Pictured: A crime worthy of physical retribution.
Pictured: A crime worthy of physical retribution.

We write a lot about terrible restaurant customers; it’s kind of our thing. We would venture to suggest ours is somewhat of an expert opinion on this particular subject. As such, understand what it means when we say we may have actually found the worst restaurant customers in culinary history this week.

The aforementioned fuckbuckets come to us courtesy of Kiku Japanese Steakhouse in East Point, Georgia, in the Atlanta area. Kiku was the site of an actual, literal brawl between employees and customers that started over the most insane fucking thing we’ve ever heard: an employee smiling. No, seriously. That is not an exaggeration — that is genuinely the reason the fight started.

Busboy Demonte Harrison was just doing his job cleaning tables on Mother’s Day (every server reading this just reflexively shuddered, and we’ll get to why in a couple paragraphs). He was smiling while he worked, and while it’s astonishing anyone could possibly work in a restaurant on Mother’s Day while smiling, good for him, right? Not so much, according to one female customer, who began berating him for having the temerity to act like he was happy to do his job. Harrison replied that it was his job to smile — which is an entirely responsible response — whereupon a male customer punched Harrison right in the fucking face.

Three other customers then attacked Harrison, at which point employees jumped in on his side (way to watch a co-worker’s back) and a full-on brawl ensued, with other customers reportedly capturing footage of the fight on their cellphone cameras. Though no one was seriously injured, the violent asshat customers escaped. East Point police are currently looking for the world’s most dickish four men and one woman.

Now, let’s talk about why the sight of the words “Mother’s Day” made servers quake with fear. Here’s some free advice for potential restaurant patrons: do not go out to eat on Mother’s Day. Ever.

No, we don’t care that you love your mother very much and want to take her someplace special; you can do that the Friday/Saturday before, or the following Monday, or the next week, or literally any time that is not Mother’s Day itself. That holiday is an absolutely unmatched nightmare of a shitshow. We’ve worked Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day (this is actually a fucking great shift, by the way), Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day — nothing comes even remotely as close to as horrible as Mother’s Day, both for restaurant employees AND customers. Whatever can possibly go wrong on that particular holiday will go wrong, in ways and to degrees you’d never imagine would be possible. DO NOT GO OUT TO EAT ON MOTHER’S DAY.

This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood Wonkette.

[ABC News]

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  • Enfant Terrible

    What’s the big whoop? Isn’t everyone extra surly on Mother’s Day? Get with the program, Harrison!

  • Scooby
    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I’ve been to Beijing, so I think for a Teriyaki restaurant, Aikido or Jiu Jitsu would be more authentic in this situation.”

  • marxalot

    I followed the link, and weirdly, I do not see the words “alcohol is believed to be a factor.”

  • Spotts1701

    “How dare you be happy! You are a wage slave, and I demand you look like the poor, put-upon serf that you are!”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Cringe before me!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        OK, Zod or Loki have hijacked Vecciojohn’s account.

    • Abyss

      Needs more snapping.

    • Caepan

      I’m not sure if I should read that in the the voice of either Montgomery Burns or Lucille Bluth.

  • Belasaurius

    I worked many a Mother’s Day shift at restaurants. When my mother was alive, I always took her out on some other day.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Mr. Pinkham may take me to task, but . . . my better half and I ALWAYS take The Most Interesting Woman In The World out to eat for Mother’s Day. And we never have a problem.

    How do we avoid problems? First, we go to a restaurant where she is a regular – and by “regular,” I mean 3 – 5 times a week. She is well known and well liked by the staff – partially because she ALWAYS tips 20%, and partially because, well, you can’t dislike her. It’s simply not possible. Next, we make reservations, show up on time, and don’t complain if the table isn’t ready. Third, we N E V E R complain on Mother’s Day. About anything. Bring us the wrong order? Food comes out cold? Spilled a drink on us? Forgot to bring an appetizer/salad/side? We apologize for the extra trouble it causes to have the issue corrected. Last, but not least, we tip double. Even if the experience is less than perfect. And they know we will, because we did every one of the last umpity-ump Mother’s Days.

    • Mom always liked you best.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Well, of course.

    • MrBlobfish

      “…you can’t dislike her”. Sounds like a dare.

    • SnarkOff

      Wait, what? Your server or the restaurant fucks up by sending out cold food or the wrong order, and then YOU apologize? It’s wrong to be an asshole and yell at people, but apologizing for asking that a job be done correctly is insane. Why not just say, “Excuse me, but this is cold. Would you mind please heating it up for me?”

      • Pinkham’s Law

        It’s going beyond what is necessary, because I know it’s a horrible day for them. I don’t think I’m particularly debasing myself by saying, “I know how busy you are, and I’m sorry to make you make another trip, but this is cold.”

        • SnarkOff

          Don’t mean to pick on you, really. But your behavior is almost passive-aggresive. If you really feel bad about making your server’s day more horrible, then don’t go to the restaurant on Mother’s Day. If you’ve chosen to be there and are a polite customer, then you should expect to get the food you have ordered, served at the temperature at which it is meant to be served. That is pretty much the basic contract you and the restaurant have entered into. No need to grovel or apologize. Beyond that, for heaven’s sake, restaurant jobs just aren’t that bad. It’s not like you’re asking someone to pop a boil on your ass, or go into a combat zone and be shot at.

          • kindness

            I went to Wonkette for the comments (if only they allowed them) and a hockey game broke out.

          • Cummingtonite

            I’m sorry, but if you haven’t worked at least three in a row, you don’t see the issue here. It’s not wrong to apologize to someone when you know their life is in the shit at that exact moment. Have some empathy you nit. You ever see the tape hit the floor…no??????…work a mothers day… Eat some effing knorr hollandaise and be happy!

          • SnarkOff

            I’m guessing you didn’t last too long in the service industry.

    • Teecha

      Apart from spelling apologise wrong, this reads as if you were English. Always apologise, never complain.
      Make bitter remarks under your breath though.

  • Nounverb911

    Good thing the chef didn’t join in….

  • To add insult to injury, some local stories reported the restaurant lost more than $5,000 as many customers used the fight and confusion as an opportunity to leave without paying for mom’s dinner.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Dine and Dash, just like Mother taught you.

      • Nockular cavity

        Pro tip: Don’t accept reservations for “Ma Barker and sos.”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Or “Barbara Bush and sons”.

          • Beaumarchais?

            She did once say “I never tip—I don’t believe in it.”

      • MrBlobfish

        Hey! Those are my kids’ names!

        • Beaumarchais?

          Better than Chew and Screw.

    • Spotts1701

      I’ll lay 5-1 some of them felt justified under the excuse that the busboy should have just accepted being belted and by responding they RUINED the entire outing for Mom.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The report does say the restaurant had to close. So some of those folks may have had their meals interrupted only part-way through.

        If that’s so, it’s probably smart business not to try and collect from the customers at that point.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “That’s the last fucking time our anger management group will try eating out after session.”

  • OddMan

    “I have had it with these motherfucking mother lovers in this motherfucking place!”.

  • Lazy Media

    I want some Mother’s Day restaurant horror stories! Your pain is my entertainment, so feed me!

  • Callyson
    • HazooToo

      Seriously, that’s what’s missing from the non-Wonkette coverage of the story. Someone asking “What in the world made these people think that just because a man was smiling while working, they were justified in punching him in the face?”

  • JMP

    Avoiding Mother’s Day restaurant crowds is a nice side effect of living 2,800 miles away from the parents.

  • hollydturner

    Why does it have to be Georgia – EVERY FUCKING TIME! I renounce Georgia and everything that it stands for and Georgia has never ever been remotely connected to me – in any way, ever!

    • Jonny On Maui

      I think maybe on a genetic level the Florida people have sensed the impending water level rise and are moving north before the flood.

      It’s only going to get worse, sorry…

      • hollydturner

        That’s why I moved to Pittsburgh back in 01 – I may need to keep my heading true north. Canada sounds nice.

        • Jonny On Maui

          The far, far, FAR west is nice too… Less snow…

          • hollydturner

            Suppose your beautiful island could hold the entirety of the Wonk Nation? We could have the best party in the history of parties and then stay forever.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Well, if it was my island I’d say ‘Sure!” Lurkers too.

            “The Forever Party” I like the sound of that…

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            I’d donate my likker collection….

        • kindness

          The Band’s Accadian Driftwood:

        • handyhippie65

          only if you have never been arrested for anything. even if it was a misdemeanor 20 years ago. i already looked into it.

          • hollydturner

            Nope. Nothin’ on this here gals record. Question: Does being arrested for outstanding traffic / parking tickets with numerous ignored summons and treats of legal actions and periodic increases of the total indebtedness to the fine state of Colorado that totaled more that 2,000 bucks back in 1981 disqualify me from entry into Canadia?

          • handyhippie65

            if it was a misdemeanor, yes. mine are driving related too. if i never would have driven a car, i would never have been arrested.

          • hollydturner

            Yeah me too. Damn cars. Look at all the trouble they’ve caused.

    • Sven_the_Berzerker

      This is almost as entertaining as the Senator from Georgia who was worried that Guam would capsize…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    There has GOT to be more to this than some busboy smiling.

    Oh, wait. Georgia.

    Never mind.

    • SullivanSt

      Georgia + Demonte…

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Ding ding ding! Perzackly.

    • Hutch

      There is an interview with the busboy who said that the group that hit him for smiling were trouble when they walked into the place. They have some good surveillance pics of the perpetrators, so most likely they will be identified. What a mess!

      • tjknight

        Crazy video! Hopefully the busboy won’t have to clean up all that stuff!

  • I wonder how much alcohol was involved?

    • Nounverb911

      All of it, Katie?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Next time, avoid the fight by using Kiku’s Delivery Service.

  • SessileRaptor

    My family has decided that the best way to handle mother’s day is just to get some takeout on the way to her place. She’s getting up there and isn’t so enamored with eating at a crowded restaurant any more, and my wife and I were never excited about it in the first place, so yeah. Calm meal with family in her own home is the ticket.

    I’d also like to point out that at this point in my life if I saw a fight break out between restaurant staff and customers I’d probably play the odds and step in on the side of the staff. 90% chance that the customers in question started it and deserve an ass kicking. (That goes up to 110% if it’s at a place where I’m a regular and know the waitstaff.)

  • MrBlobfish

    Welcome to Trump’s America® by Donald J. Trump

  • Nockular cavity

    The customer is ALWAYS right! [Reads story.] Okay, nevermind, fuck that idea.

  • TheRepoCode

    The staff came correct! I wish when I was a bus boy we had banded together like this and thrown racks at an after church crowd.

    • Abyss

      0.17, someone throws a chair.
      1.02, there goes a table.
      Damn, I’ve seen bar fights less nasty.

    • MrBlobfish

      “I said fries, not baked potato”!!!!

    • Barley_Brains

      Happy motherfuckers day!

  • Tendernob

    Damn, and I thought Chuck E. Cheese was bad.

  • Sardonicuss

    “Are you smiling at me? What do I look like a fucking clown? Do I amuse you?”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This Drumpf channeling is getting way out of hand.

      • Sardonicuss

        Pesci..Drumph. I think Pesci has bigger hands.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Not that I have any intention of attacking the staff at any restaurant but I especially have no desire to attack the staff in a Japanese steak house. Have you seen how many skilled knife wielders there are in Japanese steak houses?

    • Abyss

      Relatedly, Subway… bad idea… those bread knives are big.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        And sharp. The deadliest knife in my kitchen is the bread knife. Thing’s like a samurai sword; I never take it out without drawing blood. If anyone ever breaks into my house, I’m just going to toss it to them and watch.

        • Blank Ron

          Remind me to bring a bag of pre-sliced bread if I ever come to visit.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The More You Know!

        • Calli Arcale

          Bread knives are vicious, with all those serrations. I’ve definitely done more harm to myself with a bread knife than any of the other knives in my kitchen.

        • Abyss

          I’ve got one of those fish skinning knives that will cut you if you even look at it sideways.

      • Ikimizi

        Long ago, I worked at a Subway for a while. We had a baseball bat under the counter.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          So Jared is safer in the big house?

    • Sardonicuss

      A Benihana society is a polite society

    • ContextIsKey

      I used to work at Benihana as a parking attendant. One night a drunk guy came in and filled up on tempura and whiskey and Kirin beer and blew chow RIGHT ON THE HIBACHI TABLE. The room was filled with steam from the contents of the guys stomach. Everyone in the room jumped up and ran for the doors screaming for their cars. It was a night to remember.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I once asked a cop what was the worst holiday for domestic violence calls. He said Mother’s Day. I laughed, but he was dead serious. He said you get a bunch of people who basically can’t stand each other together, they have a few drinks, and all hell breaks loose.

    • Iam Reading

      Alcohol. El Diablo. It’s a dose response meets external variables thing. It can go well, but when it doesnt…..

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I believe you. In fact, I am carefully guarding a hilarious family story touching on that very point. (Hilarious because it didn’t happen within my own family, they just witnessed it.) Some day, I hope, I will find exactly the right place to put this story in a novel or script that will earn coin of the realm.

    • Calli Arcale

      Was Thanksgiving the second worst? Because I’d totally believe that.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I would give any odds that the dumbfucks assumed the busboy was smiling/laughing at them for some dumbfuckery they were engaging in, like not knowing how to pronounce the names of the menu items, and their outrage stemmed largely from the fact that deep down, dumbfucks know they’re dumbfucks and that WE know they’re dumbfucks. They just don’t know what to do about it other than throw punches and vote for Trumpf.

  • SnarkOff

    I’m thoroughly confused now. So Pinkham still writes the “Off the Menu” for Wonkette, except that it’s not called “Off the Menu”? And then also writes the same column for Thrillist, where it IS called “Off the Menu”?

    • SullivanSt

      Not exactly. OTM’s the collections of reader-supplied stories, and that’s now at Thrillist; he still does individual news-based stories here.

      I think.

      • mardam422

        Sooooo, that was one of these so-called “news-based” stories then?

        • SullivanSt

          It was in the “news”, so, yeah.

        • SessileRaptor

          OTM is only individual stories that readers send in and were not bad enough to make the news. He writes up bad customer stuff that’s horrible enough to actually make the news as separate articles.

  • Jay Vaughn

    When I was restaurant I only ever had coworkers jump me

    • Duke

      Leg humping?

  • Courser

    I can attest that Mother’s Day is a horrifyingly bad day to try to go out to eat.

    I live alone and I like to treat myself a bit on Sundays. Sometimes I make something nice that I can nosh on over the week and other times I go out to eat. HUGE mistake last Sunday. I drove for over and hour and a half just to find a parking lot with a few spaces. I finally found one, but had to eat at the bar (not just IN the bar, but at the bar top itself).

    • hillarysleftone

      You say this (“I had to eat at the bar”) like it is a bad thing.

      • Courser

        It actually wasn’t bad and the bartender took good care of me (I tipped $10 ‘cuz of the day) and I didn’t have to wait for the other parties of 1,000 get seated first.

        I first asked to sit in the bar, but was told they were seating there so no. then I asked (in a kinda loud voice) “Can I sit AT the bar?” The hostess gave me a really crusty look (she was 12 and very unhappy) and said, “You mean at the bar TOP?” like no one had ever occupied a seat there to do something other than drink themselves into oblivion. She finally said ‘Fine, go ahead’.

        Really, what else are you going to do with a single person when the entire restaurant is packed?

        • ThirdAmendmentMan

          “Really, what else are you going to do with a single person when the entire restaurant is packed?”

          Masturbate in the bathroom?

          Maybe that’s just me…

          • mancityfooty .

            If you’re going to watch, the least you can do is applaud when I’m done.

        • Skadi

          A few years ago my SO and I got dressed up went out on my birthday to a restaurant that was famous for its fancy desserts. It was a long wait, but we got a table at last. However, when the waiter came to take our order and we told him we were just going to order desserts and a bottle of champagne, his mouth puckered up till it was smaller than a butthole. Then he told us we’d have to move to the bar, because the tables were only for people who were actually buying a full meal.

          Needless to say, we chose to go elsewhere.

  • edith prickly

    I boycott all the forced-sentimentality holidays. This Mother’s Day Mr. Prickly and son of Prickly made me pancakes and sausage for brunch, and we all went out to see Captain America: Civil War. All the punches were thrown on-screen.

    • Iam Reading

      Yo tambien

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Who starts a fight over someone smiling at them? For reals, is this a thing now? Or did their parents not properly chastise them when they pulled the “He’s lookin at me!” crap as kids?

  • Grokenstein

    That holiday is an absolutely unmatched nightmare of a shitshow.

    Treat all holidays this way, really. I work for an airline, and it never ceases to astound me that we, as a species, move as far away as possible from our families, wait until the worst weather of the year, then all fly back home, like a flock of startled wrens too stupid to avoid the raging snowstorm. And then we can’t figure out why it all goes to hell. Visit grandma and yell at each other over a turkey in July or August. Stay home in December.

    • Mintie

      This is the exact reason why I refuse to travel for either Thanksgiving or Christmas unless I can drive myself. It took awhile, but my family finally has accepted it.

    • Tania

      Due to Australia pretty much shutting up shop from Christmas to New Year in the blazing heat, Christmas is pretty laid back. A new trend here is to have Christmas in July, which is winter, with the roast and all the trimmings. Also a better time to get holidays and travel. I have been in the USA Christmas time and experienced the black ice that would be enough to put me off driving around.

  • cat cafe

    So… let me guess what color skin the busboy might have had. A young black man, having the temerity to smile at a white woman, perhaps? Georgia remains in the 19th century, to their everlasting shame. I’m sickened to my core.

    • YourNameHere

      Raw Story had a video and I’m pretty sure this was not the case.

    • richardgrabman

      That crossed my mind, too.

  • Donkey Option

    I worked as a server at a restaurant on Mother’s Day and it was awesome because everyone tipped really well. But, it was generally a good place to work so it probably is an outlier.

  • TheBidenator

    Your move, Florida.

  • Riggsveda

    The whole comments thread under the video at YouTube is a veritable stewpot of raw sewage. I grew tired of flagging them for hate speech after 15 minutes, and now I can’t unsee it.
    And WTF, Pinkham, I thought you had flown the coop here? Are you on the bus or off the bus?

    • SessileRaptor

      Thrillist made him an offer he couldn’t refuse (a lot of money) for the OTM column, but he’s still doing other articles here.

      • Honestly, thank Zeus for that. Those OTM snobs were stinking up these non-existent comments.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          Hey! I resemble that!

    • Hardly Ideal

      Funny, I just came back from there. Amazing… it’s like they’ve got n-word Tourette’s or something.

      Now, anyone care to show me where the decontamination tent is?

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Inside that local business, the one that says “liquor” out front.

    • Tansy Geek

      Pinkham is the bus. Yeah, I know it doesn’t make any sense but it sounds authoritative

    • Sven_the_Berzerker

      Yeah, while looking for the video, I had the misfortune of running across a horrible, horrible racist website. And we let these people vote?

  • TheBidenator

    Maybe one of the customers just didn’t want to take their shoes off because they were wearing a wire….damn you, Donnie Brasco!

  • handyhippie65

    so they would have been fine with him being a miserable dick? somehow, i doubt it.

  • HanBarbara

    This is why I celebrated Mothers Day with my elderly, senile cats. Got a card and phone call from out of state offspring, all good.

  • natoslug

    I spend Mothers’ Day/Mother’s Day/Mothers Day at the pub, and it is glorious. No fights, just endless pints.

  • tehbaddr

    Pinkham, if you’re going to hang around, at least throw us a contentious recipe post once a week!

  • Iain Mac

    Just watched the video my God it’s like they were going for recreating that one bit from Event Horizon you know that one bit

    • Tansy Geek


  • ContextIsKey

    The only excuse for this kind of behavior is if Demonte was an identical twin of Ted Cruz, owner of the World’s Most Punchable Face ™. But I’m sure Demonte is a fine person who looks nothing like Ted.

  • Nezrite

    This is why I did Mother’s Day brunch for my husband’s family (I don’t have kids or a mom anymore) (I didn’t lose the kids, just never got around to them). I know where all the good throwing weapons are in the house.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    When I was young and foolish I took my mom to Mother’s Day brunch because it seemed to be the done thing. Never again. Not just the crowded-buffet-stressed-staff thing, but atmosphere of people who don’t like each other much but trying to be nice. Fraught is the word that comes to mind.

    • SessileRaptor

      We use to take the grandmas to brunch on mother’s day, but that was when I was a kid and teen. A few years ago my wife and I took my mom to a mother’s day brunch and not only was it too noisy to talk and crazy expensive, we’re all past the point where we want to eat multiple plates of food at a sitting, making the whole exercise completely not worth it.

  • Playonwords

    My father always used to eat out on Mothers Day …

  • No-one suggesting that the busboy was asking for it?

    Was Pinkham’s Law repealed?

  • Mayor_Quimby

    I live all of 5 miles from this place and to call it a steakhouse is generous. It’s in an end parcel of complex with a target, Lowes and everything from Chili’s to Red Lobster, and is adjacent to some nice and some hood areas. This is why we can’t ant get a goddamn Whole Foods on the south side of I-20 in Atlanta.
    Also, If you’re ever anywhere on the face of the earth, and you hear somebody filming with a cellphone yell ‘World Star!!’ just drop everything and run. Nothing good comes after that.

    • sneakypete

      Last paragraph=sage advice.

  • phoenix00

    > do not go out to eat on Mother’s Day. Ever.
    > you can do that the Friday/Saturday before, or the following Monday, or the next week, or literally any time that is not Mother’s Day itself.


  • Zyxomma

    This made the news here in NYC. The roomie and I decided the customers who started the brawl wanted to leave without paying.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Problem with that theory is it’s a really elaborate way to conduct a simple dine-and-dash. Assault charges are way worse than paying your bill.

  • richardgrabman

    Just a guess, but was the busser by chance of a duskier hue than the customers? Smiling while black might still be considered a punchable offense in some quarters.

    • Wandering Scout

      There’s some crappy cellphone footage floating around. It kicks in after things have already gotten heated, but it appears both the servers and and customers are black.

    • Dave G

      Bad guess. East Point (and the whole south side in general) is predominantly black and definitely not the place to be a racist shit bag. Gotta go OTP to pull that.

  • hvdv

    I do not like people very much.

  • Calli Arcale

    My kids and husband took me out to eat on Mother’s Day.
    We went to McDonald’s. They’re not very busy that day. :-D

  • Sven_the_Berzerker

    Hey, something I sent in got shared. Woo hoo! I wish I’d sent these better links instead.

    Here’s some video:

    And here’s an interview with the waiter:

    Sounds like they came in looking for ways to get comped, and went off whatever excuse for hinges they may have had.

    So in an attempt to try to come up with a Pinkham’s Law, maybe the customers could have come back and said that the waiter was leering at her, and kept doing so after being told repeatedly to stop. The fact that they disappeared and haven’t come forward to try to justify themselves tells me that’s not the case. But even if that were the case, that doesn’t give them the right to start swinging. What a bunch of jerks.

  • Sven_the_Berzerker

    — unless your name is Kevin Smith and you’re going to give everybody working that day at least a $100 tip.

  • sarah

    I just feel the need to brag that we cooked lunch for my parents and it was amazing. Quiche with sweet potato crust, and a cinnamon-roll cake with maple cream cheese frosting. #winning

  • Sven_the_Berzerker

    I really miss being able to not make comments on OTM…sigh. Stupid Facebook comments.

    Today’s first story was just amazing. But I really wanted to ask a line early in the second story. “Olive Garden doesn’t have side work”. What, they actually PAY somebody to do that menial labor that is actually necessary to their business, instead of forcing the wait staff to stick around, unpaid, to do it? You mean that Olive Garden actually has a shred of decency? I am astonished!

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