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Ew gay.
But Jesus says gays are gross!

Carson-Newman University, a little Southern Baptist school in Jefferson City, Tennessee, ain’t ’bout ta cotton to none ‘a them queers and their pregnant slut friends. And yay, the federal government says it doesn’t have to, even though it receives federal money!

The Federal Government just granted Carson-Newman University a waiver that allows the school to ban gay students, unwed mothers, women who’ve had an abortion and even students who may be pregnant. […]

[Dr. Randall O’Brien, the university’s president] says he sent a letter back in May asking to be exempt from Title 9, which says colleges are not allowed to discriminate against students. He said, “This is who we are our religious principles and in a changing world we want to reaffirm who we are and intend to be.”

Aw, isn’t that so nice? The world’s changin’, the queers are throat-crammin’, the ladies all subscribe to the ‘bortion-of-the-month club at Planned Parenthood, and this school is standing athwart all that and stickin’ to its guns.

But how can this be? Well! Long ago and far away there was this Supreme Court case involving a little corner mom-and-pop crafting store called Hobby Lobby, and that store loved Jesus SO MUCH, it couldn’t bear to accidentally spend any of its employers’ hard-earned moneys on birth control, as that makes Jesus break out in cartoonish tears. And, wouldn’t you know it, the Supreme Court said, “Yes, you’re right, Jesus Tears ARE a good excuse to say you don’t want to obey federal law! What could go wrong?” Everything, that is what could go wrong. Because that decision encouraged other groups, namely religious schools, to request waivers to disregard the law too.

In fact, Andy Birkey reports at The Column that 36 schools have asked for these waivers, and that “The Department of Education has granted a waiver to 27 religious colleges and universities in 17 states over the last 18 months.”

The little federal law called Title IX says schools can’t discriminate based on gender if they receive federal funding, but FOR ACTUAL yes they can, if compliance would otherwise “not be consistent with the religious tenets” of their organizations. And then Obama gaygendered Title IX up in 2014 when he said, “Yeah, ass-ram the transgenders into that law, would ya?” Oh, but it was so much gayer than that, what Tyrant Obama did:

“Title IX’s sex discrimination prohibition extends to claims of discrimination based on gender identity or failure to conform to stereotypical notions of masculinity or femininity and OCR accepts such complaints for investigation,” reads the 46-page document. “Similarly, the actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity of the parties does not change a school’s obligations.”

As for Dr. O’Brien, the very smart (we are sure) president of Carson-Newman, he didn’t mean to be usin’ the waiver to discriminate. Here’s what he told reporter Lauren Davis of WVLT Local News 8, about why he did it:

“I understood that our legal counsel said that this would further establish our identity as a religious school, a Christian school.”

But when Davis pointed out that the purpose of the waiver was to allow the school to discriminate, O’Brien disagreed.

“I don’t know how it would be,” the president insisted.

“Then why file the waiver?” Davis pressed.

He dunno. O’Brien says he pinky double-dog swears the school won’t discriminate against any homogays or pregnant Palins this year, but failed to mention his plans for every year after that.

So thanks, Hobby Lobby Supreme Court decision! We are very glad you are still around, keeping fundamentalist Jesus-Americans safe from having to comply with laws that make them butthurt. It’s working out GREAT.

[WVLT / RawStory / The Column]

 

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