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A true work of naive American art and his painting

George Zimmerman misses us. He misses us so much, he is taking time off from getting arrested so many times for domestic violence to announce that he’s auctioning off to the highest bigot the marvelous Freedom Stick he used to kill a child. And while he’s making our heads go extra ‘splodey, he is also reminding us he is a hero, and he will use the proceeds from said weapon to “fight BLM” (he means Black Lives Matter folks, not the people who watch over the birds and feed Cliven Bundy’s emaciated Auschwitz cows) and stop Hillary Clinton from grabbing all the guns.

Let us read, from his keyboard to God’s ears, the words of the one and only George Zimmerman. (They are very stupid words, but that doesn’t mean they won’t FUCKING ENRAGE YOU.)

Prospective bidders, I am honored and humbled to announce the sale of an American Firearm Icon. The firearm for sale is the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin on 2/26/2012. The gun is a Kel-Tec PF-9 9mm. It has recently been returned to me by the Department of Justice. The pistol currently has the case number written on it in silver permanent marker. Many have expressed interest in owning and displaying the firearm including The Smithsonian Museum in Washington D.C. This is a piece of American History. It has been featured in several publications and in current University text books. Offers to purchase the Firearm have been received; however, the offers were to use the gun in a fashion I did not feel comfortable with. The firearm is fully functional as the attempts by the Department of Justice on behalf of B. Hussein Obama to render the firearm inoperable were thwarted by my phenomenal Defense Attorney. I recognize the purchaser’s ownership and right to do with the firearm as they wish. The purchaser is guaranteed validity and authenticity of the firearm. On this day, 5/11/2016 exactly one year after the shooting attempt to end my life by BLM sympathizer Matthew Apperson I am proud to announce that a portion of the proceeds will be used to: fight BLM violence against Law Enforcement officers, ensure the demise of Angela Correy’s persecution career and Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric. Now is your opportunity to own a piece of American History. Good Luck. Your friend, George M. Zimmerman ~Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum~

(Our bold.)

We looked up that last bit, and it means “If you want peace, prepare for war.” We are just going to guess that that phrase is popular with Nazis. Also, that Matthew Apperson fella is someone with whom Zimmerman has had trouble quashing his beefs. (They were road rage beefs, because George Zimmerman loves to road rage almost as much as he loves shooting children.)

But let’s back up to that Black Lives Matter killing everyone part, and their “violence against Law Enforcement officers.” Would it surprise you to learn that it is in fact white men who are killing all the police this year? White men are killing so many cops — cop deaths are up 57 percent over this time last year — that they’re actually outperforming their demographic! Seventy-one percent of cop killings this year were by white men, where whites make up only 63 percent of the population. Good job white dudes! Way to go out with a bang!

Anyway, George Zimmerman hates Black Lives Matter because they are very violent and might even kill someone if they are not careful, and the only person who should be killing everyone is George Zimmerman, because he loves murder. Buy his gun — there’s a $5000 reserve — if you want to. Use it to make a nice lamp, maybe, and keep George Zimmerman from standing his ground on another child’s dead body.

[Mediaite / gun auction website]

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  • The Wanderer

    If I could, I’d buy the gun, no matter how high the price goes.
    Just to post a YouTube video of my chopping it into small pieces.

  • Spotts1701

    Does it come with a certificate of authenticity? I don’t want to be buying some phony gun that wasn’t used to kill a kid.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Hey you can always make it authentic by shooting a kid yourself. Can’t use that trick with a forged Rembrandt.

      • Blank Ron

        The only way to stop a bad guy with an Old Master is…

  • Murder Capitalism: Stand Your Ground, shoot and kill an innocent black kid, and sell the gun.

    Funny behavior for people who “don’t want to give up their guns and their 2nd Amendment rights,” but they will sell those very same guns when they are used to murder blacks. I guess black lives matter when those lives are snuffed out for capitalism.

  • Mimihaha

    I’ll give him $5 for it. No wait, no I won’t.

    Douchebag.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    ” I don’t want to admit this guy proves I don’t exist, but I understand if you have questions.”

    — Karma

    • SmokinGood

      There’s still plenty of time for ol’ George to invest all his shiny new cash in a Can’t-Lose Nigerian Florida Real Estate Deal.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and in current University text books. Offers to purchase the Firearm have been received”

    I don’t speak wingnut too well. Am I supposed to read something into the seemingly random capitalization of certain words? Is it like a substitute for bold typeface?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Firearm is a Proper noun. Like God.

      • Captain Kraut

        Here in the Vaterland, we love all nouns equally and thus capitalize them all.
        And yet most of us don’t try to capitalize on the killing of a person, poor George would be so confused.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Keep reading. He makes it lower case in the next paragraph!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    And then a giant hole in the earth’s crust opened up, Zimmerman fell in, and we never heard from him again. The End.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Would Tec Cruz wrap bacon around that particular gun?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Ah. Ted is now gone, but at least we have something to remember him by. Memories.

  • If you can’t say something that conforms to the commenting rules, just say, “Fuck the world” and have some whiskey.

  • beatbort

    This is making me have violent fantasies. And I am a non-violent person.

  • OddMan

    George Zimmerman.
    Trumpf’s choice for the head of the ATF.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Zimmerman being a true psychopath, this is not about money or attention. It is about control and manipulation…endlessly reliving the thrill of his crime, smugly taunting his detractors about the fact that he got away with it, continuing to torture and torment Trayvon’s family. There is no cure.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’m betting it’s about the money, also too. Does this douchebag even have a job?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’ve always assumed he was making decent bank from the wingnut welfare circuit.

        • bupkus23

          Too stoopid even for that…

          • Jay Vaughn

            There is no such thing as too dumb to get money from the wingnuts. Those pizza dipshits thought Gays wanted pizza at their weddings and they made a boatload.

    • onedollarjuana

      The Big Sleep usually works.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah…this guy makes me rethink my opposition to the death penalty.

    • Captain Kraut

      What about those 2nd amendment cures one hears so much about?

      With votes, I suppose.

      • Blank Ron

        High-velocity, steel-jacketed votes.

    • Jay Vaughn

      There’s one cure. Straight razor.

  • Rock Drummer

    If ever there was a U.S. citizen that should be force fed into a garbage compactor, its zimmerman. Nothing about this asshole is pleasant, just a walking putrid residue! Good riddance.

  • MsAnthropesMr
  • orygoon

    There’s no “with votes” about this guy.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Pew! Pew! Pew! HARRY REID is preventing us from making this sound !

  • I’d like to enter an elevator with this guy… and I hate elevators.

    • Blank Ron

      Two men enter…

  • Jgb979

    Ill give him $10,000 today if he shows how he murdered Trayvon Martin on himself.

    This is the action of a deeply stupid sociopath who is biologically incapable of making an honest living otherwise. He’ll blow the money within a week on unnecessary pickup truck enhancements and likely more guns. The one comfort I have is knowing He’ll continue to live in pants wetting fear the rest of his life, until he likely od’s on oxy or dies in prison after his umpteenth domestic assault charge.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Can we deport this motherfucker somewhere? I hear his mother is from Peru. We should ask if they will take him.

  • FlownOver

    FlownOver bids one boxcar load of fire ants for the seller’s poop chute – and an additional pickup load as sales commission to gunbroker.com. Both with votes, of course.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    How the fuck did they manage to find 12 jurors stupid and bigoted enough to let this monster off scot free?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      florida

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The prosecutor was woefully inept and utterly tanked the entire thing. Pretty sure I remember the Jury members going “if they had just done a different crime, yadda yadda yadda”

      Edit: Done as in charged him with. Early yet, caffeine not quite kicked in

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        not inept, the fix was in

    • Major_Major_Major

      SAdly, Florida, and it’s FUBAR stand-yer-ground law. Kinda like this, but wtih “THUGS!!!11!!!” and “ILL EAGLES!!!11!!!”
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt6kKhlX8vU

    • CalvinianChoice

      Forget it Jake. It’s Florida.

    • Doug Langley

      A couple of jurors wanted to convict, but were bullied into going along with the others.

    • Bill Slider

      It’s Florida, for one. But, finding people who are afraid of today’s teenagers is likely easy. Finding people afraid of black teenagers would be even easier.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    fuck this animal

    • Paganish

      Animal libelz!

  • ltmcdies

    hadn’t got his name in the news for a while? Short of cash?

    Whichever it is I’m sure he will sell it for much coin as some sick fuck would pay a great deal to own the piece that struck a blow for racist douchebags everywhere.

    ugh.

  • FauxAntocles

    Wow, this is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read.

    • eddi

      Today at least.

      • Nockular cavity

        This morning.

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        The RWNJs always keep stretching for that new low.

        • Blank Ron

          And they’re REALLY good at achieving it.

  • HereKitty

    Any guesses regarding what George Zimmerman would consider an appropriate lampshade for this theoretical gun lamp? Because I have a little theory …

    • PubOption

      That would likely be too dark to work well.

  • The Witch of Endor

    I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that the Smithsonian wanted the gun. I know, “America’s Attic”, but still.

    • ltmcdies

      they are saying that’s a rumor..they never wanted it

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I know he’s never lied before, but I would be astonished if this were true.

      • eddi

        They have other infamous weapons in their collection. For good or evil, that gun is a piece of modern history. It sparked a social movement and called attention to the fact we have not advanced on civil rights as much as anybody hoped.

        • FlownOver

          Clarification: we have advanced on civil rights exactly as much as, or even a bit more than, some people hoped. [I’m looking at you, Shortfingers]

          • eddi

            sigh.?

        • malsperanza

          It’s not really a piece of history; it’s just evidence in a murder trial. Those are a dime a dozen.

    • Hutch

      I call whaleshit!

    • malsperanza

      He made that up. He is delusional.

  • Hey Zimmerman…?

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Homo homini lupus est.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Pedicabo lupus in aurem Gallus. (Any inaccuracies are purely due to google translate)

      • NoGoodnik

        Your meaning is clear.

    • Blank Ron

      You mean close-knit family groups, mutual care and assistance, collective child-rearing and a preference for quietude?

  • proudgrampa

    George, go fuck yourself.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Can we bid with dildos?

    • He can fuck himself with Wynonna Earp’s Peacemaker and send himself back to Hell with one big money shot.

  • Lizzietish81

    Tacky isn’t a strong enough word…but it’s a start.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq7Eki5EZ8o&list=RDMMWtV2avo9v8c&index=13

    • NoGoodnik

      Love that song!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Hey Zimmerman, photoshopping words onto a stock photo does not a painting make.

    • NoGoodnik

      Did you notice, he wrote “one nation” under “God” on it. That makes it art.

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • Look Closer

      Every time I see GZ, I feel that way. I would love Karma to visit that son of a bitch soon!

  • Look Closer

    Karma! Where are you now?

    • NoGoodnik

      I think Zimmerman is saving up to buy something big and extra special.

      • Blank Ron

        Should we warn his neighbours to move out of the blast radius?

  • Lizzietish81

    He’s out OJing OJ Simpson.

  • Lizzietish81

    So what is the legality of this?

    • eddi

      Totally legal. This is how people buy guns from Internet dealers. After the sale it will be shipped to a FFL (Federal Firearms License) dealer chosen by the new owner who will run the background check. And if the new owner has a FFL he has already passed that check.

  • MrBlobfish

    Is bold the new ALLCAPS?

  • Oblios_Cap

    No sense of sense-awareness or shame, eh George? Sadly, someone will pay good money to own this “piece of history”. I doubt any of it will be used for anything other than lining Zimmerman’s pockets.

    • Look Closer

      He learned how to grift by the best. Trump, Palin, Cotton, Huckabee, et al.

  • Jenny

    Blah blah blah I’m broke and need to pay bills. Buy my gun!! Freeeedumbs!

  • Indiepalin

    It is being reported that the high bid belongs to someone named Mannlicher Carcano of Dallas, Texas.

    • Doug Langley

      Dallas? Where is my sense of surprise?

    • MrBlobfish

      Man licker?

      • hollydturner

        Lyncher?

    • Doug Langley

      Just noticed the name. Damn, my head’s so fuzzy this early in the morning. (I’m a late riser.)

    • Sardonicuss

      Hah! Is that real? Like the “Manlicher Carcano” rifle that shot Kennedy in Dallas right?
      If not- sorry to step on your joke.
      It’s just that I could totally see some douche bag, racist wannabe kid killer, gun buyer using a name like that.
      Which is pretty sad commentary in itself.

    • Little Lulu

      Mention of the Mannlicher makes me think of Hemingway’s The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber, wherein Macomber’s wife “accidentally” shoots her husband with a Mannlicher. Oh, yeah – spoiler alert!

  • shastakoala

    Wonder how much the sidewalk is going for?

  • MrBlobfish

    The B. Hussein Obama is a classy touch.

    • eddi

      They just cannot get past him.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, blah. Only thing they see, and they’re blind to anything else about him.

    • Hutch

      I don’t hear anything, but my two dogs think they hear a high-pitched whistle.

    • Vienna Woods

      I thought that I wouldn’t be the first to pick up on that.

    • BearGHAZI

      To B. Hussein or not to B. Hussein?

  • MrBlobfish

    Any truth to the rumour he’s donating the proceeds to the Trump campaign?

    • Blank Ron

      I JUST THIS SECOND read that on the Internets! It MUST BE TRUE!!!1!

  • dslindc

    I want to projectile rage vomit on all the things right now. George Zimmerman is trash and should be in jail.

    • hollydturner

      Prison! He should be in PRISON! Jail isn’t a bad enough place for him. He should be in 24 hour isolation being fed bread and water and the water should be coming from Flint taps and the bread from wheat grown on Chernobyl soil.

      • Michelle Singleton

        A Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison…

        • doktorzoom

          Hi, we don’t do prison rape jokes here! Please review the rules. We don’t want rape to happen to anyone, not even terrible people like George Zimmerman.

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • hollydturner

    If I didn’t know better I’d think this was the work of The Onion. Fact is always stranger but this is fucking lunatic fringe to the absolute extreme. What the fucking FUCK kids?

  • Joshua Norton

    They are not even trying to hide it any more. The entire defense of of Zimmerman on the right boils down to, “If we don’t have the right to shoot ‘those people’ on sight, what rights do we have?”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Drumpf is the leader of this mob, and he’s the guy who stated, on the record, he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and the mob would not object, they’d only love him more.

      • malsperanza

        And he has a long history of hating black teenagers.

  • rosenbomb

    Why can’t he publish a terrible book like a common Palin? Really though, this makes me feel ill, and I can’t imagine how Trayvon’s family feels right now.

    • Look Closer

      It appears that right wing nuts are trying to outdo themselves with the lowest of the low. I wish they all would fall off the face of the earth!

    • ibwilliamsi

      He can’t read or write.

      • rosenbomb

        One of the commenters on Mediate was talking about what a great writer he is, PFFT

        • bupkus23

          As it is, I suspect that ad text was ghost-written

      • blondeiq

        Book learnin’s for them uppity types.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Would it kill him to get a job? Hopefully this is the last thing of any value he has to sell.

    • NoGoodnik

      Who the fuck would hire him? You’d be constantly worried that he would come to work on a shooting rampage.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Prezactly. George has rage issues…he should not be allowed anywhere near a firearm at any time. He’s questionable for owning and operating a motor vehicle, which he’s liable to turn into a weapon at any time, depending on what “that other guy” may have done to him.

      • Walter Wellstone

        Worse… His employer would worry that other employees will go medieval on his ass.

      • ibwilliamsi

        That kind of puts the lie to the idea that a majority of people support the idea that he was only defending himself – as anyone with a brain knew all along.

  • Jay Vaughn

    You know why he’s selling it? Looking at bullets makes him feel “small” since he’s not even packing a .22 down there.

  • CapnFatback

    This is clearly the act of a sane and non-desperate man, whose every single brilliant and valiant public action since his courageous murder of an unarmed child has only proven how capable he was to be handing this gun in the first place.

    Now it’s time to give another hero a turn, as whosoever would buy this gun will clearly be coming from the same thoughtful, noble stock as Zimmerman himself.

    • bupkus23

      Ted Nugent?

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Suurrrrrrre the Smithsonian wanted that gun. Zimmerman is so full of shit he makes the local sewage treatment plant look like an OR. I’m also sure that the Justice department was truly thwarted by Big Z’s fly-by-night public defender – since the JD doesn’t do any such things to evidence in its possession. Lying liar lies so many goddamn fucking lies. What A Asshole. May you drown in your own bullshit, ZImmerman. With votes.

  • Belasaurius

    I bid one nickel to piss on it

    • lroom

      How much to piss on him cause I’d pay for that.

      • MarkM

        I would prefer to excrete something more solid on him myself…

        • lroom

          Good point.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Welp, time to start my weekend drinking a day early. What a horrible person. I mean, ugly bag of mostly water.

    • NoGoodnik

      I sure hope he pisses himself dry, then.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Before I respond to this one, I need to recite the Commenting Rules for Radicals like a mantra.

    • Hutch

      IKR? My feelings are: hp h ds slw nd pnfll dth!

  • Joel Dent

    Times like these I have to strongly remind myself of the rules for commenting radicals. Let’s just say that all of the things I’m thinking of saying are against said rules and leave it there.

  • lroom

    These people make me sick.

    • MarkM

      Human libelz!

      • Look Closer

        Are we sure they are human?

  • CapnFatback

    It would be a more effective auction if Zimmerman threw in the legislators who developed and passed Florida’s Stand Your Ground laws. That way, people from all fifty states could reenact Trayvon Martin’s murder with the actual gun and the same confidence that they, too, will get away scott free!

  • gullywompr

    So I guess selling his paintings didn’t work out.

    You know who ELSE was a failed painter?

    • Randy Riddle

      Dubya.

    • Belasaurius

      Marge Simpson? Although Ringo liked her work

    • Hutch

      Count Screwloose from Tooloose?

    • mrpuma2u

      Some flunked out from architecture school Austrian corporal?

      • Blank Ron

        We always figured Gustaf wouldn’t make it to graduation.
        Oh, wait, you mean the short one.

  • Vienna Woods

    “B. Hussein Obama” Nice touch, dickwad.

  • AnOuthouse

    “I recognize the purchaser’s ownership and right to do with the firearm as they wish.”

    I have a wish to do something with it. I’d tell you but its against the rules.

  • NoGoodnik

    It’s been four years, and Zimmerman still infuriates me. He deliberately sought a violent confrontation with an unsuspecting individual while armed and against the direct order of the dispatcher he was talking to. And, this mo’fo’ isn’t guilty of premeditated murder? Fucking psychopath.

    • Look Closer

      The jury sure did a disservice to society. This guy clearly needs to be put behind bars to stay for a very, very long time!

      • NoGoodnik

        With any luck that’s where he’ll end up, hopefully, without killing someone else first.

  • Randy Riddle

    When he auctions off his penis substitute, what will he have left?

    • MarkM

      The same as that fucking worthless piece of shit had to start with. Nothing.

  • OddMan

    Had a look at the auction site at 8:03 AM Pacific and the gun is no longer available, not sure if it sold already or they pulled it.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    I fail to understand the passionate hate for Mr. Zimmerman, or for his decision to sell this firearm. He was guilty of no crime, and has waited a very long time to have his legally owned property returned to him.

    Rather than castigating him for selling something he has every right to sell, we should be up in arms over the fact that it took 3 YEARS for it to be returned to him. There is no excuse for such a delay, other than to punish him for having the temerity to defend himself against the charges leveled at him, and thereby bringing negative publicity to the state of Florida. My belief is that he may have grounds to sue the State and County for depriving him of his property without cause.

    • Look Closer

      You might want to go to Breitbart.com and spew that bullshit.

      • Hutch

        It’s okay. PL is just being incredibly sarcastic.

        • Look Closer

          I sure hope so! I guess I’m not in the mood for jokes after reading this hideous story!

        • NoGoodnik

          I think he fumbled the sarcasm ball there. That shit ain’t funny.

        • bupkus23

          As it is, when I read “3 YEARS delay” bit, the whole “civil forfeiture” mess came to mind. I’m pretty sure that President Obama recently toughened the rule for application of federal civil forfeiture, but I think Florida ( and other states ) still have some pretty broad rules and lax oversight – who knows, Zimmerman may have lost that gun for good!

      • Sardonicuss

        Actually, today can you find sincere comments just like that over at Hulker.

    • MarkM

      I was rapidly ascending into full out rage mode until I saw who the poster was.
      You did that very well. Phew! Blood pressure declining…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Poe’s Law in action, people.

      • The Witch of Endor

        Thanks for clearing that up. I thought maybe PL’s disqus account had been hijacked.

      • Roadstergal

        The very definition of it, for me.

    • He should sue for the emotional distress for when the government was threatening to permanently disable his beloved gun.

      Can you just imagine the anguish he felt?

    • Blank Ron

      I knew this was a finely-crafted piece of sarcasm for two reasons:
      a) I know you from your work here.
      b) anyone actually spouting such an argument wouldn’t be so articulate.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Every time I do a post like this, I expect it to fall flat because it’s, well, kinda my “thing,” and I’m fairly prolific here. And, every single time, somebody grabs the hook and sets it deep in their jaw. *chuckle*

  • Tovarish Z

    Well, I hope he isn’t planning on selling to anyone outside of Florida (or whatever state he is in) because federal legislation governing the interstate trade of guns is pretty strict.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I hope he does so he ends up in the fucking slammer.

  • Ilgattomorte

    As enraging as his statement is, I’m just glad that an innocent gun was saved from virtual castration by the Justice Department and B. Hussein Obama. Especially this gun, which is almost an American monument or maybe even the 8th wonder of the world.

    So we can rejoice that another gun was saved, for we must never forget that guns have rights and that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Also, a rolling gun gathers no moss, unless you put your gun to the grindstone (which would be bad for the balance). But, a gun in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless the guns in the bush are high-caliber fully automatic and you are just carrying a .22 like a little fairy.

    So, always put your best gun forward, and remember, if you love someone, give them a gun. If they shoot you and run away then maybe it was never meant to be.

    • mrpuma2u

      Bravo sir. We must not blame the gun, but rather all the skittle brandishing thugs that force real patriots to stand their ground.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Guns are people, my friend.

      • Blank Ron

        Does that mean they can vote now? Drumpf’s chances in the general just went WAY up.

      • At the corner, turn left

        Hey, now. Careful. Guns don’t kill people, people, even toddlers, with guns kill people.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Unfortunately, your statement is too true to be snark. Ammosexuals line up outside gun buyback programs and offer to buy the guns from those turning them in so good decent guns that have never done anything wrong are not inhumanely destroyed.

  • The fact this asshole has been able to build some kind of money making career out of the fact her murdered a kid may be the best evidence the end times are near.

    Is there still room on that Kentucky Ark?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, this is a sign of how desperate he is for cash. He’s selling off his beloved dick of death.

      • NoGoodnik

        Every silver lining has a dark center, eh?

  • Sardonicuss

    In all my many years on the intertubes, I never saw the like of scum and garbage that came to comment section’s everywhere when this child killer was let off.
    His defender’s would descend on every post about the case in droves to engage in novelette length arguments explaining his “innocence” and drag up the most ridiculous crap about Trevyon the “thug”.
    I knew, since the first day Obama took the oath, that this country was a seething cesspool of bigotry: This case made it overflow.
    This POS walking free, much less being able to sell the weapon he used to kill a kid, is soul crushingly disgusting.

    • And it’s still happening. Someone on FacePage (luckily no one I knew directly) was defending the gun auction on the basis that of course because poor Zimmerman was bullied so badly by the media he’d do something like this.

      Thankfully it was a much needed reaffirming of my “preemptively blocking assholes” policy.

    • malsperanza

      Let’s add a kind word for the people who are bidding on it. Because they want to own a famous gun that actually killed a kid.

      • Captain Kraut

        What else should they do? Most of the other guns used to kill kids of color are still in active law enforcement use, after all.

    • clubseal

      “Soul crushingly disgusting” should replace E Pluribus Unum on our currency.

  • Pickwicknext

    Well. I’m already done with today. And I’m still in bed. Thanks America!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    There is scum, there is pond scum, there is disgusting pond scum, and there is George Zimmerman.

    • bupkus23

      Your opinion of him is still not low enough. Wise up!

  • Donna Schoenkopf

    I absolutely, totally LOVE this piece. Here’s another statistic: 965 people killed by cops in 2015 vs. 24 cops killed by civilians. And that’s nation – wide.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Um, is this Donna Rose’s gramma?

    • Look Closer

      ‘Murika. The land of the idiots!

    • MarkM

      He’s coming right for us! And he has a (pick one) cell phone, wallet, pellet gun, bag of Skittles…

    • Joshua Norton

      Good morning Mrs. Schoenkopf. You’re certainly looking lovely today.

      /Eddie Haskell

    • Blank Ron

      24? Clearly the nation’s civilians are OUT OF CONTROL!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Clearly, we need Jack Bauer.

    • Captain Kraut

      Quite. Would anyone wager a guess why there were only 10* people killed by cops in Germany, a nation of 80+ million inhabitants? Could there be another factor that accounts for the weird coincidence that the US’ rate isn’t thrice ours, but nearly a hundred times more?

      I’m bad at math.

      *2010 numbers

  • At the corner, turn left

    “Offers to purchase the Firearm have been received; however, the offers
    were to use the gun in a fashion I did not feel comfortable with.” WTF? What could he possibly not feel comfortable with? Somebody wanted to buy it to jam up his ass and fire off a clip or three?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They were going to melt it down and turn it into a doorstop, instead of worshiping it at the instrument that put that skittles wielding thug to a well deserved death.

    • Look Closer

      Probably! Hopefully, there are more sane people in this country than it appears at this time!

    • MarkM

      I’d chip in to help someone realize THAT dream…

      • Celtic_Gnome

        While a noble effort, the end result is Georgie Porgie still ends up enriched in the process.

    • Jennaratrix

      They probably said they were going to destroy it. He wants to sell it to someone who will continue to use it to murder people.

      • At the corner, turn left

        Of course not just any people, but unarmed, candy brandishing black kids, ‘specially if they’re wearin’ hoodies.

      • Hardly Ideal

        I don’t want to destroy it, just drill holes through the slide and barrel to drive nails through. You’d still recognize it as a gun!

  • Enfant Terrible

    “Remember me? I killed a kid – in self-defense! (wink, wink) But since not everyone knows who I am or what I did, I carry American Express. Don’t leave home without it!”

    Don’t leave home without your kevlar vest, Zimmerman.

  • Belasaurius
    • thewitchqueen74

      Faith in humanity temporarily restored.

      • Belasaurius

        my guess, because I’m deeply cynical, is that it will move to a private, non-publicized auction

      • Celtic_Gnome

        The update said another site is going to run the auction.

        • thewitchqueen74

          Faith in humanity gone….I need a drink.

  • h4rr4r

    A Kel-Tec. Of course, a no class, POS Kel-Tec.

    I get that won’t mean much to this crowd. Kel-Tec is a brand of guns that are cheap and well that is about it. They are cheap, oh yeah they also all look tacti-cool.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Looking tacti-cool is all the rage with dickless wonders like George here.

      True war story from the VDE archives: when I was in ROTC, we spent a Saturday afternoon playing soldier, toting M16A1s with blanks in the Coburg hills (we call them hills, but anywhere east of the Rockies they’d be called mountains) NE of Tracktown. We chanced upon a couple of hunters, and let them know we were in the area and they should be cautious, we were wearing Army green and thus blended into the background pretty well.

      One of them commented that our M16s sure looked like deadly weapons. Mind you these guys had bolt action hunting rifles with actual live will cause very great harm if used against you ammo, and were very impressed by our M16s with blanks…

      • h4rr4r

        Yeah, in NY state I cannot buy a normal looking AR. However my semi-auto 30-06 that looks like a hunting arm, totally legal. So scary looking gun that shoots little bullets, illegal. Not scary looking gun that does same things but with bigger bullets, totally legal.

        Mind you if you are willing to put a funny stock on an AR, then they are legal again!

        Neither of those guns accounts for any real number of deaths when you exclude suicide. Handguns are what is used in crimes. Not like you are going to be able to hide an AR in your jacket.

        • At the corner, turn left

          Yeah, they’re only used to kill about 350 people a year. What’s 350 people more or less? Peanuts! Why worry about it?

          • h4rr4r

            Compare to the number for handguns and get back to me.
            You are letting perfect be the enemy of good.

          • At the corner, turn left

            Making comparisons is bootless. The problem is that gun violence is epidemic in the US and the NRA and its toadies in the Congress don’t give a shit. BECAUSE 2ND AMENDMENT!!! Fuck guns.

          • h4rr4r

            That is not a constructive argument. To you want actual progress or just to bitch?

          • h4rr4r
          • At the corner, turn left

            It’s actually possible to run away from someone wielding a knife. Guns, not so much.

          • h4rr4r

            Which has nothing to do with statistics. Also yes you can run away from someone with a gun. Hitting something with a gun is not as easy as you think.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            I believe that that 350 is for all long guns, not specifically the ones the Assault Weapons Bans seek to ban.

        • gogobooty

          “Handguns are what is used in crimes.”

          Tell this to the woman who recently taped her murder by shotgun.

          • h4rr4r

            I have no way of communicating with the dead.
            The statistics tell us handguns are the primary firearm used in crimes.

      • Hardly Ideal

        The M16 and its brethren look deadly because they are deadly. They were made for war, which I understand involves killing human beings as quickly and efficiently as possible.

        Compare with a hunting rifle, which you use to sneak up on a wild animal and take it down without giving it a chance to run. That usually means the first and only shot.

    • edith prickly

      This seems like an appropriate weapon for a fetid pile of alligator shit like Zimmerman.

    • Damian L

      They do what they were made to do.

      • h4rr4r

        Not very reliably.
        Google this gun and the videos are all about it jamming.

        These are guns for low class individuals to play pretend with.

        • Blank Ron

          Which brings us right back to George the Child-Killer.

          • h4rr4r

            Sure, who like most thugs uses a cheap crappy firearm.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Surprisingly fat in spots, but still rather small. Vaingloriously decorated for combat that will most likely never happen. Alarmingly dangerous if even everyday situations get too hot.

      And I’m not necessarily talking about the PF-9.

      Also, too: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XTjl3gtTNx0/maxresdefault.jpg

      • h4rr4r

        There is so much perfection in that image.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I always refer to Kel-Tecs as Kay-Tel. I think Casey Kasem used to sell them.

  • At the corner, turn left

    As much as I love my country, this is the kind of shit that makes me feel glad I don’t actually live there. I hate guns. I’d like to see a bumper sticker: Bury Guns, Not Victims. Of course, anybody driving with that would probably be shot at.

    • NoGoodnik

      I’m glad I don’t live there, too. I feel safer where I’m at.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    In a strictly legal sense he can be cut some sort of slack since none of us were actually there that night, but being comfortable auctioning the gun, knowing what it represents, to what people, tells us something unpleasant about how Zimmerman feels about it, and “B. Hussein Obama” tells us every fucking thing about where he is on the wider issues of race, religion and gun control, alas. What a dick.

  • Jay Vaughn

    This asshole proves the Universalists wrong

  • Mavenmaven

    Trump’s future Secretary of Defense

  • Michael Smith

    What if BLM bought it? Can we do a go fund me for that?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      GFM for the parents to buy it, and melt it down, at the place, as a piece of performance art.

      • clubseal

        Let’s all assume that Zimmerman is a Bundy supporter. Seven degrees of separation, etc.

  • mrpuma2u

    The epic douchebag move of the decade, possibly the century. This jerk wad has certainly set a high bar (low bar?) for anyone to eclipse. UFB.

  • Nounverb911
    • Malmborg Implano

      You guys, you’ve got to try the schadenfreude, it’s delicious today!

    • Hardly Ideal

      Damn, I actually wanted to buy it and melt it into something that’d piss of Zimmerman and his friends.

      • Roadstergal

        That involves giving money to that child-killing grifter, however.

  • Damian L

    One would think that Wayne La Pierre would have this on the wall in the NRA HQ between his honorary degrees from Liberty University and Trump College.

  • OddMan

    From Clarence Darrow. (February of 1926 Darrow testified before a committee of the United States House of Representatives in a hearing about capital punishment.)

    If a man can think of how often he has been a murderer himself, he would have some sympathy with other fellows who are legally killed; and, of course, we are all murderers at heart—that is, I never killed anybody, but I often read an obituary notice with great satisfaction, which means that I approve of it all right, and everybody else does the same.
    http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/05/05/darrow-obituary/

    Hat tip:
    I got this idea from a commenter over on Crooks and Liars.

  • amindofitsown

    Zimmerman can go eat a jar of salty rat dicks anytime now.

    I do have an issue for his devotees, though: on one hand, we should obey the cops for anything anywhere at any time, but Z-man is a hero because he went against what the 911 dispatcher said and pursued Martin. I haz a confused.

    • clubseal

      Why salt them? Salt generally makes things taste better, and he doesn’t deserve that.

  • Malmborg Implano

    Good boy, George. Every time you make it into the news cycle the NRA sheds members like a dog in a flea bath.

  • SullivanSt

    Dammit Trix, now you went and made me feel terrible for how funny I thought that line about Bundy’s cows was, because Never Again.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Has Fox News jumped in to defend him? I’m sure they will if they haven’t already. Can someone check?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I’d rather have horse shit smeared all over my TV screen than have Fox on…oh, wait a minute….

  • chascates

    Trump will make him head of the ATF.

  • YourNameHere

    This is unfair Wonkette! Everything I want to say about this guy is against the rules.

  • nightmoth

    breaking news—the auction site has withdrawn this item
    also, the Smithsonian issued a statement that they never offered for it
    NOT breaking news–George Zimmerman is still a coward, a bully, and a lying liar

    • amindofitsown

      Lying liar with delusions of grandeur…shocker.

  • Blank Ron

    Before it got pulled I was having this interesting fantasy about Drumpf winning the auction (because he’s that sort of more-money-than-sense asshole) and then stiffing the auction house and Zimmerman. Sort of a lose-lose where WE win.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Offers to purchase the Firearm have been received; however, the offers were to use the gun in a fashion I did not feel comfortable with.

    I can think of some uses he’d be very uncomfortable with, but they’d violate the RfR.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Update: the scummy scumbag child-murdering racist thug asshole’s murder weapon has been pulled from the auction site, and the Smithsonian has denied it was interested in purchasing it. Reality’s biting this afternoon, isn’t it, Mr. Cowardly Shitheel?
    And get the fuck off my internets!

  • malsperanza

    Who’s a bigger sociopath than George Zimmerman?

    Not too many people, but the Florida lege that wrote this law makes the cut.

    • Iam Reading

      Governor Voldemort

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I believe the Stand Your Ground law was signed by Governor Jeb! Low Energy Bush.

  • chascates

    The auction is off. ABC tweet reports it has been pulled and the gun auction site says ‘it is no longer in the system’.

  • clubseal

    Even though the gun is off the site, the damage is already done. By that I mean that Zimmerman proved that he actually could sink lower than previously thought, and now pond scum looks down its nose whatever passes for pond scum’s nose at him.

    • Merlcat

      Whale poop watched him drop lower.

  • Tendernob

    Honestly, when I saw George Zimmerman was trending this morning, I was just relieved it wasn’t for murdering anyone else.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    Separating that rubbish from a killing machine can only be a plus, but I hope it’s because he’s dead broke and this close to eating twigs.

  • Iam Reading

    He is not as bad as Cheney or Kissenger, but only due to lack of position. While rules prevent me from wishing his demise, I will enjoy reading about it, eventually

  • JParkerSD46

    A couple of thoughts. First, G Zimmerman should now ascend the the position of “Most Punchable Face in America”. Second, were I to place the winning bid on said child-killing gun, MPFA could definitely expect me to use it in a manner that MPFA would be most uncomfortable with, i.e. inserting it forcefully and completely in MPFA’s place the sun don’t shine.

  • Tendernob

    If ‘America 2016 (So Far)’ were made into a film, it would be panned as “heavy-handed” and “juvenile.”

    • Candy Apple

      Also, no one in the audience would be able to suspend their disbelief.

  • malsperanza

    Of course the Smithsonian has denied the claim and the auction is gone. Zimmerman is a psychopath. His distorted sense of his own importance demands that the world pay attention to him, so every now and then he does something to bring back his moment of public glory and acclaim. This was another such stunt–like the time he sold a patriotic painting on ebay (apparently buying it from himself for some huge price). Or the various times he’s gotten into other violent fights.

    The world loses interest in him, so he does another outrageous thing–knowing the auction will be removed, and the lies will be exposed. Doesn’t matter; his fans will feed his grotesque ego in the meantime.

    His original crime happened because he was out pretending to be a cop in a quiet neighborhood. When the real cops told him not to, he ignored them. He was hunting for a victim, and found one. And like the serial killers who taunt their victims’ families with anonymous phone calls, he thrives on the pain he is causing Trayvon Martin’s family. Their pain is the whole purpose of his action.

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    The word “monstrous” is thrown around so lightly these days…

    • kareemachan

      But oh so appropriately in this case.

  • Curse you, rules for commenting radicals!

  • TheBidenator

    The rules for radicals prevent me from saying what I’d like to do with George Zimmerman’s fucking firearm…

    • Candy Apple

      Load it full of votes and pull the trigger?

    • Shine it up real good, turn it sideways and ram it up his votes-hole?

  • TheBidenator

    AND exhibit A for why we need gun control puts his gun on auction to fight against gun control…you stay classy ya child murdering, domestic violencing fucking creep.

  • Candy Apple

    I thought we were supposed to get kitten pictures for stories like this. :(

  • eric

    TRUMP ZIMMERMAN 2016!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      We voting people to mars, now? Cause I can get behind that

    • Candy Apple

      Hell, why not? Donald Dumbass already needs to up the ante since his last ridiculous outburst.

  • TheBidenator

    It’s been a while since any Zimmerman twats have darkened this here mommy blog with their racism and sophistry. I hope this post brings a few because I’m feeling fighty….

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am not. Just…sad. Though the supposed auction has now been withdrawn and the Smithsonian denies it wanted his precious penis substitute.

  • Courser

    Goddamn, what’s this country coming to?

    Zimmerman putting up the gun he shot a teenager armed with only Skittles as some kind of trophy?

    WTF people? That’s honestly the sickest, most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in real life. Oh sure, I’ve read books (mostly sci-fi/fantasy) with fucking sadistic, depraved characters who would do this kind of thing.

    Ramsey Bolton anyone? He’s the reason I can’t watch GoT anymore.

    • YourNameHere

      Me too! He is also why I stopped watching.

    • spacecat in space

      Considering the rate at which he murders children, I’m thinking he’s the Zimmerman of Westeros.

      • bananakabob

        Nah, Ramsey Bolton is much more decent than George Zimmerman.

        • spacecat in space

          I can easily imagine him bragging about raping an underaged cousin to his friends, but you may be right.

  • I shot my Kel-Tec PF-9
    It felled a kid, but that’s just fine;
    Uppity, he looked at me,
    And brandished Skittles and Sweet Tea.

    I breathed the ‘N-Word’ in the air,
    And viewed his hoodie as a dare;
    He was tougher than I thought
    As he made me eat asphalt.

    I’m the victim you’ll agree
    Like-minded folks praise me with glee;
    My noble gun deserves a shrine
    Until some jerk buys it online.

  • TeeRaak

    He’s sorta like Sally Struthers, but with a worse healthcare plan…

  • Kooolest G

    I’d like to buy it and put it on display at the employees entrance to the supreme court so every time the justices walk in to work they can be reminded that maybe racism isn’t over yet

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “Offers to purchase the Firearm have been received; however, the offers were to use the gun in a fashion I did not feel comfortable with.”

    Then, not more than two sentences down:

    “I recognize the purchaser’s ownership and right to do with the firearm as they wish.”

    Which. The fuck. Is it?

    • kaw143

      “to use the gun in a fashion I did not feel comfortable with”

      In other words, “Not enough money was offered for my comfort.”

      • RiSheil

        I was thinking, someone offered an extra 5K if Zimmerman let them shoot off his left ball. Maybe I’m wrong.

  • Daisy

    Well, everything I have to say about this is against the rules, and I’ll just leave it at that.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Um, George, in referencing Angela Correy, you spelled prosecution wrong.

    Wait. What? Oh, never mind.

  • dshwa

    I can’t even.

    I’m off to look at cat pictures.

  • Every time I think this fucker is gone, he reappears, grosser than ever.

  • phoenix00

    > Now is your opportunity to own a piece of American History. Good Luck. Your friend, George M. Zimmerman
    http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/How-About-No-Meme-Dr-Evil-05.jpg

  • At the corner, turn left

    Merica the Byutiful

  • At the corner, turn left
  • hvdv

    Latin is not the enemy! It’s a useful adage in many ways, regardless. “The best way to avoid a strike is to be prepared for one” comes to mind to this union rep.

    • Lamashtar

      Yeah, it shows up in heavy metal songs and video games. Pretty standard.

  • spacecat in space

    Prince and Bowie are dead, but this rancid dead goat’s anus is still alive.

    F*ck you, too, universe.

  • Jena-Auerstedt

    Perhaps someone could buy it only to use it just one more time . . .

  • bananakabob

    If some rich billionaire would like to donate all their money into finding a way to round up George Zimmerman, Dick Cheney, Ted Nugent, everybody who works at Fox, Henry Kissinger, Martin Shkreli, Billy Corgan, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz and send them all on a one way trip to the centre of the sun that would be fantastic.

  • sillystrings

    he is such a steaming pile of shit. and so very very stupid.

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