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Pictured: A crime worthy of physical retribution.
Pictured: A crime worthy of physical retribution.

We write a lot about terrible restaurant customers; it’s kind of our thing. We would venture to suggest ours is somewhat of an expert opinion on this particular subject. As such, understand what it means when we say we may have actually found the worst restaurant customers in culinary history this week.

The aforementioned fuckbuckets come to us courtesy of Kiku Japanese Steakhouse in East Point, Georgia, in the Atlanta area. Kiku was the site of an actual, literal brawl between employees and customers that started over the most insane fucking thing we’ve ever heard: an employee smiling. No, seriously. That is not an exaggeration — that is genuinely the reason the fight started.

Busboy Demonte Harrison was just doing his job cleaning tables on Mother’s Day (every server reading this just reflexively shuddered, and we’ll get to why in a couple paragraphs). He was smiling while he worked, and while it’s astonishing anyone could possibly work in a restaurant on Mother’s Day while smiling, good for him, right? Not so much, according to one female customer, who began berating him for having the temerity to act like he was happy to do his job. Harrison replied that it was his job to smile — which is an entirely responsible response — whereupon a male customer punched Harrison right in the fucking face.

Three other customers then attacked Harrison, at which point employees jumped in on his side (way to watch a co-worker’s back) and a full-on brawl ensued, with other customers reportedly capturing footage of the fight on their cellphone cameras. Though no one was seriously injured, the violent asshat customers escaped. East Point police are currently looking for the world’s most dickish four men and one woman.

Now, let’s talk about why the sight of the words “Mother’s Day” made servers quake with fear. Here’s some free advice for potential restaurant patrons: do not go out to eat on Mother’s Day. Ever.

No, we don’t care that you love your mother very much and want to take her someplace special; you can do that the Friday/Saturday before, or the following Monday, or the next week, or literally any time that is not Mother’s Day itself. That holiday is an absolutely unmatched nightmare of a shitshow. We’ve worked Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day (this is actually a fucking great shift, by the way), Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day — nothing comes even remotely as close to as horrible as Mother’s Day, both for restaurant employees AND customers. Whatever can possibly go wrong on that particular holiday will go wrong, in ways and to degrees you’d never imagine would be possible. DO NOT GO OUT TO EAT ON MOTHER’S DAY.

This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood Wonkette.

[ABC News]

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