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Via Flickr

As if Frostees weren’t already gross enough (shut up, it’s just half-melted soft-serve in a goddamned soda cup, they’re disgusting), customers apparently have a new thing to be concerned with: razor blades hidden like depth charges in their iced beverages. YUM!

A woman named Aubrey Simonds in Keene, New Hampshire, got a nasty shock when the 1980s urban legend about caramel apples came to life and she discovered a razor blade in her daughter’s soda cup late last week. There’s a picture of the blade through that link, and its covered in something unidentifiable, but more horrifying than the idea of a Ted Cruz porn video. Simonds’s daughter apparently drank a little of the soda before they realized what was in there and OH GOD we need to go throw up now. Blerf. The kid is OK, by the way.

Lest ye think “THE CUSTOMER PUT IT THERE THEMSELVES, THIS IS A HOAX” — yeah, we’ve actually got confirmation it’s legit, as the police looked into it and everything, and Wendy’s has already thrown itself into full-on “OH GOD WE’RE SO SORRY” mode. Police aren’t taking any action against the Wendy’s, because it was a one-off problem rather than something ongoing.

As for how it ended up in there, it’s basically a slapstick skit: a cleaning company employee used the razor to clean the stove hoods (hence the horrific black-brown gunk mass attached to it in the photo), then threw it in the trash. An employee of the restaurant then found the razor blade in the trash and, concerned someone might cut themselves, took it out and put it in a cup for separate disposal. They never got around to that, though, and ANOTHER employee (who apparently has the perceptive abilities of a concussed duckling) found the cup and filled it with soda without even looking in the damn thing first.

Dear fast food restaurants: please do not serve razor blade sodas — if people want to experience that level of pain from their soft drinks, they’ll drink Fresca.

[Keene Sentinel]

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  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I figured the razor blade was to slit your wrist for eating at Wendy’s in the first place?

    #Votes

    • memzilla

      Naah, that’s Arby’s.

    • Skadi

      The one near my college is still offering “4 for 4”–a jr. burger, 4 chicken nuggets, a small fries and a small soda for 4 dollars. As long as I’m still poor, I’m willing to suppress my suicidal urges.

    • JMP

      But Wendy’s is the best of the national fast food burger chains.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        When I worked there, I had to make the patties for that day. They really do use fresh, never-frozen ground beef. That’s not bullshit.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …my all time favorite was “What-A-Burger”. Unfortunately we don’t have any down here in Miami

  • Oneofthebobs

    Waiter, there’s a razor… nah, flies are funnier.

  • As if Frostees weren’t already gross enough (shut up, it’s just half-melted soft-serve in a goddamned soda cup, they’re disgusting)

    You shut your goddamned mouth. They are a thick chocolate milkshake of goodness and rainbows.

    • Hutch

      Milkshake?!? Goodness and rainbows?!?

      Ingredients in a Frosty: Milk, Sugar, Corn Syrup, Cream, Whey, Nonfat Milk, Cocoa (processed with alkali), Guar Gum, Mono and Diglycerides, Cellulose Gum, Carrageenan, Calcium Sulfate, Disodium Phosphate, Artificial Flavor, Vitamin A Palmitate.

      • Me not sure

        You left out brown gravy.

        • weejee

          And sodium caseinate.

      • Sugar AND Corn Syrup?
        So that’s the secret to their teeth-melting deliciousness!

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        The carrageenan is what makes it pop!

        • Hutch

          I’m partial to guar gum. So texturey!

  • Nounverb911

    In a related product liability problem, 30 years after the whole Audi 5000’s driving themselves into pools and walls kerfluffle, there are still some garages in Manhattan that won’t accept Audis to park….

    • Oneofthebobs

      Just innies.

  • BadKitty904

    Jeez, how many posts is this since sunrise? Are you guys swilling espresso in the Chat Cave again? Being paid by the word? Or what?

    • Nounverb911

      Zombies?

      • The Wanderer

        The Trumpanzees pulled another all nighter, huh?

      • weejee

        Dok’s Vlad the Impala might qualify.

    • anwisok

      They HAVE been on a bit of a roll the last few days, haven’t they? Discounting the weekend, of course. Good thing comments aren’t allowed, or we’d probably end up with lower quality snark.

      • BadKitty904

        And/or carpal tunnel syndrome.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I think it is all the delicious right-wing tears of sorrow about Trump, it’s like a triple espresso

  • DerrickWildcat

    I don’t eat at Wendy’s very often because McDonald’s is a block closer.

    • FlownOver

      You are aware, aren’t you, that Michelle O has the authority to launch a drone strike?

  • beatbort

    Well, at least it was low-calorie.

  • gilderbeast

    Shut your mouth. Fresca is amazing

    • Hutch

      Particularly mixed with vodka!

      • gilderbeast

        I rather Tequila and salt and make a Dove

        • Hutch

          Four doubles, please!

  • Daniel Hooper

    Hmm; couple of jokes spring to mind here.

    So they’re serving sodas with shaved ice now?

    Man, talk about cutting calories…

    That’s still less life threatening than a KFC Double Down

    • The Wanderer

      I’ve never tried a Double Down. I don’t intend to.

  • Me not sure

    Man, that was a close shave!

    • The Wanderer

      I’m grateful that I wasn’t drinking anything just now.

  • Helena Handbag

    They’re serving Slice again??

    • Virginia Collins

      “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc876atwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc876a:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsCampGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc876a….,.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    That’s what happens when you let that guy Occam hang around your kitchen.

  • Jay Vaughn

    Fuck you. Frostees is life.

    • SullivanSt
    • joebags

      You are right and so is Pinkham. They can be two things.

  • SullivanSt

    if people want to experience that level of pain from their soft drinks, they’ll drink Fresca.

    Fresca is not a soft drink if ur doin it right.

    • VirginiaLady

      Tab. The official beverage of emo goth grannies who ran out of Fresca.

      • Courser

        I grew up with Tab or Fresca the only two acceptable soda options that my mom would buy. Maybe Root Beer once in a while in the summer.

        That’s okay, I drink nothing but unsweetened iced tea these days.

  • witsended

    Saw this earlier and I thought one for Pinkham.

    Earls restaurant to face human rights hearing over failure to provide high chairs.

    A man who was unable to get a high chair for his baby at two different Earls restaurant locations in Vancouver will have his complaint heard by the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal.

    In a ruling delivered Wednesday, tribunal chair Bernd Walter opted not to dismiss the complaint lodged by Phillip Ryan as Earls had requested.

    Ryan’s complaint stems from a February 2015 visit to the chain’s Hornby Street location. When he was told no high chairs were available, his family left. Ryan, who is alleging discrimination on the basis of family status, said he encountered the same issue when visiting a different Earls location three weeks later, and this time opted to dine there with the child in his lap.

    In response, Earls submitted that while some of its locations do not have high chairs, Ryan was offered what the restaurant group considered “reasonable options” — booth seating where the baby could sit next to him or on his lap.

    http://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/earls-restaurant-to-face-human-rights-hearing-over-failure-to-provide-high-chairs

    • BosGrl

      I’m not sure how I feel about this… eating with a baby in your lap is tough, though.

      • witsended

        Do you have a fundamental human right to have everything go the way you want, all the time, everywhere, forever?

        • BosGrl

          No, and if you knew me you would know that nothing goes the way I want, none of the time, nowhere and never. I don’t think a lawsuit is appropriate. I looked at the website and the menu does not have a kids’ section so I think it would be reasonable to expect that they might not be family friendly. However, I think it is probably prudent for all restaurants, except maybe those in strip clubs or cigar bars, to have a high chair stashed away.

          • witsended

            Sorry did not phrase that right. It was meant as a general question to everybody and not just to you.
            Will write out five hundred times.
            I must make my comments more precise.

          • BosGrl

            LOL!

          • FlownOver

            Sorry… not allowed.

    • natoslug

      They should’ve put baby in a corner.

    • phoenix00

      Vancouverite here, and this sounds legit. Everyone’s an extra-special snowflake here, but lawsuits like this are fairly rare, because Canada.

      Earls is also a pretty decent place to grab a nice meal too. Everyone should try!

  • weejee

    they’ll drink Fresca

    Thank you, but I’ll stick with porter and single malt.

  • SeeTrain65

    Keene, NH: The home of Pumpkin Riots and Razor Blade Frosties.

  • beatbort

    Some high-priced publicist in the front office has surely floated the idea of making the razor blade part of a nationwide “price slashing” campaign at Wendy’s.
    They could get O.J. Simpson as a spokesman and go all in.

  • zerosumgame0005

    it was NOT a Frostee!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Frostees are melted soft-serve ice cream? I always thought of them as extra-thick milkshakes.

    (Tomayto, tomahto, I guess.)

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Wendy’s; Always on the cutting edge of fast food.

    They should hire me.

  • Marr

    So referencing Frostees was just the clickbait headline, and it was really in a soda? Or do they have carbonated version of a Frostee somewhere I need to check out?

  • h4rr4r

    Fresca libel!

    No really, I love that stuff. With whiskey in it.

    • tomamitai

      It was one of the few diet sodas I could stand to drink after they banned cyclamates. Don’t know what it’s like now, as I rarely drink any kind of soda any more.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Ah – cyclamates ! I remember how good diet soda tasted before those were banned. I can’t stand it now.

        • HanBarbara

          Quit when I got a soda stream

    • Hardly Ideal

      It doesn’t have any calories*, colors**, or caffeine***, so I’ll take it.

      *I don’t need many since I spend 18 hours a day at a desk.
      **I don’t really trust those dyes sometimes.
      ***I think I’m falling of love with that stuff. It just makes me awake, not energetic.

  • BosGrl

    When I worked for the Board of Health here in Mayberry, a guy brought in a large ice coffee from the local Dunks with a belly ring in it…

  • Master Contrail Program

    So Wendy’s is back to serving finger food again?

    I know the finger in the chili was a case of fraud, but this is a snark mob.

  • Blank Ron

    … but I LIKE Fresca…

  • therblig

    ot perhaps, but my contextual ads are for harry’s razors and a free nra pocket knife (with membership). sharp!

    • BosGrl

      You must have been looking at porn recently

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I think I am most concerned with that it takes a razor blade to clean something. That ain’t normal, is it? I mean, aside from cleaning glue off glass, this is not a normal thing to need a razor blade to clean, right?

    • HazooToo

      You underestimate the grease that coats Fast Food surfaces. Razors must be bought in huge boxes and they are used to scrape off SKIN THICK STRIPS OF SOLID ICK. Source: Me. I used to work at BK. Cleaning the broiler hoods before close is hard. Sometimes you set off the sprinklers and the store floods. Then the fire department shows up and you’re stuck there til 2am.

      • ShinyBlueThing

        And they have special holders for those blades so you don’t fuck yourself up too badly while using them. The photo shows a line of demarcation that indicates it was used and ejected from such a scraper.

        • HazooToo

          Yes! Although some places, you actually have to get them for yourself and hide them, because razors are not allowed. For reasons JUST like what happened in the article. But in places like that, you at least learn to be mindful of where they are, so you don’t get written up for having them.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Wendy’s has a trough at the front of the grill sloping down to a hole with a bucket under it. At the end of the lunch rush, I had to empty the grease bucket into a fifty gallon drum out by the dumpster. Once a week, a flatbed truck would come along and pick up for full drums. I asked what they did with all that gunk, and my manager said, “Sell it to cosmetic companies for makeup.”

      Ick.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Holee crap! Boy am I ever glad that I’ve never worn much makeup. (Makes my skin feel icky. Now I know why…)

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    But . . . but . . . *lower lip trembles* . . . I like Fresca! What so wrong with delicious grapefruit soda?

    • Lambsendbeds

      It tastes like Ted Cruz’s bitter tears mixed with artificial sweetener.

      • enfilmigult

        I dunno, that’s like the only drink with artificial sweetener that doesn’t taste like burnt plastic to me. Grapefruit seems to mask it beautifully somehow.

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        Well now you’ve just ruined for me. *pouts*

    • Moonshadow Kati

      Fresca is good. It really hides the taste of vodka.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    New flavor? Tedcruz Frosty?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    When I worked at Wendy’s, I had to get a bag of Frosty down from the top shelf in the walk-in refrigerator to refill the machine. It’s liquid before it goes in the machine. I didn’t know there was another bag on top of that one farther back (Hey! I’m short. What can I say?), and, when I pulled the bag down, the other one came down with it, it hit my head and exploded. I haven’t been able to look at a bukkake video since then.

  • Michael Christian

    My immediate assumption was that someone was doing lines in the walk-in. Not that I ever did anything like that, but I heard from a friend that it happens sometimes.

  • FlownOver

    The Concussed Ducklings is the name of my new Raffi tribute band.

  • Virginia Collins

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc876atwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc876a:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsCampGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc876a….,

    • jmk

      Liar, liar, MacLaren P1 on fire!!

  • Miss Tessmacher

    I once worked in a coffee shop, and one day we were so busy I made someone an orange juice smoothie, forgetting that I had already dumped espresso into the blender for a different customer. The citrus smoothie came out brown, but I was so frazzled I didn’t notice and handed it over to the customer. He drank about a third of it before coming back to the counter with an “ew” face. So I think if there had also been a razor blade or a rat pewp in the bottom of the cup – I probably wouldn’t have noticed. Don’t worry, I no longer work in any food service capacity. You’re welcome.

  • Abyss

    You shut up about Fresca Pinkham or we’re going to have a problem. Fresca is awesome.

  • Fresca LIBELZ!!!1!!

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