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It's a sad day.
It’s a sad day.

They say deaths and other bad things come in threes. First we lost David Bowie, and we are not over it. Then Thursday, we learned beloved actor Alan Rickman had left us and we won’t be over that one for a while. And now an Obama-hatin’ dingus militia leader has shooted his pal, ANOTHER Obama-hatin’ dingus “patriot” sort of guy, right in the face and killed him dead. Oh, the humanity:

Vincent Smith, a right-wing organizer for the Paul Revere 2016 Final March to Restore America, fatally shot his co-founder Charles Carter in what appears to be self-defense during a drunken argument. The two men were organizing the march from the west coast to Washington D.C. with the intent of “removing the corrupt leadership that has taken over our beloved country and ousted her God and constitution.” […]

According to Bill Williamson, a friend and the failed organizer of 2 Million Bikers 2 DC, Carter was drunk and took Smith’s gun from his holster, at which point the sober Smith reacted quickly and pulled a spare gun, shooting Carter once between the eyes.

The only defense against a bad guy (who is your buddy) who drunkenly steals your gun is to be a good guy with an extra gun who can bumrush the active gunman/best militia pal and murder him in the brain.

Sorry, we are being dicks, and this is a very serious obituary post.

The patriot-type tough militia dude quoted above, Bill Williamson, said to the Facebook that nobody is in big trouble, mister, because everybody, the U.S. Marshals included, said the shooty-bang-bang was self defense:

Bill-Williamson-Facebook-post-Foxbow

God, they were all Facebook BFFs, weren’t they? Charles was sending Bill drunk cat emojis and, and then he grabbed Vincent’s gun (LIKE A COMMON TYRANT OBAMA), which caused Vincent to shoot him dead with his other gun, and then Vincent probably updated his Facebook status to say “Oh no I did a bad, sadface. LIKE if Obama is a Muslin. SHARE to Make America Great Again!”

Charles probably signed off Facebook right then, because dead.

ANOTHER patriot-type dude, Keith Williams, whom Raw Story says is an online radio host and the dead guy’s next-of-kin, announced the news, again, on Facebook:

I’m sad to forward this message Charles Carter was one true red blooded American who loved this country and his brothers and sisters in arms. Attached is a letter from a very close friend of his about what happened spread the word. Dear friends it’s my dearest regrets to have to share this heart breaking new with you tonight. That OUR fellow patriot and brother Charles Carter is no longer with us . He gone to be with Jesus. Today killed by a fellow patriot Vincent Smith. Who was suppose to be his brother in arms and friend.

ANOTHER patriot-type militia dude, name of Joe Bleaugh, was a BFF of the shooter, and he said a Facebook too:

Joe Bleaugh, a friend of Carter’s and a member of the Idaho Three Percent movement, which is tied to the Pacific Patriot Network who approached the Bundy militia with “Articles of Resolution” this Sunday, said in a Facebook post that his friend had “violated one of the first rules of firarms [sic] safety.”

Oh yay, we got to the Bundy connection, mentioned the Idaho Three Percent Movement and glory hallelujah, we think we just filled out our armed white militia dude bingo card! Wait, where are the Oath Keepers? Meh, probably in there somewhere, who cares.

So these guys were all excited, because they’ve planned this Paul Revere 2016 Final March To Restore America thingamadoodle, all the way to DC, where they will stop all the tyranny, and according to the march’s Facebook page, once American tyranny is shot between the eyes with a gun, they’re going to fix Europe tyranny and China tyranny and all the other tyrannies, so help them God:

I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe, Australia, and the entire western and third world.

This is accompanied by a Bible verse written in the traditional font of burly macho militias:

psalm

The march is apparently still happening, which proves guns might kill people, but they can’t kill militia dreams, in Jesus’s name, amen, RIP militia guy.

[US Uncut / RawStory]

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  • MsAnthropesMr

    I haz confuse. Who is the good guy? Who is the bad guy? This is like my first experience with Japanese animation.

    • Lizzietish81

      Weird boner?

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      But not the subsequent ones . . .

  • Mavenmaven

    Didn’t Reagan say a Republican never kills another Republican?

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Joe Bleaugh

    Is he related to Heywood J. Blome?

    • PubOption

      Possibly related to Alf Hartigan.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Cousin of Amanda Huginkiss.

    • Fragment Cotswolds

      “Hi, I’m Joe *throws up hairball*.”

    • Nockular cavity

      Phouque that guy.

    • Cleo_Cat

      “Bleaugh” sums up my opinion of these “patriots.”

    • MrBlobfish

      Please tell me “Bleaugh” is pronounced “Blow”

      • MsAnthropesMr

        My assumption.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Frau Bleugh-… [horse whinnies, turns head in fright]

      • dansezlajavanaise

        it would be in french, but like boehner, the family likely settled on some absurd pronunciation that denies their ancestral roots.

  • elviouslyqueer

    He gone to be with Jesus

    Um, sorry, no. The down escalator is down the hall and to the left.

    • Whale Chowder

      I was thinking more along the lines of “…taking a dirt nap.”

  • Spotts1701

    Wonder what the argument was about – who got to be the drum major in the march of the bozos?

    • Tobias B. Santa

      It was over which Friends character they really were.

      • FlownOver

        They both wanted to be Rachel and … well, you know the rest.

    • Lizzietish81

      Whose sister was hotter?

      • mtn_philosoph

        “Mine!” “No, mine!”

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Ammon Bundy loves me best.” “No way! He loves me best!” *blam, blam*

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I will spend the day in hijab to honor this fallen American hero.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to
    our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical
    threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe,
    Australia, and the entire western and third world.

    Am I supposed to understand what the fuck this means?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      I dunno. You fluent in Wingnut?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      WHAT DON U UNERSTAN BOUT TYRANNY?!!!11!! It’s not really the substance or validity of the message, it’s the fearful sentiment.

    • Lizzietish81

      He thinks Mad Max is real

      • MrBlobfish

        You mean it isn’t a documentary?

        • Jaime Oria

          Sexy property-wives for some, fatal tumors – that you can make friends with! – for everyone else.

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      No. Just let that authentic frontier gibberish wash over you in a soothing font of nonsense.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Are you not even reading the news? Do you not know what is happening, right now, in AUSTRALIA??? I don’t either, but still – TYRANNY!!!

      • RumAddled

        Plus, SOMEONE has to get the Aussies back their guns!!

    • NanBullenshede

      Nay.

    • lroom

      Keep your gunnutz in your own damn country – Australia

    • malsperanza

      The homosexuals are taking over everything.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It’s because some Americans don’t have maps and such like.

    • Steely_Fan

      Well, I’m thinking delusions of grandeur for starters…

  • AnOuthouse

    Another martyr in the War to Bring Our Country Back.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    “violated one of the first rules of firarms [sic] safety.”

    Which is, I suppose:
    Eddie the Eagle Sez:

    “Make sure that you trust all your firearm buddies when you’re getting drunk and have easy access to firearms.”

    or

    “When getting drunk, it is best to make sure you limit yourself to small caliber weapons”

    or

    “Don’t grab for people’s guns, it’s just rude.”

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Paraphrasing, but seriously, the rule is: Unload and put away firearms before drinking. Don’t get them back out until you sober up.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Are you crazy? Guns and beer go together like linguine and canned clams!

        • lroom

          YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT WAS DANGEROUS!!!11!

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Probably the most violated Rule of gun safety.

      • DahBoner

        Seriously kids, Dick Cheney Hunting Style is deadly.

      • MyLovelyNose

        I got a gun here named Sez Who? and in the other hand one says You Gonna Make Me?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      I forgot the most important one:
      “Always have a back-up gun, in case your main gun gets grabbed”

      • malsperanza

        The NRA and the gun manufacturers and retailers of the world thank you for this, their next marketing slogan.

        The only solution to a bad guy with a gun or a good guy with a gun is an even more good guy with TWO guns! Buy extras just in case!

      • willi0000000

        in case your hands are cold and dead . . . always carry backup.

      • Whale Chowder

        Or the obverse: “Always check the other guy for a backup gun before you drunkenly grab his main wang weapon.”

    • OneYieldRegular

      “violated one of the first rules of firarms [sic] safety.”

      The Open Carry/Open Container rule?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe, Australia, and the entire western and third world.

    “Um, no thanks. We’re good here.” – Europe and Australia and the entire western and third world. i.e. those places where gun deaths are far less frequent than Jesus’ Murica.

    • Rick Hill

      I’ve got some gutters that need cleaning and rehung before the exterior is scraped and repainted. They can start their restoring right there.

      • Redgyal

        Crops that need to be picked and mines that need to be worked also. Just saying.

  • crunchyknee

    “He gone to be with Jesus.”

    They are burying his ass in Mexico? How un-American!

    • DahBoner

      Well, Jesus will be providing lawn maintenance at his final resting spot…

    • CalvinianChoice

      He’s waiting.

  • I think this is more proof that if we just gave these yahoos their own island to be patriot kings over, it would solve America’s gun problem within a couple of weeks.

    • cousin itt

      80 proof.

    • Helene Logan

      That’s a fabulous idea!

    • Vienna Woods

      I always feel sorry for the theoretical children who would be stuck in that hellhole.

    • AlanInSF

      So true, yet whenever a comment like this comes up, I can’t help repeating once more: If Obama came out in favor of respiration, America’s problems would be solved in two minutes.

      • Steely_Fan

        Or nutrition. Might take a little longer, but same result.

        • crisptickle

          His wife tried that….

  • Rick Hill

    “He gone to be with Jesus.”

    Assept he got there and jeebus was all “That’s my purse! I don’t know you!!

    Seriously, their take away from this was intoxication and guns don’t mix. Unless they’re shooting ‘cans, that is.

  • Jenny

    I shall spill some of my 40 for this goodly murican patriot.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Don’t waste it.

      • Tobias B. Santa

        Nah, it’s O.E.
        Waste that shit.

        • Querolous

          Πis nasty stuff

  • Helene Logan

    HE GONE TO BE WITH JESUS

    ah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Good luck with that, gunturd!

    • BadKitty904

      ‘Cause Jesus was all up into gun-waving drunkards.

  • LarryHoudini

    What is truly sad and hard to understand is that anyone would think the typeface “Giddyup” were meant for anything other than the title of a children’s book about cowboys.

  • cousin itt

    Wingnut Darwinism at its finest.

    • weejee

      Thinning the herd as well as the hairline

  • JustPixelz

    Another sixteen minutes, another gun death. Welcome to Wayne LaPierre’s America.

  • azeyote

    that’s the hard way of opening your third eye –

    • Barley_Brains

      Namaste.

      • Whale Chowder

        Namast-ouch!

  • Indiepalin

    If the guy who pulled the gun first would have had a gun, things might have turned out different.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …what a well regulated militia they are!

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Just makes you proud to be an American.

      • Fartknocker

        Damn it. Did you need to bring up that fucking Lee Greenwood song?

        • Dr.Zoidberg

          Yes. Because I hate you.

    • Michael Rush

      We might have to bring back prohibition because
      well regulated militias and alcohol don’t mix .

  • Stein Olsen

    In short! He got second amendmented right in the face.

    • Darlene Ritter Goodfellow

      You just won the intenet today!

    • arglebargle

      Cheney style.

  • beatbort

    That’s it? The cops show up. The guys on the floor with a bullet in his brainpan. The shooter says, “It was self-defense.” And the cops go, “OK, we’ll buy that.” And they leave? What the fucking fuck?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      White.

      • onedollarjuana

        And one less white low-life for the cops to worry about.

    • Jenny

      No, that’s usually not it. That’s probably all the cops said was oh, so you claim it’s self defense. Ok. Then they write the report and let the detectives review that shit. They’re not there to give confirmation of the yokels innocence or guilt. The likely hood that it was a “Marshall” of all police officers, is also really low.

      Most people aren’t arrested for shootings like this until later down the road.

      • lroom

        That’s my question on this story. Why would a marshal come to the scene instead of police?

        • Querolous

          A “marshall” is an officer of The Superior Court of the Continental United States of America

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They obviously didn’t see the Skittles and loose cigarettes hidden in his hoodie.

    • SadDemInTex

      It’s in Dumbfuck, Texas…what did you expect?

    • Jonny On Maui

      They’re members too…

  • Belasaurius

    am I supposed to feel sadz, cause I don’t.

    • thenearesthippie

      Me either. The better angel of my nature was finally shot dead at Sandy Hook. All I’ve got now is schadenfreude

  • cousin itt

    I guess Vincent Smith won the argument.

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • Dr.Zoidberg

      I done seen some of them trannys, and they is mighty purty!

      • Tobias B. Santa

        Thailand in our hearts.

    • I don’t know… I’d have to see Bety before I agree to lie with her.

    • Iron Monkey

      I’ll take Tranny, please. While you are at it, make it two.

      • Jonny On Maui

        One of each?

    • Michael Smith

      I believe “libety” is derived from the Latin “libatio,” from which we derive the modern “libation.” Thus, I am favor of the former, because I prefer getting drunk to getting a new transmission.

    • weejee

      Do they dance the Time Warp behind closed doors?

    • malsperanza

      The full photo shows all three well-reasoned statements. It is apparently in rural Georgia.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        The one on the left makes the most sense.

        • arglebargle

          They probably put it up backwards. The words of wisdom forever hidden when traveling along the gravel road.

          • AlanInSF

            Or maybe the tranny showed up, and the guy was too busy for any more sign-painting.

      • AlanInSF

        First known instance of a painted apostrophe falling over and landing in comma position.

        • PUAAN

          Apostrophe Erectile Disorder?

      • Logic of Color

        Is that a comma after “wheres”?

      • FlownOver

        Never was anything more apparent.

    • Sam Hain

      I’m guessing tranny.

  • Beowoof14

    Beer, Whiskey and guns, a right wing recipe for success in getting to use your gun on your friends.

  • Belasaurius

    easier to fap to than that picture of iCarly in the previous story.

    • Beowoof14

      Most pictures of Carly take on the effect that even Viagara can’t overcome.

  • Brewerofbeers

    So… he had a backup gun to defend his primary gun? That is serious planning.

    • Logic of Color

      He’s probably not left handed either

    • BadKitty904

      Or dangerous paranoia.

  • Tobias B. Santa

    Second ammmmmendaments to da deth.

  • baconzgood

    “He gone to be with Jesus”

    What the puck? Did a 18th century slave write that?

    • BadKitty904

      No, a 21st-century one did.

  • DahBoner

    It’s really hard to determine by looking at that picture above which is the more valuable cargo.
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/tWbzucrUrSaWc/200w_d.gif

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Mr. Muntz, if you would, please?

  • JohnR

    They are not actually going to walk across the country are they?

    • Belasaurius

      it would help them lose weight. I will be curious to see them walk across the Atlantic to help the oppressed peoples of Europe.

      • beatbort

        They can’t even walk across the room to take a shit.

    • freakishlystrong

      Sure. And then they’re going to walk to Europe and Australia. That Chick-Filet ain’t gonna burn itself off!

    • Jenny

      They gonna ride their motorcycles to DC! Hopefully without helmets!

    • Logic of Color

      I wonder what the body count will be by the end of the walk?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Focus children! No gum chewing during walking hours!!

    • TheGrandWaz00

      They’re gonna be like Jesus and just hover ’round.

    • Lizzietish81

      Hoverrounds HO!!!!

    • BadKitty904

      Well, “waddle across,” maybe…

    • Vienna Woods

      Harleys, I’m guessing.

  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    TYRANNY? Pfft! Why are they worried about so-called “government oppression” when they clearly have an issue with White-On-White Crime??

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Probably had single mother as a parent on govt. cheese.

  • Lizzietish81

    Why did a Marshal come to his house?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN6avab0fIY

    • weejee

      Marshall Dillon?

  • FauxAntocles

    Put them on an island and let the lord of the flies sort them out.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Patriots shouldn’t shoot each other.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I heard George Washington was constantly shooting his men in the face at Valley Forge.

      • FlownOver

        That’s the dirty version.

  • Juan de Fuca

    It always comes back to Facebook.

    • weejee

      ♪ Smiling phases ♪

      • MrBlobfish

        ♪ I shot the Facebook but I did not shoot the Instagram ♪

    • Ricky Gay

      (shoot in)facebook

  • Logic of Color

    This is too good.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Email contact info link plz?

    • Nockular cavity

      Is this a personal ad? ‘Cause I don’t want to hook up with someone who can’t tell if they’re an editor or in need.

    • TheGrandWaz00

      Hot dog buns.
      Hot, dog buns.
      Hot dog! Buns!

    • Vienna Woods

      Geez. I wouldn’t mind an online editing gig when I retire from marking high school essays, but that’s a bridge (with banjo) too far.

      • Whale Chowder

        Yeah, why would you want to step backwards in capability?

    • TheBidenator

      I’ve got this! His time has finally come: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-moran.htm

  • Steven Posey

    From the looks of these dumbshits, the “evil tyranny” they’re saving the world from is apparently literacy and grooming.

  • beavertank

    These guys are officially immune from satire now. The things they do and say are SO STUPID there is no way to further exaggerate… it’s… it’s glorious.

  • TheBidenator

    You know just spitballing here but if there wasn’t at least two guns involved in this incident both patriot imbeciles would still be alive rather than just one….also, this is why allowing people to take guns into bars is yet another stupid gun-fucking idea.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What could possibly go wrong?

      • willi0000000

        some asshole could shoot the bartender!

    • SpaceCaptainWarlock

      You must hate freedom.

      • Me not sure

        …or love bars?

        • SpaceCaptainWarlock

          I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to go to any bars where the drunks around me are not armed to the teeth. Gotta water that tree of liberty.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    An armed society is a polite society. Or drunk and shooty. Pretty much the same thing anyway. Benghazi!!!!

  • Cismontane

    Darwin Award recipient.. successfully removed himself from the gene pool. And from the register of likely Trump voters.

    • beatbort

      Any truth to the rumor that that was Trump’s Idaho campaign manager?

      • Cismontane

        No idea, but one thought does occur to me. Those occupiers in Oregon… if they’re still besieging a shack in a forest by primary day, presumably they won’t be able to vote, unless one can file an absentee ballot while committing sedition in a wilderness. Perhaps Teddy and Marco need to encourage more militia actions nationwide to thin out Trump’s base.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Who will free us from the tyranny of morans?
    Where, indeed, are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

  • Michael Smith

    So when is Trump going to organize these guys into his unofficial private security force, to secure his rallies and attack Hillary’s and Bernie Sanders’?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Soon. And it’ll be yooge.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I can’t get over the sense of American Superiority and Exceptionalism felt and rammed down our throats is done by this crass, inarticulate, cognitively dissonant grouping of people that intentionally misread and comprehend the Constitution.

    • BadKitty904

      Being drunk prolly helps, too, also.

      • Shane

        Drunk libelz!

      • dshwa

        I don’t think I could drink that much and still live.

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, now – ‘Merka is no place for quitters!

          • Querolous

            Alaska left the US?

        • Whale Chowder

          Not unless you carry a backup gun.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    This may skirt dangerously close to the Rules for Commenters Which Are Not Allowed, but…

    Should we send cases of whiskey to the Oregon bird sanctuary militia?

    • chicken thief

      Jon done grabbed my dildo so I had to ram my spare dildo straight up his ass.

      ~ Ammon, thankful that his training came in handy

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        “Remember your training and let instinct take over.”

  • BadKitty904

    …and ousted her God and constitution.

    America is a woman?

    • greyXstar

      Of course, because if Murica was a guy, he wouldn’t need big, hunky manly men to defend him from tyranny. Everyone knows the women folk can’t handle themselves.

      • BadKitty904

        But, but, but aren’t these the same folks who demean women and constantly work to deny them their rights as Americans?

        • greyXstar

          Nononono, there’s no Republican “war on women”. That’s all liebrul media balderdash! Now run along and fix me a sammich.

          • BadKitty904

            But, but, but I’m a guy.

          • greyXstar

            Oh, you would say that, wouldn’t you?

          • BadKitty904

            Just to emphasize my entitled status as Real (i.e., white, male) ‘Merkin!

          • willi0000000

            i heard you was a ginger merkin . . . was i misled?

        • PubOption

          And are quite happy to hide behind women if they think the feds are about to start shooting.

          • BadKitty904

            So, fools AND knaves, eh?

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Of course, that why rednecks LOVE america soooo much!

      • BadKitty904

        Ew.

        • willi0000000

          wha duz yew thinks the gud lawd put them gopher holes in the ground?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Big Jim’s been drinkin’ whiskey
    And playin’ poker on a losin’ night
    And pretty soon ol’ Jim starts a thinkin’
    Somebody been cheatin’ and lyin’
    So Big Jim commence to fightin’
    I wouldn’t tell you no lie
    Big Jim done pulled his pistol
    Shot his friend right between the eyes

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I guess it was a “Monday Night Special” this time.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Public Facebook page?

    Treehouse ham radio libelz!!!@!!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe, Australia, and the entire western and third world.”

    Ummm, they can’t even handle a remote birding outpost.

    • willi0000000

      . . . and carter was supposed to take care of setting the “second world” folks free.

      [ everybody just thinks of the first and third worlds . . . what about Venus? ]

  • Belasaurius

    if you’ve ever shot your friend in the face while arguing about overthrowing the government……. you might be a redneck

    • Sam Hain

      …or The Dick Cheney.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Describing this tale as “heartbreaking” may be a little over the top.

    • Belasaurius

      it is possible to have a heart attack from laughing too much

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Agreed, but still sad. I mean, I know that we mock the militia/gun nut folks, but – this guy just shot his friend in the face and killed him. That’s gotta suck.Best outcome is that he learned something (a lot) about gun safety.

      • Vienna Woods

        Has he blamed Obama yet?

      • Whale Chowder

        That’s making a pretty big assumption right there. I see no evidence that any of these yahoos are capable of learning anything.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          *snicker*
          I said it was the *best* outcome – I did not suggest or imply that it was a *likely* outcome.

    • geoffalnutt

      I laughed so hard I dislocated my hip and broke a window!

  • lroom

    He may not be “going to be with Jesus” since he died trying to murder his friend.

    • natoslug

      I dunno. Sounds like his friend was an asshole. This is one of those “no good deed goes unpunished” scenarios, methinks.

      • lroom

        Agreed.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Safety is always important with fir arms, but man, when it comes to oak arms or maple arms, you have to really follow the rules.

    • Querolous

      But no ebony arms allowed!!

  • onedollarjuana

    A militia that is apparently not so well-trained.

  • SpaceCaptainWarlock

    That’s some responsible gun ownin’. What’re the chances this guy would still be alive if his friend didn’t feel the need to arm himself with multiple guns at all times?

  • dslindc

    I have to say that I support thinning of the herd.

  • artem1s

    Dear Gunnutz,
    If Armageddon actually does come ebolas our asses. If the T-1000 terminates us all with hunterseekers come judgement day. If the Ruskies let loose and send nuclear winter down on our heads. If a doddering old Raul Castro takes over Nebraska. If the walking dead eat the CDC and cause social collapse throughout Georgia. If a mental runs rampant thru all the campuses and is shooting all the liberal commie wimmenz studies faculty bitches. YOU ARE THE LAST PEOPLE ON EARTH I WOULD WANT TAKING BACK AMERICA FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I trust the government moar than you, just saying.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m really bummed that this is the Final March To Restore America. I’m committed cleaning the toilet that day…too bad I’ll miss my last chance to Save Freedom.

    • willi0000000

      i know how you feel . . . i’ve inked-in cutting my toenails that day.

      [ . . . and once you use ink… ]

      • Steely_Fan

        …shampooing a cat, me…

        • willi0000000

          good luck with that . . . stock up on BandAids™, Bactine™ and blood in your type.

  • Belasaurius

    you know who else likes to shoot people in the face? (counting seconds until Ron Jeremy remark shows up in thread)

    • lroom

      Dick Cheney?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Darth Cheney?

    • Ricky Gay

      Larry Craig?

      • Ricky Gay

        oops, he play toe jam football and shoot coca cola. my bad

        • PUAAN

          Do he got feet down below his knees?

          • Ricky Gay

            yes, but do not accept his invitation to ‘feel his disease!’

    • cousin itt

      Dick Jeremy?

    • AntiDerpomeme
      • Ricky Gay

        mmm, cream pie

        • Walter Wellstone

          I believe the space between those two words is redundant nowadays.

    • Belasaurius

      have not seen any Bill Cosby responses yet either

    • Gary Charound

      William S. Burroughs?

    • willi0000000

      ooh! ooh! . . . i know!

      it’s gotta be Hitler this time.

    • Bad Granny

      Peter North?

    • chicken thief

      Ernest Hemingway?

    • chicken thief

      Arny Freytag? And other body parts also too?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Dang, the MENSA convention just won’t be the same this year without these two polymaths.

    • BadKitty904

      You misspelled “meth”.

  • Michael Rush

    If only people were octopuses and could hold at least 5 guns at any given moment none of this would have happened .

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Guns don’t kill people.

    Idiots with guns kill people.

  • crunchyknee

    So, a good guy with a backup gun will always shoot a good guy w/o a gun dead; makes who a patriot?

    • MrBlobfish

      I’m guessing he also has a backup backup gun. And a backup backup backup gun. etc

      • PubOption

        Big fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite them,
        Little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.

        • JH Marx

          My favorite poet.

  • Iron Monkey

    St. Peter: Jesus, there’s a guy named Charles Carter at the Pearly Gates. Says you are expecting him.

    Jesus: Never heard of him. Tell him to take a hike.

  • Walter Wellstone

    This is good news (with votes, of course.)

  • malsperanza

    So let me be sure I have the legal principle clear here: The reason black kids who are murdered by cops cannot claim self defense when they run or turn their backs is that they are not waving guns?

  • Jeamonn

    Wow, good thing this isn’t how Paul Revere’s original ride went down.

    • arglebargle

      Yes, we all know that involved ringing those bells and warning the Britishes.

      Sister Sarah

      • willi0000000

        ah, that famous ride.

        [ from Boston, Massachusetts via Lexington, Kentucky to Concord, New Hampshire ]

  • Enfant Terrible

    ♫ Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both,
    Oh yes, they both,
    Oh yes, they both reached for the gun,
    The gun, the gun, the gun,
    Oh yes, they both reached for the gun,
    For the gun. ♫

    • BadKitty904

      Since that’s such a great scene/song from that flick:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9dFKRZ8EbU

      • dshwa

        Just brilliant how they did that whole scene.

        • BadKitty904

          Pretty damned impressive, ya gotta admit…

      • Enfant Terrible

        Stay away from jazz and liquor!

        • BadKitty904

          In this case, especially liquor!

    • Bad Granny

      He had it comin’.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Does Jesus know this Carter guy is coming to be with him? Might wanna swing by a gun show and pick up a few things, just to be on the safe side.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    These seem like pretty level-headed people – just the kind I want to define the system of government for the entire world and set it up for me.

    • BadKitty904

      …the kind I want to have ready access to unlimited firearms.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Well, he DID have a backup gun, so at least they believe in planning for contingencies.

    • MrBlobfish

      According to them, it should be pretty easy.

      Sheriff

      Done.

  • Nockular cavity

    I certainly hope the cops are looking closely at this. Unless the guy’s text message was “Gonna kill Vincent dead, grrrrr,” isn’t the fact that he was texting moments before the unfortunate sequence of events evidence against him being all murdery?

  • laila

    Vincent is too awesome a name for a known imbecile of this fine upstanding patriot’s calibre. From here on in I vote that he be referred to as Dingbat McNulty.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      It’s too many syllables.

    • geoffalnutt

      Kinga Derp

    • Querolous

      Rory Calhoun played Vincent.

  • coozledad

    If a bullet pearce the lobe of my brane
    and it splatter on the far side of the bar
    even then you’re brane not much better.

    • willi0000000

      string theory libel!

      • beatbort

        I’m emotionally spent reading that verse….

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    We better send more bags of dicks to comfort the Oregon Patriots…this news will come as a terrible blow to them.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      No edibles.

      • Shibusa

        Maybe a bag of these:
        [You have to read the reviews on Amazon to really understand why….]

        • Matt Jones

          If they eat those bears, they’ll *need* all those dildos to hold back the ensuing RECTAL VOLCANO

        • Ijpe DeKoe
        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Fuck. Yes.

        • willi0000000

          a bunch of Brits in another place (where comments are allowed, even encouraged), when the story of the Haribo bears first came to light, asked what they thought was a serious question . . . “how many did they eat?”

          as a left-ponder, i had to tell them . . . “well . . . they come in a five-pound bag!”

    • DemmeFatale

      Best. Use. Of dildos. Ever.

  • proudgrampa

    Another gun-toting asshole bites the dust.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Live by the gun….

      • Walter Wellstone

        Fucking die by it.

    • natoslug

      It’s so rare one of these gun stories has a happy ending. Brings a tear to my eye, truly.

      • proudgrampa

        It’s like everyday we get new nominees for the Darwin Awards.

        • willi0000000

          the only question left before the committee is . . . has he reproduced yet?

  • Bill Slider

    So, for breaking world news, turn off FOX and turn on Facebook. Got it.

    • guppy06

      if going to Facebook is now what is necessary to be an informed citizenry, then I’m officially done.

      Or at least more done than I was five minutes ago.

  • Joe

    Good for Vincent,.. I guess it’s bad for Charles,…meh,.. who cares, eh. I know that if we give them enough time,…they will eventually all kill each other. The real question is how many of us will they kill in the meantime,… and can we afford to wait that long. Points to ponder this day !

  • guppy06

    I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to
    our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical
    threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe,
    Australia, and the entire western and third world.

    A perpetual covenant of war against every people, tribe, and state owning a foot of land between here and Tierra del Fuego. Hooray!

    • natoslug

      Don’t these people have a land war in Asia they could be participating in?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        They won’t join the proper armed forces because they’re afraid of cooties after Don’t Ask Don’t Tell died.
        They’re also afraid that they’d have to learn to handle “firarms” properly.

  • DudeistPriest

    The wide Stance Militia has a new Martyr… He’ll receive 72 cousins in heaven.

    • chicken thief

      And those little beauties will still have their teeth!

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      And a full set of chompers.

  • guppy06

    If Obama takes away all our guns, how else will we defend ourselves against our drinking buddies?

  • natoslug

    Laugh all you want, liebrul fuchsias, but come January 20, 2017, I bet we’ll be swearing in a new President. This is all part of the Glorious People’s Militia long game.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “Come next January, we are kicking Obama out of the White House!”

      –Chris Christie (like, seriously? he said that during the debate?)

      • natoslug

        It’s a major accomplishment, given the lawless way Obama blacked while Preznidenting and all. Would you really trust a man who has the audacity to have been conceived in such a blatantly biracial manner to really relinquish the reigns after only two terms?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        No, he didn’t. He said come next November, which makes it worse

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    When I die, I really hope “hold my beer for a sec” are my last words.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Always carry a spare GoPro, just in case.

  • But the Paul Revere march is still happening, right? Everyone’s bringing their guns, too, right?

    • MrBlobfish

      The real reason Carter was shot was because he was splitting off to the Paul Revere 2016 Final March to America’s Restoration

    • chicken thief

      Fuck’n’aye! Make sure your hoverround is fully charged ’cause it’s a long ride!

  • brittany

    “The two men were organizing the march from
    the west coast to Washington D.C. with the intent of “removing the
    corrupt leadership that has taken over our beloved country and ousted
    her God and constitution.”
    They were about to lead a “Kudatah”?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I wonder what their route was, I’d love to offer them a drink of water and laxatives along the way…

    • natoslug

      That sounds like a long march for folks who likely get winded checking their email.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I think by “marching” they meant “driving in their Escalades that they’re paying for with their Social Security and retired military pension paychecks.”

        • natoslug

          How many are actually retired military? Being too lazy to research, I am currently assuming that any that served are a bunch of dishonorably discharged dickweeds like Ritzheimer.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I didn’t realize Ritzheimer had been dishonorably discharged. I’m going to guess for being mentally unstable. I always assume these militias are made up of actual veterans mixed in with a bunch of wannabees.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Why do you think he is so pissed at the governments? They won’t let him suck off their sweet military teat

          • natoslug

            Crap. Now trying to find the article that stated he was dishonorably discharged. Hopefully I can find it, as at the moment all I can find are ones where he states he was honorably discharged, possibly due to his tattoos. Yeah, about that . . .

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Ha ha…yeah, I’m sure it was the tattoos that caused him to be discharged, since NOBODY has a tattoo in the military.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            The Marines, a few years back, decided that getting tattoos was against policy. Marines with existing tattoos were not affected, but new tattoos after the policy was put in effect could result in disciplinary action to include discharge.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I’m guessing tattoos were the least of Ritzheimer’s problems. Being psychotic, and not in a good way, might play a factor in his discharge.

          • Juan de Fuca

            You’re right and usually it is because of an accumulation of other factors, although the military has been cracking down on tattoos for the last 10 years or so. I believe he got them after the newer regulations came out which shows that he simply didn’t care about the reg’s. Known a few people like him in the military and it all comes down to failure to adapt. Dude’s a punk

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Another poster told me the same thing. I did not know that! I’m surprised the military would crack down on tattoos, since it’s such a tradition, particularly amongst the navy. Both my uncles had tattoos, long before it was cool, because they were sailors.

          • Juan de Fuca

            The thing that I believe started it was an incident that happened while I was stationed in N.C. back in the early 90’s. A couple of active duty Army skinheads assigned to the 82nd ABN Division at Bragg went out one night and murdered an innocent black couple near the Hay Street area of Fayetteville.

            During the investigation it was discovered that, hey! these guys have all of these racist tattoos covering them and all of this white supremacy propaganda in their barracks that nobody said a thing about it prior to them murdering a loving, elderly couple who were shot dead while holding hands walking along the sidewalk. Let’s do something!

            The military being the military, the DoD threw out a huge net to identify potential problem people based upon the tattoos they had – not a bad idea except that it was done after the fact. Kinda like having people serve in the military while being a part of a private militia. After something bad happens (and it will), people will begin asking why. I’ll try to find a link to the story and post it.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I remember that story quite well! I didn’t know the military reacted by shutting tattoos down.
            At one point in the 1990s it was alleged that Bloods and Crips were infiltrating the military to gain experience with firearms. I have no idea if that’s actually true or not, but I could see the military reacting to that.

          • Juan de Fuca

            It didn’t lead to a ban but did lead to more attention which in turn led to stronger enforcement of regulations that may have already been in place for the military. One of the old school vets here might be able to share more about the old days because I joined in ’89. I know that during my career it went from the instant reaction after the Fayetteville murders towards an increasingly more stringent enforcement of a DoD policy that banned tattoos covering a certain percentage of a person’s body visible while in uniform – you can’t be in a short sleeve military casual dress shirt and have sleeve tattoo’s running all the way down to your wrists or on your neck, etc.

            At the end of the day, whatshisnuts Marine knew about the standard and failed to live by the rules and likely received a bar to re-enlistment. If he got booted because of his tattoo’s, it probably wasn’t honorably (perhaps a general admin discharge). He’s the only person who knows but we all know he got the boot because he’s stated as much so I’ll go with that. He didn’t want to live the lifestyle of a well-regulated militia member and wants to freelance on his own terms as a common criminal. It’ll catch up with him.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            That’s probably not a bad policy, even though I normally hate having The Man tell me what to do.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Mostly wannabes, I’d wager. They all have the sort of air about them that I’d start separated for the good of the service actions on.

          • Jonny On Maui

            “mentally unstable”

            Required for the screw-on-lid type…

            Sorry, old training just kicked in, nothing but respect for the Marines.

          • pstockholm

            What no flag bra tattoos allowed in the USMC? In this enlightened post-DADT age?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Crudetés? They will be armed with carrot bayonets!

      • BigBoppa

        The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a carrot is a good guy with a broccoli floret.

        • chicken thief

          They will pause for ranch dressing however.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Need more of that spree decor.

  • Relativicus

    I hesitate to use the term “delusional,” but only because I feel like there should be a stronger term to describe these Freedom Fantasists.

    • BadKitty904

      “Crazy” leaps to mind.

      • BigBoppa

        Plumb loco. But it must be in “Giddyup” font.

    • dshwa

      Madder than a bag of cats?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        headed for the river

      • Relativicus

        Close, but somehow it still doesn’t get us there.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      They ain’t right in the head?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I still like patridiots.

    • Angry_Cop

      “Traitors” has always worked well, and has the advantage of being accurate and provable, in this case.

    • Whale Chowder

      I believe “tetched” is the southern term of art.

      Patridolts is also acceptable.

    • Smokahontas

      Dumber than a bag of wet nickels?

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    “That OUR fellow patriot and brother Charles Carter is no longer with us . He gone to be with Jesus.”

    Yes, Jesus the Hispanic gardener whom Smith had shot dead for freedom earlier. Because freedom. And coffins from Costco.

  • Dorothy Nelson

    That macho font is called “Giddyup”. The right-a-loons probably think this makes the message all Cowboy-like, but instead it makes ’em look like an 11 year old girl writing “Mrs. Justin Bieber” all over her pink sparkle notebook where all the I’s are dotted with hearts.

    • Vincent Ricola

      It’s fonts like this that make me question my agnostic beliefs. Only the mythical devil could come up with something so ugly and evil.

      • Randy Riddle

        Actually, this wouldn’t look bad in neon on some forgotten byway of Route 66.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          HOT NUDE GIRLS CHEAP BEER TURN NOW

          • bobbert

            Screeeeeeeech.

          • pstockholm

            Here, hold my beer …

      • SpideySenser

        Comic Sans MS LIBELZ!1!!!11!

  • MrBlobfish

    “He gone to be with Jesus”. Beautiful in its simplicity.

    • Dorothy Nelson

      Emphasis on “simple”.

      • beatbort

        They have open carry in heaven, I understand. And all you can eat ribeye steak

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          It’s compulsory!

      • therblig

        how many more sleeps before charlie wakes up?

    • Mike!

      They won’t get along- Jesus never packed heat.

  • natoslug

    Good luck saving the whole world, dudes. Your Golden Corral passports aren’t going to get you past too many borders.

  • dshwa

    “Charles Carter is no longer with us . He gone to be with Jesus. Today killed by a fellow patriot Vincent Smith. Who was suppose to be his brother in arms and friend.”

    This reminds me, when are we going to make English the official language?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      We’s gonna do that. Real soon.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        The movement is grassroots but strong.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Not unlike Mr. Carter who gone to be with Jesus, later today I be gone to visit my GF.

  • chicken thief

    This is just like the time drunk Thomas Jefferson, fiddling around with Sally’s ass with one hand tried to grab George Washington’s gun with the other, but George, with his cat-like reflexes, just bitch slapped TJ and told him to go sleep it off.

  • Ergoetal

    At least they’re finally shooting the right people.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “The two men were organizing the march from the west coast to Washington D.C. with the intent of “removing the corrupt leadership that has taken over our beloved country and ousted her God and constitution.” […]”
    So they were planning on ousting the democratically elected Obama, along with Congress? Like a military takeover type of thing? So we could then have the dictatorial theocracy that the founders of America had envisioned?
    Sometimes I feel like these guys don’t really think things all the way through.

    • beatbort

      They just can’t think clearly with a black man in the White House.

    • dshwa

      Only “sometimes”?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Four trained infantrymen could take a huge march of these assclowns out.

      • Judy Jackson

        These marches are NEVER huge. Do a search for Operation American Spring or 1 Million Truckers to DC. The You Tube videos from OAS are HILARIOUS.

  • geoffalnutt

    Obama did it.

    • BigBoppa

      Thanks, Obama!!!11!

      No, seriously. Thanks, Obama.

  • Zippy

    Did anyone actually see the altercation, or are we all going by Vincent’s version of what went down? It seems awfully convenient that he happened to be carrying a spare gun- just in case his drunk buddy, who managed to text their other buddy moments before, grabbed his main weapon. Seems to me that it would be just as easy to surprise shoot someone with that spare gun, then plant your main gun in the dead guy’s hand and make up a story…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is why when you stand your ground, you make sure the other guy is dead, so there’s no one around to contradict your story.

      • willi0000000

        it does really sound like a small-time putsch.

        [ if you aren’t ready to murder to be leader then you’re just not cut out for the job ]

    • But why would the not-drunk guy shoot the drunk guy, if not in self defense?

      Are you implying, sir, that the drunk guy, while in the depths of his drunkenness, made a homosexual pass at the not-drunk guy, and that the not-drunk guy murdered the drunk guy in cold blood out of sheer black-hearted homophobia?

      For shame, sir! For shame!

      • Zippy

        That, or he coveted the drunk guy’s Hoveround and thought that this was a good way to get it

  • AncienReggie

    See? THIS is why I always carry at least three guns. Because what if Charles has ALSO got Vincent SECOND gun … Then who’d be deadest first, huh? Backup for your backup is critical in these BFF gun-play bromicides, cause you’re always gonna be within slap-and-tickle distance!
    Alert, alive!!!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You need to have gun boobs like all us Ladies do.

      • chicken thief

        “Open Carry’ that I can get behind!

  • El Cid

    If one wishes to be a Good Guy With A Gun, how many ‘spare’ guns should one have on at all times?

    • Zippy

      AOT,K

  • therblig

    I don’t always drink beer. But when I do, I shoot my buddy in the face.

    • nmmagyar

      I’ve been known to, just not with a firearm. Bazinga!

    • Bitter Scribe

      When he shoots his friend in the face, the friend apologizes.
      He is…the most interesting vice president in the world.

  • SadDemInTex

    Hey, just another day in Texas

  • Me not sure

    Is Joe Bleaugh pronounced Joe Blow? Just curious.

    • BigBoppa

      Yes. Because some of these brave militia guys are afraid to reveal their true identities. Not unlike these other freedom fighters.
      http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/06/11/article-2655310-1EAB470500000578-620_634x329.jpg

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Oh hey, don’t they also claim they are taking their people “back” to whatever, and use holy quotes out of context to excuse their actions?

    • blondeiq

      He’s not one of the blahs trying to pass, is he?

    • chicken thief

      No, the ‘j’ is silent.

  • Sam Hain

    See Libtards, guns DON”T kill people, Rightwing assholes do.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      So, let us ban rightwing assholes?

      • Sam Hain

        Well at the very least we need some effective Rightwing Asshole Control laws.

  • Commander Spider (From Mars)

    Thoughts! Prayers! that always fixes it.

    • dshwa

      Cheaper than flowers. And Hallmark doesn’t make I’m sorry I shot you in the face cards.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They are missing out on a big future niche market

      • bongo fury

        Cheney coulda used one of those…

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Cheney was sent an “I’m sorry you shot me in the face” card.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            That was one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. “I’m sorry my face got in the way of your bagging a quail!”

          • Beaumarchais?

            Plus, Cheney was shooting at released birds, so how fucking drunk were all those assholes? Drunk enough to hide from the cops and their tyrannic breathalyzers for 48 hours.

      • chicken thief

        “And Hallmark doesn’t make I’m sorry I shot you in the face cards. “

        THANKS, OBAMA!!11!

      • nmmagyar

        Yet

      • Robyn Ryan

        Snacks. Can’t have Gult’s Gulch without snackies.

      • Dee Andee

        Cheaper than flowers, and no need to rise from the sofa! Win-win.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Ten bucks says the “march” from the west coast to DC is actually a flight/train ride/busride/other ride until right about the Mall.

    • dshwa

      And not the whole mall, just one little section of it. Circling the whole mall is way to long a walk.

    • Judy Jackson

      It won’t be a flight or a train ride because NONE of these losers have any money. They are already begging for money. I guess their government welfare checks don’t go as far each month as they used to. They need to do a search for Operation American Spring, 1 Million Truckers to DC & the other EPIC FAILURES the hatriots have attempted in recent years.

      • Querolous

        I sincerely hope these assholes can’t get by TSA.

        • Judy Jackson

          Plane tickets cost money which these idiots don’t have. I would also guess that they are on a no-fly list. They LOVE putting videos on You Tube & Facebook so it isn’t as if it is difficult for the FBI or Homeland Security to keep an eye on them.

  • chicken thief

    When are Cliven Bundy, Ted Nugent, and other prominent Patriots going to start denouncing this Patriot on Patriot shooting?!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      PLM?

      • nmmagyar

        Meh?

  • Hemp Dogbane

    The first rule of patriotism is to not be needin’ to announce your patriotism all the time.

    • gedde

      Yup. On the Interweb version of the “Federalist Paper”s, e.g. Facebook.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Paul Revere 2016 Final March to Restore America”.

    Paul Revere and the Raiders were a pretty good group back in the day. Were they on “Hullaballoo” or “Shindig!”? I can never remember.

    Anyway, great to hear the guys are still rockin’ after all these … What? … It’s not the sixties rock group?

    Oh.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      That “final” part…We’re going to hold them to that, right? Or, will it be like Streisand’s “final” concert?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s going to be hard for Paul Revere and The Raiders to help these guys, seeing as Paul Revere passed last year.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And the Raiders, as usual, missed the playoffs.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Kicks just keep gettin harder to find. Gone to be with Jeebus.

    • BigBoppa

      I think the show they were on in the beginning was something called “Where The Action Is”. I was only in 6th grade at the time so my memory may be faulty.

      • Beaumarchais?

        What a snag—thanks for posting this! A harbinger of the coming apocalypse, but it has a beat you can dance to. I give it an 8.

    • Beaumarchais?

      I had such a crush on that group, considering I was only ten.

    • Querolous

      PR & the Rs were the house band for Where the Action Is. OT, Paul did alternative service (he was Mennonite) as a cook at the
      Cookoos’ Nest.

  • elpinche

    An armed society is a drunken bloated corpse.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Maybe it’s just my nerd showing again, but when I think “armed society” the first image that comes to mind is “space ork camp.”

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Do…any of these TRUE MURRICANS and Patriots understand that Paul Revere basically shouted an alarm so people could run the fuck away?

    • Left Coast Tom

      I thought that according to Common Palin curriculum Paul Revere shouted a warning to the British not to grab our gunz?

  • You left out the address I need to send them more booze.

    • nmmagyar

      and bullets.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    The Three Percent Movement? You mean these guys are gay or does that mean they still have 97% of a turd to go, yet?

    • chicken thief

      It means they are 1% more milkier.

  • chicken thief

    It was all a misunderstanding. When Charles slurred “we need that like I need another hole in my head….” Vincent thought … Well, it was a misunderstanding.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It seems that we have little to fear from these assclowns. Eventually they’ll all kill themselves off in drunken rages. Every aspect of their lives is as incoherent as their political “philosophy”.

  • chicken thief

    This incident will be used for marketing by sellers of the gun and ammo used – “yep, by gawd, luckily ol’ Vincent had him a spare .45 cal Colt 1911, nickel plated with pearl Pachmyr grips, loaded with hollow points with the nose shaved just a little and perforated so they’d split like a watermelon on impact, blowing the front of Charles’ skull straight through the back of it. It was a thing ‘a beauty, I tell ya…..”

    • Whale Chowder

      “Betcha can’t open-carry just one!”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    To be fair, 3% is an awfully high BAI.

    • Beaumarchais?

      But he’ll save on embalming costs.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or make for a quick and spectacular cremation.

        • Beaumarchais?

          Here, hold my bier!

  • The Wanderer

    Guns a booze – two great things that go . . . oh. Um, never mind.

  • nmmagyar

    Lovers spat gone bad.

  • TimJ

    Check out the podcast “Rage Against the Regime Radio” by these mopes. The 10 minute January 12 episode is about this tragically hilarious case.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “This coffin smells awflul.”
    “Well, there wasn’t room in the cooler for both Charles and the beer.”

  • Brewerofbeers

    “then he grabbed Vincent’s gun”

    By “grabbed his gun,” you mean “this is my rifle, this is my gun” kind of way?

  • blinkytoo

    Wait.
    Joe Bleaugh?
    Pronounced: Joe Blow?
    Real name?
    Or is it like Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development? Blah, blah, blah.

    • MOG253

      More like Bleahhhhhh, as in ick.

    • Playonwords

      That was my immediate thought

  • Bitter Scribe

    These are definitely the people I want to determine the government of this nation.

  • JParkerSD46

    He has gone to be with Jesus. Oh, lordy-lord, I would love to see that meeting. J-Dogg, ROTFLHAO (Facey-space lingo, in keeping with the spirit of the story), pointing at the large hole in Chucky’s melon and then telling Chucky to head on over to the Darwin section.

  • TheBidenator

    For never was a story of more woe than this story of dead Shootia and his buddy Bromeo…

  • Serolf Divad

    So when it says that Carter pulled Smith’s gun out of his holster before Smith shot him, is that a literal gun out of a literal holster, or some sort of euphemism?

  • Another case of thinning the herd.

  • Serolf Divad

    An armed society is a polite society that ain’t big enough for the two of us.

    • HanBarbara

      An armed society is a society where people shoot eachother a lot

  • Robyn Ryan

    ‘The Marshal ruled it self defense.’

  • TheBidenator

    I wonder if these patriots might also benefit from some condolence dildos, red white and blue ones…

    • Beaumarchais?

      More useful than thoughts and prayers…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Vincent Smith, a right-wing organizer for the Paul Revere 2016 Final March to Restore America, …

    I lost track of those after they dropped Mark Lindsey from the band.

  • sillybill

    shot right between the eyes, in the heat of the moment. now thats what i call gun control!

  • Hugh Gaanus

    Here’s poor departed Chuckys gofundme page. Why don’t yall go over there and spread some love, Merika style!!

    https://www.gofundme.com/j4j3rnf9

    • Dee Andee

      Too bad the gun-humpers already sent all of their spare change to Oregon for their fellow ‘Patriots’ cigarette & snackie habits.

      • HanBarbara

        And beer. Don’t forget the beer.

  • Kimberly B Stone

    Beer and a dead guy and probably a funeral involving more people carrying guns. :::: makes popcorn ::::

    • therblig

      they’re going to dig the grave using shotguns and army surplus grenades.

  • BeliTsari

    Ah, er… Meadowlark Lemon & Lee Holman died too… HECK with these dummies!

  • Markuserektus

    Shot through the face and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name…bad name.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I see that there’s a lot of confusion about the back-up piece.

    Photo negative of pseudo-patriot shot dead, back-up piece next to body…

    “He was armed!”

    Works for cops too…

  • Beulah

    He gone to be with Jesus.

    Because as we all know, being a drunken, violent asshole is the fast track to spending an eternity with Jesus.

  • Hardly Ideal
    • Steely_Fan

      Priceless!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Patriots don’t drink cerveza. Patriots drink Keystone Light.

  • Antimassacree

    So is the Three Percent Movement named after the average GED score these “patriots” were able to muster? That Keith Williams block quote is a crime against the English language, even American English.

  • Incoming Ham

    A head shot was necessary to head off being shot? Riiiiighhht…

  • Dee Andee

    Dear Gun-humpers,

    Please stop trying to write words containing more than four letters, or better yet, writing sentences at all. It’s embarrassing for the rest of us.

    And while you’re at it, go fuck yourselves, you ignorant, violent, neanderthal-brained schmucks.

    Yours,

    “Real” Americans

    • TheBidenator

      Neanderthals libel! Seriously, Neanderthals were kind and caring for each other…

      • Dee Andee

        What might be a suitable replacement? I, unlike some others, am open to learning. I’m leaning toward “lepton-brained,” since leptons lack brains altogether.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Call em Homo Flaccidus. They’ll love it.

        • ahughes798

          I’d go with “tardigrades.”

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Also, the Neanderthals’ average brain size was larger than that of modern humans, so there’s no reason to think they were as stupid as these guys.

  • Dee Andee

    Darwin wins again.

  • Jason M

    The only thing that can stop a bad idiot with a gun…

  • fgbndslndr

    That’s just great. Why couldn’t they rescue us from tyranny when that dead-eyed kitten-eater Stephen Harper was our duly elected tyrant? Now we have a cute and fluffy tyrant and I’m okay with him tyranting us for a while with his sunny ways.

    • Swampgas_Man

      No no, see,– he’s a TYRANT because he won’t let you have guns to shoot other drunks in the face. What I remember about Australia, there’d be one helluva lot of drunks to shoot.

      • fgbndslndr

        Wrong country. Canada doesn’t have quite as many drunks, and we aren’t proud of the ones we have.

      • jane

        That’s why we’re not allowed to carry face-shooting guns around. Foot-shooting guns are OK.

  • SDGeoff

    Don’t we just adore the pathetic prophetic patois that these self-righteous loonies throw around? “I speak of Europe, Australia, and that nasty dark continent upon which white caucasian minorities suffer unspeakable torments…”

  • chimichanga

    OMG – The guy’s stated career is – community organizer, RW though it be!

  • HanBarbara

    And these people don’t understand why bar owners hate open carry.

    • SisterArtemis

      Bar owners, bar staff, and not a few bar patrons

      • Grokenstein

        Anyone with a frontal lobe, really.

  • In MY view, the “first rule of firearm safety” would be not to have a firearm at all. Or not to be a drunk dickhead.

  • Candy Apple

    Tell these militia guys to remember to pack some snacks for their continent-wide journey, because sometimes they are so busy concentrating on Freedom that they forget.

    • Swampgas_Man

      You’re not yourself when you’re hungry, as the Snickers ads testify.

  • AlanInSF

    Thank Jesus guns kept one of them safe.

  • ken_kukec

    The “the first rule of firarms [sic] safety” being don’t grab your buddy’s pistol during a drunken stupor unless you’re prepared to shoot first?

    • Blackest Noobs

      Han Solo knew better. well he just shot first but all the same.

    • Grokenstein

      It takes a GOOD likkered-up patriot with two guns to stop a VILLAIN-IN-RETROSPECT likkered-up patriot with one of those guns. Or sumpin’.

  • whitroth

    Joe Bleaugh? Is that a last name, or an opinion?

    And *second* gun? How many guns does one person need for there to be enough? Maybe so many that all you have to do is twitch, and one or all of ’em all go off, shooting in all directions at once?

    Of course, with that many you won’t be able to walk….

    mark

    • laineypc

      In the movies the person who wins always has more than one gun. So that is how we know.

      • therblig

        “now i have a machine gun. ho ho ho”

    • nuzpeg

      “Bleaugh.” It’s like the scene about the Castle of Aaargh in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He must have died while carving it.

  • Bezoar

    So, the lesson of this story is, always make sure you have two concealed weapons? In case one of your friends grabs the first one? Makes sense to me, I’ll have to double my gun order.

  • D_C_Wilson

    I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe, Australia, and the entire western and third world.

    Hear that Europe and Australia? Bet you didn’t know that you were consumed by a tyrannical threat at this very moment. Thank our brave militia goobers for sounding the alarm!

    • jenny_whyme

      But will they remember to bring snacks and clean socks when the head across the pond to save Europe and Australasia from themselves. (They’ll never make to the entire western and third worlds. Not enough Doritos.)

      • D_C_Wilson

        Probably not, but they’ll still have plenty of dildos.

        • jane

          I’d suggest they ARE dildos.

          • Odd Jørgensen

            Batteries sold separately…

      • dolph schikelgruber

        All those comments and 2 followers…obviously the crap u spew isn’t very appreciated….like I said seditious…..also Jenny.this isn’t so much about bom seizing land as it is state sponsored terrorism. Do you know anything about that? Twin towers, oklahoma,waco,ect. Youare a propagandistfor the feds. And you will be arrested….I’ll make it my job to locate people like u.treason will be the charge.

        • jenny_whyme

          I think you need to adjust your meds or your tinfoil hat. Not sure which.

      • dolph schikelgruber

        Common core too huh…you r a secret cop…sneaking, propagandizing, psyoper is what u r .negative on your ip.we will trace u sweetie

        • jenny_whyme

          Go right ahead. Not sure what you think you’re going to find. Just hold up in my house. It’s snowing outside…

    • jane

      I certainly didn’t realise we’re being consumed by anything at all, let alone a tyrannical threat.

  • SnarkOff

    Is that pronounced “Joe Blee-off,” “Joe Bluff,” or “Joe Blech”?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Joe Blow

    • Grokenstein

      The sound of sudden hurling: bleEEARGH.

  • MyLovelyNose

    On that same FB page I suggested that Vincent Smith was a government plant, and some agreed with me. I think I’ll go back and say that it was really Carter who was the government agent and Smith the True Patriot. Apparently the rumor is that Carter “wasn’t a drinking man,” so there are Unanswered Questions.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Seriously? They agreed with you on that?
      Fuck these people are the worst friends

    • Odd Jørgensen

      I like to tell these loons that 3 out of 5 messaging boards and right wing blogs are run by the gubmint to keep tabs on the real patriots, it`s all sooo very spooky and sinister. Running up their paranoia is easier than confusing a puppy by not throwing the ball.

  • wagonjack

    I guess the march to DC is off now….Amirite?

    • nmmagyar

      Participation has been reduced by 50%

  • uberleet

    It seems appropriate that Donald Trump had better update his “US Crime Statistics” meme to include “Patriots Killed by Patriots ~~ 100%”

    • jane

      Maybe they could bite Trump for the funeral costs.

  • Judy Jackson

    These twatwaffles set up a GoFundMe to pay funeral expenses. Apparently, this good Christian family man had no job, no insurance & his girlfriend is now broke & homeless. They are trying to raise something like $20,000. Mooching lazyass losers. They can’t even bury their buddy & they think they are going to march across the entire USA. Freaking loser welfare mooching bums.

    • Left Coast Tom

      You’d think paying for the funeral would be the least the shooter could do.

      • Judy Jackson

        Funerals cost money. That kind of money requires a job, something that is apparently an alien concept to these jackasses.

  • jenny_whyme

    Just an aside: Paul Revere 2016 Final March to Restore America is that the actual name? And does it mean that it will be the final march ever (pretty please) of like 10s of people and they will Restore America to being great again because it isn’t now for reasons?

    You can go back to pointing and laughing at the good guy with a gun and the sad feels for the dead guy.

    • eddi

      Sad for his family.

  • Flodurn

    BWAH! Best thing I’ve read all week!

  • edmeyer_able

    Just what he needed another hole in his stupid head, rest in turmoil you idiot

    • Jim Walker

      dumb ass

    • Jim Walker

      maybe you should eat a bullet

      • doktorzoom

        Yeah, that’s a banhammerin’ .

    • jane

      Pity it didn’t let any sense enter his head.

  • Grokenstein

    KILL EACH OTHER
    KILL EACH OTHER
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R98fcL8UD4w

  • Even we ALREADY had a “death in triplicate.” We also lost songbird, Natalie Cole too.

    • Judy Jackson

      And don’t forget Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead. He passed a few days before Bowie.

  • Why it’s almost as if guns are dangerous in the wrong hands or something!

    • Gregory Brown

      If they had been in some well regulated place like a bar, this never would have happened.

  • Manhattan123

    When these fuckwits get done playing right-wing Telephone you know this brave patriot will have been shot between the eyes by that tyrannical Obummer himself.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I Swear to God when we are done restoring America we will reach out to our brothers and sisters world wide and save them from the Tyrannical threat that at this moment is consuming them. I speak of Europe, Australia, and the entire western and third world.

    Don’t call us, guys. We’ll call you.

    • I think if you asked these guys “Do you have an Australian Visa?” Their reply would be something like “Credit cards are another form of government control.”

    • jane

      Don’t bother coming to Oz; we’ve got enough loons in the government that we’re going to throw out later this year.

  • 3FingerPete

    Just like the Founding Fathers, drunk and pulling guns on each other.

  • eddi

    From the nice people at Cracked. “4 important facts about militias media never mentions” And a George Washington quote about his opinion of militia in the Revolution.
    http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-important-facts-about-militias-media-never-mentions/

    • Gregory Brown

      True today. My hat is off to you.

  • eddi

    This is how I keep picturing the Malheur Mess ending. In a blaze of drunken self-inflicted death and injury as various factions and phonies start blaming each other for the failure of the effort.

    • Suttree

      Throw in some decent actors, completely change how boring the whole situation is, get Tarantino to direct it, and I still wouldn’t care.

  • liberalenigma

    This is a Spy vs Spy Mad Magazine routine with these clowns. I think they need better music and a nap

  • Ambignostic

    Statistically speaking, guns don’t kill people, guns kill people with guns.

  • NotConvinced

    How can a gun just jump out of a bulletbro’s holster into the hand of another bulletbro’s hand and then shoot the former bulletbro in the brain. It can’t. It’s an inanimate object being handled by another bulletbro. In Saudi Arabia they just cut the hands off the bulletbros who survive. Probably the dead too. They are really into the hand chopping off thing. It’s trending.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Sort of a hands on, hands off policy?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Wow! A spare gun? I thought I was cool having spare reading glasses all over the house, including the bathroom, and in the car too (TIP for Olds: Dollar Store has the cheapest ones, avoid Wal-Mart). I never thought of a spare gun. I guess a spare gun would be of no use to me because I’d have to find the spare reading glasses in my purse first before I could see who I was shooting with my spare gun.

  • boll ocks

    Bwhahahaha-Whoops, sorry. Sad another idjit had to die, or something.

  • splashy79

    And yet, we are supposed to “trust” them that they won’t shoot us with their guns, right? Yeah, trusty, they are.

  • dansezlajavanaise

    i just read a great post detailing exactly how moronic these fake patriots are. it’s at stonekettle dot com, and the title is refuge-of-scoundrels. it went up on january 15th. everyone, go have a great read.

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