OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it’s Saturday and that means it’s time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is full of all the bestest stories you clicked on the mostest, ranked by mathematicals.
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Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. This week’s Off The Menu (the last installment on Wonkette, SADFACE, but don’t worry, that Pinkham boy will still be writin’ some stories here!) was about restaurant bosses who were TRULY FANTASTIC.
2. Those Bundy assholes added dicks to Indian petroglyphs in Oregon. Yr Wonkette likes dick jokes, but ahem. No.
3. Bristol Palin is WELL THE FUCK AWARE who has a penis and who has a vagina.
4. This is the guy who wants to keep North Carolina “straight.” For real.
5. Texas school board candidate lady is pretty sure Pre-K programs turn children into little gay whores.
6. That gal who looks like Ted Cruz is willing to do porn for $10,000. Reminder: it’s free to NOT watch it.
7. CNN steps on its own dick, wonders if Prince’s death is good for Hillary and Trump.
8. Hey, which airline let a teen get molested on its plane like it’s no big deal this time?
9. Ben Carson is SO MAD Obama sold Harriet Tubman into slavery all over again.
10. And finally, maybe THIS is why everybody hates Ted Cruz so much.
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