America’s senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the “religious freedom” of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians to discriminate against gay people, due to how big bidness interests like Disney and the $1.7 billion per year film and TV industry in Georgia were threatening to pull their big bidness out of the state if it became law.
Know who ELSE was mad and sayin’ threatenin’ fightin’ words at the Georgia state government? The NFL was! Like, the thing with the men who push and shove and hump each other all GRRRR-like, very heterosexually! Well, the humpy shovey pushy organization said, “You know that BIG event we have called the Super Bowl? We might not have it in Georgia if you pass this dumb fucking bill, because we believe in EQUALITY in humpy shovey pushy.” (Not a direct quote.)
But why would these big burly heterosexual men with their heaving nipples and their sweaty ass cracks even care about some queersexual bill? That is what Pat Robertson wants to know:
You know, you just ask yourself, these guys are supposed to be tough warriors in the NFL. Why are they suddenly going out to boycott a state because of some alleged offense against homosexual marriage? I mean, these NFL players are not gonna get a same-sex marriage, you wouldn’t think. And what is going on with these people?
Well! Listen, gramps, we actually have had one out gay homosexual NFL player, and there are always other rumors of gay players just waiting for the right moment to declare that where they really like to make touchdowns is in the butt. So in all likelihood, at some point in the very near future, some of these “tough warriors” are going to want to marry other “tough warriors,” or maybe they will marry Brandon the florist.
We can only imagine the confusion in Pat’s brain, over how the masculine men he loves to watch cup each other’s low-hangers on the field every Sunday might fondle each other’s baskets off the field too. His confusion makes us LOL, for real.
But we also must reiterate, for the slow learners out there, that these kinds of laws are really bad for businesses who want to attract the best and brightest employees (many of whom are Teh Gay) or sell their products to people with lots of disposable income (ahem!). So unless you’re Lurlene’s Jesus-Lickin’ Good Fag-Hatin’ Cupcake Stand what only sells to other Jesus-Lickin’ Good Fag Haters, if you have a company, you probably don’t want your state discriminating against people.
Pat is still for confused:
Now suddenly it has become the big deal, and big companies boycotting a state because they have passed a law saying people should not be discriminated against because they believe in God. I mean, what kind of a boycott is that? It’s ridiculous.
That’s right. HB 757 is a fucking nondiscrimination ordinance to protect the poor, put-upon 88% of Georgians who are either real sure or pretty sure they believe in God. That’s what it’s about. Oh, what great tyranny hath been visited upon them by the other 12%, who are all gay god-haters we guess. Fundamentalist Christians sure do live all the way up their own assholes, don’t they?
But Pat’s confusion could be vindicated in the long run! Just after Gov. Deal announced his veto, some Republican Georgia lawmakers immediately said they were calling for a special session to override that veto, so that the upcoming holocaust of Christians might be canceled or whatever. Will they be able to gather enough support — three-fifths of the Georgia house and senate must agree this is an “emergency” and vote to come back into session — to save Georgia from the homosexuals? Maybe! Or will Atlanta go down in flames again, just like in Gone With The Wind, but even gayer?
Just kidding, there is nothing gayer than Gone With The Wind.