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Totally.
Totally.

Sad news about the global warming hoax, you guys. Turns out that the liberal scientists are so committed to their big lie that they’re going to go down to Antarctica and melt all the ice, which will cause the sea level to go WAY up, and when they are done, southern Louisiana will be bye-bye. Those liberal scientists will stop at nothing, won’t they?

You see, Louisiana has a Coastal Master Plan, devoted to mitigating the effects of climate change and the fucking oil drilling bid’ness on the state’s rapidly disappearing coastline. Unfortunately there’s new research that says their big plan mightn’t even matter, if global temperatures rise too much:

The research presents evidence that the world and Louisiana face a stark choice: Keep global temperatures from rising more than 2 degrees Celsius (3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) by 2100 and little will change in Antarctica, which means sea-level rise could be manageable and Louisiana’s coastal plan might succeed.

Fail at that goal, and the result could be a sudden, dramatic melting of ice on Antarctica, adding another 3 feet to current predictions of 3.5 feet of sea-level rise by 2100 – an event that would swamp most of Louisiana’s southern third, even with the master plan finished.

This year’s international meeting on climate change in Paris set a goal of reducing carbon emissions to a level that would limit global warming to 2 degrees Celsius.

You guys don’t like #ScienceFacts. You like pictures. Lucky for you, the New Orleans Advocate has created a whole interactive-type graphic thingy where you can see what will happen to southern Louisianne, depending on if Antarctica stays frozen, melts a little bit, or turns into a tropical vacation destination. For instance, here’s what it looks like if sea levels rise six feet:

The very nice Louisiana newspaper did not write the "fuck" word on its graphic, Wonkette did.
The very nice Louisiana newspaper did not write the “fuck” word on its graphic, Wonkette did.

You should go over there to see all their other amazing graphics.

Oh, and before you go “LOL NO BIG” because New Orleans still exists on that map, you must remember that New Orleans is protected by levees, which NEVER EVER EVER fail. Heck nope! Or maybe they do sometimes, and that will make Mardi Gras #NoFun because you’ll have to show your titties to the fishes to get beads, and fish ain’t got no beads and don’t care about your titties. Oh and people will die.

Also too, six feet of sea level rise would affect LOTS OF OTHER PLACES (click here for even more fun interactive graphics about things being fucked!), like Miami and Boston and New York City and also places that aren’t even in America. Hell, if you want to indulge in disaster prediction porn fantasies, just Google “six feet of sea level rise” and treat yourself to a veritable MELANGE of articles that have come out since this new research was published at the end of March.

Now, because we are Wonkette, you are probably wondering if we are going to tell Bobby Jindal to get fucked in his hyphen-hole over this. OF COURSE! You’ll remember how Jindal, back when he had a job, spent the 10-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina begging President Obama not to inject “the divisive political agenda of liberal environmental activism” into the event. And he really didn’t want to hear about fake ass liberal “climate change.”

The mean president had already annoyed Jindal by releasing a National Climate Assessment Report in 2014, detailing in part just how fucked Louisiana was going to be, thanks to global warming and the oil industry, but Jindal couldn’t hear him over the sounds of his mouth slurping around Big Oil’s slippery cock.

Oh well. Maybe the Paris climate change agreement will help reverse the course of what we humans have (allegedly!) done to the world, and maybe Louisiana’s plan to save its coastlines will work out. Or maybe it’s too late and Antarctica is going to murder everything, by rudely melting all over the place.

Maybe if the deniers are really so sure it’s all a big fake, they should chain themselves to desks at the current sea level, and we’ll just see what happens. Is that bad of us to say?

[New Orleans Advocate]

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  • Nounverb911
  • Look Closer

  • schmannity

    Marco Rubio:

    I’m not an aquaman, man.

    • Nounverb911

      Is this good news for AquaBuddah then?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Then why does he need so much water?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      What did Polo Rubio have to say on this?

  • Scooby

    Yea, but how cool would it be to SCUBA dive on Royal Street?

  • Nounverb911

    The Noah’s Ark Amusement Park in Kentucky will be finished just in time then:

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Too bad it won’t float.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        It will float, with Ken Ham’s Jesus magic! LOL!

        • H0mer0

          aren’t the sons of Ham somewhat drker than this dildo?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        If you want something like that to float, it really has to be built by a desert nomad who’s never seen the ocean. Accept no substitutes.

      • Blank Ron

        Not with all those damned animals on board.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I’d recommend we get two of every “kind” of animal on that ark, except wait, that won’t work, because of you know, science!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIlWKp44T50

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Science is a lie. Objective truth is a lie.

        Have faith in the invisible sky buddy!

        • CriticalDragon1177

          The Flying Spaghetti Monster?

        • Biff52

          ..

          • H0mer0

            “Don’t fear the [Kraken]”

    • chazmanr

      Okay, is it wrong to channel Bill Cosby here?

      What’s a cubit?

      • Creepoman

        Shvoobada shvoobada – my folks played that record all the time growing up.

      • The Wanderer

        God: Well, a cubit’s ah . . . er . . . I used to know what a cubit was . . .

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’m sorry but was that a typo? Cluebit (or Cluebyte) : The smallest unit of clue…

      • BoatOfVelociraptors
      • Paul

        Right.

      • FlownOver

        Am I on Candid Camera?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m sorry, but in order to be a replica, there has to have been an original to base it on.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      wtf are the round things in the front? Hoverrounds?
      And also, this park is utter bullshit until 2 of every animal on the earth is in it. I’ll wait.

      • Even stink beetles?

        • Querolous

          Even Zika Mosquitos.

          • H0mer0

            in that case, chikagunya, dengue and zika have to compete for two mosquiti

    • That’s neat, they have a “replica” of Noah’s Ark in the same way that I had a “replica” X-Wing fighter when I was a kid.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And when you visit, don’t forget to demand to see the proposed living quarters for the Northern spotted owls, snail darters, whooping cranes, Florida pumas, polar bears and black-footed ferrets.

      • willi0000000

        i want to see where he gets passenger pigeons, dodos, …

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I trust that it’s being built by eight men. from whole trees, without power tools, and no nails. I just won’t believe it otherwise.

    • Beaumarchais?

      So they’re building a fore top-keel in case it capsizes? That’s confident.

  • weejee

    Dang penguins!

    • Nounverb911

      :)

    • CriticalDragon1177

      They hate humanity. That’s why they want to drown us! ;)

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      They want our air conditioning!

    • H0mer0

      I love that cartoon![also too, Rico has an awesome singing voice.]

  • schmannity

    Jim Inhofe will hold up a dry clod of dirt on Senate floor to disprove this theory.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That makes two clods on the Senate floor.

      • willi0000000

        only two? . . . he must have had “this isn’t a real recess” duty that day.

  • Oh well. Maybe the Paris climate change agreement will help reverse the course of what we humans have (allegedly!) done to the world, and maybe Louisiana’s plan to save its coastlines will work out.

    AHAHAHAHAHA… no… they’re going to help elect President Trump and we’ll continue to do nothing until everyone who can’t afford their own personal biodome (with a few exemptions to act as the help, and by help, I mean slaves) dies.

    • goonemeritus

      I’m not going to die, I have a kayak.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Trumpenproles all have douchecanoes. They’re safe.

        Sort of.

      • sw19womble

        Then the killer whales and I (when I return as a giant pacific octopus) will get you. :p

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          We’ll just get new fjords up here in Cascadia.
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cascadia_(independence_movement)

          • Anarchy Pony

            When do I get my Pacific Tree Octopus?!

          • sw19womble

            When you stop wishing cancer on me and give me a chance to take an evolutionary leap with my new mutant powers!

          • Anarchy Pony

            Better evolve out of that ocean quick then.

          • sw19womble

            Cascadian Mountain Octopus it is, then!

          • Anarchy Pony

            Careful, it gets relatively dry in the summer.

          • Biff52
          • sw19womble

            Ooh, nice!

        • goonemeritus

          Jokes on you i’m closer to the Atlantic

    • Anarchy Pony

      “we’ll continue to do nothing”
      Hey now, that’s not fair, give Donald some credit. He’ll make it worse.

  • weejee

    So we’re gonna get waterfront property? Just 20 blocks from sea level and about 450′ above it – the elevation of Dallas, TX.

  • chazmanr

    No longer can give a shit. I decided long ago that it is immoral for people to reproduce knowing what they are handing off to their children and grandchilden. I’ll be dead by the time the shit hits the fan and as I have no children, I am no longer going to worry about it. I’ll do my part to not be a part of the problem, but I am not going to worry about the end of the human race.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You don’t stop fighting just because it’s hopeless. At least this gives you something to occupy your time. And there will be plenty of I-told-you-so’s in the next few decades, thanks to our good friend methane.

      • chazmanr

        I’ll be dead long before I get the pleasure of watching Florida and Louisana suffer for their ignorance. I wish I believed in God so I could take solace in knowing the GOP politicians and voters who voted to do nothing would at rot in hell for eternity. However, as an atheist, I am denied that pleasure as well.

        • H0mer0

          a foolish inconsistency never hobbled the goblins

    • sw19womble

      I’m planning on being reincarnated as a giant pacific octopus, so yeah, fuck you, humanity!

      • Anarchy Pony

        The pollution is gonna be rough

        • sw19womble

          Giant mutant pacific octopus, then ;p

          • Anarchy Pony

            More like dead, cancer ridden giant mutant pacific octopus.

          • sw19womble

            :<

          • H0mer0

            I like the Simpsons ending better ( too lazy to look further for the Merkin language version):

            https://youtu.be/q0j_mtJ3fWM

          • H0mer0

            Casey Jones, you better watch your speed….

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Giant octopus! That’s cool! I’ll probably come back as one of those little clams that has to dig a new hole in the sand with its tongue every few minutes.

        • Biff52

          I’M ALLERGIC TO CLAMS YOU mONSTER!!!1

          • sw19womble

            Oh, can it!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I feel like that’s already my life, sadly.

    • Dutchman

      The rabble always seem to look askance at me when I espouse the concept that what we need is a good old fashioned pandemic. Zombie apocalypse mortality rates I’m talkin’ here!

    • Biff52

      I had already made the decision to not reproduce, but reading The Population Bomb in the late 60’s sure tightened up my choice.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Woah woah woah slow down you pesky science liberals. Maybe we should wait and see if six feet of sea level rise is really that bad before we do something that might raise our electric bills by 10%.

    • willi0000000

      you funny.

      [ i get a hydro credit on my bill ]

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Evan Hurst,

    Back your bags. We’re doomed!

    • Jonny On Maui

      I tried to back my bags but I hit the corner of the garage…

  • limberrat

    Hmmm, so if it raises 6 feet, we lose both SF International and Oakland Intl. Good new for Norm Mineta International!

    • sw19womble

      San Jose Airport? That whole bottom section of the bay is pretty low too.

      • limberrat

        Yes, I am talking about San Jose. According to the data, it is out of the flooding.
        http://ss2.climatecentral.org

        • Biff52

          Hm. The place I grew up, San Pedro Valley, is actually below sea level, yet the map shows it survives. That levee won’t hold!

          • limberrat

            I grew up in Fremont, my parents barely make it out scott free.

          • Biff52

            One of my sisters is surrounded by Fremont.

          • limberrat

            Newark I take it? I’m sorry.

          • Biff52

            Yes. For some reason, she likes it there. And her condo, roughly the size of my back patio, is worth three times what my house is. Go figure.

          • limberrat

            Yeah, my parents house tiny 3 bedroom (tiny ones at that) is a about 2 1/2 – 3 times worth what my house is worth. It’s insane.

          • H0mer0

            shiiii[t]: by the time my brothers and I fight over the remains of our inheritance (in the peninsula,) it will be at the bottom of the sea.

  • Indiepalin

    Former Gov. Jindal was ready to deploy the National Guard and attack Antarctica before reason prevailed.

  • goonemeritus

    I guess we will have to move Mardi Gras to someplace dry like Salt Lake City. I hope it won’t change the whole Ethos of the holiday.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Show us your magic underwear! Woooooooo!

      • Beaumarchais?

        They’ll throw little black name badges from the floats!

      • OneYieldRegular

        I’ll buy you a can of TAB!

      • H0mer0
    • Reddishrabbit

      OMG, did you see that girl, she had COFFEE!!!! Things are getting too out of ccontrol!

  • Callyson
  • MrBlobfish

    Just put a couple of cinder blocks under it. They’ll be fine.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I dunno about you, but I don’t want no gators under my porch.

  • Msmlg1979

    I’ll be long gone by then. So, I’ll keep voting Republican, driving my Hummer to the end of the driveway to pick up the mail, and refusing to recycle ’cause that’s for “pussies”. Fuck it! Not my problem!

    • limberrat

      Yeah! It’s my grandkid’s problem now!!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Li’l tyke should have known better! Serves ’em right!

      • Msmlg1979

        Screw ’em! Little brats are gonna have to learn to bootstrap one way or another.

        • Paul

          Takers.

        • WhyFelicia

          Inflatable bootstraps! You’ve given me an excellent business idea.

  • jviscont1

    If LA could quit legislating homophobia, maybe a million dykes would want to help keep the seas at bay.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You’ll want Subaru’s AWD on those crappy roads.

      • jviscont1

        But comfortable shoes when you push the Subby out of the mud hole.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          If you’re going to get muddy, wear flannel.

        • The Wanderer

          I thought the Subby liked being in the mud hole.
          Oh. Wrong Subby?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That many Dykes will require a lot of fingering.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I guess that is one path to citizenship…volunteering ftw!

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Are you talking about Las Angeles? Not exactly the most homophobic place in America. You know Hollywood movies with lots of gays?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        LA is the postal abbreviation for Louisiana.

        L.A. is the city, though admittedly, like S.H.I.E.L.D., people are divided on leaving the periods out.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I would very much like to leave the periods out.
          Comeon, Menopause! Mamma wants a white pair of jeans

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Don’t forget the panty S.H.I.E.L.D.

          • Zyxomma

            I hope it’s as totally symptom-free for you as it was for me.

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          Ironically, LALALA is what most rightwingers hear when the subject of global warming comes up.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Just ring me up if any of them need my finger in them.” — Josh Duggar

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Yes, Antarctica melting has a downside. But think of all the Alien Spacecraft and frozen cavemen we’ll recover.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      There’s a whole clan of Bundies and homo-hating cake bakers that need the services of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, esq.

    • limberrat

      Holy crap! We’ll recover the temple from AvP! We’ll have Aliens!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        And they’ll be duplicated by The Thing and infected by black oil from The X-Files.

        • Jonny On Maui

          And the entrance to Hollow Earth!

          • Blank Ron

            We told you so!
            – some Nazis

    • Anarchy Pony

      Aot,k!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “This is not happening. This is not happening. This is…glurg, glurg, glurg….”

    • sw19womble

      Erik The Viking libels!!!

  • arglebargle

    If New Orleans is involved this is obviously the result of God’s wrath for the homo’s gayin’ it up six ways to Sunday so I fail to see how the Paris Climate Change Agreement has any bearing on this story.

    • limberrat

      You know WND will be writing that in 2100.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Channeling Pat Robertson can lead to drain bamage. Please be cautious.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Pickwicknext

      Such a good song. I wish the Hip still sounded like that

    • Killerwhaletankversion liblez!

  • sw19womble

    I’ve just started watching a new anime series, Haifuri (Girls und Panzer with ships, or Kancolle with actual humans, but anyway…)
    The ports are basically floating above the old, drowned cities.
    Just an option for you, Louisiana, Florida, etc…!

  • borninatrailer

    Oh cool! It’ll be the the Keys, only stabbier.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Won’t be any more Keys, so we’ll definitely need the replacements.

  • say wha

    Are we certain that’s not just a new redistricting map, with the Democratic wards under water?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      How can I get my voter ID when the only DMV is at the bottom of the ocean???

      • Villago Delenda Est

        All part of Scott Walker’s cunning plan.

      • Msgr_Moment

        You do know that there’s water down there? At the bottom of the ocean?

        • sw19womble

          Drill baby, drill!

          • limberrat

            More territory for drilling platforms! Win-Win!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Squidward prolly works there.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    “How do ya like that Louisiana Purcahse now, American patriots?”

    -Zombie Napoleon

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thanks, Obama!

    • Look Closer

      Love it!

  • Painter of Goats

    I know it’s selfish and whiny but when the sea rises all these idiots will have to move inland and that is closer to me and I don’t want them near me.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “First it was global cooling, then global warming, now global flooding. What’s next, global drying? You scientists and your facts and ongoing research just confuse me.”

    • limberrat

      I don’t believe you scientists. Yes my house is currently under 3 feet of water, but this “flooding” you speak of is way over my head.

      • Msmlg1979

        Surf’s waaaaay up, dude..

        • limberrat

          Duuuuuuuuude!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Shaka brah!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Trying to understand geophysics and ecology and climate is a liberal conspiracy.!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        If you have to “try” to understand something, it’s definitely a liberal conspiracy.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        It’s cuz you are Green on the outside and Red on the inside. Yer a watermelon. You just want to regalate all the bidness.

        And the sad thing about this caricature ^^^ is the folks who try to prove it right on the left, sadly.

        So every time Greenpeace makes a misleading claim, or PETA comes unhinged or some activist does something stupid, they are shoring up the shit foundations this nonsense rests on to keep going.

        That and people don’t want to admit it’s all of our faults. Just like the 2008 crisis. Easier to blame the bankers who told you what you wanted to hear and what they wanted to hear as well.

        Easier to blame the fossil fuel companies who helped disinform people who wanted to be disinformed because they wanted to drive a gas-guzzling big assed truck with clear conscience. Easier to blame….

        • Anarchy Pony

          No, I’m pretty sure I’m green on the outside and red on the outside.

          • Blank Ron

            So you’re brown?

          • Anarchy Pony

            More like striped.

          • Blank Ron

            Festive! You must be in great demand at Christmas.

  • Mpeg

    Coincidentally, scientists have observed the population of honey badgers has spiked.

    • Biff52

      Talk about no fucks to give!

  • Steven M. Harries

    So the Old Hermit on the Mountain really was able to see the future.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    So, what you’re saying is that there will be plenty swim-up bars in the French Quarter, right? How can that be a bad thing?

    • Msgr_Moment

      So this will work out well for them.

      • Robyn Ryan

        We are adaptable. Like wharf rats. We’ll make it.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Save me a couple seats in the SuperDome.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Cleaning up Bourbon Street after a night of debauchery will be a lot easier.

    • Paganish

      Alligators.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    The scientists reveal their dastardly plan to invent global warming in order to raise sea level and therefore suddenly all have beachfront property.

    Shoulda invited the nerds to the bonfire, world.

    • Pickwicknext

      The geek shall inherit the Earth

    • Doug Langley

      And all this time I thought Lex Luthor’s plan in Superman was silly.

    • Rasilom

      This sounds amazingly like a Pinky and the Brian plot. Brian bought up all the property about the 20th floor then was going to use the Hubbles mirror to meet the ice packs, This flooding the world and leaving him in charge of what was left. Think we can sell this plot to the RWNJ’S?

  • WhyFelicia

    This Louisiana report was written under Jindal’s administration. How come he didn’t cancel it because Jesus was going to send an ark or whatever?

    • The Wanderer

      Probably because those dastards who believe in Actual Science hid it from him.

      • WhyFelicia

        I suppose that wouldn’t be too hard.

        • Blank Ron

          ‘Look, Governor, a squirrel!’

    • Msmlg1979

      GodJeebus clearly promised never to destroy the Earth with flood again. This is libtard propaganda. Know that each time you see a rainbow.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Well he’s not going to destroy the whole world with flood… So technically.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          They will say that New Orleans is filled with vice and eeeeeevil and god did smite them for their wickedness.

          • Anarchy Pony

            And yet Las Vegas stands…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            And just happened to drown every other place on the planet within 6 feet of sea level.
            (Questioned about this after the magnitude of the disaster became apparent, Got walked away, muttering something about eggs and omelettes.)

          • Gleem-McShinez

            “I told those fuckers NO SHRIMP! Those bastards probably think this means they can spill their seed in all the water now, too! ‘But God!’ they’ll whine, ‘It’s not the ground!‘ Worthless load of beard-rounders anyway. “

          • Robyn Ryan

            Only the devoted Christians. We unabashed sinners were fine.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          God is big on technicalities.

          • Anarchy Pony

            If only he was clearer about them.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            “I get it, technically camels and hyraxes should be Kosher, but they’re just not, OK? Sheesh, you people.”

          • Courser

            My Jewish ex bf always wondered about Ostriches. I can’t remember whether they are or not, but his burning question was why???

      • Skadi

        Yeah, I know.

        God sent Noah the rainbow sign
        Saying, “No more water–fire next time.”

        …somehow, I never found that reassuring.

        • Msmlg1979

          Not so much, no.

        • witsended

          I always thought the interior designers of the gay illuminati created the rainbows, as a secret symbol, that announced to the world that they had inducted a new member to their coven.

        • Courser

          There have been some godawful fire seasons here in Colorado where it felt like God sent a plague of fire. Especially when dry lightning starts a *new* fire when there are already 3 major ones.

  • Msgr_Moment

    New Orleans. Come for the Hurricanes, stay for the flooding.

  • The Wanderer

    We are so boned. The asshole population will insist on ‘rolling coal’ until they can no longer breathe, and then get all pissy when a hurricane inundates their new oceanfront property.

    • calliecallie

      And ask for government emergency funds.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Loisiana just wants to donate the leftover plastic cups from Mardis Gras to the Atlantic Garbage Patch!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Correction: “set to drown Good Part of Louisiana”.

    FIFY.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So, the Duck Dynasty homestead not included.

      Damn.

  • BadKitty904

    I’m wondering what climate-change deniers will eat when much of the world’s current food supply disappears. Their words? Each other?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Each other probably.

      • BadKitty904

        I can see them evolving into manatee-like creatures – high fat content, but plenty of edible protein.

        • Anarchy Pony

          And then I’ll run them over with a speedboat until they go extinct.

      • cynmac

        Soylent Green Libelz!!11!!

    • Doug Langley

      It’ll be hard to tell over their cries of “IT’S OBAMA’S FAULT!!!”

      • Courser

        I have no doubt that some asshole will say that. I’d lay money on it.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Kelp, I was thinking.

  • Toomush_Infer

    We won’t even need votes!…

  • Toomush_Infer

    New Orleans is already ordering the gondolas! Job opportunities!…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I really don’t see how it could be more imperilied.

      Water to the South. Water to the North. The whole thing sets below water level.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    They should probably laminate the master plan, just to be safe.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Awesome. I bow to you!

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’m not worried, we will just evolve like that movie Waterworld. Actually, that would be tragic, it was a horrible movie.

    • Paganish

      I loved that movie. The same way I would love a poor, homeless, abused dog with three legs and one eye. You just cant help but feel sorry for it.

      • Rufus T. Firefly

        Take it home and name it Lucky.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I liked seeing Jeanne Tripplehorn taking her clothes off. That was nice.

      • tomamitai

        Unfortunately, she used a body double, according to mrskin.com. I loved the movie all the same, I think Dennis Hopper was great in it.

    • sw19womble

      Hey! Waterworld was great fun!

  • OddMan

    Poor Louisiana, not only do they have to accept the terrible liberal “climate change’, if they don’t want to live with the fishes they are going to have to leave a lot of that sweet Gulf oil in the ground. And that will certainly happen.

    PS, substitute the entire Earth for Louisiana and that sums it up.

  • Anarchy Pony
    • Jonny On Maui

      Well, that was depressing… Until the end…

  • Bitter Scribe

    But it gets cold in the winter!

  • Jenny

    There’s a golden meadow in a swamp?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Cute map, but I guarantee that the Mississippi won’t stay nicely within its banks.
    I wonder where the Coastal Master Plan has the new port located.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’ve wondered the same about the St. Lawrence/Great Lakes….

      • Michael Reynolds

        The Great Lakes are between 70 and 600 meters above sea level. I believe the locks are ~40 meters above sea level. So no worries from sea level rise, but oil lines running under the straights of Mackinaw are an environmental disaster waiting to happen.

  • Walter Wellstone

    When you think about it, climate change will probably do what we can only wish we could do with votes: sink Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and big chunks of Texas into the fucking Gulf of Mexico. Not a bad thing, I say.

  • OneYieldRegular

    But wait, won’t all those firearms purchased in Louisiana offer protection from the rising waters?

    • CJTX

      Stand your ground doesn’t work against water. It’ll have to be stand your high-ground.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      Stand Your Riptide does not work very well.

  • Anarchy Pony

    We’ll make it like Venice, they love me in Venice, I love it in Venice, too many Italians… it’ll be terrific, yooge.

    • TheBidenator

      Ah, you’ve been practicing my young apprentice. Beautiful, beautiful…

      • Anarchy Pony

        Terrific!

        • Doug Langley

          Yes, Grasshopper, they say when the student is ready, the master will appear.

    • Skadi

      Given that Venice itself will be completely underwater, I hear the Veneto is threatening to secede from Italy and set up as an independent republic again if Italy doesn’t do something about rising sea levels fast.

      • CJTX

        Didn’t Venice also spend a TON of money for that fancy offshore thing that mitigates flooding and stuff?…I saw a thing on TV about it.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It cost a gazilllion lira, but the problem (at the time) was Venice sinking below current high tides – it was not designed with sea level rise in mind.

  • harryr

    I live on the coast. A two foot rise would mean me wading to the kitchen.

    • Biff52

      Is your avatar old Rick Griffin art?

      • harryr

        No, Lobey Dosser by Bud Neill, Scottish cartoon strip from the 1950s. Very, very funny, but works best if you speak Glaswegian.

        • Me not sure

          So Loby Dosser, then.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Very very funny. very funny. funny.

          • Me not sure

            I’m a kidder. I kid.

      • harryr

        No, Lobey Dosser by Bud Neill – Scottish cartoon strip from the 1950s. Very, very funny, but best appreciated if you speak, Glaswegian.

      • harryr

        No, Bud Neill’s Lobey Dosser. 1950’s Scottish comic strip. Very, very funny, but best appreciated if you speak Glaswegian

  • shastakoala

    Now I feel a little bad about making fun of my sister’s webbed toes.

  • Robyn Ryan

    Our State legislature will vote to make it ‘not true.’. Problem solved. That’s how they do the budget…healthcare, education….
    That’s why I live on my boat.

    • Not just that, but who could profit from the solution. Fifteen or so years ago, late 90’s, early 2000’s, when “going green” was still a novelty and you couldn’t readily find organic anything in the grocery stores, my wife would complain. And I told her, as soon as people figure out how to make money marketing “green” and “organic”, there would be an explosion and we’d have all the choices she wanted. Now we do.

      Want to solve the climate change problem? It won’t get solved until someone can profit from the solution.

      • AB316

        That’s just the problem – there’s more profit to be had in the things causing the problem than there is profit in the solution.

        • Zyxomma

          Many of the solutions are, indeed, profitable. They just don’t profit the oil. gas, or chemical companies, thus they’re ridiculed.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Solar panels have a small ROI, after all the tax gimmicks are taken into account, and the manufacturing is in China (of course), but I suppose the installers get paid for the work.
            Wind turbines are so profitable that Duke Energy could even outbid the oil industry for the votes souls of Texas and Oklahoma regulators.

  • PubOption

    Well if the seawater gets into volcanoes, it will put them out, we don’t need to spend so much on volcano monitoring. – “Bobby Jindal”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Tons of seawater meet volcanic magma – what could possibly go wrong?

  • CJTX

    The governors can bitch all they want – I’ve seen an inkling that the coastal cities in South Florida are discussing and studying this issue intensely. Losing these waterfront cities means the loss of BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of dollars in buildings, land, infrastructure, etc. And you thought just rehabbing all the old lead-lined water pipes was expensive.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Cities are studying it, because Gov. Voldemort won’t allow the state gov’t to even talk about it.
      Not that much can be done; the ground is too porous for dikes to do any good, so any planning is planning for an orderly retreat. Valuable buildings can be modified (take all the utilities and machinery out of the basement, put it on the 2nd or 3rd floor, and surrender the ground floor to the sea) but owners of typical property are screwed. I’d sell now, to a dumbfuck Republican if at all possible, and move away.

  • Mormos

    fuck it, humanity had its chance. bury our hubris beneath the waves.

    • uniquename72

      We in Vegas are looking forward to our beachfront properties.

      • willi0000000

        people in the Himalayas will be looking at beachfronts if we totally fuck up!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I read an article recently saying, yah the issue isn’t “save the planet” The planet will be fine. Humanity, not so much.

      • Hell, George Carlin said that 30ish years ago. The planet will shake us off like a bad case o’ fleas.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Unfortunately, we’re going to take a boatload of species & ecosystems with us. I would mourn the passing of the Everglades & all the coral reefs, except I’ll be dead.

      • Zyxomma

        I’ve been saying that for decades. Decided not to have kids at 13. Still live very lightly on earth, for the benefit of others.

    • Mark Breitinger

      Or let us backwards-evolve into fish people. Republicans are all about backwards-evolution.

  • The worst thing is that north Louisiana escapes all this. And no one from south LA will move to north LA.

    • willi0000000

      i guess NoLA just ain’t the same as NOLA.

      • Me not sure

        No.

    • vivian

      You mean from Long Beach to San Fernando?

  • alnnc

    I got an idea, we just build a pipeline to the moon with a yoooge pump, then pump all the melted water to the moon. Maybe suck up some CO2 while we are at it. Build classy resorts, let only the best people settle there. Call it Trumptopia.

    • Me not sure

      You’ll have to wrest it from Moon Emperor Newt Gingrich’s hands

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Can we start by shipping off the “best people”?

    • Mark Breitinger

      And Mexico is gonna pay for it!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ok, that interactive got a “oof, fuck” outta me.

    • Rick Hill

      Meh. What’s the big deal? They already chased the undesirables out of Nawlens, all that’s left are gentrifying cwkskrs that need a little dip in the ocean.

  • beavertank

    Yeah, no, it’s too late and we’re totes boned. Time to relocate the financial center of the the United States to Denver or something.

  • Rick Hill

    I’m part of the liberal scientist conspiracy. *glances sideways* Shhh…it’s a sekrit. Anyhoo, what we’re doing to ensure all that ice melts so our lie becomes FACT is to get all the other libruls who have despaired from the policies of the right and are full blown alcoholics. We’re all going to summer down there and drink tons of alcoholic beverages which will be cooled with, you guessed it, glaciar ice. We’re going to try a tie in and get the Himalayan salt hippies and the Ice straight from a glacier hipsters to help subsidize our efforts. Soros has already let us know he has to steal more conservative monies before he can help out, he wasted his stash paying everyone to buy Beyonce’s music to help assault the police. I’ll be posting my gofundme for this shortly ….

    • Courser

      Is it wrong that I heard all that in a funny voice in my head? Excellent work!

      • Mary Stone

        I heard it in a Peter Lorre voice myself…

    • John Smith

      Is Alinsky involved?

      • Rick Hill

        Duh. Of course.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Put that Himalayan salt on those Himalayan glaciers – presto!

      • Rick Hill

        Shhhh. That’s another plan. We tell tourists it’s part of a sacred ritual and doing so will give you gawd’s blessing

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    Where can I buy long-term real estate futures in Grand Isle, LA?

    • Suttree

      Or Venice.

  • Suttree

    And fuck Bobby Jindal in every orifice for not expanding medicaid in Louisiana. An old girlfriend of mine almost died because she had trouble getting healthcare. Don’t mind all of that puking blood, Bobby doesn’t give a shit about you, even though she was a republican. She just wasn’t rich enough.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Poor Republicans make me sad. :-(

      • Suttree

        Poor republicans with serious health problems that had to wait five years to find some weird way to get on donor transplant lists make me sad. Especially when their main beef was some 2nd amendment bullshit and didn’t really follow politics, but was hardcore “I hate demoncrats”. This person sure as hell liked my liberal ass though.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Most of the Republicans I know are poor. Most of them also don’t realize how reliant on the government they actually are.
          At one of the debates Trump said “I’m not going to let people starve on the streets” and I could tell that the drooling idiots were confused. They didn’t know whether to clap or boo. They never realize that THEY are going to be the people starving. They’re clueless that Social Security and Medicare are socialist programs, and two of the big drivers of our national debt.

          • Suttree

            Umm, I am not sure if you are snarking. Social security is being paid for out of my payroll taxes. The fact that these assholes have stolen all of the money out of the fund doesn’t mean that the system doesn’t work. I would say that two land wars is Asia is a much larger drain, plus the whole MIC.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The little part that they are not stealing, I am.

          • Suttree

            It’s not an entitlement. It is an earned benefit!

          • Biff52

            If they had left it the fuck alone, the interest on the capital would be enough to keep it afloat.

  • Sardonicuss

    Well, from the 3 Mardi Gras’ I can remember (parts of)..you had a good run:

  • OrdinaryJoe

    While you guys are all wa-wa-wa about the changes in the coast line, I bet the Donald is looking at exciting opportunities to invest now in new beach front properties.

  • Me not sure

    I’m not worried about sea level rises. Fuck! The loss of the food producing areas to drought and heat will have starved most of us by then anyway.

  • Professor LonelyCats

    Many of the beaches in SoCal have not only lost most of the sand, but have actually gotten dangerous to swim in. (I don’t have a source for that, I remember from few years back and I still lived there. Had to leave the water before everyone else because the waves kept nearly knocking me over.)

    • C Kruger

      Check out Sand Wars, a documentary about areas selling their sand: sand-wars.com. h/t No Agenda podcast

      • Biff52

        That’s cheery…

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