Oh no, Martin Shkreli is having another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Just Thursday, he was arrested for the heinous crime of being the biggest dickbag in all of U.S. America, and also for maybe the teeny-weeniest smidge of fraud. Imagine, that somebody who made a name for himself by raising the price on Daraprim, an AIDS and cancer drug, by 5000 percent (!!!) might ALSO be a common crimer. Nobody would have guessed it.
And since he might be going to jail forever (MAYBE, if America prays extra hard), it only stands to reason that his board at Turing Pharmaceuticals might kick him in the Wu-Tang, and also to the curb:
Martin Shkreli … has resigned, the company said in a statement. […]
Ron Tilles, the chairman of the board of directors, will take over as interim chief executive.
“We wish to thank Martin for helping us build Turing Pharmaceuticals into the dynamic research focused company it is today, and wish him the best in his future endeavors. At the same time, I am very excited about the opportunity to guide Turing Pharmaceuticals forward,” Tilles said in the statement.
Yeah, “thanks,” buddy, for taking an obscure pharmaceutical company “public” in a way no other has been before. So few small businesses rocket from “What’s that?” status all the way to “WORST FUCKING COMPANY IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE OMG” in the space of a week, but that’s Martin Shkreli for you. Good old Martin!
Let’s go look at his Twitter and see if we can find anything to mock:
Poor baby. He’s back at home awaiting the executioner’s guillotine, he ain’t got no job, if he’s had sex, he probably never will again. He’s just all alone, cradling the secret super-special Wu-Tang Clan record he dropped a couple mil on, just so he could be the only entitled fucking dickmouth in the world with a secret super-special Wu-Tang Clan record.
And he DOES still have it, as the FBI regretfully informs us:
Aw nuts. Maybe Shkreli can sell it to one of his buddies in prison in exchange for Newports and Funyuns. He’d better burn a copy for his Discman though!
Good lord, this is some of the best schadenfreude we’ve felt in a long while.