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America, Fuck Yeah!
America, Fuck Yeah!

Updated: See end of post You know what makes America a great country? We’re so exceptional that when we decide it’s time to save the world from Radical Muslim Extremists, we save the world from Radical Muslim Extremists, and we take action against anyone vaguely fitting the description, regardless of whether they’re actually radicals, extremists, or even Muslims. Consider these stirring stories of Exceptional Americans protecting their country the old fashioned way, through vigilante violence! Also, Iowa Rep. Steve King, if you’re paying attention, here’s some discrimination against Muslims, since you were unaware of such a thing.

Houston Patriot Burns Mosque For Baby Jesus

In Houston, Texas, some brave soul kept Texas safe from the threat of Creeping Sharia by setting a mosque on fire on Christmas, in keeping with Isaiah 9:6, “For unto us a child is born, unto us arson is given.” Investigators say the fire at the small mosque, located in a strip mall, had multiple ignition locations and was likely intentionally set. The two-alarm blaze broke out about an hour after Friday evening worship services attended by roughly 200 people. Much of the rear of the mosque was burned; worshipers have moved to an empty space in the same shopping plaza until repairs can be made. Several other businesses in the shopping center were damaged by smoke.

Mustafaa Carroll, the executive director of the Houston branch of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, called on authorities to investigate the fire as a hate crime:

Because of the recent spike in hate incidents targeting mosques nationwide, we urge law enforcement authorities to investigate a possible bias motive for this fire.

That seems like a pretty good bet, all right. But really, couldn’t you just as easily say they were the flames of liberty, kindled in the true American heart of someone who just wants his country back? (See Update at end of post)

Unknown Patriot Wishes ‘Molotov’ To California Mosque

On Saturday, the Islamic Center of Tracy, California, was hit by a Molotov cocktail thrown at its front door; the improvised firebomb, made from a wine bottle, exploded in flames but did only superficial damage to the outside of the mosque. The attack occurred early in the morning and no one was inside the building. Lt. Mike Van Grouw of the San Joaquin Sheriff’s Office said because the crime was committed against a place of worship, it would automatically be investigated as a hate crime, which sounds like a reasonable approach. Mohammed Arain, the Islamic Center’s president, said it was the first such incident in the mosque’s history:

“(In the) last 15 years, we’ve never called the Sheriff’s Department,” Arain said. “(It’s the) first time.” […]

“I was actually astonished,” [mosque board member Gahleb] Abdulla said. “I have been living in Tracy for 15 years, and we’ve never had any incident.”

This is the second firebombing of a California mosque since the terrorist attack in San Bernardino; on Dec. 11, a mosque in Coachella Valley was damaged by an improvised incendiary device. A 23-year-old man was arrested in that attack; no arrests have been made in either the Tracy or Houston arsons.

Patriotic Thugs Beat Up Old Man, For America

And just because sometimes setting fire to buildings isn’t enough to satisfy the bloodlust inspired by the love of America, two white males took time out of their busy Saturday morning to severely beat a 69-year-old Sikh man in Fresno. Amrik Singh Bal was waiting for a ride to work at about 6:30 a.m. when he got a taste of True Americanism:

Two white males stopped their car in front of Bal and started yelling obscenities at him, said Fresno police Sgt. Greg Noll. Fearing for his safety, Bal attempted to cross the street. It was then that the suspects backed up their car, hitting Bal with their back bumper, Noll said.

Then the two got out of the car and attacked Bal – striking him in the face and upper body.

During the assault, one of the suspects yelled “Why are you here?”

Bal fell to the ground and hit his head.

We bet those boys feel right proud of how they did their part in the war on terror. Or the war to terrorize fellow Americans, at least. Mr. Bal suffered a broken collar bone as well as abrasions to his nose and one hand. Bet he never commits any more terrorism, now! As everyone knows, old men with beards need the occasional beating, lest they become Osama bin Laden. Talking Points Memo is careful to point out, “Though Sikhism and Islam are two distinct religions, the beard and turban traditionally worn by Sikh men, including Bal, make them particularly visible targets for religiously-motivated hate crimes.” Not that a hate crime against an actual Muslim would have somehow been worth extra credit, of course.

Sgt. Noll said the attack on Mr. Bal was being investigated as a hate crime; this is also the second attack directed against Sikhs in California by idiots who figure anyone with a turban and a beard is a Muslim terrorist. On Dec. 5, a Sikh temple in Buena Park was vandalized by 20-year-old Brodie Durazo, who was arrested and later apologized to the congregation for being a violent bigoted idiot. The moron spray-painted “Islahm [sic] Fuck ISIS” on the building and a truck trailer parked nearby.

In his apology, Durazo said:

I cannot imagine the amount of stress or tension that I brought upon your temple, especially with what is going on in this world at this time. I do offer my sincere apologies, and, with all being said, I hope you can come to a realization that I did not mean for the gurdwara to feel targeted. I have lived alongside this temple for many years of my life and have never once seen you as anything but a peaceful people. I just hope that you will see by my presence that all I want is for peace as well.

Which is nice and all, but doesn’t exactly explain what in his broken brain persuaded Durazo to attack a house of worship in the first place. Maybe he just loved America too much.

Yr Wonkette urges the Islamic Center of Tracy and Mr. Bal to bill all their damages to:

Mr. Donald J. Trump,
The Trump Organization
725 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10022
USA

We hear he’s really big on personal responsibility.

UPDATE: January 2: On Wednesday, December 30, a member of the Houston mosque was arrested in the arson, as several gleeful wingnuts have pointed out in the comments. (Thanks for the traffic, Newsbusters!) The Houston Chronicle reports that Gary Nathaniel Moore was a member of the mosque and had attended prayers shortly before the fire:

Assistant Harris County District Attorney Justin Wood said surveillance video shows Moore was the last to leave the mosque on South Wilcrest and emerged from the building three minutes before flames appear.

The mid-afternoon fire was tamped out by Houston firefighters responding to the two-alarm blaze.
Wood said a bottle of lighter fluid was found near one of five ignition points in the mosque.

Investigators searching Moore’s home found another bottle that seemed to match the one at the crime scene.

It’s not clear what Moore’s motive was, but clearly, this proves that there is no bigotry against Muslims. Neither Newsbusters nor any of the wingnut commenters on this piece mentioned the other two attacks in the article, although it’s possible Mr. Moore is also guilty of torching the mosque in California and beating up Amrik Singh Bal. We’re certain we’ll get a fine explanation of how all recent hate crimes against Muslims have in fact been false flag attacks by Muslims on themselves and their own houses of worship.

[TPM / KHOU / Click2Houston / KCRA via TPM / nbcnews.com / Fresno Bee via TPM Update: Houston Chronicle]

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  • Nounverb911

    “This comment has been deleted because if comments were allowed the comment would cause the commenter to be deleted.”

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      I see what you didn’t do there.

    • eddi

      We know the feeling. You are speechless for us all.

  • Michael Rush
    • HenryKillinger

      It’s truly bizarre to me that even this jackass was so much better than what his party is now. It wasn’t even a decade ago that he was president! How the hell did they go this (much more) insane so quickly!?

      • BillPrep

        truly. bizarre.

  • lucidamente

    I guess they figured cross burnings and painting swastikas on synagogues are too politically correct.

  • Michael Smith

    The authorities need to clamp down on this stuff now.

    Its like in a sportsball game, when people start getting too chippy the refs need to throw someone out. Or everyone gets the idea that its a free for all.

    • eddi

      It is a free for all.

    • BillPrep

      amen. clamp down. NOW.

  • Metadude

    Silent Night, Kristallnacht…

    • BillPrep

      يا الليلة المقدسة

  • coozledad

    It’s time for the modern democratic states of of the world to put America on a no-fly list.

  • JustPixelz

    As everyone knows, old men with beards need the occasional beating, lest they become Osama bin Laden.

    Lookin’ at you Phil Robertson:

    http://cdn2.mommyish.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/11586_409309118_hr__1371818544_74.134.205.46-158×200.jpg

  • beatbort

    There’s also this guy, who shot up a mosque about five minutes from where I live in Ct.

    “The FBI has arrested a man accused of firing shots at a mosque with a high-powered rifle in Meriden and charged him with a hate crime.

    The shooting at the Baitul Aman Mosque was reported on Nov. 15, just two days after the deadly terror attacks in Paris.

    FBI agents arrested Ted Hakey Jr., 48, on Thursday. Hakey, a former U.S. Marine, lives at 380 Main Street, next door to the mosque. He appeared in federal court on Friday and was ordered held until a detention hearing on Monday.”

    • theCryptofishist

      The few, the proud…

  • Beezelbubbles

    Though Sikhism and Islam are two distinct religions…

    Tomayto, tomahto

    • Anarchy Pony

      More like tomato, eggplant.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Exactly. Neither one of them belongs in my guacamole!!

        • 451 Byrnes

          AND NO PEAS!!!!!!!!1!!!one!

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Whoever it was that thought Guac would be inproved by the addition of psuedo hummis should be drawn, quartered, and used as compost.

          • 451 Byrnes

            But not put in the guacamole!

    • gedjcj

      More to the point, they’re not REAL religions at all…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        To be fair, I sometimes mix up Rastafarians with Pastafarians.

        (But I don’t punch either one)

        • gedjcj

          Simple rule: Rasta=ganja, Pasta=garlic.

  • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

    With all this ‘mericaning going on, it’s no wonder I feel so safe and free.

    • BillPrep

      still?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    These nice upstanding folks are just fighting the good fight against political correctness. Nothing more to see here.

    • BillPrep

      which ones? :D

  • People are shit.

    I’d suggest that these violent bigoted fuckstain waste of spaces go sign up for a tour overseas if they really wanted to hurt the violent bigoted fuckstain waste of human spaces who call God by another name, but they’d probably make things worse by bombing an entire village on the off-chance someone who deserved it was there.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      No, sorry. Their feet hurt, can’t wear those boots. Also, the gun’s heavy.

      • Dorothy Nelson

        And some have big pimples on their ass, you know. http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/limbaugh.asp

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          There’s *your* warrior class, Carly.

        • SterWonk

          To be fair to Limbaugh (did I really have to write that? <sigh>), if the cyst really was inoperable, then it really did have a high likelihood of getting infected and causing problems in the field. There were some bullshit reasons for deferments, but this probably was not one of them.

          • bobbert

            There is no “inoperable” pilonidal cyst. Sometimes the corrective surgery is unsuccessful, but it’s never impossible to try.

            OTOH, I never would expect that someone with a physical deferment would be required to have it fixed, just so he could be drafted. I had mine repaired because it became infected, so it was no longer deferment bait.

            OTOOH, I only knew I had one because it got infected, so I’m a little curious how Rush’s doc knew to write him up for it.

          • H0mer0

            maybe one of his Dominican boys told them (it usually is only an issue when it gets infected since none of us otherwise would look there for trouble there.)

      • Major_Major_Major

        Wait, you mean these proud heroes of American Exceptionalism?

        http://web.archive.org/web/20060621121933/http://www.nhgazette.com/news/chickenhawks/

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Yes sir. But as in so many cases, here Shakespeare’s beat us to it. This is from Coriolanus, a criminally underappreciated play:

          What would you have, you curs,
          That like nor peace nor war? the one affrights you,
          The other makes you proud. He that trusts to you,
          Where he should find you lions, finds you hares;
          Where foxes, geese: you are no surer, no,
          Than is the coal of fire upon the ice,
          Or hailstone in the sun. (Act 1, Scene 1)

          Ralph Fiennes directed and starred in a wonderful film adaptation of the play a few years ago:

          http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/coriolanus-2012

          • therblig

            didn’t rush limbaugh have a cyst on his coriolanus?

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Let’s make this the whole connection between Rush’s anus and Shakespeare, yes?

          • Biff52

            Randi Rhodes had the same cyst, yet she served.

          • bobbert

            So did I.

          • Biff52

            As did I, but I didn’t get the call.

          • Zyxomma

            No dead Roger Ebert for me, thanks. I saw and loved it.

      • H0mer0

        especially with dem bone spurs on that otherwise healthiest specimen of a preznitial candidate

    • Dorothy Nelson

      And some have big pimples on their ass. http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/limbaugh.asp

    • clubseal

      Why do that, when the wonder of drones has made it possible to murder faraway brown people (and their wedding parties and DWB hospitals!) from the comfort of your own country?

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Real American to do list:
    1) post pic honoring first responders to FB
    2) find some wine bottles in recycling bin
    3) remember to buy a new lighter
    4) (if time allows) knock down and kick an old person

    • BillPrep

      you left out ‘5) pray many times today at the mosque I plan to burn down tonight’

  • JustPixelz

    As a thought experiment, I asked Mrs Pixelz who she’d rather live next to:
    1) proselytizing Xtians
    2) devout Muslins who pray 5x/day

    I had to add “who buy guns and bomb ingredients and fly the ISIS/ISIL/DAESH flag” #2 before she’d pick #1

    • Major_Major_Major

      And somehow I bet she still had to think about it.

      • eddi

        Still thinking…

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I’ve lived next to both at one time or another. That “call to prayer” five times a day becomes kind of bothersome after a while. I mean, it’s almost 2016. Couldn’t the mosque just send out a text message 5 times a day?

    • BillPrep

      you were pretty close with that #2 (well, once you added the other stuff). quick question; does the mrs know the offending ‘xtians’ or is she (and you, I suppose) just profiling?

  • Oblios_Cap

    I insufficiently love America. I have suffered no violence on anybody over the last ten years, much less during this holiday period.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Say twelve praise jebuses and twenty hail reagans, and go beat someone vaguely semitic looking.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I hope I don’t come across the sculpture of Jesus laying on the park bench and hit it by mistake!

        • Major_Major_Major

          If jesus isn’t wearing a denim robe, and golden blonde, he ain’t the real Murican Jesus, so swing away, podna

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Did you buy a Starbucks coffee in a red cup with no snowflakes on it? Because that was all kinds of violence on Christians. And possibly also on your tummy.

      • Jenny

        Oh yay, then I did make a contribution to the cause this year!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I must be one of the only people I know (other than Ms. Oblio, and she might be fibbing) that has never set foot in a Starbucks. I make my coffee at home in the AM and drink it while reading the paper (!) and watching the local morning news.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Comrade, you are not helping the People’s Republic make sufficient progress in our War on Christmas. You know I must report you now, right?

        • 451 Byrnes

          I have to ask…Is Arrow there at your feet?

          • Oblios_Cap

            Yep. Among others.

          • 451 Byrnes

            AWESOME!

  • Msgr_Moment

    As everyone knows, old men with beards need the occasional beating, lest they become Osama bin Laden.

    Well, there is that stash of pornos I used to own (allegedly), but other than that…

  • Major_Major_Major

    Cuz I’m proud to be a ‘Murican
    where at least I know I’m free
    but, fuck all you furin types
    sumethin’ somethin’ jeezus

  • wandajayne

    All that mopping up after the War on Christmas kept me from participating in just about everything.

  • Mavenmaven

    “If only everyone in the mosques had guns, this would never happen… “

    • clubseal

      That’s probably what these murikan patriots want – guns in every mosque, so when they’re pissing their pants in fear over Muslims at night, they can try to justify it.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I recommend the muzzies should all start packin’ fire extinguishers to prayers instead.

      • BillPrep

        and vetting their own folks a little better, wouldnt you say

    • BillPrep

      youre calling for black on black violence??? what will BLM say? oh, thats right, they wont saying anything.

  • cousin itt

    Too late, Murica. Riverside County, SoCal:

    • Msgr_Moment

      I wonder what’s on the other side of the medina strip.

      • cousin itt

        Desert virgins?

        • Pickwicknext

          In California? Really?

      • chicken thief

        A chicken?

        • Beaumarchais?

          Who is clearly trying to get fucked.

      • H0mer0

        There’s a Medina Annex at Lackland AFB. I was stuck there one summer, the summer I stopped drinking….

    • Biff52

      There’s also a Bagdad, misspelled though.

  • Oblios_Cap

    There needs to be more Lee Greenwood music to be playing while these atrocities are being committed if these suckas want to show much they really love them some America.

    • Msmlg1979

      Double the atrocity.

    • BillPrep

      or maybe some kadem el saher…

  • Jenny

    I didn’t steal any babeh jeebus or burn down mosques because I was stuck with my tantrum throwing mother for three days! Maybe next year I’ll be better at all this Christmas warring.

    • orygoon

      My mother is difficult, and she is still here.

    • BillPrep

      you want to be like this guy? easy, just burn down your church on the way out of xmas eve mass.

  • Jeamonn

    I swear white people are just the best…the dildo factory that is Texas is just full of the santorum of humanity. I am currently so far behind enemy lines on vacation that I am damn near in Mexico. The internet and Wonkette; my digital Berlin Airlift.

    • BillPrep

      “I swear white people are just the best…”

  • JohnR

    Trump supporters are guilty until proven innocent.

    • BillPrep

      look again and tell me the last time you figure the arson was at a trump rally. or a carson rally, or a cruz rally, or a rubio rally, or a fiorina rally, maybe a bush rallly?

  • drbloor

    Here I was all excited to snark on the absence of an attack on Sikhs, and as usual Doc is two steps ahead of me.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Sikh and you will fhai’nd.

      • gedjcj

        Ouch!

      • chicken thief

        Jihad to do that, dint ya?

        • ahughes798

          He was daeshing out the door when he wrote it.

        • Whale Chowder

          What else you going to do on a sunni day?

          • PUAAN

            Not Sunni here, the weather is Shi’ite.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the easiest way for the cops to catch these ass clowns is to stand outside the next Trump rally

    • BillPrep

      how much angrier are you now, black guy?

  • Spotts1701

    Ah, Fresno. The Alabama of California.

    • Angry_Cop

      you fuckin’ called that. what a shithole. Can’t believe I share the same state with the Central Valley.

      • DahBoner

        When someone tells me Cali is a great place to live, I say check out Mojave, CA and get back to me about that.

        • ahughes798

          I’d rather not live in the central valley….my sister lives in Stockton, so I get it. But oh, to live up in the Sierra!

          • Biff52

            I do, and yep.

        • Markuserektus

          Buttonwillow or bust!

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Or Hemet.

      • thenearesthippie

        Well, Clovis *did* produce Chris Colfer (my favorite from “Glee”).

    • Markuserektus

      SR 99 the alternate scenic route of Cali :P

      • Biff52

        I do prefer it to I-5, though.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I’d rather take US-395 than either one of those, though.

          • Biff52

            True story: I live 3 blocks west of 395 in Big Pine. While it goes everywhere I want to be, it doesn’t go everywhere I need to be.

          • H0mer0

            I’m partial to Route 1, any coastal stretch when I’m in the mood for motion sickness

          • Left Coast Tom

            I was on the Central Coast section of that road last Saturday, before wine tasting in Paso.

    • theCryptofishist

      So, is it the meth, the raisins, the pollution blowing up from Bakersfield, or the IRS service center?

      • thenearesthippie

        Yes.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Funny, i thought Bakersfield was where the the Confederacy of California was headquartered.

    • Biff52

      These grapes taste like Fresno!

  • TheGrandWaz00

    As far as beating old men with beards go, it seems a little early to resume the War on Christmas so soon after the recent defeat.

    http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/78833075/5/stock-photo-78833075-portrait-of-the-real-santa-claus-with-fingers-on-lips.jpg

  • gedde

    A Molotov Cocktail made from a “wine bottle”?

    Either a lame attempt to frame a “lib” for the crime, or the reluctant result of all the failed experiments using “Busch” cans.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Mad Dog and a delightful assortment of Boone’s farm come in bottles. Wine, it’s not just for boxes anymore.

    • tomamitai

      Most of the wine bottles I’m familiar with are too thick to make a good Molotov, you need to use a beer bottle if you want it to shatter and spread — or so I’ve heard.

    • Left Coast Tom

      San Joaquin County, where that occurred, is home to Lodi which, aside from being made infamous by CCR, is one of California’s many major wine growing regions.

      • gedde

        Ugh. CCR — an aural Molotov Cocktail.

  • Nockular cavity

    “in keeping with Isaiah 9:6, ‘For unto us a child is born, unto us arson is given.'”

    Uh, I believe that was actually in the Book of Issa.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Post hoc, ergo elk! That’s a mooselimb name, you know.

      • The Wanderer

        La Fontaine knew his sister, and knew her bloody well!

    • Mike!

      Issa?

      • chicken thief

        Issa!

      • H0mer0

        it works on more than one level!

    • BillPrep

      or: Chapter 3, Verse 16: “those who say: our lord! surely we believe, therefore forgive us our faults and save us from the chastisement of the fire”

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and we take action against anyone vaguely fitting the description, regardless of whether they’re actually radicals, extremists, or even Muslims.”

    Any count on the number of self-inflicted gunshot wounds or shrapnel wounds from homebuilt IEDs this Christmas?

    • Swampgas_Man

      I believe Congress has FORBIDDEN doctors from counting the number of gunshot wounds, lest the NRA be embarrassed.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Isn’t a molotov cocktail a congratulatory drink?

    • The Wanderer

      It’s a local drink.
      You can mix it up right in your kitchen sink!

  • Ryan Denniston

    ““(In the) last 15 years, we’ve never called the Sheriff’s Department,” Arain said. “(It’s the) first time.” […]”

    All this proves is that the Sharia Courts are filled to capacity. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!11!!!

  • FZsdaughter

    The moran is strong with this one. (I mean, all of them Katie)

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Yr Wonkette urges the two Islamic Societies and Mr. Bal to bill all their damages to:”

    Unfortunately, it’s spread beyond him. This filth has polluted a number of the clown car’s campaigns. I’d add a cc on those bills to the RNC at this point.

    • BillPrep

      maybe cair should foot part of the bill too…

  • FZsdaughter

    Also, Zoom, that “arson” bit is genius.

  • DahBoner

    The kids today with all that twerking…
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/xzO4l8febFRYY/200w_d.gif

  • MrBlobfish

    The arsonist tossed a 2001 Beringer Private Reserve, Beringer’s top bottling. The black currant–packed ’01 effortlessly carries on that tradition, and should age gracefully in a cellar for many years to come, provided you don’t fill the bottle with gasoline and ignite it.

    • Antimassacree

      I bet there is an Australian Table Wine that wouldn’t even need an external ignition source.

      http://youtu.be/RbOZccv9ym8

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Punch an Old Man for America Today!

    • Major_Major_Major

      It’s what Jesus would want.

      • eddi

        Jay sez…

    • Jenny

      Must be brown or it does not count.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Bonus points if he is poor

        • ahughes798

          And you win one intertube if beat them if they’re brown, poor, homeless, and have physical/mental issues.

          • chicken thief

            And or a vet also too. Because.

      • Whale Chowder

        Better yet, if he’s of a religion / ethnic group unrelated to terrorism. Because that’ll show ’em.

  • Nockular cavity

    How come beating up Santa doesn’t count as part of the War on Christmas?

    • H0mer0

      Because the Iggles fans already did that (with snow balls)

  • gene108

    So basically, if you are brown skinned in this country, you should be clean shaven or else…

    Way to enforce a dress code right-wingers…but I guess you’re all about conformity…

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s the freedom to conform!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Unless you figure out something for that brown skin, you’re still fucked.

  • clubseal

    This is what happens when Republicans and “patriots” are allowed to control historical information. It’s frightening how many people think that our meddling in the Middle East started on 9/11, and we’re just innocent victims who were targeted for our freedoms.
    I never liked history growing up, but it is certainly preferable to having a nation full of ignorant pieces of shit like the suspects in these stories.

    • theCryptofishist

      So, did you dislike history because it wasn’t taught well?

      • clubseal

        I didn’t like it generally because I was a kid and it was taught in a boring manner, but also because, by the time I was 12, I recognized it as pretty much a whitewashed hero worship session, where America was always right and good.

        • theCryptofishist

          Ah, it wasn’t taught well.

          • clubseal

            Maybe if Howard Zinn had been a part of the curriculum, but alas, that would have gotten in the way of teaching us how exceptional we are.

          • theCryptofishist

            Yeah, I hear you. Too bad, because history is very interesting and it’s powerful to see patterns. But it would have required honesty.

          • ahughes798

            I’m happy to have had a really great history teacher in High School. Yeah, we got the same crappy “Everything America has done is great!” text that probably everybody else did…but Mr. Baumel seemed to be interested in teaching critical thinking skills(remember when those were taught). He was a somewhat sarcastic person who always wore black on quiz or test days, and he’d say “Happiness is a history quiz! Happiness am a history exam!” as we entered his class. Outstanding teacher!
            Sorry if I’ve written this before, but I am an old.

          • theCryptofishist

            I never saw it before, because this is my 2nd month not commenting here.

          • eddi

            I have learned more history since I left school. Although the same could be said for any science I read about. Not just things omitted but whole new vistas opening up every year. This is why smart people say, “never stop learning”.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Or the school board picked a crappy book. I was taught that the Historic Unpleasantries Between the States was over states rights, and that God did not approve of miseggination.

          • H0mer0

            Didn’t Gulliver visit the countries fighting over that very issue in his travels?

    • arglebargle

      Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

      • Antimassacree

        Except in Texas where such credentials mean you get to determine what goes into the text books.

  • Me not sure

    …. “unto us arson is given”.
    Hah, I spew coffee.

    • Maybe that’s the verse Duruti was thinking of when he said, “La única iglesia que ilumina es la que arde.”

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        “My only uncle shines a light up my arse” ?

      • Fair enough too, since the Catholic Church was backing the fascists all the way in the Spanish Civil War.

        • theCryptofishist

          I should think so! Barbaric, church-burning republicans!

    • Pickwicknext

      Maybe it’s from the bible print run that said adultery was ok?

      • Me not sure

        So that would have to be literally true then?

  • Callyson

    That’ll teach those Muslims what a peaceful religion looks like!

    • BillPrep

      agreed, but not.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I have come to believe that God is an Troll, and he randomly tells people to do things for his amusement like run for President or set fire to mosques. God is kind of an asshole in this regard .

    • Major_Major_Major

      And that is why I am now a modern Omnian. Motto: We don’t burn witches, we merely provide them with a limitless supply of pamphlets.

      • Pickwicknext

        I will be hiding behind the sofa

      • dshwa

        One of Pratchett’s best lines was in Small Gods: “Thou shalt not submit thy God to market forces!”

        • zerosumgame0005

          pouring one out for my homie…

        • I describe Small Gods as the Qur’an of atheism.

          • xy

            that must terrify morans.

          • ahughes798

            OT: Thanks, Wonketteers, for turning me on to a new book/author that I must read.

          • HenryKillinger

            This might help. It tracks the chronological progress of important characters/plotlines from book to book, so you can plan accordingly.

          • jqheywood

            I’m sooo jealous…you have all of Terry Pratchett’s works ahead of you! I can only reread them for the umpteenth time (not that that is a bad thing)

      • Screw that, I’m a TRADITIONAL Omnian. HE IS TRAMPLING THE UNRIGHTEOUS WITH HOOVES OF HOT IRON!!!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That’s God for ya.

    • theCryptofishist

      My mother sees god as a boy with a stick, stirring up ant hills for his amusement.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I am glad i am not alone in my belief that God likes to Troll the Human Race

    • God has a sick sense of humour? That’s a bit of a blasphemous rumour.

    • eddi

      The voices in people’s heads make a lot of claims about who they are. Julian Jaynes had some opinions that imply these sort are not really conscious. They are guided by a separate part of their mind. I may be mis-reading his theory of the bicameral mind however, so read it yourself and draw your own opinions.

  • Yr. Gma

    Fresno. ‘Nuf said.

  • TheBidenator

    Those motherfuckers….

  • smitallica

    Umm, say, Islamophobe dumbasses? Sikhs aren’t Muslims. Sikhism was founded by two people killed for REFUSING to convert to Islam. Also, their religion forbids proselytizing. And they’re some of the most non-violent people on earth. You know, like Christians are supposed to be.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      I know, right? These idiots don’t even know how to hate crime right.

      • eddi

        They are brown and dressed funny. That’s more than enough crime for an all-American Redneck Hero.

    • 451 Byrnes

      Tomato, lumbago…

    • theCryptofishist

      But their religion requires them to carry knives! Or even swords! How can that be peaceful–said no wingnut, ever, because they don’t fucking know enough to say that.

      • Land Shark

        Open carry, duh. ;-)

        • eddi

          Close. They are peaceful, not pacifists. But I have never seen one around here carrying more than a pocket knife. I think they save it for dressy occasions these days.

    • … Sikh terrorists killed Indira Gandhi. I know, that was a political struggle and nothing to do with their religion, but just throwing it in there.

      • ahughes798

        Name a people, a color,a race, a creed, subsets of that creed, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, and on and on…but there’s always gotta be a few true believers that are murderous beasts and ruin it for everybody else.

      • Unforgotten

        Worst part of the story?
        As soon as news spread out that she was dead, froves of people went to the neighborhoods were Sikhs were majority and…
        Killed 2800 Sikhs (at least) with help from the local authorities.

        • ahughes798

          Figures.

  • TheBidenator

    “We hear he is big on personal responsibility”

    Uhm excuse me, the word is YOOOGE and thank you for the laugh

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Is are bigots learnin’?

    Nope. More than 14 years later they still attack Sikhs thinking they are Muslim (not that there’s anything wrong with being Muslim) and haven’t figured out Muslim men do not wear turbans.

    • theCryptofishist

      I thought some Muslim men wore turbans, but it was sort of local dress thing, not a religious mandate.

      • Yep. The reason Sikhs wear turbans is that when the religion started it was a sign of the nobility in the Punjab, so it’s an “we are all equal in this faith” thing. In orthodox Islam, it is sunnah for men to cover their heads – not compulsory, but the Prophet and his crew did it, so probably a good idea.

        • Tansy Geek

          Also since they don’t cut their hair, they have to have something to keep it from dragging along like Rapunzel.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        In India, Muslims, Hindus, and Sikhs may wear a turban.

        So I guess I should have worded that more carefully. There is no requirement in Islam that men wear a turban.

        Among Khalsa Sikhs there is, and it is called a Dastaar.

  • deanbooth

    Fuckin’ millennials!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I blame Bugs Bunny cartoons because…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVUXU0VBgIA

  • YayConspiracy

    There are no white christian terrorists.

  • zerosumgame0005

    “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the
    great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being
    fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being
    fundamentally people.”


    Neil Gaiman,

    Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

    he was such a great writer…

    • theCryptofishist

      He still is, afaIk. Pratchett was also a great writer. Although, he may have passed his peak.

      • zerosumgame0005

        OK, the book was written by then together, it should have had Sir Terry’s name up there too. it was his tragic passing I was referring too. sorry I was unclear on that.

        • theCryptofishist

          Prachett died. Gaiman’s still alive and kicking.

          The book was a joint effort.

          • zerosumgame0005

            um, yes, as I said in the very post you replied too. care to be more of a jerk about Sir Terry’s name being left off the quote i provided? I’m sure you will…

          • Biff52

            Flag on play! Improper use of too/to.
            Calm down…

          • zerosumgame0005

            mea culpa! of course I expect to be shrieked at for saying sorry again

          • Tansy Geek
          • zerosumgame0005

            it does feel like that sometimes!

          • zerosumgame0005

            here, I’ll help you with that hard reading part you didn’t bother to do;

            “the book was written by them together” = JOINT EFFORT so this was redundant of you

            ” it should have had Sir Terry’s name up there too” you do know he had been knighted don’t you? to spell it out Sir Terry Prachette, since you are so unaware

            “it was his tragic passing I was referring too” you seem to have4 skipped right over that.

            “sorry I was unclear on that.” humm, all I can say is I retract any apology to an ass like you.

          • theCryptofishist

            Dear fucking god, I was not trying to show you up. I was only trying to clarify something that other people might have found confusing.
            I’m sorry I offended you.

          • zerosumgame0005

            BTW Niel is a genius writer in his own right.

          • theCryptofishist

            Oh yes, American Gods, A Study in Emerald–Married well, also, too.

          • Gaiman has a new son with Amanda Palmer. Probably insurance in case he ever speaks out against the Scientology faith of the rest of his family and the rest of his kids/family/ex-wife “disconnect” from him.

      • handyhippie65

        he had help for the final books. the fact that he had alzheimer’s, and could still write. was amazing. i will miss him. and the disc.

  • theCryptofishist

    “The Trump Organization”? Seriously? Can we get RICO to investigate?

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      It’s like the Popeyes Organization, Ben. I think you want that guy over there.

  • Whale Chowder

    Our main export is ignorance, ignorance and cultural superiority.

    Our two main exports are ignorance, cultural superiority, and drones.

    Our three main exports are ignorance, cultural superiority, drones and a fanatical devotion to Donald Trump.

    Amongst our exports are four….I’ll come in again.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      No one expects the — oh bluddy hell.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      Ha! HA!

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I don’t see a problem here. They’re just engaged in community policing.

  • tehbaddr

    Tryin’ to kill for Jebus, before they be tryin’ to US for Challah!

  • theCryptofishist

    How many mosques must a man burn down, before you call him Tex?

    • kaw143

      The answer, my friend, is AOT, K.

      • Operator99

        Or in this case, NOT, Kaw143. Haha, sucks when your prejudices just never seem to play out like they do in your head, huh?

        • kaw143

          Quite possibly, I will need to defer to your obvious expertise on the subject, Tex.

          • Operator99

            That’s usually the case with you Progressives. You run around chanting about your “safe space”. The adults will run the country…once we wrestle it back from the Socialist idiots you put in charge the last 7 years…

            Hopefully, there is something left to fix…

    • BillPrep

      or Gary

    • Operator99

      Dunno. Ask the Muslim who was just arrested for setting the fire. Prejudiced Much, Oh Useful Idiot??

  • It’s amazing, Sikhs are the OPPOSITE of Islam in that it’s the MEN who have to cover heir heads.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    The Houston mosque (one of the smallest in town) had been there for. 14-15 years without any trouble. Sad.

    • Operator99

      Even sadder that one of their own did it to, in part, implicate “the angry white christian male”, huh? And you fell for it. Like a good Progressive Reactionary…

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I did suspect an angry white male, given the number of same who have thrown pig’s heads at mosques, thrown bacon at people leaving Friday prayers, etc.
        If you know the perps motivations you must be a mind reader. As yet he has not released a reason for starting the fire.
        I’ll cop, I was wrong on this one. Now go to your room and play with your gun.

        • Operator99

          Actually, the VAST majority of those headlines you superficially glance over, are later found to be self-inflicted for sympathy- or financial gain. 98%+ of Black Church Burnings these days are the same.

          Yet, the ACCUSATIONS and speculations of the White Christian Male running rampant over the poor minority community make Page 1. The retractions and the truth, make page 38D weeks later. Next to the CVS coupons. And that is by design.

          And prejudiced people like you lap it up, until the fake narrative proffered by the MSM becomes the reality in your minds. Progressive-minded people have always been the easiest to fool, as they lead with their emotions. All the while, claiming the mantle of intellectual superiority. It’s why Lenin called people like you, The Useful Idiots.

          And it’s why Libertarian-minded people like me will always seek the REAL facts, the stats, and the truth. I will never allow myself to be a useful idiot.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I don’t suppose those bravehearts who beat up the 69-year-old man would consider joining the Army and fighting actual ISIS members. You know, guys their own age who could fight back.

  • Antimassacree

    …had multiple ignition locations and was likely intentionally set.

    Reminds me of: The body was found to have multiple stab wounds and three gunshots to the head. Police suspect foul play.

  • scotankhamen

    Do you even BURN mosques, bro?

    • Operator99

      Yes, but Allah willing, only after we’ve thrown homosexuals from rooftops and stoned women for allowing themselves to be raped. So commands The Prophet (PBUH)….Alluah Ackbar!

  • Ostap Bender

    Hate is a Christian value.

    • Operator99

      It must totally suck knowing now that, like 98% of all recent black church burnings, it was started by one of their own. Not an angry white male. Much like 94% of all interracial violent attacks are black-on-white (with Hispanics making up the rest- White on black is virtually statistically negligible). But you keep pushing that narrative despite all the statistical evidence to the contrary.

      If there’s one thing we know about Progressives, it’s that they are only interested in statistics and science when it meets their pre-conceived agenda…

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I can’t believe several businesses in the Houston strip mall had to close because of smoke damage. Oh, the humanity!

  • Pugsandcoffee

    “I want my country back” is just…chilling in its implications.

    Hey, fucknugget: your country is here! It wants to apologize for passing you by while you sat in the Laz-boy, pulling the tops off another 6-pack of Bud Light and lamenting the good ol’ days when anyone who wasn’t a straight, white male had the good sense to be ashamed about it.

  • David Campbell

    http://abc13.com/news/man-37-charged-with-arson-in-sw-houston-mosque-fire-/1140625/..so sorry to disappoint you,, I know you wanted it to be a white conservative Christian

  • Razor Maclennan
  • Ross Harrell
  • Trader67

    LOL, the loons here on the left proved wrong again. The author being the biggest one of all. What a shocker!

  • Aldridkg

    Except that the mosque was burned down by another Muslim who attended that mosque.
    Anyway we can get you to stop writing nonsense?

  • Operator99

    The more you read this idiotic article by Dr. Zoom, the more moron nuggets you find!

    …”20-year-old Brodie Durazo, who was arrested and later apologized to the congregation for being a violent bigoted idiot….”

    Except, far from the “white bigoted male” stereotype exclusively offered up in this brilliant editorial, once again…the pesky truth gets in the way. Turns out, Senior Durazo was confirmed by the Anaheim Police to be a member of the “SSBP”…South Side Barrio Pobre Latino gang. And most of the graffiti left on the building, was typical gang markings.

    The amateur writing this lame tome seemed to know enough details about the case to comment here…but just happened to leave out that critical piece of info…that it WASN’T some white racist. Well, since leftist ideologue hacks had to coin the term “white-hispanic” to fit their narrative of systemic racism, maybe he is applying that here. One thing is for sure. It wasn’t Bubba in his Ford 150 with the gun rack…

    Once again, my apologies for the diversion into reality. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled white bigotry fantasy programming…

  • kaw143

    Dear Dok Zoom,

    Perhaps predictably, your pearls have been determined to be “moron nuggets” by some swine.

    Don’t feel too bad. Most of us really like pearl necklaces.

    Sincerely,

    Sparkle Pony Is Best Pony.

  • VandeGraf

    Does scorching the rag rug when I dropped a cast iron skillet count?

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