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HEY Y'ALL
HEY Y’ALL

OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it’s Saturday and that means it’s time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is full of all the bestest stories you clicked on the mostest, ranked by mathematicals.

SPEAKING OF NUMBERS, if you love your Wonkette and you love our stories and you appreciate it when we YELL AT SALON and stuff, please to click this link and throw $5, $10 or $25 at our faces, will ya? We work VERY hard for you, and we appreciate y’all very much, yes we do.

Oh look, making yet another appearance, it’s Wonkette baby Donna Rose, BEING A LION WHO IS ASKING YOU TO DONATE GENEROUSLY. Yep, that is the official “donations” picture now.

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
Give or the lion will GET YOU.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. This week’s Off The Menu (the last installment on Wonkette, SADFACE, but don’t worry, that Pinkham boy will still be writin’ some stories here!) was about restaurant bosses who were TRULY FANTASTIC.

2. Those Bundy assholes added dicks to Indian petroglyphs in Oregon. Yr Wonkette likes dick jokes, but ahem. No.

3. Bristol Palin is WELL THE FUCK AWARE who has a penis and who has a vagina.

4. This is the guy who wants to keep North Carolina “straight.” For real.

5. Texas school board candidate lady is pretty sure Pre-K programs turn children into little gay whores.

6. That gal who looks like Ted Cruz is willing to do porn for $10,000. Reminder: it’s free to NOT watch it.

7. CNN steps on its own dick, wonders if Prince’s death is good for Hillary and Trump.

8. Hey, which airline let a teen get molested on its plane like it’s no big deal this time?

9. Ben Carson is SO MAD Obama sold Harriet Tubman into slavery all over again.

10. And finally, maybe THIS is why everybody hates Ted Cruz so much.

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left and this is it. You need to put Wonkette inside your sex box. JUST FOOLING, WE ARE NOT MAKING A PASS AT YOU. But you should put us in your EMAIL BOX. It is for a newsletter, where we send you the secret jokes and the recaps and the special promotions. We promise not to share your information with anybody! We are fierce protectors of your PRIVACY.

While you are putting Wonkette in your box (AND SCROLLING BACK UP TO GIVE US $5, $15, or $25 BUCKS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY) here’s a picture of yr Wonkette niece (who is totally a little girl now, and not just a dumb toddler) meeting a goat:

niecegoat

OK bye plz give us money.

Love,

Wonket

$
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  • Rock Drummer

    Top of the morning ya’ll. Have a great weekend.

  • Ricky Gay

    that lion pix. OMG I can’t even!

  • MsAnthropesMr

    What is Stevie Nicks doing with the Wonkette niece?

  • nmmagyar

    OMFG!!!! Those cheeks!

  • Mimihaha

    Definitely the Bundy’s. They damaged irreplaceable artifacts. We won’t even know who any of the Palin’s were in 10 years.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I dunno…they’re multiplying at an alarming rate. They already make up half the population of Alaska!

      • Pickwicknext

        It’s Idiocracy come to pass!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I agree with your overall conclusion, but I think your estimate on the Palins’ shelf life is, sadly, optimistic.

      • nmmagyar

        IKR? There are sooooooo many Palins that aren’t currently in jail or facing Federal charges. We will never be rid of them.

  • Pickwicknext

    I am on for Movie Day this weekend (24 straight hours of movies!) Will be dropping in periodically, but lots of movies to be watched! Have a good weekend all!

    • Jonny On Maui

      May your popcorn be buttery…

      • Pickwicknext

        We’re ordering our snack pizzas right now

    • Kavefish

      Movie days are great!

      I’m all set to do a full and complete Star Wars Day Film Fest.

      • Pickwicknext

        Enjoy! That’s a great way to kill a day & change

  • FYI: The Wonkfamily is headed down through Colorado in the next couple days, sans Wonkebago, on our way to scope out some property in the Weed State. Anyone up for a lunch/dinner date?

    • Antimassacree

      Mind those “lane changes” on the way home.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Hey, Oregob has weed too. And I know a great realtor. Just sayin.

      • And rain.

        So much rain.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Arizona has no rain. But meth. We have meth!

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Once your webs grow in you’ll be fine.

        • Joshua Norton

          They think “mildew” is a flavor.

          • nmmagyar

            And a floor polish

          • eddi

            Cheaper than wallpaper.

        • kareemachan

          That’s why the San Juans would be great – we’re partially in the rain shadow, although we can get some mean weather that comes down from Canada….

          • Blank Ron

            But it’s POLITE mean weather.

          • yyyaz

            Ever been to Bellingham? I’ve been in politer drunken brawls than the “everyday” weather there.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Last year, 36 children fell off their bikes in Oregon.

          And drowned.

        • DemmeFatale

          Not as much as you’d think, but there is a price for all that green.

    • nmmagyar

      NM has legal weed (*some restrictions may apply), and doesn’t have Colorado Springs. I would mention that we don’t have hellish winters, but you are used to that sort of thing.

      • We looked in Santa Fe (we liked it) and Taos (I fucking HATED it, I mean “Untitled” Art Gallery? Fuck you, Taos.).

        Really looking for something halfway between frozen hellscape and desert hellscape in climate…

        • nmmagyar

          Corrales. Green all summer (it’s on the river), active hippy/art scene and you can have horses and shit. Placitas is also nice.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            My mother lived in the north valley near Corrales for 8 years. I loved it there when I’d visit.

          • nmmagyar

            See? Help me convince the Wonk family to move here.

          • Mary Sandoras

            I tried with some scenic views from the casa, but too many bytes.

          • Mary Sandoras

            My primary residence (temp in OH) is in Placitas. Coyotes, wild horses and by Cibola National Forest. It’s awesome. I will be returning there this August.

          • nmmagyar

            How’s the water situation? Parts of east mountain are facing dry wells if we don’t get some fucking rain

          • Mary Sandoras

            Good, our well stays steady at ~210 ft. It’s certain aquafiers that are drying up, fortunately we are not affected.

        • weejee

          The San Juan Islands, because babby Donna Rose.

          • Joshua Norton

            That price would get you a nice studio apt. in San Francisco.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            If we wanted real estate porn we would read the Sunday Times.

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            Kitchen hasn’t been updated, therefore I think we can get them down to 150k or close.

            And look, living there, you really CAN say “I’ll be in my bunk!”

          • nmmagyar

            Do you happen to be married to that someone? How many ads will we have to click on for the down payment? I don’t know if my mouse could take it.

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            My mouse couldn’t take it, but my hand is used to a lot of repetitive motion.

          • nmmagyar

            I have forearms like Popeye, but the fingers of a concert pianist

          • kareemachan

            This is the one I yearned for, but alas, it finally sold:

            http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/626-Shadow-Rd-Eastsound-WA-98245/94682209_zpid/

            I worked the Census just to looky-loo at some of the amazing or amazingly expensive houses around here…

          • kareemachan

            Hey, are you from the upper corner of the PNW too? Can’t think of a better place for kids.

            And remember, there’s not a stoplight or fast food joint in the whole county.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          If you hate Taos you’ll loathe Sedona.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ooh, tough call. The annual football game between the Sedona Crystal Gazers and the Taos Culture Thieves is always great though.

          • nmmagyar

            Taos has been taken over by CA transplants pretending to be hippies – all the snugness, less patchouli

          • Biff52

            Less patchouli is a definite plus in my book. I fucking HATE patchouli. Always have. I’d rather smell unbathed people than patchouli, unless it’s unbathed people wearing patchouli to mask their uncleanliness, which is the worst.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            in spades. I’m old enough to remember when that used to be a heavenly little town, instead of the rancid tourist trap it turned into

          • yyyaz

            True enough regarding the trust-fund morans who infest Sedona. However, if you can find a place outside of the main circus grounds, the scenery, climate and Oak Creek make Taos look like a refugee camp.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Drove up from Phoenix once in February. Stunning.

          • yyyaz

            Drive all the way to the top this month, May, in a convertible or on a motorcycle. Then back down and to Jerome. But don’t do it on the weekend.

        • DemmeFatale

          Portland, OR is fab!

        • SmotPoker

          How about a whole town? Would you be up for purchasing that as well as the copyrights to the shwag associated with the town?

          I’ve got just the place, and it’s perfect for the Wonkette crowd right down to it’s name.

          Hell, MI is for sale along with the rights to the merchandise sales. At a fairly reasonable price all things considered. We have legal Medical Marijuana, and I’m sure full legalization is right around the corner for us here.

          Interested?

      • freakishlystrong

        I’ve got moving there on my bucket list. Considering AZ, it seems relatively sane. It appears as though the Dem congress there keeps the R Governor from doing the same awful shit they’ve done elsewhere.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Somalia seems relatively sane compared to AZ.

        • nmmagyar

          Our lovely Gov is actually not that bad, aside from her occasional drunken brawls in hotels. But you’re right, the Dems in Congress keep her on a short leash and it is virtually impossible for the Rs to take over completely.

      • Biff52

        I have some property south of I-10 that could be used as a rectory, perhaps.

    • rebecca

      we’re going to look at a CHURCH from NINETEEN HUNDRED for which the mortgage would be LESS THAN OUR RENT.

      YOU GUYS WHAT IF WE BUY THE CHURCH OF WONKETTE.

      • nmmagyar

        Tax Exempt Snark!!!!!!!!!!

      • bozilingus

        Will the church be Pastafarian?

        • Well, I am ordained in the Universal Life Church. So this could actually happen. Reverend Shy has a nice ring to it…

          • memzilla

            An UNTAXED Vile Little Snark Mob should drive Breitbart’s Roach Motel Of Wingnut Spankjobs crazy!
            .

          • nmmagyar

            When I finally get around to getting married (we’ve been living in sin for 9 glorious, dirty years) will you do us the honor?

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            I read that as “will you do us the horror?”. Kinda apt, considering it is marriage.

          • nmmagyar

            Meh, we’re too old to be married long enough to hate each other

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        How much will you charge for adult baptisms?

        • eggsacklywright

          I want a dispensation. And license. And instant sin-removal. And a milkshake with rum in it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            How about a pony?

          • eggsacklywright

            OK. But only if it’s BEST pony.

          • nmmagyar

            Oh fuck, here we go…

          • jmk

            Twilight Sparkle?

          • eggsacklywright

            Today, we are all best ponies.

          • Land Shark

          • kareemachan

            Here ya go.

          • nmmagyar

            That’s gonna set you back several thousand Ameros

        • bozilingus

          And will it be a golden shower of a baptism? Asking for a friend…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            hot tub or GTFO!

          • nmmagyar

            …Full of Jello

          • kareemachan

            Ooooooooooooooo….

        • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

          Considering it will be a pool of scotch we’ll be dipped in, it will be quite steep.

        • nmmagyar

          20 bucks, same as in town

      • Msgr_Moment

        Our Lady of the Catsuit and Whip.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        What name will you take when you are crowned Pope?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Weedlord Boner Hitler II?

        • eggsacklywright

          The Flying None.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        If that doesn’t work out SW Minnesota has plenty of abandoned churches, plus there aren’t all those mountains obstructing the view, PLUS South Dakota is right next door and Steve King’s NW Iowa district straight ahead. And one dude with a Black Coffee t-shirt.

        • nmmagyar

          Bugs. Y’all have mosquitoes the size of Andean Condors. Precious Donna Rose shouldn’t be exposed to those.

          • eddi

            Now I’m picturing Donna Rose as a classic cowgirl riding a giant mosquito.

      • jmk

        YOU get a tax exemption!! And YOU get a tax exemption!! EVERYBODY gets a tax exemption!!!!

      • eggsacklywright

        And you get to wear all the fetish clothes, like the scapula, the habitat, and the surplus.

        • kareemachan

          And don’t forget the Trumpette hair shirt. That would bring you to Jeebus or FSM or Cthulhu faster than anything!

      • Spurning Beer

        SHUT UP!!! YOU GOTTA DO IT!!

        I’m not sure I could tithe, but I would volunteer at the food closet and the Christmas Bazaar.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        1900? Make sure you check the plumbing and the electric thoroughly. And make sure you check the basement for all those medieval torture devices, because nobody expects the Colorado inquisition…

        • Biff52

          My house is from 1917. I need to have a few legit outlets installed. My amps hum without plugging an instrument in, due to lack of grounding.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            You can always bond your neutral to ground inside the edison outlets. I eventually installed a new 200a service with 2- 8′ ground rods and put in 2 dedicated 20a circuits for the music room

          • Biff52

            Assumes I have teh knowledge to do it myself, or the money to have it done…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Bonding the neutral to the ground is actually easy. On the back side of a three pin Edison receptacle (the kind with the ground pin in it- they’re about $1.50 at HD) you simply put a short wire jumper between the neutral screw where you attach the neutral wire (use the extra screw opposite the one for the incoming wire, they have two sets per receptacle) to the green ground screw. The neutral is the longer of the two blades on a polarized plug. Since your wiring is likely the old two pair wire , this ties the neutral and ground together so that the ground pin becomes active and will send a short back to the breaker panel along the neutral (if you’re lucky, your house has metal conduit you can attach the ground to as well). This lets you at least use a three pin Edison cord without having to use one of those dumb adapters and may solve some of your ground loop issues, though it’s obviously not the proper fix.

          • Biff52

            I think I’ll just use my Craig 15 watt rechargeable battery powered amp instead.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            lol, that works too

      • jmhm

        Just, if your friends help you clear it out, make sure they take the envelope out of the garbage before they head for the dump. *protip

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and don’t do it on Thanksgiving

      • eggsacklywright

        Do you like to flock?

        • nmmagyar

          Let the flagellations commence!!!

      • Shibusa

        Maybe Wonkette needs to altar its course.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I can think of a host of reasons to.

        • eggsacklywright

          Take. Eat. This is my booty.

        • eggsacklywright

          But nothing too Gaudi.

      • Skadi

        Will you be opening up a restaurant? Can we get anything we want there?

      • If said “church” is in the “mountain time zone” I say go for it.

        Totally stealth existence, that.

      • yyyaz

        Oh, oh, pick me! pick me! I can do sacraments and absolutions and baptisms and everything the reglar priesty-types do. ‘Cept for the molesty stuff.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Don’t expect me to eat the crackers UNLESS you’ve got chunky peanut butter and cheese to go with it.

        Oh, yes, and the wine. Because it’s “drink the wine and chew the wafer” you know.

        • nmmagyar

          But the Body of Christ tastes like chicken (I know, I’m going to hell)

          • Blank Ron

            This is My body.
            This is My body on drugs.
            Any questions?

        • Kavefish
      • eddi

        I’ll be your best non-attendee ever.

      • Blank Ron

        Hallelujah!

      • bupkus23

        Would that make donations to Wonkette tax deductible? Asking for a friend…

      • Jenny

        Tax benefits with fed and state?!! No property taxes!? Do eeeet!

      • NanBullenshede

        Mayhap thee will dedicate a chapel to me; I might pay for the marbel Effigy and the Benefices to the Poor.

      • Kavefish

        Magic 8 Ball Sez:

        This option seems ordained. To resist would be to suffer the Deacon Blues.

    • TheGrandWaz00

      I’ve got an undeveloped lot in Colorado City I’ll let you have real cheap if ‘off the beaten path’ is what you’re looking for.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorado_City,_Colorado

      • jmk

        The one place in Colorado with a humid subtropical climate? It’s perfect!!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Mother of God…I thought you meant Colorado City, AZ, ground zero for fundie Mormon lunatics.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I’m dreaming about what kinds of things you could sell in the Wonkette store if you relocated there.

    • Anarchy Pony

      You’re gonna continue being landlocked? Don’t you understand the strategeric importance of ports?

      • nmmagyar

        We don’t need ports, we have missile ranges.

        • Kavefish

          You and the boys out sleeping under the stars again, I see.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Standard Russian history answer: “Warm water ports.”

  • The Wanderer

    I’d say the Bundys, as there’s more of them and only one Bristol.

    • Skadi

      Ayup, they broke the mold when they made her….thank gods.

      • nmmagyar

        It’s a Mitzvah

        • weejee

          A batshit crazy Bear Mitzvah.

          • nmmagyar

            A Shon-d’uh!

          • jmhm

            a mooshegas.

      • Spurning Beer

        Broke the mold and then beat the shit out of the mold-maker.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Which is a shame, because you can make penicillin from mold.

      • Master Contrail Program

        They broke the mold when they made her new face, anyway. No Barstool 3000s for any one else because, Alaskan exceptionalism.

  • Percy Bitch Shelley

    I missed a Bristol Palin post?! Shit! I love Palin posts.

    • jmk

      I missed it also too, amid all the reportage about the cascade of derp our poor, suffering country is enduring these days, so I appreciated the link. It was a doozy.

      • Percy Bitch Shelley

        Sometimes all you need is a little schadenfreude to get you through. “It could be worse, we could be like those guys.

    • Biff52

      I try to ignore them, myself.

  • freakishlystrong

    Squeeeeeeeeeeee! Wonkette babby is looking like a perfect hybrid of Mom and Dad. I think the fact that I’m already sipping wine is indicative of the quality of this fucking week. Fuck Republicans.

  • Antimassacree

    While the Bundys are dumber, Bristol is more dangerous. Even dumb-as-a-bag-of-hammer Hannity has figured out the Bundys not worth supporting; Brisdull has a career in Fox News jabbering ahead of her. And, of course, all the spawning.

    • Biff52

      Spawning, fawning, pwning…

  • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

    Bundy Boys Or Bristol Palin, Who Is The Dumbest?

    Um, AOT,K?

  • Antimassacree

    “Always love to see pics of that kid on the left. So cute!”

    -Erick^2

  • Fartknocker

    Donna Rose is precious. The Bundy’s are welfare queens who have no respect for America, Americans, or our natural resources. They serve no useful functions so I will be pleased to send the Bureau of Prisons monies so they can spend a decade or so hanging out, learning how to tattoo, talking about guns, writing children novels on how to be a patriot, and range management for dummies. I’ll also send the Editorix and Shy monies because Colorado is nice and they have brownies that one day, when I am no longer subject to random drug tests at work, I really want to taste.

    • weejee

      If the Baggers really believed in States rights, the Feral reefer madness would get tossed into history’s dust bin. We’ve got the same deal here in Washington. Because of Navy work and drug tests, weejee & associates has to maintain a strict drug-free 24/7 policy. Maybe Bamz can do something as he heads out the door.

      • bozilingus

        Does this include alcohol? Just curious.

        • nmmagyar

          None of the Federal contracts I’ve ever worked under cared, other than for reimbursement purposes. But that wasn’t DoD.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No. Keep them in there forever. Consecutive sentences FTW.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Because I am a good timing liberal with the bleeding pinko heart I THINK THEY ARE ALL STUPIDIEST WINNERS THIS WEEK! Sorry, not sorry for shouting.

    • jmk

      Everyone gets a trophy!!

    • kareemachan

      Well, since you didn’t comment at all here, as none of us have, it’s all good.

      And believe me, we understand.

  • WeaselPoo

    Bundys for the win. As much as an Idiotarod competitor ( see what I did there?) as Barstool Palin is, she’s not dumb enough to really act out her stupid ideas and notions beyond getting pregnant by “this one weird trick” ( I think its alcohol, mostly) while preaching abstinence.

    • Pickwicknext

      No she’s dumb enough to do it, but way too lazy to follow through

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s willful stupidity; “no, I won’t use contraception, because that would mean I’m a slut.”

        Uh, Brizzdull….

        • Biff52

          But having three (allegedly!) children out of wedlock just proves family values.

      • Blank Ron

        She learned that from an expert.

  • weejee

    Becca, nice photo of your niece with Ted Cruz.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Are you trying to get Ted’s goat.

      • Doug Langley

        She wouldn’t kid us on that.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          She can be gruff at times, however.

      • jmhm

        just trying to ram cuteness down the throats of America

        • jmk

          The Nanny state strikes again!

          • nmmagyar

            Wielding their regulations like a Billy club

          • yyyaz

            And the bleatings will continue.

          • jmhm

            always chevring people around.

          • SeeTrain65

            Robin’s all right
            Tommy’s all right
            Bun’s all right
            Rick’s all right

            We’re all all right!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            We just seem a little weird

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Leaves one on the horns of a dilemma, doesn’t it?

          • jmhm

            cud be :)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            This is shear madness!

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Easy for ewe to say.

          • jmhm

            What can I say. I’m a regular caprincess.

        • Kavefish

          The head butting will continue until they submit.

          • jmhm

            A long time ago when my daughter was curlyheaded and little she used to have a cute little church lady straw sunhat she called a ‘dote hat’ because grandma took her a little too close to the pen and a goat took a bit out of it. That picture is giving me the feels.

      • bozilingus

        Ted will be trying to fleece us.

        • eggsacklywright

          He’s a woolly bully.

      • eggsacklywright

        Or is that Cloven Bundy?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He’s hoofin’ his way to prison as we speak.

      • Querolous

        Speaking of Cruz…

      • Querolous

        Speaking of Cruz…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I thought that was Evan’s niece

  • Antimassacree

    There is an on-going contest to make new words by changing or adding just one letter to existing words. I am thinking about entering “patrirot” but can’t decide if it should be defined in terms of the Bundys, Trump, or the entire GOP.

    A little help?

    http://www.washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com/2016-contest/

    • Spurning Beer

      My entry will be “douchebrag.” It’s when someone (say, a presidential candidate) speaks with pride about being an asshole.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        This is excellent.

        • Spurning Beer

          The WaPo has had this contest at least once in the past. My favorite was “ignoranus” (someone who’s both uninformed and an asshole).

          Also “reintarnation”: being reborn as a hillbilly.

      • eddi

        Somebody alert the OED. We have the Word of the Year already.

      • Antimassacree

        See “Trump 2016”.

    • PubOption

      Trump may yet cause/arrange a patririot.

      • eddi

        I had a nightmare about that last night. Not too awful, a lot of screaming and a river on fire though.

        • nmmagyar

          IOW, a normal Cleveland summer

    • yyyaz

      As an homage to Koch-lickers there is paidriot….

  • memzilla

    This is the guy who wants to keep North Carolina “straight.”
    .

    • Anarchy Pony

      When will we be free from the TRANNY of trannies in the bathrooms?!

      • Earlenejcarson4

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc766gtwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc766g:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsEverythingGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc766g….,…

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

    • PubOption

      Yes, but is it in reverse gear?

      • eggsacklywright

        Fab gear.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lion Donna Rose >> Lyin’ Ted Cruz.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Indeed.
      Now, if Donna Rose wore a Hobbes costume, the internet would implode.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • It’s like trying to choose my least favorite child. *sigh*

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Everyone gets a gold star for stupid participation.

  • A proper journalamistic-type newspaper website magazine blog would have labeled that last photo “here’s a picture of yr Wonkette niece (right)” to keep its readers from being confused. I want professionalism surrounding my dick jokes, dammit!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Both kids are larger than pictured, too.

  • mimar

    Sixteen grandpa kisses to sweet Donna Rose who is getting to be such a little big girl, and one sloppy sex kiss to Evan because I love you Bro. Thanks to all you great Wonkette bloggers. Love tucking a fiver in your g-strings.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Sniffle…Donna Rose looks like she’ll be packing up for college next week. I wish babies could stay babies a while longer.

      • Skadi

        Kids must leave for college a *lot* earlier where you live! ;-)

        • nmmagyar

          She’s very advanced for her chronological age

        • Vegan and Tiara

          She’ll be packing up for toddler college. That’s where the smart, cool babies like to hang out and talk about how their parents are stifling them with set bed times, healthy mushy food, and an insistence that they learn to poop in a white bowl.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Huh I missed that petroglyph one. Seriously, Buck Fundy.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Just one more way they’re identical to ISIL…

  • Was Beyonce sick this week? I hope she’s okay!

  • Treg.Brown

    “Pre-K programs turn children into little gay whores.”

    As a former Pre-K student, I’m not seeing a problem here. Also, too, at least it wasn’t Bible camp.

    • nmmagyar

      As a current gay whore, I don’t either

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I never went to pre-K or K. Guess that’s why i turned out straight. Who knew?

      • nmmagyar

        It’s never too late

        • Major_Major_Major

          Shilling for Big Gay, now, I see. *

          * I was gonna try to come up with some kind of play on the military industrial complex but the brain is stuck in low gear so far today. So pretend I did and it was HI-LARIOUS.

          • nmmagyar

            We never stop recruiting for a few good men.

          • eggsacklywright

            No shilling. Tuppence.

          • Blank Ron

            ♬ Feed the whores, tuppence a bang… ♬

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I did kindergarten, but that was before the Gay Indoctrination Program was in full force.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I went to both, was a pre-K kissing bandit and turned out roughly 97% straight. MAYBE THE CRAZY OLD BAG HAS A POINT. But she says it like it’s a bad thing, so she’s still a dumbshit.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It was pretty much Bible camp that did it for me (well, maybe not the whore part, but it’s definitely where I learned about drugs. From the preacher’s daughter)

    • Toomush_Infer

      We didn’t learn much Bible at Bible Camp, but we did once see a movie there on what a revolutionary Martin Luther was, enough to make me dig further into his life, only to find out he was another asshole…

      • nmmagyar

        We used to spend a week every summer at a Catholic retreat in Pecos. It was mainly getting drunk, smoking weed and oral sex.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Most of our sex was in the fantasy stage – once we snuck into the girls barracks, which was appreciated by them, but we mostly just looked at each other…good times….

          • nmmagyar

            It helped to be 15, gay and in the boy’s barracks. Good Times!!!

        • Blank Ron

          Have you seen Father Michael since then?

          • nmmagyar

            As shocking as it may seem, it was just us boys. Also, too, it was monks not priests; so that may have been why.

      • Zhu Bajie

        The OT’s got sex and violence. Better than Conan Comix!

    • btwbfdimho

      It’s all about what are you willing to give up, in order to obtain that beautiful Thomas the Tank Engine.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Thanks Evan. Wonk Babby (now Wonk Little Girl!) was needed after the ugliness and stupidity of the past day or so.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Do not approach teh goats. Not kidding. They are all incredible assholes.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey! At one time, the Toomushes had a farm, with goats. Several of the nannies were sage, friendly and even affectionate. One even helped the overdog with who among the canines got fed next (her own treat time was prior to any visiting dogs). Some of the billies, however….

    • Stein Olsen

      I kind of like goats. They are cool animals.

      • nmmagyar

        They have those fucked up pupils. *shudder*

    • Master Contrail Program

      Back when I lived in BFE Canton, GA there was this squaloriffic Jed Clampett-style shanty house on my way to the local K-Mart. They had a guard goat on a chain, long enough for it to scare the shit out of you, yet short enough that it couldn’t get to you, as long as you stayed on the road shoulder. A few years back, Mistress Contrail Program was watching one of her beloved real murder/crime(hmmm) shows when I heard the words “Canton, Ga” and “attack goat”. To which I shouted, “I know that goat!”, much to her mirth and amusement. I guess I should have had her DVR the program to get the 411.

  • Stein Olsen

    Does Bundy have sons? Perhaps one of them can hook up with Bristol and have a bebbie… which tend to happen when she are in the vicinity of the opposite sex. Upon it’s birth the world implodes into a black hole of infinite stupidity.

    • sarafina

      Yes, but most, if not all, are in jail and at least some are already married. To women, of course.

    • Be Gin

      Implode?

      Or would they achieve stupid critical mass and EXPLODE?

      We live in dangerous times.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Humans are so species-centric. Could that not be a picture of a goat meeting a little girl?

  • Mary Sandoras

    Here’s Glenn Beck trying to remain relevant.

    Glenn Beck mocks Trump by covering his face in Cheetos dust

    http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/278210-glenn-beck-mocks-trump-by-covering-his-face-in-cheetos-dust

    • cousin itt

      He should have tried to shove the Cheetos up his ass.

      Oh wait.

      • Mary Sandoras

        Piehole, butthole, their pretty much the same for Beck.

      • nmmagyar

        How do we know he didn’t?

        • Mary Sandoras

          It would be wrong not to speculate.

    • Me The People

      When you go in all trying to mock Trump and emerge loooking as ridiculous as him, you’ve done something wrong.

    • DemmeFatale

      Does he mix it with Vick’s Vapo-Rub for the maximum effect?

  • BMW
  • Stein Olsen

    Sort of an Republican debate.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp0Bt2cbcc8

    • Mary Sandoras

      Well, the man is kinda brown, it’s what I would expect from a republican.

      • nmmagyar

        Anyone with that stupid looking “landing strip” facial hair deserves to be spat on by goats.

    • DemmeFatale

      That is one annoyed goat!
      (Why is he doing that?)

    • Master Contrail Program

      Awesome! That goat sounds somewhat like these dudes, who may or may not be bad, charging up their superpunch.

    • NellCote71

      Why do I find this so funny? The goat is even pinnated like Trump.

  • Me The People

    Who’s the dumbest this week? Bernie bros who are now feeling the Trump! Enjoy your eternal shame ya bunch of pathetic fannies! (Not talking about the brain having Bernie supporters on Wonkette btw)

    • Smokahontas

      I gave $27 three times, canvassed in some rather unwelcoming neighborhoods, and have loved Brunch With Bernie on Thom Hartman for 5+ years. Also too, old enough to remember several decades back, and will click my heels and skip on my way to canvass for Hilldog in the general. Rock, hard place, or ass fucked? It’s simple political math, and I really get a sad from the…the…what the fuck is it that’s making these folks forget the impact of their passion and tunnel vision?

  • btwbfdimho

  • Jonny On Maui

    I hate waking up still angry…[start rant]

    OT: What’s the maximum effective range of an excuse?

    There are good parts and there are bad parts to the weekend starting at noon on Friday. Yup, you get a head start, knock out all the weekend chores Friday afternoon and the whole weekend is yours. If you have bad news to distribute you send it out and then escape before the complaints start and don’t have to deal with it ‘til Monday.

    Ms. On Maui was on the phone yesterday at lunch. Our contractor called with some news, three items. One, the power company is going to try to extort as much as they can to run power to the house. Okay, we knew this was going to happen, let negotiations begin. Two, the septic system installation will start next week. Great! We’ll have a place for our shit. Three, the house shipment from the mainland is delayed for a full month from May 1 to June 1. Ms. OM was getting warm enough I considered getting the dart gun when this was said, “What? Please repeat that? The military took all of them? Are we going to war?”

    “The military has taken the ships we use from both our shippers, there’s nothing we can do to get your house here.” Okay. I’ve heard some excuses in my lifetime. The best one being, “I’m not going to be at work Monday, I’m stuck in Katmandu.” Yes, I saved that voicemail to play when the batshit started getting deep.

    So, because I can’t help myself the hamster wheels that I use for a brain start whirling like a dervish. WTF? Why would the military need an emergency shipment somewhere in the pacific theater? Is Oahu going to start some shit again? Some atoll somewhere need a spankin’? Then it hit me. North Korea just had a successful sub launch of a missile, if I saw the passing headline correctly. Are we shipping THAAD (Terminal High Altitude Area Defense) to South Korea?

    If so, I’m sure the Chinese will be thrilled!

    [I’m gonna rant all day, it ain’t ending here]

    • nmmagyar

      That is some truly scary speculation on the ships. Fuck, if true.

    • DemmeFatale

      But, you live in Hawaii!
      All you have to do is walk outside, and buh-bam!
      Paradise!

    • Kavefish

      Damn, That’s some weaksauce excuse from the shipper, and I sure as hell hope it doesn’t mean what your line of questioning suggests.

    • proudgrampa

      Hmmm. Your last item does give one pause to reflect…

      But hey, it’s Maui! Just inflate a couple of air mattresses and sleep on the beach!

      Yes, I know. NOT funny!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I wonder if your ship had a guy named Jade at the helm

      • Jonny On Maui

        {groan}

    • Smokahontas

      First thing: trade ya. Second thing: “I can’t accommodate you’re requests because I’m in katmandu” just became my new answer to everything. JOM, I owe you hours of rational customer service complaint resolution efforts, resolved in 1 little sentance! If shipping wasn’t so insane I’d send you good beer!

  • DemmeFatale

    Who needs puppies and kittens when you have wonk-babby?
    (And I love me some puppies!)

    • Duke

      Wonk-babby™ is a cutie.

      And so scary in the lion costume! Eeek!

  • SmotPoker

    I haven’t done a bit of Barstool slapping a in while. An older piece, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never posted this one here. I’ll play….

    I visited AZ a while back, and I’ve been puzzling over this for a while now…

    Shortly after arriving in some small two horse town whose name I never bothered to learn, I smoked some fine ass White Widow, then decided to stroll downtown to check out the town. I don’t drink, but I spotted a bar, and with my mouth feeling dry as sand walked over to the bar.

    I entered the bar which was dark, and you could smell decades of puke, and spilled drinks. The stench hit you in the face like a well trained boxer. It contained the usual assortment of people one expects to find inside a bar at noon. A drunk middle aged woman, well past her prime that eyed me as if I were a Porterhouse steak the moment I entered the room. Some of the town drunks huddled at the corner of the bar were comforting themselves with what I imagine were Jack & Cokes, glad to have the company of the other drunks to share their collective misery.

    I’d no sooner ordered my coca cola in a short glass from the bartender that I suspected was the drunk middle aged woman’s sister as they shared the same beaten down face that people get when dealt a raw hand in life when the doors once again opened let in a flood of light that was almost painful to they eyes that grown accustomed to the dark interior of the bar.

    The bartender, and the regulars offered up a cheerful greeting of “Hey B” to the young woman in her 20’s with brunette hair. She strolled across the bar, her hips swinging in that seductive way that women have mastered in the course of their lives, well aware of the desires it can invoke. She sat at the bar leaving a barstool between us. She ordered herself a Jack & Coke then turned to eye me over, and evidently she approved of what she saw, as she tossed a smile my way, and gave her hair a flip with a shake of her head.

    She spoke up, informing me that I must be new to the area because she knew all the men in town intimately, then threw me a wink to make sure I understood what she was saying. She introduced herself simply as “B”, and I saw no need to inquire what it stood for, but I had a niggling suspicion that I somehow knew this woman from somewhere, but I couldn’t quite place from where.

    We chatted for a bit, I paid for her next drink then excused myself to use the men’s room. I finished up my coke, went to stand up, and suddenly the world started spinning. I’d only smoked about a gram of that White Widow, it shouldn’t be hitting me like this I thought. “B” grabbed me before I fell, and guided me back to my barstool.

    She then stated the obvious telling me that I was in no condition to go anywhere without help, and offered to take me back to my hotel. Unable to move my mouth, I simply nodded as the room continued to spin, and my knees grew ever more wobbly. I remember thinking that I hoped the poor thing would hurry up, and get me to the hotel before I passed out.

    She walked me out to her BMW which I thought was rather strange vehicle to see in such a two horse shit hole of a town, but didn’t give it a second thought as I collapsed into the leather seat, and drifted off to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open for a moment longer.

    I was awakened by a mighty slap to my face only to discover that my hands were bound to the bed posts, as were my legs. I was naked, and so was the helpful stranger named “B”. She smiled, and told me that she noticed the faint aroma of cannabis in the room, and in my stupor I grinned, and replied that I only smoked the best. She asked if I was a liberal, and I assured her that I most assuredly was, momentarily forgetting that I was tied to a hotel bed by a complete stranger.

    Her eyes kind of got funny when I answered that I was indeed a liberal. I can’t tell you to this day if it was excitement, anger, or madness that was in those eyes, but it was scary as I’d never seen such a bizarre transformation in someone’s eye’s like that before.

    She started rubbing herself against me, and playing with my willy until it was sufficiently erect. She told me how her mommy hated it when she fucked liberals, and that there wasn’t anything more fun in her eyes than pissing off mommy dearest. I started to protest that we should probably use some protection if this was going to happen, and she slapped my face, smiled the sweetest smile I ever seen, and told me to never suggest such a thing in her presence ever again.

    Sitting with one hand on my erect member, and using the other to stroke my face where it held the red mark of her hand, she asked if I was parched, and I told her that yes indeed I was parched. She smiled that sweet smile again, picked up a glass of coke with a straw in it, and held it to my face so I could drink.

    Fuck! Goddammit! The room started to spin, I couldn’t move my mouth to speak, and I was quickly starting to fade! It hit me in that moment just exactly what had gone down at the bar earlier. She must have spiked my drink when I went to the men’s room! How could I have been so fucking stupid?

    The last thing I heard was that it was time for momma to have some fun, and I have a vague recollection of her climbing on top of me, and starting to insert my erection into what looked like the hairiest vagina I had ever seen. It looked like she was using a poodle for a maxi pad or something, and then I blacked out.

    Hours later I awakened to find that the restraints had been removed, the sky had grown dark with the passage of day into night, and a note on the dresser addressed to “The Stranger”. Puzzled, bewildered, and trying to figure out if I should even attempt to find a cop to file charges I picked up the note, and began to read. It read:

    “Thanks for the wonderful time. Sorry I drugged you, but you liberal men tend to run away once you find out who I am, and who my family is, and sometimes a girl just wants a good fucking you know? I needed a man, and sugar, you certainly fit the bill. Come see me next time you are in town, and if you ever make your way up to Wasilla, AK be sure to look me up.”

    It was signed “BP”.

    Man, I’m never getting stoned in Arizona again….

    • Be Gin

      Twisted shit!

      Well done.

      • SmotPoker

        Why thank you. I do appreciate the feedback, yet I fear it will only encourage me to write more….

        • Smokahontas

          Great writers draw from experience. If you need more experience stop by The Ohio Street Bar, 1212 Ohio Street, anytown with a university. Cheers!

          • SmotPoker

            Appreciate it, however I’ve a lifetime of experience to draw from, and much of it much to my regret was spent in bars.

            These days I’m all about my cannabis now that it’s legal for me. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in years now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dear Penthouse: Boy do I have a story to tell you!

      • SmotPoker

        Hmmm…..

        Wonder if I tweaked it up, and sexed it up a bit if it could get published….

        • Zhu Bajie

          Make a movie

        • Frank Underboob

          Other than fixing the grammar, it’s fine as is.

          • SmotPoker

            That’s what editors are for, I’m the “talent”….. : )

            I wish I had an editor, that means I would be getting paid for my writing….

            Thanks for the kind words.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      When you’re lost in the rain in Juarez
      And it’s Eastertime too
      And your gravity fails
      And negativity don’t pull you through
      Don’t put on any airs
      When you’re down on Rue Morgue Avenue
      They got some hungry women there
      And they really make a mess outa you.

    • DutchS

      The Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is over at http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/. You’re only supposed to submit one sentence but I think each paragraph could be a separate entry.

      • SmotPoker

        Funny, I’ve considered entering some stuff in that contest. I think it takes some real talent to come up with something like that….

    • Frank Underboob

      *applause!*

  • snark-lurker

    So Bristle, Are you & yo-momma gristly still shaving each other’s biking areas? Asking for my roommate, who just ran into a used furniture store and got stripped.

    • Duke

      Where is the biking area?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Biking area taint no big thing…

        • Smokahontas

          Gets sore though, if you don’t have the upgraded seat.

  • witsended

    I know the answer give us our prize.
    Glenn Beck is the dumbest one of all.

    Conservative activist and Ted Cruz ally Glenn Beck mocked Donald Trump on Friday by rubbing his face in Cheetos dust to emulate the Republican front-runner.
    “After seeing Donald Trump on television, we thought if you wore the swim goggles and you stuck your face in Cheetos — crushed Cheetos — that you would look just like Donald Trump in the end,” Beck said Friday on his radio show, “The Glenn Beck Program.”
    Beck crushed several flavors of Cheetos — including Flamin’ Hot and Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeño — and continually asked if he looked like Trump.
    “You are almost a twin, a doppleganger, if you will,” co-host Pat Gray said, according to a YouTube video posted by Right Wing Watch.
    “You know, it does look like Donald Trump dips his face in Cheetos dust,” co-host Steve Burguiere added.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2016/04/29/politics/glenn-beck-donald-trump-cheetos/index.html?sr=fbCNN042916glenn-beck-donald-trump-cheetos1015PMVODtopLink&linkId=24014156

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIKhr158cD4&feature=youtu.be

    • Mimihaha

      Glenn Beck doesn’t exist.

      • witsended

        Why do you doubt the existence of the greatness that is the Invisible Orange Glenn Beck. PBUH.

        The Invisible Orange Glenn Beck is a being of great political power. I know this because he is capable of being invisible and orange at the same time. My belief in the Invisible Orange Glenn Beck is based upon both logic and faith. I have faith that he is orange; I logically know that he is invisible because I can’t see him.

        • Mimihaha

          Does not exist.

  • Suse

    Goat cuteness

    • proudgrampa

      I think baby goats are awesome. And cute, also, too.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Did someone mention they’d like to see baby goats in pajamas? No? Well here they are anyway:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfxUt9UM0nc

      • Smokahontas

        Awww gawd!!!! After the D.R. lion up top I think my ovaries are espolodin’!!! I grew up with milk goats and plentiful baby things, but God damn babby goats take the cake…and run away eating it and everything in their path in the cutest way!! Have another license plate, babby goat!!

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Donna Rose always kills me with her cuteness, but the lion pic is exceptionally cute. She may be the only living creature that I find cuter than baby goats in PJs. I’m also a sucker for puppies.

          Danger ahead! Ovary overload ahead!:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sITvJ-1_4qY

    • Smokahontas

      Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh!!!!! Gawd, that’s just what I needed today!!! Thanx, Suse! Little jumpsticks fix it!!!!

    • phoenix00

      Goats are such the effing best
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MGAWx1nm48

  • D_C_Wilson

    Wait, Salon’s jerkoff piece on “the liberal case for Donald Trump” didn’t make the top ten?

  • Wayne Hampton

    Not to be a dick, but the Bundy tools were drawing them in Nevada not Oregon.

    I double checked by clicking the link right next to where you said they had been drawing dicks in Oregon.

    HTH

    • Duke

      Thanks… Drawing dicks in Nevada and smearing shit in Oregon.

      • Smokahontas

        Potato, wingnut. Same diff.

  • Jonny On Maui

    When was the last time there was spam? I know some folk eat the stuff. Is this a good price?

    • Duke

      That’s a lot of Spam™ for $2.79!

      I’ll enjoy Spam™ quiche every once in a while. Fry the Spam™ first to reduce its greasiness. Using a bit of tarragon adds some good flavor.

      Enjoy!

      • Smokahontas

        Pro tip: If you use saffron the cost evens up with real food, not just a food flavored chewing substance. Math, folks. Math.

        • Duke

          Oh,man… Spam™ Paella!

          • Smokahontas

            From the Bulimic Cookbook… try all you want, that shit isn’t staying down.

          • Kavefish

            :-D

      • Frank Underboob

        Yeah, no kidding, frying it up makes it vastly more palatable.

    • Smokahontas

      Spam’s still around, though it may be overstock from the 1998 batch…even so, at that price you can’t afford not to let it kill you slowly!

      • Smokahontas

        Afterthought: botulism works pretty fast though…

      • Jonny On Maui

        There’s lots of other things I’d rather kill me slowly…

        • Smokahontas

          We’re fortunate to have a choice, eh? Btw, sending good wishes for a quick resolution of your logistical woes! When dealing with contractors I’ve found doubling everything and adding three ends up being realistic. You can add three of whatever you like, but the math still works. Mahalo!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thank you!

    • theCryptofishist

      You’re the one who lives on the islands. I understand that economics on a lot of things are different there, because it is shipped in. Also, Spam is an island favorite.

      • Jonny On Maui

        A staple when refrigeration was scarce. There’s still a favorite meal, plus variations, rice, a fried egg and a slice of spam. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, no body care…

        • Frank Underboob

          The bacon-flavoured Spam is surprisingly good if you slice it up thin, fry it, & serve it up with eggs.

  • Zhu Bajie

    Maybe Bristol should join the next Bundy sit-in or whatever.

    • Smokahontas

      Babysitter-in, maybe. But she’s got her hands full of wine coolers and hunting down babby daddy #3.

      • Zhu Bajie

        I’m sure the Bundy Boys need at least one woman to help them meet their needs ….

  • DutchS

    That lion cub photo is just plain fighting dirty!

  • Enfant Terrible

    Well, I think those fellers who 86’d two ACLU attorneys from that bar in Fresno are the dumbest. Because, never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

    • Smokahontas

      I have not yet seen truer werds typed, but then I haven’t been downthread. Still solid, though!

  • Blackest Noobs

    Bristol knows who has a penis and who has vagina but apparently didn’t get the memo if a penis penetrates YOUR vagina and your only birth control is PRAYER, you could possibly have a bun in the oven ( since that phrasing might be over Bristol’s head, it could get you pregnant…meaning baby in your uterus, Bristol…a BABY!!!!)

    • zerosumgame0005

      well you know what they call folks who use the rhythm method of birth control?

      parents. Ba-da-BOOM!

  • Earlenejcarson4

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cc766gtwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cc766g:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsEverythingGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cc766g….,..

  • Frank Underboob

    3. Bristol Palin is WELL THE FUCK AWARE who has a penis and who has a vagina.

    She’s pretty sure about the former because she’s met at least two of them, but she’s still a little hazy about the latter.

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