Speaker Paul Ryan is very serious about being a good speaker of the House. You know, the kind of speaker who doesn’t let the nihilist wing of the Republican Party take the country hostage and shut down the government because “principles.” The kind who isn’t run out of town, leaving his party in tatters and tears. (Literal tears.) The kind who isn’t afraid to say that racism is bad, m’kay, and presidential campaign rallies that turn into violent hatefests where people look and sound like Nazis (literal Nazis) is not an ideal election strategy.
That is why Speaker Ryan is calling on all presidential candidates to instill some law and order and warm fuzzies, maybe add a few verses of Kumbaya to their stump speeches, to combat the infiltrating violent radical lefties, with their dog-eared Saul Alinsky paperbacks tucked into their back pockets:
“It’s pretty clear that there is a concerted effort on the left for people to interrupt these rallies, to interrupt these events and that needs to be condemned and we condemn that,” Ryan said. “Having said that, I think as candidates, all candidates have an obligation to do what they can do to try to provide an atmosphere of harmony, to reduce violence, to not incite violence.”
You hear that, candidate John Kasich? Tell your supporters to calm down, chill out, and stop yelling “Go to fucking Auschwitz.” Ted Cruz, stop role-playing Heil Hitler after you pray to baby Jesus that he lets you be president; it’s not a good look for the party. You cut that out, Marco Rubio, and no more promising to pay the legal bills for — oh hell, never mind, you’ll be done here this time tomorrow anyway. Carry on with … whatever you’re doing.
Still, like any good leader, Speaker Ryan knows he is utterly powerless to stop it:
“What we can control is who we are and what we do here in the House,” Ryan said. “All these other things on the top of the ticket are things that are not within our control.”
Certain unnamed presidential candidates at the top of the ticket might be explicitly inciting violence — and even promising to pick up the legal bills for those supporters who are willing to fight for their First Amendment rights, with their fists. But Speaker Ryan just has to focus on his own job of trying to keep his own job, and leave the fate of the Republican Party to the primary voters:
“The Republican primary voters are going to make this decision. This is not our decision to make,” Ryan said. “I am the speaker so I am going to keep doing what I said I was going to do, which is when I see principles being distorted, I am going to stand up in defense of our principles.”
And he will continue to call out Donald Trump — and all those other candidates who are distorting the GOP’s principles — because that’s his job as speaker, and a brave fearless speaker at that. Or maybe just as a regular kind of cowardly unprincipled speaker:
Should we flashback thingy to make sure we are correctly remembering Ryan’s position on whether he will bend over, grab his ankles, and say “Thank you sir, may I have another?” in support of the unacceptable unprincipled awful violence-inciting Donald J. Trump, should he win the party’s nomination? Nah, why even bother. We all know exactly where brave Speaker Ryan stands when it comes to standing up to the party’s new daddy, which is exactly where Donald Trump tells him to be, like all the others. Good boy, Paul Ryan. That’s a good little speaker.