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We dunno.
We dunno.

It’s a bad week for gay-bashing political types in the Tennessee legislature. They just KNEW they had an ace in the hole, a sexciting new way to ban the Supreme Court from forcing gaysexual homo-nasty into their Christian throats, with a bill called the Natural Marriage Defense Act, which would have overturned the SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage, at least for Tennessee’s purposes. Or that’s what the bill’s supporters believed it would do, because they are dumb as dog dicks.

So the supporters prayed and prayed for God to help them de-gay Tennessee, and God rolled His eyes and said He was going to brunch with the homos:

A bill seeking to block the U.S. Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling in Tennessee was defeated Wednesday in the state House over concerns about nullifying federal rulings.

The Civil Justice Subcommittee voted 4-1 against the Tennessee Natural Marriage Defense Act sponsored by Republican Rep. Mark Pody of Lebanon, who argued that the ruling should not supersede an amendment to the state constitution defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

TOO BAD SO SAD. What’s super great is that two of the votes against the bill were cast by Republican human-like Tennessean lawmakers:

Republican Rep. Mike Carter of Chattanooga said that although he disagrees with the high court’s ruling, he considered the proposal to be a step too far.

“Nullification scares the daylights out of me,” Carter said. “Because no one will answer me who has the authority to nullify, and nobody will answer me where that authority is derived.”

Because it doesn’t exist! Also, on top of that whole “unconstitutional” thing, it turns out the bill would have cost the state $8.5 billion in federal moneys, specifically “$6.5 billion in federal Medicaid money and another $2 billion in food stamp and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families funds.” Now, we know how Republicans like to fuck the poors, so we’re impressed they didn’t jizz all over the bill and pass it out of committee unanimously.

The bill’s sponsor, Rep. Mark Pody, is a real dingus. He thinks Jesus spoked into his earhole and told him to destroy gay marriage in Tennessee:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I’m supposed to be speaking to the unsaved, to the people that are performing same-sex marriages, to the people involved in same-sex marriage, it is wicked, it is wrong and I am doing the best I can to warn them,” said Rep. Mark Pody at a recent event in Nashville.

Stupidass, Jesus doesn’t even know your name.

The supporters of the failed Tennessee bill, silly geese that they are, prayed afterward that God would help them find new ways to murder gay marriage in the butt, because if they don’t, terrible things will happen:

“We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,” said Lydon Allen, a pastor at the Woodmont Bible Church in Nashville.

Oh fuck! We’re going off a cliff into the valley of gay and civilization is over and pitiful bigots are being forced to coexist with people who are different from them! Better pray harder!

Unfortunately, all their prayers went to God’s spam folder, with the Russian porn and the Nigerian scam letters, never to be answered.

[AP via The Advocate]

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  • Anarchy Pony
    • Oblios_Cap

      GRRRRR. Enough of this nonsense. Send in some Scientologists and let both groups have a fight to see which is the stupidest.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “We’ll call it a draw.”

        • Major_Major_Major

          Last man, errr biped, standing for the win.

        • Anarchy Pony

          “Come back here ya bastard! I’ll bite your legs off!”

          • kindness

            Where’s that Red Wedding video from the other thread when you need it?

    • Lizzietish81

      Maybe the tribe will take matters into their own hands and hunt them down.

      • Anarchy Pony

        God I hope so.

    • TheBidenator

      Kate Brown is asking the federal gummint to come in here and get rid of the bastards so maybe we’ll see some movement that direction…at this point the response has been pathetic and they’ve essentially had a license to commit crimes.

      • Empy

        Yeah, but the last thing you want to do is turn them into martyrs. Letting them dwindle into ignominy is far safer, if less fun.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          They are pretty much doing what they can to ensure it. The do not want to die of course (unarmed refuge, pretty much explains the extent of their bravery) but they sure do want to shoot them some feds and get a nice showy trial on the TV.

          • OctopiRage

            Unarmed and vacant refuge, iirc.

      • Anarchy Pony

        God I hope so, we must nip this Nevadan aggression in the bud.

      • Sgt. Gym Bunny

        Those asshats are still there???? I thought they were supposed give up their exit plan last Friday… Lying sumabitches…

  • JohnBull

    Does this pastor need help finding that steep cliff?

    • OneYieldRegular

      …and finding civilization?

      • OctopiRage

        Well…Tennessee, sooooo…yes.

  • TheBidenator

    “because they are dumb as dog dicks.”
    BRRRP? Dog dick libel!

  • Come here a minute

    That’s not a cliff that civilization is going over, that’s the ditch you’ve just driven into.

  • Oblios_Cap

    There sure are a lot of jackasses who seem to think that God likes them even when nobody else does.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Evidently, he must not like them that much, since he evidently won’t lift a finger to help them.

      • David Mark Anderson

        “He” helps thems who helps themselves. So, maybe he does finger the help to lift them up. That would splain why so many poors say, “Halleluah, jesus!”

  • arglebargle

    Jesus don’t work at no Cheers.

  • Suttree

    Last week I partied with a Michigan Republican at a gay bar. The world did not implode. I’m not sure if I should be sad or happy.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Ashamed I think. Partying with a republican…

      • Suttree

        She’s a nice woman!!!

        • Anarchy Pony

          Shame!

          • Suttree

            Somebody has to turn these people!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I agree. And the more time you spend getting drunk with them, the less time they’ll have for coming up with stupid, bigoted, unconstitutional state laws.

          • Suttree

            I find that caring and empathy goes a long way.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Go get ‘im Suttree! or, ‘er as the case may be.
            We shall win their hearts and minds and then, the war!!!!!
            Or you know, introduce them to fabbbbulous clubs.

          • Suttree

            I’m still at a loss of how she loves the homosexicanns. Like I said, she was just raised wrong.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            A lot of Republicans have no problem with the Homoamericans, it’s just the poors that they loathe.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            That’s what I meant!

    • BadKitty904

      It depends on if said Repug willingly paid for his/her share of rounds.

      • Suttree

        I paid for everything. But she made me all squishy inside.

        • BadKitty904

          See, that’s how they lure you into their webs.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Stay strong, my friend! Don’t give in to her feminine wiles.

    • OctopiRage

      Party? Is that allowed? Did she dance? Was there any devilish ankle showing? Inquiring shutins need to know!

      • Suttree

        She danced, I did not.

      • Suttree

        All she had to show was her face. I’m a sucker for a cute nose and a full set of lips.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I’m also a sucker for a cute nose and a full set of lips, but I withhold sex from Republicans, because they don’t deserve it. I know some Wonketeers are still trying to work their magic, sexxxy ways on the Infidels to try to change them, but I’ve found they’re an intractable bunch with no hope of change. Find a nice Democrat to sex up!

          • David Mark Anderson

            Hate fuck a repugnican for jeebus.

            Or, HFARFJ.

          • Suttree

            For realz sociologically, Democrats are more giving in bed than Republicans. Republicans are selfish lovers. I have data.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I’ve done a LOT of research in this area, and I tend to agree with you. For the past few years I’ve found Republicans so toxic I can’t even imagine sleeping with one at this point, regardless of how cute the nose, or how luscious the lips.

          • Suttree

            We should start a self help group for us afflicted libtards who keep sleeping with terrible people. I still can’t figure out why I am never able to find a nice woman. Am I trying to save the world or am I just a masochist? I keep thinking I am meeting a nice woman but when you peel back the layers of a republican all that you find is scorn, hatred, and an utter devotion to the pope selfishness.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I attract women who are clinically depressed, but at least the last two have been clinically depressed Democrats. So…progress?

          • Suttree

            Always looking at the upside. You must be a demo/commie/symp. Why are all of you good women taken and/or lesbians!?11!!!? Can’t Suttree catch a break?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Guilty of all the above charges!!!!

          • Suttree

            May I fawn over you from afar? I swear I won’t be in my bunk.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Mais oui, mon cheri!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Who paid the tab?

      • Suttree

        Yours truley.

        • Jonny On Maui

          sad

          • Suttree

            But I like to help people!

  • JustPixelz

    “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,”

    Said Pastor Thelma to her sole parishioner, Louise.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Great. Now these conservative, antigay religious people are against civilization. I bet I know who they rooted for in the Mad Max movie.

  • LarryHoudini

    “Christianity in North America is 3,000 miles wide and half an inch deep.”
    —J.I. Packer

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I think J.I. Packer overestimated the depth.

      These assclowns would be out of their depth on a wet sidewalk.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    /rolls eyes

    These gawd-bothered fucknutz are never going to give up. Never.

  • TheBidenator

    I thought the world ended back when they allowed interracial marriage and desegregated the private Christian academies, these guys just keep moving the goal posts. Next the world will end when there is some sort of fire arm registry that has a prayer of existing…

    • Anarchy Pony

      There’s already lots of howling about that.

    • Suttree

      Miscegenists of the world unite!

  • I bet it’s actually cockroaches whispering in Pody’s ear, just like in Bloom County.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Milquetoast libel!!!!!

  • Agback

    “The Civil Justice Subcommittee voted 4-1”

    Who’s the ignoramus that voted in favor of this bill?

  • TheBidenator

    “Stop bothering me you turds or I swear to me next it’ll be guns outlawed and Confederate flags, too”
    – God.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Wait, what?

    “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight.” What the gayhell does that even MEAN? Does he fear civilization the way reasonable people fear falling off a cliff? Is he saying there’s a cliff (Teh Gheys) between “us” and civilization? This almost Palin level word salad, right here!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Coherence is hard.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Especially if you’re gawd-bothered.

        • OctopiRage

          And smoking asphalt.

    • fka_donnie_d

      Teahadis worried that they’ll run headlong into civilization, details at 11

  • Bitter Scribe

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I’m supposed to be speaking to the unsaved, to the people that are performing same-sex marriages, to the people involved in same-sex marriage, it is wicked, it is wrong and I am doing the best I can to warn them.”

    Fine. Speak to them. Speak your brains out (if you have any). Warn them until you’re blue in the face. But don’t expect them to listen, and don’t try to enforce your “warnings” as law.

  • Incoming Ham

    People like Pody and Carter scare the crap out of me. Homophobic and two steps away from the Handmaids Tale.

    • Erik Lonnrot

      Don’t mention that book, you might give them ideas.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I wouldn’t worry too much. I doubt if they have the comprehension skills to make much sense of it.

  • fergawdssakes

    God has a long term partner named the Holy Spirit while Mary was just a one time fling.

  • exinkwretch

    Q: “Jesus, why has thou forsaken me?” A” “Because you’re a narrow-minded asshole!”

  • “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,” said Lydon Allen, a pastor at the Woodmont Bible Church in Nashville.

    What must His followers think of God to always cast him as the bad guy in a hostage situation?

    “You have to stop gaying all over each other or… or… uh… God’s going to kill us all! He’s crazy, man. He’ll do it! Don’t think He won’t!”

    • OctopiRage

      So…they do negotiate with terrorists…

  • therblig

    you got a pody mouth

    • thixotropic jerk

      Senator Cruz should never have released that “toughie cubacanuck” pic of himself chewing rocks.

      • sw19womble

        Although it did manage to make him look more handsome/less facepunchable somehow.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    What?! they couldn’t even get it out of committee?

    • willi0000000

      my brother moved to Tennessee a few years back . . . i never dreamed he’d be this successful teaching those idiots how reality works.

      [ note to self: self, must call him and offer congratulations ]

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I’m supposed to be speaking to the
    unsaved, to the people that are performing same-sex marriages, to the
    people involved in same-sex marriage, it is wicked, it is wrong and I am
    doing the best I can to warn them,” said Rep. Mark Pody at a recent
    event in Nashville.

    Look here, limpdick. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll be saying it again. I’m gay. I’m married. I’m a Christian. And I’m not an asshole. It is possible to be all these at the same time. Maybe you should look into that, Pody.

    • timpundit

      Me too. Except I’m not married and I am kind of an asshole. But, only for freedom’s sake.

    • BadKitty904

      No, Rep. Pody, you’re supposed to be legislating new and just laws and enforcing current laws. That’s what Tennessee’s taxpayers are paying you to do, you pious asshat.

      • thixotropic jerk

        I don’t know if it’s pious, but if the asshat fits-

        • Jonny On Maui

          Asshat cat is not amused…

    • Empy

      What really, REALLY fascinates me is the current youngest-ish generation. My daughter is 12, has been raised by two bi/pansexual parents, has had ‘uncles’ and ‘aunts’ galore across the entire gender and sexuality spectrum. I worried, as she’s getting older, that she’d get crap for her own free beliefs and acceptance.

      We moved to michigan recently, small town nearish Ann Arbor. I worried for my little rainbow-pixie-cut nerd child. But within a week of starting school here, she’d “found the gay kids, mom!” and, after a year here, she now has over a dozen friends in her tiny Michigan school who identify as non-cis or non-hetero. In her generation, even with many parents still unaccepting, for the kids? Being who you want to be, loving whomever you please, that is NORMAL.

      I wait with evil pleasure for when the far right notices just how ‘corrupted’ the youngsters are now. And how little said youngsters care what they think.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Kids are more accepting than are adults. I think it is because they have not been taught to hate and fear properly, yet
        It used to be that kids can also be more cruel, but that is no longer the case.

        • Sgt. Gym Bunny

          Actually, I think it’s because these particular adults are just dickbag shitbirds. I don’t know what or why it is, but these jerks seem to be more out-and-proud about their gay-hating.

          Not to gloss over “the way things were back in the day”, but while my folks made veiled gay jokes, they were never eager to be malicious and, most importantly, I think they accepted the fact that it really was none of their business. And they simply had the decency to not gossip ad nauseum about other people’s sexytime in front of the kids.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well, being politically correct is destroying America! Don’t you know.
            Somehow, not being a raging asshole is…bad for us? idk.

          • Sgt. Gym Bunny

            Basically… For the folks who claim to have a Christ-sanctioned monopoly on morality, not being an asshole is anthema.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            My mom and I used to talk a lot about my niece coming out and my bible-thumping sister (who considers her family to be the moral leaders of the generation) flipping out over it and I asked my mom if she knew any gay people growing up and she was all, Oh yeah, the best man at our wedding was gay! Har har har. Burn.

        • TheoLib

          “It used to be that kids can also be more cruel, but that is no longer the case.”

          What? Our friends will be interested to know this. Their daughter has cystic fibrosis and has been in and out of hospitals her whole life. In middle school, she was shoved into a locker and the locker locked. Somehow–I don’t know how–the parents refrained from taking “a flamethrower to this place”. (Reference to Al Pacino in SCENT OF A WOMAN.)

          Kids can be kind sometimes and other times not. Not much different than adults when you think about it.

      • jmk

        I wondered whether the offspring’s bland acceptance of a diverse array of sexualities was due to his librul politics or to the influence of my sister and her (now) wife, but he reports that, no matter what their political beliefs, except for a few knuckleheads, most of his fellow 19 year olds greet their grandparents’ (and parents’) meltdowns over sexuality with a giant “who gives a shit…it’s none of your business.”

        This makes me happy.

  • Empy

    DIFFERENT IS SCARY! ~All Republicans, ever.

    Blacks, interracials, abortions, mexicanos, contraception, the internet, gays, things named Clinton, more blacks…

    • nightmoth

      ooooo–love yr. avatar!
      And yes, different is scary, say Republicans, and different is interesting and might be fun and can I have a taste? say Democrats.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Xenophobes. Sealers of their own fate. Eternal marginalization. They like it under that rock, really.

      • JH Marx

        Or tarp.

    • OctopiRage

      I don’t think they think different is scary, exactly, it’s different with power that causes them to shit bricks.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Sushi.

  • Spotts1701

    “Because no one will answer me who has the authority to nullify, and nobody will answer me where that authority is derived.”

    Pretty sure the answers to those questions were delivered via Minié ball by some fellers in blue uniforms 150 years ago, sir.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Nothing like a bowl of grapeshot in the morning to get your insides runnin’ – all down your outsides, that is!

      • willi0000000

        congratulations (or condolences as necessary) you have made it into The Book of Wonderfulness™

  • MrBlobfish

    God sez to call beck when football season is over. He’s got enough prayers to answer.

    • dslindc

      . . . but even then his answer will be, “Nah, fuck you guys. Teh Gheys are cool.”

  • Lefty Frizzell

    “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,” – you could read that two ways, and the one he didn’t mean is astonishingly accurate. I forget from the other day – is that a variation of irony?

    • Yr. Gma

      So what’s ahead of us? A cliff? A civilization? Whatever it is, we can see it since it’s within sight. Can a cliff be civilized? Why am I trying to make sense of something a wingnut said?

      • Lefty Frizzell

        I think he meant that we’re a civilization and there’s a cliff ahead of us.

        It could also be interpreted as – there’s a civilization ahead of us, which he regards as a cliff.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          I’m quite sure that’s what he meant. The problem is that he in no way, shape or form actually SAID that.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I think he was driving through the Four Corners region and saw some Anasazi cliff dwellings. I guess he’s just tired of all those cruise commercials and is trying to suggest an alternative for our summer vacations.

          • nmmagyar

            Cheap fireworks and smokes on the Reservations also, too

    • OctopiRage

      Cliff is clearly the most fabulous ghey in Tennessee.

  • memzilla

    “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,” said Lydon Allen, a pastor at the Woodmont Bible Church…

    Yes there is, and we want you to TAKE YOUR FUCKING FOOT OFF THE GAS PEDAL, you proudly retrograde lackwit.

    • nightmoth

      He can keep his foot on the gas pedal, for all I care, as long as he lets me out of the car first.

      • willi0000000

        that’s the problem with being a citizen of this thing we call a nation . . . we’re all locked in the trunk and if we let the assholes drive…

  • mailman27

    “There’s no crying in baseball.”
    -T. Hanks

    “There’s no God in government.”
    -T. Jefferson

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Hey, don’t leave me out of this, Tom!” – James Madison

  • Randy Riddle

    Are we sure the Lizard Peoples aren’t in the state legislature?

    • calliecallie

      No. We are not sure of that at all. Maybe ALEC also too.

      • sw19womble

        LIZARD PEOPLE LIBEL!

        • Querolous

          #lizardpeoplelivesmatter

  • chascates

    Is there lead in all of the South’s drinking water?

    • BadKitty904

      Mostly sulfur, down here.

      • nightmoth

        fumes from hell

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Brimstone.

        • BadKitty904

          Hells, we sell it to You People as “mineral water”.

  • Stein Olsen

    Look at the crazy fuckers. These are people with responsibilities. It’s scary.

    http://www.advocate.com/sites/advocate.com/files/2016/01/21/tennesseelawmakers.jpg

    • TheBidenator

      Hah, they look like they’ve all eaten Taco Bell and are trying to hold off the power shits….

      • thixotropic jerk

        Were you there?

        • JH Marx

          BillO was!!!!!Q

      • jmk

        I’m not confident I understand wingnut behavior… am I wrong in thinking that’s why some of them have their hands raised? They’re asking the teacher if they may go to the bathroom?

    • gehrig fry

      Who Farted?!?!!11!

    • timpundit

      Jeez, one of them loses a contact and they all go to pieces.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It looks like half the audience is texting

      • nmmagyar

        Looking at German Scat Porn on their phones

    • 451 Byrnes

      Christ, they don’t even know which way is East!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      As if everyone dropped a contact simultaneously.

    • sw19womble

      Did a Lone Wolf suddenly burst in, looking for baby parts/Obama/Mooslims/federal lands to steal?

    • BadKitty904

      Are they shooting craps?

      • willi0000000

        that’s one way to put it.

  • myexisinthetrunk

    So..have all the gaybashin’,bibble toters given their last plug nickels to this righteous cause? Huh? Huh?

  • dslindc

    ProTip Rep. Pody: whenever you start thinking that Jesus is talking to you personally, it’s time to excuse yourself from government.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      He can’t do that. He hasn’t paid all the installments on his new tinfoil headgear.

  • BadKitty904

    The Tennessee Legislature tried nullifying federal rulings in 1861, too. How’d that turn out for them, anyways?

    • Very interesting to read the debates of those days: all that stuff of “the will of the people of a state should be sovereign re: its institutions” and “the Northern liberals are seeking to destroy the very fabric of our civilisation” has long roots.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_in_the_American_Civil_War

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Those who revise history according to their own desires are doomed to force the rest of us to repeat history?
        I paraphrase, of course.

      • BadKitty904

        Old times there are – *seriously* – not forgotten…

        • nmmagyar

          Funny, they all seem to have forgotten LOSING the Civil War

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ummm… Don’t know if it has changed, doubt it has, but when I was in a rather soggy part of Georgia quite a while ago us camoclad military folk were looked on as an occupying force…

          • BadKitty904

            Most tend to view Appomattox more as a “temporary set-back” than actually “losing”…

          • nmmagyar

            150+ years is one hell of a setback

          • BadKitty904

            “Time” is incredibly relative in the South…

          • Dudleydidwrong

            A lot of southerners have some incredible relatives. (Yes, I’m a “southerner” by birth.)

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Excuse me, we call it “halftime” . . .

  • dog dick libelz!!!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    It sounds a bit like they’re trying to argue that religious law supersedes federal law, the dirty Taliban bastards!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sharia is gawd’s law, after all, just the wrong veneer on it.

    • nmmagyar

      Talmud or Nothing!

      • BadKitty904

        Patimokkha or bust!

        • Querolous

          Kama Sutra for one and all!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Oh My God, it’s a civilization!!!!! RUNNNNNNNNNN

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Let’s recap how civilization is nearly at an end:

    1. Black man elected President.
    2. 15 million people who couldn’t get health insurance got health insurance.
    3. USSC let gay people get married.

    The end is near. Run around, pull out hair, gnash teeth.

    • David Mark Anderson

      Who hath redness of eyes?
      Who hath sorrows beyond measure?
      Who hath gnashing of teeth?
      Those who tarry too long at the Kool-Aid.

  • natoslug

    When god closes a door, he opens a window. Which is his way of saying “These idiots aren’t mine! C’mon, gays, defenstrate Rep. Pody so I can go back to my heavenly blowjob buffet!”

  • Duckbudder

    TRIX, A year or two ago you promised to never have Auto Play Ads. So what the hell is up with the auto play ads you have now. Ever sense I sent you some of my VA moneys, you have used it to make your site unworkable for my old eMac. That gives me a Big Sad. Please remove the auto play.

    • BadKitty904

      Mine keeps crashing, too. :0(

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I think something is different. I had more trouble with it crashing this week than I have in a long time.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        My recent browsing experience on Wonkette was crappy until I downloaded a new Adobe Shockwave. Things seem to have stabilized. (Knocks on wood–no, not THAT wood.)

    • dave in texas

      They also recently promised that the site was going to stop breaking my browser, but it still does. In fairness, though, it usually takes about 20-30 minutes now instead of it happening within 3 minutes.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        My browser hasn’t jumped around or acted crazy in several weeks, and I am most grateful.

      • JH Marx

        It still slows and stops Chrome on my Linux box but Firefox handles it OK.

    • willi0000000

      your browser should have a control to set Shockwave to “always ask” or something similar.

      in Firefox it’s in the tools menu under applications . . . other browsers should have similar settings . . . i set Shockwave, Java, etc. to “always ask” and haven’t had any trouble with the site since Shy rewrote it.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    There are eleventy-nine-hundred-and-twelve kinds of porn on the internet, some of which are rightfully illegal, and people in the South spend more time downloading that crap than the rest of the country, and this is what they worry about.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Utah libelz!

    • Hardly Ideal

      Fuckin’ word. I wonder what the overlap is between opponents of Two Gay Guys and fans of teen anal. (yeesh, just typing that makes me feel the need to take a bleach shower)

      These guys need some more wholesome and proper smut in their lives, like the loving embrace of the consentacle.

  • dslindc

    Also too, my dog takes exception with calling people dumb as dog dicks. He says he wouldn’t spend so much time licking something if it was dumb.

  • TheBidenator

    Has anyone ever notice that Jesus ALWAYS tells these guys to pander to the religious far right? It’s never, “So god sez maybe this war is a bad idea” or “God said capital punishment is usurping his authority” or “God said, gun violence is bad and we should do something about it because of the whole slaughter of innocents in school shootings” no, it’s always pander, pander, pander to the bigoted far right. I don’t know if I should logically conclude these guys are just sociopathic performance artists who are probably atheist or if they’re just dumb, crazy assholes…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If my experience living in the South is typical, they’re crazy assholes. Mostly dumb too.

    • 451 Byrnes

      So that whole “Ten Commandments” thing is more of a suggestion, like the 65mph speed limit?

      • Sgt. Gym Bunny

        “Well, which of the Ten Commandments are you talkin’ ’bout?”

        • 451 Byrnes

          Well, they don’t seem to be working on Sunday (Or any other day, for that matter) so they are pretty safe on that one. The rest, however…

    • Hardly Ideal

      I’m reminded of a bit from David Sedaris’ Santaland Diaries, where he recounts working as a Macy’s mall elf.

      One day, a group of retarded people came to see Santa; profoundly handicapped folks, with tongues wagging and eyes rolling. This was all on top of the regular shoppers who were already acting like they were ten hairs away from being baboons. After a while, it became impossible to distinguish between the two groups.

      It sorta feels like that with politicians these days. Crazy? Sociopathic? I can’t even tell anymore, and I’m not sure it matters at this point.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Yes.

  • BadKitty904

    *sigh*

  • SK

    Unfortunately, all their prayers went to God’s spam folder, with the Russian porn and the Nigerian scam letters, never to be answered.

    Wait, Russian porn delivered straight to my spam folder? Where do I sign up?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Now that you bring that back up, Russia does put out a lot of porn and hate the gays too.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Now that you bring that up, what happened to the weird tricks and sideboob? Now it’s death stuff. WTF? I would rather be startled by pictures of enormous boobs than false reports of Cher’s death.

        • FauxAntocles

          Amen!

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Fans are mourning Cher!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Dude don’t click on that you’ll kill Cher!

      • nmmagyar

        Russia puts out a lot of very high quality gay porn.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The “Russian Porn” is along the lines of “One weird trick to make your dick bigger”.

    • nmmagyar

      You give them all your CC numbers and just wait for the hotties to be delivered to your inbox

    • 2Girls1Cubs

      In Soviet Russia, porn finds you.

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        I came here for a similar joke. Mine was going to involve who pegs whom, though. Since this is a mommyblog, though, and thus family-friendly*, we’ll just go with yours.

        * . . . Um . . .

  • Ducksworthy

    Nullification is a state’s right under the constitution, of the confederacy.

    • jmk

      It’s in the Unicornstitution also too, I’m told.

  • FauxAntocles

    Why do you resist? We only wish to raise quality of life, for all species.

    — Locutus of Borg

    • Spotts1701

      I like my species the way it is. – Worf, son of Mogh

      • CJ Schmidt

        “Assimilate this!” – Also Worf

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Maybe the libs need to start troll legislating the cons back.
    I mean, let’s pull a Harry gives no fucks Reed and start introducing bills to outlaw religious institutions from donating to politicians, superceeding the money is free speech thingy thing. And also a law to ignore religious fee fees about slut pills, overruling Hobby Lobby. Then for real shits and giggles, let us send forth a bill nullifying the second ammendment.

    • 451 Byrnes

      The funny part is, they think they’re being grown ups by “playing fair”.

      • sw19womble

        How many Democratic candidates got fucked over in 2012 because of that kind of mentality?

        • 451 Byrnes

          My guess is all of them.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Let’s make a rule that says if you don’t want to do your gummint job because Jesus, you’re fired. Go work at Hobby Lobby, dumbass.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Just say they should be taxed and stand back…

  • Malaclypse

    “We have to do something quickly, because there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization, and it’s within sight,”

    So, openly admitting that
    a) TN isn’t civilized
    b) They’re scared of civilization reaching them

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Cliff dwelling civilizations had fluid, not binary, gender identifications and roles. Often, the “two-souls” folks were in charge of mortuary services. Their societies trusted them with their very souls. FFS

  • whitroth

    Dear hater of the Founding Fathers, George Washington, and America:

    No, you do *NOT* have any right to speak to or for the “unsaved”. In your church, yeah… as an elected legislator in the US of A, foad.

    mark

  • btwbfdimho

    …Hello Operator
    Get me Memphis Tennessee…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TgygrQf8Gk

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I need to get this off of my chest. You know what? Being a soldier is not the only way to be patriotic. Paying your taxes also demonstrates your patriotism. People say that you get what you pay for and that goes for government as well. Cut taxes too much and you get a cut-rate government with bullshit, cut-rate politicians on sale for bargain basement prices, like these clowns in TN and the US House freedom caucus. Businesses that are parking their dollars overseas to avoid taxes should be asked to serve in the military. Seriously. If they won’t show patriotism by paying taxes, then let’s make ’em serve. Let’s take it farther, since the Supreme Court has ruled that companies have individual rights, then let’s make them have the same responsibilities that we do as citizens. Make Hobby Lobby do jury duty, have The Sister’s of Mercy pick up trash on the side of the highway. I’m tired of the patri-idiot class and the rich getting a free ride on my taxes, taxes that I gladly pay because I enjoy what they buy, a level playing field, a safety net for the poor and elderly, a strong defense for our country, international prestige. The constitutional terrorists and the libertarian con-artists and rich free loaders like the Kochs need to stop pretending that they care about America. They need to quite bitching about it or how “their” taxes are unfair. Fuck you, normal Americans fight and die in wars to protect your right to be rich. Pay your godamn taxes like a grown up….Jesus weeps…I’ve got to stop. Thanks for letting me vent.

    • OctopiRage

      You stated that very well. My toungue gets tied with rage at these assholes. Also, too my hands get all punchy.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        My favorite thing is to see someone with a license plate frame or bumper sticker with a message about the less you pay in taxes the smarter you are. And I guess when these people get in an accident, they pull themselves from their burning cars and personally fix the potholes that flatten their tires and they enforce traffic laws so the freeway isn’t more of a demolition derby than it already is.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Vent away, my brother.

      Fucking parasites expect us to protect them and pay for the civilization they enjoy. Fuck them.

    • nmmagyar

      Bravo!!!!

    • sw19womble

      Absolutely! Libertarianism (big L and small l) only works if you are actively part of society. Most of these idiots and sociopaths are actually Objectivists who have hijacked fiscal conservatism and pushed it into Galt’s Gulch territory.
      A bit like “austerity measures” in Europe, they’re playing out their theoretical economic models on real people with no end-date to the experiment.
      But if it all goes wrong (viz 2008) they’re only too happy to immediately go Full Keynesian.

    • The Wanderer

      Well said. (applauds)

    • Wassamatta U Alumnus

      You capture my sentiments exactly.

    • Ddinz

      Thank you.
      My late father (42 years ago, and way too young) was a champion of public education – and a Vermont Republican in the Jim Jeffords/ Bob Stafford mold. He hated William Loeb, the Union Leader publisher who also published our hometown paper with a puppet editor to write Loebesque editorials (not infrequently about my dad, a very civic-minded local GP). I can remember him coming as close to swearing as he ever did when Loeb himself graced us with an editorial (e.g. we need armed guards at the Vermont borders to repel the coming hippie invasion!!!). He thought those people were nuts. Imagine how many rpms he’s making in his grave at the sight of the GOP today.

    • boll ocks

      Preach it, man!!

  • flipdraw_mc_graw

    Yer gonna need to try much …erm… harder there, Tennessee, if yer gonna out derp the usual suspects. Think Texas, or hell, Arkansas if that’s a more realistic goal. Dare to dream!

  • Joshua Norton

    “Don’t drag me into this bullshit.”
    — God

  • Bill Slider

    Who the hell is stupid enough to think that under current law, the gays are all packing up and moving to Tennessee to take over the place? How many gay hair stylists can Nashville and Memphis employ?

    • nmmagyar

      If my hairstylist homo-gay almost husband even mentions moving to that godforsaken state I will have him institutionalized.

      • nmmagyar

        No offense meant, TN Wonkeradoos

        • mrpuma2u

          All 7 of us are now weeping and drinking heavily. What else ya gonna do in Tennessee?

          • 2Girls1Cubs

            At least y’all have good whiskey within reach.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Be honest, you were going to do that anyway, right?

      • zerosumgame0005

        gaystutionized? hum, is that in the Urban dictionary?

    • Jukesgrrl

      In fairness, it does take longer to style a wig.

  • Mavenmaven

    Same guy voted to allow discrimination in choosing student government. Lovely fellar.

    • nmmagyar

      Quelle Surprise! Or the opposite of that. One of them.

    • BadKitty904

      “Lovely” in a vicious, hypocritical, bigoted sorta way, mind you…

  • Mintie

    OT, but I really, really need to stop seeing the ad with the ingrown toenail. I realize these ads just rotate through and Wonkette doesn’t really have control, but maybe if someone leaves a bag of flaming dog poo on the advertiser’s doorstep, they’ll get the message.

    • Pickwicknext

      Join ad fewer! Join us! Become one of us. One of us….one of us….

      • Lambsendbeds

        Gooble gobble gooble gobble!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Oh sweet Jesus, I was just thinking the same thing! I’m fine with all the boobies, and all the dumb hot girls, but I can’t take that dumb toenail.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      And those pictures of boobs, and you click on them, and click thru them, and you never get to see the whole original picture. Is that legal?

      • willi0000000

        welcome to the innertubes.

    • cat cafe

      Adblock. It’s THE BEST

    • GURL, tell me about it! (You ARE adding the Finger-snapping of Sassiness, correct?) If I wanted to look at a ingrown toenail all day, I’d attend a Trump rally to watch one speak.

      • Mintie

        I wish. Instead, I’m adding the Curled Into A Ball In the Corner Of Eternal Squick. :(

  • Cheesus Crust

    Dear Tennessee,

    Fuck you, in the ass (but only if you like it that way).

    MOST Sincerely,

    God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit

    • mrpuma2u

      Hold on now, I am a TN filthy treehugging lieberal sorosbot, and haz many sadz about what the douchenozzles passing themselves off as our legislature try to inflict on Tennesseans.

      • Jukesgrrl

        My sympathy. Call if you want the number for Mayflower Movers.

      • BadKitty904

        Speaking as a Floridian, descended from generations of Floridians dating back to when we were still part of the Spanish Empire, I can certainly sympathize.

  • laineypc

    “Nullification scares the daylights out of me,” Carter said. “Because no one will answer me who has the authority to nullify, and nobody will answer me where that authority is derived.”

    I would so do him. Sane, elected Republicans who know and think and care how government is supposed to work and take their jobs seriously, more than stay in terrified religious craziness. That is so sexy because it is so rare.

    • DutchS

      Teachable moment here. The Constitution was written by the rich urban elite. And thank God for it, because if the process had been really democratic, we wouldn’t have the Constitution. Because a LOT of people did not like having any central government except the most rudimentary. They were called the Anti-Federalists and they tended to be more rural and less educated. The one thing we can really thank them for was an explicit Bill of Rights, but everyone pictured it as limiting only the powers of Congress. It was not until Gitlow v. New York (1925!) that SCOTUS held that the First Amendment applied within the states. “Banned in Boston” once meant exactly that. Separation of Church and State? Cantwell v. Connecticut, 1940(!) Since then, the so-called Incorporation Doctrine has extended most of the Bill of Rights to the States, piecemeal, as cases arose.

      We have always had a Tea Party. There has always been a strong undercurrent of opposition to applying the Bill of Rights at the local level. And there has always been a strong undercurrent of belief that the Federal Government has only the most minimal powers. The Framers omitted the “expressly” that had been in the Articles of Confederation, but the Tea Party keeps writing it in over the White-Out. There’s a direct lineal descent from extremists of the McCarthy Era to today’s Tea Party.

      Okay, so nullification? Well, lest you think only nut cases do it, like South Carolina in 1832, realize that Virginia and Kentucky called for it in 1798 with regard to the Alien and Sedition Acts, and Wisconsin in 1859 with regard to the Fugitive Slave Act. The theory justifying nullification typically invokes the Ninth and Tenth Amendments. Failure to mention something doesn’t constitute grounds for denying it, and anything not listed is reserved to the states and the people. Since neither nullification nor secession are expressly prohibited, ergo, the states can do them. If you, like, ignore the Supremacy Clause and Article III.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Yes, dickhead, civilization is in sight. Too bad none of you will manage to find it.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Oh, well, they’re gonna be raptured, so WTF.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        If that happens don’t you need to just buy a truss? What’s the big deal about that? Seems pretty civilized to me.

        (Oh, “rApture” hmmmm)

  • Mary Sandoras

    The gaypocalypse is coming! Again.

    • FauxAntocles

      And it will be fabulous!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I like “God’s spam folder.” I’m going to steal that too. That’s the third great phrase I’ve stolen in a week from you guys. This is, like, so awesome. LOL

    • Shan

      I’m going to have warm fuzzies over “Jesus doesn’t even know your name” for a very long time.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Falling off a gay cliff was pretty much next on my agenda

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      You’d be one big rainbow splat.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Goddamn bucket list gets longer and longer and at my age there just isn’t that much time.

  • DutchS

    Well, I kinda like Jeremiah 22:
    3 This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place. 4 For if you are careful to carry out these commands, then kings who sit on David’s throne will come through the gates of this palace, riding in chariots and on horses, accompanied by their officials and their people. 5 But if you do not obey these commands, declares the Lord, I swear by myself that this palace will become a ruin.’”

    [If God will punish us for tolerating gays, what should we do about a very explicit warning about destroying society for social injustice? Note especially the part about doing no violence to the foreigner.]

    13“Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness,
    his upper rooms by injustice,
    making his own people work for nothing,
    not paying them for their labor.
    [Hmm. wonder how that applies to slavery?]

    15 “Does it make you a king
    to have more and more cedar?
    Did not your father have food and drink?
    He did what was right and just,
    so all went well with him.
    16 He defended the cause of the poor and needy,
    and so all went well.
    Is that not what it means to know me?”
    declares the Lord.
    [Well, none of this counts, cuz I’m born again and I know the Lord. Oh, wait…]

    • Shan

      Why do all the religious texts need so many words to say the same thing in so many ways?

      DON’T BE A SHITHEEL

      • DutchS

        Same reason the Declaration of Independence used a lot of words to say “We’re out of here.” Or the Emancipation Proclamation used a lot of words to say “If you can get out of rebel territory, you’re free.”

        • Shan

          Someone always wants a loophole, I guess. “No, wait! There’s gotta be some legit way I can fuck you over still!”

      • Er…DO they say that? Many of those text actually tell you be a shitheel to certain people (That’s the part zealots like the best.) You know because these books aren’t a fountain of rational and consistent thought-process (or just “thought-process” in general.)

  • Lambsendbeds

    Dog dick LIBELZ !

  • m3bosha

    Dear RWNJs, I’m am going to quote a fine singer, Miss Lily Allen…

    Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you very much. I really hate you and all the things that you do, so please don’t stay in touch.

  • just_jim

    it’s not Jesus’s followers, it’s the Fanbois.

    • And they still haven’t taken Jesus out of his mylar packaging yet (He WILL appreciate in value, I just KNOW it! I just have to keep His word unwrapped in mint condition.)

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I dunno. If God’s omnipotent, it sure looks like he’s in favor of gay rights and same-sex marriage. Otherwise, we just wouldn’t have it. End of story.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “there’s a cliff ahead of us, a civilization”

    Climb it, you asshole.

    • eddi

      We all went over that cliff a while back. And are taking a rocky pathway to the green oasis at the bottom. Meanwhile these dunderheads are trying to repeal the law of gravity and leaping to their doom.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I was thinking that civilization was up on top, while these goobers were milling around in the swamp below. Works either way, I guess: they’re not at the level of the civilization.

  • We interrupt your Wonkette non-commenting to bring this particular artful turn of Evan-phrasing:

    Unfortunately, all their prayers went to God’s spam folder, with the Russian porn and the Nigerian scam letters, never to be answered.

    We now return you to your regularly scheduled snarking.

    • Erick the Kracker

      You beat me to it. “God’s spam folder” is inspired writing.

  • HenryKillinger

    Well shit. I actually know/am related to this Pody asshole. Damn it Wonkette/Evan; until now, I was able to forget that part of my family even existed.

    For the record, all the Podys are pieces of shit, not just this one.

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