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You want hash brownies with that?
You want hash brownies with that?

Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson may have voted against funding to fight the opioid epidemic with treatment, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have ideas on the topic. For one thing, he says, maybe we could bring back those “this is your brain on drugs” ads that amused lots of people but didn’t have much effect on drug use. Johnson made the suggestion in a radio interview back in December that was recently dug up by the Huffington Post.

The host noted that after years and “billions, maybe trillions” of dollars spent in the war on drugs, there’s still lots of drugs. So what could we do that might work? Johnson said maybe we oughta get those eggs frying again:

“You know, when I was down there Gen. Kelly posed the question to me, ‘You know, senator, when’s the last time we’ve had a concerted national public relations education campaign to try and dissuade Americans, particularly young people, from taking drugs?’”

“And I thought back to Nancy Reagan, ‘Just Say No,’” he continued, “and then a few years later they had that famous commercial with, you know, a pan with a couple eggs and there’s your brain and scramble them up and there’s your brain on drugs. Well, why don’t we first do something like that? Let’s try to dissuade our young people.”

Genius! Remember how those ads kept everybody off drugs in the first place, and then there were no more drug addicts?

Oh, except for how none of that happened, but everybody felt really good that we were sending an important message? Yr Dok Zoom’s favorite example was at an air show he went to in the late ’80s: there was a fairly impressive display of stunt flying in a small helicopter, and then the show ended with the plucky helicopter rounding up some “drug smugglers” and doing a fly-by with a banner reading “SAY NO TO DRUGS.” I immediately decided to kick my heroin habit.

If you want to go with boring old science stuff, some research indicates that anti-drug propaganda may do more harm than good, which is why Reefer Madness plays so well as comedy, but not so well as an anti-drug message.

In a 2008 study, participants who were primed with anti-drug PSAs were more curious about using drugs than those that hadn’t seen the PSAs. [Journalism professor Carson] Wagner and his co-author, S. Shyam Sundar, found that because anti-drug ads made the viewer think more about drugs, it could also lead them to believe drug use is more prevalent than it really is. “These results should be seriously considered, as it has been consistently recognized in psychological research that curiosity is one of the most potent motivational forces for human behavior,” the paper warned.

Sen. Johnson also seems to be under the impression that anti-drug PSAs went away altogether; rather, the methods have shifted to messages that are less obviously ridiculous. The relatively recent “Above the Influence” campaign has tried to “find out what kids who don’t use drugs do, and advertise those activities”:

It’s developmentally part of being a teenager to buck adult rules and take moderate risks. Research shows the new campaign at least somewhat effective. A 2011 study on “Above the Influence” found that only 8 percent of teenagers who were familiar with the campaign started smoking pot, versus 12 percent of teenagers who hadn’t seen it.

Michael Slater, the study’s principle investigator and a professor of social and behavioral sciences at The Ohio State University, says initial anti-drug ads didn’t take into account the nature of being a teenager.

“Research shows that at least half of teens are sensation-seeking. Taking chances is exciting,” he explains. “It’s developmentally part of being a teenager to buck adult rules and take moderate risks.”

Maybe drug abuse is a complex problem that needs to be addressed through treatment, reconsideration of how doctors prescribe opioids, and more treatment?

Or we could just scare kids. GRRR! That works! Here’s hoping Ron Johnson hurries up and loses to Russ Feingold in November, before somebody reminds Johnson of this nightmare-fuel ad that literally left Yr Doktor Zoom too terrified to watch TV alone for several months as a kid (seriously, don’t watch this with a kid in the room):

[HuffPo / Popular Science]

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  • Nounverb911

    Has anyone determined what Ron Johnson is taking?

    • The Wanderer

      I hear he tried psychedelic newt noses.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate

  • Yes, but if we treat drug addiction rationally like a medical problem, then how on Earth are we going to punish those addicts for being addicts and using immoral drugs, huh? Also tax dollars buying drugs for unemployed illegals, wall, DONALD TRUMP! Yeah…

    • SterWonk

      “Yes, but if we treat drug addiction rationally like a medical problem, then how on Earth are we going to punish those addicts for being addicts and using immoral drugs, huh?”

      The same way we do now: based on the content of their bank accounts.

  • Treg.Brown

    Define “drugs”, also too, I learned it from you dad…

  • Indiepalin

    Why do you think they call it drugs?

  • schmannity

    Abstinence ads works so well for sex, why not drugs?

    –Bristol Palin

    • Amy!

      That’s how she’s teaching her kids! Unless she loses custody to their fathers ….

  • Mmmm… brain bacon…glaaaaaaa….

  • memzilla

    Also… Legalize Shemp.
    .

    • Never.

    • Tallmutha

      Spread out. Voop, voop, voop!

    • Proud Liberal

      I liked Curly!

      • Toomush_Infer

        “I’m tryin’ to think, but my brain won’t move!”…

  • YoBunnyBunny

    I personally preferred this commercial. It was so WTF-ey, right??? I remember seeing it during saturday morning cartoons…

    • flipdraw_mc_graw

      Ah, now I feel like I have real clarity on the discussion. Thanks!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I’ll bet the parents needed a xanax and a drink after that!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Rachel, you crazy bitch.

    • Tallmutha

      Cute girl in a tank top, swinging her… er, arms around… What was the ad about again?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    No (R) after his name, but the stupidity speaks for itself.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Volumes.

    • Proud Liberal

      (R) Means Regressive!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        In my head, I usually read “Retarded”.

  • flipdraw_mc_graw

    That commercial was pretty effing scary, yet bizarre. What exactly was the message?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Something about not using dildos in Texas?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    It’s a shame that “harm reduction” attempts, like in the Netherlands, have been so dismally unsuccessful. Of, course, thats Socialistic so we knew it wouldn’t work before they even tried it.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Harm reduction only reduces harm, it doesn’t completely solve every single addiction related problem!!! Therefore it is stupid and useless!!!!! Also too doesn’t punish disgusting addicts enough. God I need a coffee, you people are so stupid.

  • Nounverb911
    • Vecciojohn LLC

      So every thirty minutes or so they would wake him up and point him toward whatever was next on his schedule? I can see how that would work.

    • limberrat

      Nooooo it’s the monkey from Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders! That explains the disastrous legacy of Boehner!

    • bozilingus

      Wasn’t certain if this was more appropriate here or in the Cruz dildo article…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxCpBSDiPNc

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Gee, I wonder who would make money if the gumint decided to spend my hard earned tax dollars on a commercial featuring Mr. Mackey?

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh7l8dx-h8M

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    out of the dustbin.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Their big mistake was having the egg over easy. If they’d scrambled it, that would have been scary.

    • Suttree

      Or poached! On a muffin, with Canadian bacon and some hollandaise! The horror!

    • h4rr4r

      Sunny side up you mean.
      Over easy would mean flipping it to harden the top a bit. Not quite as bad as scrambled but still a waste of an egg.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Gaah. Right you are.

      • Vienna Woods

        No, over easy is the best because there is no chance of any runny white. Yecch. Meanwhile, the yolk remains runny and yummy.

        • h4rr4r

          No it always overcooks the yolk just a bit.

          • Vienna Woods

            Not the way I cook them.

          • Jonny On Maui

            All right. Practice has me with a non-stick buttered pan of exactly right temperature. Spill the beans, share your method!

          • Vienna Woods

            Hey, I go old school. Cast-iron pan in HOT bacon drippings, flipped carefully with my extra-thin flipper * for just a nano-second to set the white, then onto the plate.

            *that is, sadly starting to show signs of wear, as it gets used for every purpose under the sun in the kitchen, multiple times daily, and dammit, I can’t get a replacement!!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Old school, I like it!

            Good luck on the replacement flipper!

      • gedjcj

        I love eggs cooked to the point that the yolks just become gelatinous. Supposedly this is called “medium”, but it’s impossible to get in a restaurant; their either liquid or solid.

    • Tallmutha

      Or hard-boiled it, for about 20 minutes. No, wait, that would be more like Louie Gohmert’s brain.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Sure. Now we can’t even agree about eggs!….

      • Jonny On Maui

        In some form, we all eat them?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    If Ron Johnson was named Richard Johnson, the dick jokes about him would be more redundant.

    • alnnc

      This is OT, but there is a road near where I lived at one time called Short Johnson Road.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        There is a neighborhood not to far from me called Morning Wood.

        http://media1.fdncms.com/memphisflyer/imager/fly-on-the-wall/u/zoom/3227953/flyby_morningwood.jpg

        • eddi

          We lost so many copies of the Wimp Way street sign during the Bush years, we almost gave up replacing it.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Sometimes maybe just renaming things is a better option.

            I feel kind of sorry for some folks that live a few miles from here that live on Seed Tick Road. They’re probably a bunch of parasites.

      • RumAddled

        I know a cop in my town whose name is Dick Wang

        • bozilingus

          Is he a detective?

          • RumAddled

            Nope, uniform officer. Actually, here’s very nice. Hard not to giggle though

  • Creepoman

    I’ve never taken more drugs than when Reagan was president.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Oh, god I hope not.

  • Shibusa

    Cocaine is not all its cracked up to be. Just sayin’.

    • beingreleased

      “Cocaine is for horses,
      It’s not for men,
      They say it will kill you,
      But they won’t say when.”
      — Rev. Gary Davis (I think)

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I hear it’s a helluva drug.

    • The Wanderer

      “Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you make too much money.” – Robin Williams

    • Jonny On Maui

      ISWYDT

      Coca. Just another plant that needs zero processing other than to wash before chewing…

  • SnarkOff

    I could google this myself, I suppose, but even with the whole opioid/heroin issue isn’t drug use overall among young people way, way down from where it was in the 1980s?

    • h4rr4r

      Yeah, kids these days are boring.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Well, the drugs these days…

    • Apparently fewer sexual partners, also, too.

    • Sardonicuss

      Yes, this opioid epidemic is bullshit too. Over 95% of the people prescribed opioids never become addicted, much like 95% people who take a drink don’t become alcoholics. A certain percentage of the population will use any mind altering substance to excess, the problem is, with opioids, those people O.D. These people need treatment (real medical treatment, not the AA model, which more times than not will kill them), not to be used as reason to make thousands of others live in constant pain.
      Opioids are effective for chronic pain management, and doctors and patients are now being vilified for using them for legitimate purposes: so politicians have a new horse to beat to death.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Good to hear. I thought there was something wrong with me – every year I’m less of an alcoholic and a cheaper stoner…it’s disgusting…

      • willi0000000

        i’m remembering (you may want to back away some distance) a Brit study of morphine comparing ‘on demand’ vs ‘every four hours’ . . . the ‘on demand’ group tapered off nicely and had almost no pain to report . . . the ‘every four hours group exhibited anxiety after the 3-hour mark and were positively antsy just before the shot was due . . . they also had more pain complaints, trouble tapering off and often had some addiction at the end of treatment.

        • Sardonicuss

          That is why they have pain med buttons in post surgical wards. But almost every one of those patients is successfully backed off morphine before they leave the hospital (with some post hospital stay prescriptions depending on severity of the pain). As long as the patient feels they have control over the timing of the dosage, they get a strong placebo effect.
          Chronic, long term pain management is another thing entirely.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Morphine does nothing for me. Ibuprofen is way more effective

          • Sardonicuss

            Well, that is kind of a medical oddity. Ibuprofen is extremely hard on the liver long term, morphine and other opioids..not so much. Ask Keith Richards!

          • Skeptical_thinker

            I have been taking ibuprofen in significant quantity for years for chronic pain that morphine just would not touch. I do have my liver function checked several times a year. The results always come back “normal”.

            In short, I are odd.

    • OddMan

      Yeah back in the day we had hash, where is all the damn hash? And the speed, it was outrageous, remember “Speed Kills”? (actually a pretty effective slogan) And black beauties, remember those?
      And the acid was so cheap and clear man.

      Oh yeah what were we talking about?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Hash in all forms is big in CA and CO. Here’s a menu from a place…

        http://www.amsterdamsgarden.com/current-menu/

        Search the menu for concentrates.

        Meth is the new speed. Cheap and easily produced and just as deadly.

        Raiding the medicine cabinet never went out of style, hell, some ‘parents’ cop their kids ADHD meds…

        Now if I had waked and baked, there’d be no compulsion to write this…

  • Hemp Dogbane

    You kids stay out of the cookie jar! There’s new monster cookies in there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The psychology of the “Just say no!” meme is well known, but the wowsers fall for it every single time. Prohibit something, and you just raise curiosity…kids want to find out what exactly the broomstick up the ass crowd is so afraid of.

  • Mpeg

    Sen. Johnson would probably like to bring back that nationally recognized, earnest, and passionate campaign of Nancy Reagan’s Tommy Smothers’ as well!
    http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/10-24-2015/IYCcFH.gif

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    I know the war on heroin works. It killed a young relative of mine about the time these ads came out.

  • h4rr4r

    Or just a crazy suggestion here, we could have places where people could use these drugs under the supervision of medical professionals. Who would have narcan and the like at their disposal, but would not need it since doses would be carefully regulated and the substances very pure.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I suggest Disney World…

      • Blank Ron

        I dunno, man, you’d have people seriously freakin’ out. I mean, giant mice?

        • Jonny On Maui

          Disney on acid is survivable, but you can never go back unless trippin’…

  • jviscont1

    Sen RoJo has no apparent addiction to brain pills.

  • goonemeritus

    I always thought those ads were funded by the egg council.

    • I could seriously go for some eggs right now, dammit.

    • Pickwicknext

      Just wait until you see the racket the Toast Marketing board is going to raise! Hail to St Zvlyx!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I had a roommate in college who told me his first joint was one he stole from a police-sponsored anti-drug school seminar in high school.

    Unintended consequences and all that.

    • h4rr4r

      I remember DARE promising me the first dose from dealers would be free. I want my free drugs dammit!

      • Little Lulu

        In the 60s they warned us that if we took acid we ran the risk of acid flashbacks later in life. Well, we’re still waiting.

    • Suttree

      I found the ant-drug seminar very enlightening. At least when I hit the streets I knew what everything looked like.

      • Toomush_Infer

        But waaaay cheaper….

        • willi0000000

          i always wanted to find that street where the value of pot was $1,000,000 for an ounce . . . i’d be rich today.

    • malsperanza

      Yep, that’s where my cop friends usually got their weed.

  • Wilson

    My dad “donates” 50 grand to Ronny every year and I swear to God when he (my dad) dies I’m giving every penny he leaves me to extreme liberal causes to help combat the damage done by people like Johnson.

    Ron is one of those rare people who is actually even less likable in person than he is through media.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      50 Large? Jeez, I hope Ron comes by to mow your dad’s lawn every now and then.

      • Wilson

        No but he invites him to dinners and asks him what my dad would “like him to do for him.” Because Johnson is the kind of guy who refuses to even attempt to hide the fact that he really only cares about the constituents who give him money.

    • jesus that’s depressing.

    • malsperanza

      Court-ordered conservatorships are your friend.

  • Belasaurius

    I have the strangest desire to shoot dope with a monkey now

  • proudgrampa

    Yup. “Brain on Drugs” was pure comedy gold.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      And now it’s over. Easy!

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes.

      • Tallmutha

        Always keep your sunny side up.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Or the yolk will be on you.

      • bozilingus

        The drug war is a shell game.

    • Steven M. Harries

      It turned both Edith Massey and the Walrus on . . .

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    “A bad idea whose time has come.”

    – My friend Tom

  • cousin itt

    No.

    Now what?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Uh. Smoke a bowl?

      • cousin itt

        Dave’s not here?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Since you asked so nicely…

        burrblrburrbleburrbleburrbleburrble suupppp.

        Passing…Here you go!

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Smooooooth….

    • arglebargle

      Congratulations. Here, have a beer and a cigarette.

  • Tallmutha

    They really need something that can speak to the young people of today. Is the agency that did those “Where’s the Beef?” ads available?

  • Beowoof14

    I remember students at my little college mocking the DARE program. They thought it was stupid and still smoked lots of weed.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Is DARE still around? It was/maybe still is pretty much a shake-down racket.

      • Hutch

        DARE lost a lot of their funding because they couldn’t prove, statistic-wise, that the program worked. THEN they tried to change their stated goal from “reducing drug use” to “informed drug use.”

        You know, like shooting an arrow at a target, missing, and then just moving the target to where the arrow landed.

      • MrBlobfish

        Drugs Are Really Excellent

    • shastakoala

      We used to call it the I dare you program.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Truth or DARE?

    • limberrat

      Didn’t smoke, but I found the program pretty damned ineffective. “Hey kids, this is weed. Weed is bad.” Meanwhile the future potheads basically have their head shoved in the bag getting high on the fumes.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Okay… Was my elementary school the ONLY school that sang “Lean On Me” during the annual DARE spring celebration/programmy thing in the cafetorium??? Every time I tell people this, they look at me like I’m crazy…

      • willi0000000

        have you considered the possibility…

  • Steven M. Harries

    Beware the Libertarian: First he’ll come and give me back those old drug ads. Then he’ll come and take away my old “Joe Franklin Show” videos . . .

  • Mpeg

    Ronnie Johnson needs to go ahead and run for President of the U.S. already; appoint Bobby Jindal as Drug Czar, who will then exorcise all addictions from the drug-using population just as simply as if they were demons. Problem solved!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Part of a healthy lifestyle. Plenty of sleep, fresh air, and exorcise.

  • Proud Liberal

    Are the people of Wisconsin smart enough to elect Russ Feingold? I sure hope so!

  • Rock Drummer

    Well shit, now I wanna hit my bong……thanks PSA’s!

  • Proud Liberal

    Hmmm….

    “Ten Years Ago Portugal Decriminalized All Drugs. What Happened Next?

    By Tony O’Neill 07/13/11

    When the drug-drenched nation legalized all drugs within its borders, most critics predicted disaster. Instead drug use has plunged dramatically.”

    https://www.thefix.com/content/decrim-nation-portugal-ten-years-later

    Maybe America should do the same thing!

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Never mind drugs. When are we going to do something about comic books? There’s your real problem with today’s youths.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fredric_Wertham

    • The Wanderer

      And when is the Hays Office going to crack down on all that shameful modern-type dancing on the motion pictures?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        What we REALLY need to do is crack down on kids using bicycles to get around and get into trouble!

        • Blank Ron

          And have you seen what today’s young women wear? You can see their ANKLES!

        • The Wanderer

          And these new-fangled washing machines! I hear that women are using them to combat hysteria!

      • Toomush_Infer

        Texas tea!….and it rhymes with P, and it stands for Pool!…

        • Pickwicknext

          You got trouble, my friends. Right here in River City!

  • bozilingus

    I liked this version more…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyXFN4ocN_o

    • Mahousu

      Hey, that’s my wife’s old roommate! They never asked her to clean the kitchen again.

  • Iron Monkey

    No ad campaign, no amount of preaching and no stern admonitions are going to stop people from using drugs. It’s really simple–you get high and you feel good.You will never convince someone who has used (or is using) opioids that they are bad.

    • The Wanderer

      People who know me have realized that I have never needed drugs. I’m crazy enough already.
      Of course, I do like alcohol from time to time.

    • willi0000000

      it doesn’t even have to be a positive ‘feel-good’ . . . you’re a poor city kid stuck in an awful high school with no hope of climbing any social ladder . . . you do some heroin and suddenly you don’t care, all that just doesn’t matter.

      [ i’ve used opiates (mostly legally) and they don’t kill pain . . . they just make it so you don’t care that it hurts ]

  • CripesAmighty

    OT–Bernie shows up to support CWA strike against Verizon. They go nuts. Fuck yeah!

  • YourNameHere

    My best friend in high school used to smoke pot in front of her DARE essay award for irony.

    • The Wanderer

      Would that be like a girl using her Purity Ring as a clitoral piercing? Just asking.

      • Belasaurius

        I like your style

  • Belasaurius

    I learned it by watching you OK!!!

    • Toomush_Infer

      But if you had watched more carefully….

    • doktorzoom

      I learned it from OK Go!

      • bozilingus

        Soon you will be on the treadmill of dependency.

  • That’s all well and good, but when are they going to tackle the REAL issue facing kids these days: Buttchugging.

  • witsended

    I have already taken the trump do as I say not as I do pledge and think you lot of reprobates should as well .

    Presidential candidate Donald Trump has teens at his rally in Wasau, Wisconsin, pledge not to take drugs.

    http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/04/02/donald-trump-speaks-to-kids-about-drugs-sot.cnn

    • Blank Ron

      What sort of drugs would convince a teenager that going to a Drumpf rally was even a good idea?

      • Tallmutha

        Yeah, be careful, Don. Once they stop tweaking, they might stop coming to your rallies.

      • The Wanderer

        A smoked mixture of Turkish hashish, catnip and raw opium. So I’ve heard.

        • Hutch

          Meeeeeeeooooooowwwww.

          • The Wanderer

            It’s fun to watch the kitties get blitzed.

    • 100% dorky white kids. Whodathunkit?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Did they also pledge to save their virginity for the Russian Front?

  • JohnBull

    I remember those ads. Now I don’t eat eggs. Did they work?

    • Spotts1701

      Sure, because that just means more eggs for me.

      • SDGeoff

        Mmmm…eggs.
        Remember the little monologue Divine had in (I think) Pink Flamingos? “I looove eggs…I like em fried, I like ’em poached…”

    • Toomush_Infer

      Turns out, eggs aren’t that bad for you…

      • Hutch

        And the choline in the yolks is good for liver disease. Not that anyone here has to worry about that.

        • Blank Ron

          I’d think not. Isn’t alcohol a good disinfectant?

          • SpideySenser

            And preservative!

          • Jonny On Maui

            And solvent!

          • SpideySenser

            Yah, it solves everything.

          • SpideySenser

            Yah, it solves everything!

  • MrBlobfish

    Don’t say “No”. Ask “How Much?”

    • Pickwicknext

      But first ask “are you a cop?”

      • Tallmutha

        They’re like, totally not allowed to lie to you!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Teabagger fuckstick is a idiot. Film at 11.

    • The Wanderer

      In other news, the sky is blue.

  • Relativicus

    Hey, yeah, why do they, um, why do they call… why do they call it… wh- … what was I saying?

  • Meanwhile, LSD, Psiloscybin compounds, and the ganja are showing more and more evidence of actually being good for you when taken in moderation.

    Ron Johnson defines the word Regressive in a political context.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/04/01/lsd-could-make-you-smarter-happier-and-healthier-should-we-all-try-it/

    • Blank Ron

      And when do Americans EVER do anything in moderation?

      • Boscoe

        MODERATION IS FOR THE FRENCH!!!!1!!!!1!1

    • SDGeoff

      But we knew that.
      Didn’t we?

      • Blank Ron

        If we were told as kids that ‘drugs were good for us’ we’d be cleaner than Nancy Reagan’s most fervent dreams.

        • Pickwicknext

          Well, obviously! Those were covered is jizz

          Streak of being a terrible human continues

    • marxalot

      Psychotropics make me a healthier, saner, happier person. I book out 12 hours every 6 months or so (or try to) and take a nice vacation. Gets my head right.

    • Notreelyhelping
  • TheGrandWaz00

    Trickle down economics must surely be next for the Johnson.

    • SDGeoff

      Whose Johnson? Leave mine out of it!

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Hey, hire me to make PSAs.

    HI KIDDIES!

    It’s your old Uncle John with some important information all you hep young cats and chicks need to dig right now.

    Buddha Tahoe. Certified by MRX Labs. THC 22.29%, CBD .0. Kids, stay away from this stuff if you fear laughing yourself stupid and having the time of your life. WARNING: prolonged laughing can be hazardous to your ability not to make a fool of yourself in public.

    ?

    • Notreelyhelping

      And there’s equally ghastly menace to Galactic Jack. I’ve heard. Just sayin’….

    • Boscoe

      ZERO CBD? Sounds like mid-90’s paranoia fuel…

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        For me, it’s totally benign. Strange but true.

        • Boscoe

          Well, individual body chemistry *is* everything when it comes to herbz. ;)

          Here’s some science about pure THC vs. THC adulterated by CBD and other cannabinoids:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGr0ne9FHOM&nohtml5=False

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Where do I go to volunteer for this program?

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I think the first doctor really wanted a hit of that himself.

  • if russ feingold doesn’t crush this asshat in november i hope dragons lay waste to wisconsin.

    • The Wanderer

      I’ll get Ancalagon the Black on the horn.

    • malsperanza

      By November the GOP may not have left much for the dragons to decimate.

  • The Wanderer

    From Bored of the Rings:

    O uncool bush! Unloose this passel
    Of furry cats that you hassle!
    Tho’ by speed my brain’s destroyed
    I’m not half this paranoid!
    So cease this bummer, down this freak-out,
    Let caps and joints cause brains to leak-out!
    These cats are groovy here among us,
    So leave em be, you uptight fungus!

    **********************************

    Tim! Tim!
    Benzedrine!
    Hash! Boo! Valvoline!
    Clean! Clean! Clean for Gene!
    First, second, neutral, park,
    Hie thee hence, you leafy narc!

    • NerdWithNoName

      I don’t think I ever laughed so hard as I did at that book. The sex scene on the back cover was hilarious and it didn’t even appear in the actual book.

      • The Wanderer

        God yes. The hickey tree scene led me to tentacle hentai.

    • Biff52

      I laughed myself comatose over that book when it was new. When I rediscovered it many years later, it seemed pretty dumb. Probably because I wasn’t under the influence of anything anymore.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I forget – what’s the definition of insanity?

    • The Wanderer

      Doing the same thing repeatedly in hopes of a different result.

      • Toomush_Infer

        So what’s the definition of insanity?…

        • The Wanderer

          (snickersnort)

    • Pickwicknext

      Republicanism?

    • bobbert

      Ron Johnson?

  • MrBlobfish
    • Hutch

      Just the facts, Jack!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Uh, all this vomiting and so forth sounds like the first time I got roaring drunk when I was 15. Maybe someone slipped LSD into the beer keg.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Um…sure, that’s what caused that, for reals!

    • Sardonicuss

      Jack Webb what a douche! No wonder Rod Serling hated his guts.

    • Biff52

      LSD is da bomb? Yeah, I kinda remember it being pretty awesome.

  • Spotts1701

    We’re never going to be free of the 80’s, are we?

    • The Wanderer

      Sadly, no.

    • marxalot

      Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
      See my essay “My Life With Ronald Reagan.”
      I was born in 1986 for fuck’s sake.

      • The Wanderer

        (sigh) I are an Old.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Me too. My son was born a year before marxalot! I date back to the ragtag end of the Ike years.

        • Biff52

          I was just barely too young to vote against him for his re-election for governor of CA, as they changed the voting age from 21 to 18 when I was 19.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Believe me, you don’t want to remember the shitty grade Z movie star, who actually proposed a Star Wars “defense shield” on National TV. So far, it’s still in the distant future, and the “Star Wars” system is just an updated version of the old ABM bullets being shot at bullets idiocy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can you imagine the nostalgia for the TwentyTeens 30 years from now? “Sure, I remember that Drumpf asshole. What a clown!”

  • SDGeoff

    Those commercials were slightly breathtaking when they first came out, but they soon became targets of satire and late-night comedians. Even kids at school made fun of them. Occasionally they would introduce a new “brain” ad, and it would be lamer than the predecessor. Eventually, it all faded away.

    • Notreelyhelping

      The one with the comely woman smashing the kitchen was stone awesome.

      • SDGeoff

        That one took me by surprise. We used to reenact it when we were playing.

      • Zippy

        that was a young Rachael Leigh Cook. And yes, she looked hawt destroying her parent’s kitchen

        • yyyaz

          And I was thinking “WTF is wrong with this babe? Come over to my house and let’s talk this out, honey.”

          • Notreelyhelping

            This is your mind just before the DMT kicks in.

        • Biff52

          Who hasn’t done that, rather than wash the fucking dishes?

  • w9anthimos

    No, asshole, this is your mind on drugs.

    • Blank Ron

      And those drugs would be…? (Asking for a friend.)

    • yyyaz

      Cool. I used to have that poster on my wall, until it slowly melted down to the floor. Thanks, Led Zeppelin!

  • marxalot

    I remember the DARE program, just before Comrade Mom and Running Dad remanded me out of state education. You never saw so many 10-year-olds so interested in hard drugs.
    They demonstrated techniques, fer chrissakes. The education I got about intravenous from that cop probably led directly to selling Running Dad’s sharps (guaranteed sterile!) for pocket money in high school.
    WHAT.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Have they ever tried an ad with a bunch of old stoners sitting around?- that might scare the kids….and I’m available….

    • SDGeoff

      Scoot over, we’ll join you!

      • Blank Ron

        Wow, man, have you SEEN the pattern on this couch?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “So, like, the entire universe is in an atom on some giant’s fingernail. Wow!”

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Don’t look at the drapes!!!!!

          • Jonny On Maui

            You covered all the mirrors before we started, right?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Fuck! Wait… Don’t look at them!!!

        • malsperanza

          Seriously, though, man, Zeppelin could not hold a candle to Ten Years After. Seriously. I wrote an article about it for Esquire in 1983. Check it out.

    • yyyaz

      I’d be a bad “bad example.” I get pretty lively when I poke the smot these days.

  • Scooby

    Everything goes better with bacon!

    • Blank Ron

      I foresee a rash(er) of ‘Say No To Bacon’ ads any day now.

  • Pickwicknext

    True story: I am (shocikily) very square and have never used drugs. I have been offered them twice though. Once by the resident dealer on my floor when I lived in campus. The other, by my best friend’s hippie parents. That’s what their “root cellar” was for

  • Biff52

    “Moderate” risks? What’s the point?

    • Boscoe

      Maybe they mean that the same way they mean “moderate Republicans”…?

  • witsended

    Those old say no to drugs films have the production value of christian movies, when compared to the say yes ones.
    Satan has the best films.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fomWLkyO_SY

    • The Wanderer
    • Villago Delenda Est

      One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small
      And the ones that your mother give you don’t do anything at all…

    • theblackdog

      Wow, I had not seen the preview but now I want to see this movie

    • NerdWithNoName

      If that theater is not full of 65+ year old hippies then there is something seriously wrong with my generation!

      • witsended

        I believe Pink did the vocals.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        On 4/20, at 4:20, the local independent theater here is showing The Big Lebowski. I can’t wait! Squeeeeee!

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Just say blow.

    • SDGeoff

      Mmmm…blow.

  • edith prickly

    Don’t look now, there’s a monkey on your back! https://youtu.be/CHb2XYeXcJI

  • Proud Liberal

    I can see America doing this…. NOT:

    “If someone is found in the possession of less than a 10-day supply of anything from marijuana to heroin, he or she is sent to a three-person Commission for the Dissuasion of Drug Addiction, typically made up of a lawyer, a doctor and a social worker. The commission recommends treatment or a minor fine; otherwise, the person is sent off without any penalty. A vast majority of the time, there is no penalty.

    Fourteen years after decriminalization, Portugal has not been run into the ground by a nation of drug addicts. In fact, by many measures, it’s doing far better than it was before.”

    http://mic.com/articles/110344/14-years-after-portugal-decriminalized-all-drugs-here-s-what-s-happening#.hDVhHkPSg

    Criminalization of drugs funds the private prison industry. Can’t fix that!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Grifters gotta grift.

      • Jonny On Maui

        If it was grift I could live with that. This is the jailing of people for using a plant so others can profit. That’s almost as anti-human as you can get.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Psst! Education and rationing.

  • MrBlobfish

    What happened to all those crack babbies we were supposed to be terrified of? All grown up and voting Trump?

    • The Wanderer

      My brother and his wife adopted a child back in the early 90s (she couldn’t have children). The baby had been born with a crack habit from his birth parents. Thanks to the affection and attention they gave him, my nephew’s got a college degree and a job as a computer programmer.

      • JohnBull

        The world needs more stories like this.

        • Blank Ron

          The world is FULL of stories like this. But covering Drumpf speeches is, apparently, more important.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Stories like that cause people to change the channel, destroying all important ratings. They don’t change the channel on Drumpf rallies because they’re expecting cars to crash.

      • Proud Liberal

        That’s awesome! Congratulations to all of you! It is true, what the world needs now is love. Sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.

        • w9anthimos

          Well, we could use another mountain.

          • Blank Ron

            Put it over there by the credenza.

          • SmokScreen

            First there is no mountain then there is

    • edith prickly

      I don’t know, perhaps that was a manufactured crisis…?

    • Boscoe

      lol I remember back in the 80’s Pat Robertson was selling a glossy hardcover picture book of deformed fetuses that supposedly were all the result of WEED!!!!1! I guess the idea was to buy it and mentally scar your kids with it… FOR JESUS!!!

    • malsperanza

      They mostly turned out not to have permanent deficits. Cocaine is funny that way. Ditto all the brain damage and schizophrenia and suicide supposedly caused by LSD.

      Babies born with fetal alcohol syndrome, on the other hand …

  • chicken thief

    They get rid of drugs and jerking off then what are we supposed to do all day?!

    • Pickwicknext

      Sit quietly in the corner?

      • SmokScreen

        With your hands were we can see them

    • Blank Ron

      I’ll bet they think the only remaining option is ‘vote Republican.’

    • Nockular cavity

      Read your bible.

      • chicken thief

        Which would make me want to take drugs or jerk off depending on the passage.

        • Skadi

          They want you to skip that part about what Noah did after the flood.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Like they said in Silent Hill 3, that sounds like heaven… for castrated sheep, maybe.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Transfer that energy from beating off to beating up minoritahs.

  • Belasaurius

    ok I’m now seeing a lot of rehab for teenagers ads showing up in sidebars.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      How do they do that??

      • Belasaurius

        the ads or the rehab?

        • doktorzoom

          Magic! (for both)

          • Zippy

            I blame Amy Winehouse

            (too soon?)

          • ez

            Amy was an alcohol related overdose. Yeah, alcohol is a drug but drinking alcohol is what got her in the end. The coroner ruled ‘death by mis-adventure’- she had a nasty 0.416% alcohol content at the time of death. (about 5 times the drink driving limit in most of the US)

            Not too soon, but I still miss her and every trip up Camden way brings memories. If you get a chance check out the Documentary “Amy”, I get pissed off each time I see it.

          • Doug Langley
  • chimichanga

    …so we can sit around stoned and laugh. I like fried eggs. Add seasoning.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    After watching that monkey PSA I’m gonna need a few Percocet. Vibrating like Ted Cruz’s dildo over here.

    • doktorzoom

      You were warned!

      • OneWhiteWhisker

        I know, but I’m a moderate risk taker.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Kids these days…

          • Hardly Ideal

            And all the days prior, really.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The war on poverty was a complete failure because there are still poor people, but war on drugs needs to be intensified because there are still drug users. Got it.

  • Nockular cavity

    Umm, actually, this is your mind on drugs:

    • Sardonicuss

      That was a great article, but I don’t think I could have handled tripping my nuts off inside a giant, donut shaped magnet for very long.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Would it help if the doctors played side 2 of Dark Side of the Moon for you?

        • Zippy

          gonna take more than one album side if the acid is any good…

        • Sardonicuss

          It would have been interesting to see the notes, or have transcripts of the test subjects. I wonder if they could “see” the magnetic fields being generated ect….and they actually injected the dosage. Must have been instantaneous wall melting.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Yee fuckin haw!

    • Hardly Ideal

      Whenever I hear someone say “Humans use only 10% of their brains,” it makes me spit. 1) We actually use more like 30-40% when we do things, and 2) we actually do use 100% of our brains sometimes. It’s called a seizure! :D

      • NoGoodnik

        in reality, we use 100% of our brain all the time. Some parts are more active than others depending on what you’re doing, but it is all going all of the time. A seizure is when all the neurons fire at once in an area of the brain. It doesn’t have to involve the whole brain. In fact, if it involves the brain stem, you die.

    • Tobias B. Santa

      Ok. So you’re saying that I should add food die to my eggs then?

  • Blank Ron

    BTW, Dok, that ‘You want hash brownies with that?’ is perfect. Bravissimo.

  • Mildred Broxon

    I remember reading a book about drugs when I was a teenager. Made me very curious about heroin. Fortunately I’m phobic about needles, so nothing came of it.

  • bozilingus

    Is Toad Licking still a thing?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IzWBMIq9ko

    • The Wanderer

      Yes, toad licking’s still a thing in certain parts of Florida. Years ago we had kids in a few neighborhoods stealing Freon from air conditioners and huffing it to get high.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Johnson knows those eggs are fried, not scrambled, right? Shit, I hadn’t seen that ad in years and even I remembered it better than this idiot — he’s probably high as a fuckin’ kite right now.

  • dshwa

    I want to bring back those ads just so when I reference them at the hospital I work at the under 25 year olds stop giving me blank stares.

  • Zippy

    As I remember, Nancy’s ‘Just say no’ campaign inspired all sorts of bumper stickers on Dead tour, including ‘Just say know’, ‘Just say N20’, ‘Only users lose drugs’ and the classic ‘Reality is just a crutch for those who can’t handle drugs’

    • yyyaz

      Beat me to it. IIRC it was “NO2” for nitrous.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Which, by the way, is fun for a little while.

        • Markuserektus

          …and makes cars go really fast.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            makes them funner. FIFY

    • gedjcj

      Oh man, did you tour? I saw them a few times and it was an experience no recording could capture.

      True story: On the way home from seeing Dylan and the Dead (shut up, it was awesome!) in Eugene I pulled in to a truck stop. I was wearing a tie dyed silk head scarf that hung down to near my waist while my friend sported a concert tee. As I was perusing the wall mounted menu my buddy nudged me and I looked around to see the thirty-odd redneck truckers in the place staring at us. I splayed my hands and said, “What? You’ve never seen a hippy before?”

      About half of them laughed, the rest went back to their meals and one bought us beers.

      • Zippy

        I didn’t really tour, except for a couple short stints on a leg of a tour when I could afford the extended time away from home. I did manage to see a whole bunch of shows during the 80’s and early 90’s though, including those Dead and Dylan shows (which I really enjoyed)

      • NoGoodnik

        I once wrote a NIH proposal to follow the Dead and do HIV testing at the concerts. It was turned down.

        • gedjcj

          Your NIH evaluators were probably deadheads, we understood safe sex.

    • handyhippie65

      i had that last one on my truck. along with one that said mean people suck, next to one that said nice people swallow. ahh, the 80’s…

  • chascates

    “These are your tax dollars.”

    “These are your tax dollars being wasted”.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Like they said on Bullshit! about abstinence-only education sessions: Remember, they only had a billion dollars to work with in making this.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Johnson has learned some truths about drug addictions and the need for complex treatment strategies the same way all Republicans ever learn anything that might be antithetical to their narrow world view: One of his own family members experiences the affliction, and needs more than platitudes to help overcome it. See Dick Cheney, Rob Portman, et al.

  • I know those annoying Truth anti-smoking ads just make me want to start smoking again for the first time in twelve years.

  • Skadi

    So far, I’m still the only teenager I know who ever decided not to use drugs as a teen based on anti-drug education. Because there were squares, and then there were squares cubed, and then there was me.

    • HazooToo

      My Dad is an alcoholic (currently not drinking). That’s what made me decide. The ads and school DARE visits really only showed me what drugs looked like and made me hope someone would ask me to take drugs so that I could tell them no. But then, I didn’t actually have any friends, soooo… never really had to worry about it.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I didn’t do any drugs until it was right and proper, in collage.
        It was not the ads though, it was more a combo of being too busy, and not having access, if I am being honest with myself.
        The commercials made me larf though. “I learned it from watching you!!!!!” was something I flung into my parents’ face once or a dozen times when called on some breakage of rules.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I had a mild Epiphany the first time I took Vicodin. I needed 2 root canals and had to wait a week for an appointment, and the pain was excruciating, so my dentist gave me a lot of Vicodin. This was 11 years ago, before the new legislation, of course. Anyway, I did experience a very intense euphoria, which no drug had ever caused before. And then I thought “I’ve felt this feeling before, but without drugs.” I can achieve intense euphoria naturally just by reading a good book or watching a gorgeous sunset or standing in front of Stonehenge or playing with a litter of kittens or fantasizing about Harrison Ford. My next thought was “maybe a lot of people never felt euphoria naturally, and the first time they felt it was the first time they took some drug, so naturally they liked it and got hooked.”

    Which led me to the question – why can’t some people achieve a state of euphoria without drugs? I think the answer must be very complicated, and outside my field of expertise.

    • Gary Charound

      You know what’s awesome? Watching a sunset at Stonehenge with Harrison Ford and kittens, when you’re high. Also books.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Totally awesome. I got to see a sunset at Stonehenge once (also a rainbow, which is more than awesome), but no kittens and no Ford and no “high”. If I had added kittens and Ford and “high”, I probably would have OD’d. But what a way to die!

        Hey, this gives me an idea for a Suicide Plan in a few years when I am in so much pain that I can’t stand it anymore and no doctor will give me pain killers. A one-way ticket to England, some weed, Jane Austen, some kittens, and a photo of Harrison Ford naked. Brilliant idea, thanks!

        I use this photo for my computer’s wallpaper. Gives me euphoria every time I look at it.
        http://www.highreshdwallpapers.com/stonehenge-wallpaper/

        • Jonny On Maui

          I wish with all my heart that you receive any meds you need for pain management. I hope we’re out of the dark ages by then for you and all pain sufferers…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thank you. It seems unlikely to happen any time soon. It will probably require a Supreme Court decision after several people die in some flamboyant way that generates media interest and a lawsuit or two. One COULD make a case that the latest Schedule II drug legislation violates the 8th Amendment against “cruel and unusual punishment.” It’s a stretch, but it’s an option, among others. I would be willing to file such a lawsuit if I could find a lawyer who would take the case, but I can’t because I have no money. The ACLU does not seem to be interested – they are busy with separation of Church and State right now. This preoccupation on their part is unlikely to end in the near future.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          There’s a lil book I picked up at our local library called Jane Austin ruined my life. It was funny, and as a fan of Jane, I recommend it (spoiler alert; the title is more tongue-in-cheek).

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’ll check it out, (pun intended) thanks.

        • MausFeet

          That is beautiful but also is not a naked Harrison Ford and now I’m so disappointed. I hope you continue to get all the pain meds you need to manage it, I continue to be enraged on the behalf of those with chronic pain, because man we’re bad at actually helping those who have it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Not naked, but close. I could photoshop the two together.

          • MausFeet

            Ahh, I haven’t see that in ages, and I really, really needed it today, so Thank You So Very Much, Ruzzo. :)

          • MausFeet

            I am sure I’ve seen this before, but I very much needed this today. It was a long one. Thanks kindly, Ruzzo!

    • Hardly Ideal

      I always felt a bit awkward when it came to youth drug use. I remember seeing all the “Say No to Drugs” stuff and basically responding “Okay, I won’t, can I go play Chrono Trigger now? I’m twelve years old!” I guess I was sufficiently occupied or something to never have an interest in anything outside of the glory that is the Super Nintendo. As Hunter S Thompson almost said, “I hate to advocate games, anime, pretend swordfights, or nerdiness to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

      I should be glad, but now I worry I’m absolutely ill-equipped for raising my baby boy into an eventual teenager. Like, where did I go so horribly right?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I guess we all pick our own form of euphoria. You happened to pick one that didn’t involve drugs. You can work at encouraging your son to do the same. Start now.

        My parents encouraged their children to explore every interest and activity that they could afford to give us, such as ballet, Little League, piano, violin, trombone, public speaking, books, drama, science, flying, skating, carpentry, travel. They kept giving us opportunities until we found a few that absorbed us because we were good at them. Nothing constructive was forbidden, as long as it wasn’t out of their budget, and if it was out of their budget, we got a job to pay for it (e.g., flying lessons). I think this parental attitude helps a lot.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I achieved a state of euphoria when after 8 hours of labor pains 1-1/2 minutes apart I got an epidural.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        And then you got a baby, too, I hope. Babies give me euphoria – probably because I get to give them back to the parents when they get fussy and I don’t have to miss sleep when they are teething or have ear infections (they seem to get those a lot!).

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I kept mine.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good for you. When I was in my 20’s, and all my friends were having babies, I used to babysit free for them. I got 4 hours of euphoria, and they got free first-class babysitting, and the babies had a great time too, so we all won. I miss those days.

    • Mintie

      The actual neuro-chemical side of addiction is extremely interesting. The psychological side is extremely upsetting.

  • OneYieldRegular

    About the time these ads came out, I was involved in a substance abuse research project in which a new version of the PET scan was being used to look at crack cocaine abusers’ brains. One such image showed the brain of a long-time abuser crumpled up inside the skull like a wad of notebook paper. Now that is your brain on serious drugs, and if confidentiality concerns wouldn’t have gotten the way, that’s the image that should have been running in these ads.

    • laineypc

      There’s also the meth face we see a lot around the internet, the pretty young ladies decaying before our eyes…

  • borninatrailer

    Wait.. Dr Zoom was a kid in the 70s? I’m not sure the math checks out.

    Only one way to find out. Cut him open, count the rings.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      A lot of us was. Frodo buggered off after bogarting the rings.

    • handyhippie65

      what, you weren’t? i ‘member carrying a flag as a boy scout in the bicentennial parade, we followed the shriners. never follow the mizpah horse troop.

      • borninatrailer

        I was! I just thought Dok was.. older (sorry Dok).

  • Biff52

    When I was a ute, this sign was deemed necessary in Golden Gate Park:

    • TheBidenator

      Damn communists and their sharing….ur doing it rong, hippies!

    • Mintie

      Wow. That’s just–whoever did that are assoles. Those poor bison. And bystanders who had to deal with the balls-tripping bison.

  • Markuserektus

    https://youtu.be/CRm1yqSmsGY

    Then there’s Cali…

  • TheBidenator

    I’ve written it before and it seems so appropriate now: Republicans are always proposing to do the very least constructive solution possible to complex issues. Then people wonder why the problems don’t actually get better but instead get worse- it’s the definition of only doing something to make yourself feel good. Ya know, that sneer wingnuts use against liberals….

    • willi0000000

      . . . but it dovetails so nicely with their policy of “if it can’t solve the entire problem, and wax the floor too, we’ll do nothing”

      [ this message brought to you by the NRA and Big Crime™* ]

      * note: Big Crime™ would like to inform you that it is not a wholly-owned subsidiary of the NRA, unlike Big Terror™

  • guppy06

    there was a fairly impressive display of stunt flying in a small
    helicopter, and then the show ended with the plucky helicopter rounding
    up some “drug smugglers” and doing a fly-by with a banner reading “SAY
    NO TO DRUGS.” I immediately decided to kick my heroin habit.

    And then you realized you were actually in your living room, and that most airshows don’t actually include Mothra or UFO’s, and immediately kicked your LSD habit.

    • handyhippie65

      fuck that. i’d go get some more of that batch. it was a good one.

  • guppy06

    Coming of age in the 90’s, I prefer my PSA’s with more violence.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyXFN4ocN_o

  • Mirful

    “Just Say No” is the most profoundly abysmal misunderstanding of addiction ever.
    If alcoholics and addicts could say no they wouldn’t need to say no.

  • NoGoodnik

    So that’s where Boehner got his monkey.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    To bring Ted Cruz back into the discussion, shouldn’t he have run a series of PSA’s saying, “This is your vagina. This is your vagina on a dildo. Any questions?”

    EDIT: Also would work for Sybians and rabbits.

    • NoGoodnik

      I think I saw that movie on xHamster. I am still having nightmares of seeing Lyin’ Ted juxtaposed with a vagina. I can still hear his high pitched squeaky sneery voice saying, “This is your [long dramatic pause] va-GI-na. [longer dramaticer pause] And this [not as long and not as dramatic pause as he pulls out the dildo hands quivering] vagina [another not as long not as dramatic pause but he does tilt his head forward in that frightening way of his] on a [short dramatic pause] dil-DO! [he drools slightly as he slides it clumsily in].

      I think I’ll go clean my ears with my Black and Decker drill, now.

  • whitroth

    They missed the other obvious result of the anti-drug ads, and the hysterical news stories (“He dropped acid and jumped out a window! He dropped acid, and stared at the sun till he went blind” – actual news stories, later proven to be bullshit).

    The result is that everyone knows how much of that is bullshit… and so they ignore the *actual* dangers of, say, animal tranquillizer, or rat poison…..

    mark “did I mention disbelief in the Authorities?”

  • Ionlylikecats

    Anti-drug ads: don’t work, clear education on drug use: actually does work (at least sort of), giving people (especially teenagers) other things to do: works pretty well (although there will always be people who’ll experiment). Create a good society, fund your youth, folks.

    Also, can we stop acting like drugs are inherently evil and anyone who tries them is a monster, accept that some people will use drugs and help people who do get addicted get comprehensive treatment for both the addiction and the underlying problems? I would thank you on my younger sister’s behalf.

  • boll ocks

    Right-wing fundamentalism is a hell of a drug. It’s worse than a heroin-cocaine highball taken rectally.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Are those “your brain on drugs” PSAs anti-drug messages or commercials for excellent munchies? I mean, c’mon. BACON.

  • clever_sobriquet

    I’d like 2 brains over easy, hash browns, and wry toast.

  • Damian L

    It’s as if our elections have turned into a contest of who can elect the dumbest persons possible to be our “representatives”

  • mtn_philosoph

    For 25 years, the Democratic caucus in Congress has counted Bernie Sanders as one of their own in order to calculate its strength as either the majority or the minority. When they were in the majority the Democrats awarded committee assignments to Sanders as a member of their caucus. And he has voted with the Democrats throughout his career. So why the hell should anyone question his right to run as a Democrat in this year’s Presidential primaries? In what bizarro world isn’t Bernie Sanders eligible to run as a Democrat?

  • CATMAN

    Unfortunately, Senator Johnson can’t blame drugs for being stupid–he got that way the old fashioned way–heredity. He also achieved his business success the old fashioned way: he married the bosses’ daughter

  • Bill Slider

    Ted Cruz and his father should do a public service announcement on the evils of drugs, with a cameo by the Reagan children. That should do it.

  • E.A. Blair

    Russ Feingold is going to take his senate seat back from Johnson this fall. His days are numbered.

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