If anybody can take an announcement like “I’ve decided to spend my dotage exercising my brain and not killing people, by making a fun card game I hope people will love” and turn it into a senile ramble about the Luftwaffe, it is former WAR secretary of WAR WAR WAR Donald Rumsfeld. Here is how he states “hey fellas I have been standing at my desk making a Solitaire with some computery guys”:
On May 10, 1940, Nazi tanks overran Belgium. Hitler’s invasion of Western Europe had a number of consequences. One was for a man named Winston Churchill to become Prime Minister the day after his predecessor, Neville Chamberlain, resigned in humiliation. Another consequence was to force into exile a young Belgian government aide named André de Staercke. As they plotted to turn back the Fascist tide, De Staercke came to know Churchill under incomprehensible stress: the Luftwaffe’s nightly bombing raids of London, an America reluctant to be dragged into another world war, and an entire world that looked to be on fire.
In case you couldn’t remember, no, Donald Rumsfeld did not fly aeroplanes for Hitler’s air corps, the Luftwaffe. That was the Koch brothers’ dad, probably!
An age has passed. Mountains have risen and crumbled again. Humanity has scattered across the galaxy in emergency pods probably. Time is no more. And finally, from the other side of the universe, where Rumsfeld’s words are still typing themselves into a Medium post, we come to this:
Churchill Solitaire is a game that is a host of contradictions — simple yet complicated; frustrating yet fun. Now it lives on for a new generation — a fitting tribute to a great man. And starting this week, it is available to the world on the AppStore and will soon be coming to other platforms.
You know WHAT ELSE was simple yet complicated, frustrating yet fun? No, it is not the Cones of Dunshire! (It is totally the Cones of Dunshire. But ALSO …) It is Wonkette Game of US America Elections: The Game!
Editrix, did you really just write this whole post as a way of making us click on your kickstarter, which is a third of the way funded and is doing great but not as great as if it were 57-thirds funded, which would be rad? Fuckin’ A right I did SUCKERS. You should know by now never to click on anything with my name attached. Here, have a baby picture so you can forgive me.
See, you are not even mad anymore. Now that you’re in the mood, let’s all watch my video again, because they taught me how to make videos in grad school, and I used that knowledge to make movies of still photos of things that look like dicks.
I am sure that’s just what they hoped I’d do. In conclusion, Donald Rumsfeld will be killing considerably fewer people in his dotage. It’s not like he’s Dick Cheney.