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Borned stupid.
ew.

What up, our Wonkette bros and lady-bros, are you ready to get a Top Ten list crammed at your face? GOOD. We had some weird news this week, about Ted Cruz’s Dildo Issues. And also some other things too! Are you so excited for the countdown? YES YOU ARE.

OK, we will do that in a second, but remember, if you love your Wonkette and you love these stories and all our writers and you LOVE US SO HARD LIKE BUNCHES SO MUCH YOU WANT TO KISS US ON THE MOUTH IN A PLATONIC WAY UNLESS IT’S SEXUAL TO YOU, please to click this link and throw $5, $10 or $25 at our faces, will ya? We work so very hard for you, and you love us back, and that is how this works, yeah?

Look, it’s Wonkette baby Donna Rose, BEING A LION WHO IS ASKING YOU TO DONATE GENEROUSLY.

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
She is WAY cuter than Ted Cruz as a lion.

You’d best read this whole post, because there are SO MANY MORE new baby pics at the bottom of it.

Shall we now count down the top ten stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. That Ruby Tuesday story that went viral like herpes LAST week was STILL A-GOIN’ this week! It is number one again! Read it if you haven’t!

2. This week’s Off The Menu stories were TRULY horrifying.

3. South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley is not entirely sure why y’all gotta be such bigots. Why is that?

4. Guys? We are starting to FOR REAL worry about Ted Cruz’s wife’s well-being. Really.

5. Ted Cruz HATES dildos. Like he hates them so much OMG. And he’s pretty sure they are a slippery slope to banging your sister. Haha, our headline was a LIE. His dildos didn’t “squeeze their way in” to the top 10. They crammed all the way to #5!

6. Want to see Peak Daily Mail? Read this, about how they guffawed and gossiped about Princess Kate’s TERRIBLE TOES.

7. This Tennessee Republican doesn’t want anybody sexually harassing the ladies, except for him.

8. Has Elizabeth Warren done your taxes yet? Well she’s trying, because she and Bernie Sanders are kicking TurboTax right in the balls.

9. Did you hear about the SHOCK POLL that says that, among likely Republican voters, Donald Trump is murdering Hillary in New York? Can you even believe that?

10. And finally, making a second appearance is last week’s Off The Menu, which was stories that were like WTF SERIOUSLY?

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left and this is it. You need to put Wonkette in your box. Your EMAIL BOX, we mean, get your hands out of your panties! It is for a newsletter, were we send you the secret jokes and the recaps and the special promotions. We promise not to share your information with anybody! We are fierce protectors of your PRIVACY.

While you are putting Wonkette in your box (AND SCROLLING BACK UP TO GIVE US $5, $15, or $25 BUCKS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY) here’s more baby pictures!

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
HIIIIIIIII AGAIN!
HIIIIIIIII AGAIN!
BIG GIRL
BIG GIRL
BEST PALS.
BEST PALS.
She's thirsty too, Daddy!
She’s thirsty too, Daddy!

SILLY BABY, BIG KID DRINKS ARE FOR MOMMY AND DADDY.

OK bye plz give us money.

Love,

Wonket

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  • memzilla

    Look at that top photo of Donna Rose! Why, I didn’t even know Montana had a touring company of Cats!

    • Nounverb911

      I am proud to say that i have never seen that show!

      • nightmoth

        Rented the dvd–almost went into sugar coma

        • bozilingus

          So you don’t have any good Memories?

          • Jukesgrrl

            Especially not of reading Eliot’s poetry.

          • theCryptofishist

            Was he the fascist?

          • OppressedMass

            That was Ezra Pound. Eliot was just a glum Conservative.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You dodged a bullet.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    OK, that last Donna Rose pic (the one with Shy) is an outlier, because she’s not doing her Mona Lisa thing, instead she’s obviously wondering what Shy’s doing drinking her drink.

    • King of America

      The real thing to note in that photo is that Shy has a t-shirt with his own name (well, his stage name) on it.

      • natoslug

        Makes identification a lot easier later, when you’re shouting “Do you know who I am?!!!?” at the cops.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “Sir, if you’d just provide your license and registration, then we could establish your identity!”

          • natoslug

            Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you, SugarTits!

            (that’s as far as I’m willing to Gibson)

      • Major_Major_Major

        That’s not as bad as wearing a shirt with your own band’s name on it while you are performing.

        • natoslug

          I find it helpful to wear a tag with my name and address on it when I go out. Much simpler to get someone to return me. My wife, unfortunately, keeps changing the address.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Who does she think is gonna clean up the dog puke if you don’t make it home?

          • nmmagyar

            I write my info on my underwear. Chances are that if I’m lost, someone will have to pick them up off the floor at some point

          • Paul

            That’s harsh. I know how you feel. My folks sent me to the store for a loaf of bread and moved while I was gone.

          • theCryptofishist

            If only you already had that bread when you set out, then you could have left a trail of crumbs to help you find the way home…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The worst! Mocking shit gets real when I see that.

        • MrBlobfish

          Saw a band where the singer had a tattoo of himself on his back.

          • Jukesgrrl

            That’s the livin’ end. Do tell, who was it? (I know a lot of obscure bands.)

          • MrBlobfish

            Allentown late 90’s. He kept calling everyone fucking cunts. If you are gonna do that, please don’t suck so much.

  • The Wanderer

    Oh dear Lawd, that baby is so gosh-darned cute.

  • proudgrampa

    She is ADORABLE.

    I get all squishy and stuff around babies.

    Well, except for ugly ones. Like that ugly Duggar baby. Don’t EVER show that picture again. Please.

    • Jennifer R

      I am sure little scrimple Dugger will grow up proud and pasty like which ever of the duggars contributed genetic material.

      • nmmagyar

        AOT, K?

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Ted Cruz’s opposition to stroking the salami – despite his days in college – reminds me of Christine “I’m Not a Witch” O’Donnell. Her opponent (who eventually won) might as well have run on a pro-masturbation platform.

    I dressed up as Chrissy for Halloween that year (a witch costume with the nametag MY NAME IS CHRISTINE O’DONNELL). Elvira did a spoof of CO’s infamous ad:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax8QduuaBDs

    • Querolous

      “I’m not a witch but I’m being hunted”http://www.theatlantic.com/notes/2015/11/christine-odonnell-not-a-witch-but-victim-of-a-witch-hunt/417087/

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        Of course, Monty Python taught us the easy way to figure out if a woman is a witch: weigh her against a duck.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Oh, damn. I had just succeeded in forgetting about Christine O’Donnell.

  • Nounverb911

    Cartoon of the day?

    • Edna Clark

      “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cn974ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cn974n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsJumpGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cn974n….,…

    • Rosiembarry1

      “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cs283ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cs283n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsAreaGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cs283n….,.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    It’s good that Shy is labeled. That way, he and others around him know who he is.

    • Suttree

      I thought that we were able to identify him by the proximity to a hot lady editrix and a cute babby.

      • Skadi

        Yes, but that applies to all of us, Katie, during the drinky things, so labels are necessary!

    • Jukesgrrl

      Helpful for all Shys at drinkie things worldwide.

  • Sardonicuss

    “Look dad, just hand over the margarita and no one’s ears get hurt…k?”

  • natoslug

    My morning’s top ten is going to have to include cleaning up dog vomit. Why couldn’t it have been the Pomeranian rather than the lab?

    • Vienna Woods

      My morning’s top ten included washing dog who got sprayed by skunk at 6 am. Thank goodness for our giant tiled shower

      • nmmagyar

        Stories like these are why I have a cat.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Smart enough not to fuck with Mr Skunk? Or Mr Porcupine.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            My Molly has such a strong prey drive…if we lived in porcupine country, she’d have a snout full of quills every day.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            My brother’s dog did that once. Only once.

          • nmmagyar

            She is the “Great Huntress” through the screen door. Those bids would be in serious danger if she wasn’t an indoor cat and so lazy

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        And here I was grumpy because my dog treed two cats on our walk and I was in a hurry to get home.

      • Sardonicuss

        A skunk sprayed somewhere outside my house last night! …and I think it was fighting with the biggest raccoon I have ever seen.
        I saw him yesterday, and he is the size of a small lab…huge. Then today, everything smells like skunk. Must have been a conflict of some sort.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Why didn’t Obama bomb that skunk into oblivion? What a wimp/overreaching dictator!

    • SnarkOff

      100 extra points if the dog barfed on your bed.

  • The Wanderer

    Trump’s thrown in the towel on the delegate selection in Wyoming, it appears, and he’s definitely unhappy with Pubic Rinse about things.

    All this, and the prospect of Villa getting relegated. Life is good.

  • goonemeritus

    Keep that baby away from Minnesota dentists.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I think Shypixel shirts should be made available at the Wonkette Mercantile and Grift Shoppe.

    • Suttree

      My thoughts exactly!

    • nmmagyar

      But then how would Rebecca know who she’s married to?

    • SnarkOff

      I think there should be Wonkette lion costume.

      • nmmagyar

        I thought we all had them. It’s just me?

        • Blank Ron

          I have one, but I am not quite as cute in it as Donna Rose is in hers.

          • nmmagyar

            …unless you’re into that sort of thing

          • theCryptofishist

            Like a Bundy?

          • Pickwicknext

            Well, that would be unpossible.

        • theCryptofishist

          I don’t want to wear mine, because the hindquarters are chaps…

          • nmmagyar

            Assless?

          • theCryptofishist

            The very ones.
            (I hope no one says that that’s redundant. It’s for emphasis, sillies.)

    • rebecca
  • nmmagyar

    A) is it meta that Shy is wearing a Shy shirt?

    and

    ii) OMFG!!!! She’s a ginger? I love her even more-er.

  • witsended

    New Zealand stages first Pastafarian wedding on pirate boat.

    The light-hearted Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has staged its first legally recognised wedding.

    Toby Ricketts and Marianna Fenn tied the “noodle knot” in the New Zealand South Island town of Akaroa.

    The happy couple say that guidelines of the Pastafarian religion stipulate that wedding celebrants must be pirates.

    Members of the church profess the belief that the world was created by an airborne spaghetti and meatballs-based being and humans evolved from pirates.

    New Zealand officials last month designated the religion as an officially-recognised faith, allowing Wellington-based Pastafarian Karen Martyn the legal right to conduct marriages.

    She carried out her inaugural wedding as an ordained “ministeroni” on Saturday.

    More weddings are planned, she said, including same-sex unions that were legalised in New Zealand in 2013.

    “I’ve had people from Russia, from Germany, from Denmark, from all over contacting me and wanting me to marry them in the church because of our non-discriminatory philosophy,” she said.

    “We will marry any consenting legal adults who meet the legal requirement.”

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-36062126

    • The Wanderer

      May the FSM bless them with His Noodly Appendage.

      • Barley_Brains

        Yes, may they be touch by His noodly appendage. Ramen.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        PBUH!

        • HobbesEvilTwin

          parmesan?

    • SnarkOff

      Good luck getting a Christian bakery to supply a wedding cake, you crazy kids.

      • Blank Ron

        As pirates, they could force the baker to make a cake, or else they’ll walk the plank. Arr.

  • TheGrandWaz00
  • nightmoth

    Re: headline—not enough lubricant in the world for Ted Cruz’s dildoes to squeeze into anything of mine. Re: babby pictures—YES, YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Uh oh. kid pix. Better find my credit card.

    • theCryptofishist

      You must admit, it’s still cheaper than having actual children.
      (and a better love story than Twilight.)

  • Suttree

    Ok dudes and lady dudes, I have two weeks until Lizzietish comes back from Scotland and then it is her birthday. I need good birthday present ideas that don’t involve Wonkette swag, books that I have already given her as random presents, dildos, and pictures of us. Please help, I’m hungover and already worried about it.

    • nmmagyar

      Day spa – soak and massage

      • The Wanderer

        Excellent idea.

        • nmmagyar

          I run a bath shop, it’s kinda my thing

          • Suttree

            Now I want to go get a massage for myself. Screw Lizzietish!

          • nmmagyar

            Most have couples packages: private tub and a private room for the massages. Win/win in my book.

          • PUAAN

            Well, that could be a good present too…

    • The Wanderer

      Gift card to her favorite shop?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Pogues box set.

      • Suttree

        Oooh I like that idea!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Well, you are hungover…but trust me on this one.

          • theCryptofishist

            True, if anyone courted me with the Pogues… There have been times when Summer in Siam almost melted me.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Right? I get the Pogues box set from anybody, I’m theirs for life. *sigh*

    • memzilla

      Netflix subscription.

      • Suttree

        Already has one. And the other and the other. That’s how we watch GoT all the time. Plus MST3K.

    • Barley_Brains

      An excellent home-cooked meal with plenty of wine and oral sex.

      • Suttree

        That is probably the best idea. I’m sure I can cook anything and everything in her cast iron pan. Maybe Chicken breast stuffed with morels in a champagne brandy cream sauce.

        • Roni Raven

          And Spam.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Does a buttplug count as not-a-dildo? Asking for a friend.

      • Suttree

        I’m slowly working on that. Shhhhhhh.

        • nmmagyar

          There’s a lot to be said about the element of surprise. Most of it bad, but still…

          • Suttree

            Hey, hey, hey, wrong hole.
            -Lizzietish

          • nmmagyar

            Stop hitting me, it was an accident.
            -Suttree

          • theCryptofishist

            Yeah, I’d be a little wary of suprizing Lizzietish…

    • King of America

      Does she like lasers and/or explosions

      • Suttree

        Only if Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo are serving them up.

        • King of America

          Well I meant real ones, but I guess TV works too.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I read somewhere that 100 cans of soup make for a thoughtful gift.

      • Suttree

        Is this a new euphemism that I have not heard of?

        • bozilingus

          You may Cruz to victory with those 100 cans of soup.

    • Jonny On Maui

      What nmmagyar said, couples spa treatment is a great way to go.

    • pstockholm

      Haggis obviously. She’ll be craving it.

    • bookish

      Girl Scout cookies. Best hurry.

  • memzilla

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One weird trick…

  • Msgr_Moment

    You know how the fans of a certain obnoxious radio star are called “Dittoheads”? I think we’ve found the ideal name for Cruz fanboys: “Dildoheads”.

    • The Wanderer

      That’s terribly unfair to dildos. Mjolnir and The Cardinal libel.

      • bozilingus

        Can anyone pick up Mjolnir?

        • The Wanderer

          I think so. The fun question is “With which bit does one pick up Mjolnir?”

    • SnarkOff

      Cruz has fans?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Well, delegates and voters.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        They’re not as yooge and classy as Drumpf’s blowhards- I mean fans.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Producers of canned soups love him.

        • Only conservative soups. Progresso soups do not love him.

          • theCryptofishist

            And Amy’s Golden Lentils are quite happy being the only gold standard we need.

      • MarkM

        A Cruz fan named “Stanley” Lee was on Wonkette yesterday, deploring how mean Evan was being to him. It was quite amusing. Judging by his posting history, he dreams of being teabagged by Teddy.

        • theCryptofishist

          Yes, but did he even get ban-hammered? Or have his posts disappear? Poor Stanley, X-acto out cuts him (with snark, or votes, your choice) and he doesn’t measure up to the Lufkins.

          • Jonny On Maui

            IIRC Stanley was a 1 and out kinds troll…

          • theCryptofishist

            Sort of like his hero’s sex life?

  • SnarkOff

    I love how the big dog in the background of the Donna Rose lion photo is just sitting there watching, totally unfazed.

    • Sardonicuss

      Sigh. When will the smaller food dispenser cease this cos play and resume dispensing food?

  • Callyson

    Update:

    Ted Cruz Says He Won’t Ban Dildos If He Becomes President

    “What people do in their own private time with themselves is their own business and it’s none of government’s business.”

    • The Wanderer

      How lovely. Of course, he probably still feels that women are too dumb to manage their own bodies, so he’ll be all up in the wombs.

      • nmmagyar

        They can buy dildos with a permission slip from hubby

        • The Wanderer

          Well, of course! Can’t allow them any freedom of choice, you know, otherwise they’ll want to wear shoes or get jobs.

          • nmmagyar

            Interferes with the ironing as well

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Not to mention sammich making and beer fetching.

          • nmmagyar

            Wimminz have so much to do already; they should just leave the voting to us menfolk

          • theCryptofishist

            Actually, we should probably go back to the system wherein women are sent to the doctor, or technician, once a month to keep them from building up all that sass energy they are prone to.

          • eddi

            Tilted wombs and hysteria will be back as official diagnosis for all women’s problems.

      • King of America

        By “people” he means men.

        • The Wanderer

          Naturally.

      • For these guys, “managing their own bodies” means women lying back and thinking of England the good ol’ USA.

    • bozilingus

      “Yet.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “It is, however, God’s business, and I, as God’s personal representative on Earth, will make it my business.”

    • Damn! I REALLY wanted to see that Congressional Session on CSPAN.

  • witsended

    Great news ladies the Lioness Vibrator is cumming and coming.

    This vibrator doubles up as a fitbit for your vagina

    This changes EVERYTHING.

    After an insanely successful Indiegogo campaign, the Lioness vibrator is coming (pun most definitely intended) to the people.
    In case you’re not in the know, here’s a brief run-down of what, exactly, the Lioness vibrator actually is, and why everyone should be getting their underwear in a bunch about it.
    The Lioness is a vibrator, yes. But it’s so much more than that.
    It’s a vibrator that tracks how your vagina is responding to stimulation using special sensors, sends that data to your phone, and allows you to track your pleasure with the aim of improved knowledge of your own body and greater orgasms over time.
    Its creators hope that by using the vibrator to learn and track what we actually enjoy, we’ll break out of our standard patterns for masturbation and sex.
    When you use the Lioness, the connected app will provide feedback on what you’ve enjoyed and will even recommend new things to try based on your preferences.

    http://metro.co.uk/2016/04/16/this-vibrator-doubles-up-as-a-fitbit-for-your-vagina-5821222/?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tifwQ_bwLM

    • Blank Ron

      If you need a smartphone to work a dildo you’re doing it wrong.

    • eddi

      That’s it. No more sex for me.

    • As if we needed MORE data to be uploaded to the NSA (“That increasing haert rate and heavy breathing can only mean one thing: a terrorist hiding a bomb in her panties. Send the FBI on red alert!”)

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Unfortunately, Ted Cruz’s current platform is worse than sex toys.

    He wants to “return to the Gold Standard”.

    Let’s replay 2008’s financial crisis and see how that would have played out.

    When finance was in crisis, speculators bid up gold prices. If the dollar value had been tied to gold, then the value of dollars would have went up, so the prices of everything woud have gone down, and that’s called Depressionary Deflation. Everybody goes out of business because what they owe is worth more than what they have to sell.

    Great Depression II. Don’t TrustTED.

    • The Wanderer

      That’s a sop to the Libertarian/Randite/Paultard factions. The 2012 national platform had a plank in it to study whether to put us back on gold.

      • Brendan_M

        Or to his Dominionist base, eager to jump start the Apocalypse.

      • eddi

        His sovereign citizens base who believe gold is a holy metal and will cure the world’s economic ills if we only use it exclusively.

    • theCryptofishist

      Oh my, even worse than our recession? Bring it on…

      Or maybe not.

  • Malmborg Implano

    When it comes to toes we all have our preferences.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n8axW_nZrg

    • handyhippie65

      what the hell was that?

  • MarkM

    As if there weren’t enough reasons already to hate Ted Cruz’s guts, now there is his Chunky soup fetish. And it is a fetish…no one buys 100 cans of that swill to eat. I shudder to think what sort of depraved shit him and Heidi get up to when the tub is full of Spicy Chicken Quesadilla.

    • Brendan_M

      The grossness of Ted Cruz, like spacetime, exists on a curve. Having sex with Ted Cruz by itself is such a strong concentration of icky, like a white dwarf star, that the only way to escape the disgusting gravity of it all is to double-down. Dumping a dozen cans of cold beef noodle soup on Ted’s naked body before coitus is so gross that it bends back around to almost being tolerable.

      Granted, I am only as much a scientist as Sarah Palin and Bill Nye, so what do I know?

  • OneDemin EOr

    PuppyMonkeyBaby is waaay cuter than that thing Rafiki is holding.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ql7uY36-LwA

    • handyhippie65

      i wouldn’t be near as happy as that dude, if that freaky thing jumped in my lap, and licked me.

    • kareema

      That Mtn. Dew mutated GMO THING is seriously ugly, wrong, and weird in a not-good way.

      Some PR group had WAY too much of their product when they though up this concept.

      • OneDemin EOr

        I suspect they were under the influence of SOMETHING. Maybe not just Mountain Dew. “GMO THING” is so funny!
        As for PMB, I think the phrase is: so ugly it’s cute!

  • Ted Cruz was asked if he would try to ban dildos if elected. He responded with

    “Look, of course not, it’s a ridiculous question, and of course not. What people do in their own private time with themselves is their own business and it’s none of government’s business.”

    How the hell does he say something like that and then try to justify his stance against same sex marriage, or for discrimination against gay, lesbian, or transgendered people?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Just substitute “straight white men” for “people.”

      • eddi

        His version of straight white men do not have a clue what a dildo is. Or why they keep getting maced when they try to pick up a ho for the night.

    • MarkM

      Teddy is nothing if not inconsistent…

      “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.”

  • I see Wonkette is now inviting controversy by publishing photos of Donna Rose’s toes. Just look at ’em! I mean, they’re so small, that can’t be normal. Let’s ask our experts….

    • Jonny On Maui

      Not a dot of color or polish, if this were a brit mommyblog…

    • witsended

      I have no idea what you are talking about so have a song.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5-tK5APcUQ

    • Shibusa

      Better tread lightly…

  • Poly_Ester

    Dildos “squeezed” their way in? Pushed or inserted but not “squeezed”

    • The Wanderer

      Depends on the material they’re crafted from.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Clearly, you’ve much experience in this field. Any photos you’d like to share?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Dat babee da cutest. Nuff said.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Is the Big Girl pulling herself up into standing position now? She looks very proud.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      She’s gonna be running the whole operation before you know it. Was just thinking today: no Donna Rose fix?

  • URQ196

    I heard that someone is making a Teddie Screws butt plug.

    • theCryptofishist

      Meta.

  • Doug Langley

    It’s gotta be CGI. NO human babby could possibly be this adorable.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I was just thinking that. Now, I had 2 of the critters, and they were cute, adorbs, such cuddly. My siblings have all spawned themselves, also cute.

      But Donna Rose is like the mach 10 of all things cuteness.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    The babby has been eaten by a wild beast!

  • Stein Olsen
  • kareema

    That Wonkette baby makes me want to have another one, even if I’m SO post-menopausal.

    • Annie Towne

      Word.

  • PLEASE tell me our esteemed editor-in-chief has a shirt that says, “rebecca”, right? Or at least a spare lion costume…

  • Annie Towne

    That lion cub made me want to donate $5 to you guys, but I can’t do it every month because I’m a sick (officially). Where and how can I do a one-time donation, please?

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