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It is never the wrong time to panic
It is never the wrong time to panic

With Donald Trump the presumptive Republican nominee, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning have been time for much panic, many gnashing of the teeth for the NeverTrump folks. It’s kind of cute to see their resolute determination that when they say never, they mean NEVER TRUMP, mixed with all the bitter tears they’re crying for America and what Hillary Clinton will do to our once-great nation. Actually, it sounds almost exactly like all the wailing over Barack Obama winning a second term. Erick Erickson, who disinvited Trump from his big conservative sleepover after Trump said that thing about Megyn Kelly bleeding from her wherever, has been going slightly nuts. He’s not sure who he’s angrier at, Trump or the Republican Party establishment that let this disaster happen. His Twitter stream since the news broke has been a mix of angst, brave posturing, and bedwetting:

erickson trump 1
erickson trump 2

By 1 a.m. Wednesday, Erickson had posted this cri de butthurt on his blog, vowing Never means never ever ever:

I could no more vote for Donald Trump for President than I could David Duke. Nor can I in good conscience vote for Hillary Clinton. […]

From here on out, it will be somewhat refreshing to cover this race hating them all. Republicans will say Trump has not yet set about attacking Hillary. The truth is that she has not yet set about attacking Trump. Republicans may have attacked his small hands. The Democrats will be far more substantive in their attacks with opposition research the Republicans never even pulled out.

Yeah, we’re kind of looking forward to that, too.

Maybe Erick, Son of Erick, would like to purchase one of Wonkette’s fine “Truck Fump” shirts? As a conservative Christian, he can still wear it, since it’s not really cussin’. We really need to try marketing these suckers at #NeverTrump websites.

Over at the Daily Caller, columnist Jim Treacher wrote a VERY FUNNY THING: His headline is “#NeverTrump Is Dead, And Now We Have No Choice But To Vote For Him,” and his lede says

Well, I guess it’s all over. I held the line for as long as I could, but now it looks like Donald Trump is going to be the Republican nominee. It’s never fun to admit that defiance is futile, but it’s time for me to make amends. It’s time to build bridges. It’s time to reach out to all my Trump-supporting brothers and sisters. Here’s why I’m going back on my word and voting for Donald Trump in November, and why you should too:

He followed that with the video for Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.” It was all a Rickroll, hahaha, and he is as firmly anti-Trump as ever! This is why we love the conservative wit. He then goes on to explain, at length, the meaning of “never” — by some miracle, he doesn’t actually cite a dictionary, so he’s advanced past first-year composition — and closes with this “so long, suckers!” to the GOP:

I didn’t make this mess, and I’m not cleaning it up. You geniuses are on your own. Have fun coming up with pathetic excuses for what’s going to happen in November. Hillary Clinton is the second-worst presidential candidate in American history, but fortunately for her, she’s going up against #1.

Jamie Weinstein, senior editor for Tucker Carlson’s House of Conservative Grievance, also posted an editorial explaining why it’s OK for real conservatives to sit this one out:

In a White House race between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I’d prefer Clinton, just as I’d prefer Malaria to Ebola.

In most cases, Malaria is curable. Ebola is more often deadly […]

But as bad as Hillary would be as president, there is little threat another Clinton presidency would end the American system as we know it.

Maybe we should get him together with Salon’s Walker Bragman. They can have a beer and a cry together, and then get into a slapfight over who’s more likely to ruin America forever. It’s surprising how a bad turn in an election can bring people together.

Then there’s the American Patriarchy Association’s radio mouthpiece, Bryan Fisher, who went quickly from Despair to Denial:

Fischer trump

Yeah, there’s an idea. We can certainly get behind that.

[Erick Erickson on Twitter / The Resurgent / Daily Caller / Daily Caller again / Bryan Fischer on Twitter]

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  • The Wanderer
    • nightmoth

      I’m really hoping that they SAY they’re voting for Trump, then vote for Hillary. I’m also hoping that the Democrats don’t get lazy, say “Hillary is a shoe-in” and not vote. Because the fact that Trump is going to be the GOP candidate makes me think I’m living in Bizarro world.

      • The Wanderer

        I tend to look upon Trump as the apotheosis of the modern GOP. He’s the brains of the brainless Tea Party, the unfettered Ego leading the vast, bigoted, seething Id.

    • Antimassacree

      “Gestapo Hep-cats” might be the worst band name ever.

      • The Wanderer

        Definitely death metal territory.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          WAY too ironic and cheeky for death metal. Those guys are anti-humor.

          • Amy!

            Cover band for the Eagles of Death Metal, then?

          • The Wanderer

            Poifekt!

  • beatbort

    All of these people cited above will vote for Trump.
    They are just like the Republicans who voted for George W. Bush, then began referring to themselves as “libertarians” so they could hide from their shame and bigotry when he fucked everything up.

    • Sardonicuss

      German soldiers after the fall: Burning their uniforms by the side of the road.

      • The Wanderer

        Made them easy to spot – wandering around in their government-issue underwear.

        • coozledad

          What’ll they call the “operation paperclip” for former Republicans? Operation Tasypaste? Smallwood?

  • Sardonicuss

    Umm. Nothing like starting the morning off with “The Champagne of Tears”.

    • calliecallie

      I prefer a mimosa of tears.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Careful – that shit has a kick to it…

    • The Wanderer

      Have a small glass:

      • Sardonicuss

        Well, I haven’t had any since Pete Carol, so I guess I should take it easy.

        • The Wanderer

          After his stupid play-calling at the end of the Seahawks Super Bowl?

          • Sardonicuss

            Yep. That look on his face. Delicious.

          • The Wanderer

            I confess I laughed hysterically while swearing like a stevedore at him.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …as a Dolphin fan I am happy that “Tommy” Brady will be sitting out the first four games of next season!!

    • weejee

      Milwaukee libel.

    • deanbooth

      Tiny bubbles… make me feel fine.

  • calliecallie

    Don’t despair, wingnuts. You still have John Kasich.

    • NoGoodnik

      Now, maybe, someone will coalesce behind John Kasich. Maybe.

    • weejee

      Could this be Rand Paul’s moment?

      • Hutch

        Someone find him some pants!

    • Ryan Denniston

      I hear Jim Gilmore is angling to get into the write-in game.

  • memzilla

    The KKK has more enthusiasm for Trump than the GOP.
    .

    • The Wanderer

      If only they’d believed in vaccination . . .

  • Toomush_Infer

    When do we get to hear about Donald fundraising for and then stealing all the disabled vets hobo beans?…

  • Oneofthebobs

    Erikson thinks hate is refreshing?

    • Kavefish

      It reminds him of the days when his older brother served him urine, saying it was lemonade.

  • Lizzietish81

    Say you know who hasn’t been taken over by the White Walkers?

    As for Never say Never

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezIa9luyF0g

    • dslindc

      The Shame Nun?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Septa.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I am Shod in Freude.

    • The Wanderer

      Just wipe up afterward.

    • arglebargle

      Eh… I’ve done that a few times myself. What. Don’t look at me like that. I meant the self upfist. Wait, that’s not what I meant.

    • gedjcj

      A down vote will erase it.

  • Msmlg1979

    Sooo..Hillz has been in politics since forever as Secretary of State, Senator, and First Lady. What piece of equipment is she missing?

    A dick. It’s a dick.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yyyeah… they are that sexist, true. If she were a man with all the same positions, most of them would still hate her. But no one would be going with the ‘unqualified’ angle…

      So yeah, you’re right.

    • Jenny

      She should just show them the strap on she uses with Huma. It’s yooooge!

  • weejee

    The joy of Erick bin Erick, George Will, and David Brooks suffering serious butt hurt.

    / makes note to self about moving some 501K Ameros to Pfizer/Preparation H™.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …you want to talk about a party that is fukked?!?! The Rethuglicans are FUKKED!!! Donald Trumpenstein has actually admitted so many things they A) denied existed(i.e. Racism, misogyny, anti-Semitism and income inequality) or B) said were unnecessary(i.e. Taxing Wall Street, closing tax loop holes and re-thinking trade agreements). If he wasn’t a loud mouth, fascist, disgusting, vile bigot he may have made a halfway decent democratic candidate. They have based their whole electoral map on shrinking constituency(angry white men) and Trumpenstein has managed to tap into that. The HILARIOUS thing is the majority of THEIR constituents want a lot of things he is proposing because it’s not a “Democrat” saying it even though they are “LIBERAL POLICIES”. They realized they are voting against their own best interests, although for the wrong reasons. The GOP is DEAD!!! It’s a zombie waiting to be put out of its misery. Their voters are in a state of denial and the second they realize(hopefully) that bigotry doesn’t put food on their families tables, or put their kids through school or pay their light bills they are going to implode like a super nova. Reap the whirl wind ass-clowns!!!

    http://i.giphy.com/IF4LU3LuQbzoY.gif

    • The Wanderer

      I sense you’re holding back, ABG. What do you REALLY think?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …the internet would melt down like a Chernobyl nuclear reactor

        • The Wanderer

          Hmm, melt down the internet. Need some napalm?

    • OddMan

      I do hope you are right ABG.
      But I am worried that the US will elect Trumpenstein. We all swore that he could never be the nominee, and now he is. We are cursed to live in interesting times.

    • Playonwords

      I have an order from Capt Picard
      https://youtu.be/-ZxHAZChcYU

  • Anarchy Pony

    Badda ba ba baaaa I’m lovin’ it.

  • orygoon

    I’m sorry that you Republicans have devolved into such a shitty party, but I’m not sorry FOR you and your angsty angst. You deserve every bit of collective self-flagellation that rains down on your tender white skins.

  • beingreleased

    As I’ve said before, “It’s funny because they’re horrible, horrible people.”

    • Sardonicuss

      It’s not schadenfreude if they are evil. And they are evil.

  • NoGoodnik

    It’s all fun and games now watching the Republicans run around like a Keystone Kops Kar filled with clownish headless chickens, but they have six months to organize themselves in and figure out that the reason they can’t tell their heads from their anuses, ani, anusee? is that they have two anus and both are crusted over in diarrhea.

    This maybe a crisis of such magnitude for the Republicans, accustomed as they are to not thinking and only following orders, that they might not be able to gin up the Clinton hate machine for one last go.

    Do whatever you can to sow chaos and confusion among the Republicans.

  • Antimassacree

    Erick^2 will need the consolation of many goats in the coming days. And coming nights.

    • The Wanderer
      • Antimassacree

        When I first heard the heavy breathing I wondered if you had found some of Erick^2 home videos. Then the dog entered the screen, so I am guessing it’s the dog doing an impression of how Erick sounds around his goats.

  • beingreleased

    I am so curious what my conservative, Kaisich-supporting in-laws are going to do. They laughed at and dismissed Trump at Thanksgiving.

    • Rickyphoo

      I know my brother and his wife thought Bed Carson was their savior. I wonder what they are thinking now, but too unconcerned to ask.
      Of course, they live in Maine so they can easily get to Canada.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Finally the party of vicious, greedy, ignorant, selfish, vulgar, racist, homophobic, sexist sociopathy has a candidate that truly represents them.

    • OddMan

      Bingo! We have a winner.

  • Jenny

    I wouldn’t get too excited, we still have our own infighting to deal with. Plenty of time to give Trump more ammunition.

  • OddMan

    Oh Hell no GOP, you don’t get off the hook for picking Trump to be your “Choice for President of the US”.
    Trump took all the nuttiest right wing ideas you folks have wallowed in for DECADES and brought them to life in one candidate .
    GOP you are Doctor Frankenstein and Trump is your damn monster. Now we have to get out the pitchforks of votes and skewer this weasel you made.
    Assholes.

    • Hutch

      I love the old Universal pictures:

      • The Wanderer

        I dibs the torch and pitchfork concession.

        • eddi

          Following a friend’s advice. This being the 21st Century the mob should upgrade to flashlights and hedge trimmers.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Fuck it, why not tasers and super soakers full of Dave’s Insanity Sauce?

          • eddi

            Why not indeed? Traditionally such mobs carry a light source and some crude weapons.

        • Skadi

          Just so long as I can have the underwater torch concession!

          http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/spongefan/images/a/af/Torch-pitchfork.gif

  • coozledad

    I’m just waiting for the “Trump’ll bring Jesus” crowd to start speaking in tongues. Oh, wait. Susan Sarandon done already started.

    • The Wanderer

      I’m sure the Party of Christ didn’t expect the Antichrist to arise as their standard-bearer.

      • coozledad

        At least Damien knew some goddamn history.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wgw5Hbgw2vw

        • tomamitai

          The only time I’ve ever seen anyone walk out of a movie was after the elevator scene in Damien: The Omen II.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Memorizing dates is evil, evil I tells ya!”

    • nightmoth

      Doesn’t she have a ping-pong parlor to manage with her boy toy?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        ping-pong, you say?

        • nightmoth

          Indeed. She’s become an avid ping-pong player.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “I didn’t make this mess, and I’m not cleaning it up.”

    Not individually perhaps (never heard of the guy) but your party did. Aside from 40 years of race baiting via dog whistle, after 8 years of poor administrative management under Bush, we had a once in a lifetime recession with a painfully slow recovery due to your obstruction. For 8 years, anytime wants to so much as name a post office, you shout “tyranny” and “executive overreach” and “Jade Helm” and “Hitler” (or Chamberlain, depending).

    For 8 years, no matter his proposal, no matter whether it’s your previously held policy preference, you’ve refused to work with Obama. You’ve done so as a cynical ploy to recover from wave elections that swept you out of power in 2006.

    It worked. Congratulations, you have Congress. But you’re now portrayed at being wholly ineffective as stopping Obama’s “tyranny” and “executive overreach” and “Jade Helm” and your voters don’t understand, because you’ve refused to tell them what is and is not possible while Obama remains preznit. You’ve set yourselves in a position to do nothing but disappoint, nothing but get primaried from the right or from a strongman.

    And so now you have Il Douche too. I hope it was worth it.

    • Lizzietish81

      Certain the Son of Erik made a career out of fanning racist fires.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      So you think the 50 bazillionith promise to eradicate Obummercare made a light bulb (dim one at that) go off in their heads with a “hey” moment, to wit they decide “let’s vote for the orange man with the malignant asshole as a mouth!”

      • mancityfooty .

        Kind of, yeah. I remember the early reports from Drumpf supporters and most of them talked about being fed up with the “establishment” politicians not following through on their promise to repeal.
        Never mind that they didn’t have the votes either in the senate or to overturn a veto. A promise is a promise.
        Some of these people consider compromise to be an impeachable offense.

  • Mpeg

    That’s one long stream of expltweetives, right there~

    • Querolous

      “expltweetives”I like it.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    This. THIS is what I’ve been waiting for for, oh, 20 years or so. I thought Shrub would convince the GOP that pandering to the simpletons was a bad idea. I was POSITIVE that Palin would drive the “serious” conservatives out of their ratholes and head them to the exit. Who would have thunk that a reality show carnival barker would be the one to separate the chaff from the stupider chaff?

  • say wha

    “Hillary Clinton is the second-worst presidential candidate in American history, but fortunately for her, she’s going up against #1.”
    OBAMA LIBELZ!!!111!!!!11

  • dshwa

    Cruz could run third party. There’s the Conservative party in NYS, for example. Pat Buchanan ran 8 years ago in one as well (libertarian maybe?) so there’s options Ted. Do it!

    • Antimassacree

      Hannity loves to yammer about being a registered Conservative. Would love to hear him try to explain why he would still be supporting Trump anyway. Although lately it can be difficult to understand him with his tongue so far up Trump’s ass…literally!

      • NoGoodnik

        So far up Drumpf’s ass, he licked Chris Christie?

        • eddi

          That was evil.

          • NoGoodnik

            Wilmore started it!

    • NoGoodnik

      It’s getting late to be getting on the state ballots. They all have different rules with some requiring signatures on a petition… that’s why the Republicans gave up on Plan 34 to stop Drumpf by running an independent candidate a month ago or so. That and they couldn’t find a idiot idiotic enough to accept.

      • dshwa

        Some, like the libertarians, have spots on the States already. The Establishment could try to hijack one of those.

        • NoGoodnik

          The Libertarian Party is pretty sold on Gary Johnson. And, they have a nominating system and everything. It is possible, but…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s got his 2020 run to plan [Allegedly!]

    • SullivanSt

      NY’s fusion system is weird. The Conservative Party exists almost entirely as an extension of the GOP, it’s relatively rare that they’d not cross-endorse; it seems particularly unlikely that they’d pick Cruz over Trump, given how much of a thumping Drumpf dished out in the state, and how much of the state establishment was aligned with him; they wouldn’t want to risk losing whatever influence they have (not much).

      And a lot of states have sore loser laws that would bar Cruz running as anything but a Republican. It’s not even like he’d take any votes, let alone states, from Hillary either and “throw it to the House” – it would be exclusively a “Stop Trump” move, which would probably make the party hate him even harder and wreck his chances for 2020 (haha like he has chances for 2020).

  • nightmoth

    So, Donald Trump will be the official GOP candidate for President of the USA. Are we absolutely sure that some mad scientist has not invented a time machine and rented it to a big game hunter who shot a T. Rex, but accidentally smashed a butterfly?

    • Sardonicuss

      No. When I did that, John McCain won, promptly died and Sarah took over.
      Took 5 trips to fix that one.

      • nightmoth

        Thx for your attention to the matter!
        May I call you “Doctor?” Just—the Doctor?

    • theblackdog

      Look, Homer was just trying to get back to that reality where Flanders was dead and they were rich.

    • Doug Langley

  • NoGoodnik

    Seriously, this is the BEST election year ever! I am going to have such a hangover when it finally ends. It’s up! It’s down! First, you’re nauseous, then you’re fascinated, then you’re elated, then you’re a bit dizzy, then you’re hopeless, and then you’re back to being joyous. Man. Every time I think, “This can’t get any better”… It does!

    And we still have the VP pick to look forward to.

    • Lizzietish81

      Trump will hold a beauty contest to pick her

      • NoGoodnik

        If you were reading the wackiest of political comedy thrillers, you couldn’t do as well. You can’t make this shit up.

        • eddi

          If tried this whole debacle as an elevator pitch in Hollywood, you would be pitched out of the elevator… between floors.

          • NoGoodnik

            What a ride! What a ride. I just hope we all survive.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        In the classic “Of Thee I Sing” the First Lady is chosen that way, for bachelor candidate John P. Wintergreen.

        At the rate satire is becoming reality, it seems a good bet that VP will be chosen this way.

      • coozledad

        Judge Roy Moore is a ugly sumbitch.

    • Oh, GOD please let Trump pick Palin as VP. OH PLEASE OH PLEASE GOD

      • Lizzietish81

        Bristol

        • NoGoodnik

          Bill Bristol?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          yup, Sarah is a bit long in the tooth for his tastes

        • Smokahontas

          Sold!

      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        Well, I’m hoping for either a stripper or a pro wrestler. And she’s kinda sorta both!

        • theblackdog

          Is that crazy gun humping state senator with the big rack from Nevada available?

          • Bobo the Dork Boy

            Or maybe Terry Crews. Vice President Camacho!!1

          • theblackdog

            Nah, he seems to be too intelligent

          • Smokahontas

            Too old for drumpf. My bet’s on one of those Make Murrica Grate singing school girls.

          • theblackdog

            Creeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh yeah! For REAL, Dok, Rebecca, everyone – is there a way to get some sort of (non-money) betting pool going on the eventual Trump VP choice? That could be pretty fun.

      • VirginiaLady

        Winner gets a Wonk prize?

        • AnOuthouse

          You get to babby sit for an evening?

    • Antimassacree

      George Will nailed it when he wrote whomever Trump picks, he or she will be unqualified to be president, since they will believe Trump is qualified. Tough to argue against that logic.

      • SullivanSt

        George Will.. being right? UNPOSSIBLE!

        • Antimassacree

          He is also right about the designated hitter rule. And that concludes the compendium of things George Will is right about.

          • SullivanSt

            Nope, he’s not even right about the DH. Remember, his change of heart came from something so utterly banal as an umpire laughing when an AL pitcher made a joke about his own futility at the plate. The horror! What an asshole. Also, Zach Grienke, Madison Bumgarner et al. lay the lie to his notion that NL pitchers don’t even try to hit (Arrieta has a .820 OPS so far this year!) In fact the very next game after the “laughing umpire” game, a guy took the mound who’d hit .226 the season before.

    • Playonwords

      With my prognostication success rate being smaller than that of Bill Kristol – I’m going with Chrisp Chrispy

      • NoGoodnik

        You know, he just might. He’ll need someone who has no political future to sign on to the role.

        • SullivanSt

          So, has free choice of literally anyone in the GOP then…

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Mittens.

        • Rickyphoo

          Sarah Palin

      • Amy!

        I’m thinking Walker. White, male, stupider than Trump (well … it’s possible … I think), dropped out too early to attract attention, link into the Koch money hose. Also, a way of pandering to folks in some of the states that Cruz won.

        • SullivanSt

          Didn’t Walker endorse Cruz to #StopTrump? Could be awkward. Also, would be the first time in his entire life Trump failed to hold a grudge.

          • Amy!

            Did he? I don’t remember, but you could be right. In that case, of course, he’s impossible.

          • SullivanSt

            He tried to make it seem like it was pro-Cruz rather than anti-Trump, but we all know everybody hates Ted Cruz so…

        • Kavefish

          He could do Kansas a favor and nominate Brownback.

          Oh… wait… nevermind.

          His supporters would probably take that to mean he’s bringing the “brown”‘s back.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Nikki Haley gets my vote. He needs a vagina to trump (sorry) Hilary’s woman card.

        • Beaumarchais?

          We’re gonna need to see her birth certificate.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Oh, yes of course. Then maybe that other odd one, the one with the Harley’s?

    • therblig

      Mia Love

    • AnOuthouse

      I hoping Omarosa.

    • Iron Monkey

      There are plenty of tall, slender, busty models in the Czech Republic, Poland, Slovakia and other parts of Eastern and Central Europe. Trump will be spoiled for choice and will get some of his people on the “35 years old” and “native born” problems.

    • Snopes Shop

      I wish I could feel that way but I just can’t. It just depresses me and bums me out. Like where our country is with this Trump thing. And I don’t drink.

      • NoGoodnik

        I recommend that you begin drinking and drink heavily. Drumpf is a symptom of the problem. Remember, no one changes unless they are in enough pain to change. Hopefully, we don’t have to endure any more pain than this before we begin to change.

        • Snopes Shop

          But but but I have 8 years sobriety under my belt! I don’t Trump to be my downfall….

          • Seek

            Congratulations on the years of sobriety. Hold onto it, we can all become heroin addicts if Trump wins the Presidency. It’ll be preferable to sobriety and there isn’t enough alcohol in the world to get over Pres. Trump. With luck we might OD early in the term.

          • Snopes Shop

            I always keep the heroin option in my back pocket

          • NoGoodnik

            Okay, okay. Play the sobriety card, would ya? Drumpf won’t be your downfall. I don’t think he’ll be president. Clinton should be able to win.

  • jwtukker

    Now the fun really starts as we watch the Democrats slash and burn tRump over the next six months.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Never Trump is still operative, for a sufficiently short duration of ‘never'”.

    • Antimassacree

      There you go again, thinking words have fixed meanings.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Pfffttt…

  • Scooby

    Wait, basically, these guys just figured out thier entire party is being kept alive by racists! I guess they really did believe that Dems used to be the racists and Reagan never changed that,

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He let the racists into our White People Only Party!

      • Scooby

        Regan Democrats were just the slower racists that realized all the cool racists had already left.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I thought the GOP has always been taken over by White Walkers. Or White Hover-rounders at the very least.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I am sure REM is appalled that their music appeals to Erick the Son of Erick.

    • Boscoe

      But the fact that he used it to blunt the pain of the GOP self destructing before his very eyes probably balances it out.

  • Chris Meeks

    Sad!

  • VirginiaLady

    Is a white walker like a skin walker? Asking for an ET.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s a type of Texas Ranger, I think.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        only more fun to be around

        • SullivanSt

          Less fun to write memes about though.

      • eddi

        I thought that was a Clint Walker.

    • John Frum

      Dunno, but every day before opening time the mall is crawling with them.

    • timpundit

      It’s an elderly Floridian without a hoveround.

    • Doug Langley

      I think it’s what they got on Hoth when it started snowing.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      It’s a KKK guy, right?

  • SullivanSt

    Yessssss… let the hate flow through you…

    • Kavefish

      May the Fourth Be With You, young Padewaaah.

  • OneYieldRegular

    They’ll refuse to vote, and we’ll have to endure endless Tweets of them patting themselves on the back for their courage.

    • Boscoe

      More likely: they’ll cave and back Trump and we’ll have to endure endless rationalizing about how that’s not the most pathetic thing ever.

  • dshwa

    I look forward to Clint Eastwood’s address to Trump’s chair.

  • MarkM

    “A Republican party without a sense of shame is a Republican party I don’t want to be a part of.”

    https://youtu.be/MEp8J9v7rMk

  • neminem

    I agree with the guy, both of those candidates are pretty terrible. But really, #1 and #2 worst? I’m not an expert in historical US politics, so I can’t really talk about terrible candidates that *didn’t* win, but is Hilary (or even Trump!) really worse than Hoover, who made the great depression way worse, or Nixon, who was *seriously* corrupt, or, say, various presidents that outright supported and fought to keep slavery a thing?

    • SullivanSt

      Hoover and Nixon were terrible Presidents, but they weren’t bad enough candidates to lose their elections. Except for the ones they lost.

      For bad candidates, Humphrey, McGovern and Mondale take some beating. But there’s some serious Clinton Derangement Syndrome going on among the right.

      • georgiaburning

        They’ve forgotten that most of the shit about the Clintons they truly believe is stuff they made up. Dementia works that way.

        • SullivanSt

          Also Big Lie theory.

        • SullivanSt

          Although perhaps more disturbing than the CDS, is that even after their candidates have flamed out spectacularly under the heat of the camera lights leaving only the gravest existential threat to their party standing, they seem still to be clinging to the delusion that their field was packed with top talent this cycle.

          • eddi

            For them, that was the Reb’s top talent. Any serious conservative could read the writing on the wall when the attempt at actually broadening the appeal of the GOP to minorities died instantly. They have never even been that successful in attracting their claimed target demographic.

          • malsperanza

            Who are these “serious conservatives” of whom you speak? Are any of them under the age of eighty?

            Because the younger generation consists of lunatics like Tom Cotton and Paul Ryan. This is part of the problem. There is no deep bench; there are only goofballs.

          • eddi

            There must be some fiscal conservatives out there still. They just aren’t noticed since the Rebs only use the budget process to stall legislation.

        • Courser

          I wasn’t a fan of the Clintons back in the day, but I honestly never bought into any of the conspiracy bullshit. I don’t even remember much of it. I was a conservative at the time, but not stupid. Then Monica happened and everybody had a freakout. By that time, I’d warmed to the Big Dog a bit and was disgusted by the way the Republicans treated it. As far as I was concerned, it was between husband and wife – not my business. I knew my history and until *very* recently lots of presidents had mistresses and affairs. I don’t want to know about the sex lives of my representatives, I really don’t.

      • AnOuthouse

        Goldwater was really the best worst one.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Dukakis was pretty bad.

      • malsperanza

        And on the left.

    • Rickyphoo

      Oh, come on! Nobody is going to mention Dubya as one of the worst presnitz? He ignored warnings about the 9/11 attacks, then sat around with his thumb up his ass while thousands of citizens died. He started a unnecessary wars that killed hundred of thousands and arguably made the world a much more dangerous place. He drowned an America city through sheer incompetence. He drove the American economy into the dirt by running two wars and giving his rich buddies a huge tax break at the same time.
      That idiot was a disaster as a president.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Are the distilled tears of the Never Trumps called Trumplemintz?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Much better name than “Butthurt Schnapps”

  • say wha

    Ain’t No Party Like A Republican Party ‘Cause a Republican Party Never Trumps!

  • TheGrandWaz00

    What’s the over/under on how many more times Chuck Todd will say the “two most unpopular candidates” in the history of ever?

  • sosuume

    Someone needs to ask Mitch McConnell if his “Make Obama a One-Term President” goal has been worth it.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      It was absolutely brilliant. Way to shut that whole thing down. Yertle, King of Unintended Consequences.

  • Redgyal

    How do you say “you brought this on yourself” in German?

    • Scooby

      Sie haben das selbst getan!

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Sie gefickt selbst.

      • Redgyal

        Lovely.

      • Kavefish

        I took this over to Google Translate, clicked all the things to get it from German into English, and then, when the English came up, clicked on the little speaker and laughed like a loon. So much fun that I keep clicking the speaker icon over and over again. The inflection is hi-larious!

      • Querolous

        Sie haben sich fürstlich gefickt.

    • timpundit

      “HaHa, Dummkopf!

      • Last Hussar

        Drumfkopf

    • therblig

      tonight we’re gonna party like it’s nein nein nein nein nein!

    • DemmeFatale

      Schadenfreude

    • malsperanza

      Sie sind sich selbst nach Strich und Faden bescheißen.

  • AnOuthouse

    Voting for Hillary is better than getting Ebola? That’s a great half glass full of a way of viewing it.

  • Iron Monkey

    When Erick Erickson comes across as the voice of moderate reason it is the end of the world. Or of Erick Erickson.

  • georgiaburning

    They should put an establishment Repub (Rubio? Jeb?) in as Trump’s running mate. Then, if Trump does get elected, find some reason to impeach.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      They’d better be working on plans A-F if they are serious.

      Unfortunately, I think we’re all afraid now.

    • mancityfooty .

      I don’t think that will happen.
      I fully expect Drumpf’s vice pick to be even worse than he is.

      • Blank Ron

        Of course. He knows better than to allow his second banana to steal HIS air time.

      • malsperanza

        Or just completely loony.

        • mancityfooty .

          tomato, tomahto

  • AnOuthouse

    Why does Eric Son of Eric say he wouldn’t vote for David Duke when his tiny twitter picture seems to reference white power?

    • Bitter Scribe

      I take it it’s not a picture of his doughy face.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    And, there goes John Kasich…he’s out.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Damn, that didn’t even make my Google feed.

    • eddi

      Wait, what? Hold on…
      Yesterday:
      KASICH: I’m staying in the race until Trump hits the magic number
      http://www.businessinsider.com/john-kasich-indiana-2016-5?op=1
      Today:
      no official announcement but rumors fly
      Kasich dropping out, AP sources say; Trump on clear GOP path
      https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-clinton-certain-face-off-fall-campaign-071257637–election.html?ref=gs

    • Mehmeisterjr

      From “Stop the Primaries, I Want to Jerk Off”

      ♫ Just once in a blight time,
      There’s one dumb ass moment,
      One nightmarish moment,
      When fate grabs your balls.
      And this is the moment,
      My once in a blight time,
      Like when hapless Carly,
      Gets pushed and clumsily falls.

      For once in a blight time
      I feel like Chris Christie
      And drop, like a wombat,
      My cubical shit.
      For this is my moment
      My Party is calling
      And tho’ it may be just once in a blight time
      I’m just gonna quit. ♫

    • Cindyinencinitas

      OMG.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    “A Republican party without a sense of shame is a Republican party I don’t want to be a part of.
    Fixed.

  • eddi

    So we have a promise threat by some Rebs to sit this election out completely. So Trump screws the downticket candidates as well. He has done more good for this country than people realize. Brought the rats out of hiding and now leading them into the river. And not to baptize.

    • Courser

      The Pied Piper of Derp?

    • malsperanza

      Prepare for the following narrative to roll out as soon as the Conventions are over:

      Republicans must vote for president as their hearts tell them to. But! My fellow Americans! Hedge your bets and vote Gee Oh Pee for the Senate and the House! Split the difference and save the Conservative Agenda!

      The GOP itself can’t do this. But expect every conservative pundit from Babbling Brooks to the ass warts at The Blaze to spout this line like Buckingham Fucking Fountain.

      • eddi

        That might be hard to remember. They have pulled the ‘straight party’ lever for so many years it is an instinct.

  • Rotational Symmetry

    See also: Ben Howe, Ben Sasse, and Ben Ghazi.

    • Markuserektus

      …and Ben Dover

      • Skadi

        I don’t know who that is. Is he Eileen Dover’s husband?

        • Markuserektus

          Yes, and second cousin of Lena Waybach…

          • Boscoe

            Well, she’s definitely no Helen Bach.

          • Markuserektus

            Helen Hunt?

          • Kavefish

            And not as cute as Helen Wheels.

        • Last Hussar

          Ben Dover’s son stars in BBC stuff. His name is Tyler (not Dover)

  • Bitter Scribe

    This comment on Treacher’s column is worth reproducing in whole IMO:

    LOL…. Pretty amusing that the very strategy that allowed Trump to decimate the GOP machine is still being used regularly.

    “Hillary Clinton is the second-worst presidential candidate in American history, but fortunately…”

    This is what you dummies haven’t seemed to figure out. When you use ridiculous, ignorant, over-the-top rhetoric about EVERYTHING, you have no ability to have any impact on anyone when disaster ACTUALLY strikes.

    When you rant about how Trump is a narcissist, or insane, or completely untrustworthy at the controls of our military or nuclear arsenal… everyone now simply thinks “Sure… you said the same things about every candidate you haven’t liked since 1996…. Obama was going to ‘destroy America’…. but in fact my 401K is triple what it was when he took office… and unemployment is down, and the DOW is near record highs… so where is the ‘disaster’ you predicted exactly?”

    In other words, when you scream “WOLF” at the top of your lungs every single day, morning noon and night… people eventually tune you out.

    So, when the GOP was really, truly, actually faced with someone who might well be ‘the worst Presidential candidate for a major party in recent history’…. you can’t make anyone listen… and it’s your own ignorant fault….

    • timpundit

      Similar to what I think is going to happen…the media and voters are going to get tired of Trump’s schtik pretty quickly. Not even popular sitcoms run 12 months in a row.

      • TeeRaak

        Summer reruns.

        • cynmac

          Midseason replacements.

    • Delu

      Huh, all the things they say they hate about Trup is something their own platform has used and supported for years.

      He was simply better at it than they were.

      • Virginia Collins

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc876atwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc876a:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsCampGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc876a….,…

    • The Wanderer

      Wow. Stripped the skin off and dug into the meat, didn’t they?

    • Roadstergal

      *standing ovation*

    • Joel Dent

      Halle-fucking-lujah

  • edith prickly

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *snort, cough* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *wipes eyes, takes a deep breath* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *walks around for a minute trying to get self under control, reads EricktheErick’s bleats again* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • eddi

      Schadenfreude much?

      • timpundit

        It’s my favorite flavor, I can tell you that.

      • edith prickly

        We all knew their day of reckoning was coming, but I never dreamed it would be this spectacular. All those declarations of war on RINOs, and now their candidate is a literal RINO. Shit, I can’t start laughing again, I’ll break something.

        • eddi

          He is also a bull in their china shop.

        • Doug Langley

          War! Famine! Disease! Tyranny! Kirk Cameron!

          Well? Did that help any?

          • Skadi

            Don’t forget cats and dogs living together!

          • thewitchqueen74

            Mass hysteria!

  • timpundit

    I don’t know what I did to deserve all the happy time news but I’m not questioning it.

  • Delu

    Boo fucking hoo to all the #NeverTrumpers.

    I could have told you that this would come to pass the day you formed your hashtag. Every last one of you IS Trump metaphorically speaking. You stand for the very same bigoted, greed driven, narcissitic, anti-intellectual ideals that Trump has always portrayed in a far more honest, direct and captivating manner than any of you ever have.

    That’s why you say you really hate him.

    Of course that makes you hypocites of a cause that was doomed even before it came to be. You could never stop Trump, never say never to him because he IS you and all of you ARE HIM!

    Every last one of you. Regardless of what you claim.

    Enjoy the candidate you never wanted yet always supported by virtue of the very foundation of your ideals. You reap what you sow. All of you deserve the candidate you’ve chosen even if it was never the candidate you wanted.

    America. All of you Americans.

    This might be you come November.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Also, protip: Don’t start your anti-Trump campaign a mere SIX MONTHS before the general election, when he’s already got the momentum of a coked-up freight train.

      • Delu

        The real lesson is to not start an anti anything campaign when you’re actually pro that thing.

        • Hardly Ideal

          Yeah, that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. I forgot who said it, but they say the problem isn’t that Drumpf says horrible things the GOP doesn’t believe; they believe every word of it, but he’s just too frank explaining it.

  • kaw143

    “Democrats … just colonized and conquered our party”?

    So, basically, Donald Trump is Hillary’s most cunning evil plan, yet? She is so brazen!

    • Oarboar

      I’m no believer in that conspiracy theory, but this is still funny:

    • Relativicus

      Wait till she murders him on live television as part of her opening statements in the first debate.

    • DemmeFatale

      Ha, ha!
      I love how they are trying to blame the Dems!
      Reap what you sow, losers!

    • malsperanza

      It took me a few minutes to untangle that. It’s either

      Turnip is not anti-abortion and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Jesus, so he is a Democrat infiltrator

      or

      The wily mind-controllers of the Democratic Party are at it again, and forced us to vote for Turnip by making us think all the other candidates in the Deep Bench were a bunch of unwholesome, worthless fools.

      The Wingnut perception that Turnip is way to the left (shared by a chunk of the battier Bernie fans) is just another example of their tenuous grasp of reality.

      • cynmac

        Actually, this is funnier as time goes on. 15 GOP goobers + tRump in the original RNC Clown Car and tRump plays the “game” better than any of them. Nobody thought tRump would have staying power. Not even his kids, who didn’t change their party affiliations to be able to vote for him in the primary! tRump is not prepared for a Nationwide campaign and his current (mis)use of the media is not likely to sway any more voters. All of these alternate narratives being spread today have given me a case of the giggles.

        • malsperanza

          I think that narrative will hold true for a while. But by September he’ll be campaigning in a more normal way. He’s still a shit candidate, but the burden is on the Dems to be relentless in reminding people of how bad a candidate he really is.

  • proudgrampa
    • The Wanderer

      Classy dame.

      • proudgrampa

        Swear to FSM, she was gorgeous!

    • Call Me Al

      Me too! Miss Ellie!

  • Rick Hill

    Wow. Guys, my sincerest condolences…so sorry for you, that you’re you….you should be getting a huge bag of salted dcks very soon. I think you know what to do with it. I also included directions to the nearest tall structure that you can go sit atop and ponder the futility of you life…
    (So everone’s clear, this is addressed to the poor, poor conservatives)

  • pending

    I’m cool with Hillary, but reading all this I can’t help feeling that if the Independent Party hadn’t crashed and burned all those years back this would really be their moment. Hell, even the Green Party could have used this as a springboard into honest-to-god, legitimate candidacy.

    • Boscoe

      Well, maybe they’ll get their chance next time. I hear there may be a vacancy in the party system opening up soon.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Donald Trump isn’t equipped to be president … Hillary Clinton also isn’t equipped.”

    I knew Trump’s hands were small, but I didn’t realize ….

  • Rick Hill

    Are they going to latch onto the idea that Machiavellian politics are what led to this? Because, of course, it wasn’t conservatism that failed.

    • Boscoe

      I’m sure they’ll declare it was RINOs and the “Liberal media’s” fault. Probably with the help of scientists.

      • Rick Hill

        The other constant of the party of personal responsibility: Never admitting when you fkced everything up

      • Kavefish

        It’s all a secret deflection to obscure the fact that global warming is, like cake, a lie.

  • junior friggster

    Now, to show you how sad I am, I am going to post a link to a sad song. Because I am sad.

    And I have the emotional maturity of a tween.

  • Courser

    I’d LOL harder but Bernie’s throwing shade at my schadenfreude. I’m terrified that Bernie’s going to ratfuck Hillary and effectively ensure the Trumpsterfire’s ascension to the Presidency.

    • Me too.

    • Sally Johnson

      Do you wet yourself often?

      • malsperanza

        Welp, I was worried about Sanders being a Class A ratfucker, but you’ve certainly reassured me.

        • Sally Johnson

          Honey, you haven’t seen ratfucking at all so far. If I was running Bernie’s campaign, I’d have been running Christopher Hitchens videos 24/7.

          • malsperanza

            That would have done the trick for sure! Who doesn’t love Christopher Hitchens?

  • yyyaz

    Tiny hands reach ‘cross the water.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      …the butthurt wouldn’t melt so I put it in the pie…

      • Kavefish

        Musical LOLs extra upfist via comment!

      • yyyaz

        Well that should help you get to sleep.

  • pgjack

    Most of The Bernie wing of the Democratic Party will probably support Hillary but there will be some silly people who will think electing Trump will somehow bring about a socialist revolution. I suggest they look at the revolution now going on in Syria and ask themselves if that is what they really want. After all, those Trump and Cruz supporters are well armed even if they are old.

    • Biff52

      They seem to forget how quickly the “Occupy” movement got squashed like a bug by both Drumpf’s and Hillary’s “people”.

      • cynmac

        Actually Occupy kind of imploded so it was an easy target at the end. Lots of infighting and paranoia.

    • Sally Johnson

      Bullshit.

    • malsperanza

      It’s the “probably” that has me worried. Back in January, Sanders swore to support Clinton and not to be a spoiler. He has about 3 weeks to hold true to that promise. After that, he is deep in spoiler territory.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Remember how you Repubs were supposed to brainstorm and come up with ideas about what went wrong, back when you lost so decisively to Obama?

    Yeah, that bill is due right now. With a shit-ton of interest.

    • Boscoe

      LOL I remember… they determined that the problem was they weren’t conservative enough. So I can only assume when they run the numbers on THIS election, the conclusion they’ll come to was that they weren’t assholish and unlikable enough.

      • 2Girls1Cubs

        the further down the rabbit hole one falls, the further down the rabbit hole one falls….

  • akryan

    How long until they fall in line? It’ll have to be by the convention.

  • Relativicus

    I am interested to hear the history behind the GOP when that party could feel shame. Certainly, it predates the modern era, and likely covered a span of a few weeks. But if such an animal existed once, it could again.

    • Rickyphoo

      I believe it started shortly after the Lincoln assassination coming to it’s modern day putrid form about the time the Dixiecrats switched to the GOP.

    • malsperanza

      Republican shame died an ignominious and abject death in a grubby back alley in November 1968, along with integrity and values.

  • natoslug

    Hear their call, Teddy! The twue GOP want you to run as a third-party candidate. Do it for your party, your ego, the lulz, and whatever else makes you feel better about being such a losery sack of loserdom.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Write-in Ted Cruz? If you’re going to vote for a disruptive candidate, stop fucking around and go all the way.

    • No chance. That meteor of death is a CONSERVATIVE.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Of course he is. He’ll reduce government waste and save us money by removing the need- no, the very means- to spending it in the first place.

  • akryan

    Reading RedState comments these last few days has actually gone from comical to pathetic. They’re trying to come up with strategies to support a third party candidate that could pick off enough states to send the vote to the House of Reps. Their obvious choice of who could do it: Rick Perry! It’s fucking insane. I wish I kid reach through the screen and shake them and yell, “IT’S BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES WHAT YOU STAND FOR AND ALL OF YOUR CANDIDATES ARE REPULSIVE!!!”.

    • Roadstergal

      “Your platform is bad and you should feel bad!”

    • CripesAmighty

      Sure, why not? Pat Buchanan doesn’t seem too busy these days.

  • I don’t know. I feel some sympathy for them. I don’t want Trump to be president either. And with what seems like an entire internet’s worth of Berniacs collectively insisting that they’re not going to vote for anyone other than the guy who’s not on track to win the Dem nomination, I’m having 2000 election flashbacks. I’m seriously afraid.

    • Yeah, actually it’s quite hard to feel sympathy for any of these douchecanoes. They’ve all been dogwhistling racism, sexism, screw-the-poor, diplomacy is for pussies, and all that Trump stands for, and then they’re shocked. SHOCKED! when Trump bellows it all out loud. Screw them all, except if they vote Hillary. Then I *might* forgive them.

      • Maybe sympathy is the wrong word? I just don’t want the whole country punished with a Trump presidency just because these guys are assholes.

      • malsperanza

        Favorite snippet:

        “I didn’t make this mess”

        Oh Daily Caller, but you did, you did.

        • WhyFelicia

          Oh, you built that, Tucker. One turd at a time.

    • malsperanza

      A lot depends on Sanders. He is so far fulfilling all my most negative predictions, determined to fuck over the Dems and give a free pass to the GOP. However, here is a comment from today’s NYT (that shill for corporate Wall Street or whatever):

      “Giving [Trump] a monthlong head start to rally skeptical Republicans
      behind his campaign, while Mrs. Clinton continues to grapple with Mr.
      Sanders’s challenge on the left, could become an intolerable prospect
      for Democrats eager for a free hand to engage Mr. Trump.” Time for the Bernie Beliebers to get on board.

      • Problem is, the more you say this to Sanders supporters the more they argue the point. Sanders himself thinks it’s fine that Trump is quoting him to attack Hillary, and there are a bunch of Berniacs that respond to every critique of their candidate with “voter fraud!” and “Hillary is a Republican!”

        I hope it’s just that the internet makes these people seem louder and more numerous than they actually are. I’m literally afraid for people’s lives – including mine – if Trump gets elected. It makes me all the more afraid to see people willing to let it happen to make some sort of point. Watching the news is giving me panic attacks.

        • malsperanza

          I hope so too. I’ve been fulminating against Sanders since February. Lately, my friends who voted for him have become oddly silent. He does seem to have drunk his own koolaid.

          My advice: stop watching the news. Just read fivethirtyeight and a few other blogs and tune out the horserace shit for a little while.

        • Frank Underboob

          I have no idea why Clinton supporters imagine that the Repugs don’t have their own oppo researchers, or that they would’ve been kind to Clinton in November, if only Sanders hadn’t traitorously shown them the way.

          • Well, I have no idea why Sanders supporters persist in pretending that there’s absolutely no one who might consider Donald Trump a less than reliable source, but might consider a long-term Senator who’s supposed to be on the same side as the Secretary credible when he starts screaming “she’s unqualified!”

            Honestly, this is such a dishonest position to take – you know damn well why it matters what Sanders says. For the same reason we heard months of Republicans follow up every shitty thing they said about each other with “but of course I’ll support the eventual nominee.” They’re smart enough to know it damages you more when people on your same side won’t back you up in the end. Are you really not smart enough to figure it out?

          • Frank Underboob

            For the same reason we heard months of Republicans follow up every shitty thing they said about each other with “but of course I’ll support the eventual nominee.”

            Which is why the GOP didn’t create the #NeverTrump campaign. Oh wait…
            The mistake Clinton made was hiring David Brock to run a ratfucking campaign* against Sanders – she threw the first punch.

            * Just one example: http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2016/05/hillary-clintons-propaganda-website-blue-nation-re.html

          • Heh. By the time they figured out that attacking Trump from the inside was necessary, it was too late for them. Never Trump probably would have worked better if they had started it earlier, but they were so worried about just this kind of fracture working against a Jeb or Rubio or someone, they went with loyalty pledges instead. 99% of the time, that probably would have been the right call, too. Who knew Trump would turn out to be a better politician than their whole clown car of presidential hopefuls?

            Meanwhile, Sanders hasn’t been hit at all. You know that, right? Zero attack ads. No media vetting till he hit New York, for heaven’s sake. Nothing at all from the Clinton campaign. No one has touched him on anything other than his own lack of a grasp on his own pet subjects. I assume the Clinton campaign just didn’t want to risk alienating his most rabid supporters when he wasn’t a real threat to begin with. And Republicans had no reason to hit him – they’re dying to go up against him. Talk about oppo research. They’d let him get the nomination, and two seconds later, there would be nothing but talk of illegitimate children and rape apologia and communism and sky-high taxes from here to November. And most of it would be stuff that most voters had never heard before. They had nothing at all new on Clinton, just the same things that we’ve all heard before. Until Sanders ever so kindly gave them a prominent “Democrat” to point at and say “even they won’t support her”. That’s a somewhat new angle on the same old shit, at least. I’m half-convinced he’s running to be Trump’s VP at this point. They’re an awful lot alike.

          • Frank Underboob

            Meanwhile, Sanders hasn’t been hit at all.

            Thanks for ignoring the link in my previous comment about David Brick’s dirty tricks campaign against Sanders. Here it is again: http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2016/05/hillary-clintons-propaganda-website-blue-nation-re.html
            TL;DR: The entire #BernieOrBust thing is a 100% self-inflicted wound by Clinton & her campaign.

    • Courser

      Yup same here. I’m terrified Bernie is going to kill us all dead by ratfucking Hillary. I used to think Bernie was fine. Not now, he’s malignant at this point.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Even still with 0 minority votes and 0 votes from the wimmins Trumpy is only going to go so far with whitey’s votes and it won’t be as far as the white house.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I have no sympathy for them, they built it. Trump is the natural end of the GOP’s Southern Strategy.

      The “Bernie or Bust” folks poll in much lower numbers than the “PUMA” folks did in 2008, and PUMA turned out to be nothing more than a GOP ratfuck attempt with no real-world meaning. They can insist all they want, Trump is causing a lot of GOP rats to flee the ship, if Bernie fans want to pull the Democratic ship leftward they know what to do (and most in the real world are at least making moves to do it already), if they want to see it pulled rightward they can go “Bernie or Bust”.

  • trackhorse

    The world’s finest tools…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Poor Ewick.

    My heart pumps buttermilk for him.

  • SisterArtemis

    time for ponies….

  • TheBidenator

    OH GOD the taste of these tears is Orgasmic! ALL of this HORRIBLE WAILING and Erick son of Erick is just NOW noticing the racists have taken over? Keep it coming, wingnuts….I am not yet full.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I know! It is like…have they not been paying attention since LBJ signed that pesky law?

  • cynmac

    OT #1 – Google plans to livestream the Republican convention. There is a petition to stop them.

    From the newsletter: Google just announced they’ll be the “Official Livestream Provider” for the Republican National Convention, which means it’s going to be offering a massive platform for Trump’s racism, sexism, and hate to be disseminated across the globe. Over 500,000 people have already called on Google to pull financial support from the convention and #DumpTrump–will you add your name?
    http://act.weareultraviolet.org/sign/google_dumptrump/?t=1&akid=3109.759680.LPMjld

    • Joel Dent

      No, cuz I want to see it, in all its glory.

      • cynmac

        Exactly!

    • malsperanza

      The GOP will livestream it anyway. No point in going after Google.

      • cynmac

        I like that Google will do it because more people will see it and be disgusted.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          I want to see the shooting from every angle possible.

      • cynmac

        Yeah, and this way, it won’t be behind a paywall.

    • Courser

      I think they should livestream the whole disgusting shitshow and let the entire world see what a psychotic megalomaniac Drumpf really is.

    • Frank Underboob

      Why is it a bad thing for the public to watch how they make their sausages? I plan on watching the good bits with popcorn & beer by my side.

  • cynmac

    OT #2 – The Rolling Stones have asked Trump to stop using their music.
    http://time.com/4318122/donald-trump-rolling-stones-music-playlist-rally/

    • edith prickly

      LOL. The USA Freedom Powerpuff Grrrl Drumpfettes weren’t good enough for him?

    • JeffWest

      At a Rolling Stones concert some years back, Keith Richard pulled a knife on a concert promoter when Trump showed up backstage with his wife and kinds. “Either he goes or we go,” said Keef. Trump was removed from the venue, and the band played on.

  • Tendernob

    WATCH THIS, WATCH THIS, OMG WATCH THIS!!!
    https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/727932354883248129

    • Plushinobi

      That’s amazing

    • malsperanza

      Problem is, the more Cruz, Rubio, Rmoney, and Jeb! bitch about him, the more he looks like a rebel outsider.

      If a few more people like Lindsey Graham start disavowing him, that would help. But most of them will simply sit mumchance through the whole thing.

      • cynmac

        Ms. Lindsey is in the video.

        • malsperanza

          Right. And is the only one whose word might carry some weight with swing conservative voters. Because they did not have an opportunity to vote against him, so he’s not already lizard dung in their eyes.

    • Damn, where was THAT Mittens in 2012? He might have run Barry close.

    • Kavefish

      During today’s “May the Fourth Be With You” film festival, I came across Trump’s nomination acceptance speech:

      https://youtu.be/xpYgCAVJHog

      • The Wanderer

        And that’s why I liked the prequels. The political subtext.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    If the possibilities are suddenly wide-open, write ’em in…why would you want a movement to write in the one person about whom a “worse than Trump” case can be legitimately argued? Boggles the mind.

  • JeffWest

    Well, at least he loves women, in his own way:

    Ivana Trump’s assertion of “rape” came in a deposition—part of the early ’90s divorce case between the Trumps, and revealed in the 1993 book Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump.

    The book, by former Texas Monthly and Newsweek reporter Harry Hurt III, described a harrowing scene. After a painful scalp reduction surgery to remove a bald spot, Donald Trump confronted his then-wife, who had previously used the same plastic surgeon.

    “Your fucking doctor has ruined me!” Trump cried.

    What followed was a “violent assault,” according to Lost Tycoon. Donald held back Ivana’s arms and began to pull out fistfuls of hair from her scalp, as if to mirror the pain he felt from his own operation. He tore off her clothes and unzipped his pants.

    “Then he jams his penis inside her for the first time in more than sixteen months. Ivana is terrified… It is a violent assault,” Hurt writes. “According to versions she repeats to some of her closest confidantes, ‘he raped me.’”

    • malsperanza

      Can’t wait for the miniseries.

    • YourMom

      Ugh. Just Ugh.

    • The Wanderer

      That partly explains his Combover of Consequence.

  • HanBarbara

    So am I having a reading comprehension problem here? Erik Erickson has some kind of problem with white racism?

    • Left Coast Tom

      He’s upset that Trump is saying it out loud.

      • RC

        there’s the truth of it.

  • edith prickly

    I should be getting my affairs in order. It’s entirely possible I might die laughing before this is all over.

    • Roadstergal

      Good idea. The order of my affairs has Justin Trudeau at the top.

      • Pickwicknext

        Mine would have Barry Bamz, but I am scared Michelle would kick my ass

        • Frank Underboob

          No problem – I’ll keep Michelle busy while you meet up with Bamz.

          • Suttree

            Michelle is the hottest first lady evar!

        • Thaag Tidestalker

          Our southern neighbor’s prez needs to be in on this delicious sandwich as well:

  • boll ocks

    The tears. They taste so damn good.

    • SDGeoff

      Saute with truffles and toss with frites.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Sadly, #Never rarely means never. Most of these clowns will crawl back into the fold once they realize how cold and lonely it is outside.

    • Courser

      I tried to get my dad to eliminate ‘never’ from his vocabulary. He was always going on about stuff so dramatically, “I’ll never see Tom (my nephew) again!” when years ago he had a tiff with my SIL.

      Never is kind of like forever. It’s more like however long you’re acting like A Idiot.

      • Steely_Fan

        Yeah, when I hear someone say “never” I always say “Well, never is a long time…”

    • Left Coast Tom

      That may be true, but in the meantime they’re contributing absolutely wonderful material for Hillary’s opposition research team.

  • malsperanza

    #Never means #OfcoursewewillvoteforTurnipinNovemberbutwewillspendtheprevious6monthswhiningabouthim.

    This translation brought to you as a public service by the American Society for Inverted Logic, with headquarters in the sovereign and patriotic state of Texas.

  • MikeyArmstrong

    One of them job creators they love so much took their party away from them. Boo fucking hoo, Erick.

  • cynmac

    And so it begins -Clinton releases a brutal anti-Trump ad (web only).
    http://m.motherjones.com/politics/2016/05/hillary-clinton-wont-let-republicans-forget-never-trump

    • RC

      and I’m sure that’s only the beginning.

    • OppressedMass

      Good one. Simple, yet effective.

  • King of America

    Remember when George H.W. Bush endorsed Edwin Edwards – a Democrat and a crook – over David Duke? Erick is kinda right – that would never happen today.

    While we’re on the topic, Edwards still has one of the top ten one liners in US politics (when he said that both he and Duke were “wizards beneath the sheets”).

    • He stole that one from Billy Connolly (original version from a 1981 book: “I told someone in the US that I was a wizard between the sheets and he thought I was in the KKK”).

      • TheBoatDude

        Is Billy still around? Haven’t heard from him in a while.

    • Steely_Fan

      Also, too: Before (the 1983) election day, Edwards joked with reporters: “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edwin_Edwards

      • King of America

        Also too: bumper stickers that read “Vote for the Lizard, not the Wizard”

  • Paperless Tiger

    I hated all their candidates ever, except maybe Abe or Ike.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Teddy Roosevelt did a few good things, I hear.

  • CripesAmighty

    Having sold all my popcorn furtures upon the evaporation of Cleveland Melee 2016, one might as well be advised to hold off on the bubbly just yet. Chunk Toad’s latest derpiphany is that this is a “gut election”. Yeah, and as our pal Charlie Pierce has also observed, “And as anybody who has kicked a lawn mower knows, The Gut is A Moron.”.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “Jamie Weinstein, senior editor for Tucker Carlson’s House of Conservative Grievance…”
    Oh, how this made me giggle.

    • SDGeoff

      More like the Spot For Manufactured Incoherent Outrage.

      • Tansy Geek

        That’s Twitchy.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I thought that was Fox News and/or Breitbart.

  • TeeRaak
    • Be Gin

      That could be the slogan for their life coach.

  • Rickrolling was old meme 10 years ago. That’s conservative humor for you.

    • WhyFelicia

      Yes, but consider what year their platform is stuck in. This is very forward thinking, for a Republican.

    • phoenix00

      That wasn’t even a good Rickroll either

  • tihond

    Making up the “Don’t Blame Me, I Wrote-In ‘Zodiac Killer'” Bumper Stickers right now.

  • WhyFelicia

    Oh, Erik, hate to break it to you, sweetcakes, but I don’t think there IS such a thing as a GOP without shame.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Oh, I’m pretty sure the modern GOP is completely without shame.

      • snark-lurker

        Ur right but snerker gnu wutche meant. She just hazzed a bargle garble.

  • thixotropic jerk

    #NeverTrump-ers, don’t be all so sadmad, bros! Trump is YOU! Trump is what happens when you stir up greed, race hatred, xenophobia, stupidity, divisiveness, Ayn Randian selfishness, more stupidity, violence, pseudo-religiosity, lying, paranoia, government distrust, still more stupidity with a cherry of stupidity on top! DEAL WITH IT!

  • D_C_Wilson

    I never realized Erick Erick Erick Erickson’s could be so delicious.

  • chascates

    It all boils down to home much people despise the Clintons. Just remember when Bill was in office and all we had was budget deficits, unemployment, endless wars, etc.

    No, wait. That was that smirking chimp that came after him.

    • RC

      yea, remember when unemployment was so low, even low wage earners didn’t have to take any shit because there was a job across the street. The GOP hates that.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Ted Cruz dropped out while Bernie Sanders carried Indiana. Not a bad day at all.

  • malsperanza

    Here is a thing of beauty. (h/t BoingBoing) Enjoy, my fellow Wonkericans!

    http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/george-will-is-a-haughty-dipshit-1774449290

    • RC

      clap clap clap! That was really well done. Thanks for the link.

    • mampdx

      Thank you for this!

    • Frank Underboob

      Wow. That article is a work of art.

    • The Wanderer

      Ah! That went down tasty with mine breakfast.

    • Logic of Color

      Wow! That made my day. Epic take-down of Wil and his partyl:

      You have no identity. I hate to break it to you, but political parties are just hunks of voting beef that drift and adapt their platforms over the course of time in order to remain in power. If anything, your party’s identity today is that of a bunch of corrupt, racist, gun-toting kiddie diddlers who would block Congress just to keep them from building a goddamn road. That’s your brand, amigo. That’s why your boy Trump is winning. Don’t fan yourself and act surprised that this is your crooked party’s handiwork. You’re not above it. You’re the dime-store professor they trot out to make this all sound respectable, and you do a lousy job of it.

  • SeeTrain65

    ♫Many a tear has to fall
    Fuck you all
    You’ve been gamed♫

    • The Wanderer

      If he gets in, we’ve all been gamed.

  • Steve Hyman

    This sums it up.

  • Zompledore

    My question is, do we savor them like a fine Cabernet, or chug them like a 40 ounce?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Put them on a dab spike and hit them with a torch or bake ’em like a cookie?

    • Frank Underboob

      There are so many right now that you might as well chug them while they’re fresh. You may never again see them so plentiful in your lifetime.

  • Virginia Collins

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc876atwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc876a:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsCampGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc876a….,..

  • Tokopol

    Time for ratfuckery. I wonder who the Constitution Party candidate is, and I wonder if he could peel away some votes from this dead-ender crowd.

  • Bill Slider

    Long ago, I was taught to never say never. That, and butthurt cake, but not pie, can be tasty.

  • Paganish

    The Shaedenfreude! It makes me smile so hard my face hurts!

    • handyhippie65

      i know, right? i would feel bad, but…you know, conservatives.

  • Blerg

    Oh, their tears are so delicious!!

  • Yeah, the part of me that’s glad to see any sign of the corrupt, stagnant status quo breaking down is in an unending fight with the part of me that’s just disgusted and horrified.

  • On Tuesday night, Ted lips flopped around like dead fish on an electrified sidewalk, spewing shit every which way, but at no time did Ted rule out a third party run nor did Ted say he’d support presumptive numbnuts, Donald, le Pamplemousse Merdique.

    Ted’s already laid his bet for November – he’s gonna head a third party run.

    Ted Cruz/Francisco Franco 2016 – We will elbow democracy in the face!

    • Cruz/Franco 2016 – With a cold, dead falange in your ass, your prostate will be tickled.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      But the deadlines for filing as an independent are long past, yes?

      Unless they’re going to get completely stupid and call for writein votes.

  • smitallica

    The funniest part of this is that Erick Son of Erick thinks that NOW The Republican Party has no shame. Where the fuck have you BEEN, man?

  • handyhippie65

    so, the republicans finally get a candidate who says exactly what it’s voters want to hear, and they lose their little minds. welcome to the club. now they know how we have felt for decades.

  • Glad to see Erik and co. Are leaving…..don’t want em’ don’t need em’

  • Pike43

    Maybe instead of doing an end zone dance and laughing off Republican opposition to Trump back at this time, each side extending an olive branch might have been better? Same is true for NeverTrump Republicans currently delighting in the Democratic freakout over Trump’s election. We both think Trump is dangerous and terrible…can we stop slinging barbs for two seconds and consider that this point of agreement might be a good place for us to start moving forward?

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