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We don't even WANT context for this. Don't cry for Easter, Argentina.
We don’t even WANT context for this. Don’t cry for Easter, Argentina.

Former First Lady Nancy Reagan, the woman who reputedly gave the greatest blowjobs in Hollywood and gave America the “Just Say No To Drugs” campaign, which ultimately proved far less satisfying, has died at the age of 94. Get ready for the predictable memorial glurge about how “she and her beloved Ronnie are together again” — direct quote from former Reagan chief of staff Ken Duberstein on MSNBC a while ago — and if we’re really lucky, some utterly vomit-worthy commemorative art on the internets. Don’t worry, we’re sure we’ll find plenty.

And so while other media outlets will be full of phrases like “fiercely loyal,” “protective,” “stylish and influential,” “a true Hollywood romance,” and “her beloved Ronnie,” we will leave them to their clichés and instead celebrate Nancy Reagan for being a pioneer of empowered women’s sexuality, since by all accounts she could empower the chrome off a trailer hitch, or so said Kitty Kelley in her very unauthorized biography. While we don’t have a copy of the book handy (HA!), the relevant passage, according to presidential blowjob essayist James Ledbetter, says that Nancy Davis

“was renowned in Hollywood for performing oral sex.” Just-say-yes Nancy — in the days when she was Nancy Davis — was known to give the best blowjob in town, “not only in the evening but in offices. [T]hat was one of the reasons that she was very popular on the MGM lot.”

And in an era when movie scripts usually reduced women’s parts — err roles — to simply “the girl,” one could make an argument that if Nancy Davis slept her way to power in that environment, then by god, she was simply playing the game as ’twas played in the day, and damned if we’re going to be slut-shaming in this remembrance of the former Ms. Davis, who also, according to Kelley, boned the living daylights out of Frank Sinatra. But definitely not Mr. T; she only sat on his lap. It was a weird time, the 1980s.

nancyreagan

Also, let us never forget, Nancy also inspired the all-time greatest Wonkette Comment of the Day, from the now apparently vanished Wonkette Operative, “MrsBiggTime”:

Mrs Gobblecocks, suck down my balls!

MrsBiggTime, if you’re still here under another username, please take a bow. But not one of those horrible bows that Nancy always wore.

As a First Lady, Nancy did some of the best acting in her career, always getting photographed as the Loyal Wife gazing adoringly at Ronnie, and when the cameras weren’t around, cheerfully consulting an astrologer to help determine the schedule for virtually everything the President of the United States did, and why would anyone have a problem with that? Let’s remember, with Rachel Maddow:

Let’s also remember that Nancy, like her beloved Ronnie, didn’t really give two shits about took her sweet time to publicly acknowledge the AIDS crisis — as her Hollywood pal Rock Hudson was dying in 1985, Nancy chose to ignore a telegram pleading with the Reagan administration to help get Hudson transferred to a French military hospital that could have saved him, or at least would have provided better care than he was getting. She was so caring, so humane, such a classy lover of entertaining the glitterati. But AIDS was too icky for the Reagans to talk about until 1985. (On MSNBC right now, on the other hand, former White House social secretary Gahl Hodges Burt gave Nancy credit for helping Hudson get diagnosed in the first place, since he first noticed a spot on the back of his neck in a photo taken while he visited the Reagans in the White House for dinner. “He called Mrs. Reagan to thank her for sending the photo to him,” Burt said, “And he had gone to the doctor and been diagnosed with AIDS, and Mrs. Reagan called Elizabeth Taylor, and the rest is sort of history as to how AIDS started to ravish [sic] this country in the mid-’80s.” So who knows? Maybe Nancy thought she’d helped the closeted gay guy enough already.)

[Update, added 2:30 EST] Ah, but let us be fair and balanced: According to PBS, Nancy and Ron Jr. also worked “behind the scenes” to encourage Ronald Reagan to fund AIDS research and to “do more.” So there’s that. Also, we should note that White House staffer Mark Weinberg, who received the telegram from Hudson’s publicist in 1985, told Buzzfeed that he had recommended to Mrs. Reagan that she not intervene, telling her “This is probably not the [last] time we’re going to get a request like this and we want to be fair and not do anything that would appear to favor personal friends.” While he didn’t recall her exact words, he said Nancy Reagan agreed the White House should instead refer Hudson’s publicist to the U.S. Embassy, as they would for any other American, because they “had to be fair” and not show favoritism.

Nancy Reagan will be buried next to her beloved Ronnie at the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California. Very stylishly, we are sure.

[NYT / Village Voice / BuzzFeed / PBS]

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  • btwbfdimho

    Finicum, Scalia, Lady Reagan, what’s next, thirteen eagles falling from the sky?

    • Sardonicuss

      Those eagles went down like……

      • Hutch

        …Nancy in Sinatra’ pants?

    • coozledad

      Ted Nugent!

      • sigyn

        I’m hoping Dick Cheney’s donor heart unzips itself & absconds for a more congenial host, preferably in late September, early October.

  • cousin itt

    The GOP is in real trouble with Nancy’s exit. Now who will instill party discipline and heal the wounds of the Republicans?

  • Nounverb911

    Did her astrologer say if she went up or down?

    • William_C_Diaz

      Not sure what the astrologer says, but the consensus otherwise is that she definitely went down!-

      Oddly enough, he ostensible virtuosity with the old hum-dinger gives me a great deal more respect for the old battleaxe, even though I am not otherwise a fan of either Reagans or blowjobs.

      Have a great day!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        It’s nice to know that she was really, really good at something.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I look forward to the network news montage of Nancy strutting in her best red dresses, set to the tune of Sinatra’s “My Way.”

  • BadKitty904

    First Lady and saucy minx…

    • mailman27

      The original Snuggie?

      • sw19womble

        LOL

    • cousin itt

      GOPorn

    • snigsy

      Never had much respect for her, but that’s a very sad pic. Cult of the Dead.

    • YourNameHere

      Someone is jerking it to this picture right now…and I just…vodka.

  • Nounverb911

    Have the teabaggers demanded that Obama lower the flags in her honor yet?

  • tinker12

    My condolences to her son, Ron Reagan, who is one of the good guys.

    • BadKitty904

      Did he ever come out? That’s not a trick question, I genuinely don’t know.

      • Biff52

        I know it doesn’t mean much, but he was married for well over 30 years until his wife died a couple years ago.

      • tinker12

        Ron Reagan is probably not gay, since he was married to a female psychologist for 33 years before she died in 2014. He dropped out of college to become a dancer with the Joffrey Ballet which is where the gay rumors may have started.

        The only thing he’s “come out” on so far is that he is an atheist and is not afraid of burning in Hell.

        He’s a wonderful guy; I got to know him years ago on a brunch cruise when he had a great progressive talk radio show based in Seattle.

        • BadKitty904

          I didn’t know he was a dancer (all this took place before I was born, actually). I’ve just heard news clips of him a few times and – speaking as a boykisser myownself – he “sounded” gay as dammit.

          • Takoma DC

            Really? He’s been an MSNBC contributer for the last 9 or 10 year. I’ve never detected any gay affect in speech or manner.

          • YourNameHere

            I have also had false positives! Don’t feel too bad. A 96% average is still an A!

      • DahBoner

        Yes. He admits he is an Atheist.

    • David Roosa

      Don’t forget Patty (Patti?)

      • shastakoala

        And their lesser known daughter Falacia.

  • btwbfdimho
  • cousin itt

    If Ronnie really still mattered to Replicants, Ohio Gov. John Kasich picked up the endorsement of Michael Reagan, the son of former President Ronald Reagan, the Republican candidate’s campaign announced Saturday might be a big deal. http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/ronald-reagan-s-son-endorses-john-kasich-n532796 But I suppose Michael is just another Establishment RINO.

    • Biff52

      Ron Jr’s opinion is the one that matters.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I saw him on teevee talking about the 2000 Republican convention. George W got the nomination and everyone in the VIP lounge he was in was high-fiving, and he said, “Wait a minute. He’s an idiot.” The response? “Don’t worry. He’ll have Dick Cheney there to keep him from doing anything stupid.”

      • DahBoner

        The trouble with that theory was stupid people can’t tell the difference between smart and stupid ideas.

      • YourNameHere

        Ahhh. That’s hilarious.

  • ManchuCandidate
  • Hutch

    “Just-say-yes Nancy — in the days when she was Nancy Davis — was known to
    give the best blowjob in town, not only in the evening but in offices.”

    In offices?!? During the day?!? By gawd, she was a head of her time!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And saw a few heads in her time.

      • coozledad

        Bet she never blew Charles Laughton.

  • Ricky Gay

    if comments were allowed, I would still choose not to speak ill of Mommy

    • BadKitty904

      She did, after all, survive this brutal assault by Marco Rubio in 2011.

      • Sardonicuss

        Emboldened by his first ass kicking, Marco tried, unsuccessfully to move up in weight class. Sadly, Betty White brutally thwarted him early in the first round.

        • Hutch

          To be fair, Rubio has no upper body strength, and Betty is a brutal thwarter.

          • Sardonicuss

            Betty has ground game.

      • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

        Yeeeesh, I had to google that and she looked so frail in the video. I genuinely feel sorry for Rubio there; I would have crapped my pants.

      • Ricky Gay

        wtf?!

  • coozledad

    -she and her beloved Ronnie are together again

    Why don’t they relocate those sinkers to Philadelphia Mississippi?

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s where he’d rather be.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Who can forget Nancy’s contributions to foreign policy, which extended well beyond getting her astrologer’s approval for every item on Ronnie’s schedule — she spent at least a year of his second term sniping with then-chief of staff Don Regan after he disloyally compared himself to the guy who follows the elephants at a parade. And once when they ran into each other she remarked “Oh, hi Don — are you still here?” Classy lady.

    • BadKitty904

      Not to mention her support of psychopathic oil barons…

      • theCryptofishist

        And her willingness to get into competitive shopping with Raisa Gorbachev.

      • SayItWithWookies

        I’m pretty sure Nancy could tell the difference between an actor and the role he portrayed — so unlike her husband in that respect.

      • coozledad

        Larry’s on his first liver in that picture.

    • Rick Hill

      Wasn’t that the subject of a Bloom County strip?(Searched for it a while back and couldn’t find it) Her and Ron are in bed, he makes a half hearted defense of Don. Nancy replies “It’s ok. I’m going to just sit here with this cold cold smile…” REagan gets on the phone and fires Don.

    • DahBoner

      Well, in Nancy’s defense, she hated Poppy & Babs Bush and referred to them as the “downstairs help”

      • YourNameHere

        Nancy Davis didn’t even have any decent pedigree. How the hell was she such a damn snob?

      • SayItWithWookies

        That’s our Nancy — nouveau riche all the way to the end.

  • Ryan Denniston

    She doesn’t get to witness Donald’s coronation as the Republican candidate. Tragic!

    • Nounverb911

      Maybe she planned it this way.

      • sw19womble

        It was written in the stars.

      • Skadi

        Going by what Larry King says, she probably died to avoid having to watch the rest of the election year. Thus showing she wasn’t completely without taste. Just mostly.

  • Fartknocker

    The real loser in her passing is the Lenox China Company because they won’t have any more 4,200 piece purchase orders from Nancy who purchased about a quarter million $ of fancy plates for the lovely parties her and St. Ronnie Raygun hosted.

    • sw19womble

      Well if she must keep inviting the Greek ambassador over for dinner…

    • nightmoth

      After throwing out Jimmy and Rosalynn’s Carter’s stuff and complaining that they left the White house dirty. (As you recall, the Iran Hostage negotiations were still going on right up until Ronnie’s inauguration. Hmmm-deal clinched?)

      • DahBoner

        The hostages were released on Raygun’s inauguration Day.

        Hmmmm…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      FWIW, the (admittedly massive) white house china order was paid for by private donations, IIRC.

      Of course, one wonders if Rock Hudson was one of the donors.

  • doktorzoom

    Credit where due: Every single word of the headline is by Yr Editrix.

    Edit: OK, I suggested “Beej” as classier and more Google-friendly

    • Nounverb911

      Well said.

    • coozledad

      I like the photograph, too. Was that from “Eat a dick, save a rabbit” day?

    • JustPixelz

      The Breitbart Style Guide offers:

      Rest in Chappaquiddick After Ted Kennedy’s death.

      • yyyaz

        Silly me, I thought we were the ones working for a classless society.

  • DerrickWildcat

    RIP Mrs. Reagan.

  • BadKitty904

    Hmmm…

    • Anarchy Pony

      Someone who deserves to RIP far more than Nancy.

    • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Will she have her own head stone?

  • hollydturner

    She was a crazy bitch and about as kind and gentle as an angry grizzly. May she rest in pieces.

  • lucidamente
    • MilwaukeeKent

      Sad.

    • hollydturner

      Well of course he did.

    • coozledad

      At least she finally went the fuck away.

    • JustPixelz

      The “she will be missed” passive voice makes it authentic Trump.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      How could you miss a mouth that big?

  • cousin itt

    As she tries to get into heaven Just-say-yes Nancy will give St. Peter’s peter a hella Hoovering, giving new meaning to the Pearly Gates.

    • Antimassacree

      For Queen Nancy it couldn’t be heaven without a few necklaces.

  • doktorzoom

    Am I an evil person for my first thought, on hearing the news, being “Oh, good, we didn’t have that many good deleted comments this week anyway” ?

    I have a feeling that, if still employed, I’ll have plenty for next Sunday.

    • Treg.Brown

      “Am I an evil person”.

      Yes. And thank you for being so.

    • Nockular cavity

      I was just thinking, “This news makes me so sad. Why? Because we’ll have to wait a whole week for the ‘Dear Shit for Brains’ response to this, and it will be EPIC!”

    • MilwaukeeKent

      A responsible concern for a member of the working press. This is one of the moments when a blog like Wonkette walks a razor’s edge between Walter Kronkite’s solemn pronouncement of JFK’s death and National Lampoon’s “Buy this magazine or we’ll Kill this dog” cover.

      • doktorzoom

        Read this blog or we’ll make blowjob jokes…

        • Blank Ron

          ‘Or’?

        • Sam Hain

          THE FULL TEXT:
          “Read this blog or we’ll make blowjob jokes…who are we kidding, we make blowjob jokes morning, noon and night….in our sleep and in the shower, in a box and with a fox…in a house or with a mouse…we will make them here and there, we will make them everywhere…”

    • JustPixelz

      Here’s the first:

      REAGEN GREET WONKETE THROAT CRAMMING HATE !!111. YOUR THE REAL RASISTS.</BLOCKQUOTE

      • DahBoner

        Rasist?

        But I love The Little Rascals!

    • guppy06

      You cryptically mentioned working on a “new project” during the NerdOut, and then Nancy Reagan suddenly dies. Coincidence!?

      • doktorzoom

        As god is my witness it was the Senate thing! Also, I thought turkeys could fly.

    • TheBidenator

      Dok…where’s that review of Trump’s magnum shittus “Crippled America” at? I mean he’s got his nutjob followers crippling Americans as it is….

  • Rick Hill

    She did come out for stem cell research at one point. Not much of a redemption, though.

    • cynmac

      It was only when she learned that stem cells were being used for dementia/Alzheimer’s research, which could have helped Ronnie.

  • I remember watching her on the CBS Late Movie when they’d air THE LAST VOICE YOU HEAR around Easter time.

    So it goes.

    • Biff52

      I at least hope Jim Whitmore got a hummer out of working with her. He was a friend and neighbor once upon a time…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I suspect it depends on what influence he had on casting.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I ask myself every night, right before sleepy time, did I make the world a better place today? What did I fix, mend? Who did I help? Who did I hold?

    I hope the hateful reagans are burning in the hell of their own creations.

    I accept the banhammer of loving correction. May it strike true.

    • cousin itt

      Just say YES to legal Colorado weed.

      • It would have been cruel to interview her after those plebiscites passed in Washington State, D.C. and Colorado. And I would have loved to see it.

  • Spotts1701

    Does the good ship Wonkette’s bilge pump work on glurge? I have a feeling we’ll soon be inundated with it across all the internets.

    • cousin itt

      This story is blowing, up, I tell ya.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        It just sucks.

  • MarkM

    She will be buried with her favourite knee pads, a tasteful china teacup she used for a spittoon, and her final astrological chart. Her arrival is eagerly awaited in Hell, where the demons are anticipating having her demonstrate her legendary skills for all eternity. The spittoon will not be required…

    • yyyaz

      Soooo, hell is having a raging woodie and the only relief allowed is from a wizened hag with broken teeth, cotton mouth and the hiccups?

      • MarkM

        Well…it IS Hell after all…

  • Al F

    Help me understand something: Rubio, two debates ago, pretty much said that we should let Puerto Rico go under and let them on their own but it turned out today he is Puerto Rico asking to vote for him, also courting the vote of Puerto Ricans in FL?! Man, Reid is right. This due stands for nothing.

    • Spotts1701

      Why should he be different than the last empty suit (Mittens von Carelevator) that ran?

      • Al F

        Awesome point there.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In other words:

      “I hope some day to stop you from sending more Democratic voters to the US, where there votes could hurt me in a real election in the future, but for now, I really need your votes in this primary, where for some reason you are allowed to vote even if you are not a state.”

    • yyyaz

      Sir/Madam, is not naked lust for power, riches, fame and the glory of whore diamonds really NOTHING???!!

  • data_ninja

    Of course Obama would let this happen on his watch.

    • thaddeus whiffleball

      You won’t have to wait for it..the conspiracy ‘theorists’ are incubating ideas under the safety of their tin-foil beanies.

      By the end of me typing this ill-constructed sentence, those ideas will have hatched.

      • nightmoth

        faster than a replicating virus

        • yyyaz

          … and twice the microencephalic capabilities.

      • PubOption

        I went over to Free Republic looking for such a theory. I didn’t find any, but instead found this bizarre comment.

        “In the 1990s, my former Youth Pastor and Wedding Officiant, Gary
        Reddish, went out to become the Co-Pastor to a prominent church in Bel
        Aire. Among his congregants were the Chevy Chase family and the
        President and Nancy Reagan. In fact, Gary lived down the street from the
        Reagans, doing double duty of house sitting. Gary told me that, one day
        he was driving past the Reagan’s house and he saw Nancy outside of her
        gated home, spray painting something on her large plastic garbage cans.
        Gary pulled over and asked “Nancy, my gosh, what are you doing out
        here?”. She explained to Gary that she was “fixing my address on these
        cans!!” Gary pressed her and asked “Well, where is your (Secret Service)
        Detail? Why don’t you have those guys do this for you? Or let me do
        this!”. Nancy demured to Gary and admitted that she just wanted to do
        it, explaining that she was a bit embarrassed. She asserted to Gary “
        I’m just so tired of hearing the jokes about our address. I’m changing
        it and that’s that!” Apparently, her garbage cans were tagged with their
        street address of ‘666’. Mrs. Reagan was out there changing the last
        ‘6’ to an ‘8’. :)”

        • Sardonicuss

          Ronald Wilson Reagan – 6 6 6

          • I used to write that on the chalkboards all over my college back in the day

        • Biff52

          That would have still made her neighbor to the beast, though.

        • guppy06

          the Chevy Chase family

          Um… which?

          /Maryland

    • Sardonicuss

      He seems to really resent older white people. Clinging to their bibles and …..life…and other things.

      • Nounverb911

        Reagan’s gun?

        • Sardonicuss

          or Sinatra’s “gun”.

    • Biff52

      Wingnuts won’t give Obama the opportunity to replace her, either. Let the people decide!

    • Peter Witting

      Thanks, Obama!

  • rebecca

    ahem.

    • Hutch

      Goodness! She’s all worn out!

    • cousin itt

      Such a resemblance to Schlafly. Were Nancy and Phyllis ever seen together in the same lap?

    • Ricky Gay

      he only read the headlines

    • JustPixelz

      Reagan could read?

      • Antimassacree

        That newspaper is upside down!

      • therblig

        you don’t need to read to appreciate “marmaduke”

        • Skadi

          To his credit, he also apparently followed Doonesbury, to his wife’s disgust.

      • guppy06

        He had to learn his lines speeches somehow!

        (TelePrompTer!!11!!)

    • guppy06

      I thought you’d be disqualified from trying to top the Best Comment Ever…

    • Sam Hain

      Sweet Creams Nancy…..

  • mrFawkes

    Saint Ronnie’s favorite pastime was chopping wood while Nancy’s was chomping wood.

  • Hutch

    Let it be said thrice: “Mrs Gobblecocks, suck down my balls!”

    • Biff52

      You don’t want to summon reagan like that!

  • tehbaddr

    ZOMG DOK! There we were trying to be all classy and shit in the other thread about Nancy’s prowess, then you open up the Obit post with a headline about old Nancy being the Cock Gobbling Monster of Hollywood! I will feel free to up the the Bawdy comment level, to purely unabashed Ribald!1!111!!!!!!!1!1!!!!!111!!!

    • theCryptofishist

      Remember, without dick jokes Yr. Wonket will wither and fade away.

  • Nounverb911

    Poor, poor, Nancy, she’s going to miss the series finale of Downton Abbey tonight.

    • yyyaz

      Nah, she already got the lowdown from Miss Cleo weeks ago.

  • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

    Somebody on Twitter right now is bitching about this article right after tweeting about how that ghetto whore Michelle Hussein Allah Muslim Mecca Obama has ruined the classiness of the position of First Lady.

    • Nounverb911

      Better reload the old ban hammer Dok.

    • Ricky Gay

      it is a reflex with them. almost a gag reflex.

      • OneDemin EOr

        Hahaha apparently Nancy had none

        • MarkM

          She had one-she was reputedly very good at suppressing it however.

        • Ricky Gay

          hush now ;-)

    • Apple Scruff

      Yeah man. Nancy Reagan wore BILL BLASS, but that Michelle Obama thinks J.Crew is the height of fashion. What a peasant.

    • Gristle McThornbody

      To the Pinterests!

      • coozledad

        Can we be certain Laura Bush didn’t just hop in the Lincoln and run Nancy’s ass down?

        • Jonny On Maui

          Makes a nice image in the mind…

        • theCryptofishist

          She’s killed before…

      • proudgrampa

        Rosalynn Carter had a drug and alcohol problem?
        That doesn’t sound right. I think the picture should be of Betty Ford…

        • ThePuckStopsHere

          I’m thinking the exact same thing.

          • proudgrampa

            I did a brief search and didn’t find anything about Mrs Carter having a problem, but I definitely remember stories about poor Mrs Ford having some real issues.

          • boll ocks

            Its called the betty ford clinic for a reason…

          • guppy06

            Rosalynn’s greatest problem was that she’s a Democrat.

          • The Wanderer

            Bless your heart.

        • malsperanza

          Pat Nixon was a sad, wretched alcoholic.

          • Skadi

            Considering who she was married to, I don’t blame her a bit.

    • PubOption

      Now that is all over Free Republic, along with claims that Melania Trump would bring class back to the White House.

      • guppy06

        It’s OK, Trump will have a new wife by January.

        Don’t know if Newt is into sloppy seconds, though.

      • YourNameHere

        Be fair, a blow up doll always makes your house look a little classier.

    • guppy06

      For all we know, Michelle’s oral isn’t anywhere near as classy.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Bill Maher once remarked how refreshing it was to have a first family in the White House who looked like they really enjoyed fucking each other.

    • malsperanza

      No RedState love for polite, meek Laura Bush, smiling vacuously and sitting mumchance next to her nightmare husband? She seems like the perfect Republican model of a woman.

      And by “model” I mean best-quality polystyrene, and made to scale.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I blame Hillary myself. And why not. After all, Clinton used his time machine to cause 9/11. Obama used his to cause the housing collapse. It only makes sense that Hillary is Fostering Reagan before she’s elected.

    • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

      First Scalia, then Nancy, who’s next? Newt? Rush? Mittens?

      • MarkM

        A Republican dead pool! The best part is, we’re ALL winners!

      • Beaumarchais?

        How about another recent person who, like Nancy, probably did more presidenting than the elected one? Yeah, that guy.

      • BadKitty904

        Yertle.

        • Jonny On Maui

          from your fingertips…

      • guppy06

        “Newt Rush Mittens?” Sounds like a punk band.

      • TheBidenator

        AOT’K? Oh you just made me spring a half chub at that idea!

  • shastakoala

    Reading this post is making my TMJ flare up.

  • Nockular cavity

    “the all-time greatest Wonkette Comment of the Day”

    Wait, hold up just a goddamned minute here: the greatest *what* of the day?

    • That’s right! Greatest comment? The greatest comment x zero comments allowed = 0

      • theCryptofishist

        I was told that there would be no math.

    • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

      I’ve heard tell that once upon a time, our Editrix did allow comments, and they were good, but she looked upon her creation and said, “You know, I don’t give a fuck what other people think.” And then she turned the comment section into a pillar of salt and said, “Yeah, suck it.”

      • sw19womble

        And lo, it came to pass that the rat dicks did become salty.

        • Jonny On Maui

          All right you two, Grumpy & sw19, the book better be coming out soon. These snippets have got me hooked…

      • TheBidenator

        Ken Layne allowed us to comment …just saying but things used to be less abusive and bahammery. Oh shit, here comes Dok, Dok is the kindest, warmest, best editor Wonkette has ever had….I hate being forced to write that.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Make Wonkette comments great again!”

  • UnsaltedSinner

    But even Nancy had her limits.

    • yyyaz

      FTFW.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        FTFW Forever. I will feel forever humbled, when I get done laughing.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Oh dear god, I spent almost 5 minutes uncontrollably laughing at that one. That’s just all kinds of wrong!

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Thank NASA, who decided to tweet it as their tribute. Someone there must have either a wicked sense of humor or an appalling lack of imagination.

        • Skadi

          Probably the first, for the person who suggested it, and the second, for the person who signed off on it (lucky for us).

          • Diannecmartin1

            “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

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    • coozledad

      Is that Ronnie wearing a suit from the Obama Collection?!

      • The only POTUS to wear awful brown and cream colored suits in my life was Reagan. If there were others, they have been protected by black and white photography.

        • Takoma DC

          I think that look was all-the-rage in the jazzy 1920’s. Especially in linen.

    • Hutch

      Spit, swallow, or get off the runway!

    • Antimassacree

      C’mon, Nancy. Just the tip?

    • Suse

      She looks to be on the verge of swooning.

    • therblig

      is that a Beej-52?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Endeavour, indeed!

      • guppy06

        Endeavour wasn’t built yet, which gets me to my ban-worthy contribution:

        “You mean you can get it back up in time for the SotU?”

    • TheBidenator

      Caption: “Stand back and watch boys, she can dislocate her jaw! Let ’em see what you can do, Nancy Pants!”

    • Gayer Than Thou
    • MarkM

      But she’s got high hopes, she’s got high hopes
      She’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

  • Redgyal

    She and her husband can both rest in eternity knowing that they helped to set a great country back 100 years. God bless them both.

    • Treg.Brown

      I’ll be praying for them.

      • Redgyal

        Me too. Very strong, deeply felt prayers.

      • Biff52

        I draw the line at “thoughts”.

      • coozledad

        I’ve always had a crush on her. The first muse of all the shoegazer bands.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Mmmmmorticia! And Emma Peel.
          TV’s greatest heartthrobs, for Wonkers of a certain age.

  • data_ninja

    I’m suddenly reminded of a punch line to an old joke:

    “And when you get to the Pearly Gates, St. Finger is gonna shake his peter at you!”

  • OneDemin EOr
  • Juan de Fuca

    Mrs. de Fuca this morning: “CNN is reporting that Nancy Reagan died…”
    Me: “Can you believe Nate DIaz choked out Conor McGregor last night? WTF…”

    RIP Nancy.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “She is once again with the man she loved”.

    Umm, no. Both dead. Lights out, nobody home, no do-overs.

    Same fate as everybody else.
    —-^^^

    That there comment censored from “The Hill”.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Game over man. Game over!!!

    • Biff52

      Something something “choir invisible”

    • Apple Scruff

      A lot of the comments coming out today are simply, “She loved her husband so much.” I think it says a lot when that’s all some people can come up with.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        That’s about the best I can do too if we restrict it to, you know, positive things that are real. That and she was kind to the Obamas.

        • SayItWithWookies

          And she was in favor of using fetal stem cells for research on degenerative diseases, which is probably the positive thing I’ll remember her most for.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Sure, the motives were selfishly inspired, but reverse golden rule is good.

            Also too, Brady Bill.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Because of St. Ron’s dementia. Typical fucking Republican…they can only muster empathy when something tragic happens to them personally.

          • SayItWithWookies

            I’m willing to give her credit, especially as it flew in the face of the virulently pro-life current in the GOP. She didn’t have to say anything at all, and yet she did, and it probably helped a lot of people.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I know. I woke up on the wrong side of the hate this morning.

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            zactly.

      • sw19womble

        Well, if people are too hypocritical/sexually-repressed to laud her blowjob skills.
        I mean, I bet when Kobe Bryant dies, nobody will hold back saying how great he was at putting a basketball through a hoop, etc….

        • ThePuckStopsHere

          Etc? What else is Kobe Bryant great at? lol

      • Skadi
      • theCryptofishist

        She seemed nice?

    • Suse

      Cue Monty Python’s “Dead Parrot” sketch.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “… she is an EX-first lady!”

        • theCryptofishist

          I think that’s “ex-EX-first lady.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    “A Firm Yet Tender, Sex-Positive Tribute”

    You might even say abundant. Of great girth and stamina. Youuuuuge. Most likely gold in color.

  • On George Takei’s FB feed he said, “Go join the Gipper now, Mrs. Reagan, on that shining city, on a hill.”

    I read that quickly at first and it looked like Shining City on a Hell.

  • Joshua Norton

    God save us from the diabetic-coma inducing Nancy Reagan eulogies that will be flying around Thursday’s debate. My teeth ache just thinking about it.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Fortunately, we got all the Sunday shows out of the way. By next week, Donald will have committed another unforgivable sin we can all focus on, and we’ll totally forget Nancy Reagan..

    • cousin itt

      Fuck you. Bwahahahhahaha.

      –God

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Trump already upgraded his assessment of Reagan from “over-rated” to “great” President.

    • jviscont1

      Kasich may even drop to his nostalgic knees in reverence.
      If Carson were there we’d get a 90 minute moment of silence.

    • Dave McCormick

      I’m just soooo happy that there’s a wall along the 49th parallel to protect us Canucks from all that.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      Thursday? Why? How much is the Nation expected to endure?

      • jmk

        No, no, I’m happy they’re on Thursdays… just one more reason to watch Top Chef.

  • Apple Scruff

    This revisionist history going on with how the Reagan administration handled the AIDS crisis is repugnant.

    • YourNameHere

      Where is that happening? I will ground those motherfuckers under my boots.

      • Apple Scruff

        Press secretary Gahl Burt said Nancy was practically a catalyst for public awareness of AIDS. Or according to PBS, she was supposedly worked ‘“behind the scenes” to encourage Ronald Reagan to fund AIDS research’. All I keep hearing the past few days is how influential she was over Ronald, so if that is true, she would have gotten more money for AIDS before her dear friend was diagnosed. It’s all bullshit.

  • Juan de Fuca

    O/T

    LOUISVILLE, KY (WAVE) – A man seen yelling at a woman in a viral video from the Donald Trump rally in Louisville on Tuesday has been discharged from the Marine Corps Delayed Entry Program.

    A Facebook page with the name “Joseph Pryor” had a screen-grab photo from the viral video at the Trump rally that showed a man yelling at a woman as she was being kicked out of the event.

    The United States Marine Corps recruiting office said, effective March 2, Pryor had been discharged from their Delayed Entry Program, which is a program for Marine hopefuls getting them ready to ship out to boot camp.

    http://www.wave3.com/story/31382148/man-in-viral-trump-rally-video-discharged-from-marine-corps-program

    • BadKitty904

      Yet another Teapublican self-made “martyr” in 5…4…3…

      • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

        Oh, people are already arguing that people of color are illegally depriving Trump supporters of their rights, by showing up at Trump rallies and protesting, which is a right they somehow don’t have, because I don’t really know I started blocking those people after a bit.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Our military has a program that tries to get our obese and uneducated children ready so they don’t fail boot camp.

      We have fallen so far…

      • Robin

        It’s what happens when you fight a quagmire that had openly questionable justification. You end up with well, not quite “americas finest” signing up. Still better than the alternative, which is Private Gomer Pyle showing up and shooting people in boot camp when he can’t do a single pullup.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Fraudulent justification. Fraudulent.

        • Biff52

          When we had a draft, even out of shape teens were taken. You either shaped up, or shipped out.

      • The Wanderer

        The DEP was active back in the Eighties.

  • cousin itt

    Not even Nancy’s astrologer could have predicted this day would come.

    • Blank Ron

      ‘Today you will meet a tall, dark stranger, a very pale one, holding… a… scythe… err, would you like to hear about tomorrow?’

  • BadKitty904

    I find Nance’s penchant for posing with black* “actors” mystifying…

    *more or less, in this case

    • Suse

      Remember when she was addressing a group of children about drugs and said something like, “How nice to see all of your shining white faces” and then realized how that sounded and quickly added, “and black ones, too!”

    • Jukesgrrl

      What is that symbol on his pants? It looks like an image for “nuclear bomb inside here.”

  • doktorzoom

    Just wanted to call your attention to the update to this article. We zipped through the Buzzfeed piece on Rock Hudson’s death, and missed an important part of the story, which we’ve added in: Whatever her personal feelings about Rock Hudson may have been, Nancy Reagan took a White House staffer’s advice not to intervene and try to get him into a better hospital, since they didn’t want to extend any favors to Hudson that they couldn’t do for any American overseas. That’s fair enough, and we regret the suggestion that she didn’t give a damn.

    The fact remains, however, that Ronald Reagan never mentioned AIDS by name until 1987.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      That was when it was “God’s way of punishing the homosexuals” because Science!

      • sw19womble

        Also, conservatives: the clue’s in the name… it takes a long while for them to reach a paradigm shift in their outlook.
        That said, I never really disliked Nancy Reagan. Her husband was a shill – a literal empty suit for the party, in much the same way Dubya was, but I never really got the sense that Nancy was that terrible or awful a person. More old school Republican than anything the latter part of the century threw up.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Nancy was a free range loon. Her husband liked ’em that way…

          • Takoma DC

            Awwww I actually like the first Mrs.Reagan, Jane Wyman. She seemed to be quite smart and had a good sense of humor. I always felt she was a underrated actress even though she won at least 1 Oscar and several Golden Globes. However, she did remain on good terms with RR and said she voted for him twice.

      • DahBoner

        “You, know. It’s because of the way they do it”

    • yyyaz

      The year after he shoved Scalia up our asses for the next 30 years. Fuck Zombie Ronnie, the horse he rode in on, his goddam “brush clearing,” Rancho Cielo and the goddam horse he rode out on.

  • jviscont1

    RIP Nancy. Ronnie always said your Jane Wyatt impression was dead on.

  • Suse

    My mom, a mod Republican, hated the Reagans. She wished for Nancy to “fall down and break her hair.”

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Meee-OWW!

  • CripesAmighty

    I swear to God, if they play that mawkish fucking Lester Holt ‘package’ one more time, the rope’s going over the shower curtain rod.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Don’t give them the satisfaction. She’d love a liberal to die as she’s laid to rest.

      • Me not sure

        I have no doubt that that piece was recorded years ago and has been “in the can ” waiting for her get nailed to the perch.

        • CripesAmighty

          Wonder what the call it down in the Edit Room: the “parrot package’ — HAW HAW HAW”?

          • Me not sure

            Parrots have packages? Who knew?

      • guppy06

        Will the funeral ceremony involve a wicker man full of Democrats?

    • Drjjsmythe927

      TRUE DAT-Lets Kill them all!! Someone please tell the TRUTH about
      that cocksucker Nancy Reagan on Cable TV!!

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’m no fan of Mika Brzezinski, but imagine her life. She has to go to work tomorrow and allow Joe to tell the same 4 stories about the Reagans for at least two days. 3 hours a day people.

    • Jukesgrrl

      You mean you DIDN’T have a boss who told the same four stories almost every day? I did, and I got paid a lot less than Morning Mika makes. (And she got to hold the Wonkette Babby and I didn’t, so there’s that, also too,

      • Biff52

        I had a boss who went to work at our state agency at the age of 24, but all his tales of glory were from the other two jobs he had before–like a year as a truck driver, and a year or so as a bank teller. And of course he was a reagan-fellator…

        • yyyaz

          The Peter Principle as applicable to a principal dick.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Meh. She’s makes her own decisions and cashes her checks.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      We should chip in and send her something nice for her troubles.

      • jmk

        As Jukesgrrl pointed out, she already held the Wonkette Babby. She’s been paid in advance.

    • CripesAmighty

      Wonder how Zbignew’s gonna wiggle out of being dragooned into waxing nostalgic with ’em.

    • CripesAmighty

      Didn’t have to wait for tomorrow. It starts now…

  • Sally Johnson

    She literally sucked her way to the top and caused Presidential schedules to be timed to what astrologers told her. She had more in common with Cleopatra than you thought.

    Now we’ll be able to tell the truth about the Reagan Administration since its greatest defender has died. She had a lot in common with Elizabeth Bacon Custer in that
    regard.

    • tman2

      Was there a pillow on her head?

      • Sally Johnson

        Ronnie’s mummified (Mommy-fied?) hand was on the back of it, though.

  • Antimassacree

    I nominate MrsBiggTime as Wonkette’s Honorary Chair of the Bawd.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Seconded.
      The motion precedes.

      • The Wanderer

        I move that we lay the motion on the table – and see if it’ll put out.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Can you imagine if it was revealed that Michelle Obama consulted an astrologer? There’d be a lynching on the White House Lawn in hours.

    • doktorzoom

      The wonder to me is that the astrology stuff — usually a sign of demon worship and panic for your fundamentalist types — was pretty much ignored by most of the Religious Right.

      OK, what I actually mean is “I’m not surprised at all.”

      • sw19womble

        It’s okay if you’re a Reagan?

        • doktorzoom

          Like selling arms to Iran.

          • Drjjsmythe927

            Lets not forgot”Iran-Contra”!!

          • doktorzoom

            AKA “that thing that pales in comparison to Benghazi”

          • Anarchy Pony

            Being tangentially responsible for 4 dead americans in a semi hostile foreign country is far worse than funding central American fascist death squads.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Pretty much, yes.

          • malsperanza

            And using the secret revenues to pay for an illegal war in Nicaragua.

            And using the flights to Nicaragua with materiél for said war to shuttle cocaine back to the states on the empty return runs.

            Really, when you think about it, it was kind of ingenious.

          • doktorzoom

            “And everybody has a share!”

            — Milo Minderbinder

        • therblig

          ignoring your kids

      • shastakoala

        Hands down she also was into palmistry.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It was her lifeline.

          • cousin itt

            And youthful looking hands given the loads of creme she would coat them with.

          • Anarchy Pony

            All natural.

        • doktorzoom

          And tonguistry, too!

          • leemoder

            A cunninglinguist, to be sure.

        • Sam Hain

          She studied under the great Roy Palms.

      • cousin itt

        For those of you who’ve just tuned in, you may be interested to know that, er … two men, two rather scruffily attired men, and indeed a sofa – a Chesterfield I think?””Yes, a Chesterfield.”
        “Have just materialized here in the middle of Lord’s Cricket Ground. But I don’t think they meant any harm, they’ve been very good-natured about it, and …”

        “Sorry, can I interrupt you a moment Peter and say that the sofa has just vanished.”

        “So it has. Well, that’s one mystery less. Still, it’s definitely one for the record books I think, particularly occurring at this dramatic moment in play, England now needing only twenty-four runs to win the series.

    • Ryan Denniston

      She’s already First Ladying while black, I’m mildly surprised it hasn’t happened yet.

    • Drjjsmythe927

      How about if Hillary Clinton consulted an astrologer? Ken Starr would have
      wasted another 50 million dollars investigating the Clintons!!

      • guppy06

        I now have visions of Bill consulting “Ivannah, Topless Psychic.”

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          The power’s in the third nipple.

        • therblig

          cross my palm with, ewww, what the fuck?!, cross my palm with silver, dammit!

      • malsperanza

        The thing is: it’s really impossible to imagine Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama consulting an astrologer, because they are sensible adult people. Whereas when the news came out that Nancy Reagan had done it, everyone just went, “Yep, that sounds right.”

        • Skadi

          For someone from California? Yep.

          • theCryptofishist

            Ouch! California is home to a number of first rate universities and other places of science.

          • Skadi

            Also to a good many astrologers and channelers. ;-)

            Besides, everyone knows Tarot’s where it’s at.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Or at least a rash of shitty RWNJ Michelle Obama Voodoo Queen memes for us to roll our eyes at.

      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, that’s gonna happen anyway.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          No doubt it already has. I’m not about to go find it.

      • sw19womble

        Sexy voodoo mama? What’s not to like?

    • Juan de Fuca

      Was thinking the same exact thing this morning.

    • Biff52

      The right already tried to paint her mother as some voodoo princess.

  • Drjjsmythe927

    I am glad that “phony,bony BEESCH is DEAD” and burning in HELL with her

    “beloved Ronnie”!!

  • therblig

    ms. blig and i always called her “big head” because her head looked out of proportion to for her body. and that was before we learned of her other talents. r.i.p big head.

    • Biff52

      Kinda like those starving people in Bangladesh.

  • tman2

    Nancy Davis is performing oral sex on Satan for all eternity, while Ronnie watches.

    • Ryan Denniston

      How long before we hear questions about whether Reagan was a “cuckservative” as the kids say these days?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      There is no Satan. Satan The original Hebrew term satan is a noun from a verb meaning primarily “to obstruct, oppose”, as it is found in Numbers 22:22, 1 Samuel 29:4, Psalms 109:6. Ha-Satan is traditionally translated as “the accuser” or “the adversary”..

      These texts did not appear until the 2nd Temple period after contact with Zoroastrian dualism. In some texts God plays the role of the opposer, in fact. For example, when God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice Isaac.

  • guppy06

    Oh great, and now the Senate will block Obama’s appointment of Nancy’s replacement too!?

  • Only speak well of the dead. If her BJ’s were the best, I guess that counts.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I have been finding more good things: Brady Bill endorser, fetal stem cell research proponent, never said anything good about George W or Barbara Bush.

      • Skadi

        True–though that’s because she viewed the Bushes as “the help” and the VP’s house as equivalent to the servant quarters.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I suppose one could be known for less.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    My feelings for this nasty broad are the same for her in death as they were in life. Remember how she asked if the Carter’s could move out of the White House a couple of weeks early so they could redecorate? The hundreds of thousands she spent on the new White House china? What a self-important bitch. Fuck her and the cock she rode in on.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, no doubt:

    Nancy Reagan has passed, but the vile creature that is Dick Cheney continues to be animated.

    • Sardonicuss

      Agree. There should be a generic headline run every day.
      As Thousands of Decent People on Earth Die, Dick Cheney Continues To Breath Air

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I’ll believe it when someone demonstrates that Cheney actually can fog a mirror.

  • Antimassacree

    Pffft. Thought Wonkette would hit harder. This post is just another Nancy Reagan fluff piece.

    • therblig

      fluffer piece, you say?

  • Callyson

    I obviously didn’t agree with a lot of Nancy’s views, but I’ll always have a soft spot for her due to her “I don’t give a damn about the right-to lifers” quote. Rest in peace, Nancy Reagan…

    • Treg.Brown

      Had no idea she said that. Thank you for the link Callyson.

    • Shibusa

      Barbara Bush, Pat Nixon, Betty Ford, Nancy Reagan: all pro-choice.

      • Rotisserie Teal

        So was George H.W. until striking a deal with the devil in 1980 to get on the ticket.

        • therblig

          remember the doonesbury arc about GHWB putting his manhood in trust while serving as Bonzo’s VP?

    • malsperanza
      • sw19womble

        Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark.
        That said, this means more seasons of Orange Is The New Black.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    With the recent death of Scalia and now Nancy Reagan, maybe conservative evangelicals could be convinced that the rapture is happening. Happening now! No point in voting in November.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Obummer will cancel elections. Haven’t you heard?

      • tman2

        President Obama also canceled the rapture through an executive order.

        • Ryan Denniston

          He’s Chamberlain! Also too Hitler!

    • tman2

      I hope that there was an autopsy to determine whose semen was in her stomach.

  • Michael Boyd

    Can someone drive a wooden stake through her heart, just to be sure she stays dead?

    • Callyson

      OT, but I love your avatar. Time to do a Google Images search so I can use the gif for what I am sure will be frequent use!

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I want one that says DOPE.

        • Callyson

          I live to serve:

        • sw19womble

          Close enough?

      • Nounverb911

        Have one on me.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          You misspelled DOPE.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      There’s a shortage of stakes since Scalia died.

      • sw19womble

        And pillows.

  • boll ocks

    She was still alive??? Well, don’t let the gates of hades hit you in the ass on the way down.

    • tman2

      Most of us forgot that this POS was still breathing.

  • I have plenty of empathy for the many people crushed by our “War on Drugs.”

    And none for those who started it.
    ~

    • cousin itt

      And the other hundreds of thousands crushed and blown to bits by our “War on Terror”.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Nope nope nope. Clinton signed three strikes and Obama continues to this day to use drones. Ergo, all Republicans are exempt for all consequences for their actions that the context they provide for those that follow, or their predecessors, depending on how it affects the party.

      • Believe me, I am not forgetting the contributions our Wall St. Dems have made to making things worse for the non-plutocrat segment of society.
        ~

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      And drugs have been winning the war since we started hostilities.

      • Biff52

        Too bad the poors can’t be winning the War on Poverty.

        • sw19womble

          …which, let’s face it, is going as well as the War on Terror.

        • yyyaz

          You mean that isn’t why it was abandoned?

      • Blank Ron

        We are at war with drugs. We have always been at war with drugs.

        • yyyaz

          It’s a lie. As is “abortion was always illegal/condemned/unacceptable/brain damaging and etc.”

        • BackDoorMan

          … I just said “NO to drugs” but the drugs were all like… “aw, c’mon man, you know we’re just the thing for people who can’t handle reality”… and I looked at the state of the world and said… “y’know, you’ve got a point – fire up the vape.” Nancy – 0, Me – 1.

  • TheBidenator

    I don’t mean to quibble but wouldn’t that have been funnier to say, “Mrs. Gobblecock, slob down my rod” unless I’ve been receiving Beej’s wrong my whole life….

    • Antimassacree

      But the rhyme “balls” for “wall” is perfect as is.

      • TheBidenator

        Right but it just doesn’t fit is all….because once nuts are involved the woman is no longer blowing unless you’re Donald Trump and the whole genitals can fit in there at once (cuz it’s YOOOOGGEEEE).

  • tman2

    Some people say that Nanci Davis died while blowing Rupert Murdoch during a threesome on his honeymoon.

  • TheBidenator

    Terrible. Terrible. God killed Nancy just before I could make America great again because I love Reagan. Probably did it because of my strong Christian faith. Bad!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Any word on where her pillow was? Because you know, with Scalia and all.

      • Biff52

        Under her skinny little ass?

        • BackDoorMan

          … I would have said “knees” because, you know.

    • BackDoorMan

      … God works for the IRS? Well, that would explain why churches are always looking for money I guess. And also why Donny Drumpf is always being audited.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Now she’s with Ronnie. And Bonzo.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvKgcy7JrS8

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And my first dog who went to live on a farm in Upstate NY.

      • Dogs go to heaven, dagnabbit.
        ~

        • RoyalUglyDude

          If there’s a doggie heaven, then there must also be a doggie hell. You know, for bad dogs, like Hitler’s dog and Nixon’s dog.

          • Jonny On Maui

            The bad doesn’t transfer from owner to dog…

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Checkers was framed! She was a victim!

            Hitler’s dog is in hell, but it’s ok. His job is to bite off his master’s tiny genitalia for all eternity. He loves his work.

          • sw19womble

            “There are no bad dogs, only bad owners.”

          • The Wanderer

            Blondi was put down just to prove to The Paperhanger that his poison capsule would work.

          • Skadi

            To do the wretched man what little justice he deserves, he might also have been thinking of what the guys in the Russian army would probably delight in doing to his dog.

          • therblig

            there used to be a website for people to leave flowers and messages for dearly departed dogs. one of the pages was dedicated to blondi and most messages told her that she was a good girl and hoped that she would not be held responsible for the evil of her owner.

          • theCryptofishist

            I’m sorry, but Blondi and Checkers had hell on earth. If there’s an afterlife, they deserve better than doggie hell.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          So this guy’s walking on a country road and realizes he’s dead. He keeps walking and comes to these big pearly gates. I’m in luck, he thinks, and steps up to the gates.

          This heaven, says the guy.

          Yep. Pretty impressive, ain’t it.

          Pisser, the fellow agrees. Everything’s made of gold.. Say, is my old dog here?

          Oh no, no dogs allowed.

          The guy is stunned. Oh, he says, uh, never mind then.

          The guy wanders on and comes to this big old rambling farmhouse with a wooden fence and the gate is open.

          Anybody home? says the guy.

          Yeah, hi, I’m Saint Peter, come in. Your old dog’s waiting for you. Oh, and, by the way: That first place you stopped with the pearly gates is for the kind of people who abandon their friends. We call it hell.

          • That was the plot of one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes “The Hunt”.

          • Skadi

            Also, the story of Yudhishthira in the Mahabharata.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Playing canasta with Mrs. Eisenhower, Mrs. Coolidge and that nice Mrs. Franco.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And Eva Braun?

        • The Wanderer

          And Elizabeth Bathory.

      • yyyaz

        Lucretia Borgia must play only bridge.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          She’s confined to the Italian Catholic colony of heaven. Plenty of sweet old bitches over their too.

  • cousin itt

    She was ahead of her time.

    • The Wanderer

      Now I have horrific teabagging images in my head featuring Nancy Reagan. You naughty person, you.

  • Antimassacree

    Just hope someone finally discovers some 8 mm footage of Nancy Davis v. Milton Berle.

  • Shibusa

    I have a neighbor whose two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are named “Nancy” and “Reagan”. (No lie.)

    • CripesAmighty

      Eugh. Bet they’re fun at HOA meetings.

    • yyyaz

      Why does your neighbor hate dogs?

  • rocktonsam

    “fuckaduck” sir, I come from a long line of fuckaducks and challenge you to a dual!!

    • Hutch

      Greased dildos at thirty paces?

      • The Wanderer

        That could be painful if you get a good running start.

    • Shibusa

      But Luke, I am your feather.

      • Doug Langley

        Sorry, Vader, that’s not gonna fly.

    • URQ196

      Duel!!!

      • Doug Langley

        No, a dual is where you have two pairs of fuckaducks.

        • URQ196

          K, I get it :-)

  • The Wanderer

    Et pone super eum oculos duos denarios, Charonti, ut in itinere. Consolantibus mea et servat ea familia. Nam eius, quod.

    • Biff52

      SPEEK mURICKIN

      • sw19womble

        Damn Latinos!

    • SnarkOff

      Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi semper tellus eu pulvinar accumsan.

    • Hutch

      I buried my poor old puppy with two pennies — just in case Charon charges for dogs.

      (I’m actually amazed I can still translate Latin after so many years!)

      • The Wanderer

        Dogs get in free. Cats require two drachmas.

        • Skadi

          Nepotism by Cerberus?

          • Toomush_Infer

            It’s hell, after all…

  • Rick Hill

    And the party of compassionism and christianity takes to the twitters to use her death to bash Michelle….

    • Rick Hill

      Since most of those folks want to remember Nancy for her class, I’ll make mention of her trip to Russia and her time with Raisa. They were visiting some museum or other and were asked the cultural significance of the site they were at. (Mostly aimed at having Nancy say something good about Russia) Raisa made a comment on the importance of it to all of Russia. Nancy went on to be catty, saying ” the significance of it was obvious blah blah blah” as though Raisa had blown it off and Nancy was the queen of the world. All the while having no understanding at all of what she was viewing, only saying it was significant because she was parroting back what she was just asked

      • yyyaz

        Fancy Nancy WAS Queen of the World. All you had to do was ask her — or her male handpuppet/escort.

    • SnarkOff

      To be fair, this entire post totally bashes Nancy, so BOTH SIDES DO IT.

      • Rick Hill

        The bj comments could take a rest but the negative impacts she had on our country are fair game. The comments on Michelle, however, are basically grounded on her not being one of them.And yesssa, I know you’r snark isn’t all the way off but still.

        • eric

          But bj’s are the best part! Always have been.

          • ken_kukec

            The BJs constitute the “redeeming social value” here, like a Voltaire quote in a smut novel.

      • therblig

        i want to see both the “whitey tape” and the “bitey tape”. rumor is, sinatra never recovered.

        • Rick Hill

          Woah. They had a “World according to Garp” moment?

          • ken_kukec

            Maybe the Ellen Jamesians should be renamed the “Nancy Reagan Society”?

    • malsperanza

      Fortunately, Michelle stopped giving any fucks about that shit about 4 years ago.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I thought she was already dead – and now I’m right. Moving on…

  • cousin itt

    Scalia. Dead.

    Nancy Reagan. Dead.

    Peyton Manning. Retires.

    When will the madness stop?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Madness? After the losses we’ve had? Bowie? Rickman?

      The scales are returning to balance…

      • sw19womble

        Madness are dead too? What, all of them? :(((((
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_eKEMCeI4c

      • Rick Hill

        Not just those. George Kennedy, Abe Vigoda, Natalie Cole, Pat Harrington(Schneider), Dan Haggerty, Mic Gillette, Glenn Frey, Paul Kantner….

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Jack Bruce

      • ken_kukec

        Those scales have been sorely out of balance ever since it worked out that Mark David Chapman was a better aim than John Hinckley.

  • Biff52

    Poor Nancy, schlonged by god himself.

    • cousin itt

      Pearly Gates needed a makeover.

    • TheBidenator

      Actually, given her reputation getting schlonged by god would be heaven so long as there’s a knob for swabbin’

    • eric

      Scissored. God is a she.

  • Marla

    Nancy was before my time but I did grow up on her warped ideology of turning America’s ridiculous ‘War On Drugs’ into a more commercialized police state. That’s right, all America’s youth had to do was simply say “no” to THE MAN and presto! America’s social ills would be forever done with overnight. All that was required was unconstitutional no-knock SWAT raids, a further militarization of the police and endless PSA’s that included a talking dog speaking to 17 year-old girl who really may be suffering from a severe mental illness.

    She loved her astrologers, too. Tarot readers, sooth-sayers, and “sun sign” forecasters all to allow Nancy to sleep easier at night knowing Ronnie’s retrograde planet was in no way going to allow him to set off any nuclear weapons with the likes of Russia. Of course, you could make a solid argument that Nancy was an advocate for the cure of Alzheimer’s – as long as it served only the people who could afford it. R.I.P., Nancy. Mr. T wasn’t the only one who pitied you.

    • Rick Hill

      Not to mention the beginning of “Zero tolerance” which has led to the acceptance of children being introduced to he criminal justice system rather than demerits or suspension. “If he didn’t want to get shot by police, he should have reacted in the 1.5 seconds he had and not acted like he was going for a gun.”
      Btw, an immediate consequence of ZT for the military was that people stopped smoking pot. And started doing coke and meth. Stays in the system less than a weekend so no evidence. Of course, especially with the weed available back then, you had a calmer, more rational bunch of people than the coke heads that came after.

      • ken_kukec

        She was human paraquat, man.

  • Y’know, I COULD go for a blowjob right about now…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Too late. Nancy has left the glory hole!

  • Aside from her politics…there’s one other thing that makes me feel uncomfortable. Am I the only one who thinks her body looks like a Pez dispenser?

    • tehbaddr

      All the better to hinge back her head!

      • I forgot about the hinge! This goes a long way towards explaining her prowess at blowjobs.

  • Bad Granny

    Any word yet on how Hillary did it and when she’ll be taken into custody?

    • Marla

      Think you’re a little misinformed. This time it was Sanders and his army of underground lizard aliens who currently reside at Denver International Airport.

      • Bad Granny

        The penis ones? Makes perfect sense.

      • A Grumpy Cat, Not Esq.

        Damn, Bernie.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Bad Granny! Bad!

      • Bad Granny

        Thanks for noticing!

    • Al F

      They already saying they found a knife in a private server.

      • Biff52

        With Vince Foster’s fingerprints on it!

        • Ricky Gay

          and wrapped in bengauzee

      • Rick Hill

        No. It would have been with scissors…..Ba-Dum!

        • Mr Corrections

          oh

  • Al F

    “Just say no!”….. Yep, that worked wonderfully! It was a catching song, though.

    • Rick Hill

      That’s something Turnip would bring back. His stance on drugs is “I don’t do them, my family doesn’t do them so why not everyone else?”

      • theCryptofishist

        Do we actually believe that his family doesn’t do them? Because “we don’t tell Dad/Donny” is a lot more believable than “we don’t do drugs.”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      My lips said no no, but my brain said, Ravish me, Mandingo!

      • Al F

        Hahaha! M. Manson put it the best,” I don’t like drugs but they like me”!!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Maybe some stickers would help.

    • The Wanderer

      “Just say no” works with a lot of things – drugs, sex, guns, domestic violence, Donald Trump . . .

      • Msgr_Moment

        Ask Bristol!

    • Rick Hill

      This comment was just made that adds to this discussion:

      Jamie Adair • 42 minutes ago

      Not to shit on Nancy, but all of you people who are complaining about your current First Lady don’t seem to remember that while Nancy was saying no to drugs her husband was dealing them. Does anyone remember the Iran Contra affair. To refresh your memory, he was trading cocaine for arms along with his frontman Oliver North. Oh, you forgot about that didn’t you. Selective amnesia i see!

      • Al F

        When it comes to facts and history, Republicans are oblivious or just don’t simply care. (see D. Trump).

  • btwbfdimho
  • SnarkOff

    Thanks, Obama.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Thank you, Your Presidencyship. I was born during the Truman era and you are the best
      President of my lifetime. I salute you and my compliments and best wishes to you and your family.

      Your obedient servant,

      • Sardonicuss

        I was born during the JFK era and same for me. I wish more people said it. Best of my lifetime..and I have been paying attention.

  • malsperanza

    Loving wife, loyal partner, doting mom.

    Let’s look at a few other women who might fit that description.

    “Since 1980 the number of women in prison has increased at nearly double the rate for men. Nationally, there are now nearly seven times as many women in state and federal prisons as in 1980, an increase from 12,300 in 1980 to 82,800 by 1997, or a rise of 573%. This compares to an increase of 294% in the male prison population during this period. As a result the female proportion of the national prison population increased from 4.1% in 1980 to 6.4% in 1997. In addition, 63,000 women are incarcerated in local jails either awaiting trial or serving short sentences, yielding a total of 146,600 female inmates.

    As is true of men in prison, women inmates are disproportionately low-income, with low levels of educational attainment and high rates of substance abuse and mental illness. In a 1997 survey of state and federal prison inmates, three quarters (74%) of the women reported that they had used drugs regularly and three fifths (62%) had used drugs in the month prior to their offense. Nearly a quarter (24%) of women in state prisons are identified as mentally ill. Women inmates are also 50% more likely than men to be HIV positive (3.4% of female inmates compared to 2.2% of male inmates).

    Women in the criminal justice system have experienced dramatically high levels of physical and sexual abuse. More than half (57%) of the female state prison population has been abused, including 47% being physically abused and 39% sexually abused (with many being victims of both types of abuse). A third (33%) of the women had been raped prior to their admission to prison. Of the women incarcerated in state prisons, those who had been abused were considerably more likely to be incarcerated for a violent offense than those who had not been
    abused (34% as compared to 21%). […]

    Two-thirds of the women in prison are mothers to children under the age of 18 and were often heading a single parent household prior to their incarceration. A 1991 survey of state prison inmates found that 10% of the women reported that their children were living in a foster home or children’s agency, and that half of women inmates had never had a visit with their children while imprisoned.6 Thus, women’s incarceration results in a disruption of children’s living situation as well as creating emotional stress for both women and their children.”

    And why did the incarceration rate pike sevenfold after 1980?

    “A key factor in the rise of the women’s prison population in recent years has been the impact of the “war on drugs.” As will be seen, the set of law enforcement and sentencing policies and practices that have been enshrined under this approach have had a dramatic and disproportionate impact on women. This has been due to a variety of factors relating both to the circumstances in which women use and abuse drugs, and the impact, whether intended or not, of criminal justice policies.”

    From “Gender and Justice: Women, Drugs, and Sentencing Policy,”
    By Marc Mauer, Cathy Potler, and Richard Wolf, November 1999
    http://www.sentencingproject.org

    • Ryan Denniston

      As with so many other things, there is a clear line between 1980 and after.

      • yyyaz

        And the slope was steep and swift enough that when we went over into the abyss in 2000, so much life had been sucked out of so many, resistance was feeble and futile.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Yeah, well, we had better all wake the fuck up this year.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I think this belongs here maybe?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqBUDObMJ64

  • Kavefish

    So…

    …You’re saying there will be a well-placed, er… opening… on the coffin, then?

    Well, glory be!

    • Antimassacree

      Gag reflex problem solved. (Ewww. Apologies. But the voices in my head said,”Type it. Type it! TYPE IT NOW!!”)

  • Mr Corrections

    Oh god, I remember the Gobblecocks line.

    Am I… am I an Old now? Do I have to click that tab?

    • Antimassacree

      As you toddle toward “Old” status, be advised that the film Soylent Green was set in the year 2022.

      • Mr Corrections

        oh balls

        • Jonny On Maui

          And those will be around your knees…

        • Antimassacree

          As an Old who has been at it for a while, my warning to you:

          Never send back the invitation to join the AARP.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Too late!….

  • Al F

    Look, now seriously. The “Just say no” campaign was one of the most moronic campaigns ever. It followed the same stupid belief conservatives have that you just simply say no, all will be alright! They believe in abstinence as well. Can’t they be more naive?

    • Ryan Denniston

      They’re Republicans.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    She left us too soon. The “Just Say No” campaign was just beginning to succeed.

    • sw19womble

      To be fair, Ted Cruz and the other wingnuts took it to heart.

    • FrenchFriar

      Give it another 30 years. That should do the trick.

  • Rick Hill
    • JaaaaaCeeeee

      O’ beautiful, for spacious skies

      But now those skies are threatening

      They’re beating plowshares into swords

      For this tired old man that we elected king

      Armchair warriors often fail

      And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales

      The lawyers clean up all details

      Since daddy had to lie

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Love that.

  • TheBidenator

    Nancy was called back by god because he ran out of fluffers and needed the best and most experienced one he could find…

  • eric

    I wonder which glory hole she now haunts.

    • Ryan Denniston

      AoTK?

  • malsperanza

    Not ideating anyone’s death, honest. But I speculate that at 92 Kissinger has as much difficulty sleeping as Scalia did, and probably tosses his pillows around too.

    Of course some of that may be due to the ghosts of 2 million dead Cambodians haunting his dreams.

    http://labshul.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/p01.jpg

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Kissinger won’t be playing a role in the election, so who cares when Ra summons him to his pyramid?

      • malsperanza

        (Picking my words carefully, with one weather eye out for the banhammer)

        Just that it seems … a shame that someone who cause the deaths of so many is still around, eating lunch at Jean-Georges and being feted as an elder statesman. It kinda stinks up the joint, ya know?

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Oh, but there are so many of that sort. I’d like a little more practicality in The Reaper’s choices. It would be almost as satisfying as justice.

  • Upright Ape

    The Casting Couch has lost it’s brightest light…..we shall not see her kind (Hollywood mattress, that is) again.

  • Bitter Scribe

    When my mother was a college kid, she worked at a hospital lab headed in part by Loyal Davis, Nancy’s stepfather. She said he was a card-carrying sonofabitch and a bigot who got hospital privileges revoked for my mom’s favorite doctor, for no other reason than that the guy was black.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Nancy, my sweet, sweet, dear, I hope Satan likes some oral, and I hope it doesn’t help you get out of collecting on the bountiful rewards you so richly deserve,
    http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-people-aren-t-really-poor-until-they-start-using-water-on-their-corn-flakes-nancy-reagan-146-20-03.jpg

    • Paperless Tiger

      I’m gonna have to take that quote personally.

      • Major_Major_Major

        She and Ronnie Raven were something else. I have to admit I dislike her less that RR, but that isn’t saying ,much.

        • Seek

          I’m still going to Simi Valley and desecrate his grave at some point. It’s on my bucket list. Others want to visit Paris in Spring, I just want to desecrate the graves of St Ronnie, The Vile Iron Lady, and Dumbass Dubya. The longer I live the longer that list grows. People come and go but the Heinous Three remain.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Piss on Maggie’s grave, then go to Paris this spring. A twofer!

          • Seek

            I’m waiting to see where they bury Kissinger and if he can die before I plan the “big hateful war criminals and other jack booted thugs” desecration tour. I’m hoping dubya will die young of natural causes so I can get on with this. If not I will just have to wait on him for later.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Who gave her that pearl necklace?

      • Major_Major_Major

        AOT,K?

  • Playonwords

    Well, she got her chance and she didn’t blow it.

    When is the new Reagan Memorial Library Pissoire opening?

    • The Wanderer

      Does it have a gloryhole?

  • nightmoth

    I didn’t like her, either, but the snark is turning into vitriol, and I don’t think she deserves that. She did support stem cell research, she was pro-choice and she was in favor of marriage equality. Yes, she was uppity and la-de-da, and I’ve long thought Ronnie had Alzheimer’s begin while he was still in office, and she helped hide it. But if the Obamas could be gracious, and they were, I’m not going to hate on her.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s all in good fun, at least for me. Can we all agree that Saint Ronnie was the worst and leave Nancy alone?

      • nightmoth

        Well, okay, but I think even Saint Ronnie looks good next to Cowboy George.

        • Skadi

          Unlike Cowboy George, Ronald Reagan could at least ride a horse.

    • Gale Watts

      True about the stem cell research support re Alzheimers, but it was after St. Ronnie’s public admission. Typical of Republicans who don’t support scientific research until it affects them.

      • nightmoth

        Yes, typical, but at least she learned from experience, unlike every current GOP contender. Ben Carson used fetal tissue in his research, and now he’s agin it.

    • Antimassacree

      Sometimes the Vile, Nasty Snark Mob needs to be given its head.

      • nightmoth

        ISWYDT

    • theCryptofishist

      Pro-Choice?

      • nightmoth

        Yep, that’s what I read, along with Barbara Bush. First Ladies tend to be more understanding of other ladies’ choices than their husbands are, from what I’ve seen.

        • TeeRaak

          But they both shut up about it and did nothing, right?

          Cowards.

          • nightmoth

            First Ladies have a congressional vote or 1st Lady veto of which I’m unaware?
            They were open about it when asked. Is there any marriage in which both spouses
            agree on everything?

          • TeeRaak

            Too little, too late. Mmmmkay?

            When people try to crown Nancy Reagan as some champion of the AIDS epidemic, I always say, ‘Tell her friend Rock Hudson that,'” activist and TV host Scott Nevins said in an email.

            “If my friend came down with a devastating and unknown disease, and I had every resource at my disposal, I would do everything in my power to get them the help they needed,” Nevins wrote. “Nancy Reagan, ironically, just said no.”

            http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/activists-nancy-reagan-pushed-harder-aids-37472853

        • theCryptofishist

          YEah, one reason we need to start getting women in the driving seat.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hmm, I get the disturbing feeling that Trump is going to have to get super creative in order to take back this Dead Nancy Reagan news cycle.

    • starfanglednut

      He could try insulting her crudely. With his fans, it should work.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        “She’s no hero. Heroes don’t die. She died, so she’s a loser, just like McCain. Really, it’s just so pathetic, so disgusting.”
        I hate that that was so easy.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          “And I give much better blow jobs. Her blow jobs were pathetic, low-energy beejes. My doctor says I give the greatest blowjobs he has ever encountered.”

          • ken_kukec

            In that case, Romney shoulda told Trump to get on his knees …

      • wavicles

        I just assumed he already had by now, as a matter of practice.

  • TheBidenator

    So, just as an aside….deleted commenters are sucking this week? Alright, which of you troll whisperers have been falling down on the job?

    • Rick Hill

      I tried setting up some troll accounts for a couple of hours. Then I noticed I was using my ACORN voting kit. Bad news, I think I was the one who cast so many votes for Cruz.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Apparently the legions have not assaulted us with Nancy’ greatness just you wait!

    • Jonny On Maui

      I thought Zippy brought the trolls here.

      But then again, I think the gremlins whispering in my inner ear are real too…

  • ShinyBlueThing

    Yes, according to fifty-year-old Suburban LA PTA gossip (courtesy an elderly relative who was once a neighbor of theirs), Nancy Reagan was dynamite on the casting couch/in the sack and that was what got her everything she ever had.

    I find that to be a skill worthy of respect, myself.

    • Jenny

      She was rather mediocre by hollywood standards. She became prettier as she aged. We should all be so lucky!

  • Bren

    I suppose the ultimate word on the subject has got to be this played at the funeral……. https://youtu.be/MLNFjtYv2Vs

  • doktorzoom
    • Jonny On Maui

      Workin’ the territories hard, ain’t he.

      I’m sure he’s counting on their votes in the general…

    • Antimassacree

      This demonstration of support from the Puerto Rican people will help Rubio win another zero red states.

    • Markuserektus

      But PR can’t vote in U.S. elections, right?

      • Rick Hill

        Baby steps….

      • The Wanderer

        That’s so. They vote in primaries, but not in the general.

        • ken_kukec

          Nor do they have voting representation in congress. Maybe it’s time for a rum-punch party in San Juan harbor.

      • Bill Slider

        But they receive hundreds of millions of US tax dollars and pay US taxes I think.

        • TeeRaak

          Actually, they pay the PR tax rate which is HIGHER than the mainland.

          That’s one reason they’re escaping in droves (besides low paying jobs, high crime and everything except housing costs more in PR, because imported)…

        • Markuserektus

          That would be frustrating. Not that we get much mileage out of our tax dollars.

      • bupkus23

        Hey, they send 23 delegates to the GOP convention – Marco apparently still thinks he can prevent Trumpola from getting enough delegates before the convention, and then the GOP establishment will hand the nomination to him ( i.e. a “brokered convention” ).
        I cannot wait until Marco loses the primary in his home state – even if they go to Trump.

    • orygoon

      Did anyone ask them what they like about him? All Wonkdom is curious.

    • Bill Slider

      Marco Rubio, President of Puerto Rico, since President Trump deported them all to Cuba.

    • orygoon

      Puerto Rico and Marco have similar troubles with managing the housekeeping money, right?

    • therblig

      did he use mommy’s skillz to ensure victory?

    • TheBidenator

      Take that, Kaili Joy Gray he can win too!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Time for some Leonard Bernstein!

      “I wanna live in America….”
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg9jHTYZ-6U

    • Mehmeisterjr

      When polled, a majority of Puerto Ricans explained what they didn’t vote for Cruz:

      “No me gustan los mocos.”

    • ken_kukec

      What if they threw a primary and nobody came but Micro Marco?

    • TeeRaak

      That’s because they let inmates vote in P.R. and they admire a guy who wears nice shoes

  • Jenny

    Nancy Reagan inspires me to be the best blow job giver I can be!????

    That probably won’t make it to her eulogy…

    • yyyaz

      Or even be heard in the whispers in the back pews since the Rat Pack is gone too.

    • Toomush_Infer

      An admirable goal, nonetheless…

    • therblig

      “she inspired many to be stand up guys”. amen.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Don’t say no!”

  • orygoon

    I have no fucks to give about Nancy Reagan or her death.

    Nikolaus Harnoncourt, plenty. The man was a genius and a decent human being. RIP.

  • I will always remember Nancy catfighting with Mrs. Gorbachev. One style and class pissing contest after another, the woman Reagan called Mommy lost each and every one.

    Burn in hell, terrible lady.

    PS. I just remembered her falling down a lot. Thanks for the laffs, terrible lady.

    • Rick Hill

      Yup. I was saying the same thing downstream.

  • Swampgas_Man

    The only good thing she did was give Terri Sweeney a role on SNL way back when.

  • marxalot

    I don’t care.

  • Skadi
    • mary5920

      Very well put, as usual by Molly.

    • doktorzoom

      What a beautifully Molly Ivins-y sentence: “As for Nancy, my own feeling is that it’s unfair to pick on her — irresistable, but unfair…”

      This piece is also included in Who Let the Dogs In, which I recently listened to in the car, because I remember laughing out loud at that line.

      • frrolfe

        One of my regrets is that I never knew of her writing when she was alive. What a brilliant and wise writer.

  • Vienna Woods

    Not really OT, I guess, but I just read this on a sucking-up-to-Winston-Churchill site while doing some research for a writing project, and I just have to share this gem:

    Churchill’s view was that the government should follow policies which lowered taxes and increased the number of rich people so they could pay more in taxes, the same policies which resulted in unprecedented prosperity in the United States during the last twenty years of the twentieth century.

    I hate right-wingers. I really do.

    • kaw143

      Did the person who wrote this live through a different last twenty years of the twentieth century than the rest of us? Was the author, perhaps, blogging from a different dimension?

      • The Wanderer

        The Wingnut Zone.

      • malsperanza

        The statement is accurate if given in its entirety: … unprecedented prosperity in the United States during the last twenty years of the twentieth century for six or seven people.

      • ken_kukec

        Did the person who wrote this have any understanding why Churchill got turned out of office by the Brits in July 1945?

        • Vienna Woods

          No, like I said, it’s a site dedicated to unwavering love for Churchill. Features a loving tribute from Enoch Powell. So not exactly big friends of Labour or policies designed to help the unfortunate- unless they were the ones Churchill introduced back in 1907.

    • Kip TW

      “Unprecedented prosperity” for everybody that really matters. Unstated qualifiers are unstated.

  • geoffalnutt

    It is said they come in threes. I’d like to put in a request. Oh, never mind.

    • Antimassacree

      Coincidently, how they reputedly came for Nancy Davis.

  • frrolfe

    I understand that there will be an inquest. It seems that there are suspicions that the liberal agenda was forced down her throat.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Right, when everyone knows Jesus comes first!

  • Objectifer

    Fatality for First Fluffer.
    Meh, I got nothing.

  • Rick Hill

    Jeez are we eulogizing her or listing the ills that have befallen our nation since her and her beloved ran the country?

    • TeeRaak

      Why not both?

  • Spurning Beer

    Judy Tenuta said that Nancy Reagan looked like a stop sign with a perm.

    • theCryptofishist

      Remember when she went to London for the royal wedding, and the brits’ joke was: Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

    • ken_kukec

      Yes, but only after she got wed and did a volte-face on her BJ policy.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Well, yes, all fine and good. But what America really wants to know is, did she swallow?

    • Lambsendbeds

      No.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        She didn’t get any on your shoes, did she?

    • Rick Gardner

      since she was pregnant when she captured Reagan, she must have saved a mouthful and spat it elsewhere.

  • Alas, we are one step closer to putting the Reagan myth merchants behind us.

    RIP Nancy.

    • Rick Hill

      Pfft. Fat chance. Two hundred years after the fall of western civilization there will be cults following the wisdom of the Reagans. Probably even offshoots who worship the Zombie Reagan.

      • Not if I have anything to say about it….and historians do their jobs.

        • Rick Hill

          Well, scientists, and NASA really put those flat earthers to rest so…..

  • Takoma DC

    I guess the Hollywood power players of the 40’s and 50’s wanted more than the best blow-job in town because Nancy Davis was never placed in important movies or interesting roles. She was not a very good actor and considering other B movie actresses as well as top female stars (Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Jones, Eva Gardner, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Rhonda Fleming, Diana Dors, Jayne Mansfield, Shirley Maclain, Joanne Woodward,

    • YourNameHere

      Which kid did they abandon?

  • malsperanza

    White House blog had a generic, but proper note about Nancy Reagan from the current First Couple. It ended, sweetly, with this:

    “We remain […] prayerful that she and her beloved husband are together again.”

    If there is a hell …

    • Takoma DC

      Well the Obams are atheists so their prayers are like dust in the wind.

      • Beaumarchais?

        The phrase “we remain prayerful” is masterfully ambiguous.

        • ken_kukec

          Like Ronnie’s Iran-Contra non-admission that “mistakes were made”?

      • Derek Abel Van Meter

        just like the rest of them. . .

    • BigBoppa

      If there’s a hell, Reagan is there….sentenced to watch while Nancy blows Sinatra for eternity.

      • Msgr_Moment

        What’s Sinatra’s punishment?

        • Jonny On Maui

          teeth

          • bobbert

            darn you

          • theCryptofishist

            Nancy isn’t enough?

          • Rick Gardner

            perfect.

  • GunTotingLib

    This whole BJ thing was news to me, Now I look at her in an entirely different light. Some many ladies don’t even try.

    • Lambsendbeds

      I’ll bet she didn’t swallow.

      • Red Bobby

        Heck. I dont think Nancy Reagan even ever swallowed food.

      • GunTotingLib

        Can you be the “best” if you don’t?

    • theCryptofishist

      How reliable is Kitty Kelley, anyway? It was considered a hatchet piece, as I recall. (And having said that, I suddenly recall my mother saying she had a hatchet face–which gives a creepy vibe to the whole blowjob thing.)
      And is giving blowjobs for power really sex-positive?

      • Steely_Fan

        On your last point, I have no fuckin’ idea. But on your main point eggs- fuckin’-ackley. I would love to hear from anyone with other sourcing for this rumor. I have absolutely no use for either of these delusional, astrology-following assholes, or for the damage Ronnie did when (among many other unforgivable sins) he declared that “The Gubmint _is_ the fuckin’ problem.” But I don’t want to unnecessarily tarnish Nancy’s legacy, if in fact giving great blowjobs is tarnishing. Oh great, now we’re back to “And is giving blowjobs for power really sex-positive?”

  • bupkus23

    Back in the day, I used to vilify Nancy and her “Just Say No” PR campaign – then I saw an example in action. I was over at a friend’s house around 9PM one Friday night, and his ( maybe ) second-grade-aged son was sitting at the dining room table, having his bedtime snack, when “Miami Vice” came on the TV ( we adults weren’t really paying attention that he was still there ). The show started with a “glamorous” pop star doing up some crack, and after taking a hit, shouting “Crack it up! Crack it up!” ( the show was not subtle ), then falling into convulsions and apparently dying ( again – the show was not subtle ). However, we in the living room were all horrified to hear a little voice chiming from the dining room – “Crack it up!”.
    My friend, trying to rescue a “teachable moment” from our inattention to little Jeremiah, quickly called out – “You see he died from doing drugs, son – what does that tell you?” – to which, little Jeremiah answered, “Like Mrs. Reagan says, Just Say No”….
    We were even more dumbfounded by that response than the earlier words. Just as he had been parroting what he had been exposed to, he was parroting Nancy’s pet PR campaign. I cannot say if little Jeremiah was permanently and positively affected by his exposure to that anti-drug campaign – perhaps the lasting brainwashing effect on kids of that stupid campaign was not that effective – but even this non-parent could see the short-term effect it had on kids. I’d still rather hear dirt on her, but I’ve been conflicted ever since….

    • Jenny

      My parents were/are prolific drug users. They did everything they could get their hands on. Nancy Reagan and DARE kind of gave my siblings and I the reinforcement that drugs were bad mmkay.

      • theCryptofishist

        Of course, Nancy herself had a mean prescription drug habit. I think I got that from Patty Davis’ autobiography, although it was a common rumor of the time.

        • TeeRaak

          No doubt.

          She looks wasted in her JSN video (above)

  • AnOuthouse

    Everyone needs a skill.

  • ken_kukec

    It’s gratifying to know that young Nancy Davis could blow her way to the middle — which is where Ronnie was in the Hollywood pecking order when she landed him in the early ’50s. They were both busy going down in those days — him, on his way to “Bedtime for Bonzo” and, thence, to shilling for 20-mule-team Borax.

    And never mind that he went on to become leader of the free world, or even governor of California, since he was miscast there, too. (As no less a casting expert as Jack Warner remarked upon learning of Reagan’s initial electoral ambitions, “All wrong. Jimmy Stewart for governor; Ronald Reagan for best friend.”)

    • Anita Ledford

      I remember reading Kenneth Angers”Hollywood Babalon” and Jane Wyman was releived that she never had to sit through another home screening of “Kings Row” again at her and ronnies divorce proceedings.

  • Lizzietish81

    My great grandmother watched Falcon Crest. Not because she liked it, but because she hoped it would piss Nancy off on some level.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Nancy Reagan was quite disliked during Reagan’s reign of awesomeness. People remember him fondly, even though he was also quite unpopular at the time. They both sucked, but at least one of her best friends was a horrible old queen (Jerry Zipkin). I remember rejoicing when a cab driver punched Zipkin in the face with votes. He was really nasty to the little people, and thoroughly deserved it.

  • doktorzoom
    • Anita Ledford

      An open mouth with a dick poised to enter.

  • So, from a cursory look at the comments (CTRL+F), it looks like nobody made the “Ron Jr.s Mother Sucks Cocks In Hell” joke. That joke needs to be made. I’m sort of disappointed in you, Wonkerados…

  • TeeRaak

    Remember kids: Just say “no” to drugs.

    What? Don’t be so silly, Patti.

    These “tranquilizers” aren’t drugs.

    They’re “medicine” the Doctor prescribes so Mommy can sleep at night.

    Mommy only takes them 5 or maybe 6 times every day…

    Many of you may be thinking drugs don’t concern me
    https://youtu.be/lQXgVM30mIY

    • 9th-Dimensional Secret Self

      Here’s a classic bit of video spoofery from Cliff Roth.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La5jrfobfTM

      • TeeRaak

        Wow, I remember that! Those delightful kids probably just went from one Hollywood pill party to the next. Nancy had quite a few zombie looks in this, I’m guessing she wasn’t into Ludes though, cause they would have made her “too happy”…

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Well, you have to admit her War on Drugs was super successful, since it only cost a trillion dollars, and we’ve TOTALLY eradicated all drugs.

  • Enfant Terrible

    The thing that creeped me out the most was Nancy’s (and therefore Ronald’s as well) reliance on an astrologer, and no one at the time knew who she was. Her name was Joan Quigley and she lived in San Francisco. Here is the obituary that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle:

    http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Joan-Quigley-astrologer-who-advised-the-Reagans-5843140.php

    • Vienna Woods

      Not a first in North America- William Lyon Mackenzie King was very reliant on mediums communicating with his dead parents.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    A recent musical was produced in New York (First Daughter Suite), ostensibly focusing on the daughters of presidents…but let’s be real: the show was still about the First Ladies. And Reagan, in her scene, was the very unsubtle villain. Even Barbara Bush got what had to be the most cathartic, lovely portrayal one could ever imagine. Nancy was a balls out villain, though.

  • TeeRaak

    Reagan was the only Aquarian president who didn’t die in office
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/JFLPObixvk7rG/200w.gif

    • kev

      fund the government? NO
      raise the debt ceiling? NO
      universal health care? NO
      confirm federal judges? NO

  • dshwa

    Just Say No is the poster child for how Republicans solve problems: platitudes, empty sloganeering, and a short-sighted military endeavor that makes the problem 10 times worse.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Coming late to the party, but yeah… She and her beloved Ronnie ARE together again. And we all know where he went… (Although, praising with faint damns, she did do some good in promoting Alzheimer’s research.)

    • Chris Owens

      She was staunchly against stem cell research UNTIL she stood to personally benefit from it. That’s not really praiseworthy; that’s selfish.

      • doktorzoom

        Better late, and for poor reasons, than never? As I posted up above, Charlie Pierce has a nice piece on her Alzheimer’s activism, which was not insubstantial:

        When the controversy over the use of embryonic stem cells in research arose during the presidency of George W. Bush she and the people around her brooked no faith-based nonsense about their position. On one memorable occasion, a Republican lawmaker was fool enough to say that, had Ronald Reagan been able, the former president would have opposed that research. Speaking for Ms. Reagan, former Reagan White House apparatchik Michael Deaver dropped the mic right on this person’s skull.

        “Ronald Reagan,” Deaver said, “didn’t have to take care of Ronald Reagan for the last 10 years.”

        • Chris Owens

          My brother was one of the thousands who died from AIDS while the Reagans sat on their hands for seven years during the beginning of the epidemic. “Better late than never” isn’t an adequate consolation.

          • doktorzoom

            I’m genuinely sorry to hear that, and agree that Reagan’s refusal to even mention AIDS until 1987 is unforgivable. And no, the PBS piece I link to, saying that Nancy and Ron Jr. pushed privately for Reagan to do more, doesn’t count for much.

            I have to say that I’d never seen anything about Nancy opposing stem cell research, though — as I say in another comment upthread, she was (silently, like a good wife) pro-choice, even with all the anti-abortion loons that swarmed around the White House, so her opposing stem cell research seems unlikely to me? But if you have a reference on that, I’m willing to be persuaded.

      • atheist

        Republicans tend not to care about anything until it affects them personally.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Best in Hollywood? It doesn’t take that much to be really good at oral sex. Does this mean she was one of the few who’d agree to it at a time when oral sex was pretty much the domain of prostitutes?

    • Rick Gardner

      she was one of many prostitutes who sucked good.

    • TeeRaak

      I know its the POV of 60’s Baby Boomers to think they invented “free love”, etc…

      But, a friend of mine told me AHEM that the first anal sex video was made back in the 1920’s.

      Sooooo, almost certainly b.j.s were well known throughout time…

    • Anita Ledford

      Joan Crawford was the undisputed best I’ve heard.

  • Kip TW

    “Empty-headed clothes horse and aging, anorexic Barbie doll” are how I described her back in the 80s. Or maybe the 90s. It was so long ago.

  • Taleisin

    Will the republicans demand Nancy not be buried until we have a new president?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Out of respect, we should not have a First Lady so the next president can make her own choice.

  • tman2

    Ding dong the witch is dead…

  • TeeRaak

    Besides giving excellent Studio Lot Office Head, Nancy will be remembered for bravely stepping out of her warm, heated Limo in Wisconsin in ((gasp)) November…
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/vKNoZ2ZgKoIwM/200w.gif

    • Steely_Fan

      Is that Joan Cusak?

      • Anita Ledford

        Yes in “Working Girl”.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Just say “blow”! Nancy Davis Reagan

  • doktorzoom

    Also, too, thanks to this damnable liberal need to go and be fair and shit: Charlie Pierce reminds us, Nancy Reagan Was A Tireless Warrior for Alzheimer’s Research, Politics Be Damned.

    Credit where due, and dammit Charlie, you went and made me tear up a bit.

    • Roni Raven

      Dok, although you are the kindest, bravest, warmest moderator I know, the real question is, did Nancy advocate for Alzheimer’s disease research before Ronnie was diagnosed or only after?

      If the answer is the latter, then just as other posters way downthread have stated, typical Repugnant behavior: champion a cause only for the near one, rather than for everyone.

      • DahBoner

        “I can see as far as the end of my little nose”?

      • doktorzoom

        I dunno; there’s LOTS of causes that people never get involved with until their own family is affected directly. Before my first wife suffered severe head trauma in 1987, I certainly didn’t know that was something that needed to be on anyone’s policy radar. After, I donated to the National Head Injury Foundation.

        While a couple of people have said that she opposed stem cell research prior to her husband’s diagnosis, I haven’t seen any proof of that (and will happily change my mind if I see it). Given that she was quietly contemptuous of pro-lifers and their influence on her husband’s administration, it seems unlikely that she’d have opposed stem-cell research — again, I’m open to evidence. For that matter, before the mid-90s, was stem cell research even much of a thing? The fact is, though, as Pierce says, she pushed for change, and change happened. I’m willing to credit her for that.

        • Antimassacree

          It might be the confirmation bias talking, but this seems another case of the lack of imagination/empathy for which the conservative mind is famous. Callous disregard for others’ difficulties until something affects “me and mine”.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Have you ever tried to imagine a Relay for Life event without the luminarias?

    • Steely_Fan

      Fuckin’ Charlie. Fiercely honest, as always.

    • Anita Ledford

      Yes , People with AIDS should be so lucky to have Alzheimers.

    • sillyclucker

      Only because Ronnie had it.

  • Roni Raven

    As an old, I remember the Nixon years and the Carter years and the election of Reagan in 1980.

    As I remember it, Reagan’s election marked the turning point when politics and the general tenor of the nation both turned mean and nasty, even worse than during the Watergate era.

    And especially mean and nasty toward the less fortunate classes. It’s no coincidence that the phrase “greed is good” found traction while Reagan was president. Nor is it a coincidence that G.H.W. Bush ran on a platform (however phony it turned out to be) of returning to a “kinder, gentler nation.” Even he recognized that people were sick of the meanness and lack of compassion that marked the Reagan years. Although as we see today, Reagan’s philosophies took hold more firmly than probably even Reagan expected that they would.

    People might say that Nancy was just a wife who had nothing to do with her husband’s misbegotten policies. Those are probably the same people holding Hillary accountable for decisions Bill made as president.

    Bullshit. She was the adoring handmaiden to Ronnie while he sowed the seeds of all that meanness and she acted the role she was meant to play, of Evita on the Potomac.

    I hope the three of them (Ronnie, Nancy, and their helpmate Scalia) are having enjoyable conversations as they roast on their spits in hell.

    Too soon?

    • Steely_Fan

      Not at all too soon. Well said.

    • Mr Corrections

      Reagan* was definitely a far nastier piece of work than Nixon. And Nixon was a grudge-holding racist criminal shit.

      * Or at least the people telling that senile puppet what to do

  • Wonkette is on top of it again. I was totally going post that Rock Hudson/AIDS story kn a thread, but I see the Wonketteers already beat me to the punch.

  • Nope don’t buy it. Ol’ Nancy was the “blow job queen” at yet she wasn’t the the one winning Oscars and starring on Falcon Crest. Methinks much like everything else Reagan, her artistry of fellatio delivery was greatly embellished.

  • Stein Olsen

    So the late Reagan’s cock holster has also become late. She lived a hard life I am sure and it’s so unfair that she should be taken a way at only 84… 94??? Whatever!

    http://i.imgur.com/UlrS7fP.png

  • E S

    Nancy and AIDS advocacy?

    All I remember from that time in NYC, was that anyone who said anything from any bully pulpit to help, was a freaking God.

    Nancy wasn’t that.

    What we did read about her in Suzy’ gushy gossip column was of a woman who surrounded herself with fancy society friends and fashion designers. Had lunch a lot at Lutece. Beyond that, I really have no idea who this woman was.

    • yyyaz

      ” … a woman who surrounded herself with fancy society friends and fashion designers. Had lunch a lot at Lutece” tells you all you need to know. Oh, and the White House decor and accoutrement was not nearly up to her standards. And would not make an appointment for senile hubby without consulting her personal astrologer. And had no clue regarding anything of substance. Hope this helps put some flesh on the skinny old hag’s bones.

  • Anita Ledford

    Many of my gay friends DIED from this horrible disease. I hate her and “Little Ronnie Reagan” (as Bette Davis referred to him) for ignoring Aids and it’s consequences for most of their time in the White House.

    • freakishlystrong

      I’m sorry..
      Me too. God it was awful. And getting help and attention for it, now THAT was a grassroots campaign.

    • Jamsie

      In spite of those two awful rotten bastards, I survived. But most of my contemporaries are gone, and that’s the hardest part of surviving.

  • freakishlystrong

    Man, the deleted comments this week are going to be a fucking shitstorm..

  • Thom

    Bad time to break out the HIM lyrics, Ken Duberstein.

  • Diannecmartin1

    “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

    two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Hereoo!794➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsCrowd/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:::::oo!794…….

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Just say no. Or we’ll just lock you up.

  • chascates

    All the networks ran the same clip of Ronald and Nancy starring together in ‘Hellcats of the Navy’. B movie acting had a far lower standard in those days.

  • chascates

    Also too.

    • YourNameHere

      Why would they attend her funeral? What the fuck difference does it make? Why the hell do these idiots seem to think Obama should bow down to every Republican in existence?

      OH wait, nm.

  • chascates

    ‘F*ck You Nancy Reagan!’… Twitter Overflows with Vile Leftist Hate After Former First Lady’s Death
    http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/03/fck-you-nancy-reagan-twitter-overflows-with-vile-leftist-hate-after-former-first-ladys-death/

  • Erick the Kracker

    The canonization on Fox News will continue 24/7 until she’s in the ground.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      The canonization will continue forever, the way Ronnie is invoked at every private and public gathering with more than two Republicans in the conversation.

  • YourNameHere

    I am not a leftist. I don’t need to be a leftist to know those two were fucking gross and that they ruined the country by sinking us into debt we will never escape from with their bullshit.

    It’s nice about the blowjobs though.

    http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/03/fck-you-nancy-reagan-twitter-overflows-with-vile-leftist-hate-after-former-first-ladys-death/

    Do you see this? It’s oh those liberal america haters and what vile whores they are and then they immediately start insulting Hillary Clinton. Do they even recognize what they are doing? And JFC these people are going to come enmasse to my party when theirs implodes. I can’t take this. And they called Obama’s daughter sloppy seconds. WHAT THE FUCK.

    I need vodka.

  • YourNameHere

    I just went and checked with my co-worker to make sure I wasn’t misrembering but I don’t remember anyone really liking her during the 80s. She always seemed really mean to me (I was younger) and I just remember a lot of stuff about how she was obsessed with astrology and spent too much money.

    Co-worker agreed that she doesn’t remember her being popular. Anyone?

    • Mystery_Poster

      After they moved into the white house, she spent $800,000 on renovations, and bought $200,000 china. All this in a recession while many were out of work. I’m no fan of her or Ronnie, and I don’t remember the ’80s as a very uplifing time.

      (BTW, one of the articles I read on her death did mention the money controversy surprisingly enough)

      Let them eat cake!

    • XAV

      Carrol Spinney who played Big Bird on Sesame Street for years has a very vivid memory of her being in RARE Cruella de Vil FORM during an annual White House Easter Egg roll. “I want ’em all off the grounds by 2:00. How nasty do you have ot be to make a bad impression on Big Bird?

  • Boo Hoo

    Yeah, thanks for the reminder. I had almost nearly expunged the sordid mental visual of her gumming the Gipper. Now it’s back like carcinoma of the brain. Also too, get bent.

    ;-)

  • Dolmance

    This image of Nancy Reagan giving blowjobs is definitely in need of a fine painter’s attention. In oil, I would hope.

    Any fine art painters who happen to be Wonketeers would be assured of great renown.

    • Jerry Garcia

      I can only do stick figures, so YES I can do an accurate rendering of her and Frankie…

  • MOG253

    I don’t begrudge her the BJ Queen title, I do dislike the fact that her Just Say No campaign ended up costing the country millions and putting casual users in jail.

  • Drumpf T. Rump

    But did she spit or swallow?

  • NorthernSaber

    OK- I can actually remember when this vile pair came to power, so I think I’ll just let the classic line from the old Simply Red song speak for me-
    “Did the earth move for you Nancy? Did the earth move for you Nancy?”

  • yyyaz

    If nothing else, this occasion is sharpening my reflexes as I get to press the “last channel” button on my teevee remote twice as often. I have the time needed to switch down to “One of America’s mos–” The nooze announcers’ affected intonations of concern are a dead giveaway for the trainload of bullshit they are about to dump.

  • hdtex

    Roast In Piss you vile haggard old HAG.

  • CalicoJack

    When Ronald Reagan was shot, had Nancy Reagan consulted an astrologer about Ronnie’s schedule that day?

    • TheBoatDude

      Yeah, but there was only something about a shooting star…shooting of a former star.

    • Cassandra de Kanter

      From what I understand, she didn’t start consulting the astrologer (or at least not as seriously) about Ronnie’s schedule until *after* he was shot. I’d always heard of the astrology thing as a reaction to the assassination attempt.

  • JVB

    So funny about her reputation in Hollywood as the best head-giver. ;-) I’m sure she never lived that one down, giggle!

    • Jared James

      Judging from the beejer YTF&HN once received in Hollywood, it was a high honor and distinction.

    • mardam422

      She just had to swallow hard and take it on the chin.

  • classy lady

  • mardam422

    Her blowjobs got better as the years went by. What with all the gumminess and whatnot.

  • Starfish

    Mr. Gorbachev tear off this dress

  • Antimassacree

    While listening to some talk radio glurge about Nancy Reagan and her devotion to her Ronnie I quietly smiled thinking of this column. Another day made downright tolerable thanks to Wonkette!

  • TheBoatDude

    NPR was doing a thing on her this afternoon. They replayed a blurb of her from 1999 talking about Ron’s Alzheimers and she said something to the effect of “There’s no worse disease.” So I guess Alz is worse than AIDS, then?

  • Sheesko

    The Reagan years were horrible. DC started wearing fur. People started getting sick and dying and getting ketchup as a vegetable in school. Mourn this bitch. I’ll just say no, thank you very much.

  • Dolmance

    In other words, Nancy Reagan was a “Chicken-Head,” which is a very apt term for blow job specialists, in that it describes how they move their head up and down.

    Nancy Reagan was a Chicken Head.

  • James Myers

    You are utterly without class.

    • Ambignostic

      Like school on Saturday!

    • jmk

      So… you find it tacky to talk about facts?

      That explains your comment history.

      • James Myers

        My whole single comment history?

        • jmk

          “Comments: 85”

          All from other sites, as Wonkette does not allow comments.

          • James Myers

            lol You looked at all my other comments on others site, because of a single comment here?

            Wow, you … have a whole lot of time on your hands. My tax dollars at work?

          • jmk

            Takes one click, Einstein.

            You new to the interwebz?

          • James Myers

            lol Einstein. You’re the genius that divined my entire on-line contributions by going there. Are you saying the number of my comments is what gave you such great insight?

          • jmk

            Ummmm seriously? You don’t know how a Disqus comment history works?

            LOL Wow.

          • James Myers

            Lets back up, Slappy. What does your original point even mean?

            You said that because that I found your so-called “facts” tacky (which I didn’t say, I said you were utterly without class) somehow explained my comment history. This provided you some epiphany? What did you learn from my comment history?

          • jmk

            OK, as you seem unable to follow along, let’s review… I took a stroll through your rather-light-on-fact “no thanks, I prefer myths” comment history and came to a better understanding of your objection to what was actually a sex-positive view of the facts of Mrs. Reagan’s life experiences.

            Sorry you couldn’t discern that from the words.

            Buh-bye.

          • James Myers

            You did that in one click … Einstein? It only loads about 4-5 comments at a time. Couldn’t have read 4-5 comments to determine all that. Not with”one click”. Are you making this up?

          • jmk

            1. Click name of derptastic individual.
            Derptastic individual’s comment history opens.
            2. Scroll down to scan derptastic individual’s comments.
            3. Laugh.

            Now…how many times is the word “click” used in that procedure?
            Answer? One. One click…as advertised.

            See? Goooood.

            Buh-bye now.

  • Billy Rubin

    I will always remember Nancy for her candid discussion of drug use.

    https://youtu.be/EouHnOxPizo

    Truly, a masterpiece.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Nancy Davis — was known to give the best blowjob in town”

    Maybe that is what happened to Saint Ronnie’s brain, why Nancy sucked it right through his little peen!

  • jesuswasablack

    “reasons that she was very popular on the MGM lot.”

    who knew Nancy Reagan lot lizard!

  • Sam Hain

    Yes, “just say NO” was an enormous failure (it’s too bad there wasn’t a precedent like say Prohibition to reference such an ignorant view of addiction) meanwhile Ronnie Raygun was the biggest cocaine trafficker known.

  • Starfish

    I always heard her favorite bird was a White Swallow.

  • Shoto

    After digesting this piece, I’m thinking I’d like to read Kelly’s bio of Mrs. Saint Ronnie. Does that mean I’m going to hell even moar?

  • old school flat cap union man

    She also had a lollipop head.

    • Parque_Hundido

      Her hair acted as a helmet.

  • Alan Fann

    True, the record of The Reagans was troublesome, to say the least.

    Of course the public conversation was polemic then – remember Anita Bryant? Remember the vilification of “gays?”

    I knew this backlash was likely because Madame Secretary dared to show any respect. I am no fan of what the Reagans did and didn’t do – prioritization of china patterns, for example? It was a horrible time for the persons affected by and lost to HIV/AIDS both here AND everywhere else in the world. The prevailing sentiment then, was, however, that same sex relationships were a sin problem.

    Thankfully, we – for the most part, here in America – are way past that. Thankfully, the CDC did – in their ever so careful, scientific way, ramp up their efforts despite a VERY tense sociopolitical climate.

    I began my internship for my clinical psychology masters at the Grady IDC in 1988, and was able to take the project management lead for an epidemiology project that CDC rolled out by 1990 at the same clinic. CDC engaged facilities throughout the US to document the health and behavioral needs and to provide ongoing trend data. The version of that project successfully closed in 2004, but a successor project continues that marries the interview data with long term follow up of chart review data.

    Planning for addressing the epidemic was a multi pronged approach that could not simply begin overnight. Thankfully, ACT-Up pushed the FDA so that fast-track approval in fact transformed drug approval processes for HIV/AIDS (and that had a beneficial spillover effect for other clinical trial R&D).

    We had a long way to traverse, and the landscape today is nothing like what it was: indeed, a path was opened up for Surgeon General Koop to engage – late, yes, but with a basis of what was negotiated as PUBLIC policy for public health.

    “And The Band Played On” by Shilts well documents the political environment that slowed the response, too, as I am sure you are aware. If not, it is well worth the read.

    • Dennis O’Connor

      An intelligent, well balanced response. Context is sorely missing from many of these conversations. Times were different, and some of the greatest achievements on the road to where we are today are being criticized for not going far enough. Those of us who remember those days understand how hard it was to even take baby steps toward making the public understand they were on the brink of a major epidemic. Reagan was not a man of principal, nor was his Nancy.

  • Parque_Hundido

    For god’s sake, let the bitch roast in peace.

  • OhGoOnThen

    I didn’t care for the Reagans as politicians, and I doubt they were personally my cup of tea, but I could not give one thin damn if she gave out blowjobs to strangers as a nice way of saying ‘hello’. I love blowjobs, I like people who give blowjobs, and I think more blowjobs in general would make the world a vastly better place. And if she gave especially good blowjobs and gave them frequently then that’s a big old plus mark in her book as far as I’m concerned, not something to be ashamed of.

    And let me be clear; for ‘blow jobs’ read ‘oral sex in general’. I don’t want to be sexist about it. Oral sex for everyone!

  • Lou

    Is this all liberals have? To tarnish without any evidence the memory of one of the most honerable couple to ever serve the United States? Please grow up and pay attention to reality.

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