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If there’s a politician in America more likely than New York Mayor Bill de Blasio to make perfectly reasonable comments only to have wingnuts immediately and epically lose their minds, we’re not sure who it is. (Just kidding, it is Hillary Clinton and also Barack Obama and also pretty much every Democrat, but mostly those two.)

Numerous Democratic mayors said really stupid shit about the encroachment of Chick-Fil-A into their cities back in 2012, when the marriage equality controversy first broke. Former Boston Mayor Thomas Menino and somehow still-current Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel both straight up said they would block Chick-Fil-A from expanding to their respective cities. In Emanuel’s case, the Illinois ACLU even opposed his potential ban on the extremely reasonable grounds that banning an organization because their owner doesn’t approve of marriage equality opens the door to municipalities banning other organizations just because their owners are in favor of gay marriage. (Rahm Emanuel in trouble with the ACLU? COLOR US SHOCKED!)

De Blasio, though, isn’t calling for anything so problematic; he’s simply been suggesting New Yorkers who support LGBT rights should boycott the chain. He even freely acknowledges that “they have a legal right” to operate wherever.

Apparently, however, once you run “I wouldn’t urge anyone to patronize them, and I won’t eat there, but they have the right to establish businesses” through a wingnut rage translator, it becomes “I AM THE HARBINGER OF THE MORAL DECAY OF AMERICAN SOCIETY, EVERYBODY GO HAVE BUTTSEX AT CHICK-FIL-A AND EJACULATE IN THE NUGGETS.” That’s the only explanation we can come up with for the batshit froth conservative commentators have worked themselves into over this. Here’s Franklin Graham in a Facebook post about de Blasio’s high crimes against decency:

Can you imagine a city where a popular, successful business is singled out and attacked by the mayor who calls for a boycott — all because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles and believe in God’s definition of marriage? You don’t have to imagine. That’s exactly what just happened to one of America’s most successful businesses. […]

They just opened a new store in New York and Mayor De Blasio took the gloves off and came after them, calling for a boycott. Doesn’t this sound like bullying, intolerance, and discrimination?

Not to anyone with more brain cells than teeth, Franklin, no, it does not.

Franklin Graham isn’t the only one in a tiff over de Blasio’s attempted cockblocking; we’re also treated to further words of wisdom from our old friend, suspected pee enthusiast and frequent Fox News stool pigeon Todd Starnes. No shock Starnes would get involved here; as you all remember, he likes to touch himself while thinking about hot buttery buns. Let’s see what Starnes had to say about the issue, courtesy of his steaming, asparagus-scented stream of consciousness:

Mayor Bill de Blasio and members of the New York City Council are calling for a city-wide boycott of Chick-fil-A – urging citizens to refrain from eating plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns.

Goddamit, Todd, do you need some time in your bunk? Because we can totally leave and come back if you — oh, nope, you’re just going to whip it out right here. Fuck.

“What the ownership of Chick-fil-A has said is wrong,” said De Blasio, a de-facto Communist sympathizer who eats his pizza with a fork.

Heaven forfend Todd Starnes say anything positive about someone who eats his pizza with a knife and fork. That would never happen. Also, Todd? It’s 2016; “de-facto Communist sympathizer” is roughly on par with “race-mixing integration advocate” for insult relevance and outright douchery.

So it’s not so much that de Blasio is anti-chicken as much as he is anti-Christian.

The truly incredible thing about Todd Starnes is how you can almost TASTE his smug smirk through your computer screen. It’s a gift.

It was last year – just after they had opened their inaugural store in Manhattan. I noticed that after two weeks of drinking all that sweet tea and eating fried food, New Yorkers seemed a bit more – how can I put this – a bit more pleasant – and easy going.

Folks on the subway were even waving at each other – with all five fingers – instead of one.

OK, we’re on record as believing New York City is the asshole capital of America and a soul-sucking abyss of human misery, and even we think this is some Grade A smugtacular douchecrap. Fuck you for making us sympathize with New York City, Todd Starnes.

Graham and Starnes were also joined in their call for stupidity by New York Post restaurant critic Steve Cuozzo:

Your suggestion that we avoid Chick-Fil-A because the company’s president disapproves of same-sex marriage made me gag.

We have asked this before, and we will apparently have to continue asking it until the end of time: why does every anti-LGBT Republican, be they a writer or a politician, INSIST on using the gayest fucking terms possible to describe their opposition to homo stuff? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical.

We’re just waiting for the first person to shout about how Chick-Fil-A’s FREEZE PEACH has been violated by de Blasio’s unrighteous, discriminatory exhortation to maybe not eat at a restaurant chain that supports dickheaded conservative social policies. At that point, we’ll have come full circle.

[DNAInfo / Fox News / New York Post]

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  • Nounverb911

    I haven’t eaten in a Chick-Fil-A since 1977 when I was asked to remove myself from the store (in Atlanta) after requesting a “Chickie Boob” sandwich…

    • Jenny

      So that’s your picture behind the counter?!

      • sw19womble

        That’s me in the corner. Losing my religion.

      • Belasaurius

        Mine’s in the bathroom saying BEWARE

        • sw19womble

          You’re a conservative busybody?

          • Belasaurius

            nah, just a general run of the mill perv

        • Jenny

          Get back to cataloging porn!

          • Belasaurius

            yours has been overdue for three weeks, I’m locking your account

          • Jenny

            Sorry, I get my fetish porn from the interwebs and the thrifty nickel

  • Joe Beese

    Finally I can ejaculate in the nuggets for a worthy cause.

    • Jenny

      Heh, and here I thought the secret was the powdered sugar.

    • Biff52

      I’d have done it for no reason at all!

  • Henri205

    But it’s okay to boycott Target. I’m SO confused.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      And those satanists at Starbucks, also too.

    • SpaceCaptainWarlock

      And Old Navy because “miscegenation”

  • Painter of Goats

    Even if Chick-Fil-A does make everyone all finger wavy I still refuse to eat there. Besides I much prefer local New Mexican food. Which often makes everyone gassy, but still.

    • weejee

      But it’s normal for goats to be gassy – all that roughage.

    • OddMan

      Slightly OT,
      I grew up in NM and visit often. An epicurean tour of New Mexico cafes and restaurants of Santa Fe is wonderful. And bring along lots of GasX and Tums.
      “Red or Green?”

      • Damian L

        Green chile never hurt anyone,how bout christians and or fried chicken?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Huh, Free Market and the right to an informed decision about where one votes with their dollars, how does that work?

    • Belasaurius

      that only applies to things conservatives approve of, like marriage camps for 12 year olds

    • Nounverb911

      Talk to the not so invisible hand.

    • sw19womble

      It was okay when that tactic worked for social conservatives.

      Now, of course, market forces are wrong!

  • Nounverb911

    “urging citizens to refrain from eating plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns”

    Fox Noise should have put up a disclaimer that the following news story is too mature for it’s audience.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    …plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns.

    Uh, that isn’t butter. That’s santorum.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Wow, two weeks of a handful of New Yorkers eating greasy fried shit and overly sweetened beverages made NY into a happy smiling wonderland. This is the type of no-fail diplomacy we need to implement in the Middle East and war-torn Syria. We wil be greeted as fat-shilling liberators!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Pretty cruel to do just before lunch. I suddenly have an urge for Dim Sum.

    • therblig

      you want dim sums – check out trump’s economic plan (badump!)

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Ow. Now my head hurts.

    • Frank Underboob

      Mmm. BBQ pork buns FTW!

  • Nounverb911

    When does DeBlasio call for the boycott of Fox News, since just because?

  • Belasaurius

    what the hell is up with Christians and fatty foods? Gluttony used to be a sin. And why do they insist on dying on every mountain they come to? I mean shit its fun for us to watch, but Jesus people, try to have some fuckin’ dignity. 19th century Christians, some of them, died on the mountain of abolition, I can respect that, but dying on a mountain of fatty chicken slathered between two buns, get bent twice assholes

    • Nounverb911

      Gods way of doing headcount reduction?

      • Henri205

        Easier than rapturing their fat asses.

        • Blank Ron

          God’s old, he can’t lift stuff the way he could 2000 years ago.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Nobody should have to hear what Starnes has to say this many times in a day…

  • proudgrampa

    I boycott Chick-Fil-A because it’s really crappy chicken.

    • Skwerl King

      Popeye’s rules. That other place drools.

      • borninatrailer

        Popeye’s or GTFO.

        • Frank Underboob

          Meanwhile in Australia, the only widespread fried chicken chain is fucking KFC. *sniffle*

          • Jay Vaughn

            So you have deadly deadly spiders and no fucking fried chicken? I’m so sorry.

          • Frank Underboob

            I’m fine with the deadly spiders (and snakes, & jellyfish, etc), but I really would like a convenient source of nice, crispy fried chicken.

          • Jay Vaughn

            What about fried spiders?

          • bupkus23

            …or deadly chicken?

          • Frank Underboob

            Never tried one. Or at least not that I know of.

          • borninatrailer

            I am so sorry. Well, does that at least mean there are many Aussie’s with good recipes that know how to do a good fried chicken at home?

            Or do people just.. *shudder* ..eat the Colonel?

          • Frank Underboob

            The latter, I’m afraid. Fried chicken just isn’t a tradition here. I’m thinking of learning how to cook it myself, if only because I so want fried chicken with a fucking crispy coating. So, if you know any good recipes, I’d love to hear about them.

          • Damian L

            Dip chicken in buttermilk then seasoned flour,hot oil in iron pan or deep fryer.Thats about it.

          • Frank Underboob

            I’m a total noob at that kind of cooking, so I need a really nuts & bolts level of recipe. No worries though, there are bound to be a million of them online.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Boneless chicken breast. Put them in a ziplock baggie with enough buttermilk to just cover, and let ’em sit there for about 1/2 hour. Use a rolling pin to crush panko bread crumbs (in a pinch, you can use saltines instead), season with salt and pepper, and pour them onto a rimmed plate or a bowl with a large-enough bottom that you can dredge the chicken in. Let the buttermilk drain off the breasts before you dredge or you’ll get too much milk in your crumbs and they won’t stick to the chicken. Use a big skillet and don’t crowd the pan. Heat your cooking oil until it shimmers, then lay the chicken pieces in there and let nature take its course. If they start to brown too fast turn your heat down and slide the pan off the hottest part of the burner. Flip ’em over a couple of times and drain on paper towels. Voila! Enjoy.

          • Frank Underboob

            Okay, that sounds good! Bonus points for using my favourite marinading trick.

          • The Witch of Endor

            I hear you on getting the chicken crispy. As far as ingredients, it’s up to you what you use. If you like spicy chicken use cayenne, white and/or black pepper, salt, paprika and whatever herbs you like with chicken. If you’re not into spicy, then salt, paprika, white or black pepper. I like non spicy and I don’t use herbs but I do use fresh nutmeg. All purpose flour mixed with your spices and put in a gallon sized plastic bag or large brown paper bag. Wet ingredients: milk/cream or buttermilk (I don’t like the tang) and eggs. Dip chicken in milk/egg mix shake off excess and then put chicken in the dry ingredient bag and shake until coated. Some people repeat the wet/dry coat process, I don’t because I’m not that patient. For cooking it, I stole Bon Appetite’s instructions:

            Pour oil into a
            10″–12″ cast-iron skillet or other heavy straight-sided skillet (not
            nonstick) to a depth of 3/4″. Prop deep-fry thermometer in oil so bulb
            is submerged. Heat over medium-high heat until thermometer registers
            350°. Meanwhile, set a wire rack inside a large rimmed baking sheet.

            Working with 1
            piece at a time (use 1 hand for wet ingredients and the other for dry
            ingredients), dip chicken in buttermilk mixture, allowing excess to
            drip back into bowl. Dredge in flour mixture; tap against bowl to shake
            off excess. Place 5 pieces of chicken in skillet. Fry chicken, turning
            with tongs every 1–2 minutes and adjusting heat to maintain a steady
            temperature of 300°–325°, until skin is deep golden brown and an
            instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of chicken
            registers 165°, about 10 minutes for wings and 12 minutes for thighs,
            legs, and breasts.

            The only other thing I’ll add is that I put the cooked chicken into a large paper bag so some of the excess oil is leached out of the chicken.

          • Frank Underboob

            Thanks, bookmarked. :)

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            Best fried chicken I’ve ever tasted had a dredge that was very rich in paprika. Freakin’ yum! M.E.A.T. Eatery, MM88 Oceanside, Florida Keys. Make sure you time it right, the day’s batch sells out right quick.

          • PhilR

            There is a recipe in here http://www.amazon.com/Working-Cook-Fresh-Meals-People/dp/097608807X
            for goat-cheese stuffed chicken breasts that is easy to make and is to die for.

          • Serai 1

            That sounds yummy, but we’re talking about fried chicken here. Nothing fancy, but the best basics.

          • Serai 1

            Crisco. I’m told the best fried chicken is fried at least partially in Crisco. Something about the way it interacts with the flour and buttermilk gives it that extra bit of perfection. Or so I’m told.

          • Serai 1

            You should take a sabbatical and come learn from the masters. Hands-on is best, you know. It’d be a good investment – methinks there’s a major opportunity there. Open up a real quality fried chicken shack and you’ll have to beat them off with a stick, I suspect.

          • The Witch of Endor

            There used to be a Franchise back in the 60s/70s called Golden Skillet. Really, really, really good chicken. However, I probably would have still bought the chicken because they had the best motto in the whole freakin’ world:

            Golden Skillet. A leg in your hand puts a smile on your face.

            And you have my deepest sympathies. KFC is just as bad as Chik-Fil-A.

          • theblackdog

            There used to be a Golden Skillet on my bus route, but 2 months ago it changed to a Sumo Hibachi and Wings. It was really weird because I swear the building switched over in the span of a weekend.

            I see there’s still one or two Golden Skillets left in the DC area, might have to try it.

          • The Witch of Endor

            shitfuckdamn. 17 years living in Northern Virginia and I never knew there was a Golden Skillet in DC!

          • theblackdog

            Google sez:
            1803 Rhode Island Ave NE, Washington, DC 20018

            7301 Marlboro Pike, Forestville, MD 20747

          • The Witch of Endor

            Except I moved back to southern virginia 10 years ago! If they’re still using the same recipe, definitely give them a try. Not spicy, but still really good fried chicken.

          • theblackdog

            I am going to find an excuse to get to one in the next few weeks and let you know. They actually have decent Yelp reviews.

        • Popeye’s is definitely the best. Here in lovely blue-state CT, chicken is segregated – I’m always the only white/gringo guy at Popeye’s, and KFC looks like a Methodist bus just pulled up outside.

      • Blank Ron

        The first time I had Popeye’s was in Toledo Ohio back in, oh, ’96 or so. Now they’re in Canada. Yay!

      • Serai 1

        Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles. ‘Nuff said.

    • SterWonk

      You’re dead to me.

      (I’m in the Bay Area, so it’s highly unlikely my local CfAs are populated by homophobic douchebags, so I’m okay with them. That said, my waistline and I are very glad that the drive-thru line at the CfA near work is always really long.)

    • Serai 1

      I know not the Chick-Fil-A. There are none in SoCal that I know of. As I understand it, that’s a good thing.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    DINO! I always find out about the owner’s politics before I go to any restaurant.

    • Belasaurius

      the Judeo Peoples Front runs Dairy Queen. (stand by for Monty Python clips)

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Your suggestion that we avoid Chick-Fil-A because the company’s president disapproves of same-sex marriage made me gag.

    Huh. Chick-fil-A makes me gag. And you call yourself a restaurant critic. How do you feel about Cracker Barrel.?

    • Jay Vaughn

      Don’t even fuckin’ compare the two. One of those is the most enjoyable way to kill yourself the other just makes you want to.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Not sure which one you put in which bucket. I can’t stand either. Waffle House OTOH….

    • jmhm

      Cuozzo is pretty much the John Stossel of restaurant critics. He has a point to make, and also there was food.

  • say wha

    “I noticed that after two weeks of drinking all that sweet tea and eating fried food, New Yorkers seemed a bit more – how can I put this – a bit more pleasant – and easy going.”
    Dude, it’s just tea and chicken, not window pane or purple microdot.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Diabeeetus does that.

    • Henri205

      And all the fried food and sugary drinks have made the South the warm and tolerant place it is. Piss off, Todd…..although rumor has it you might like that so never mind.

    • OddMan

      No shit.
      I have been know to drink a bit of sweet tea (albeit with Bourbon) and do like fried foods; but I am an ornery old curmudgeon who likes to snark and make dick jokes on Wonkette.

      Punchline only, you supply the rest.
      “Damn it’s a long way to the water.”
      “Cold too”
      “And it’s deep.”

  • weejee

    Dear Wonket legal non-commenters, doesn’t the 1st Amendment include freedom from religion?

    • Skwerl King

      There’s a First Amendment? why didn’t the NRA tell me this?

    • therblig

      from icky foreign religions like the isises, the hindoos, the boodhans, and some jooishes

    • borninatrailer

      Your generic right wing evangelical would tell you that is freedom OF not FROM, a very important distinction if you are a halfwit.

      • sw19womble

        Protection of my personal belief system, over everyone else’s rights. Because of course, my invisible sky fairy is the One True Sky Fairy.
        So of course the Founding Fathers meant “I am right and you are wrong”, when they wrote that.
        The logic is infallible!

        • borninatrailer

          Hey, if you don’t like how the Constitution was written, take it up with Jesus!

    • Frank Underboob

      Allegedly. In practice, not so much.

  • malsperanza

    “Can you imagine a city where a popular, successful business is singled out and attacked by the mayor who calls for a boycott — all because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles and believe in God’s definition of marriage? You don’t have to imagine. That’s exactly what just happened to one of America’s most successful businesses because there really is such a city in America, and it is still soaked in glitter and jizz and it is still America’s bestest and most coolest city.” FIFY Franklin. Please stay in whatever chain-restaurant hellhole you live in, and take your chain-restaurant classitude with you.

    Alsotoo, someone named Starnes is telling someone named De Blasio how to eat pizza. Good luck with that.

  • Nounverb911

    Has Fox Noise demanded a boycott of Facebook because they aren’t “Fair and Balanced” like Fox is?

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Plump breasts and buttery buns…I’ll be in my boy cot.

  • Metadude

    So…wingnuts are choking the chicken and gagging on it?

    • Damian L

      constantly

  • Skwerl King

    Never seen a Chick-Fil-A. Do they sell Jack Chick Tracts or something?

    • eddi

      If it wasn’t for their owner’s attitude problem, they would just be a KFC knockoff.

  • As always:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-msplukrw

    Their Polynesian Sauce just screams gay.

    • Henri205

      Bible-thumpin’ bitches. That is brilliant!

  • Jay Vaughn

    I support boycotting them, in theory, but fuck damn those sandwiches are God. Like fuck. Also a drink of lemonade and soft serve.

  • Biff52

    A “restaurant” is closed on Sunday–maybe they could rent them out as churches, which are open only on Sunday?

    • Belasaurius

      Baptists are also open on Wednesdays (take that however you like folks)

      • Biff52

        Maybe Mr. Cathy should close his stores on Wednesday too, then?

        • Jenny

          Wednesday is for the pastor to get enough grift so he can spend it on Saturday night.

  • Frank Underboob

    “I AM THE HARBINGER OF THE MORAL DECAY OF AMERICAN SOCIETY, EVERYBODY GO HAVE BUTTSEX AT CHICK-FIL-A AND EJACULATE IN THE NUGGETS.”

    Aren’t they too busy jizzing into the Starbucks coffee? Is there really enough gay jizz in NYC to spare that much for Chick-Fil-A?

    • Belasaurius

      does rat jizz count? That must be an awful job

      • Frank Underboob

        I don’t think my eye-sight is good enough to jerk off a rat.

        • Belasaurius

          in Soviet Russia, rat jerks off YOU!

        • Damian L

          Trump hands?

    • I read that as HAMBURGLAR OF MORAL DECAY.

      • sw19womble

        In n Out?

      • Frank Underboob

        He looks like he’d be totally into jizzing in the nuggets, or at least the shakes.

        • Pickwicknext

          Wait, he wasn’t already?

          • Frank Underboob

            I couldn’t possibly comment.

          • BigBoppa

            No….but one has to wonder just what it is that makes McDonald’s ‘Special Sauce’ so special.

          • Blank Ron

            It’s made with love! Or at least with lust.

  • FauxAntocles

    For the eleventy-billionth time, GOD DOES NOT HAVE A DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE.
    Read the fucking Bible, you stupid pricks.

  • LarryHoudini

    New Yorkers know–if anyone one the subway is smiling and waving hello, you stay the fuck away from them.

    • enfilmigult

      Heh. I visited my grandmother in North Carolina once from my home in NYC and couldn’t get over how goddamned rude everyone was, acting like they knew you even though you were total strangers.

      • LarryHoudini

        “HI TO YOU TOO—CREEP.”

  • HanBarbara

    Boycotting Target ok, boycotting Chic-Fil-A not ok? Eat Mor Stoopid.

  • How’s that Target boycott going for you, Mr. Graham?

    • eddi

      A million signed up online. How many were Wonkettes?

  • The Witch of Endor

    I do hope that “I AM THE HARBINGER OF THE MORAL DECAY OF
    AMERICAN SOCIETY, EVERYBODY GO HAVE BUTTSEX AT CHICK-FIL-A AND EJACULATE
    IN THE NUGGETS.” will fit on the t-shirt I’m going to order.

    • Pickwicknext

      Can you order a bunch? I think most of us need them

      • The Witch of Endor

        Bulk orders are usually cheaper than one-offs, so YES!

        • Pickwicknext

          It would be even better if there was a Chick-fil-A in Canada to wear it to

          • The Witch of Endor

            Count your blessings. Their food really sucks.

          • Blank Ron

            NO IT WOULDN’T.

    • Frank Underboob

      I would wear the shit out of that t-shirt.

    • The Wanderer

      I’d swagger into a Chik-Fil-A wearing one.

  • arglebargle

    Fucking Franklin fucking Graham is a fucking fucknut. That is all.

    • The Wanderer

      Yeah, the acorn didn’t fall far from the gnarled, disease-ridden, and morally decayed oak.

    • bupkus23

      Yeah – Franklin is a real bigot. Billy would be turning over in his grave, ifn he wuz dead…

      • arglebargle

        Dear old Billy. My only wish for him is that he outlives his spawn.

  • Oblios_Cap

    urging citizens to refrain from eating plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns
    mmm….breasts..

    • Belasaurius

      do you the comments section to yourself? Just put a tie on the doorknob so we know not to come in.

  • chascates

    It’s junk food no matter how you look at it.

    • DemmeFatale

      This ad campaign makes me sad.
      (For several reasons.)

  • anwisok

    See, this pretty much proves how ineffective boycotts are. teh Gheys have BEEN boycotting Chik-Fil-A since, well, nearly forever, and it’s apparently news to these guys.

  • TheRepoCode

    The mayor of a city I haven’t been to in years is questioning whether people with a certain viewpoint should patronize a private business. My 1st Amendment rights have literally never been more assaulted. Now where did I put my feinting couch?

    • jmhm

      Feinting couch is a thing of much beauty. May I steal it?

  • The Witch of Endor

    “…plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns.” Ok, my mom had a real thing for Chik-Fil-A or however you spell it. I tried it once when I was getting her lunch and it was dry, rubbery, and tasteless. So was the chicken. The damn place should be boycotted just on the inedible shit they claim as food.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I guess Graham’s militia ministry didn’t go very well, so he’s moved on to fast food.

  • Speaking of Things You Used To Only See in Malls, are Orange Julius,Spencer Gifts, and organ stores still around?

    • Skwerl King

      And Franklin-Covey stores selling $400 planners?

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        That’s a good question! I hated them because they got Sundays off. Bastards.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      Spencer’s — yes. Orange Julius — yes, although often paired with a pretzel place or something. Organ stores, no.

      • theblackdog

        Sometimes paired with Dairy Queen as well.

      • JohnW

        Or Hot-Dog-on-a-Stick with the “colorful” outfits….

        • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

          Dippin dots!!!

    • The Wanderer

      Shocking! A man playing with his organ in public?

      • I remember the ‘Tony Barone Organ Store’ at our mall. A creepy old guy dressed like that and sporting a greasy pompadour hairdo would sit and play the organ near the entrance and nod and griiiiin at you as you walked by.

        Looking back, it was pro’bly some kind of kiddie sex ring trap.

    • edith prickly

      SISTER OF PRICKLY LIBEL!!!111!11 https://youtu.be/xS5zNX2zVbk

      • Due to the brilliance of Thomas and Martin we got to witness the sad disintegration of Tex and Edna Boil’s seemingly perfect marriage and partnership through a series of their Organ Emporium commercials.

        Edna held a series of disastrous auditions to replace Tex before meeting Stan:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-g8_Lt1qa0

        • DemmeFatale

          San Fransiskey?
          Did you drove or did you flew?

    • I loved organ stores!!! Seventies heaven!!!

  • epzik8

    Is it possible to still like their food despite disagreeing with certain viewpoints of theirs? Because I like their food too much to refuse to go there…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Sure. Though honestly, I have a hard time believing anyone actually likes that shit. It is so gross and you can feeeeel the fat gliding down your throat.
      shudder.

    • julienne58

      Uh, me too, and my local franchise hires tons of brown and brownish kids despite the ultra white clientele.

  • Duke

    For every person who boycotts this place there’s another who goes just because they’re jerks. And then they go to Hobby Lobby.

    As long as they actually treat all people with decency I’m content to let them be and get my greasy chicken fix at Popeye’s.

  • Shibusa
    • The Wanderer

      Fits pretty well for the cultural milieu it was written in – that of a bunch of Bronze Age sheep squeezers.

      • Helena Handbag

        Who suspected they could draw so well?

  • Helena Handbag

    They will do what they will do, just not with my money. I have been boycotting the Christian Chicken for years. Aaaand, let me take this opportunity to say fuck Hobby Lobby also too.

    • Never had any chicken burger things from that chain, and never will. It helps that I’ve never even seen a Chick-FIl-A restaurant.

      • Helena Handbag

        It’s not all that plus they are closed on Sunday (natch).

      • Sakonyachen

        I had an interview there once. The manager told me the owner was a devout baptist(I think it was baptist) so they were closed on Sundays. that was the 90’s. I didn’t see a new one open until the recent fundie revolution. I live in the St. Louis area, so it’s not like there’s no demand for unhealthy fast food.

    • Jenny

      Hobby Lobby is creepy. I’ve had to go in there for specific teacher supplies and I feel like I’m being watched. Also too, they still key in all the prices. I guess they’re sticking with barcodes are the mark of the beast.

      • Helena Handbag

        I’ve had a grocery receipt for $6.66 twice in the past few months. Am I doomed?

        • Jenny

          No, it’s time to buy a few lottery tickets.

        • Frank Underboob

          Yes, but ultimately, we all are.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          When I buy beer and they ask for my birthdate, I tell them 6/6/66.

          • The Witch of Endor

            I do feel bad for the kids born on 6/6/06.

          • SDGeoff

            I sure like that.

        • SDGeoff

          I get that every once in a while. And I try to remember what I bought so I can do it again. One clerk asked me, “Do you want to buy something else?” I said no I didn’t. And she said with a heavy accent, “but it’s the mark of the beets!” (Yes, I swear to the FSM, she said beets.) Ever since then, my friends and I have had a new way to talk about the fundies.

          • Swampay

            Oh thank you so much. “Mark of the Beets”. That’s a keeper.

          • SDGeoff

            I had to ask her to repeat it, just to make sure. And this was in the supermarket, of course, so even better.

          • Donna Alexander

            “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!ce1065etwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !ce1065e:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsWinnerGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!ce1065e….,

        • Doug Langley

          What the hell do grocery stores have that sell for only $6.66???

        • Sakonyachen

          Yes.

        • ahughes798

          Oh, don’t worry. When the trip-o-meter thingy in my car ends up on 666, I immediately go in the house and You Tube Slayer’s Angel of Death, and play it really loudly. Keeps the boogie-man away.

        • Serai 1

          Did you make a fuss? PLEASE tell me you made a fuss.

          I would have made a fuss. >:D

      • mrpuma2u

        Their muzak is religious songs. Doubly horrible

        • bupkus23

          Maybe that Judy Rogers playlist?

      • Frank Underboob

        It’s probably so they can overcharge the heathens & sluts.

  • MrBlobfish

    Needz moar throat cramming

    • Doug Langley

      Where’s Linda Lovelace when we really need her?

      • ahughes798

        About 6 feet under, I think.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    FWIW, our local Chick-Fil-A donated 200 sandwiches to Pride. So it may come down to the local franchise owner. (That said, I know the owner and they are kinda culty. Still. Sandwiches for Pride.) This is how I justify my occasional waffle fry indulgence.

    • Blank Ron

      Could be one of those rare examples of the franchisee saying, ‘Head Office can bite my nads, I’m gonna do something to offset their shit.’

    • bobbert

      Culty, but sammiches for Pride? Are you trying to explode my head?

      Ah, then, life is always weirder than you expect. So we go on.

  • freakishlystrong

    Wasn’t there a metric shit ton of bagattin’ and homosecksing going on the babble? What doesn’t offend these assholes?

    • Hardly Ideal

      As the old saying goes, the only thing we have to fear is everything outside the wire.

      I think that’s how it goes, anyway.

    • ahughes798

      Not to mention incest. Adam and Eve had 2 sons. One slew the other. Ok, so where did everyone else come from?

  • jmhm

    Me? I disbelieve very strongly that Chick fil a can afford to open all those stores in Manhattan they say they’re opening. Me, I think for the cost of a few theater majors handing out fried chicken outside the commuter terminals, the clever Chick fil a guy has bought himself another few months of wingnuts and Duggars support-eating fried bird on Instagram for Freedom!

    • bupkus23

      I’ve lost the link, but I read that Chick-Fil-A only charges a franchise fee of $5000 to open a new store ( as opposed to franchises like KFC costing upwards of $1.9M ). This low fee is supposedly what is super-charging the growth of the chain.

      Of course, if you have access to a business property in Manhattan, I suppose the cheap franchise fee means very little…

      • It’ll be YOOOGE!

      • jmhm

        Yeah, see, Manhattan rent? They’d never cover their nut. I think it’s a publicity stunt, probably intended to help some candidate other than Trump, but definitely giving their base a miscegenating liberal married to a gay communist to be outraged by.

    • YourNameHere

      That was my immediate thought because hahahaah no.

  • The Witch of Endor

    CA Pinkham, with a little bit of editing, you have the beginnings of a great punk song:

    I’m the harbinger of moral decay
    Everyone go have buttsex at Chik-Fil-A

    C’mon, I know there are a lot of musicians here, run with it people.

    • DemmeFatale

      Oooo, thrashy!

    • Hardly Ideal

      I can’t really sing or play guitar, but that doesn’t seem to stop many punk groups.

      • Blank Ron

        ‘You c’n play FOUR chords? Elitist!’

    • Serai 1

      Paging Henry Rollins… Henry Rollins to the white courtesy phone…

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    All that sweet tea and fried chicken did not make New Yorkers all nice nice. It will, very likely, make them all diabetic.

  • Scooby

    Come for the sodomy…stay for the chicken.

    • Frank Underboob

      “Cum for the sodomy…stay for the chicken.”
      FTFY!

  • Enfant Terrible

    “all because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles and believe in God’s definition of marriage?”

    How many concubines do we get?

    • Frank Underboob

      Do we get to dash the babbies heads against rocks?

    • The Witch of Endor

      Will wimmins get concubines? What about gay people?

      • Frank Underboob

        Do many women want gay concubines? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, obviously.,

        • The Witch of Endor

          Do not confuse me with your evil, satanic logic.

        • YourNameHere

          If I can watch, yes.

        • Blank Ron

          They’ll have AMAZING hair.

        • ahughes798

          Sure! No pressure. And their homes will be decorated gorgeously!

        • Serai 1

          If I can take my pick, yes. Three, please – two for me to watch and one to rub my feet.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    “. . .because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles
    and believe in God’s definition of marriage.” Why can’t people keep their personal religious beliefs personal? What does a business person’s religious belief have to do with selling fried chicken? If their religious beliefs are so strong, why aren’t they running a chain of Christian book stores?

    • SDGeoff

      Mmmm…cooking the books.

    • bupkus23

      I’m convinced that God’s definition of discrimination means very little to these people.

      Neither do Jesus’s teachings ( “Judge not…”, “Love thy neighbor… ” ) or hugging him some lepers…

    • Antonin Dvorak

      The only thing that sells better than bibles are french fries.

  • Nockular cavity

    “EVERYBODY GO HAVE BUTTSEX AT CHICK-FIL-A AND EJACULATE IN THE NUGGETS.”

    Wait, uh, that’s a bad thing?

    • SDGeoff

      Not entirely. It doesn’t require ingesting the food.

    • Frank Underboob

      Only if you bend your partner over the counter.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Honey, we didn’t order these nugs with Alfredo sauce?!?!”

      “But they’re so familiarly tasty”

      The Wingnut Fambly

  • ibwilliamsi

    Franklin Graham = Dry Drunk

  • Tendernob

    Dear wingnuts,

    Please eat as much deep-fried chicken as your mullet can withstand. Thrice a day, if possible.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I really love fried chicken. However, I haven’t had a mullet since ’91 and it was an accident.

      • Frank Underboob

        How do you get a mullet by accident? Or is that one of those questions to which the world is better off not knowing the answer?

        • ahughes798

          But doesn’t almost everyone have a mullet? My hair is long in the back, and is short up front because I wear bangs. Or is it a combo of hair and attitude that truly makes a mullet?

          • Frank Underboob

            Bangs aren’t short enough to count. Women can have mullets, but they look identical to men’s mullets. So, very short front & side, long in back.

  • SDGeoff

    The righties, for all their impeccable economic policies, do not understand business. And they do not understand that, when they promote policies of not serving people they hate so fucking damn much, they don’t get to whine when those same folks refuse to patronize the toxic sludge waste dumps they call restaurants.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Will they sell sweet tea by the gallon at the drive through window in Manhattan? Wait a minute – probably no drive through windows in Manhattan. How will the bike delivery guy carry all those biscuits and sweet tea? You’ll have to buy two gallons of sweet tea so’s he can balance them on the back. I’m sure he won’t mind.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Oh, fuck the wingnuts with a rusted chainsaw, with sharp pointy votes.

  • Michael Rush

    Let’s see if the average Chick-Fil-A customer will join the boycott …

    http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac199/jumpinacrater/a999/feel%20the%20bern%20_1.jpg

  • daysleeper

    Here’s what I don’t understand– they owner/president of the company has stated his opposition to gay marriage, yes. And he’s a gaping asshole for having that opinion.

    HOWEVER. His company does not actually engage in any discriminatory practices.

    So is he not allowed to have his (superstitious, unreasonable, bigoted) opinion? Like, have we really devolved as a people to where we can’t let others be assholes if they want to be?

    Or have I missed something? Are they working to make LGBTQ rights diminish? Have they been turning away prospective employees, or failing to promote employees, for being gay? Is there more to this than just one dude’s opinion that the only proper way to fuck is when tab A fits into slot B?

    • Iam Reading

      Yes. We don’t support bigots around these parts. The fact that this confuses you is disturbing

    • thixotropic jerk

      He’s allowed to have his opinion, but he’s not speaking as a private citizen and the business that he is president of gets business from fellow bigots precisely because they agree with the asshole and his asshole-y opinions. So yes, it’s perfectly okay to boycott a business run by an asshole with asshole-y opinions to give that business (and its shareholders) the message that they think you SUCK! Does that help you understand better or are you still having a confused?

      • Frank Underboob

        Not to mention the fact that it’s perfectly okay for anyone to boycott any business for any reason they like – regardless of how dumb or wrong you or I might consider that reason to be – no matter how much anyone else dislikes it.

    • The Witch of Endor

      Here’s how I look at it. Mel Gibson is a flaming asshole, for the most part, the studios who used to cast him in films aren’t. I no longer rent Mel Gibson films. My choice. So, rich guy who apparently has the ear of the media says shit I don’t like or agree with. I don’t buy from the company he represents. No one else has to do this.

    • enfilmigult

      Wel, you missed the part about corporate profits being donated to fight against gay rights.

      • daysleeper

        Oh, I did miss that part! Thanks for pointing it out!

        • enfilmigult

          No worries. I should have written it before, but: to be honest I wouldn’t blame you for missing it at the time, as everyone on the other side of that argument worked overtime to pretend that simply didn’t exist. Nope, the protests and the complaints were all about people wanting to infringe Dan Cathy’s right to free speech or something. I’d call that tactic “pathetic” but it worked like gangbusters.

          • daysleeper

            I was ‘meh’ on the issue as long as they weren’t actively working against equal rights for LGBTQ people, but it they are? Fuck ’em.

          • enfilmigult

            In fairness they’ve changed that since (nobody else listened to the people complaining about it, but the company did for some reason). But last I heard they hadn’t entirely stopped such donations, and I wasn’t exactly camping out waiting until I could finally visit the place with a clean conscience, so I stopped paying attention a while ago.

    • Hardly Ideal

      The problem is he’s using his position to amplify his dumb opinions and rally other shitheads. It’s not illegal*, but it’s screamingly dumb and retrograde.

      What he and his seem to forget is that the First Amendment is not a shield by any means. If anything, it’s a knife so sharp that it’s just as likely to cut you as it is to cut someone else.

      *Also, citing the First Amendment is kind of the ultimate concession; your strongest defense is “It is literally not illegal to have my opinion.”

    • Donkey Option

      As others have said – no one is stopping him from having his stupid, asshole opinions. We are choosing not to give him money. Which is our right. To not support people and causes we don’t agree with. I also don’t shop at Hobby Lobby or any store that advertises itself as Christian. Because I don’t want my money going to people like that. But these places aren’t getting shut down unless they openly discriminate. But we can use the power of the purse to at least make being an asshole a less attractive prospect. How else to you ever get people to stop being assholes if you just accept that we have to let them be that way? Are you friends with racists, misogynists, and bigots? Do you feel like you have to be because they have the right to be an asshole?

    • HazooToo

      There was some business between them and the original dma thing, a while back. Primarily, tho, I don’t eat there anymore because the other customers want to talk about how Cosby is innocent and men in dresses are going into ladies rooms, and other assorted wrong and bloodboiling things, which makes it super hard to enjoy my food.

    • Left Coast Tom

      As I understood it, they’re quite discriminatory towards their franchisees, who are “business partners” and therefore not covered under non-discrimination laws. Their employees…well, from their perspective most of their employees are in Georgia which isn’t known for its strong non-discrimination protections, the ones you’d see elsewhere are employees of the franchisee.

  • Ricky Gay

    just a spoonful of sweet tea helps the ramming go down…♫♫

    • Frank Underboob

      Also, all that stale grease from the fryers.

    • Doug Langley

      Julie Andrews libelz!!!!!!!

  • Christopher J.

    The CEO might still be a queer-hating asshat, but the company has separated it’s CEO from its corporate donations.
    http://vitalvegas.com/before-you-hate-on-chick-fil-a-coming-to-las-vegas-stop-and-read-this/

    • theblackdog

      While that may be true, I wouldn’t want my money to be going to the CEO who is more than happy to continue to donate to these causes

    • Blank Ron

      And politicians never co-ordinate things with their superPACs.

      • Christopher J.

        He’s a CEO, not a politician. And I don’t know if he has a super PAC or not.

  • YourNameHere

    New York has real food.

  • Master Contrail Program

    In 2012 one of my more prolifically- posting wingnut friends put up a meme that said, “Hey Obama, this is what the polling places will look like in November!” Featuring a bunch of old angry white people, milling about a Chic-Fil-A for hours, in the name of free-dumb, and sandwiches. Turns out, he was exactly right on that one. Broken clocks, blind squirrels, and whatnot.

  • enfilmigult

    I noticed that after two weeks of drinking all that sweet tea and eating fried food, New Yorkers seemed a bit more – how can I put this – a bit more pleasant – and easy going.

    Oh fuck off. There’s stretching or misrepresenting, but is this guy really pretending fried food and sweetened drinks were a brand-new innovation the likes of which New York had never seen? Sweet tea is at least nominally a Southern thing, but fried food? Might as well credit them for introducing us all to gravity.

    • The Witch of Endor

      2 words: Soul Food

      • kaw143

        You aren’t suggesting that these scared white people would ever knowingly venture into Harlem, are you?

        • The Witch of Endor

          I wouldn’t wish that on the good people of Harlem. But these smegheads acting like sweet tea and fried food are some new fucking culinary phenomena in NYC just frosts my ass.

        • Skadi

          They could at least try the pan-fried jiaozi in Chinatown. Or the latkes on the Lower East Side.

      • enfilmigult

        Needs more words, ha ha. What about soul food?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Sweet tea is at least nominally a Southern thing,

      Moroccan Mint Tea Libelz!!1!

      (seriously…that stuff is almost more sugar than tea…)

      • enfilmigult

        Heh. I grew up on cloying fake iced tea so “sweet tea” is like, oh. It’s iced tea.

        • ahughes798

          My mom made a gallon of sweet tea everyday for my dad. She used saccharin, though. It was gross.

          • enfilmigult

            Ugh, that stuff tastes like metal shavings.

          • ahughes798

            It’s freaking horrible. I don’t know if it’s even used anymore.

          • enfilmigult

            I think so? I dunno, I avoid them all, ha h. Each one tastes worse than the last to me (Splenda, my God).

          • ahughes798

            I’ve tried them all, as I am hopelessly addicted to sugar. The best so far, and it really is good, is the sweetener made with Monkeyfruit.

          • enfilmigult

            Thanks for the tip! Don’t think I’ve tried that.

    • Serai 1

      Well, you know – nobody but Southerners ever thought of cooking food in hot oil.

  • JohnBull

    Two weeks of sweet tea and fried food makes people pleasant? This explains why the American South is such a peaceful, healthy place.

    • Flashman

      Did New Yorkers also seem 400 pounds heavier?

  • Mark Schmidt

    Don’t like fake chicken anyway, and don’t like no damn Hobby Lobby either. I would suggest not doing any business with either is a fine idea.

    • zerosumgame0005

      their “chicken” is as bad as KFC’s, swollen with saline and way too salty

  • Flashman

    NYC should adopt an ordinance requiring each Chick-Fil-A to have a doctor with local hospital admitting privileges on staff, and mandating a 24-hour waiting period before receiving your order.

    • zerosumgame0005

      all that congealed moist grease will be so pleasant…

    • TheBidenator

      if you eat nothing but Chik-Fil-A for 30 days you will need to be admitted to the local hospital for a prolapsed anus, probably pancreatitis and also some blocked arteries.

  • IronChefSandwiches

    So…Disney World let’s gays congregate there and doesn’t ban them…boycott.

    Chick fil A gives money to anti-gay causes…boycotts are evil.

    Ladies and gentlemen…right wing logic!

  • TheBidenator

    “…all because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles”
    So he’s saying Chik-Fil-A is communal or as a weaker example socialists and share the profits equally with their employees? Because it seems like early Christians did that a HELL of a lot more often than they engaged in Victorian pearl clutch fests over indecency like a bunch of prudes….

    • Frank Underboob

      I wonder if he tithes 10% of his corporate profits to the church?

      • Sakonyachen

        No. When it’s time to tithe, a corporation is a corporation. When it’s time to impose religion on employees’ lady parts, it’s a free man walking on the land.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Can you imagine a city where a popular, successful business is singled out and attacked by the mayor who calls for a boycott — all because the business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian principles and believe in God’s definition of marriage?”

    Yes, I do. Often.

    • Serai 1

      What I’d like to know is why these people never seem to pay attention to Jesus and his stern admonition to NOT BE A LOUD DICK about their religion?

      • Skadi

        I asked that on the subway once, only to be informed that Jesus only said not to pray on street corners, but this was a subway car, you see.

        • Serai 1

          Yes, easily ignoring that he told them to pray IN THEIR ROOMS WITH THE DOORS CLOSED. So whether it’s a street corner or a subway makes no difference – they’re not supposed to do it in fucking PUBLIC. Assholes.

        • Sakonyachen

          Ask again, if you get the same response, point out that Leviticus says thou shall not lay with a man as thou would a woman. Therefore if I wouldn’t lay with a woman, then it’s okay to lay with a man. There are no details in Leviticus that specifically say you can’t have gay sex. It just says you can’t be bisexual, if semantics are passing for theology in the conversation at hand. After all, it never mentions the specifics of the laying. And technically, you can be a real ass and say that being bi is okay as long as you don’t do anal with the woman.

  • TheBidenator

    Shorter Todd Starnes: Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining….piss in my cup and tell me it’s happy hour!

  • TheBidenator

    I’d like to throw Todd Starnes in front of a subway train to see if it smiles, waves and stops for him….ya know for science.

    • Doug Langley

      Where’s Mythbusters when you really need them?

    • therblig

      nyc doesn’t have the train he needs

  • Portia McGonagal

    You mean like the constant boycotting by 100 Moms and their sock puppet ids of places like Starbucks, Target, insert non-bigoted business name here? Is that what you mean Franklin Graham et. al. ?

    • Sakonyachen

      Ya know that is a false equivalence right? Their boycotts barely get noticed since they always like to boycott places they avoided in the first place. It has to have a monetary impact to make businesses take notice. That, and the boycott has to have a purpose other than crying oppression when you don’t get to dictate the terms of others’ lives.

      • Portia McGonagal

        Thank you for pointing out the obvious….it was a snarky comment. This is Wonkette after all.

        • Sakonyachen

          You’re welcome.

  • AnOuthouse

    The last thing New Yorkers need is sweet tea. If Todd Starnes doesn’t like NYC so much why is he there?

    • jmk

      We totally don’t need sweet tea, whatever that is – is that the crap from McDonald’s that doesn’t have any lemon in it?

      Fuck that. We have Snapple.

      And Todd Starnes probably stays in the city only because he likes the way subway stairwells smell.

  • Donkey Option

    In defense of New York and the surrounding environs – they/we are not unfriendly. They/we are just more social isolationists. We ignore others and expect ourselves to be ignored. We just don’t want to talk to anyone. But once you get to know us, we’re really friendly. We just don’t see the point of pretending to be super nice to everyone while being an asshole behind their back (cough:the south and midwest:cough.) The whole asshole New Yorker thing is really overblown by people in flyover states who don’t understand they we just don’t like talking to them if we don’t know them.

    • Hizzoner

      I visit the City frequently and have nothing but love for New Yorkers and the people in the surrounding borroughs. I’ve never met more polite people as long as your behavior is civilized. Disrespect them and they will gut you though.

      • enfilmigult

        Only advice I ever give about how to avoid rudeness from New Yorkers: if you’re in public, assume at all times that someone will want to get by this space in the next ten seconds. That’s the only thing that’s guaranteed to push buttons: being in someone’s way and not paying enough attention to move out of it. Hover at the top of a subway station staircase trying to figure out where you are, or amble slowly down a sidewalk with no room for anyone to get by you, and your head will get ripped off. Otherwise they will be super nice! :D

        • Skadi

          One thing that sometimes spares you from having your head ripped off–if you are a, um, buxom lass struggling with her heavy suitcase at the top of the stairs or the middle of the sidewalk.

          On the other hand, you then have to deal with the sudden appearance of those “smile, baby” guys. (Seriously, where do they come from?)

          • enfilmigult

            Ah, this is true. Of course it’s also true they’re not just being nice, but hey, at least they are superficially?

            But oh man, random dudes telling you to smile and everything else in that category. True story, I’m a guy and some asshole even did that to me once. (It was in Chelsea, ha ha.) I’m glad I eventually grew out of waifish twinkdom, that shit was catnip for dirty old creeps and they did not mind making that obvious.

          • Serai 1

            They come from Satan’s asshole, that’s where they come from. Few things make me want to bitchslap somebody more than being ordered to conform to their whims.

    • Sakonyachen

      I don’t know what part of the Midwest you’ve been to, but where I’m from, we’re pretty much assholes to your face and your back. And your side if you present it to us.

    • ahughes798

      Same in Chicago, except our default mode is not asshole.

  • beavertank

    I agree with the mayor, it’s time to register our displeasure with Chic-fil-a in the most direct way possible: staging peaceful buttsex-ins in their restaurants.

    • phoenix00

      How many condoms will we need?

      • beavertank

        Condoms? What are you, a sailor?

        • phoenix00

          Arr!

  • “If you’re gay and that worried about discrimination, use the power of the free market, not the government!”
    *Gay people use the power of the free market*
    “WHY DO YOU KEEP OPPRESSING US?!”

    • Serai 1

      As Ted Cruz would say, “WHY do you keep persecuting me???”

    • Sakonyachen

      The circular logic of religion can be as frustrating as it is humorous no?

      • I know enough smart religious people and atheists with a penchant for bad reasoning to know that, unfortunately, this sort of thing is not exclusive to one group or another.

        • Sakonyachen

          I generally consider those type of atheists in the same group as religious people. Their dogma is unwavering, even when presented with logical arguments against it. And they tend to always feel oppressed even when nobody makes them do anything or takes anything from them.

  • SeeTrain65

    Not to anyone with more brain cells than teeth, Franklin, no, it does not.”

    And where he comes from, brain cells vs. teeth is a virtual dead heat.

  • kaw143

    See, I don’t eat at Chick-fil-A because they’re fucking gross.

    And the food isn’t any good, either.

    • Marla

      Calling that offal food now that’s a stretch.

      • ahughes798

        Offal is awful!

  • thewitchqueen74

    That Starnes feller sure does like him some hot buttered buns…

  • Marla

    Sick–fil-Fucking-A, forget politics, they should be blocked because the food is absolutely disgusting. Hormone-induced chickens housed in crowed captivity until their legs break and/or suffocate to death is not nutrition. It’s cancer in the drive-thru. Amazes me that these chain stores are allowed to flourish while at the same time so many question: “Gee, why is America so god damn fat?”

    • therblig

      obesity induced dirt nap > boycott when it comes to closing down a business. give it time.

    • Sakonyachen

      And they wonder why the number of Christians is dwindling.

  • jviscont1

    Until they provide complimentary holy water, they’re not much of a Christian business.

  • major_asshole

    “Can you imagine a city where a popular, successful business is singled
    out and attacked by the mayor who calls for a boycott — all because the
    business owners let it be known that they operate by Christian
    principles and believe in God’s definition of marriage?”

    Because you brought it up, smug asshole shitstain otherwise known as “Franklin Graham,” let us talk frankly about God’s definition of marriage. To wit:

    WHICH FUCKING DEFINITION? Would that be the one involving a conqueror marrying his victims’ (possibly multiple) wives, marrying his slave(s), having multiple concubines on the side, or all of the above? I’d link to the Mrs Betty Bowers America’s Best Christian video, but I can’t be arsed to find it right now because I can’t get over the rage in my head today.

  • major_asshole

    Also, I will admit that I eat Chick-Fil-A, but it does not make me a BAD GHEY because I never spend my own goddamned money on it–always free shit and the rare free gift card–and then I sit in their restaurant for a few hours trolling Grindr for booty and talking about kinky fetish-y shit just loud enough for people around me to catch every other word.

    Goddamnit, their chicken nuggets are good. And now I’m off to have the shit beaten out of me for being naughty.

    • enfilmigult

      …then I sit in their restaurant for a few hours trolling Grindr for booty
      and talking about kinky fetish-y shit just loud enough for people
      around me to catch every other word.

      Methinks that’s the part that makes you a bad ghey.

      • major_asshole

        Is that wrong? Should I not do that?

        • enfilmigult

          Yep; nope.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “urging citizens to refrain from eating plump juicy chicken breasts tucked between hot buttered buns.”

    You don’t understand how hard it is to resist. Especially with a couple of packets of mayonnaise kinda spurted unevenly, as if in haste, all over the bun.

    • Serai 1

      Ugh. I never understand the attraction of spurting mayo all over the place. Mayo should be squirted into the sandwich, so it can do its thing without getting all over your face.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    As I was reading this, this song started playing (yes, my iTunes library is weird):

    https://open.spotify.com/track/2uBvNCcDcVDNEeXvZ2Ai7e

    It seemed strangely appropriate.

  • phoenix00

    > Folks on the subway were even waving at each other – with all five fingers – instead of one

    Hey Starnes and the C-F-A leadership, here’s MY one-finger wave:
    https://www.colourbox.com/preview/2585484-third-finger-sign-vector-illustration.jpg

  • Left Coast Tom

    I’ve been to NYC. I never found myself asking: “where might I find a Chick-fil-A”. Mostly because I was enjoying the really nice restaurants that NYC has.

  • dshwa

    So to recap, passing laws enshrining discrimination is good, while suggesting maybe not supporting a company that promotes discrimination but saying it’s not legal to ban them is bad in RWNJ world. Got it.

    • NWaff

      And you mean the LGTB newspeak where “discrimination” is Conservative or Christian beliefs that The State has deemed criminal. We need to send these infected people to The Ministry of Love to be cured.
      .
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_b04ZzekOA

      • Sakonyachen

        Maybe you could move to a more Christian nation? Where you get to dictate people’s personal lives and don’t have to worry about a nanny state helping the poors because they are too busy judging them via Old Testament verses and not doing like Jesus. Must be somewhere better than this country that oppresses you by not letting you push your storybook into other people’s lives. Or where heathens like me don’t oppress you by pointing out the paradox of your statements.

      • dshwa

        It’s always projection with you guys, isn’t it?

      • doktorzoom

        We have always been at war with Wingnuttistan, and you have been banhammered, comrade

  • Kooolest G

    I’m ashamed to admit I agree with the pee enthusiast, thou shall not eat pizza with a fucking fork

    • jmk

      In general, yes, but DiBlasio says he learned it in Italy, and my sister’s mother-in-law backs him up on that, so he gets a little bit of a pass from my family.

  • Kooolest G

    “Can you imagine a city where a popular, successful business is singled out and attacked by the mayor who calls for a boycott”
    yes I can imagine that, I think there might be a few gay bars, weed dispensaries and massage parlors that can imagine it too.

    • therblig

      most politicians go to a massage parlor and expect a girl cot.

  • Donna Alexander

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!ce1066etwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !ce1066e:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsWinnerGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!ce1066e….,….

    • therblig

      it’s fil-a, donna, not fel-8

  • NWaff

    The LGBT movement has become so obsessed with anti-Christian hate that you all have become secular Westboro Baptists.

    • therblig

      being straight, i just dabble in anti-christian hate.

    • jmk

      Bwaaaahahahahahaha!!

    • Sakonyachen

      How’s that stigmata working out for you poor, poor, martyrs that insist on laws to run people’s lives but refuse to say anything about fixing things for the less fortunate? Ya know, because you’re all so Christian like Christ. Which would have been Jesus’ priority again? Judging or helping?

  • NWaff

    de Blasio forget to mention the Christian hating establishment he loves to visit.

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