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He thinks good
He thinks good

George Zimmerman’s attempt to get his historic child-shooting weapon into the hands of a firearms collector/murder fetishist who appreciates its value as an artifact of Zimmerman’s struggle with race, history, and attention-seeking has been dealt another blow. Thursday, the first online auction site where he listed the Kel-Tec 9mm semiauto handgun used in the killing of Trayvon Martin pulled the listing; not long after, another site, United Gun Group, took the listing again, only to be flooded with so much traffic that the site crashed. And then the trolls arrived, with bids from “Stonewall McCracker,” “Weedlord Bonerhitler,” and a top bid of $65 million from “Racist McShootface.” We don’t think that’s our Weedlord Bonerhitler, since the name was popularized by another infamous internet trolling incident a few years back.

The troll accounts were mostly suspended — there are still a couple of bids from “Tamir Rice,” but who knows, maybe that’s a “legitimate” user who thought it would be really HILARIOUS to bid on Zimmerman’s gun under the name of a 12-year-old shot to death by cops? And then there are the comments from beautiful patriots, at least one of whom submitted real bids over $400K:

zimmerman auction comments

They seem nice.

As we go to WordPress, the top bid is once again suddenly up to $65 million, from a probably specious but non-joke-named bidder going by “Craig Bryant.”

zimmerman auction bids

Also, the United Gun Group has taken to Twitter to tell critics that it’s only a service that offers auctions, and does not actually profit from Zimmerman’s selling his kill-toy, no sir!

zimmerman auction disclaimer

So just stop judging them for aiding George Zimmerman in his latest mission of grift, will you? Their hands are clean, as are Zimmerman’s, because he loves America and you don’t.

Maybe George Zimmerman could set up some kind of crowdfunding site to let America know exactly how much money it will take to make him simply shut up and go away forever. It’s worth a try.

Update: And yes, the second website has now shut down Zimmerman’s auction as well.

[Pajiba.com / United Gun Group / Gawker via LGF / Vocative Update: CNN]

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  • Squirrel_t_robot

    If Zimmerman signs a contract whereupon he will go fuck himself with his precious gun, I’m in for $100.

    And no, I don’t want pics, George.

    • Stein Olsen

      I am also in if he does it with the safety off.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Florida Roulette, where ALL the chambers are loaded

        • therblig

          and all the politicians are half-cocked.

          ok, so it’s not lake wobegon

        • sevenoutaten

          I thought it was Florida Roulette when you used a semi-automatic instead of a revolver.

  • Lizzietish81

    Oj wishes he thought had thought of that, maybe he wouldn’t have had to steal his own trophies.

    • limberrat

      Here’s the knife I didn’t use to kill my wife.

      • Msmlg1979

        But if I had killed my wife, here’s how I would have done it. And I did. I did it.

  • Skadi

    Aaand…Pharma Bro has offered to buy the damn thing and destroy it, because apparently some things are too gross even for him.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Wow! United Gun Group and I have something in common. I never accept any money for being a heartless, sociopath asshole either.

  • beatbort

    That’s a flattering photograph of George Zimmerman above. It makes him look, uh, only slightly Neanderthal.

  • schmannity

    What’s Skoal Rebel’s bid?

  • Sardonicuss

    If you ever read this “Racist McShootface”, it should be “Racist McShootyface’ …and keep up the good work.

    • neminem

      No, it’s supposed to be “Shooty McShootface”, get it right.

  • neminem

    The greatest thing, or at least the most poetic, would be if some bajillionaire successfully bought the weapon, then flew out to Florida and capped Zimmerman with it. (Then took his money back, obviously.)

    Conveniently, he’d probably get away with it, too (see the part about being a bajillionaire. With enough money, you can get away with almost anything.)

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      Have Trump shoot Zimmerman on 5th Avenue.

      • Serai 1

        I believe you’ve hit on the one guy Trump could shoot and NOT have all his minions love him.

    • limberrat

      Stand Your Ground. He attempted to come at me because he claimed he didn’t want to part with it, I felt scared, I shot.

    • SnarkOff

      I want a super-scary black guy to buy it.

      • therblig

        obama is half white – don’t you have internet where you live?

      • neminem

        So something like this, then? http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/samuelljackson.jpg

        I’m sure Samuel L Jackson has the money for it.

        Say “what” one more time!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Nick Fury/Master Windu FTW!

      • Serai 1

        And then pose for pictures to be let loose online. The wingnuts would start spurting blood from every orifice!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    jeez Dok, we go from Jenny McCarthy to THAT???

    Talk about a bonerhitler…

    • Sardonicuss

      I thought for sure the next pic would be Jenny wrestling Carla Burlequeconni for the win.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        where’s the damn intern?!?!?!?!?

        • Sardonicuss

          “Instant Checkmate” girl is getting jelly.

          • therblig

            wait, there’s someone besides “Awesome Boobs”?

          • Sardonicuss

            Yes. At first, she was a brunette trying to tell me something from her couch. Now she is a blonde, awkwardly descending some stairs in high heels (she seems off balance..kinda top heavy really).
            What are they trying to say? Secret: I am betting it is a tale involving “boobs” and …my credit card number.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Are we doing fanfic about the boob ads now?

          • therblig

            one handed from our bunks.

            or so a friend tells me.

          • Sardonicuss

            Now? Well, outside of my mind…yes now I guess.

      • Oneofthebobs

        Two boobs are better than one.

    • SnarkOff

      Why do you hate us, Dok?

  • SnarkOff

    “I hope your children get killed.” Jesus — and these people wonder why sensible gun control laws matter?

    • HazooToo

      Not just killed, murdered! The guy who wants to buy a gun from a man who “did nothing wrong” hopes that many more children will get murdered, because people are screwing with his ability to buy a weapon. Another question, is there any way in Hell that one of those serious bozos is going to have to undergo a background check before he takes possession of the gun?

      • OneYieldRegular

        These are people so lacking in a sense of personal agency that their only capacity for engaging conflict is violence, and if you call them on it, they’ll prove you right by shooting you.

      • Serai 1

        because people are screwing with his ability to buy a weapon.

        …so HE can commit murder whenever he wants!

        Yes, these wingnuts are just SO MORAL OMG. Jesus is never going to stop sobbing.

    • borninatrailer

      “I hope your children get killed.” -Jesus

      I mean, I didn’t know the man but I kind of doubt he said that.

  • anwisok

    I have yet to be able to load that site. I wonder how happy they are to have, essentially, called in a DDOS on themselves!

    • Sardonicuss

      Their server’s are getting Weeklord Bonered.

      • H0mer0

        Weedlord Boner? I thought it was weird boner dog.(Dammit! I couldn’t find a clip)

  • Anarchy Pony

    He was just a trigger happy asshole looking for an excuse to shoot someone to death! Why do you all have to be so mean!?

    • Sardonicuss

      Zimm looks kind of suspicious to me. Does he belong in this neighborhood?

      • Blank Ron

        I thought I saw him on the sidewalk. That’s pretty thuggish behaviour if you ask me.

  • Jenny

    Karma moves too slow.

    • cynmac

      Karma is right on time. Zimmerman should not be martyr’d but should go out with a self-inflicted wound. As long as we have asshats who will justify his actions, he needs to keep taking hits. Big target.

  • Spotts1701

    Also, the United Gun Group has taken to Twitter to tell critics that it’s only a service that offers auctions, and does not actually profit from Zimmerman’s selling his kill-toy, no sir!

    The legal weasels worked real hard on this for them, huh?

    • SnarkOff

      “We’re peaceful AR-15 owners!”

  • nightmoth

    “Why shouldn’t he be selling it?” Underwood, from UnitedGunGroup.com, said. “Here’s the thing, parents lost their child and as a father it breaks my heart to even contemplate going through what they went through. But when you look at the facts of the case, he was charged and he was exonerated. A gentleman who did nothing wrong is selling a personal possession of his to the highest bidder.”

    I strongly object to the use of the word “gentleman.”

    • SterWonk

      Objection sustained!

      “did nothing wrong” is different from “was not convicted”, also too.

    • sevenoutaten

      Acquittal doesn’t always mean you weren’t guilty as fuck.

      • thenearesthippie

        Exactly. That’s why the choices are “guilty” and “not guilty,” not “guilty” and “innocent.”

  • proudgrampa

    OK. Which one of you Wonketteers bid as “Racist McShootface” ???

    Really. Brilliant!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Coalition of Cockroach Cocks. Aka United Gun Group.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I don’t get it. If he sells this gun what will he use when he patrols his community? We’re all unprotected now. (Hides under bed, sniffs dust bunnies.)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m afraid that George has been retired, permanently, from the Neighborhood Watch.

      Say “hi!” to the dust bunnies for me, though!

      • Sardonicuss

        Not permanent enough. His watch should be ended.
        ……with votes of course.

    • Kelly Hamilton

      Poor George, the Neighborhood Watch who “couldn’t throw a punch” and screams like a woman when he’s frightened.

    • Mine are dust bison.

      • Skadi

        …in that case, mine must be dust T. Rexes.

    • calliecallie

      Aaah-choo!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        HummaKavula, is that you?

  • cousin itt

    The NRA will buy it and will build a 2nd A museum around it made from the souls of all the dead and massacred victims of gun violence.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Yalls Momma” is the name of my new Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band.

  • swirl

    He was found not guilty and it’s his property to do with as he wishes.

    • Skadi

      There are some people I wish to call idiots, but I recognize it’s not always a good idea to do just as I wish.

      • Serai 1

        It’s a good idea here though. Please jump in, the water’s fine.

        • Skadi

          I’m trying to set an example of saintly forbearance. ;-)

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            good luck wit dat. They don’t call us a vile, nasty snark mob for nuthin…

          • Skadi

            *emphasizes the word trying* LOL

    • anwisok

      True. And we’re allowed to mock him, if we so desire.

    • Treg.Brown

      Are you trampling my 1st Amendment rights?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s a murdering asshole who should be [redacted]

      • swirl

        He killed someone in self defense, according to the law.

        • Treg.Brown

          I too often feel threatened by sidewalks and skittles. Of course, I listen to the police and do what they tell me, unlike when they told Zimmerman to stay in his fucking car.

          • swirl

            The physical altercation was initiated by Martin, and his death was tragic, but when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.

          • Skadi

            And what kind of prize has Zimmerman won for his decision to keep playing this game over and over?

          • Treg.Brown

            Try harder. Martin was stalked, then murdered. ZImmerdick should have stayed in his car LIKE HE WAS TOLD.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            It really is a shame that the only other witness to the incident was gunned down, isn’t it?

          • Donkey Option

            The only person claiming that is Zimmerman, who has a very good reason to lie. But of course you’ll believe the white dude over the dead black kid.

          • swirl

            If the racial aspect was reversed, I’d believe the same based on the facts of the case.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            So, if an armed black man stalked a white teen and tried to hold him against his will and the white teen fought off the guy and the guy then shot the teen, you’d be perfectly ok with that?

          • swirl

            In a case such as that, sure.

            That, however, is not how the incident involving Martin and Zimmerman happened.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            How do you know this? Were you there? No, you know how it “happened” based on the account of the person who pulled the trigger, who has absolutely no reason to lie about anything, right?

          • swirl

            The case was put before a jury of his peers, the evidence was offered to and he was found not guilty by that jury.

            That’s how our justice system works.

          • Skadi

            “Not guilty of deliberate murder” doesn’t change that fact that he killed a kid and is now trying to profit from that.

            What part of this don’t you understand?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            all of it, Katie

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, it’s not a “justice” system. Certainly not in this case, when the aggressor is found “innocent” when the facts are ignored by the jury.

          • Donkey Option

            Come on! We all know that the US justice system has never been used by the white majority perpetuate a racist system! That has never ever happened in the history of our country!

          • thenearesthippie

            A jury found OJ not guilty. But that’s how our justice system works. So settle down, white people!

          • Thaumaturgist

            But did Travon Martin get the chance to take the stand and give his side of the story?

            BTW George wasn’t found “innocent”. The jurors found the prosecutor failed to prove guilt “beyond a reasonable doubt,” a doubt which no doubt would have been removed if Travon had testified.

          • Be Gin

            Our justice system works? Do you wish to qualify that generalization a little bit?

            The jury system you are so fond has a checkered history.

          • Sardonicuss

            Is this the part where you paste in a bunch of Stormfront crap…I mean legal analysis?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Someone needs to get off the internet and serve Teh Donald his afternoon tea

          • swirl

            The insinuation that I’m a white supremacist is vile.

          • Sardonicuss

            Whose insinuating?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I remember my first time on the internet, too…

          • Villago Delenda Est

            It’s vile, just like you, racist asshole.

          • therblig

            quite. you’re hardly supreme.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            but he is vermin

          • Thaumaturgist

            “Vile ” isn’t a defense.

          • Be Gin

            Adults have to make peace with many vile truths.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is precisely how it happened.
            Zim was mad at his wife and took off when he saw the kid.
            He called police because there was a black kid in his neighborhood.
            The cops told him they would send someone, stay in your car.
            He did not stay in his car. He got out of his car, and followed the kid.
            The kid told him to back the fuck off (which is what we teach our kids to do)
            He would not back off and told the kid he was going to hold him there.
            The kid said fuck no you won’t.
            All of this thus far is straight from Zim himself.

            Zimmerman is the aggressor and 100% creating a hostile situation that he never should have created in the first place.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            OK, now it’s obvious that you don’t have an picogram of integrity in your entire body.

          • Sardonicuss

            Troll is trollsom.

          • Donkey Option

            So you always assume that the person who was shot by the only armed person in an altercation stared the fight? Because I never assume that. I also never think that an armed person should shoot an unarmed person, no matter the circumstances. But I’m crazy and non-sociopathic that way.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Saaaayyyy you know who else thought shooting an unarmed person was a bad thing to do?

            The old west, where they would hang people for that, or run them out of town on a rail for being the cowardly fucknozzles they were.

          • swirl

            When in an altercation with another, and your own life is in danger, it’s imperative to be able to survive.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            you talk funny

          • Donkey Option

            I’m sorry, but when is an unarmed person a greater threat to someone than an armed person? How was his life in danger, especially since he called the police and they told him to just go away and get out of the situation, but instead choose to insert himself into the situation? His life was not in danger. And even if it had been, he would have put himself in that situation. He could have just walked away and not gotten into the confrontation at all! But instead he followed this kid and shot him! At first I thought you were just being a technical asshole, but now I see that you are a truly bad person who has so sense of empathy or morality.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            He had a non-life threatening scratch upon the head that he never would have gotten if he had not stalked and harassed someone for being black in his neighborhood. His life was never in danger. Ever.

          • Be Gin

            That’s why god gave us feet.

          • Sardonicuss

            You seem like a real legal scholar.

          • Treg.Brown

            I believe you are truth impaired. And a bigot.

          • Sardonicuss

            “but when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.”
            Yeah, that very line was just as moronic the first thousand times racists used in every post about this story years ago.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            yup, stupid games like walking back from the store to see his GF and getting stalked by a lunatic

          • Jenny

            Yeah, surprising that males are taught NOT to run from altercation and stand up for themselves. Don’t be a bitch. A kid is doing what he’s been taught to do but he somehow it’s his fault for confronting a person following him, looking for trouble.

          • Treg.Brown

            Stupid me. I’m sure if Trayvon had been a white guy named Brad the judicial outcome would have been exactly the same when a darker than pale Zimmerman shot an unarmed 17 year old white kid in a hoodie who “looked suspicious” to him.

          • thenearesthippie

            Zimmerman initiated the confrontation. Trayvon defended himself. Zimmerman murdered Trayvon.

          • Be Gin

            Since when is oblivion a prize?

        • Serai 1

          Go home, wingnut. Nobody’s buying your snake oil here.

          • Donkey Option

            It’s kind of sad. They didn’t even create another account to upfist themselves. They don’t even wingnut on Wonkette right.

          • Treg.Brown

            The caliber of these guys has really plummeted.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            This is because their brains are as difficult to find as their dicks.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Then why are you defending him here? He’s so very capable.

        • Squirrel_t_robot

          Well, no.

          According to Zimmerman himself.

          Because he already silenced the other witness forever.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Skittles are the most deadly weapon known to mankind!

          • Squirrel_t_robot

            Martin was gonna get high!

            Or he was already high!

            The wages of being high are obvs death, you know.

          • therblig

            well, those sour green apple ones anyway

          • Blank Ron

            The only thing that stops a bad guy with Skittles is a good guy with Starburst Fruit Chews.

      • Treg.Brown

        Redacted with votes

    • Donkey Option

      True, but intentionally posting an auction with such odious assertions like what he did was right (which it wasn’t) and that this thing is a national artifact and treasure (which he did by suggesting that the Smithsonian wanted it which they didn’t) just shows that he’s trying to get more attention. For someone who constantly complains about how mean people are to him after this, he really does keep popping up to get more media attention, doesn’t he. He is a bad person who should not be allowed to benefit from his evil behavior, even if a jury did not find him guilty due to a highly questionable and definitely racist law.

    • DerrickWildcat

      “Zimmerman said he planned to use the proceeds from the sale of the gun — which he called an “American Firearm Icon” — to fight “Black Lives Matter” violence against law enforcement officers and to counter “Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric.” He also said money would be used to “ensure the demise of Angela Correy’s (sic) persecution career.” Corey was the special prosecutor appointed to investigate Martin’s death.”

      This is the problem I have. He is still a jackass that’s inviting trouble upon himself.

    • BloviateMe

      The point of this story is not legality, it’s decency. You are being willfully obtuse about that.

    • Serai 1

      And the point goes WHOOOSH right over your head.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Indeed.

      And we wish he would shove it up is capricious ass, squeeze the trigger, and get a taste of what he did to an innocent kid.

      • swirl

        The moment that Martin initiated the physical altercation was the moment he was no longer innocent.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          He did not initiate the physical altercation. A Stranger came up to him on a public street and attempted to accost him. The kid was literally doing precisely what we teach our kids to do when a stranger comes up to them on a street.

          • Donkey Option

            But he was walking while black, and we all know that that is a synonym for initiating a physical altercation in wingnut.

        • TheGrandWaz00
        • Skadi

          Forgive me for being vulgar, but a 17-year-old boy is a hard-on with legs. He thinks with his fists and not his head, or at least not his brain. We expect that from teenagers, and we make allowances.

          Zimmerman was a grown man. It was up to him to show maturity, not escalate the situation by behaving like a rowdy teenager himself. Stop trying to condemn a dead child in order to excuse the irresponsibility and foolishness of an adult.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Sorry, you misspelled “Zimmerman started a street fight with someone, then relied on the gun to finish it.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They called those people cowards in the old west.
            Swirly here thinks he’s heroic.
            Ever get the feeling that most of these gunhumpers would be beaten to shit in the old west they profess to admire so greatly?

          • Blank Ron

            Eyup. Same way they’re horny for the military but wouldn’t last three days in boot camp.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Some of them did not, and hence our current problem.

        • Lefty Frizzell

          Excuse me, but I’m not finding “because George Zimmerman said so” to be compelling evidence on that front.

        • MarkM

          So if I accost someone with no justifiable cause, but for my own racism, in spite of actual police advising me NOT to initiate a confrontation, and that leads to an alteration with an unarmed individual who begins to kick my racist ass, I am then justified in pulling out a gun and shooting that individual dead? That’s how things work in your mind?
          Go fuck yourself.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Zimmerman is a thug and a murderer that instigated the encounter and was looking for an excuse to shoot someone, luckily he found a hot headed teenager

          • Skadi

            Well, luckily for him, maybe.

          • Anarchy Pony

            Yeah.

        • LOOK OUT! HE’S GOT SKITTLES!

      • doktorzoom

        Nah, that’s over the line. We don’t wish death on people, not even horrible people like George Zimmerman.
        Please review the rules.

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You know who else was found not guilty?
      Clinton, Bill.
      :)

      Course, Bill didn’t stalk a kid, get in a fight with him, shoot him and then claim self defense and get away with it because scary black teenager.
      You know, in the old west they hung people who shot unarmed folks? Interesting.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        but he did kill Vince Foster, so there is that…

        • Reddishrabbit

          That is libel! The shocking disregard of truth is almost too much. We all know it was Hillary! That’s where she got the taste for blood.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      But does he really have to go all Famewhore Abrasiveson on his posting? He’s “gonna fight Black Lives Matter with the proceeds?”

      That’s some excessive bullshit stacked high on this one little poker-chip that defines his sad excuse for a life.

      If someone died at my hand, in a confrontation that I created, I’d feel human guilt. A court proceeding wouldn’t erase it.

      But then again, I’m not a murder-goblin, or a murder-goblin-panty-sniffer, so I am not unbiased here.

    • calliecallie

      The fact that he was found “not guilty” does not negate the fact that he killed someone. Set aside the fact that he killed an unarmed black teenager. He’s selling a gun that he used to kill someone, which is perceived by him to have special value because he used it to kill someone. And he’s selling it in a very public way. I think that is some sick fucking shit there, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Even Bill O’of all people think it is dispicable.

        • Blank Ron

          Ye gods, does it get any lower than that?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That’s true, but we are still at liberty to suggest that while the verdict stands, it’s a tad iffy, and also that in our opinion he would be a much better person if he wasn’t doing with his property what he is, in fact doing. I don’t think we have any obligation to approve of it or keep quiet.

    • MarkM

      BTW, do you know what else swirls? Shit. Down a toilet. Emulate it.

    • doktorzoom

      You’re just a precious snowflake of reason and light, aren’t you? Say hello to my little banhammer.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I know what to get you for the next war on christmas.

      • Donkey Option

        Funny thing is, I doubt they’re even the kind of pernicious troll who will pop up again with a different screen name. I mean, they didn’t even create an alternate to upfist themselves. Sort of oddly uncommitted to their trolling.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          What happened to the truly committed trolls? Sad. Low energy.

      • MarkM

        Doc just flushed. Swirl, Swirl away…

      • Paganish

        First time I’ve ever gotten to see that in real time. I think I need a cigarette.

      • willi0000000

        Dok, i bet it’s been a while since you administered a swirly.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        It is so weird reading these comments after the fact. I scrolled down here after reading about a troll upthread, and if I hadn’t spot the word ‘banhammer’, I’d still be scrolling.
        Now the conversation looks like everyone’s talking to voices in their heads.

        Hmm, note to self. Don’t read aloud the comments (which aren’t allowed) when at the office. Enough people already think I have voices in my head as it is…

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        So I still see some Swirly comments below. Is Disqus slow cleaning up, or is he not the troll?

        • doktorzoom

          Banhammering gives moderators the option of deleting all comments within the past 30 days or just preventing the user from posting further comments. I chose the latter option for Swirly, because while they’re A Idiot, there was no need to delete the lot. Or as I sometimes say, Idiot banhammered, comment left in place for your mocking enjoyment :)

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Figured it was something like that. Thanks!

    • Blank Ron

      Tell me, sweetie, does George pay you to defend him, or are you standing up for a racist child-murderer all on your own?

    • Thaumaturgist

      If Trayvon had just taken the stand and told his side of the story, I very much doubt the jurors would have had a reasonable doubt about Zimmerman’s guilt.

    • jmk

      Yes, cupcake. That’s the problem.

      His wishes. They’re obscene.

      That and the fact that he was found not guilty because he silenced the only other witness, a boy who will not now ever grow up.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “A phony bid of $65 million? What kind of monster would pretend to be much richer than they actually are?”

    — Donald Trump

    • I assume that the fake buyer just estimates the value of his “brand” at a few billion dollars and counts that towards his net worth.

      • Aleisha Capps

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!nt332etwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !nt332e:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsMagicGetPay-Hour$98…. .✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸::::::!nt332e….,..

  • John Iwaniszek

    I pity the foo who buys it. He/she will experience a depreciation in value so big and fast that it will cause a rift in the fabric of space time.

    • Blank Ron

      Good thing he wants to pay in Bitcoins.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I thought that might be our Weedlord Bonerhitler, too. I haven’t seen him/her/it around for sometime now.

    • proudgrampa

      He (she? Never can tell around here) changed his (her?) name, as I recall.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      I think weedlord became politicalcat when we transitioned to disqus.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      We are all Weedlord Bonerhitler!!

      • Bear OmNomNom

        We are Weedlord Bonerhitler. We are legion. We do not forgive. Expect us.

  • Joshua Norton

    I wonder how many of those bids are authentic? If it’s like eBay, when the highest bid drops out after the auction closes then it passes on down to the next highest. If any of those are real, there’s still big bucks on the board.

    • therblig

      i suspect it’ll be like trying to find a clean cyclist to give lance armstrong’s medals to.

      • cynmac

        *giggles*

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      gonna guess that someone who types Ur and gets all mad at the trolls does not have 400k to buy a crappy gun (it is toally a crappy gun, all, and I very much doubt Zim’s claim that it is in perfect firing order because none of those POSs are ever in perfect firing order).

      • Biff52

        Well, it worked as designed that one time…

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s good to see that the Real ‘Mericans have such a fine command of the English language, what with the spelling and punctuation and such.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Weedlord Bonerhitler” also PWNS 4/20, big time.

  • Treg.Brown

    Ever notice how small Zimmerman’s hands are?

    • TheGrandWaz00

      “You know what they say about a man with small hands…you can’t trust them.”

      ~Marco Rubio

    • MarkM

      They match his dick, his humanity and his brain.

    • Positively Trumpian!

    • therblig

      Tales of the Vienna Sausages

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Sure, you can sell a murder weapon online, but try to sell one “Bernie for the future” shirt or mug and see what happens.

  • Jenny

    This guy got how much in wingnut welfare? He could have bought a small business under a trust or LLC. No one would have been the wiser and he wouldn’t have to worry about providing for himself. Hell he could have even opened a gun shop/ shooting range. But no, he keeps popping up because he’s a fucking loser with no life skills.

    • Treg.Brown

      Also too, he could have stayed in his fucking car like the police told him to do. That makes him a fucking loser with no life skills who doesn’t listen.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Or not follow a kid walking like a freaking pervert.

        Zimmerman was on his way to Target, having had a fight with his wife that night.

        Then he saw a kid with his hood up, and got ideas.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He has all the business acumen of Donald Drumpf.

      • Jenny

        Yup he’s an idiot.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Lottery haters love to tell stories about people who hit the jackpot and blew it all, ending up worse off that they were. Some folks really can’t handle prosperity…

      • Jenny

        My parent’s had a big lawsuit settlement. It should have changed our/their lives for the better but it didn’t. They like Zimmerman are always looking for ways to get easy money, completely forgetting the bullshit they had to go through to get money in the first place.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Most lotto winners do this. I do not know why

        • Msmlg1979

          Yes. It’s a crazy high percentage of winners who file bankruptcy a few years later.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Which is weird, because if there was anyone on this planet who can make a penny shriek, it would be poor and middle folks. I’d like to see some sort of comparison of these bankrupt lotto winners, and how many are from the upper middle class (assuming the rich don’t really play the lotto that much) versus how many are from lower classes.

          • Msmlg1979

            I have been in lending for 14 years, and one thing I have learned is that a great number of people, from all classes, and of all ages, are really terrible with money.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I know I am! Would you lend me some money?

            Actually I kid. My credit rating is average right now, but that is greatly due to a: I have no credit history being not a lender nor borrower be and b: my mom’s rotten credit got slapped onto my name after her death (her married name and my maiden are identical and apparently I have to waste time and money to get this cleared and I can’t really be bothered at this point because see a).
            However…I should probably do something about that, maybe buy a lil house somewhere.

          • Msmlg1979

            It is a long process to have certain things removed from your credit file, and it’s daunting. After 7 years, they should fall off.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That’s what I figure. I really can’t be bothered seeing as it is “good enough” for what I need (stray checks for rentals et al) and I don’t plan on borrowing any large sums ever.
            I’ve never even had a credit card. As an adult, I fail ^.^

          • Msmlg1979

            Not living above your means is not a fail, but the system is rigged in favor of having credit of various kinds.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            True that. Unless I win the lotto (which is hard to do since I do not buy tickets, but alas, someday my strategy of not playing might pay off!) I am probably never going to own a house. But, I could get a car loan if I needed one (prefer to repair than buy new) and my rental history is solid having never once been late or missed a payment, so I’m good.

          • thenearesthippie

            BUY GOLD!!111!!!

            Not really, of course. I’m not A Idiot. But damn, the credit system is fucked up. (We should adopt the tulip standard.)

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Tell me about. I’ve recently just been collecting credit cards that I rarely use. While the credit bureaus love that I don’t get anywhere near maxing those suckers out, they think I could use a little bit more credit… Can’t win for losing.

          • Msmlg1979

            It takes time. All my credit is excellent, which is required for my job, but I still don’t have an 815 like my Mom. It takes years, mortgages, cars, etc..Credit scores are utter bullshit. There is zero rhyme or reason to them. It’s the most inconsistent crap I’ve ever seen.

          • Blank Ron

            Should. I’m told there’s ways of reviving ancient debt for the specific purpose of fucking up people’s credit score.

            FWIW, I’m pretty sure mine’s negative, but at my age I’m unlikely to buy anything more expensive than a pound of crab legs.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            With SNAP? Cause I was told all us liberals buy our crab legs with SNAP.

          • Msmlg1979

            The credit bureaus often fail to report accurately as well. It’s very complicated, and bankruptcy can stay on up to 10 years.

          • Biff52

            I laugh at lenders. I have a score above 800, though it’s dropped a bit due to no actual money. I’ve always paid my bills on time or sooner, somehow. They keep trying to loan me more, but the trick to my good credit is using it judiciously.

          • Msmlg1979

            This. Exactly. Good for you!

          • Beaumarchais?

            Upper middle class people play the stock market. The odds are better.

            Lotteries are a tax on math ignorance; you only win if you never play.

          • borninatrailer

            And everyone seems to know this. Yet it seems like almost no winner forces the “fiscal responsibility” on themselves by taking the annuity.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I do not get that. If it were me, damn straight I’d go for the annuity. Maybe they are worried the country will be bankrupt in 10 years and no longer be able to pay them off?

          • borninatrailer

            Not a clue. And I get that, purely financially, you are “better off” taking the lump sum and investing that coin in the long run. So if it were a small lottery (assuming any still exist), maybe that makes sense. But if you win like 200mil…. and the extra money you’ll get, lump sum managed by you vs. a 20 years annuity is somehow important… maybe that just means you need the annuity???

          • Biff52

            By then, the bank you put your faith and trust in is also gonna be long gone, so you’re boned either way.

          • Msmlg1979

            You shouldn’t take the annuity. Money makes money, and you want yours performing. You just shouldn’t buy 15 cars, 6 houses, and 8 speedboats, and a pound of cocaine a week.

          • borninatrailer

            I just posted on that, but it is kind of my point. The % of lotto winners that can’t seem to do the fiscally most sound thing you’d think would cause winners to eventually start saying “maybe the lower money from the annuity isn’t such a terrible idea.”

          • Biff52

            Go ahead, tie my hands!

            Jesus…

          • Msmlg1979

            I’m so judgmental!

          • Biff52

            I cut way back on the cocaine…

          • Msmlg1979

            Sell the speedboats, and let’s do a kilo.

          • Biff52

            I was always a sailboat kinda guy, and I haven’t done drugs in almost 30 years. Even with all the money I haven’t spent on drugs, I still can’t afford another sailboat, though. Go figure.

          • Zango LeHoonery

            Crazy talk. A pound of cocaine can last a whole month if you don’t share it with the hookers.

        • Aquaria

          They make the mistake of letting their names be announced as the winners, so every skeevy scumbag in their vicinity, strangers and family alike, can prey on them. You don’t have to announce to the world that you’re the winner. You can hire an attorney to accept the award on your behalf, and shield your name from the public while he’s at it.

          They don’t know how to say no when friends and family come round begging for money.

          Of course they buy stupid shit that they don’t need, and they overpay for all of it to boot.

          They spend way too much money on disposable expenditures like restaurant and bar tabs, movies, leisure activities, trips to Vegas, and so on. Sure, you can enjoy your money, but you need something to show for your expenditures, too.

          They forget the taxes that come right off the top if they take the lump sum.

          They don’t think of where they and their money will be 5 years down the road, never mind longer than that. So they don’t get a finance triad in place (lawyer, accountant, financial planner) to protect their interests and insure that they invest the money properly. If they do have that much sense, they usually do not listen to their advice, especially to diversify their portfolio. The rare ones smart enough to invest their money almost always over-invest in the the stock market, when they don’t know anything about it.

          They don’t set up trust funds, and never mind for the right people. Fuck the kids. The way generational wealth becomes generational is when the wealthy leave their money to their GRANDKIDS.

  • Serai 1

    No, no, no. Everyone knows you don’t pay a blackmailer. He’ll just come back next week and demand twice as much.

    • Skadi

      And that is called asking for Dane-geld,
      And the people who ask it explain
      That you’ve only to pay ’em the Dane-geld
      And then you’ll get rid of the Dane!

  • Belasaurius

    i’d pay to see him eat the barrel of that gun

    • Jenny

      How much are you paying??

      • therblig

        i’m in for $10 and some votes

        • nmmagyar

          I found 6 doing laundry

    • doktorzoom

      Nope, deleted. We don’t wish death on people, not even horrible people like George Zimmerman.
      Please review the rules.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • sosuume

    A dead body used to be enough. Guess these assholes feel the need to dance on it now.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Ten bucks that “Brez” defaults on his bid.

  • beavertank

    They suspended Weedlord Bonerhitler? FASCISTS!

    • cousin itt

      COMMUNISTS!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        ATHEIST MUSLIMS!

  • DerrickWildcat

    A few hours ago on Yahoo i posted, “LOL, trolls took the bidding up to 65 million dollars.” on an article about the auction. I was called a liar by 14 different people.
    Yahoo + Racists + Gun Nuts is a perfect storm of stupid.
    Since then, I posted that I would graciously accept their apologies. It made them even madder.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Yahoo is just terrible.

      • DerrickWildcat

        It’s really bad, but it teaches you to have thick skin.

        • MarkM

          It isn’t my skin I’m worried about reading that crap, but my sanity.

          • DerrickWildcat

            I outlasted my Yahoo stalker. Someone with multiple IDs was down voting everyone of my posts for a year, I didn’t give a shit. But the person still did this for a year! The down votes were so quick I could swear there were 4 of them on shifts waiting to down vote me.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            You should put in your profile that you collect downvotes as badges and George Soros gives you a nickle for every one that you get.

          • DerrickWildcat

            Nice.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I like to imagine ways to make the paranoid delusionals go even more paranoid. My hypothesis is that eventually they will reach peak delusion and realize their entire world view is built on a lie, or, their brains will break.
            I should utterly get a grant for this but the fucking American Shrink Association gets all mad about using humans as testing subjects and keeps yelling stuff about ethics and crap.

          • DerrickWildcat

            The way I deal with Paranoid Conspiracy types is to out conspiracy them.
            “Chem Trails are real”
            “You’ve seen one?”
            “Yes!”
            “Well if you’ve seen one, then you are already infected and are already under their control.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

          • nmmagyar

            Bastards!

          • Beaumarchais?

            Huh! He gives me a dime.

          • Mary Sandoras

            Someone took pleasure in removing just about every comment I made on The Hill. It makes me feel special to have a personal troll.

          • DerrickWildcat

            There’s nothing you can really do. Just keep posting and they’ll get tired when they see it isn’t bothering you.

          • Blank Ron

            Depressing isn’t it, that there are people who have nothing better to do with their lives than that?

          • DerrickWildcat

            I think for a lot of them, it is the only way they can fight back. I evidently embarrassed him and he knew I’d embarrass him again if he tried to pick a fight with me. So stalking down votes it was.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Clearly, they have no taste.

      • Msmlg1979

        Reading a Yahoo comments section makes me afraid to leave the house. I don’t go in there anymore. In fact, if Wonkette had comments, they would be the only ones I ever read.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I tried trolling there for awhile many years back, but it’s a sea of stupidity- a malignant muck if dumb, bigoted and angry…

          • DerrickWildcat

            It’s even worse now.

          • nmmagyar

            I still use my old Yahoo email address for shopping and petitions (and porn, I don’t need to lie here). Every now and again I click on an article to see just how insane the commenters are. I am never disappointed.

          • DerrickWildcat

            I’ve had the same yahoo email account for 20 years.

          • nmmagyar

            About 25 for me. And, strangely enough, my handle here is my yahoo email addy. It’s easy to remember…

          • Biff52

            18 or 19 years, here, and I use it all the time. I get what I pay for, and I find it to be better than gmail most of the time.

          • The Witch of Endor

            I can’t remember how long I’ve had my Yahoo accounts. But it was back in the day where you could set them up as spam catchers and not have to give a “legitimate” secondary email account. I *think* Wonkette is the only site that knows my True Name and email address. I go by my real name on Facebook but used one of the yahoo accounts when I joined.

          • Lot_49

            You look at porn? You monster!

          • diogenez

            Worse than The Weekly Standard?

        • jmk

          Even when I was young and doing my snark-training in Yahoo Answers, I refused to go to the damned comments on any Yahoo article.

          They’re cesspools.

      • chazmanr

        Yahoo comments make you feel glad that you finished school.

        • glasspusher

          You mean, “waited for the bell on the last day of class”?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I’d really like to know if they thought there was no $65M bid at all, or if they thought there was, but it wasn’t a troll.

      • DerrickWildcat

        They denied the auction ever took place. They called me a liar and then asked where the auction was. I told them and they called me a liar again.
        “Poor Edward. Tried his hand at propaganda and was found out. Not a good path to follow Ed. Your credibility is shot down in flames.”
        “Looks like Edward needs to stop lying.”
        And on and on and such.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Sounds conservative all right. Don’t like something, deny it ever happened.

          • DerrickWildcat

            These were more Gun Nuts. They are more threatening than the average Yahoo moron. God I’ve been on Yahoo too long.

          • DerrickWildcat

            On the Gun articles I usually start with, “Hey just got here, are the gun nuts threatening to shoot people over the internet like they normally do?”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Just thought of another thing you could do. Offer to be their Dom.
            That usually gets them all hep up and flustered ^.^

          • nmmagyar

            You are incorrigible. But that was one of the most amusing threads here in quite some time.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Got him all sorts of hot and bothered, didn’t it?

          • nmmagyar

            Mais oui!

          • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

            What is a “yahoo!”?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Yahoo is like Wonkette if you removed all reason, intelligence, wit and dick jokes.

          • DerrickWildcat

            Half the time I immediately delete my posts at Yahoo because I’m wasting my comedy gold there.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is no way to win the commentator of the week award! Spend all your whore gold right here and maybe you too will get panties or a tote.

          • sevenoutaten

            Kinda like a redneck, a dull, slow-witted person, but without the excuse of being educated in the South.

    • ahughes798

      In order to maintain my sanity, I do not ever read the comments on Yahoo articles, even about something as banal as an article on flowers. Somehow, the comments will still be insulting/racist/sexist/or just plain nasty.

  • whitroth

    About that “Craig” somebodyorother, who bid $65M? And this is just a site that lets people auction off things?

    There’s no possibility that Zimmerman, himself, put in the $65M bid, since there’d be no penalty to him if he doesn’t pay up….

    mark

  • OddMan

    You know you have passed Go and gone directly to hell when the pimple on the ass of humanity Bill-O has called this despicable.
    “No matter how you feel about the case, it is terrible that a teenager is dead. No decent person could feel good about that.”
    “Now, Mr. Zimmerman’s action is despicable.You simply do not profit from a tragedy.”

    Now of course Bill O was not nearly so upset at the actual killing of Tryavon Martin as he is at Zimm making money off a tragedy. Does seem to be a bit disingenuous.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Damn, BillO said that?

      • chazmanr

        Yes, he paused from writing his latest “Killing” book to actually say that. Don’t worry. Hell hasn’t frozen over. He’ll be back to his usual repugnant self by airtime.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          So he has a shred, just a shred, of credible humanity left in him.

          • Blank Ron

            Probably deeply buried in his shriveled black soul, occasionally making its tiny voice heard, wondering if it will ever be rescued…

      • OddMan

        People are strange.

        There is a video of the segment over on Crooks and Liars.
        http://crooksandliars.com/2016/05/bill-oreilly-throws-down-mr-zimmermans

      • BigBoppa

        Only because his next book will be “Killing Trayvon” and Georgie is cutting into his profit potential.

    • Skadi

      Even Captain Hook respected good form.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Billdo’s self awareness is again on display for all when he states that “You simply do not profit from a tragedy”. He and the entire wretched organization he’s a part of do that on a 24/7 basis.

  • Blank Ron

    It’s the extra $39,000 I find especially amusing.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    For those of you just joining us, we’ve got a live Shit fer Brains downthread. Please do come by and say hello!

    • anwisok

      Yeah, but he’s boring. Also, True Troll – he doesn’t believe what he’s saying, just throwing out occasional one sentence comments to keep us stirred up.

      • Sardonicuss

        I swear he is strictly copy / paste. I have seen identical, line by line, trollage before. There must be a Treyvon pdf somewhere. Probably a whole sub reddit.

    • Skwerl King

      I’m going to pass on old Swirly boy there. Mostly because I have to poop.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        poop first, then swirl

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Oh, lordy, that @NRCCprinter thing would have been a perfect place for Fuckitty J Fuck McFuck to show up. Unfortunately I was not then a Wonketttoid. I regret the error…

  • I want someone to set a fake account as Sue K. A’Cox and win the bidding.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Or a fuel cell-powered stroker…

  • Indiepalin

    Also a $350 thousand bid from a Matt Stirbait

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Piker. Probably blew all his cash on that 55 gal drum of lube…

      • BadKitty904

        Him and Seymour Butts.

    • therblig

      well, it IS a hand gun

  • BadKitty904

    We were just following orders.” ~ The United Gun Group

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Following orders, ordering followers, what’s the difference…

      • data_ninja

        Following orders, processing orders, shipping orders.

  • shaar dula

    What makes me really angry is that this good-for-nothing-bastard has been able to get so much mileage from murdering a common kid. The amount of support he has just creeps me out. I feel like punching something in impotent rage.

    • Sardonicuss

      Defense of Zimmerman, no matter how much they couch it in “he was found innocent” bullshit…is the absolute best barometer of racists that exists on the internet.

    • rosenbomb

      Yesterday I saw someone call him an “American Hero” (not here, obvs). Really, he’s your benchmark for heroism? For killing a kid and then continuing to be a racist, sexist shitbag on Twitter? So much ugh.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Take some solace, at least, in the fact that hotheads — by their nature — often tend to provoke their own undoing. And if it happens outside of Wonkette, the agent of his undoing won’t have to limit himself to votes, and comments will be allowed.

  • Donkey Option

    Can I just say that I love you all, the commenters of Wonkette, who are not racist or assholes, but stand up for decency? I mean, there was the one troll, and we all dealt with him until Dok banhammered him, but there was not one commenter who upfisted him, no one who agreed, no one who let him get away with his vile, racist crap. And after having been on Gawker (I know, I know,) it is just so nice to be around like-minded people who are good and entertaining and snarky as all hell. It gives me some faith in humanity again.

    • Msmlg1979

      That’s why I come here. That, and the fact I don’t have to wear pants.

      • Sardonicuss

        Pa..ants?

        • Msmlg1979

          I’m sorry I said that bad word!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            There you go, riling them up again by mentioning pants. TSK. You tease ^.^

          • Msmlg1979

            Girl, you know I only wear ballgowns and accessories .

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Pants can ride up. Ballgowns are perfect for speedy keyboarding.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            I stealing from my own material, but “ballgown” is my new word for skivvies.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Go on…

        • Msmlg1979

          Be boring in here with all of you in your bunks. ;)

          • cousin itt

            Multitasking works for me.

          • Toomush_Infer

            I’m airing mine out….

      • Blank Ron

        Ha! I knew it!

      • TheBidenator

        Pfft I wasn’t wearing pants before it was cool to not wear pants here…my arrest record proves it!

        • Msmlg1979

          Those poor arresting officers!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            oh Idk, MS….they might have enjoyed that sort of thing. I always like to see pantless dudes running about.
            Collage was weird for me, ok.

      • Parakeetist

        I drove to Pennsylvania once with no pants.

        • Msmlg1979

          As one does. Why?

          • Parakeetist

            There were beverages involved. I kinda forgot which highway goes where. Got home okay, though. Lived in NY at the time.

          • Msmlg1979

            Good times!!

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        I did a photo shoot for an art festival once wearing no pants (had on nickers and the top part of a suit and tie– very business like). I was in the middle of West 27th and Tenth Avenue on a January day in New York. Shrinkage

        • Msmlg1979

          There is never a dull moment around here.

    • eric

      Stay strictly within the hivemind or you will find yourself banhammered. Also, welcome.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Oh boo hoo. We don’t feel like getting into arguments with morons. Get over it.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Since when?

      • Donkey Option

        You mean the hivemind of not being a racist, misogynistic, violent troll? I think I’m good.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I do not think Eric was specifically speaking of this here hivemind and mommy recipe hub, but if he were, he’d be incorrect seeing as we all disagree on lots of stuff, alllll the time (see any post about Bernie, Hillary or from Pinkham, as examples).
          We’re just all thoughtful and insightful about it, for the most part.

          • eric

            Yeah, was meant to be funny. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppppsssssss…my bad I edited and fixed?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            2 minutes, penalty box, lack of dick joke!

            I think I would like to build a penalty box, for my lads. As I am building it, they can ask “What is that for?” and I shall tell them it is a penalty box.

          • ahughes798

            Would it serve as their “time-out” place? Or are your kids too old for the time-out thing? Because building a penalty box for the kids is a genius idea!

          • anwisok

            I was about to change into my not-very-secret identity and pop in to say hi. LOL

        • Sardonicuss

          Bzzzzzzzzz.

        • Doug Langley

          Yeah, yeah. Now hurry up and feed the queen.

          • Helena Handbag

            That means buy an OHJB coffee mug or some panties with teeth

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Donna Rose likes her grits!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            And glasses!

    • WhoDat

      I read that commenters posts, and I don’t find anything racist in them.

      Help me out.

      • Sardonicuss

        Zimmerman shot and killed an unarmed black child.
        Unless you are a member of Zimm’s immediate family…what reason other than being a racist is there to defend him?
        Does that help?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Hey, nice picture.

          • Sardonicuss

            Thanks! Selfie I took when the coffee got cold this morning.

        • WhoDat

          He killed a human that would have killed him if he hadn’t stopped the attack.

          • Sardonicuss

            Don’t you have a gun auction to attend to?

          • Donkey Option

            You mean the human he started by attacking? At first, I thought you were being honest, but now I realize you’re just like Swirly.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Sorta gotta know the history of the entire thing on the internets (the shifting argument to attempt to seem reasonable has a storied and well documented history)and be able to see the dogwhistles, but it was there.

        Specifically the line about doing stupid things and winning stupid prizes. Especially in a case where the guy he was defending was the one doing the stupid things, and the guy he killed still wound up with the prize.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        You mean Swirly? You sure you didn’t get downthread after Dok lovingly applied the Banhammer of Correction? Most of Swirly’s comments are gone (but not all as of 2:50 PST).

    • To be fair DO, we’ve had many many trolls over the years. Most far more entertaining than our recent couple.

      Anybody remember Nadine? Or the brazilians?

      • BloviateMe

        kkkkkk

      • nmmagyar

        No one will ever compare to Skoal Rebel

        • Right! I was always convinced he was a brilliant wonketteer in disguise.

          I am probably forgetting all the best ones due to years and wine.

      • Mayor_Quimby

        I work with a team of Brazilian programmers, they are all awesome (and unreasonably hot, guys and girls) and they use ‘kkkkkk’ in chats, always makes me laugh. They also totally enjoy life way more than Americans do, based on the random holidays they get.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          My son’s brother-in-law is Brazilian, and damn, he and everyone who came to the wedding were and are drop-dead stunning!! You can see why pasty white people go to Rio and never quite recover.

  • JoeChristmas

    An Obama troll should bid and say:”This could be my gun,” and “I’m coming to take your gun.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe George Zimmerman could set up some kind of crowdfunding site to let America know exactly how much money it will take to make him simply shut up and go away forever.

    I’m guessing there’s isn’t enough money in the world for that.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    It’s moments like this that give me a tiny sliver of hope for humanity.

  • borninatrailer

    “United Gun Group’s Non-Profit House of Murder Weapons” does have a certain je ne sais quoi.

  • Which one of those bids do you think is Donald Drumpf buying Zimmerman’s gun for his butler as a retirement gift?

    • anwisok

      He’s planning to test fire it on 5th Avenue first. though.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Look what Zim is trying to auction off now from the night of the crime.
    https://www.autominded.be/forums/uploads/monthly_10_2015/post-14-0-44141000-1444037939.jpg

    • I thought those were his everyday pair?

    • cousin itt

      Ted Nugent libel!

      • Markuserektus

        Walter White libel…

      • Are you sure it is possible to libel Ted Nugent?

    • Sardonicuss

      Hey! Confederate flag underwear!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Stars and shitstain forever!

  • TheBidenator

    Poor George Zimmerman. It’s almost as if murdering a black kid and then after exoneration spending plenty of time letting everyone you murdered a black kid and got away with it might have some small price to pay in that you’re not able to profit from selling your murder weapon….okay, I need a drink. By the end of this comment I have become depressed again.

    • Land Shark

      Poor Georgie …. he probably should have signed up for Grifting 101 at Tundra Barbie University. “Learn from the best!”

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I hear they’re going to merge with Trump Umiveristy.

        • Land Shark

          Trump Hump Tundra Barbie University!

          I’m pledging ?TX!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Eh… I kinda think of him as O.J. Simpson type. The world hates the fact that he got away with murder, and eventually there’ll be some justice divine to come in the strangest way… Say… if Zimmerman gets thrown in the clink by trying to steal his own shit or somesuch… A girl can dream, right?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        It’s a beautiful dream!

  • Sophisticated Computer User

    Maybe Zimmerman should open up crowdfunding for him to kill himself. I’d buy that for a dollar.

    • anwisok

      With votes! “Kill himself with votes,” right?

      • Sophisticated Computer User

        Sure. In this case each vote is made from a soft heavy metal and travels at the speed of sound.

        • anwisok

          We’re trying to help you avoid going the way of Swirly by running headlong into a violation of The Rules.

          • Sophisticated Computer User

            Ok, edited

          • anwisok

            Oh, creative – we like creative!

        • Cindyinencinitas

          You know, if you drop a penny from the top of the Empire State Building…

          • Sophisticated Computer User

            Nah, terminal velocity for a falling penny is less than 70 mph. It would sting if it hit you but it wouldn’t seriously harm you.

          • bupkus23

            I’m sure a silver dollar would have more momentum – wonder if that would work ( it’s been way too long since physics courses for me to do anything more than speculate ).

            Who knows, maybe even a Susan B.

          • Sophisticated Computer User

            Nah. That still wouldn’t work. Maybe if it were shaped like a dart or something and had fins to assure that the smallest area possible makes the impact. But think about it, if you drop a bullet from the Empire State Building, it is nowhere near the ammount energy as firing it from a gun.

          • Incoming Ham

            There would be something really satisfying if someone dropped a Susan B and it hit the Malignant Sweet Potato on the head.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Of course it is with votes! We all know the rules for radicals by heart.

        • SK

          Oh.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Tsk, study study study or bonk bonk on the head (with votes), bad kids.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            If you snitch, I’ll …….

          • Kavefish

            a snitch in time saves a millimeter nine?

        • thepoliticalcat

          Hey! I just finished reading that book!

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Oh yeah, votes. Votes. For sure.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Well, we know shame doesn’t seem to be working.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I think he should offer to have his feet shot at for a fee while we yell Dance, monkey boy, dance!

      • Sophisticated Computer User

        I’m fine with that as long as I don’t have to use a crappy kel-tec pistol to do it.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I’m an unsophisticated computer user. Could you come over and fix my wifi or the router or whatever the fuck makes this thing blow up at random inter

      • Sophisticated Computer User

        Lol

      • Incoming Ham

        Dad?

    • doktorzoom

      Please review the rules. No wishes for death or maiming, not even for this asshat. Completely hyperbolic nonsense might be OK, like a previous commenter’s suggestion involving Zimmerman, a wolverine, and Z’s nutsack. But for the most part, we want to not sink to wishing death on anyone.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • Sophisticated Computer User

        Fine, then may he wind up like Roy Bryant and live to the ripe old age of 120. May satan himself, joyfully tickle his soul all eternity in the fiery pit after he -as all people must and is inevitable- expires for nondescript purposes. May I be there to gleefully watch and drink deeply from the goblet of his emotional suffering and anguish. May he never bear offspring or ever again know a pleasant caress till the day he passes on.

        • doktorzoom

          See, that’s how to do it! Money for nothing and your clicks for free!

          • Sophisticated Computer User

            Ok, as I respond from my dashboard.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Sometimes all you can do to get through the day is mock and do so mercilessly. Thank you Wonkette for being a haven for the twisted, but still sane and decent.

    • Helena Handbag

      And the indecent, don’t forget the indecent.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Decent of you to think us indecent types.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Sane. Love it…

      • snark-lurker

        Snerker don’t know how to upvote so we made a WAG. Didyou git 1!

    • Paganish

      “We wil never be, never be
      Anything but loud & nitty-gritty
      Dirty Little Freaks!”

      Please don’t hurt me.

      • thepoliticalcat

        Why not? No, I mean, srsly. Give us a good reason.

    • snark-lurker

      Sane? SANE?!?! WAHAHAHA!!! All show you sane…

      …turns & moons a cop & screams, “You wanna piece-a-me, pig?”

    • Incoming Ham

      Sane is one of those words that can be applied very loosely around here.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Is That OUR ‘Weedlord BonerHitler?’

    They grow up so fast.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I miss him! We had a lot of fun.

      • thepoliticalcat

        *cough*

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Hi!!!!!! Kisses!!! On your mouth!!!

  • Malmborg Implano

    It’s always so nice to see internet trolls working for good and not evil.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Maybe they’ll finally leave their bridges.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Whatever happened to old Boney?

    • nmmagyar

      Got a job?

      • thepoliticalcat

        Oh, fuck to the no. Not yet, anyway. Unless you mean gig. I did get one.

      • snark-lurker

        wtf R! Zimmfuk & oj doing to be not homeless?

    • thepoliticalcat

      I HEARD THAT.

  • Gorillionaire

    “Of course your voting for Bernie, God forbid your lazy ass having to work” said an idiot bidding on a gun to benefit a man who apparently hasn’t had a job in years.

  • Mick_Pearson

    Carl Spackler saw GeeZee’s selfie floating in a pool all by his lonesome and said, “That ain’t no Baby Ruth! ”

  • thepoliticalcat

    Wut? A person’s gotta do wut a person’s gotta do, y’all.

  • thepoliticalcat

    Oh, SURE, Dok. Deny me my moment in the sun, why don’tchu?

    • jmk

      That WAS you?

      • thepoliticalcat

        I NEVER SAID THAT! *flees*

        • jmk

          Come baaaack!! Come baaaaack!!! Waiiiit!! I was gonna make espresso!!

          • thepoliticalcat

            *holds out cup* Oh, wait, no, I can’t have that. I just peeled myself off the ceiling.

          • The Witch of Endor

            If I could, I would kiss your feet. And not in a creepy way, I swear!

          • jmk

            It’s here if you want it… or I can add a quart of milk to it and call it a latte if you’d prefer.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Joke’s on you, suckers. I bought the gun off George a couple months ago. He’s grifting his own kind now. I gave him the idea. Suck it!

    • Incoming Ham

      That is a good point – how does the Interwebs know this is THE gun? Some schmuck is going to buy it and find that the numbers have been filed off.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    I’ve been having some rough times lately, and I’m going to have to part with my prize possession, handed down from my great great grand uncle. What am I bid for Lizzie Borden’s ax, ladies and gentlemen? Shall we start the bidding at, say, $250,000?

    • CapnFatback

      I’ll give your father 251.

      • Okely D’Oprah

        You wacks poetic.

    • snark-lurker

      Was it ever found? Hered once it was found in the crapper pit.

  • The Witch of Endor

    A. The correct spelling of the contraction for “you all” is “y’all”. If you’re not southern and you use “Yall”, “Ya’ll” or anything other than y’all, true southerners will know and laugh at you (discretely, we *are* polite).

    2. Every time I see “Kel-tek” I read it as K-tel and wonder what horrible musician/compilation is going to be foisted off on me. STOP IT!

    V. I heart internet trolls who use their powers for good.

    3(a). The only troll name I would really like to see improved upon would be Racist Mcshootface. I submit that Racist Mcshootieface adds just the right amount of whimsy to make the fact that this motherfucking auction is legally allowed to happen somewhat bearable.

    99th. Fuck George Zimmerman and everybody who looks like him!

    • thepoliticalcat

      I really wish he’d picked Shooty McShootface, y’all.

      • The Witch of Endor

        Upvoted to infinity.

      • malsperanza

        I like Racist McHateface

        also Bigot McBigfuck

        But really there are so many possibilities.

        • Courser

          I like Bigot McBugfuck. Puts a whole different spin on it…

      • Incoming Ham

        I salute you sir, and the new pseudonym you rode in on.

      • starfanglednut

        Z?!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Welllll A. Yes “y’all” is correct, but everyone I knew for 20+ years in Texas spelled it “ya’ll”, maybe because it looks more like “we’ll”.
      More funnier, also too, was “Ya’ll’re” as in “Ya’ll’re ’bout tuh git on mah last nerve”

      • The Witch of Endor

        LOL! I didn’t know about “Ya’ll’re”.

      • cynmac

        “All y’all” also too. Very emphatic, as they say is the Shire.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Is “as they say in the Shire” on the comeback? I kinda gave up on it a month ago, but I’ll gladly take it back up, especially if Evan finds a new brilliant turn of phrase to tie it to.

  • edith prickly

    Weedlord Bonerhitler, the trolls’ troll!! Good times. And I just realized I’ve been hanging around here a lot longer than i thought.

  • NoGoodnik

    I think all the bids are from trolls.

    • Frank Underboob

      I think that’s a safe bet, yes.

  • OneDemin EOr

    Another alias in the list above: Jonathan Pollard. Former U.S. intelligence officer, turned spy for Israel.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/21/world/jonathan-pollard-released.html?_r=0

  • NoGoodnik

    A small modicum of justice. The InterWebz ain’t going to let his online life be anything less than trolled.

    • Sakonyachen

      The best part of that is, the death threats will be next to non-existent. Just endless jokes and lectures. No martyrdom to solidify his relevance.

      • NoGoodnik

        A lifetime of being the butt of InterWebz jokes and seeing himself pop-up in unexpected places in damning memes. Although, he is psychopath enough not to be bothered by them, except for the inconvenience that might be caused.

  • URQ196

    George should load his gun and then clean it, the aftermath would increase the bidding on the gun.

    • I’ve been trying to think of a way to say that within the comment parameters. Well-played indeed, sir.

    • elpinche

      George the racist cyclops should take the safety off when he muzzlebang’s his anus.

      • URQ196

        Wow, thass cold, err, I meant accurate, he lost all credibility when he disobeyed the police department and continued his pursuit of his victim.

      • doktorzoom

        Also over the line

    • doktorzoom

      Please review the rules. No, wishing for death by a negligent shooting isn’t acceptable either

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • URQ196

        K, thanks Dok.

  • What if every Florida man tried to auction the gun they murdered someone with?

    • Sakonyachen

      It’s only valuable if you shoot unarmed black teenagers in their own neighborhood. Most Florida mans are probably holding up bath salt trucks or Walgreens for cold medicine I would assume. Even if they are young and black they are still at work, so the delicious racism isn’t really applicable.

  • George Zimmerman: painter, auctioneer, murderer. A true Renaissance Man.

    • Lu

      Yeah…a real National Treasure…..

      -_-

      • Frank Underboob

        Yeah…a real National Treasure…..

        So… He should be locked up in an airtight glass case full of nitrogen?

        • Lu

          Maybe better in a landfill somewhere…..

          #Trash.
          -_-

          • John Smith

            A landfill in a couple of places, for preference.

        • I’d say if he’s a treasure, bury him…but if you fill that case full of hydrogen, you have my support.

          • Frank Underboob

            I promise you that nitrogen works just as well as votes.

        • Be Gin

          i would have settled for just locking him up.

          • Frank Underboob

            I would’ve too, but the jury felt differently.

  • malsperanza

    As Son of Baldwin noted yesterday on the FB, what Zimmerman is doing is the modern equivalent of a lynching postcard.

    After you’ve committed the crime, mock and
    humiliate the victim and harass his family. If you also make some money, well and good, but that’s not the main aim.

    • TheBoatDude

      Lynching postcard?

      • Jenny

        The Googles has the images. I won’t post them, but yes postcards detailing the date and time of the lynching.

        The writing to other people usually said something like: you missed our last barbeque, or we lynched another one. Sorry you missed it.

        Very callous shit.

        • TheBoatDude

          Fucking hell…

      • malsperanza

        Photos of lynchings were made into postcards and sold as souvenirs. They were quite popular. You can google it.

        • TheBoatDude

          Oh, fuck me…thanks for the education, but I’ll probably not google that as I’m on a work computer…

  • Randy Riddle

    Raw Story reported that PharmaBro offered to buy the gun as a “reminder of racism”. If Afluenza teen, James O’Keefe, and the Republicans in the NC legislature were also involved in this story, it would be the perfect nexus of douchebaggery.

    • Lu

      “Egregious Douchebaggery”, I once read elsewhere about the so-called ‘pharmabro’…..

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      FFS, why won’t Skreli just STFU? He’s not helping, either this fucktussle or his own image, that hoofwanking cuntbungler.

      • Incoming Ham

        I have learned new words. Thanks!

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          And you’re learning them in the same place I learned them.

    • Parakeetist

      The universe might explode.

  • Randy Riddle

    So … who’s going to register at the site as “Reagan McGobblecocks”?

    • Lu

      There was a guy I once saw named “Dicky McStroke-A-Cock”…..

      • Zyxomma

        Pat McGroin.

        • Lu

          Haha…..

  • medcannabis1

    a pox upon all their houses….. ASSHOLE….

  • Nezrite

    Is Ali Safaoul pronounced “all ya’s a fool”?

  • Jgb979
  • CripesAmighty

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Haven’t seen Weedlord ’round here in a while. Good to see he’s still got game.

  • bluicebank

    I can’t decide if the bidding trolls came from here, or simply were inspired by MST3K.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY

    • mailman27

      Gristle McThornbody? I know that dude!

    • phoenix00

      We Put Our Faith In Blast Hardcheese

    • mancityfooty .

      Big McLargehuge

    • limberrat

      BOB JOHNSON!

  • elpinche

    When is the sack of shit going to go full cyclops?

  • TeeRaak

    At least the winner wasn’t named
    John Whoremonger Toilet Boy Baron Miller
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/xT0BKvU0ZFJGGubOAU/200w_d.gif
    Trump? Never heard of him. They call me !!!!!!John John John!!!!!

  • I read that the article on death and taxes when I saw WeedLordBonerHitler. I shed tear of joy and pride.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Yeah. That doesn’t play into someone’s narrative very well, does it…

      #BLM

  • Blackest Noobs

    George just keeps on amazing me. I betcha he’s very adored by the wife/gf-beating shoot 1st crowd. Zimmerman is such a fine upstanding human being; we all ought to emulate his example by feigning fear which WILL justify the stalking and the cold blooded murderizing with our cheapo pistol. just like George.

    Zimmerman, the poster boy for the Right Wing.

    • MyLovelyNose

      The only consolation is that no one would mistake him for a ruffty-tuffty all-sweat-and-gritted-teeth Rambo Hero type. THIS is their poster boy for self-defense: a fat, squatty Latin-colored beady-eyed gnome with several incidents in his background.

  • URQ196

    How come this looser isn’t in prison or dead? He disobeyed a police order to disengage and continued to harass his murder victim, bad shoot Zimmerman, murderer.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Because Florida.

  • SeeTrain65

    “United Gun Group is a free service, we are not being compensated for allowing members to utilize our system.”

    No, you’re just acting as a go-between, facilitating the auction of deadly firearms among a group of maniacal ammosexuals. Fucking spare me your bullshit.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    If I could get away with it, there is one final thing I’d like to do to G Zimmerman.

    • Belasaurius

      Now how does this not get deleted like my comment? I’m assuming the one final thing does not imply a blow job

      • doktorzoom

        Yours got flagged for review; I didn’t see this one until I came to the thread to update it.

    • doktorzoom

      Sigh. That sounds plenty like a threat or a wish for violence. Please review the rules.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Thank you. I was pissed.

  • Jukesgrrl

    What happened to “our” Weedlord Bonerhitler? I haven’t seen him around for awhile. I know he had another name before that but I don’t remember what it was. Maybe he got a new moniker?

  • Aleisha Capps

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