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America’s top moral scold, Bill O’Reilly, is suing his ex-wife for $10 million, claiming she fraudulently misled the poor heartbroken teevee shouter into signing a separation agreement while she was boinking someone that was not Bill O’Reilly. It’s just how women are, you know. O’Reilly’s lawyers allege his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, “knowingly made false misrepresentations” — the worst kind of misrepresentations — “and material omissions of existing fact to [O’Reilly] … for the sole purpose of inducing [him] to agree to a consensual divorce and to obtain money and real property to finance an existing extra-marital relationship.” Just look at this damning accusation!

Oreilly lawsuit

McPhilmy was granted sole custody of the couple’s children earlier this year, after a court-appointed examiner testified O’Reilly’s daughter witnessed the champion of Truth, Justice, and No Spin dragging McPhilmy down a staircase by her neck, a claim O’Reilly disputed because his teen daughter is a monster who was out to get him, although he also wanted custody of his sweet darling girl, the filthy liar. Gawker notes as well that when the daughter was visiting O’Reilly, he’d regularly call McPhilmy an “adulterer” because she began dating a Nassau County cop, Jeffrey Gross (whom she has since married), in 2010 — after O’Reilly and McPhilmy had separated but before their divorce was formalized. Bill O’Reilly has a very traditional view of marriage, and simply wanted the young lady to know, for her own good, that mommy was a slut. The court-appointed therapist also told the court O’Reilly had told his daughter — for her own good, probably — that Gross was “not a good person,” and warned her that spending time with her mother and stepfather would “ruin her life.” It’s because he cares.

Not that Bill O’Reilly is a vindictive bastard or anything. He only tried to use his influence to pressure Long Island law enforcement to pursue a baseless internal affairs investigation of Jeffrey Gross, and to try to get McPhilmy excommunicated from the Catholic Church for taking communion after getting divorced and remarried, like some sort of horrible sin-wench. So looking for a big monetary payout from his lovely bride and occasional tackling dummy seems entirely in character.

Billo would also like very much to have all the court proceedings go forward in secret, please, because he is a celebrity, arguing in an April 2016 filing,

Plaintiff is a public figure and matters concerning his personaI [sic] life, marriage, and children, attract media attention, which, upon information and belief, caused the minor children extreme emotional distress.

You know, for the kids. And maybe because snotty political and media blogs might make fun of Bill O’Reilly. How exactly the kids could be more distressed than they already are at having Bill O’Reilly for a father is beyond us.

[Gawker]

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  • Jay Vaughn

    Why won’t he just fuck off?

    • Pickwicknext

      He doesn’t know how. Didn’t you hear about all the awesome sec his exwife ia ha ing now that she’s with someone else?

      • Jay Vaughn

        When compared to fucking that lump having your vag literally eaten from the inside by piranhas is good sex.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          That is horribly disturbing, and made me laugh really hard.

  • LarryHoudini

    If I were his whore of a wife, I’d falafel.

    • Jeff in the desert

      or farfel.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Hummus certainly.

  • FauxAntocles

    He needs to get a few more marriages under his belt before he really understands women.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Donald J. Trump thinks BillO is a yoooooooge loooooofah.

  • TheBidenator

    Worst of all, O’Reilly’s complaint alleges that his ex-wife sends out “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” greeting cards every year!!!11!!!!

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      *gasp* The unfeeling strumpet!!! How could she?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Wait wait wait wait….didn’t he cheat on her once or twice? Or is it because he couldn’t get to third base, it does not count?

  • Spurning Beer

    “Sanctity of marriage” my ass.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “material omissions of existing fact to Plaintiff” = OMG, this man with whom I’m adultering you is the very best sex I’ve ever had. No filthy fetishes, no teeny weeny peeny, just the real thing, OMG.

  • chazmanr

    I make my living off the evening news
    Just give me something
    Something I can use
    People love it when you lose
    They love dirty laundry

    • Kavefish

      m/

      • chazmanr

        And the song was written before FNC was even a twinkle in Roger’s eye.

  • GeminiCricket
  • The Witch of Endor

    This (alleged) man is one big bag of sick.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I find this story utterly Gross and McPhilmy.

    • SeeTrain65

      Both sides are Gross and McPhilmy, and in only one case is that a good thing.

    • Msgr_Moment

      True fact: the internet decided to name BillO’s pool Philmy McPhilmface.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I had a wild night and woke up with a McPhilmy layer of Santorum on the sheets.
      I’ll show myself out this way ——>

      • Land Shark

        faster.

  • SeeTrain65

    Point one finger, three pointed back at you, all that.

  • TheBidenator

    Personally I can’t wait until Hannity’s wife divorces him…imagine the fucking hilarity that will come pouring out that one.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I would not only reinstate my cable, I’d pay for the Pay-Per-View.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Hannity’s wife is probably some obnoxious girl from Long Island who calls Sean a piece of shit on a regular basis.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Is this yet another chapter in the War on Christmas?

    • Pickwicknext

      Only a minor scirmish

  • Spurning Beer

    Oh, the filing says “Plaintiff.” I thought it said “Pontiff.”

    • beatbort

      That’s just O’Reilly projecting.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It is no coincidence that the verb “pontificate” derives from Pontiff. Billo thinks he is the Pope.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I keep forgetting: BillO is the wife-dragger, Trump is the wife-raper, and Gingrich is the wife-subpoenaer-while-in-the-hospital-for-effing-cancer-Jesus,Joseph,andMary. Who am I leaving out?

    • Jason Freeman

      Every single other Republican.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Including those who inpeached Bubba for lying about that derned blow job in the Ovaries Office.

    • limberrat

      Josh Duggar – the child molester and porn star addict

    • beatbort

      Dennis Hastert is Mr. Fondle Boys Behind Wife’s Back, Sarah Palin is the Wife from Hell, David Vitter is the Diaper-Wearer Behind Wife’s Back, Ted Cruz is the Assassinate JFK and Zodiac Killer Behind Wife’s Back, Chris Christie is so large he can never do anything behind his wife’s back, and Lindsey Graham is the wife. Full stop.

      • beatbort

        I left out Rudy G., Mr. “Shack Up Behind Wife’s Back”.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hmmm…Vitter, Sanford, Denny Hastert.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      WIDE STANCE Craig?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      John Ensign, the wife-of-a-staffer briber?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Alablamma’s gub’nor, paying his mistress with campaign funds and buying off her husband with state funds?

  • Jeff in the desert

    How dare anyone, I mean ANYONE, question Bill O’Reilly in his quest for truth, justice, and the ‘Merican way. What’s a little physical abuse when the Bible clearly states, if thou are the Fox, one must be sly in all things domestic. So his only crime is being to overt. I know none of this makes sense. Forgive me, rough morning.

  • dslindc

    When will these damn conservatives stop with their war on marriage?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Hmpf — another victim of the Gheys Marriage.

  • beatbort

    Maureen McPhilmy, “knowingly made false misrepresentations” .
    Starting with that name, obviously an assumed name to avoid the shame of having been married to Loofah Man.
    When she remarried, imagine the wedding announcement in the paper “McPhilmy-Gross”. Straight out of National Lampoon.

  • Professor Fate

    Amazing – this is coming from a man who settled a sexual harassment suit out of court. I can see this ending well for O’Reilly – I’m thinking at very least an order of protection for the ex-Mrs O’reilly perhaps even some summary judgments.

  • CapnFatback

    “Bride goes in, bride goes out. You can’t explain that.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      Bride lets third party go in and out…. Can’t explain that.

      • JustPixelz

        Pix or GTFO. WAIT! (googles) Found ’em. Video too.

        • Pickwicknext

          You found dirty pictures on the interwebz? Surely not! This a clean place!

          • Land Shark

            Better log onto Amazon and order your clutching pearls and fainting couch!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Is there a prominent Republican out there who is NOT a ragehole dickbag when it comes to women?

    • Pickwicknext

      Certainly not Ann Coulter or Schafley

      • Land Shark

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

        • Pickwicknext

          No. It is quite obvious they are both ragehole dickbags about women. It doesn’t matter what gender a republican is, that republican will hate women

    • rosenbomb

      Nah, they rely too much on the subjugation of women for their self-esteem, which is still abysmally low

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Perhaps, the dead ones?

    • Beaumarchais?

      Well, at least Mitt Romney is still married to the same woman, even though he had binders-full to choose from.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Must be the special underwear.

      • Doug Langley

        Bear in mind, though, that Ann is even more of a ragehole dickbag than Mittens.

        • Kristin Peters

          Yeah, I think Mittens is the good one.

  • Skwerl King

    And Nominees for Douchebag of the Year go to…
    Bill O’Reilly

    • SeeTrain65

      … well, there you have it. And the winner is …

      • limberrat

        Chuck C. Johnson!

        • Anarchy Pony

          Oh, but there were so many contestants, how can they pick just one?

          • limberrat

            Because Chucky is a special brand of terrible, though I guess we could also have Jim Hoft as co-winner.

          • The Witch of Endor

            I was thinking AOT,K.

      • anwisok

        Dennis Hastert?

      • Pickwicknext

        Louie Ghomert? Tom Cotton? Reince Preibus?

        • anwisok

          One nomination at a time, please!

          • Pickwicknext

            So many names, so little non commenting time!

      • SeeTrain65

        Maybe I should have said, “… so those are the nominees.” But you’re all right — why limit yourself to one where there’s such an abundance of Douchebag talent out there.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I think there might be . . . seventeen of them!

    • JustPixelz

      Heads up SK: You’re gonna get complaints from douchebags about this.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’d love to see the tears when they hand James O’Keefe the bouquet for 1st runner-up.

    • SeeTrain65

      OT: Speaking of douchebags, here’s another one to add. https://twitter.com/itsdatnunu/status/734951137531428865

      • Land Shark

        Wonder how you explain things like this to your grandchildren? I mean … the internet will never forget ….

    • Blank Ron

      Seriously spoiled for choice this year.

    • Objectifer

      A young challenger appears.

  • elpinche

    “Killing my Marriage” by Bill O’Reilly

    • BearGHAZI

      He actually WAS present for that investigative scoop

    • Tendernob

      He did it LIVE!

      • Shonnarballard4

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!te113urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !te113u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsOrganicGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!te113u….,..

  • Indiepalin

    Where’s the Lifetime Movie starring Eric Roberts and Hayley Duff: “A Bully’s Nightmare”?

    • limberrat

      Mr. Roberts, we found another role for you! In it you play an abusive husband and father…well yes I know that has been the last 30 roles you played, but we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Who does it star? Hayley Duff…yes the less talented Duff sister and the one who should have quit acting.

      • DerrickWildcat

        Well he’s been in 428 things. He has like 40 films right now in production, completed, pre-production or post-productiobn. He’s played every part. He’s even gonna be in a Star Track movie.
        http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000616/

        • limberrat

          Holy shit, I was only kidding when I wrote that. I know he has been in a ton of stuff, mostly dreck, but wow!

          • DerrickWildcat

            Danny Trejo is busy too.
            http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001803/?ref_=nv_sr_1
            Slimy creep Tom Sizemore will do any movie that offers free food.
            http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001744/?ref_=nv_sr_4

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Danny Trejo rocks.

          • DerrickWildcat

            I agree, he does in fact rock. He’s really charismatic and people love him allover the world.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Have you seen the doc about him…”Champion”, I think? Dude had a HARD life early on. Amazingly insightful and engaging, and a real big heart as well.

      • Indiepalin

        And a supporting cast of LMN regulars, including Ivan Sergei, Josie Davis and, as Megan Kelly, Natasha Henstridge.

  • JustPixelz

    Clearly this is Hillary’s fault. She’s such an enabler.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Well who ever seduced his wife is definitely a clinton agent, schooled in the ancient art of erotic manipulation. How else could a woman be lead away from the irresistible charms of billO?

      • Pickwicknext

        There’s a school to be a clinton agent? Where would one enroll? Asking for a friend…

        • JustPixelz

          I want to be the final exam.

          • Querolous

            Ah yes; I remember taking my Oarl Exams

        • limberrat

          Any school controlled by the liberal cabal.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Lead away? Why she would have to be dragged downstairs by her neck!

    • Skwerl King

      I’ve already seen conservative post this.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Pretty smart of her to fuck around with a cop, because she knew Billy wouldn’t try any shit.

    • beatbort

      I’m just hoping that Officer Gross gets to testify about all the threatening phone messages Bill O left on the voice machine.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I’m at a loss for snark for this double-cheese turdburger.

    • SDGeoff

      Nice start, however.

  • RobKanC

    And thus forming a basis for his next book, “Killing Marriage”.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I was about to ask when the docudrama for O’Reilly’s “Killing My Dignity” will air, but I realized you can catch it on Fox…Every. Fucking. Night.

    • Pickwicknext

      You can’t kill something that never existed

      • AlasAnAss

        And yet God is dead . . .

        • Pickwicknext

          No, he vanished in a poof of logic upon discovery of the Babel Fish

  • AlasAnAss

    Yes. And he’s one of the bunch telling us what’s right and good.

    • SDGeoff

      Of course. As they do.

  • Jgb979

    Almost wonder if this is just to save face in front of his mouth-breathing audience.

    I’m sure there’s a healthy dose of “eff the bitch” mixed in, but there’s NO WAY an oreilly factor audience could EVER process the concept of impotent rage monster Bill O being a bad father

    • limberrat

      I can only imagine the lectures he gave his children!

  • malsperanza

    I like to think that the reign of the Ravening Bastards is coming to an end.

    But I guess I have to wait til George R.R. Martin writes the last episode.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Give the guy a break. He’s probably suffering from PTSD from all the lying he’s done about being under fire reporting from every war zone in the last 30 years.

    • Land Shark

      Don’t forget his live report from Iwo Jima …. oh! And the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand ….

      • Bitter Scribe

        Plus he was on board the Hindenberg.

        • Land Shark

          and don’t forget his pantaloon filling report from Devil’s Den in Gettysburg ….

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            His firsthand account of the Battle of Agincourt is a must-read!

          • Land Shark

            I heard BillO is the one who buried Richard III under that car park ….

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It worked so well-until recently-that he tried that same trick with Jimmy Hoffa.

          • blueeyedcuban

            …So I leaned over to Jesus, and told him to take me to heaven too..but he said “No” ..I’ll be working for Fox News instead.

          • Thorn Spike

            Have you seen his work on the Battle of Hastings? The embroidery is amazing!

        • Doug Langley

          Not to mention his spellbinding report from the Challenger flight deck.

        • Querolous

          His report form the Little Bighorn was to die for.

    • Frank Underboob

      His first hand account of the landing at Plymouth Rock was spellbinding!

    • Bemused

      I thought that was Geraldo? Maybe they were sharing a tent? Really really really (in another country) far away from the battle?

  • Blank Ron

    If she made ‘false misrepresentations,’ that parses into ‘true representations.’ You got great lawyers, Billy-boy. They just claimed that everything she said is true.

    • Pickwicknext

      Hurrah for two negatives making a positive!

    • OddMan

      That’s what I thought too.
      My better half is a lawyer, and she thought that sounded just a bit strange.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Yes. A misrepresentation is by its very nature a falsehood. A little syntax from the Department of Redundancy Department, methinks.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      It actually is sort of a legal term of art you see every once in a while in, say, contracts or bankruptcy law. I’m convinced that some of my “colleagues” use these willfully obtuse phrases to convince themselves that the time and money we wasted on law school makes us a special breed with rarefied knowledge. So I think we can conclude that both BillO and his legal team are a pack of twunts (not a legal term of art).

  • fawkedifiknow

    When O’Reilly was caught dragging his wife down the stair steps by her throat, he was just doing research for a book he was working on, “Killing Maureen McPhilmy.”

  • OddMan

    Just a little confused about the “knowingly made false misrepresentations” thing.
    If a misrepresentation is false is it true?

    And if Bill “intends to sue McPhilmy for $10 million on charges of misleading him about the terms of their separation agreement.” would that not be his lawyer’s fault? (From comment over on Gawker)

    He seems to have a really crappy lawyer.

    • DantesE

      dam should have scrolled down before I made my not so original post.

      • OddMan

        There were a lot of us that saw that little paradox of ‘false misrepresentations’. It is everso obvious, even to a non lawyer.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          I missed it, too. I scrolled down to the comments too soon. Too eager for snark to read everything to snark at.

          Worth it!

    • jmk

      I’ll bet he screamed at the lawyer to handle everything his way, and now it’s everybody else’s fault.

    • Ulricii

      You have to read “knowingly made false misrepresentations” in context. The false misrepresentations were made to Bill O’Reilly, who as a Fox newscaster makes misrepresentations all day. They’re his bread and butter–he knows how to handle them. So when his wife made false misrepresentations to Bill, it was a clear case of attempting to confuse him. Which it apparently did, as his lawyer complains.
      The case is a slam-dunk for the guy.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        So you’re saying if they had been TRUE misrepresentations, this whole false misunderstanding could have been avoided?

        wait…

  • Belasaurius

    maybe if he gets married and divorced a few more times he’ll be an expert on women like Trump and Newt

  • SDGeoff

    I’d love to hear what his children have to say, and before long, I betcha we will. Tasty.

    • HanBarbara

      He probably made them sign a non disclosure agreement as soon as they were able to write.

  • Scooby

    I see the evil Beyoncee has already done her deadly work.

  • SDGeoff

    Nobody’s going to pull the eye over your wool!

    • SDGeoff

      (To Scooby below…)

  • Randy Riddle

    Does she have cancer? The lawsuit doesn’t count unless she has cancer. Or was she stepping out with Newt Gingrich?

    • Land Shark

      I’ll bet not many people at Fox News are talking about blue dresses and cigars today.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Odd, but all of a sudden I want some motherfucking ice tea.

    • Courser

      _/ – Here, I have plenty. No sugar though, you’ll have to add that yourself.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        That could easily be a shot glass. Which I feel is a better idea.

  • goonemeritus

    As the saying goes “Lie with dogs, wake relieved that you didn’t lie with O’Reilly”.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Heh heh. And the pig got up and slowly walked away.

      • Toomush_Infer

        I believe that’s “slowly waltzed away”….at least, that’s the way I see it…

      • leemoder

        That made me laugh HARD.

  • Pickwicknext

    OT: sad news in Canada today, the Lead singer of The Tragically Hip announced he had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Fucking terrible.

    https://youtu.be/QE2joQsWXJg

    • kaw143

      Fucking cancer.

      [edit] I had thought that they had a new album coming out, and I was right. They are also planning one last tour. Their reasoning is making me tear up.

      • Pickwicknext

        Yeah . I am already making plans to get tickets. I’ve been a fan for years, but no so much the last couple of albums. Not gonna stop me now though.

    • phoenix00

      I think the dude upstairs is looking for someone to rock out with….

  • AnOuthouse

    Hey, its National Luffa Day*. Here’s a luffa for you, and one for you, and one for you, and you, and you …

    * No such thing. I made it up.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, the Catholic church stole Christmas and Eostre’s Day, so you’re a step up from them…

  • Hemp Dogbane

    He could have stolen “false misrepresentations” from a review of any of his Killing History books.

  • x111e7thst

    go fuck a falafel william..

  • nightmoth

    Being cheated on hurts real bad, but crikey, Bill—that’s why we have beer and country music. Go cry to a bartender instead of being a vindictive abusive sob!

    • DutchS

      If you play it backward, you get your wife and dog back and the dents come out of your pickup truck.

  • chascates

    But he won a Mr. Peabody award!

    • H0mer0

      “Quiet you!”

  • BearGHAZI

    I bet McPhilmy and her new policeman boytoy eat falafel every night

  • Ben Trumble

    In my own clusterfuck of an Irish Catholic family we have special terms of endearment for the bully n whine behavior of the lickarse BillOs

    • Land Shark

      And? What is it? I come to Wonkette for the educational aspects.

      and the dick jokes.

      and the snark.

      So spill it!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Billdo is such an oppressed person. I’m sure MRAs all over this great land of ours are just crying their hearts out over this.

    • Frank Underboob

      You’re joking, but I bet you’re right.

  • peekay

    If he wasn’t a very rich man making very generous donations he would have a very difficult time getting an annulment from the Church of Buggery.

    • H0mer0

      mebbe his penie can pass thru the eye of the needle

  • Delu

    Right wing family values.

    What more needs to be said?

  • JVisconti

    Is it too early to pre-order ‘The Excommunication of Maureen McPhilmy’ from Amazon?

    • ginos_way

      Watch where you grab that crucifix. You don’t know where it’s been.

      • H0mer0

        Linda Blair?

  • Jonny On Maui

    Let’s make sure someone is on hand to harvest his tears when he loses again.

    • H0mer0

      “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”
      (KJV)

  • UnsaltedSinner

    McPhilmy? There’s a dick joke to be made here, surely. But I will abstain, to prove I too can haz class.

  • Tendernob

    I’m confused, what does this have to do with Benghazi?

    • DantesE

      My confusion is with the false misrepresentations. If the the misrepresentations were false does that mean they were true?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Yes
        No
        AOT,K

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It is difficult to not misunderestimate the drafter of this document.

        • Billy Rubin

          How true, how true.

      • stray_bullett

        And see, that’s why you’re not the law-talkin’ guy.

      • arsehat

        Just because they were false misrepresentations, they weren’t necessarily true. They may have been false misrepresentations of a falsity.

    • stray_bullett

      like

  • jmk

    Every time I think this guy has gone the limit and can’t possibly find a way to be a bigger bonehead, he proves me wrong.

    Jaysus. He’s like every other pampered little Irish princeling I’ve met – and my family has been churning ’em out for generations.

  • major_asshole

    Some advice for the former Mrs O’Rly: She could petition the Catholic Church to annul the marriage on the grounds of the husband being a batshit whackaloon abuser. Then, perhaps, someone could ask Holy Mother Church to excommunicate his stupid ass.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    So a cop who has done nothing wrong ends up under investigation? If only he had violated someone’s rights for no legal reason.

  • geoffalnutt

    “Fuck it! We’ll do it live!” Bill O’Reilly. No anger issues, though.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I love that clip. It really shows what a prick he is.

    • kaydenpat

      Just a nice lad.

  • Iam Reading

    Pimps gotta get paid.

  • EXTEX

    Wait a minute. Is this the same Billo who was sued by Andrea Mackris for being naughty. And if memory serves, Fox paid her off so as not to spill the beans on Billo, the God of Morality. Say it ain’t so Billy.

  • rocktonsam

    real property is real. .
    small hands big mouth

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    She needed the $10MM to finance a relationship? How expensive can it be to date a cop?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Handcuffs and billy clubs don’t grow on trees.

      • H0mer0

        and if he was one of them stripper cops like at the bachelorette party, she needed the folding moneez

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Plus a uniform that rips off with one tug.

          • H0mer0

            Do they sell those in regular clothes styles? Cuz it appears my S.O. gets nekked in no time flat, just like Quagmire on Family Guy.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I sure hope so!

    • dollarbill4life

      Long Guy Land patrol cops don’t cum cheap, ya know!

  • CATMAN

    Falafel? I sure do every time I hear about Billo’s latest escapades in dumbshittery

  • Kristin Peters

    STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF!! Cheese and rice, he is a stupid dude.

  • kaydenpat

    “horrible sin-wench”
    Another classic phrase from Wonkette. Brilliant!

    • bubbuhh

      I wonders. Do sin-wenches spin widdershins to get ‘er on or tother ways.

      • H0mer0

        can you get one from Sears?

  • phoenix00

    So which one’s worse? Having O’Reilly as a father or having Cruz as a father?

    • Shoto

      Tough call. Maybe we should flip a coin.

      • Damian L

        Or neuter both of ’em,problem solved!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Too late.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Yes!

    • MrCanoehead

      If you have Cruz for a father, you have his crazy dad for a grandfather. Advantage: O’Reilly.

  • bubbuhh

    Is Mr. BIllO singin “Yore Cheatin Whoor’t” in the pitcher above? Is he singin it to ex-wife, his daughter, his current whoor or his many ex-whoors, most of whom he pressured into cheatin on their loved ones with him, the whoors.

  • Liberals Suck

    Reading this rubbish required twenty-five seconds of my life that I’ll never get back. I guess when you’re a grown man who can’t make a living by writing comic book fantasies, you create a phony name and spew really mean stuff. I guess it makes one witty in the shallow intellectual gene pool of unemployed comic book geeks.

    • Duke

      Have a nice day!

    • Erick the Kracker

      Maybe you should swim over to the deep end of the gene pool of unemployed comic book geeks. RedState or stormfront, for instance.

      • Liberals Suck

        Erick the Kracker is genetically superior to, I guess, those who live in Red states (i.e. states with citizens who reject liberalism).

        There’s another guy in history who, likewise, considered himself genetically superior to those that disagreed with him politically. His name was Adolf.

        • Erick the Kracker

          Zero to Hitler in 17 days. You’re kinda’ slow aren’t, you?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      You’ve wasted far more time and effort just by logging in and wagging your proverbial finger, dicknuts.
      Did you upfist your own comment too?
      I feel terrible for criticizing you, given how terribly sad and lonely you evidently are. Why don’t you go hang out with the other mouth-breathing bottom-feeders at RedState?

      • Liberals Suck

        Y’see, folks… the thing ’bout these types of people like Dr. Krieger IRL is that their iPhone keypads provide their muscle. When you confront these little gerbil-stuffing, rainbow flag-waving, low CD4 count liberals IN PERSON, they cry and run away. But, over the internet, they’re bad-assses. It’s all just zeroes and ones, Dr. Krieger. Promise not to bleed on me after I smack ya’ around. I’d hate for you to transmit whatever you received from all those unprotected anonymous homosexual encounters.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Wow. Replying to a comment. Seventeen fucking days after it was posted. You’re so intelligent. I wish that I could be as cool as you. Teach me to be a self-righteous ignorant shithead, just like you. Pretty please?

          Also, accusing me of being a keyboard commando is the biggest case of the pot calling the kettle black in human history. Well done, you’re a hypocrite and a moron!

      • dollarbill4life

        Hey! Hey! Hey! All this talk about “fisting”, gerbils and bath house rendezvous might attract the wrong crowd to this blog!

        • jamie

          Too late spick

    • MrCanoehead

      I don’t think it’s entirely fair of you to call Bill O’Reilly “a grown man who can’t make a living by writing comic book fantasies”. I’m sure that with the proper promotion, Those Who Trespass could’ve made some money.

  • TeeRaak

    Was this the same wife he was telling his subordinate he was going to cheat on by banging a prostitute in Italy?

    Hmmm. I wonder why she would want to divorce this fine, upstanding moral scold…
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/l2JJqefLux8HbHpxC/200w_d.gif

  • Shoto

    “…knowingly made false misrepresentations…material omissions of existing fact…”

    Wait: Why was Bill-O describing his day job here? What does that have to do with this case?

    • bubbuhh

      Don’t get confused. Mr. BILLO’s representations on TV (and probably everywhere else he opens his mouth) are truly misrepresentations. He and his lawyer are trying to match their wit (just the one between the two of them) with the judge by using a double negative.

  • lurch394

    McPhilmy is her real name? It sounds like a Stephanie Miller Show satire name.

  • D_C_Wilson

    $10 million buys a lot of falafels.

    • Duke

      And tahini

  • Denise

    He’s a sociopath, plain and simple. She’s happy and he can’t have that. $10 million is chump change to him. He just wants her to pay for leaving him.

  • Erick the Kracker

    That’s a nice picture. I think you got his good side.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      BillO has a good side!?!

  • dollarbill4life

    Why any sane (key word being “sane”) women would marry this alcoholic sloth is beyond me. But she’s free now. It’s very telling when someone considers a Long Island patrol cop to be an upgrade to you…

  • billybobz

    I think the faq who wrote this has a pervert crush on O’Reilly.

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