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You're killin' my buzz, bro!
You’re totally harshin’ my mellow, bro.

Thank goodness the great people at Fox and Friends are here to remind me that my hopes and dreams are completely useless! For awhile I was beginning to think that struggling to balance being a full-time student with working several jobs and some stupid fucking internship to pay my bills was just part of life, but apparently it’s REALLY because I’m just high all the time! Gee whiz, you guys, I wish someone would have told me that before I started smoking the Devil’s Lettuce! I could be well on my way to being the President!

In response to a fresh new study by Pew Research that says more 18-34-year-olds are living with their parents, the brilliant blonde, blue-eyed beautiful people at Fox brought in their resident blowhole, Keith Ablow, to do some hardcore data-journalist style mansplaining!

“More people are staying home, millennial speaking — millennially speaking than actually moving out. For the first time in history really. Why? Number one the economy doesn’t have the jobs for these people. Right? So the bottom line is everybody would like to live on their own. Everybody wants that flexibility. Doesn’t matter if you have a partner or a romantic partner or not or getting married or not, you’d like your own place. Most people can’t afford it. Lots of people, because the jobs aren’t there. But there are other factors too.”

Well, shit, I thought the reason that I had no “flexibility” was because I work three jobs and THE WORLD’S BEST unpaid internship! That’s a load off my mind; I’m going to sleep like a goddamn baby tonight! Please, DOCTOR Ablow, use your fancy brain meat and psychoanalyze what the hell us kids are doing wrong so that I can tell all the other hipsters at my LIBERAL university!

“Well here’s the thing. These kids are high, they’re high on pot. They’re high on Facebook. They’re high on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat. So they can’t be bothered to cobble together three jobs. They’re very busy. Right? They’re very busy checking the iPhone.”

First of all, you don’t even work one job. I would (generously) suggest you work a part-time job, and badly I might add. Considering the current rising cost and necessity of higher of education, my peer group and I will be shackled to our student loan debt for decades, which is still not long enough for you to pull your head out of your own ass.

“You know what, as the states legalize pot it’s everybody and his sister and his brother coming in for the medical marijuana license and now it’s going to be recreational. That’s the Obama America. Get high, stay home, don’t be autonomous. These kids are 12. This is Peter and Patty Pan land. And it was stoked by Obama and his, I would say agenda for America which is all about listen, don’t have real autonomy. Don’t go out there and try to cobble together and scrape what you need. You are entitled. You are entitled to all kinds of free stuff and you’re fabulous even if you’re not performing.”

Now let’s break down all those points so I can go work one of the three other jobs I’m too high to “cobble” together. Colorado netted $69 million in tax revenue between the fiscal year starting July 1, 2014, and ending June 30, 2015, and revenues from tax transfers and distributions were close to a billion (yes, “b”, as in “bong”) last year. 

It’s using its tax revenue from the sale of mara-juanas to finance godless liberal agendas like homeless outreach, public education, scholarships for low-income students, and infrastructure projects. Court cases fell from 51.63% in 2013 to 28.01% in 2014 alone, but I guess Millennials are just too lazy to even commit crimes.

Stoners pay their taxes
Would you look at that? Stoners actually pay their taxes!

But, we’re ALL lazy and don’t work “jobs,” right? Well, Pew also says Millennials are the largest workforce, surpassing Generation X and Boomers, so that’s another crock of shit. Unlike previous generations, Millennials don’t want to spend 30 years in 9-5 dash for cash jobs because they tend to prefer careers with purpose. Millennials have to work for free, and they’ll literally work themselves to death. That means some will actually work longer hours per day than you spend in the make-up chair trying not to look like dickhead.

US LaborForceComposition1

Forbes Millenials_Working_Hours
Just wait, I’m not done sciencing the shit out of you, yet.

But, we’re pathetic losers who also go back to our what’s left of our broken single parents’ homes to do laundry, or whatever, right? Sure, except for the part that, for those of us who can actually afford to buy homes, the National Association of Realtors says Millennials make up 30 percent of home buyers, making them the largest demographic in America today. The rest are being choked to death by student loan debt, so getting stoned in a basement is about all some can afford to do. Those lucky enough to have a choice between living with their parents and living on their own are barely are able to make rent due to skyrocketing rents nationwide. Moreover, job prospects for Millennials are abysmally low, so we may not even have shitty minimum wage jobs, regardless of the Fight for $15.

Throw me a bone and stop trying to shit on us bong-blowing social media addicts who are strung out on cheap speed from yet another 12 hour shift gig where we spit in your lattes, ruin your taxes, piss on your dry-cleaning and shit in your hotel bed because you’ll need an exploitable All-American labor force when you start trying to build Trump’s goddamn wall.

[Crooks and Liars, Pew Research]

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  • Anarchy Pony

    WHY THE FUCK DOES ANYONE LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING SIMPLETON?!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …oh ok, thank you for explaining that to me. I thought the reason why mellinials can’t afford to live on their own is because of “income inequality”, lack of a real “minimum wage” and failure to invest in innovative technologies

  • BadassMcKill

    Maybe he’s the one smoking the pot and checking the iphone

  • Tendernob

    Sounds like someone’s feeling a little touchy about A-Blow Jr. stealing his 5-lb bag of Cheetos and absconding to the smoke-filled basement:

    “But son, I found you an internship writing copy at Breitbart!”

    “Go away, Dad, you scare my friends!”

  • bubbuhh

    I’ve been wondering. Can women do Mansplainin’? The yellin that Ablow and Malkin is kinda the same a lotta the time. Pieholin at max volume.

    • Michael Smith

      As one man explained to me, yes, women can mansplain.

      • nmmagyar

        But if a wimmin mansplains we can still ignore her, right?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          If she is in the forest and you are a safe distance away.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Sure, unless she sammidgesplains herself.

          • H0mer0

            be careful about the “mustard/mayonnaise” spread: it may not be what you think it is.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Nearly every millennial I run into in San Francisco seems to be working 80 hours a week and bringing home a fortune, while Keith Ablow is still thinking about “cobbling” as a job.

    • limberrat

      That fortune is going to rent!

      • AngryKatie

        I know a 20-something paying $1000+ a month to share one of 2 bedrooms near AT&T park. It’s a king sized bed so it’s cool except for when her roommate’s boyfriend decides to stay over and she has to sleep on the floor in the fucking hallway.

        This is an improvement over her last place with 6 roommates and 1 bathroom.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      That doesn’t seem like a great career choice in the long run. I mean, I haven’t had my shoes repaired since forever. I just buy new ones.

      • H0mer0

        yeah, but my favorite shoes are usually found in second-hand stores and have gone “out of style” years ago. Every once in a while, I fantasize about going into design, but I’m really not that imaginative (drop in income isn’t much of a discouragement since I keep working my ass off to smaller reimbursements and higher rents and overhead.)

  • Kathy Taus

    Darlin. He’s Fox News resident psychiatrist. Pay him no mind.

    • **deep breath**

      I’m cool, I’m cool. It’s fine now.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      So it’s his job to seek out and eliminate any sanity among the anchors?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Not to mention, according to that there first chart, there are close to 15 million more workers in The U S of A (TM)!, than there were twenty years ago… so blow, Ablow….

  • Dudleydidwrong

    C’mon, Keith. Crawl out of the Fox basement and look around. The world is a different place from the one you conjure up in your demented mind. Keith? Listening? (Keith A Blower of Goats must be taking a nappy time.)

  • anwisok

    Hey, Dominic? You might want to rework this one sentence: “Court cases fell from 51.63% in 2013 to 28.01% in 2014 alone,” There is something missing there, and pointing us to a 17 page pdf to figure it out isn’t exactly cricket.

    I’m assuming you got off on a rant because you took it personally. I’m not trying to be a dick. It was a good article, overall. Thanks!

    • bubbuhh

      in 2013 there 3182 arrest for weed, in 2014 there 1537. That’s an 84% drop in arrests with a corresponding drop in court cases. Give the kid a break. He’s an unpaid intern. who’s probably high.

      • anwisok

        I’m pretty sure he was *pissed* when he wrote this. I noticed a fair number of silly, minor mistakes, and he seems quite good at avoiding them. Also too, first time he’s risen to the level of vitriol expected in these parts. He’s rather good at it.

      • I have a gig in a bar just so that I have an opportunity to actually go out on Friday and Saturday nights. I don’t know where other youths find the time to get stoned. It takes FOREVER!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          It takes FOREVER!

          Yer doin it rong…

          • Courser

            I hear you. I think that’s one of the reasons I didn’t smoke weed for most of my adult life. I had things to do and places to go and I didn’t want to drive high or interact with most people either.

            My mom told me that once she hit the big 5-0, a lot of shit just doesn’t matter anymore. I keep my pot use on the d/l because I don’t want to be judged, but in truth outside of A Blow, most folks aren’t that judge-y about it anymore. I just don’t want it to bite me in the ass later.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            May I humbly suggest edibles, which I legally bought in Colorado last week and so thoroughly enjoyed for 3 days straight. My whack job Trump-supporting nephew didn’t even bug me. You eat them, 20 minutes later you are all chilled out and you stay that way for hours and hours. Fabulous!

        • bubbuhh

          lolZ It can hurt, too

    • It’s on page three,Table #2.

      • anwisok

        Doesn’t matter. You don’t give any baseline for those percentages in your post. “. . . fell from 53.63% . . . ” OF WHAT? “. . . to 28.01% . . .” OF WHAT? I should not have that “of what” enter my thought process. It’s your job (unpaid tho you may currently be!) to lay things out clearly, not send readers to the source material to figure out which table you’re referring to. They might not come back. Gotta keep the eyeballs on your own stuff. Also too, please be so kind as to point out where in that table those numbers appear. Oh, you can’t? Hmmmmmmmm.

  • limberrat

    Speaking as an older millennial with a great job, no student loan debt, a house I own, and a family, I realize that I am certainly a minority of my peers. Crazy college costs, increased housing/living costs, and jobs requiring 5 years experience when you graduate is making it fucking difficult to make ends meet.

    • h4rr4r

      As your peer I disagree. I think it is the kids 10 years younger with those problems.

    • TheRepoCode

      Now you are just piling on. I bet you also have a big box of sticky ganj bud, you lucky bastard you.

      • limberrat

        Well…

        • Anarchy Pony

          “God help us, we’re in the hands of engineers…”

          • Jonny On Maui

            You can thank us for coffee makers later…

          • Anarchy Pony

            Not really a coffee drinker.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Soft serve ice cream?

          • Anarchy Pony

            Sorry…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Well, I’d go with internet porn but that involved more than just engineers…

          • Anarchy Pony

            I dunno, without internet porn I might be desperate enough for sexual gratification that I would actually try talking to women.

          • Left Coast Tom

            You’re using our work to complain at us. Or snark at us. Or something.

          • Anarchy Pony

            So? Unfuck the planet and I’ll stop complaining.

        • Thank you for inventing cameras, George Forman grills, the Internet, and airplanes.

  • Painter of Goats

    He’s right! Why just this weekend my 32 year old millennial daughter came home again! But then on Tuesday she drove back to Colorado (probably to smoke some pot). No, wait. It was because that’s where she lives and HAS A JOB.

    Ablow = Blowhard

  • Anarchy Pony

    I live at home. It’s not great. But it’s mostly because there’s no affordable rents left in my fucking town. And seeing as I’m one of the only things helping to keep my mother’s business running, I can’t exactly go anywhere.
    Don’t speak about my generation, Ablow, you goddamned simpleton.

    • HazooToo

      I think I’m a Gen Xer. But I live with my Dad, because he was the only one in the entire family with the credit and money to buy a house. Hopefully, one I can hold onto as my son grows up. So yeah. Fuck that pig-faced hookworm.

  • baconzgood

    Baconz was so fuckin wacked out on snapchat last Saturday I woke up in Buffalo with no pants on.

    • cousin itt

      I’m guessing the Buffalo was not amused.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Boom tish!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Buffalo had better be a girl, Baconz!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        but boy did they roam…

      • chimichanga

        Name wuz Bill.

        • H0mer0

          not “Sal” ?
          [Oh, my mistake. Sal was a mule.]

    • H0mer0

      did you float pantless “60 miles on the Erie Canal”?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It’s not that the kids are high, Keith.

    It’s that housing costs are through the roof, and wages have not kept up, because of greedy parasites like yourself and your bosses, asshole Ailes and asshole Murdoch.

  • Panika MCD

    I didn’t know that “Free Stuff by Obama” included pot. I guess that’s probably because I was high when I read my “How to FREE STUFF by Obamacare”. thanks for clearing that up, Dr. Blowhard!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Obama is giving away pot now? Man, he really doesn’t have any shits left to give.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I fucking LOVE that guy!

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    If I weren’t so stoned I’d give these lazy young

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dude, you’re harshing my mellow!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I got so shitfaced I woke up at 10am naked on a lazyboy. And not the chair.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Bada BING!

      • Marjorielsampson1

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti471u

        two days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti471u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsPartyGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti471u….,

        • Wm Kiernan

          See, Lori there’s a Millennial™!!; And she’s a big success, she’s rolling in cash. So that proves that Ablow is full of shit.

          • H0mer0

            I thought the blonde WAS Lori (or Master Contrails)

      • Sandramfall

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti264ur

        two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti264u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsEnergyGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti264o….,..

  • Panika MCD

    also, too: obviously, CO isn’t using that revenue for anything good. they’re using it to stop all the teen pregnancies which is AGAINST GODOT’S WILL.

  • thewitchqueen74

    I wish I were stoned right now.

    • So the last major Republican debate I was watching I started seriously thinking that the only way to understand the current state of America – and all its madness – was to, in classic Hunter Thompson-rip off fashion – go through it – meaning that I was seriously craving some kind of very heavy psychedelic chemical because logic had completely and utterly failed me and self-induced insanity was seeming like a very reasonable alternative.

      Granted that’s a far more extreme solution than just getting stoned. But man. It really made sense to me that particular night.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Ablow is a member of what they call the ‘A-Team’ at Fox. Just try to imagine the shit the ‘B-Team’ is coming up with.

  • h4rr4r

    Pot costs money, kids who can’t afford to move out are not the main buyers.

    Also please stop including this 34 year old in the millenials. I am not one of those children. As shown by my job and money for pot. I mean money I could use to buy pot. If I was going to do that. Or something.

    • TheRepoCode

      If you aren’t using it for pot, could you lend some so I could by a little? Of the pot, or course.

      • h4rr4r

        Of course not that would be illegal. As we all know, everyone you don’t know is cop and you my friend I do not know. Also too, all phones are tapped and all these conversations are being watched.

        If it sounds paranoid that is fine, kept me out of jail so far.

  • Michael Smith

    Man, I can’t believe that this good doctor’s brand of bullshit will continue to suffice for many Americans moving forward as an explanation.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    There’s nothing the rest of us can do to make up for your having to go through junior high with the name Ablow, Keith. Could you please stop punishing us now? Kaithxbye!

    • MrBlobfish

      Did all those swirlybirds cause his hair to fall out.

      • mancityfooty .

        noogies

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Sorry about trading the economy, young folk.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Louder, baby boomer….you also fucked up Gen X, too.

      • sadboy

        Hey, don’ start hatin’ on us Xers now. We were powerless to affect change in a world despoiled by rampaging boy bands.

        • mancityfooty .

          Plus, we had to spend all our money on flannel, docs, and tribal armband tattoos.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            And bi-level haircuts.

          • AngryKatie

            My mom has never forgiven me for “ruining” every family photo from ~1984-1988. Sullen glare, asymmetrical bob with shaved parts, flannel shirt, jean shorts over thermal underwear (in FL no less) and docs.

            The best iteration was from a family vacation to a dude ranch in WY. Everyone else in jeans, boots and dumb ass hats. Me in my uniform with headphones on.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Sounds like you were committed! Good for you!

        • JMP

          What about those of us who are too young for Gen X and too old for Millennials?

          • See I read somewhere that “Millennials” are technically anybody born after like 1980? Meaning I think 1979 would still count as Gen X? I’ve always been fuzzy on those things though.

          • boll ocks

            I was born in 1980. And def relate with gen xers more, although I am disappointed with what we have done with our legacy so far. I have more hope for the millenials, TBH.

          • I have hope. I’m sorta like you – I grew up with all the Gen-X stuff and probably inherited a lot of it just by cultural osmosis. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also fit into some common Millennial stereotypes. I am the worst of both worlds, but I hope the kids can do better.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          See, e.g., John Mayer.

          https://youtu.be/REqz9D7OWZE

      • Anarchy Pony

        I am.

      • boll ocks

        Its up to us to change it. And that is weirdly okay with me. As long as we can get past the past, instead of wallowing in it like a bunch of conservatards.

  • Skwerl King

    Interesting. Maybe if Doc Keith read the actual study he… aw who am I kidding? Why read when you can ignorantly rant about them Millennial kids and their pots!

  • Skwerl King

    You know what man… seriously… you know what Wonkerinos? Wonkerooosss… Wonk wonk we bonk…. Dude… WE SHOULD GIVE THE FREE STUFF TO THE CONSERVATOADS… man if they licked a few toads and smoked a few bowls may be they would be cool. You know man, not worry about who is doogie hausering in the stall next to them. DUDES need to mellow out.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Fuck to the yeah, bra.

    • AngryKatie
      • Jonny On Maui

        Do you think old white male republicans fear this is a documentary from the future?

    • Courser

      I’ve thought this many times. The bathroom ninnies would find it far less interesting if they had a couple of bong hits.

      • H0mer0

        The bathroom issue is a concerted campaign to distract the bible-thumpers among the blahs

        from noticing the shit sandwich on their plate when they know they had paid for something better with their hard-earned money. They are appealing to the tranphobics.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Medical MJ leads to 12 year olds getting stoned?

    WTF is he smoking?

    • nmmagyar

      IKR? Mr. Magyar has his MMJ card and I can’t even go in the store, er – dispensary, with him.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Dominic, you poor, sad sack…never bring facts to a crazy fight. You bring a bazooka: fuck you Keith Ablow, you molester of Kids (goat babies). Grow some fucking hair or wear a toupee already you look like a tiny penis that’s been taunted by a woman and is trying to shrivel up and hide in its owners groin.

    • Now, now, there’s nothing wrong with being a bald guy!

      • Courser

        Nice beard! No snark, I can admire a well-groomed man.

        • H0mer0

          Handsome too! (he’s had some eyebrow grooming also too.)

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Shorter Blowhard: Why can’t you kids just huff paint like we used to do? It didn’t hurt us none!

    • Blank Ron

      I agree, and so does the purple giraffe who lives in my sock drawer!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Tell him his Blue Dream sandwich is ready.

        • Jonny On Maui

          That’s the Blue Dream filling sandwiched between 2 couchlock cookies right?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            And it is served with a frosty glass of THC cola.

          • jwtukker

            Please tell me immediately where this heavenly establishment is located!

          • Cindyinencinitas
          • Jonny On Maui

            Really? Gas & grass? Fill your tank and your head?

          • Courser

            I’m not sure if that’s in Colorado or California. CA, I think though there were noises about locating one here, too. Nifty idea!

          • Courser

            I’ve got Ghost of Lee Roy and Precious Child on tap today.

  • pstockholm

    Jeez these millenarians. All doom and gloom. I thought they got that out of their system like 16 years ago?

  • bubbuhh

    As I pause for breath between doing actual work and wonketeering, it just occurs to me: At what time since 1960 or so hasn’t the youth of the land of the free not been doing the doobies? Also, in what era in our fair land did its young not live at in the parental homestead when wages were relatively static and the cost of housing outstripped the ability of entry level wages to pay for it?

    • DodgeDixie&Descartes

      F@cKing Steve Jobs lived at home gettin’ wasted and tinkering in the family garage instead of getting a real job after college dropoutting. Look where that led. Abject Ablow failure.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        AAFS (Abject Ablow Failure Syndrome) is his default mode.

    • The U.S. has been blowing smoke rings for far longer than 40 years.

      • bubbuhh

        1965, to pick a year, was 51 years ago. ;)

    • JMP

      The Boomers mostly didn’t live at their parents’ for long, but that’s because they came of age at a time when college was almost free and people were basically handed good paying jobs as soon as they graduated. And yet so many of them like to blame younger generations for being lazy, somehow failing to realize that they have it a lot harder, they were not part of the most coddled generation ever that had it by far easier than any other before or after them.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Not only are these young kids way lazy, they’re making war on our Christianity and our Murican Way of Life that we grew up in. Haven’t these kids ever heard of The Reagan Boom, which would still be going strong but Obummer?

      • SlickTrixie

        Well, some of us were told, “We paid for your education. Don’t come back.” And then took our old bedrooms to the dump and changed it into a sewing/ exercise/ study/ separate bedroom. Kinda gave motivation to get out and do something.

        • Biff52

          Even “free” college was out of my reach…

          • SlickTrixie

            They paid tuition and room. I paid everything else, board and books. But, after the first year and another sib went to college, getting aid was easier (once again paid jobs). And, the reason they paid was because ‘we want you to have a stress-free college’

            That said, it was a lot cheaper back in the day ($120 for a quarter and min wage $2, so a summer and part-time work during school year could pay for those items).

            Since I’ve no kids, I was unaware until recently that the safety net for college had dropped out of the higher education marketplace for the middle class. And I’m letting my congress people know that I am not amused. I’ve also become an outrageous tipper now that I’m finally comfortable in my old age.

      • Courser

        I went back to my folks house after college because I *didn’t* have a job after graduation, much less a good one. And my parent’s house was *crowded*, man. One of my brothers was still in high school and the other moved back home with his pregnant wife at the same time. That lasted for about 2 years and as soon as I got a decent job, I moved out.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Typical lazy conservatives always wanting free stuff- free labor, tax free, the ability to be racist pricks and get away scot-free, freedom to commit white colar crime. Get some fucking ethics you douchebags

  • A Bashful Nobody

    I hope Yr Wonkette is giving the intern munnies for his hard work!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      They said he gets all the coffee he wants. I think that’s fair.

      • A Bashful Nobody

        Oops! Missed that. Not many calories in coffee unless you creamy it up. Oh well he’s young,probably won’t starve.

        • I like my coffee like my job prospects: black, with no for advancement.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Keith Ablow looks like the baby of Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig* doesn’t he?
    *from George Carlin

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    Dcoctor Keith is mostly angry cuz with all that free BarryzBud why should the kids by his new book Three Hundred and Sixty Five Signed Prescriptions for Adderall? A Fox News Besty Selly and a fav read at the Young Republican Book Club.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Lovely article, I can certainly relate. You forgot the part about how mental illness, especially anxiety, has skyrocketed because of our school system though. That could also be relevant (especially to marijuana consumption).

    • Courser

      Oh my, yes. It may seem counter-intuitive, but marijuana can work wonders with anxiety issues.

  • JMP

    True, there are other factors; because not only are there not many good paying jobs these days, it’s also that, as we discussed the other day, the rent is too damn high. You know whose fault that isn’t? The young people who can’t afford their own place. But this is always the conservative way, to treat systemic failure as individual ones which are the fault of those who are actually victimized by the system’s failure.

  • This reminds me of all the financial “advice” articles that wonder why people, especially millennials, aren’t saving for retirement. GEE I DON’T KNOW.

  • Doug White

    Another couple of factors that nobody remembered to mention:

    1) The average size of the home millennial are returning to is significantly larger than those owned by college-graduate-age children of past generations. Baby boomers exiting college who considered moving home were usually looking at returning to their 8X12 bedroom (…often SHARED with siblings!!) in a home that had no family room, no ‘man cave’ and often only 1 full bathroom. Today’s college graduates can usually relax in their own rooms, head for that finished basement for their gaming needs, and probably have their own bathroom too.
    2) The number of children in families of millennials is lower than those of prior generations. The parents of a baby boomer who considered moving home most likely had 2 or more other children to consider, some of whom may still have been living at home. Today millennials have the highest rate of ‘only child’ occurrence in US history, and more than 50% have fewer than 2 siblings, so one child ‘moving home’ even for an extended period is not as scary for parents today as it would have been 30 years ago.

  • Jgb979

    It must have been nice to be a young boomer. You enter a labor market after spending no more than a few hundred bucks on college where everyone could make a decent living in a blue or white collar profession, thanks to a strong progressive tax system and hard fought union benefits. There were still rich but few “fuck me stupid” rich, and one legitimately had a shot to move up in classes through hard work and effort, because there were barriers to prevent wealth staying in the hands of hotel princesses.

    Slowly but surely you forget what it was like for your parents/grandparents and the shared sacrifices they had to make to get there. “Fuck you I’ve got mine” starts to sound appealing. You find that handsome actor from California’s message to be interesting. Top tier income rates plummet, deficits spiral, suddenly wealth is made in investment classes for doing very little, nearly every blue collar job gets outsourced, lather rinse repeat x1000.

    In short: go fuck yourself boomer types who will never have to pay back 6 figures of college debt that will follow you beyond the grave.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      That rosy scenario applies mostly to middle-class early white male boomers, and not even to all of them. People of color, women, and working poor folks had a very different experience.

      My husband is a later boomer who was lucky enough to be a kid during Vietnam, but not lucky enough to have missed the hyperinflation and contracted economy of the 70s. He and his peers were not unlike the GenXers (me) in that they had student loans (though not nearly as much of their college education financed by them since there were still grants available to lower middle class kids), and a delayed enough job market that a lot of both generations ended up in graduate school at a time when a graduate degree actually meant something.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Every generation pays for the sins of the previous generation, as every generation must fight the good fight anew. In other words, my forefathers made mistakes, my generation has, yours will. The next generation will have to fix your mistakes as your generation has to fix mine. You could describe it to be the same as wiping your ass with a hula hoop, same old shit keeps coming around..

      • Jgb979

        Absolutely,

        I don’t want to sound like any generation is free from sin? I just think it’s ignorance more than anything from most Boomers of just how good (a lot of them) had it.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          Most of the boomers I know are fairly conservative, ignorance is their stock in trade, I have raised 7 kids (one of them mine) housed/fed many others over the years, I understand your frustration all too well. Conservatives are not long term thinkers and do not have broad perspectives. It will always be a struggle. Education is the key.

          • SlickTrixie

            The boomers were the best educated ever in US history. I used to think education was the key, but I’m finally beginning to think (at the end of my life), that humans in general are too stoopid to exist.

          • Biff52

            I’m a librul boomer, and almost all my fellow boomers are likewise librul. I know there’s a lot who aren’t, or weren’t, but it wasn’t us that gave you reagan. That was our asshole parents.

          • kareemachan

            BINGO!

          • H0mer0

            my asshole parents did NOT give us Reagan!

    • Also your public intellectuals were Truman Capote and Gloria Steinem and Gore Vidal, not Andrew Sullivan and Camille Paglia and Thomas Friedman.

    • SlickTrixie

      Yeah, Boomers had it great. You might have missed conscription to go fight in Viet Nam (the war the US has forgot). You get to enter a job market in contraction because no one bothered to tax to pay for Viet Nam. The unions are being dismantled before your eyes. You can buy gas every other day (and wait in a long line). Nuclear war was a damocles sword over your head, ingrained (monthly nuke drills as a kid). Abortion was a felony. Women couldn’t get credit in their name or buy a house. If you were lucky, you didn’t suffer from kwashiorkor or malnutrition as a kid. Yeah, it was great.

      On the plus side, college was cheap.

      That is to say, it sucked then as is sucks now. Sucks to be us.

    • Courser

      Um, those of us on the tail end of the ‘boomers’ didn’t get any of the benefits you speak of up there. It was like trying to find something to eat after the locusts came through. I’ve struggled my entire life. (Also, Denver is a boom and bust town and it ‘busted the year I graduated from college. Bad timing on my part.)

      • calliecallie

        Agreed. Late boomers had early boomer dreams and gen X realities. I still recall the 12% fixed interest rate on my first mortgage. I realize I was lucky to not have the student debt, but still, that’s a mighty steep interest rate.

    • alnnc

      It wasn’t all milk and honey then, either. In the early 1970s Public college tuition (not including room and board) was around $2,000 to $2,500 a year, a new car (minus most of the options and safety features today) was around $3,500, you could get a decent house for $25,000 to $30,000. Problem was, median income in 1974 was under $10,000 per year.

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Fair enough, but even indexing those to 2016’s median income would reveal a better picture than we currently see. Isn’t it on the order of $45,000? That would place the public college tuition around $9000 to $11,500; the car around $15,700; and the decent house around $113K to $135K.

    • chimichanga

      Well said. I’m between, late boom. After Nam. After the pill. Before AIDS. Could put myself through a good school. Hell – it was easier getting in! I fully cop to having had it ridiculously easy. It was awesome. Pot, beer and morals were weak. My kids only wish they’d grown up in the seventies.
      Yet…
      I find that our kids lives are more important to us than our own and I am going through this with them. To help with school, to help with childcare when they work those jobs, to help buy a house, pay for insurance. And the Bush economy took a whack at our ability to do that.
      That said. It really helps when someone crystallizes an opinion as you did and I feel the wiser for it.

    • ahughes798

      It’s not our fault you decided to go to college, and a pretty damn expensive one.

      I went to college, too. I think it cost, all told, about 6 grand, in 2007. I got grants and loans, because unlike all the other Boomers that live in your fevered imagination, I’m not rich. Being a boomer must be GRAND, though. We just love listening to your incessant puling about how rough you have it. Sometimes we call over our Butlers and LOL a lot at your misfortunes while we’re in our summer homes in the Hamptons.

      I didn’t support or vote for any variety of shrub or handsome actor, so what the fuck are you on about?

      Some of us Boomers haven’t had it so fucking easy either, stroke. We’ve been lower middle class/poor our whole lives, and it isn’t going to get any better, ever. I’m just glad I was smart enough not to attend a school that cost six fucking figures to get education from.

  • Scooby

    This guy smoked too much pot in the 70s

    • Jonny On Maui

      The stuff sprayed with paraquat…

      • jwtukker

        I thought the paraquat sprayed pot had an enjoyable tang and a pleasant slightly citrusy aftertaste.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Right before the lung melting, yes…

    • snark-lurker

      Or did too much LDS

      • proudgrampa

        Yup, too much Latter Day Saints makes anyone stupid.

        • Khavrinen

          “Star Trek IV”: watch it, love it. ( One good thing about Millenials is that, having replaced boom-boxes with iPods, they only deafen themselves, not everyone on the bus. Vulcan nerve pinch not required. )

    • Objectifer

      But he never got invited to the spare bedroom at parties.

      • H0mer0

        the one with the spooge-covered jackets or the fragrant one?

  • This is sorta neither here nor there, but I live in a state without legal weed. I have worked with drunks and pill heads and stoners, I’ve hung out with junkies of varying stripes – you know who invariably are the most hardworking and reliable*?

    Stoners, you stupid fuck.

    And God knows I’d prefer pot to my cheap vodka to get me through this hellish election cycle, but I guess I’ll make do, since my state only kinda legalized a non-fun form of pot-derived oil for people suffering from epilepsy (I think it was), and even that with significant caveats and gnashing of teeth.

    Sorry. Like I said, neither here nor there, but that Reefer Madness bullshit gets me riled.

    *Actually the junkies I’ve known probably work harder, all things considered. But in terms of the “straight” world, title still goes to stoners.

    • Courser

      Thank you. I’m a boomer who started smoking pot on a daily basis when it was made legal in Colorado. Before that, I’d used pot for severe pain from hip arthritis but after I had them replaced I didn’t renew my license. Otherwise, I never touched it after my college years.

      I’m also an accountant and work for a good company. I work every day, never fail and in my spare time I train with a multi-disciplinary volunteer emergency response team. So yeah, sorry I’m such a slacker.

      • Too – I’ve been a pretty sober worker, and I was *much* lazier than many of my stoner comrades. Anecdotal evidence, but still.

    • LadyLaz

      You live in GA don’t you. Lol

    • kareemachan

      I’d send you some from the great state of WA, but, ya know, copz.

      • H0mer0

        Bad boys, whatchagonnado?

  • georgiaburning

    What have the millenials done to deserve this honor? Being a boomer, I’m very angry that “Dr” Ablow doesn’t realize that WE were the most lazy, pampered, stoned, useless and self-indulgent generation FOREVER in recorded history. My late Uncle Roger would have been happy to explain it to him, except that he passed in 1994.

    • SlickTrixie

      Oh, the millenials haven’t forgotten, at all.

      • georgiaburning

        It’s appreciated. As the Wolf said, respect for one’s elders gives character.

        • SlickTrixie

          *cackle*

          • H0mer0

            DiCaprio or Blitzer?

    • GeminiCricket

      And with the super abundance of edible products, those health crazed wannabe addicts are not even smoking it anymore!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Forget it. When Fox is on a roll, facts just get crushed in the momentum.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Facts never had much of a chance anytime on Fox.

      • kareemachan

        That’s why they’re actually called Faux Noise.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    You tell ’em, Dominic. As the mother of later-born Millennials, I could see the hand-writing on the wall pretty early, and we’ve done everything we can to try to ease the burdens they will carry when they are on their own, including living well below our means so that we could save for their college and letting them know that we are a family, and as such, we all pull together for each other, including shared living space if need be. I have no worries that my kids will be hiding in their rooms playing video games and smoking weed instead of being the responsible young people they’ve shown themselves to be – they are certainly more responsible and focused than my generation ever had to be.

  • Zango LeHoonery

    Multiple generation sharing living space is pretty common, what, everywhere on the planet? If you can handle the situation, it’s also a good way for the younger generation to save $$$ and not pay rent, and then have a nice chunk for the down payment for a new place.

    If I had to grumble about people still living with their parents., I’d be sure to grumble a little louder about the manufacturing jobs certain capitalists sent far and wide while pressing their wingtips down on the unions’ throats.

  • Bad Granny

    Man, wealthy old white men just can’t catch a break.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Not only was that a great post, but it was crammed with more links than I’ve ever seen. Kudos. You really do work hard.

    • kareemachan

      I noticed that too.

  • Beowoof14

    Hey a bald old guy who just makes shit up as he goes for money. He is a perfect fit for Fox and their presidential candidate. I am surprised he forgot point out that if you really need a job you millennials should move to Mumbai.

    • dslindc

      Have I answered all your questions to your satisfaction?

  • 3FingerPete

    Keith…buddy…you’re 54 years old. Your generation was also a bunch of pothead kids. I know. I was there.

    • Courser

      Some of us are still potheads ;-)

      • proudgrampa

        Hey, man! Wanna get some munchies?

        • Courser

          Ooh, good idea! Taco Bell! Cheetos!!! Yay!!!!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Screaming Yellow Zonkers or GTFO!
            (This might be a good time to bring them back, actually…)

          • H0mer0

            My ex husband grew up on the East Coast and thought that an Abba Zabba was just gibberish I made up (he never heard the song or tasted the sweeeet taffy with the peanut butter inside…)

      • SisterArtemis

        shit, I’ve been smoking pot daily and working 40-70 hours weeks for the last 35 years. Okay, there was that one 11-month hiatus while my partner did the clean-n-sober route for a stretch, but that was 30 years ago. Otherwise, full-time and then some.

    • georgiaburning

      I’ll be he voted for Reagan, too.

    • Frank Underboob

      I’m nearly there too, & yes, it was.

    • ahughes798

      It was everywhere! And cheap!

  • Astraea

    Is the free pot only for millenials? asking for a friend.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      And why not for retired people? Asking for a friend.

      • kareemachan

        And how about people who would like to retire but can’t? Asking for a…. friend. Yeah, that’s it.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I used to have a t-shirt with a quotation from Ben Franklin that said “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” One could say the same thing about Cannabis.

          • Courser

            Oh hell yeah. Cannibis has a lot of benefits that aren’t really talked about all that much. Anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxant, calmer of electrical activity in the brain… but no, people who use it are all just a bunch of loser stoners. In reality, we’re actually a pretty productive bunch, in both traditional and non-traditional ways.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sex has a lot of benefits too. 1) boosts immune system so you are sick less often 2) improves women’s bladder control 3) lowers blood pressure 4) makes prostate cancer less likely 5) improves sleep 6) reduces stress, plus a few more. Health insurance companies should be providing free birth control because of this, but of course not.

          • H0mer0

            they don’t really care about long term health, just until you aren’t paying them premium anymore and not asking for reimbursements.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Very true. Every group insurance I ever had would not pay for smoking cessation programs, but offered a discount to non-smoking participants. This makes no sense at all. At my last job, the health insurance paid 100% of Viagra prescriptions, but had a copay for oral contraceptive prescriptions. They were self-insured, and all the executives were male, so go figure. Health insurance makes no sense – it is a huge rip-off.

          • ahughes798

            Unfortunately, because of “No birth control for you skanks” rules, sex can also lead to a babby, which pretty much negates all the positive benefits you listed.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s why we need Planned Parenthood. I got free or very low-cost birth control there when I was in college and my early 20’s, because group health insurance in those days would not cover it.

  • dslindc

    This is upsetting. I’m going to have to break out the edibles. But wait, by most definitions, I’m too old to be a millennial!

  • UpstateNYObserver

    I’ve always been convinced that Ablow and people like him are the guys who never got laid in college. Then when they get out they punish the rest of us.

    • SisterArtemis

      This is strangely persuasive as an argument for on campus brothels…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sororities did the job in my day – although goofs like Ablow probably didn’t benefit.

      • Frank Underboob

        There are some men that even sex-workers draw the line at, & I’m betting that this guy is one of them.

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Not really. It basically means that he and people like him are so stunted or guilt ridden as people that they can’t establish any sort of relationship. He did, I suspect, really notice how others had those relationships and his only response was anger. A brothel won’t help with people like him.

    • kareemachan

      And they REALLY need some pot. Medicinally speaking.

  • AnOuthouse

    If one of your jobs isn’t cutting my lawn, get off of it!

  • Jason Freeman

    This is a great post. Pay this man, Wonkette exec types!

  • SlickTrixie

    While he is an idiot, he’s got a pernt.

    There’s something going on with young men (for some reason, not women) that is worrying. Mr. Slick has been noticing for at least 10 years now that grandchild-age young men, in their deepest hearts, seem to be caught in Waiting for Godot. Since we’ve no offscrags, he’s got an outsider’s view, which I respect.

    I can understand this for the non-college types, since all the good paying jobs for that group have gone bye-bye, but it’s also college educated/bound guys. Any thoughts?

    • Frank Underboob

      These days, the job market for college-educated kids isn’t a lot better than it is for ones who didn’t go to college. You can thank outsourcing for that. :/

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Hell, most jobs for Ph.D.’s have been outsourced. I’m lucky I had an alternative; all my co-workers who did R&D retired early on half-vested half-assed pensions (and/or are “consultants” per their LinkedIn pages.)

        • Frank Underboob

          Yeah, I’ve got a lot of friends in the same boat.

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Ask your local attorney about document review temp gigs. While you’re signing that credit card slip for the pizza he brought you. (Don’t worry; even if he’s a bear, he probably speaks Human).

        • Frank Underboob

          Heh. I didn’t go to college, & if I had, it would’ve been a very long time ago.

  • So, I’m not a millennial (I don’t think?) But I’m also very not in the mood for shitting on people living with Mommy and Daddy right now. If I could go live with Mommy and Daddy right now, I would. And I would smoke their pot, because I can’t afford it, even though I work 25 hours a day. And you know why I can’t afford it? Because someone tanked the economy several years back, and jobs went away, but prices kept going up and all the short people that depend on me for food and shelter and stuff kept wanting to eat and live indoors. So, while I was waiting for jobs to come back, I cobbled together my own job, which is kind of more like a million different jobs, being an “independent contractor”. Independent contracting is fun! I work at home! Writing words on the internet! Granted, I don’t sleep, I spend any time not spent doing paid jobs looking for paid jobs, and people keep wanting to pay me in this thing called “exposure”. Which is not money. Turns out you can’t buy rents or eats with exposure. No one takes it. And I woke up today to an email letting me know that starting June 1, I will be making even less money from one of my main sources, because they are cutting pay. They claim they are “growing”, and “expanding”, so I should be happy about the pay cut, because something something. And they are not even offering any exposure to go with the lower rates! Just “we’re growing, and doing great! So we’re cutting pay for our contractors! Be happy for us!” Which makes no fucking sense, and I am not happy. I am even broker. And I can’t go home and smoke pot with Mommy and Daddy, but very soon, I’m probably going to have to take care of Mommy and Daddy (well, Daddy, at least, in my case – my sister is getting Mom.) And I have no fucking clue how I’m going to do that, and I’m too old and fat and out of shape to take up stripping. So fuck this guy, and Millenials who get to live at home and save should take advantage of it, because there is no big enough financial cushion to deal with this shit, but maybe if you stay home with your parents longer, you’ll do better than I’m doing.

    Hey, Wonkette, are you in the market to buy any new writers?

    • Jason Freeman

      Very well written.

    • Courser

      Oh man, I’ve been there and it sucks. Hard. At least I didn’t have any short people I had to worry about.

      Sending prayers & good karma your way.

      • Thank you. I didn’t really mean to spill all that out, but I had nowhere to go with it so it ended up here. Stupid Ablow pissed me right off. He needs to go a-blow himself and shut up about things he knows nothing about.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          If he shut up about things he knows nothing about, he would have to give up his career as a Fox expert since 3-5 minutes of dead air time does not make for good teevee.

        • Courser

          No worries, I’ve occasionally had a good rant on here and it feels good to get some of that nasty stuff out. I hope you manage to relax and have a little fun this weekend – even if it’s just a weenie on a stick. Enjoy the little things as much as you can.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Best of luck, Cheryl. I edit a magazine that uses a lot of freelancers, and I know how tough it is for them.

  • Aquaria

    Let’s not even get into how unaffordable housing is right now, either. Hell, my husband and I are barely scraping by, and I’m in that uncomfortable middle between Boomer and Generation X. I’m not either, but there doesn’t seem to be a category for us.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Just wait until you get old and need Assisted Living and your adult kids won’t take you in. Assisted Living in my town is about $3000/month. A good nursing home is $5000/month, and that is a double room. There is a new “Retirement Living” community selling 2-bed duplex houses for retirees starting at $250,000 (not including golf course membership), but you can buy a nice 3-bed house in town for $125,000. Old people are really being ripped off.

      • kareemachan

        I don’t know if this is true for the retirement living place you’re talking about, but if it includes some level of healthcare and housekeeping and three meals a day, it’s worth it to some people. Or their kids who can’t be there 24/7.

        (Spoken to someone who’s parent was in one and gladly helped with the expenses. Cuz I knew they made sure he took his rx’s and ate properly.)

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I commend you highly as a good person. I wish I personally knew some people other than myself and yourself who helped with parent’s expenses. My siblings wouldn’t even help me pay for my father’s burial. The prices I mentioned for Assisted Living do include minor health care and housekeeping and meals, but the elderly couples of my acquaintance who need to go there can’t afford it. My father had dementia and was in nursing homes for 10 years. I am extremely grateful to the staff for the care they gave him, which I could not provide, but it ate up every penny he and my mother had saved for 30 years, and his life insurance, and then he had to go on Medicaid. I am grateful for the Medicaid too. But Alzheimer’s and Dementia are really terrible diseases. In those 10 years my siblings never visited him once.

  • CATMAN

    I think the Doctor is jealous of the Millennials who smoke dope and get laid all the time with their hookup culture and he only has Scotch whisky and paying for pussy to get him by

    • Personally, I work so many jobs I hardly have time to masturbate, let alone get laid and smoke weed.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I worked 3 paid and 2 unpaid in college (I sorta find it hard to say no sometimes). Did my drinking only on Friday nights because my shift did not begin until 11 on satuday. All while full time, including summer session, at school. Was not fun. Sucked much.
        You’ll make it, and it gets better. Cliche, but all I got to offer right now.

        • “I FEEL ‘YER PAIN”

          I don’t feel defeated at all. In fact, O tend to enjoy a good challenege. However, I just don’t appreciate being called lazy under a false and easily refuted assumption.

      • Jonny On Maui

        It’s all about time management. Two of those you can do in the shower…

        • Serai 1

          Three, if you vape. ;)

          • Jonny On Maui

            That hit me about 30 seconds after ‘Post…’

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And you only need two of those in the first place.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Depends on how many are in the shower…

          • H0mer0

            I’m amazed if your plumbing and balance work that well in the shower.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Well, not any more. But back in the day…

  • duckshoe

    I distinctly remember Obama on TV, urging the 12 year olds to smoke out. And those 12 year olds are today’s undergrads! Case closed.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Jesus, people need to read more history. I am reading “A Midwife’s Tale” which is taken from the diary of Martha Ballard, Maine Midwife from 1785 to 1812. Young people at the time couldn’t afford to get married until their 20’s, and often they continued to live with parents after they were married for quite some time because it was really expensive to “go to housekeeping.” As a result there were a lot of illegitimate babies, and a lot of very pregnant brides. That’s like 300 years ago, Mr. Fox Dude!

    • Serai 1

      Beautiful book. A documentary was made from it, you know.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes it is. I have the “American Experience” documentary on DVD, and it is excellent. In fact, I just this minute finished watching it again, and then I saw your reply. Great minds think alike, LOL! Every time I re-read the book I get out the DVD.

        • Serai 1

          The re-enactments were so well done. I really felt for Martha. Just a wonderful story all around.

  • BigCSouthside

    I love when a member of the most selfish generation, the boomers, calls our generation lazy.

    Fuck you pal. Your generation came up with the education as business model that has butt fucked my generation. You dicks created the corporate atmosphere (deregulation) that has destroyed the housing market, AND fucked up the economy so hard that we have to accept getting shit on by greedy 80s era boomer bosses who exploit a shit market so that we have to flat out get underpaid just to have a job. Oh and you dicks started the illegal war that who fought? Oh yeah. Us.

    Let’s not forget that you also have shit on the environment for us to clean up, and completely avoided reforming social security so we are likely to never see a dime.

    eat a dick, doc.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Don’t blame the entire Boomer Generation. 51% of them were women, including me, and we hated the very shit you talk about. But nobody consulted us.

      • BigCSouthside

        This is true.

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Greater accuracy would indeed be appropriate. Let’s focus more on the elites of the Boomer Generation, and the percentage that was snookered into voting for Bonzo and the Shrubs.

        • kareemachan

          Again, #notallboomers

          That’s for damned sure.

    • Serai 1

      Jesus fuck, not this “selfish Boomer” shit again.

      • ahughes798

        I’m really sick of it, too. It’s like millenials think all boomers are rich, live in McMansions, vote Republican and don’t give a fuck about anything. I do give a fuck about one thing. The environment. Because when we get done chewing it up, and we will, it won’t matter if you’re a boomer or a millenial. You’ll be scraping and killing for food, just like everybody else.

        I’d like to see some research on people who came of age in the VietNam era, because I’d bet you a Hershey bar they’re the fucking boomers the OP is talking about. They’re mostly conservative and Republican. Or Libertarian, if they smoke pot.

        • Serai 1

          What really infuriates me is the high and mighty attitude about the environment while they spend their lives pecking at gadgets made from materials whose procurement SERIOUSLY rapes the earth. And all that plastic being used for all those computer parts? That’s petroleum. But OH NO, they are the pure ones, and the Boomers (who STARTED the whole ecology movement, and STARTED the whole movement to make marijuana legal, and a whole host of other things millennials LOVE to take credit for) are the Evil Ones.

          I take comfort in the fact that they will get the same shitty treatment when their turn comes, and THEY will be blamed because OMG YOU LET THE EARTH DIE.

          • ahughes798

            Couldn’t agree more.

          • Serai 1

            Makes me want to carry around a picture of the unbelievable smog in Los Angeles when I was a kid. SEE FUCKERS WE DIDN’T CAUSE THIS SHIT SO STFU.

          • ahughes798

            I lived in Hollywood in the late ’70’s, early ’80’s, and you could see the air on some days. Walking down Hollywood Blvd. with your eyes tearing up, making your mascara run. Sigh.

          • Serai 1

            When I was a teenager, riding in the car with my mom on the freeway, you couldn’t even see the overpasses in Burbank until they were within 50 feet. It was so fucking scary. There were people who DIED from the fucking smog.

    • kareemachan

      #notallboomers

      • Eykis

        I was born in 1954 and have been fighting all of this shit since 1968 – including the ERA and actually was in Houston in 1973 fighting for women’s rights~

        As a native Dallasite (Henry Wade of Roe v. Wade) was the Dallas County DA for 40 years. We did not hear this kind of shit when Roe v. Wade happened, much less the anti-choicer crap we hear of today. ole Henry Wade also ran (unofficially) the Draft Board. When males got busted for a joint they were given a choice of a one-way ticket to Viet Nam or 20 years in Huntsville.

        I have been at the same type of job for 40 years and comparing wages from 1975 to 2016, I’ve NEVER GOTTEN A RAISE~

  • efoveks

    Dear Dominic,

    My generation were called Slackers, and we were accused of being lazy, self-entitled whiny bitches. This disparaged the character and true work ethic of an entire generation, and unfortunately, it seems to be an attitude that is being perpetuated and visited upon the next one– yours! Please do not take the ignorant, arrogant opinion of some elitist fuckwad who uses such idiotic terms as “millennially speaking”. (Millenially speaking? He cannot be “millennially speaking”– he’s not a Millennial!)

    NO ONE can speak for your generation but– surprise!– YOUR generation.

    God forbid that a generation of young people show some fiscal responsibility– and probably a fair amount of verbal and physical restraint (olds can be ornery!) and put off leaving the family home. (And why do you think China’s beating out ass? Here’s an entire culture that values pooling family resources, but I’m just saying..)

    Sorry Wonkette can’t pay you more. Mebbe Rebecca can do another GoFundMe style campaign to raise some bucks for ya???

    Meanwhile, know yer Auntie Efoveks loves you

    Bye fer now. Gotta go get drunk cuz it’s the weekend

    • <3

    • cleos_mom

      Actually, those accusations have been leveled at every generation since the Greatest (if you ignore the racism, sexism, homophobia and warmongering) Generation decided that they might love their children but didn’t like them a-tall.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    You are wise, Young Intern, in the ways of writing prose clearly, with wit and without utilizing polysyllabic pretentiouslyness applicationed to tendentiousity, millenially speaking.

    Sad to say, you pull down the big money by making up shit and working for Fox, either as a fraudulent terrorism expert or discredited headshrinker.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I would like to mention this, though it will surely be different for all people:
    It used to be that people did not move out. Families lived together, families survived together. When newlyweds were married, families came together to give the lovers a head start.
    This changed when industrialization started culling more and more young people to the cities. Most of the time said young people flocking to the cities would still share costs with cousins/siblings/otherrelations/friends. BUT, it did start then, as people left the nest, as it were.

    Then came post WWII when people moved all over the place and to be considered made, you had to have your own place. Resulting in old people being dumped into nursing homes, young people struggling through what should be their most productive years, and a whole lot of economic instability on the part of just about everyone who was not mega rich (aside note: born- rich people often live with their parents, or in buildings owned by their parents. Surprise!).

    Returning to the former model is not, in my opinion, a bad thing really.

    • Serai 1

      Extended families. We are apes, after all.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Very true – especially for those coming out of college and grad school. Jobs calling for advanced degrees aren’t likely to be found in your hometown, unless your hometown is a reasonably large city. I interviewed in cities in the east and on the left coast, but certainly not in the Berkshires.
      Funny thing is that thanks to the intertubez, I could easily do my job from my hometown today. (I wonder if my mom would let me move back in…)

  • Frank Underboob

    Beautiful work, Dominic.

    • Thank you kindly!

      • Eykis

        Make Rebecca PAY you~you fit right in and deserve PAY.

        • edith prickly

          Munneez for Dominic!

  • boll ocks

    Headline: Bitter old loser blames all problems on youth, shits self.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Old Man Yells At Crowd.

      • cleos_mom

        I’ve heard rumors all year that a certain percentage of the electorate dotes on that kind of thing.

  • Erick the Kracker

    See, there you go. Smoking dope in the basement and drawing “graphs” made from “data”. Get a job, boy!

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Ablow me.

  • LadyLaz

    Applauds Dominic

    – shifty Gen X

  • Be Gin

    Dammit Dominic, how do you do it?

    I have never mastered the Wonkette Style Guide and here you are running rings around me and making it look easy.

    Is it the coffee? The lack of sleep? The inspirational coworkers?

    Anyway, good job. Hang in there.

    • Merlebird

      I’m just disappointed to hear they’re not paying him. Come on, Editrix. Don’t you know interns are like hookers, IN THAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PAY THEM?

  • Serai 1

    There’s a dispensary in downtown L.A. called Wonderland that I visit when I go to my physical therapy appointments. It’s a really big place, and they have a large waiting room where you sign in, that spans one whole side of the building. And on the wall of this waiting room is painted a mural of that famous photo of Obama smoking a joint. The first time I saw that, I just stood staring with my mouth open, thinking, “Goddamn. We really ARE in a new century!”

    • Bear OmNomNom

      I seriously read that as Wonkerland. My brain is bursting just attempting to imagine the wonders of such a place.

      • Eykis

        As a pot-smoker since 1968, I was THRILLED to see a LEGAL CASH REGISTER RECEIPT with Cannabis – thank you, Colorado.

      • Serai 1

        Imagine a dispensary called Wonkaland! What bizarre edible creations could be had there!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Now if we could just leave the GOP behind in the century they belong in (nineteenth!).

  • LadyLaz

    My mom told me not to come back when I graduated college. I didn’t. Good times.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    You have to wonder what sort of test Faux uses to identify the incredibly stupid gasbags they put on the air. I mean, they can’t be finding these nitwits so reliably by accident.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      One of those old-school fortune-teller machines, whose occupant bears a striking resemblance to C. Montgomery Burns. If Monty drums his fingers together and mouths “excellent”, the pledge is in the fart-ernity.

    • bupkus23

      Fix News puts these positions out for bid – and the nitwits are the only ones who respond. As to WHICH nitwit to choose, they probably go for the lowest bidder….

  • Awesome Man

    So, wingnut policies have led to an increased wealth gap as well as eliminated God knows how many good paying jobs…and then they blame the people who are going to suffer the most because of it?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Well, it`s worked great for his ilk so far, so why change now?

  • Marjorielsampson1

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti472ur

    two days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti472u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsPartyGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti472u….,….

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Dr. Keith Ablow! Is that you?

      • mailman27

        With all that “hourly.87Dollars” Ms. Updike could have hired a proofreader. But noooo, she went and blew it on a MacLaren

        • ahughes798

          Maybe not a MacLaren, but she could get a really nice used Audi A8. Or the 8 cyl. AMG Mercedes.

  • Bear OmNomNom

    Actually, there is zero logical inconsistency in Ablow’s narrative. (Hold your fire, OF VOTES…) What he wants is for every Millennial to go out and purchase a home *regardless of* the economic swamp in which they may be mired. That way, the Walligarchy that funds his employer can package the mortgages into collateralized debt obligations, bet on their failure, and scamper away with even MORE rentier gains. Just another day / year / decade in the tranches, as they say…

  • The Witch of Endor

    I’m pissed off with my Facebook dealer. The last session was like mainly memes and bad .gifs. It was so beat.

  • x111e7thst

    your grandparents had unions. Look into it?

  • CB

    Great post! Ablow is a moron from way back. Of course, all his data is false. Well, if not false, at least massaged to get the outcome he wants. Because real data analysis doesn’t make a good story. But it does make easy pablumnews for the people who aren’t working and have time to watch Fux all day. Oh, and who want to feel superior because they’re on the downside of life and their only sport is talking about how the world is going to hell.

    I run a small company of about 30 people, and 17 of them are millennials. They’re incredible. I love seeing them every day. They’re creative, engaged, enthusiastic and funny as hell. I despise generalizing an entire generation by a few demographic tics. It’s demeaning, dehumanizing, and a sure way to throw your business in the toilet if you don’t also listen to and serve what is inevitably going to be your largest customer base.

    I don’t know, I like having a company where people are sensitive to diversity, considerate of others’ feelings and inclusive. Those are millennial traits, too Ablowme.

    Best part is when I tell these young people how my first boss used to throw staplers at people and completely tear you apart personally if there was a typo in a draft of something. And, guess, what? He was the one who was stoned all time.

    • Courser

      I’ve always had my best work experiences at places with a lot of diversity. It makes for a fun and engaging work environment.

      Good on you!

  • Ilgattomorte

    Okay fine. However, in my day we worked 4 jobs, 27 hours a day, barefoot, and we had to walk to each one of them in the snow. When we got there our boss would beat us, almost continuously, until lunch, if we were lucky enough to get a lunch and, even then, we could only afford to eat torn up newspaper and spoiled milk.

    Most importantly, however, OUR POT SUCKED! That’s right, we didn’t have the fancy hydroponic, scientifically developed strains of wonder weed you youngsters have now. We had skunk weed and we were lucky to have it, young man. If we wanted to get a buzz, we had to take the Sunday Style section, throw in a kilo brick, roll that sucker up, light it with a torch and smoke it like there was no tomorrow. Goddammit, you had to use vice grips for the roach.

    You young wippersnappers don’t know how good you have it.

    • Steven Posey

      Growing up in a tiny, shit town, in the blasted hellscape known as the Bible Belt the brown bricky crap was the only game in town. The fact that there was waaaay better stuff to be found out of town was just salt in the wound. Trying to work some miserable job at rock bottom federal minimum wage, while attempting to get a buzz off of something that was more than likely launched over the border in a catapult.

    • ahughes798

      Did you walk uphill, both ways, to all those jobs? If not, you had it easy. When I was in my first pot smoking phase, I remember most of it came from Mexico, with the occasional Colombian, or Acapulco Gold. I remember getting pretty high off the stuff, but I lived in a suburb of Chicago, and could go there to get “real” stuff. Today’s wonder weed is great….but it’s also sextupled in price since then.

  • bupkus23

    One has to wonder if Ablow maintains any of his certfications per pyschiatry ( according to Wiki, he certified in psychiatry in 1993 and “forensic psychiatry” in 1999 ) – and whether or not the APA wants to revoke any of them ( or wishes they never awarded ’em ).

  • dshwa

    When has FOX news ever cared about facts when it comes to their prejudices and preconceived notions?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      You mean Obama’s not THE worst president who’s ever lived? Why should I believe my own eyes?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Pot’s good business. Always has been, legal or not. Why does Ablow hate free enterprise?

    • m3bosha

      Yeah, but all my husband’s useless relatives want to move here (with our help) to become pot shop employees. I love the legal. I’m not helping a stranger I’ve never met into a biz I can’t help you get into just because I live in CO. I have a small house and a child.

      • HorseChestnut

        That sounds totally reasonable, regardless of the nature of the business. I’m serious, you’re trying to enforce a very moderate boundary. Your husband’s relatives need to step off.

  • DutchS

    The secret to not working yourself to death is, when you see a bright light and hear your dead relatives calling, take a stretch break. (Stolen from Dilbert)

  • 451 Byrnes

    …And what’s with all this Rock- n – Roll rubbish?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a_qv5F86sk

  • Sandramfall

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti264ur

    two days ago grey McLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti264u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsEnergyGetPay$98Hour…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti264o….,.

  • Zompledore

    Keith Ablow is clown shoes. I’d still do him, though. I bet he’d ride me like a butch bottom.

  • hvdv

    “Millennials don’t want to spend 30 years in 9-5 dash for cash jobs because they tend to prefer careers with purpose.”

    Yes, Ablow is an abomination, but this sentence? It is not good. Nobody wants to have a terrible job–that’s not exclusive to millennials. As a member of generation XYO (or something, what do I know), I can tell you that “careers with purpose” no longer exist. I earned my PhD at 28, and guess what I do for a living? I talk at students on a part-time, temporary basis. Been doing it for 15 years. And I don’t even smoke the pot. Shitty jobs are not a choice for any generation.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Old Fart Older Boomer checking in here: Several things are making things very tough. First and foremost is UNDERemployment. 5% unemployment is great but if the jobs created are shit WalMart jobs, where the Waltons cruise around in fancy cars and leave the shit for the “associates” because they don’t have the morals to realize their employees are humans with basic needs, and they can get the government to supplement their shitty wages (SNAP – food stamps,etc.) etc etc blah…..

    The demise of manufacturing in the US. China, the biggest supplier of goods, has no constraints on safety and welfare of its employees. (Been there, seen that) or environmental concerns (what global warming???) (what nasty pollution???) so no level playing field. Plus manufacturing (aka value added) requires capital investment. Not like Uber whose market value is based on a fucking cell phone app and nothing else of value…..so people can get rides and avoid labor regulations and antitrust. Or Facebook, that will crash and burn when someone comes up with a better idea.

    Plus corporate types running public companies for their own benefit, big salary and benefits with no accountability. (Costco tends to be a contra example)

    Not everyone can afford a job with a purpose or wants one. People want decent treatment and wages and security. The erosion of these things based on the quality of jobs is making it tougher and tougher. Not everyone is a college grad or needs to be.

    Sigh……obviously I worked in manufacturing, and had a great career, and have a good retirement. I worry for my youngest (the steps I help bring up….)

  • Ryan Denniston

    The kids these days. Son, when I was in college, a Wonkette Intern wasn’t even a THING :)

  • MausFeet

    I get so confused by the backlash when younger adults say they’d prefer to be happy and work on something they care about. Shouldn’t that in theory, be everyone? Isn’t that the goal? Now, I also happen to work a 9-5 dash for cash job because I have to because I need the cash because I had to go to college to get the job that I need to pay back the student loans I took out.

    Which would, in theory be ok – as generations before me are so fond of telling me – No one likes their job! But the big old difference between generations that say that and say a 25 year old now? The job they hate isn’t going to give them a pension if they stay there for 30 years. If they’re lucky enough to have a 401K with some employer contributions, the stock market could trash it. They’re not getting cost of living raises like my grandfather did. (My ‘merit’ increases in the last 4 years have not even matched the rate of inflation, so I”m making less now – awesome!)

    But sure, it’s those lazy, pot smoking kids these days, because acknowledging that it’s getting harder and harder to attain a semblance of the “American Dream” is icky and depressing and maybe the fault of decision makers who are now older.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Boomers, beatnicks, hippies, yuppies, Gen X, millennials. Young people with nothing to lose regularly stand up and shout the obvious: “the old farts fucked up, we know how to do better!” Might be worthwhile if this time some of us oldz decided to listen to them instead of yelling at them, literally and figuratively, to get off the grass. We have sort of been in their sandals, or whatever the footwear those damn kids are using these days.

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