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Guess we really WILL have to bomb Agrabah now.
Guess we really WILL have to bomb Agrabah now.

We’ve all had THOSE neighbors. You’ve taken your night time sleepytime medicine, you’re flipping the clicker back and forth between Lawrence Welk reruns and the Home Shopping Network, and you’re ready to dream about doing the Charleston with visiting Navy men (you’re 82 in this scenario), but ISIS just moved in next door, and they have A LOT OF SEX. And it’s not just the headboard knocking against the wall, but they are saying ISISes too, while they are doing it! What, you have not had this kind of neighbor?

An 82-year-old woman called Brown Deer Police Sunday night requesting police because she heard someone chanting, “ISIS is good, ISIS is great” while having sex.

WTF kind of sex chant is that? Some kind of take-off on the traditional kiddies’ “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food” prayer, but, instead they’re thankful for hot hard Radical Islamic Fucking?

Or maybe the people were not actually sex-shouting ANYTHING like what the old lady heard. Because the traditional Muslin version of “OH GOD I’M CUMMING!” is probably closer to “ALLAHU AKBAR!” than anything else.

The local police chief thought it was pretty hilarious:

kasstweet

Nosy neighbors are the worst. Now every time the poor people who live next door to this lady want to Bristol each other in the what-whats, they’re going to be worried Gladys Kravitz is over there holding a cup up to the wall eavesdropping, making sure they’re not plotting the destruction of America with their terror-boning.

Of course, they could have some fun with her. If she’s a traditional old lady, they could say things traditional old ladies like to hear like, “Big sale at Hobby Lobby!” and “Back in my day!”

If we may stop and be serious for a moment, THIS POOR LADY! She is an Old, and she probably doesn’t do internets very good, and her grandchildren never call, never write, and all she has to do all day is be a committed member of Fox News’s eleventy-billion-year-old audience. She probably listens to them day in, day out, telling her that the ISIS terrorists and the Syrian refugees are hiding in the bushes outside her house, or on the other side of the wall, just waiting to get her when she lets her guard down on the way to the Walgreens for the big sale on butterscotches. Or even worse, she might be a Donald Trump supporter.

Or maybe this lady is right and ISIS lives next door to everybody in America and is about to establish a caliphate, IN YOUR PANTS.

[WDJT Milwaukee via RawStory]

 

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  • The Wanderer

    Yep. Fox Noise viewer.

  • Msgr_Moment

    The fruit, she is too low. Here’s the disambiguation page if anyone wants to translate what the lovewarbling was all about.

    Although, personally I think they’re just big fans of Darrel Issa. She misheard them because those olds don’t hear so good.

    • gedjcj

      International Species Information System, damn noisy zoologists.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        But sooo hawt!

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I keep on calling in my “see something, say something” tips, but they never do anything about the people that leave their shopping carts in the parking lot, nor do they do anything about poor parking.

    I am quite sure that Daesh has something to do with people who speed up when I am about to pass them on the freeway.

    • Msgr_Moment

      ik,r?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m pretty sure the guy that bigfooted me in the Costco checkout line last night was stocking up for ISIS.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Costco would be great if it weren’t for the other people there. I am always amazed by how pleasant the checkout people are after
        a) having to deal with the parents who leave their children in the cart during checkout
        b) having to explain for the 500th time that the cart goes on *THIS* side, and the person goes on *THAT* side.
        c) having to explain, that no, they do not take Visa (yet).

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          But you can get a box of 30 burqas there for, like, 18 bucks.

          • Suttree

            Let me know when kaffiyehs are on sale.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Usually right after Ramadan.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Fun Costco Fact: they don’t have “sales.”

            You’ll never seen anything marked %30 off or some such. The prices go up and down (but not by much, and not very often) but the fact goes entirely unannounced. It’s actually quite refreshing.

      • crunchyknee

        Really though, at the Publix last night they were all out of 5 grain Italian bread. Thanks, ISIS.

      • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

        No, no, no, Costco is just so busy because all the white people on Twitter don’t feel that Sam’s Club is a safe place anymore.

    • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

      I keep reporting Donald Trump and they just tell me it’s not illegal to be a douchebag and maybe I should take up knitting or something. :(

      • MsAnthropesMr
        • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

          I notice it’s proudly “embroidered” in the USA, which I assume means the actual hats are made in Mexico or China.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            And you can zoom in… but not where you’d like to.

          • xy

            as someone that works with clothing i can affirm that this is probably not made in USA. i see it all the time: Designed in Italy Made in China or Woven in US Made in China.

            it’s like people are stupid or something and if they see USA on something then it’s automatically good even if it has nothing to do with where it was made.

          • H0mer0

            When we were in Alaska and wanted to buy locally made souvenirs, a lot of them hid the “made in China” sticker really well or would say “designed in Alaska.”

        • She’s a little young.

    • SadDemInTex

      I would like to upfist many times, mainly because these are my personal pet peeves. Thanks for the tip to tip the NSA on these infractions.

    • gedjcj

      I wouldn’t say I’m terrorized but I do dread those drivers who camp in the left lane. Definitely a destabilizing influence on society.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    All my neighbors do is yell at their dog and set off their car alarm. Every. Fucking. Night. I feel so white and suburban….

    • Vincent Ricola

      I live in the proverbial “hood” and have the exact same experience.

      Just last night, I was laying in bed planning Jihad on my neighbor’s 2002 Toyota Camry with the extra sensitive car alarm.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Funniest thing I saw in Puerto Rico was a bunch of kids going down the street in San Juan bouncing up and down on car bumpers until the had about 20 alarms going off.

        • Vincent Ricola

          I think those kids grew up and moved in down the block from me.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            EVERY car had an alarm there. NOBODY gave a shit if it was going off or not.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          In LA they call car alarms West Side whippoorwills

        • H0mer0

          I know this is wrong but I hear “Low Rider” by War in my head while visualizing the kids jumping up and down on the cars.

    • Amy!

      My nearest neighbors are a quarter of a mile away. If they do something that wakes me up at night, it’s getting into the tannerite again (gods know how they see well enough to aim in the dark, but the boom has become unmistakable by now).

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        To be fair-car alarm issues notwithstanding-my neighbors are lovely, civic-minded folks. *just in case they read Wonkette and are on to me, also too*

  • Michael Rush
    • DahBoner
      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        Allah bless whoever made that.

        Because I like butter . . . what did you think I meant?

        • Msgr_Moment

          But is there any way to change the speed of that gif? Asking for a friend.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            They’re working on a biofeedback driven speed control, but the prototype requires making a USB connection to your genitals. That may not be the type of jacking off you’re looking for.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            ISWYDT.

          • RevZafod

            Let’s see if this works, from ezgif.com.
            Yep, you’re welcome Your little friend can head for his bunk now.
            [Skip every other frame.]
            Is Msgr short for Massager?

      • FeloniousMonk

        Musical accompaniment for that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8swz7WFgrU

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          I’m old. I need it churned at about 78 RPM.

  • crunchyknee

    Poor lady Olds. She needs a good overhaul by that handsome old retiree down the street – that’ll have her screaming god in no time, then the the entire block will be fucking for that old time religion.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      My favorite old timey doing it phrase is “getting yer/my ashes hauled.”

      And now you know.

  • arglebargle

    So “sleeper” cell is more of a euphemism? (an euphemism?)

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “A euphemism” is correct unless you are Sarah Palin and pronounce it “an oofemism.”

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Oofgoshamism!

  • DahBoner

    Sigh. Terrorists never just want to talk about the weather anymore.
    http://www.borev.net/abe_simpson.gif

  • arglebargle

    Is there any throat cramming going on?

  • coozledad

    Living next door to Josh Duggar, she might have heard “My sis is great”, but I don’t think he lives in Wisconsin.

  • weejee

    Well…

  • Msgr_Moment

    This was actually a hush-hush counter-terrorism program that she has no right blabbing about. By reducing the supply of virgins [here on Earth, but eventually in Heaven], we reduce the demand of horny would-be suicide terrorists. Simple economics, really.

    • Spotts1701

      Are they looking for volunteers for this program?

      Asking for a friend.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Maybe claiming an ISIS connection is just a way to get the authorities to take action?

    Anyone want to try something like: “I saw some guys digging potholes in the street outside my home, while chanting ‘ISIS is good, ISIS is great’. I don’t know what their plan is, but i’m pretty sure if those potholes aren’t fixed right away, the terrorists have won.” ?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      I think that ISIS left huge piles of leaves on my street blocking the sewers. I think I will report this to the city now. Good idea!

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        How come I never see you in the neighborhood?

        • MsAnthropesMr

          Hey man, I leave my leaves where god intended – on the lawn.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Fancy. With your leaves and trees and a lawn. And a home.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            My God–or was it John Deer?–made lawn tractors so I don’t have to rake.

    • Suttree

      There are terrorists in my kitchen and poured all of my al-cohol down the drain. On your way here to capture them would you pick me up a fifth of spiced rum and some egg nog?

  • onedollarjuana

    I shared a duplex with a couple like that. It was “PERCY PERCY PERCY” all night long.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Time to move grandma into a “home”.

  • beatbort

    They were simply two co-habitating real estate agents shouting “AS IS, AS IS!”
    Mrs. Kravitz just heard them wrong. She’s been listening to her grandson Lenny’s albums at TOO HIGH A VOLUME and it’s affected her hearing.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      She needs to have her ear doctor turn down the hearing aid also too.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      There was peace and quiet at Lee Otis Johnson’s burial Tuesday, six days after he died alone in his sleep at 62. No drug agents were in obvious sight at Houston Memorial Gardens cemetery. No political revolutionaries shouted slogans. And no one misunderstood his name.

      Those facets clashed with his legacy as the local black student leader who was sentenced in 1968 to 30 years in prison for passing a marijuana cigarette to an undercover officer.

      “Free Lee Otis!” became the noisy chant, and a favorite bumper sticker, of students and liberals across Texas. It was shorthand for their arguments that state drug laws were overly harsh, that civil rights needed a boost and that Johnson was framed because of his activities that displeased the city’s conservative powers.

      Johnson was freed four years into his prison term, and the Texas marijuana laws eventually were relaxed. But not before then-Gov. Preston Smith got the chant wrong — and provided an example of how politicians can be out of touch. Protesters disrupted Smith’s 1970 speech at the University of Houston with “Free Lee Otis!” and other cries. A week later in Austin, the governor explained he thought the protesters had shouted about “frijoles,” the Spanish word for beans.

      — Houston Chron

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Lenny, with all the money you’ve made in music, could you please just move Mrs. Kravitz to a nicer neighborhood?

  • Msgr_Moment

    SEE something, say something? No, she HEARD something. Give it a rest, lady.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I heard she almost had a stroke. But being old and feeble, couldn’t reach that far.

  • malsperanza

    I has a sad for this lady. Fuck the rightwing hysterics for making an 82-year-old woman so frightened of nothing.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Righties seem to be plenty scared of people fucking. People other than them.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Serves them right for fucking with us, to be honest.

    • Joe Beese

      Yeah, maybe it’s the Yule spirit gang-stomping me, but I’m not in the mood to jeer at an old, lonely, frightened woman this morning.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I see your point, but frankly, I am also an old and have managed not to be sucked in to the hate.

      • malsperanza

        Are you living alone? How good is your support system? Is your eyesight poor, and does that leave you feeling insecure? How about your hearing?

        Has your home been robbed lately? Do you feel exposed and vulnerable when you walk to the store? Do you know your neighbors? Are some of them perhaps unfriendly, or has there been a lot of turnover? Are you trying to stay in your home, but without a lot of resources? And if you break a hip, will you end up in a state hospital or someplace nice? How important is it to you to stay living independently? What are the stresses and confusions that make that hard?

        Do you ever get phone calls offering you a reverse mortgage or extra health insurance? Has Fox News given you helpful tips about the dangers of people who predate and exploit the elderly? Does that make you feel that they are trustworthy?

        • “Has Fox News given you helpful tips about the dangers of people who predate and exploit the elderly?”

          Boy isn’t THAT the pot calling the kettle exploitive.

          Incidentally, I must be as hardened as Chris Christie’s arteries because I don’t feel sorry for this old bat at all. Its sheer luck that the cops she called in this volatile climate had enough good sense to tend to her “concerns” with good laugh instead of a a hail of bullets (which, I’m sure would have comforted granny’s psyche more that the Squeaky Bedsprings of Terrorism! ) Particularly since a lady like this would happily vote against measures that would relieve some of the issues malsperanza brought up (The “Cut Off Your Own Nose” initiative) just to make sure Jihad isn’t slamming it to ISIS from behind.

    • “I has a sad for this lady.”

      Mostly cuz she clearly isn’t getting any

  • JohnR

    Friend has a condo that backs up to an older woman, every time he goes out on his patio she appears in her window and just sits there watching, many complaints about nothing.

  • Lemmy Caution

    Relax granny, they were talking about an IUD, not an IED.

  • longtail

    I don’t blame her for worrying about ISIS constantly procreating next door. Before you know it the neighborhood is over run with little terrorists.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      All children are terrorists inasmuch as you cannot negotiate with them.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        But it’s hilarious to listen to parents try.

        • H0mer0

          and they are really good at psychological operations as they can ask the same question numerous times and get mad when you don’t give them the answer they want.

  • lucidamente

    “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his Prophet. Yes, oh yes, yes, YES!”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You found the shahada spot!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Oof, gosh, the terrorists are horny and they are living RIGHT NEXT DOOR! Excuse me while I slip into something more Arabian Nights.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If the role of Ali Baba isn’t taken yet…

  • Msgr_Moment

    If I had to swear that these guys were good/great in order to have sex…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQGTRRPj0YE

    • Duke

      Now I understand the Burqa

    • Greg Comlish

      Not sure why that guy at 0:50 is twirling a candy cane. It’s not like this is a Christmas video.

  • DahBoner
    • bozilingus

      El Donald esta Santa Claus?

  • Lemmy Caution

    Sounds like an episode of Three’s Company, updated for the age of unreasonable terror.

  • Suttree

    I’ve got a pillar of Islam right here for you baby.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Damn, get a Caliphate or somethin’, wouldya?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I’d love to do you, baby, but I’m Caliphate.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Not me. I’d walk a mile for a Cameltoe.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Are we going to just Babylon with these puns again?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Wise Aswan.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Calm down, Baghdaddy-o!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Tres sheik.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          FTBW – For the bed win.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Coffee Spewed on the Keyboard Award of the morning for Blaspheme Level Wonkette

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Maybe they were calling out to the goddess?

    • Msmlg1979

      Isis is a name. Maybe she’s good. Maybe she’s great.

      • Suttree

        When do they start the caliphate!

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      And it wasn’t even the fifth day of May . . .

      • Msgr_Moment

        He went back to find Isis to tell her he loved her. No biggie.

  • glasspusher

    The woman beneath me in the apt I lived in in college must have been dating an Irish guy, because on weekends I’d hear her call out “O’Brien! O’Brien!”

  • Pugsandcoffee

    It could H E been worse: it could have been Cosby singing his chocolate cake song? #toosoon

    • cynmac

      Never too soon.

  • deanbooth

    “Over hear! Over hear! Oh, the skanks are cumming, the skanks are cumming, and it won’t be over till I tell you what I hear!”

  • gene108

    I really do not want to mock the elderly. Never know, which ones are shut-ins or which ones are getting memory wipes from dementia / Alzheimer’s.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      The best you can hope for is to go quickly in your sleep while your wits are still about you.

      • bozilingus

        If you live near people who are “responsible gun owners” this could happen.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Not exactly what I had in mind.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I have to say, I’m not too afraid of being dead. How I get to be dead has me somewhat more concerned.

      • Msmlg1979

        Fuck that! I want to go out in a blaze of glory, complete with police chase, live on the news, while my tits are still about me!

        • Suttree

          Tell me more about that last part.

          • Msmlg1979

            That type of behavior is probably what got me in this mess to begin with!

    • Msmlg1979

      My police officer ex said it’s very common for the elderly to call the police for no real reason, because they are lonely, and just want anyone to show up and talk to them. Sad.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Sad, hell! That’ll be me soon!

      • Biff52

        The last people I want to talk to is the cops! But then I can’t afford to keep calling My Psychic Friends or those nice We Are 18 girls.

      • Well THAT’S dumb. If the oldz just want to talk to the police without anyone showing up ,they shou,d just sau a black guy is getting beaten outside thier home.

  • Invidosa

    Could just be Egyptian pagans, they do actually exist! Sounds to me like someone just got a little over excited during ritual!

    • Suttree

      Hopefully they didn’t explode too soon.

    • Mavenmaven

      What she heard was “O-siris!”

      • Anarchy Pony

        Or “oh, Cyrus!” Because they’re Mennonites.

        • sw19womble

          Or Hannah Montana cosplay?

        • AKLynne

          Or maybe the lady was named Isis?

          • Jon Sussex

            Could have been saying “Hi sis!”

  • Duke

    Correction: Noisy parents are the worst.

  • Patty Dumpling

    If the ISIS guy next door talks about “getting some head”, that’s when you call the cops.

    • Me not sure

      Stay sweet, dearest Patty.

  • frrolfe

    Could this elderly lady be the mother of Howard (from “The Big Bang Theory”)?

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • beatbort

      She should hook up with the bartender at the Tube Bar. Comedy gold.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      OMG. No wonder they’re winning.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      wtf even started all that mess?

      • sw19womble

        Filming while tanned.

    • sw19womble

      And lo, on the eve before the babby jesus popped out of the virgin mary’s incubator hole, the bigot did hop out of her disabled badge van and began to dance. It’s a Solstice miracle!

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Well, I can see why she be disabled.

      • Beulah

        I wonder if severe mental illness qualifies one for handicap parking?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Someone should her a favor and block her Fucks Gnus channel.

  • Mavenmaven

    “Sorry, lady, you don’t get to meet Steve Doocy now.”

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Where is the dude that was going on about how fearing the mooslims is perfectly sane and reasonable?

    • Suttree

      He is loudly proclaiming that we must be vigilant and that this case proves him right.

    • sw19womble

      Holding a glass tumbler to the wall and placing his ear against it.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Hey, sometimes you need a little kink.

  • dshwa

    Sometimes we have to improvise with the explosive device in our pants. Don’t judge.

  • Me not sure

    I once dated a Jewish girl who would yell out in Hebrew during the act of lovemaking.
    I never knew what she was saying and we didn’t last long together. She was great in bed though; a regular mazel tov cocktail.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Translated from Hebrew, she was saying, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige”.

    • Markuserektus

      How to tell a Jewish woman has had an orgasm?
      She drops her nail file…

      • Me not sure

        Not this one. She was a special ed. teacher and I think we all know how caring and emotionally in tune they are. In my youth I was something of a special ed. teacher jackal.

  • Mahousu

    ISIS found this was a way more effective recruiting tactic than those Donald Trump videos.

  • Playonwords

    There are games involving cubes of frozen water, which could well lead to shouts of “Ice is good, ice is great!!!”

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Eighty two, you say? Is she absolutely positively sure they weren’t yelling, “Christthisisgood! Christthisisgreat!” I mean, it is Christmas time and all, and time to give thanks.

    • H0mer0

      “Boo-urns! Boo-urns!”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Eighty two. Alive during the Big One. Learned nothing about courage, about keeping calm and carrying on.

  • Zippy

    You’re all selling this lady short. I bet she no more believes they were ISIS than the rest of us. But she’d been putting up with the noisy neighbors who refused to tone it down during sexytime for awhile and she knew good and well that the cops would never actually respond to a simple noise complaint. What better way to get the cops to do their job- mention terrists and they’ll be there instantly. Guaranteed that it killed the mood for those noisy lovebirds next door when they got that knock on the door and that they’ll be a little quieter next time…

    • Yr. Gma

      We Olds can be crafty and use our perceived cluelessness to our advantage. I’m giving the old girl the benefit of the doubt.

      • EmmettGrogan

        Exactly. I’m not above doing such things myself.

  • Angry_Cop

    She’s probably got the Unholy Trinity going on; she’s getting the Alzheimer’s, she’s going deaf, and she’s watching Fox 24/7. I feel really bad for people like this. Expecting them to somehow “know better” is cruel and unrealistic. “Old, vulnerable and terrified” is no way to go through life, but it’s in store for all of us at some point.

    • AKLynne

      Maybe two out of three? The old and vulnerable, I mean, not the Alzheimers, deaf (eh?) and definitely not the False News.

    • zerosumgame0005

      that is their target audience…

    • EmmettGrogan

      Speak for yourself; I’m an old lady but NOT vulnerable or terrified. I carry a sword in my cane (for reals) and besides “old age and treachery will always overcome youth and beauty”. Did I mention I’m Irish and Aries, with a temperament that goes with that?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Not I, AC. I plan to be an insane cat lady, and them are never terrified. Crazy, yes, smelly, sure, a bit absent minded, of course, in possession of a fur coat made of spring shedding, why not? But never terrified because cats be gods, yo.

    • cynmac

      Yeah, my grandmother had dementia and her last gasp in the late 80’s before she completely lost touch was that she was going to get AIDS. And I did walk it back with her ~ “Are you having sex?” No. “Are you anticipating a blood transfusion?” No. “Then you won’t get AIDS, Nana.” Yep, that was her worry, but she slept through a tornado!

  • Is it time for an ‘on Wisconsin’ joke?

    • bobbert

      When I was in the marching band, we had a version that started “On Miss Wisconsin”.

  • Blerg

    Sad, but the fact she is a Old listening to Fox “News” all day is the real problem. They do everything they can to scare the Olds. My racist mother-in-law thinks the moozlums are going to establish their caliphate (she doesn’t know what that word means) in her small rural Michigan town.

  • HolidayinCambodia

    But, Princess Jasmine is so hot, h-o-t, HOT, in her red S&M get-up at the end of the movie. Just ask my son, who got that story read to him when he was 3 (“and see Jasmine in red, she’s hot” accompanied by him and the reader licking a finger and putting on her picture and saying “sssssss!”). But don’t ask his mom, who is still burned up about the whole thing, more than 20 years later.

    • Suttree

      Well, you just gave me the first reason ever to have children. You bastard! :)

    • Greg Comlish

      Well his Mom is a cold jealous bitch because I am pretty sure it is a scientific fact that a thin Persian girl with a nice rack in a sexy outfit like that will make males of all ages bust wood.

      • H0mer0

        Most Persian women I’ve met ARE made that way (sooo lucky)

    • Zippy

      Too late, the GOP has already commenced carpet bombing Agrabah

      • bobbert

        Surgically.

  • George

    My grandmother a diagnosed schizophrenic who latched onto the idea that the Ayatolla and Col Gaddafi sent spies from the middle east to spy on her and electrocute her thru her toaster. And she died just before the birth of FOX n;)ws.

    Muslim Derangement Syndrome has been with us for a long, long time now.

  • Relativicus

    “There’s a caliphate in my pants and you’re all invited to come.”

    • H0mer0

      “they told me to come but I was already there!”

  • greyXstar

    I was just saying how surprised I am that there hasn’t been some nutcase group insisting that we ban Alladin.

    • kaw143

      I thought they already had after that “good children take off their clothes” fucktussle.

      • greyXstar

        Ohh yeah. Wow people are stupid.

  • Ilgattomorte

    It doesn’t sound too far fetched to me. I live next door to a radical Christian couple and they’re always screaming out stuff when they have sex. They’re always calling out for God, Jesus and even a saint or two. I think they might be dangerous.

    I think the guy is trying to indoctrinate his girlfriend. He’s always trying to get her to blow something up. I’m not sure what ’cause it’s hard to hear, but she doesn’t seem to want to. The other thing is, they seem to use code names. He might be from Indiana because he goes by “Hoosier Daddy” and she could be Asian because she calls herself “Wong Hole”.

    Anyway, I don’t trust them.

    • EmmettGrogan

      Hmmm, sounds interesting – what neighborhood do you live in? Just asking for a friend.

    • mtn_philosoph

      I had neighbors like that once. They were passionate fans of sports in the Arabian Peninsula and Persian Gulf region, like the Yemeni cricket league, to name one. Apparently they regularly tuned into the games on satellite. We could always tell when the match got intense, because he would be shouting “Doha!” and she would respond with “Yemen!” The cheering would go on and on. “Doha!” “Yemen!” “Doha!” :Yemen!” “Doha!” “Yemen!” Then finally he would yell stuff like “Al Manamah!”, “Bandar Abbas!” and “Abu Dhabi!” and she would repeatedly scream “Oman! Oman! Oman! Oman!” Sometimes they would keep this up all night, especially when they had a bunch of friends over. Those parties got so elaborate that they started having a professional film crew come in each time and shoot footage of the whole thing.

  • diogenez

    Kudos for the Gladys Kravitz name drop, but I wonder how many of these youngsters will get it.

    • Pat_Pending

      Reruns on MeTV. A 26-year-old at work referenced Get Smart when we were getting on the elevator. Kids these days…

      • kaw143

        So precocious! But, if these youngs are learning our lingo, how are we going to talk about them in our code of ancient pop culture references?

        • That’s what the cone of silence is for. Or you could talk about rotary dial phones. :-)

          • eddi

            “Chief? Is that you? Speak up I’ve got mud in my ear.”

          • mtn_philosoph

            Can you shoe me one of those?

        • cynmac

          Why use code? If you are over 45, why do you care?

          • kaw143

            Oh it isn’t so much about my caring what they think, but showing that I know something, despite the fact I have to call them to explain to me how to read that text they just sent me.

      • I AM R U

        …unfortunately they did a movie with Steve Carell in 2008, which is what they may have be referencing. Me? I watched Get Smart as a kid because I had taste (and it was on before M*A*S*H and combined they made up my allotted daily television amount because my mum was a hippie).

      • cynmac

        Before MeTV, it was TVLand. At least the old, good stuff is getting recycled. My BF and I watched “Green Acres” for a minute on Christmas, in between breaks of the “Doctor Who” marathon on BBC America.

    • Markuserektus

      Lenny’s mom, right?

      • 451 Byrnes

        You, (sir/madam/orientation of choice) Knight, are a Pip.

        • mtn_philosoph

          The neighbor heard them through the grapevine going at it like they were on the midnight train to Basra.

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      The beauty of the ‘youngs’ not knowing classic comedy is you can use the same trope and meme on *them,* and they are none the wiser. In fact, until some time in the future when they might see the episode, remember . . .

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Also “Frank. I’m having a sick headache.”

  • BeliTsari
    • Jen_Baker_VA

      1 million???? Damn it. That grift machine just don’t stop

  • DemmeFatale

    Makes a nice change from blaming everything on Obama.
    Thanks, Isis!

    • Obummer is forcing everyone to have vigorously enjoyable sex! Is there no end to his tyranny?

  • Pat_Pending

    OH GOD, I’M ALAN CUMMING!

  • Greg Comlish

    OMG, it’s not even clear if the neighbors are Muslim. They are just committing sex terrorism by having sex and enjoying it and she’s just stewing because her creaky, over-douched vadge is permanently rusted shut. She’s lashing out against the Muslim threat because she never learned how to deal with these problems like a mature adult: vigorous masturbation.

  • Janet Goodell

    Oh, Evan, Happy Holidays to you, too…

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I had a neighbor with a big female dog named Isis many years ago. Now I am not suggesting that my neighbor ever abused his dog sexually, but it did cross my mind when I read this story, because you do read about these things. I also used to work in a male-dominated IT department (aren’t they all?), and they had named all the servers after male gods (Thor, Vulcan, Zeus, Mars, etc.) and I insisted that they name the next server after a female goddess, in the interests of gender equality, and I called it Isis. I have never heard of anyone boning a server, but I suppose anything is possible, considering that these guys used to spend long hours doing mysterious and unnecessary things in the server room, after which the network didn’t work properly, and would have farting competitions in the lunchroom once a week.

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      I, also, worked in the male dominated IT departments and we held a server name draw. Mine was drawn and everyone acclaimed the name “Lisa Simpson” as the best name for the main server I would love to tell you there was no sexism nor prejudice in that office and age-ism free, but Santa won’t come if I lie.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I hear you. One boss hired a man with 10 years less experience than me and no degrees who was also blatantly incompetent, and paid him $10,000 a year more than me. But I used this to get a $15,000 raise out of them by simply asking what exactly he had that I didn’t have that was worth $10,000, and could it possibly be a part of his anatomy? It worked.

    • Zhu Bajie

      Sounds like the Navy. :-(

      • 451 Byrnes

        Just don’t Charelston, and it’ll be okay…

    • Frank Smith

      Aha! I have it. She’s a lesbian and her lover is named Isis!

  • ieatbees

    “terror-boning”

    Dear GOD I’m a child. I cannot stop giggling.

    • eddi

      Join the club. This is the silliest thing today.

    • Frank Smith

      Is that like terraforming?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Seems to me more likely they were doing Fifty Shades of WTF.

  • Enfant Terrible

    “OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    “As they say in the Shire.”

  • handyhippie65

    her neighbors are obviously pagans. and somebodies thanking the goddess isis for some good lovin’. move along, nothing to see here, unless you like that sort of thing.

    • EmmettGrogan

      Being a Pagan myself, and in to Egyptian mythology, that’s exactly what I thought. Of course, she’d probably be more horrified at Pagans than Isis but that’s another story. Poor thing wouldnt know who to be more ascared of, Pagans or Mooslems.

    • Zhu Bajie

      Yes, invoking Isis, Mother of all living.

  • ISIS … is about to establish a caliphate, IN YOUR PANTS.

    They can try, but their plan is doomed to fail.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    What if I already have a caliphate in my pants?

    • bobbert

      Do you have any idea how that caliphate got in your pants?

      • Ellis_Weiner

        No idea. What happened is, one night I shot an elephant that had joined a caliphate in my pants. How it got in my pants I’ll never know.

  • azeyote

    gettin kinky with the ice cubes – baby oh baby – ice is good ice is great

  • YayConspiracy

    I had those neighbors. Miss them terribly. Nothing to fap to but silence now.

  • sillyclucker

    Ha ha, ISIS !! I’m not wearing pants. Now whatcha gonna do? ??

    • Barley_Brains

      Ah, implementing Mental Ben’s anti-terrorism agenda I see.

  • Helena Handbag

    AAAABNERRR!!!!11!

  • Robyn Ryan

    Your Homeland Security at work. The nuns used to scare us with stories of Commies making people spy on each other. Back in the 1960s. We may have hit the ‘too uneducated to be free’ wall.

    • Zhu Bajie

      We have become what we used to fear.

  • Robyn Ryan

    ‘when Harry Met Sally’: ‘yes. yes. ohh.’ Sounds like ‘ISIS’ through the walls.

  • Lambsendbeds

    So the entire tactical SWAT team didn’t kick in the door of the terror boning neighbor’s and spray them with patriotic Amurrican bullets on this old lady’s say so? WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO???

    • Frank Smith

      What’s the friggin apostrophe for?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Gott helfe Lars

  • Isis Al Fuq-her in “Sharia’s Lay”!

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Is that a caliphate in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

  • Zhu Bajie

    Worse than Fox is Trinity Broadcasting Network!

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    How does she know they weren’t talking about the goddess ISIS? The one from TV?

  • Jamsie

    I had neighbors like that once. Very noisy sexers. But the only time I ever heard them say anything was when they shouted, “do you want to come over?”. I shouted back “Yes” and the rest is history.

  • mondojohnson

    “Aye! Ess eees good!!” — #corrections

  • Are we sure that they weren’t engaged in some kind of Islamic fundamentalist-prisoner roleplay? Not that that’s something I’d ever do. *cough*

  • Frank Smith

    Does no one remember from skoolz that Isis was the husband of Osiris? Perhaps the woman is a pagan or a member of the Fellowship of Isis.

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