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eye candy

Steph Curry, are you aware of him? He is basically the most incredible basketball player alive and if you are a fan of the Sport Of Hoops, this makes you either love him or hate him (or both). Like when his Golden State Warriors are breaking NBA records against your Memphis Grizzlies, you hate him, but you also respect him because damn, son, he is GOOD.

He’s also sexy. Know who else is sexy? Barry Bamz Obama is who. And here is a video of them being all cute TOGETHER. You see, it is a PSA for My Brother’s Keeper, which Esquire explains is “Obama’s initiative to connect young people with mentors in their community.” That’s nice!

So obviously in this video Barry is mentoring Steph and teaching him how to be good instead of bad. If you watch it maybe YOU will learn to be good instead of bad, like that’s even possible, PFFFFFFT.

If you are too lazy to watch the video or maybe you’re not allowed to watch XXX things like Obama and Steph Curry at work, we will summarize the video, because we are SERVICEY like that.

First, Barry helps Steph with his resume, which is all “I AM GOOD AT SPORTS” and also one time he babysat for the Obama dogs.

obamaresume

Then it was time to teach Steph how to play a very difficult game called “Connect Four,” where you try to get four in a row, why are we even trying to explain this to you? You wouldn’t understand.

obamaconnectfour

Ooh, look at Mr. President’s “Strategery” face! It must have worked, because here is Obama dancing after he winned the Connect Four, take THAT Steph Curry.

obamadancingGood dancing, Mom Jeans! But it wasn’t all fun and games. Next up, Barry sat Steph down on the couch and read HIS ENTIRE BOOK he wrote, to Steph!

obamabook

OK so now Steph Curry has been mentored in resumes, Connect Four and Obama’s life story. Obviously it’s time to teach the young man how basketball is really played.

obamasteph

Good try, Steph Curry! You will get the hang of it!

Finally, Obama taught Steph how to make a Science Volcano, and they agreed that they had just done some legitimate science:

obamastephscience

And then they had a sleepover and ate all the pizza and stayed up way past their bedtimes talking about girls, the end.

[Esquire]

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  • MsAnthropesMr

    Unpresidential. He should be on his ranch cutting brush. But not playing golf. That’s for white people.

    • TheBidenator

      and god help him if we catch him playing croquet or polo! Although, I doubt we ever will because Obama is cool and those are both white because they’re lame.

      • Seek

        Most great polo players are actually from Argentina or Brazil these days.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Even if you don’t give a crap about basketball, google some youtube videos of him playing. He is the best pure shooter in the history of BB. He is crazy nutz!

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      That is an incredibly earnest comment.
      WTF is wrong with you?

      • Hutch

        Derrick is always earnest! It’s why I love him!

        • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

          You’re right. I recant. There’s something else about it that I can’t put my finger on that seems uncharacteristic and made me concerned.

        • Blank Ron

          I thought he was Derrick?

          • Hutch

            Oh, right. Earnest is always derrick! It’s love I him why!

  • calliecallie

    It took me all day to even get to Wonkette today, but when I did, there was this. Thank you, Evan. I am smiling now.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I wonder if I could get Barry to mentor me on how to be able to comment on Wonkette?…

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Step 1: Dick Jokes.
      Step 2: ????????
      Step 3. Profit.

      • Toomush_Infer

        See, I can never get past Step 1….

      • SisterArtemis

        i lurve you, underpants gnome

    • Once&futureFred

      Comments aren’t permitted here..

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Steph Curry also has adorable babby.

    • Toomush_Infer

      No mentoring necessary, Mr….

  • cousin itt

    What Osama didn’t know was that Barry Hussein had secretly replaced one of his discs with one of his own IEDs.

  • Mpeg

    Oh, Steph only *pretended* like he was watching the dogs. He actually left Bo and Sunny with security and spent the rest of that time at the White House bowling alley brewery.

  • CapnFatback

    MENTGHAZI!!!1!

    Wait . . . is that still a thing?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …carful Steph, the last person to be Bamz at connect four now receives all his mail at Gitmo. If you know what I mean

  • TheBidenator

    Typical Obama, ignoring ISIS so he can hang out with Steph Curry, try being President JUST ONE TIME!
    – Random Wingnut who will never, EVER, EVER be President.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Because, god forbid, some one might take the time to mentor, perhaps a struggling Muslim kid, and show him compassion and kindness, and perhaps, prevent him from reaching out to a community of hatred, because he feels alienated from society. But you know, we should just bomb brown people. that makes more sense.

      • TheBidenator

        OF COURSE GOD FORBID, YOU DON”T HELP MUSLINS YOU BOMB THE SAVAGES!!!!
        – Random Wingnut, could be Chuck C. Johnson

      • limberrat

        We don’t HELP Muslins. If push comes to shove, we’ll pray for them, but we will NOT help them.

        • Blank Ron

          And what we’ll pray is, ‘Please, God, make them see the error of their ways and become Christianists.’

  • Callyson

    Um, BRB…

    • JoeChristmas

      Not in Texas you don’t.

  • cousin itt

    Ever the politician, trying to Curry favor with sports ball fans.

    • Shibusa

      He’s a basket case.

  • TheBidenator

    Actually, LeBron is probably still the best player in basketball impact/value wise but Steph Curry is the most nutso, off the wall amazing three point shooter of all time. They really need to move the line back just to make him work a little harder….

    • limberrat

      But even at mid-court it looks like zero effort for him.

      • TheBidenator

        He does pretty much just flick it…his release is so fast and his shot is so accurate no one can get there in time. I don’t know how he does it but it’s fucking amazing to see.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Aliens.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Damn, I am so gonna miss this guy…

    • I’m gonna miss both of them.

      • Beaumarchais?

        I don’t think Steph Curry is going anywhere—he’s at the beginning of his career… oh, you mean Michelle! Well, I’m hoping for a deadlocked Democratic convention.

        • Look Closer

          Then Elizabeth Warren can swoop in and run as the nominee? If only!

          • Beaumarchais?

            Michelle is younger, and better at arm-wrestling.

          • kindness

            Better eye candy too. Duh Oh! Typical male.

          • SisterArtemis

            er… or female. hottest flotus since Jackie

            (just want ya’ll to know that I am down some horrible spelling rabbit hole in which I can’t remember if “hot” -est is spelled with two “t”s or one…. it’s hell, I tell ya, and I WILL NOT GOOGLE IT – I WILL NOT!!!!!!!!!!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            could you even imagine? After years of Clinton is bad!!! only to suddenly have to contend with Bernie, and then Michelle swoops in and Bamz remains in the white house.
            The asplosions would be EPIC

          • nmmagyar

            But can she replace Steph Curry?

        • Steph Curry’s out with an ankle injury that has plagued him since his college days. As a Warrior fan since the late 60’s, I fear the worst because I’ve been a Warrior fan since the late 60’s.

    • Look Closer

      After this campaign season, the entire country is going to miss him! My daughter said she and her friends don’t want him to leave! I don’t either!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Where are you keeping him? Are you sure he has enough air and water?

    • Run2Live
  • Msmlg1979

    Basketball….is that the one where you try to get an object in some sort of hole? And if you get the most objects in holes, you win?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …you have dirty mind

      • Msmlg1979

        Just a little feminist fun with sportsball, my friend.

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …what’s the point of Wonkette if you can’t find some way to make everything about sex?!

          • LesBontemps

            Or Hitler.

          • Captain Kraut

            But never both, that’s the intrinsic conundrum of this site.

            And no, that was not intended as a challenge to try. A naked Drumpf is bad enough.

          • Msgr_Moment

            You know who else never had sex with Hitler?

          • nmmagyar

            Margaret Thatcher?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Also me!
            I am the answer to all of these, today.

          • Jonny On Maui

            “Jen is the answer”

            Yup! Don’t even care ’bout the question…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Why do I have the feeling the next question is going to be “Say, you know who else ate off the heads of live chickens whilst spewing word salad at 100wpm?”

          • Jonny On Maui

            When one has the answer one has no need of questions.

            Damn. That sounds as pretentious as fuck…

          • nothingisamiss

            So here I was….enjoying a little sex humor…and you put this in my mind. It’s like having a song playing in my head over and over, but much much worse.

          • nmmagyar

            But not sex with Hitler. That’s gross, even by our standards

          • LesBontemps

            Wait, we have standards?

          • nmmagyar

            That seems to be it. Not a difficult moral standard to live by. Mostly.

      • SterWonk

        You’re saying that – on Wonkette – as if it’s a bad thing?

        • nothingisamiss

          I thought he was saying it to raise the standards.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Its the one with the BIG ORANGE BALL.

      I have that trouble too.

      • Amy!

        We’re talking about Trump again?

        Is it true he only has one?

    • TheBidenator

      It involves taking an object to the hole….give me a little while and I’ll show you how.

      • Msmlg1979

        I knew you’d be the one to prove my point. I count on you, sweetie pie!

        • TheBidenator

          You were baiting me, I could tell but being the good guy that I am I indulged you.

          • Msmlg1979

            You’re the sweetest!

      • Msgr_Moment

        That’s cornholing, right?

    • cousin itt

      It’s all in the stroke.

    • Logic of Color

      No, you’re thinking of sex.

    • cousin itt

      I thought it was about getting one object in the most holes.

      • Captain Kraut

        Aka swinger party on ketamine.

    • SDGeoff

      It’s the one that lasts shorter than baseball, and many less times than football. That is all I know about it.
      And it has very loud horns that make life unpleasant when one’s partner is all wrapped up in the Madness They Call March.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I think baskets are involved in some way.

      • Toomush_Infer

        That’s Tisket…

      • nmmagyar

        I was horrified to discover (don’t ask how, I just did) that most of the basket is just the cup they wear. False advertising I say!!!!

    • Tio_Doidinho

      “Fucking”, I believe that’s called.

      • Msmlg1979

        Yet it still describes most sportsball, too…hmmmm…. ;)

        • Captain Kraut

          We call than an Ersatzhandlung. You’re welcome.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Gesundheit!

  • Logic of Color

    I’m not much of a sportsballer but why did the warriors have to suck for my entire life until I moved across the country?

    • kindness

      The Warrior’s prior owners deserved to be Gitmo’d. That is why.

  • Stein Olsen

    Basketball? I cherish my ignorance on the sport. I know who Michael Jordan is because it is quite impossible to not know who he is… unless you are dead.

    • Shibusa

      I watch ‘Best of Michael Jordan’ vids on youtube every so often. I don’t follow b-ball but I loved to watch him. He was so graceful.

    • LesBontemps

      Wasn’t he the guy who played a for a White Sox farm team in the 90s, never made it to The Show, went on to sell underwear?

      • Stein Olsen

        You are asking the wrong person. No idea.

      • kindness

        Yes and yes. Now part owner of the Charlotte franchise I think but could easily be wrong.

      • shastakoala

        Didn’t he make a movie. Something about outer space and Jam?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          A brilliant film. Overlooked at Cannes and Sundance. A travesty.

          • bobbert

            Great stretch to the hoop.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Hi Bobbert! Of course you saw it too. Of course you did!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Three words: ball don’t lie.
      That is all.

  • SDGeoff

    Too much nice. The President could guest-host “Ellen”, and have a great part time job.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I’m going to fall asleep to that and the video of Justin Trudeau explaining quantum computing.

  • TheBidenator

    I’m going to have to change my name pretty soon and I’ve had this one for like, five years….I don’t know what to change it to!

    • Msmlg1979

      Ohhhh…please let me pick!!!

      • TheBidenator

        Go for it….GrandLordSexMaster is already taken….god damn redstate and their goat fucking fetish

        • Msmlg1979

          Are you gonna change it to whatever I pick?

          • SDGeoff

            He should.

          • TheBidenator

            I’ll consider it….it will likely be an ad-hominen, I can already tell.

          • TheBidenator

            I’m in suspense…as the guy at the gloryhole said to Bristol Palin (or possibly Aaron Schock), spit it out already.

          • Msmlg1979

            Oh, this requires thought. And a list. Such a momentous decision cannot be rushed. You know you won’t like it, right?

          • TheBidenator

            That’s a foregone conclusion and I like a woman who takes her time…

          • Msmlg1979

            I’m playing around with Mormons, spaghetti, homoerotic terms, and something implying you’re my bitch…

          • Well, when you’re done with all that, try to think of a name…

          • Msmlg1979

            Hoe else am I supposed to get inspiration?

          • Msgr_Moment

            Hey! Stop judging me!

          • Querolous

            “Whatever_I_Pick” sounds like a great name.

    • SDGeoff

      The Kelvinator?
      Sturdy, strong, and holds a lot of food?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Don’t you want to wait to see who Hillz picks as her running mate? Humanator has a nice ring, though.

    • Toomush_Infer

      The Greatunknowner isn’t good enough?…

    • MrBlobfish

      TheChristiebator

      • TheBidenator

        Hey, that’s what the restraining order calls me, how did you get your fins on it?

        • MrBlobfish

          Reply hazy. Try again later.

    • Keeping with the VP theme, would it be too much to ask for TheWarrenator?

    • Bill Slider

      The Masterbater and Trudeaufine are both out there.

    • Hutch

      CommenterOftheAges?

    • mailman27

      I used to have a different name, and got switched to this one cuz I had an old Disqus account. How do I get my “intense debate” name back? It’s not a huge deal, but can somebody give a clue? (Sorry to piggyback, Bidenator..) OHJoeBenator?

    • jqheywood
  • TheBidenator

    Hitler liked basketball too, real Americans like pro-wrasslin’ and not because the guys wear underwear and beat on each other. That’s gay!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Yes but Hitler hated the 100m dash and the long jump. Wouldn’t even stay to watch.

    • Lazy Media

      Pro wrasslin’ WISHES it was as gay as UFC, which is what real Americans prefer to pro wrasslin’ these days. UFC starts off with a little light sparring, and quickly ends up with two shirtless barefoot dudes humping each other against a chainlink fence. Tell me why that’s not gay porn.

      • TheBidenator

        I know, UFC fans don’t like my summation of a UFC match: “punch, punch, punch and then one guy tackles the other guy and humps him into submission”
        Now with the ladies they can really lez it out which causes me to break out the lotion…

      • Cindyinencinitas

        No lube.

        • nmmagyar

          Sweat is always an acceptable lubricant

    • Joshua Norton

      Gay sex is mostly just this brought to its logical conclusion:
      .

      • Hutch

        Hmm:

      • Dennis Hastert, is that you?

      • TheBidenator

        When I was in junior high they showed us a wrestling instructional video and we all giggled like school girls over how blatantly homoerotic it all was…as a former wrestler our gym teacher was not pleased.

        • JMP

          My dad, brother, uncle and almost all my cousins were all high school wrestlers. (I tried for about two weeks before quitting) Whenever I point out how ridiculously homoerotic the sport is, they don’t appreciate it.

          • Seek

            My uncle and both of my male cousins were wrestlers and I thought it was hilarious. My older brother thought about it for a week but I just kept giggling at the leotard and the groping. He gave up on the idea rapidly much to my uncle’s disgust.

        • When I was in high school we had the first girl on a wrestling team evar IIRC. We all wanted to wrestle her.

          • Jeremiah Kristal

            The best wrestler on my sons’ youth wrestling team is a girl. She is also a black belt in two different martial arts, and is training to be an MMA fighter. And is just as cute and sweet as can be. Unfortunately she’s reached the point where the boys are significantly stronger at the same weight, so she doesn’t win every time any more, but enough to make a lot of 8th grade boys cry.

        • H0mer0

          we did that in physical chemistry in college when our professor was showing us the retinoic acid molecule vibrating at different frequencies. Someone wolf-whistled when it looked like the molecule was shimmying and prof was not pleezed

          [had to have been there, eet wuz funny]

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Sorry, what? Mercy, would you look at that ass… good lord.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Ass, calves, pecs, biceps, forearms, shoulders, hands…such large, large hands….

        • H0mer0

          …mmmmy sweet lord….

      • nmmagyar

        “Mostly” was completely unnecessary

      • Jeremiah Kristal

        That’s actually wrestling. Not Pro Wrestling. The best individual sport in the world, even if it is rather homo-erotic. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

        • Tansy Geek

          Sweaty. I would have accepted “sweaty” in the answer also.

      • Jenny

        I’m interested in watching where this progresses….

    • limberrat

      That’s why I watch hockey, where grown men wave their sticks around and rip off each others clothes when they get into fights….stop looking at me! That’s not gay!

    • Jenny

      My brother was really into wrasslin as a kid. Now he watches UFC shit non stop. I think he jerks it to Nick Diaz, that dude is always on his computer/ YouTube.

  • MrBlobfish

    Marxist communist socialist fascist Muslim tyrant.

    • limberrat

      Stupid Gay Muslim Atheist Fascist Anti-capitalist Despot

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Sekritly gay married mom jean wearing closet smoking Muslin FEMA camp commandant dope inhaler from Kenya.

        • TheBidenator

          Weak, Tyrannical, weepy, nerdy, not-white, un-American, anti-Christian, religious liberty hatin’, nanny statin’, rich hatin’, sociamalistin’, cuttin’ and running, anti-gunnin’, pro-vaccinin’, vegetarian, teleprompter readin’, affirmative actionin’, unaccomplishin’, Muslin’, Gay lovin, gay sexin’, woman hatin’, man hatin’, polarizin’, rich soakin’, SOB and WE DID BUILD THAT, TOO OBAMA! YEEE HAW!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            That about covers it, I reckon, EXCEPT FOR THE HOPEY CHANGEY PART!!!11!1!!!

          • limberrat

            KEEP THE CHANGE!!! HUR HUR HUR!!!

          • Paul

            Easy for you to say.

          • Msgr_Moment

            I know I am, but what are you?

          • katahdin

            Watch for your comment in Sarah Palin’s next speech.

          • mailman27

            Um, did you “forget” feckless? What are you, startin’ a apology tour???

  • thenearesthippie

    I’ve had problems with aspects of Bamz’ presidency, but damn, I’m gonna miss him.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What, no Dungeons & Dragons? How will this young man ever prepare for a career in the IT field?

    • Also, too, having a mentor will likely keep him from using the “deranged loaner” route into I.T….

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Wait, there’s another route? Now you tell me!

  • Bill Slider

    What happened to the dicpics? Inquiring for a friend.

    • Tansy Geek

      I know it’s not quite what you meant, but see above for Dick pic.

  • chimichanga

    As a long time Warriors fan, Steph makes me do Snoopy’s happy dance. Daily.

    • MrBlobfish

      As a long time Knicks fan, I hate everything and everyone.

      • With the exception of Luke Walton perhaps.

        • MrBlobfish

          If he’s smart, he won’t take the job.

          • Now I know for sure you’re a long time Knicks fan!

          • nmmagyar

            WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            What do you want to talk about? Tennis?

          • nmmagyar

            Gymnastics

          • Tansy Geek
          • Jonny On Maui

            What would you like to say? I think it’d be a great way for me to end up with a broke hip.

          • H0mer0

            is that where the term “cunt punt” came from? (sounded very painful)

          • nmmagyar

            WHY????

          • LIT_Fag

            And rugby. Well, more specifically, rugby players.

          • nmmagyar

            I have no idea what the point of rugby is, but I will never turn a match that I happen to stumble upon off.

          • LIT_Fag

            Amen!

          • LIT_Fag

            Oh wait. My favorite:

          • nmmagyar

            Sweet Babby Jesus!!!! I want in on that scrum

          • LIT_Fag

            Still hoping to see one of them on Scruff. They really need to come over for a soothing post game hot tubbing. Simply scrum-ptious.

          • just making shit up, per the usual.

          • sw19womble

            Go-to phrase covering most team sportsball situations:
            “I loved it when our player really went to town on the ball and bam right on target!”

            Wait for them to say “Which innings/period/half?”
            Then respond with “I think it was early in the second”, then hope someone else goes “oh yeah, I remember…” then you’re safe to step back into the assembled throng.

            HTH

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            heheheh I have done this XD My husband will go OFF on a thing sportsball until I zone out, and then I realize he is waiting for me to respond and it is always “Yeah, but there is still the second” or “Just wait until the second” or if the game is over “That second was something”

      • Bad Granny

        As a long time ceiling fan, don’t you people ever dust?

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Your owner is almost as bad as the Padres owner. Oh, and the Chargers. Sports is mean to me.

        • MrBlobfish

          Also Mets/Jets. *sob*

          • Cindyinencinitas

            There, there, Blobby. You’re in a “rebuilding phase” like we are, except ours never seems to end.

          • MrBlobfish

            You have San Diego climate. Not fair. Mets pitching staff is awesome so there is hope for a few years.

          • DemmeFatale

            At least if you’re a Mets fan, you don’t have to see Rudy.

            Go Yankees!!
            (ducks)

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Well don’t come here for the baseball, honey.

      • TheBidenator

        Knickerbockers are underwear….fitting name for the team, really.

      • Jenny

        Eh Dallas had that outlier season or two where they even won a thing. Now they’re back at the bottom of the barrel.

    • Lazy Media

      As a long-time Hawks fan, …. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Like there are Atlanta sports fans that actually care about the pros.

      • chimichanga

        Lol. Go Dawgs.

      • hollydturner

        Bumper sticker seen in Atlanta “Go Braves Go and Take the Falcons With You”

    • TheBidenator

      Yeah well the Padres suck!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        But the Clippers don’t.

        • TheBidenator

          That was one game and we’ll be back! The M’s are 5-7 which is clearly better than 4-9.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oh, I’m with you on the Padres. They are bloody awful this season – like, epic failure. I’m going on Wednesday but just because it’s a really nice ballpark and the weather is gorgeous right now.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            It’s like April. April teams who suck always do better later, and April teams who pwn always fail hard core come the All Star Game.
            Lookin at you, Phillies.

          • Paul

            Wait till there’s an error and yell “Hoofwanking bunglecunt”.

            I’m pretty sure it’s appropriate in that situation.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I’m totally going to do that. Thanks.

          • Paul

            Please let us know how it went? Were those around you impressed with (y)our expansive and clever vocabulary?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            How could they not be? It’s genius.

          • Paul

            Were there any errors?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Dude it’s tomorrow.

    • H0mer0

      for a sec I thought you were talking about Snoop Dog
      [Iced Tea said at one of the roasts that Snoop was so stoned that when he farted, the whole front row got the munchies.]

  • Painter of Goats

    Either one of these guys could score with me, if you get my dribble.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Ewww…you should see a doctor about that dribble. Never a good sign.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Is this that “double dribble” I hear so much about, where what you say has a second, lascivious meaning? Or in this case, less lascivious?

  • limberrat

    I’m sorry, but I like presidents who enjoy the companionship of hockey players… I may still be waiting, but I am hopeful we can have a Canadian as President soon.

    • Lambsendbeds

      You mean Ted Cruz? I think you’re at the wrong mommy-blog/ vile snark mob. ;-)

    • Joshua Norton

      Canadians are usually charming and well mannered until it involves hockey. Then they’re downright bloodthirsty! In fact I’m pretty much convinced that you could solve a lot of our mid-east problems if you just gave the Canadian military hockey sticks and told them that ISIS had the puck.

      • Vienna Woods

        My second son is sweet, gentle, caring lad- until he laces on skates and gets on the ice.

      • sw19womble

        5 minute major for (water)boarding.

      • KB

        Soviet Canuckistanians don’t bring knives to away playoff games to threaten the home team fans though. That’s something they’ve got going for them, and more than can be said for Philly hockey fans.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Ah Philly <3 City of brotherly love, and everyone else loathing. That's mah Broad Street Bullies!

          *No, I do not condone the bringing of knives to sportsball games. Stop that, Philadelphians, I thought I was all done apologizing for you to the normal people*

          • Tansy Geek

            They have resorted to something so uninspired as cutlery? I would have guessed car batteries and used condoms.

          • H0mer0

            have you forgotten about pelting Santa with snowballs?

          • Tansy Geek

            Not at all. Nor have I forgot that Philly killed Travelbot.

    • MrBlobfish

      Am I seeing correctly? No Canadian teams in the ice ball playoffs? Oh, the shame.

      • limberrat

        At least my Sharkies are.

        • hollydturner

          Go Pens!

      • Paul

        Take solace in the fact the Bruins are out too.

  • FauxAntocles

    I think somebody needs to mentor Mr. Evan not to treat every man he sees like a piece of meat.
    Harumph! Harumph, I say!

    • Me not sure

      Might I be so bold as to add an harumph of my own? It is “an” isn’t it? H is tricky for me.

      • FauxAntocles

        I appreciate that – united we stand!
        And I think the “H” is aspirated, so you could go “a” since the leading part of the word isn’t a vowel (I think we need an English expert).

        • Me not sure

          British English or the real English?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Just go Aussie English, tis more friendly and there is shrimp involved.

          • Me not sure

            .. also too, Vegemite and meat pies

        • anwisok

          Pretty sure a Doctor of Rhetoric would know.

      • Paul

        “Might I be so bold as to add my own harumph?” FIFY and did away the pesky problem.

        • Me not sure

          Cunning!

          • nmmagyar

            But is he a linguist?

          • jqheywood

            Cunning, you say…?

          • Paul

            Lazy. Rather than look it up I re-worked it. Used to be a French major and had to write in it. Found myself re-working shit all the time to avoid, for example, the future pluperfect tense. Who could remember all the various conjugations? Fuck that and fuck looking everything up. I learned very quickly to simplify and got away with writing almost everything in the present tense. Lazy, but it worked.

          • Me not sure

            Linguistic!

          • Paul

            ISWYDT

    • cousin itt

      How about a slab of beef?

      • nmmagyar

        Pieces are small. Slab is better on so many levels

        • Msgr_Moment

          Wad. A big wad of meat.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Big, fat, well oiled wad of meat.
            hrm.

  • JMP

    But I don’t like sportsball, of any kind! Especially now that the local team (which is not the one from my hometown) is dominating everyone and in the playoffs, so I have to check the TV listings before going out as every bar with televisions is too crowded when one of those playoff games is on.

    • puipui

      You sing the song of a Seattlite who hates football. We used to be able to sneak by sometimes without being noticed, but lately… sigh.

  • Skadi

    i would like to make a witty remark, but i’m donating platelets and my right arm has a honking big needle in it so i’m one-finger typing with my left. sorry, audience!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Good on YOU!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yay progress! I always had a big honking needle in both arms – you couldn’t do nothing but watch the pretty lights.

      • Skadi

        Done, praise be!

        Now they do draw/return cycles–you squeeze the rubber ball when it says “Draw” and relax when it says “Return”.

    • I used to do that for a living, using many aliases. It worked out fine until I passed out on the table after my third donation that day.

      No matter the motivation, the end result benefits all.

  • TheBidenator

    Ya know, I once tried to mentor someone :sigh:, it was long ago and everything was wonderful, just wonderful. Then he husband got home and I had to grab my clothes and leave out the window, I’ll never forget the sound of those gun shots or the scars from hitting my knee on that cinderblock…. :sigh:

    • limberrat

      I should mentor more of the young ladies at my office.

      • sw19womble

        You are a Republican politician and I claim my $5

        • Rosannakendall4

          “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cs433ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cs433n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsSurfGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cs433n….,….

      • Jonny On Maui

        and there is the intersection of company lawyers and HR…

    • Vecciojohn LLC
    • hollydturner
    • AngryBlakGuy

      …in 2004 I once “mentored” a nice young lady. However I walked out the front door, it helps that I’m 6’1 and 225lbs and played linebacker for my college

      #Privileged

  • Markuserektus

    *Stomps feet* I wanna an audience with the Prez…

    • limberrat

      Then be good at sportsball or a comedian!

      • Markuserektus

        I’m neither, nor do I invent or sell cookies…

        • AnOuthouse

          I’m gonna join the Jehovah Witnesses and knock on his door.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I wonder if the Secret Service let them in? If not, religious persecution. If so, WTF, Secret Service?????

          • Markuserektus

            I was once asked to be Jehova’s witness. I said “dude, I never saw the accident.”

  • hollydturner

    The volcano picture at the very end was – possibly – Freudian?

    • Markuserektus

      Sometimes a volcano is just a volcano…

      • hollydturner

        Not in that picture it isn’t! You’ll forgive an old woman and her overdeveloped imagination.

      • Shibusa

        Make Lava Not War

    • Paul

      For Evan?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        For me, also, too.

        • nmmagyar

          AOT, K. AOT

      • hollydturner

        At first that’s what I was thinking but then I realized I was projecting. Psychobabble is fun.

    • Msgr_Moment

      You just know that Michelle felt the earth move.

      • hollydturner

        That sent me into a burst of uncontrollable laughing….and everyone looked at me and began to edge away. Thank you for making the end of my day extraordinary!

  • Rick Hill

    Hey, no doubt the preznit is a totally cool frood. I amember seeing him and Michelle at a gala the WH was putting on. Both of them were totally cool and awesome, the last thing I said to him, right before I asked if he had a plan for the zombie apocalypse, to which he laughed and said no. His aide ran up and whispered to him “Sir, the zombie apocalypse!” Bamz eyes got real big and he calmly and forcefully declared “Execute plan 34charlie-delta.” Anyway, right before that, I handed him my business card and said “Let me know if you nee any work done or have friends who need cabinets.” Really. After the zombies I did wake up but, srsly, only Obama could be that hoopy.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I warned you about the brown acid.

      • Rick Hill

        Are you kidding? I called and doubled my order.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Make it a lonely highland castle, and take out the zombies, and substitute “my body” for cabinets (nix the or your friends bit) and I think I have had that same dream…..

    • DemmeFatale

      Excuse me, but where are you, and what kind of cabinets do you make?
      Is there a website I can go to?

      • Rick Hill

        I’m in Dayton, we usually work in a hundred mile radius but we go farther for special projects We make all kinds of cabinetry, basically any installed work or architectural woodwork. I’m right in the heart of Ditto town so I like to keep anonymous, there are some rabid folks here. If you’d like you can send an email to wohohohohoo at yahoo and I can get back to you

        • nmmagyar

          Dayton Dayton? The real one one in OH? We are probably related

          • Rick Hill

            The one and only Dayton. I thought you were from close to here from your comments.

          • nmmagyar

            Yup – mom’s from Versailles; dad was from Middletown

          • ken_kukec

            Reminds me of when I was in college in Ohio. Freshman year, it was tough to keep track whether you were datin’ a girl from Eaton or … you know, vice versa.

        • DemmeFatale

          Dammit!!
          I’m in the SF bay area!

          • Rick Hill

            Durn it. I used to live north of Santa Cruz….long time ago….

  • Dylan Black

    If anything, Evan might be underselling how good Steph is. Anyone remember that old McDonald’s commercial where Byrd and Jordan take crazy shots that escalate in range/insanity but were mostly bad special effects? Steph can actually hit shots like that, IN a game.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      See the NYT’s chart, above. It’s mind-buggering.

      • cousin itt

        I get skull-buggering, but mind-buggering takes the game to a whole new level.

  • Jenny

    I love the “Mentor in Real Life” part.

    IN REAL LIFE KIDS! NOT ON THE PS4!!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Aw but…Minecraft, man.
      Minecraft.

    • Rick Hill

      Woah. Awesome idea for a new app. Virtual mentor. Don’t worry, I’ll give you full credit, as soon as I get someone to write it, I’ll give you a full 2.5% of the profits.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am still waiting for the virtual babysitter Ap for babby iphones. I mean, someone surely has thought of this by now, and no one lets kids watch TV because it is bad for them or some such, so how else you gonna zombiefy the spawn?

        • nmmagyar

          Based on all the doctor’s offices I seem to live in these days: iPads

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            heh, no kidding. I like the argument that they neeeeed it because X.
            Like my local poor public school. No money for text books, but look, there is an ipad in each class! Imagine that!

  • Jennifer R

    Gotta say I love how well B-rock the Islamic shock does public appearances.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Curry is ridiculously good. Check out the NYT graph of 3-pointers vs games in a season, for all of the best players with all of the best numbers since 1980. There’s good, there’s great . . . and then there’s Curry, literally off the charts.
    http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/04/16/upshot/stephen-curry-golden-state-warriors-3-pointers.html

    • sw19womble

      As a disinterested (with all the running-with-the-ball and flopping) basketball, but a numbers freak who casually follows the Warriors for historical local reasons (and my first NBA game back in the 90’s) I’ve been watching this outlier all season.
      I was certain he’d tail off, but Curry just kept going all the way. Truly amazing.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If he hadn’t tailed off a bit, about 1/3 of the way into the season, he’d have ended up with 500 points.
        Not that 400 won’t stand for a century or so.

  • h4rr4r

    You know Jordan is still alive right?

    • nmmagyar

      Jordan Sparks?

      • h4rr4r

        Really?
        Really?

        • nmmagyar

          Jordan Knight from Backstreet Boys?

  • AnOuthouse

    Nice safety glasses. Science is dangerous.

    • Doug Langley

      “Our death beam is a failure. I’m standing right in it . . . and I’m not dead.”
      Mythbusters

  • King of America

    OMG that Connect 4 photo

  • SnarkOff

    I will really, really, really miss having a cool President in the White House.

  • Darkrose

    This makes me happy in all the right places.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Great! Now “mentoring” is going to become a bad word meant to be belittled and vilified,
    Like:
    Community Organizer – Volunteering in your community! The horror!
    Politically Correct – Being correct is a naughty, naughty thing!
    Progressive – Harnessing fire and inventing the wheel were fine but we should’ve stopped there, dammit!

    • Enfant Terrible

      And let’s play hoops with the two-handed jump shot, like God intended!

      • Jenny

        Granny shots!

      • jerry

        That would be a two-handed ‘set’ shot. The feet would not leave the ground!

      • mailman27

        I recently took a shot at the hoop for the first time in about 45 years. The ball arced up over the top of the backboard, clearing it by 2, maybe 3 feet. It was what I called my “strong” shot. Need to learn to harness my power.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Obviously you need to step back behind the 3-point line.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Nice time, with mentoring, games, books, sports, and just the right measure of light-hearted snark. My compliments to the chef.

  • orygoon

    If Curry cannot connect four, my Spurs have got this one.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Kawhi Leonard plays Chutes and Ladders at a world-class level. That being said, the Dubs will prevail.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I adore President Obama like my sainted mother worshiped Franklin Roosevelt, first elected the day she was born. I promise to honor her wish to have “I never associated with Republicans” engraved on her headstone.

    • Shaydee

      Sounds like a great lady.

    • Rick Hill

      Can you imagine someone such as Nixon being in Obama’s place? He would have had a paranoid breakdown if he had faced the relentless attacks this President has.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Call the Plumbers.

      • cousin itt

        He did. Hence OrdinaryJoe below.

    • ken_kukec

      “Republican” was a dirty word in my family. My sweet, silver-haired grandmother wouldn’t say the word in front of us grandkids. She’d refer to them as “those motherfuckers,” instead.

      • nmmagyar

        It still is in mine, but we tend to use “pig fuckers”

  • Jenny

    Curry’s wife and kid(s) are also adorable!

  • psychobroad

    Jesus Fucking Christ I LOVE our President! Being proud of who’s in the White House, instead of embarassed or enraged is addictive! Hate to give it up. Maybe Hillary will surprise us, hope so!

    • cynmac

      Yeah, I hated international travel during the Bush years.

  • dslindc

    Again, when is he declaring himself dictator so we can have Bamz forever?

    • limberrat

      Tomorrow… definitely tomorrow – RWNJ logic

  • dslindc

    I am informed that my local sportsball team was terrible and did not make the playoffs this year, so go Steph!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Steph Curry appears to be on my local sportsball team.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Today, Curry appears to be on all of our sportsball teams, at once.
        Because Bamz has a time machine.

  • Be Gin

    ***sniff***

    I wish he was my dad.

  • Doug Langley

    Uh, oh. That’s not a science volcano. They just had a close encounter.

    • kaw143

      I always had such a hard time understanding that scene when I was a kid. I mean, if I were an adult, that’s how much mashed potatoes I’d put on MY plate. Why was everyone thinking it was weird he wasn’t going after those icky green beans?

      • Doug Langley

        Well, it’s a Spielberg movie, which pretty much guarantees logic goes out the window.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Wat! Obummer ditched Reggie Love?!?!?!?

  • Blanche Beecham

    I am really not enjoying this election now. Can’t we just make him do a third term?

  • cousin itt

    OT This is just really so special of the Governor. And so, so wrong on so many levels from the human to the political to the scientific. “I completely understand why some Flint residents are hesitant to drink the water and I am hopeful I can alleviate some of the skepticism and mistrust by putting words to action,” Snyder said in a statement. “Flint residents made it clear that they would like to see me personally drink the water, so today I am fulfilling that request. And I will continue drinking Flint water at work and at home for at least 30 days.” Bless his heart. http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/flint-water-crisis/michigan-governor-snyder-i-will-drink-flint-tap-water-30-n558021

    • anwisok

      “they would like to see me personally drink the water, so today I am fulfilling that request.” . . . after it being run through a filter and a distiller. FTFY.

      • bobbert

        And I’ll bet that except for the occasional PR appearance, the water will be from taps where the pre-filter Pb concentration is as low as possible.*

        (People may forget that the lead doesn’t start out in the water. It’s leached from the pipes or from the solder in the pie joints, and there are huge — orders of magnitude — differences in concentration depending on which pipes are involved).

        *Or, they may just lie about it being “Flint water”.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Bingo. Well, it was bought in a store in Flint, so it is Flint water!

          • nmmagyar

            The Poland Springs label will be the giveaway.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I wonder if they add brown food coloring, to try to match the real thing.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Good, ESAD, Gov’ner. Or drink it at any rate.

    • cynmac

      How about fixing the problem, rather than st00pid photo ops, hmm?

    • nmmagyar

      I can’t even snark about him and the developmental disabilities that are the result of lead poisoning. Fucking asshole potentially destroyed a fucking generation of children. May his punishment be appropriate for the crime. Also, and too, why the fuck hasn’t he been brought up on charges?

  • Rosannakendall4

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cs433ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cs433n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsSurfGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cs433n….,…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey Dok – or Shy – Can’t you filter out this jackass based on the trademark ❖ ? Or does Disqus not let you do your own filtering?

    • bozilingus

      Good Morning, Staceybot,
      Let us sing you a wake-up song…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMT2jq-suyU

  • King of America
  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    I’m so tired of hearing about this Not-Tim Curry guy. He’s in every goddamned newspaper every goddamned day in NorCal. Can we have some Bamz-meets-puppies news? Please?

  • witsended

    RICK ROSS SORRY MR. PRESIDENT Did I Beep

    Rick Ross was like a loud fart in a quiet room when his ankle bracelet went off over the weekend at the White House.

    Ross was there along with a bunch of other rappers — Nicki Minaj, Busta Rhymes, J. Cole, Wale and DJ Khaled — to support Obama’s Brother’s Keeper youth initiative, ironically to keep men of color out of trouble.

    It was a serious and fancy affair … enough to get Ross in a suit, which covered the ankle monitor he has to wear … a condition of release in his kidnapping case.

    Sources on scene tell TMZ Obama finished his speech when Ross’ anklet ripped through the silence.

    We’re told Ross was even surprised … the anklet’s new and it randomly beeps.

    So … whoever heard it blurted it.

    http://www.tmz.com/2016/04/18/rick-ross-white-house-ankle-bracelet-obama/

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Bob Ross, I’m so disappointed. How did all your happy shrubs lead to crime?

      • ahughes798

        It was his pet squirrel. They’re fuckers.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What I love about El Presidente is that he was undoubtedly all “How cool is this!” about doing a thing with Steph Curry. Your typical Rethug would be “How lucky you are.”
    (Trump would never shoot baskets, because he only ever wins.)

    • bozilingus

      Trump is the Idi Amin of the Untied States when it comes to sports.

      “and a story about a golf tournament hosted by Idi Amin, featuring man-eating crocodiles, a minefield on the eighth hole, and sand traps filled with, you guessed it, quicksand.” – Harvard Lampoon Sports Illustrated issue

      • nmmagyar

        Damn. I was hoping that was a story in the NYT.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Oh, just fucking hurry up and die:

    • nmmagyar

      Anyone in particular?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        The picture might not have loaded. It’s a Twit about Donald Rumsfeld bemoaning how he won’t live to see a flat tax.
        He probably also won’t live to see us undo all the damage in the Middle East that lies at his feet.

        • nmmagyar

          He needs to go, as does the rest of W’s administration.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            As well as the rest of H.W’s administration. Which is also the rest of W’s administration.

          • nmmagyar

            Wasn’t Elaine Chao, aka Mrs Mitch, the one who really started all the “Die public sector unions, die” madness? I don’t recall hearing about it before then

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I’ve never heard of that before.

            Edit: my god. She IS Mrs. Gobbles!

          • nmmagyar

            It may well be that I really didn’t notice before my ex was an AFSCME member. But it gives me another reason to hate everything about that hellish 8 years.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            It’s looking like she was very anti-union, anti-OSHA, anti-Labor, but she has her token investigations into back-wages to try and offset all her other shit.
            I think that would be something relatively unknown if you didn’t have personal experience with her attempts to undermine the unions.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Give me a minute. Sheesh!

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Not you! You’re a musician, you provide a service to the world. Rumsfeld is a parasite.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          No problem. I just wanted to walk the dog first.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            In Russia, dog walk YOU!

  • ahughes798

    OT, but I heard on NPR this morning that the President is in Saudi Arabia, discussing many things, one of them being to encourage the Saudis to raise oil prices, as the low gas prices are hurting the Big Oil Companies. Thanks, OBama!

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