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Oh Pat.
Oh Pat.

America’s senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the “religious freedom” of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians to discriminate against gay people, due to how big bidness interests like Disney and the $1.7 billion per year film and TV industry in Georgia were threatening to pull their big bidness out of the state if it became law.

Know who ELSE was mad and sayin’ threatenin’ fightin’ words at the Georgia state government? The NFL was! Like, the thing with the men who push and shove and hump each other all GRRRR-like, very heterosexually! Well, the humpy shovey pushy organization said, “You know that BIG event we have called the Super Bowl? We might not have it in Georgia if you pass this dumb fucking bill, because we believe in EQUALITY in humpy shovey pushy.” (Not a direct quote.)

But why would these big burly heterosexual men with their heaving nipples and their sweaty ass cracks even care about some queersexual bill? That is what Pat Robertson wants to know:

You know, you just ask yourself, these guys are supposed to be tough warriors in the NFL. Why are they suddenly going out to boycott a state because of some alleged offense against homosexual marriage? I mean, these NFL players are not gonna get a same-sex marriage, you wouldn’t think. And what is going on with these people?

Well! Listen, gramps, we actually have had one out gay homosexual NFL player, and there are always other rumors of gay players just waiting for the right moment to declare that where they really like to make touchdowns is in the butt. So in all likelihood, at some point in the very near future, some of these “tough warriors” are going to want to marry other “tough warriors,” or maybe they will marry Brandon the florist.

We can only imagine the confusion in Pat’s brain, over how the masculine men he loves to watch cup each other’s low-hangers on the field every Sunday might fondle each other’s baskets off the field too. His confusion makes us LOL, for real.

But we also must reiterate, for the slow learners out there, that these kinds of laws are really bad for businesses who want to attract the best and brightest employees (many of whom are Teh Gay) or sell their products to people with lots of disposable income (ahem!). So unless you’re Lurlene’s Jesus-Lickin’ Good Fag-Hatin’ Cupcake Stand what only sells to other Jesus-Lickin’ Good Fag Haters, if you have a company, you probably don’t want your state discriminating against people.

Pat is still for confused:

Now suddenly it has become the big deal, and big companies boycotting a state because they have passed a law saying people should not be discriminated against because they believe in God. I mean, what kind of a boycott is that? It’s ridiculous.

That’s right. HB 757 is a fucking nondiscrimination ordinance to protect the poor, put-upon 88% of Georgians who are either real sure or pretty sure they believe in God. That’s what it’s about. Oh, what great tyranny hath been visited upon them by the other 12%, who are all gay god-haters we guess. Fundamentalist Christians sure do live all the way up their own assholes, don’t they?

But Pat’s confusion could be vindicated in the long run! Just after Gov. Deal announced his veto, some Republican Georgia lawmakers immediately said they were calling for a special session to override that veto, so that the upcoming holocaust of Christians might be canceled or whatever. Will they be able to gather enough support — three-fifths of the Georgia house and senate must agree this is an “emergency” and vote to come back into session — to save Georgia from the homosexuals? Maybe! Or will Atlanta go down in flames again, just like in Gone With The Wind, but even gayer?

Just kidding, there is nothing gayer than Gone With The Wind.

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • Logic of Color

    Because life is a cartoon and all gays are effeminate pansies. Gotcha.

  • dslindc

    Something tells me the 21st century will be so much more confuse for Pat. Maybe he needs to retire so he won’t have to cope with it anymore.

  • Why does Pat Robertson continue to infest the planet is what I want to know.
    ~

    • Nobody wants him in the afterlife.

      • Blank Ron

        First thing God and Satan have agreed on in a LONG time.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Pat lives in his own little world.

    As long as I can remember there have been rumours of gay players and admissions by former players. Decades and decades of that, and Pat didn’t notice.

    Not surprised.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Nuh uuuuuuhhhh!!!! But those NFL players always have such hot wives, right????

    • DemmeFatale

      He probably thought that Liberace could never find the right girl.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        My father always admired Liberace because he was so nice to his mother.

  • onedollarjuana

    For someone who purports to love Heaven so much he sure seems to be avoiding it.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    This pretty much sums up my attitude on Pat and his hypocrisy:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A1x5F5v-yU

  • psychobroad

    God I hate everything. Can we have some kittens, or new pix of Donna Rose please?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Puppies okay?

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Statistically speaking, at least one of those puppies is probably gay.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          I have love enough for gay puppies.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Madam, statistics do not apply to the State of Georgia.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Too many syllables!

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Also not taught in school by the age most of these fucks drop out.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            “Naw Mert, y’all don’t need no book lernin’ at da hog farm.”

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Ya jis gotta be smarter then the hogs, Mert.

          • ken_kukec

            True, on average.

        • Tallmutha

          God must love gay puppies–He made so many of them.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Puppies are *always* okay.

      • YourNameHere

        I will take three of these please.

      • I just finished cleaning up the fuzzy pillow that George stalked, killed, and tore to bits. He did that while I was fixing the screen door where he pushed part of the screen out its frame. I think I’ve had quite enough of puppies for today thanks. Aw, who am I kidding. In 5 minutes he will come over, put his head on my lap, and all will be forgiven.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          You know the drill: pics or GTFO

          (mostly because I want to see more puppy pictures)

      • deanbooth

        I feel mislead!

      • eggsacklywright

        I’m almost as old as Pat, but I do remember tits.

    • Lizzietish81
      • ButchWagstaff

        Post Modern Jukebox is why God meant for us to have the Internets…

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Amen!

    • psychobroad

      Thanks for being so nice, y’all. Sometimes it’s tough to be from/live in GA!

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        We’re here to help!

  • Jack_Carter_USA

    Well gee, Pat, maybe companies have a problem with their employees being told they’re not welcome in Georgia because some people think a book written thousands of years ago which loves slavery and executing kids for talking back and killing people for what their ancestors did is 100% applicable today because it says what they want to hear in that gay people are icky.

    • PubOption

      I’m sure that Delta Airlines has a lot of gay staff who might not want to live in Atlanta if other states are more welcoming.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    A few thoughtful responses to poor ol’ confused Pat:
    1) There can and are gay men that are every bit as hardcore macho as their straight counterparts. Just like there are straight men that are not the outdoorsy, hard-hat types. Certainly, this is true for women as well. Ruggedness, like sexuality, is found in a broad spectrum.
    2) Why is this so important to you? Does it affect you or your relationship with your deity in any way shape or form? It doesn’t, but I’m just asking the question so you’ll be able to honestly assess your motivations.
    3) Maybe, given your advancing age, you should be more concerned with your own salvation rather than what other people are doing. I’m pretty sure Jesus wasn’t quoted saying “blessed are the super-judgemental, they shall inherit all the jellybeans.”

    • glasspusher

      Very well said. In regards to #3- my octogenarian mother mentioned it’s “the act” that bothers her, to which I replied “what is it your business?”. On the flip side, when my son, then about 10, watched the “Tom Cruise/Fudge Packer” episode of South Park and got told by mom what “Fudge Packer” meant and was bothered by it, one of my Great Moments in Parenting™ was to tell him “there’s no poop in a butt unless you’re pooping”. I figured I’d save telling him that half of his DNA came out of my penis for a later date…

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        YEAH, LIBTARD, BUT IT DIDN'[T GO IN NO MAN’S BUTTH0LE, NOW DID IT???/??1

        HENGH?

      • If the act bothers, don’t do it. It really is that simple.

        • Tallmutha

          BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!

        • Thaumaturgist

          If guilt is collective, and not individual, then the whole country is going to be punished for whatever the country permits.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Pat’s theology skews into nationalizing, a theological fallacy where interpreters see the US as being a second Jerusalem and therefore all the covenants and Levitical laws still apply. So to answer your second question, I think he genuinely believes that God will smite the US for violating the Old Covenant; ironically, he’s probably wearing a mixed-fiber suit and has eaten pork or shellfish recently.

    • nmmagyar

      In this day and age how the fuck have these morons not seen pictures from Folsom? If you still think all gay men are limp wristed after seeing a man walk away, smiling, no less, from a 45 minute flogging you are deliberate in your ignorance.

  • Antimassacree

    Time to ship Pat to the Home for the Permanently Bewildered.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I was gonna say put him on a disused garbage scow and leave it adrift in the Atlantic. We can rechristen it “The Nation of Pat”.

    • Tansy Geek

      He can annoy David Brooks by giving him advice on where to get demon-free sweaters.

    • JustPixelz

      Fox News?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Yeah! Then he and Rupert can gloat to each other over how many hips and organs they’ve had to replace.

  • deanbooth

    Didn’t these guys also pass a bill outlawing migrant workers, resulting in fields of rotting, unpicked produce? Reap what you sow, mofos!

    • glasspusher

      This may be one of the few cases that morons didn’t reap anything due to their own stupidity. Pushing the envelope!

    • kev

      thought that was alabamastan just next door.

      • cynmac

        Georgia did it too.

      • deanbooth

        Fiat borders!

    • nmmagyar

      Yup. Peaches rotting on the tress did obscene things to the price nation wide.

  • beatbort

    Pat Roberson still has some lingering questions about his own sexuality, apparently.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I’ll bet that he’s a massive Jimmy Saville-esque sexual predator, and the moment he croaks all his dirty secrets will be exposed.

      • beatbort

        Let’s hope this is true, and the ensuing lawsuits bankrupt the PTL Club or whatever the fuck his little grift network is called.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          The sad part is he can be outed as a total monster and his organization will cry crocodile tears, and make vague insincere apologies and claim that they’ve asked God for forgiveness and then all the issues vanish and the grift keeps on flowing.
          Sickening.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Some guys have been running that scam out of Rome for centuries. They make the Mafia look noble.

      • ken_kukec

        Always been a sucker for a story with a happy ending. Let’s get this denouement started!

    • Tansy Geek

      I think poor Uncle Pat is so far gone, every time he pees he rediscovers his little trouser Jesus.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Gone With The Wind: A Shart Story.

    • The Wanderer

      That would be the German version.

  • Lizzietish81

    Atlanta will be FLAMING!

    • Pickwicknext

      Like Cleaveland will be this summer or the other kind?

      • Maybe both. How is your hand doing?

        • Pickwicknext

          Better! One of the nurses i work with taught me how to dress it properly and gave me some good medical dressing stuff. Will be wearing gloves and finger condoms for a while (shockingly cutting a 1/4″ chunk out of my finger has revealed that I am not a mutant with rapid healing). Thanks for checking!

          • Wow, that is quite a cut. Glad that you are on the healing track, though.

    • NoGoodnik

      It wasn’t called Hotlanta for nuthin!

  • beatbort

    Pat spends most of his day clicking on links that say things like “Amazingly Dirty Photos” and “You Won’t Believe What Wal Mart Cameras Captured.”

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      And checking all the raw film from the toilet cameras in every bathroom in the 700 Club’s HQ.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        And when you say raw…

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Multiple ways…

        • eggsacklywright

          Rah! Rah! Rah! That’s the spirit!

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Gol-ly Mudhead!

    • beingreleased

      Those ads make your Wonkette possible. You should be clicking more often.

    • Relativicus

      No. Way.

      • Michelle Singleton

        I only logged into Disqus to say thank you. I needed this eye-candy this morning. He’s my favorite Vamp and soon to be favorite Tarzan.

  • schmannity

    You’ll always have Mississippi, Pat.

  • Ricky Gay

    No wonder Pat has confuse!

    • NoGoodnik

      The gay agenda… first they start with a “happy” taste of squirt and then you’re joining squirt for non-stop hookups. I guess the little squirt is all growed up.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    ‘Casablanca’ is gayer than GWTW.

    • therblig

      i’m shocked, shocked to find out there’s gamboling going on here…

    • ‘The Maltese Falcon’ beat ’em both by (Sam) Spades.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGuNGXmQZSE

      • jmk

        The offspring and I recently went to the 75th anniversary release of The Maltese Falcon. It was awesome watching it on the big screen. The offspring was surprised by how overt the references to homosexuality were, and even more surprised when I told him it was even clearer in the novel. He just assumed that everyone just pretended it didn’t exist.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Quen es más Gay?

    • ken_kukec

      “Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Spoken as two bachelors head off together to join all the other bachelors in Brazzaville, What gay subtext?

      • therblig

        it’s the accent, he said “BrazzersVille”.

    • nmmagyar

      “All About Eve” is the queen of gay movies

  • The Wanderer

    Based on Robertson’s expression, I don’t think his trouser mouse has worked since Y2K.
    And of course the NFL’s all about Teh Ghey! All those tight ends and wide receivers? The teams going into a cuddle – er, huddle? And who REALLY knows what’s being touched in that pile?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    That’s fascinating because I think the implication is that manliness (of a certain type) is inherently incompatible with being OK with gay people.* I’ve suspected it all along, but it’s interesting to have confirmation.

    *But in some ways what’s really fascinating is that the players themselves don’t need to be particularly gay-friendly at all (and probably aren’t, not unanimously), and the fact that the NFL has a policy against discrimination doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, so even what could be a marginally pro-gay stance that may not have huge effect in the lives of very many people is still way too much.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I agree. I think the height of masculinity is simply being aware of and comfortable with yourself. Inward honesty and respect begets outward honesty and respect.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A few years back, one of the San Francisco 49ers mouthed off about The Gays. His teammates came down on him like the rent. Hard to tell if they were genuinely offended, or simply astute enough about their public image (helloooo, Castro St.!) that they understood this shit doesn’t fly anymore. I dunno…it’s a start.

      • nmmagyar

        Didn’t that remark set off a campaign by other players making “It Gets Better” videos?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I don’t know. I’d like to think so.

  • JustPixelz

    “they have passed a law saying people should not be discriminated against because they believe in God”

    Try this one on for size Pat: “they have passed a law saying people should not be discriminated against because they believe in God

  • Rick Hill

    I really don’t think anyone thinks about gay sex more than these folks. And, since a lot of gay guys are guys, that’s sayin something

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      You know who else had a raging boner for the gays?

      • James Franco?

        • YourNameHere

          Seth Rogan.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I see a pattern here…

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Ernst Rohm?

      • Relativicus

        A bird? No, a plane! No, it’s…

      • BigBoppa

        Former Senator Larry Craig (R-Wide Standinavia)?

      • Pickwicknext

        Other gheys?

      • The Wanderer

        Alexander the Mediocre?

        • John Smith

          Alexander the Faaabulous!

  • Pickwicknext

    Why do these people hate buttsex so much? Have they not tried it? It is a fun sex type.

    • NoGoodnik

      Mayhaps that is the problem… they have tried it and liked it a little too much.

    • The Wanderer

      I give you Otis Horsley: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neal_Horsley#Bestiality

      I think they hate the buttsex because it reminds them of what they do to horses, cows and goats.

      • nmmagyar

        That man had the most unfortunate (or bestest) last name in the history of ever.

  • The local news in Georgia was resplendent with mentally challenged peckerwoods screaming stuff like “Jaw-juh’s gonna burn in HELLFAR!!!” at nervous local reporters.

    With slime-trailing mollusks like Robertson urging them on the legislature just might actually override the governor’s veto, forever dashing my friend Brandy’s dream of being a zombie extra on The Walking Dead.

    • LadyLaz

      I know someone who got to be a zombie. She’d play clips of it to anyone who’d watch.

  • YourNameHere

    Can someone find PJ O’Rourke’s write up of football and latent homosexuality that was published in National Lampoon’s in maybe the 70s? That was the best review of this I’ve ever laughed myself sick over.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      45 years ago. When he was funny?

      • YourNameHere

        Back when he was still on drugs so yes!

    • Comedian Doug Stanhope also did a bit on the homoeroticism (sp?) of football.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I like to point out to my football watchin hubby allllllll the homoerotic things the announcers say. He gives me side eye for my trouble, but hey, if I gotta watch football….

  • NoGoodnik

    If we were discriminating against Christians, we would be refusing them services. The idea that religious freedom allows you to enter the community market place and refuse services to a group of people is almost as good Orwellian double-speak as the second amendment creating a right for a disorganized and deranged citizenry to own whatever firearm they please.

    • nmmagyar

      They learned that lesson well with “Death Panels”

  • JustPixelz

    The NFL knows a would-be Georgia Superbowl would face advertising and viewer boycotts. Most businesses fight hard for a single percentage point of their market and are not about to push away the 99% of Americans* who are LGBT.
    ________________________________
    * possibly inaccurate but we are in the post-factual era so fuck it.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Oh yeah. I don’t chalk a single thing any national sports organization does up to good will or charitable beliefs. It’s all a dog-and-pony show to bilk viewers.

    • nmmagyar

      A boycott of the halftime show by gay/gay friendly artists and viewers would destroy the ratings, and they know it. No one on earth would deliberately tune in to watch Ted “Baby Fucker”* Nugent.

      *Allegedly

    • DemmeFatale

      Whatever works!

  • Relativicus

    Nothing gayer than “Gone With the Wind”? In a world without “The Wizard of Oz,” “Moulin Rouge,” or anything with Seth Rogen and James Franco, maybe.

    • DemmeFatale

      In college, my daughter was astonished by how much “gay” behavior her straight male friends displayed when they’d had a few drinks.
      Sounds a lot like Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Paul Rudd.
      Not that there’s anything wrong with that! (I love all three.)

  • Lizzietish81

    OT rant: I can’t fucking wait for this primary to end. A friend on FB posted this stupid meme about how we shouldn’t vote for Hillary if she wins because she’s obviously cheating. Me, and a number of other people called bullshit, and then he comes back this morning all “Hahaha I love riling up Clinton Supporters, this is NOTHING compared to what Trump is going to do” he then copies himself and posts it as a new post, without context, to which he responds all “we should seperate out the lies and I’ll support Hillary when the time comes”

    and I lost my shit on him. One for being a troll and basically calling those who called him on it thin skinned, and then again for fucking lying.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUOzEthA_yU

    • JustPixelz

      Susan Sarandan on Chris Hays last night said she wasn’t sure she’d vote for Hillary against Trump. One reason: If Trump wins it will start a real revolution. Fuck her PUMA ass. (I think that’s repetitive.) Also I’m unclear why movie stars are supposed to be more smarter at politics than, say, billionaires.

      • Lizzietish81

        OMFG which brings me to fucking Bernie bitching about George Clooney backing Hillary.

        HELLO? SUSAN SARANDON WAS GIVING YOU A BLOW JOB!

        • Paperless Tiger

          Good thing he’s not a real Democrat. If a Democrat gets a BJ the stock market crashes.

          • Lizzietish81

            Now she’s fucking around on television saying that Trump would be better than Hillary.

            eta; Sorry JP, you already covered that.

          • AntiDerpomeme

            *facepalm* She CANNOT believe that for real. Crikey, she’s coming off as a catty beech. I’d be worried about the impact if I thought for a moment that anybody actually found her relevant anymore.

          • Amy!

            Damn it, Janet!

          • theblackdog

            I feel like this is now appropriate any time Sarandon speaks from here on out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjWAY-CbYGU

          • proudgrampa

            WTF?

          • Suttree

            Yeah I saw her mumbling on CNN this afternoon and had to turn it off. Don’t ask me why I was watching CNN as I have no fucking idea.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Beat me to it. She was horrifying…even Chris Hayes thought so.

      • NoGoodnik

        I thought she would be a cougar. Gah! I find it hard to keep up with what kids are talking about these days.

      • NoGoodnik

        A pretty good article analyzing the whole Bernie or Bust movement. Unfortunately, it’s conclusion is, meh.

        http://www.vox.com/2016/3/28/11319720/bernie-or-bust-sanders

      • Lizzietish81
        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Dubious endorsement history at its finest.

      • Tallmutha

        That shit makes me mad.

      • Grokenstein

        From now on, I’ll be referring to her as Trump Supporter Susan Sarandon. Not that I have any reason to discuss the attention-desperate crapsack.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Jesus fuck, Susan, what the hell happened to you that you’re cool with the slaughter it would bring?

      • ken_kukec

        Thelma would like a few words with you, Ms. Sarandon.

      • DemmeFatale

        OK, she’s dead to me now.
        What a shame.
        Cunty fucker!

      • Hardly Ideal

        I’ve come to understand that most political revolutions aren’t actually that revolutionary. Remember how everything was perfect after the revolutions in the US, France, Russia, China, and Egypt? The violent overthrow is the fun and easy part, but what about the governing part after?

        I hate to repeat myself*, but if Trump were elected, we’d end up
        nuked by Canada. They don’t even
        have nukes; they’d make ’em just for the occasion!

        *not really, I secretly love to hear myself comment. #SorryNotSorry

        • Lizzietish81

          Remember what John Green said “A revolution is a 360 degree turn”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And you can imagine how successful that revolution will be after President Trump appoints at least one, possibly two Supreme Court justices for up to a conservative 6-3 majority for the next generation.

    • Rick Hill

      It’s obvious that Turnip should win. after all, people with 3rd grade intellects need representation too.

    • NoGoodnik

      The whole Clinton is a liar thing is in itself a lie and a wicked application of cognitive psychology. Usually, you remember the thing and forget the context. Republicans know this so they just keep calling Clinton a liar. Their accusations keep getting disproved. And, all people remember is the liar part.

      Clinton is not completely honest, but if all politicians would be corrupted by donations that supported making generic antivirals available world wide, then I’d say we need more of that kind of corruption.

      • Relativicus

        As for Millenials, Clinton as a liar, and a murderer, and a murdering liar, is an article of faith because it’s all they’ve ever heard about her. Their whole lives.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          I grew up hearing that bullshit. It’s all 100% bullshit, people use it to justify their weird knee-jerk dislike of Hillary.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Sounds like my dad. He hated Bill, so it’s inevitable he hates Hillary, too. He’s usually sensible, but I think he’s just too invested in Clinton Hating. He keeps harping on all the security protocol he had to do when he was in the military, so how come she gets a private email server, huh??? I really just want to ask my dad “Were YOU ever the Secretary of State???”

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            That’s exactly what my folks do. My Dad can make an argument that he just doesn’t want another Clinton administration, but my Mom’s stance is that Hillary is evil, and that’s that. I’ve even showed them the Snopes article debunking the Killary myth, but they’re resolute.

            The email thing doesn’t bother me at all. Institutional email servers are a yooge PITA and often not very secure due to budgetary constraints. I can’t blame her or any other politician for farming out their email to an offsite server, because they’ve likely had trouble with their systems.

          • nmmagyar

            The next person I hear blame Hillary for Bill’s blow jobs is probably going to get stabbed. Verbally, of course.

          • theblackdog

            With votes!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Institutional email servers are a yooge PITA and often not very secure
            ^This: As evidenced by the gigantic hack of the Federal government.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Exactly. I don’t think Clinton is doing anything especially unethical or dishonest that no other politician has done before. She knows what looks bad (not necessarily because it was illegal), and she covers her ass accordingly. As my mother said in her passionate defense of her after the NC primary: Clinton knows politics and she knows how to handle the heat. Just like Obama, she knows everybody is watching for her to make a mistake.

        Nevertheless, these folks like to use the absence of proof as proof that she’s guilty as hell.

        • Hardly Ideal

          Just like Obama, she knows everybody is watching for her to make a mistake.

          And yet, people call her “calculating” like it’s a bad thing. If you were such a huge target, your movements would be more deliberate than Indiana Jones carrying a basket of puppies through a booby-trapped temple.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      What a jackass. All I can say is that you and your other friends’ efforts to call him on it must’ve hit him pretty close to the mark for him to respond that way.

    • JustPixelz

      Archer season 6 on Netflix today! Hooray!! Oh, and that OT thing you said is important too.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Season 6 is great!

        • Pickwicknext

          Archer is great! I want to be Pam when I grow up. But less cocaine addiction

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Pam is one of my favorite characters, the way she’s developed across the series is just amazing.

          • rosenbomb

            I want an HR job just so I can put Pam as my LinkedIn picture

          • Iam Reading

            Cocaine can still be found in usa?

          • Pickwicknext

            Dunno. I live in Canada. Maybe cocaine is now like ketchup and all dressed chips and Coffe Crisp chocolate bars

    • jmk

      I just responded to one of these “Hillary whined that Bernie’s being mean to her and will be scared to face Drumpf so she’s obvs unqualified” memes that one of my BBro friends posted to FB, pointing out that after a metric fuckton of harsh, adversarial, and nasty investigations, hearings, and interviews, including that 11 hour Benghazi shitshow in which she didn’t turn a hair, it’s clear that any request to change the tone didn’t come because she’s a wussy.

      I’ve had it… I’ve tried to ignore or pass the more egregious bullshit by, but it’s time to start calling them on their crap.

    • nmmagyar

      Watching the Ted/Scott walker event right now. Ted is promising to see Hillz “Tossing and turning in a jail cell”. So, we know what the General Election strategy is. Fuck.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I suggest telling friend to fuck the fuck off, possibly with chain saws and or votes.

    • DemmeFatale

      I can’t wait till these guys calm the fuck down!
      I hope they can get their shit together before the general.

    • Whale Chowder

      Jesus. I just saw a post from Kshama Sawant, our Socialist city council member here in Seattle, urging Sanders to “run all the way to November” on the Green ticket and calling Clinton “hated.” Argh. Do these people even fucking pay attention to what comes out of their (virtual) mouths? And oh how the Bernie Bros loved it.

      I wasn’t anywhere near this point but now I’m ready for Clinton to crush Sanders in the upcoming primaries and put an end to this bullshit.

    • Iam Reading

      Facebook. I think I just identified the main issue. That and people. More people plus Facebook plus comments equals I hate everybody. Put the bookface down!

  • Left Coast Tom

    If your post title had ended after the first four words you could recycle the title for every post about Pat Robertson.

  • JustPixelz

    I call shenanigans! Pat didn’t mention throat cramming, pedophilia, bestiality or cross-dressing straight men perv’ing in ladies’ rooms. Story is obviously fake.

    • NoGoodnik

      Obviously, Pat died and his followers are doing their best to keep him alive by producing these sub-standard rants.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Weekend at Pat’s?

        • Pickwicknext
        • ken_kukec

          Terry Kiser libel.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    How is someone this senile not in an assisted living home, eating mashed peas?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I think he’d have to be human, first.

      • YourNameHere

        I would love to read a story about a robot retirement home.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Let me warm up my typewriter and Voight-Kamff machine.

    • Belasaurius

      $$$$$$$$$$$$

    • ken_kukec

      A lot of those places won’t accept white Protestants.

      They have to maintain standards, you know.

  • Belasaurius

    Apparently Pat was a Golden Gloves boxer in his youth. I think he may have been punched in the head one too many times.

    • NoGoodnik

      Maybe that’s where Pat learned to appreciate all of those tough warrior-types and ALL of their tendencies. Me thinks he doth protest too much.

    • The Wanderer

      Sweaty locker room scenarios – AIYEE! Brain Bleach, stat!

    • MarkM

      I would say he wasn’t punched enough.

    • ken_kukec

      So he was a “catcher” in the ring, huh?

  • Blackest Noobs

    it’s old-people-itis….i dealt with it yesterday with some old hag who was bitching i had a coffee with me when i was on the reference desk.

    in my head i was i asking her would you prefer i threw this steaming hot cup of coffee in YO FACE….cuz I WILL….you annoying fucking bitch.

    • Brendan_M

      Maybe the problem is that you’re mentally unstable and have violent and misogynystic tendencies?

      • Blackest Noobs

        sigh. maybe your problem is you jump to conclusion over someone’s snark.

      • Blackest Noobs

        and p.s. i would throw my coffee in your face regardless of your girlieness or manliness…

  • LadyLaz

    As someone currently residing on Georgia, let me thank coca cola, delta, and the numerous other big businesses who proved, for a moment, a corporation can have a heart (even if it’s only moved to tears by money).

    Coca cola twisted Georgia’s balls over MLK as well. So go CC.

    • Pickwicknext

      Excellent! A social conciousness reason to keep drinking Coke! Not becuase I am a caffiene addict…

      • Brendan_M

        Coca-Cola also has a history of using right-wing death squads to torture, kidnap, and behead union organizers at their bottling plants in Columbia. I met a guy who had to go into exile because of threats.

        Enjoy your bloody Coke.

        • Blackest Noobs

          you’re a bloody idiot who doesn’t understand the finer points of snark, dumbass.

          • Brendan_M

            I’ll defer to you on “snark” – I didn’t realize violent fantasies about brutalizing women was considered good, clever, snarky fun outside of GamerGate and Breitbart forums.

          • Blackest Noobs

            and i didn’t realize you’re the defender of all women apparently.

            you’re just an asshole who jumped to conclusions….i’ve already stated it’s wouldn’t matter the sex, annoying people drive you nuts, like you for instance, i wouldn’t mind slapping the stupid off you…it wouldn’t be right, and i shouldn’t do it..but doesn’t mean you or that old lady would drive someone to think of such extremes (And you have no idea how this fucking lady makes us all wanna rip out our hair…seriously complaining that i have a coffee is such small potatoes)..you apparently live only in a black and white world where you NEVER EVER wished anyone harm in your fucking pathetic life.

            SERIOUSLY GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE SHITBAG.

          • Brendan_M

            When you state that you want to burn the face of a “bitch”, it is quite different than saying it’d be great if Trump died in a freak tanning bed accident or that if one of his goons tried to pull off that Jim Crow-revival bullshit in your presence, some old, angry white people are going to be punched in the face. I whole-heartedly endorse the latter two, but the violent anger and sexist derogatory term towards an annoying librarian seems crazy.

            Just chill out and direct your anger towards more deserving targets.

          • Blackest Noobs

            fucking Thought Police….

    • The Wanderer

      I visited the Coca-Cola Museum and Indoctrination Facility in downtown Atlanta years ago. At some point I expected to hear a very nice voice telling me that “Coca-Cola loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.”

      • Teto85

        You smell like a Pepsi drinker. ;-)

        • The Wanderer

          I’m a bit of a switch regarding Pepsi and Coke ;-)

          • nmmagyar

            I went to a conference hosted by the CDC in Atlanta a few years ago, I thought the waitress was going to faint when a coworker ordered Pepsi.

          • John Smith

            Bi-soda, huh?

          • The Wanderer

            I grant you one Internet for that. Use it wisely.

          • John Smith

            I shall not choose poorly.

          • Boscoe

            Safeway store-brand cola beats both IMO.

        • eggsacklywright

          I always thought Pepsi tasted like watered-down Coke. I haven’t tasted either of them in decades.

          • Teto85

            Secret formulae aside, Coca Cola gets its citric acid and other citrus ingredients mostly from oranges, Pepsi Cola mostly from lemons. I mostly drink a local (less than 100 miles away) product, Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cider (non alcoholic) when I want something sweet and fizzy. Right now I’d rather have an Anchor Steam.

      • LadyLaz

        Ah wanderer come back. We have an all new indoctrination “museum” right next to the aquarium.

        • The Wanderer

          I’ll have to go back up there, then. Hmm. Maybe to celebrate Sherman’s burning of the city.

    • Iam Reading

      Just don’t allow too much contact time between your teeth and their flagship product.

  • ken_kukec

    Gov. Deal to “Rev.” Robertson: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

    • Daru Titor

      Somehow seems appropriate:

  • Paperless Tiger

    If they’re so religious, how come all the ‘Southern’ novels are about sodomy?

    • The Wanderer

      One of the rules of writing fiction is “Write what you know about.”

    • Blackest Noobs

      oh that’s a Southern thing, just like all soda pop is coke in Hotlanta.

    • Nockular cavity

      HEY! What about all the bestiality?

    • ken_kukec

      “All Southern literature can be summed up in these words: On the night the hogs ate Willie, Mama died when she heard what Daddy did to Sister.”

      — Pat Conroy on the advice his mama gave him about writing fiction.

  • FlownOver

    My fave Pat pic. He looks like he’s about to squeal like a pig.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I predict that the p0rn stash found after Pat Roberton’s demise (some 300 years from now) is going to be awesome.

    • ken_kukec

      The cable repairman actually fixes the cable?

      • Steven Posey

        She has change to tip the delivery guy?

        • therblig

          the babysitter puts the kid to bed and does her homework?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Plumbers who lay pipe?

    • Boscoe

      An underground railroad leading directly to the Vatican’s epic subterranean pr0n reserves.

    • yyyaz

      “Hardhat Enema,” the complete Vols. I-XXIV collection.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so as a kid i was raised Baptist….as an adult it didn’t stick, and mostly because of “Christians” like Mr. Va Beach, and also cuz it doesn’t make helluva alot of sense.

    anyway the thing that stuck with me is not going ballistic about the speck in my brother’s eye and worry more about my very own 2X4 in my own eye, so to speak, and yet day in, day out, you hear these “Christians” worried and so concerned about these specks but they themselves are practically the shittiest human beings alive….i know hypocrisy knows no bounds…but asshole “Christians” give it a rest….even Jesus is getting tired of y’all’s BULLSHIT.

    • nmmagyar

      They have been/are being taught that Lurlene’s abortion or Cletus’ propensity for otters on South Beach are greater sins (even though the is no sin hierarchy according to JC). It’s also so much easier to look at that speck.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I mean, these NFL players are not gonna get a same-sex marriage, you wouldn’t think.

    Just because Liberace wasn’t a wide receiver…

    • yyyaz

      I coulda sworn he was: played for the Tonto Horny Toads, IIRC.

  • Scooby

    Jeeze, Pat it should be obvious with team names like the Packers and the Rams.

    • ken_kukec

      The two tight-end offense.

      • nmmagyar

        Wide receiver seems like a totally gay job title

  • MarkM

    Pat is so old and pathetic. God should call him home. Unfortunately for us, God doesn’t want the stupid old prick around either.

    • Me not sure

      He’ll probably get a room in the basement.

  • azeyote

    Georgia – the name started out male and uh oh – no wonder they’re in such a tizzy –

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And it’s pretty obvious what’s on Pat’s mind.

  • MarkM

    If being true to my “faith” meant piously mouthing platitudes about tolerance and love, while in actuality discriminating against people who have never done me any harm because they are “sinful”, I’d like to think I would have the brains to realize it. Fortunately, many Christians are waking up to this. It’s too bad so many still haven’t woken up though, and have the gall to expect that everyone else must live according to their obsolete, bigoted interpretation of scripture…as well as insisting that it is “religious discrimination” for the majority to not join them in their (un)holy war against fags and women who believe they should control their own bodies and health choices.

    We need an Eleventh Commandment-Thou shalt mind your own fucking business!

  • Blank Ron

    I can’t understand why Pattycakes is so confused. You’d think he of all people would understand that there’s times when one’s bottom line takes precedence over one’s so-called Çhristianity.’

  • Me not sure

    He says he doesn’t get it, but in all the pictures he looks like he’s getting it.

  • Steven Posey

    “All gay people are stereotypes, and when reality doesn’t match this I get really confused.” – Pat Robertson

  • NorthernSaber

    “Just kidding, there is nothing gayer than Gone With The Wind.”

    Hmm- dunno about that one, Evan. For especially seasonal gayness (gaiety?) the ritualistic showing of “Ben Hur” every spring might give Ms. Scarlett a run. What say you, film Wonkers?

    • Steven Posey

      Any film from the “epics” period. Most of them are oiled up dudes in togas screaming at each other in front of crowds.

      • eddi

        Italian sword and sandal genre. Muscle men in loincloths. Babes in gauze for the rest of us. Equal opportunity on the big and little screen.

        • Steven Posey

          Steve Reeves Hercules Movies. I think he looked like a veiny weiner in a loincloth, bu whatever floats your boat. Also fifties hair that’s as thick as aquarium glass.

          • eddi

            Frankly I was paying more attention to the babes in gauze bikinis. And beehive hairdos.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Come on! “Top Gun”! Gayest movie ever made. Here’s the 411:

      https://youtu.be/vyN8VN4BSzM

      • NorthernSaber

        God heavens- right you are. I hadn’t even considered that one. In the unintended irony department “Triumph of the Will” has had more than one of my students remark upon its, ahem, abundance of half-naked Nazi boys cavorting in meadows…

        • The return of the repressed: no taboo without its relaxation. Homophobic authoritarianism is ALWAYS extremely gay. They give with one hand so they can take with the other.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      “Say, do ya like watching gladiator movies?”

      • Jared Moss

        “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Three words: “The Ten Commandments”.

      Alternate title: “Moses, Moses, MOSES!”

      • thenearesthippie

        Moses supposes his toeses . . . Sorry. Wrong movie.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Ben Hur is definitely a bi-sexual movie. Charlton Heston in a loincloth on a raft does it for both sides.

  • Shibusa

    I was working up to a really good funny about Atlanta but all of a sudden it was gone with the wind.

    • Enfant Terrible

      How’s the veal?

  • YellowDog

    “Love they neighbor as thyself” is not gender-specific. At a minimum, it authorizes a reach-around. Why can’t Pat understand that?

    • theblackdog

      Because no one will give him a reach-around

      • YellowDog

        Not since Falwell went to his reward.

    • Biff52

      Big Gummint over-reach-around!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Pat, old friend, hate to break this to you, but you’re a dipshit.

    • edith prickly

      A greedy, lying, grifting, hypocritical old dipshit.

  • ThatDale

    The fuckweasel trying to call the legislature back into session is alas my representative. The good news is that he’s leaving the state house so he can run for Lynn Westmoreland (R-BagOfHammers)’s seat in Congress.

    Wait—that’s not good news, is it? Dammit.

  • Robyn Ryan

    Don’t you think this ‘warrior’ shit has gotten out of hand? Sparta left nothing behind it.

    • Well, apart from that awful Frank Millar comic and the movie based on it.

      Also, The Purge was based on something that really used to happen in Sparta – the graduation ceremony for the military academy that all the young citizen men attended was a 24-hour pro forma declaration of war against the serf population, meaning that to graduate you pretty much had to go hunt and kill you a serf or be mocked as a girly-man.

  • sosuume

    Regardless of whether the players had a whole lot of say in the NFL’s decision, it would be reasonable to think that some of them, if not gay themselves, might have brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles — or some other close relatives — who do not need to be discriminated against because of Bible thumping dumbshits like Pat.

  • Kooolest G

    I hope this “packer” and this “bear” got a same sex marriage before they did this shovel pushy

    • tihond

      Ah, the 501st day of Kristen

      • NationalGalleryofClipArt

        Allie Jones is way cuter than her mean girl schtick. Hottest (ex) Gawker writer since Our Wonkette Ana Marie Cox.

  • Boscoe

    I admit it is entertaining to watch Pat completely befuddled by the idea of someone showing compassion for others, even when there’s no personal benefit in it for them.

  • JParkerSD46

    Dear Pat and the horse you rode in on: fuck you, you fucking fuck. P.S., same to you, Georgia legislators who are calling for a veto. Oh, and also too, I just lurrvved Gov. Deal’s excellent explanation of how Georgia is such a loving, open and inclusive state, at least to those businesses who would have walked had he signed HB757. Of course, green is a color everyone can stand up for.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Congress wouldn’t cut short their vacations to stop a killer asteroid heading straight toward Earth, so it’ll be interesting to see if the threat of a homosexual invasion will be enough for one of the “laboratories of democracy”.

    • eddi

      I will be surprised if they don’t waste Georgia’s money to meet and successfully override the governor’s veto. Then take their turn after N. Carolina watching the courts shut it down.
      North Carolina attorney general says he won’t defend transgender bathroom law
      “Attorney General Roy Cooper, a Democrat who is running for governor this year, on Tuesday called the measure shameful and unconstitutional. It requires transgender people to use bathrooms that match the gender on their birth certificate rather than the one with which they identify.”
      http://www.reuters.com/article/us-north-carolina-transgender-idUSKCN0WV22K

    • Mintie

      Oh, please. Like Congress could agree on anything quick enough to have stopped that. Better off they stayed on vacation and let the people who actually work for a living figure it out.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Wait, wasn’t Pat expatiating not so long ago about how the geh buttsehx is OK as long it is every once in a while and fueled by alcohol? Why, sure it was:

    http://wonkette.com/584021/pat-robertson-its-cool-if-your-husband-gets-drunk-and-blows-that-guy-just-the-one-time

    It’s almost as if he is hinting about himself.

  • Lu
  • UnsaltedSinner

    Everyone in the NFL, probably:

  • Lu
  • Lu
  • Lu
  • Lu
  • handyhippie65

    pat cannot understand giving anyone rights that he would not use. i wouldn’t do it, why would they?

  • DahBoner

    I mean, these NFL players are not gonna get a same-sex marriage, you wouldn’t think.

    Yeah, I wouldn’t think guys who like to go on long cattle drives with other men, or long boat rides with other men or guys who like to play sports with other men would be gay.

    Gay men don’t like to hang out with other men, Pat.

    NFL- Not Freaking Likely!

  • cleos_mom

    How heterosexual can a game with “wide receivers” and “tight ends” be, Pat?

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