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HISTORY FACT.
Good cover for a science textbook.

You know how stupid liberal science textbooks are. They’re all, “Once upon a time there was nothing, but then the universe banged itself real hard, and then a bunch of atoms shot out and landed on earth and turned into fishes, which turned into dinosaurs, which turned into monkeys, which finally turned into humans, and everybody lived happily ever after, and hated Jesus so much.”

Yeah well, Idaho lady state Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll (R-Her Own Ass) is going to change that. She introduced Idaho SB 1321, which would make sure that whenever teachers feel the need to fill in the blanks in science classes by indoctrinating Bible into Idaho schoolchildren’s heads, they will be allowed:

The Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, United States and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.

Oh thank God, quite literally! And YAY, the bill passed out of the Senate Education Committee, even though some Democrat senator rudely pointed out that it’s already OK to use the Bible as a reference when appropriate, like in classes that might have fuckall to do with the Bible:

Sen. Janie Ward-Engelking, D-Boise, questioned the need for the law, since teachers can already use the Bible anyway.

“Once we start spelling out religious texts,” she said, “we open up the door to spelling out many, many more.”

“That, I guess, could be a possibility,” Nuxoll said. However, she drew a distinction between the Bible and other religious texts, saying the Bible is “embedded” in American culture.

And it’s just unfair for the Bible to be disallowed from astronomy, biology, geology and whatever other science-y classes they have in Idaho. Now, if you are the type of liberal who aborts the baby Jesus in your heart every day as an afternoon pick-me-up, you might not understand how the Bible is relevant to those classes. Here are but three examples of how it could be incorporated:

  • When Jesus gets tired of the universe, He is going to shoot through space and come back to earth on top of some clouds. Using your knowledge of astronomy, meteorology and physics, HOW JESUS GONNA DO THAT?
  • When Jesus was crucified, He was buried in a tomb guarded by a yoooooge rock, but when He raised hisself from the dead on the third day, some ladies saw that the yooooooge rock had been moved away and Jesus was gone. Using your knowledge of geology, HOW JESUS MOVE THAT BIG ROCK?
  • When Jesus was conceived, God gave a hunk of God sperms to his BFF Gabriel The Angel and sent him to wake Mary The Virgin up in the middle of the night and knock her up with the baby Jesus. Using your knowledge of biology, HOW IS BABBY JESUS FORMED?

Obviously Sen. Nuxoll’s bill is very important for Idaho education. And it’s not like she’s crazy or nothin’: she also thinks Obamacare is just like the Holocaust; she’s pretty sure common child support bills often lead to Sharia law; and she gets real mad when so-called Hindus gallivant up into the state senate and start blibber-blobbering prayers to fake Hindu gods.

And now, if Nuxoll is successful, Idaho kids will get to learn all the scientific workings of how Adam and Eve boned all of humanity into existence 6000 years ago and dinosaurs were really just really huge old grandma and grandpa lizards and other fun #science knowledge like that. Totally normal.

[IdEdNews.org / Idaho SB 1321 via RawStory]

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  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Yet another reason to avoid the “I” states.

  • maman

    What foreign language taught in a public school will the aided by use of the Bible? Particularly a Protestant one. Cuz you know wingnutz don’t believe Catholics are real Christians.

    • doktorzoom

      Especially since the state budget cuts got rid of the popular Greek and Aramaic classes.

      • Furrin languages are tools of SATAN.
        ~

        • Villago Delenda Est

          How can they be? When Jehovah blasted the Tower of Babel to smithereens, he created all those many languages to prevent any more of that building a tower to Heaven commie cooperation shit.

          • yyyaz

            Gee, thanks, Jehovah?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            With the development of carbon nanotubes, we should be able to build that tower to Heaven without any help from those damned furriners.

        • dave in texas

          In the immortal (and probably apocryphal) words of Miriam “Ma” Ferguson (Texas governor in the 1920s): “If English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for the schoolchildren of Texas.”

      • Mavenmaven

        Anything Syriac must be TERRORIST!!!!

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Jeebus wrote the bibble in english, King James was merely the stenographer.

          (dictated not read)

      • memzilla

        Kid Zoom got out just in time.

      • maman

        And Babylonian doesn’t have enough kids signed up.

    • Beowoof14

      They will use that Babel story to make sure the kids understand only Murican is an important enough language to learn. (Which means English is not in the curriculum).

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Unnecessary, since all must LEARN TO SPEAK AMERICAN!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?”

        • theCryptofishist

          That’s how Jesus wrote it.

    • MrBlobfish

      English. Didn’t you read Shawna Cox’s lawsuite?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Okay, I get using the Bible for philosophy, ethics, astronomy, geography, and geology… but MUSIC? Are we going to confine children to only perfect 5ths intervals? I like Gregorian chants as much as the next guy, and yes maybe the minor pentatonic scale was given to Robert Johnson by the devil at the crossroads in exchange for his soul (worth it!), but some of those original Beatles albums are really valuable and it wouldn’t be good for the economy to just burn them all now.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Beatles albums are only valuable if you possess the technology to play them backwards.

      • TheoLib

        Anyone else remember pushing down hard with your finger(s) on the LP and trying to force your turntable to turn in the opposite direction? Kids have it easy these days!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          My high school had a Christian group with one member with a high-end turntable that you could disengage the motor. They turned the record backwards with the eraser end of a pencil around the middle and listened for the dirty words.

    • TheoLib

      Perfect post!

    • bobbert

      As I recall, the Bibble doesn’t even offer hints about the proper embouchure for shofar.

  • Nounverb911

    Does the Bibble answer the ages old question of how are baby potatoes made?

    • River CitySlicker

      You asked. . .

    • River CitySlicker

      And this. . .

  • crunchyknee

    The bible would be great for sex education class. The concubines, and slave girls and what not.

    • Nounverb911

      So Bristul never read the Bible either?

    • FauxAntocles

      Song of Solomon, woot-woot!

    • Ami

      Don’t forget Lot had sex with his two daughters who then gave birth to his “sons” Moab and Ammon.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And Ammon was arrested by the feds.

        • Msgr_Moment

          I understand that Lot had cliven hoofs.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Inbreeding. It’ll get you every time.

      • SnarkTank

        And Noah’s sons got to see their Daddy nekkid.

    • Ima Witstup

      True that, plenty of begatting in there.

    • yyyaz

      I hope they pay special attention to the condemnation of the local hotties who liked them some dudes with “members the size of donkeys and issue like unto that of horses.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      That crazy wife of Potiphar!

    • chicken thief

      I like that dancing Salami ho! Woot, woot!

  • DerrickWildcat

    Idaho is crap and should be waterboarded.

    • doktorzoom

      Fine, see if I say anything nice about birds ever again.

      Actually, we do have some nice birds here. Lovely plumage.

      • DerrickWildcat

        I knew you were lurking here.

        • doktorzoom

          Are you a wizard?

          • DerrickWildcat

            My Army rank was a 4th level Paladin.

          • Nounverb911

            Was Richard Boone in your platoon?

          • doktorzoom

            And now, a moment of silence in memory of Leeeeerooooy Jenkins.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Whelp, I guess we’ve exhausted this thread.

          • Boscoe

          • Latverian Diplomat

            One more level, and you could have had a steed.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Idaho is the bestest pony ever!

  • Nounverb911

    Hey Evan, does Dok know that you are visiting his part of the world?

    • doktorzoom

      If Evan gets some Idaho crazy on him, it’s his own lookout. “Sides, I write about Tennessee now and then, too. Or is it Kentucky? Whichever one isn’t Saskatchewan.

      • Nounverb911

        Alaska?

      • elviouslyqueer

        ALABAMA LIBEL!

      • RoyalUglyDude

        For the last time, Kentucky is the top. Tennessee is the bottom.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ummmm, what book of psalms solves this?

    • Don’t need no homonometric formulas, no how.
      ~

    • limberrat

      It this in cubits or are we building an Ark?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        “Go thee to the village and gather unto thy bosom a hundred cubits, provideth they are nice and fresh and offered at a decent price.”

    • chascates

      That illustrates why I failed Algebra I and graduated HS only because the principal couldn’t stand having me around another year.

    • chimichanga

      Amen to that!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Something something “go therefore and sin no more” something?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …divide by pythagorean theorem

    • kev

      ben carson: PLEEEASE GOD! HELP A BROTHER OUT HERE.

    • arglebargle

      Here’s my math test from cawledge.

      • chicken thief

        It’s in commie Euro-peen measurements – no fair!

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …damn, you found X!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The chapter about “wad up the paper and toss it down the shitter”!

    • schmannity

      Not Psalms silly, Numbers.

    • baconzgood

      No need for that Algerbra was invented by Mooosloms and therefore a tool of satan.

    • say wha

      Jesus wept?

    • JustPixelz

      The Biblical answer, as always, is NO BUTT SECHS.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’ve checked your work, and I’m ready to add my co-sign.

    • MrBlobfish

      Now let’s see……….Jesus + Solomon = 9….carry the 2 Corinthians……solve for John 3:16…..Reagan! The answer is Ronald Reagan.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …someone has just earned a gold star!!!

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      What? I thought you were just supposed to pray during algebra tests. Prayer solves everything, amiright???

      • david green

        Prayer certainly didn’t do anything for my grade point average.

        • theCryptofishist

          You need to pray like Carson. Strictly Chem tests, I suppose.

    • timpundit

      A real American doesn’t use letters in math problems. Well, maybe in NEW YORK, they do. Also, I suspect many of those symbols are Arabic.

  • Nuxoll, Nuxoff, the Nuxor!
    ~

    • SnarkOff

      Deez Nux

  • LarryHoudini

    How does the talking gargoyle illustrate this story? Oh never mind, it’s Larry King.

  • Scooby

    In their defense “The Big Bang” does sound like a porno movie or a sitcom

    • bobbert

      Many people think that Fred Hoyle coined the term as a sarcastic reference (he was the leading proponent of the competing Steady-State Universe).

      I am one of those people.

      • Scooby

        Just like coining “Obamacare” it can come back to haunt you.

      • theCryptofishist

        So, who coined “Gnab Gib?”

  • Callyson

    The Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, United States and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics

    Well, I can’t believe she left out phys ed!!!

    • FauxAntocles

      Spare the rod, spoil the lazy brats!

      • JustPixelz

        True fact: The bible doesn’t say “spare the rod, spoil the child”. It’s actually worse: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” — Proverbs 13:24

    • You mean Jim class?
      ~

    • Mavenmaven

      And now, class, time for stoning!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Oh man, and I thought dodgeball was bad!

      • Markuserektus

        Everybody must get stoned

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Swimmers, to your millstones!

    • hollydturner

      And sex education! What about that, huh?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Not needed for sex ed when it consists of, “Keep it in your pants until you’re married.”

        • hollydturner

          Cue Bristol.

    • maman

      Cross carrying fit?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Heathen slaughtering drills!

    • Little Lulu

      “Whereupon Mary Magdalene entered the Calculus tent and lay herself down on the tan sin cot.”

    • iGrover

      And Band, don’t forget Band.

  • Beowoof14

    And here with Trump and Cruz leading in the republican primaries, I thought we had dumbed down Americans to a sufficient degree. Clearly this woman wants to take it to the extreme.

    • limberrat

      Hu neds educasuuun anywuy?

    • SnarkOff

      I read this as “leading Republican primates.”

      • Beowoof14

        Sort of generous take for people who normally identify as reptiles.

    • yyyaz

      Without the Nuxoll’s of Fuknuttia, Imperator Furiosa will never get her war rig built.

  • Robyn Ryan

    They want to make our Constitution a ‘sacred’ religious cudgel only they can interpret.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Thou dost libel ye Founding Fathers!

      • Robyn Ryan

        Fatherhood is a matter of probability. Which is the root of misogyny and sperm worship.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      For good reason. This country rejected the British Monarchy.

      • theCryptofishist

        But we actually rejected the King George version.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Lady didn’t put meteorology in her list of subjects you can teach with The Bible. Loophole as big as the ozone hole.

  • limberrat

    Because a monarchy vs. religious dictatorship is perfect for comparative government!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What’s the over/under on a teacher getting fired for not using the bibble in biology class?

    • SnarkOff

      No gambling in school!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My biology teacher was able to live comfortably on her husband’s salary and donated 100% of her teacher salary to her church. She told us which pages in the textbook covered evolution and to read it on our own. If we had any questions, see her after class, because it would not be covered in class and would not be on any tests.

  • I’m sorry she left out math, because I’d like to write up a few word problems:

    If there were 20,000 people in Jericho, 20% of which were children under the age of 13, how many defenseless children did God order Joshua and the Israelites to ruthlessly slaughter in His name as an offering?

    In the book of Judges 21, in which all but a few thousand Israelites from the tribe of Benjamin were slaughtered by their kin, we’re told that in order to preserve the line of Benjamin, the Israelites opted to kidnap young virgins (preteen girls) from a town. Using your knowledge of genetics and a baseline of 10,000 surviving Benjaminites, how many preteen girls would have to be kidnapped into sex slavery, raped, and forcibly impregnated in order to perpetuate the tribe without a statistically relevant increase in birth defects?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Common Core Math. BAH!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        WTF is this “New Math” shit? WTF is “set theory”? WTF is “multiplication”?

    • elviouslyqueer

      The answer to both questions is AOT, K, obvs.

  • Mavenmaven

    The answer to ALL the questions is “SATAN”

  • SnarkOff

    Can the Bible be mocked in Idaho schools, too? Is it fair game for, say, a science teacher to use the Bible as an example of unscientific bullshit?

    • bobbert

      Strictly speaking, that would be “for reference purposes”, so yeah.

      The teacher would probably be lynched, though.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Ralph: “I’m Idaho!”
    Principal Skinner: “Yes you are, Ralph. Yes you Are.”

    • FauxAntocles

      Ida Ho?

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Will Delaware her New Jersey?”
      “Idaho, Alaska.”

      • chicken thief

        That is the Maine question…

        • bobbert

          Jamaica?

  • Rick Hill

    And so, our 240 year-long assperiment comes to a halt, ending in abject failure. Thanks, Obama

  • She say’s Idaho, I say Hi-De-Ho.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7at9X_ympQ

    The kids can learn something from Cab Calloway you know.

  • kev

    i sure hope the satanic temple is on this demanding equal access.

  • fergawdssakes

    Do you know what else is embedded in American culture?

    • Ima Witstup

      Little bits of corn?

    • hollydturner

      Jews?

    • jviscont1

      any Kardashian?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A healthy fear of religious nuts going batshit and killing anyone who dares to not believe exactly as they do?

    • Msmlg1979

      EXCEPTIONALISM!!111!!!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      64 individually wrapped slices of American cheese?
      http://i.imgur.com/DMJCdbn.jpg

      • Bill Slider

        Velveeta and Miracle Whip for the health conscious.

    • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_Moment

      Luscious nougat?

      • eddi

        Certainly a lot a nuts.

    • MrBlobfish

      A pack of Marlboro reds?

    • chicken thief

      If by ’embedded’ you mean shoved up my ass, you are going to have to be more specific.

      ~ Marcus

    • chicken thief

      A Bush on the POTUS ticket? Please clap now.

      ~ Jeb!

    • yyyaz

      Beisbol, bratwurst, rhubarb pie and Chevalier?

    • MrBlobfish

      Wet And Wild Girls Who Jiggle Out Of Place?

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Cool Ranch Doritos?

  • chascates

    Our countryz are not learning and it’s not because of “imperious petty destructive Islamic malevolent anti-American
    sissified evil angry incompetent Supreme-Court-destroying
    middle-finger-waving socialist petulant deviant Constitution-ignoring
    malignant narcissist Saboteur-In-Chief illegal hideous communist gay
    crack-smoking pernicious Kenyan crypto-muslim dictator President
    “Stompy-Foot” Obama”
    (from a Freeper count-down clock post).

    As we descend into a role of ‘grain bin’ and ‘entertainment maker’ for the world other more enlightened countries will develop the new ideas and technologies that further progress. As long as their kids are taught that ole tyme religion and a bigoted view of history the nutters will happily blame our decline on Democrats, the media, Hollywood, etc.

    • MrBlobfish

      I blame me.

    • Bill Slider

      Don’t forget the gays and the transgenders.

  • jviscont1

    that revisionist King James bible? Stone tablets or GTFO.
    – Moses

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Real fundamentalists teach Gilgamesh.

      • PubOption

        Epic.

  • elpinche

    http://www.idahoednews.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Nuxoll1166-150×150.jpg

    Science in front, and Jesus in back! Don’t break Nuxol’s achey breaky heart and pass the bill!

    • Msmlg1979

      Feathered and lethal!

      • elpinche

        “I’m too old for this shit, Riggs! “

    • bobbert

      Nice mullet reference.

  • Indiepalin

    The gospel of Thomas describes a neat science experiment in which Jesus tries to turn lead into gold but ends up with a steaming pile of donkey manure.

    • Bill Slider

      Is that what is going on in Troy, Michigan? The governor is secretly trying to turn the lead in their drinking water to gold? Why did it take so long for me to figure this out?

      • david green

        That wold be OK, but if I understand it correctly, trying to turn gold into lead would have serious consequences. Which might explain what happened when Bush got ahold of the Clinton Surplus.

  • MrBlobfish
    • Indiepalin

      The Kim Davis look is catching on in Appalachia.

      • hollydturner

        Holy shit! We have the same thought process.

        • MrBlobfish

          Oh, get a room, you two.

    • hollydturner

      Anyone else see the resemblance to Kim Davis?

    • Msmlg1979

      She’s been huffing Aquanet for waaaaay too long.

    • chicken thief

      I bet the gentle tickling of that necklace when she moves makes her nipples rock hard. And she knows it!

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    If they use the KJV the kiddies will never understand it.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001B8NW5A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1

    • arglebargle

      That is definitely a feature, not a bug, where evangelical ass-wipes are concerned.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Fuck that Establishment clause! Just fuck it like Beyonce fucks the cops! Fuck it, fuck it, FÜCK ÏT!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Now, now… God loves you no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

  • calliecallie

    Here’s a thing that has bothered me for some time about this Bibble stuff. If Adam and Eve are the mother and father of us all, then aren’t we all related? And if we’re all related, why the rightwing nutjobs got to be so hatin’ on the blahs and browns and muslins?

    • limberrat

      Tower of babel? Cain being a dick? Honestly I posed this question multiple times especially since Noah and his family were the only remaining family and I kept getting, “God works in mysterious ways”

      • HanBarbara

        Funny how many of these people don’t even read their Bibble. The old school belief was that Noah’s dark skinned son made fun of him when he was drunk and naked. As a consequence, God said that the sons of dark skinned Ham would have to serve the descendants of the other two kids for ever and ever. That God, always over reacting.
        I suppose for many reasons that justification has fallen out of fashion, and they haven’t been able to come up with anything better

        The funny thing, is genetically, we are all Africans, some of us Africans developed lighter skin and hair to adapt to the cold and lack of sunlight.
        Trot that one out next Thanksgiving.

    • elpinche

      We’re assuming rightwing nutjobs are reasonable and sane.
      My super rightwing christian racist aunt throws in apes, crossbreeding, and aliens in her theories about ‘the blacks’ vs white people.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I take it you have no older brothers.

      • calliecallie

        I have a younger brother and my sister-in-law was always amazed that he and I never fought as kids. We were pals! She does have older brothers, though, so maybe that’s why.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I went to school with a guy whose mother believed that, after Cain killed Abel and was kicked out, he mated with gorillas, resulting in the Negro race.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “Then Jacob took fresh sticks of poplar and almond and plane trees, and
    peeled white streaks in them, exposing the white of the sticks. He set
    the sticks that he had peeled in front of the flocks in the troughs,
    that is, the watering places, where the flocks came to drink. And since
    they bred when they came to drink, the flocks bred in front of the sticks and so the flocks brought forth striped, speckled, and spotted” -Genesis 30:37-39.

    Today in Biology class we will learn how to make normal goats give birth to striped and spotted goats.

    And then we will move on to the chapter where men have one less rib than women because God took their ribs.

    • hollydturner

      Watching hot animal sex. Is that evangelical porn?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I am pretty sure you don’t even need to be Mendel or know 19th century biology to know that you aren’t going to get striped goats like that or that men and women have the same number of ribs, and yet…

        visit a Church and get to know the folks. Derp D’jour can be fun if you laugh on the inside.

        • hollydturner

          I wouldn’t be able to control the uncontrollable laughter.

    • obadiahorthodox

      it was the penis bone that god used, that is why human males don’t have one.

      http://vridar.org/2010/06/20/which-bone-was-eve-made-from/

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Kay wait…they bred when they came to drink. Why, that sounds like… Thinking super hard…

      • bobbert

        Friday night?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          And Saturday and usually Thursday. Just sayin’.

    • david green

      Striped goats? Aren’t those zebras?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Pictured: “And Jesus conquered Trannysaurus Rex, and we enjoy his Libety to this day.”

    • mailman27

      Couldn’t help noticing that T-Rex’s jaws are mighty close to the Holy Jewels.

  • Poly_Ester

    I have long wondered why the Magi from somewhere in Asia minor traveled west to Bethlehem when they say a star in the East. Maybe Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll can splain that.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      They were using an early version of Apple Maps.

      • Thurman Munster IV

        And everyone knows that the Apple is what got Adam and Eve all embarrassed about their naughty bits. Sinful I say!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          THE iPHONE IS THE DEVIL!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      What’s the whole point of talking about Zoroastrian Astologers in the first place?

    • limberrat

      Dammit, that never dawned on me until now. And I thought I had enought problems with that book.

      • bobbert

        You want some real entertainment, have a look at the Book of Mormon.

        • david green

          Amen brother! I read that in High School and finished it with a mental “WTF?”

        • limberrat

          Grew up as a RW evangelical in California (before my moment of lucidity) and made it my mission in high school to prove Mormons wrong. I have definitely read that piece of entertainment.

  • arglebargle

    Trump better rethink his wall. Jesus was a furrin and look how easy he moved that yooooouge stone.

  • baconzgood

    Nuxoll?

    Sounds like a pill to treat mild aspergers disease.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      It’s the generic version of this one.

  • arglebargle

    Did Adam and Steve Eve have belly buttons?

    • chicken thief

      Also too, did they have sexitimes with their kids or did their kids have sexitimes with each other?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’ve never figured any of that out. Doesn’t make sense. Of course, the book of goatherd fairy tales makes less sense than the Brothers Grimm or Beedle the Bard.

        • yyyaz

          Or Tweedle the Beadle.

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            That can get you arrested in some states. At least if you do it in public.

      • bobbert

        Yes?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Humph, everbody know that Jesus done move that big rock using the magic of leverage, which is a physics discipline.

    • theCryptofishist

      Or mechanics.

  • Cismontane

    Oh I don’t know. The RWNJ’s may have a problem now that their man Trump’s been officially declared “not a Christian” by no less than His Holiness Himself. It’s a shame that we’re past the days when such a pronouncement would’ve been accompanied by some horrific curse in Latin on a very colorfully stamped document plus a Hapsburg invasion fleet.

    http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/18/politics/pope-francis-trump-christian-wall/index.html

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Pope should further characterize Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio as non-Christians. What’s good for the Catholics is good for Dominionist swine and pandering pricks.

      • yyyaz

        A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon walk into a bar. The bartender says, “The usual, Marco?”

    • limberrat

      Some middle ages entertainment! Can he hire Jeremy Irons to do his speeches?

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      “If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is
      ISIS’s ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only
      wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president,” Trump
      added.

      …christ a’mighty… seriously????

      • Cismontane

        Wow. I’m kinda surprised he hasn’t pulled off a reference to the Protocols of the Elders of Zion yet.. or the Illuminati.

  • Vecciojohn LLC
  • Msgr_Moment

    “Once we start spelling out religious texts,” she said, “we open up the door to spelling out many, many more.”

    May I suggest…

  • eddi

    More protection for poor oppressed Christians.

    • AF_Whigs

      Exactly! Christians have no voice in our society…as evidenced by this farcical legislation: 1) being taken seriously AT ALL and 2) passing!

      • eddi

        Well, it is Idaho. One of the states in the running for craziest in the country after Florida goes underwater.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Today in Geology class we discuss the Global Flood, and the Satanic Conspiracy by Science to pretend it never happened with facts and evidence.

  • Anarchy Pony

    I love how they can be so utterly dismissive of other religions, and yet find the same attitude towards their religion as a personal insult.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Theirs is the only real religion. All others are tools of Satan.

      It’s much easier to be dead certain of this than to live with any ambiguity about anything, when your brain is so small and limited.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        And hate takes up all the rest of it.

    • eddi

      It’s not hard when they are right and everybody else is wrong.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      But… will point to similar myths in other religions as proof of the veracity of their most cherished and obviously not-true myths.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Green must fight Purple. Purple must fight Green. Is no other way!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        B5 reference FTW!

      • yyyaz

        I can sense epigenetic switches being triggered that will ultimately result in … Romulans.

      • YourNameHere

        TBF the Green Lanterns and the Star Sapphires do fight sometimes.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Technically, the Star Sapphires are violet, not purple.

          Comic book and color science nerdery in one.

        • OctopiRage

          But the make up sex is awesome…

    • AF_Whigs

      “Turn the other cheek” and “judge not others” as long as they believe exactly as you do.

  • Brewerofbeers

    “HOW JESUS MOVE THAT BIG ROCK?”

    Another keyboard lost to coffee. Sigh.

    • I know, right? I shot tea out of my nose when I read: “Now, if you are the type of liberal who aborts the baby Jesus in your heart every day as an afternoon pick-me-up, you might not understand how the Bible is relevant to those classes.”

      • Brewerofbeers

        Absolutely co-opting that one too.

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • zerosumgame0005

      a pretty violent and nasty tribe at that!

      • bobbert

        If we believe their propaganda.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Goatherd libel !

      • mailman27

        Lady-o-delaydee-o-delay-hee-hoo!

  • JohnInCA

    A law that specifically endorses the Bible for use in the classroom?

    /headdesk

    Does Idaho enjoy being sued by the ACLU?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hack “Christian” lawyers need makework too, you know.

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s a sort of masochism.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Finally, equal time for the scientific theory that the sky is a big dome with holes in it for starlight and trap doors to release rain from time to time. Teach the controversy!

  • Nounverb911

    Breaking News

    Pope calls Trump “Unchristian”. Twitter to explode in 3…2…1…

    @AP #MakeAmericaGreatAgain @Trump2016 !!!! pic.twitter.com/Hw3q3LTiAN— Mike (@ManahawkinMikey) February 18, 2016

    • zerosumgame0005

      Trump, Make Derp Great Again!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Why doesn’t The Donald just go there, and call Francis “dumb”, like he did Mz. Lindsey the other day?

      • HanBarbara

        “He’s dumb. Very low energy, that man. And he has no friends. He might be mentally unstable. I’m thinking I might sue.”

    • JustPixelz

      Mrs Pixelz has news on TV. I heard Trump fantasizing about an upcoming ISIS attack on the Vatican. And that the Pope is a pawn of the Mexican government. Also that Pope is a stupid poopy head.

  • Brewerofbeers

    Please tell me she is still rocking that awesome mullet.

    • zerosumgame0005

      Janie Dirt!

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Imagine if a Muslim legislator even suggested we teach the Qu’ran in our schools.

      • yyyaz

        Imagine no religion. Please.

        • bobbert

          I’ve been trying for 55 years or so. It hasn’t worked.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Teaching the Bible as Science is one yuuuuge step down from creepy Apologetics.

    Teaching Science and how it contradicts what is obviously wrong in the Bible would be a step up, but somehow… I don’t think that’s what the legislator had in mind.

    • yyyaz

      May the noodly appendages of reason make it so.

  • zerosumgame0005

    Bernie forced autostart ad is very intrusive and annoying, and FYI if it was a Hillary one I would say the same fucking thing

    • chicken thief

      Add adblock, then hover over the upper right hand corner of the vid until the ‘BLOCK’ dialoge appears, then click it.

      • Suttree

        You are stealing money out of the mouth of Donna Rose! Although you are a Chicken Thief so I may have to give you a pass.

        • chicken thief

          Nah. No thieving from the young ‘un – I’m a paid subscriber and shit!

          • Suttree

            Ok, you are let off of the hook. For now!111!!!! Dun, dun,dun,dun!

      • zerosumgame0005

        nice idea but it is so wide (on purpose) the right hand side is behind other ads that make it through adblock, so because Sanders is so manipulative it cannot be blocked.

        • chicken thief

          Sorry. Worked for me. Maybe if you widen your browser page to spread things out?….

          • OctopiRage

            That’s what she said. Sorry, I’ll leave…

          • zerosumgame0005

            tried that but it is still stuck under the block reserved for ads just enough that it does not trigger the options. hard to believe that is not deliberate, perhaps after they noticed you did it they modified the code to stop it

        • lroom

          I’m having the exact same problem.

        • bobbert

          So, I noticed the same thing. But, in my case (ABP on Chrome) the inline ad is there, but doesn’t autostart, so it’s just a thing to skip past.

          Note, on my laptop. I don’t often read Wonket on my phone, so don’t know.

        • david green

          I dunno, but for some reason I never seem to see and be bothered by all these ads that bother the rest of you. Perhaps God loves me.

  • Me not sure

    I used to teach the Book of Job in a class for gifted students that presented concepts of dramatic tragedy and comedy in literature, as an example of a tragedy written in dialog that predated Greek theatre. No state law was required. Most of my kids thought God was really being a dick about the whole thing.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Job: Why me?

      Yaweh: Why not?

      • Me not sure

        God : ” Shut up! I’ve got money riding on this!”

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And these people are terrified of an evil entity who’s stupid enough to make a bet with a being he knows is omniscient. I’m surprised God didn’t try to sell Lucifer a bridge in Brooklyn.

          • Me not sure

            He settled on The Trump Tower of Babble.

          • david green

            And then ended up having to declare bankruptcy.

          • theCryptofishist

            Who knows what’s happened since they had people writing it down.

      • Suttree

        So my new Portuguese bartenders only remember my name because it’s Adam (Y) Why? For some reason they never 86 me. Being handsome as fuck and having blue eyes goes a long way in this life apparently.

        • OctopiRage

          Worked for jebus…

    • HanBarbara

      I’ve struggled through the King James Version- it seems like God’s answer is “I am God, get over it”. And then God replaced everything he had in larger quantities, which I guess was supposed to make up for the children he lost and his physical suffering. The End.

      • yyyaz

        Job needed better lawyers.

        • Me not sure

          Better call Saul!

        • HanBarbara

          Yes, he definately could have done better in the “intentional infliction of emotional distress” department

      • SPOILER ALERT!

      • When read figuratively, it’s a pretty beautiful and poetic example of early man’ struggle with the problem of evil and the seeming indifference of his life and suffering in the greater universe.

        When read as literal history, it’s a horrific monstrous shit show.

        • HanBarbara

          Kind of like Oedipus Rex… but the older I get, the less I feel inclined to give the Bible a pass, mostly Because of all the people who insist that it’s literal history. You can’t have it both ways.

          • The added bookends to the poem is also a pretty interesting picture of the early view of Satan, who is less of God’s enemy and more of God’s cynical hit man.

            And it contradicts the book of Revelation which sees Satan as being cast down from heaven, where Job depicts Satan having free access to the throne of God.

          • HanBarbara

            Also, God can deal with it when we question her.

          • Me not sure

            Satan! Long time, no see!

        • Me not sure

          Exactly as I tried to teach it.

        • grindstone

          My very own pastor of yore taught that Job was an allegory for all mankind, and the bet that god and satan made was simply the vagueries of life its-own-self. Reading it as literal is literally horrifying.

        • theCryptofishist

          You may have answered my question.

      • theCryptofishist

        Will someone think of the children?
        Seriously, forget Job, what about his first wife and kids, and even his cattle? (Were cattle involved? Brought up secular humanist, so I’m weak on my bible.) How can that possibly be fair to them? Yeah, I can see it’s the bronze age and people die for no reason all the time, but you find that attractive in a god?

    • I like to picture God and Satan in the book of Job like Randolph and Mortimer Duke from Trading Places.

      God: I like Job. Good man.

      Satan: Bet you I can get him to curse you by ruining his life and killing his family.

      God: The usual amount?

      Satan: Yep.

      God: You’re on.

      • Suttree

        Back then a dollar was probably a lot of munniez.

      • Me not sure

        The Dukes were the original Kochs.

      • Or like these guys…

      • theCryptofishist

        Or those light up mushrooms in that Star Trek episode.

    • timpundit

      God comes off as a petulant dick everywhere in the bible. I don’t know how he got so popular, must have a helluva good publicist.

      • Me not sure

        Moses was a pretty convincing guy. Of couse all of those plagues didn’t hurt.

        • MizzMazz

          Ah, but he had gawd on his side, hardening Pharaoh’s heart all the time. Each time Pharaoh was pretty much, “Sure, let them go” gawd hardened his heart, making more work for Moses, and more suffering for the Egyptian people, because he wanted his Charlton Heston move to be over 3 hours long. Always thinking ahead, that YHVH.

          • Me not sure

            I think you’ve confused God with Cecil B. DeMille. DeMille made that mistake himself, it’s been said.

          • MizzMazz

            What, making the movie too long, or casting Chuck? The buybull definitely has gawd fucking with Pharaoh, but then gawd loves to fuck with his creations, and cause misery.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Yeah not to mention condemning humanity for things like gay sex, but not for slavery and genocide. Such a “lovely” God.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            You have to wonder if the decision between shellfish and slavery was decided with a coin toss.

          • MizzMazz

            …and mixed fibers for clothing.

          • MizzMazz

            Hey, that’s not *my* gawd. YHVH is a prick.

          • bobbert

            I do want to point out the important detail that it’s only gay guy sex that Leviticus mentions.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Just ignore the part where it mentions things like shellfish and mixing fabrics.

          • HanBarbara

            And don’t get too attached to that fancy sofa. If the lady of the house sits on it while she’s menstruating, it becomes unclean, and into the fire it goes.

          • Me not sure

            God sent misery to Job. DeMille sent Heston to us.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            The royalties. It always comes down to the royalties.

          • bobbert

            The “hardening his heart” shit was pretty much what nuked my attachment to YHWH.

            You’re omnipotent. You pick on some poor human schmuck, and have your stooge tell him to do something he doesn’t immediately want to do (“Let my people go”), or else.

            He declines. You unleash a plague on him and his people. Rinse and repeat a few times. Eventually, the schmuck realizes he’s outclassed and is ready to give in. So you use your omnipotence to change his mind, so you can smack him again. And again. So your name will be glorified.

            These people, in addition to being people, are your creations. This makes as much sense as me wanting to have my computer programs glorify my name. Or less sense. I don’t think my programs are sentient.

          • david green

            Like the Greek Gods, the Christian God is just humanity in all its glory.

          • HanBarbara

            As Anne LaMotte said “This is exactly the kind of Old Testament behavior that I have a problem with”.

          • HanBarbara

            And take your son Isaac out to the Desert and sacrifice him because I’m craving some human barbecue…Nope just kidding, pretty funny, huh?

          • MizzMazz

            …and feed a bear some kids who made fun of Elijah’s bald head. Real thigh slapper.

      • clubseal

        Say, you know who else is a petulant dick who somehow got really popular?

        • timpundit

          Yeah. But as he get’s older we’re hoping the Beib will mature somehow.

    • malsperanza

      Job predates Aeschylus? I thought the idea was that the Job author probably knew some Greek drama.

      • Me not sure

        It’s unknown how far back the basic story goes. There were probably at least two different authors of Job and the setting seems to predate the Greeks. At the very least it doesn’t follow Greek pattern wherein the hero is eventually destroyed because of hubris or some fatal flaw, after an epiphany. Almost all Greek tragedy stems from some familial failing, combined with personal flaw. Job is never seen as the cause of his own suffering and is restored by the end, begging the question as to whether this is even a true tragedy in the classical Greek sense.

        • malsperanza

          True, that happy ending really does lend a Disney spin to the whole story.

          • Antimassacree

            MacLeish’s play “J.B” remains my favorite take on Job especially because its ending is far superior to the original.

          • Me not sure

            Disney differs from God in that he would have had the old children come magically back to life. That would have been spoiler if God had done it.

          • david green

            I’ve never understood why Christ on the cross was such a big deal anyway. After all, if he was God (or part of
            God, or a third God?), he was going to be hard to kill anyway. As for the suffering, an afternoon on a cross is probably less suffering than months in a burn ward.

          • malsperanza

            I just bought this book. I’ll let you know the answer–
            http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41FhbUQAAPL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

    • RobKanC

      Sure but did you use the book to teach them how Satan used Steve Jobs and created Apple to indoctrinate their minds. I think not.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    This is what you get when you allow the laity to read scripture. Or teach them how read.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bernard-starr/why-christians-were-denied-access-to-their-bible-for-1000-years_b_3303545.html

    • yyyaz

      It’s all Obama’s Gutenberg’s fault.

      • That damned movable type!!!

        • Suttree

          Tools of the devil!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I blame Scalia for not ordering an injunction against non-Latin mass.

        • Suttree

          Oh /ffs sake! Thanks for reminding me of my childhood visiting my Baka and Dida (grandparents). Three hour long mass in Croatian and Latin every Sunday. And people ask me why I drink so much.

          • theCryptofishist

            My mother got mass in Polish.

          • Suttree

            No wonder we wound up here! :)

        • chicken thief

          Ya. WTF is up with that? I thought he was an ‘original intent’ guy.

      • Me not sure

        Steve? Whatever happened to him?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He’s not here with Dave, man.

          • theCryptofishist

            Duh, he’s with Adam.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The serious danger, as all fundies know, is that they’ll start to think for themselves, like that Eve beeyotch did in the Garden of Eden.

    • orygoon

      As an Episcopalian with a “Kalendar”, I had noticed “Today, February 18, some Christian communities celebrate the feast of the great reformer Martin Luther. ”

      Coincidence? Of course not!

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        I had pizza for lunch, which for me is a rare treat. Does that count?

        • theCryptofishist

          Was it German pizza?

    • BadKitty904

      This is what you get when you vote ‘Thumpers into public office.

    • david green

      Now that they can read, we need to teach them comprehension.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Either the bible is the word of God or it isn’t. That’s why I hate fig trees.

    • Suttree

      Fag libelz!!!111!!! Because figs are fucking delicious.

      • nmmagyar

        So are fags

        • Suttree

          I’ve never eaten one so I’m at a loss on that account. I’m just terribly in love with women! And also, too not that there’s anything wrong with that. I love fags too! They are really some of my best friends, and not in that black guy Donald Trump sense.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Silly. Fags don’t grow on trees.

        • Suttree

          Well where do the fuck do they come from Mr. Smartypants!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Straight parents. Go figure…

    • bobbert

      Either the bible is the word of God or it isn’t.

      Fundies will disagree with you.

      EDIT: I only hate that one fig tree.

  • Bill Slider

    I thought Nuxoll was a skin cleanser for the face and other delicate areas.

    • OctopiRage

      Stinky areas?

  • Suttree

    Thanks Obama Dok Zoom.

  • BadKitty904

    I think I may be running out of snark. How many times can one respond to “Republican Legislator Says/Does Some Stupid-Ass Thing“?

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      AOT, Kitty.

    • bobbert

      Oh, Kitty, you’re too young to be running out of snark.

      • BadKitty904

        Surely this year’s Presidential campaign has been unnaturally draining…

  • Oblios_Cap

    So the Pope said something about Trump? To the Twitter machine, posthaste!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Would the question “Could God make a rock so big that Jesus couldn’t roll it?” be considered in philosophy or physics class?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Home Ec

      • thenearesthippie

        Do you mean ecce homo?

    • chicken thief

      ROCK AND ROLL IS THE DEBBELZ SHIT, NOT JESUS!!!!

    • Doug Langley

      • Bitter Scribe

        Ruben Bolling is a national treasure. If there were any justice in the comics world, Tom the Dancing Bug would be syndicated in 2,000 newspapers, and The Lockhorns, Gasoline Alley, Family Circus, etc. would be confined to the internet.

        • clubseal

          to the internet garbage can.

          Especially Family Circus.

          • theCryptofishist

            No. It’s sheer awfulness should be left in papers so children can learn to hate them.

    • I.M. Pistoff

      …maybe if one side was flat… But, according to mainstream christians, Jesus IS God, so it’s unlikely he’d fuck himself that way, even if he could.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Music, I think.

  • The Wanderer

    I am so damned glad that I don’t have children.

  • TheBidenator

    It’s nice to know that the next time an Earth Science teacher is explaining to kids about how the snake river plateau actually formed he or she can dive into Leviticus to tell kids volcanoes are god farting and the plateau was formed in like, 5 minutes.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      And the astronomy teacher can explain how we can see starlight from so many thousands of light years away because Satan put those out there to trick us and he covered his tracks by messing with the Doppler shift. That bastard!

  • YourNameHere

    God gave a hunk of God sperms to his BFF Gabriel The Angel

    So much funnier when I think about Supernatural.

  • orygoon

    This is a lady who said Obamacare is exactly like killing Jews by the millions. So sure, put her in charge of history learning and stuff. http://www.politico.com/story/2013/01/idaho-sen-sheryl-nuxoll-compares-health-care-to-holocaust-086984

    • CriticalDragon1177

      What a loon

    • Villago Delenda Est

      These vile creatures need to be driven back beneath the rocks they slithered from.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Once again creationists try to cram their anti science lies down our little kids’ throats.

  • TheBidenator

    Using the bible in geology, hmm….Well, should I hit myself in the brain pan with a tackhammer now to make it seem like a good idea or wait until those slobbering little spud larva start telling me about how Mt. St. Helens erupted in 1980 because Washington isn’t Jesusy enough? I need advice….

    • theblackdog

      I thought Mt. St. Helens erupted in 1980 because of the gheys

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        No, no, no…gays cause hurricanes. Volcanoes are all about abortion, just like earthquakes and gun control.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I thought gays caused floods or droughts, abortions caused twisters and Obama causes earthquakes?
          These people need to make up their damn mind

          • theCryptofishist

            Wait, hurricanes are who then?

        • therblig

          are we not throwing enough virgins into volcanoes?

          • Zippy

            what a waste of perfectly good virgins, unless we’re talking about these virgins

            http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2650/3679354057_982d3ddf2b_o.jpg

          • Jonny On Maui

            That hat isn’t regulation…

          • Cindyinencinitas

            They won’t be virgins if I find out where they’re doing spring break… Rowr!!!

          • Jonny On Maui

            You MUST post video!

            And Happy Hunting!!!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oh for real.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            You try finding a virgin old enough to throw into a volcano in a red state.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      If you would only listen to Religious talk radio you would find out earthquakes and volcanic eruptions happen because the earth is still rebounding from the great flood!

      KCAM Glennallen Alaska, where the earth is flat, and time stands still

    • HazooToo

      God created the Earth 6000 years ago, then fast-forwarded through the boring dino parts, and that’s why scientists are so confused today. Obviously.

      • Zippy

        HE’S TESTING YOU!!1!

  • TheBidenator

    Say, do you know what ELSE is embedded in American culture?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Playboy bunnies?

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Yes but those usually are pleasant to look at.

        • OctopiRage

          But are they Tucker approved?

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Who cares?

    • OctopiRage

      Morans?

    • therblig

      Pornhub embed codes?

      or so I’m told

    • theCryptofishist

      The flag?

  • Antonin Dvorak
    • Strepsi

      LOL
      No matter how low you set the bar, they limbo right under it.

  • chicken thief

    I think Michael was the one that boned Mary. Was this like Wasilla and they let the whole town in on the act?

    • yyyaz

      Had to be at least a few villagers, why else would he have had to row the boat ashore?

    • Zippy

      Holy wine coolers… it’s sacrament

    • Antimassacree

      No, Brisdull. It takes a village to raise a child, not to make one.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    You know what guys the Bible is so full of “science” and “history”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSDXgT2QAf0

  • Michael Smith

    “When Jesus was crucified, He was buried in a tomb guarded by a yoooooge rock, but when He raised hisself from the dead on the third day, some ladies saw that the yooooooge rock had been moved away and Jesus was gone. Using your knowledge of geology, HOW JESUS MOVE THAT BIG ROCK?”

    Whoa… yeah.. think about it – Have you ever seen Trump and Jesus in the same place AT THE SAME TIME???

    • FauxAntocles

      THAT’S why he doesn’t need to be forgiven!

      • Doug Langley

        And that’s why he feels so persecuted.

        • therblig

          brb, getting a hammer and nails

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Wingardium Leviosa!”

    • Zippy

      So Jesus got his fellow Messicans to move the rock?

    • TheBidenator

      Jesus had worse hair and I like winners who weren’t crucified. Not losers who died on the cross because they were hacks who couldn’t make a deal.
      – The Trumpus

    • theCryptofishist

      Pffft! Everybody knows that ladies are confused. Occam’s razor!

      Edited to add: Lady parts interfere with thinking, that’s why ladies are confused, and need to obey men, who can see the big picture.

  • Joshua Norton

    Teacher, teacher. How was the sun get created on the fourth “day” when days are actually measured by the sun?

    Teacher: Magic!

    • OctopiRage

      How was there light without Sun and stars?

      Uh…burn the witch!

  • Gerald Parks

    Sweet Baby Jesus …flee for your lives from THAT State!

  • RobKanC

    Frankly, this doesn’t go far enough. Why shouldn’t the bible be used as a reference for learning computers. I am sure the book of Job has something to do with Steve Jobs. He created “Apple”.. Coincidence, I think not.

  • OctopiRage

    “…other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.”

    So…none?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Religion. Literature. (Can’t read Milton without it.)
      That’s about it.

      EDIT: Also too, psychiatric disorders.

  • OctopiRage

    Idaho, come for the potatoes, stay for the religious nutjobs, racists and prepper loons.

  • OctopiRage

    Look my rabbits chew their cud all the time, so shut up.

  • clubseal

    Sounds un-Constitutional to make a law respecting an establishment of religion, but I haven’t heard a Bundy say so, so …

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’ve got an uncle who is a fundamentalist Christian Minister (also, he’s 90) who firmly believes that all the dino bones and eggs and footprints were deliberately put on earth by Satan just to confuse people and lead them away from the truth in the Bible. If you show him x-rays of male skeletons, which are clearly NOT missing a rib, he says that Satan deliberately places ghost ribs in x-rays to lead people away from the truth in the Bible. He thinks gay people should be exorcised. After listening to this crap for 60 years (as rarely as possible, thank god he doesn’t live near me), I have concluded that my uncle actually worships Satan, he just doesn’t know it. Could this be true of other fundamentalist Christians?

    • I guess all those thoracic surgeons I knew who claimed that all the ribs were really there were just part of the conspiracy!

      • YayConspiracy

        And–what a coincidence–they all smell of sulphur.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Of course. They have been possessed or bewitched by Satan. My father got him to admit that some men appear to have all their ribs, at which point my Uncle went off on how the mixing of the races could possibly produce genetic anomalies because it is against God’s will., and when challenged on that point he says that God’s will is mysterious and people aren’t supposed to understand it. That’s when I leave the room so I won’t throw up.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It’s people like your uncle that make doubt the wisdom of universal suffrage. I think Thomas Jefferson never met the likes of them.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            There are millions of people just like my Uncle. Most of them own guns. It scares me sometimes.

          • Robyn Ryan

            why public education really, really matters….

          • david green

            The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

            ― Winston S. Churchill

        • I don’t think surgeons can be possessed by Satan. They all believe they’re God.

        • Robyn Ryan

          Penis worship…..

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I don’t agree with everything Freud believed, but he got this right.

        • theCryptofishist

          So, was the rib that was used to make Eve on the back or front? Left side or right?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The Bible doesn’t say. I believe certain religious groups have been debating that point hotly for centuries. The general consensus, last time I overheard a discussion on the subject, was that it was the bottom right rib. I imagine this is akin to the old debate about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

      • Robyn Ryan

        All those skeletons aren’t missing ribs, either.

      • david green

        They get paid by the rib – of course they are going to inflate the number.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don’t blame me . . . God put all that shit there, to test your uncle’s faith. (He made gravity waves on the eighth day, which didn’t get written up.)

      As an aside, does he blame Satan for the fact that he can feel every one of his own ribs? (And why the hell would he think that anybody other than Adam himself would be missing one?)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        He refuses to look at his own ribs or feel them. These people only see what they want to see, and they often see things that aren’t there.

        He believes that men are missing a rib because that’s what he was taught in the Baptist Seminary he went to 65 years ago. I was taught the same thing when I was an itsy bitsy Catholic, but I knew it wasn’t true.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          He refuses to look because he knows what he’d find. People think Orwell invented it, but doublethink is a real phenomenon.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Very true. Most of what they tried to teach me in Catechism Class when I was little was pure doublethink.

      • SqueakyRat

        Gravity waves? Things fall down because that’s where down is, dummy.

    • HazooToo

      I do believe that if Satan exists, he draws a lot of power from people like your uncle, and the hate and ignorance they proudly spread.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        If I believed in Satan, I would agree with you. But I don’t believe we need Satan. Satan is us.

        • HazooToo

          Pretty sure you’re right. After all, every time some public figure tries to tell us how we should all love one another and stop hating people who are different, they’re abused, harassed and often, murdered for it.

    • Jonny On Maui

      ” He thinks gay people should be exorcised.”

      Hmmm??? Most of the ones I know are already pretty cut…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Isn’t it amazing how easy it is for a lesser being to fuck things up, and the omnipotent Supreme Being is helpless to counter their actions.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        As the saying goes, “If God is benevolent, then he is not omnipotent, and if he is omnipotent, then he is not benevolent.” I think the problem with people is that they can be quite benevolent at times, but problems arise when they start to believe they are also omnipotent. I sometimes get the impression that my Uncle thinks HE is God.

        • david green

          I recall a line from a movie I saw when a youth back in the 50’s. Character, disgusted by the world, says “Well, if there is a God, he is incompetent”. I think that line may have influenced my religious leaning more that I first suspected.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            This is a fun site: The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic. Motto: We don’t know, and we don’t care.

            http://www.apatheticagnostic.com/

    • Robyn Ryan

      Superstitious clap trap.

  • particolored

    From now on I’m going to be using the Bhagavad Gita to teach marine biology. Your move, Idaho.

    • theCryptofishist

      Pffft! Idaho isn’t going to teach marine biology! There’s no ocean!

  • PubOption

    I don’t think that the bible has much to say about US history. Is she thinking of the Book of Mormon?

    • Logic of Color

      Right?!

    • Robyn Ryan

      Christianity is a European construct, used as a basis for global conquest. Outside of the periodic invasions of the mid-East in the 11-1200s known as the Crusades, Christianity was restricted to Western Europe until the Spanish and Portuguese followed Chinese navigation maps to the Americas.

      Global dominance has only really been an American cold war effort. Before then, missionaries made inroads, but outside of Jesuits, governments resisted alien influence and demands for subjugation.

  • Greg Fuderer

    I think a good question in biology class maybe would be, “god made adam from dirt, then took a rib and made eve who had two sons one of whom killed the other, and that’s how we all got here. what up with that?”

    • Jared Moss

      Don’t forget, after Cain was banished, he supposedly wandered off to some unnamed settlement and proceeded to have descendents. If Adam and Eve were the origin of humanity, and Cain was their second son, where did those people come from…?

      • Logic of Color

        Adam and Eve had Able, Cain and Seth first. Cain was banished and wandered around for a couple hundred years before finding other people, who were younger descendants of Adam (and apparently also banished…?), founded settlements, then welcomed older brother Cain in to their village for some hot dusty ancestral incest.

        See how easy it is being a creationist? You can literally make shit up and people have to buy it.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Who is Seth? And why did those other guys get banished? Did they eat apples too? How did they get their shit together good enough to found settlements if they had pissed off god? Did they have to wear clothes? Is that what got them in trouble? They didn’t want to wear clothes even after they ate apples? Hand me my pills. I’m spinning out.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          When you live for centuries, like people did 6,000 years ago (Ken Ham has an explanation, I’m sure), you get to have a shitload of descendants.

          Bit of a genetic bottleneck there, though: observed human diversity can’t have arisen from two sets of genes over 6,000 years, unless some really weird-ass shit went down on that ark.

          • Logic of Color

            Well, that would explain the DNA we share with other primates

          • YayConspiracy

            The ark was a kind of proto-Idaho.

        • Antimassacree

          This then becomes the story the non-branching family tree fundamentalists use to justify their own in-breeding?

    • Robyn Ryan

      Here’s one for biology class. The myth that men carry complete, unique humans in their sperm is the rationale for criminalizing abortion. God designated sperm to be part of his ‘plan’, so interfering with an occupied sperm locker is murder. The moment the Chosen Sperm hits a woman’s egg, it is under God’s personal protection. God has a penis. Or is a penis. But we know he has sperm because Jesus. Right?
      Once the sperm grows large enough to shed its pod, its fate is in god’s hands and requires no further social or legal protections.

      This not only neatly removes females from having any involvement in pregnancy outside of ‘life support machine’, it gives men, not women, the primary role in creating human life. Just like Yahweh.

      Who ‘shaped’ Eve, while Adam slept. No one saw Yahweh give birth to Adam. No one ever saw him create life after Adam. He had to impregnate a human female to get Jesus.

      Holes in his story you can drive 4 horsemen through….

      • LarkintheAM

        The myth that men carry complete, unique humans in their sperm is the rationale for criminalizing abortion. Actually, it was masturbation that was the grave sin because of the idea that you mentioned, since it was assumed by the writers of the pentateuch that women don’t diddle themselves and even if they did, they wouldn’t lose “vital fluids”. It was assumed as well that seminal fluid was finite, and so it was “wasted” if it wasn’t being deposited in a womb somewhere.

  • Joe Schmoi

    The article is quite stupid and does not remotely relate to the bill. The Idaho bill simply states the Bible can be used for literature purpose, not scientific. wonkette is complete and utter crap and you fools fall for it.

    • therblig

      read the bill. it mentions lit and science. and it is utter crap.

    • YayConspiracy

      Why just the bible, why not the qu’ran or the bhagavad gita?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Because only Xtian lackwits are dumb enough to propose such laws.

      • Robyn Ryan

        The Communist Manifesto isn’t a religious document. It is a thesis of the consequences of following a certain economics pattern labeled Capitalism. Marx predicted that unchecked Capitalism would result in a leveling of values based solely on money. Everyone gets to be a wage slave and a servant of Mammon. Marx wrote it back in the 1830s, as his educated and professional academic opinion.

        He was demonized during the first great labor movements in Europe and America, then declared the Great Taboo in the 1930s and again in the 1950s by American Capitalists.
        The economic theory of Marx became shorthand for Lenin’s Ideological form of government, although the Manifesto is a predictive document, not a mandate. And so it goes.

        Communism has been a proxy for the Christian Satan, considered so vile that the mere mention of his theories creates panic.

        Actually reading the Manifesto doesn’t give you crotch rot and brain fungus. It actually is pretty damn accurate. Which is why it is taboo.

        Read the meme. It’s not a sin to read Marx. Promise

        • YayConspiracy

          That may be true, but I still don’t want my children to learn biology or astronomy on the basis of the manifesto.

          • theCryptofishist

            Trofim Lysenko Libulz!

    • Zippy

      Explain why the Bible is specifically mentioned vs. “religious texts”. Explain how any religious text would be in any way beneficial to a science or history class. Explain who gets to choose which religious texts can or can’t be used or even which versions of the Bible can or can’t be used, then explain how you will manage to do that without violating the Establishment Clause.

      Otherwise, you’re full of shit

      • Iam Reading

        It’s the second option

      • EmmettGrogan

        But notice they didn’t say WHICH Bible? I’m planning on sending a box of the Satanic Bibles to Idaho legislators. Anyone else in?

    • jmk

      Psssst, Joey… lyin’ for Jesus is still lying.

      The bill says straight out –
      “33-1604. USE OF THE BIBLE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. The Bible is expressly
      14 permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to fur-
      15 ther the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign
      16 languages, United States and world history, comparative government, law,
      17 philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archae-
      18 ology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding
      19 of the Bible may be useful or relevant.”

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      Poe’s Law

      • Zippy

        maybe just garden variety trolling

        specifically the garden of Eden

        • Robyn Ryan

          Too many Americans are already so undereducated, they can’t see why mixing religion and government is a bad thing. That is scary. Of course, states have been sabotaging public education for decades. Garbage in, garbage out.’…

      • jmk

        Nope… check the history.

        • Zippy

          Oh Geez, a full blown whack job

          • Iam Reading

            He is the latest sock puppet of a local Idaho troll. I’ll break the rules if I go on

        • ThirdAmendmentMan

          So he hates wonkette…but keeps coming back.

          Lol

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            The Devil makes him do it.

            YOU HEAR ME, JOE? (I kid – he hears me all right.)

    • HazooToo

      “The Bible is expressly permitted to be
      used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study
      of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages,
      United States and world history, comparative government, law,
      philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography,
      archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an
      understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.”

      I don’t know where you went to school, but they seem to have failed you in the area of reading comprehension. You should be angry about that.

      Oh! And see you on Sunday.

      • Logic of Color

        <>

      • Iam Reading

        He is a local fuck stain troll.

        • HazooToo

          Of course. I wonder if any of them are ever excited when they’re featured on our Sunday special? Do you think it’s an honor for them to have their comment appear in Dear Shit For Brains?

      • TheBidenator

        I guess I should have scrolled down to your comment first because I block quoted the same section….what a fucking idiot. He’s like the black Knight from “Monty Python and The Holy Grail”

        • HazooToo

          Well, we have pretty much cut the limbs off his argument!

      • Antimassacree

        If he took this sped redding course, I bet Joe’s comprension could also improve won-der-fully.

        http://youtu.be/xKP06aWPQhg

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Sounds like peeking through the indoctrination you have suffered is a small hope that your party cannot possibly put forth something so stupid. Good for you. Try going with your gut on this one.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Hi Joe, how’s it goin’?

      Ummm, it looks like you wandered into the wrong meeting. Unhinged Bible Thumpers is a few doors down the hall. Here, I’ll walk you down. Yeah, they sprang for good art on the walls, didn’t they…

    • Iam Reading

      Eat every bag of dicks in the world Joe schmoi.

      Wonkers! This asshole is a local Idaho troll. Please treat him accordingly

      • Logic of Color

        I always picture Idaho trolls as having hobbit-feet

        • theCryptofishist

          I read that as, “… having been hobbit fed.” I am sick and should go back to bed.

    • thenearesthippie

      You’re so smrt. You must be a boy.

    • Zippy

      Hey Joe, looks like you never got around to answering one single question that was posed to you over two hours ago. You’re a coward Joe. And yes, you’re full of shit. Congratulations Joe, now everybody outside of Idaho knows too.

    • TheBidenator

      I can’t believe that I need to block quote this but:

      “The Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, United States and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.”

      Your brain is bad and you should feel bad, moran.

    • Robyn Ryan

      We pay lawmakers to manage our public property, not proselytize.

    • Skadi

      “… but whosoever shall say, ‘Thou fool’ shall be in danger of hell fire.”

    • doktorzoom

      Moron banned, post left in place for sake of amusement, if any.

  • Oneofthebobs

    You can graduate early when the answer to every question on the test is “Because God”.

    • Zippy

      Think of the money they can save on the education budget

      It’s win/win!

  • thirdeblue

    I’d teach the story of the Exodus in literature class and point out that

    1. Pharoah is the hero.
    2. Moses is a puppet and a pawn.
    3, God is a psychotic villain.

    • Robyn Ryan

      God loves him some human sacrifice. Nom, nom, nom….

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Time for the Satanic Church to show up, with a bill authorizing the use of, well, certain other religious texts as well.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Time for someone to introduce a bill that allows congregants to use scientific principals during church services to explain how bread and wine are converted into the body and blood of Jesus.

    After we’ve done that, the Civics teachers can explain why consuming said body and blood doesn’t constitute cannibalism under Idaho state law.

    • Zippy

      let alone the health issues…

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Let’s ponder the existence of other people in the garden of Eden and how the lack thereof would necessitate all kindsa incesty thangs.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Don’t preach in my school, and I won’t think in your church.”

      • LarkintheAM

        Amen.

    • HanBarbara

      Ah good old transubstantiation. Hocus Pocus came from ” in hoc Corpus Christi est” from the Latin mass. Lots of folks died arguing that one, from either side.
      Anyone who hates separation of church and state should Google “30 Years War”. George RR Martin modeled many of the atrocities in Game of Thrones on that war but left the worst stuff out.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Don’t forget explaining why a god with a fetish for human sacrifice is a good thing. Jesus was a human sacrifice.

      • cat cafe

        Nobody expects the hispanissche inqvisition!

  • YayConspiracy

    Why does big religion have to ram god down my throat?

    • Zippy

      Can God create a religion big enough to ram him down our throats?

      • Logic of Color

        Or so big that he can’t fit it down his own throat?

  • proudgrampa

    Crap.

  • Tendernob

    In 2014, Idaho ranked 50th in SAT scores, underperforming the national average by nearly 200 points.

    I am sure this bill will help.

    • Mintie

      And most Christians don’t even read the whole thing.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        They just focus on the bits that, when misread right, justify homophobia.

      • Robyn Ryan

        There is some argument on whether they should read the Jewish bits, but it is all in the family.

        • EmmettGrogan

          I was a therapist for 16 yrs. One day I got out my rusty DSM-IV and looked up paranoid scizophrenic. Sure enough, it described this Abraham guy to a tee. And right there is your problem. Now if we could just fix the crazy in these religious nuts.

    • TheBidenator

      Slander! Sarah reads “All of them, Katie”, you liberals are such liars and you’re so desperate to destroy this woman because she is what America needs.

    • Robyn Ryan

      They don’t actually read the book. They follow what people tell them it says.

      • Barley_Brains

        So, so true. Even the ones that say they’ve read it, have no idea what the bibble contains.

      • Suttree

        Actual bible libel! What do I win?

        • Robyn Ryan

          snacks and dildos, of course….

    • Skadi

      The problem with this meme is that it assumes the Bible is easier to read than science textbooks, when the opposite appears to be the case.

    • EmmettGrogan

      50th? Wow, that high? I’m shocked!

  • lovelydestruction

    Ohhhhhhh, THAT bitch again.

  • URQ196

    Nuxoll
    Iamnotinterestedinyoursillyreligionandpleasekeepitouttamygovernmentandschoolsthankyou

  • Iam Reading

    Fuck Nuxoll and fuck squared anyone from Grangeville who voted for her

  • whitroth

    Hey, ’bout that ‘how was babby Jebus made’, the part about the dove banging her with Holy Sperm…um, how’s that different than Zeus as a swann banging Leda, and begetting Hercules?

    Oh, that’s right, Hercules was a Real Man, not like that wimpy beJebus….

    mark “not born again – my mom got it right
    the first time”

  • azeyote

    don’t tell me bout dinosaurs – i’ve seen the Flintstones documentary – how else did the pyramids get built –

    • david green

      I’ve always been amazed that they could grow enough wheat to fill all those pyramids up.

  • Antimassacree

    Maybe the Angel Gabriel was involved, maybe not. But it was definitely the Holy Spirit who came upon her…so to speak.

  • Antimassacree

    Even the perpetrators of Galileo’s inquisition have acknowledged (a few centuries later) that his observations of Nature kicked the ass of their made-up stories.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yeah, but Catholics, noam saying?

  • Antimassacree

    Just wait ’til Rep. Nutjob finds out James (of teh KJV) was not just a foreigner, but a gay foreigner.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_relationships_of_James_VI_and_I

    • Mintie

      1) He was probably bisexual

      2) Technically he was half-English, so . . .

      • Antimassacree

        Fair enough. She won’t like that either!

      • Zhu Bajie

        One ambassador’s report home said that King James going to Newcastle was like Tiberius going to Capri ….

        • theCryptofishist

          He was carrying coal?

      • theCryptofishist

        That’s one fourth as bad?

    • Liz

      To be fair, James didn’t actually translate the Bible himself. He got a whole bunch of men to do it for him, then put his name on it, which is pretty damned American of him.

      • Antimassacree

        Most anyone who has worked in corporate America has worked for that guy. “Thanks to your fine work, I can now get that Lamborghini I’ve had my eye on. Please enjoy this $25 gift card to Marcus Theatres.”

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • theCryptofishist

      So, our sinuses are actually outside our bodies? I have to admit that this explains how I can snuffle out twice my body weight in snot during a bad cold.

    • mtn_philosoph

      I prefer a bit more gravy and bit less caspius and persicus on *my* mashed potatoes, thank you very much. And pass the sol oriens over this way when you’re done with it, please?

  • Dr. Krieger IRL
  • Ryan Denniston

    “which finally turned into humans, and everybody lived happily ever after, and hated Jesus so much.”
    You left out the part where we sandblast all the crosses and stars of David off of all the tombstones of all the fallen soldiers buried in America.

    • William_C_Diaz

      Im not sure if you are a mouthbreathing ‘A Idiot’ or not, but as a veteran, you have a choice under what religious symbol (if any) you are to be buried. I am currently considering Pastafarianism or Church of Satan (the ones bitchslapping the ‘christians’ with judicial votes), whichever is more cool and/or controversial, so I can get into one last fight even after I am dead.

      But that is not a government intrusion or imposition of religion, rather it is a personal decision we get to make that is protected by the government we served.

      Have a great day!

      • dshwa

        He’s referencing something a bunch or tea baggers were going on about the other day.

        • Amalga

          Actually it was Ted Cruz.

          • theCryptofishist

            There’s a difference?

      • Ryan Denniston

        I see you didn’t see Ted Cruz on Meet the Press last week. He claimed that this was exactly what would happen if a Democrat got to choose the next Supreme Court justice.

        • William_C_Diaz

          I apologize. I looked in your comment history and there were no indications that you were insane (hence the caveat). But I am a member of the VFW and tend the graves at the Veteran’s cemeteries sometimes with my post (being disabled, its not easy for me).

          I am not a religious person, but I defend the right of our fallen to whatever symbol of faith they choose to the silent vigil over their graves. We owe them that and more.

          I didnt see Ted Cruz and never would voluntarily. I know all about him and have read extensively about his history on the right wing ‘farm team’ since his youth and he scares me more than any other GOP candidate.

          Forgive my outburst, it was a misapprehension of what you were saying.

          Have a great day!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Clever girl, invoking the august “comparative religion,” card, while still getting upset when Hindu’s are hinduing in the Rotunda. She’s all about fairness so long as the Bible and Christianity drowns all else in the bathtub (including government?)

  • Paperless Tiger

    I wish the Bronze Age would hurry up and be over.

  • TootsStansbury

    Is that Nuxoll in the picture? Remember, as we age, we need to make sure we are getting plenty of fiber in our diets.

    I wish the Jesus freaks would leave the rest of us normal people the fuck alone.

  • Zhu Bajie

    Joseph Smith translated the Bible the same way he did the Book of Mormon, and the result was just like the KJV! Proof it’s the divinely inspired version. (Rumors that Scotch Jimmy was queer as Dick’s hatband should be strenuously refuted!)

  • TheBidenator

    Is there an “Oh, FFS” in this world that is large enough to express my disgust with this dumb asshole?

    • MarkM

      If you could somehow write it large enough to be visible from orbit-a state we would not be able to achieve if we were as backward as we would be if fucking dimwits like this had been able to force their “beliefs” on all of us for the last couple of thousand years-that still would not be big enough. Go away you stupid (word that starts with “c” and rhymes with a football play).

      • mtn_philosoph

        Clant cass? Chail Cary? Cup the chiddle? I’m running out of …oh!

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Why the fuck do Wonkette have to brutalize us with the abominable autoplay politicKing vidz? For shame (insert vid from GoT here)

  • blaid droog

    My favorite rendition of the bible is “The Book of Genesis”, illustrated by R.Crumb. ALL 50 CHAPTERS. Eve has some huge hooters and real thunder thighs. Later she eats some fruit and has to cover her vajayjay with a scratchy fig leaf even though she didn’t eat a fig. Then some old guy comes along and bitches about her and her old man being naked and gives them some kind of skins to cover up with. I read it slowly like it’s a graphic novel so I can savor the art. Actually it is a graphic novel. Pure fiction, like The Walking Dead.

  • theCryptofishist

    So, I am confused. The religious paintings always show Mary sitting there reading, while an archangel comes to visit, and the dove/holy ghost is doing the necessary preparations for the virgin birth in nine months. She’s not sleeping. Aren’t those paintings pretty much selfies that are totally reliable for all jesus questions?

  • Christopher Boscarino

    The Bible states that the bronze urn (“The Brazen Sea”) in the Temple of Solomon was 10 cubits in diameter and 30 cubits in circumference. (1 Kings 7:23–26) Should be 31.416… like Pi aficionados could prove with math. But who are you, Mathy McSmartypants? How dare you question the accuracy of the bible!

  • DutchS

    How did Jesus move that huge rock? Check out the SNL “Djesus uncrossed.” So wrong in so many ways, but hilarious.

  • CripesAmighty

    Answer Key:

    Q.1. JetBlue
    Q.2. Caterpillar D-8
    Q.3. YouPorn

  • Dennis

    The ignorance of the author is aptly illustrated here.

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