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That might explain a lot, actually
That might explain a lot, actually

Donald Trump is, as we all know, the biggest Christian to ever run for president, because he even thinks the Bible is an even better book than The Art of the Deal. So it should be no surprise that he has chosen as his “liaison on Christian policy,” which is a job that every campaign has these days, one seriously righteous dude: Frank Amedia, who isn’t merely a televangelist, but is an actual faith healer who has cured cancer with prayer and even stopped the 2011 Japanese tsunami from hurting anyone. In Hawaii, at least. Guy’s an apostle, a prophet, and a miracle worker, but apparently only licensed to do miracles in the United States and Territories. Sucks to be you, Iwate prefecture. God’s a bit of a stickler about jurisdiction, so it’s kind of a bummer about the nearly 16,000 deaths in Japan, but that takes nothing away from Rev. Amedia’s achievement in preventing tsunami damage 4000 miles away.

Mother Jones tells us a bit more about what a swell God guy Trump has recruited for his team:

Amedia is a former Jew who says he found God through an encounter with Jesus in 1980. He runs the Ohio-based Touch Heaven Ministries, an international ministry with affiliated churches in Africa and Asia, and he is a frequent presence on Christian TV networks. He appears daily on the evangelical Daystar network and occasionally on the Trinity Broadcasting Network and the North American version of Isaac TV, a Pakistan-based evangelical network that airs Christian broadcasting across several Asian countries.

“Isaac TV” is a terrific little network, best known for its “Punk’d”-style prank show, “Dad, What Are You Doing With That Knife?”

As an actual prophet and apostle, Amedia has regular chats with Jesus, and in 2012, he shared with the Trinity Broadcasting Network his exciting story of how he protected Hawaii through the power of prayer alone:

After first pointing out that there was nothing that could have saved all those people in Japan, because he was asleep at home in the USA when the earthquake hit, Amedia gets to the exciting part where he stopped the tsunami 4000 miles later as it approached a Hawaiian island where his daughter was visiting.

I stood at the edge of my bed and I said, “In the name of Jesus, I declare that tsunami to stop now.” And I specifically said, ‘I declare those waters to recede,” and I said, “Father, that is my child, I am your child, I’m coming to you now and asking you to preserve her.” Apostle, it was seen by 400 people on a cliff. It was on YouTube, it was actually on the news that that tsunami stopped 200 feet off of shore. Even after having sucked the waters in, it churned and it went on and did devastation in the next island.

Sucks to be the people on that next island, who didn’t have a dad in the propheting business. God is a pretty cool guy, saving Amedia’s daughter like that. Also, we suppose it might be worth noting that while the tsunami did do an estimated $30 million in damage all over the Hawaiian islands, we haven’t seen a single news report of the 2011 tsunami halting at one island and devastating the next. Probably covered up by atheists in the media.

Amedia also does faith healing, according to MoJo, but you can’t see it because it’s a secret between him and God:

In an undated Isaac TV broadcast, Amedia engages in faith healing, trying to assist people with jaw problems, bleeding teeth and gums, ringing in their ears, tongue cancer, and parched lips. None of those healed are seen on screen. In the same broadcast, Amedia says AIDS is caused by “unnatural sex.”

We can see why Donald Trump would be a fan. Amedia does faith healing that takes place offscreen, and stops tsunamis on live TV, although he didn’t actually bring a recording with him. It’s on YouTube somewhere. It makes sense he’d find a patron in the guy who knows he saw Muslims dancing in the streets on 9/11, in TV coverage that there’s no record of whatsoever.

You only have to believe.

[Mother Jones / RightWingWatch /

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  • Callyson
  • Toomush_Infer

    God knows how one grifter recognizes another!…..

    • Blank Ron

      Truly He does work in mysterious ways!

    • Mary Sandoras

      Pheromones?

  • Relativicus

    “Amedia is a former Jew who says he found God through an encounter with Jesus in 1980.”

    Sooooooooo, Jews don’t believe in God? What’s all this “Covenant” bullshit about, then?

    • borninatrailer

      Coulter is gonna like that guy!

      • SDGeoff

        Conspiracies galore!

    • marxalot

      For the last time, it’s pronounced “Hey Zeus,” and yes, he gives the best blowjobs in all of Ohio, but “seeing God” is just a figure of speech.

    • He means the real God, not that Jewish god guy.

      • Querolous

        The goy god is the only good god?

  • Mpeg

    “And if you ever need me Mr. Trump, anytime, anywhere, whether another pesky tsunami or just a fever blister that won’t heal — just dial O, for O RLY??”
    ** offer good only in the U.S.

    • Amy!

      So … you’re telling me that I can get in touch with him by dialing up a big O?

      examines vibrator, turns dial back one notch from max, to avoid accidentally contacting weirdo telescammervangelist at a wholly inappropriate moment

  • mardam422

    Amedia is a former Jew who says he found God through an encounter with Jesus in 1980.
    I had an encounter with Jesus in 1988. We tag-teamed a hooker in Pittsburgh. He still owes me $50.

    • therblig

      seder or satyr?

      • mardam422

        No, no, not Saturday, it was a Friday.

        • therblig

          as long as you kept your meat and milk separate, i guess it’s kosher.

    • Liam?!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey, there, Apostle…..

  • SDGeoff

    Their website is creepy. It looks so normal, but the more you read…shudder.

  • Swampay

    “I was being very holy, I was sleeping”

    Uh huh.

    “I had no time to prepare, I had no time to put on worship music”

    Hard to get any serious talking to god going on without your backup band.

  • Poly_Ester

    Is Amedia taking credit for the Trump miracle, too?

    • therblig

      cruz, santorum, and huckabee just didn’t pray hard enough.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Remember when Hucksterbee was ticked off that his fellow fundie freaks rejected him for Rafael? Good times!

        • Blank Ron

          And the best part is that God was pranking them both!

  • The Wanderer

    Holy.
    Shit.

  • jmhm

    I wonder where Trump’s nordic heritage friends stand on the former jew question.

  • Scooby

    I just saved Hawaii from a Tsunami and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.

    • Jonny On Maui

      And I’m gonna want it back when you’re done.

      Yes, washed…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, every two-bit con artist in the country is lining up to get on The Donald Grift Train.

    I’m shocked, shocked.

  • Creepoman

    Would you like to hear about how I saved my family from a Tsunami here in Colorado?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Only if you tell me how to avoid earthquakes, lahars, and other calamities associated with the Cascadia subduction zone which I’m living just to the east of, but west of I-5, so I’m probably doomed anyways.

      • Creepoman

        You fuckers are toast, and check out “The Orphan Tsunami of 1700” – you’ll end up sleeping on the roof. True story – maybe 1986, there was an earthquake in Alaska and predictions of a Tsunami on the coast. Major evacuations and the Gov on the radio telling everyone to get out. I was stuck in traffic heading to Newport with a bunch of other idiots to get a better view. Alcohol may have been involved (at OSU at the time).

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Well, OSU explains everything!

          (Duck alum here! :D)

          • Creepoman

            Beaver believer here – and the tsunami ended up being a dud.

      • Blank Ron

        I know that sheep’s bladders may be used to prevent earthquakes. The rest is probably still waiting for peer review.

      • Querolous

        I’m on top of a sand dune. I’ll b be toast.

    • therblig

      here in nj, we prayed the ebola away except for that nurse who was a sinful whore from new england anyway.

    • Fartknocker

      In Texas I tried to pray away Rick Perry but he told me in a dream to keep my prayers in my 401Pray account to avoid the Capital Gains tax and that Rick would solve my problems and concerns by simply getting new glasses. Jesus does work in mysterious ways.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    These hucksters were made for each other.
    And hey, that Xtian broadcasting in Pakistan is just the thing to straighten out them Muslins. Trump can let them in, after they convert.

  • Better luck next time, cursed tiki idol necklace!

    • doktorzoom

      TABOO!

      • I intended “cursed” to be read disyllabically as a neo-post-meta-modernist commentary on the damning reversal of fortune meted out by an indigenous dime store simulacrum upon an unwelcome third wave of proto-exurban bougie invaders, the youngest one in curls.

        • NanBullenshede

          Thy Eloquence brings tears to mine Eyes. The Last Phrase, a Poem to Break The Hearte.

          • Were I to bow any deeper, oh Kind and Courtly Queen, Thou would find mine Blushing Hede betwixt my Heels.

  • Skwerl King

    ” it churned and it went on and did devastation in the next island.”

    Oh how nice. Like Herman Cain in the Popeye’s organization: “Hey God, you want to kill those people over there!”

    • Boscoe

      LOL You mean Ben Carson, though I’ve never seen the two of them together at the same time so maybe Carson is Herb Cain’s “John Miller”?

  • Master Contrail Program

    OT: But I guess we see part of the story behind Bizzaro Ken Starr now. Deathbed confession wasn’t far off.

    http://espn.go.com/college-sports/story/_/id/15745318/baylor-bears-dismiss-football-coach-art-briles

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m glad they’re giving the dirtbag coach the heave ho, although he’s on a 10 year contract signed only 3 years ago, so he’s probably got a very hefty settlement coming. The ESPN report indicates he was probably being paid something like 4.2 mil a year, which means he’s set for a million a year at least in the settlement.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Wouldn’t they have some kind of boilerplate in the contract that it would be void under circumstances like this? I mean, it’s just common sense after the Penn State thing.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          You’d think, but this guy DID turn around the suckiest football program of any BCS school.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Oh, sorry – forgot about the part where football is more important than anything except . . .
            I can’t actually think of anything it’s less-important than to these people.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Yeah, you’d think they’d have a “morals clause” being as it’s a Baptist school and all, but hey, you can’t argue with won loss record success. Even if he did cover up rapes and shit.

          • Master Contrail Program

            But do they allow dancing?

        • arglebargle

          I will never pass up a chance to say fuck penn state, so FUCK PENN STATE.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Yeah, I figured Baylor rising up from perennial cupcake to actual contender status in a few short years, was more than divine intervention. Weird that they’re just reassigning Starr though. Seems like a lose-lose for both parties.

      • JMP

        I’m just shocked a minor league football actually for once fired the coach responsible for covering up rape, for once. At these places football is more important than anything else, and the coaches the most highly paid and important person at the university. Hell, I’m pretty sure Penn State wouldn’t have dumped the pedophilia enabling Joe Paterno if he wasn’t almost dead at the time.

    • OddMan

      Mr. Starr goes from President of Baylor to chancellor and will, “remain as a law school professor. Starr’s duties as chancellor will be external fundraising and religious liberty; he will have no operational duties.”

      All because Mr. Starr totally failed as an administrator and a human being.

      • Blank Ron

        You know who else failed as an administrator and a human being and still became Chancellor?

  • marxalot

    And he has a girlfriend who goes to another school- you wouldn’t know her- and they totally won Prom King and Queen after he stopped this gang from burning down the gym and…

    • theblackdog

      Was her school in Canada?

  • dslindc

    Pfffft, the tsunami didn’t hit Hawaii because a butterfly farted in Portugal, not because of a shouty zealot, obviously!

  • anwisok

    0.0 I have to spend most of the day in boring-ass training, and I come back and find THIS? I’m not ready to snark at the level this deserves!

    • deb

      Truly, the comments are every bit as fun to read as the articles (but I only look at the pictures)

  • Spotts1701

    If this guy can make Trump’s economic ideas make sense, then he’s really a miracle worker.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Cut taxes on the rich.
      Cut programs for the poor.
      Pfft.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They make perfect sense if you’re a 1% parasite. The rest of us can fuck off and die.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I wonder if we took up a collection, would he swing over to our side and pray away Donald Trumpf? He seems like kinda a money-and-attention whore, to be honest.

  • SeeTrain65

    And … another Ohio embarrassment. Thanks, all.

    • cynmac

      I think we just need to start acknowledging that they are American embarrassments and stop implicating individual states. The good thing about Trump, yes there is one good thing, is that he has turned on the light so we can see all the roaches. They are emboldened at this point.

      • SeeTrain65

        Trouble is, there are pockets of this country that embarrass us more than others, and there’s no getting around it. Yes, there are great people in every single state of the union, it’s when they’re outnumbered by the people Trump has managed to con — and it didn’t take much — that embarrass me.

  • I prayed away a tsunami once. Just to watch it die.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    In an undated Isaac TV broadcast, Amedia engages in faith healing, trying to assist people with jaw problems, bleeding teeth and gums, ringing in their ears, tongue cancer, and parched lips. None of those healed are seen on screen. In the same broadcast, Amedia says AIDS is caused by “unnatural sex.”

    …ummmm, 3/4 of those sound like “side effects” from using Levitra

    • OddMan

      Or very close to Sjögren’s syndrome.
      (Real disease)

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    A friend who’s into geology was telling me last night there’s a supervolcano that’s supposed to erupt in Yellowstone and wipe out all life on the earth. Do you think we could get this guy to ask gawd to schedule it before the election? I’m not sure I can hold on until November.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Yellowstone is really cool because it’s just a massive caldera, like Crater Lake only yooooge.
      Geologically, Yellowstone could ‘splode at any moment, which means sometime in the next few millennia.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Well it’ll probably kill everybody in a 5 state radius, and then the massive ash cloud will trigger a mini ice age, rendering human civilization largely impossible. But it won’t kill all life on earth.

      • Amy!

        HA! Thus PROVING that global warming is a HOAX! Volcano blows up, eliminates 90% of mammalian life, and things COOL DOWN! Science thus PROVES we must extract oil as fast as we can burn it, to raise the temperature as a buffer against this clear and present danger!

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    So the flim-flam man running for President picks a flim-flam man to God good for him…

    “It’s like a poetry, it rhymes.” -George Lucas.

  • anna rampage

    If he can stop a tsunami, then why doesn’t he stop all the tornadoes that god seems to send to the Mid Western Bible Belt of this country….

    I mean is he a heartless azzhole, or just a fraud?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Yes.

  • JMP

    So his god gives him the powers to cast high level divine spells. Pfft, all gods can do that, it’s nothing special, any 9th-level cleric with access to the water domain can cast “control water”, as can any 12th-level mage who can cast transmutation spells.

    • dshwa

      Except the idiots who specialize as illusionists. Just perverts casting Phantasmal force on their naughty bits.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      America, roll a saving throw vs. crackpot grifter.

    • chimichanga

      And… Most powerful…

  • Boscoe

    Huh. So… “devout Christian”‘s first thought isn’t “ooh a tsunami, how awful! Let me pray that no one is hurt”. What a surprise. Too bad his “Christian compassion” doesn’t extend to his fellow humans. I guess I have to assume that’s what Jesus teaches.

  • Touch Heaven Ministries. Why does this sound vaguely pedophiliac?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What was the name of Jerry Sandusky’s book? Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story? Yeah, that’s it!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Vaguely?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        “Ministries” gave it away, eh?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Also like a good massage parlor name (a Christian massage parlor? Hey! I know a million dollar idea when I hear one!)

    • Toomush_Infer

      He was dreaming of his daughter….

  • Ikimizi

    Ireland wouldn’t let Donny build a seawall, so this guy’s going to be in charge of saving his golf course.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Can I be someone’s “liaison on Christian policy”? I’d be real good at it.

    Warning: Some of my policy prescriptions might involve psychoactive substances and creative nudity.

    • cynmac

      Poseur.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Stealth pagan!

    • wavicles

      I may be persuaded to follow your pronouncements, Deacon Thrustwell.

  • Fartknocker

    Trump must still be reviewing resumes for the Undersecretary of Buddhism, Islam and Wiccans.

  • dshwa

    I don’t think he discovered Jesus in 1980, just that Jesus botheters were a much deeper pool of suckers.

    • deb

      covers all the bases, anyway

  • say wha

    Since this guy is a faith healer, maybe he can do something about Trump’s tiny appendage problem.

    • Blank Ron

      Some things are beyond even God’s abilities.

      • Amy!

        Think you can just handwave it away like that?

        • Blank Ron

          Umm… yes?

          • Amy!

            Neadz bigly-er handz.

  • limberrat

    Oh so in the Line of Benny Hinn or any other the other “faith healers.” This will go well…

  • OddMan

    “Oh Trump, Who wants to be President.
    Hollow is thy name.
    Your kingdoms go broke,
    Your will not be done,
    on earth as it is in hell.”
    Ra’men

  • Belasaurius

    when a grifter meets a grifter comin thro the rye

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Guild rules and all, ya know.

  • Toomush_Infer

    “Yeah….that’s right, Apostle….that’s the ticket….”

  • arrrghle

    AIDs is caused by unnatural sex? So…I…no. I’m never giving up my Magic Wand.

    • Jennifer R

      It was first transfered by eating bushmeat. One of many reasons to not eat anything too closely related to you. Along with prions.

      • wavicles

        But my girlfriend’s not related to me so it’s safe to eat her bushmeat, right?

        • Jennifer R

          The world needs more people like you.

          • wavicles

            I do what I can.

    • cynmac

      SCIENCE!
      Makes as much sense as this.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2VNxmn0lNA

    • phoenix00

      I think he’s confused AIDS with cooties

    • AlasAnAss

      And it will never give you up, either.

  • cynmac

    Want some fun? Do a search on #NeverTrump and look at the disarray of the GOP! I did it on politico.com.

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    “…engages in faith healing, trying to assist people with jaw problems, bleeding teeth and gums, ringing in their ears, tongue cancer, and parched lips.”

    So he’s a dentist? And wields a Chapstick? What is with the mouth based issues?

    • Jennifer R

      Well you see, The PPACA covered all their other ailments.

    • deb

      sorry for being off topic but, love your screenname

    • wavicles

      More of an eyes,ears,nose&throat guy.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Don’t act like you don’t know, Libtart! It’s totally from all the restroom molesters we warned you about!

  • FauxAntocles

    Ah, it’s the carnival season once more.

  • ExpatGirl

    True story. I once stopped a meteor from hitting Earth by stubbing my toe.

    • TheBidenator

      All praise your blackened, bruised toe as it is truly the face of god!
      Hallelujah!

    • 3FingerPete

      That was you?

      • proudgrampa

        Oh, yeah! It was well-documented in the Publications of the Astronomical Society of the Pacific.

    • Doug Langley

      Thank you, Bruce Banner.

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Glad I read down first. I was going to take credit for that one, but since you got there first…

  • TheGrandWaz00

    “Yes Pastor Amedia…I have a Mr. Aquaman holding on line 1.”
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/fyu.gif

  • The grift moves ever onward…

  • Anarchy Pony

    Too bad he didn’t save those fuckwits wandering on the jetty down in Harbor from the tsunami.

  • Mary Sandoras

    He’s got nothing since the gheyz and their powers create all catastrophic weather conditions. He’ll never excel to that level.

  • sincarne

    I came to the comments expecting hilarious plays on the obvious exotic massage-y nature of the name “Touch Heaven Ministries”. You have all let me down. I’m too sad to even take a crack at it.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Pornhub helps me touch heaven all the time.

    • TheBidenator

      Wonderful. Melania touched heaven last night when I gave her the old Trumpy charm and she rode the Trump Zamboni all the way to 2 Corintheans! Beautiful. I only called her Ivanka once this time. It was magical. Terrific!
      Is that better?

    • Smokahontas

      I think they’re gonna need a longer ladder.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Touch Heaven” and “…take a crack at it.” Makes sense to me.

  • Bureaucrap

    Just because no one else has done it yet….

    • proudgrampa

      Get off my lawn, you crazy clouds!

  • TheBidenator

    Japan needs to send that asshole all the tentacle porn it can muster apparently for falling down on the job. Fuckhead has 16,000+ deaths to atone for….

  • Painter of Goats

    “Amedia engages in faith healing, trying to assist people with jaw problems, bleeding teeth and gums, ringing in their ears, tongue cancer, and parched lips.”

    Nothing below the neck? So what he’s really saying is he only helps people whose ailments are all in their head.

    • Courser

      Uh, I don’t think teeth can bleed. Gums can and do bleed but teeth have no blood supply.

      So, like the Stigmata?

      • Doug Langley

        That could explain his 100% cure rate.

      • Painter of Goats

        If your teeth bleed, see a faith healer right away.

        • Ulricii

          If they bleed for more than 4 hours, call Count Dracula.

  • TheBidenator

    How come god never tells those preachers to open their wallets? I mean according to them he tells their congregations to do it on the regular but never the guy reading the book and flouncing about the stage with the millions of dollars, the teevee network and the giant house….it’s amazing.

  • natoslug

    I was wondering what Turgid Love Muscle Dude’s day job was . . .

    • TheBidenator

      Probably masturbating Bulls….for ya know, science.

      • natoslug

        When he’s not faith healing and being a Trumpeter for Christ?

        • TheBidenator

          I’m just saying the dude thinks about cock a lot….like more than most people even.

        • The Witch of Endor

          I’m sorry he got banhammered so quickly. He actually wrote a sentence responding to me that wasn’t hateful. I was hoping to get him to troll on some other subject just for some variety. I think he might have been willing to give it try. ;)

    • The Witch of Endor

      Putting the cotton in aspirin bottles before they’re sealed?

  • fka_donnie_d

    I was being very holy, I was sleeping

    A) That’s your idea of an activity pleasing to the Christian god? Mmmmkay….

    B) If so, do as much more of it as possible, it leaves as little time as possible for bothering us with your bs

    • Skadi

      An unjust king asked a holy man, “What is more excellent than prayer?”

      He answered, “For you to remain asleep until mid-day, that for this one interval you might not afflict mankind.”

      • fka_donnie_d

        Yes, this

      • Julz Cat

        My favorite quote about prayer is the whole “you can pray in one hand and shit in the other…..” bit. You know, pretty much any opportunity to say “shit” in front of religious types, They don’t mind gun deaths and mass deportations, but GOD FORBID you say a naughty bad word!

        • Skadi

          For the record, I’m a religious type, but I don’t mind swear words (though they don’t take the place of actual points in an argument) or gynecological/scatological terms (though they don’t substitute for an actual punch line in humor).

        • Jamoche

          Second time today I’ve had an excuse to reference this bash quote: http://www.bash.org/?178890

  • It’s odd how these miracle workers can never do something in front of witnesses and confirmed by medical professionals.

    • Iam Reading

      They learned that trick from god

    • Ulricii

      They never do the hard ones either, like growing a new hand or leg for somebody. It’s atheist Docs (Not you, Dok–the MD kind) that do that stuff. And they’re still working on it. It would go faster if religious nutcases like this guy would free up stem cell research. But that would be “wrong.”

  • 3FingerPete

    He saved an entire island! And yet where is his medal? Couldn’t Nobama arrange even some sort of Coast Guard commendation for this real American hero?

  • MrBlobfish
    • mailman27

      Vitamins!

  • Blank Ron

    Amedia is a former Jew who says he found God through an encounter with Jesus in 1980.

    Somewhere in Darkest America, Tim LaHaye is fist-pumping and shouting, ‘Yes, I TOLD you it happens!’ while his partner Jerry Jenkins is thinking, ‘Frank Amedia? I dunno, doesn’t sound very Jew-y to ME.’

    • proudgrampa

      He doesn’t even look Jewish…

      • bubbuhh

        Them chewishes look just like real people.

  • Courser

    Oh fuck, my jewish friends fucking *loathe* the Jews for Jesus types. With the heat of a hundred million suns.

    • Iam Reading

      Yes, so does my family, but the suns are supernovas, so way more hate

    • sweeper

      Yes. Yes we do.

  • Iam Reading

    So, a cabinet full of snake oil salesmen. Sweet

    • jmk

      You had any doubt?

  • wavicles

    I believe!
    Not what those folks believe… but I believe.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This guy’s God sucks so badly at HR that Japan ought to sue him for negligent hiring practices.

  • sweeper

    Dok’s Akedah joke, aw snap!

    • AlasAnAss

      He’s good, that Dok.

  • anna rampage

    I’d love to see this azzclown placed in front of a roaring tornado and see him stop that…

  • Bitter Scribe

    I wonder if Trump is trolling the evangelical types by hiring this guy to liaise with them?

    Nah, I guess not. It’s a fun thought, though.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Not trolling — rolling.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I thought “rolling” meant taking money from someone who is completely insensible and unable to understand anything going on around them.

        Oh, wait…yeah.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Well gee, my Aunt Francie is very, very close to the Virgin Mary – talks to her every day, like – and she told the Virgin to make Hurricane Katrina bypass my house in Louisiana, and Hurricane Katrina immediately turned to the east and hit my town like a target was painted on it, so I have zero faith in anyone who says they can stop a natural disaster by talking to supernatural beings. Maybe Jesus has more bandwidth than the Virgin Mary. Or maybe Jesus doesn’t give a damn about Hawaii but never intended to strike it dead. I believe they call that serendipity.

    • mailman27

      Or synecdoche.

      • bubbuhh

        Lots of Catholics useta use those to prevent the preggersly before they went on to the regular rhythm and blues.

  • chascates

    Too bad there’s no such thing as Hell.

    • Zhu Bajie

      “Hell is other people.”

  • jwtukker

    On another site someone wrote that the people have spoken and tRump is gonna be the next President. My reply: “the people” have NOT spoken. But we will in November!”.

  • Zhu Bajie

    I had a feeling that faith-healing would be the GOP response to Global Warming.

  • Zhu Bajie

    “Pakistan-based evangelical network” sounds fishy, somehow.

    • Tansy Geek

      Improbably risky too.

  • Smokahontas

    I believe this election cycle is never going to reach peak derp.

    • mailman27

      These folks meet and exceed.

    • Master Contrail Program

      That’s ’cause we’re AmeriCANS!

    • Tio_Doidinho

      When they start talking about electrolytes, that’s when we need to worry.

  • ViveLaRes

    Fucked, we are.

  • Be Gin

    Sirs,

    I write to you on behalf of my client, Jesus of Nazareth.

    As his attorney I have had to represent him,throughout the ages; correcting inaccurate historical accounts,defending his good name against defamation and making sure his legitimate interests in the material world are tended to.

    Your article linking my client to this Frank Amedia is just one of the many poorly researched media hit pieces prevalent in The United States of America. Lord knows you are not the first periodical to present a charlatan as an instrument of my client’s divine will and you will, regrettably, not be the last.

    Your credulous acceptance and reporting of Frank Amedia’s claim that he represents my client would be considered actionable IF my client sought to pursue it in a court of law.

    Happily, my client has instructed me that ,in this case, he wishes that you be admonished and shown forgiveness. Please desist from publishing any articles, blog posts or you tube videos which take the word of Frank Amedia as evidence of a connection between Frank Amedia and my client. You should also perform some charitable work for the less fortunate and say five Our Fathers.

    I would be remiss if I did not tell you at this point that my client, though slow to anger and quick to forgive, has been known to smite unrepentant and intractable scribes with unpleasant afflictions. Bill O’reilly and Ann Coulter are two examples of this as my client has, sadly, allowed them to age in a most gruesome manner.

    Respectfully,

    Larry Of Nazareth, ESQ.
    Howard, Fine and Howard Attorneys at Law

    • Enfant Terrible

      That Jesus sure is a litigious fucker.

      • Be Gin

        That will be five Our Fathers for you too, my wayward child.

        ;>)

        Love,

        JC

      • doktorzoom

        But He built my hot rod, so it evens out.

        • bubbuhh

          Did he put on those color shift lowrider wheel a musicallly synced

          bustabong jumpity bumpity muffler system? Det Jasus can walk on water when it comes to cars. He can raise them from the daid.

  • Spurning Beer

    Fucking Lamestream Amedia….

  • Ricky Gay

    Benny Hinn on line one!

  • Goposaur

    wow, he went full retard.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “Amedia is a former Jew who says he found God through an encounter with Jesus in 1980.”
    Jews don’t believe in God? And that wasn’t Jesus. It was Huey Lewis.

    • Barley_Brains

      Huey Lewis and The Jews?

  • YourNameHere

    I don’t know if this guy is crazy enough to be Trump material. I think Drumpf should try harder.

  • “Parched lips”?

    Can it be possible Amedia’s God-On-Demand service is better than Burt’s Bees Lip Balm?

    • Tansy Geek

      His miracle is turning Chapstick to Aquaphor IN THE SAME TUBE!

  • Whitney Barkley

    Get back to me when that hottie ginger Internet exorcist is the Director of Hot Teenage Exorcisms, and then we’ll talk, Trump.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This guy sounds curiously like Tony Alamo. Are we absolutely positive that he isn’t Tony Alamo?

  • kaw143
  • handyhippie65

    i thought you needed a liaison to deal with groups you don’t belong to? so trump is admitting he is not a christian. think they’ll notice?

  • eliamias

    You missed the worst/best/worst part. How he contemplated refusing to feed people in Haiti post-Earthquake if they didn’t give up their religion in favour of his own. Because outreach and clearly answers the question WWJD.

  • Tansy Geek

    So he’s some kind of supernatural endodontist? Does he do loose teeth and cold sores? That I could use.

  • Theresa Azores

    Oh, Lord. Now we’re going full-on North Korea, aren’t we? Like this!

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/nov/30/unicorn-lair-discovered-north-korea
    http://gawker.com/5869210/giant-rabbits-and-double-rainbows-the-10-most-insane-delusions-of-kim-jong-il

    I also stumbled on this, from Wikipedia, as I was looking for weird North Korean lies. I think this is going to become really apt if Herr Drumpf…ugh:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Korean_cult_of_personality

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