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In the wake of the disappearance of an EgyptAir plane yesterday, serial adulterer and author of Rediscovering God In America Newt Gingrich stopped by Fox News to have a chat about how to stop all the terrorism that has not yet been proven to be behind the plane’s disappearance. The Obama Administration (AND the Los Angeles Airport) have simply not done enough to prevent this sort of thing, he says, and they need to start doing what needs to be done. Like what, you ask?

Like, duh, testing all the airport workers to see if they believe in Sharia Law. Because one of the laws of Sharia Law is that if someone asks you if you believe in Sharia Law, you have to say yes. Just like cops pretending to be hookers have to do.

“But the idea that – we don’t even have the right standards. You know, the first test – and this is very hard to do – the first test ought to be, are we dealing with people who believe in Sharia and who want to impose Islamic supremacism? We don’t have any tests for that.”

What, exactly, would this test entail? Wave a piece of bacon in front of someone and see if they make a face? Say a novena over them and see if they burst into flames? Perhaps a Rorschach test? A physical challenge? Fill-in-the-blanks? A blood test? A breathalizer? Or perhaps something more traditional, like throwing them into water to see if they float, or simply asking them, “Do you now or have you ever believed in Islamic Supremacism?”

Of course, Gingrich notes that the OBUMMER administration would say that testing people for Sharia Law would be “Islamophobic and therefore inappropriate,” because they are jerks who secretly want everyone to be murdered by terrorists. But Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump are willing to do what needs to be done. And if that means they must personally strip every airport employee in the land down down to see if they have a third nipple or “witch’s teat” then SO BE IT.

Gingrich also had some words for former defense secretary Robert Gates, who criticized Donald Trump for immediately coming out and stating that the disappearance was terrorism-related, before that had been officially determined. ALL DUE RESPECT TO BOB GATES, Gingrich says that the popularity of Donald Trump proves that people don’t want to do things the “establishment” way anymore. Waiting for actual evidence is such an “establishment” thing to do, and that’s not how things are gonna be done now, in the era of Donald Trump. What? Do you expect TRUMP FANS to sit around all day waiting for “experts” to weigh in on things before yelling about Radical Islamic Terrorism? Heck no. What fun is that?

[Media Matters]

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  • dslindc

    You know what else floats in water?

  • FauxAntocles

    Nobody expects the Rethuglican Inquisition!

    • RoyalUglyDude

      Now it’s called the Neocon Fraternity for the Doctrine of the Faith.

  • AlasAnAss

    And I’m the ass?

  • Beowoof14

    Well Newt, since most guys like you profess to love Leviticus, which looks an awful lot like Sharia, I would “Frankly” say shut up.

  • anwisok

    WTF, Newt? You used to not be insane. Stupidly far to the right, yes, but . . . WTF, Newt? What the ACTUAL fuck?

    • Tallmutha

      Careful, you’re saying the guy who said this used not to be insane:

      “If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems
      staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they
      don’t have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they’re relatively
      rare. On the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them
      in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn’t matter, you know. These
      things are very real. On the other hand, if combat means being on an
      Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls for twelve ships and
      their rockets, a female may be again dramatically better than a male who
      gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all the time because
      males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes.” Address, “Renewing American Civilization,” Reinhardt College (7 January 1995)

      • goonemeritus

        He got I point, I do love a nice ditch.

        • therblig

          i, on the other hand, dated a giraffe for a short period of time. ironically, she hated necking.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “I got 99 problems, and …”

      • anwisok

        An old person having an antiquated understanding of gender roles isn’t quite the same as “nuts.” IMnHO, at least.

        • Tallmutha

          Males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I wonder how he explains all the very many males who sit in chairs for 12 hours+ playing the video games?

          • tomamitai

            I wonder how he explains all the very many males who sit in chairs for 12 hours+ playing the video games?

            Weed?

          • Doug Langley

            What about video games where you hunt giraffe?

        • Left Coast Tom

          I certainly remembered it being totally nuts back in the 1990s when he offered this.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yes. Draft dodging shit knows all about combat. Of course.

      • therblig

        so, do you drive the giraffes into the ditch in order to kill them?

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Only the female giraffes because the male giraffes love ditches.

      • BreakingDeadMen
      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Only wimmens get trench foot?

      • Thaumaturgist

        No crawlin into my ditch less you got your birth certificate and show your pee.

      • Aquaria

        Good grief. What a moron.

        I don’t think the US has done trench warfare to any sizeable degree since maybe Korea, so why even wonder about ditches and having to climb out of them? Armoured warfare and overwhelming force has made that an antique for the US military.

    • Left Coast Tom

      When was he sane? I missed that.

  • goonemeritus

    I think we need a test to see if politicians believe we are in the “end times”. I am not comfortable leaving the long term solutions of our nation to people who believe the world will be covered in rivers of fire by next Tuesday.

  • Indiepalin

    The test for Sharia being developed by the CDC is similar to the test now administered to detect HIV.

  • anwisok
  • Scooby

    I heard all Sharia followers are named after amphibians.

  • btwbfdimho

    Trump would be the perfect Jumper-to-Conclusions In Chief.

  • Mpeg

    This is where Repubnuts would kick Bob Bennett under the bus of their contempt. They’d hound their own on his deathbed for not canvassing the hospital asking gotcha “SHaria!?!1!” questions of the staff~

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Does Newt want to test people on all four schools of Sharia?
    Something tells me he hasn’t thought this through.

    • Logic of Color

      We should just have each agent do that “AIYAYAYAYAY” thing. You can’t not fake that.

      • therblig

        and if they try Ay-yi-yi-yi, it’s over the wall with them.

  • SessileRaptor

    When Drumph is prez, every time a civilian airliner crashes we’ll automatically nuke a random country before even finding out what happened, just to be safe.

    • MrBlobfish

      Why haven’t we declared war on Paris and Cairo yet?

      • SessileRaptor

        Nuke everything outside the borders to be safe, then nuke ourselves just to keep them guessing.

      • Doug Langley

        If you’re referring to Paris, TX and Cairo, GA, I’m green with that.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      An airliner? Hell, if a private plane goes down in Al Abama, he’ll probably have ten SuperAmerica gas station owners shot.

    • riledupone

      Well, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • therblig

    should be pretty easy to trap them

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Many Bothans died to bring us that .gif

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Just like photoshopping womprats back home.

    • Left Coast Tom

      This needs to be posted in Robyn’s Star Wars non-review.

    • bobbert

      I think this is a trick question.

  • Skwerl King

    I’m not going to say it was the Bermuda Triangle, but it was the Bermuda triangle.

    • Blank Ron

      In the Mediterranean? Hmm, must be on vacation.

  • VirginiaLady

    Don’t worry. We won’t get a test developed if we include funding for it on the Zika funding bill.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I think the test will be developed and paid for instead of the silly Zika virus stuff. The US House will be happy to fund The Gingrich/Trump Terr’ist Test. Zika only bothers already borned humans anyway so what’s the big deal?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Everything you need to know about Newt Gingrich:

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Fucking Americans. Seriously, STOP DOING THIS.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s not funny anymore, is it? I’m seriously afraid, not just of a Trumpf presidency, but of the way he’s unleashed and given voice to the violent assholes. There were always enough of them to begin with, but finding out how many more were hiding inside their human suits is terrifying. I don’t think this country will be recognizable in 6-8 years.

    • Tallmutha

      Just to cheer y’all up as we head into the weekend, this was tweeted unironically by a self-described white supremacist for Trump:

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ci1YDijVAAA2wx_.jpg:large

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The cray-cray is full tilt, now. They’re out, they’re loud, they’re proud.

      • malsperanza

        Awesome. Snagging this.

      • BearGHAZI

        impressive photoshopping skills, considering the source

      • phoenix00

        At least they’ve put away the dog whistles and are clear on what they want, Godwin notwithstanding

    • malsperanza

      If Turnip does pick him for VP, we’re gonna have fun with this.

      Still holding out hope that The Turnip will choose a sitting senator, though …

  • anwisok
    • Logic of Color

      Is that a sloth puppy?

      • anwisok

        I believe so.

  • Tallmutha

    Disgraced, washed-up laughingstock says what now? Oh wait, I hear it: “Hi Don, just remember I’m still out here saying incredibly stupid shit without embarrassment.”

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I hear that “Islamic Super Racism” can only be stopped by a combination of Kryptonite and Thanaguardian Enth Metal

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Perhaps we should call in Tony Stark and Bruce Banner to consult on this?

  • Callyson

    Well, that was boneheaded of him, but Newt isn’t always wrong…

    • Msgr_Moment

      I think he’s right twice a day.

      Like clockwork.

      • Aquaria

        Like a broken clock, more like.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “Wave a piece of bacon in front of someone and see if they make a face? ”

    Orthodox Jew and Seventh Day Adventist libelz!

    • BigBoppa

      Well, there’s bound to be some false positives but better safe than sorry.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Bright side:weeds out vegans, too.

  • CapnFatback

    Sharia Law Test by Proctor and Gamble

    “Have suspected Islamic fundamentalist pee on the stick. If the tip turns red as the blood of infidels, congratulations! You’re the proud detainer of a lil’ terrorist!”

    • RoyalUglyDude

      The Princeton Review has a good prep course for the Sharia Law Test.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Nobody passes on the first try.

  • anwisok

    Angling for Veep?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I thought they wanted to burn the witch for turning him into a Newt?

    • Msmlg1979

      I’ll show you my witch’s teat, if you’ll show me yours..

      • borninatrailer

        Then she’ll be familiar with it.

      • BigBoppa

        I’ll bet it’s cold.

        • Msmlg1979

          This brass bra has that effect on it.

    • Steely_Fan

      He got better…

    • riledupone

      He was supposed to have gotten better, but Gingrich…?

  • MrBlobfish

    What cabinet position is Moon Man angling for?

    • anwisok

      Veep.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Governor of Moon Base II

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Mm, this kind of thinking is why you, Donald J. Trump, should pick this man, whose genius is only matched by his moral rectitude, as your running mate. Of course this is a good faith suggestion, sir.

  • “Okay, Sergio, let’s get started. Do you believe in Sharia law?”

    “No, I do not.”

    “Really? Because you’re kind of brown and have a beard, so do you believe in Sharia?”

    “I said no.”

    “Come oooooooon.”

    “Still no.”

    “All the cool kids are doing it.”

    “Not me.”

    “Really?”

    “Really.”

    “Okay, well, I’m just going to put you down for yes and you can pick up your final paycheck on the way out, okay?”

  • FragileDog

    Soon it will be the Voight-Kampff test…

  • FauxAntocles

    I think it’s cool the woodcutting has ducks on it – obviously the artist was a Python fan!

  • BreakingDeadMen

    My Sharia Moor

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Pretty as a summer’s day!

      • Jody Fuller

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti692urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti692u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsLookGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti692u….,

      • Nicole Jiron

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!te244urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !te244u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsQuickGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!te244u….,..

      • Edithnbeasley1

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!te503urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !te503u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsCoachGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!te503u….,…

    • SDGeoff

      You better get the prize for that priceless gem. Excellent.

    • chimichanga

      Superstition ain’t the way.

    • BigBoppa

      Is she related to Mary Tyler Moor?

    • PubOption

      Found in Venice?

  • anwisok
    • SDGeoff

      Why not? Happens all the time when I watch Fox. Drinking too.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Absolutely! Newt who?

    • phoenix00

      No.

      I usually rinse my eyes out, then q-tip my ears, then slam my forehead against the wall wishing that x amount of time of life back.

  • SDGeoff

    Well we have words for Newt Gingrich. But they cannot be printed in this section because they are not allowed. Also as well, the order in which we would say them would get us in trouble.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yes, I know. Newt is one of those people who exist to test the limits of the Commenting Rules for Radicals.

    • Biff52

      I can’t even anagram the words I have to say to newt.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Offering a large bag of Salted Vinegar ‘n Capsaicin Rat Dicks is considered customary.

      Took three tries to spell “capsaicin” right. Is it happy hour yet?

      • SDGeoff

        It is, somwehere, according to my family tradition!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Wait, the government discriminating on the basis of religion? Did he seriously just suggest that?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ahem. Unless it’s some flavor of Protestant Christianity (Catholics are NOT Christians, you know…) it’s not actually a religion.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Just remember. Ain’t no Jews part of our JudeoChristian heritage neither.

      • bobbert

        Isn’t Newtie a Catlick these days, ’cause of Helmet-Head?

        • Kooolest G

          yes he is, which prompted one of his best quotes. “my third wife introduced me to catholicism” let that sink in

  • dshwa

    Seriously Newt? Just react like it’s terrorism without actually knowing if it was? WTF?

  • kaw143

    Never gonna stop, give it up, such a holy mind, I always get it up for the touch of the purest kind, my my my Sharia!

  • Bitter Scribe

    I don’t suppose Fox News Blondie asked him just what those “tests” would consist of? (Sorry, I refuse to watch that asshole in real time.)

  • handyhippie65

    for a country with religious freedom, we sure want to control religions that aren’t chrisianist.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Here’s the rub: James Madison (you know, major mover in the writing of the Constitution, President of the United States, all around Founding Father extraordinaire) SPECIFICALLY used Islam as the example of what he meant when he authored Article VI, the “no religious test” clause.

      Oh, the ironing. It’s just bursting at the seams.

      • malsperanza

        Would love to know the citation for this. I found this, http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-burt-ben-carson-muslim-president-20150924-story.html but it suggests that Jefferson, not Madison, was the more open-minded one on the religion clause.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Madison was once asked by some contemporary Christianist if the “no religious test” clause applied to “musselmen” and Madison explicitly said “yes” right in the asshole’s face.

      • handyhippie65

        way too much starch.

      • Zhu Bajie

        Why do you think Candide ended up tending his garden in the suburbs of Istanbul?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Pssst, hey scaredy cat republicans! You want TSA to do a better job? Tell the idiot politicians you keep voting for to quit taking an ax to their budget- $100 million cut just last year, despite air travel returning to record levels with the strengthening economy. Ask the people at Midway or La Guardia about how all that chronic understaffing affects safety

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byUVR04CMBU

    • malsperanza

      I was at O’Hare last week … 3-hour lines for TSA, 10% staff cut, and summer ain’t even here yet. Tell me how this is keeping our air travel safe.

      Also, PS: being a TSA employee is a grueling, low-paid job in which the public harasses you constantly, and if you accidentally blink and miss something, 400 people die. The thing those people need most is to be subjected to loyalty tests by an aggressive and hostile government. Yes, that will really help them do a tedious, exhausting job better.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Flew in and out of DIA last week, what a clusterfuck- and that’s despite me having TSA precheck

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Not to mention how easy it will be to replace the staffers who will leave just because it’s such a shitty job, when they have to undergo a grilling about their fucking religion. Christ on a cracker, I’m tired of these people.

      • Courser

        I actually applied to TSA after 9/11. I thought it’d be patriotic, so this was back in 2012 probably. I hope they’ve changed it.

        Oh man, talk about fucking grueling! After you pass the initial screening test, you were invited to a FULL DAY of interviews and testing. Only *after* all that, you were told that you would start part-time only and there was *no* assistance with transportation way the hell out there. Minimum wage starting pay.

        I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement because they don’t want the bad guys to know what to expect. Fair enough, so I won’t go into any more detail. But if it’s still as shitty job as it was back then, I can’t believe they can get anyone with half a brain to do that job.

    • GDleftyPart2

      It works with education and everything else so why not….cut the funding and then cry how privatization is the way to go….welcome to Arizona…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        have we gotten a final tally yet on prop 123?

      • theblackdog

        There’s a reason I ran the hell away from AZ and went to college in NM back in 2001

    • JackieHarkness

      That’s Midway, right? Because I didn’t even know most of that space existed.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup

    • Damian L

      Hmmmmm,same can be said for BENGHAAAZZZZZIII!II!!!!!

    • phoenix00

      Yeah, it’s not like you have a PLANE TO CATCH, amirite?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        dear commuters, please be at the airport and checked in 1 2 3 4 hours ahead of your scheduled departure to ensure an orderly and on time flight

    • mailman27

      1. Cut funding to all agencies and programs which deal directly with the public
      2. Point out that life for the average citizen sucks more and more.
      3. Squeeze it harder and harder.
      4. WIN!11!!!!!!11!!!!

    • Blank Ron

      And this is why I’d rather drive to LA than fly. And yes, I’ve done it twice.

  • malsperanza

    Welp, this confirms it. Newt Gingrich: our next Vice President, ladies and gentlemen.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not if Hillary has anything to say about it.

      • chicken thief

        Chris Christie also too. The Donald owes him after that Oreos remark.

  • chicken thief

    When you have a five minute segment that you need to fill with bullshit – call Newt! He can babble and surely he needs the money to pay off Tiffany’s.

  • Master Contrail Program

    “Fuck! FUCK!! FUUUUUUUCK!!!

    The Sharia Code prevents me,
    from declining a Rock-Off Challenge!

    What are your terms?
    What’s the ca-a-a-a-tch?”

  • Kelly Hamilton

    It’s my opinion that people fly too much. Just because you can get there doesn’t mean you have to go.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Gingrich wants to make Muslims snort Josh Hartnett’s homemade drugs, like in “The Faculty.”
    It’s the only way to be sure.

    “We don’t need no…… education.”

  • TheBidenator

    Newt Gingrich’s head keeps getting larger and fatter while his brain keeps getting smaller….it’s a paradox.

    • A Bashful Nobody

      His ass too…………..

      • Thaumaturgist

        What, The Donald hasn’t gotten around to counseling Newt about the Oreos yet?

      • Playonwords

        You might have something. If Newt’s nose runs and his feet smell he’s upside down.

    • Erik Lonnrot

      You’d think eventually the negative pressure would cause it to implode, but it never does. Probably worth studying what his skull is made of.

    • BackDoorMan

      … like a reverse TARDIS.

  • glennisw

    A terrorist attack on a plane flying from Paris to Cairo is the fault of the US TSA? Who knew?

    • Thaumaturgist

      No. It is not the fault of TSA. It’s Obamma’s fault.

  • Thorn Spike

    Has he not emigrated to the moon yet?

    • Blank Ron

      There must be a Titan III left in inventory to get him there. Just put some tape over the ‘not man-rated’ stencil and we’re good to go.

      • Thorn Spike

        Gonna need more lift than that to get him into orbit.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I say lodge them for nine days and I’ll do the novena. But maybe that’s just because I went to Caholic schools.

  • Playonwords

    I think he wants to check if these workers have has more than one wife …

    … but that might make problems.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    Make them pinkie-swear; they can’t lie then.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Newt needs to write a children’s book about how an elephant and his lovable keeper Noot go on a commercial flight and save the day when Ellie sniffs out the Sharia like peanuts at the circus. Callista could help!

    • kareemachan

      Ms. Helmet-hair scares me.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        I prefer to think of her as the costumed Martian in Mars Attacks!.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    What if they cross their fingers? Didn’t think of that, did you, Mr. Gingrich?

    • Crosses have NO REWARD under Islamic Supremacism. Pinkies in a crescent-moon shape are preferred.

  • I guess Newt is campaigning for the vice presidency, now?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Herman Cain’s just waiting for his moment.

      • He was better at making pizza. And considering how shitty their pizza was, that is really saying something.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      He must be, since it seems like I keep saying Gingrich everywhere in the media it seems

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    There is the Used Cars (1980) approach: “I saw the car over there in flames and all these strange little characters, you know, with towels on their heads, weird little goatees and stuff, running around yelling: “Ayatollah, Ayatollah.” Then they all got in a car and drove away. I guess it was Iranian students out to discredit the American way of life. I can’t imagine who else would do such a thing.”

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Now that price is too fuckin’ high!

  • Ryan Denniston

    If Newt wants the VP job, he better start to work on being a beautiful sight when he drops to his knees. That’s what Trump looks for.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Now I’m going to need brain bleach.

  • Hijabi Rockstar

    Yeah! We could make them sign a loyalty questionnaire and make them reject the Emperor! Or we’ll put them in camps!

    Wait, who are we talking about again?

  • Nyumbu

    The first rule of Sharia law is. . .

  • Poly_Ester

    Newt’s just trying to gail relevance in the 21st Century and failing.

  • ContextIsKey

    He knows of what he speaks, because he was turned into a Newt.

    • peekay

      But he didn’t get better.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Or we could just ask immigrants if, as proof of their strongly-held belief in traditional marriage while serially adulterizing their serial wives, if they’ve ever served any serial wife with divorce papers whilst said serial wife is suffering near death in the hospital from cancer.

    • Jason Freeman

      Classic. Well said.

  • peekay

    A duck!

  • Beaumarchais?

    Airplanes go up, airplanes come down. You can’t explain it.

  • Zhu Bajie

    Is Gingrich running for office again?

    • bubbuhh

      Gingrich is talking for money again.

  • Incoming Ham

    First we get to test Congress for Radical Christian Theonomy.

  • Shannon Smith

    This is GOP’s brain trust now: https://youtu.be/rf71YotfykQ

    • SeeTrain65

      Nah, they were smart enough to figure things out.

  • Be Gin

    It would be easier to screen television pundits and guests for Stupidity.

    -Old?
    -White?
    -Male?
    -Southern?
    -Alleged Military Career?
    -# of mistresses?
    -Loudmouth christian?

    If the answer is yes to three or more then don’t even let them in the building.

    • addison_da_wit

      Unfortunately for this proposed test, Bernie would have to respond in the affirmative to the first three.

      • Be Gin

        Doesn’t Senator Sanders have better things to do than get on TV and run his mouth?

        Like running for President?

        Like doing some actual good in the Senate?

        Of course he does!

  • mailman27

    Somebody once observed that Newty G was a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like. The passage of time has done nothing to dispel with that observation.

  • Why is newt gingrich?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Because of duality. As protons and anti-protons exist, so does the anti-newt.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        Protons and anti-protons are why Peter, Ray, Egon and Winston have to turn their proton packs on the walking pile of marshmallows that is Newt.

  • Jody Fuller

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti693urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti693u:➽:➽:.➽.➽.➽.➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsLookGetPay-Hour$98…. .★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★::::::!ti693u….,….

    • tegrat

      whoa, if true (direct quote from the Wonkette)

      • Odd Jørgensen

        poor Lori, can`t find any good roomies, they all suck and she has to kick them out, daily. principled girl to, considering how much monies her roomies all seem to be making.

        • kareemachan

          I have sad for her.

    • Ducksworthy

      Mention Gnut and Jody appears. How does that work? Leakage from the Griftosphere?

  • tegrat

    We spend billions on useless security measures for the means of travel of those who are privileged. Yet no one is looking out for the well-being of the Wonkettebago. Help us, Bernie…

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Some new evidence points to a possible electronics fire aboard EgyptAir. If that turns out to be the cause of the crash instead of the results of a bomb blast, a few right wing politicians are going to look really stupid. No, not their normal stupid, REALLY STUPID.

    • Rickyphoo

      I thought “right wing politicians” and “REALLY STUPID” meant the same thing.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Lotsa Venn diagram overlap, for sure.

    • Axomamma

      As if. OF COURSE Obummer would say it was an electrical fire, to protect his mooslum BFFs. Pfffffft.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      My own personal theory: Electronics fire caused smoke in the cockpit. Pilots descended blind, and maybe without instrumentation, until they reached and altitude where, in desperation they broke open the cockpit window to try to clear the smoke so they could at least see. Not discounting the idea of a terrorist bomb, or even sabotage, but this is at least as credible maybe.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I agree. I had two squadron mates bail out of an F-111 shortly after takeoff from Incirlik AB when they had an electronics fire in the cockpit. They could not clear the smoke and they could not see a fucking thing, including the 5″ ADI only an arm’s length away.
        Given that no group has claimed responsibility for a bomb on EgyptAir, this may not have been a terrorist act. Doesn’t matter to the souls on board, but it matters to me. I’d like to jam Donny Trump’s knee jerk vitriol up his ass.

  • kareemachan

    Newtie, give it up. You haven’t been newsworthy for quite a while, and this isn’t gonna help.

  • bubbuhh

    Food for thought. Most TSA workers make about a third more than fast food workers. TSA Supervisors make around 40,000 a year. Halp!!!! Our gubmint is being invaded by former fast food workers and security guards!

    • CATMAN

      Better than pre 9/11 where the private sector did the security with people paid minimum wage and the only qualifications were being human and breathing

      • bubbuhh

        Well U R right in sense. Pre-9/11 there was no security in US of A at all other than making sure the passengers were wearing clothes and had a boarding pass. It’s much better now that they take pichers of your underwear, sniff your shoes and randomly take your stuff for their own enjoyment. Evill villians never gonna think of a way to beat them security, like hijack a small small plane and load him up with explosives or drop a federal express jet on a selected place(GPS attached to a bomb’s controls is clever, no?) or simply load the suicidal passengers’ luggage with scent protected c-4 shaped liked innocent everyday items, even clothes.

  • bupkus23

    Shoutout for this piece from the Maddowblog’s “This Week in God” feature. Way to go, Robyn….

    [ Gee – I wonder what visitors who aren’t familiar with Wonkette will think if they read the non-comments? ]

    • Mahousu

      They’ll understand why comments aren’t allowed here.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    I’ve got a better idea: test all political candidates to ensure that they aren’t delusional maniacs (understanding that this would eliminate much of our government).

    http://www.thehumorcolumnist.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/newt_marshmallow_man.jpg

  • Paul Tomlinson

    Who the f*** is Newt Gingrich?

    prt

  • Rickyphoo

    Someone is trying really hard for that coveted VP slot.

  • Bill Slider

    Sharia law is good when applied to Christian Republicans. Before these idiots complain about it, they need to read a history book or three. They were once great believers in barbaric punishment. Those who support The Donald still are.

  • PRUtoo

    Indeed, the popularity of Trump will relieve us all from that pesky due process and silly investigation nonsense before judgement is pronounced!

  • CATMAN

    let’s crowdfund Newt’s Moonbase idea–just as long as he is the first to go and the last to come back. Maybe Elon Musk will give us a discount on one of his used rockets

  • Axomamma

    Did I miss the trolls?

  • 3FingerPete

    You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you
    look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach
    down, you flip the tortoise over on it’s back. The tortoise lays on it’s
    back, it’s belly baking in the hot sun, beating it’s legs trying to
    turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. Then you cut its head off and shout “Death to America!”. Why is that?
    – Actual question from the Voight-Kampff-Gingrich Sharia Test

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Because everyone knows Tortuga is a snitch.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Maybe we could just have all TSA employees marry and divorce at least two different people, because that would clearly show that they don’t follow Sharia law.

  • Aquaria

    I have never understood this bizarre hangup that conservatards have about Sharia law.

    It’s like they’ve never heard of Catholic canon law and ecclesiastical courts.

    Or Jewish halacha and Bet Dins (Jewish religious courts).

    Do we dare tell them about the major cities in the US that have adopted aspects of halacha by allowing eruvs to extend over several blocks or even miles?

    • phoenix00

      Because it was invented by brown muslim peoples, and brown muslim peoples are evil and to be hated to the end of the earth and back.

    • Shartiblartfat

      ALL religions and sects have “courts” or “sees,” to scare the people who believe in such things. If you don’t belong to their religion, or any religion, for that matter, they’re meaningless.

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