SHARE

Via Our Place Restaurant/Facebook.
Via Our Place Restaurant/Facebook.
Are you an aficionado of pointless, asinine lawsuits? We at Wonkette sure are! And boy, do we have a good one for you today.

A Texas lawyer (two words you never want to see next to each other) by the name of Dwain Downing is threatening to sue Our Place Restaurant in Mansfield after they failed to deliver on the promise of soup. Downing ordered the lunch special, which includes two sides and a soup. The restaurant, however, ran out of soup before he got there, and when they refused to substitute something else, Downing became incensed. Never mind the fact that the restaurant’s menu clearly stated “while supplies last”; Downing wanted his damn free soup, and he wanted it NOW.

Unable to convince them to give up the free shit, Downing then looked up the price of the soup on the menu ($2.25), went home, and filed a lawsuit for $2.25 plus $250 in attorney’s fees, because that is a thing a sane human being would ever consider doing. He also referred to continuing to have the soup on the printed menu after the restaurant had run out (even with the disclaimer) as a “deceptive trade practice,” which makes sense, because Our Place is located in Hogwarts and the manager on duty can just magic the unwanted words away by saying “ALOHOMORA” or some shit.

In case you were wondering how the restaurant’s owner would react to this, here you go:

The restaurant owner, Benji Arslanovsk, told local news outlets that he’d never seen anything like this and he called the letter ridiculous.

“When I opened it, I was just shocked,” Arslanovsk said. “You’ve got to be kidding me … I mean, it is a cup of soup.”

Arslanovsk also vowed to fight the theoretical lawsuit regardless of whether it winds up costing him far more than $250. The entire legal system, meanwhile, could not be reached for comment, because it was far too busy laughing hysterically.

[LawNewz]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Nounverb911

    Let’s hear it for Governor Abbottandcostello’s campaign for tort reform.

  • schmannity

    The Soup Nazi better load up on insurance.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Ted Cruz files amicus curiae.

    • Nounverb911

      Is ‘amicus curiae’ the sequel to ‘I am curious, Canadian’?

    • schmannity

      Waiter, there’s a dildo in my soup.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Shhhh every one will want one.

  • Nounverb911

    Soup Nazi to sue Downing for stealing his schtick in 3…2…1…

  • Pickwicknext

    I am unsatisfied with my life. The obvious solution is to sue everyone I have ever interacted with since I can’t sue God

  • Callyson

    Well, this is giving the restaurant free publicity: I know that if I lived in the area, I’d drop by out of sheer curiosity.

    That said:

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Just don’t order the soup.

  • Lizzietish81

    We haven’t heard from the crazy anti Obama lawyer/dentist in a while. I can’t even remember her name. What are her views on this?

    • schmannity

      Oily Taint is of counsel.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Orly taitz. Depends, was it French onion soup?

    • Suttree

      Don’t forget real estate agent!

  • Creepoman

    The lawsuit is utter bullshit, but seriously, the dude shouldn’t have to pay for something he didn’t get. Either knock a couple bucks off his lunch special, or toss in a bag of Fritos.

    • Skadi

      As I understand it, the lunch price covered the main item and two sides. The $2.25 worth of soup wasn’t added onto the price, it was an extra.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Why can’t this guy use the time honored American traditional way of complaining and write a shitty incoherent yelp review?

    • Pickwicknext

      Add a sternly worded letter to the editor & you’ve got the Canadian way

      • cogitoergodavesum

        The Canadian way is to make a note to show up earlier tomorrow.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Add a few superfluous u’s to certain words as well.

  • Rock Drummer

    What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff?

    • Nounverb911

      Good news?

    • schmannity

      An old joke?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      There are skid marks in front of the snake.

      • You can tune a chainsaw?

        (Oboe Joke!)

        • MsAnthropesMr

          The knocking speeds up and gets louder?

          • Whale Chowder

            It drools out of both sides of its mouth?

          • willi0000000

            when you toss it in the dumpster it hits the accordion and destroys both.

          • bobbert

            Perfect.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            You got it! I’m so proud!

            What kind of bass strings do you use?

          • Whale Chowder

            How’d you know?

            DR Sunbeams as a matter of fact.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Marcus Miller Fat Beams.

          • bobbert

            Bad thing happen when drums stop.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Homeless!

    • limberrat

      Not enough lawyers going over a cliff?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Professional courtesy.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      A waste of a perfectly good bus?

    • Steven M. Harries

      The Brooks Brothers Riot?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “I told you, Winthrop, not to sue Greyhound.”

    • Jonny On Maui

      A good start but there are easier ways…

    • Master Contrail Program

      An opening statement?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Toonces 2: This Time It’s Litigious?

    • Vienna Woods

      How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?

    • Abyss

      SPEED 3.

  • Beowoof14

    Another dip shit with a law degree with no idea how to use it.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Time on his hands? He seems the type to have lost all the clients he could have kept on retainer by, umm, not being an asshole.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      MsAnthrope is a lawyer. One of the things her law school professors told her was, “we don’t show you how to get to the courtroom” In addition, her clients would judge her some times on how unpleasant she was to the opposing attorney. “I want a fighter….”

      • Beowoof14

        Beo is also a lawyer, and I have always found that suing over stuff such as this means you are probably not a good lawyer. Usually my time is taken up with doing work for people where I can bill them.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          Yep.

  • h4rr4r

    If they ran out of soup why did they even sell him a lunch special?
    Stupid lawsuit, stupid restaurant.

    • Spotts1701

      The soup’s a free add-on. It isn’t calculated in the price of the special.

    • Skadi

      Suppose I said, “OK, for five bucks today you get a sandwich, french fries and a salad. Also, the first 100 people to show up get free soup.” The lawyer was the 101st person, basically.

      • h4rr4r

        Oh, well then yeah fuck that guy.

      • h4rr4r

        I took it to mean you got only two sides and a bowl of soup. Nothing else, my mistake.

        • Skadi

          Yeah, the wording’s tricky, but I followed the links back to some of the original reports, and it says the meal generally “includes entree and two sides” but this time they also threw in soup because they had extra or whatever.

  • Pickwicknext

    “First, let’s kill all the lawyers”

    That Shakespeare dude was pretty smart

    • Nounverb911

      Wasn’t that from the pilot of ‘Law and Order: Verona’?

    • Suttree

      My father was a lawyer and even he is very fond of that quote.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        He probably knew some lawyers who could use a good killing.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        My boyfriend several years back was a lawyer, and he used to say, in tones of deep disgust, “lawyers – I wouldn’t give a dime for a dozen of em.”

        • Suttree

          My father was a professor, so he was never a dick in the courtroom. He just taught others how to be dicks. J/K he taught environmental and tort law. He is only kind of a dick.

    • proudgrampa

      Indeed.

    • Abyss

      In explaining how to disrupt a civilized society and make it ripe for revolution, yes, yes he was.

      • bobbert

        Nearly everybody gets that wrong. It’s hard to remember that in Will’s time, “law” was still a pretty radical idea.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Another $2.50 Down the Dwain.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Your honor, it is my sincere religious belief that lawyers should not get the soup.”

    • Celeste Sanchez

      “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cg871ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cg871n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBridgeGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cg871n….,….

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …this being Texas, I’m just surprised that it didn’t result in a shootout

    • Henri205

      Give it time.

  • Steven M. Harries

    CUSTOMER: “Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!”
    WAITER: “That’s not a fly. That’s Ted Cruz.”

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    That does it. Mandatory drug testing for all practicing attorneys. Weekly. No exceptions.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Texas makes Florida look almost civilized.

    • Nounverb911

      Yeah, but it’s still harder to do this to Texas.

      http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/cut_off_florida.gif

      • Steven M. Harries

        Yeah, but where will all the Cubans now go to flee from capitalism?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Canada?

          • Abyss

            All good – we really need more Cuban food places.

      • Suttree

        You just need a keyhole saw and a little more time.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I’m glad you added “almost” because there is very little civilized in FL except for the wildlife.

    • eddi

      More guns in Texas. Fewer brains in Florida.

    • jviscont1

      What do you expect from TX restaurants limited to a lone star.

  • Spotts1701

    But wait, the important, burning question was not answered Pinkham!

    What kind of soup was it?

  • cousin itt

    Soup to nuts.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Sounds like a spill. If that had happened the damn lawyer would have sued for a lot more.

  • jviscont1

    What ever happened to social media rating solutions?
    – Yelp com

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Silly lawyer, the trick is to buy your soup 100 cans at a time. That way you never run out.

    • Nounverb911

      Just as long as he isn’t married to Heidi.

    • JohnC44

      I don’t fear the man who buys 100 cans of soup…I fear the man who only buys one.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Mr. Pink strikes again.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “When I opened it, I was just shocked,” Arslanovsk said. “You’ve got to be kidding me … I mean, it is a cup of soup.”

    But if he’s been in the restaurant business very long, he could could probably tell you some stories that’d curl your hair. Or at least keep Pinkham busily transcribing for days.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I suppose “Texas lawyer disbarred for frivolous lawsuit” is too much to hope for?

    • eddi

      There wouldn’t be a lawyer left in Texas.

      • Toomush_Infer

        and the downside is?…

  • In an alternate, more entertaining universe this guy would swear vengeance against all restaurants, dress in a costume, and become the Souper Avenger before being beaten unconscious by Batman.

    • limberrat

      I sense a Calendar Man teamup!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Yes, Batman, while you were aware that January was National Soup Month, National Homemade Soup Day is February 4th! Allowing us to extend our joint crime spree!”

        • limberrat

          Dangit! I forgot the Condiment King and Sweet Tooth!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Oh god, not another souper villain.

      • They really gumbo up the works, don’t they?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I’m trying to figure out a way of making a mulligatawny pun and having a borscht of a time doing so.

          • PubOption

            Probably bisqueause it’s difficult.

          • JohnC44

            Point of order on “bisqueause” – what is this Gawker?

            -Scrabble

          • Thaumaturgist

            This restaurant needs a good sue chef.

      • Doug Langley

        You got to wait to the end for the big joke, but it’s worth it:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV_LJyHp_QI

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Careful, Robin. Let’s take stock of the situation before confronting him.”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Holy Stockpot, Batman!

    • WIDTAP

      Perhaps, but first Batman would need to make it past Souper Avenger’s henchies, Gazpacho and Stracciatella.

    • And in his movie adaptation, he would, of course, poison soup kitchens and school cafeterias and Batman would drop him into a boiling vat of chicken noodle.

  • limberrat

    If I were the restaurant, I’d bring soup into the courtroom every day and give it out for free to everyone but the lawyer.

  • arglebargle
    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Worse than Hitler.

      • arglebargle

        Say, you know who else was worse than Hitler?

        • Hitler: The Next Generation?

          • WIDTAP

            Hitler: Deep Blitz Nien?

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Damn near everyone, seems like.

        • Doug Langley

          The boys from Brazil?

        • Boscoe

          Hitler’s re-animated brain attached to a cheezy cardboard 1950’s robot body?

  • Boscoe

    This just begs the question of whether a judge can simultaneously throw this abuse of the system out of court while also too disbarring the abusive imbecile who brought it.

    Personally, I think the restaurant should hire Bryan Wilson: THE TEXAS LAW HAWK!!!1!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL3MxAH-kDI

    • RoyalUglyDude

      Harvey Birdman, is that you?

    • jviscont1

      Just how high is the bar for the TX Bar exam? Or do you get extra points for taking the exam high?

      • Blank Ron

        From the sounds of things, if you actually show up on time to the exam you pass.

  • 1. Restaurant sells customer something they do not have and then refuses to compromise.

    2. Customer sues for restaurant two bucks plus expenses.

    Nope. No winners here.

    Maybe fellow Texan* Ted Cruz can smooth this out with a can of twenty year old Chunky Beef Soup.

    *While supplies last. No substitutions.

  • Hutch

    They should have just given him a bowl of salted hot water with a garlic clove in it. Wouldn’t be able to sue then!

    (I was served exactly that at The Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center — the soup de jour was Aigo Bouido.)

    • VirginiaLady

      There is an Italian soup made from hot water, bay leaves, and stale bread crusts. Don’t remember the name.

      • eddi

        Minestra di povertà? (Poverty soup)

      • Hutch

        Probably, it’s The Rainbow Room Special.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Motion to smack this guy upside the head, your honor?

  • Boscoe

    The soup is a lie.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Life is lie.

  • SessileRaptor

    That’ll teach that restaurant owner not to offer free or complementary stuff any more. How dare he?

  • Boscoe

    Really they should have just microwaved the guy a cup of hot water with a ketchup packet in it and told him to blow it out his law hole.

  • Joe Beese

    Today we are all people refused free soup.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ich bin ein Soupe!…

      • Suttree

        I am a salumi?

        • Toomush_Infer

          It’s my Kennedy coming out…

          • marxalot

            Quick, hold it in!

          • eddi

            And head for a Target restroom.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Zuppe!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Well, what do you expect if you keep lowering the Bar – fer crissakes, Ted Cruz has argued (losingly) before the Supremes on more than one occasion!…

    • Suttree

      While citing himself to back up his own argument.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        He should have quoted Dr. Seuss in his summation.

  • Paul

    99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Wait’ll you see what he sues the judge for refusing to hear the case! Taxdollars not at work!…

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Beautiful Soup

    BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,
    Waiting in a hot tureen!
    Who for such dainties would not stoop?
    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
    Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

    Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
    Game, or any other dish?
    Who would not give all else for two
    Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
    Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
    Beautiful, beauti–FUL SOUP!

    • eddi

      Mock Turtle soup anyone?

      • r m reddicks

        I think it’s mock Vecchiojohn Limited Liability Comapany soup. Still better than Campbells.

        • r m reddicks

          Can we have a side of Word Salad a la Palin?

    • TheBidenator

      You aren’t going to make me want to buy soup you paid propagandist…

  • say wha

    M’m! M’m! Stupid!

  • thirdeblue

    …ahem.

    • thirdeblue

      …and I see I’m not the first to post this. sadface.

      • Frank Underboob

        Me either. Shit.

  • MrBlobfish

    I work a large law firm. 500 lawyers. Some of the dears are truly special. One has a conference room reserved for his lunch which is served to him on fine china. Another won’t talk to anyone in I/T face to face. He tells his admin what to tell us. She tells us. We tell her what to tell him. She tells him. Even is we are all standing a foot apart.

    • TheBidenator

      Well maybe if you weren’t a hideous blob fish they’d be open to talking, Mr. B.

    • SpideySenser

      Voice of Computer: Negative, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.
      Gwen DeMarco: [to crew] No, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.
      Tommy Webber: You know, that is really getting annoying!
      Gwen DeMarco: [shouts] Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it’s *stupid*, but I’m gonna do it! Okay?
      Tommy Webber: Sure, no problem.
      Thank you, Galaxy Quest.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        By Grabthar’s Hammer, what a snark mob.

        • SpideySenser

          By the suns of Worvan, Dwayne shall be mocked.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        That is one of my favorite quotes of all time!!!

        • SpideySenser

          One of the funniest movies ever.

    • Randy Riddle

      I once worked in a Law School. One of the lawyer profs always arranged his schedule so he could stay in his office in the afternoons, laying on his couch listening to Rush Limbaugh. After the school put in gender neutral bathrooms, another lawyer faculty person would break the locks on them. Yet another asked his female staffers in most meetings if they were having their period and constantly sent out memos saying that some of the looked “like a lesbian – too masculine”.

      • malsperanza

        So, Harvard or Pepperdine?

  • witsended

    I think he is being rather civilised compared to this Brit. Yes we have them as well.

    Woman faces life in prison for stabbing man to death in pasta row

    Old Bailey jury finds Maxine Benson, 33, guilty of murdering 18-year-old Alfie Stone after she accused him of eating her food.

    A woman who stabbed a teenager through the heart during a “pointless” row over stolen pasta is facing life in prison after being found guilty of his murder.

    Maxine Benson, 32, knifed 18-year-old Alfie Stone in the street as he desperately tried to use a chip shop advertising board to protect himself.

    The violent outburst came after an argument over pasta swiped from her kitchen spilled out into the streets of Ickenham, west London.

    http://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/alfie-stone-murder-woman-facing-life-in-prison-for-stabbing-teenager-to-death-in-row-over-pasta-a3234166.html

    • Biff52

      Ye Olde Knifecrime Island never disappoints.

    • Doug Langley

      Gotta love the Brits. I really love the Britcom My Hero (which oddly no one on this side of the pond ever heard of):

      “I’m sorry, Janet. I’ve been nothing but trouble since we got married.”
      “You haven’t been any trouble, George. Except the time you got us arrested for shoplifting.”
      “The sign did say EVERYTHING MUST GO.”
      “It could happen to anyone.”

      • BosGrl

        I’ve seen that show, it was funny. The guy from Father Ted, right? I’m too lazy to check.

        • Doug Langley

          That’s the one! Ardal O’Hanlon. He plays a superhero, or rather stupid hero. “You think if you rescued someone falling off a bridge, he’d stop to look at your baby pictures.”

  • beingreleased

    My brother is a lawyer in Texas and once got a cop-killer off death row. These things can happen.

  • diogenez

    Douchebag surcharge?

    Priceless.

  • TheBidenator

    So alright, I can go and get the chains who’s got a good spot in the ocean we can sink about oh, 1 millions or so lawyers into? It needs to be a very noisy spot so people can’t hear them talking when their boats pass above them….Mariana’s Trench?

    • VirginiaLady

      Our oceans already have enough pollution without putting more garbage into them.

  • VirginiaLady

    Soup is good food. Srsly, what kind of soup would make someone go that balistic if denied it’s magic taste? Cream of crazy?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cream of Drumpf

      • eddi

        That would be reused Scotch broth.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Cream of Cruz costs $10,000.00. According to XHamster.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Try the Bisque Palin, you’ll never be the same.

    • Master Contrail Program

      “There’a message in my alphabet soup! ‘Oooo!'”

      “Those are Spaghetti-Os.”

    • limberrat

      Creme Nixon?

  • Relativicus

    “Are you an aficianado of pointless and asinine lawsuits?”

    No! But I am a fan of pointless and asinine lawyers. Everybody wins!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Of course, because this is Texas, there’s no telling what the judge who gets this flaming bag of poo of a lawsuit is going to do (affluenza? Louie Gohmert was a judge in Texas?) but in Oregon what would most likely happen is that right after it was filed the bar association would be called and someone would get a talking to and a warning.

    • marxalot

      Really hoping he’ll get the kind of Texas judge that dismisses with extreme prejudice, then doubles the court cost for wasting his time.

    • proudgrampa

      Swear to FSM, whyinhell are people still living in TX?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I think the answer is “free soup?”

        • proudgrampa

          Well, apparently, you can’t even get that anymore! So I heard.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s what makes me think this is some kind of publicity stunt. I don’t know too many lawyers who would court the inevitable attention of bar counsel (not to mention the displeasure of the judge assigned to such a case) over a $2 bowl of soup.

  • goonemeritus

    Any warm liquid can be called soup, I blame the restaurant manager for not taking the time to fill a bowl with what was at hand.

    • eddi

      Recycled chicken broth?

    • Tobias B. Santa

      Fuck, you can put ice cream in a bowl semi liquid and call it a soup.

      • Sheesko

        Hmmm, vichyssoise!

  • Toomush_Infer

    What’s Slippin’ Jimmy done now?….

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Chicago Soup Bowl? Hoboken Squat Chowder?

      • Objectifer

        Considered looking those up in the ol’ Urban Dictionary but though better of it.

  • TheBidenator

    Jimmy McGill would have the courtesy to at least have hijinks ensue like working with Kim to con some guy into buying their food which would have been the most expensive in the place….what an amateur.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The law suit is absurd, and it does look like the “while supplies last” means it has no merit, but Arslanovsk was a fucking tightwad not to substitute something else.

    • proudgrampa

      Hell, he couldn’t run to the grocery store and pick up a can of Campbell’s?

      • Master Contrail Program

        I’m astonished they didn’t have a couple of packets of Lipton onion or noodle soup laying around. This place has a $5.25 lunch special. No reasonable person should expect everything made from scratch.

        • proudgrampa

          I know, right? What kind of restaurant doesn’t keep a supply of stuff like that on hand?

          I took my proudgrandkids to a restaurant and one of them wanted mac and cheese. Of course, it wasn’t on the menu, but I asked, and the waitress said, “Let me see what I can do.” Bless their hearts, they made something up (I don’t know and I don’t care how they did it).

          For the record, this lawyer sounds like my 4 year-old proudgrandkid.

        • OneYieldRegular

          For a $5.25 lunch in San Francisco, you’d be lucky to get a radish slice for your meal.

      • Paul

        Nope. Ted Cruz bought ’em all.

        • proudgrampa

          I’ve decided to award you proudgrampa’s Thousand Virtual Upvotes for the Day! Congratulations, my son!

          • Paul

            I am not worthy of such praise from a respected elder of the tribe.

          • proudgrampa

            Oh, aren’t you sweet. Here, have another puff from my “pipe.”

          • Paul

            Aahh. The “pipe”. That explains it. It’s probably not polite to say this, but you must’ve been high to give me all those votes, but thank you kindly anyway gramps.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Was thinking the same thing. Though the lawsuit might be just a teensy bit of an overreaction.

    • NoGoodnik

      Or offer him a free one next time. Unless the lawyer really escalated quickly — which happens in restaurants — something like this should not get out of hand.

  • limberrat

    Free Soup…. could there be a man on death row and he’s named Soup and the restaurant wants him freed?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You must be talking about Hat’s accomplice.

  • r€nato

    I suppose it’s too much to hope for, that the Texas bar will discipline him for filing a frivolous lawsuit.

  • Scooby

    See, now Tug Cruz would never run out of soup like that!

  • Toomush_Infer

    You know, I bet a lot of people would be willing to contribute to a little stone soup for this guy…

    • brittany

      Just be careful what you contribute…imagine what he’d do if we use canned clams instead of fresh!

  • 99% of the lawyers make all the rest look bad.

    • Sheesko

      Outright, prolonged laughter. Excellent!

  • Ergoetal

    Any gay people involved? In which case, I’ll go wake up Bristol’s ghost blogger.

  • tinker12

    ”The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” — Shakespeare

    • AmusedAmused

      “The next thing we do, let’s kill all the pretentious vulgarians who never bothered to read any Shakespeare, but love quoting (or rather, misquoting) him out of context.” — Me

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        “And this is for all you young lovers out there: have you considered double suicide?”

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Wasn’t Shakespeare the guy who did the bitches b sumthin song?
        Pretty sure that was him.

        • natoslug

          I love Shakespeares films. Romeo+Juliet, The Talented Mister Ripley . . .

      • Last Hussar

        Nay, that I mean to do.

      • tinker12

        Excuse me?

        • AmusedAmused

          Oh, I’m sorry. Was I incorrect in assuming you DON’T deliberately embrace the lovely values of Dick the Butcher?

          • tinker12

            No, I do not support the lovely values of a fictitious character named Dick the Butcher. But, by your reasoning, quoting anyone (fictitious or not) is to support their position. I am truly sorry if I offended your treasured Shakespearian expertise by my comment. Can we please move past this now? Sheesh!!!

          • AmusedAmused

            Well, that’s interesting. See, tinker, you didn’t provide any context for the quote. So the context was supplied by this general here situation where we good-naturedly joke about exterminating the entire legal profession (something I have heard about a quadrillion times, and I swear, it keeps getting funnier every time I hear it, because that’s how jokes about killing people work), and you lob this quote. What reason would I have to conclude that you didn’t offer it at face value? Or, if your position is that I shouldn’t have drawn any inferences AT ALL from your comment, why did you comment?

            Nice to know you’ve worked with lawyers all your life. Say, do you, by any chance, also have lots of Jewish friends who think Hitler wasn’t that bad?

          • Boscoe

            Wow, concern trolling on behalf of lawyers (and Shakespeare). It must be the end of days…

            I suppose some of them are good people… ;P

          • AmusedAmused

            I don’t know, Boscoe. What I DO know, however, is that a person who makes that kind of comment/joke doesn’t spend nearly as much time as (s)he should pondering whether S(HE) is a good person.

          • sw19womble

            Okay, given your other replies to posts on this article, and it is obviously an area that is dear to your heart, but notwithstanding that, I politely and kindly suggest you step away from the keyboard, chill and have a sandwich.
            http://www.systemcomic.com/2011/08/03/so-youre-mad-about-something-on-the-internet/
            Peace out.

          • tinker12

            FFS!!! Put your dagger away.

          • AmusedAmused

            I’m glad you learned a but of trivia, but I still suggest you read the play.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Reminds me of a bit legal trouble I got into back in ’93, stemming from an honest misunderstanding of “Free Willy.”

  • goonemeritus

    This is what happen when there isn’t enough honest work for lawyers, that start making shit up and no one likes that.

  • Joshua Norton

    I wonder if he plans on ever going back there to order more food? I’m sure his order will get extra special attention.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What say you, Jello Biafra?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FDtI2FFS2g

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    SOOOUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!! *fists raised to the sky*

  • jmhm

    Sadly, it’s only funny until the restaurant eventually gets a judge to award them court costs for this guy dragging them through court until someone stops him. Then they spends the next whatever paying for lawyers to try to get the money out of him.

    • Joshua Norton

      If it’s like California, once the judgement is made in their favor, all they have to do is send the sheriff to the lawyer’s bank and remove the funds from his account. There’s a small fee, but it’s cheaper than getting more lawyers involved.

      • jmhm

        In New York a lawyer with too much time on their hands can drag things out pretty badly. Hopefully it’s better in Texas (which is not a sentence I see a lot…)

      • SDGeoff

        I’ve had to resort to that, but it was at least twenty-some years ago, and the fee was very small indeed. In my case, a sheriff went to the store where I had worked (and was paid in bad checks) and just had them take the money out of the register and the cash safe.

  • blondeiq

    I think Heidi Cruz may be able to help with this.

  • Lazy Media

    That sounds like an excellent opportunity for the Texas Bar Association to censure an asshole.

    • JohnC44

      Nefarious conduct is not prohibited by the Texas Bar…it’s actually mandatory. Just ask Rick Perry…..

  • SadDemInTex

    Did that Boston/NYC douche move to Texas?

    • BosGrl

      I think this one is all yours

      • SadDemInTex

        You remember that Harvard guy who was suing a restaurant for something…not being cheap enough for him…help me wonks?

        • BosGrl

          Ben Edelman and the Chinese restaurant. That guy seemed nice.

          • SadDemInTex

            Yeah….it’s like he moved to Texas. These guys are Douche Brothers (separated at birth).

  • BKScooter

    Nothing good ever came of spelling Benjy with an I.

    • SDGeoff

      I have always insisted that if someone chose to spell his name “Benji”, I have every reason to address him as “Benj-eye.”

      • BKScooter

        Touch-eye!

  • Bitter Scribe

    I hope whatever judge gets stuck with this nonsense tears the asshole a new asshole.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Knock, knock”
    “Who’s there?”
    “Dwain.”
    “Dwain who?”
    “Dwain the soup, I’m Downing!”

  • LarryHoudini

    “ALOHOMORA?” Think that’s the greeting they give you at the Gay Hawaiian Sushi place over on Cumberland Ave.

  • Mavenmaven

    There are soup nazis, and then there are soup suers.

    • Boscoe

      Soup shyster?

    • AKLynne

      Con a suer?

  • HanBarbara

    Now the daytime teevee ads- have you or a loved one been denied soup? Soup deprivation is a serious condition, and can result in all kinds of medical and emotional problems. For a free brochure, on the rights of soup deprivation victims call….

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I hope an entire class of disreputable soup attorneys arises out of this.

      NO OYSTER CRACKERS? NO BROTH? NO PROBLEM!

      And of course the epithets. “That dude’s a tureen chaser.”

      • JohnC44

        You act like this is some kind of joke. Customers deprived of their broth and associated crackers are deprived of their very reason to live. The Minestrone Mafia must be defeated by any means necessary, even if only in civil court, and preferably by paying me 75% of the proceeds to pursue a negligible settlement that will yield the class a few pennies per claim…just be sure to send me a stamped envelope to send your check in since it definitely won’t be worth the price to mail it.

    • Sheesko

      And there’s a book. ME SO SOUP.

  • brittany

    The owner should feel free to splurge on a lawyer who’s good enough to not just win, but recoup his own fees and successfully counter-sue this annoying dick….ok, he could probably find a law student capable of doing that, but he should spend a buttload on his lawyer so the soup psycho has to pay more for his frivolity.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Wait, “Dwain Downing”?! I’ve heard that name before…

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dwain.
    Dwain who?
    Dwain the bathtub! I’m dwoning!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    You just wait till he gets the manager on the stand! It’ll totally be just like when that movie JAGOfficer gets Colonel Jessup to admit he ordered the code red.

    http://i.imgur.com/f8Albcz.jpg

  • NoGoodnik

    Benji Arslanovsk? Benji Arslanovsk? Sounds ferin to me. Probably here illegally, too. Judge’ll throw the book at him just to make a point about them damn ferriners come to this country and causing trouble. He is in a xburb of the special hell that is Dallas-Fort Worth.

  • Scooby

    Anyone got any theories why wing nuts seem obsessed over soup?

    • OneDemin EOr

      Too many Seinfeld re-runs have created a reaction to liberals with “New York Values”?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Forget it Scooby. It’s Texas.

      • BeachBum

        ‘It’s Texas” seems to explain more and more shit as time goes on.

        • Last Hussar

          I thought that was ‘He’s FloridaMan ™”

    • BeachBum

      I think they can be used to bribe GOP delegates. Splains why the Trumster is losing to SquishyCruz in the back rooms. Its all about the soup.

    • Frank Underboob

      Dentures?

  • MarkM

    Well, can you blame the guy? He made a wrong turn while chasing an ambulance that very afternoon because he was so terribly upset about not getting his free soup, thereby missing a chance at a juicy personal injury suit because the victim was already lawyered up by the time he got there.
    Go ahead and scoff now!

  • AmusedAmused

    Okay, first things first: the lawsuit is absurd. BUT. The restaurant did pull a bait-and-switch here, and it was kinda scammy. The soup wasn’t “free”. It was advertised as part of a meal for a certain price. Not the greatest injustice in the world, certainly, but not exactly above-board, either.

    Still, the lawyer should have been satisfied with a scathing Yelp review. Unless, of course, the restaurant is one of those places where, by buying food, you enter into a contract not to write negative Yelp reviews (which is a thing that actually happens) — in which case, lawsuit it is.

    • HazooToo

      Well, it apparently said ‘while supplies last’, but I mean, I made soup from scratch today in less than one hour. And they’re probably not as slow as I am, or trying to look after a 7 year old while doing it. But still, come on, $2.25… If he put up that much of a bitch about it, I’d just pay him out of my tips and tell him to fuck off.

    • zuzu

      They did offer a substitution, but he wouldn’t take it.

      • AmusedAmused

        No. Reread it. Wonkette explicitly says they didn’t offer a substitution, and the linked source said the same thing. What am I missing? Where did you get that they offered something and he refused?

        • sw19womble

          “While supplies last”.
          The supplies didn’t last. Tough titty. The end.

    • I AM R U

      Free soup with purchase of the meal means that you do not pay extra for the soup – the soup itself is ultimately free of charge. So there’s that. And most people would understand that, seeing as that’s what was clearly stated to patrons – trying to argue that this was in some way “not above-board” is ridiculous – also, it’s SOUP! $2.50 SOUP!!!!

      Secondly, no – in no case law suit. This is a frivolous suit, firstly because it’s asking for so little (IT’S $2.50 SOUP!), secondly because the disclaimer makes it clear that this is only so long as soup is available (and it no longer was) and the restaurant had no obligation to supply after that point nor to make any substitution, and thirdly because it’s a waste of every single person’s time. If he insists on pursuing this, he’ll end up paying the restaurant’s legal fees as well as all penalties involved with bringing a vexatious claim.

    • Lamashtar

      The standard when a restaurant runs out of a special is for the wait person to return to you and inform you that they are out of what you wanted. That’s it. You are not owed that particular special, ever. Substitutions are always at the restaurants discretion and the wait person has to tell you if they will not allow it–they did not. There is absolutely no merit to this lawsuit. This is a baby lawyer trying to bully someone.

  • BeachBum

    What is with soup and lawyers in Texas ? Why didn’t he just buy 100 cans like Lying’ Rafael I-mean-Ted ?

  • Lily412

    Now I have a hankering for soup. THANKS LIBERAL MEDIA!!1

    • BeachBum

      Boil 1 chicken leg and thigh, add salt, pepper, garlic, bay, and onion. Add celery, egg noodles, and mixed peas and carrots (can or frozen). Simmer till noodles are limp. Enjoy with garlic bread, biscuits, or crackers.

      • Lily412

        I had spicy tomato soup with pinto beans.

    • Last Hussar

      You are not my Aspergers son are you, a teenager who can watch an advert for kitchens, and then get the urge to eat toast, because they made it in the ad. He says this happens quite often.

  • Frank Underboob

    The obvious response:

  • Zhu Bajie

    Perhaps these two guys deserve each other.

  • malsperanza

    Oh good, this gives me the opportunity to post once again the best response to a threat of frivolous lawsuit ever penned. A lawyer threatened to sue the Cleveland Browns because fans were throwing paper airplanes, which was dangerous. You could lose an eye. Here is the G.C.’s response.

    http://www.snopes.com/photos/sports/graphics/brownslet2.jpg

  • The legal system has really gone down the Dwain …

  • Last Hussar

    In UK law they don’t have to sell you something, even if they have it. And they don’t have to sell it to you at the ticket price, as long as it is clear before you buy it how much they are charging. Its the same law that means that you can haggle.

    If Texas consumer law is anything like this (and I wouldn’t be surprised, as a ‘Common Law’ system) then all he is doing is wasting everybody’s time and money.

    • Lamashtar

      They did remove the part of Common Law that permits merchants to choose who they sell to, because it led to discrimination.

  • arundel

    Gee, I wonder what political party Dwain [sic] belongs to and votes for.

  • I AM R U

    What a moron… With the disclaimer, this is less than a frivolous suit – Texas lawyers, are there penalties for being a vexatious litigant? Here, he’d get fined by the judge and a warning from the legal services board, and continued similar behaviour could lose him his practicing licence…

  • John Smith

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Dolmance

    What kind of soup was it?

    I just like to be clear about stuff.

  • Annie Towne

    Maybe they should buy 100 cans of soup, as backup. I hear it’s a thing.

    • someonerandom

      Can i call pinkham’s law?

  • Matthew Hawkins

    I hope they hire the most expensive lawyers in Texas, have them file numerous motions, do the full discovery process and than ask for attorney fees.

  • DestroyEveryLeftist

    But I bet you people think that suing a bakery who won’t write “Congrats Adam and Steve” on your cake is a perfectly legitimate lawsuit. Such hypocrites.

    • BosGrl

      Soup and civil rights, flip sides of the same coin! :/

      • DestroyEveryLeftist

        “Civil rights” was once about being allowed to sit on the bus. Now it’s about forcing a baker to celebrate your deviant sexual proclivities.

        • BosGrl

          Marriage is a sexual proclivity? Who knew?

          • DestroyEveryLeftist

            No, “marriages” for homosexual men are purely about anal sex.

          • RoniOh

            Don’t forget fisting, and rimming, oh and amyl nitrate, used jockstraps, glory hole blow jobs, gimp masks, ky jelly jamming on your double ended dildo, top decking and . . . oh honey, the fun you’re missin’ out on.

          • NorthStarSpanx

            Don’t need a title to be able to engage in any kind of consensual sex, anal or otherwise.

    • RoniOh

      I once tried to get my baker to write, “Homophobics Are So Far In The Closet You Can See Next Year’s Christmas Presents” but he ran out of icing.

  • jqheywood

    Has this asswipe not read Fed. R. Civ. Pro. 11? It’s morons like this that make lawyers like me cringe. And get stabby. EDIT-> With votes, of course.

  • DutchS

    We keep saying it. Tort reform. Loser pays.

  • NorthStarSpanx
  • goddessoftransitory

    Never mind the fact that the restaurant’s menu clearly stated “while supplies last”; Downing wanted his damn free soup, and he wanted it NOW.

    Something tells me this guy didn’t go to Harvard.

    • bardgal

      Is that Richard Harris?

  • Beulah

    I think the restaurant owner should have sent a reply like this:

    http://deadspin.com/5716038/the-greatest-letter-ever-printed-on-nfl-team-letterhead

  • Renee

    Nice try, Dwain (WTF were your parents *smoking* when they named you, dude?). But THIS RIGHT HERE is, was, and forever will be the best frivolous lawsuit of all time. OF ALL TIME!!11!!
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearson_v._Chung

    • umrguy42

      Especially since based on the amounts, presumably Dwain’s lawsuit should be in small claims court anyhow…

  • SeeTrain65

    Open up a can of Campbell’s for him. Then a can of whoop ass (with votes) on him.

  • Theresa Azores

    …I don’t get it. So, for $2.25, this schmuck wants to spend another $250.00 in attorney fees plus another $249.00 in filing fees (http://access.tarrantcounty.com/content/dam/main/county-clerk/CCL_Court_Cost_Fee_Schedule_Effective_9-1-15_Rev_9-24-15.pdf ) plus…oh…I don’t know if this schmuck would hire a special process server or if he’d have the sheriff serve the paperwork to the defendant for him. But it’s going to cost more money to get the defendant served to proceed with the trial. All this because you’re that mad over something that would normally cost $2.25 that you didn’t happen to get for free, as part of a package deal, because it was sold out and you don’t like the disclaimer that the restaurant put in about how there are no substitutions and this is “while supplies last”?

    It doesn’t take a genius to understand this isn’t worth it. And I think the consequences of doing this would be worth far more than that stupid $2.25 bowl of soup he didn’t get for free. There’s more to it than going nuclear on this restaurant owner. There’s also more to it than the backlash he’s gotten. What would the judges think of this at the courthouse? How about his fellow attorneys, who he probably sees from day to day as he does his job? He’d have to live this down every day that he goes to work at the courthouse. He’ll have to live this down, as it is, because he made such a jackass of himself. And I have to ask: Does he think it’s all been worth it?

  • calliecallie

    Someone probably said it already, but “No soup for you!”

  • Lina A

    Yeah, Dwain… remember that lawyer who sued some drycleaners over a pair of pants, to the tune million(s)? He then lost his license to practice law, or something? Yeah, dude… maybe it’s best to just let the soup go.

Previous articleSara Benincasa’s ‘Real Artists Have Day Jobs’ Comprises Many Chapters, Words. Buy Her Book!
Next articleCustomer Wins $12,000 Judgment Against Steakhouse, Errybody Wants Us To Shout About It