing online reports with his very own patriotic news site he called “The Voice of Idaho.” Emry was arrested after an informant told authorities about his plans to bring in the machine gun; if he’d been successful, it would have been the most powerful weapon at Fort Dipshit. For self-defense purposes only, mind you, like if jackbooted federal thugs tried to retake the federal property. But since federal officers aren’t really cops and the federal government isn’t able to own property, blowing them away with a machine gun would have been fine, according to deranged self-taught legal experts.

Scott Willingham, one of the other domestic terrorists patriots arrested after the end of the Bundy Liberty Camporee, told the Oregonian (after making very clear that he was NOT the informant who snitched on Emry) that Emry’s “citizen journalist” work was only one of his many talents: he was also a valuable informal weapons consultant for the Prat Patrol:

Early in the occupation, he noted, Emry was set up in one of the small houses reserved for refuge employees when most occupiers shared sleeping quarters in a bunkhouse. He also said that he knows of one occupier who obtained an AK-47 semiautomatic rifle from Emry.

Back in 2004, Emry testified as a cooperating witness in a Tennessee trial that he had fabricated 66 illegal machine guns as well as a large bomb; he was never charged in that case because at the time he was doing the “being cooperative” thing. He also humbly described himself as the “Picasso of machine guns,” which suggests his homebuilt weapons were inoperable cubist abstractions or he has very little knowledge of art history.

Lichvarcik testified at a May 23 hearing in Eugene that when Emry was arrested, FBI agents also found a blasting cap in his trailer, which Lichvarcik described as “a detonator for a bomb.” The informant had also told authorities Emry claimed to have access to grenades and a large arsenal of other weapons.

He also talked of “shooting police officers and how a .50 cal would penetrate the side of a police car and a Kevlar vest,” according to Lichvarcik.

The prosecutor said Emry was overheard on a phone call saying he knew the informant’s identity and made what appeared to be a threatening remark.

“The confidential witness believes that Emry’s conduct since being arrested is putting his or her life in danger,” Lichvarcik said.

Sounds like a patriot to us, all right! Emry’s attorney, Mark Spence, said the confidential informant had been unreliable in previous cases and shouldn’t be believed. Yr Wonket is not a lawyer and is generally not crazy about the use of criminal informants as witnesses, but we’d also note that whatever character flaws this one may have had, that heavy machine gun is a fairly solid piece of evidence. Several defense witnesses said Emry was a very nice man who never caused any trouble and all, and hoped he’d be released before trial so he could help his dear wife prepare for having to be all alone when he goes off to do time as a political prisoner.

Emry is being held without bond while awaiting trial on multiple firearms charges; U.S. Magistrate Judge Jolie Russo found “there are no conditions that will reasonably assure the safety of the community.” If convicted on all charges, Emry could spend up to four years in prison. Where he can complain his second-amendment rights aren’t respected one little bit.

[OregonLive / GunsAmerica]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Villago Delenda Est

    This guy has a headspace and timing issue. As do all members of the Bundy Bunch.

  • I’ve got $88 that says this fine militiamen has a certain 14 words tattooed somewhere on his body.

    • r m reddicks

      Probably misspelled. “Open up on those 88’s”. But these were definitely not “Cool Jerks”.

  • Spotts1701

    I’ll say it again – we are extremely lucky that the only person who got shot during this entire misadventure was the one dope who thought going for his gun against the Oregon State Police was a smart play.
    A M2 Browning…yeesh, why not a howitzer while we’re at it?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I doubt that these chuckleheads would have the slightest idea how to properly lay and fire a howitzer.

      • Skwerl King

        Cliven: “Where’s the ramrod? Send snacks and a ramrod.”

        • r m reddicks

          In a pinch they could use the dildos.

  • Shibusa

    I wonder if we can purchase his homebuilt weapons on Etsy.

    • anon_the_great

      Bravo Wonketteer

  • ManchuCandidate

    Lives in trailer. Check.
    Illegal Weaponry. Check.
    Previous legal entanglements. Check.
    White as rice and dumb as fuck. Check.
    Gives himself ‘grandiose military title’

    BINGO!

    Holy shit, I just won Militia Bingo!

    • SDGeoff

      I think you win the internets this morning.

    • Johnnymoreno

      Got caught. Check.

      • Nancyffore2

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti1013ur

        two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti1013u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBestGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti1013o….,…

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      Congrats. Your prize is, naturally, some of those cakes we like!

  • memzilla

    I blame his parents, that crazy music they all listen to, his not paying attention in school, and wearing his pants with no belt (the belt got fed into the machine gun).

  • Lizzietish81

    It shoots through schools…

  • arglebargle

    So this gun control thing kinda works on a sliding scale? Obviously a well regulated militia should have one of these.

  • Indiepalin

    Around town, I am known as the Mozart of grenade launchers.

    • Skadi

      Is there a Salieri of grenade launchers?

      • SDGeoff

        He’s Haydn around here somewhere.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      I am the Thomas Kinkade of spud cannons.

    • goonemeritus

      I’m the Andy Warhol of Nerf guns.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I am the Starving Artist of laser tag.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I am the Hieronymus Bosch of area denial munitions.

  • Scooby

    This guy was just exercising his Second Amendment rights as he sees them.

  • Delu

    That could be a whole lot worth of “polite gun ettiquette” right there.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Out of all the people I’d trust with a .50 cal machine gun, the bunderps are pretty far down the list.

    • MarkM

      It would be a very short list…

    • Skwerl King

      I wouldn’t even trust myself with one. “Hey guys hold my beer and watch this!”

      • natoslug

        I dunno — I was an armorer in the 80’s for a headquarters and services battery at Ft. Bragg, and we had five or so .50 cals, of which only one would work at a time. We mostly filled out paperwork to get them fixed, and when they came back, generally only managed firing 2-3 rounds before they’d jam again and we’d have to send them back. Maybe real soldiers got working ones, but the ones we had were only useful for learning patience.

        • MarkM

          Did you make sure the headspace was adjusted correctly? Common issue.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Definitely a common issue with the Bundys’ heads.

          • BigBoppa

            He said headspace. Not head case.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Note to self, Must get eyes tested.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            In the Army (as I alluded to earlier) “headspace and timing” is a term used in two senses: the actual functioning of an M2, and soldiers who have head case issues as well.

          • natoslug

            I could work on the M9(?) and the M16, but pretty much anything else I was told to fill out paperwork and take it to someone who actually knew what they were doing.

          • r m reddicks

            I think the patsyriots at Bundyroo would have had a similar problem.

          • Whale Chowder

            That didn’t seem to work out very well…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ah, the Headspace Adjustment Tool. Imagine my surprise when I found out it wasn’t a roach clip…

  • Lizzietish81

    He needs it for hunting gnats

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZvT3MHpffk

    • Frank Underboob

      As funny as it is, the bit I don’t get about this sketch is why they made the hunters Australian, of all things.

      • MarkM

        Because the Brits see the Aussies as uncouth, bloodthirsty rednecks.

        • Frank Underboob

          Which is hilarious, seeing as most big game hunters have been British.

  • anon_the_great

    OK, the High Plains Grifters are no longer funny.

  • More proof that the well regulated militia is neither well regulated nor a militia. It is however a group of domestic terrorists.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bingo.

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        No, we already played Bingo.

        • hendenburg2

          ok then…
          Yahtzee!

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            Fuck yeah! I love Yatz!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And they clearly don’t watch the teevee, or they’d know how easy it is to raise the filed-off serial numbers on the metal. They do that all the time on the teevee cop shows.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    “civilians can only only own of these bona fide military weapons after an extensive licensing process. . . ” I can’t think of a SINGLE legitimate reason why any individual needs a machine gun or should be allowed to buy one under any conditions.

    • MarkM

      WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDUMB!!

      https://youtu.be/4-roVsrgZIA

      • tehbaddr

        YEHAW!11!!FOR FREEDUMBZ!!!!11!1!!1!1!!!111111!!!!!!!

      • jmk

        Wut…?

        Why?????

      • doktorzoom

        Pfft. I’ve seen Mythbusters. They added a can or two of gas on the seats for a nice Hollywood ‘splosion.

    • Skwerl King

      Godless tornadoes. Only way to bring ’em down.

    • limberrat

      Tree of Libety or some shit like that…

    • goonemeritus

      You obviously never had to deal with a vicious chipmunk infestation.

    • wavicles

      I’ve got Library fines that are crushing my Freedoms.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …lets get this out of the way for all the Trolls:

    SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!!!

    • MarkM

      What’s wrong with fringed?
      Oh wait, you said “infringed”. Sorry…

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …those “fringes” are extra communist

        • MarkM

          She can indoctrinate me all day and all night…

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …hell, I will take an extra serving of communism if she is serving it up

      • BigBoppa

        Fringed is very wrong if you’re talking about the US flag according to the Sovereign nutjobs.

  • Frank Underboob

    I won’t be holding my breath waiting for the media to start reporting this guy & his buddies as literal terrorists, & calling for them to be treated the same way as brown terrorists.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …b-b-b-but, how can he hunt 20ft tall genetically mutated deer or defend his home from hordes of rabid Orc’s without a weapon that can punch a hole in a lightly armored vehicle?!?!?!?!?

    • limberrat

      Those rogue Uruk-hai are a problem in Idaho I hear.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …the only way to stop a “bad guy” with a gun is a heavily armed Elf with a gun

        • limberrat

          “Legolas, where are you hiding all of those bullets on you? I feel like your magazine is neverending!”

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …ummmm,, are you hitting on me?

        • SDGeoff

          I’ve always thought so.

          • BigBoppa

            Legolas always carried an even compliment of male and female
            arrows that were true believers in the Quiverfull movement. Think of
            them as Duggar Darts.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Fuck that! Take Bigfoot to the range a few times and then turn him loose!

        • doktorzoom

          You need a dwarf. “And my AKs!”

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …did you bring the “polyhedral” dice?!

    • Orc’s aren’t so bad if they have a job: [img]http://i.imgur.com/vl0kKKw.jpg[/img]

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I would pay cash money for that guy to baby sit my 2 and a half year old

        • jmk

          Ugluk would have retired, defeated, after a day spent with the offspring when he was four.

          • Werewolf

            Ugluk u bagronk sha pushdug Bundy-glob bubhosh skai!

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …I’m currently running that though my “Klingon” Translator

          • jmk

            My sentiments exactly!!!

    • MarkM

      A question that opponents of the 2nd Amendment have no ready answer for!

  • limberrat

    Holy shit! He had a fucking M2 Browning?? Talk about fucking escalation!

  • say wha

    “Picasso of machine guns,” More like the Van Gogh of machine guns “You’ll shoot your ear off, kid!”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I might add that while one might “John Wayne” a SAW or an M60, one only attempts to do the same with an M2 if one is looking to get a medical discharge for a hernia.

    • Duke

      There goes another macho fantasy!

    • keenanjay

      These guys and an M2 give a whole new meaning to headspace and timing.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’d like to see someone “John Wayne” an M60. I’m a big guy and couldn’t keep it ‘on target’…

  • Duke

    Load-mouthed extremists attract violent sociopaths.

    Witness the Trump candidacy.

    • wavicles

      Eye luv da tiepoh

      LOADMOUTH

      • Duke

        Hadn’t noticed. It is better that way.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Makes perfect sense to me.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    OMG, I so totally want one of those things now! Whadda ya mean I have to pass a background test?! TRANNY211!!1!!

  • Under federal law, civilians can only own one of these bona fide military weapons after an extensive licensing process, including approval from the ATF, getting a signature from local law enforcement, passing a background check including submitting a photograph and fingerprints to the ATF, registering the weapon, and getting ATF permission before moving it across state lines.

    Well, this all sounds pretty reasonable to me and we have yet to have an outbreak of tyranny. Maybe we should try applying these laws to ALL guns?

    • natoslug

      Tyranny! No way am I wearing long sleeves.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I’m Michelle Obama, and I endorse this message.

  • SessileRaptor

    I’d be more worried if I thought those goombas had the tactical skills to make proper use of a heavy machine gun. As it stands having that thing would have just ramped up the feds response and led to them getting ROFLstomped instead of handled with kid gloves.

    • Lizzietish81
      • limberrat

        Can always count on you for an appropriate MST3k response.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yeah, they would have had to call in some troops from Fort Lewis if the Bundy Bunch had an M2 at their disposal.

      • Skwerl King

        If you bring a machine gun, the black copters you hoped for will come.

        • SessileRaptor

          It’s all fun and games until an Apache gunship makes it’s first (and likely only) strafing run with it’s 30mm.

          • limberrat

            Watch how quickly the living surrender at that point. No needing one L to negotiate for that.

          • beatbort

            One drone missile attack would pretty much bring about closure.

        • jwtukker

          Tactical response in 10, 9, 8 …

      • limberrat

        Bring an M2 Browning, that brings an M2 BRADLEY!

        • SessileRaptor

          Naa, Bradley might get penned by a .50 under the right conditions. An Abrams on the other hand…

          • MrBlobfish

            I’d call up an AC-130

  • Skwerl King

    Thank God he is not the Caravaggio of machine guns.

    • beingreleased

      If he were the Salvadore Dali of machine guns, forward shots would hit him in the back of the head.

      • baconzgood

        Damn. Baconz was going to make a Dali snark but you beat me to it.

        • LesBontemps

          He could be the Marcel Duchamp of machine guns and go put his head in a “Fountain.”

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Maybe he could use a Man Ray gun!

          • doktorzoom

            Ouch.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I thought he might fall down the stairs. I would not help him up.

      • Pickwicknext

        Why did more artists not follow the example of Da Vinci and design increasingly insane weapons? I would like to see a Picasso weapon of any description

      • beatbort

        Maybe we could get lucky and he’s the Picasso of machine gunners. Every time he fires his weapon he breaks up into little cubes.

      • BigBoppa

        He seems to be more like the Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec of sawed-off shotguns.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        His plan to be the Warhol of machine guns was foiled by the fact that people kept sending dildos instead of soup cans.

    • MushroomsforKittens

      More like the Daumier of dumbasses.

    • r m reddicks

      How about a Jackson Pollack. It’s already got all the splashes.

  • anwisok

    I am greatly surprised that he is only looking at 4 years. He could be charged for stealing the weapon, for grinding off the s/n, for possessing it without a permit, and also too, for possession of the blasting cap. BATF doesn’t usually play, either – they like to pile on charges, and are pretty good at making them stick, AFIK.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Again, consecutive sentences for these fucksticks, one for each charge.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Methinks he may have found the informant, and it is him.

  • baconzgood

    He must have a really small dick to have such a big gun.

    • Msmlg1979

      But if he needed to kill a small duck from a mile away…

      • Pickwicknext

        I think a .50 cal would negate a duck’s existance quite effectively. Paint the landscape with a splatter of red goo and feathers

        • Msmlg1979

          Back in my day, the only weapon we had against ducks was a plastic Nintendo gun. What a pussy!

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            That dog wouldn’t stop laughing at me. I’ll show him! I’ll show them all!

        • mailman27

          Even if the little guy was cowering behind an engine block.

        • therblig

          Mallard Killmore!

        • richardgrabman

          I once had a gun expert tell me a 50 cal would turn an elk into fajitas. Afraid you wouldn’t even find the duck if you hit it.

      • MarkM

        You don’t want one of those devious little feathered bastards getting too close. It might, umm…poop on your car?

    • Next time someone yells “duck” at me, I’m going to be really confused as to what I should do.

      • MarkM

        Shoot it with a .50 cal! Duh…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Quack?

      • therblig

        hold up a sign that says “wabbit season”

  • Helps explain why some folks get annoyed when they see a semiautomatic rifle described as a “machine gun”, eh? Turns out they’re very different things!

    Although if you want some more stuff to worry about, there are inexpensive semiautomatic rifles that fire the .50 BMG, the cartridge most associated with heavy machine guns. As I type this, I’m seeing a used Armalite 50A1B in .50 BMG for $2950. Being long arms, such things are regulated at about the same level as a .22 LR suitable for squirrels and gophers.

    • keenanjay

      My recollection of firing assault rifles in the Army is that fully automatic was intimidating but semi-auto much more accurate. Isn’t that why the Army went with the three round burst mode?
      Anyway, what difference does it make if people call it a machine gun? A clip or a magazine? I used to get upset when civilians identified a SP howitzer as a tank.
      Now, a lot older, I realize it doesn’t mean shit and is not even worthy of a polite correction.

      • Werewolf

        In the IDF, we never fired our rifles (M4, M16 or Galil) on automatic. Semiautomatic only.

      • Blank Ron

        IIRC they went for short bursts because otherwise the barrels would overheat.

      • Lamashtar

        That’s the way I remember the burst vs. full auto modes. M60’s did have an overheating problem at constant fire.

      • DT

        Except they’ve been slowly moving back, probably because it’s super-easy to get a three-burst shot out of a full auto mode but impossible to get full-auto from three-shot.

        • keenanjay

          Perhaps so, but I remember my Infantry friends who served in Vietnam
          telling me that the vast majority of the rounds they fired were sticking
          the rifle over the sandbags and firing on full auto because you were
          scared as shit of exposing your head.

          • DT

            That’s called “suppressing fire”.

          • keenanjay

            Usually associated with an impressive body count in the after action report.

  • cousin itt

    It goes pop and is fun for boys of all ages!

    • AlasAnAss

      That reminds me. I need to make a doctor’s appointment.

  • Skwerl King
    • Objectifer

      Hey Pablo! Finger off the trigger dude.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Gotta love the look on his face.

  • fawkedifiknow

    There was a book and a movie with a perfectly apt title for these loons: “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

    • Querolous

      They didn’t fly over. They stayed there.

  • beatbort

    So he could get all of four years in prison?!!!?
    There are people busted for pot possession who get two and three times that sentence.
    I will say this, though. From the looks of him, Emry will not be well treated by the other inmates.

  • Crank Tango
  • Oneofthebobs

    Hard to believe he got into trouble after he filed off the serial number. Without that number, I wonder how they knew what kind of gun it was? Really, what are these morons thinking?

  • bozilingus

    Will the gun be released to the wild, where it belongs? Or will it be given to a deserving Elmer Fudd wannabee for Rabbit Season?

    • jmk

      DUCK SEASON!

      • bozilingus

        No, IT’S RABBIT SEASON!!11!!

        • Barley_Brains

          RABBIT SEASON!!!!!!

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Scott Willingham, one of the other domestic terrorists patriots arrested after the end of the Bundy Liberty Camporee

    Dok- you put the strike through the wrong words! IFIFY. You’re welcome.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    p(R)at Patrol… another nicely punny nickname, with extra credit for referencing a favorite 1960s TV show from my childhood. Sadly, too few of us will remember Rat Patrol, so Vanilla Isis, Y’all Qaida, and Bundynistas will probably get wider play… Still, a very nice pun…

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I remember the promos. My parents wouldn’t let me watch it. ;(

      • Courser

        Same here! I thought the jeeps rolling across sand dunes with auto rifles mounted in the back were cool! But mom never let us watch war, real or fictional, on TV.

        • Objectifer

          And cool hats also, too.

        • theCryptofishist

          Didn’t she know that it would just make it more tempting to sign up?

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          What do you know, it’s on Youtube!

    • r m reddicks

      You can get “The Rat Patrol” on broadcast tv is you have the “This” channel. Probably your folks were more concerned about taste rather than violence, Usedtoobey.

      • doktorzoom

        IN COLOR!

  • Panika MCD

    he was quarantined from the sleeping quarters used by the rest of Yokel Haram because he was too darned nice? sounds about right.

  • goonemeritus

    Don’t most journalists have a few crew fed automatic weapons in their trailers?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    How was the gun ‘stolen’ from a firearms dealer? Was it with his co-operation?

    • jmk

      He took it out for a test drive and never brought it back?

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Seriously. Did he say hey, I’ll let you borrow my dune buggy if I can borrow your machine gun?

  • h4rr4r

    There were no AK-47s at that place. The the AK-47 is a select fire machine gun. Not a semi-auto.

    We lefties should stick to facts. These nutbags should not be allowed to own a nerf gun.

    • keenanjay

      Isn’t the AK-47 one of those MG than can be converted illegally to full auto?

      • Courser

        Yes, you can and Emry is the guy you go to for that. Off the shelf, they’re one trigger pull/one bullet. Which is truly fast enough for anyone. Personally, I’d never own one. What would I do with such a thing?

        • theCryptofishist

          Yeah, all I want is a Katiusha rocket launcher, because of the song.

      • Lamashtar

        I was once told a .22 squirrel rifle can be converted to a fully auto.

    • doktorzoom

      Fine, a semiauto AK-47 variant, which you can in fact find easily.

      Now can we have a really long, tedious fight about magazines and clips?

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Oh, let’s!!!

      • h4rr4r

        No, instead we are going to talk about how most of those are actually RPK variants. You wanted an eastern block tedious discussion and you got one.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    These guys are pussies. If you’re going to tangle with the Feds you need some real fire power.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Babylon

    • weejee

      Weapon of mass destruction!!!

  • Jenny

    So a bad guy with a gun??? And a patriot??? Say it ain’t so!

    • wavicles

      Silly rabbit… ya can’t be both. And since he’s a patriot, we know this cuz reasons, it makes him a good guy.
      I know it can be frustrating but if ya can put logic on the shelf it makes it easier to keep up.

    • Courser

      I don’t know about anyone else around here, but these days whenever I see someone who claims to be a ‘Patriot’, I run in the other direction. I can’t deal with the incoming derp.

  • eliamias

    Can you imagine how much more property destruction they would have done had they gotten their hands on that at Camp Derp? I can only imagine what they would have fired at for fun.

    • Bird Law

      They could’ve blasted a super-deep poop trench.

    • Courser

      Oh yeah, those boobs would have fired *all* available ammunition in about 3 hours. Blown the shit out of *everything* at the refuge just to see it blow up.

      Short version: Thank Dog they didn’t have that thing.

  • goonemeritus

    At about $2.50 per round he must have skipped a few trailer payment to be able to afford ammunition.

    • Malaclypse

      Ammo’s cheap when it’s stolen.

    • AnOuthouse

      I should read before I comment.

      • zerosumgame0005

        where would the fun be in that?

  • MrBlobfish

    I got one one of these. Scraped the serial number off. Never know when I’ll need it. http://www.strangedangers.com/images/content/138500.jpg

    • therblig

      good luck getting a train track permit from obama’s goons.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        FEMA CANNON!

    • zerosumgame0005

      T-shirt cannon from HELL! that will not only get to the bleaches, it’ll bring them to ground level…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Hey, getting a XXXXLarge to the top row of Michigan Stadium is a technological challenge.

        • SDGeoff

          But, see? It can be done.

    • SDGeoff

      I bet the neighbors don’t much like it when it’s in the driveway, in between sacks, plunders and pillages.

    • r m reddicks

      Does it shoot chemtrails?

    • atheistinafoxhole

      Range: 300,000 miles.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      You is SMRT.

    • Be Gin

      Finally! Just what I need for my next visit to Kansas.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    There is no way in hell that Emry is not a terrorist, equivalent in intent to ISIS, with more firepower than any ISIS member so far identified in the US. Gitmo or GTFO.

  • Blackest Noobs

    all these small-penises guys and their desire to over compensate their inadequacies with their choice of firearms.

    if you see a gun guy sporting a .22 cal pistol, dude probably has a YOOOOOOOGE DICK.

    • HanBarbara

      I had a Walther ppk/22 and no dick at all. An elegant weapon for a more civilized time. Decided no more guns or target shooting with kids in the house.

  • hendenburg2

    I want a homebrewed automatic firearm made by the “Salvador Dali of Machine Guns”

    • zerosumgame0005

      I’d like one by the M.C. Esher of Machine Gun Stairways

      • The Wanderer

        You fire it, and the bullet comes at you at right angles from reality?

        • zerosumgame0005

          well I do try to be at right angels to reality as often as possible! tokin’ up right now as a matter of fact :P

          • Jonny On Maui

            I have found that when phasing in and out of reality it helps if the phase shift in degrees is a prime number.

          • zerosumgame0005

            chained primes are the bomb!

      • hendenburg2

        Oh good point! You’d never have to reload!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      With a melting barrel held up by a crutch in an alien desert!

  • AnOuthouse

    I bet the ammo for that thing is on the expensive side.

    • zerosumgame0005

      I have the feeling he came by his as un-legally as the gun

    • JustPixelz

      $2-3 per round.

  • weejee

    Quad 50 or GTFO.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      EXCELLENT for duck hunting.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Or for that extra Fourth-of-July kicker. But you gotta spring for the tracers!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Spares you all that cleaning and cooking hassle after the hunt!

        • MarkM

          What’s for dinner mommy?
          Duckburgers
          What’s for dinner tomorrow?
          Duckburgers
          What’s for dinner on Wed-
          Duckburgers! Fucking duckburgers! Duckburgers next week, duckburgers next month, duckburgers next year! You don’t like it, talk to your fucking father!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Duck hunting? This is what you use for duck hunting. A punt gun, AKA the mother of all shotguns. Just fix one in the bow of your boat and bring down entire flocks of ducks. By the time you’ve rowed back from where the recoil sent you, you’ll have worked up quite an appetite.

        • VirginiaLady

          That looks way more scary than the machine gun. Just the shock value would make you back up.

        • MarkM

          Also useful for dispatching Graboids…

    • mrpuma2u

      Who DOESN’T see this as a reasonable home defense weapon? If you can’t own one of these, only the bad guys will have quad 50s.

      • MarkM

        Zimmerman auctioned off his murder weapon so he could buy one of these. Next time he sees a black kid in a hoodie with a bag of skittles, he’s damn well gonna be ready!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        And in case of government takeover, it’s excellent defense against drone strikes! Wait, that’s not it. Traffic checkpoints? No… midnight raids? No..

        Darn it, there’s gotta be sumthin’!

        • VirginiaLady

          Be the envy of all the other spotlighters at the dump. Those rats don’t have a chance!

      • eddi

        That’s his Mid East warlord special. Nobody in the US can own a minigun made after 1989. And the ammo costs would collapse the budget in the Bundy household.

    • chascates

      The guy that owns Dillon Reloading also has a quad AAA mounted with 4 GE miniguns but I couldn’t find a graphic. Here’s a single he sells for your SUV:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHHj8IavEjk

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Verminator 5000

    • The Wanderer
      • MarkM

        Atomic cannon. Good times…

      • MarkM

        And then there was this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett_(nuclear_device)

        A tactical nuke deployed by a sergeant. If the public can’t have these, the Second Amendment means NOTHING!

        • Lamashtar

          I love the little addendum at the bottom, about the German Defense Minister who wanted to replace German artillery with them. “US NATO commanders noted that if this were done, it would have made nuclear weapon use in case of a European war unavoidable…”

  • julienne58

    Filing off serial numbers doesn’t work anymore. Has no one learned the lessons of Forensic Files or NCIS or any other murder teevee show?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Do they “ehance” the scratched off area to get back the serial number, or something?

      • julienne58

        Acid etching and a newer technique, electron microscope.

      • eddi

        A little acid etch and a polarizing lens on a microscope will bring out enough detail. But even simpler in this case. The ATF has records of all the .50s and similar guns in civilian hands. Just check the paper trail leading to the person Ermy stole it from.

  • Jason Freeman

    This kinda shit pissed me off. Politically I am as left as you can get, however, I also enjoy hunting and am a firearms enthusiast. That being said, I believe that guns should be owned responsibly. Background checks and all. These loony toons don’t just make themselves look bad. They make all gun owners look bad. Stop that shit, fucking hillbillies.

    • Erik Lonnrot

      I own guns (for hunting) and there is no good reason for anybody outside of the military or law enforcement to have things like .50 cal belt fed machine guns or AR-15s or any shit like that. Hell, if I had my way target shooters who use hand guns would have to store them at an accredited range. If it’s designed to kill people, it shouldn’t be legal.

      • Courser

        As a single woman, I keep my handguns secured and locked up at home. They’re for self-defense and target shooting. I do not take them out to show my friends or play with them. Guns are not toys. They *stay* locked up and only come out for target practice.

        • Lamashtar

          What about Smart guns? Only usable if you have the correct ring or watch that goes with it.

          • Courser

            Smart guns are a great idea and I’d be happy to own one. However, I expect that they will be prohibitively expensive. The problem is that normal responsible people won’t be able to afford them and the folks that *can* afford them probably won’t buy them.

    • Courser

      Here in Colorado, I, as well as most of my friends, own guns, but we don’t talk about them much. We’re kind of ‘stealth’ gun owners and we certainly don’t fetishize them. I have mine for self-defense (against both 2 legged & 4 legged predators) as do my friends. We take ’em out to the range from time to time to keep our skills sharp.

      But no, no one needs a .50 cal machine gun. It’s a stupid thing, a phallic symbol of the owner’s manliness.

      • Jason Freeman

        Right? I support the 2nd, but not at the expense of common sense laws. To hear these guys tell it, they have a right to a Blackhawk helicopter too. Nutbags.

        • Courser

          Exactly. I have no problem with background checks and obviously had several myself. Of course, I have a bunch of other agencies who run background checks every year on me, so it’s not like I have anything to hide.

  • Bill Slider

    But a .50 caliber is so very practical. You can scramble a dozen eggs and cook a rasher of bacon on the barrel.

    • eddi

      I just checked. At $3.50 to $5.00 per round, you would be better off at Dennys.

      • theCryptofishist

        Unless you’re black.

        • eddi

          (sigh) yeah…

  • sorbs

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned playing hundreds of hours of future war FPS video games like ‘Halo’ and ‘Destiny,’ it’s that very few situations can not be improved by the addition of a rocket launcher, so partial credit for heavy weapon acquisition, but zero points for choice. Negative points for cause selection.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I’m sure someone here on the Wonket is the Picasso of the Pants Cannon?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’m sure someone can talk about their “blue balls” period.

  • Master Contrail Program

    I’m not sure this guy understands the concept of Gonzo journalism. Or perhaps he takes it to its ultimate conclusion?

  • Bill Slider

    A ,50 caliber should always carry a disclaimer, in all caps of course: Penis pumps sold separately.

    • Iam Reading

      That’s not my bag, maaaaaan

  • OneYieldRegular

    If Donald J. Trump isn’t going to push for allowing arms like that at the Republican National Convention, then I see no reason to vote Republican this year.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Dok you are the Picasso of Bundito snark….just beautiful. Terrific.

  • Tovarish Z

    Only 4 years…for those weapons charges?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Well sure, calm down, it is not like he smoked dope or something horrible like that!

      • Iam Reading

        Or peed in the wrong bathroom

      • VirginiaLady

        Or is an atheist.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I used to say that it makes more sense for one of those things to be legal than it does handguns, because handguns are portable and concealable. But now I’m not so sure. Anyone have thoughts about that? (Besides a blanket ban-all-guns position, which is fine, but doesn’t need further explanation).

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      There is no reason on earth one needs something like a .50 unless they are planning to do just what the man said: shoot through cars, vests and cops.

      • Iam Reading

        Agreed. Necessary in the field but total insanity in the hands of civilians

      • Mintie

        But obviously he was using it to defend someone else’s home, just like the Constitution guarantees! I mean, sure, it was a total stranger’s “home” only in the sense that they said so, and every piece of hard evidence contradicted them, but everyone knows words on paper lie.

    • chascates

      The National Firearms Act (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Firearms_Act) created a category of Class III weapons such as machine guns, short barrelled rifles, and ‘destructive devices’. and there was later a cut-off date of May, 1986 so that any applicable weapon manufactured after that date could not be owned by a private citizen. There is a lengthy background check, fingerprints, OK by local law enforcement, and then a $500 transfer tax paid to the ATF. As there is a limited supply of weapons on the list the prices increase pretty dramatically. I remember when a Thompson machine gun (the ‘Chicago typewriter’) could be bought for about $3,000 but now they’re north of $18,000. Older heavy machine guns such as a belt-feed M1904 can be had for much less. To my knowledge only one felony has ever been committed with one of these weapons out of a total registry of almost 250,000.

      A nice investment, a rich person’s toy, and a way for Ted Nugent to impress other idiots. I sold all my guns many years ago and am now trying to save up for just a 12-ga. shotgun.

    • Erik Lonnrot

      I’m a Canadian and partial to our gun laws. It’s pretty easy to get the licence to buy or own a rifle or shotgun (you know guns that you might use for hunting or protection from bears), it is possible to get a licence to own a hand gun but what you can legally do with it is very restricted. Under lock and key can only be transported from your house to a firing range and back. Pretty much impossible to legally own any sort of automatic weapon, large capacity magazine, assault rifle etc.

    • Iam Reading

      Every round highly lethal at a mile and full automatic. Those variables are extremely important

      • Zhu Bajie

        But who can aim accurately a mile away? The old Lee-Enfield carbines could (in theory) kill an enemy a mile away, too. In practice, not very likely.

    • Lamashtar

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for preparing for a zombie apocalypse or Communist invasion, but to be useful 50 cal needs a fair amount of support. You’re better off investing in sniper weaponry, close quarters door to door weapons or anti-tank/anti-helicopter weaponry (like LAW rockets and Stingers) IMHO.

      • Zhu Bajie

        Best of all: learn to get along with your neighbors.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Well I’m actually slightly surprised the fuckers weren’t trying to go with a right wing racist assloon version of “Ecotopia” by arming themselves with nuclear weapons. Of course ya know, a stolen .50 cal machinegun should be treated a lot more seriously than say a heist at a jewelry store. Is there an FBI unit devoted to investigating these kind of crimes or is it like everything else in America involving guns and impossible to treat as seriously as stealing a car thanks to the NRA and its paid sock puppets/fluffers?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      No fair, answered your own question in your question
      Pout

    • chascates

      The ATF investigates these thefts as well as issuing the Class 3 licenses necessary for obtaining one. And they’re supposed to take it very seriously. I hope!

    • MarkM

      There was a major armoured car heist in Montreal many years ago, where the gang flung open the rear doors of their van and the guards found themselves staring down the barrel of a .50 calibre M2. Whereupon the guards said “Here is all the money, have a nice day”…

      • Objectifer

        Was that before or after soiling their pants?

        • MarkM

          Before, during and after…

    • harryeagar

      ATF does offer cash rewards when firearms (even pistols) are stolen from pawn shops but I haven’t heard they’ve had much success

    • Mintie

      If The Big Bang Theory has taught us anything, it’s that the FBI regularly lurks on Craigslist, looking for people who are trying to buy components for nuclear weapons (and probably pre-fabs, too). In this case, however, I’ll bet calling the offenders’ moms wouldn’t do much.

  • The Wanderer

    I was initially surprised that a goddam gun shop owner had a Ma Deuce.
    Then I realized that we were talking about America, and I wasn’t shocked any more.

    • eddi

      Apparently he specializes in full auto guns.

    • harryeagar

      I have used one of those and I am still surprised. I cannot imagine any circumstance, short of war, when you would have a reason to fire one.

      Our gummint is lax about firearms

      • The Wanderer

        You don’t use a fifty-caliber anything for ‘hunting,’ unless you mean to ‘hunt’ other human beings.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Some people enjoy eating obliterated partridge, as long as you get the wine pairing right.

          • The Wanderer

            I imagine you can spread the result on soda crackers, yes.

          • theCryptofishist

            THe best thing is you don’t have to worry about cooking it.

      • VirginiaLady

        Chukar partridge hunting, but only because they have hand grenades.

      • Be Gin

        Don’t blame the gubmint for it is We The People who have failed to clean up this mess.

        Gun Laws will only get changed in the Legislature when enough people say “I’m sick and tired of these bullies running the show!”

    • Lamashtar

      Its easier to own a modified one that only fires single shots. If I had money burning a hole in my pocket, I might do it just for appearances.

  • Objectifer

    https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2332b
    Four years ain’t near enough.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Don’t they think he’s going to be a bit peevish when he gets out?

  • a_pink_poodle

    “Under federal law, civilians can only own one”

    Only one?! This fascist Obamanation…

  • Randy Riddle

    Civilians can own these damned things? Jeebus … that’s a hundred monkey barrels full of stupid.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Where do you buy ammo for that thing without setting off a bunch of red flags?

    • Iam Reading

      Gun shows

    • Courser

      Well, and afford to buy the quantity of ammo that thing will chew up? It could be hundreds of dollars for each burst. He could reload but that would be a fuckton of reloads to do.

    • Amy!

      They sell a longarm (the Barrett, which is now the official longarm of Tennessee, because of course it is) which fires .50 cal. Used as a sniper rifle, I think, but also legal for sale to civilians. Since the rifle’s legal, you can buy the ammunition.

      They prolly track people who buy the stuff, but they can’t admit to it, because NRA outrage. Our gun policies are insane.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Interesting question…there’s an initiative on California’s ballot in November that would, among other things, implement background checks for ammo purchases.

      By the way…considering that everyone believes Newsom, who’s pushing this, plans to run for governor in 2018, isn’t this statement from the initiative’s opponents pretty much an admission that the public favors the idea?

      “We know he’s doing this to pump himself up for his gubernatorial run,” Paredes said.

  • VirginiaLady

    Prat Patrol. LUV IT!!

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Who says gun control doesn’t work?

  • Blank Ron

    $5 says, if he’d got it to Malheur, one of the dimmer twits would have tried to fire it from the hip.

    • zerosumgame0005

      just like AHHHHHH-nuld did with a fake one in one of his movies, sheesh I’ll toss in another five bucks on that bet

    • Be Gin

      The Wild Bunch of The Bird Refuge?

  • Blank Ron

    I once bought a weapon from the Monet of machine guns, but when I looked closely at it, it was just made up of little dots.

    • The Wanderer

      Wouldn’t that be the Seurat of machine guns?

      • Blank Ron

        I see your point.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        By Georges, you’re right and jatte’s the truth.

  • Objectifer

    Woody Harrelson has really let himself go.

  • URQ196

    Now these Bundy cretins are whining because the Multnomah county jail they’re in won’t let them have guns,, hence violating their 2nd amendment rights, and not allowing them to gather for group prayers as they are in individual cells. Yes, seriously. Just seize their assets and put them in prison, no trial needed.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It really is surreal. Does anybody, I mean anybody believe that the 2nd Amendment applies to prisoners in the Federal stew? Expect these kinds of frivolous claims to continue. It is what they do.

      Hey, Sean Hannity, do you still like these guys? Or have you chickened out again, Mr. Waterboard-Is-Nothing?

    • phoenix00
  • Be Gin

    So is this Picasso of machine guns about to enter his very own Blue Period?

    Or will his new work tend to black stripes on a white background?

    But we should not be surprised if he threatens the lives of hostile critics of his art. Artists, notoriously, can be very thin skinned. Look at how touchy America’s reigning performance art Drama Queen, Donald Drumpf, gets when people talk about his, reputedly, tiny member.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’m thinking that a Cubist firearm might have a few kinks in the barrel.

      If you want a genius-level artist who really understood how to design an instrument of death, you want da Vinci.

      • Be Gin

        But we have THE PICASSO of firearms with us now! What wonders will he design in prison? An armored half track made from bar soap? A chain gun made from torn bed sheets? A spoon turned into a grenade?

        Future arms historians (we call them gun nuts in this day and age) will be able to look back upon the towering achievements of this NEW Picasso as he expands our horizons of gun smithing to the stars and beyond!

        • DutchS

          Thinking of that portrait that looks in two directions at once, obviously a Picasso gun will fire in two directions at once.

  • Jeff in the desert

    OK, if we buy the (fucking) NRA argument that bearing arms (hairy or not) is an unlimited constitutional right, then goddam guys…..I want a shoulder mounted rocket launching weapon to take out the coyotes that howl on the hills here at night.

    Just big bullets right? Just large caliber. lots of gunpowder. Some deranged intruder fuckface might want to put up Bernie signs in my yard WITHOUT permission. And them Mexicans are only hundreds of miles away with their Chihuahua attack dogs.

  • phoenix00

    Ok, the really dimwit part of this is, if you’re gonna steal/resell a gun, you have to be a true dimwit to steal something so rare, controlled, and easily traceable.

    Reminds me of the times heavily custom modded cars or racecars get stolen. Truly dimwitted.

  • Kooolest G

    just gonna leave these here, now I’m the picasso of guns

  • Nancyffore2

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti1013ur

    two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti1013u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBestGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti1013o….,..

  • Odd Jørgensen

    The Picasso of machine guns, or the van Gogh of hairdressers.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    “Where he can complain his second-amendment rights aren’t respected one little bit.”

    If convicted, he won’t have any second amendment rights when he gets out of jail. Convicted felon and all. I wonder if that’s sunk in with these fucknuts yet?

  • John T. Kuhrke

    Stealing is wrong. And I’m a thinkin’ I would steer a little clear of old crazy Emery. He’s one of those guys that will git you hurt.

    But ….. if I want to mount an M2 in the back of my pickup, it ain’t nobody’s damn business.

    I am just venting here.

    It’s not about ‘public safety”. The reason we are told we can’t own one without their permission is the government views us as the enemy, and they want the biggest gun.

    How twisted is this? The wackos in WDC think they are more trustworthy than me. So I get the 22 and they get the 50? They’re crazier than Emery!!

  • Vicky Davis

    Wow. Wonkette is a bigger liar that Les Zaitz and that’s saying something. Snippet from here… snippet from there… complete fabrication in the middle.

    It doesn’t matter what you communist filth write. The truth will prevail.

Previous articleHow Much Do You Wanna Hear A White Dude Rapping About Abortions And How Ladies Should Dress?
Next articleTed Cruz Just Wants To Help GOP Senate Buddies But They’re All Busy Washing Their Hair