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Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America

GRRR ARGH RAGE MAD OBAMA’S TAKIN’ YR GUNS BUT NOT IF ALLEN WEST CAN STOP IT OOH AHH ANGRY WORDS GRRRR!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!

So, failed congressman, disgraced soldier, dirty whore pervert and all around human erectile dysfunction Allen West is mad about a thing, and it is Tyrant Obama’s gun-grabby grabbing of guns, which is FOR REAL happening:

west

Ooh big bad scary! Is Allen West going to shoot guns next to Barack Obama’s face, as if the president was a common Iraqi and West was a shitty Army guy? Let’s see what Very Scary Oh My Stars words he has to say to the black man who is president of him:

President Barack Hussein Obama, on behalf of true Americans, I want to inform you that we will not follow your unconstitutional executive order.

We the American people have no other recourse than to resort to civil disobedience. We have no representatives in Washington DC who will stand and the Supreme Court has failed us as well.

You have embraced violent protest movements in America such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter.

Famous white man Allen West is not so sure black lives matter, we guess.

We will now be sending you emails and social media posts as well as calling OUR White House to say one word, “No.”

Oh fuck, Allen West has AOL and he’s not afraid to use it!

Here’s where it gets vaguely death threaty:

This is your final year as president of the United States so let us come to an agreement: you leave us alone and we, the American people, will let you stay and finish your term.

Heed these words of counsel. Our American blood is descended from men and women who rejected tyranny — so shall we honor their memory.

If you do not wish to honor your oath to the Constitution and protect us, we shall protect ourselves. And NEVER forget the oath we American Warriors take is to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign, and domestic.

Haha, we are giggle-pissing ourselves over the very idea that impotent puppy felcher Allen West could possibly have anything to do with whether or not Barack Hussein THE FUCKING BOSS OF YOU Obama will complete his presidency, but we are also asking excuse us WHAT? We join our BFFs at Crooks & Liars in suggesting that the Secret Service might want to discuss a few things with Allen West, maybe? And maybe the FBI, CIA, NSA, the Hot Topics stitch ‘n’ bitch at “The View” and Allen West’s therapist might want to talk about things, also too? Just kidding, if he had a therapist, he might not be the wussy ingrown penis he is today.

Look, we know Allen West is a pathetic fool. We know his entire life, ever since he served in Iraq, has been an emasculating burlesque ride of fail. Lordy Moses, these days he’s been reduced to fighting the Islamic menace by using his fraidy-cat nose holes to sniff out Sharia law in Walmart checkout lines. That is, when he’s not preventing football injuries by telling Jesus to be gentle.

But at the same time, awww, we miss having Allen West around to kick in the face, from back in the olden timey days when he sort of was a thing, for like five minutes.

So come on, Allen, keep writing candygrams on your Tumblr or LiveJournal or whatever it is. You’ll write a post that makes you a real man again one of these days, we’re certain!

Unless the Secret Service shows up for, you know, THREATENING THE PRESIDENT, and takes you to a FEMA camp and you have to live there forever LOL just kidding that won’t happen.

OR WILL IT? Haha, probably not, but if it did Wonkette would take pictures.

[Some jizz rag called Red State News via Crooks & Liars]

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  • Callyson

    OH the comments…

  • thewitchqueen74

    The jump in logic from “expanded background checks” to “HE’S GONNA TAKE OUR GUNSSSSSSS WHARRGARBLE” is astounding.

    • Anarchy Pony

      But don’t you know that it’s all a SLIPPERY SLOPE!!!!!!11!!1!!!2!!$!1*&%1!

      • Count Awesome

        First they take away the guns, then BAM everyone is gay married and having abortions.

        • Sheepshagger

          What about sheep?

          • Count Awesome

            Do your thing then.

    • willi0000000

      really? . . . this shit was astounding 7 years ago . . . it stopped being astounding about 6¾ years ago.

      • thewitchqueen74

        Yes, it’s astounding that people are still this goddamn stupid.

  • dslindc

    Thank you for sharing, Allen. I will put your discourse in the appropriate file.

    Also too, please shut the fuck up and go away.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I’m releasing my new album “emasculating burlesque ride of fail” on 8-track at the weekend, with betamax multimedia package.

    • MsAnthropesMr
      • Lefty Frizzell

        OMG. Feel sorry for the drummer. I resign – that fits the album title better than anything I could ever come up with.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          Well, that’s drummer number 5.
          They are not the loudest band I’ve ever seen. That goes either to Buffalo Tom, or Pre Famous Flaming Lips. You could feel the windows move in the tiny club I saw the Flaming Lips in.

          • janecita

            I saw Ministry when I was 18, and I lost my hearing for almost two days. Loudest concert ever.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Oh man, Thin White Rope in a small club. I could count my fillings from the rattling. It was beautiful.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Remember when we had real music? Oh yeah, and YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Monster/Suicide/America Steppenwolf

            Sadly still relevant…

          • Lefty Frizzell

            Motorhead libel! What?

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Never saw Motorhead live :( I’m sure they were louder.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            RIP Lemmy.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            And Philthy Animal…

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Please bow your heads for a moment of silence.
            .
            .
            .
            AS IF!

            Like Lemmy would ever want silence

          • Pinkham’s Law

            I saw Blue Oyster Cult in Myrtle Beach one time in the 80s. Little club, maybe 6000 sq ft. Place was packed, but I think they were pissed about being booked into such a little place.

            3 full stacks, including horns, on each side of the stage – it left maybe 5 feet between the last stack and the wall. If there had been windows, they would have blown out. No doubt in my mind!

            I T . W A S . G L O R I O U S !!!!!!!!!!!!

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Oh No. There goes Tokyo.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            They put on a really good show. It took like, 60 seconds for them to realize that, while it was a small venue, it was packed with FANS, not a bunch of tourons that just wanted to hang out at a bar. They rocked the everloving shit outta that place!

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Let me preface this story by saying, I was a music snob. I could never understand why anyone would listen to pop music, and I considered that I had infinitely superior musical taste to anyone I knew (I was 17 ). So, Freshman Year of college, I got a free ticket to see Cinderella and AC/DC so I went.

            And ACDC was OK. But I was really surprised by Cinderella. They were good musicians, took their craft seriously, and put on a great show for the people that came to see them. It actually really made me reconsider my stance about artists of all sorts – and believe it or not, Cinderella, of all things, gave me my attitude towards artists that I have today – that is – as long as the artist is into it – good for them. It takes a lot of work and heart and sweat to make anything, and while a critic can tell you what someone might like, a critic ain’t making anything. So while I joke (particularly about the Dave Mathews Band (‘bland as a tofu sandwich’ – Christgau) you know what – they’re out there doing stuff.

            Oh well, rant over.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          When you said that phrase, this tune immediately popped into my head.

  • Totie Capote

    That is some shit right there, I’ll tell ya. Dude has serious issues and I trust the Secret Service is checking his ass out while Barry Obamz just laughs and laughs at his stupid ass.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      It certainly seemed to quiet Ted “Still Fighting Mental Health” Nugent down a while back when the Secret Service came to call.
      Or maybe he just couldn’t get more of whatever his connection supplies him, for a while.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Nuge is actually vehemently anti-drug. Always has been. We can’t use the easy out of drugs to explain his brand of crazy.

        • Boscoe

          Maybe he’s “anti-drug” the same way all those conservatives end up being “anti-gay”?

          • Shelli Richardson

            My drug addict cousin refers to his meth as his “medicine” in front of the children. So Nugent may be vehemently anti-drug yet a full blown “medicine” addict.

    • LarkintheAM

      The SS is seriously fucked up these days, so I am guessing they’ll be right on that as soon as they can find someone who isn’t drunk, awol or rounding up prostitutes for the gang. It’s almost enough to make me start believing in god, because it’s a fucking miracle that the President hasn’t been seriously hurt or killed because these bozos can’t find their own arses with two hands and a map.

  • Indiepalin

    Allen West’s skull was constructed originally to store grain. It has since become a minor tourist attraction in Florida, along with Lobster Boy.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      And if you put razor blades inside his skull, they will miraculously become sharper.

      • Swampgas_Man

        NOTHING is sharp in that tiny space.

    • BearGHAZI

      Anyone who says Allen West’s skull is anything but a coffin for dead Egyptian kings is seriously fucked

    • Anarchy Pony

      Isn’t his head a jar, as per US Marine physical requirements?

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        careful, AP. the Marine Corps has some shitbirds, but Allen West was not one of them. You can thank the Army for that sack of crap.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Huh, That level assholery is usually the domain of Maureens…

          • LarkintheAM

            Hey! One of my brothers is a Jarhead (“That’s motherfucking no bullshit Jarhead to you, sis.”) and he is a card-carrying liberal like the rest of my family. #NotAllLeathernecks

          • data_ninja

            I also have a brother in the marines, who has requested the “Leather neck” moniker as opposed to Jarhead, because he’s “not one of those fucking dumbass meat-head grunts”. He’s also threatened to smash the back of my car if I ever dare to put on one of those “My [family member] is a Marine” bumper stickers on. But really, he’s a nice guy who has just happened to teach me new ways to curse (which is really a feat to behold). #IYAOYAS

            ETA: No offense to fucking dumbass meat-head grunts. His words, not mine.

          • LarkintheAM

            Oh, I know. My brother’s casual speech has been known to turn air blue and have mothers covering their kids’ ears with dark looks even when he’s wearing his uniform. Is your bro deployed or home now? I’ll give you three guesses where mine is right now, and the 1st two don’t count.

          • data_ninja

            Oh, he is quite deployed, but since he works on “birds”, he’s not near anything too troubling at the moment. But it seems that can (and will) always change at a moments notice.

            I can probably assume that your brother is playing in the sand somewhere?

          • LarkintheAM

            Yep. Playing “advisor”.

          • eddi

            Sending him some positive waves.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Marines screw their caps on, hence, Jarheads. (for our military impared)

          The army uses staples, I still have the holes…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          True, he’s the Army’s problem, not the Marines’. Retired LTC, retired because he was offered the opportunity to do that or face a court marital for his war crimes.

  • Jay Vaughn

    Race Traitor

    • Callyson

      Allen West certainly is a wingnut, but I’d save the human race traitor line for Trump and his ilk…

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Well, we’d have to be sure both those folks ain’t Lizard People first.

  • Callyson

    Also too, from this nutcase website:

    Evidence Mounting that Michelle Obama Never Gave Birth to Malia and Sasha

    https://media.giphy.com/media/r6fAMgL6W94aI/giphy.gif

    • jviscont1

      must have been Bristol then?

    • tia

      Who is that adorable human?

  • tia

    A Christian threatens the President = a great American.

    A Muslim sneezes the wrong direction = filthy terrorist.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      A Sikh sneezes in the right direction = muslin sleeper agent

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Look Allen, I hate to break it to you, but, unlike the protesters out in one of those dogforsaken states out West that are living offa cheetos, raisin boxes and vegan jerky – your “rebellion” won’t get very far.

    You see, you’re not the right skin color for such an outing. You’re not a freedom fighter at that shade, you’re an “agitator” or “terrorist” or perhaps “thug”.

    And really, if Black lives matter or Occupy movement threatened someone, I missed it. Can you point those occasions out to me? I thought they were disrupting people’s lives in a non-violent fashion to bring attention to the fact that police are killing people of color indiscriminately, and that the rich are robbing the poor blind, and illegally.

    Please note, both Black lives matter, and Occupy are also calling attention to something that needs fixing, and you are doing the opposite – calling for something that is horribly broke to remain broke.

    In short, in the immortal words of one of my employees.

    “Fuck you, motherfucker”.

    • “In short, in the immortal words of one of my employees.”

      ‘”Fuck you, motherfucker”.’

      No hard feelings, Boss…….jeez.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Is that you Vic?

  • Spotts1701

    And NEVER forget the oath we American Warriors take is to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign, and domestic.

    That’s rich coming from someone who brazenly violated his oath and dishonored his uniform.

    • onedollarjuana

      With bluster like that why isn’t he in Burns?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Seriously. The change from wall to wall pasty white would really pull the room together.

  • BearGHAZI

    You know Allen, pearls can be clutched just as easily as guns

    • onedollarjuana

      Not when they’re dripping down your chest.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Which came first — the impotence or the rage?

    • Callyson

      “Speaking strictly for me, the rage dissipated quickly once the impotence came along.”

      – Mrs West

  • Anarchy Pony

    I’m beginning to think this guy may be an unhinged psychopath…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Real he-man psychopaths don’t need a wildlife sanctuary as a prop for their crazy. They just embody their crazy.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Dude sounds like somebody went and scratched up all of his Skrewdriver LPs.

  • w9anthimos

    If Allan West was just a bit more Anglo-Saxon, he could lead the breakout from the Malheur.

  • jviscont1

    he’s still pissed Carly didn’t include him in her Warrior Class roster.

  • WhyFelicia

    Doesn’t anyone recall the thousands of innocent investment bankers slaughtered in the great Dreadlock and Patchouli Drum Circle Massacre during Occupy Wall Street???! Are Allen West and I the only ones who care????!1one

    • janecita

      I remember their Caviar flavored blood, flowing freely all over Wall Street. It was horrible!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      I do remember the smell…

    • BearGHAZI

      They were guillotining the Lehman Bros in Zuccotti Park, one after the other!!

    • Hammiepants

      OFFICER, PLEASE!!! THEY’RE LOOTING THE FOOD KING!!!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      My god, those investment bankers have been mildly inconvenienced! The horror!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Oh please. They were sipping Champagne staring down at the rabble from their offices.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I did say mildly. The Champagne delivery was five minutes late!

          • WhyFelicia

            That’s about six minutes too late, as I always tell my secretary.

        • Major_Major_Major

          But they had to settle for a second rate vintner. AAAAAANNDDD they ran out of caviar.

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    • jviscont1

      Those Collateralized Debit Swap duels at 20 paces were horrific.

    • HITO

      I remember … and I had hopes they’d jump:

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A bad way to die, even for vulture capitalists.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Even worse for the poor working stiffs who have to clean them up.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yegads…the odor of death and patchouli!

  • janecita

    Please, who cares about what this disgusting war criminal, loser has to say? He is a has been, that never truly was, just another self hating uncle Tom, suffering from severe Grandiose Delusions.

  • Hammiepants

    HAHAHAHA, WTF, “AMERICAN RONIN”? He apparently doesn’t realize the ronin were basically unemployed ex-ninjas who either fucked up, got fired, or had a master who died.

    • WhyFelicia

      Seriously, I just noticed that on the subtitle today, and I can’t actually figure out who should be more insulted by the comparison. Probably the ronin, but still.

    • LarkintheAM

      But, but, but – it *sounds* all Bruce Lee and lone wolfish and such, ’cause he’s all alone out there Guardianing the Republic since no one else is patriotic enough to do such a thankless (but vital!) jerb. Who else is going to save us from the Evil Muslin Kenyan Dictator Barak HUSSAIN Obummer – hengh?

    • TheBidenator

      Also the Ronin were treated like scum (because they were) and pretty much existed to if possible find a good way to go die….

  • stankbait

    If F-Troop had been intigrated a guy like him would have been kissing Col. Parmenters ass at Ft. Riley, and wanting to kill the Fuckowies.

  • MutherBear

    A few bullets shy of a full magazine.

  • proudgrampa

    Don’t you wish someone would smash him with the rock he just crawled out from under?

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I think that this joke is appropriate to describe West – from The Last Detail:

    Marine O.D.: [in bathroom at bus station] Sailor looks like he’s lost something.

    Marine: Probably has trouble finding it with those thirteen buttons.

    Buddusky: If I was a Marine, I wouldn’t have to fuck with no thirteen buttons. I’d just take my hat off.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Unbutton those 13 buttons and you are putting down a Marine’s placemat.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Unfortunately, I’ll have to save this when actually putting down a Marine – West was army…I dun goofed.

  • Are those dildo handlebars?
    ~

    • janecita

      The only way to guard the Republic is by using vibrations!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The vibrarors of America will accept that charge, if comes to that.

        • janecita

          Until the last double A battery dies

          • sw19womble

            You can take my vibrator from my exhausted, sticky hands… probably while I’m having a nice nap afterwards.

    • TheBidenator

      With the red, white and blue streamers hanging out to boot….

      • sw19womble

        Those are to help pull it out if it gets stuck all the way up there.
        Doesn’t want any embarrassing visits to A&E now, does he?

  • BearGHAZI

    An inbox full of ‘no’ emails will make Obama cry, if he has an onion handy

    • Shelli Richardson

      And some no tear shampoo. Even when these people say something stupid it’s stupid. Or something like that. Not smart enough to know no tear shampoo means NO TEARS!

  • You have embraced violent protest movements in America such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter.

    I remember that one time Black Lives Matter interrupted a speech. Why, that’s just like occupying a Federal facility with your assault rifles, except they’re black which makes it 1,000x worse!!!!

    who rejected tyranny

    When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. To wit:

    Obummer dern made us fill out some forms when we wanted to buys some guns!!!!

    Look, we know Allen West is a pathetic fool.

    Perhaps, but I can’t tell you how many times I see his bilge shared on Facebook by my old conservative circles.

    IF I wasn’t convinced that most of the Red Dawn Cosplayers were just lazy attention whores who don’t want to get shot, but want to play manly hero for one another because they want to spend some quality alone time in a cabin together (not that there’s anything wrong with that) I might be worried about all of the civil war talk I’m seeing more and more of from conservative circles.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Meh, the cons have been talking Civil War Pt II since Bill Clinton.

  • cousin itt

    Go West, young fool.

  • JMP

    “You have embraced violent protest movements in America such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter.”

    Uh, those are both nonviolent protest movements. What the fuck, lying little traitorous weasel?

    • Anarchy Pony

      The cops were happy to treat them violently when the word came down to give them the boot…

    • marxalot

      They commit mental violence against the Rich and the Cops, and therefore are more dangerous than liebruls like us will ever admit or understand.

    • HITO

      Patriots like him have no room for facts in their blocked heads.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Now, to be fair (ish) they started out peaceful, mostly, then on lots of occasions spiraled into fires and broken windows and such. And that’s the image that imprinted.

  • MrBlobfish

    Dude got a frickin’ blockhead.

  • SammyDEEEEEE

    Why in the actual fuck do these constitutional motherfuckers all insist on typing and speaking like a bunch of Revolutionary War-era guys? All the “shall” this and “all enemies, foreign and domestic” makes them sound silly, but I’m quite certain it makes them all tingly in their camo swimsuit areas.

    What a bunch of weirdos.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I’d never thought of that before, but that is spot on.

    • BadKitty904

      ‘Ods bodkins, thou hast hoisted those knaves with their own petards! (Yeah, I know it’s a couple o’ hundreds years earlier than 1776-speak, but it sounds equally silly.)

      • SammyDEEEEEE

        ooh, careful! Ammon Bundy’s getting all hot under his stetson and is gonna take you round back and lay you down on his ‘Merica flag.

        • BadKitty904

          <– *vomits*

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      It’s because of Star Wars, I’m sure.

    • TheBidenator

      They don’t have the vocabularies of the Revolutionary war era guys- they’re more like the Revolutionary War guys as performed by the Appalachian drama players funded by Massey Energy.

    • coozledad

      It’s how they think smart people sound.

  • BadKitty904

    Allen West is now speaking for “true Americans”? I don’t remember voting for him.

    • janecita

      You are not bat shit crazy, therefore, you are not a “true American”

      • Pinkham’s Law

        QED

    • MsAnthropesMr

      No one did, if I recall.

      • BadKitty904

        And yet the “liberal media” is still giving him air time? If he still lives in Florida, why hasn’t he been Baker Act-ed yet?

    • Iam Reading

      Torturers are now true americans? Da fuck?

      • eddi

        Cheney always thought so.

  • FauxAntocles

    Gitmo has a few rooms open…

    • Vecciojohn

      And they say hell ain’t half full.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Are we still bound by The Rules when we’re off site?

        • Vecciojohn

          Ix-nay! *They can still hear us.*

  • Major_Major_Major

    Just ran across the Venn diagram of self righteous outrage, conservatism, and colo-cranial collocation. I figured the wonketariat would be interested.

    http://www.kidsmathgamesonline.com/images/pictures/shapes/circle.jpg

    • Pinkham’s Law

      AS IF! The right has no monopoly on self righteous outrage!

      • Vecciojohn

        Oh yeah? We on the left are the brightest, best educated, best read and prettiest people in the world.

        • sw19womble

          I am shocked and disgusted that anyone would think otherwise!

          • Vecciojohn

            Some people learned nothing in the 60s.

          • JH Marx

            Sex & Drugs & Rock ‘n Roll!
            Best lernin evah.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Well, duh.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          And anyone who disagrees is a FUCKING NAZI!

        • TheBidenator

          Definitely! It’s the truth ya know, I talk about it and ya know, these other guys, they’re losers. Ugly. Pitiful. Now I don’t wish any harm on them….uh, maybe no I don’t but go ahead and kick ’em out. Now, back to what I was saying, I like to use hairspray but not this stuff in the pump. It’s bad, makes my hair look like :bip: when I want it to :bap: and that’s why we don’t beat anyone anymore and we will when I’m president, it’s true.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I should have clarified, UNSUBSTANTIATED self righteous outrage.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Oh. Ok then. Carry on.

  • HITO

    Needledick West is hysterical. Huffing and puffing his threats online like the wussy he is. Go the WhiteHouse, West, and see what kind of reception your patriotic self gets from Secret Service.

    How is it this lieutenant colonel’s underlings didn’t kill him in Iraq?

    • MOG253

      Not enough cash in the helmet?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Probably figured it wasn’t worth it: he was bound to get himself killed or court-martialed sooner than later.

      • eddi

        Smarter soldiers. They just end run his useless ass and carry on.

  • BadKitty904

    “…sending you emails and social media posts…” Aaaand, per usual, doing very little else.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It’s the secular version of thoughts and prayers.

  • malsperanza

    America’s domestic enemies sure do love to quote that line. I guess they’re excited to see themselves mentioned.

    • BadKitty904

      • Lefty Frizzell

        DELUSION: Just because you think you can doesn’t mean you can.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        ZOMG, this guy was a cannon-cocker? I had him down as an MP, given what prompted his retirement.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, I dunno ’bout the “cannon” part…

          • willi0000000

            hotdog:hallway . . .?

  • BadKitty904

    I wonder exactly what posturing and posing actually pays? These people certainly to be making a fairly decent living at it.

    • Vecciojohn

      Political moonshine has higher profit margins than the kind made out of corn.

  • margd

    “…in-grown penis..”

    Ouch. That sounds painful.

    • HITO

      and flaccid

      • Boscoe

        But it makes it so much easier for him to go fuck himself. :)

  • fawkedifiknow

    Not that this moron would understand it, but he just reserved a place on the list of nut jobs who will be prevented from buying a gun under Obama’s new executive order.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I sure am glad The Constitution says “threaten someone” instead of providing any kind of structure and process for even theoretically unconstitutional issues to be addressed and rectified.

    Isn’t it weird that the people who bark so fucking madly are the same ones who feel like they absolutely NEED a deadly weapon for the sole purpose of being able to project their will?

    Fuck off, Allan West. Making deadly threats doesn’t actually make you powerful, in case you didn’t realize. It just shows how weak you actually are. You’re admitting your entire ability to influence comes not from reason or respect, just threats of brutality.

    Go devolve elsewhere. Civilization really doesn’t need or want shit like you.

    • Iam Reading

      You said it better than I did. Kudos

  • Iam Reading

    I love how gun nutters prove to us how well adjusted and responsible they are by going off on violent rants in response to proposals to keep guns out of the hands of those who can’t or shouldn’t legally own them. Brilliant.

    • Shibusa

      I have a client (construction biz) who sits in his cube all day listening to Rushbo. Today, when I visited, there was a frantic caller on the show, complaining that the dictator Obama “is trying to make it harder for us to get guns” which descended into a rant about gun-grabbing and tyranny and those pour idiots in the UK and Australia who live in a crime-infested cesspool because they don’t have large home arsenals. It was depressing.

  • Notreelyhelping

    How many times do you think he’s shown up to speak at a right-wing somewhere, only to have the first guy he meets at the facility say, “Get me a refill, will you boy?”

    • nmmagyar

      AOT, K

    • TheBidenator

      Which he then says, “yes sir” and goes and gets it before speaking…

  • BadKitty904

    Rather than be tainted by the villainous dictatorship of the Kenyan tyrant, I assume West has given up all of his military and Congressional pensions/benefits, right? RIGHT?!?1?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, and he took retirement to avoid a court-martial and losing his bennies, too.

      • BadKitty904

        So. Money talks and Republicans walk.

        • Boscoe

          …Only because they love America TOO much.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, American currency, at least…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Bennies? He’s a speedfreak too?

  • Vecciojohn

    Obama can’t take my guns. I forgot where the hell I put them all.

    • cousin itt

      That’s what Obama wants you to think.

      • Boscoe

        Yeah, the ATF is totes tracking your… what do you meeean “the batteries are dead”?!?!? FUCK.

  • TundraGrifter

    West is only brave when he has a pistol and the other guy doesn’t.

    • willi0000000

      it keeps the quantity of shit in his pants down if the other guy is hogtied or being held down by others.

  • Bitter Scribe

    We have no representatives in Washington DC who will stand…

    Not even the guy who beat you after your one and only term?

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      And: really? The right side of the House almost had a rage spasm.

      Granted, it’s mostly impotent rage. Maybe West could lend them some blue pills.

      • LarkintheAM

        Well, if they all stroke out, at least we’ll get some peace and quiet while they are in rehab relearning how to speak.

        • eddi

          Relearning? Figuring out for the first time more like. Babbling in tongues is more their current skill.

    • TheBidenator

      He did say “who will stand” so maybe the poor flat-headed tosser thinks drunk John Boehner is still running things in the house and is therefore too soused to get up and walk….

  • TheBidenator

    Oh Allen, you’re so tough Obama is handing in his resignation right now just to keep you and Donald Trump from peeing youselves with rage. Seriously, GTFO back to whatever bizarro world Clayton Bigsby nightmare you hail from and leave the rest of to what tender sanity remains….you’re not a thing or even “The Thing on the Doorstep” you’re just the dropped refuse from an ostrich with a bad case the power squats.

  • nightmoth

    Agree-he’s a tool and a wimp and all, but “let you stay and finish your term” really does deserve a visit from some sober secret service agents, as well as all the other unsmiling acronym groups you listed. I grew up with most public figures I cared about being assassinated, and I take this shit seriously.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Meh. Then he’ll get another 15 minutes on Faux Noose. I’d rather they just watch him.

      • nmmagyar

        or “black site” him (with votes)

      • nightmoth

        It’s not him I worry about—it’s all the gun-loving nut cases out there who hear approval from a public figure in a position of power.

  • maggie

    the right wing extremists are busy over at the hill also posting those “vague-ie” death threaty jabs…they also can’t get it up ;)

  • BadKitty904

    I’m trying to envision these sad, bitter people 20 years from now, when the distance the world has passed them by is even greater…at least those that haven’t committed to asylums by then. How will they deal with being even more irrelevant than they are now? Can their tantrums get any louder than they currently are? Can they whine any more shrilly?

    • Boscoe

      I just picture them pouting impotently at the TV in their nursing home as they see what their place in history is in the documentaries about how ridiculous and traitorous they were that one time when the first black president guy was elected.

      • BadKitty904

        You mean kinda like:

        • nmmagyar

          That is such a nice photo of my parents. Mom knew how to rock a scarf back in the day

    • Ddinz

      As their hearing goes, yeah.

  • DahBoner

    Is Allen West a felon who can’t pass a background check because he murdered kids and put them under the floorboards of his farmhouse?

    It would irresponsible not to speculate.
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_9vzd2fD5z7o/TJfJAL-U_OI/AAAAAAAAAkI/k16JGCQqKiM/s200/scarecrow_oz.gif

    • BadKitty904

      As far as I can tell, he’s never actually done anything, other than torture some prisoners incompetently…

    • TheBidenator

      Could he possibly have used a certain van to transport them somewhere at or around maybe….1990?

    • maggie

      you are hilarious….thanks for the upvote..those babies on your avatar are beyond adorable….have a great day ;)

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Lighten up, Francis.

    Back in my day, when someone legitimately got ragey at the President, it was for actually ignoring terrorist threats, instead focusing his administration’s energy on economy-debilitating tax cuts, starting wars on faulty pretexts, enabling torture and domestic spying, and generally sounding like a moron whenever he spoke.

    It was not for making sellers on the Craigslist of Gun Diddlers have to do some extra paperwork.

    You couldn’t possibly be more wrong, stupid man.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Ups for the Stripes reference!

  • danteardenz

    Flat top Allen is back ! Why doesn’t he go back and be the big bad lt Colonel again ,and return to the Army ,and shoot up more unarmed men…… oh that’s right ,even they don’t want him .

  • TheBidenator

    But, but I thought gun nuts were smug because nothing Obama proposed will do anything about their steel penis fetish…now they’re issuing death threats? Is this like just a compulsion of theirs that even goes into how they greet people? “Hello, my name is T-Bides” :sticks hand out: Gun nut cunt “don’t you dare reach for mah gun cuz I’ll kill you!” :sticks out hand: Crazy bastards….

  • Joshua Norton

    Funny how the Republican has-beens who managed to fuck up the entire world in just a few short years still think they should be entitled to tell everyone what to do.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Now they are all trying to be POTUS so they can launch some nukes at whatever scares the crap out of them; women, Muslims et.al

  • Hmm…. I note that Allen is still collecting his nice pension from the Army, which means that he’s subject being called back to active duty. Be a shame if they were to do so to charge him with “conduct detrimental” and maybe remove that “Colonel” designation… and pension.

    • nmmagyar

      Lt. Colonel, he never made Full Bird

      • Shibusa

        Let’s flip him one.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    It’s the typical Dead-Man-Walking Grifter upspin. When irrelevance starts creeping in, these walking where-are-they-now stories are forced to turn the outrage-o-tron up another notch.

    c.f. Palin, Coulter, Limbaugh

    Go away you hacky hate-strokers.

  • LarkintheAM

    We will now be sending you emails and social media posts as well as calling OUR White House to say one word, “No.”

    Ooooo. Could there be anything scarier than emails and the Twatters saying “no”? Poor Barry must be shaking in his boots in terror by now. Or maybe that’s suppressed laughter. Much badass! Wow! Many scareds!

    • nmmagyar

      I might sign up for Twitter, post the word “No” and delete my account.

  • FDRliberal

    Allen West: “This is your final year as president of the United States so let us come to an agreement: you leave us alone and we, the American people, will let you stay and finish your term”

    It was a great day when this fascist clown Allen West lost his congressional seat. Even better was the fact that he contested the race results and still lost. The next thing we need to see is West fitted with an orange jumpsuit and given a one way ticket to Guantanamo.

    • Shelli Richardson

      I have a student in class who has the absolute most irritating laugh EVER! We could stick old Allen in Guatmo and stream her laugh over Ted Nugent’s Cat Scratch Fever and take bets on how long it takes him to break while we watch, eating bon bons and laugh and laugh.
      Seriously though, this kid’s laugh could break any terrorist quicker than waterboarding. It’s worse than my idol, Spongebob Square pants, laugh.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wonkette, before you try that screen grab, I have a warning for you….so help me God.

  • teddy21

    Well it is Allen West after all. Oh and Roll Tide!!

  • natoslug

    MySpace is going to be chock-full of Angry Allen Westerns.

  • nmmagyar

    “Puppy Felchers” is my Romanian folk-dance-band name.

    • TheBidenator

      “Human Erectile Dysfunction?” is the name of my jazz-industrial metal fusion band.

    • therblig

      do you clog?

      • nmmagyar

        While playing accordion

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Thanks Allen West!

    Surely the American People you believe you’re able to speak for haven’t had quite enough of specific threats of violence, from enemies like ISIS. We sure can always use more vague ones. Having them made closer to home is sure convenient!

    Make threats over here, so we don’t have to have them made over there. You’re the best vague threatener (at least today) Allen!

    • natoslug

      Shouldn’t he be squatting in a bird sanctuary somewhere? Just getting shouty on yahoo messenger is so yesterday.

  • TheBidenator

    Sending emails to the president just saying “no” won’t get any point across, they’ll just be dumb and confusing…..

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      However, sending the same email to Nancy Reagan would be germane and appreciated, if a few decades late.

      • natoslug

        I hear she’s a woman who never took “no” for an answer.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Well, she was highly sought after for her, uh, skills as an oral-ater…

    • HanBarbara

      It will look as if they came from a bunch of toddlers- which actually isn’t far off.

  • lroom

    But is he under the influence of Big Blog? These questions need to be answered.

  • JoeChristmas

    Sounds like the perfect Defense Secretary for the Cruz administration.

    • mrpuma2u

      He can start his briefings blasting “You got another thing comin” by Judas Priest and then some pyrotechnics.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Judas Priest libelz!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Why oh why do these fuckers always say “We the American People” when they are in reality less than half the We the American People, who voted for Obama TWICE bitches. TWICE.
    The American People voted for Obama TWICE.

    • Lady Bug

      Thank you, it’s like that whole “real America” crap too.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I saw someone elsewhere actually tell our Zippy (who was trollin, granted) that it would be ok to kill Zippy since zips is a liberal and not a REAL AMERICAN.
        It is like…fucker, do you know what the fuck America actually stands for????
        These people are not Real Americans at all. Fuck em

        • Zippy

          they’re so cute when they’re having a delusional meltdown…

          • Jenny

            You guys war blog so gooder!

    • HanBarbara

      We (approximately 20% of) Americans (who are blind authoritarians) just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

      • UmmmWhat?

        You know who else was a blind authoritarian?

        • Count Awesome

          Daredevil?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The Guardian of the Bridge of Eternal Peril?

        • thixotropic jerk

          Helen Keller?

          “Be not dumb, obedient slaves in an army of destruction. Be heroes in an army of construction.”

          So authoritatey!

      • cousin itt

        It’s always projection.

  • The Wanderer

    Why is anyone paying any attention at all to this denatured pig?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Probably because he threatened the life of the President of the United States and because he is a fucking conservative fuck toy, nothing will actually happen to him.

  • willi0000000

    alan west and ollie north are looking for two more for bridge.

    • nmmagyar

      Cotton and Westmorland

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They can make it a traitor’s brunch

      • willi0000000

        i was hoping for ex-military types named east and south.

        [ . . . and i never get what i want for xmas either ]

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Craigslist has an East TX general for sale

        • nmmagyar

          Maybe Kim K will pop out a couple more

  • Lady Bug

    So this is what Allan West’s been up to lately. hmm.

  • willi0000000

    stop the presses! . . . new book title . . . Yankee Noodle – An American Ramen

  • Eddie Van Bernays

    Man what a brain fuck it must be every day to wake up Allen West…

    • vivian

      I think he sees Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz when he looks in the mirror.

      • eddi

        He ain’t in toto or Kansas.

    • therblig

      sounds like a twilight zone episode. and in the final scene, he’s actually ted nugent.

      • Ricky Gay

        gaaaaahhhhhh!

      • thixotropic jerk

        I must need glasses, for second I read that as “he’s actually fed nougat” which I was like, that’s a punishment I could really sink my teeth into! Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Like Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”?

      • cat cafe

        Only it would be the cockroach horrified to wake up as Allen West…

    • coozledad

      Just let the bastard sleep.

  • tihond

    Someone is jealous of Ben Carson stealing his shine.

  • Zippy

    LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

    lol, we’ve already been warblogging those dolts- this should get interesting now

    • Callyson

      I said this below, but you’ve all been having way too much fun. Well done!

      • coozledad

        Zippy has laid his watercraft on the line for America.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Support the blogtroops!

    • Juan de Fuca

      This comment from “Dan” is epic. I assume he was trolling…

      “Why leave him, he and the whole admin should b enprisoned for crimes against our constrution”

      • Anarchy Pony

        God, I hope he was trolling…

        • eddi

          The spelling says no troll.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I was shocked, SHOCKED I say, to hear them talk about getting throat crammed over there. Next time I need a beej, I know where to go. Thanks Obama

  • IHaveThoughts

    “This is your final year as president of the United States so let us come to an agreement: you leave us alone and we, the American people, will let you stay and finish your term.”

    Hey Secret Service, I have a hot tip for you. Check this guy the fuck out. He might be dangerous.

  • beatbort

    Is he issuing these ultimatums from a back ward in a state institution?
    No? He’s doing this from home? Seriously, FBI, what are you waiting for? Rhetoric like this could lead someone who really does have a hair trigger into doing something dangerous.

    • Ricky Gay

      should be jailed, just to be safe

  • Msgr_Moment

    ♩ ♪ ♫”That’s when I fell for
    The Guardian of the Pack”

    sang no girl doo-wop group ever.

    • Ricky Gay

      “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…” sings every former Republican president ever – except maybe W.

  • Shibusa

    “Our American blood is descended from men and women who rejected tyranny — and also too owned my ancestors!”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is the part where cognitive dissonance explores the edges of the envelope of crazy.

      • thixotropic jerk

        I know, right? “Those same idiots who not too long ago wouldn’t let me in their clubhouse unless I was there to shine something are now my fellow tyranny-o-sore- ass wrecks!” Hey Wingnut Allen Wrench – Judge Clarence is calling, he wants his Uncle Tom Magic Helmet back.

  • BigHorn

    Traitor’s gon tr8.

    • cat cafe

      Nice!

  • Fartknocker

    Shut your piehole disgraced Lt. Colonel Turdblossom.

  • Jenny

    Maybe he should head on out there to Oregon with his kind.

    • Ricky Gay

      they would let him cook, maybe.

      • Mickey Donovan

        They would cook him, maybe.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    I’m guessing he wouldn’t take a Sanders presidency too well.

    • eddi

      He wouldn’t take a Cruz presidency well. Huckabee or death!

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    I want to see Obama take his gun away from him.

    West: “Blah We the American people have blah blah no other recourse than to resort to civil disobedience. Blah Blah … We have no representatives in blah Washington DC who will stand and the Supreme Court has failed us as well. Blah blah blah …”

    Obama: “Hold on folks, I got this”

    West: “You have embraced violent protest movements in America such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter … ”

    Obama: “West that’s a nice gun I like it”

    West: “And if you persist and take the same course of action as Xerxes, we will give you a two-word response, Molon Labe.”

    Obama: OK. Give me the gun, fuckhead, now. (takes gun).

    • Ricky Gay

      and his detachable penis.

    • cat cafe

      Love it.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    We are winning the war blog! To the hoverrounds!

    • Jenny

      I can’t tell if there’s actually people there to troll, or if they’re all some sort of spam bot. 0_o

      Regardless, someone send snacks!

    • Callyson

      I am reading this at work and am in serious danger of getting into trouble because I am laughing so much–

      –oh, wait, the boss is gone now. Back to the fun!

      • Count Awesome

        ¡Peligro! We don’t want any causulties due to carelessness.

  • elpinche

    Besides being the worst Cameo impersonator and torturing prisoners, what’s Al’s claim to fame? What’s his legacy?

    • Ricky Gay

      he is black AND a repub. Aint that enuf?!!11!!

      • Major_Major_Major

        Tokens gotta toke?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I think he’s one toke over the line.

          • H0mer0

            that he is, sweet jeebus.

          • Or he needs another toke. It might calm him the fuck down.

          • JH Marx

            Sweet Jesus

    • Longitudinally Enabled

      The Cameo reference deserves an upvote of its own.

  • pbeeg

    That helmet looks like it should have a central spike on it.
    Well, it does.

    • Ricky Gay

      It is wedged into his forearm. He is too stupid to notice.

    • Pickelhaube libel!

  • Speaking of shitbirds…my poor state is still led by a douchebag that isn’t fit to be a Wal-Mart door greeter.

    http://m.motherjones.com/mojo/2016/01/maine-governor-warns-drug-dealers-white-girls-racist

    “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave”

    He makes it sound like they’re stopping by the theme park gift shop as the leave the magic kingdom.

    So, he says this thing…then he says he didn’t say it…then he says he said it but the media is the one that made it all racist.

    You can’t make this shit up.

    • Steverino247

      Dude. Run off election. Seriously.

      • That won’t happen until we stop being craven, parochial tourist fluffers who can manage to put down the Allen’s Coffee Brandy.

    • NellCote71

      “..my poor state is still led by a douchebag that isn’t fit to be a Wal-Mart door greeter.”

      Don’t tell me your problems, Dashboard. I’m from Texas.

  • therblig

    seriously, “an american ronin”? too fucking funny.

    • Jenny

      Yes, an american bum. Cultural awareness is so hard!

  • Rick Hill

    And here, on a more visible scale, is more results of the rabid right’s destruction of the fabric of our society.

  • Nockular cavity

    STFU, war criminal.

  • coozledad

    Commenter “Jim” at Red State News replies to my suggestion his” country” died in 1865.

    Really? Obama lets terrorists go free, give YOUR money to more terrorists to build nuclear bombs and use them to blow YU up, but that;s not treason? They let the ambassador die and did nothing to help, and that’s nit treason? They gave guns to DRUG CARTELS but they want YOU to give yours up, violating the CONSTITUTION and THAT”S nor treason? YOU are the stupid one. You blindly follow a communist Muslim dictator right into oblivion. MY country died the day we decided free doctor visits and cell phones were worth getting heads cut off, thanks to idiots like you. Come and take my gun and see what a coward I am. A word of advice though. Look quick.

    I think he’s sweet on me.

    • margd

      Oh, dear. Jim has it bad.

      • coozledad

        And that ain’t good.

        • Ricky Gay

          ”nit treason!” – Kids turning their crab lice parents into the authorities. The Horror!

          • thixotropic jerk

            Now I have me a bad case of the phantom scratchies – thanksalot!

      • Count Awesome

        Doesn’t seem like he’s ever had it….

    • Count Awesome

      Is he telling you to look quick because he is sweet on you AND a “never-nude”?

    • cousin itt

      Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not an insane captain of the Loonyship Wackoprise.

      • Count Awesome

        Talk to Scotty, maybe he can beam him away.

      • Vecciojohn

        Or . . . . ARE YOU!?!??!!!!!

        Submitted for your approval . . .

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Jim wouldn’t know the Constitution if a rolled up copy of it was used to swat his nose.

      • Count Awesome

        Double or nothing in regards to the bible too.

    • Anarchy Pony

      That was one retarded unhinged fucking wackaloon right there.

      • The Hill comments are full of ’em, but mostly they don’t try that hard.

        They just type the same shite hour after hour, day after day.
        ~

        • Anarchy Pony

          I wonder what it’s like to have a mind that feeble…

    • Juan de Fuca

      I’ll take an “O” for $200

      • cousin itt

        Hey, I’d give you one for a hundie and no questions asked.

    • nmmagyar

      Bless his heart

    • azeyote

      at least it’s free to have a doctor cut off your head – i could use a new one –

    • Jenny

      So is he waiting on his disability before he can go stand with his buddies in Oregon? Get out there and show that Obummer what’s what!

    • Anarchy Pony

      He just goes into “not even wrong” territory. In what fucking universe does free doctor visits have anything to do with beheadings? Fucking lunacy.
      Also, did I miss when we got free doctor visits?

      • Count Awesome

        The free doctor visit is so wasted on someone that’s been death paneled.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You can get an annual physical without paying the copay for an office visit. I was thrilled right up until the moment the doc pulled out the rubber gloves ad K-Y.

    • Enfant Terrible

      That’s some Rorschach test he just took.

      • Count Awesome

        Are you sure it was an inkblot?

        • Jenny

          Nope, just the shit he didn’t get into the bowl.

          • Count Awesome

            I was expecting something along the lines of how hard it is to see white jizz on a white background.

      • coozledad

        I’m hearing it in Faye Dunaway’s register.

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      I’m not sure what you expected – Red State is known for having the sanest share of wingnuts. Though it is somewhat disappointing.

    • Oh, how I would love to believe this was an example of Poe’s Law…

      • coozledad

        Some unheralded Milton, toiling away in obscurity.

    • Vecciojohn

      Get a room, you two!

      • Count Awesome

        No! I don’t want to have to look quickly.

    • JoeChristmas

      Communist Muslims FTW!!1!

    • eggsacklywright

      Dear Jim – pudding wall develop desk unit simple watt thermometer.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Political comment as Dada! I love it!

      • OneDemin EOr

        I love lamp!

    • Rex Thorne

      You’re going to find a lot of mentally ill people at a site with a name like that. Gotta love the strange capitalization. Too bad they couldn’t mix the font up a bit like that type used to do on flyers before the Internet.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Allen’s still wounded that he got forced out as a light Colonel (because he’s a sorry ass leader) and Obama rose to be commander in chief without having to serve one day in uniform. Work smarter not harder Allen.

    • Vecciojohn

      I think there’s more than a Colonel of truth in what you say.

      • eggsacklywright

        A major asshole who deserves corporal punishment. Generally speaking.

        • Vecciojohn

          Call the Sergeant-at-Arms. Or a private eye.

  • Count Awesome

    Someone should make a satirical movie where Dwayne Johnson plays an action hero Obama fighting enemies both foreign and domestic.

      • Count Awesome
        • Vecciojohn

          Is that a big fucking hardon causing that tent in your fancy britches or are you just packin’ a .44 smokeless?

          • Count Awesome

            Why can’t it be both?

          • Vecciojohn

            Oh, God, I just popped the biggest chubby I’ve had since my operation. Giggle.

          • Count Awesome

            I hope you’re hiding under a blue tarp then.

          • Vecciojohn

            Blue tarp, tin foil hat, pocket copy of the Constitution, thirty-aught-six, half gallon of Rebel Yell, Viagra, insulin . . . Yup, good to go.

          • Count Awesome

            You sure you have ammo, or will you need to make a plea for that on Fox News?

          • Vecciojohn

            Ah shit, I forgot my snuff, too.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Uhm, what operation? Asking for A Friend. A Friend Who’s Stuck Holed Up In A Bird Sanctuary. Somewhere. In Oregon.

          • Vecciojohn

            I don’t discuss my medical problems in public, but if your friend needs a snack I’ll start a gogivememoney thingy for him. Or her.

      • Vecciojohn

        Best. President. Evar.

      • OneDemin EOr

        We are scary close to living this movie.
        I think a Trump presidency would seal the deal.

  • azeyote

    did Suge Knight get sprung from jail – oh – just a wanna be –

  • Anarchy Pony

    Act like an aggressive, unhinged, violent loony, that’ll show everyone you should be allowed to keep your gun.

    • Count Awesome

      “When they take away our guns we’ll be reduced to playing rock, paper, scissors to settle our disagreements.”

      • cousin itt

        Meh. Rock, paper, scissoring would make me submit every time.

        • Count Awesome

          So its a game of penis, porn,and lesbian sexing then?

          • cousin itt

            What? Wait. Wait.

            Ok, now what are you implying?

          • Vecciojohn

            Yeah, me too.
            (I don’t get it.)

          • Vecciojohn

            What are you inferring from what I’m implying?

          • thixotropic jerk

            Do you have a license for that monkey?

          • Vecciojohn

            That’s not a monkey, you son of a bitch, that’s my baby! How’d you like a good poke on the old snot box, fancy Dan?

          • thixotropic jerk

            Well, then, does your dog bite?

          • Vecciojohn

            No.

          • JH Marx

            It’s not my dog

          • cousin itt

            I’m on third.

          • Can I choose all three?

          • Vecciojohn

            How many times do you have to be told not to be selfish?

          • Count Awesome

            The more the merrier, or so I’ve heard.

          • cousin itt

            Merrier? I only just met her!

          • Count Awesome

            So no one willl make be an honest woman of Bristol, still?

          • Vecciojohn

            Then let the games begin!

          • Vecciojohn

            It’s a case of the penis calling the lesbian black, if you ask me.

        • Vecciojohn

          Well, I do appreciate a cheap date, so, what the fuck. I’ll,watch too.

          • cousin itt

            You’re welcome to come along the for ride.

      • Vecciojohn

        I’ll take rock. I used to throw a mean 65 mph fastball.

        • JH Marx

          Velocityjohn

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p
    • Begun, the dildo wars have.
      ~

      • Count Awesome

        Does it say: “It’s shake’n’ bake and I helped.”?

      • cousin itt

        It’s not impossible. I used to bullseye Womp Girls in my T-16 Vaginal Invader back home. They’re not much bigger than two meters.

        • Count Awesome

          Are you sure you be able to pull out in time?

          • cousin itt

            Ask Pvt. Bristol.

          • Count Awesome

            Pfffft. Just looking at Pvt. Bristol makes her pregnant. God will second that.

          • Vecciojohn

            Stay away from Bristol’s privates, you cute diminutive hairy pervert, you.

          • Count Awesome

            It’s a a dangerous trench/canyon run from what I’ve heard.

          • cousin itt

            Flattery will get you a wine cooler.

        • Msgr_Moment

          That’s no moon!

          • Count Awesome

            All depends if the backdoor is open for business actually.

    • Vecciojohn

      So the Muslim language is written in characters that mostly look like wieners? Jesus, what a bunch of fucknutses.

    • JoeChristmas

      Fatwad!!1!

  • Erick the Kracker

    If the federal gub’mint were in fact a tyranny, Congresspest West, Ammon Bundy, and the entire primetime Fox News lineup would be in Guantanamo.

    • Ricky Gay

      would almost be worth it!

    • OneDemin EOr

      Insurrectionists all.

    • eddi

      Or six feet under. Cheaper.

  • blaid droog

    OT. David Bowie turned 69 today. 69. Huuuh huuh huuh huuh. He beat me by a month. Golden years my fuckin ass.

    • Count Awesome

      Elvis’ birthday too: and “Golden Years” was written specifically written for Elvis, but he declined it.

      • Takoma DC

        Is that why Bowie hates Elvis?

        • Count Awesome

          Maybe. I really think “Golden Years” is one of Bowies best and widest ranging vocal performances ever.

          • Takoma DC

            I love Bowie. The Elvis thing is weird though. I’ve heard him be less than gracious when asked about sharing his bday with ‘The King.’

          • Count Awesome

            Bowie’s awesome. I’m looking forward to “Blackstar”. I really like it when he croons a bit, like in the cover of “Kingdom Comes” and “Teenage Wildlife” from “Scary Monsters” and “Strangers When We Meet” from “Outside”.

          • Takoma DC

            I heard some of it today. I couldnt concentrate on it though. Was driving in rush hr traffic. But it’s definitely interesting experimental haunting……I really love Bowie. He’s amazing.

          • Count Awesome

            He’s usually ahead of the curve so to speak.

          • Takoma DC

            That’s why I love him. There’s no pretense. He’s still relevant.

          • Count Awesome

            If you really like his early work, find “Bowie at the Beeb”. It’s all of his live performances he made forvthe BBC from before “Space Oddity” through “Ziggy Stardust”.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I just like him in Labyrinth. Like so much like. Almost Alexander Siddig liking on that one.

            http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–dyCsFVea–/180if0kmm7kt6jpg.jpg

          • Count Awesome

            Ever seen “Flight of the Conchords?”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Not yet, but I have the google, and I am not afraid to use it. Recommended?

          • Count Awesome

            It’s hit and miss, but they have a great running Bowie joke.
            https://youtu.be/yc4efBM_9JM
            This should be an abridged clip of it. If it doesn’t reference “Labyrinth” let me know. If I say anything elsthe joke is ruined.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            BWAHAHAHAHAHA
            I meant on your face

          • Count Awesome

            Ali G/Borat from HBO is even funnier.
            https://youtu.be/hdp21zzu41Y

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            sniggle. Ok I admit to missing cable, a little. Eventually we shall move to where there is real internets and not the wifi and I will stream so many years of cable it will be sad and pathetic and I will gain 30 lbs. At least.

          • Count Awesome

            Use amazon or Netflix and view it at your leisure.

          • blaid droog

            Don’t you mean Siddig El Fadil from DS9 ?

          • blaid droog

            The dance scene in Knights Tale is fucking awesome.

          • Count Awesome

            I’ve never seen it. Better “soundtrack” cut:
            https://youtu.be/n4xpdaIZyzs

          • blaid droog

            Fun movie. Some critics hated it because it is full of anachronism. That is part of the reason it is so much fun.

          • Count Awesome

            I prefer the album version to the soundtrack version; soundtrack version is too slow.
            Ever heard the Jacques Brel covers of “My Death” and “Amsterdam”?

          • cousin itt

            Love. That. Movie.

      • blaid droog

        I always think of elvis as an over rated pop star. He was never king of anything. Except graceland. Died on ‘is own throne ‘e did. No he really didn’t, but close enough. Not trying to be a dick here, honestly.

        • Count Awesome

          You’re not being a dick at all, but I’ve always loved Elvis’ amazing singing voice.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Elvis was OK, but I always preferred the originals (except for fat gospel Elvis). https://youtu.be/yoHDrzw-RPg

          • thixotropic jerk

            Is that Elvis before the surgery?

        • Takoma DC

          I think the stuff he recorded at Sun Studios was his best. That was before he became famous and that freak became his manager. It’s too bad Elvis was taken in by him and didn’t really have anyone looking out for his best interest. I think Elvis is the perfect personification of America.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Say, wasn’t Elvis’s manager ALSO a Colonel?

          • OneDemin EOr

            1968 Elvis comeback concert. Black leather. Gorgeous bod. Voice like a fallen angel.

        • JH Marx

          Chuck Berry is the King of Rock ‘n Roll!!!!

  • Takoma DC

    I still don’t understand how King Barack is “taking our gunz”? I don’t see that in the executive order.
    It’s mostly common sense background checks (including online & gun show merchants). What’s wrong with that?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Cuz slipery sloap libtards!!!

      • Vecciojohn

        Ever heard of the camel getting its nose hair under the tent? It’s like that only worse.

        • Count Awesome

          I’m only familiar with “camel toes”.

      • Count Awesome

        I’m waiting to for the executive order to report to planned parenthood and then get gay martied., and I’m a straight white male. I’m so confused.

        • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

          I received my orders last week. It isn’t nearly as bad as they say it is, and the Abortionplex actually has some really, really nice banquet rooms!

          • Count Awesome

            Does your social security number end in 1?

        • Takoma DC

          I’m a straight married Latina. I’ve been so nervous & anxious since gaydom took over the U.S of gAy. I’m waiting for my marriage to be destroyed now that it’s legal for the gays too also.

          Et tu, Brute gaye?

          • Count Awesome

            Why are you wortied: they’ll deport you back to Latin-i-stan. I’m stuck for the long haul.

          • Takoma DC

            Funny you mention it. We’re researching all of Latin-i-stan. America’s honey is bitter. We decided we can be poor someplace else with better weather and greater affordibility fewer guns and less cops better food and kinder people.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I would suggest Canada, but you stipulate better weather so……

          • Takoma DC

            I’m ok with Canada but Asian husband is like Goldilocks.

            We also like the Netherlands but the language test for residency is an issue.

            We like Slovenia, Czech Republic and Croatia too but think it’s going to be a Spanish speaking country.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            My biggest problem with going elsewhere, aside from I do love my country and I am a patriot, just not a PATRIOT ™, is that I have absolutely no propensity for languages at all. I have tried to learn erm, 4 now, besides English. And I do not think I am truly fluent in English let alone any of the others.
            I can ask where the bathroom is though, en espanol

          • blaid droog

            Just yesterday I told the cunt in the billing dept.at the hospital, that I am a socialist and I would move to Cuba just for the socialized health care. Sadly I too am piss poor with other languages. My doctor was born in Jacksonville and is Cuban. He has a huge medical facility, with around 50 employees. Every last one of them is Hispanic. Lucky for me the people I see most often speak fluent english. My whole neighborhood is hispanic. Lucky for me all the anchor babbies speak fluent english and go to the same schools I attended. I also get to eat a lot of authentic homemade spanish food.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            ¿Dónde está el banjo?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            You misspelled “¿Dónde está la mandolina?”

          • Mehmeisterjr

            You have no idea how insidious they are, teh Gehs.

            They forced me in ways that I can’t quite define to declare myself the King of the United States so that I could marry, in strict Biblical tradition and as mentioned before, 700 wives and take on 300 concubines.

            This has turned out a mixed blessing. Some of them, I assume, are good people but I am getting a lot of flack from #673 (Fatima) and #020 (Mary Margaret 3.) You might think the concubines would will in the gap but nooooooo.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Been married for 57 yrs to Mrs. Dudley. She informs me that if we’re ordered to Ghey Reorientation Camp we’re leaving for another country. I suggested San Francisco. She said Hawaii. So we compromised and will buy a boat with very long anchor warp.

      • Takoma DC

        Cruise slippery soap leotards?

        • thixotropic jerk

          Cruz Sips Sap From Teatards?

        • Anarchy Pony

          Ew…

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Hey, let Bill O’Reilly alone!

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Pix, or GTFO!

          • Takoma DC

            TMZ!!!

    • Rex Thorne

      At this point Conservatives are so brainwashed that all they can do is rage when they see or hear the name Obama. It doesn’t matter what Obama does, they need their rage like a junkie needs heroin.

      If the Conservatives stop pretending that they’re being attacked, they’ll have to admit to themselves that they’re hateful people, rather than the “patriots.” they pretend to be as they hallucinate a danger coming from civilized people.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Because fear sells better than a $75, 42″ Samsung LCD TeeVee at Walmart on Black Friday.

      http://bigthink.com/risk-reason-and-reality/exfearience-a-scary-and-brilliant-satire-on-a-scary-truth-fear-sells

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Clearly, you lack wingnut credentials, by which I mean credulity.

    • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

      It also expands access to mental health services. I sure hope Allen West takes advantage.

    • eddi

      Obama is doing it. That is what is wrong.

      • IndianaKevin

        And he’s black. That, too, is wrong.

        • eddi

          Presidenting while blah and Democrat. Unforgivable. Even inconceivable.

      • Takoma DC

        Well of course!

  • blaid droog

    American ronin. If this arrogant asshole had a dick as big as his ego, he could fuck whales.

    • Count Awesome

      Insert racist comment about being able to swim here.

    • eddi

      Ronin was not a term you used to a samurai’s face. Even if he was one. It implied he was a loser, a coward and probably a bandit. Never mind, West really is a ronin.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Help!!!!!!

    • Count Awesome

      Nah, you’ve been gorging at the government trough long enough ya fat pig.

    • Takoma DC

      I just petite vomited into my mouth. Thanks.

      • Count Awesome

        Try a “petit-morte” and you’ll feel way better.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Come on, do you think THIS is the proper FORUM for that. Actually, I guess it is.

          • Count Awesome

            I didn’t specify how to do it, just to go and do it.

          • Takoma DC

            Hahahaha…”FORUM”!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            A Forum that doesn’t allow comments? Yeah, like that will ever happen!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            “Dear Wonkette Forum: I never thought this would happen to me, but …”

        • Takoma DC

          I does ‘member sumpin’ ’bout that in potree & littersure classes.

          • Count Awesome

            Porn is the refresher class.

          • Takoma DC

            Dontcha’ mean Eroticism in Literature? 1930’s Jazz? Fellini’s Italy? Marcello Mastroianni? Or something along those lines?

            Porn doesn’t do it for me.

          • Count Awesome

            Go get the butter and watch “Last Tango in Paris” then.

          • Takoma DC

            I love Brando but 50/60’s por favor. Oh and not fond of butter. Olive oil please.

          • Count Awesome

            You’ve never seen “Last Tango”? It’s just after ” The Godfather” and he’s at the height of his powers as an actor. I love Brando.

          • Takoma DC

            Yes of course. I love that movie. But in that film I’m attracted to Jean-Pierre Leaud.

            I’ve seen many of the bad movies Brando made too.

            If you have not yet seen, ‘Listen to Me Marlon’. It debuted last month on HBO and may still be On-Demand. Highly recommend.

            Weren’t both movies filmed during the same year? I akways thought LT was filmed just prior to TG?

          • Count Awesome

            I have not seen it. Ate you familiar with the hotel on his private Island that bears his name?

          • Takoma DC

            No. It’s on his island? Who owns it now? He really loved it there. Loved the people. It’s too bad he didn’t live there on a more permanent basis.

            What a tragedy. His daughter committed suicide and his son died relatively young after doing jail time for murdering his sister’s fiance.

            There are color home movies of Brando in Tahiti in the documentary, Listen to Me Marlon. He is gorgeous in color. :-)

            One day I hope to visit Tahiti.

          • Count Awesome

            http://thebrando.com/
            It’s his private island that has been converted to a ultra-high end resort that is allegedly completely self sustained. Read the mission statement, the history of the island, and the idea of photographing everythimg that passes through a 1’x1’x1′ cube that is set on the reef.

          • dshwa

            Tshiti is breathtakingly beautiful.

          • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

            yes but we’re talking about his body

          • Count Awesome

            Brando was mature but not a gluttonous pig at this point. I dated a woman 10 years older than me that told me a story about Brando before he got fat.

        • thixotropic jerk

          or even a petit four

    • elpinche

      Man im gonna end up like this poor bastard if i don’t cut down on being stoned with the munchies.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    We have no representatives in Washington DC”

    So he lives in D.C….

    • Takoma DC

      I shall find it and poke it wit me pitchfork.

  • btwbfdimho
    • Count Awesome

      Does it shoot BBQ brisket?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Jeez – how tiny must this guy’s dick be?

    • Jenny

      Jeez kudos to the craftsman on that, barbecue smokers are not cheap.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Only you wonkers can make actually really real and present threats against the President of the United States this funny.
    Srsly, Bamz, if you can read this, hire these people to the the ministers of fuck the right wing. Or, at least come to the next drinky thing.

    Edit: In air force one because fuck those guys

    • Major_Major_Major

      I got a Bushmills and a Guinness waiting for “Don’t give a fuck” Barry Bamz.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        ‘Spensive. The Kenyan Usurper doesn’t like Coors?

        Does…anyone really like Coors? Just wondering on that one.

        Also, do a Harp/Guinness, make it a black and tan. Because Bamz can haz ALL the beers of goodness.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Bamz can have whatever he wants. If he goes for the Laphroaig and some crazy (and delicious) Belgian Trappist ale, I’ll foot that bill as well. I’m loving the new DILLIGAF Barry O’Bama.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Folks, please. You know the man is thurstin’ for that Maui Wowie…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Bundy & the Boyz brought a case of Coors Light (It’s the water, only more so) to their bird sanctuary rebellion. This was more important than warm socks, apparently.

          • sw19womble

            Are you sure those weren’t a pack of Fleshlights-in-a-can?

  • VandeGraf

    I be a Merican too, but this Clown doesn’t speak for me. I disown him. Disavow him. Whatever it takes to disassociate the me from this guys ego-humping pseudo-wrathful polemics.

  • Helena Handbag

    What a fuckin’ drama queen

    • Count Awesome

      Mote like a “drama queef”.

      • Helena Handbag

        I must beg to differ. Vaginas=warmth, comfort, & goodness. Allen West=not those things.

        • Count Awesome

          I disagree because he’s nothing more than background noise.

          • Helena Handbag

            Well look at us, fighting like some married couple. will there be make-up sex later?

          • Count Awesome

            Only if the make-up sex includes witty repartee.

          • Helena Handbag

            I guess your friend, Witty, can join in. I like the French.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Isn’t it time you two got a room? (And a camera so the rest of us can watch?)

          • Count Awesome

            I’m up for that if Mademoiselle Handbag is.

          • Helena Handbag

            Mistress Helena’s laptop battery is at 5%….will have to negotiate this later!

          • Count Awesome

            You’re a liberal, why isn’t your battery at 47%?

          • Count Awesome

            She’s lovely, but not French. She’s from the Weimer Republic so she’s open to many things.

          • Count Awesome

            [Redacted]
            Glad I took my time.

            Doktor Zoom is the kindest and gentlest person I have ever known!!!!

  • Incoming Ham
    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I don’t get it

      • bobbert

        I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get it if it were FedExed to my door.

        EDIT: Oh. Wut?

    • Incoming Ham

      Kanye’s “So Help Me God” tattoo. It’s about as meaningful.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I get it now *shamefacedly shuffles feets* Goddamn I am old.

        • Incoming Ham

          Darlin’, I doubt you could be older than me. Full disclosure: I used the Googles for “So Help Me God.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well, if you are only as old as you feel you are, I am about 88. Give or take. Now get off my lawn, wippersnapper

          • Incoming Ham

            On your Penny Farthing child.

    • Fartknocker

      The participants at Wonkette are prohibited from comments. Kanye West is Allen West’s 2nd cousin from birth from Justin Wilson, who is dead, but enjoyed a lot of anal sex from my first hereford, a fine charolais. I really don’t want talk about because my mommy said I had performance issues.

      • Incoming Ham

        Even so, I salute you. I have an Akole Watusi that would love to meet your hereford.

    • Count Awesome

      Is this a joke about Scorpios? ♏?

      • Incoming Ham

        It’s Kanye, so it’s just a general joke.

        • Count Awesome

          He is a general joke.

          • Incoming Ham

            Generals *and* Privates.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Is this about the upcoming baseball season?

  • RevZafod

    Just FEMA camp the mofo.

  • Joshua Norton

    Super Muslim!!

    ♬ Duh Da Da Daaaaah!!!
    .

    • Major_Major_Major

      Bamz gotta gloat in front of Vanilla ISIS that he has snacks. Good on you ,Barry.

  • Politics_Nerd

    All I can think of are the two words: dipshit mafia.

  • dshwa

    We’ve got trolls on multiple threads but not one single one worthy of the shitforbrains post. It’s a sad Friday night indeed.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Who the hell appointed this guy “Guardian of the Republic”?? It sure as hell wasn’t me. I can’t stand angry white men with guns who think they speak for me. Listen, Mr. Dickhead West, you Do Not Speak For Me.

    • sw19womble

      All the cool positions were already taken:

  • Manhattan123

    “Our American blood is descended from men and women who rejected tyranny…” and since I would have been dangling from a tree for looking at that white woman, let me throw my lot in with those people who are the spiritual descendants of the tree rope setter uppers….

    • zerosumgame0005

      toss in the Governor of Maine basically saying all them “insert dog whistle” bringin the drugs in all shout WHERE THE WHITE WIMMINS AT on their way back home, and yeah surprise surprise racism still fucking exists…

  • Beaumarchais?

    Anyone who describes himself as a warrior probably isn’t.

    • eddi

      Soldiers hold “warriors” in contempt. They get everyone killed looking for their own glory. See George Custer or that other George. Um, C. Scott?

    • Hijabi Rockstar

      Much like lovers. If you need to tell me how great a one you are… you aren’t.

  • freakishlystrong

    Fuck me running. Could he have crammed more jingoistic “Patriot” horseshit in to that book cover? Guardian this, asshole.

    • cousin itt

      Fuck me running.

      Quiet on the set. Can we get a comma here, people? Please?

      • The Mad Asshatter

        STAT!

        • Doug White

          stet

      • Msgr_Moment

        Fuck, me running.
        Fuck me, running.
        ,Fuck me running.
        ,Fuck, me, running,,?

        • nmmagyar

          The last one was so Shatner-esque

          • Msgr_Moment

            Thank you. Exactly what.. I was…. shooting…. for.

  • TootsStansbury

    Needs moar guns! Oops was supposed to reply to Freakish. Needs moar coffee!

  • TootsStansbury

    “We will now be sending you emails and social media posts as well as calling OUR White House to say one word, “No.”” That should be “Ni”.

    • Pickwicknext

      There was a demand for shurbbery in the somewhere. I’m nearly positive that’s right but I am not fluent in derpinese yet.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “I am a shrubber. Here, Alan, let me plant this yew up your ass.”

      • 451 Byrnes

        No, that’s a red herring…

        • Pickwicknext

          Communism is just a red herring! I know who did it! *takes off running*

  • LesBontemps

    Enjoy your stay at Gitmo, Allen!

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Brilliant post, Evan! Cheers.

  • Kathy Purnell

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    • Ricky Gay

      how much for a blow job?

      • JH Marx

        50 bucks – same as downtown

  • A Bashful Nobody

    INPEACH!!!

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Wheee!

    • therblig

      no helmet? explains a lot.

  • Bud Smith

    That is his real book cover? I thought it was one of your satire slap together a bunch of stuff thingy.

    • Takoma DC

      Ikr?!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “President Barack Hussein Obama, on behalf of true Americans, I want to inform you that we will not follow your unconstitutional executive order.”

    That’ll be easy (assuming that you already own an arsenal) because if you keep this shit up, you’ll be a felon soon.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Besides all of the other jingoistic bling, did you notice he’s wearing his jump wings on his jacket? I always wondered if I wasn’t coming across as a tad bit pretentious for wearing my own on my USAF uniform although that wear was required because it was considered an aeronautical badge. Who wears jump wings on a sport coat?

      • HanBarbara

        Shouldn’t that motorcycle helmet have a spike on top of it? Seems like it would go with that weird ass ensemble.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Yeah, noticed that. The guy is all over the map, but I’d say anything he learned in the military about courtesy for and protection of the president and how the chain of command works and even the definition of “…enemies, foreign and domestic…” has been lost or abandoned years ago. I find him pretty repugnant, too.

        Were you in the TACP business? Combat comm I would guess if you did that Ft Benning thing?

  • Grokenstein

    Worst Internet Tough Guy Routine Ever.

  • Me not sure

    Hey, keep that hand in front of the necktie, mister!

  • Elderlady

    “So, failed congressman, disgraced soldier, dirty whore pervert and all around human erectile dysfunction Allen West is mad about a thing, and it is Tyrant Obama’s gun-grabby grabbing of guns, which is FOR REAL happening:Read more at http://wonkette.com/597691/silly-goose-allen-west-casually-death-threats-president-obama-for-grabbing-his-guns#ytZKzmgVEq537GKu.99

    What you didn’t mention is……. new Texas Citizen…..See “Greg Abbott” and “Dan Patrick” and “Texas Sunshine Commission”.

    The crazy move to Texass…… and just get a little crazier.

  • BeaBull Apocalypse

    How does he identify as ronin? He had a Lord and master and was forced to leave it in disgrace. Speaking of which, if you only get to light colonel after 22 years in the Army its because you’re an insufferable fuckwad and have no one in your corner up above

  • tman2

    I am so freaking disappointed with this president! I have wanted to meet President Obama for the past seven years, but he has never stopped by my house to take away my guns. Thanks Obummer! Is there an internet site that will tell me the confiscation date so that I can have some 40 ouncers and flavored cigarettes on hand for his visit? Those are still things we give to the “blahs,” right?

    • Takoma DC

      But you got the phone right?

  • NotALiar

    Lol I almost clicked on the redstate link. What an absolute garbage website.

  • Kip TW

    Here at the Buffalo end of NY, the hills are alive with yard signs and bumper stickers on pickups moaning about the SAFE Act that made it harder for them to spend all their time running around the yard with a rifle in each hand.

    In fairness, the legislation has probably done untold damage, considering how much yahoo DNA is being allowed to grow to fruition without the leavening influence of unlocked guns in the homestead.

  • Kip TW

    AchDUNG! What a load of iconography! But where’s the crying Statue of Liberty?

  • “Impotent puppy felcher Allen West.”

    Please marry me, Evan.

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